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Mega Man Ruby Spears: Future Shock
Reviewed: 05/02/2021
Cut Man Cannot Kung-Fu Fighting~!
So we end this edition of April Sadism with a time travel plotline: Mega Man is accidentally booted to the future by Dr. Lights new time machine, where he discovers that because he wasnt in the past to stop Dr. Wily, the evil scientist has taken over the planet. Mega Man must find his way back to his own time so that he can reverse this horrible future. And we finally reach the lowest point of Cut Man's career to boot. So, how does this episode fare? Let's rant on shall we...?!
Future Shock is written by Michael Maurer and directed by Katsumi Minoguchi. Since this is an Easter Sadism rant, there are no tributes.
We begin this episode outside in the big city and then cut into a lab building with Light, Rush, Rock and Roll looking at two scientists in white coats, none of them look like they have any personality whatsoever. Dr. Light has something under the covers and takes off said covers to reveal a green colored time machine which the aconym is literally T.I.M.E., har-har! One of the scientists proclaims that this is pure fantasy and after this episode, it should have stayed that way. Dr. Light asks for volunteers and Dr. Wily appears on the conveniently placed computer monitor screen proclaiming that he who controls time, controls the future; so Dr. Wily doesn't care about the past and making his past self be better so his projects would stay intact. Wily laughs and he wants to volunteer, of course. Dr. Light asks how and I say; your computer security has been hacked, AGAIN! Then the stone part of the ceiling is cut away and everyone dodges. On top of the roof is Metal Man, whose eyes look like they are closed all of the time. I told you the robot master designs from Mega Man 2 onwards look really flakey. Rock blows him off because his blaster and faster. Oh, and Guts Man crumbles a wall and grabs Rock from behind because rhyming in anime is wrong, except this is not an anime dub. He's a mega twerp, so Team Rocket doesn't have a monopoly when it comes to that word as Rush does what his gimmick is programmed to: Bite Guts Man on the leg. Guts Man kicks Rush away and Rush rolls around and gets thrown into a trash can, impacing that. Metal Man brings down the SUCTION CUPS OF HALF LIFE from Wily Machine RS and sticks them onto the time machine; and proclaims that it's time for him to buzz off. So, everything is going so well as the time machine is whisked away and Rock is ineffective against Guts Man. Guess who comes in? C'mon, guess; it's too shocking! It's time for part one of CUTMAN IS INCOMPENDENT~! Why bother getting involved when Guts Man has Rock under control on his own? Answer: So Cut Man can screw up the plan, silly! That's his gimmick...Oh wait, Rock just shoots Guts Man in the foot and Guts Man does the foot grabbing spot, making everyone look dumb. So, now we need Cut Man as he uses Rolling Cutter, everyone dodges, it gets deflected and it now has Dive Missile abilities and cuts the cables containing the time machine. TIME falls and crushes Cut Man of course, which that part makes him look incompendent.
Metal Man claims that the buzz around here that he's number one. This pun is still better than him making metal references; because he has no music abilities. That one's on Capcom by the way, so it's not a Ruby-Spear motif. Metal Man uses the Metal Blade and cuts out a column of metal and somehow it's not a load bearing wall; but the column of metal crushes Rock. Metal Man's promos are actually pretty good as Roll is yelling for Rock to get up. No such luck as Rock says he's not licked yet, so he shoots the Mega Buster into the vent and his shot bounces in said vent as Metal Man goes in for the kill....and then he got killed by the shot. That was cool actually, and it kept both sides strong in this one. Roll rolls the column away and Rock and Roll slap skin as we cut to Wily Machine RS; with Dr. Wily being pissed off of this. He even said "mental midgets"; so Jack Thompson was watching this show methinks. Proto Man is with Wily as Wily wants the time machine destroy so no one can change history. Hindsight 20/20; this was a moral and responsible thing to do, so Wily just turned babyface. Proto Man agrees to this without any pressure as the hatch is open and Proto Man brings out a missile launcher. Wait, why would you need that? Why not just use the Blues Blaster on it? Since either way; Dr. Light is pushed into the machine, Rock pushes a button and the machine disappears while Rock dodges shot. Sort of, as the smoke clears; Rock is on his belly injured. Dr. Wily is amused by this as he decides to return to the Sky Fortress to plan for the future as Guts Man carries Cut Man and Metal away, whom they disappeared and then reappeared inbetween shots during the sequence. Roll consoles Rock as Rock realizes that robots can get headaches. Listening to Tucker Carlson will do that to you. TIME somehow returns and Dr. Light is gone and the dome is open as Rock claims that he set Dr. Wily one minute into the future and thus everything would be fine. Uh-oh! The brown haired scientists deduces that this is way too dangerous to use. You don't say?! Roll says the same thing, but Rock don't care as he hops in and he's going to save Dr. Light if he's still alive. As the dome closes, Rush hops into the time machine, the time machine rises up into the sky and then vanishes. Brown haired scientist panics and then out from the carnage is Dr. Light. Wait, WHAT?!
We saw Dr. Light pushed into the time machine by Rock...UGGGGGHHHHHH! What kind of logic breaking is this?! Dr. Light claims that the missile concussed his body out of the time machine and now the sign of dread approaches because Rock is gone, which by the way; means Dr. Wily's plan worked much better than he thought in hindsight. So, we scene change to a sequence of time machine effects, which for this show involves lots of rainbows. We then head to the same city in the future as there are clear W's and Dr. Wily's face, indicating that Dr. Wily has indeed taken over the future as expected. The time machine appears as Rock proclaims that they are thirty years in the future. Way to make Dr. Wily look weak! Even ten years would have suffice or better yet, one year into the future, just to give reasons for Rock to stop Dr. Wily. Nope, thirty years later and the city looks in BETTER shape than it was with Rock in it. Rock is shocked and appalled about this and wonders why, so Rock being called a dweeb is sort of true in this case. Rock parks the time machine on a street corner, which sounds like a bad idea, as the denizens are afraid of Rock and Rush. Even the kids on hoverboards bail because they think Rock is part of robot sercuity. Personally; I would have changed this to them being gaslit into believing Rock is evil and then call for robot sercuity to take Rock on. I mention this because Rock thinks the kids think he's a robot security officer. So, we head to Wily's Casino AFTER HAPPY HOUR (after dark); and into an alleyway as a red haired girl is spray painting neon green glasses and calling Dr. Wily a bozo. Hey. that's Bozwell Buzzard's gimmick! Her name is Annie and we see Uncle Jett in a leather jacket giving her a package; and I swear he was the mayor of this city, which is stupid because he should be 65 years old at least. The package contains a Mega Man comic -- I guess Mega Man is illegal in these parts -- and the visuals are so comical on the cover. You couldn't just overlay the images from the opening theme here? Uncle Jett does not like robots because they are all programmed to be evil. So, it's not the robots fault, it's you dictator whom you don't seem to hate. Annie blows him off because Rock is real and good. True, actually. Annie speaks loud and does the Gruffi pose as we get the Police Bot and a Robo Dog that looks like that stock doberman dog that we are supposed to be scared of at all times. I'm tired of this gimmick.
It looks like Befriender/Hot Dog Americanized as the Befriender jumps and grabs the comic, but doesn't bite Annie. The dog brings the comic to the Police Bot, the bot scans the cover and then uses the net to bag Uncle Jett because he has violated Section 322, which is selling illegal reading materials to a minor. Wait, so now Mega Man comics are pornography? Well, In Dr. Wily's mind; Rock does give him a dangerous high, so whatever. Annie runs in and bangs on the Robo Bot, no dice; so in comes Rock claiming "Freeze Peach"; which to be fair is one time where I don't mind defending it. Police Bot (who sounds like Optimus Prime) basically tells Rock that he's obstructing justice; but cannot say the quiet part out loud because it's absurd. So, the punishment is dead by vaporization as Police Bot shoots, Rock dodges shots. As usual, Police Bot doesn't care about Annie who is unarmed, as Police Bot grabs Annie and uses her as a shield so Rock would not be able to shoot. Annie calls him the best shot in the world; so she has been reading this comics and Wily would think this is poisoning her mind, and wouldn't be afraid to say that instead of brainwashing and indocturation. Police Bot walks towards Rock as Rock cannot shoot despite arm extention present to end the segment 7 1/2 minutes in. What a mess so far?!
After the commercial break, we get the standoff as Rock wants to talk this over; which is a fools errand even in real life. Annie then accuses Rock of being an imposter because Rock always uses violence. Well, you turned the dictator into a babyface. Never do that, it only emboldens them and makes you immoral. So, Annie goes over issue 3 of the Adventures of Mega Man (How Teddy Ruxpin of this show?) as Rock grabs a manhole cover and uses it as a shield as Police Bot shoots, manhole cover gets hit and hits the wall. Rock then powers down, jumps up over the robot, shoots him in the back and Police Bot falls into the sewer hole, getting stuck in the process. Good thing he powered down, because we would have gotten another Chargeman Ken on our hands. Rock mocks him for it as Jett gets out of the ropes. Annie and Uncle Jett have an embrace afterwards as Rock and company exchange notes and then Rock forgets that the Police Bot can still use his blaster; so Rock shoots his arm off and that is that. This pretty much seals the deal that Rock is real. Then we get the Rush/Befriender staredown as Rush is backing away from Befriender towards the wall. Rush just simply jumps away as Befriender crumbles to parts smashing into the wall. Befriender's teeth snap for a while as Rush bails like the scalded dog that he is. Annie is her biggest fan and wants Rock to clean up the city, Rock says no because he'll only help if he finds his missing friend, Dr. Light and both Rock and Rush run away. Annie likes violence it seems. Head to Wily's Sky Fortress which know looks like something out of Mega Man 5 now as one of the robot coordinators, (Read: The humans are working on the robots like slaves) which looks like Double from Mega Man X4 comments that everything is going to plan as Dr. Wily hasn't even started on world domination yet. WHAT?! So, yeah; it took THIRTY YEARS just to get to this point. How stupid do you have to be? We see a map which looks like a weather map for rain. Apparently, in 20XX, there are only five cities in the US, one in Mexico and two in Canada. With climate change, this is dumb since four of the cities are on the coastline. Dr. Wily hates human uprisings; but Proto Man likes them because he's a murderous psychopath. Then the alarm sounds for a while as Dr. Wily goes to his computer and it reveals the Police Bot with a mouse on his shoulder. HA! Never looked better, says I.
So, the police bot reveals the Mega Man comic to Dr. Wily and claims that a renegede robot is on the loose. Proto Man already loves it because it's his long lost brother and thus he gets to try to kill him again. Dr. Wily is angry as he doesn't like this one bit despite no evidence shown that Mega Man is even here. It's just a comic book which was fiction until Annie and Jett actually met him. Of course, Dr. Wily is gaslit and orders all robots to find Mega Man and the time machine. To make matters worse, Dr. Wily is exactly the same guy plus a cane. They didn't even bother to grey his hair white. This is why I said "10 years or less" would have been a better idea. Then you can hand wave the cane thing as a weapon, or basically having an annoying injury that requires a cane for movement. Scene change to Rock and Rush returning to the parking space where the time machine is and in a big shock, no one has towed it away. Rock's plan is to hide the time machine so he can use it later on. Too late, because a Wily sky car comes down and out comes Guts Man and Metal Man as Guts Man pulls out a lamp post, claiming to be new and improved, which is funny because he's the most threatening robot master in this show. Metal Man calls Rock a Mega Babe; so the buzz gimmick is dead. Rock shoots, Guts Man grabs the shot and then throws it at Rock and he goes flying. Well, maybe he should have returned his blaster to normal instead of keeping it powered down. That is what Steve Dangle would call a Dang It. Sadly, Guts Man's brains are the same as Rock is on a barrier with a wooden plank like a see-saw; which is the signal for Rock to shoot the front of the conveniently placed fire hydrant and water shoots into Guts Man's back; Guts Man goes flying and goes down on the other side of the wooden plank. You would think this would splinter the wood into splinters; but nope! Rock flies into the air and hangs onto a flagpole with Dr. Wily's face on the flag. Metal Man proclaims that it's time to cut loose as he uses the Metal Blade and cuts the flag pole, causing Rock to falls into the monorail tracks and the tracks electrified him and paralyze him and Rush, who tries to make the save, but fails. The monorail is honking it's horn and it's all over...until Uncle Jett and Annie in their sky car flies in as Rock still has enough power in his arm to grab the undercarriage and both Rock and Rush are saved. Metal Man is pissed; but Guts Man don't care because they got the time machine.
I must say that Metal Man has been awesome in this episode so far and even Guts Man looks great so far. So, we head over the city in the sky car as the babyfaces exchanges notes for a while. The thing of note is that Rock tells them that he is searching for Dr. Light and Annie knows that he is at the Robot Island Prison for years and that breaking in is easier said than done. Annie should have just talked here, because Uncle Jett's tone is so flat and monotone that it is no good. Still; the sky car heads to Robot Island Prison anyway. And then they just fly back into town because of the weapon blasters. So, Rock has a Krackpotkin Plan to get himself in as we head back to the streets of the city in the morning as another police bot is roaming the streets and Rock and Rush arrive to shoot the lamp pole and it nails the police bot. Rock and Rush laugh at his expense as Police Bot uses the net to snag Rock and Rush; and both sell it like they hated being caught, even though that was the entire plan from the start. So, we head to the island as Rock's wrists are chained behind his back; but Rush is free for no good reason. They are put in a cell and the police bot locks it. Then we see Roll in her cell with a chain tied behind her back as she is protesting this outrage to the point where she literally wants to fight the entire police force. Also remember: Robots don't age in this storyline, so Roll looking this way works. The guard threatens to report her to the warden if she continues these lines of threats and then leaves. Roll don't care as Rock whisper yells to Roll and Roll thinks it's a Wily trick. Rock claims that her favorite music is Captain Fallout & The Atom Smashers and video game is Sky Blasters. That is enough for Roll to conceed that it's Rock, and also the fact that Rock never knows when he's licked. Ummm; he knows when he's licked, he has a Dino-equse dog named Rush. Rock's idea to getting out: Cut a promo with a Scottish accent, which none of the robot guard have accents. The guard comes in and pushes a button to open the cell. The guard walks in and Rock is on Rush Jet, thus showing how stupid it was to not bind Rush and Rock kicks him down; finds the keys and uncuffs himself from the chain. Scene change to Rock freeing Roll as they act like this is the first time Roll has been saved by Rock even though this has happened twice in big situations already. And this is episode #12 by the way. Rock, Roll and Rush head to the cell guarded by another guard.
Roll uncorks from her hand, a frying pan and nails the guard from behind, knocking it the F out. Complete with "wah-wah-wah" music I might add. Might as well use that as Cut Man's theme while you are at it. Rock unlocks Dr. Light's cell and Dr. Light looks like he hasn't eaten in days and at least he looks older than thirty years ago, complete with glasses; but it still looks stupid in hindsight. Dr. Light is writing calculations on the wall, because the no kill rule is in effect, which is dumb because someone might be educated reading it while cleaning, and we cannot have none of that, no siree. Rock and Light embrace as Rock finally realizes that Light was safe at home and that the time machine worked; but Rock didn't know Light was still in the present and thus it's his fault the future was that way. Rock admitted to that at least; but still remember that Rock thought Dr. Light was in the time machine when he disappeared. However, they have to look for the time machine after they escape. So, we get a sequence of them going to the entrance door as Roll opens it and uncorks her frying pan and lets the robot guard cut a creep promo before Roll blows it off and MURDERS the robot with the frying pan. The babyfaces all run to the edge of the island and apparently, the simple way is a bad idea because Rush would be blown out of the sky, so they must climb down. Out comes the Blaster Masters (which look like prototypes of Hotchkiss'ns from Mega Man 6!) shooting as Dr. Light calls this a distinct disadvantage. You don't say?! Rock then proclaims that there is only one option left: Jump off and splash into the water as we end the segment 17 minutes in with a stop shot of the babyfaces freefalling. The story overall is fine, but the continuity is a mess as usual.
After the commercial break; we get a shot of the island and then the babyfaces splash into the water without incident. The Blaster Master swarm around and shoot; so Rock shoots back and destroys all three of them. It's kind of rare to see regular enemies in the RS series, while the Wish Upon A Star focused more on regular enemies over the robot masters. Then the police speedboat arrives as the guard orders Rock to surrender. Riiiigggghhhttttt. Rock and Rush dive into the ocean water as Rush changes to the new look Rush Marine which looks nothing like Rush Marine. Rush gets in from behind the speedboat, Rock jumps onto it and the guards don't suspect a thing. Idiots! Rock shoots the guards into the water, makes comments about their swimming abilites and talks like the worst pirate on earth in offering the babyfaces a ride. Rock rides the speedboat back into town as we head to Wily's fortress and into the control room as Dr. Wily is pissed off again while Proto Man has the Gruffi pose on since he don't care; he wants to kill Rock himself, so as long as Rock is alive, why should he care? Wily points his cane at Proto Man and tells him to rig the time machine to explode if Rock uses it and Proto Man agrees to it. Scene change back to Dr. Light's residence which has seen better days. Head into the lab, which looks almost as bad as the lab after the earthquake incident in The Big Shake. Rock basically proclaims that he must break into Skull Fortress to get the time machine back. Okay, I bashed TaleSpin for this hand holding before (On A Wing & A Bear), I might as well do it for this episode too: Why didn't they change Dr. Wily's line for Proto Man to: "Proto Man...I have a job for you to do." and then just scene change back to Dr. Light's lab so that when the incident happens to Rock later, it's shocking and suspenseful. Granted; On A Wing And A Bear in TaleSpin was a notable exception to TaleSpin being suspenseful; but Mega Man does not know subtley and it shows here. The audience now knows what's going on and Rock looks like an idiot for even doing this even though Rock is not supposed to know this is going to happen to him. This is so dumb. Annie wants to go; even though the dialogue suggests that she's making up the plan; but Rock acts like she wants to go and Rock says no. This episode is really starting to fall apart now and Dr. Light gives him a transmitter to find the time machine. It's in Wily's Fortress; why would he need that?!
Scene change to outside Dr. Light's lab as Rock and Roll are on Rush Jet and head to the front of Wily's Fortress on top of the skull motif as there is a trapdoor with a lock with a skull picture on it. Roll brings out her lock picking tools, which none of them look like lock picking tools. Rock and Roll get into a playful shoving match because they are smiling as Wily looks on from his lab from a monitor. Wily is giddy as Rock is right on time and it's time to end this, so to speak. Roll pops the lock on the latch and Rock thinks that it's too easy. He's not wrong as they jump down into the launch area and they find the time machine right in the area, which completely renders Dr. Light's sensor completely useless. Oh, and here comes the welcoming community and we finally get to the moment I have been waiting for since ranting on this show. Time for this edition of CUT MAN IS INCOMPENDENT~! So, Rock admits this is a trap and Dr. Wily knew he would come for the time machine and somehow does not call him a Blue Dweeb, or even panic. Now, if we didn't hear Wily tell Proto Man what to do to the time machine, this would be a possible suspenseful red flag that something is amiss. But know that we know, we're screaming for Rock to leave because the time machine is booby-trapped. That's a dang it. However, the biggest one of them all is finally upon his: Witness the debut of..wait for it...wait for it...KUNG FU CUT MAN~! Yes, that stupid moment! He comes out to the worst kung-fu moves I have ever seen. That in itself is a trainwreck dang it; but the trainwreck gets even more gruesome. Guess who steps up to the challenge? Roll, who already has crumbled Elec Man and Fire Man in the first episode! This is not going to end well for Cut Man. Even more amazing, no feud between Metal Man and Cut Man at all; since they are the same robot masters basically. I guess even the writers thought Metal Man would squash him. So, Cut Man uses the Rolling Cutter and cuts Roll's hair off! Cut Man got offense in and it was cutting Roll's hair. Roll is so pissed off at this; she turns her hand into a two slice toaster (Roll: You're toast, buster!) and fires two slices of untoasted bread (because no one in animation knows what bread is when toasted), hits Cut Man in the chest, Cut Man goes flying, gets knocked out and destroys a power container in the process! There's no way Cut Man recovers from this one; he's been buried deep within the core. That's a Mega Dang It!
This took twenty seconds to pull of by the way, making Cut Man look like a big geek. Still more time than the Jurals getting blasted in less than five seconds. Metal Man continues to carry this episode with metal blade spurs! Wow, this is actually something the game should have done, but didn't. Metal Man rides on his spurs with metal blades buzzing as Rock shoots a conveniently place lead pipe and this crushes Metal Man face first upside down into the floor. Guts Man wants to pound him into the ground, so Rock steals the Metal Blade from the spurs and it's the Weapon Get sequence again. Rock also calls him Mega Buddy despite the fact that Metal Man is not one of Dr. Light's creations. So, Metal Man loses the spurs, Rock fires the Metal Blade, which now has Bubble Lead abilites and saws a hole in the floor and Guts Man is WARNERED~! Rock gets into the time machine without Rush, pushes the button; the thing fizzles and there is an explosion as Rock goes flying and drops on his face. However, he's not dead and the time machine is not destroyed. Broken in certain ways, but not destroyed. Dr. Wily is pissed and then notices Proto Man and gives him the gear. Wait a second?! Dr. Wily ordered Proto Man to rig the time machine with explosives. Proto Man wants Rock dead; so why didn't he use a lot of explosives to kill Rock and destroyed the time machine like Wily said? I realize that there is a no kill rule; but c'mon now! And Proto Man wants to blast his brother. WHAT?! If you did what Wily said, you are directly responsible for his death because YOU rigged the time machine with explosives. Dr. Wily was giving you what you want, and now you screwed up the job. I'm sorry; Proto Man is stupider than Cut Man in this scene and that a Mega Dang It X! So, what happens next? Proto Man shoots Rock, Rock shoots Proto Man in the chest and both Proto Man and Wily hit the wall; which somehow doesn't kill Wily. Roll shuts down the garage door to block Proto and Wily; making Proto Man look like a bigger geek than Cut Man ever was. Wily goes to the phone and calls on the Police Bots to come in and destroy Mega Man. Roll, Rock and Rush take one of the Wily Machines, backs up and uses the JAWS OF HALF LIFE to put the time machine into the back trunk and then smash through the fortress walls to escape, and that is that.
So, we head back to Dr. Light's lab as Light fixes the time machine and everyone except Annie gets in because she spotted the whole Police Bot Army. One of them gets into the lab, but Annie swings like Tarzan and knocks out one of the robots from behind claiming this was from The Adventures Of Mega Man (which was a legit Brazilian comic soon after) issue 5 and the point was to give Annie a pointless hero moment that wasn't needed since they could have escaped easily without it. We head back to the building where this episode started which somehow has stayed intact for all these thirty years. How about that for fuzzy logic?! Rock is in; but Rush is nowhere to be seen so somehow he was written out by teleport. Rock thanks Annie and Uncle Jett for their help as he proclaims that he is returning to make sure Wily never dominates like he did in this future, and Rush is back by teleport. Rock closes the dome and the time machine rises into the air and vanishes. BLUE SCREEN OF DEATH ensues and we head back to the same building in the present and into the room as Dr. Light is sulking in defeat and then the time machine returns with the door hatch opening. Rock jumps out and hugs Dr. Light as Rock explains where he went and winks because he's back and it will never happen. I could go over how stupid this is; but time travel doesn't exist in general, so once that logic break is broken, the rest of the continuity is irrelevant. You are already in fantasy land enough as it is with this show, why not go for more? This ends the episode at 23:00 approx. This was one of the dumbest time travel episodes you will ever see and it deserves **** on the trainwreck scale for Cut Man being Cut Man, Proto Man somehow being worse than Cut Man, bad continuity, bad aging, some hand holding and Kung-Fu Cut Man in general. Call it DUD (0%); because I feel generous today since I laughed until I cried, and there was zero way I could suspend my disbelief or seriousness in this episode.
THE REVIEW LINE
I'm not going to bother with the long review line because this episode just crushed me as a ranter. Yes, the ending was stupid; but that was par for the course in a time travel plot line. Like I said; step one fails logic, so the rest is irrevelant since time travel doesn't work at all. The only reason to watch this is to see Kung Fu Cut Man and literally nothing else. So, that ends April Sadism late and I'm ready for some TaleSpin stuff now. So....
Thumbs down for this episode and I'll see you all next time.