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Mega Man Ruby Spears: The Strange Island Of Doctor Wily Rant
Reviewed: 04/30/2022
Doctor Wily Is Strange On An Island!
So, this is the last episode of season one as on a stranded island, Dr. Wily hatches his latest plan, which involves making creatures made entirely of stone. But something goes wrong and the device he uses to control them goes haywire. Mega Man finds himself in the middle of the mess when he, Roll, Dr. Light, and Rush investigate. How does this episode fare? Let's rant on shall we...?!
The Strange Island Of Doctor Wily is written by Richard Merwin and was directed by Katsumi Minoguchi.
We begin this episode at sea near some islands and some flying seagulls. Pan west to a island with a giant volcano and then cut to a ruined village as a construction vehicle is trying to erase history while dozens of stone golems are standing at attention. The tractor's insides must have TARDIS abilities because somehow Guts Man jumps out and addresses the stone golems as we pan over to Dr. Wily near his metal tent using a device and blowing Guts Man off for having an opinion. I'm guessing that these golems are Stone Bot, so apparently, when deworming Ice Man in Ice Age, he got the secrets to creating the Ice Man and remodified it to suit the enviornment. See, I can figure out why Dr. Wily was willing to take back Ice Man in spite of Ice Man's traitorous turn in Ice Age. Dr. Wily's device is creating purple waves and auras around the stone bots as I discover that they weren't created by Dr. Wily; but were buried in this area thousands of years ago. Damn, Richard had a great explaination for the stone golems and he didn't go for it?! Sad! Cut Man and Proto Man are here along with Wood Man, who looks like he leaped out of the pages of Nintendo Power magazine, literally. Dr. Wily calls the device the Neutra Maker and it is working perfectly. The stone golems are just standing there as a storm with lightning bolts ensue and then the robot master insert microchips into the stone golems, which the stone golems absorb with ease. Wood Man is creeped out by this, but Dr. Wily assures therm that they are like their cousins called the Stone Bots. Guts Man is such a simpleton as Dr. Wily is annoyed at him. Dr. Wily's promo on world domination shows that having a German accent is way too funny to be taken seriously. Scene change to Dr. Light's residence and head into the lab with Dr. Light with his hands in his pockets ala Kit Cloudkicker in Last Adventure from Ducktales 2017. That was giggle inducing as Dr. Light wants Rock to turn on the simulated satellite uplink as Rock is on the computer doing work. Dr. Light talks about putting a weather satellite into space in order to control the weather. Damn, enough with the human global fuckery already! That's Dr. Wily's gimmick! Roll and Rush love it much to my horror as Rush does a backflip and flips the middle switch, turning it on. Ooops, Rush did it again! You just knew that something stupid was going to happen and Rush would be the main reason for it. Thankfully, it only makes a rain cloud in the lab.
Roll has to bring out the umbrella as Rock turns off the weather device without further incident. Rush is ashamed, but Dr. Light is fine with it because he water proofed the whole room. Sadly, it means that Roll has to deal with a flood up to her ankles, despite the rest of the room being totally dry. That was clearly on purpose as a sight gag for the continuity errors of this show. Dr. Light goes to his computer with the dry floor and sees on the monitor that there are some strange distrubances in the atomsphere, or something among those lines. Rock agrees with Dr. Light and the location is the South Pacific. Dr. Light wants to come along personally for this one since it might screw with his weather experiments. So, Rock gets the hover jet ready, which is just a glorified airplane that flies out of the residence. Scene change to the volcano island of doom with storm clouds in the area, a sign of bad things to come as seen in TaleSpin a lot. Some sky shots of the Stone Bots ensue and then a pan shot of Dr. Wily and Proto Man exchanging evil notes as they want to take out military bases and the like. Well, when it comes to war; Dr. Wily seems to want to follow the rules of war which is hilarious considering his scrupples. Although, the first rule of war is: Don't do one! Dr. Wily has a remote control device set to profits as Proto Man is fine with this plan. Cut Man comes in and tells Dr. Wily that someone is coming and Dr. Wily orders Cut Man to ignore it. Remember, if Cut Man is incompentent, than Dr. Wily is also incompentent by proxy. He reprogrammed Cut Man. Cut Man informs Dr. Wily that the signal is from a Dr. Light creation while shaking his head. Dr. Wily then uses the device to order the Stone Bots to kill Rock and this is the final showdown. Proto Man is totally fine with this as long as he personally kills Rock and Dr. Wily is like whatever turns Proto Man on, I guess. They are really serious on killing Mega Man here and I'm guessing that this is because there was a chance that the show might end at season one, but thankfully, it continued on. The hover jet arrives and lands as Dr. Light claims that the raditation levels are abnormally high. I'm not the one to tell writers what to do to apease BS&P, but saying "It's not enough to affect humans in a negative way." would have not been a bad idea since high raditation level can cause a lot of damage and kill humans. I mention this because everyone gets out and that includes Dr. Light. A minor, but annoying logic break nevertheless. Dr. Light has a device of his own to calculate stuff as Rock declares that this island isn't marked on any map. It's 20XX and it's still not mapped despite having satellites, whom purpose is to check the world. DUMB! Roll doesn't like it and hates it even more because she and Rock hear something, but Dr. Light somehow doesn't.
Maybe it's time to get a hearing aid for Dr. Light as the Stone Bots appear out of nowhere on top of the hover jet. They have stone spears which they throw and the babyfaces all have to protect Dr. Light and dodge at the same time. Rock shoots one and crumbles a Stone Bot to rocks, completely killing their badassery right out of the starting gate. The golems come out in huge numbers from the sea, and that's enough for Rock to shoot and destroy their stone weapons. I really wish now that Rock didn't destroy one of them outright from the start because Rock could destroy them all now and none would be the wiser. Instead, the babyfaces all bail, making Rock look like a cowardly blue dweeb. Speaking of blue dweeb, Rock doesn't see where he is going and gets his neck noosed by one of the Stone Bots. HOLY CRAP! Saban would have cut that one out for sure. Rock shoots the tree branch to counter and they both free fall and land on the ground, and another stone bot crumbles to dust. Rock recovers and gets behind the tree and it's time for this edition of CUTMAN IS INCOMPENTENT~! Rolling Cutter hits tree and Rock is pissed as we see all the heels arrive as Cut Man proclaims that he almost got him! Proto Man just buries him deep within the earth saying that it only counts in horseshoes. Apparently, BS&P has a problem with the hand grenades part, so we probably wouldn't get Grenade Man on this show had the show continued. Guts Man don't care as he thinks the babyfaces are cornered as Dr. Wily drives in with a jeep. The babyfaces all state the obvious for us and Roll calls the bots a bunch of creepy bots. Yeah, let's add some more Stone Bots to surround the babyfaces. More stone bots gets destroyed as much as BS&P would allow and then the babyfaces bail stage right to avoid getting shot by Proto Man as another innocent tree gets timbered on this show. Rock is pissed and shoots at Proto Man, and Wood Man makes the save with his metal leaf shield, which is literally similar to Blue's shield from the games, only it's not green and is shaped like a leaf. It's a melee shield, rather than a projectile shield. Wood Man proclaims that Rock doesn't like them and Proto Man decides to bury Dr. Wily's brain chip making skills deep within the soil as well. Suddenly, the stone golems turn on all the heels and grabs them and Dr. Wily's jeep. Wait, what?! How?! Dr. Wily is protesting this outrage. Roll is grabbed from behind, so I guess the microchips have worn off or got damaged and therefore the stone golems have free will without the responsibility that comes with such acts. Rock turns around and does some karate kicks to crumble the stone bot to the ground to free Roll. The babyfaces all bail stage left, but the stone bots cut all the non-stone golems off and surround them to end the segment six and a half minutes in. This is fine so far, but made better by Rush's eyecatcher promo again.
After the commercial break, sky shot of the babyfaces being surrounded. It seems hopeless for them until Rock fires the buster at the trunk of the tree and the cut made literally has Transformer sound effects. The tree crushes the golems and the babyfaces run over the tree to the hover jet as the heels are fighting the stone bots there. Proto Man makes a big hole into the chest of one of the bots and somehow, that doesn't stop it. Yes, you have to crumble the entire stone golem in order to kill it. Rolling Cutter fails miserably for Cut Man, so Rock runs in to do more karate moves to kill stone bots. Can you not bury Cut Man any further, show?! In the chaos, a rock nails Dr. Wily and knocks him the hell out! He appears to be dead as the babyfaces try to get into the hover jet and Roll protests Rock's decision to bring Dr. Wily with it. Why not?! Dr. Wily is knocked out, he's no threat to them any longer and can face justice in a court of law. This is the right thing to do, actually. Rock also can make the heels reconsider their violence against Rock and they do as they head inside the hover jet. Dr. Wily is placed in a seat and Rock threatens to kill Dr. Wily if the heel do anything. Wait, what?! The heels decide to thank Rock for this and Rock blows off the mushy morals because he had to save Dr. Wily. We had to tease Rock killing a human being. To ba fair, the only "robots cannot harm humans" is completely BS, so kudos to Richard to at least show how BS it really is. Besides, the no kill rule is in effect anyway, so BS&P would have prevented this anyway. Dr. Light checks the monitor and apparently, there is a radiation dome sealing the island. WHAT?! That makes no sense either. Yup, they are stuck on the island in the lamest fashion possible. Roll decides to lift up the hover jet anyway to get the stone golems to stop hanging onto the plane and that's exactly what happens when Roll is piloting the hover jet. Jump cut to Dr. Wily slowly waking up, but probably with a massive concussion. I bet 2:1 odds he'll suffer what Professor Buzz got in Baloo Thunder as well. Dr. Wily panics because he's facing the Rock Buster and he confesses literally seconds later. Dr. Wily proclaims that he made a Neutra Maker; but something went wrong. Rock gleefully blows that one off for me as Dr. Wily and Dr. Light realize that they have to work together to find the remote control device and destroy it. They do the TEDDY RUXPIN HANDSHAKE OF DOOM to seal the deal.
Dr. Light and Rock go into the cockpit as the hover jet is flying to find a safe place to land. Proto Man asks if he is going along with this and Dr. Wily basically admits that it's all a ruse to destroy the babyfaces. Yeah, suspense is for losers, says Richard Merwin, basically. Jump cut to somewhere near the volcano as the hover jet lands and Rock gets out of the jet. Proto Man and Cut Man follow as Proto Man decides to show his brother where the compound is and Roll is still angry that Proto Man keeps calling him brother, despite being literally blood brothers. Proto Man is certainly no ally of his brother, that is for sure. Rush agrees with her because he's the Scooby-Doo of the outfit as Dr. Light and Dr. Wily come out as Dr. Wily is being way too friendly to be considered as nothing less than him admitting that he's going to stab Dr. Light in the back...AGAIN! Dr. Light is really annoyed by this as we head into the jungle and already they are arguing over trust issues as Proto Man wants Rock to go after him and Rock is not buying what Proto Man is selling. Rock is not being subtle about this at all either. Dr. Light is the only babyface being subtle in this episode about Dr. Wily, so why?! Proto Man acts all sarcastic and decides to go first. More in the jungle with the robot masters following Rock as Guts Man wants to kill the blue dweeb and Cut Man tells him to wait patiently as Roll and Rush are also following the robot masters. Remember, this is a emergency stop gap alliance, so this all makes sense. Sadly, the stone bot on a mountain side notices the enemies right away and then go into the compound and take the Neturanator away according to Guts Man. Dr. Doof; you have some explaining to do! We see one of the stone bot at the compound take the device and so all the robot masters and babyfaces run in, with Rock riding on Rush Jet like a motorcycle instead of standing on him like he always does. That was weird. Rock tries to aim his buster at the stone golem, but Guts Man uproots a tree and throws it into Rock and both he and Rush fall to the ground. Rock is pissed and Guts Man's non-apology is so hilarious that I almost bought it. Almost.
Rock isn't amused as Proto Man tells him not to worry and Rock isn't amused at that either. So, the alliance robots all walk into the jungle for a while and then we scene change to the compound as all the robots are checking the ruined stone huts for a while. Wood Man isn't of any help, but Rock is. Rock brings out a stone tablet of ancient writing of the Vaneu, a civilization that went extinct and believed that their powers came from the volcano. Rock deduces that they are using the Neutranator to turn the volcano back on to revive their powers and Proto Man is not going to allow that and so, the robot masters bail stage left. Rock goes over to Roll and does the worse whisper yelling spot ever to inform her to go tell Dr. Light about what they found along with Rush. He might as well just tell her normally. This always annoys me because the only ones who should be hearing this are the audience and they talk loud enough for the heels to hear them. It's always dumb. Also, we know the heels are going to turn because the alliance is not forever, so just talk normally. Roll gets on Rush WRJS and they ride towards the volcano as we scene change to the volcano as the stone golem are taking the device up the volcano side. The robots follow and then the stone golems go into the summit of the volcano as Proto Man is not loving life. Then the stone golem get onto the cliffs and roll giant boulders down the volcano side at the robot masters and Rock. Rock and Blues shoot boulders into smaller rocks; but one of the rocks clips Rock in the chest and he staggers over the cliff and is forced to hang onto the edge of said cliff. Proto Man grabs onto Rock's hand to tease a possible heel turn, but Rock interrupts this because a boulder is headed straight for Proto Man to end the segment 14 minutes in. Just an episode so far. I'm just not feeling this one at all.
After the commercial break, we get a hilarious logic break: In the previous scene, the boulder was rolling towards Proto Man. In this scene with a different angle, it's literally dropping onto Proto Man. Proto Man just pulls Rock up and both uses twin buster magic to destroy the rock just like that. Man, this episode is just a whole rock of nothing at this point. Rocks rain on the robots as the camera moves at a 45 degree angle to simulate the ground moving I should note. Really cheap. Guts Man gives Proto Man all the credit, which to be fair, Proto Man saved Rock, so he deserves more credit than Rock does and Rock is not amused by that. Hey, Proto Man saved your life and got you into the situation, so he deserves it you blue dweeb! Rock then realizes that it don't matter who gets credit because here come the stone golem army with their weapons. The stone golems throw their stone spears, Wood Man tries to block them, but no good. Guts Man gets hit and Wood Man has to throw him in front of the golems to prevent Guts Man from free falling to his death. Rock is forced to blast the side of the mountain to rain rocks on the stone golems to allow Guts Man to escape. Guts Man is pissed and wants to unleash lethal masculinity onto Rock; but Proto Man stops him at the pass because there is work to do. This time, Rock deserves a thank you, but doesn't get one. Rock decides to go into the volcano and the robot masters follow him stage right. Head back to the hover jet as Roll is exchanging notes with the doctors for a while inside. Dr. Light is on the computer doing calculations and this is not good because the stone golems are planning to destroy the entire island along with themselves in some sort of sick death cult ritual. Dr. Wily bails outside and the babyfaces notice him going out. Dr. Light tries to open the door, but Dr. Wily welds it shut to cement the betrayal on Dr. Light for good as Roll gleefully retorts for me. Dr. Wily clearly missed his true calling as a metal welder, probably would have kept him out of trouble to boot. Dr. Wily drops his equipment and bails as Dr. Light punches the glass on the door, no go. Roll brings out her saw arm and starts cutting the metal on the edges of the door. Head inside the volcano as it's actually a temple with stone statues. The stone bots are circled around a giant hole containing magma as the robots are hiding in the foreground as Rock states he needs a clear shot and none of the robots bother to keep their voices down.
It doesn't matter because the stone golem don't even bother to sell until they get buried in a rock tomb. Oh, the irony of it all?! Guts Man punches stone golems and gets grabbed from behind and Cut Man fails again with the Rolling Cutter. This is a bad day for Cut Man as he gets miltary pressed and thrown down to the ground. Wood Man then proceed to bury Cut Man and his leaf shield is thrown and destroys part of a stone golem and then does a judo throw of a stone golem that grabbed Wood Man from behind and throws him into another stone golem and destroys him. Rock does a legsweep to disable one of the golems as Rock cuts a promo and then we pan up as Dr. Wily is here and cackling. He does a much better job of keeping his voice down as he wants some real fireworks. Proto Man and Rock bump backs and then more stone crumbling to make Gregory Weagle something something. Proto Man is loving life now as Dr. Wily's image walks into Proto Man's shades with Rock telling him to take care of business. Then Proto Man sees the image of Rock in his shades as Dr. Wily finally makes it to the Neturanator and starts to modify it while the robot are running interference. Dr. Wily puts in a drill like bit from Mega Man 2 and then realizes that the thing overheated...despite being OUTSIDE of a volcano. How will using it in the volcano be any better when it's hotter INSIDE a volcano?! What a stupid logic break this is?! Dr. Wily turns on the device and the stone golems all stop attacking the heels and go after Rock all alone as Proto Man tells Rock goodbye forever, basically. Rock calls Dr. Wily a double crossing snake and why is Rock surprised? This was a temporary alliance anyway so the heel turn was going to happen in the end, you blue dweeb! Dr. Wily is like sticks and stones and Rock is history! Rush Jet rushes in with Roll and Dr. Light as Roll thinks otherwise. Dr. Wily isn't all that worried because he has all the babyfaces in the same area to kill them once and for all. Proto Man breaks the ice by shooting Rush in the ass and forcing Rush to land onto the surface of the volcano. Roll and Dr. Light jump out and Roll uses some carbon form right onto Rush's ass to cool him down. That is not creepy in any way, no siree! Wood Man runs in and calls them a bunch of jerkheads, speaking of projection. Rock runs in, with the weakest dodging of all time and kicks Wood Man in the back and brings Wood Man down. Roll makes wood jokes, of course.
Rock goes over and it's WEAPON GET TIME~! A wood shield that is literally a melee shield as Wood Man's arm is broken and Rock's jokes are breaking me into groans. Rock blocks some of the stone spears and this is enough for Proto Man to claim that the golems are worthless. Dr. Wily decides to up the Neturanator to full power and summon the stone guardian statues to come alive. You honestly thought they were there just for dectoration, didn't you?! The giant stone golems walk forward and then turn on everyone...AGAIN! Uh-oh! Yes, the device has overheated...AGAIN! Dr. Wily is so incompentent that it makes Richard Merwin look like a complete fool. The volcano starts to become active as the heels all retreat and Proto Man buries Dr. Wily deep within the earth just to complete the tri-fecta for burials in this episode alone. Rock orders everyone to retreat except for Rush because he has to stop it. Dr. Light and Roll bail as Rush turns to Rush Jet. Rock gets on and it's rush time! Rock shoots and dodges, calling the giant statues too slow; so the giant statue clotheslines Rock and Rush into the wall. Such a blue dweeb this Rock is! Rock gets grabbed and crushed; while Rush jumps and bites the stone statue leading to Rush getting kicked off. Rush headbutts a stone golem into the magma lake, Rock shoots the arm off of the giant stone statue, dodges some more and then shoots the Neturanator right into the magma lake. He could've destroyed it outright within having it go into the lake, but whatever. The radiation is reversed according to Rock, so the shield is gone as well. The golems all stop and are basically dead as Rush flies around. Rock and Rush bail outside and catch up with Roll and Dr. Light. Yup, just like that. Roll hugs Rock and the babyfaces all walk down the hill. Rock wants to go home from this tropical paradise as we zoom out to the island to end the episode and season one at 24:00 approx. Yeah, this episode was merely all right, but the volcano logic was wonky at best. ** 1/4 (45%).
THE REVIEW LINE
Well, this episode was pretty much Stuck On You if the life was sucked out of it. There wasn't much to the episode as it was a solid story with several gaping logic breaks, mostly with the volcano and the device overheating, and the fact that Dr. Wily is a human in a volacno. Wood Man was totally average and Cut Man was having a bad day as Cut Man. I just didn't feel Proto Man helping Rock as a big deal because it was going through the motions and the fact that the suspense was gone because we already knew that Proto Man and Dr. Wily were going to turn on the babyfaces at their earliest convenience. The babyfaces were total geeks in this one and the story was just there. Overall, not much to see here. That ends Mega Man season one and it's been a decent ride so far, most of the episodes have actually been all right. However, the insanity really starts in season two with Lion Men, genies, Proto Man becoming babyface, Mega Man X arrives to the past and a lot less of Cut Man being Cut Man and Snake Man being in almost half of the remaining episodes. So....
Thumbs down for this episode and I'll see you all next time.