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Peppa Pig: Peppa's Christmas DVD Rant

Reviewed: 01/02/2018

Peppa Pig! *SNORT* *SNORT*!

So; after a joyous look at the first series of Peppa Pig; it's time to dig into the second series (for the most part) as Peppa and company has their first Christmas special which clocks in at a marathon time of ten minutes. Then from there, we deal with cuckoo clocks, islands, pretend friends, grass, the dentist, Zoe Zebra's debut -- not Zoe Zeebra's debut --, bus rides, pen pals, attics and fetes. Yes; fetes! Tons of funs and mockery will ensue, mostly on Daddy Pig, sadly. So, let's rant on shall we..?!

Cuckoo Clock, Pen Pal, The Dentist and Pretend Friend are written by Chris Parker. The rest is written by the creators of this show. Chris' resume: Hollyoaks in 1997 as a writer and then from there: Coronation Street, The Royal Today, Roary The Racing Car, Ben & Holly's Little Kingdom, EastEnders, Timmy Time, Shaun Of The Sheep, Bedlam, Topsy & Tim, Clangers, Everything's Rosie, Postman Pat: Special Delivery Service and Bob The Builder Megamachines as his most recent credits. He also appeared as himself in The Corrie Years documentary series. That's it. Animation is done by Astely Baker Davies animation; with the two mentioned creators and Phil Davies.

Opening Moment #1: For the Christmas Special only: Same opening theme except everyone is wearing winter clothes and there is snow covering everything. Since this is a Series Three episode; I'll mention that Peppa Pig Series 2 voice is Cecily Bloom and Series three onward is voiced by Harley Bird. Cecily's resume is this show and Ben & Holly's Little Kingdom as Lizzy and Luzzy Elf. Harley Bird according to Wikipedia (DANGER! DANGER!): At age 5 she was signed to Alphabet Kidz Talent Agency. A month later she gained the role of Peppa in the children's animated series Peppa Pig. She replaces the previous actors Lily Snowden-Fine and Cecily Bloom. She voiced Peppa for seasons 3, 4, and 5 of the series. In her role, she has lent her voice to Peppa Pig in The Official BBC Children in Need Medley, as well as various other pieces of show merchandise. She is a keen kickboxer.[7] Bird has made many TV appearances and radio broadcasts, including presenting a behind the scenes feature on CBBC's Newsround[8] and being interviewed in character as Peppa on BBC Radio One's Chris Moyles Show.[9] She became the youngest British Academy Film Award winner ever as she won the Performer award at the 2011 British Academy Children's Awards for her voice-artist work as Peppa Pig.[10][11] Harley is nominated for 'Most Promising Newcomer' at the British Independent Film Awards 2013. Bird also starred as Daisy in Blueberry, a 2009 short film which won the Audience Award at the Cinequest Film Festival,[12] She also starred as Piper alongside Saoirse Ronan[13] in Kevin Macdonald's How I Live Now, released in 2013.[14] Bird currently plays the lead role of Sammy in Disney Channel's webisode series, So Sammy.[15] So yeah; Harley became the most famous voice of Peppa Pig and I believe this was her debut, or close to it. (Note from the Future: It's Cecily Bloom for this special.) She sounds better than series one; that is for sure. Much better emotion in her voice.

Peppa's Christmas: We begin this special with episode #105 on the animation paper with it snowing at the hill of Peppa's residence complete with snowman wearing all green clothes in the side of the house. There is bell ringing and the usual Jingle Bells music; the only music that isn't overtly religious. I was going to joke about it really being Paganmas; since Christmas is supposed to be Pagan in nature and not Christian; but this is the wrong show to be making jokes about it. Besides; it's not like the family goes to church or anything. Out comes Peppa wearing all red coats and hat with a purple scarf wearing her "golden" boots riding on a sled with a red envelope with a Christmas tree stamp on it. George is wearing navy blue with a yellow scarf carrying a light blue letter riding on his sled. I should note that in Britian; the mail is called "post" and Santa is in fact called Father Christmas. So they ride the sleds through the snow, and laughing all the way. HA HA HA! Oh; and here are their friends on the snowy hill with their sleds. Rebecca is wearing two orange caps sewed together to cover her ears. So; here are Danny Dog, Pedro Pony, Candy Cat, Suzy Sheep, Rebecca Rabbit and the debut for rant purposes of two new friends: Zoe Zed-bra (not Zoe Zee-bra; more on her in episode #80) and Emily Elephant. Okay; I'm going to list the child characters and the voice talent changes from Series 1 to make things a lot easier for everyone:

[1.] Danny Dog Series 2 is unchanged in voice; but Series 3 is voiced by Jadon Mills until Series 5; who is then voiced by Joshua Morris. Jadon Mills has only Peppa Pig as it's only appearance. Joshua is similar; but was Uncanny Valley in Tarot in 2016.

[2.] Pedro Pony Series 2 is unchanged in voice; but Series 3/4 is voiced by Stanley Nickless and Series 5 is voiced by Rohal Soomro. There are two exceptions; but I mention that one when we get to the "The Golden Boots" special. Rohal's resume is this show only, Stanlet Nickless is this show and Ben & Holly's Little Kingdom as Barnaby Elf.

[3.] Candy Cat Series 2 is voiced by Emma Weston, Series 3/4 is voiced by Zara Siddiqi and Madison Turner voiced Series 5. Emma's only voice role is Peppa Pig; but apparently, she worked as a sound mixer and audio production coordinator starting with Sacrifice On The Ante in 2010. Injustice 2, Agents of Mayhem and Middle-Earth: Shadow Of War as a post-production manager are her most recent credits. She has at least 48 Sound Department credits to her resume. Zara worked on Peppa Pig, Ben & Holly's Little Kingdom and was in the movie Devil's Playground as The Infected in 2010. Madison's only role is Peppa Pig by the way.

[4.] Suzy Sheep's Series 2-4 is unchanged, Series 5 onward is voiced by Ava Lovell. Ava is Peppa Pig and the short Stomach as Monika's Daughter.

[5.] Rebecca Rabbit Series 2 is voiced by Bethan Lindsay, Series 3/4 is voiced by Alice May (who voices George in this show by the way; so no new tributes, although I should note that Zaza and Zuzu Zebra in Series 2-4 were also voiced by Alice May), and Series 5 is voiced by Arisha Couhdhury. Arisha voiced Peppa Pig, and Miffy's Adventures Big & Small in 2015. Bethan Lindsay only voiced in Peppa Pig.

[6.] Zoe Zebra Series 2-4 is voiced by Sian Taylor and Isla Gudgeon in Series 5. Sian voiced Peppa Pig and was Ben & Holly's Little Kingdom as Holly. Apparently; she was part of the English dub of Divergence Eve, but I'm skeptical of this. Isla was in Peppa Pig and in Miffy's Adventures Big & Small like Arisha was. Apparently; Sarah Peefoo also voiced Zoe in "George Catches A Cold" in 2007; no other credits otherwise.

[7.] Emily Elephant Series 2-4 is voiced by Julia Moss and Stara Bal in Series 5. Stara Bal only was in Peppa Pig. Julia appeared in Peppa Pig, Ben & Holly's Little Kingdom as Violet Fairy and was a young woman in Mozart In The Jungle in 2014.

Yeah; not much to see here outside of Emma Weston's sound production career. Danny wants a sled race and they all turn around to the west and race for their lives towards the giant red post box as Peppa asks all the kids what they want from Father Christmas this year. Suzy puts her letter in the box, claiming that she wants a scooter. Danny put his letter in the box and wants a toy spaceship. Pedro wants a little guitar; so he's also into country music as Emily wants a toy mouse (Har har! Remember that she's an anthro elephant in storyline.), Candy wants a skipping rope, Rebecca wants a trumpet, Zoe wants a bat and ball (apparently; to play baseball I assume), and in a shock of all shocks; George wants a toy train and not another dinesaur. Peppa does have to help George up to post his letter. Peppa wants a yo-yo as she puts her letter in the giant post box. There is a red chested brown bird on top of the post box doing nothing while the children giggle. In comes a yellow colored post truck as a male zebra anthro comes out wearing post office gear and a hat. So yes; Mr. Zebra is the postman and is the father of Zoe Zebra. Again; Zed-bra; not Zee-bra. We're not in America, you see. Not even Trump's America. Mr. Zebra The Postman (more on him in episode #80) is voiced by David Graham -- who from later episodes of Peppa Pig-- would also voice Grandpa Pig. According to Wikipedia (DANGER! DANGER!): Graham played several characters in the science-fiction TV series Doctor Who during the 1960s and 1970s, most notably Dalek voices in the serials The Daleks (1963–64), The Dalek Invasion of Earth (1964), The Chase (1965; in which he also provided Mechanoid voices) and The Daleks' Master Plan (1965–66). He performed in person as barman Charlie in The Gunfighters (1966) and as time-travel scientist Professor Kerensky in City of Death (1979). Graham also provided the regular voices of Gordon Tracy, Brains, Parker and Kyrano for the Supermarionation TV series Thunderbirds (1965–66), as well as its film sequels: Thunderbirds Are Go (1966) and Thunderbird 6 (1968). Other credits from his association with Thunderbirds producer Gerry Anderson include Four Feather Falls (1960), Supercar (1961–62), Fireball XL5 (1962–63), Stingray (1964–65) and The Secret Service (1969).

Graham has also appeared in Callan, Timeslip, So Haunt Me, Danger Man, The Saint, Howards' Way, Softly, Softly, Armchair Thriller, Ace of Wands, Justice, The Regiment, The Bill, The Fixer, The Sentimental Agent and The Avengers (in the 1963 episode "Man in the Mirror"). He contributed puppet voices to two episodes of The Tomorrow People. He also guest starred in the second series of the 1970s drama When the Boat Comes In and later had a recurring role in the fourth series of the show as "Morty Black", the American Businessman and friend of the main character Jack Ford played by James Bolam. In the "1984" television Super Bowl advert, filmed in 1983 to introduce the Apple Macintosh computer, Graham played the role of Big Brother. His other voice work includes the animated children's TV series Moomin and Dominion: Tank Police. More recently, Graham provided the voices of Grandpa in Peppa Pig and Wise Old Elf in Ben and Holly's Little Kingdom. He reprised the voice of Parker in Thunderbirds Are Go!, the computer-animated remake of Thunderbirds, which was broadcast early 2015 in the UK.[1] In February 2013, Graham was interviewed by Paddy O'Connell for BBC Radio 2 about his role as one of the early voices of the Daleks, following the death of the Dalek designer Ray Cusick. He began his career in 1952 on Portrait of Peter Perowe as Patrick. Thunderbirds Are Go as Parker and Malloy are his most recent credits. He has 117 Acting credits, 1 Writing credit, 16 Self credits, and 8 Archive Footage credits to his resume. He is best known for being one of the earliest actors to play a Dalek in Doctor Who back in 1963. Mr. Zebra opens the post box and grabs most of the letters; calling it a lot of post, none of it "compost". Har har. Peppa takes her letter back and points out that it's for Father Christmas as Emily and company state the importance of these letters making it to Father Christmas. So Mr. Zebra takes the letters, puts them in his sack and throws them into the back of the truck because there's no time to waste on letters going to the North Pole. So everyone waves farewell as Mr. Zebra leaves in his truck. Jump cut to Mummy Pig in front of the house calling for Peppa. Somehow; Peppa and George can hear Mummy Pig and are already at the house within seconds. Heh.

So it's time to get the Christmas Tree as we teleport over to the other side of the house as everyone gets in. Daddy Pig is already in as the driver and yes; drivers in Britian do in fact drive on the other side of the road and the driver is on the right side of the car. Then we get a mean logic break: When the car is onthe snowy road (which is the same road we always see in every episode); not only is the car on the right side of the road, the car is Americanized in that Daddy Pig is on the left now. Wait; what? And then; when they make it to the Christmas Tree Lot; the car is back to what it was when they were at the house. What a logic break that was? By the way; the Christmas Tree Lot's name is Miss Rabbit's Tree Shop; and there is Miss Rabbit in her booth waiting for customers. This is actually; the first episode for rant purposes of Miss Rabbit that was more than a two second appearance in Playgroup. She wears a lot of purple here, and on her ears with a most ancient digital cash register I have ever seen. The Pig family gets out of the car for the meet and greet. Now; Miss Rabbit is by far, the most compelling character of this show; in that her gimmick is that Miss Rabbit works at a lot of jobs so much that many kids and adults claim that there have to be multiple Miss Rabbits. To be fair; the show actually admits that there are two versions of Miss Rabbit: The real one we often see and Mummy Rabbit; who is Miss Rabbit's identical twin. My theory is that Miss Rabbit and Mummy Rabbit are different characters, but both have the same gimmick and that's why the show can get away with this angle. Plus; there is a couple of other mind blowing traits Miss Rabbit has and one of them caused my brain to short circuit. More on that in The Golden Boots. Miss Rabbit points out that they don't have apple trees, nor cherry trees; but she has hundreds of Christmas trees, which is what Peppa wants anyway. So Miss Rabbit shows off the small and medium trees and Daddy Pig no sells this as Mummy Pig questions this method Daddy Pig. Because you see; Daddy Pig wants to go big or go home, and screw it if the roof of the car cannot handle it. There is a tree which looks as large as the largest cedar trees dotting the property where I live; and Daddy Pig accepts this one. Miss Rabbit calls for Mr. Bull; who comes in without a hat, because he loves the cold. Or something. The scarf might have been a gift from the Cheese Reporter from Chargemann Ken for all I know. I don't really care.

Mr. Bull is voiced by David Rintoul and according to Wikipedia (DANGER! DANGER!): Rintoul was born in Aberdeen, Scotland. He studied at Edinburgh University and won a scholarship to study at the Royal Academy of Dramatic Art in London. His brother is stage manager and £250,000 winner on Who Wants To Be A Millionaire, Dougie Wilson. His sister Dorothy is married to the artist Alain Senez. Rintoul is married to actress Vivien Heilbron.[1] A friend and Edinburgh University classmate of Ian Charleson, Rintoul contributed a chapter to the 1990 book, For Ian Charleson: A Tribute.[2] David Rintoul has worked extensively in theatre with companies including the Royal National Theatre and Royal Shakespeare Company. His appearances have included Shakespeare's A Midsummer Night's Dream, Henry IV, As You Like It, and the title role in Macbeth. Other stage appearances include George Bernard Shaw's Candida and Funny Girl. In 2010 he played Charles Dickens in Andersen's English,[3] the new play by Sebastian Barry. His film credits include the title role in Legend of the Werewolf (1975), A.D. (1985), Unrelated (2007) and Is Anybody There? (2008). In 1980, he played the role of Mr Darcy in a BBC television adaptation by Fay Weldon of Pride and Prejudice. From 1993 to 1996 he played Doctor Finlay in the television series of the same name. His other television appearances include * Prince Regent, Taggart, Hornblower and the Agatha Christie's Poirot film, The Mysterious Affair at Styles. David also voices three characters in the popular children's series Peppa Pig, Granddad Dog, Mr. Bull and Dr. Brown Bear. He also voiced the knight 'Sir Boris' in the 1999 animation The Big Knights and the arch villain Cut Throat Jake in the newer version of Captain Pugwash. He also played the role of Noah in the 2013 History Channel's The Bible. In 2010, David starred in the film The Ghost Writer with Pierce Brosnan and Ewan Mcgregor. In 2016 he portrayed Aerys Targaryen in the HBO series Game of Thrones in Season 6. Rintoul has narrated many audiobooks, including Frederick Forsyth's The Day of the Jackal and J. G. Ballard's Millennium People.

In 1986, he recorded readings of 13 of Ian Fleming's James Bond novels for Chivers Audio Books, all unabridged, on cassette and CD. He also later recorded Nobody Lives Forever and Licence to Kill, written by John Gardner. Whilst reading the prose with his usual speaking voice, Rintoul speaks Bond's dialogue with a mild Scottish accent. He also narrated Robert Harris's Dictator, the final volume of his Cicero trilogy. Rintoul took over this role from Bill Wallis, who had read the previous two books, Imperium and Lustrum, but died two years before Dictator's publication. Two wonderful narrations by David Rintoul are for two young people's books, "The Boggart," and "The Boggart and the Monster," written by Susan Cooper. Both audio books are published by Listening Library. "The Boggart" was released in 2009, and is available on Overdrive through public libraries in the United States. "The Boggart and the Monster," released 4-30-13, is available on Audible.com, and may or may not be available on Overdrive. He began his career as a cameo for Menace in 1973 as Bill and also worked on Wier of Hermiston as Archie Wier. Also; he voices Doctor Brown Bear and Granddad Dog. Black Mirror (Angus McKinnon) and Warhammer 40,000: Dawn of War III (Space Marines) are his most recent credits. He has 86 Acting credits, 5 Self credits and 2 Archive Footage credits to his resume. Anyhow; if you were wondering; "Did they do a joke about a bull in a china shop?" the answer is literally yes. Also; Mr. Bull has a fetish for breaking down playgrounds and has a fetish for jackhammering the point home. More on that later. He uproots the tree and carries it stage west towards Daddy Pig's car. The tree completely would engulf Daddy Pig's car; because Daddy Pig loves to go big; but overestimates his car's ability to go big so to speak. Mummy Pig wants Daddy Pig to choose the medium size tree; but Daddy Pig wants to demonstrate his "musculinity"; and he'll carry the tree home. Of course! The rest of the Pig enter the car and drive off stage left; as Mr. Bull leaves stage right as Daddy Pig is dumb. Scene change to the house on the hill AFTER HAPPY HOUR (after dark) as Mummy, Peppa and George are standing in front of the front door waiting for Daddy Pig as Peppa is more concerned about the tree than Daddy's health and well being.

Somehow; despite taking FOREVER, Daddy Pig actually makes it to the bottom of the hill and somehow the tree is intact. IN YOUR FACE PEPPA~! Daddy manages to walk up the somewhat steep hill and manages to make it to the top without killing himself nor the tree. He got the last laugh on Mummy Pig; that is for sure. Although; I'm certain he will never try that again, no siree! Daddy Pig backsplashes nearly dead in the snow as the tree is propped against the house. Peppa's first question was if the tree was heavy. Even to her parents, she acts like a troll. However; Mummy Pig points out that he has to somehow get it in the house and Daddy Pig tells them not to worry. Jump cut to inside and the tree is somehow in the house. There is no way that tree could get inside without Daddy Pig trimming at least half of it. So we begin decorating the tree with the Pig family as Peppa puts snowy garland on the tree; which in Britian is called glitter. Then we get one of those moments that makes me laugh: George is hanging the glass ornaments on the trees; but in Britian they are called "balls". Which means the narrator basically says that "George is hanging the balls on the tree." GET YOUR MIND OUT OF GUTTER...please! George smirking while looking at himself does this no favors. The indoor lights, or LED lights Mummy Pig hangs on the tree are called "fairy lights" in Britian. The only thing that is not British is the star on the tree put on by Daddy Pig, who is on the least sturdy wooden step ladder I have ever seen. Peppa sings a tune about twinkling the Christmas Tree. I realize now why they kept Lily Snowden-Fine's Peppa singing at the end and not use Series 2/3 Peppa: Lily's singing is better, although Series 2 onward's voices are much better in acting. Peppa then jumps up and down; causing more earthquakes. No one cared about the probability that Peppa could bring the tree down and everyone loved the singing. If Lily sang this; I would agree with this. Mummy wants to advance the plot; but Peppa cuts her off --like the troll that she is-- and sings, snorts and causes more shaking. The writers just realized that ten minutes is way too much for a Peppa Pig episode; and they are literally padding the running time with this. So it is Christmas Eve in storyline as Daddy Pig puts a mincemeat tart and I think tea near the fireplace as Peppa asks the best question about Father Christmas: Why do you use the chimney and not the front door?

The answer should be: Because toxic masculinity requires it; since going through the front door is ordinary, safe and easy. Going up and down a chimney is macho, dangerous and hard. Daddy Pig has no idea why and asks them to ask Father Christmas about it. But since he doesn't show up when you are awake (because he knows when they are awake; even though in this episode, he clearly is not onmiscecent in anyway); the kids have to go upstairs and go to sleep. Somehow; when they run up the stairs, and then enter the bedroom; they are already in their night gear as Peppa is handling a teddy bear named...Teddy. Not the illiop from Teddy Ruxpin; nor the bully cub that Kit faces in track & field from TaleSpin. There are Christmas pictures on the wall; and one of them is George's since it involved a dinosaur cosplaying Father Christmas. That one was in fact hilarious. Peppa is clearly trying to pad the running time here; because she is going on and on and on in summarizing the first two minutes of this episode, basically hoping Father Christmas gives them presents. Thankfully; Daddy Pig cuts her off nicely and tucks the two pigs in as it's nighty-night time. I just realized that George also had the dinosaur cosplaying reindeer for Santa in one of the pictures. One of the pictures on the wall has a lot of stars and there's some holly on the windows and walls as Daddy and Mummy Pig turn off the lights and walk out stage left. I should note that it's eight o'clock and Peppa is still not asleep yet and calling on George. She wants to stay awake all night; which I'm certain is a bad idea since Father Christmas is supposed to be omniscecent and thus knows what she is awake. George don't care because he's asleep snoring. Peppa's night robe has a heart in the middle of it as she declares that she's not sleeping tonight. I give thirty seconds before she goes asleep. Wow; it was literally one promo cut before she falls asleep. So the pig kids are asleep and outside we see Father Christmas and his sleigh and three somewhat big reindeer, bigger than Father Christmas actually. Somehow; the narrator notices this, so I guess he's exempt from the onmiscecent rule since he's an adult and telling this story. This causes the ceiling light to thump and Peppa to wake up literally seconds later. More thumping and I find it amusing that it's still eight o'clock when this happened. George wakes up and climbs on the top bunk bed with Peppa as we jump cut to Father Christmas walking on the roof in a suspense filled moment.

I can understand why they do this; because this is a pre-school show and they probably don't know what Father Christmas really looks like. I'm fine with this as we zoom out and it's Father Christmas with a brown sack. Basically the British version of Santa Claus and one of only two humans in the show. Believe it or not; the second one is based on a real person, sort of; but it isn't Father Christmas. FC hos and Father Christmas has no official voice as the credits claim it's "as himself". This was probably done to sell to children that Santa is real. Sadly; he is not. I heard his voice and it's sounds like a Rankin-Bass soundalike voice; but I have not the foggiest idea who the voice is. It sounds like Santa from the Rankin-Bass stop motion special: Rudolph The Red-Nosed Reindeer at times. So he puts the sack down and checks his list; which is a piece of typewriter paper with blue pen marks on it. This is the Z-grade defintion of Father Christmas methinks. So after checking the list once, he goes into the chinney and he asks a good question: Why are these chimneys so damn small? I cackled when he said that. When he pops down into the fireplace; his list flies into the wind stage right and the narrator claims that Santa has lost his list. Jump cut to FC popping out of the fireplace, complaining about the soot; and somehow the treats in front of the fireplace do not get damaged as a result. I love how the drink is simply called a drink; as if they are implying that Daddy Pig gave him alcohol. In fact; according to this website, children would leave him a nip of sherry, which is an alcoholic wine made from fermented white grapes. Yeah. Cut to the living room entrance with Peppa and George (with Teddy and Mr. Dinesaur in that order) noticing Father Christmas, so much for the omniscecent nature of Santa right there. Peppa and George causually walk in and Father Christmas is so nice to them as FC calls George a smart man which Peppa claims that it's just George. Word. So FC gives out two presents; but the kids cannot open them until morning. Peppa asks how he knows all this and FC claims to have a list, but it's missing; because FC is senile you see. He somehow remembers Suzy Sheep and Danny Dog though as Peppa points out that she knows what they want. Why not just label the gifts before you deliver them? Then you don't need to check the list off. She does forget that Pedro Pony wants a little guitar; not just a guitar.

There was a great moment in all this: FC thanks Peppa and blows off the fireplace as he is teasing going up the chimney. So Peppa; asks him why he doesn't use the front door. Father Christmas walks over to the front door; opens it, thanks Peppa and leaves saying Merry Christmas and ho'ing before closing the door. Somehow; Santa gets onto the top as George and Peppa yawn and we jump cut back to the bedroom in the morning as George and Peppa are snoring in their beds, whom don't need sugarplums dancing in their heads. I just love that it's snowing while the sun is out with no clouds whatsoever. In comes Daddy Pig and Mummy Pig nicely yelling at George and Peppa to wake up; which is funny because normally, it's the kids who wake up first. Although to be fair; they did see Santa anyway, so they saw the presents. They just decided to not open them. So Peppa and George hop from their bedrom and everyone bounces downstairs and heads into the living room as Peppa is cheerfully admitting that they saw Father Christmas. George finally opens his green paper present and opens the boxs to reveal his colorful toy train and Peppa shakes her present, and then opens the box to reveal a yo-yo. The kids are so happy; and really, who can argue with them. I love how critics think these gifts are too ancient and unhip; even though trademark law prevents 90% of those toys from being under their tree, although I guess yo-yo is perfectly fine in Britian, since it's trademarked in Canada. Then; the doorbell rings and it's snowing outside and we see all the kids from the beginning of the episode giggling at the front door. The front door opens and Peppa and George come out in their winter gear. They meet and greet and I should point out that they said the word "Christmas" no less than thirty times in this episode so far. Suzy shows off her scooter and the rest show of their gifts. Thankfully; Pedro got his little guitar, I would have been sad if it was a regular guitar because that would have sucked. I then discover that Zoe got a paddle ball for Christmas (paddle with ball attached to a rope); and in Britian, it's called a "Bat & Ball". Sometimes it's called a Bolo Bat; although I'm not sure where that comes from. Suzy calls Father Christmas clever and Peppa proclaims that she helped Father Christmas. In any other world; this is a troll move, except Peppa is in fact telling the truth. However; she has been like a troll for so long, no one in storyline is buying this, other than George.

Peppa claims that she's telling the truth and not being silly. I agree with the "it's true" part; but she's still silly. In comes Grandpa and Grandma Pig in their yellow car, honking the horn. I am so happy that Mummy Pig parked the car on the top of the hill rather than the steepiest side of the hill like in every episode, just to make Daddy Pig look even dumber. Apparently; it comes from Grandpa Pig; since he parks on the steepiest side of the hill, in the snow no less! Oh; and Daddy and Mummy Pig appear out of nowhere when the car arrives, I should also note. I should note that it's Happy Christmas in Britian; not that it matters all that much in the grand scheme of things. Grandpa Pig sees boot prints in the snow on the left side of the hill going away from the house and boot prints on the roof; which is surprising considering (a) Grandpa Pig is old, and (b) pigs eyes see colors differently. Peppa claims that this is undeniable proof that Father Christmas was here. No one cared, especially Danny Dog who pelts Peppa with a snowball right in the chest. So yes; man on woman violence is all right in this pre-school show, I don't know why. Danny bails as Peppa grabs a snowball and everyone chases him down the hill. Grandpa Pig nails Daddy Pig with a snowball and Daddy Pig is not impressed by this; but Grandpa Pig don't care. The adults chase each other with snowballs in hand as everyone is throwing snowballs at each other; which is not a good idea by the way, especially since Peppa is in the middle cutting a promo, calling it the best Christmas ever. Nope; A Jolly Molly Christmas is still much better than this. Everyone comes back and everyone does the backsplash laugh in the snow. Sadly; no snow angels were made during this, so this was dumb. That ends the special at 10:00 appox. This still felt like they went through the motions; but the demographics of this made it more than passable and it was fun enough. *** 1/2 (70%). If you don't want a Christmas episode that scares children out of their wits (Mickey's Christmas Carrol) and almost end in tragedy (A Jolly Molly Christmas), then this episode is very good in what it does. It's not boring at least. Even more hilarious: Chloe's name is on the credits, despite not appearing at all in this episode. Even Richard Rabbit's name appears and he's not in the episode; who was voiced by Zoe Baker who has four credits: This show, Ben & Holly's Little Kingdom as Poppy and Daisy, Superstars and De Bus as herself.

Pirate Island: Okay; we are deep into series two with Episode #75 and the episode opens on a wooden dock with a sailboat which is run by Grandpa and Grandma Pig, who are on the sailing ship. The kids are Peppa Pig, George Pig, Danny Dog, Suzy Sheep, Candy Cat, Zoe Zebra, Rebecca Rabbit and for rant purposes, the debut of Richard Rabbit, who is friends with George Pig. The adults are Mummy Pig, Daddy Pig, Mummy Cat, Granddad Dog, Miss Rabbit, Mr. Zebra and Mummy Pony. Yeah; not a lot of difference in the names of the adults, I guess that giving them actual names would confuse pre-schoolers. Of course; everyone's last name is based on their spieces, instead of whacky last name, probably for the same reason. The adult wait on the dock as all the kids have lifejackets on, so they can be safe. Grandpa is the captain; so there's a lot of aye-aying going on here; including Grandma Pig. Grandpa Pig pushes the lever (CLEVER CLOGS~! And yes; this is important later on in this series.) and we sail away, come sail away, sail away with a bunch of furries. I love the subtitles for this video (The DVD versions have no subtitles); as a snort is an "oink" and everyone is giggling, except that the adults on the boat are not giggling. George is on top of the cabin, which is not a good idea. Thankfully; Grandpa Pig jumps onto the cabin roof and gives George is pirate hat. They are heading to Pirate Island; which might have buried treasure. I'm 100% certain it will not be the Pirate Island live action show's island nor Pirate Island from TaleSpin. Grandpa uses the telescope and it's land ahoy as Pirate Island is just a hill of sand with no palm trees anywhere. Grandpa sticks his black pirate flag into the sand and everyone still cheers for this. I should note that the adults are not wearing lifejackets. WHATZ UP WITH THAT?! I would figure the mandate for safety would include adults; but I guess not. However; Grandpa brings out an out of nowhere sack and zips it open to reveal a metal detector that looks like a port-a-potty on a stick. So we do some metal detection spots as the sound of the metal detector sounds like a wailing sea gull being put through a poorly designed engine. So they head to a spot where the metal detector is beeping and Pedro Pony digs up the spot to find a little gold plated coin as everyone pops. So we search for some more and there is grass slowly starting to grow on this island despite the island being about the size of their ship roughly. Yeah.

So the metal dectector is beeping loudly and this requires Peppa, Pedro, Suzy and Zoe to dig into the earth and almost bury themselves in the process. Grandpa Pig jumps in and finds....a shopping cart. HAHA! Which in Britian is called a shopping trolley. Grandpa is disappointed and that's enough for Grandma Pig to stop this nonsense and it's time to build some sand castles. Grandpa Pig jumps out and calls this a wonderful idea as he bails to check on the ship; while Grandma and the kids help themselves to build the sandcastle. The exact same four kids are digging up the sand by the way, while Danny Dog and George have their sand buckets on retainer, just in case. Apparently; these important boat things include sitting down in front of the ship and reading a newspaper. And then he decides to close his eyes and snore the day away as we get a complete sequence of everyone else building the castle, using bucket for the castle turrets and it looks really big by sandcastle standards. Grandma Pig has had enough of this and wants to go home; but when they go to the western shoreline; the boat is not there. Because you see, Grandpa Pig forgot to anchor the boat onto the island and the boat has drifted away with Grandpa Pig sleeping on the job like a brainfarting moron. This trait has also passed on to Daddy Pig as well and more on that in the future. Grandma Pig's way to wake up Grandpa Pig is to scream as loudly as they can. Grandpa Pig somehow no sells this deal. So yes; they are now castaways on Pirate Island as Suzy claims that they will be on the island for 100 years. Suzy; I assure you that by two months, you will be dead due to either heat stroke or starvation. Pedro and Danny proclaim that they must have wild fruit, berries, insects and slugs. Which there are none of any of these on this island. Everyone except Danny Dog is repulsed by this, in the most unconvincing way possible. Because they giggle afterwards; and then the boat lands on the docks with all the parents walking in. Uh-oh! Grandpa Pig has shown how senile he really is now! Oh; hello Mummy Dog, she came completely out of nowhere. Mummy Dog Series 1 is voiced by Debbie McDonald, Series 2 by Clarie Waxler, and Judy Flynn in Series 4/5.

Debbie MacDonald, you know as Mummy Sheep. Clarie debuted as a line producer for Peppa Pig until 2007 and then worked on The Secret Show in 2007 before moving on to Thomas The Tank Engine & Friends in various roles including supervising producer until 2015. Judy Flynn according to Wikipedia (DANGER! DANGER!): She is a British actress best known for her role as Secretary Julie in the BBC sitcom The Brittas Empire.[1] Other notable roles include seamstress and dressmaker Madge Howell in The House of Elliot, plus 'Val' in two episodes of the Victoria Wood comedy Dinnerladies. She began her career in First of The Summer Wine as Lena in 1988. Doctors (Lyn Buckley, Marie Lissimore and Trudy Benedict), and Call The Midwife (Ada Ward) are her most recent credits. She has 44 Acting credits, 4 Self credits and 2 Archive Footage credits to her resume. The boat bumps into the dock and Grandpa Pig is awake and confused in that order as Mummy Sheep, Miss Rabbit and Mummy Pig give him a hello in stereo. Grandpa at least instantly realizes that he left the children behind and pushes the lever (CLEVER CLOGS~!) and sails the ship away stage right promising to be back in a tick. Jump cut back to the island as the kids and Grandma Pig notice that Grandpa Pig is coming back and the day is saved. That stereo hello from the mothers was awesome! Everyone cheers as Grandpa welcomes everyone on board by swinging the white gate open as Grandma Pig calls Grandpa Pig naughty. Grandpa Pig apologizes and promises that he will not fall asleep on the job again, which I'm sure will be broken the next time we see him. Everyone giggles; so they aren't buying this. So we scene change to everyone on the boat as Peppa waves goodbye to Pirate Island, which is disappointing since no pirates were on it. So Peppa asks if they can visit the island next time, Grandpa Pig says yes and the kids all laugh to end the episode at 4:30 approx. This was a fun episode; mostly for Grandpa's senile sleeping and finding the shopping cart. *** (60%). One more note: Mummy Pony was voiced by Madeline May here, which she only did this show otherwise.

Cuckoo Clock: Here is Episode #82 and it opened with the STOCK FOOTAGE OF DOOM as the sun is rising. We zoom into Mummy and Daddy Pig's bedrom as the two adults are snoring and sleeping. Which is the blantant signal for Peppa and George to run in and jump on the bed to wake them up. And that is exactly what happens as Daddy Pig points out from his alarm clock that it's five o'clock in the morning and much too early to get up. I get up to go to work at four o'clock in the morning; so what are you complaining about Daddy Pig. Oh wait; on non work days; it's eight o'clock, like today. Sorry that I complained; I would just doing a pre-emptive troll job to prepare my readers for this episode since this is the infamous "Peppa is a vicious troll to George" episode. Then Peppa proclaims that they got up at the wrong time, because their clock no longer works anymore. So everyone heads into the kid's bedroom as Daddy Pig notices the cuckoo clock is broken and the hands are at 7:20 am; so that partially explains why the kids woke the adults up. As mentioned; in America and Canada, we "repair"; in Britian they "mend".Daddy Pig pops the cuckoo clock from the wall and Peppa is confused as to why it's called a cuckoo clock. Mummy explains that there is a little bird called a cuckoo inside the place where the door is. Apparently; the cuckoo clock hasn't been winded up in years; since the thing got really annoying after awhile. Peppa is inspired and already the adults look at her like they will not approve of her inspiration. Peppa asks if they can wind it up again; and Daddy Pig simply decides to, without question. I guess it's more dangerous to have the children jump up and down on their bed every morning, than listen to the annoying sounds of a cuckoo bird. So Daddy winds up the clock and sets it to five minutes before nine o'clock; by checking the clock on the wall in front of the sink and then places the cuckoo clock down on the table. So Daddy Pig explains the ways of the cuckoo bird to waste time in storyline. Which is about a minute in real time as George is waving his arms and cosplaying a cuckoo bird into the living room as everyone else is watching the clock turn nine and out comes the cuckoo bird once to do pretty much what Daddy Pig said it would do before going back in.

Peppa is in awe as George conveniently runs in, missing the whole thing; like the TNA director missing dives on PPV. Peppa tells George that the cuckoo bird was brilliant and then points to George and proclaims that he missed it. Peppa Pig basically blamed the victim here despite the fact that it was Daddy Pig who got George wound up into cosplaying the cuckoo bird. What a troll Peppa Pig is?! No surprise; George bawls on cue and rightfully so. Now; I know critics yell at Peppa for being rude. Her rudeness is the least of her problems. I'm fine with her being rude, because I have been rude from time to time. But this goes beyond mere rudeness. Sometimes, it's neccessary to be rude in order to correct bad behavior. Rudeness is only bad behavior when you are intentionally using it to hurt people; like Peppa just did here. Her trolling on people is much more problematic than her being rude. This was a low point in Peppa's life; and she hasn't shaken off this behavior completely since this episode aired. Plus; George is younger than Peppa and even if you are a child, this is punching down and it a sign that the character doing the punching down has no argument. Daddy Pig informs George that the cuckoo bird will return in one hour according to Mummy Pig. Peppa is bored and wants her and George to go outside and play. George doesn't sell and stares at the cuckoo clock; because he'll NEVER fall for Peppa's trolling again. So; it's almost ten o'clock as we scene change as George's eyes have red edge on them; a sign that he has stared into the abyss for way too long for it to be healthy to them. In comes Peppa; who has Mr. Dinesaur in her hands and I groan because we all know where this is going now. Peppa uses the dinosaur toy to woo George out of the house to play and George sells it hook, line and sinker. Literally three seconds later; the cuckoo bird comes out and it's ten o'clock. Literally five seconds later; George comes back and he's missed it...AGAIN! Peppa is a nasty, vicious, evil troll~! George rightfully bawls on cue and Peppa smiles, just making her look like a bully. Mummy Pig tells George and Peppa to run outside to play; and she'll call George up when the clock reaches eleven o'clock. No telling Peppa to stop teasing George at all. So, the kids stop in the grassy plain and play bounce catch with Mr. Dinesaur as we jump cut to the cuckoo clock being a few minutes before eleven o'clock already.

So Mummy Pig calls for the kids to come up and George drops his dinosaur toy and runs up into the house after being taunted again by Peppa. Only this time; George goes inside the kitchen, looks at the cuckoo clock, it strike eleven o'clock and the cuckoo bird does it's thing and it ends. George instantly does the backsplash laugh and that is that. So yes; there was something more important than George's favorite toy that George was willing to throw away just to see something else. Peppa comes in and they flap their arms and cuckoo in stereo. Scene change to outside the STOCK FOOTAGE OF DOOM AFTER HAPPY HOUR and the kids refuse to stop doing the cuckoo spot. Damn; I knew that cuckoo clock would be a bad influence on the children. We head into the room as the kids are sleepy and they all head into the bedroom and nod off to sleep. Daddy and Mummy Pig come in with the cuckoo clock. Daddy places the cuckoo clock on the wall as the clock reached seven and cuckoo bird comes out and it appears that it croaked itself to sleep; but it was enough to wake Peppa and George anyway. Daddy and Mummy assure Peppa that the cuckoo bird is sleeping. It's sleeping all right; it's sleeping forever! So Peppa and George nod off to sleep again as the adults turn off the lights and walk out of the room. However; this was all a ruse on the kids part because they wake up and take the clock off the wall. Apparently; Peppa stole the wind up key and winds up the cuckoo clock as George is smirking. So she's gone from trolling George to trolling her parents; which she already did in the beginning of this episode. So basically; we repeat the beginning of the episode at night time. They show off cuckoo clock which is at eight o'clock because the bird is all better now. The better to annoy us the viewer! Daddy and Mummy Pig laugh it off anyway as the kids do the backsplash laugh and that ends the episode at 4:30 approx. Personally; the finish should be that the kids and adults laugh, then the cuckoo bird comes out and does the backsplash laugh with them on cue. It would have made no sense; but who cares? Otherwise; not a good episode as Peppa trolls everyone, and I do mean everyone without any consequences whatsoever. ** (40%).

Pretend Friend: Time for Episode #89 on the animation paper and we open this episode on the house on the hill as Suzy Sheep and Mummy Sheep arrive in their car; and yes, they park the car on the steepest side of the hill, because that is a gimmick of this show. Out comes Suzy Sheep with her cheese colored spotted ball as she runs downhill to meet with Peppa. I see the cheese reporter is a friend of Suzy as she introduces Leo Lion; who doesn't exist, because you see, Leo Lion is a pretend friend. Remember that Suzy Sheep doesn't have a brother and it's heavily implied that Suzy's mother is single. This is usually a sign that Suzy's real friends have disappointed her, which is not a good sign for the Peppa/Suzy friendship. Suzy giggles as we play catch with the pretend friend; which ends rather awkwardly. Suzy claims that Leo hates playing catch as Peppa asks what does Leo like and Suzy claims that he likes to roar. When kids do this pretend stuff; it is merely silly because they have no real power. When adults without power do it; it's even sillier and sometimes a psychological issue that needs to be ironed out. When a person in power tries it; it's dangerous and intervention is the sensible thing to do to contain it so it never gets out of control. When a person in power with no expertise does this; it's Donald Trump and everyone is screwed. Suzy literally has to roar in Leo's place; which kills off the illusion of the angle right there. Peppa has figured this out and Suzy is in denial mode claiming it was Leo. Even little kids wouldn't buy into this now; but Suzy is the one in control in this relationship; so Peppa must play along. So Peppa asks if they can be friends and Leo apparently nodded his head yes and the two girls like this. This is just silly as hell; but they are four years old, so it's harmless. So Mummy Pig calls Suzy and Peppa inside to have some fruitcake. Yes; THAT fruitcake as Peppa and Suzy run into the kitchen with the ball. So everyone sits down and gets what looks like giant cheese slices with green and red cherries within the cake. That is a giant fruitcake Mummy Pig has there. Of course; Peppa and Suzy play their mind games about Leo the pretend friend Lion's presence and of course Mummy Pig has to play along; lest she is accused of punching down on the kids. Yes; even with pretend friends, Peppa speaks for them and Suzy rightfully blows her off for it. Leo only answers to Suzy; you see. Suzy then claims Leo prefers chocolate cake; out trolling Peppa. HA!

Mummy doesn't have chocolate cake; so Suzy cosplays and decides that Leo will try a little of it; which Mummy Pig gives, which is the same size slice as the real friends. So Suzy and Peppa eat their slices of fruitcake like a bunch of messy animals; as George and Mr. Dinesaur run in and sits in the middle chair where the pretend friend is and taunting Suzy with the toy dinosaur in the process. Peppa is yelling at George because he's sitting on Leo Lion you see. Peppa grabs George as the narrator explains it all. Now; for those of you who think that Peppa is the only troll in this show; Suzy growls for no reason at all and George bawls his eyes on cue. Suzy finds a way out of this, by claiming that Leo Lion cannot finish his fruitcake; so George can have it instead, which to the smartass is an admission that Suzy is well aware that her friend is not real. George bails with the slice of fruitcake and munches on it as Suzy and Peppa confuse each other with what Leo Lion wants to do now. Apparently; Leo Lion loves to play dress up. All right. So Suzy and Peppa bail and teleport into Peppa and George's bedroom and throw away toys in the basket like a bunch of Wuzzles. Peppa is playing the fairy which is the same character she played in Best Friend; by the way. Suzy wants to be crowned queen and Peppa is all fine and Dandy with that. Peppa wants Leo to play the fool; but Suzy will have none of that; because he wants to be the king, according to her. This pretend friend has no sense of agency; which is what reality is when they are not real. When people talk about what God would do to it's enemies; it's often what the person making the claim would do if they weren't such cowards and the law would allow them. In comes Daddy Pig just so Peppa can be seen as a big tool in the process with that white tiara crown on her head. Of course, Daddy Pig bows and plays along, because they are kids; what can you do? Apparently; Daddy Pig thinks he can see Leo's mane and Suzy claims that he wears red pants; which in Britian, they are called trousers. I note this because localization teams at Nintendo often change pants to trousers in European English translations. Peppa then trolls Suzy again by claiming that Leo is wearing a blue jumper dress (or simply a sweater in North America); which Suzy blows off. It's his best green shirt; according to Suzy. So; Peppa cannot see green colors; or she's just trolling again. And reading this website; I assume she's trolling. What a shocker?!

So; Mummy Pig walks in and inform everyone that all of Peppa's friends are outside giggling; including Candy Cat, Emily Elephant, Danny Dog, Rebecca Rabbit and Zoe Zebra. Oh; and everyone is wearing their boots as well, which completely gives away the finish well in advance. General rule of this show: If there is no snow and boots are worn; that means that it's time to jump up and down in muddy puddles. DING! This time from Pedro Pony of course! Everyone runs down the hill; except for the adults as Suzy holds the crown; while everyone jumps up and down in muddy puddles. DING! Sadly; Leo Lion isn't jumping, so Daddy Pig has a spare set of red boots for him, just in case. I have heard of milking the gimmick; but this is absurd. Suzy puts the boots on the muddly puddle and they simulate the pretend friend jumping up and down in muddy puddles with Peppa holding his crown. I'm sorry; but this is not as hilarious as the real queen jumping up and down in muddy puddles. But that will NEVER happen on this show. HEEHEEHEEHEEHAHAHAHAAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA~! POW! OUCH! Ummm...Didn't know Peppa Pig was so violent. Suzy roars as Mummy and Daddy Pig join in as everyone loves to jump up and down in muddy puddles. Well; except moral guardians, but they can piss off for all I care. Suzy roars some more and that ends the episode at 4:30 approx. This was so fun; but so stupid at the same time that I was cackling, so **** (80%).

The Long Grass: Here is Episode #79 on the animation paper and we open this episode as we head to the STOCK FOOTAGE OF DOOM as the sun is shining and the grass around the hill seems to be getting taller. Peppa and George open the back door and run down the hill and they are stopped by a field of tall grass in which the narrator tells us that he hasn't been cut in a long while. In Britan, it's "long grass" instead of "tall grass" here. Peppa and George then run into the grass and they are too short to be seen. George and Peppa have no idea where they are inside this grass as Peppa is calling for George as Peppa and George jump up and down in the grass to try to see each other. That doesn't work all that well as Peppa decides to play the creep on George and George is confused as they have a meeting of the minds. And it wasn't at the playgroup. Out comes Daddy Pig with a red portable chair and his newspaper; and he is going to just read the newspaper and do absolutely nothing. AND THE ROCK MEANS NOTHING~! Mummy Pig comes out to point out that the garden is getting out of hand; and the grass needs cutting; but Daddy Pig don't care. I mean; looking at the bouncy children in the grass laughing and chasing butterflies. Peppa and George run back up the hill and want the parents to join in. Daddy brings out the out of nowhere spotted bouncy ball and kicks it into the grass; and the kids just give up right on cue. George and Peppa walk back in and Daddy Pig now admits that it's time to cut the grass. HAHA! Of course; Daddy Pig bails into the house and after some off-screen crashing and throwing, he returns with the the most rustiest, oldest hand mower I have ever seen. Daddy Pig is cheap. Mummy Pig calls it old and rusty; but Daddy Pig calls this nonsense. Because he's an expert in such things. Daddy Pig puts the push mower down and it barely moves about a foot or so. I hope Daddy Pig invested in some WD-40 and I realize that he probably doesn't know what oil is and thus is an idiot. Mummy Pig has the world largest smartphone on retainer and wants to call Grandpa Pig to bring out his lawnmower; which Daddy Pig no sells and blows off in that order. This is not the time to be a toxic macho man, Daddy Pig; that hand mower sucks! The narrator sums up the lawn mower nicely and Daddy Pig's lawn mower is broken beyond repair. HAHA! Told you to invest in lubication, sir; it's not just for sex. Wink! Wink! Nudge! Nudge! Of course; now Daddy wants to phone Grandpa as we jump cut to a table containing a phone. I'm certain that it's in the living room of Grandpa and Grandma Pig as Grandpa Pig answers the Green Lawn Courtesy Phone~!

So Mummy Pig asks Grandpa Pig about lawn cutting and Grandpa Pig of course accepts the terms and hangs up. He leaves to bring out Betsy; which is a lawn mower tractor with the same type of grass cutting blades as Daddy Pig's hand mower, only it's all motorized and taken much better care of. He's also driving on the road so slowly that everyone is driving behind in the only heavy traffic lane this road ever gets in a year. Everyone beeps their horns in outrage; but nothing else comes out of it. So Betsy makes it to the house on the hill; and of course the male owner of the tractor has to have a female name attached to the machine. Calling it a GG-9999 would be a far less sexist name and would be more funny. George is still calling him Papa Ig at this point as Grandpa Pig is here to cut some grass as Daddy Pig concedes that his lawn mower sucks as we honk Betsy's horn, because this show has no sense of shame. So Peppa asks if she and George can ride on the mower and Grandpa Pig says yes and they hop on. More horn honking and Grandpa Pig pushes the lever (CLEVER CLOGS~!) and somehow; the destroyed lawn mower of Daddy Pig's has been written out via teleport. Time to cut some grass as we amuse overselves for a long while. The narrator sums this up nicely as the grass is now cut. Well, most of it actually. Peppa then points out a small portion of grass left. Geez; I wondered where the spotted bouncy ball went to? Now; the smart thing to do is go over to the patch of grass, grab the ball and then cut the grass. That would be the smart and safest thing to do. Of course; this is NOT what Grandpa Pig does. Grandpa Pig drives the lawn mower over to the spot and cuts the grass. In real life; the spotted ball would just be destroyed and crushed; plus the lawn mower would probably be broken in it's own right. Nope; the ball goes through the lawn mower blade and bounces high into the air and lands in Grandpa Pig's hands perfectly intact. There is zero way I can suspend my disbelief over this. Neil Tyson Degrasse would mock this spot out of the building if he saw this. Peppa thanks Grandpa Pig for finding the ball; she should thank the writer who wrote this logic break for that. Daddy Pig and Mummy Pig come in as Daddy Pig thanks Grandpa Pig for mowing the lawn for him; because he's dumber than Grandpa Pig. Ponder that for a moment. So they play bounce and catch for a bit as Peppa grabs the ball and then everyone does the backsplash laugh on the zoom out shot to end the episode at 4:30 approx. This was chugging along fine until that stupid finish. ** 1/4 (45%).

The Dentist: Okay; this one took some doing since there were a lot of YTP videos on this one and many of them looked horrible. This is Episode #87 on the animation paper and we open this one with the STOCK FOOTAGE OF DOOM as the Pig Family is in the bathroom. The adults are watching Peppa and George brush their teeth better than I ever could. Lots of bubbles pop when they giggle as Mummy Pig asks if they are ready for their checkup and Peppa claims that she's too busy for a checkup; because she is having a tea party with Teddy. Daddy basically says they need checkups to make sure they are clean and healthy; and Peppa drops Teddy and agrees to go. Just like that! That is so not believable. George and Peppa show off their teeth to each other because it's George's first trip to the dentist. Daddy thinks this will be an easy checkup and the kids giggles. So we scene change to the middle building with the smiles; just to show that this is the dentist. Apparently; in this town, you are not allowed to show words on your signs as the dentist is between the fruit store and the toy store. I see that this is the first time for rant purposes for Daddy Pony; who is walking with Pedro Pony (voiced by the narrator I should note). Suzy Sheep is with Mummy Sheep walking in the opposite direction as we zoom into the waiting room with the Pig Family, Mr. Bull and Mrs. Zebra as most of the adults are sitting down reading magazine. Daddy Pig loves Mr. Potato Head for some reason; and Mummy Pig looks at him like this is an unhealthy fetish or something. The clock is ticking and Peppa is yawning as Daddy Pig loves potato magazine. Sadly; it makes Mummy Pig yawn, so this might cure insomina. Oh; out comes the nurse (with green cross on the cap) and take one guess who is the nurse of this dentist operation? Why; it's none other than Miss Rabbit! Trust me; it's only going to get even more absurd as this show progesses. Her being a nurse is not out of the ordinary. So Miss Rabbit informs the Pig Family that Doctor Elephant will see the kids now. All the Pig family walks in as we see an adult elephant furry with a white pocket coat and red bow tie. Doctor Elephant is voiced by Andy Hamilton and according to Wikipedia (DANGER! DANGER!): Hamilton first came to notice while performing at the Edinburgh Festival Fringe in the 1970s. In the mid-1970s he sustained himself by taking jobs at Harrods and the Post Office before joining the BBC in 1976.[3]

His early radio work, mostly on BBC Radio 4 included Week Ending, The News Huddlines and The Million Pound Radio Show (with Nick Revell). He has since appeared regularly in Chelmsford 123, Have I Got News for You, The News Quiz, QI, and If I Ruled the World. Hamilton is frequently invited as a panellist on The News Quiz and as a guest panellist on I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue. He is the voice of Dr Elephant, the dentist in the children's show Peppa Pig. He was also the original voice of Bob Fish, who is also a dentist, in the cartoon Bob and Margaret. Hamilton is also voice of Captain Squid, the pirate in the children's show Ben & Holly's Little Kingdom. On 16 March 2007, he co-presented BBC Radio 4's Woman's Hour programme alongside usual presenter Martha Kearney as part of that day's Comic Relief fundraising activities, after defeating Richard Hammond and Kelvin MacKenzie in a poll. Since 1995, Hamilton has written and played the lead role of Satan in the Radio 4 sitcom Old Harry's Game. He toured with his UK stand-up show Hat of Doom in 2008. In 2009, Hamilton presented the BBC Four series It's Only a Theory with Reginald D. Hunter. BBC Radio 4 broadcast the first of a four-part series, Andy Hamilton Sort of Remembers, in October 2017; the series comprised the topics of childhood, politics, the human body, and animals, based on his own personal experiences of them.[4] He began his career as a writer on The Dawson Watch, The Two Ronnies and The Marti Caine Show in 1979; and started as Dream Interpreter in Chelmsford 123 in 1988. Electio Spy is his most recent credit as a writer and Have I Got News For You as himself as an actor. He has 31 Writing credits, 6 Producer credits, 9 Director credits, 14 Acting credits, 1 Misc credit, 1 Art Director credit, 24 Self credits, and 4 Archive Footage credits to his resume. So Doctor Elephant greets the kids as Peppa proclaims that she has brushed her teeth every day. I believe that as Peppa sits in the chair and we begin the examination of Peppa's teeth with the tiny mirror on a stick. By the way; the Mr. Dinesaur has yellow teeth, so if you cannot guess who hasn't been brushing it's teeth and getting a cleanup, you have no business reading this rant.

Wooden tongue depenser gets involved as Doctor Elephant asks about the sweets of doom and I have no idea what Peppa is saying because there's a damn wooden depenser in her mouth. Her teeth sparkle as the doctor finishes the checkup and Peppa has a clean bill of health teeth wise and of course Daddy Pig takes the credit for it. Now; it's time for the FLOURIDE RINSE OF DEATH; which is called the pink drink here since flouride is considered a scary word in pre-school shows. Unlike sherry; this one actually annoys me a lot since it's only embolden quackery in many people. Don't drink it, you only have to put it in the mouth, splish splash and spit it out; which Peppa does. Peppa jumps down and it's George's turn and George says "no". He says it in a firm and blunt way; like he's giving informed consent or something; even though George (and Peppa) are too young to understand what consent is, let alone informed consent. Mummy Pig allows George to hold onto his dinosaur toy during the checkup and George instantly accepts and sits in the chair. Damn; I wish big children's cartoons were like this, at least we wouldn't have ten minutes of avoiding the dentist, just for the sake of a cheap joke that doesn't catch, even with the big children audience. Doctor Elephant meets and greets the dinosaur toy; and Peppa cannot resist being a troll/buzzkill by claiming that George's dinosaur is plastic. I'm shocked George didn't bawl on cue there; since that was a case of brown nosing on the part of Peppa. So George is in the chair as the doctor pushes the red button conveniently placed on the floor and the chair raises up. Doctor wants to check the teeth of George; but George refuses to open his mouth. Peppa then shows George how to open his mouth and George smirks before opening his mouth. Doctor uses the tongue depenser and mirror to check the teeth. Literally five seconds later; the doctor is done and George has a clean bill of health on his teeth. Normally; this would be the end of the episode; but there is still a minute and a half left in the episode. George's teeth sparkle on the zoom in shot as Peppa has to make it about her teeth since she's the star of this show. By the way; when George is standing on the chair; no one gurgles pink drink better than George Pig. And yes; one time, I almost called him George Pie (a character from the Battletoads pilot; which is another show I reviewed a few years ago). George spits and the drink is flushed as he jumps down.

But wait; (and yes Doctor almost says the exact same thing I said) Mr. Dinesaur appears to have dirty teeth as Miss Rabbit asks what is wrong. Doctor Elephant claims that the Pig family has taken care of their teeth, but the toy dinosaur George carries are very yellow teeth. Sadly; they aren't crooked as hell; so I can get a Ric Flair cheapshot in. By the way; in the US we say "angry" or "mad"; in Britian they say "cross". Which Doctor Elephant is not; because Mr. Dinesaur is in the office and can get his teeth clean. I wonder what the rate is for non-human being/non-anthro/inanimate object in terms of a teeth cleaning? So Miss Rabbit brings out the out of nowhere kart containing the water jet cleaning system of cleaniness and sprays cleaning water into the dinosaur toy's mouth. Yes; even inanimate objects are not immune to dirty teeth. In comes the POLISHER OF DOOM which looks like a hair combing device on a pully as it torments the poor teeth until they turn white. George then pours pink drink into the dinosaur's mouth and shakes well (but doesn't stir) and pours the mouth of the dinosaur toy to spit out the pink drink; and we flush. Miss Rabbit loves the teeth as George cosplays with Mr. Dinesaur, Peppa squeaks and George chases her throughout the office as everyone laugh to end the episode at 4:30 approx. Cleaning Mr. Dinesaur's teeth is one of the biggest reasons I love this show: It's so stupid; yet so funny. **** (80%).

Zoe Zebra - The Postmaster's Daughter: This is Episode #80 on the animation paper. On an interesting note; strangely, the Canadian DVD version only mentions her name on the episode title and not that she is the daughter of the Postmaster. Huh. I don't know if this was a BS&P decision; or a font decision. This is Zoe Zed-bra -- not Zoe Zeebra--'s debut on the show as we open with the STOCK FOOTAGE OF DOOM as Mr. Zebra's yellow post truck arrives from the back yard. This is not the video's fault; this was planned by the animators. Of course; like every adult on this show, Mr. Zebra parks the vehicle on the steepist part of the hill. Mr. Zebra comes out and puts a brown letter through the post slot (mail slot); and then Zoe Zebra has some white letters and they are all addressed to Peppa's friends, Peppa and George. Which is all in one letter that she puts it through the mail slot. So Richard Rabbit is uninvited since Rebecca's name is mentioned? Is this Peppa trolling act spreading for some reason? So Zoe and Mr. Zebra walk back to their post truck and yes; the truck is now facing the opposite direction for no reason at all. Apparently; backing the vehicle up is too offensive to be on a pre-school show. That's a stupid way to think about things. So the post truck drives down the hill as we jump cut to inside the house on the hill as Peppa and George run down the stairs. Peppa grabs the letter as the narrator reminds us that the mail in Britian is called "the post". I can just imagine the iron ring posts in WWE being made out of mail now. The brown letter is for Daddy Pig as Daddy Pig takes the letter and opens it. It's the phone bill and is very boring indeed. Sadly; it's also neccessary in a world where money talks and a giant weighes. Peppa gives the white letter to Mummy Pig; but it isn't for Mummy Pig, it's for Peppa and George. Peppa opens the letter with glee and Mummy Pig reads it as Zoe has invited George and Peppa to her birthday party as Peppa looks into the hard camera and the narrator speaks right on cue. So yes; the characters are well aware that the narrator is talking about them. Peppa and George are giddy as Mummy insists that they must issue a replay letter; because you see, there is a small chance that the kids cannot make it to the party due to various appointments and stuff; so it's good form to reply to make sure that Zoe knows that Peppa and George are going to the birthday party. This makes sense and I'm fine with this angle.

So Peppa requires help as we head to the kitchen with Mummy Pig writing the reply letter and Peppa basically being stuck at "Dear Zoe"; since her brain farted on her. No one is immune to brain farting; ask Daddy Pig. Especially Daddy Pig. Mummy Pig writes the letter with kind regardless as the kids giggle. I guess Mummy Pig writes in code like she types in code on the computer. Daddy Pig has the primary colored letters to show how colorful this show is, making sure to give a giant middle finger to the color sensitive critics out there, who refuse to go to the doctor and have their eyes checked as if they are toxic macho man. Peppa chooses red (of course!) and the letter is put in with no address attached; just the name of Zoe Zebra. Although, considering who delivers the mail, it's pointless to put an address on it. Daddy Pig has a flower stamp worth three pounds (which would be a $4.03 stamp in the USA, $5.08 in Canada); which means it's a third class stamp. It's addressed to Mrs. Zoe Zebra by the way; even I could tell in spite of Mummy Pig's intentionally horrible handwriting. So we jump cut to the red Post Box near the tree as seen in the Christmas special as Emily Elephant, Danny Dog, Suzy Sheep, Pedro Pony and Rebecca Rabbit runing in with letters in various colored envelopes and giggling. I would love to know what happened to Candy Cat? They put the post in the post box and then bail stage left as Peppa, George and Daddy Pig arrive; Peppa puts the letter in the post box. In comes the post truck and thankfully; it parks on the bottom of the hill this time. Out comes Zoe Zebra and Mr. Zebra. Now; I know what you are all thinking: Why not just tell Zoe Zebra that they are coming to her birthday party and they got her letter? I understand why they cannot; since they have to play on the storyline that Zoe doesn't know if they replied or not and the only way is to read the letters from the post box sent to her. Still; this renders the letter writing by Mummy Pig to be absolutely pointless. Plus; it's not like it changes the storyline for everyone else. Heck; Peppa even admits that she got the letter and a reply was written. Again; why not just say to her that she and George is coming to her party? This is just stupid.

Now; that being said, when Zoe is shown the letter and Zoe wants to open it; Mr. Zebra does point out that this important can only be opened when it is officially delievered, and tempering with the post is a criminal offense in real life; so I was perfectly fine with this. Then Peppa and George asks if they can help and Mr. Zebra agrees to it; so yes, writing the letter is completely pointless now. Daddy Pig don't care as we drive on the road with Mr. Zebra driving and here's a logic break: The driver's seat is on the right side, but the truck is on the right side of the road here. Huh. So we drive over to another house on the hill as the narrator points out that it is Zoe Zebra's house. And yes; the truck parks on the steepist side of the hill as there is a drooping tree on the right side of the house. Mr. Zebra goes to the door and apparently; all the white letters are gone, because all the letter are addressed to Mrs. Zoe Zebra, including Peppa's letter. So Mr. Zebra officially puts the letters through the post slot of Zoe Zebra's house. Apparently; Zoe is not allowed to open her letter, but there's no law against Peppa posting the letter through the post slot. I thought All Your Baloo's In The Mail prevented anyone from actually touching the mail except for the mail officer; since that is a criminal offense in that show?! So in comes Zoe Zebra, Mr. Zebra, Mummy Zebra (voiced by the same person who voices Mummy Pig) and the debut of Zuzu and Zaza Zebra for rant purposes. Alice May voices the twins here until series 4 and then Matilda Green from series 5 onward. So Mummy and Daddy Zebra check the letters and they are all the same: They are all coming to Zoe's birthday party and yes, so is Candy Cat. I guess she has her own post box somewhere else. Peppa shows off her letter and like a troll; she basically says what she would have say if she wrote the letter instead of reading the letter her mother wrote. So the doorbell rings and all the kids -- including Richard Rabbit; whom was not mentioned in Rebecca Rabbit's letter -- with balloons on strings and gift boxes. Everyone runs into the living room and places the presents down with only two on the sofa. Only Peppa and George didn't bring a gift; I assume Mummy and Daddy Pig sent them since they are in the living room, along with Miss Rabbit and Mummy Sheep. Mummy Zebra comes in with the most lemony of lemon birthday cakes in history as apparently she's four years old as Zoe is going to be writing thank you letters back. Mr. Zebra of course has to deliver them; but she'll help --wink, wink, nudge, nudge -- as everyone but the Zebra family does the backsplash laugh to end the episode at 4:30 approx. This was cute, flawed episode with logic holes. ** 1/2 (50%).

Nature Trail: So; we continue on with Episode #92 on the animation paper; and we begin with the Pig Family in their car driving on a boring road to the east. Yes; Daddy Pig is driving on the right side of the road on the right side of the car. The narrator explains that they are seeing the countryside as the family talks about seeing wild animals. George thinks there is a dinesaur in this nature adventure; sadly, there will be none. Peppa somewhat kindly blows him off as everyone giggles. So we head into the forest as the car stops in front of a yellow recycling can (in Canada; they are usually blue) with a directional post and a wooden fence with wooden gate. Everyone jumps out with the adults wearing colored backpacks as Mummy Pig tells Daddy Pig not to forget the picnic stuff; as Daddy goes to the back and opens it to reveal a picnic basket with food and drink; and also a blanket. Peppa wants Daddy Pig to channel Dora The Explorer as Daddy Pig brings out the map and they all follow each other into the nature trail; and of course, Daddy Pig forgets the picnic stuff. Like I said before; Daddy Pig brainfarts a lot in this show. Scene change into the forest with the Pig Family as Peppa is dragging Teddy and already bored out of her skull. Lots of boring trees in her eyes as Mummy nicely blows her off for not trying hard enough. Peppa retorts that one for me; and then sees bird footprints on the ground. Peppa wonders about what made them and George claims it's Dinesaur. Sadly; George would have to be in front of Peppa...oh wait, he was. So it's George trolling on Peppa? No. Mummy Pig wants to follow these footprints as Peppa yells with glee; so Mummy kindly tells her to be quiet because we don't want to scare anyone away. Peppa and George quiet each other and we then practice the fine art of quiet walking; which is not working out well since Peppa is giggling. They notice a green bird pecking the ground and the bird flies into the air and lands in a nest on a large branch at a large tree which is seen by Daddy Pig with the binoculars. Daddy gives Peppa the binoculars and she sees the mother bird is gone; but three baby bird heads show up popping from the nest. Mother bird comes back with a worm after Peppa ponders over what they are eating. Peppa is repulsed and disgusted with this as the adults laugh at her response. George then notices more footprints as he and Peppa walk towards them; Peppa still has the binoculars on.

Since they are tiny footprints; they are being made by black ants. Bigot. The ants are carrying leaves and they dive into DA...HOLE (Slurp!) as Peppa and Daddy Pig joke about salad; which reminds Mummy Pig reminds Daddy Pig about the picnic; and there's Daddy Pig blushing, because he brainfarted...AGAIN! Mummy Pig is not amused as Daddy suggests returning to the car to eat; and Daddy turns around with the map and doesn't WATCH OUT FOR THAT TREE~! This is what happens when you panic; you lose your focus and do you stupid things. He's under stress because he brainfarted; not because he's incompentent. Daddy's glasses are maladjusted now as since the tree is not on the map; they are officially lost, complete with zoom out shot. Peppa thinks there's no hope; but George has found some human shoe footprints as Peppa thinks it's a real dinosaur since George is still saying dinesaur; just to play misdirection on Peppa. Daddy Pig proclaims that these are their footprints; and they just have to follow them to return to the car. They follow the footprints backwards as Daddy Pig proclaims that they are home and dry....and then it rains. HAHA! Daddy Pig didn't see that one coming; although compared to most people who say that, even I thought they would not make Daddy Pig look like an idiot here...but they did. Mummy Pig brings the umbrella; but the rain has washed away the evidence. The footprints everyone as the Pig family is screwed. But; wait! Here comes three yellow ducks quacking as Peppa notices them right away. This is I believe, the first time for rant purposes, the debut of the picnic ducks angle on this show. Everytime; a picnic is involved, these ducks show up. While the gimmick itself is all right; I do have a complaint about this angle and Daddy Pig apologizes for not having a picnic for them to enjoy. So Peppa asks the ducks to find their picnic; the ducks quack to say "yes" and the family follows the duck out of the nature trail and back to their car. Daddy brings out the picnic equipment as everyone pops for it. So jump cut to the family having their sandwiches, watermelon and fizzy soda water for fun. Daddy Pig loves picnics as we get to the complaint I have: Peppa Pig is feeding the ducks pieces of bread with Mummy Pig feeding the birds with pieces of French bread. The ants all steal food; including an hard boiled egg and a slice of pizza. Okay; let me explain why this really annoys me:

I may have mentioned this in another rant; but the "Too Long, Don't Care" version is as follows: Don't feed the animals unless you have knowledge on a animal's diet! The long version: The food you eat is fit for humans (I'll give a free pass to anthros/furries since they are part human and thus can get away with such stuff.) for the most part (there are situations where some foods can cause allergies even in some human beings); but there is no assurances that it's safe for animals because every animal disgestion system is different from humans. Feeding bread to ducks is considered a bad idea because it stunts their flying abilities. Dogs can get sick from eating chocolate. Even if humans are considered animals; that doesn't mean our bodies are the same as animals; and animals have different bodies and systems. It's the complexity of nature. So; if you want to feed the animals; consult an animal biologist beforehand, so you know the facts about the eating habits of other animals since they are not the same as humans! And to feed the animals recklessly on a pre-school show is a bad idea. Just don't feed them, okay? Just be careful out there, okay? Everyone loves picnics as everyone except the ants do the backsplash laugh to end the episode at 4:30 approx. I would have liked this more; if they refrained from feeding the animals; so ** 3/4 (55%).

Pen Pal: This is Episode #93 on the animation paper and we begin on the Playgroup School on the hill as Madame Gazelle is inside with the children sitting down. Sadly; George is not at Playgroup for some reason I do not know of. Peppa Pig, Suzy Sheep, Candy Cat, Danny Dog, Zoe Zebra, Pedro Pony, Rebecca Rabbit and Emily Elephant in that order watch on as Madame Gazelle is showing a picture of what appears to be her daughter as she asks who would like a pen pal and everyone wants to be a pen pal. Peppa stands up and now is confused. So Gazelle explains the rules of a pen pal and shows off a donkey anthro named Delphine Donkey (voiced by Nzilani Franq; whom we would see and hear in 2009 on Peppa Pig; only show appearance though) as Peppa wants to be her pen pal; and Gazelle gives her the photo and that is that. I guess it is "first speak, first served" in this Playgroup. We don't know who got who because we scene change to the house on the hill as Mr. Zebra and his post truck has arrived having the goofiest car horn sound I have ever heard. Not to mention that he parks the truck on the steepest side of the hill again. Mr. Zebra comes out and posts the post through the post slot; as Peppa and George bounce down the steps. Peppa grabs the post and gives it to Mummy Pig as Mummy Pig notices that it's for Miss Peppa Pig. Peppa asks Mummy Pig to real it for her; and Mummy agrees as she opens the letter and there is a letter and a picture of Delphine Donkey. Since Delphine Donkey is from France; she speaks French. I will translate this in English: Hello, Peppa; how are you? Which Peppa calls funny words and Mummy Pig has been to French classes, because she does the translating for me. Daddy Pig takes the letter and his attempts to speak in French sounds very awkward. Basically; Delphine likes princesses and playing with her friends. Basically; Delphine Donkey is the French Peppa Pig. Peppa giggles as Daddy claims to be an expert on French; but has zero idea what it translates too. Daddy cleans his glasses and then declares it nonsense as Mummy Pig translates it and then localizes it to be fairy princesses, even though the direct translation makes no mention of fairies at all. Daddy Pig is frowning and claiming that this would be what he said and everyone giggles at his expense. Daddy Pig sucks at French. Peppa wants to talk to Delphine -- In French -- and Mummy Pig notices that there is a telephone number attached to the letter.

Okay; this could be fun to mock. So we head to the red telephone with LED lights on the front; sitting on a coffee table as Mummy Pig picks up and the phone and dials. Peppa and George watch on as I ask now: Why wasn't George at Playgroup today? I'll translate this from Mummy's French: Hello. Is it possible for Peppa to talk to Delphine? Mummy Pig gives the phone to Peppa and Peppa is like a fish out of water here, as she fumbles over the words to say because she has to speak French. Clearly; this is her first time and it always looks low rent. She says goodbye in English and then in French, struggling and then they hang up. Peppa then talks French to George and George responds by saying growling and saying "dinosaur"; which Peppa blows off as not speaking French. Even though the word dinosaur is said the exact same way in French and English; only in French it spelled "dinosaure". They giggle anyway; and Peppa is not corrected for this. Scene change to outside on the house on the hill as we basically repeat the scene with Mr. Zebra complete with the stupidest car horn sounds in history. The only difference is that there are three post letters to post as Peppa and George bounce down the steps in their boots; which telegraphs the finish well in advance. Daddy Pig informs Peppa that no letters for Peppa came from the post today as Mummy Pig hears a doorbell ring and answers it. The door opens and it's Delphine Donkey saying hello in French, and then speaks English outright. So yes; she does speak English as a second language and does a better job of it than most English speakers on this show. She goes "hee-haw" as she's here to see Peppa. And my theory about her being the French edition of Peppa Pig is correct because she is wearing boots on; so if you cannot guess her favorite past time; you have no business watching this show. Delphine introduces her family outside, who are also wearing their boots as Daddy Donkey has a curly mustache and her brother's name is Didier. Didier has a red dragon with purple wings as George and Didier show off their toys and giggle. I should note that Didler Donkey is voiced by Aurélie Charbonnier who was an animator for Le Bon Numero (The Right Number) as her debut, along with this show as an animator, Ben & Holly's Little Kingdom, Marottes and most recently, The Amazing World Of Gumball as an animator, storyboarder and even voiced Sussie! I have nothing for Mama Donkey.

Papa Donkey is voiced by Jerome Haupert in Series 2/3 and then David Rintoul in Series 5. Jerome has only appeared on Peppa Pig though. So Papa Donkey asks Daddy Pig about his French speaking skills and Daddy Pig lies about being an expert at French. So Papa Donkey talks in French and here's what he said in English: "Want to talk about sports? I love the football team (in America; it's called "soccer".) in Paris. Which team do you prefer?" Daddy Pig completely exposes himself as a liar as he is blusing. Daddy Pig is exposed! I know how he can get out of this; and it's the sure fire way to get out of this conversation: Jump up and down in muddy puddles. DING! I just love that the narrator claim that Delphine doesn't understand what Peppa says in English; but basically says the exact same thing inn French. She does understand what Peppa is saying in English; because she can speak English! STUPID! It's Peppa who doesn't understand French; you moron! So after some awkward moments; Delphine drags Peppa down to the conveniently placed muddy puddles and shows her; and now Peppa gets it. Peppa and Delphine love jumping up and down in muddy puddles. Everyone loves to jump and down in muddy puddles, even if they are in different languages to end the episode at 4:30 approx. Very fun episode I do believe. *** 3/4 (75%).

School Bus Trip: So it's time for Episode #90 as we head to the Playgroup School on the hill as everyone from adult to child is there. The children are hopping up and down giggling as the blue bus has arrived. Guess who is driving the bus? Come on, guess; it's too shocking. It's...Antonio Inoki~! POW! OUCH! Ummm...Oh wait; it's...Miss Rabbit! Oh wait; someone is missing. It's An...oh yeah; Pedro and Mummy Pony. Madam Gazelle uses the red megaphone which causes the kids to stop on cue. Every child has their luggage ready. So we do roll call to waste some time as the bus door opens as this is a really unusual bus, even in Britian as I discover that rabbits squeak. I think the Rabbit family does the least amount of animal sounds in this show; with the Pig family obviously doing the most, since they are the biggest stars of their own show. Emily bellows as loud and strongly as Daddy Pig snorts I should note. Richard Rabbit is sitting with George and Suzy and Peppa are sitting at the back of the bus. So Madame Gazelle calls for Pedro Pony and of course he's not here. Oh dear; here comes one of the most saddest things about Pedro Pony: He's completely absent-minded. For those who complain about Daddy Pig being an idiot; Pedro might actually be worse in that regard. Mainly because; Daddy Pig is compentent; I have seen it. He just has one brainfart and he panics. Pedro brainfarts and is made to look like a joke in every scene that he is in. And it's going to get more obvious as the series races on. It's so sad to watch. In comes Mummy Pony and Pedro Pony (with luggage) panting as they apologize for almost missing the school trip; but since they made it before the bus left; all is right with Pedro's world. At least for now. Miss Rabbit has a rope pulling bell that she rings as Pedro and Gazelle get in after Miss Rabbit yells all aboard as we drive the bus down the hill while the adults say "see you later" and that is that. So the bus rides down the boring road and the kids have to giggle to make this more interesting. What a sad road this show has?! Gazelle yells into the megaphone to quiet them down and they are more behaved than any student, even in junior high on the bus. Gazelle explains that this is a bus trip to the mountains; as everyone cheers for it. Yeah; everything amuses them, why am I not surprised?

They all have their lunch boxes and Peppa channels Chargeman Ken in wanting lunch now; but Gazelle is more kind than Nagisa and they eat when they arrive at the mountains. Peppa and Suzy have blank stares and then Suzy breaks the ice and asks what Peppa has in her lunch box. Peppa has a yellow lunch box and Suzy has a aqua green lunch box; as Suzy has a green apple and Peppa has a red apple; and they swap apples. Why? Why not?! Why do they have to whisper yell though? I'm guessing swaping lunches is not allowed on this bus trip; due to allergies, I guess. Of course; like morons, they eat the apple instead of putting it into their boxes and closing the lids; which Gazelle notices. BUSTED~! Peppa invokes the pointy finger of death claiming Suzy made her open the lunchbox. I shake my head in thinking how anyone can be fooled by this. So yes; Peppa trolls her best friend and Suzy trolls back. Gazelle is more amused by this than anything else and tells them to save the food for the mountains; and the kids close up the lunch boxes. So yes; no consequence, although them eating one apple, I suppose doesn't hurt. All the kids giggle as the bus has arrives at the foot of the mountains and it's time to ride up the mountain. I don't know where Miss Rabbit gets her buses, but this one needs a serious tune up; because it is creaking like mad! Miss Rabbit isn't even sure the bus can get up; so the kids yell that this bus can do it and it...gets over the mountain with no tension or suspense. Sigh. So we are on top of the summit as the bus stops at the end of the road. Everyone gets out; and there is no sign of wind or anyone shivering even though they are on a mountain. This is some weak sauce mountain they are on. There are picnic tables in the foreground and a steel fence to indicate a look off; which is where the kids and Gazelle head to. Gazelle loves the view and Peppa is in such awe that her voice echoes like mad. Sadly; no avalanches occur, that would have been amusing. Gazelle demonstrates this by yodeling; so she is from Switzerland. Peppa's yodeling is gleefully absurd I should note as the kids giggle and then the kids do their animal sounds just to create the most echoey noise pollution I have ever heard. So it's time for the picnics as everyone loves picnics. The kids run to the tables and sit down eating their lunches. In an odd move; Peppa, George and Danny Dog are eating lunch together, while Suzy is with Zoe and Pedro.

Of course; we have round two of the "ducks appear at picnics" angle; although Danny tries to act like this would never happen. Of course; it happens and it's time to recklessly feed the animals food designed for humans and anthros only; just to annoy me further. They eat far too much and they squeak and burp; the kids giggle, it was not funny; it was sad and tragic. Don't feed the animals unless you know what they can handle! Ask a biologist for goodness sakes. I'm certain bread is not good for ducks. Thankfully; Miss Rabbit rings the bus bell to end this and calls for them to go in the bus because it's home time. The kids and Gazelle run into the bus and sit down in their seats. Somehow; there was no trash or bread at the picnic area, so I guess the ducks eat the rest off-screen. So we head down the mountain and it's much smoother this time as the kids giggle in unison. We have about thirty seconds left as Gazelle wants to sing a song. Oh; this should be fun to mock! Peppa wants the bing-bong song and Gazelle is all like "No, don't"; but since the kids all say "please"; Gazelle has to sing the bing-bong song as he brings out an out of nowhere guitar and we sing the bing-bong song. I hate to say this; but the singers on this show are much more compelling at singing than Phil Baron could ever be. Mainly because, the voices know how to ham it up and make the song sound completely absurd. So everyone sings after Gazelle sings the first chorus and this set up to be a karoke song. HAHA! The secret weapon to drive Ed Brayton from Dispatches From The Culture Wars away.The kids all giggle and that ends the episode at 4:30 approx. I love that song; I don't love feeding animals I don't know. Split the difference; I go with *** 1/2 (70%). One final note: the additional voices for the song they sang were: Aduke Adeyeye, Annalee Allwood, Ayo Animashaun, Abigail Coates, Hajra Gulamrassul and Lois Tape. None of them worked past Peppa Pig. A trend to say the least.

Granny & Grandpa's Attic: So here is Episode #94 on the animation paper and this episode opened at the white house on the hill as Daddy's Pig car arrives with circus music playing in the background. Why? Why not?! Mummy Pig stops the car on the steepist side of the hill as the pigs all hop out. The narrator points out the plot of this story barely twenty seconds in that Peppa and George are playing at Granny and Grandpa's house. We meet and greet as George continues his gimmick of calling Grandpa Pig, Papa Ig. So we wave goodbye to Mummy Pig and the logic breaking car driving down the hill...AGAIN! Peppa asks where Granny Pig is and we here Granny Pig's loud voice as she is in the roof window; so I assume that she is in the attic doing something. I just realized that George calls her Gangy Ig. That's odd, because usually it means that the grandmother is somewhat cold, drunk and aspires to reach higher social standing. There are two other meanings; neither of them good. Peppa asks why Grandma Pig is on the roof; and Grandpa claims that they are cleaning up the attic. Grandpa explains that the attic is where he keeps his old things, and Peppa claims that this is where Grandpa Pig sleeps basically. Such a troll this Peppa is?! Grandpa laughs it off because there are things much older than he is; and Peppa asks if they can help. Grandpa says yes and we head up the stairs to the hallway where the attic door is fixed to the ceiling. Peppa asks how they are going to get up there and Grandpa has a clever trick, only unlike those clickbait articles on the internet, there is a conveniently placed broom propped against the wall, ready for Grandpa Pig to poke the door and it opens to reveal Grandma Pig. Grandma Pig asks them to come up and brings out a steel ladder to allow them to climb up. I do have one observation about this show: Every father in the show is bigger than anyone else on the show. Granted; the mothers are not exactly small either; but in both cases, there body shapes are really uniform. And it also applies to the children. Why? I don't know. So we head to the attic and there is the metal detector from Pirate Island and apparently, Mummy Pig's old computer is in the boxes, so the Pig Family has completely given up on the computer. I guess Lucky Mrs. Chicken's farting got to them. There is a lot of junk and Grandma Pig wants to throw out a large box of boats in bottles; which Grandpa Pig protests this outrage. So yes; this is the start of the bickering like a married couple angle, and it's not nearly as bad as Goliath and Renard from Gargoyles; but it makes the adults come off as whiny cowards. Grandpa Pig apparently gets a repreve for the bottled boats as the kids giggle at this.

So Grandpa Pig finds a box and Grandma Pig protests that they are her hats as one of them has a fruit salad imbedded into the hat and George gets the beret. Hmmm; different hats compared to the exact same amount of boats in bottles and looking exactly the same. Which do I have more sympathy and empathy for? Hmmm... The kids laugh as the adults decide to let Peppa and George decide what to throw out. Peppa sees a pink luggage case near some boxes with conveniently placed sleeves of records and that is what Peppa wants to throw out. The adults panic on cue because it's a record player, you see. So yes; Grandpa Pig finds a rocket ship labeled sleeve and puts the small record into the record player. He pushes the green button on the record player; which is neon green and we put the needle of the record player down and it's time...TO DANCE~! George is hopping up and down as we head outside with the attic window still open; as Mummy Pig arrives in the car. Mummy Pig gets out of the car, rings the doorbell and says hello. The music is still on; and this is a clue for Mummy Pig to open the door and go inside. Mummy Pig goes up the stairs and opens the attic door as she is not exactly amused by this music as she stops the music and puts the record back in it's sleeve. So Mummy Pig brings out her favorite record, which the sleeve contains a picture of a cyan blue bird and a yellow dog whistling to musical notes. The song is called Birdy-Birdy Woof-Woof as she takes out the yellow record. This causes Grandpa Pig to panic and is appalled as Grandma Pig thought they threw that out ages ago. So yes; their bickering caused them to not throw anything out. And their attic is still better than my room in terms of space. So we play the record and this song has lyrics and everything. Apparently; in this world, the dogs go "Tweet" and the birds go "Woof" as Mummy Pig is dancing and her dancing might be worse than mine. Oh; and the sheeps moo and the cow baa. The kids laugh because it doesn't take anything to amuse them, since they are little kids. The old farts decide to play along and giggle as the music stop; so Peppa restarts the music and we sing along. This was funnier than a Teddy Ruxpin song actually. Grandpa Pig wipes his brow and proclaims that this was fun; but there is a job to do. So Peppa decides they should keep everything as a duck quacks in the background and they do the backsplash laugh to end the episode at 4:30 approx. Ummm; shouldn't Mummy Pig get to keep the records and the record player? Because that was what they were shooting for as the payoff to all this and they didn't pay it off. DUMB! Fun episode with a dumb ending. *** (60%).

The School Fete: So we head back to Series one with Episode #20 (!!!) and the only episode on the DVD from the first season. I should note that it's pronounced "fate"; not Fe-te as I originally thought it was named. It's basically the school's fundraising fair event here in North America. So we begin on the hill which looks like a school fair is taking place with balloons flying around and the Pig Family is standing in the background in between the ice cream booth and Miss Rabbit's face painting booth. Also present is Doctor Brown Bear, Madame Gazelle, Mummy Cat, Candy Cat, Mummy Pony, Pedro Pony, Rebecca Rabbit, Suzy Sheep and Danny Dog (those last three are in the bouncy castle and beside them is Granddad Dog complete with red hat and no sense of anything going on. Madame Gazelle is holding a lot of balloons. We zoom into the Pig Family because Peppa is the star of the show. Doctor Brown Bear is voiced by the same person who voices Mr. Bull and Granddad Dog. In comes Suzy Sheep, Candy Cat, Pedro Pony, Danny Dog and Rebecca Rabbit giggling for some reason. Apparently someone farted during intros. I don't know why; but that was funny. Basically they show off most of the events like the face painting, balloons and the bouncy castle as Peppa likes them all. Daddy Pig snorts and calls it a good choice as George loves dinesaurs (sic) of course. Now; the (sic) is intentional because that is how George pronounces dinosaur and it's so much funnier that way. However; there are no dinosaurs at the fete, but Daddy Pig is certain that there are balloons with dinosaur images on them. Mummy Pig isn't so sure about this as Peppa wants her and George's faces painted first. All right. So we head to the face painting booth as Miss Rabbit has painted all of kids' faces as tigers. Peppa runs in and she cannot tell the difference between a tiger and a pussy cat and she wants to do elephants; but despite showing an elephant on the billboard, Miss Rabbit acts like she has no expertise in any design other than a tiger. Peppa decides, okay; I'll be a tiger and Miss Rabbit paints a tiger on her face. Miss Rabbit asks George what he wants painted on his face and it's a dinesaur for him as he growls. Miss Rabbit cannot paint anything other than a tiger; so she paints a tiger on George's face instead. This is a very low point in Miss Rabbit's career, methinks.

Tunnel vision is not a pretty sight as I thought Peppa said "Caty"; but it was Candy as Candy blows off Danny for woofing while being a tiger. Of course! Candy demonstrates the tigers ways of creeping up and pounce on other while crowling. Everyone squeaks and giggles, as everyone grrs at her and Candy no sells it. Then the cosplaying tigers lick themselves clean as then they sit down and they purr. This seems to be an angle designed to give Candy Cat actual screen time on television and then simply ignore her since Danny Dog and Suzy Sheep are the secondary stars of this show. In comes Mummy Dog and Daddy Pig as Mummy Pig is interested in this angle; but George still needs a dinosaur balloon, so everyone gets to have balloons causing everyone to cheer. So we jump cut to Madame Gazelle with the balloons. Apparently; one of them was painted by Grandma Pig since Polly Parrot is one of the images on the balloons. Peppa chooses the brown balloon with the elephant on it; and everyone chooses their balloon animals. Pedro chooses Polly Parrot, which surprises me. I thought he would pick the monkey one. Sadly; there are no dinesaur balloons as the remaining balloons have no images painted on them. Hmmm; I wonder what the finish to this tale will be? Daddy Pig looks shameful and George looks at the hard camera and then bawls his eyes out. Daddy Pig then buys two dinosaur balloons and make a balloon dinosaur out of it; which actually surprised me because I thought the finish would be Daddy Pig taking one balloon and letting George paint a dinosaur on it, which would have been a great payoff to the Playgroup story. Oh well; I do like it when Daddy Pig looks like someone who isn't macho and has some skills in other areas, so this is as good of a finish as what I thought the finish would be. One of the kids confuses the balloon animal with a kangeroo as George is having a great time with it. So everyone runs and bounces up and down in the bouncy castle, which is like jumping up and down in muddy puddles, sort of. Peppa loves this. Everyone loves this. I love this; but sadly, this is far from the best fete ever as everyone laughs to end the episode and the second DVD set at 4:30 approx. This was mostly Candy Cat getting on television and doing one gimmick; but otherwise, this was fine. ** 1/2 (50%).

THE REVIEW LINE

Well; I did say that we would see an improvement in the later seasons of this show and for the most part, it delivered. Mostly fun and fluffy episodes that I can watch and not be embarrased by. I did love Pretend Friend for it's absurdness and The Dentist had an absurd; but funny finish to it. The Long Grass' actually would have been fine without that stupid logic break near the finish and Cuckoo Clock was amusing; but Peppa's height of trollism really bugged me. Also; I didn't like the duck feeding angle and I feel bad for Pedro Pony being absent-minded. That ends the second DVD set; and the next one is called "Sun, Sea & Snow". Yes; that is what it's called. Featuring Sun! Sea! Snow! Pedro coughing! Secrets no one should care about! A Sleepover! The Power Cut~! Night animals and Mirrors. It's silly pre-school fun down the road from here on out. I love this show. Everyone should love this show; but they don't. So...

Thumbs up for Pretend Friend and The Dentist; thumbs down for Cuckoo Clock, The Long Grass and thumbs in the middle for the rest. I'll see you all next time with more Peppa Pig middlejinks.

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