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Twenty Years Of Muddy Puddles: Peppa Pig VS The World Rant

Reviewed: 03/13/2021
Additional Commentary/Edited: 08/20/2024

Like What The Tin Says!

Okay fans; I have now decided to rant on this series full time, because I do in fact like this show enough that I can handle the best and worst of the Pig family from Great Britian. This rant will focus on the movies and specials outside of Peppa Pig Tales. We have some Golden Boots stolen by a cheeky duck that leads to cheating and a gift shop on the moon. Peppa then goes all around the world in a bi-plane with Daddy Pig. You wish you were TaleSpin, show. Then from there, we have the Series Two Christmas Special featuring the debut of Father Christmas and the last appearance of Cecily Bloom. Finally, there is a Halloween short which exposes Madame Gazelle for whom she really is. This ought to be interesting. How do these episodes fare?! Let's rant on shall we..?!

All the episodes are done by Neville Astley, Mark Baker and Phil Hall. Animation is done by Astely Baker Davies animation; with the two mentioned creators and Phil Davies.

Opening Moment #1: For the Christmas Special only: Same opening theme from Series Two, except everyone is wearing winter clothes and there is snow covering everything.

Peppa's Christmas: We begin this special with episode #105 on the animation paper with it snowing at the hill of Peppa's residence complete with snowman wearing all green clothes in the side of the house. There is bell ringing and the usual Jingle Bells music; the only music that isn't overtly religious. I was going to joke about it really being Paganmas; since Christmas is supposed to be Pagan in nature and not Christian; but this is the wrong show to be making jokes about it. Besides; it's not like the family goes to church or anything. (No evidence of that happening in this show, so the creators are in fact treating this as a Pagan holiday. Like I always do.) Out comes Peppa wearing all red coats and hat with a purple scarf wearing her "golden" boots riding on a sled with a red envelope with a Christmas tree stamp on it. George is wearing navy blue with a yellow scarf carrying a light blue letter riding on his sled. I should note that in Britian; the mail is called "post" and Santa is in fact called "Father Christmas". They ride the sleds through the snow, and laughing all the way. HA HA HA! Oh; and here are their friends on the snowy hill with their sleds. Rebecca is wearing two orange caps sewed together to cover her ears. Here are Danny Dog, Pedro Pony, Candy Cat, Suzy Sheep, Rebecca Rabbit and the debut for rant purposes of two new friends: Zoe Zed-bra (not Zoe Zee-bra) and Emily Elephant. Danny wants a sled race and they all turn around to the west and race for their lives towards the giant red post box as Peppa asks all the kids what they want from Father Christmas this year. (Danny Dog loses again, LOL! At least he didn't cheat this time.) Suzy puts her letter in the box, claiming that she wants a scooter. Danny put his letter in the box and wants a toy spaceship. Pedro wants a little guitar (Which was paid off in Pedro The Cowboy in Series Four, and gave him the title of Pedro F'N Pony!), so he's also into country music. Emily wants a toy mouse (Har har! Remember that she's an anthro elephant in storyline.), Candy wants a skipping rope, Rebecca wants a trumpet, Zoe wants a bat and ball (Apparently; to play baseball I assumed, which was incorrect actually.), and in a shock of all shocks: George wants a toy train and not another dinesaur (sic).

Peppa does have to help George up to post his letter. Peppa wants a yo-yo as she puts her letter in the giant post box. There is a red chested brown bird on top of the post box doing nothing while the children giggle. (It looks like it was frozen dead in that pose. That was creepy.) In comes a yellow colored post truck as a male zebra anthro comes out wearing post office gear and a hat. (Complete with clown horn introduction, I should note.) Yes, Mr. Zebra is the postman and is the father of Zoe Zebra. Again; Zed-bra; not Zee-bra. We're not in America, you see. Not even Trump's America. (Another episode that I ranted out of order from the rest of the series, since I ranted on the DVD's first before moving onto the Youtube videos.) Mr. Zebra The Postman is voiced by David Graham -- who from later episodes of Peppa Pig-- would also voice Grandpa Pig. According to Wikipedia (DANGER! DANGER!): Graham played several characters in the science-fiction TV series Doctor Who during the 1960s and 1970s, most notably Dalek voices in the serials The Daleks (1963–64), The Dalek Invasion of Earth (1964), The Chase (1965; in which he also provided Mechanoid voices) and The Daleks' Master Plan (1965–66). He performed in person as barman Charlie in The Gunfighters (1966) and as time-travel scientist Professor Kerensky in City of Death (1979). Graham also provided the regular voices of Gordon Tracy, Brains, Parker and Kyrano for the Supermarionation TV series Thunderbirds (1965–66), as well as its film sequels: Thunderbirds Are Go (1966) and Thunderbird 6 (1968). Other credits from his association with Thunderbirds producer Gerry Anderson include Four Feather Falls (1960), Supercar (1961–62), Fireball XL5 (1962–63), Stingray (1964–65) and The Secret Service (1969). Graham has also appeared in Callan, Timeslip, So Haunt Me, Danger Man, The Saint, Howards' Way, Softly, Softly, Armchair Thriller, Ace of Wands, Justice, The Regiment, The Bill, The Fixer, The Sentimental Agent and The Avengers (in the 1963 episode "Man in the Mirror").

He contributed puppet voices to two episodes of The Tomorrow People. He also guest starred in the second series of the 1970s drama When the Boat Comes In and later had a recurring role in the fourth series of the show as "Morty Black", the American Businessman and friend of the main character Jack Ford played by James Bolam. In the "1984" television Super Bowl advert, filmed in 1983 to introduce the Apple Macintosh computer, Graham played the role of Big Brother. His other voice work includes the animated children's TV series Moomin and Dominion: Tank Police. More recently, Graham provided the voices of Grandpa in Peppa Pig and Wise Old Elf in Ben and Holly's Little Kingdom. He reprised the voice of Parker in Thunderbirds Are Go!, the computer-animated remake of Thunderbirds, which was broadcast early 2015 in the UK.[1] In February 2013, Graham was interviewed by Paddy O'Connell for BBC Radio 2 about his role as one of the early voices of the Daleks, following the death of the Dalek designer Ray Cusick. He began his career in 1952 on Portrait of Peter Perowe as Patrick. Thunderbirds Are Go as Parker and Malloy are his most recent credits. He has 117 Acting credits, 1 Writing credit, 16 Self credits, and 8 Archive Footage credits to his resume. He is best known for being one of the earliest actors to play a Dalek in Doctor Who back in 1963. Mr. Zebra opens the post box and grabs most of the letters; calling it a lot of post, none of it "compost". Har har. Peppa takes her letter back and points out that it's for Father Christmas as Emily and company state the importance of these letters making it to Father Christmas. Mr. Zebra takes the letters, puts them in his sack and throws them into the back of the truck because there's no time to waste on letters going to the North Pole. (He looks like someone who wants to tell the truth about Father Christmas, but cannot. Because in storyline, Father Christmas is real. More on that later.) Everyone waves farewell as Mr. Zebra leaves in his truck. Jump cut to Mummy Pig in front of the house calling for Peppa. Somehow; Peppa and George can hear Mummy Pig and are already at the house within seconds. Heh. (Suzy's magical teleportation device is awesome, methinks.)

It's time to get the Christmas Tree as we teleport over to the other side of the house as everyone gets in. Daddy Pig is already in as the driver and yes; drivers in Britian do in fact drive on the other side of the road and the driver is on the right side of the car. Then we get a massive logic break: When the car is on the snowy road -- which is the same boring road we always see in every episode -- not only is the car on the right side of the road, the car is Americanized in that Daddy Pig is on the left side of the car. Wait; what?! Also, when they make it to the Christmas Tree Lot; the car is back to what it was when they were at the house. What a horrible logic break that was?! By the way; the Christmas Tree Lot's name is Miss Rabbit's Tree Shop; and there is Miss Rabbit in her booth waiting for customers. (Job #77 I do believe.) She wears a lot of purple here, and on her ears with a most ancient digital cash register I have ever seen. The Pig family gets out of the car for the meet and greet. Now; Miss Rabbit is by far, the most compelling character of this show; in that her gimmick is that Miss Rabbit works at a lot of jobs so much that many kids and adults claim that there have to be multiple Miss Rabbits. To be fair; the show actually admits that there are two versions of Miss Rabbit: The real one we often see and Mummy Rabbit; who is Miss Rabbit's identical twin. My theory is that Miss Rabbit and Mummy Rabbit are different characters, but both have the same gimmick and that's why the show can get away with this angle. (Thankfully, they killed the angle dead during Peppa's trip to America.) Plus; there is a couple of other mind blowing traits Miss Rabbit has and one of them caused my brain to short circuit. More on that in The Golden Boots. Miss Rabbit points out that they don't have apple trees, nor cherry trees; but she has hundreds of Christmas trees, which is what Peppa wants anyway. Miss Rabbit shows off the small and medium trees and Daddy Pig no sells this as Mummy Pig questions this method Daddy Pig. Because you see; Daddy Pig wants to go big or go home, and screw it if the roof of the car cannot handle it. There is a tree which looks as large as the largest cedar trees dotting the property where I live, and Daddy Pig accepts this one. Miss Rabbit calls for Mr. Bull; who comes in without a hat, because he loves the cold. Or something. The scarf might have been a gift from the Cheese Reporter from Chargeman Ken for all I know. I don't really care.

Mr. Bull is voiced by David Rintoul and according to Wikipedia (DANGER! DANGER!): Rintoul was born in Aberdeen, Scotland. He studied at Edinburgh University and won a scholarship to study at the Royal Academy of Dramatic Art in London. His brother is stage manager and £250,000 winner on Who Wants To Be A Millionaire, Dougie Wilson. His sister Dorothy is married to the artist Alain Senez. Rintoul is married to actress Vivien Heilbron.[1] A friend and Edinburgh University classmate of Ian Charleson, Rintoul contributed a chapter to the 1990 book, For Ian Charleson: A Tribute.[2] David Rintoul has worked extensively in theatre with companies including the Royal National Theatre and Royal Shakespeare Company. His appearances have included Shakespeare's A Midsummer Night's Dream, Henry IV, As You Like It, and the title role in Macbeth. Other stage appearances include George Bernard Shaw's Candida and Funny Girl. In 2010 he played Charles Dickens in Andersen's English,[3] the new play by Sebastian Barry. His film credits include the title role in Legend of the Werewolf (1975), A.D. (1985), Unrelated (2007) and Is Anybody There? (2008). In 1980, he played the role of Mr Darcy in a BBC television adaptation by Fay Weldon of Pride and Prejudice. From 1993 to 1996 he played Doctor Finlay in the television series of the same name. His other television appearances include * Prince Regent, Taggart, Hornblower and the Agatha Christie's Poirot film, The Mysterious Affair at Styles. David also voices three characters in the popular children's series Peppa Pig, Granddad Dog, Mr. Bull and Dr. Brown Bear. He also voiced the knight 'Sir Boris' in the 1999 animation The Big Knights and the arch villain Cut Throat Jake in the newer version of Captain Pugwash. He also played the role of Noah in the 2013 History Channel's The Bible. In 2010, David starred in the film The Ghost Writer with Pierce Brosnan and Ewan Mcgregor. In 2016 he portrayed Aerys Targaryen in the HBO series Game of Thrones in Season 6. Rintoul has narrated many audiobooks, including Frederick Forsyth's The Day of the Jackal and J. G. Ballard's Millennium People.

In 1986, he recorded readings of 13 of Ian Fleming's James Bond novels for Chivers Audio Books, all unabridged, on cassette and CD. He also later recorded Nobody Lives Forever and Licence to Kill, written by John Gardner. Whilst reading the prose with his usual speaking voice, Rintoul speaks Bond's dialogue with a mild Scottish accent. He also narrated Robert Harris's Dictator, the final volume of his Cicero trilogy. Rintoul took over this role from Bill Wallis, who had read the previous two books, Imperium and Lustrum, but died two years before Dictator's publication. Two wonderful narrations by David Rintoul are for two young people's books, "The Boggart," and "The Boggart and the Monster," written by Susan Cooper. Both audio books are published by Listening Library. "The Boggart" was released in 2009, and is available on Overdrive through public libraries in the United States. "The Boggart and the Monster," released 4-30-13, is available on Audible.com, and may or may not be available on Overdrive. He began his career as a cameo for Menace in 1973 as Bill and also worked on Wier of Hermiston as Archie Wier. Also; he voices Doctor Brown Bear and Granddad Dog. Black Mirror (Angus McKinnon) and Warhammer 40,000: Dawn of War III (Space Marines) are his most recent credits. He has 86 Acting credits, 5 Self credits and 2 Archive Footage credits to his resume. Anyhow; if you were wondering; "Did they do a joke about a bull in a china shop?" the answer is literally yes. (More than once actually.) Also; Mr. Bull has a fetish for breaking down playgrounds and has a fetish for jackhammering the point home. More on that later. He uproots the tree and carries it stage west towards Daddy Pig's car. The tree completely would engulf Daddy Pig's car; because Daddy Pig loves to go big; but overestimates his car's ability to go big so to speak. Mummy Pig wants Daddy Pig to choose the medium size tree; but Daddy Pig wants to demonstrate his "musculinity"; and he'll carry the tree home. Of course! The rest of the Pig enter the car and drive off stage left; as Mr. Bull leaves stage right as Daddy Pig is dumb. Scene change to the house on the hill AFTER HAPPY HOUR (after dark) as Mummy, Peppa and George are standing in front of the front door waiting for Daddy Pig.

Peppa is more concerned about the tree than Daddy's health and well being. (Because even in the good spirit of Christmas, Peppa still has to act like a troll.) Somehow; despite taking FOREVER, Daddy Pig actually makes it to the bottom of the hill and somehow the tree is intact. IN YOUR FACE PEPPA~! (Only in this show where toxic masculinity is considered an asset instead of a dangerous liability. Ponder that for a moment and despair!) Daddy manages to walk up the somewhat steep hill and manages to make it to the top without killing himself nor the tree. He got the last laugh on Mummy Pig; that is for sure. Although; I'm certain he will never try that again, no siree! Daddy Pig backsplashes nearly dead in the snow as the tree is propped against the house. Peppa's first question was if the tree was heavy. Even to her parents, she acts like a troll. However; Mummy Pig points out that he has to somehow get it in the house and Daddy Pig tells them not to worry. Jump cut to inside and the tree is somehow in the house. There is no way that tree could get inside without Daddy Pig trimming at least half of it. (Yeah, I mean; the top of the tree is literally touching the window of Peppa's bedroom! No way that tree is fitting in the sitting room, unless the room has TARDIS abilities that I'm not aware off.) We begin decorating the tree with the Pig family as Peppa puts snowy garland on the tree; which in Britian is called glitter. (Oh, get ready for Series Five and the actual glitter bomb jokes with real Americanized glitter. You'll wish you were dead.) Then we get one of those moments that makes me laugh: George is hanging the glass ornaments on the trees; but in Britian they are called "balls". Which means the narrator basically says that "George is hanging the balls on the tree." GET YOUR MIND OUT OF GUTTER...please! (Just wait for Baby Bumps in Peppa Pig Tales, former self. At least George didn't stuff those balls in his pant like he did with Mr. Dine-e-saur!) George smirking while looking at himself does this no favors. The indoor lights, or LED lights Mummy Pig hangs on the tree are called "fairy lights" in Britian. The only thing that is not British is the star on the tree put on by Daddy Pig, who is on the least sturdy wooden step ladder I have ever seen.

Peppa sings a tune about twinkling the Christmas Tree. I realize now why they kept Lily Snowden-Fine's Peppa singing at the end and not use Series Two/Three Peppa: Lily's singing is better, although Series Two onward's voices are much better in acting. Peppa then jumps up and down; causing more earthquakes. No one cared about the probability that Peppa could bring the tree down and everyone loved the singing. If Lily sang this; I would agree with this. Mummy wants to advance the plot; but Peppa cuts her off --like the troll that she is-- and sings, snorts and causes more shaking. The writers just realized that ten minutes is way too much for a Peppa Pig episode; and they are literally padding the running time with this. (Just wait until they do fifteen minute movies and see the quality drop like a stone after the ten minute mark because they went far too long.) It is Christmas Eve in storyline as Daddy Pig puts a mincemeat tart and I think tea near the fireplace as Peppa asks the best question about Father Christmas: Why do you use the chimney and not the front door?! The answer should be: Because toxic masculinity requires it; since going through the front door is ordinary, safe and easy. Going up and down a chimney is macho, dangerous and hard. (BINGO!) Daddy Pig has no idea why and asks them to ask Father Christmas about it. But since he doesn't show up when you are awake -- because he knows when they are awake; even though in this episode, he clearly is not onmiscecent in anyway -- the kids have to go upstairs and go to sleep. Somehow; when they run up the stairs, and then enter the bedroom; they are already in their night gear as Peppa is handling a teddy bear named Teddy. Not the illiop from Teddy Ruxpin; nor the bully cub that Kit faces in track & field from TaleSpin. There are Christmas pictures on the wall; and one of them is George's since it involved a dinosaur cosplaying Father Christmas. That one was in fact hilarious. Peppa is clearly trying to pad the running time here; because she is going on and on and on in summarizing the first two minutes of this episode, basically hoping Father Christmas gives them presents. Thankfully; Daddy Pig cuts her off nicely and tucks the two pigs in as it's nighty-night time.

I just realized that George also had the dinosaur cosplaying reindeer for Santa in one of the pictures. One of the pictures on the wall has a lot of stars and there's some holly on the windows and walls as Daddy and Mummy Pig turn off the lights and walk out stage left. (Daddy does call them his little piggies which I find a little creepy.) I should note that it's eight o'clock and Peppa is still not asleep yet and calling on George. She wants to stay awake all night; which I'm certain is a bad idea since Father Christmas is supposed to be omniscecent and thus knows what she is awake. George don't care because he's asleep snoring. Peppa's night robe has a heart in the middle of it as she declares that she's not sleeping tonight. I give thirty seconds before she goes asleep. Wow; it was literally one promo cut before she falls asleep. (This was faster than the Tooth Fairy actually.) The pig kids are asleep and outside we see Father Christmas and his sleigh and three somewhat big reindeer, bigger than Father Christmas actually. Somehow; the narrator notices this, so I guess he's exempt from the onmiscecent rule since he's an adult and telling this story. (BINGO!) This causes the ceiling light to thump and Peppa to wake up literally seconds later. More thumping and I find it amusing that it's still eight o'clock when this happened. George wakes up and climbs on the top bunk bed with Peppa as we jump cut to Father Christmas walking on the roof in a suspense filled moment. I can understand why they do this; because this is a pre-school show and they probably don't know what Father Christmas really looks like. I'm fine with this as we zoom out and it's Father Christmas with a brown sack. Basically the British version of Santa Claus and one of only two humans in the show. Believe it or not; the second one is based on a real person, sort of; but it isn't Father Christmas. Father Christmas hos and Father Christmas has no official voice as the credits claim it's "as himself". (I believe the voice is in fact the same voice that does Grandpa Pig.) This was probably done to sell to children that Santa is real. Sadly; he is not. (In real life, true. In Peppa Pig's world, he's real. You wonder why Suzy says "It's magic"?! This is the first piece of evidence.) I heard his voice and it's sounds like a Rankin-Bass soundalike voice; but I have not the foggiest idea who the voice is. It sounds like Santa from the Rankin-Bass stop motion special: Rudolph The Red-Nosed Reindeer at times.

Father Christmas puts the sack down and checks his list; which is a piece of typewriter paper with blue pen marks on it. This is the Z-grade defintion of Father Christmas methinks. Then after checking the list once, he goes into the chimney and he asks a good question: Why are these chimneys so damn small?! I cackled when he said that. When he pops down into the fireplace; his list flies into the wind stage right and the narrator claims that Santa has lost his list. Jump cut to Father Christmas popping out of the fireplace -- complaining about the soot -- and somehow the treats in front of the fireplace do not get damaged as a result. I love how the drink is simply called a drink; as if they are implying that Daddy Pig gave him alcohol. In fact; children at Christmas in some cultures would also leave him a nip of sherry, which is an alcoholic wine made from fermented white grapes. Yeah. (It's called "We know it's alcohol, but we aren't telling anyone." that happens in mostly big kid shows.) Cut to the living room entrance with Peppa and George (with Teddy and Mr. Dinesaur in that order) noticing Father Christmas, so much for the omniscecent nature of Santa right there. (At least the kids weren't thinking that Father Christmas was going to kill and dismember the bodies as per Babysitting.) Peppa and George causually walk in and Father Christmas is so nice to them as Father Christmas calls George a smart man which Peppa claims that it's just George. Word. (Listen, I love George; but Peppa is sort of right. George is not that smart nor a man yet. Peppa is not a woman yet either.) Father Christmas gives out two presents; but the kids cannot open them until morning. Peppa asks how he knows all this and Father Christmas claims to have a list, but it's missing; because Father Christmas is senile you see. (Well, he's older than dirt at this point, since he is supposed to be a benevolent god in storyline, regardless of it's real or not.) He somehow remembers Suzy Sheep and Danny Dog though as Peppa points out that she knows what they want. Why not just label the gifts before you deliver them?! Then you don't need to check the list off. Peppa does forget that Pedro Pony wants a little guitar; not just a guitar.

There was a great moment in all this: Father Christmas thanks Peppa and blows off the fireplace as he is teasing going up the confounded chimney. Peppa; asks him why he doesn't use the front door. Father Christmas walks over to the front door; opens it, thanks Peppa and leaves saying Merry Christmas and ho'ing before closing the door. (Also, Father Christmas swears in DUBBED ANIME STYLE: Galloping Goblins!) Somehow; Father Christmas gets onto the top of the roof. George and Peppa yawn and we jump cut back to the bedroom in the morning. George and Peppa are snoring in their beds, whom don't need sugarplums dancing in their heads. I just love that it's snowing while the sun is out with no clouds whatsoever. In comes Daddy Pig and Mummy Pig nicely yelling at George and Peppa to wake up; which is funny because normally, it's the kids who wake up first. Although to be fair; they did see Father Christmas anyway, so they saw the presents. They just decided to not open them. Peppa and George hop from their bedrom and everyone bounces downstairs and heads into the living room as Peppa is cheerfully admitting that they saw Father Christmas. George finally opens his green paper present and opens the boxs to reveal his colorful toy train and Peppa shakes her present, and then opens the box to reveal a yo-yo. The kids are so happy; and really, who can argue with them. I love how critics think these gifts are too ancient and unhip; even though trademark law prevents 90% of those toys from being under their tree, although I guess yo-yo is perfectly fine in Britian, since it's trademarked in Canada. (Nintendo of America had it changed to a Star in Startropics when it came to Virtual Console.) Then; the doorbell rings and it's snowing outside and we see all the kids from the beginning of the episode giggling at the front door. The front door opens and Peppa and George come out in their winter gear. They meet and greet and I should point out that they said the word "Christmas" no less than thirty times in this episode so far. Suzy shows off her scooter and the rest show of their gifts. Thankfully; Pedro got his little guitar, I would have been sad if it was a regular guitar because that would have sucked. I then discover that Zoe got a paddle ball for Christmas (paddle with ball attached to a rope); and in Britian, it's called a "Bat & Ball". Sometimes it's called a "Bolo Bat", although I'm not sure where that comes from. (I think it was always a "paddle ball", but the British accents made it sound like "bat & ball". I don't know.) Suzy calls Father Christmas clever and Peppa proclaims that she helped Father Christmas.

In any other world; this is a troll move, except Peppa is in fact telling the truth. However; she has been like a troll for so long, no one in storyline is buying this, other than George. Peppa claims that she's telling the truth and not being silly. I agree with the "it's true" part; but she's still silly. In comes Grandpa and Grandma Pig in their yellow car, honking the horn. I am so happy that Mummy Pig parked the car on the top of the hill rather than the steepest side of the hill like in every episode, just to make Daddy Pig look even dumber. Apparently; it comes from Granny and Grandpa Pig; since they park their car on the steepest side of the hill, in the snow no less! Oh; and Daddy and Mummy Pig appear out of nowhere when the car arrives, I should also note. I should note that it's Happy Christmas in Britian, not that it matters all that much in the grand scheme of things. (Never say Happy Holidays to a God wannabe, they will try to cuss your head off because it's Merry Christmas, dammit!) Grandpa Pig sees boot prints in the snow on the left side of the hill going away from the house and boot prints on the roof; which is surprising considering (a) Grandpa Pig is old, and (b) pigs eyes see colors differently. Peppa claims that this is undeniable proof that Father Christmas was here. No one cared, especially Danny Dog who pelts Peppa with a snowball right in the chest. Yes; man on woman violence is all right in this pre-school show, I don't know why. Danny bails as Peppa grabs a snowball and everyone chases him down the hill. Grandpa Pig nails Daddy Pig with a snowball and Daddy Pig is not impressed by this; but Grandpa Pig don't care. The adults chase each other with snowballs in hand as everyone is throwing snowballs at each other; which is not a good idea by the way, especially since Peppa is in the middle cutting a promo, calling it the best Christmas ever. Nope; A Jolly Molly Christmas is still much better than this. Everyone comes back and does the backsplash laugh in the snow. Sadly; no snow angels were made during this, so this was dumb. That ends the special and Series Two for real at 10:00 appox. This still felt like they went through the motions; but the demographics of this made it more than passable and it was fun enough. *** 1/2 (70%). If you don't want a Christmas episode that scares children out of their wits (Mickey's Christmas Carrol) and/or almost end in tragedy (A Jolly Molly Christmas- my standard for Christmas episodes in general.), then this episode is very good in what it does. It's not boring at least.

Opening Moment #1: It's basically the same opening as usual, except Peppa and George are muddy. After seeing this episode from start to finish; this looked like it was done after the ending to the episode. In doing so; they completely gave away the ending to the episode well in advance. Not that matters since the plot itself requires it anyway. Also; the logo reads before Peppa Pig drops down to do her intro: Peppa Pig: Ten Years Of Muddy Puddles! (This only applies to the first run version, other versions removed the reference since they aired well after the ten year anniversary.) That was funny. Here is the promo for this special; which is probably even funnier than the special itself. Also of note; this opening does not apply to the Canadian DVD version of this episode. That makes me sad, sort of. Although it doesn't give away the ending in advance, so yeah. (Here's the 10 Years Of Muddy Puddles promo from the official Peppa Pig Youtube channel.)

The Golden Boots: This is Episode #210 on the animation paper; but it's the first "movie short" of four for this series as this is basically a payoff to all the chaos and dumbassery that is present on this show. We open this episode on the house on the hill as despite being a movie; it still has the same animation quality the television episodes have. Out comes Peppa, George, Suzy, Freddy and Wendy with their boots on as the narrator sums it up nicely. We jump up and down in muddy puddles within five seconds. Oh; and we got something new in this gimmick: This past time now has a cute and funny song as Peppa and company sing while jumping. With a big splash here and a big splash there, we waste a good twenty seconds and it was great. (Sadly, it cannot save the finish of this special.) We end with giggling and Peppa letting out a loud snort. Daddy Pig comes down the hill snorting and amused by this good time. Peppa and George love this past time and we have three snorts in three seconds. Daddy Pig then reveals that there is a puddle jumping competition. Which clearly has no age limits, since Peppa is competing in this event as well. Wendy points out the winner is the best puddle jumper in the world. Apparently; Daddy Pig always wins this thing; which is more believable than Sony Always Wins. Allegedly. (I realize that Daddy Pig lost the championship to Monsieur Donkey in Champion Daddy Pig, however; Daddy Pig won the title back slightly slower than Sheamus beating Roman Reigns for the title in 2015! The jackass suffered from Money In The Bank syndrome methinks.) Daddy Pig wins by training and adhering to the first rule of muddy puddles: Which is always wear your boots. I betcha a part of training is making sure the fat in your tummy is rock solid, so that you sink into the mud faster.Peppa shows off her yellow boots and claims that they are special because they are made of gold. Riiiiigggghhhhtttt Peppa. It's not hard to make gold colored rain boots. I don't blame Suzy for calling you out on this. Also, Peppa claims that they are plastic gold; which kills her argument right there. The boots sparkle as the two kids argue over the color gold and the color yellow. I had a great finish in mind for this episode and they didn't go for it and that finish was crappy. More on that later on.

Peppa ignores Suzy and skips up the hill singing about how great these boots are. It's more awkward than that teenage boy's new shoes in Totally Tasteless Videos. (This song was more of a miss.) Suzy keeps calling her out; but Peppa ignores her because she's a rude troll. Thankfully; Mummy Pig comes out with five glasses of orange juice with straws on a tray and calls for the kids to come in. Everyone runs into the house on the hill and takes off their boots, when suddenly, a white duck walks up the hill with no music. It quacks and the narrator proclaims that this is Mrs. Duck! Wait; wasn't Mrs. Duck a yellow feathered duck?! Because this one has white feathers. My first reaction to this was: "What in the blue hell is in that bread and food Peppa and company were feeding to these ducks all these years?!". As you'll see from here on out; that was the same question I kept asking. It's not just the bleaching of her feathers white that made me ask this question. Then we get the greatest thing ever: Mrs. Duck looks at Peppa's "Golden Boots", jumps into said boots and walks stage right down the opposite side of the hill. My headcanon on this was that since Peppa feeding her that bread all these years turned her feathers white; and stealing her dignity, she was going to steal something Peppa treasured the most that was also yellow. She stole Peppa's "Golden Boots" as her revenge. This is awesome! The troll is finally going to get trolled back; which actually exposes the difference between a troll and a mere asshole. Most trolls when they are trolled actually respect the troller since they realize that the person is trolling back. Assholes don't act like trolls; they act like contemptable ghouls and are much more dangerous to the conversation than mere trolls. (This is why we'll never see the duck feeding spot ever again...until an episode of Peppa Pig Tales.) Mrs. Duck is barely on-screen when the kids and Daddy Pig come out. Peppa is shocked and appalled because her "Golden Boots" are gone. This was the point where Peppa admitted that she was competing in the puddle jump competition. I'm shocked that one of them didin't say: "It's like it had legs and walked away", because that is almost 100% fact. Almost. (Guess BS&P didn't want to do a legit sick burn on a pre-school show. Hilarious considering all the trolling this show has done in the first four Series with four more to come and Peppa Pig Tales.)

Clown trumpets play and here comes Mr. Zebra in his yellow truck as he notices Mrs. Duck walking down the hill with Peppa's "Golden Boots" when he gets out and walks up the hill. They even greet each other in opposite directions. HA! Mr. Zebra arrives on top of the hill and calls this a lovely day for the puddle competition. And then something new happened, something I didn't expect in this cartoon: Remember what I said about no one over the age of two ever cries on this show? Well; Peppa Pig is bawling her eyes out! Yes, it took Mrs. Duck stealing her "Golden Boots" to do it. Wow; just wow. George should be like; "Told you this would happen when you troll too much." Anyhow; after Peppa has to sort of admit that her "Golden Boots" are yellow; Mr. Zebra points out Mrs. Duck walking to the bottom of the hill. Peppa is loving this and the chase IS ON BABEE! And truer words I have never spoken! Peppa catches up with Mrs. Duck and politely asks for her boots back; Mrs. Duck no sells this and backs up; giving Peppa the stinkeye in one frame of animation. Anyone who thinks my headcanon is insane; the narrator even says that Mrs. Duck doesn't want to give Peppa her boots back. We get most of the Pig family -- sans George -- backing up Mrs. Duck as Daddy claims that she cannot walk away from them. Mrs. Duck turns around and runs stage right. HAHA! Apparently; all that food the Pig family has fed Mrs. Duck has given her the ability to spirint like Ben Johnson. Mummy Pig is chasing Mrs. Duck and even Peppa Pig has figured out that the sins of not adhering to the rule of "DON'T FEED THE ANIMALS~!" is costing her those "Golden Boots"! Mummy Pig somehow catches up with Mrs. Duck, but Mrs. Duck puts on the jets like a football player on Larson & Gary's diet pill program. (I removed the diet pill thing since there was no evidence in the show. Sad, because that would have been on-brand with Peppa Pig. By the way, ducks can run up to 70 miles per hour, about as fast as a cheetah, although chettahs cannot fly.) Feeding the animals is a bad idea and it's going to get even better. (For my perverse pleasure, worse if you are Peppa trying to win a puddle jumping contest.)

Cut to the docks with Danny Dog and Captain Daddy Dog on the docks heading for their boat. Apparently, Captain Daddy Dog is intentionally breaking the stips now. Why? Why not?! Thankfully; Danny Dog remembers the stips and Captain Daddy gives up right there. HAHA! Everyone runs in as Mrs. Duck boards Captain Dog's boat on the right side of the boat. Mummy Pig explains the situation to Captain Dog and Captain Dog stalks Mrs. Duck claiming that there is no where left to run. Mrs. Duck basically give the giant middle finger --like she needs to--, jumps into the water and swims away stage right. I betcha she swims faster than the Roadrunner can run. I would say Sonic The Hedgehog, but Sonic cannot swim in his storyline. Danny Dog orders Captain Daddy Dog to sail right now and Captain Daddy Dog is the one saying; but PROMISES~! (I love this angle: Just makes Captain Dog look like a geek.) Mummy Pig claims that it's an emergency and that means that the stips can be overridden. Okay; fair enough. Everyone gets on the boat; and I believe the lifejackets have been written in by teleport, as usual. We get the SCOOBY DOO CHASE SEQUENCE THE MRS. DUCK SCREW PEPPA THE TROLL EDITION~! (Oooo, sick burn on the star...AGAIN!) Oh; and Captain Dog pushes the lever (CLEVER CLOGS~!) and this causes both his boat and Mrs. Duck to go faster! Again; my headcanon was asking what was in the food that made Mrs. Duck act like this?! So far, this has been an awesome episode; but now it's time for this episode to go downhill a bit since they still have to kill time. Cut to the deserted island we saw in episode #185 and apparently, Grampy Rabbit is on said island marking out time on the island sand. Wait; what?! I though Grampy was rescued in episode #185?! (Even worse, they did this spot AGAIN in Around The World With Peppa. Why?!) He is not happy because he's a castaway on a deserted island...AGAIN! Yes; apparently, the wooden boat has sank as well. Grampy Rabbit needs to retire, STAT! (And lose the best character on this damnable show?! No chance in hell, former self.) Here comes Mrs. Duck as she walks up to Grampy. In comes the sailing ship as they allegedly have the duck surrounded now. Peppa explains the situation and still calls them her "Golden Boots" as the massive logic break is obvious here since the duck can do north and south with ease.

Problem is; that wouldn't be giving Peppa a huge middle finger for being a troll. (In other words, the logic break was worth it, according to former self.) Grampy Rabbit tries to catch Mrs. Duck and Mrs. Duck flies into the air. HAHA! The kids look up and Freddy just has to say that Mrs. Duck is flying all the way to the moon. Now; this is absurd, and they wouldn't dare literally have the characters fly to the moon. Would they?! Daddy Pig isn't buying this bullcrap; but Grampy Rabbit asks why not since he flown to the moon. Ummm; Mrs. Duck would die if she tried to fly and that would be tragic and stupid. Grampy Rabbit admits that he needed a rocket ship to get to the moon and it so happens that there is a rocket ship on the next island with four palm trees, plants, gears, nuts, bolts, metal and a shopping cart buried in the sand. (The Backyardigans would say that this is very convenient of the show.) Grampy Rabbit built this rocket himself out of scrap metal which shocks and awes Freddy Fox. Peppa asks Grampy Rabbit to fly her to the moon; and Mummy Pig is nicely pointing out that this is bullshit; but Grampy Rabbit proclaims that he will. Uh-oh! This episode is about to fall off a cliff now; although we are not there quite yet. Grampy gets on Captain Daddy Dog's boat and orders him to sail to the next island. Captain Dog complies. The one time I would adhere to the stips, emergency "Golden Boots" be damned; and he decides not to. We sail to the island and everyone gets off as George is giddy since he loves space rockets. There is a giant green light on the top pole of the space rocket as shown on the southern pan shot. Daddy asks if this is safe (Me: No.) and Grampy Rabbit says safer than a house going through space. Grampy bangs on the side of the rocket and a piece of red fin falls off. Oh; sure this is VERY safe. Not. It sounds a lot funnier in George's condscending voice. Grampy then throws away the red fin into the water claiming that they don't need it. Of course! Mummy Pig is more blunt in saying that the "Golden Boots" on the moon is a lot of bullshit; and Grampy Rabbit claims that this is nonsense. Yes; we are supposed to buy that Grampy Rabbit went to the moon. We know he did in episode #207, but if you ask someone who didn't watch the show would they believe this bullshit?! Of course not. I'm having a hard time believing Grampy Rabbit story in episode #207, now seeing this.

Everyone gets into the hole through the rocket and in a major shock; Daddy Pig didn't get stuck in the hole. Grampy Rabbit screams blast off and shuts the glass door and I was fully expecting the rocket ship to not blast off at all. Nope; it just blasted off. This is the point of the episode where it was clear that this special is way too long since they have to create a convoluted segment in order to justify killing an extra three to five minutes. (Also, this is the halfway point of the entire special.) Now; watch this episode really start to fall off a cliff. And no; no amount of Peppa singing is going to help this segment in anyway. The artwork is as cheeky as the entire show, so it doesn't even have the artistic appeal to make this convoluted segment work. We get a shot of the moon as the carters look bigger than they appear in real life and the space rocket lands on the moon. Yes folks; Peppa and her friends are going to literally walk on the moon. Now; if they were wearing actual space suits; this wouldn't be awful, but everyone comes out, only wearing fish bowls for helmets. Including Grampy Rabbit; who at one time wore an actual spacesuit! Worse; Peppa is literally walking barefoot on the goddamn moon! I realize that no kid is going to be able to mimic this no matter what. Since again, what adult (sane or otherwise) would allow anyone under the age of 21 to fly with them in the damn moon in the very first place?! The scariest part of this is; this isn't even the bottom of the episode! That's coming up in a minute or two! Peppa jumps high and Wendy does flips on the moon as Daddy Pig states the science behind the moon's ability to make you jump high and of course Peppa claims that it's magic, causing Daddy Pig says yes. Despite all the bullshit in this segment, I still laughed at that at least. Daddy Pig bringing out the formula for weight is awesome by the way. Grampy Rabbit agrees with Peppa (BOO! HISS!) and we go searching around the moon while singing; and no surprise, Mrs. Duck is not there. Because she is smarter than everyone on this show including the people who create this damn show! The song is really fun and all; but the storyline is just killing this scene and not in a good way. They look in mountains and craters; no luck as Peppa walks over to a crater and sulks.

Peppa wiggles her foot wondering how she will get her boots back. How about just buying a new pair and ending this nonsense. In comes Suzy Sheep baaing and oh lord; we have finally come to the moment...Now; up to this point, we had an awesome seven minutes of Mrs. Duck trolling Peppa leading to a bullshit segment for about two minutes or so. As stupid as this moon segment as been; we are now at the point where the episode literally falls 90 degrees straight down into the Earth's core. (This was nearly nine minutes in. For reference, Around The World With Peppa fell off a cliff around eleven minutes, mostly due to no one selling the cold of the South Pole! Golden Boots is much, much worse!) Suzy proclaims they should scout the shops and Daddy Pig is like "what?" like I was. Because you see, who would be stupid enough to put a shop on the moon when no one ever lives on the moon?! Suzy claims that you can and we anime pan over to....an actual gift shop. Okay; this was bullshit in itself; but guess who is running the shop? Take a guess? MISS FUCKING RABBIT~! (Job #FUCK THEM~! Stop this sad angle now!) I...I.............I......Wwwwwwwwhat the fuck is this?! UUUUUGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH...!!!

Narrator: Two minutes later...

My brain short circuited there. Don't worry; I didn't lose any IQ points or suffer brain damage, but I still short circuited. My mind is now officially blown. I am SHOCKED that they didn't go all the way and have Miss Rabbit selling rice cakes and carrots on the moon just to culture-apporos that Japanese myth to the ground, because it was just daring to be used here. Okay; let's recap: The story of Miss Rabbit is legendary. Miss Rabbit does all of these odd jobs, some for money, some as a volunteer. There was a sense of believability in that it was possible that Mummy Rabbit was working at half of these jobs and was mistaken by the narrator since Miss Rabbit and Mummy Rabbit are identical twins. That was at least believable. Miss Rabbit winning the Queen's Award For Industry was believable and her being close friends with the queen was believable as well. (As per London in Series Five!) As silly as it is, running a run down snack cafe in the middle of nowhere also was believable, because it used to be a snack cafe and the government failed to fund it to provide maintence. Despite all the absurdly of Miss Rabbit's gimmick, none of it was in a way that you needed to suspend your disbelief over. But this....I cannot suspend my disbelief over this moment. Okay; Grampy Rabbit taking untrained kids and adults to the moon is one thing. It's incompentent and stupid; but it's has a small amount of creditability. (And in a later series, Grampy Rabbit will take everyone to the moon and actually do it a lot better than this special!) Miss Rabbit having a gift shop on the moon...FUCK YOU show! This sucked so hard! I should also note that this gift shop sells ice cream and jam. (Looking back at this and former self just losing his mind, I can safely laugh at him and the creators for this moment. It was certainly an iconic moment for me. Yes, the whole angle was an absurd idea to kill time. Yes, it made no sense, but I howled with laughter seeing this, so it was worth it. I'm more angry with the lack of spacesuits and Peppa walking barefoot on the moon, than the gift shop. See, Osamu's dad was correct all along about a rabbit being on the moon, although it wasn't pounding mochi sadly. The finish to this special is much worse than this segment though.)

Miss Rabbit is so giddy to see them since she hasn't had a customer in years and years. I'm no longer going to dignify this with a response other than to tell you what happened here; because we still have five minutes left in this episode. Miss Rabbit basically calls the duck on the moon thing absurd as Grampy Rabbit BLAMES Mummy Pig for a claim that Grampy Rabbit himself made. Sadly; that was the funniest thing about this bullshit segment in general. Mummy Pig is flabbergasted as Freddy Fox wonders where Mrs. Duck is and thank god this segment is over. We pan down from the cloudy sky and head to Grandpa Pig's orchard with Grandpa Pig picking apples from the trees and putting them in the bucket. In comes Mrs. Duck marching with Peppa's "Golden Boots" as Grandpa Pig notices Mrs. Duck and the boots right away. Grandpa Pig corners Mrs. Duck and Mrs. Duck bumps backwards into the tree and the "Golden Boots" pop off her feet. Grandpa Pig grabs the "Golden Boots" and notices that they are Peppa. Grandpa Pig brings out his cell phone and calls Daddy Pig; and Daddy Pig answers him on the damn moon! To think; this is the most believable part of this entire segment. Grandpa Pig informs Daddy Pig that he found Peppa's boots; everyone pops for that. Everyone gets into the rocket ship and it heads into space and lands in Grandpa Pig's garden without damaging anything. Out comes everyone from the rocket ship as Peppa sees them as her "Golden Boots" and wants them back. But wait; Grandpa Pig is not 100% convinced, so we have to do a Cinderella fitting the glass slipper spot with barefoot George and Suzy; which doesn't work. Even Wendy Wolf is saying the same thing as I am; so you know they are just wasting time. Why?! Because Peppa has to test out the boots and they fit her perfectly, so that is that. Peppa finally gets her boots back at the 11:10 mark of this episode. After ten seconds to allow this to all sink in; there is the puddle jumping competition and we head to a field on the hill; and it's clear that Mummy Rabbit is on Earth in the ice cream bicycle because we all know Miss Rabbit is on the fucking moon! Madame Gazella is holding a string of balloons. Everyone is there including the kid rhino. (Cameos: Same ones as Champion Daddy Pig, literally.)

Mr. Potato arrives with his hat and microphone to address the crowd. He calls for Daddy Pig and in comes Daddy Pig panting and apologizing for holding everyone up. Despite being there five seconds after Mr. Potato (no head this time) introduced him. HAHA! Daddy Pig does the Clamantha zip strip of doom to reveal a red and blue body suit with white stars on it. Who does he think he is, American?! Everyone claps as Daddy Pig starts to meditate and think like a puddle. Oookkkaayyy. Daddy must become one with the puddle and then does the greatest jump I have ever seen and he splashes down and the mud spray was awesome! TA-DA indeed! Then we get a really funny moment as Mr. Potato declares Daddy Pig the winner and gives him the trophy! But wait; Doctor Elephant comes in claiming that he hasn't jumped yet; so Daddy Pig is not the winner yet. BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Mr. Potato is dumber than Daddy Pig, and he's supposed to be the health guru in storyline! Doctor Elephant doesn't meditate as he jumps up into the air, blows his trumpet and comes down with a resounding splash into the muddy puddle and it's the exact same animation as Daddy Pig. This should be a draw, although in terms of style, Doctor Elephant might win. I don't know how this event is scored; but the bigger the jump, the better I guess. Doctor Elephant is the winner and everyone cheers, including Peppa just to troll on Daddy Pig's fee-fees. (This is so hilariously bigoted: In Champion Daddy Pig, Mr. Donkey defeated Daddy Pig in the puddle jumping contest and everyone especially Peppa Pig were offended by this and wanted Daddy Pig to come out of retirement. Here, Doctor Elephant beats Daddy Pig in the same competition and no one gives a fuck. They only cared when a British Pig lost to a French Jackass. Anti-French bigots!) Peppa then asks if she can have a go; which surprises Mr. Potato, but this is like the X-Division in TNA, so she's allowed in.

Now; here's how I would book the finish of this episode: Peppa Pig jumps the highest and comes down with the biggest splash in history; getting everyone muddy and she wins clean as a sheet. Why? Because the whole story was pegged on Peppa winning with her "Golden Boots" and she proves that the boots are "magical" since they were a part of why she won and therefore, the entire chase of Mrs. Duck and going to the freaking moon would be completely justified, no matter how absurd or stupid that ultimately was. It would be a passing the torch moment for Daddy Pig and Peppa and complete the circle of life of a girl who has become the greatest puddle jumper ever and justify ten years of buildup towards this moment. What I described can be easily done without changing anything else in this episode. There's one problem though: That is not what the writers booked here. Here's what happens: Mr. Potato calls her Pepper Pig, which was funny. Daddy Pig tells Peppa to think like a puddle and be one with the puddle. Also funny. She jumps and there's zero splash. (Actually, the splash was 0.1%, not zero.) Now; if you want Peppa lose, then have Doctor Elephant win clean; or even have George win the puddle jump clean in a surprise upset. Yes; Doctor Elephant winning does make this an unhappy ending. However, this is an unhappy ending that 99.9% of humanity can live with because it's only a puddle jumping competition and they can win it next year. George winning it would work because it's a swevere and it's far from an unbelievable one. However; that is NOT what they did here. Here is the finish these writers went with: Mr. Potato declares Doctor Elephant the winner; but wait! Peppa asks if she can go again. You think the answer is no; but Mr. Potato grants her request, causing Doctor Elephant to protest, to no avail. (Mr. Potato is officially worse than Nick Patrick and is going to go even lower.) Worse; Peppa asks if she can have her friends join in; which is 13 KIDS~! Yes; there are FOURTEEN JUMPERS in this group against one big adult! (Worse, the referee is going to allow it which is worse than FOUR MEN holding the leg of The Wall in WCW and the referee doesn't see it. Also, neither referee was Nick Patrick!) Mr. Potato grants her request, causing Doctor Elephant to rightfully protests this. Daddy calls this perfectly fair and I'm pissed now. This is absolute bullshit!

Why can't you let Peppa win the competition clean?! You are going to throw out a decade of build up and render the entire "Golden Boots" gimmick pointless?! Plus; if this is because they want everyone to win, that doesn't work because Daddy Pig and Doctor Elephant would lose anyway. Worse, it was a screwjob finish that neither one deserved, even if Daddy Pig didn't mind taking the L. This is so stupid and it doesn't have the "they totally given up" charm of Miss Rabbit with a gift shop on the moon. The kids think like a muddy puddle and jump in a circle after the count of five and they create such a splash that they render themselves muddy and even gets the hard camera muddy. (They did this just for a great visual and nothing else.) Memo to writers: You can still do that and have Peppa win clean. Yes folk; it took FOURTEEN kids to win against one adult and the referee allows it without much hesistation. In wrestling, that makes them heels! The bad guys! The villains! Stupid! (Still a lot better than Around The World With Peppa because at least Peppa didn't lost any actual creditability, nor heat. At least this finish made sense, despite proving it to be a horrible finish. The next one is much worse.) Mr. Potato steals Doctor Elephant's trophy as everyone else pops for this. (Continuty Error: Mummy Pig is muddy here, but not in the opening sequence earlier. Daddy Pig at least had the excuse of wearing a different green shirt since his uniform got muddy.) Doctor Elephant is rightfully protesting this as Peppa and her friends are declared the winners. Peppa is glad to get her "Golden Boots" back as Suzy blows it off; but Peppa still doesn't get the message. Suzy simply plays along and brings out her Purple Ruby Red Boots, Wendy has her Emerald Green Boots on and then everyone starts jumping up and down in muddy puddles. Sorry; but it won't save you this time show. Everyone loves their boots as we sing the "Muddy Puddles" Song perfromed by "Perfume Du Muddy Puddle" (That's my story and I'm sticking to it!). Mrs. Duck gives a giant middle finger to the first rule of muddy puddle jumping to end the special at 14:31. Horrible finish and a mind blowing segment aside, this was in fact a really fun episode. However, this kills Peppa Pig as a star now. (No, it does not anymore. It didn't matter what finish they went with in hindsight, because it's a pre-school show that toddlers love. Peppa is still the big pig on the block when it comes to this genre. Still, former self's finish was better.) Call this *** (60%).

Opening Moment #1: A fall opening style was used leading to Peppa dropping down on the leaves using the same opening style as Series Four's regular opening.

Pumpkin Party: Next up for is episode #211 on the animation paper as we head to the house on the hill with a lot of leaves falling. It is BEFORE HAPPY HOUR (sunset) as in comes Daddy Pig from the western front with a pumpkin, but no hat. He wants a head cold, doesn't he?! (What a hypocritical dumbass after what George went through with his head cold?! Unbelievable!) Head into the kitchen as Daddy Pig puts the pumpkin on the table; as he declares that there is a pumpkin party tonight and everyone is invited. Oh goody! The pumpkin is for a pumpkin lantern which is known as a Jack O'Lantern here in North America. (Both names have their charms here.) We make one as this family certainly has more courage in making this than I do. The smell of the pumpkin and the look of the seeds seems to trigger me to vomit for some reason. (True, but Daddy Pig is the grown up and has to use the knife here.) The pulp and seeds are going in a pot to make pumpkin pie. While a lit candle is inserted into the pumpkin to finish the pumpkin lantern. (Mummy Pig also turns out the lights in the kitchen to sell it. I would use holiday lights like LEDs instead of lit candles due to fire hazards, especially with very young children.) It's time to dress up in costumes as Peppa is a witch instead of a fairy; while George dresses up as Mr. Dinesaur, of course. Mummy Pig calls her very witchy. Oh dear. (Mostly like someone saying "bigly". Oh wait...) Daddy Pig tells her the secret of cackling, because giggling doesn't make her so witchy. Oh dear. (Time to retire that joke, former self.) Peppa cackles when George is cosplaying his dinosaur routine as usual. The door bell rings and outside as it's truly HAPPY HOUR now. We have Rebecca Rabbit dressed as a carrot. (What a shocker?!) Richard Rabbit dressed up as the Creature Carrot. Note the two bolts Richard is wearing. Again; Frankenstein is the name of the doctor, not the name of The Creature. We meet and greet as Rebecca claims that she is a carrot gone bad and Richard is a monster carrot. Which to the writers' credit, is closer to The Creatures' name than most writers in this industry when it comes to the horror story. So, kudos for that. Richard cosplays for a while.

Mummy Pig has the pumpkin lantern on a stick with string; which cannot be safe. (A lit candle can be problematic here if she drops said pumpkin. Better to insert a flashlight in it, much safer.) Everyone except Daddy Pig and Mr. Rabbit, head down the hill and we head to Suzy Sheep's house. Doorbell is rung and Mummy Sheep answers the door, because the trick or treaters have arrive. I don't get why they are avoiding saying it's Halloween because all the trappings of Halloween are easily seen. (Even Britian celebrates Halloween on the same day as North America, they just don't overcommericalize it like North America does.) Suzy Sheep comes out dressed like a vampire woman, with fake fangs, but no blood; because you know... **COUGH**Pre-School Show**COUGH**... Suzy Sheep doesn't even know what a vampire is as Mummy Sheep has to awkwardly explain it to her within BS&P RULEZ~ because she cannot say that vampire suck blood although Edmond would say that bats lap up blood. Vampires are night owls by the way and no mention of them turning into bats, which I'm surprised because I don't think that would be barred. Now Mr. Rabbit has been written in via teleport on the way to Pedro Pony's house. (Geez SUZY SHEEP~?! Can you not bury this show any further?!) Of course Pedro comes out in his superhero costume, because superheroes are scary. Nowadays, Pedro Pony would be considered to having his hoof on the pulse of reality. (Now that is a sick burn on everyone who is not a heel, former self.) Danny Dog arrives in a werewolf costume, which is silly since the Wolf family already play the part for real. Something tells me Danny Dog has some wolf issues if you catch my drift. (Probably because Wendy Wolf is absent from this episode and judging by the lack of Wendy and Freddy Fox; this episode was produced much earlier in advance then the rest of the episodes.) Emily and Edmond come in. Edmond is a ghost and Emily is a green skinned alien from...

Stacie (sic): Don't say it!
Bradlie (sic): Uranus!
Stacie: What's wrong with you, B-Man?!

Edmond claims that he's a paranormal apparition, which he admits that it's known as a Clever Clogs Ghost~! That was funny as Edmond blows his trunk again. Candy Cat hops in and she's also a witch. Uh-oh! This cannot end well for Peppa, that gimmick infringing troll. Oh; hello there Mummy Pony. Mummy Pony breaks this up because the two witches were going to turn each other into frogs, even though they have no magic skills whatsoever. No Freddy Fox and no Wendy Wolf for this affair as everyone comes back to the house on the hill. Daddy Pig shows off the pumpkin pie with mint on top for a nice touch. Jump cut to the dimly lit sitting room decorated with Halloween decoration as everyone is partying and dancing to a very non-Halloween song. Also making the trip is Madame Gazelle as Suzy decides to make some small talk with Madame Gazelle. Now; if you recall from International Day, I said that Madame Gigi Gazelle probably lived in Romania. Well; Suzy and Gigi are talking next to a mirror and Gigi has no reflection in the mirror, but Suzy does despite cosplaying a vampire. Only the narrator notices this as Gigi is referening the old country. When are writers going to realize that no one in the real world is fooled by this. In other words, they are implying that Gigi is a vampire. But, wait! There's another group of monsters in the cartoon multi-verse that don't have a reflection either. Could Gigi be....A Juralian alien from Chargeman Ken?! Even better: Could she be X-6 reincarnated into an anthro gazelle who time travelled back to this reality?! TUNE INTO SOFT COPY TO FIND OUT~! (Gigi Gazelle will reference this in a later Series Five episode. My guess is that if BS&P doesn't get in the way, Gazelle's true identity will be revealed at the end of the entire show altogether. Considering the amount of bank the show makes in merch, probably not happening for a long time to come.) Everyone loves pumpkin parties because there is dressing up, dancing, and best of all: pumpkin pie. Daddy Pig eats some pie and everyone does the backsplash laugh to end the special at 4:30 approx. Mister Skinnylegs makes a cameo on the end credits by the way. (The balloons in the party scene also had the spider. As long as they are not real spiders, that's okay according to the Australian government.) This was a fun episode with a really crazy finish. *** 1/2 (70%).

Opening Moment #1: The official Series Five opening is used here as the credits during the animation sequence are removed and everything reverts to Series Three's opening. This will be done from here on out, minus the voice change from Harley Bird to Amelie Bea Smith midway through Series Six!

Around The World With Peppa: Last up is episode #212 (From March 6th, 2016, so it aired six months before Series Five began) on the animation paper as the episode opens in the garden with Peppa and George wearing their boots, just to telegraph the final spot well in advance. You know what it is, you know. *nods*. Wendy Wolf has the spotted ball, Freddy is around, Emily and Edmond are wearing safari gear, Danny Dog is wearing mountain climbing gear, Suzy is wearing winter gear -- thus is the most out of place kid in the room -- and Pedro is swinging like Tarzan on a tire swing wearing a jungle outfit. It's really sad that Pedro has forsaken the cowboy gimmick, despite the cowboy gimmick fitting him more than John Wayne ever could. Peppa and Wendy are tossing the bouncy ball at each other as the kids all discuss their holiday plans; which in British context means vacation plans. Peppa's vacation involves going to the park to jump up and down in muddy puddles. So, every ten episodes or less of Peppa Pig. The kids are in awe because, of course! Pedro's going to the jungle, Suzy is going to the South Pole to play with penguins, which Freddy nicely blows off by giving her a box of plastic penguins which Mr. Fox sells in bunches of five. Of course! Emily and Edmond are going to the desert to study rare lizards, because Edmond loves education and is a clever clogs of course! The ding dong sounds clearly makes this as if this working holiday is a bad thing, I should note. Danny is going mountain climbing with Daddy Dog, because they cannot go sailing due to the STIPS~! (Once again, the tail of Danny's is excited, although more subdued than usual.) Sadly, we never get to hear Wendy's nor Freddy's holiday plans. Freddy probably is going to sell stuff with Mr. Fox and Wendy will probably howl at the moon at some point. Who knows since Mummy Pig calls Peppa from the little house on the hill; which is in fact their address as per the Stamps episode. Peppa and George run up the hill to meet Mummy and Daddy Pig as they go into their car.

It's time to go onto the boring road to the park and end this episode in three minutes. DID I JUST SAY...Oh wait, never mind. Peppa giggles and they love their car while Daddy Pig honks the horn. Apparently, he honked the horn way too hard and the car breaks down and stops. Daddy tries to restart the car, no gas nor dice as Mummy Pig brings out the cellphone of doom and rings up Miss Rabbit and despite having a chipmunk voice, she can clearly be heard clear as day. (Shouldn't this be Granddad Dog's job since he is supposed to be the expert car repair person in storyline?! Miss Rabbit is in job #212 at this point.) Miss Rabbit is on her way via her red airplane, because of course! The front of the props is flashing green. Sadly, Freddy isn't there to enjoy the siren. I wouldn't be surprised if he and Wendy are written out by teleport at this point. (Being with Miss Rabbit would have at least been a storyline reason for Freddy being in the opening scene, but it seems even at this point, the writers still haven't been able to think things through.) Miss Rabbit lands her plane and brings out her tool bag and opens the engine to notice that the engine is really not working right. Daddy asks if Miss Rabbit can fix and Miss Rabbit says "yes". But wait, it will take all day and Peppa is not happy with that. Miss Rabbit tells Peppa that the family can borrow the airplane while the emergency continues. I would like to say that this is dumb; but Granddad Dog allowed the family to use his car of the future during a repair in previous series'; so it's not like I have not seen this before. It's pretty on-brand with the Peppa Pig as George likes airplanes of course. Mummy asks how an airplane works and Miss Rabbit claims that it's like driving a car. Ah, so it was Miss Rabbit who gave Kit Cloudkicker those flying lessons then! Maybe he should have stick to Baloo instead, since I'm sure this is not how it works. The entire family gets into the plane and we take off into the sky with glee.

Somehow, Daddy Pig is not scared of heights here, not like cartoons ever get these little things straight anyway. Mummy Pig is the pilot and she really gives it a whirl, like a flying ace would despite in storyline, this is likely her first flight. (Well, they did say in storyline that flying is like driving. That would explain how easy it was to do stunts. Flying an aeroplane is not like driving a car at all in real life. Even TaleSpin realizes that.) They do the upside down spot; so Peppa can cut a promo about the sky on the ground and the ground in the sky sequence. Then, Mummy Pig decides that this is enough nonsense for one day and decides to fly the plane normally. Sadly, they have no sense of direction as they fly out to sea just to give Grampy Rabbit a ten second cameo. Peppa asks if they are there yet, and I don't blame her. This path they are taking is so obvious that they are lost. Of course when in doubt, blame Daddy Pig and his inability to make sure that the map is right side up before you read it. Not that it matters in this case, since no map is going to help them here anyway. Peppa of course blames Daddy Pig for getting them lost and being grumpy and of course Daddy Pig blows her off...while being grumpy. They are over a rainforest area meaning that they are in the jungle and not the park. Mummy Pig wonders how to stop this plane and Miss Rabbit's stupidity rears it's ugly head again because there is the hand brake next to Mummy Pig. Mummy pulls the hand brake (CLEVER CLOGS~!) in mid air and of course the plane just falls straight down and lands on the ground in the rainforest. I should note that Mummy Pig was holding the steering wheel the entire time and it's implied that the steering wheel is indeed wireless. Yeah, that was silly. (They got WARNERED in a Nickelodeon cartoon, sort of.) Butterflies and flies fly around as Peppa and George jump out and are not amused by the lack of park stuff like swings, and roundabouts.

Speaking of swingers, here comes Pedro Pony swinging like Tarzan and wailing. (This wail is the worst wailing I have ever heard. It's like the voice talent thought this was a bad idea and decided to just read the line without any emotion whatsoever. That was funny.) He lands perfectly without having to WATCH OUT FOR THAT TREE~! Wow, maybe this is Pedro's calling after all. Peppa and Pedro meet and greet. There are parrots, monkeys and not much else other than giggling. TEDDY RUXPIN SONG OF DOOM ensues as Peppa and George swing on vines while we get the FPS shot through the jungle of monkeys, parrots and butterflies. (The purple parrot is a clear as day palette swap of Polly Parrot.) Giggling ends the song as Pedro answers the question of muddy puddles and there are no puddles for Peppa, sadly. Peppa and George climb back in the plane as it's Daddy Pig's turn to fly the plane. Daddy Pig literally drives the plane through the jungle while laughing about how it is like a car, snapping vines and having stuff surround the plane. Kit Cloudkicker can take solace that he is still a much better pilot than Daddy Pig. Heck, he's better than both versions of Launchpad, despite his massive size! More on that when I rant on "The Lost Cargo Of Kit Cloudkicker!". Peppa points out the obvious flaw in Daddy Pig's thinking and thankfully, Daddy finally flies the plane up into the sky. Yeah, this is silly. Peppa decides that Daddy Pig will likely never get to the park at this rate; so let's have him fly to other areas of the world to meet and greet the other kids on holiday. Mummy Pig is perfectly fine with this, since it means Daddy Pig will not be buried any deeper in the Earth than he already has been thus far. We head to the top of a steep mountain that the summit is a literal point to it. We see Danny Dog and Captain Daddy Dog mountain climbing, which doesn't violate the retirement stipulation set when Captain Dog returned home, so everything's fine.

Captain Dog claims that the best part of mountain climbing is you are all alone except that your son is with you of course. (Also, like father like son, their tails are wagging in excitement.) Oh, and here comes the airplane right on cue. Peppa Pig is such a troll. Oh, it gets better: The plane flies around the mountain as Peppa Pig wants to land the plane. Daddy Pig isn't so sure because it's tricky and wishes those summits were flatter. And you wouldn't guess what happened here?! Daddy Pig lands the plane directly on the mountains without incident. In the world of Peppa Pig; this makes sense because they ALWAYS park the cars on the steepest sides of the hill anyway. Of course this would work! Gotta love Peppa Pig logic here. (SUZY SHEEP~?!) The family all walk to the top with ease -- without ANY mountain climbing gear mind you -- and greet Danny Dog and Daddy Dog, effectively burying both of them deep within the earth. Danny Dog is happy, so he don't care. Also, just to make the troll job complete: Daddy Dog admits that they were supposed to be the first to get to the top of the mountain! I howled with laughter, because Danny Dog is the plucky guy who comes up short. Although this one was Peppa's fault this time and nothing Danny Dog actually did. Mummy Pig sort of apologizes for it; but Daddy Pig is all without remorse and hopes that they climb down. And just to pile on to the burial of the Dog family even more, Peppa invokes the TEDDY RUXPIN SONG OF DOOM which Captain Dog wants no part of. This is both "HAHA" funny and really sad at the same time. (Yeah, this was officially the peak of the episode, pardon the pun and better than Miss Rabbit's gift shop on the moon in The Golden Boots.) Captain Dog does sort of make it to the top as the Pig family bails and it's time for Mummy Pig to fly the plane again. But wait, she pushes the hand brake (CLEVER CLOGS~!) and the plane races down backwards. Of course!

Peppa is not amused as Daddy wants to go up; so Mummy Pig starts the engines and the plane stops going backwards and flies high into the sky as Captain Dog and Danny Dog make it to the top, still in second place. As usual. Peppa invokes the TEDDY RUXPIN SONG OF DOOM to waste more time since there is six minutes left in the episode! After flying over tropical islands at sea, Peppa wants to go see Edmond and Emily who are in the desert noticing a lizard on a rock that looks like the lizard I saw Doctor Hamster show in an episode, so it's not unique by any means. Doctor Elephant and Mrs. Elephant walk in as the lizard squeaks and Edmond calls this interesting. It's funny how Doctor Elephant is a dentist, but sounds like someone who clearly missed his calling of being an animal biologist. Kind of like Kit being a pilot where his calling is cloudkicking with Danger Woman. (Sadly, Disney execs relate to rich old white dudes while claiming the opposite!) Dr. Elephant thinks sudden loud noises will scare it, so here comes the TROLL AIRPLANE OF SCREAMS to scare the lizard away. Of course! The airplane lands and sinks in the sand of course because Mummy Pig is dumb. This is going to make mocking Kit Cloudkicker as an adult even funnier now in hindsight. The fact that Daddy Pig is asking one of the dumbest questions of all time makes this an even bigger troll job on Mummy Pig. I'll leave the question asked as an exercise to the reader. (Why do they have to fill the desert with sand? is the question Daddy Pig asked I should note. I know this was a troll question because of the "wah-wah" sound.) Peppa and George hop out to meet and greet with Emily Elephant. Emily probably isn't all that thrilled about this work holiday Edmond has put her in, since she's not calling them out for scaring the lizard. Thankfully, Edmond runs in to call Peppa's ass out for that, even though that was all on Mummy Pig. Mummy Pig's glad it ran off too, so that's a confession as far as I am concerned.

Everyone comes together and Peppa offers to help find the lizard and Doctor Elephant claims that is exits stage right. (By the way, outside of the fifteen second opening, we are ten minutes in which is the point the special starts falling off a cliff.) Jump cut to the lizard behind a rock. Jump cut to Peppa, Emily and George looking for the lizard. Peppa invokes the TEDDY RUXPIN SONG OF DOOM...AGAIN~! I don't think this is going to help them find the lizard, I think the lizard is as much a critic on bad singing as the giant rat from The Incredible Shrinking Molly. Doctor Elephant tells them to shut up basically, and of course Mummy and Daddy Pig find the lizard while shouting in the loudest manner possible. The lizard bails stage right and Doctor Elephant tries to tell them to basically get lost, and Peppa remembers that there is Suzy Sheep left, whom is Peppa's troll friend. (Once I hear Peppa Pig mention that Suzy Sheep was at the South Pole, I was like "Oh no, I cannot wait for the creators to one up Chargeman Ken's take on said South Pole.) The Pig family goes back to the airplane and hops in. Daddy Pig is flying now as he starts the engines and they go high in the sky, and just to complete the troll job: The Elephant family finds the lizard as Doctor Elephant tells his family to be quiet and of course the loud noise of the plane causes the lizard to bail stage right again. We head into the sky as it's time to cut to the South Pole with Suzy on the ice with no less than thirty-one penguins, so she might be starting an ice hockey team to counter the NHL version of the Penguins for all I know. (Which by the way, the opening roster must have no more than twenty-three players so at least eight penguins would have to be cut from the roster. Also of note, this was the official point where this special fell off a cliff at the eleven minute mark which is longer than The Golden Boots. Too bad, the actual finish here was far worse than Peppa and the kids cheating an adult in a muddy puddle jump competition.) Here's something that creeps me out: The show was fine with Danny Dog and Emily/Edmond Elephant having adults supervise them, but Pedro and Suzy don't have their guardians anywhere. Pedro is in the jungle and Suzy is at the South Pole.

Suzy is wearing winter clothes that wouldn't protect her at the South Pole. On the other hand, she's more protected than the kids in Chargeman Ken, but still. It's not like Pedro and Suzy don't have parents. Where is Mummy Sheep and Mrs. Pony?! Or even Dr. Pony?! This was really stupid. (Remember what I said about these writers not thinking things through. It seems child abandonment is a problem in the Peppa Pig World, and is not limited to Freddy Fox, nor Wendy Wolf either.) Suzy actually misses Peppa and here comes the airplane for a landing. Despite slipping a bit, it was otherwise a fine landing. Daddy Pig of course blows off the slippery state of ice, probably in the same way Jim Cornette wants warm ice. (Already manplained the gag in Chargeman Ken, I won't manplain it again here.) Oh; and Peppa jumps out to hug Suzy and she is wearing no winter coat whatsover and no sells the cold. WHAT THE HELL?! It's one thing to not wear proper protection, but at least sell that it's cold for Peppa sakes, Peppa! They do the short version of their secret handshake and then do the backsplash laugh, while no selling the cold. Peppa gets up and sings the TEDDY RUXPIN SONG OF DOOM...AGAIN~...and still no sell the cold. It's snowing for Peppa sakes, Peppa! The penguins are not amused, one of them throws a snowball at Peppa's belly in the hopes that she starts selling cold. That didn't work as George is no selling the cold as well. No one is selling this at all, despite selling it in winter time in other episodes in places where it's no where as cold as the South Pole! This was so stupid. (SUZY SHEEP strikes again, big time!) Time for home time as Suzy waves goodbye and the Pig family get into the plane. At least George overslipped a bit before getting into the plane. (Sorry George, you needed to do a lot more selling than that.) Mummy Pig is flying the plane this time and the plane takes off perfectly as the penguins do to the domino spot. This was the best thing about the Suzy segment. The family hopes that Miss Rabbit has mended the car. We jump cut to the boring road with Miss Peppa covered in oil and she has NOT mended the car and in fact thinks that the car has too much engine. The airplane lands as Miss Rabbit has the engine wiggling in her arms; and the Pig family all hop out.

Peppa briefs Miss Rabbit on the situation and Miss Rabbit is glad that she filled the airplane engine with oil. (The only hilarious part of this end segment was the engine's animation acting like it had springs in it.) The Pig family gets into their car and then we get the stupidest moment in the entire episode: Keep in mind, the engine is out of the car and there are hundreds of parts scattered across the road. There's no way this car is mended. Guess what happens: Miss Rabbit claims that there was too much engine that they didn't need, throws the rest of the engine away, pushes down the hood, Daddy Pig starts the car, the car actually starts and the Daddy Pig drives away stage right without further incident. WHAT THE BLOODY HELL?! I never thought that I would find something that was way more nonsenscial than Miss Rabbit having a FUCKING GIFT SHOP ON THE F'N MOON; but the writers somehow managed with this finish. This was a stupid finish and made negative sense! Geez, this episode is falling fast. (SUZY FUCKING SHEEP~?! This is the worst logic break and finish of the series. At least The Golden Boots merely made Peppa Pig a heel for about thirty seconds and she still got her babyface heat back. This just insulted the intelligence of everyone watching this.) Peppa and Daddy love their car; and of course they do since it the only one where an engine is actually DETMERTIAL to the car, instead of mandatory! The Pig family finally makes it to the park and they hop out with their boots on as Peppa points out the fatal flaw to those places another the world. If you cannot guess the final spot now, you have no business reading this rant. Yip, no muddy puddles! DING! Always works when in doubt. They find the muddy puddle and everyone starts the earthquake ritual while singing one of my favorite songs from Peppa Pig actually. Lots of jumping in muddy puddles and muddy clothes ensues. The family laughs, the narrators says it all and the family does the backsplash laugh to end the episode and Series Four for real at 14:30 approx. The first eleven minutes were pretty good and then it sank down fast as the whole South Pole thing was so stupid and we had a finish that made the Golden Boots finish look good. Once again, they can only book ten minutes of good stuff before the booking starts to get really too cute for it's own good and this is the result. (This is still better than The Golden Boots early on and the final spot, but the South Pole and finish killed it, so *** 1/4 (65%).)

THE REVIEW LINE

Well, I finally finished all of the specials. Around The World With Peppa was really great and then fell flat near the end when they did way too much stupidity for me to take. Yes, somehow; Miss Rabbit found a way to make everyone creating this show look even dumber than setting up a gift shop on the moon. Also, Peppa being at the South Pole was on a level even Chargeman Ken couldn't pull off. Ponder that for a moment and despair! Peppa's Christmas was a fun little romp that was a comfront Christmas special without the craziness you see in some other specials. It's in some ways refreshing to see and hear. Pumpkin Party was also pretty fun with Gigi Gazelle getting some weirdness and some weirdness with Suzy as a vampire due to BS&P. The Golden Boots was one of those fun specials with one of the most absurd moments in the history of the show that you'll either laugh at it, or short circuit like I did. The finish was bad though as they made all the adults look like complete fools and the kids look like scum, for at least a minute anyway. Overall, this was a middling set of specials and this would be the last time they did mini-movies and reverted to multi-part arc episodes instead from here on out. Next up is Series Five as we debut Molly Mole and Gerald Giraffe, along with Mr. Lion and Mrs. Crocodile. Heck, let's add the two British officers where one of them never loved an inanimate object she didn't like to ticket. More puddles! More crying! Mummy Pig's secret job is paid off and Daddy Pig makes the ultimate brainfart move that sealed the deal on my love for this show. So...

Thumbs in the middle for everything, and I'll see you all next time.

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