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Mega Man Ruby Spears: Curse Of The Lion Men Rant
Reviewed: 06/18/2022
Doctor Wily Is A Lion's Curse!
So, we continue season two of the blue dweeb's life with episode #20 (although on the DVD, it is episode #21) as Dr. Wily's robots discover humanoid lion creatures who use their strange powers to turn people into lions and make robots obey them. Both Dr. Light and Dr. Wily are transformed and it's up to Mega Man to change them back. How does this episode fare? Let's rant on shall we...?!
Curse Of The Lion Men is written by Gary Greenfield and was directed by Katsumi Minoguchi.
We begin this episode in space with a rainbow comet-like meteorite heading to earth looking like a giant finger from a latex glove. The comet passes Saturn as we cut to Earth being shiny from the sun's rays. Comet arrives and heads into the earth's atomsphere turning red and then we jump cut to a lake with the ocean liner from the Incredible Shrinking Mega Man and then some shots outside the cockpit with Dr. Wily and Proto Man inside as Dr. Wily orders the robot masters to find a cave inside the area to use as a hideout. So, we have Cut Man, Guts Man, Bright Man and the debuting Star Man (for rant purposes, the last debuting robot master on this show) run to an entrance blocked by a giant boulder. Guts Man rolls the boulder away and informs Dr. Wily that the robot masters found one cave via the transmitter from Cut Man. They claim that the cave looks good for a small experiment and Dr. Wily orders them to search some more and deeper this time. The robot masters continue walking and then head outside to red ash lights, which shocks and awes them. The only thing of note is Bright Man's head changes colors inbetween shots. Speaking of Bright Man, he notices the rainbow comet which is flying in various directions for no reason whatsoever. Either this is a logic break, or this comet is a spaceship disguised as a comet. All this flying around leads to a stone door on a mountainside opening like a wooden door. Guts Man wants to check this out and probably vandalize the place, knowing them. So, we head inside a cave that looks more like a tomb as there is an orange spider on it's spiderweb and mummies laying down on stone slabs and walls. Pan east to the hallway with the robot masters walking in. Star Man talks for the first time and his voice is not very good. Star Man looks okay as a character design, I guess. Bright Man cuts a promo without moving his mouth at all. Then the mummies glow red, move around and tear off their bandages to reveal....wait for it... anthromorphic furry lions?! Wait, what?! To be fair though, this is still better than Master Of Disaster and the ugly genie, so in a way; this is not the worst episode of the series. Yet. The lions roar and the heels all bail behind a wall, kneeling. The heels watch the lionmen roar wearing black trunks, because realistic nudity isn't allowed even though Kit and Baloo never wore pants because their models are not realistic, you see.
The dark brown lion man proclaims world domination on the humans by turning them into lion men. Because we have to make stereotypes about furries ruling the world over humans and make the haters hate fans of furries even more. To be honest, this makes the Lionmen babyfaces in my eyes; but the writer has them as outright heels who heel on even heels like Dr. Wily. The robot masters all bail out to tell Dr. Wily about this and it was AFTER HAPPY HOUR (after dark) during this entire three minute sequence. Head back to Dr. Light's residence in the morning and into the lab with Roll cleaning up the lab with her vacuum cleaner arm. Now this episode really sucks. HAHA!
Ron Sparks: It sucks more than Sean Desmond.
And most fans would say that is a literally true statement. Rock proclaims that they are lean mean cleaning machines; but Rush tests their patience by sliding in and bonking a table with a beaker filled with a blue liquid. The beaker flies into the air and the blue dweeb saves the blue liquid. Rock blows off Rush nicely as Dr. Light comes in impressed by the results. Then the television monitor beeps out a special report despite the visuals being there all to see. There is a reporter sitting at a desk with a PIP shot being shown. I do not know who this man is, other than that Bree Recotta is not anywhere in this scene. He's reporting on the rainbow comet which is called the Makuhana Comet (?sp) and calls it beautiful as apparently, the red ash causes the man to slowly and overdramatically turn into a lion men. Somehow, I'm amused and laughing at this. It's so absurd that the lion men want to turn the earth into their living TaleSpin world. Which makes them babyfaces in my eyes, even though they are suppose to be monster heels. The monitor switches off as Rock's circuits are sizzling in the same manner as my psyche is suffering. By the way, the whole angle is taking place in Hawai'i, so we logically head to the beach with the denizens shooting the breeze, sadly in a PG way since this is a Y7 cartoon. Some man throws a frisbee and it bonks off someone's head and the dood no sells it because he sees lion men on the beach and thinks it's Halloween. Considering the weather in Hawaii on Halloween is around 30*C, how would you tell in this scene if it's Halloween or not? By the way, it wasn't the red ash from the comet turning people into lions (robots would be immune anyway since they are inorganic, unlucky us, since a Mega Lion Man and Roll Lion Woman would be MANY BUYS~!); the Lion Men literally shoot red lasers from their eyes to turn the denizens into lionmen. Suck on that one, Glenn Beck! Also, I'm getting an ugly vibe of the natives with laser spears in Bubba's Big Brain Storm from this as well. You can tell what was background and the foreground by noticing the two men turning into lion men while the background doesn't change at all. No logic break, just odd. Lionmen surfs the waters now! Yes, the women get changed and sadly, no nudity either, so they are as much into rigid gender rules as the denizens on this show.
March continues as the lionmen turn three fishers into lionmen as Tar (who is basically Scar without the scar if he were in the TaleSpin world) taunts the humans for being weak and unable to stop him. I think they don't care about you ruling the world because things are no different when Republicans are ruling the USA. In comes Rock on Rush Jet accepting Tar's challenge to a fight. Rock and Rush jump onto the docks and Tar decides to use the LASER OF LION DEATH on Rock and Rush; and it doesn't work at all. BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! HISSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS! Gary Greenfield, you should be embarrassed for what you just did, that has no place in the world of cartooning. The one moment every furry fan was waiting for, and you blew it. Especially since Rock was a cave robot in Robosaur Park?! By the way, Gary is the exact same writer who wrote Goof Under My Roof for Goof Troop and wrote one of the worst finishes in history that erased Peg selling the property to Goofy in the pilot episode, just so they could do the finish of Goofy getting more property than Pete. When freelancing is great, it's often great; it gives a fresh prespective on the show; but when it goes against the show's own internal logic, that's awful. Luckly, this spot is just a missed chance to give the show higher rates than anything else. Rock uses a stun beam (since when did he have that?) and it blinds the Lionmen as Rock shows what a blue dweeb he is because the Wily Machine RS shows up on the docks. All the heels come out and Guts Man is doing Baloo from The Road To Macadamia-equse flips, the robot masters are flying around and Cut Man just walks out. That is like the Flithy Animals doing a DX knockoff and Eddie Gurrerro is wearing a nice sweater, like he's a teacher in history class. I love you Eddie, but that's a dang it! Dr. Wily orders Star Man to make Rock see stars, and that's a SHOOT, BRUTHA~! Star Man shoots pentagon stars we cannot see, but Rock dodges them all. The heels bail, except for Star Man as Rock proclaims "GET IN THE BIN~!" and Star Man twirls his ass in said bin and drops to the ground seeing stars. Rock comes over, touches Star Man and it's WEAPON GET TIME~! What the hell happened to Cut Man here? Did he swallow his own Rolling Cutter before this scene?
Cut Man invokes the Rolling Cutter, Rock shoots, it's literally one star into the cutter and is deflected. Yes, the writer doesn't know Star Man's weapon is in fact a shield. A horrible shield, although no more horrible than the Leaf Shield from Wood Man (although Wood Man's weapon in this show is literally a melee shield, so nice job burying Star Man there, Gary.). Rock jumps down, shoots stars and both Guts Man and Cut Man are shot down and knocked the F out....AGAIN! Why would Tar accept the heels help after this, considering that Rock is kicking everyone's ass at this point?! Cut Man and Guts Shot sink into the water as Bright Man turns on the BRIGHT STOPPER OF DEATH on Rock and Rock simply shoots a star into Bright Man, which somehow allows Bright Man to bonk into the popping up Cut Man and Guts Man and all three of them fall into the drink. Proto Man enters the scene as the only defense left for the heels and Blues admits this as much. Proto Man fires a giant net and THIS subdues Rock and Rush. WHAT?! All that firepower and it took a freaking net to stop Rock?! Let's just bury Star Man deeper into the earth now, show! Oh and it's a blast-proof net, too; yeah sure. If so, why didn't you just use it from the start, so Tar would be impressed and willing to join the heels, even if the end is to screw Dr. Wily over in the process. The lionmen recover and they are confused. Dr. Wily is loving life as the robot masters all recover and Tar introduces himself for real nearly seven and a half minutes in. Okay, so far; this episode has been perfectly fine. Sure, Star Man has been buried deep within the earth, but burials of robot masters on this show is nothing new and despite being against the premise of the show, at least it's a lot less offensive in hindsight. This is not the worst episode of the series, yet. Dr. Wily wants to be Tar's friend if Tar plays his cards right, Tar has no idea what he is talking about, so you know Tar will probably accept Dr. Wily's terms and then destroy Dr. Wily at Tar's earliest convenience. Dr. Wily then makes the fatal error of wanting to rule the world; but Tar has the same cluster b traits as Dr. Wily; but has the equipment to back it up; so Dr. Wily literally is screwed within a minute. JOY! Head back to Dr. Light's lab as Roll and Dr. Light are checking the monitor. Apparently, some Hawai'ian denizen on the past a thousand years ago were in a war and Tar apparently lost the war due to the kahuna of the island cursing him.
Betcha his name was Kahunhasen. Legend has it that a comet would curse the men into lionmen to create more lionmen until someone drove them back into the cave and a volcano erupted, causing the place to be sealed for a thousand years until Dr. Wily and his robots found the cave and they live again. This is like Gargoyles with lions and the lions are outright heels. There is a lot of flashing lights in this scene and this is not good if you have seizures due to flashing lights. It didn't help my health in anyway either. So, the babyfaces deduce that world domination is in order here and Roll decides to join the fight with Rock. We head to the docks AFTER HAPPY HOUR somewhere as it appears to be a fish processing plant. Guts Man arrives with Rock and Rush in the "NET OF NOTHING" warning the plant workers to flee. They don't sell, the lionmen behind Guts Man shoot their eye lasers and turn the workers into lionmen. Also, how come Tar is the only one who can speak, let alone speak English?! Rock and Rush do the stupidest "You'll never get away with this" and Dr. Wily cackles so awkwardly that the blue dweeb deserved every bit of that one. Yeah, he, Bright Man and Cut are here; but not Star Man. So, yeah; Star Man has been written out by teleport and got the worst burial of all the robot masters in one fell swoop. On the other hand, Star Man wasn't all that good in the video games anyway. Dr. Wily orders Guts Man to can the creeps (speak for yourself, you vampire!) as Guts Man puts Rock and Rush on the conveyor belt of fish as we do a non-audio version of How It's Made, making sure to cover up the fact that the dead fish are being cut up with soap suds. I club BS&P! The fish are dead; they are already bodies, so cutting them is perfectly all right. Guts Man waves goodbye as BS&P has then heading towards the hard camera instead of away which was what was teased when Guts Man put them on the conveyor belt. This ends the segment 10 minutes in. This is a silly episode, but it's no more breaking internal logic, or having bad animation then the rest of the episodes even in this series in general. Sadly, Tar is not as cool as Lotos, which is probably why people think this episode is the worst.
After the commercial break; we get more conveyor belt madness as Rock realizes that the net is cut proof, so he puts his Rock Buster through the net, blasts a conveniently placed structure which has a conveniently placed buzzsaw that cuts the net. Rock and Rush jump off the conveyor belt and that is that. Why didn't you just steal the Rolling Cutter from Cut Man, you blue dweeb?! It wouldn't have created anymore suspense than this did and it wouldn't make Dr. Wily look any less dumber either. Rock breathes a sigh of relief as Rush walks like a human and kisses his hand over and over again. Aw! My heart melted! Rock wants his arm back to use the transmitter to call Dr. Light on the Sky Copter and Roll is on the Sky Cycle. We exchange notes for a while and STOP THAT HORRIBLE FLASHING~! It's doesn't make for a good animation effect and it only hurts eyes and brains. Stop it, show! Dr. Light is going to the Marikinut Hotel (?sp) to see if he can reverse the curse. Does this means his favorite baseball team has to win the World Series to do that? Nah...Somehow, Dr. Wily is on his transmitter and is overhearing all this. Wait, what?! How? If Gary doesn't explain how Dr. Wily is overhearing this, I'm going to be pissed off. Anyhow, Dr. Light thinks he's got this as we scene change to the hotel AFTER HAPPY HOUR and then inside the hotel room with Dr. Light sitting down in a chair working on something and Roll is watching him. The only thing of note here is the flowers in the vase in the background. Dr. Light actually finished the curse machine and then we hear roaring, or more importantly, Roll hears it. The door gets broken down by Guts Man and here come the heel mob to kidnap them before Dr. Light can even say run. Roll claims Rock will get them, Cut Man and Guts Man say no to that despite Rock and Rush being free. So, we head to Tar's residence as Dr. Light refuses to join the heels, so Tar uses his laser eyes and turns Dr. Light into a lionmen. Dr. Wily for the second time proclaims that he'll rule the world, so Tar zaps Dr. Wily with the laser and turns Dr. Wily into a lionmen. This would have been fine of Tar DIDN'T BLOW OFF DR. WILY THE FIRST TIME DR. WILY SAID THAT earlier in the episode! Tar has zero subtly in his heeldom and is basically Dr. Wily II here; which is not cool with me. Why not have Dr. Wily back off when Tar blew him off the first time, or Tar deciding to play along the first time? This is so stupid.
The robot masters all protest this outrage and then out of nowhere Tar zaps them with a laser which he calls a Magic Box to control them. I think this was the box from the first episode of the series; but this episode sucks and I'm not giving Gary Greenfield any leeway here, especially after Goof Under My Roof. A lion men in green trunks arrives to inform that Rock is alive and looking for them. I assume Roll was also brain controlled as well since they didn't even react to all this despite being in the same room with Dr. Light. In fact, Roll's face in one shot is clearly a sign of being mind controlled since she doesn't react at all when Rock is found. Tar orders everyone to conquer the earth without remorse, regret nor apology. Let's just say Tar will burn the blue dweeb and anyone else who stands in his way of world domination. So, target #1, the heels attack a police station in such a way that it was no different than what Dr. Wily and his robots did, since Dr. Wily's robots are directly involved. It's nice to see the police can still use bullet shooting guns, not that they would be effective in this situation. Cut Man uses the Rolling Cutter to slice a police car open in two pieces. Police are blasted into lionmen as Rock and Rush arrive to kick ass and chew off Dr. Wily as usual. Blues takes over (he would have joined them anyway on his own freewill, because they are cool to him I guess) and shoots Rock, Rock gets hit, goes through the glass roof ceiling and is literally in jail. BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Oh boy! BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! This was awesome, just for that moment. Yup, it's not the worst episode in the series now. The dark skinned man in a purple tank top and sandals might be the best character design of this episode. Prisoners are turned into lionmen, one of them punches and misses the babyfaces as Rock and Rush get out via the roof. Scene change to a military base as the guards have their rifles set to profits; but the lionmen don't care as we shoot them and turn the military into lionmen now. Then the animators kill the continuity they were shooting for: The guards are mind controlled, but they don't have lion faces. After seeing Mister T reviews from the Agonybooth, I'm surprised that it took this long for them to screw this up badly. While I'm on a slow roll here: Tar is also an idiot: All he has to do is zap Rock and Rush with the Magic Box and he wins since everyone is under his mind control.
Everyone enters the base and Star Man is written in by teleport now! They get shot with helicopter piloted by Rock which has lasers and it also has laser sounds. At least in 20XX, military having lasers is more believable than them having machine guns in 1995. Cut Man enters a helicopter while Guts Man dodges and flops into the same helicopter which seemly has TARDIS properties now. No way Guts Man fits into that helicopter. Sigh, Bro Bots with the molds, I'm just saying. Star Man and Bright Man enter another helicopter and they have to do an A-Team firing spot because this is going to set up a dogfight in the skies with Rock and the robot masters; and Rock shooting them successfully off the ground kills the spot before it happens. Dogfight literally lasts ten seconds as both helicopters get shot down easily. Way to go Rock, way to go. Wait a second? Rock got shot somehow! What a blue dweeb?! So, who got the second shot? If it's Star Man, more burials. Rock's helicopter spirals down and crashes into the pavement below bursting into flames. A jeep arrives with Tar, Dr. Light driving and Dr. Wily loving life, so despite being mind controlled, he is no different than before he was mind controlled. Homo Sapien Vampiris. Dr. Light drives away proclaiming that the island is theirs as Tar doesn't react to it. So, I guess Tar is fine with Dr. Light saying ours, as long as Tar gets to rule. Cut back to the flames and the blue dweeb shows why he is by literally running out of the flames with Rush with burn marks on the body. Rock's acting is so bad that he has to be dreading this episode now. I know Mega Man was dreading the off-shoots in the Archie Comics; which is comical since the Archie Comics are also off-shoots of this robot. Head to a building in a conference room, I assume it's the hotel from earlier as I guess are the government official for Hawaii as they will rule Hawaii and the rest of the planet. Tar is between Dr. Light and Dr. Wily as the commander, Roll is just there watching and not caring. The lionmen roar as we head back outside the building with Rock running in a hilariously bad fashion. Apparently, the stun beam stuff was added to justify Rock shooting the lionmen and killing them outright. What?! Am I watching Chargeman Ken now? Rock runs in and shoots more lionmen and kills them basically. Rock finds a card and it contains a memo to the penthouse office on the top floor where Tar is having his meeting.
Rock and Rush head into the elevator and it goes up as we see two lionmen pushing the elevator button on the panel on one of the floors. Rush is panicking like mad as Rock notices the elevator slowing. So, instead of stunning the two denizens like he did earlier in this scene; Rock and Rush do the "open the light vent, crawl to the top of the elevator, close the light vent, lionmen don't suspect a thing when they get into the elevator" spot. What was the point of shooting the lionmen if you were just going to stop doing that? DUMB! Rock and Rush jump into a vent and then crawl towards the room where the meeting is held. Rock notices everyone and opens the vent to save Roll, who is also under mind control despite the show trying to be subtle with that, when the episode has none. Dr. Wily wants to at least lead the invasion; but Tar blows him off because he's in charge. Tar's plan is working, unlike your Dr. Lionassface; so let Tar be cool for once, you lion vampire! Rock tells Roll that he'll get her out of here, and Roll turns around and blows Rock's cover right away. HA! Tar is pissed off and orders everyone to destroy him as Rock and Rush bail through the window as the animation continues to be the worst thing on this episode and Tar refusing to say Roll's name. Rock tells Rush to go into Rush Jet mode, but Rush Jet short circuits for no good reason that I can think of. Yup, Gary Greenfield is writing for a pay cheque at this point. Rush shrugs to end the segment 16 minutes in. Despite all the stupidity of this episode, almost nothing in this episode offends me. The only thing that angers me is the lack of subtly, which after reveiwing Bro Bots, I was expecting that to happen at least.
After the commercial break; Rock and Rush are free falling as Rush is closing his eyes and saying goodbye to the cruel world. Rock shoots his buster at the fire hydrant that we barely see and that causes a water pilliar. Rock and Rush hit the water and then jump down to safety and that is that. Rock and Rush look around seeing lionmen; but not for long according to Rock. The lionmen are so not animated that no one cares to see Rock at all. We get various shots of the airport and streets filled with lionmen. Head to a hanger near the airport as Roll is ordering people to put supplies into a white airplane headed out of Hawai'i, I guess. Out comes Cut Man and Guts Man in a jeep; as Cut Man calls her worse than Dr. Wily. I guess Tar is fine with them insulting Roll as long as they follow Tar's orders. What a bigot?! Rock's circuits are sizzling as he has to stop this. So, Guts Man and Cut Man drive away out of sight, Rock runs in and kidnaps Roll! Rock then...okay...this is creepy...the spot is Rock opens the panel in the small of her back and turns Roll off. However, the camera shot has it as if Rock is literally finding the panel in her ass. I swear this is what happened! Rock runs out with her turned off, places her face first on the ground, opens the back panel and then reprograms her back to normal. Even more creepy, Rock lies about Dr. Wily reprogramming her, when it was clear Tar did it by using the Magic Box. Sure, Dr. Wily likely created said box, but still. Guts Man and Cut blow their cover anyway as we discover that the device to reverse the curse is at the hotel. Roll and Rock bail stage right as Cut Man uses the Rolling Cutter and GUTS MAN gets creamed. WHAT?! It's funny, but it's still stupid. Cut Man somehow dodges this, so for the second time in this series, Guts Man is the incompentent one (Mega X is the other). Cut Man apologizes for the gaffe like a babyface, and Guts Man blows him off for that one and demands help. Scene change to the streets as Rock, Roll and Rush are inside a red car. Yes, they are driving to the hotel; which makes sense since Rush Jet is out of commission and it's too late for repairs at this time. And yes, I'm still pissed at Gary Greenfield on how Dr. Wily was spying on them and not getting an answer. Guts Man and Cut Man are chasing them via the jeep in traffic. Apparently, Dr. Wily is on the way as they were talking to him on the radio, or something.
Cut Man uses the Rolling Cutter on the car, and flatten the right wheel tire and then taunts Rock. Rock taunts back and then does the giant ramp spot and smashes into the hotel room with his car. Destruction of people's properties with impunity?! On this show? Damn, I knew the Mighty Ducks would use this as an excuse somehow. Rock finds the remote control in the bin as two lionmen show up to roar in Rock's face. Rock uses the remote control and that short circuits. Damn! Rock and company rush through the lionmen and head out in the swimming pool area, but get cut off by Tar and the rest of the heels, including Dr. Light. They surround Rush, Rock and Roll as Roll wants to fight. Rock whistles and this somehow fixes Rush into Rush Jet! WHAT?! Cut Man uses the Rolling Cutter; but the babyfaces get on Rush Jet and fly high into the sky. Rock is trying to figure the device and the device will not let him. Dr. Light claims that this device will defeat Tar, Tar orders everyone to shoot down Mega Man as the robot master shoot to kill, Rock gets hit just after he figures out how to use the device. Rock free falls, Dr. Wily thinks they won, but Rush Jet makes the save. Rock and Rush fly down, Rock uses the device, everyone returns to normal, Tar and the lionmen become mummies, Yeehaw! Rock and Rush land as Roll runs in and hugs Dr. Wily. Dr. Wily is so pleased that he thanks the Mega Jerk for it. HAHA! Dr. Wily wants the curse device, Rock no sells. Dr. Wily suddenly has the Magic Box of doom and orders the robot masters to get the device back so he can do what Tar did, only with Dr. Wily under his command. Rock does the shooter spree and all robot masters fall into the swimming pool and Rock taunts him for that one. Dr. Wily is pissed off and all the heels flee stage right as Rock and Rush bail to do some morphing time so to speak. Scene change to a beach as Rock, Roll, and Dr. Light wrap things up as Dr. Light put the mummies in the tomb and sealed it up and the morphing device is destroyed and cannot be used ever again. Sadly, this episode demonstrates the Charge Man Ken audio being two seconds off from the mouthflaps. Personally, this is better than the usual jamming the signal angle they usually do. Rush comes in via a surfboard, getting off Hawai'ian references before winking to the camera to end the episode at 24:00 approx. Mercifully, this is over. This episode was as a story, perfectly acceptable; but the episode was such a total mess with logic breaks out of wazoo, horrible animation and at times felt like a Chargeman Ken episode with better animation. That being said, this was far from the worst episode of the series. I call this **** on the trainwreck scale and ** (40%).
THE REVIEW LINE
Well, I finally reviewed the "worst" episode of the series and it was not that! This is not a good episode, this was total trainwreck television and on that level, it was great: A silly plot, furriesd galore, a lot of logic breaks and at times it looked and felt like a Chargeman Ken episode with better animation. Considering the ethos being similar in both shows, I was more surprised I didn't see this all that often in this episode. Tar was a lot less cool than Lotos: basically Dr. Wily in a lion costume. The mind control was inconsistant, Cut Man not being Cut Man and the ending was fine. I do agree with Mega Man in the Archie comics that we do need to watch the quality of the off-shoots; but this episode is probably third or fourth on that scale. I still think Master Of Disaster and even a couple of others in the first season are way worse than this one. So....
Thumbs down for this episode and I'll see you all next time.