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Twenty Years Of Muddy Puddles: Peppa Pig: Series One #5 Rant

Reviewed: 02/18/2018
Additional Commentary/Edited: 06/29/2024-11/16/2024

Spiders Can Be Deadly In The Land Down Under!

Okay fans; I have now decided to rant on this series full time, because I do in fact like this show enough that I can handle the best and worst of the Pig family from Great Britian. Okay; so we head back to Series one as we finish the final eleven episodes of the series as we tidy up the kids' bedroom, Daddy Pig is forced to exercise, Daddy cannot put up a picture to save his life, Peppa has her birthday party and Daddy cannot operate a video camera to save his live. Then we go shopping, to the beach, have a school play, go on a boat, play on a playground and then we end with the infamous spider episode that got banned in Australia because someone forgot to tell the writers that spiders are deadly in that country! So, let's rant on shall we..?!

All the episodes are done by Neville Astley and Mark Baker; except for Mister Skinnylegs, which was written by Alison Snowden and Shopping was written by Sarah Ann Kennedy. Animation is done by Astely Baker Davies animation; with the two mentioned creators and Phil Davies.

Daddy Gets Fit: We begin this series of episodes with episode #42 on the animation paper as we begin on the house on the hill as Mummy Pig is doing exercises in front of the television which is a fitness show starring Mr. Potato Head and Mrs. Potato Head doing exercises; which Mrs. Potato Head quit the show for unknown reasons. Maybe we should do a background check on Mr. Potato Head and see if he has been potatoing anyone. POW! OUCH! Ummm... Peppa and George watch on as this is probably one of the few times Mrs. Potato has spoken for any length of time. In comes Daddy Pig yawning and sits down in the chair, claiming that he loves the tele. His flopping back almost causes pictures on the wall to fall as Daddy Pig asks what Mummy Pig is watching and she's trying to stay fit. Remember that line because I will be going back to this in a moment. Daddy Pig flops back and proclaims that he's naturally fit. Peppa then claims that he's not fit and points out the big tummy. Okay; this actually pissed me off. Listen; when they were making fun of his big tummy in the other episodes, it was based on a statement of fact. Daddy has a big tummy. I got it and it was funny because it was true. Here, Peppa is blowing off Daddy and accusing him of actually being fat claiming that being fat is not being fit. Here's a clue: You don't exercise to lose weight because 80% of the weight loss is due to reducing your food intake and eating food that is not overloaded with sugar and fat. You exercise to stay in shape, so that your muscles don't wear down so quickly. Sure; 20% of weight loss is due to exercise, but it's not a panacea. The problem is: Daddy Pig believes that he has to exercise to lose weight; which is completely unrealistic since weight loss is mostly due to a combination of less food and more exercise, not one or the other. In essence, Peppa insulted Daddy Pig's weight in bad faith and basically fed into his weight issue. That's horrible and this absolutely pisses me off. People have enough problems with weight as it is and don't need this kind of dumb crap! (Yeah, I'm not watching this episode ever again. Too bad, this one at least had it's funny moments, unlike Terror! Mental Hospital from Chargeman Ken.) Daddy Pig claims that he's totally fit; so Peppa dares him to touch his toes, which Daddy Pig cannot do to save his or my life. He also hurts his back in the process, so nice job to make him look even worse. There is a line between being merely a troll and being a comtempable ghoul and Peppa is dangerously close to that line now.

Daddy Pig agrees to do some exercise...and flops back into the chair as he'll do it tomorrow. Sounds reasonable to me, as fitness is a marathon, not a spirint. Mummy Pig blows him off on that and he must do the exercises right now! Oh for Peppa sakes, Mummy Pig! It's not like one day is going to make a difference. This causes Daddy Pig to relent without a challenge. Oh sod off, show! Peppa offers to help him train and the first lesson is to do some breast ups. Yes; she actually said that! In any other episode, this would have been uber funny, here; it feels like they are punching down at this point. In comedy, timing is everything. They are push-ups and Daddy Pig only does two and then Peppa proclaims that he must do a hundred breast-ups. Daddy is not running a marathon, you contemptable troll! Daddy Pig doesn't like that at all and neither do I. By the way; breast-ups is British for push-ups. Oh wait; she meant "press-ups". (This episode is so bad that I'm becoming a Jay Leno headline. That's not good for it nor me.) Oh; and Daddy Pig cannot help make lunch until Daddy Pig does a hundred press-ups. The kids and Mummy Pig head into the kitchen as Daddy does press-ups; as Mummy Pig is making veggie soup for lunch with onions, carrots and potatoes. Okay. Mummy Pig shows concern for Daddy Pig overdoing the pushups. Peppa comes in...and as much as I hate this angle, this moment was glorious: Daddy is lying on the sofa watching television with the remote control while counting. BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Serves Peppa right for insulting Daddy Pig's weight. Not only that, this moment lead to a really awesome payback by Peppa during Series 3. I loved this! Peppa accuses him of cheating and he is; but it's not his fault that you all are insulting his weight. Peppa calls him naughty as Mummy brings in her old exercise bicycle as Daddy gets on it and tries to pedal and it works, but it's too noisy and he cannot hear the tele. Dammit! (I usually watch baseball games on the tele with the sound off, and do my own commentary. Probably less bias than most commentators in real life nowadays.) Mummy proclaims that he must get fit somehow and Peppa offers her bicycle, which Mummy Pig thinks is a good idea. This is not going to end well for Daddy Pig nor the bicycle as out comes the bicycle of Peppa's with Peppa and Daddy leaving the house. Speaking of continuity errors: Peppa's bicycle still has the training wheels on for no good reason.

Daddy Pig tells her that he knows how the bicycle works and gets onto said bicycle. Daddy rides down the hill and then rides up the hill and it's not so easy as pie, but he still makes it to the top of the next hill. Daddy races down the hill and stops pedaling; but that proves to be a stupid mistake as he cannot put the brakes on as he races to the bottom of the hill and this leads to Daddy Pig see sawing the bicycle about three feet away from the conveniently placed duck pond of doom and he splashes into the duck pond. Daddy Pig is dumb. Bicycle falls to the side despite having training wheels on; but ducks don't care about that lack of continuity. Daddy pops from the water with a duck on his head; and we cut back to the sitting room with the rest of the family watching a television program about trains. Geez; what hypocrites?! Peppa asks where Daddy is and Mummy assures him that he's having a fun time exercising. Jump cut to Daddy Pig pushing the bicycle up the hill and blushing the entire time. At least he is exercising, sort of. The three yellow ducks follow him from behind as Daddy Pig makes it to the house with the bicycle and somehow the training wheels are not broken. Continuity?! What's that?! Everyone gets out of the house as Daddy Pig explains the situation to us and Mummy Pig acts all concerned. Riiiigggghhhtttt. Daddy Pig thinks it's all over; but Mummy Pig points out that this is just today's exercise and he'll have to do more tomorrow because you must exercise everyday. Daddy Pig doesn't like this; nor Peppa's help, but since this is sound advice, he and the family can only laugh to end the episode at 4:30 approx. Thank goodness this is over. Outside of a few funny moments, this episode sucked. * (20%). (This would be the worst episode of the entire run of Peppa Pig until Little Cars way later when the show finally stopped body shaming Daddy Pig. Even the Blackberry Bush wasn't this bad. This should be on everyone's top ten worst Peppa Pig episodes ever, without fail. Still better than most Chargeman Ken episodes though as Daddy Pig lying on the sofa to get revenge on the family was glorious despite the sea of crap he was in.)

Tidying Up: So; we continue on with episode #43 on the animation paper, as we open up at the house on the hill and zoom into the somewhat messy room of Peppa and George. (Complete with Puppet In The Box music!) Peppa is playing with a cyan blue car and George is playing with Mr. Dinesaur. Peppa stops playing with the car as it's time for Dollies and Dinesaurs, Grrrr! The cosplaying here is so laughable that was laughing my ass off. It's so over the top, even by the standards of pre-school shows. Peppa is so overdramatic. Of course, this show still adheres to the rule that piglets cause earthquakes. Cut to the sitting room as Mummy and Daddy notice this earthquake action as the ceiling light is bouncing around. Daddy is confused as the cosplaying must continue until Daddy Pig walks up the steps demanding answers to this outrage. For no good reason, this earthquake stops. Daddy goes into the room, steps on the cyan blue car, Daddy rides and then takes a vicious bump on his ass and kills the rubber duckie. OH MY GOD NO~! ERNIE'S GONNA KILL YA~! No, not at all. Oh wait; the rubber duckie's still alive! False alarm! (I shouldn't laugh at this, but this is what the writers wanted Daddy Pig to break his fall on. Not to mention that this is back to back episodes where a pre-school show had an adult take a bump that was violent. Granted, no actual violence occured, but pre-school character shouldn't be taking bumps like that. Pro wrestlers included.) Cut back to Mummy Pig wondering what the hell is going on here. She sees the mess and hears the noise; because someone could trip on something and kill themselves, which Daddy already did and almost did in that order. It's time to tidy up this room right now. (Good point. Daddy was risking a massive lawsuit with the Children's Television Workshop. You do not mess with CTW characters, they can fuck you up something fierce.) Mummy Pig tells them that they can play dollies and dinesaurs when they finish tidying up. Peppa blames George for all this. Daddy Pig isn't buying this half victim blaming, half passing the buck, so it's time for Peppa to own up and clean up with George, so to speak. George doesn't like purple dresses, because his rigid gender role won't allow such stuff. (Personally, George would have said that anyway even if he loved to wear dresses because it was Peppa's to begin with and Peppa was trying to pass the buck onto George for making the mess in order to avoid cleaning it up.)

Peppa admits her guilt in this mess and it's time to clean up the mess as it's another race involving genders. At least this is a friendly wager to get a job done, unlike most races and there's nothing on the line, so it's one of those "best of times" uses of the plot. You can certainly do a lot worse than this (Teen Titans Go!; I'm looking at you!). We tidy up for a long ass whomping time as Peppa steps on Teddy. Jerk. (Now if it was Teddy TaleSpin/Scarcutta: STOMP THAT HOMOPHOBE FLATTER THAN MY SEX LIFE~!) Daddy and George find the Dinesaur Pop-Up book and amuse themselves for a while. Apparently; they don't want to win this wager anymore. Idiots! Although it was awesome to see that George can pronounce Tyranosarus Rex, Triceratops and Brontosarus properly! There you go; one reason for this spot to exist. (George cannot pronounce the word dinosaur properly; but the names of dinosaurs he has no issue with! I howled with laughter.) Peppa informs them that they are losing. Ummm; you are not suppose to stop an idiot from making a mistake, Peppa. Unless they are trying to harm others with their stupidity. Then you intervene. Because, the place is finally cleaned up and the result is a draw. Since there was no issue between them; (They weren't tidying up to prove which gender was better, they were cleaning up to clean up the place.) tie is perfectly fine in this case. The issue was cleaning up the place; who cares who wins here?! The job is done and that's all that matters here. Which means that it's time to play dollies and dinesaur again; but they are all in the toy basket. Guess what happens next?! George and Peppa have to empty the basket of toys and the place is all messy again. None of the family members thought this tidying up stuff through, didn't they?! Making the parents look like geeks. HAHA! George and Peppa run around the basket resuming their cosplaying games as we zoom out to see that most of the mess is now in the foreground where the adults could not step on anything. George and Peppa did a better job in keeping the mess away from the walk ways then they all did cleaning up the room. HAHA! The kids then stop and realize that they screwed up. Daddy admits that it was tidy for a while causing everyone to do the backsplash laugh to end the episode at 4:30 approx. They have totally given up. Everyone have totally given up and that's okay. *** 1/2 (70%).

The Playground: We continue on with episode #44 on the animation paper as we head to the playground with the Pig family, Mummy Sheep, Suzy Sheep, Danny Dog, Granddad Dog, Mummy Cat, Mummy Pony, Candy Cat, (On the tire set/monkey bars) Pedro Pony and Mummy Rabbit, but no Rebecca Rabbit for some odd reason. (Rebecca Rabbit was on the slide, former self. Anyhow, someone found most of the TickleU dub for this one and already there is a change. In the original, the title was honey orange and it was placed just below the sun. The TickleU version had a purple title, thinner font and was placed in such a way that it blocks the sun. Why?! There was no reason to change it.) Everyone is enjoying themselves as we zoom in on Mummy Pig pushing Peppa on the swing set. Oh wait; there's Rebecca Rabbit on the slide with Suzy Sheep and Danny Dog. Sorry about that. I should note that the "monkey bars" are known as the "climbing frame" in Britian which Pedro Pony is now demonstrating. (Considering the racial overtones on the use of the word "monkey" in any context outside of the animal spieces, "climbing frame" is a much better term for it. Like me calling a "monkey flip" the "hell wheel" in professional wrestling now. Oh, by the way; they are called the "monkey bars" in the TickleU dub throughout the entire episode.) Oh; sorry, I didn't see you there, Mummy Dog. Peppa wants to go really high as Mummy Pig pushes Peppa and it's weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee time! (Strangely, Peppa's acting in the TickleU dub is better when she laughes than in the original!) George is hopping up and down because he wants a go at it. Peppa gets off the swing and George sits on the swing. (In the original, Mummy Pig says "Hold tight!", in the USA dub it's "Hold on tight." Ironically, when Peppa says the same thing, it's the same in both versions!) Mummy Pig wants to swing George; but Peppa cuts her off because she wants to push George. Mummy tells her to push George gently. Peppa pushes him hard into the air, George gets his cue and George bawls his eyes out. What a jerk of a troll Peppa is?! (Sadly, I don't know if the narrator said "oh my" or "oh dear" in the TickleU version because the source video cuts to blue and then returns when Peppa gets stuck in the tyre swing.) Mummy stops the swing and scolds Peppa for pushing George too high, because the gimmick of George is that he is afraid of heights. (Yup, this is the beginning of the "male pigs are scared of heights" angle and it continues even to this day as shown in Peppa Pig Tales rant #19!) George is set down on the ground as Peppa apologizes. These apologies are getting more and more hallow as this show is going on.

Peppa and George run over to the climbing frame as we meet and greet. Suzy jumps onto the tyre swing and swings around with glee. Suzy jumps off and Danny Dog joins in for fun. Peppa blows off Danny Dog for doing it all wrong and gets onto the climbing frame and swings with her body in the tyre. (While the pronouncation is the same, it's "tire" in America. Personally, "tyre" is a better term, since "tire" can also mean "fatigue" in that context.) Of course! Also, due to submitting to arrogance, she is now officially stuck in the tyre and cannot get out. HAHA! The troll trolled herself into a corner as everyone rightfully laughs at her. Peppa thinks it's not funny. I beg to differ and so does Daddy Pig. (Even funnier, Granddad Dog is seen without his hat for the first time. Not an error nor anything, just odd.) All four kids pull on Peppa Pig as this is really hard to watch; but they do manage to pop her out of the tyre. (In the original, Peppa's friends are trying to free her according to the narrator. In the USA dub, it's trying to pull her out according to the narrator.) Everyone cheers as George wants to be on the climbing frame. (In the TickleU version when Daddy Pig asks if George wants to play on the climbing frame/monkey bars, it's "would you like", in the original it's "do you want".) Not a good idea, George. That's because instead of putting him on the first rung of the climbing frame, Daddy puts George on the SECOND HIGHEST rung of the climbing frame! (In the original, the narrator says that it's quite high, while the USA dub has it as kind of high. Wow! The USA dub was more nuanced for once.) George's face gets awkward and then he cries his eyes out. What a freaking idiot Daddy Pig is?! (Also, the narrator tells everyone that the climbing frame is quite high when Daddy Pig puts him on the rung. SHUT UP! SHUT UP!) Even though his eyes are open, George is still crying like a sprinkler system. Daddy gets him off and apologizes for acting like an idiot. Everyone now runs to the slide and everyone but George takes turns sliding down the slide. The narrator thinks everyone loves the slide which is speaking way too soon. Peppa is still acting cocky as usual. (Yes, "Ready, Steady, Go!" was changed to "Ready, Get Set, Go!" in the USA dub. This also applies to Daddy Pig going down the slide later on.) George wants to play; but Daddy Pig thinks it's a bit high. (TickleU changed this to "a little high", which I guess they felt the former sounded like drug slang. This is not an improvement, US dubbers.) George insists and Daddy Pig puts him on the middle rung this time.

George actually climbs to the top of the slide. He is slowly conquering his fear of heights....then he looks at the slide itself and cries his eyes out because it's still too high. (At least there is progression in this angle. Keep in mind, George is legit scared and for people to accuse him of crying to get his own way is just ableism on their part. The narrator in the TickleU version says "oh my" and "little too high" compared to "oh dear" and "bit too high" in the original.) Daddy joins him and offers to help him down the slide by sliding with him. A perfectly fair way to help with dealing with the fears of sliding. (Ironically, Daddy Pig is soon going to have a randomized fear of heights in his future as well.) Peppa of course thinks this is stupid because Daddy Pig's big tummy will break the slide, or something. Daddy Pig thinks Peppa is silly and this will work perfectly. Well; this did work as George slides down the slide and lands perfectly on his feet without fear. YAY! However...Daddy Pig is stuck! BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Everyone won in that setup! (This is the first episode featuring the narrator saying "Daddy Pig is stuck!" and it won't be the last! The TickleU dub is almost the same in every way.) Sadly; this is not the funniest brainfart of all time. (Just wait until Daddy Pig starts having a kink for concrete. This one at least can be blamed on a defective slide.) Everyone is in shock and then they laugh at Daddy as Daddy doesn't think that's funny. I beg to differ as Peppa says it all. (Keep in mind, Peppa got stuck earlier and Daddy Pig thought it was funny, so in a way Peppa Pig got her revenge.) All the kids go down the slide and push Daddy down. (I found one more clip from the TickleU dub: Daddy Pig said "I suppose it's a little funny." as the original had it as "I suppose it's a bit funny.") Daddy lands on his back; which is the signal for the kids to slide and bounce off of Daddy's Big Tummy~! BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! (Yes, this is the third straight time in as many episodes that Daddy Pig was forced to take a bump, along with the kids bumping off the big tummy.) Daddy Pig giggles and George bounces on Daddy's Big Tummy for fun and amusement, mostly my amusement. Peppa compares the tummy to a bouncy castle as everyone giggles. (Tickle U called it "the bouncy castle", the original "a bouncy castle". Why?! To piss me off!) George is having fun; but I'm sure that George has not completely got over his fear of heights as the narrator claims to end the episode at 4:30. It's not a quick process, people! Finish of this was glorious and Peppa trolling herself was fabulous, too. *** 3/4 (75%).

Daddy Puts Up A Picture: Here is episode #45 on the animation paper as we begin this one on the house on the hill as the red car on the left side of the hill is facing down the hill. Zoom into the living room with Daddy Pig reading in his chair a newspaper while Peppa is reading a ABC book while George is reading the comics portion of the newspaper on the sofa. Mummy Pig is standing showing off a yellow frame photo of Peppa and George posing against a white background. Mummy Pig wants to put the picture on the wall and Daddy wants this job; because he's an expert on these things. Yeah, I'll bet! A DIY expert no less; and Mummy Pig isn't exactly buying this crap. Daddy Pig has the picture and claims that he knows what to do. Mummy accepts the offer and walks out of the house to visit the grandparents for a while. She gets into the car and drives down the hill; which is pretty much where the garden is. (Ooops! Also, Mummy Pig's seatbelt is written in by teleport too! The latter is understandable due to changes from the first run syndication episodes, but the former? That's a logic break!) Mummy Pig also tells Daddy Pig to not make a mess and Daddy claims that a mess will never happen. Yeah, I'll...you guessed it. We head back into the living room with Daddy, Peppa and George; and Peppa is holding the picture. Daddy brings in his toolbox as he wants Peppa to watch him work; not help him work. Daddy Pig brings out his tape measure and pencil; but not a stud detector which would have done him the most good since he would have found the wood needed to nail the board instead of just hitting drywall. Daddy Pig marks an X on the wall and then brings out his hammer and nail; as Peppa is panicking because he's going to break the wall. Daddy Pig tells her not to worry; but Peppa ain't buying this. Daddy Pig hammers the wall so violently that the wall cracks three seconds after he says that it's easy as pie. Stud detectors are your friend, Daddy Pig! (Also, be gentle when you are hammering. If a violent shot of hammer can kill you, it can destroy a wall, too!) Daddy Pig is dumb. Even more so as he tries to hide the crack with the picture. This is an epic fail! Peppa is not fooled by this either; so you know Daddy Pig failed in epic fashion. Daddy Pig takes pilers and tries to take the nail out as Peppa is pleading with Daddy to not make a mess. (Even though there is no full episode of the American dub on the net, there was a video of clips from this episode featuring Sydney Patrick who was voice of the American dub of Peppa Pig. Don't worry; there is not much about her on the internet. So far, no changes of note in the clips.)

Daddy Pig pulls out the nail and makes a huge hole in the brick wall, so a stud detector is useless. Idiot! Peppa then asks if Mummy would notice and Daddy shows the picture against the wall and concludes that she would. Peppa and George giggle as they run out of the house and around the house so they can show themselves posing in the hole; just to taunt Daddy Pig and his stupid carpentary skills. It's time to mend the wall because there is no such thing as a budget in this show. We fill the wall with bricks; but doesn't bother to put motar on the bricks to prevent them from sticking. Next, Daddy Pig puts plaster onto the bricks and covers the cracks. Followed with the out of nowhere pea soup colored green bucket of paint; Daddy Pig paints the wall. Daddy Pig's painting skills are so sloppy that he, Peppa and George all get splattered with pea soup green paint in the process. Peppa and George giggle and do not care at all. Finally, the brick wall has been mended; but there is a mess. (Getting paint all over everyone was pointless because there would still be a mess on the floor anyway.) WE HIT THE MONTAGE of bathing, cleaning, tidying up the tool and George giggling as we end the montage with George looking out the window as Mummy Pig arrives in the car, remembering to not park on the steepest side of the hill. Mummy Pig honks the horn as the kids are go to Daddy Pig standing in the sitting room as they all sit down on the chair and sofa. This would have worked a lot better if Daddy Pig wasn't reading the ABC book upside down. In comes Mummy Pig and if you cannot guess the tiny flaw in this entire plan and no, it's not Daddy Pig reading the book upside down...you guessed it. We exchange notes for a while as Daddy Pig looks like the dumbest liar since ten minutes ago. Mummy Pig is not fooled by this nothing; or actually is fooled, but Daddy Pig is still dumb because the picture is still not up. BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Blushing from Daddy Pig ensues, I think the kids giggling gave all of that away. Then Mummy Pig simply nails the nail lightly into the wall while claiming that she isn't an expert and puts the picture up. See; gentle ways are best, even in putting up pictures. Peppa basically confesses that it was hard, Daddy Pig tells her to be quiet about ten seconds too late and then the kids and Daddy Pig just give up and do the backsplash laugh. Mummy Pig was confused and then just smiles to end the episode at 4:30 approx. Budget? What budget?! Moral of the story: Always be gentle, even to a brick wall. *** 1/4 (65%).

At The Beach: Okay; here is episode #46 on the animation paper as we head to the beach which looks like a smooth hill with water in the foreground. In comes the red car as it stops on the flat top of the sand and then everyone gets out in their swimming costumes (Swim suits in North America) as Mummy Pig is carrying a basket while Daddy Pig has the blue/white big umbrella for shade and shady purposes. George and Peppa run down the sand and stop as Daddy and Mummy catch up with the kids. Daddy sticks the umbrella pole into the sand as Mummy Pig puts the basket down on the sand. (Peppa calls it a "beach bag".) Daddy opens up the umbrella (Called a Sunshade in Britian. which is much better as a name since it's designed to shade the sun, not the rain.) as shovels are called spades in Britian. (So, if you want to know where "calling a spade a spade" came from, this is where it came from.) Peppa does the inspection and throws out everything to prepare for this edition of beaching. (Wow, you are a naughty little chud there former self!) Peppa brings out the Spotty Ball of Death and it's time for the sun cream in the face spot...AGAIN! Only the adults do not get sun cream. It's bad enough that this show allows adults to not wear life jackets when on a boat; now they aren't allow to show the adults using sun cream?! How hypocritical of this show?! (As I said before, in Canada; adults must wear lifejackets, so it should apply to British adults as well on pre-school shows to make sure the kids don't get confused.) Daddy Pig grabs the Spotty Ball of Death and tests it out, and it works according to Daddy. Surprisely, the ball doesn't go flat and continues to allow critics to run their mouths about how every joke in this show punches down on a man. The ball is bounced away stage right by Daddy Pig as the kids run after it down the sandy hill. The ball stops and it's time to play catch. George throws first, and I betcha he throws it backwards over his head. I check the video...and it doesn't happen. Damn. (So, there is progression to this angle. Great!) Peppa catches the ball cleanly and Peppa throws it over George's head; like a troll. George falls on his back as we get the most bullshit response from the narrator: "George is too little to catch the ball." You fucking liar! George is not too little to catch the ball; it's Peppa acting like a troll, as usual. George shrieks before crying on cue. Daddy comes in and asks if they want to play "Puddle In The Sea"; which is codeword for "swimming", I guess. (Actually, Daddy Pig said "Paddle In The Sea" which is swimming with floatation devices on. The accent seems to make "puddle" and "paddle" sound the same in British English.)

Daddy puts the "Waterwings" on George's arms (Which are called that in Canada. No, Daddy Pig; they don't make you smarter. Don't lie to George, we already have one kid in the family with an inflatable ego.). They are inflatable armbands by the way, since Daddy inflates them during this sequence as he does with Peppa wearing waterwings. The kids run to the edge of the shoreline as Daddy walks in and the water is fine. Mummy Pig comes in and Daddy Pig splashes her with water. Mummy Pig fights back by splashing water on Daddy. Rinse, lather, repeat; see kids giggling, I move on. Peppa and George come in and Peppa splashes water as Mummy Pig tells Daddy Pig to own up to his splashing as she splashes water, causing Daddy Pig to be knocked flat on his back. Daddy has had enough splashing, then the kids jump right onto Daddy's Big Tummy~! Daddy does the weakest back stroke I have ever seen as Peppa loves the beach. Everyone loves the beach as Mummy Pig has the buckets and shovels on retainer as it's time to leave the water, because this has to end with Daddy Pig getting literally buried. This will likely be funnier than Kit getting buried by Molly in the TaleSpin French comic "The Wrong Culprit". (A reminder, in France; TaleSpin is called "Super Baloo" and WildCat Puma's name is Turbo, the name Della Duck gave to Dewey Duck.) Okay; asking Daddy Pig to be buried in the sand and Daddy's awkward response to it makes this officially funnier than Kit being buried in the sand by Molly. (Why did you give this *** 1/2 former self?!) A lot of shoveling sand on Daddy Pig ensues for a long ass whomping time. Daddy Pig is buried and he wants his straw hat, which he has to say please. He does and George bails. He returns and puts the straw hat on Daddy's head. Peppa also proclaimed that Daddy cannot escape. 2:1 odds say he will escape and it will mean nothing. (You lost the bet on that one, former self.) Daddy wants to snooze and starts snoring; so Peppa and George make sand castles for a long while. The sandcastles get flags in rigid gender colors and George says "pesto". That was funny. (George saying presto as "pesto" never fails to make me laugh, like Molly's and Della's burials of Kit Cloudkicker.) Mummy Pig calls for home time as Peppa inspects the beach bag and proclaims that they have everything. But wait?! Mummy Pig thinks something is missing as George runs in and they forgot the hat as George grabs the hat and this hat managed to bury Daddy Pig's head and apparently the sand buried his legs and arms. Or it's a logic break. Either way, Daddy Pig is snoring still. Peppa realizes that they also forgot Daddy Pig and this causes him to wake up. George remembered as Daddy Pig breaks from the sand tomb burial the kids created and they all do the backsplash laugh on the zoom out shot to end the episode at 4:30 approx. That was also funny. (I take it back, you won the bet former self!) Fun episode! (This wasn't just a fun episode, this was an awesomely funny episode. Just remember to put sunscreen on the adults next time! **** (80%).)

Mister Skinnylegs: Here is episode #47 on the animation paper and this episode is notable for a really bad message mostly due to the part of the world that you live in. Outside of it; it aired normally. Inside it, it was banned and it was government behind it this time, unlike most times when it was done by the company due to BS&P. (Business Standards and Practices. You can dress it up in six dollar terms like "Ethics Department'; but it's the same thing. Nothing wrong with it because everyone has standards and practices. The only thing that matters is if they are good or not.) We begin this one on the house on the hill and zoom into the bedroom of the kids as Peppa is opening her giant doll house and putting dolls in it that are human versions of the Pig family. (The music sounds like evil music in a show with no evildoers in it, outside of a human pirate who isn't good at evil.) The dolls are at the doll house's kitchen table as George is helping. The kids play the role of the puppets with Peppa playing the adults and George plays the kids, which sounds a wee bit unfair to my liking. (Of course! Peppa is the star and George is a geek! That is how this show works!) Then it becomes worth it because when Peppa tells the kid dolls to wash their hands; George takes them and tucks then in bed in the bedroom. HAHA! Peppa is not impressed by this trolling on her and orders the kid dolls to come down right now. George doesn't listen because he don't care. I just love it when the troll gets trolled back. Peppa tells George to follow DA RULES (FAIRY GODPARENTS~!) and help with the tea party by taking the tea kettle out of the room. To fill it with water, of course. George sells and leaves with the tea kettle as Peppa cosplays everyone and the kids are back down to the table with the adult puppets. George heads into the bathroom and gets on the stool (NOT THAT ONE!) to fill the tea kettle with cold water. Before he can do so, there is a black spider in the bowl of the sink. George is giddy about this as the spider is dodging George as George wants to be his friend. Now; at this point, I'm fine with this because George is two years old and is ignorant about spiders in general, which is a normal response of toddlers. (By the way, the spider backs up, so the spider was much more afraid of George than George was ever afraid of the spider.)

I love smartass toddlers in cartoons because cartoons are never going to be realistic, no matter how much you try to make them believable. However; George is just a toddler who makes me laugh, so I can perfectly accept this. If he was an evil toddler who was a heel, also fine. Toddlers doing evil things and being a babyface is not good, though. George grabs the spider mean as the spider is literally hanging by it's thread, so to speak. This causes the spider to giggle and like George. Back to the doll house with Peppa cosplaying Mummy Pig scolding Daddy Pig and asking where the chocolate biscuits are (Chocolate cookies in North America. Cookie is better here since there are multiple different kinds of biscuits, some are not suitable for human consumpation.); which is basically making fun of Daddy's overeating. George walks into the bedroom with the spider hanging on the thread. George walks behind the doll house and puts the spider in the bedroom in the model bed. (The fact that George tucked the spider to bed so well is hilarious. No way that happens without clipping the legs in real life.) Peppa is on George's case about this. Then she sees the spider, does the greatest, funniest and scariest 1960's horror film scream I have ever heard, and she runs out of the room screaming. (Sally Struthers, be jealous! Someone needs to do an animated GIF with audio of that scream! It's glorious! Heck, you can tatoo "Aussie Govenerment" on her dress to boot!) She heads down the stairs and into the sitting room with Daddy Pig reading the newspaper in the chair with Mummy Pig reading Ezza magazine on the sofa. (Peppa Pig's panicky mode was also hilarious!) Peppa is hysterical as Daddy Pig tells her not to worry; as moral guardians are pissed off at this...well at least in Australia anyway, and Daddy Pig walks upstairs. We go inside and Peppa is begging for Daddy to take the spider away. George snorts as Daddy tells Peppa to not be afraid because the spider cannot hurt you because it's very small. This was the line that got the episode banned in Australia by the way.

In many countries; this advice 90% of the time is fine. In Australia, this advice is horrible as a message 90% of the time, because the spiders in Australia are much more venomous and poisonous than spiders in many countries Peppa Pig airs. Plus; the show is a pre-school show and Australia has more rigid government standards and practices than in Canada and the United States concerning television in general. A big kids show might -- and that's a big might I might add -- get away with this since the bad messaging here isn't much different from the bad messaging of cartoons in North America and Britian for instance; where children shows in the USA in general have bad morals, but aren't usually edited out. By the way; the episode wasn't banned until 2012. Also of note; while getting killed by spiders is still low in Australia compared to other countries -- It was risk of injuries and poisonings that probably led to a ban; not that they could kill you -- , only one person has ever been killed by spiders in Australia since 1981 while at least two people have been killed by pigs in the last five years. Still safer than being in a school in the United States as of the last month and a half there were 18 school shootings. Yeah, this is overblown, like so many episodes in cartoons that were taken off the air, but at least this one actually had government's fingers in the pie so to speak. Daddy Pig sees spider and promises to take it out; but it's bigger than expected and he bails to fetch Mummy Pig, so Daddy Pig is dumb once again. (Also, what a coward for someone who just moments ago said that the spider was harmless?! The Aussie government would be like: "Hypocritical much, there?!") The spider comes down to the bathroom area from the roof as Peppa decides that the spider isn't even looking at her anyway and decides to meet and greet the spider. She gives the spider the name "Mister Skinnylegs" and I should note that the music in this episode is very different from most episodes in this series; just to make the episode feel more important. (Oh, look; she's gotten over her fear of the spider. I guess she has to save face since the spider fears George and George is the only one who isn't afraid...) Mummy Pig enters the room as she wants to get the spider out of the room. Peppa introduces her to Mister Skinnylegs and this startles Mummy Pig because the spider is big. George don't care like he hasn't since this episode started.

Skinnylegs hangs from the ceiling in the kitchen of the dollhouse as George takes the spider and tucks it in bed again. Notice that none of the pigs have actually touched the spider, and George is the only one who has touched the spider's threads. Peppa then finally grabs the thread of ther spider and ushers it over for some tea and cake at the kitchen table. (By the way, the spider actually does the "can you believe this?" face when Peppa grabs the spider thread and scolds George. Who is enabling who here?!) This has to end with everyone at the kitchen table having cake and tea with Mister Skinnylegs for real, and it doesn't happen! Actually; they have the tea party at the doll house! Even better! Would have been even better if they drank real water, but what can do you?! George failed to fill the kettle up. Peppa shows off the spider to Daddy Pig and Daddy Pig lies that he's not scared of Mister Skinnylegs, even though he looks awkward and uncomfrontable when Peppa shows the spider. Even Peppa is accusing him of being scared, which basically means that Daddy Pig is scared. Ironically, in a later episode involving another spider, it's MUMMY PIG who is afraid of the spider. (I believe that episode was banned in Australia as well.) Why? Why not?! Peppa trolls Daddy Pig with the spider and Daddy Pig is forced to lean backwards and he crushes his chair in the process and lands on his back onto the floor. Everyone gasps in horror...for about three seconds and then everyone giggles as everyone except Peppa does the backsplash laugh. Mister Skinnylegs laughs on the zoom in shot as everyone loves Mister Skinnylegs (except the Australian government of course) to end the episode at 4:30 approx. Outside of a bad message that got the episode banned in Australia, this was a very good episode with George trolling and the most intresting tea party in a pre-school show. *** 3/4 (75%). (Since the episode was banned in one country, I cannot give it **** in good conscience, so the rating stays as is. The Blackberry Bush, Daddy Pig Gets Fit and Mummy At Work were much more problematic than this episode, though. You can watch the episode on Youtube, unless the Australia government has it on region block...)

Grandpa Pig's Boat: Here is episode #48 on the animation paper as we head to a river with Grandpa Pig's sailboat complete with bell and lever (CLEVER CLOGS~!). The grandparents and the kids are on the boat already! Worse, they haven't even put the lifejackets on the kids yet! Shouldn't you put the lifejackets on BEFORE you get on board the boat?! That's really stupid. (Even worse, the adults are allowed to not wear lifejackets! That's even stupider and why this wasn't changed in second airings is beyond me! At least the helmet wearing is consistent.) Grandpa Pig puts the pirate hat on George before he puts on the lifejacket. Idiots! The lifejackets are on now, thank goodness! (By the way, despite there not being a complete American dub of the episode, there is a clip show of Heath Kelts voicing Grandpa Pig in this very episode, along with several other episodes I have already reviewed. I'm certain he voices Daddy Pig as well since the voices are so similar.) Grandpa Pig states the house rules: When the captain says someone must do something; they must do it... (Grandma: Unless it's something silly. Hee hee!) and Grandpa Pig claims that he does not do anything silly. Yeah; I'll bet! (He just said something silly, so GEEK OF THE WEEK~! Also, the TickleU changed "you must" to "you have". Also, Granny Pig's whisper yell was at a slightly lower volume in the American dub, which is an improvement!) Grandma salutes him and George rises the pirate flag; because this is a pirate ship, you see. The world's most vanilla pirate ship ever! Peppa Pig rings the bell as commanded. Grandma Pig takes the wheel and Grandpa Pig pushes the lever (CLEVER CLOGS~!) and we race for our life stage left for a while. ("Full sail!" is kept in both versions!) Peppa snorts, the ducks almost get swamped, I get a drink. Grandma wants Grandpa to go slower and Grandpa agrees with her because he doesn't want to use up his petro (Gasoline in North America) and he pulls the lever (CLEVER CLOGS~!) and slows down the boat. Peppa is not happy about this; but Grandpa Pig whisper yells to her that they'll go fast later, when Grandma Pig is not looking. Cheeky old bastard! (By the way, that is the end of all the footage that was available from the American dub. The lifejacket spot is the same in that version as well.)

We see another ship containing Granddad Dog and Danny Dog; who does the same sequence of putting on the life jacket at the beginning of the episode! Then again; the adults never wear lifejackets in this show, so why I am shocked by this?! We meet and greet for a while along with tooting smoke and bell ringings. Also giggling, can't have enough of that on this show. Narrator claims that Granddad Dog and Grandpa Pig are best friends...and then Grandpa Pig starts taunting Granddad Dog because apparently, Granddad Dog's boat is worse than Dino Bravo. Here come the fighting words as they yell at each other for a while. (Yes, this is the official debut of the Granddad Dog/Grandpa Pig feud while the narrator claims that they really are best friends. This is like Max and P.J. from Goof Troop when they fight, only no one is actually allowed to punch anyone in the face.) The guise of this is: We are going to have a boat race between the sea dog and the water hog basically. Grandma calls them out for being manchildren. In a pre-school cartoon no less! Come on, Grandma Pig; let the two manchildren have their race and look like idiots for my amusement. Grandpa is protesting and Peppa points that Grandpa started it by calling Granddad Dog a sea dog. Of course! Even Peppa is ordering Grandpa to apologize, but Grandpa no sells because the victim is to blame. Of course, considering that Peppa has been trolling George most of the time, Peppa isn't in much of a position to say that without looking like a hypocrite. Danny is asking Granddad to apologize because he is his best friend. (At least Danny Dog is not a troll, so he has a better position to demand an apology even if it should be both dumb men.) Riiiigggghhhttttt. Somehow, Granddad Dog no sells this deal. We have the race and the rules of engagement are that the winner makes it past the next bridge which is shown about 200 meters away. Mileage may vary depending on how you view this. We start the engines; but Granddad Dog false starts Grandpa Pig on the lever (CLEVER CLOGS~!) and drives away. CHEAT TO WIN~! Granddad Dog should apologize after all. Not.

Grandpa Pig is angry and pushes the lever (CLEVER CLOGS~!) and we are off with the most childish grandfathers boat race since about last week. The grandfathers taunt each other; so Grandpa Pig puts on the jets on the boat and races ahead of Granddad Dog cleanly. I'm calling the finish right now: Grandpa Pig's boat runs out of fuel and stops about a foot away from the bridge and Granddad Dog wins the race by said foot. It's like Horse Scents from Ducktales 1987, only the boat didn't intentionally turn on Grandpa Pig like the horse turned on Webby..and that's EXACTLY what happens here. (Which means that this is the second race that Danny Dog has technically won, even though Granddad Dog cheated like nuts to win. I would take a picture of that one Danny, it's the last time you win anything, cheating or not.) Grandma Pig blows him off and Grandpa Pig looks stupid in more ways then one because they have no fuel and they cannot get back home. In comes Granddad Dog and he completely no sells the deal to tow them anyway, even though Grandpa Pig doesn't want his boat to be towed home by Granddad Dog anyway. So here's how they get themselves out of this corner: Peppa tells Grandpa to apologize...and that's exactly what Grandpa Pig does! Just like that! Danny Dog tells the same to Granddad Dog...and he does exactly what he does. Just like that! So Grandma Pig asks if they can be towed and the two manchildren tie the boats together as Granddad Dog tows both boats stage right, just like that. They are best friends again as they salute each other. As the towing is going on, Grandpa Pig whisper yells to Peppa that he won the race because he was the closest to the bridge; and Grandma Pig tells him to sod off like the naughty water hog that he is. (Yeah, Seadog would have won easily. You did not finish Waterhog!) No one in the scene cares anymore as Peppa rings the bell. Granddad's boat puffs more black smoke and that ends the episode at 4:30 approx. A fun episode that was stupid, but funny stupid in it's own way. (Okay, this was so much better than Horse Scents and deserves a better rating as a result, so *** 1/2 (70%).

Shopping: Next up is episode #49 on the animation paper as we begin this one at the large super store building with a green steel basket logo splattered on the side above a window, above the roof and above the door. We see Mummy Sheep and Doctor Brown Bear shopping in the store via the windows along with Candy Cat and Pedro Pony hopping along. (Sadly, we don't see Mummy nor Daddy Cat nor Mummy nor Daddy Pony present. Why didn't they use Suzy Sheep here?!) The red car arrives and parks on a mostly flat surface this time as the entire Pig family hops out of the car. Daddy Pig goes to the conveniently placed shopping carts and has difficulty pulling one out. (Kind of like me trying the same thing when I go to the supermarket. Sigh.) George is placed in the toddler's seat of the shopping cart; which in Britian is called a trolley. Peppa loves sitting there; but she is denied because she's just too big. However; she's good enough to help with the shopping list, which is sad because it would be a riot to see George trying to figure out how to read a shopping list. There are four things on the shopping list as Daddy Pig reads out loud: spaghetti, onions, tomatos (tomatoes in North America) and lots of fruit. (But no sauce?! Why buy spaghetti without the sauce?! This makes sense only in Peppa Pig's world!) Peppa proclaims that she'll find it all as she hops into the store; with the rest of the family following her. We find the tomatos at the veggie section and Mummy Pig puts four of them in the bag; while Peppa puts them in the trolley. (Even funnier: Peppa counted like she expected five tomatoes in the bag. That was a nuance I find funny.) Not near George though. Why does Peppa need to sing song that she found the tomatoes?! Because she's only four years old. (Good answer! Good answer!) Daddy Pig brings out the out of nowhere pen to mark tomatos off the list. Next is spaghetti and George calls it pighetti. HAHA! Daddy Pig corrects him of course and of course George doesn't care. (I both love and hate George pronouncation of words. Love it when it's generic, hate it when it's someone else's name.) The narrator also explains why the family eats spaghetti all the time; as it is their favorite food. So, what are the tomatoes and onions for? I say this because tomatos and onions aren't usually on the spaghetti. (Heck, they don't even make sauce out of them! That's not an error, that's the gimmick in storyline!)

Peppa finds the shelf with the bags of spaghetti and takes out one bag. Just one! Not four bags to equal the amount of tomatoes. This family doesn't buy in bulk I see. Peppa puts it in the trolley and George still calls it pighetti. Peppa tries to correct him; George don't care. (I laughed and laughed and laughed some more.) Peppa wants CRISPS~! British for potato chips; but the family has lots of that, so Peppa is denied. Peppa gives up, so she's not smarter than Daddy Pig, that is for sure. George wants a dinesaur (sic) and everyone laughs with him and at him. (I cried with laughter. George not giving two fucks is the best!) Daddy Pig finally reveals that it's onions, so it's back to the veggie section again; in between the eggplants, potatoes and radishes. Four onions are put in the bag and Peppa puts them in the trolley. (Once again, Peppa acts like she's about to count to five.) Daddy crosses out onions on the list and the trolley with the family seems to teleport between the veggie stand and the shelves containing house plants, all so George can pick one out. Why can't creative stop booking spots that require the family to teleport?! (Suzy: It's magic!) Daddy Pig corrects him and allows him to pick out the fruit. (Which isn't all that far off. More closer to the nose than crisps, that is for sure.) Peppa notices the fruit section as the narrator shows off the fruit, including a giant watermelon (Called just a melon by the narrator.). Geez; I wonder what fruit George will pick? After showing off oranges, apples and bananas, George picks the giant watermelon and is able to throw it into the trolley with ease. Those stick arms are strong, says I! Everyone giggles as we head to the checkout counter with Miss Rabbit reading Ezza magazine. (I believe this is job number seven for the poor Miss Rabbit and the one we see often with her.) The items are placed on the conveyer belt as Miss Rabbit rings them in: Tomatoes are 45 pounds, spaghetti is 169 pounds, onions are 85 pounds, the giant watermelon is 395 pounds, and a chocolate cake for 899 pounds. (Wow, this shop makes non-fruit and veggies look affordable! If only this were real life...) Everyone is shocked and appalled by this because it's not on the list. (Chris Jericho: It's on page four!) Of course; it was Daddy Pig after everyone else denies it, because Daddy Pig is blushing like a guilty person. Daddy Pig is a sneaky clogs! Daddy Pig makes a lot of excuses and he's naughty. Mummy Pig relents and puts it on the list as George likes chocolate cake. So does Daddy Pig for pudding and they all laugh to end the episode at 4:30 approx. Nothing really special for the most part. (This was a fun episode with a funny finish actually. *** 1/2 (70%).)

My Birthday Party: Here is episode #50 on the animation paper as we head to the house on the hill with a cock crowing and the sun rising. We zoom in to Peppa's bedroom as Peppa and George are sleeping in their bunk beds with their toys. The narrator informs us that today is Peppa Pig's birthday and it's very early. Peppa wakes up the instant the narrator stops talking and snorts. She wakes up George, for no reason; other than to annoy everyone in the fact that it's her birthday today. Also, there is going to be a magic show by Daddy Pig; and they are going to wake up Mummy and Daddy. How delightfully annoying this must be. We head to the adult's bedroom with Mummy and Daddy snoring soundly. Two more piggies jumping on the bed! None fell off and bumped their heads! They yell for them to wake up and I can only say: No more piggies jumping on the bed! (If you think this is cringe, just wait until Swimming when we get the worst hokey pokey parody in history when I talk about George Pig: Water Temperature Tester~!) Peppa calls this very late; even though it's 5 AM in the morning. The troll cannot even lie good. (That made me laugh.) Peppa is bouncing and Mummy Pig whisper yells that they can start the birthday now. All right. Cut to everyone already dressed up going down the stairs. Head into the kitchen as there is a present on the table with yellow with red hearts wrapping papper and tied with red ribbons. Peppa shakes the present and then unwraps the present. Peppa opens the present to reveal...wait for it...a sparkling spotted purple doll's dress. Yes, that was the present and she puts it on Teddy. Peppa thanks them as we get into an exchange on Teddy's gender, which I betcha no one cared until Peppa mentioned it just now. A lot of cosplaying ensues. (By the way, this will never be seen nor mentioned ever again, so it's a dead end angle.) Next up is that all her friends are coming and Daddy is putting on a magic show. Oh; and Daddy Pig has a fantasy of being a magician called the Amazing Mysterio. You are not Rey's giant brother, Daddy Pig! No way that big tummy is going to fool anyone. Peppa's pronounces "mysterio" like wrestling announcers in WCW in 1990 as the doorbell rings. (Gary Michael Capetta, everyone. I cannot take Tom Zeink seriously as the sexiest man in wrestling by the ring announcer, I just cannot.) Peppa runs to the lobby door and in comes Candy Cat, Danny Dog, Pedro Pony, Rebecca Rabbit and Suzy Sheep. We have the meet and greet complete with animal noises, and Pedro of course gets his animal noise in, because he's slow in the head, so to speak.

Mummy Pig comes in to inform everyone that the party has started, so it took literally thirty seconds to prepare the sitting room. Everyone goes into the decorated sitting room as Daddy Pig walks in wearing his formal gear. You know, if Daddy Pig wanted to be the Amazing Mysterio, this outfit is totally ineffective. Daddy ushers Peppa over and gets her instructions to introduce him as the Amazing Mysterio. Peppa introduces him as Magic Daddy~! There are times when her trolling is actually funny. Although; she should have went all the way and called him Big Magicial Tummy Daddy~! That would have been even funnier. The kids pop for it, because it was funny. Peppa sits down as Daddy Pig begins doing his magic tricks and says Abra-cadabra in the most funniest way possible, and pulls out Teddy in a dress out of said hat. Shock and awe ensues as Peppa grabs Teddy and everyone claps for that. Next trick requires a helper (a volunteer in North America) and everyone wants that job. Please pick Pedro Pony! That would be a riot to watch; and I mean that in the nicest way possible. Sadly; he picks Suzy Sheep to be the help, since she raised her hand first. Daddy Pig places three balls on the floor in the colors of red, yellow and blue. Daddy turns around and closes his eyes. Suzy picks the red ball as Daddy asks if she has picked a ball. Suzy says yes and Daddy guesses that it's yellow. Suzy: No. Daddy Pig guesses blue complete with drum roll. Suzy: No. Daddy Pig is dumb because this show is so rigid gender-based that Daddy is clueless that Suzy has not enschewed feminine colors at all. Daddy Pig finally picks red and Suzy says yes finally. Daddy Pig is the dumbest fake magician since last week. The kids pop for it anyway as Daddy Pig bows. Peppa whisper yells to Daddy in order to call him out for being silly; and Daddy nicely tells her to sod off; but the kids laugh anyway. It's not like they didn't notice idiocy in this trick anyway. The last trick involves Daddy Pig turning off the lights and everyone has to close their eyes and no looking. That means you too, George Pig! Abracadabra they all say according to the commands of Daddy Pig. (They pronounced this a lot better than Daddy Pig did! GEEK OF THE WEEK~!) they open their eyes to see Mummy Pig bringing in a lemonade cake with four candles. So, it's implied that Peppa Pig is four years old today. Peppa is giddy as she blows out the candles, and then the lights turn back on as everyone cheers Peppa's birthday. Peppa thanks everyone and calls it her best birthday ever as everyone giggles to end the episode at 4:30 approx. Eh; it was slightly fun, although Magic Daddy is pretty funny. *** (60%).

Daddy's Movie Camera: Here is episode #51 on the animation paper as we begin with the house on the hill as we see Mr. Zebra driving his yellow post truck up the hill and parks on the steepest side of the hill...AGAIN! (Yes, this is Postmaster Daddy Zebra's debut on this show in a speaking role no less! Zeb-bra, not Zee-bra by the way. David Graham voices Mr. Zebra here.) Mr. Zebra gets out with a giant parcel and rings the out of nowhere Gedo fashion sense doorbell. The door opens to reveal Daddy Pig as Mr. Zebra gives Daddy the parcel and of course as we zoom out; the post truck is already facing down the hill! Like I have said before; get used to it, this happens in many episodes involving vehicles. Daddy Pig enters the kitchen and shows off the parcel to the entire Pig family sitting at the table eating breakfast, which is corn pop cereal with orange juice. Daddy asks the family to guess and George thinks it's a dinesaur (sic). HAHA! It's not, sadly. Peppa guesses that it's a new toy and Daddy claims that it's very close. Mummy Pig guesses that it's the new movie camera (in North America, it's a video camera) as Daddy Pig opens the package to reveal a movie camera that looks like a security camera used in cartoons to me. Daddy Pig puts the camera down on the table as Peppa wants to go first; but Daddy Pig says no, because it's too complex for small children. So complex that even "I'm a bit of an expert on these things" Daddy Pig needs to read the manual that came with it. The instructions are pictures and most of them I understand: The camera takes two AA batteries to power it up for time and do not let batteries get into water, as well as the video camera, do not expose to sunlight and plug the camera into a plug at the wall. Daddy Pig thinks even this is too complicated. (It's official, Daddy Pig is dumber than me. Maybe being single isn't so bad after all.)

Peppa proclaims that Suzy Sheep has one and Mummy Sheep switches it on by pressing the green button on top of the movie camera. Oh; and this movie camera talks and calls itself the Movie-3000! (Voiced by John Sparkes.) Mummy Pig does not like the voice at all as the thing continues to talk over and over again. (Oh come on now, the voice wasn't that bad.) Peppa proclaims that it can be turned off like Mummy Sheep's camera by pressing the green button off. That turns off the camera; which means in order to shoot pictures, you must do it with that stupid voice talking in the background. Really annoying. Can't the camera have two buttons?! Mummy Pig is relieved as Peppa wants Daddy Pig to film her first. So, that is exactly what Daddy Pig does. Peppa does a raspberry and introduces herself. Then they go into the sitting room and Daddy Pig plugs the camera into the television with the smallest red wire ever, it's smaller than the controller wire of the SNES Classic. They turn on the television, watch Peppa's promo and then do the backsplash laugh in response. That was great! And it was so nice, we do it twice, including rewinding the entire thing! The rewind was funnier, though. Sadly; the third time ceased being funny to everyone but Peppa; as Daddy wants to film something new. (That can voice was better than the television narrator from Babysitting.) Mummy Pig shows the camera and wants Daddy Pig to leave so that the kids and Mummy Pig make a movie for him. Okay. Save us from seeing Daddy Pig trying to write a movie so Z-grade, Hal Warren would sue for gimmick infringement. Peppa pushes Daddy Pig into the kitchen and then slams the kitchen door on the way out. I'm surprised nothing fell during that slamming of said door. Oh; and no peeking from Daddy Pig.

Next, it's George's turn to be the star as Mummy Pig films George and we cut back to Daddy Pig staring at the closed door as the kids in the sitting room laugh like crazy. It's also 9:30 am as Daddy asks if he can come in. (It's been thirty minutes in Peppa Pig time in about three minutes I should note.) Mummy claims that it is finished and Daddy can come in now. Daddy comes in as Mummy claims that George and Peppa have each made a movie. I guess Mummy Pig was the camera person for both movies, too but she gets no credit for them. Bigots. Daddy finds the remote and we turn on George's big movie. If you cannot guess the theme of George's movie, you need to take the "pay attention to the product" classes. Peppa blows it off, of course! Daddy Pig thinks George is a scary dinosaur. No; George is a scary dinesaur (sic). Big difference, Daddy Pig! George then growls like crazy right into the hard camera so much that it makes George literally cry on cue. That was hilarious, actually! George got scared in an ironic way and it made George's pretend dinosaur look scary to one person. Irony! Mummy Pig continues to deny his feelings again, while pointing out that it's him on television. George stops crying and growls back for fun. Everyone giggles as it's time for Peppa's movie as Peppa cosplays Daddy Pig as Peppa has to make a thinly veiled fat joke on Daddy Pig again. The first ten times, this was funny; but now, it's simply older than a pair of rubber boots and unless there is a twist to it, it not benefitting anyone to do these jokes anymore. Daddy Pig is not amused by this; so that should have been a clue to cease the joke; but I'm certain Peppa will not get the message. (Well, until after Series Four anyway.) Daddy Pig protests this; but admits that he loves cookies, which Peppa has to point out that the tummy will get bigger if he eats more cookies. Sadly; true. Mummy Pig's movie is basically the Daddy Pig-less version of the opening sequence only with Peppa loudly snorting into the hard camera. I'm guessing this annoyed haters to no end; I didn't care about it. Daddy Pig then show off his snorting skills and they blow everyone into doing the backsplash laugh to end the episode at 4:30 approx. This is far better than any home movies I ever made as a kid, because I was an even bigger baby than George ever was. **** (80%).

School Play: Here is the final episode of Series One; which is episode #52 on the animation paper, and we begin this one at the school hall on the hill in what will be Lily Snowden-Fine and a good chuck of the child voice's final appearances of this show. We zoom into the school house as we are at a stage with curtains behind the children (Peppa, George, Candy, Danny, Pedro, Rebecca and Suzy) as Madame Gazelle is looking at her book on the floor and informs the students that they are going to put on Little Red Riding Hood. Which requires only FOUR characters to make it work: Red Riding Hood, the Wolf, Grandma, and the Wood Cutter. Here are my picks: Peppa is Red Riding Hood, DUH! Grandma is Madame Gazelle, DUH! (Sadly; that role is played by Rebecca Rabbit.) The Wolf has got to be played by Danny Dog and the Wood Cutter has to be Pedro Pony. They all go home to practice their parts in the play. No surprise, Peppa is Red Riding Hood in case anyone thought otherwise. Cut back to the sitting room with Peppa practicing her promos. Mummy Pig created the costume and the basket while Daddy Pig helps with Peppa's promo cutting. This goes on for a while and Peppa does an okay job for her first time; but it doesn't sound good or memoriable, which is not a good sign for her career as a star, but who knows. Danny Dog is as I expected, playing the wolf complete with wolf fur suit as Granddad Dog and Mummy Dog helping him cut promos. It's too bad Wendy Wolf isn't around until later series' since she would be playing this role easily. Danny's a funny wolf; but Granddad Dog wants a scary wolf and almost scares Mummy Dog out of his wits; with Danny Dog giggling with approval. That was distressing. Cut to inside Pedro's room as he's the hunter, who also yodels and blows the horn as a moonlighter; making him both the most clueless and compelling character in this entire play. So; of course, he is going to find a way to screw this up, because this is Pedro Pony we are talking about. Pedro is also spy. More like slow and awkward in the head.

Also; Pedro likes to ab-lib a lot and blow the horn; because even paper guns are not allowed on this show; and quite frankly, I don't mind. You have to draw the line somewhere. Cut to Rebecca Rabbit practicing while wearing a black dress as she is playing Grandma in this story; so I'm three for four in this department. Miss Rabbit read through the promo and Rebecca Rabbit gets exactly ONE line: "Thank You" and Rebecca blushes, because she's going to be the hapless victim in this entire play while Peppa is the star. I don't know what is funnier: Rebecca blushing or Miss Rabbit going through the play and not ONCE wondering how problematic this play is. Even her blushing the whole time reading this would have been a great subtle message towards that, but it never happens. (I think Rebecca is blushing because she expected a bigger role.) We head to the school house on the hill as all the adults drive up to the school house on the hill. Apparently; Mummy Cat and Mummy Sheep car pool together for this one. (I'm guessing Mummy Cat takes public transportation when others are not available.) Grandma and Grandpa Pig also arrive at the school. Jump cut to the staging part of the school as Madame Gazelle is on stage with all the adults sitting down. Gazelle addresses the crowd as all the actors get on stage. (The clock is at noon and it is in rainbow colors I should note.) George is the fool of this outfit, Suzy plays nurse and Candy Cat is a priestess I do believe. That's the triangle version of the Village People. All the adults bring their camera and we get flashing going on as Gazelle blows them off as photography was banned from this play. Wait; so you forgot to make sure to inform the parents not to do this?! What a stupid teacher Madame Gazelle is?! Inform them ahead of time that cameras are not allowed during the play then if you don't want it. (Another edition of GEEK OF THE WEEK~!) Gazelle begins the play and we open the curtain within ten seconds of the kids leaving in various directions. We see the bedroom set with the closet and Rebecca Rabbit in bed (Literally, not a crack on Bea from Fish Hooks) as Grandma. I'm going to skip the story of this play since everyone should know where this is going. Danny Dog comes in and Granddad Dog need to SHUT THE HELL UP~! He doesn't sadly.

Danny then suddenly forgets his lines and Gazelle has to tell him what the line is on stage, exposing the business in the process. Danny Dog tells Rebecca Rabbit to go in the closet in the most unconvincing fashion possible and Rebecca simply jumps out of bed, opens the closet, goes in and slams the door. I realize that there is a no touch rule in these shows; but this was so laughable that I laughed at it. Danny gets in bed as Gazelle claims that he's pretending to be Grandma and this is also laughable as hell. We pan left to Peppa, George, Suzy and Candy standing and Peppa cuts her promo causing Daddy Pig to whisper yell and take photos of her! HAHA! Peppa righfully blows off Daddy Pig for that. Okay; this play is much better the way they are doing it. If they didn't expose the business like crazy, this play would be boring as crap! (Yeah, and you didn't inform the parents about this, so Gigi, that's your fault! Also of note and something I missed: Peppa is actually wearing her new red shoes in this play! Awesome! They remembered the new shoes! Sadly, they forgot to tell us where the old shoes were to complete the continuity.) Peppa carries the basket to the bedroom set as we continue the play as Peppa is the only one who is serious in her acting skills as Gazelle calls forth Pedro the hunter to the rescue. This is just daring for Peppa to be eaten by Danny The Small Laughable Wolf~! How sad, indeed?! Pan right to Pedro who is confused and slow in the head. Gazelle helps Pedro on stage as he blows his horn. Pedro speaks his lines in a boring manner and opens the closet to bring out Rebecca Rabbit as she says her line the best. Miss Rabbit loves it and everyone claps and takes pictures as the actors take their bow and that is that. (Why not?! The rule of photography has been broken thrice and it sure wasn't nice.) Peppa calls Pedro very good and even kisses Pedro on the cheek! Wow; just wow. Pedro giggles and blushes; as everyone claps and giggles. Peppa declares Pedro to be the second best actor -- which is a lie -- and that ends the episode and Series one at 4:30 approx. This was the funniest bad play ever; and that's even better than a boring play where the children do know what they are doing. *** 1/2 (70%).

THE REVIEW LINE

Well; this was mostly fun from top to bottom with Daddy's Movie Camera being the best although At The Beach was an instant classic since Daddy Pig getting buried by Peppa is actually funnier than Kit getting buried by Molly. Not by much mind you, but still. Mister Skinnylegs wasn't the horror show most people think it was as there was only one bad message which wouldn't be any worse than we have seen in this show, nor in big kids' show. The rest were charming in their own ways and that makes this the best set of Series One and this is the end of the Lilly Snowden-Fine era as Cecily Bloom would be the new Peppa Pig for Series Two. So; next up is Series Two as there are voice changes, more new characters and more ribs at Daddy Pig's expense. I really don't have much more to say outside of what I have said already, so...

(This is it for Series One of Peppa Pig and thus deserves a thumbs rating: Seven thumbs up, four thumbs down and 42 thumbs in the middle after 52 episodes plus one pilot!)

Thumbs up for Daddy's Movie Camera and At The Beach, thumbs down for Daddy Pig Gets Fit, thumbs in the middle for everything else and I'll see you all next time.

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