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Twenty Years Of Muddy Puddles: Peppa Pig Series Two #2 Rant

Reviewed: 03/18/2018
Additional Commentary/Edited: 07/11/2024

No.

Okay fans; I have now decided to rant on this series full time, because I do in fact like this show enough that I can handle the best and worst of the Pig family from Great Britian. Okay; so we head back to Series two as we start the next twelve episodes of the second series as we have A Boat Pond, A Traffic Jam, Bedtimes, Sports Day, Eye Tests, another bout with Granddad's Garage, a Yard Sale, a Foggy Day, Bees and finally, the episode I have been waiting for since this show started: Swimming. Yeah; welcome to the Cecily Bloom era of Peppa Pig. So; how do these episodes fare? Let's rant on shall we..?!

All the episodes are done by Neville Astley and Mark Baker; except for Swimming, which is written by Chris Parker. Chris's Resume: Hollyoaks in 1997, Coronation Street, Hana's Helpline, The Royal Today, Eastenders, Roary The Racing Car, Waybuloo, Raa Raa The Noisy Lion, Gaspard and Lisa, Poppy Cat, Ben & Holly's Little Kingdom, Postman Pat and it's most recent credit: Chip And Potato. He has 35 writing credits to his resume. Animation is done by Astely Baker Davies animation; with the two mentioned creators and Phil Davies.

The Boat Pond: Here is episode #64 on the animation paper, and we begin at the duck pond as it's clearly spring now as the three yellow ducks are swimming and having a good time. (Please don't feed the ducks, that's all I ask.) In comes Peppa with her sailing boat, George with a windup toy boat, Daddy Pig with his newspaper and Mummy Pig with nothing of note. Peppa greets the ducks and proclaims that they have no bread for the ducks; but something more fun: their model boats. (Oh, thank you.) The kids dump the boats into the pond and it splashes on the ducks; and the ducks sound not pleased with this. Mummy Pig grabs the boat and winds it up because it works like clockwork. This makes George so giddy that Daddy Pig is telling George to put the boat into the water before the boat stops. George puts the boat in the water much more gently this time and the clockwork boat goes across the pond and bumps into the western edge of the pond causing the clockwork boat to stop. George giggles on cue. (He could have waited ten seconds more and it still would have gone onto the other side. At least the duck got out of the way.) Peppa wants her sailboat to be wound up; as if she hasn't used a model sailboat at anytime in her life; Mummy Pig tells her the sailboat needs wind and there isn't any. Peppa is not happy about this; so Daddy Pig channels Mr. Wolf before Mr. Wolf ever makes an appearance. Surprisely; Daddy Pig doesn't blush beet red while doing this; but the ducks get a wind treatment as the sailboat rides along the water and makes it to the western edge of the pond like Georges. (Somehow, the boats managed to stay in the middle for no reason...) In from the western front, comes Mummy Sheep and Suzy Sheep with her speedboat which works by pushing a red button. (Are you sure Suzy Sheep isn't a magician? She's the only one who says "It's magic!") We meet and greet for a while as the boat is battery operated. Suzy starts it up as the other kids are impressed and Suzy puts the boat on the pond and the boat speed away past the other boats and is stopped by a duck's ass. The duck hated that of course and Suzy apologizes on cue. The duck doesn't sound happy, so in comes Danny Dog with his paddle wheel boat along with Granddad Dog. Oh; the paddleboat was hand made by Granddad Dog and everyone is in awe over this. Daddy asks how it works and it's steam powered; so we push the convenienly placed lever (CLEVER CLOGS~!) and the boat chases the ducks for a while. As in, literally chasing them out of the pond. What a cheeky boat Danny Dog has?!

From the western front comes Mummy Rabbit and Rebecca Rabbit as she squeaks and is the only one who doesn't have a boat with her. (Yeah, I changed Miss Rabbit to Mummy Rabbit again, for obvious reasons.) The boats have now started up again and have total dominance on the pond as the ducks are forced to watch on. You wonder why Mrs. Duck stole Peppa's boots in The Golden Boots?! (Actually, this is the least of our worries. It's the bread feeding that angered me more.) Daddy Pig has a solution in that he'll use his newspaper page. He shuffles through the pages to see which one he doesn't care about and he picks the fashion page and this causes Mummy Pig to gasp in horror. Why didn't you bring Ezza magazine with you?! Daddy relents and makes a boat out of the business page. Investors of this show cancel their investments to this show, which failed anyway. (Yeah, Peppa Pig is still going on and making bigger bank than it ever did in 2007.) Rebecca is impressed by Daddy Pig's handiwork and she puts the boat into the water and it floats gracefully. So much so that George wants one and so Daddy Pig relents and loses the sports page. Wow; I thought that page would be second to last in order. George gets a paper made boat from Daddy Pig and now everyone wants one and Daddy Pig has to do it because they are kids, you see. Daddy Pig makes more boats and there is no more newspaper; so yes, even the Fashion page was used. Yup, Mummy Pig's shock and appallement is completely pointless now. (Yup. Mummy Pig stopped caring about the fashion section and accepted this.) They put the boats on top of the pond as Daddy Pig walks to the western edge as we have a blow off race as everyone blows their newspaper boats. Take one guess who wins?! One guess, it's too shocking. SURPRISE~! It's Antonio Inoki~! POW! OUCH! Ummm...It's Peppa Pig; because she's the star of the show. Oh wait; it's not her. The sports page one made it to the edge first; so George is the winner. The one with the least lung capacity to blow his boat forward. That was impressive. (Once again, Danny Dog loses. LOL!) The kids all celebrate as Peppa loves paper boats the best and everyone scatters in various directions as Peppa and George wave goodbye to the ducks as they re-enter the pond. I cannot buy the narrator claiming that the ducks loved the boats; but the ducks love having the pond back I can buy. We are slow burning towards "The Golden Boots" as we end the episode at 4:30 approx. A fun episode that turned into the ducks being pushed around. Peppa and company will regret that someday. *** (60%).

Traffic Jam: We continue on with episode #65 on the animation paper, as we begin this one on the white house on the hill with Grandpa Pig coming up the hill from his garden with a wheelbarrow of potatoes. We head into the kitchen with Grandma Pig at the table cutting up carrots and onions for soup, apparently as the narrator explains that this is a special lunch for the Pig family as Daddy Pig, Mummy Pig, Peppa Pig and George Pig are visiting. Grandpa Pig proclaims that you can never have too many potatoes. Well; it's not much worse than too much bacon, so I guess this is sort of true. (I would dispute that former self, since potatoes can easily rot if you skin too many of them.) Grandma Pig relents as long as the potatoes are in the oven. Grandpa Pig assures her nothing will go wrong because it's only 11 o'clock. We head on the boring road stage left with Daddy Pig and family in the car. Mummy Pig is driving of course; with Daddy Pig looking at a map. Mummy Pig is complaining because she's certain that they will be late and Daddy Pig doesn't buy that. Peppa isn't buying what Daddy Pig is selling, which is a whole new plan to beat the traffic and they are forced to stop because there is a traffic jam. Of course! Naturally, they are behind Granddad Dog's tow truck, so we meet, greet and exchange notes with Granddad Dog and Danny Dog for a while. This traffic jam apparently lasts for two straight hours. Was there a really bad car crash this time around? It's one o'clock back in Grandma's kitchen as the table is already set and the potatoes are out of the oven. Sadly; they need more cooking as the telephone rings on top of the dishwasher no less! (That's a better place to put a phone, mobile or otherwise than a stove which was the wrong place that I called it on I should note.) Grandma Pig answers the phone and it's Daddy Pig calling to inform her that they are going to be late...AGAIN! Grandma Pig decides that Grandpa Pig is late with the potatoes and he is not amused by this. (Granny Pig claimed that Grandpa Pig is going over the top with potatoes and we get the "wah-wah" sound, indicating that it's true and Grandpa Pig is not amused.) Grandma Pig hangs up and Grandpa Pig takes the wheelbarrow and himself back out to the garden for more potatoes as Grandma Pig isn't exactly liking this. (Uh-oh! Granny Pig pissed off Grandpa Pig...AGAIN!)

Back to the traffic jam of death; as Peppa is whining and Daddy is out of options. But, wait?! Mummy Pig backs up the car and goes left in a conveniently placed fork in the road. Peppa and Danny Dog wave bye bye to each other and Mummy Pig takes the shortcut. 2:1 odds that she'll end up in the exact same spot as she was before she took the damn shortcut. This shortcut is bumpy and goes through the area where the duck pond is. This would have been funnier if the footage with the duck pond was reversed. Finally, they make it to the main road and... BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Oh, snap! BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Damn; I'm so good as Peppa pretty much says it all. (Peppa calls the tow truck a lorry, which is the proper name for a tow truck in the UK.) We head back to Grandma's kitchen as it's two o'clock and the baked potatoes are so ready, they are a large hill in the middle of the table. Everyone is ready, except for the family not being here as the phone rings. (Even funnier: Granny and Grandpa are directly looking into the hard camera when the narrator speaks. That was funny!) Grandpa Pig answers it this time as Daddy Pig claims that they are close to their house; but the traffic is moving as slow as a slow snail, according to Peppa. Ah; so she did see the Turbo movie and television series once in her lifetime. The food is going to get cold and cold baked potatoes are awful, says I! Grandpa Pig has a plan as he brings in the wheelbarrow and Grandma Pig loads up the potatoes in it. The grandparents walk out of the house with a picnic basket and a wheelbarrow of baked potatoes because they are bringing the lunch to the traffic jam. Well; you need a lot of people to feed that huge pile of baked potatoes. Peppa notices the grandparents coming and asks if there is enough for everyone in the traffic jam. Grandpa Pig says yes as we have a picnic on the side of the road as we see Mummy Pony, Pedro Pony, Mr. Zebra, Zoe Zebra, Candy Cat, Mummy Cat, Danny Dog, Granddad Dog and Miss Rabbit. (Yes, another Zoe Zebra appearance with Daddy Zebra before their focus episode!) Strangely, no Rebecca nor Richard Rabbit nor Mummy Rabbit joining in. Grandpa Pig proclaims that you can never have too many potatoes and everyone does the backsplash laugh to end the episode at 4:30 approx. (Sadly, Grandpa Pig should have rethought about that attitude after the Goldie The Goldfish overfeeding incident.) We sadly never find out why there was a traffic jam; which implies that someone crashed and died. I don't know weither to be pissed off or sad. Call it *** 1/4 (65%).

Bedtime: We continue on with episode #66 on the animation paper as we head to the house on the hill BEFORE HAPPY HOUR (sunset). (The sunset is a blood red sun and purple clouds and dark purple skies. I guess tomorrow will be another lovely sunny day.) We zoom into the kitchen with the Pig family at the kitchen table slurping their favorite meal in this show. Daddy Pig yawns and Mummy Pig is surprised by this. (These pigs snort all the time, and a yawn offends Mummy Pig?! Methinks something is sus with this relationship, if you know what I mean.) Daddy Pig admits that he's tired since it has been a long day. Peppa and George claim that they are not sleepy and beg to go play in the garden, and Mummy Pig relents as long as they come inside for their bath afterwards. The kids giggle and run out as magically, they have their boots on. (George had his red boots on while he was eating his "pighetti" without sauce on it! How about that?! Also, to Daddy Pig: I could say that the smaller you are, the more energy you have to spare, but when it comes to this world, I defer to Suzy Sheep to think for me. It's magic in Peppa's world and I move on with reality in my world.) You know what that mean now, don't ya?! It's six o'clock and there are lots of muddy puddles. DING! You can guess what happens next as they jump up and down in them and do the backsplash laugh. That is not the big puddle in the world, Peppa; unless you live in an area where vicious mudslides occur. Surprisely; they are not completely covered in mud like in the very first episode of this series. (Yes, for the second time in the series, they do the backstroke in the muddy puddle, and somehow no new mud splatter on them! Tom Bevel would have laughed this spot out of the building and so would I!) Peppa and George are called by Mummy and Daddy Pig as Peppa shows off her muddy side and she's so disappointed now that she has to take her bath. She asks if they can play a little bit longer, Daddy says no, the kids take their boots off and run into the house. (This would prove to be a huge mistake in "The Golden Boots" movie.) We are in the lobby as Peppa answers Daddy's question about being sleepy, they are not. Everyone heads upstairs and when George and Peppa go up, the camera is literally shaking. But when the adults go up, the camera is not shaking. The adults are sleepy as we head inside for the bubble bath as the kids are still giggling and not sleepy. (I would have been asleep by now, if I didn't have leg cramps and urining issues.)

The kids do some splashing for a while, and somehow, no one outside of the kids gets wet. The logic is completely fuzzy here. (I missed this in the original rant: Peppa and George are in the bath tub and are clearly shown fully naked. Probably the one time I have ever seen that. Plus, no censorship at all and I think this episode aired in the US unedited. Wow, just wow. When George was going to potty in a much later episode, they made a huge effort to obscure George's lower half the entire time.) Bath time is over in spite of Peppa wanting to clean up some more. (I have to give Peppa credit: When she muddies hard, she cleans hard too.) We have them cleaning their teeth by brushing and a lot of foam ensues. Peppa wants more cleaning; but Mummy Pig says that it's time for bed time stories and the kids love that, so it's off to bed as Peppa seens to find a way to snort ten times in ten seconds. (Peppa is milking this evening so much, she is willing to do boring chores just to prevent herself from going to bed. That's commitment to your trolling there, Peppa!) The narrator is wasting time pointing out the toys being tucked in for the night. (It's 7 PM at this point.) Daddy asks if they are sleepy and Peppa pushes the covers because that is a no and she has books. Mummy Pig demands one story; so, it's the red monkey book with yellow covers. (Of course! I have a hard time believing George likes the red monkey book as much as the green Mr. Dinesaur book Peppa had as a choice.) Daddy sit down in a chair conveniently placed and we begin reading the "Red Monkey" story for a while; and gets cut off by Mummy Pig's yawning. HAHA! The kids giggle. YAY! Basically, the story is exactly the same one Peppa and George had done in real life! Geez; I wonder why George and Peppa like that story?! This story somehow cures insomnia as the kids are fast asleep on cue, snoring. At least Daddy Pig didn't call them his little piggies when they turn out the lights this time as the adults slowly head downstairs and into the sitting room. Daddy Pig and Mummy Pig sit on the couch as Daddy Pig turns on the television as we watch Mr. Potato dressed up like a bank robber. The announce claims that Mr. Potato does all this and never sleeps; prompting the adults to fall asleep. The narrator says it all while we zoom out to AFTER HAPPY HOUR (after dark) to the house on the hill to end the episode at 4:30 approx. Wow; this was probably the shortest review I have ever done and it was perfectly fine. (Not anymore, which means you missed a lot former self. This was a fun episode actually. *** 1/2 (70%).)

Sports Day: Moving right along with episode #67 on the animation paper as we head to the school on the hill. (This episode aired on Christmas Day 2006 in the UK as it's debut airing I should note.) We pan down to see balloons and a track & field area with all the kids, almost all of the adults (minus Mummy Dog and Mr. Pony) and of course, Madame Gazelle with a yellow megaphone and red flag. (This is one of the few times in this series that I have see them pan southbound from the building. Also, yet another appearance for Daddy and Zoe Zebra before their big introduction. Also, and I didn't realize it until now, this is Doctor Elephant's debut on this show!) The kids are giggling as today is sports day. Madame Gazelle proclaims that the first event is running as all the kids make it to the starting line with their sport shoes on. (I believe this is the debut for the sports cleats on this show as well.) This causes Peppa and Suzy to blow each other off for a long ass whomping time as we ready, steady, go; and the kids all run off, leaving the two cocky trolls behind. HAHA! I should note that Britian still uses imperial measurements; since Peppa claims that she can run at a hundred miles per hour. I believe that is her mouth. AHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! POW! OUCH! Ummmm... (Ooo, the Peppa fanbase didn't like that sick burn, former self.) Suzy claims that it's a hundred million miles per hour for her as Daddy Pig yells at them to stop this BS and run! (When the dumb father is smarter than you, it's time to reel in the troll act.) It's time to run, run, run as Rebecca Rabbit has the lead and wins the race with Danny Dog in second, Candy Cat in third, Zoe Zebra in fourth, Pedro Pony in fifth, Emily Elephant in sixth, and Suzy Sheep is in dead last with Peppa in seventh. Because you see, the star of the show is so important that she cannot be in last place in anything. (Also, Danny Dog continues his hot streak of being the plucky guy who cannot win. At least he did better than everyone except Rebecca Rabbit, whom running and jumping are her strengths anyway.) There is a close up shot of the trophies, which looks like gold plated wine glasses with handles on them and each has a different symbol on them. (Also, while it's not mentioned here, they are made of plastic gold. I don't know if it's a BS&P decision or not, but I found it a funny gag.)

Rebecca wins the triangle trophy by the way and she blushes on cue. (Where did former self get the notion that it was a star trophy?!) Everyone has running shoes on for some reason, including the adults. Peppa and Suzy blame each other for this terrible showing, because they cannot keep their beaks shut. (Oh, they are setting up The Quarrel episode nicely now, aren't they?!) Daddy Pig breaks this up by claiming that it's all about taking part and not winning. So; why have trophies for the winners then?! Next up is the long jump and apparently, only two contestents are allowed, Richard and George. George and Richard giggle as Peppa takes George away from the sand pit and consoles him. George is like, okay; and it's ready, steady, go~! George runs and jump high into the air and doesn't even get halfway across the sandpit. But Richard cannot win this event, can he?! Richard's turn and he doesn't bother to step back and do a run as Peppa thinks Richard has lost this one by default. Ready, steady, go~! Richard jumps over George, lands at the left edge of the sandpit and wins the event! Screw you, Peppa; you troll! (Peppa's mouth is really making her look like a loser today, eh?!) Richard gets the dizzy symbol trophy and George bawls his eyes on when Richard giggles. That's the last time he takes advice from Peppa as Peppa gives him the advice of taking part instead of winning. George is not exactly buying this. (Why would you believe anything Peppa says after this?! Kit called Baloo out on the friendship festival at the end of The Golden Sprocket Of Friendship, for goodness sakes!) The next event is the relay race which involves the adults taking part. Daddy Pig wants in; but Peppa is not thrilled because Daddy Pig's running sucks worse than Dino Bravo. Or something. Peppa doesn't like this because of DADDY'S BIG TUMMY~; but Daddy Pig thinks he can and fails to even come close to touching his toes. Yawn, whatever. Peppa accepts him on the condition that he runs very fast. Daddy Pig promises as we head to the starting line as the adults start. I should note that the batons are pronounced "bat-tans"; not "ba-tons" here as Madame Gazelle proclaims that it's ready, steady, go~! Daddy Pig gets into the lead instantly, with Miss Rabbit in second, Doctor Elephant in third, Mummy Cat in fourth, Granddad Dog, Mummy Sheep and Mr. Zebra tied for fifth and Mummy Pony is in last this time. For the moment. Logic break: We cut to the kids cheering on and then when we go back to the adults.

Mummy Sheep and Mr. Zebra was somehow in second place and fourth place before bouncing backwards. Daddy Pig hands the baton to Peppa first, which means Daddy Pig did his job, and then Peppa just stands there while everyone gets their batons and races for their lives. And MRA's accuses Daddy Pig as the only one being dumb?! Absurd! (Why did you give this episode ***, former self?! Peppa Pig is an evil winless troll! RUN~!) Daddy Pig yells at Peppa to stop praising him and race for her life! Peppa gets it and runs as Emily Elephant is in first, Danny Dog is in second, Rebecca Rabbit is third, Candy Cat is fourth, Pedro is fifth, Zoe is sixth, Suzy is seventh and Peppa is dead last. Poor Danny Dog; he's the best runner to never win a trophy and that mades me very sad. Emily Elephant wins with Candy Cat making it to second place, Danny Dog is third, Rebecca Rabbit is fourth, Zoe is fifth, Suzy is sixth, Pedro is seventh and Peppa is in last place. Okay; I was mistaken. Emily gets a star trophy and everyone except Peppa cheers for her. (Thankfully, you corrected youself there, former self.) Yes; the new pupil wins her first trophy of her career. Great! Peppa tosses the baton and sulks in defeat as Daddy Pig assures her everything is fine as long that the motor mouth doesn't overloaded her humming bird rear end. Oh wait; I made that last part up. (No lies detected on that sick burn.) But there is one more event to come: The tug-of-war. It's of course a gendered affair with boys VS. girls and there are only three boys to tug, so there you go. Ironically; Richard Rabbit is not there, along with Rebecca Rabbit and Emily Elephant, so this is basically a losers tug of war to make sure that only three kids at the most go home empty-handed. Danny thinks the boys will win; but Suzy thinks the girls will win, which assures us that this will be a draw. Ready, steady, go~! Everyone pulls like mad as the crowd cheers on the kids and the rope loosens and breaks causing the white cloth to land right in the middle. That means the event is a draw and everyone who didn't win a trophy has won the event. YAY! (By the way, there were only six trophies on the table at the beginning of the episode, so at least three of them were written in by teleport.) Danny Dog finally won his trophy, by not winning nor losing the event. Shut up Homer Simpson; no one cares about your promos anymore! Steam hams on the other hand...Everyone gets a trophy as Peppa loves it and everyone does the backsplash laugh to end the episode at 4:30 approx. Great event, silly pointless finish. (Girls VS Boys BS aside, this episode was AWESOME: Peppa and Suzy screwing each other and Daddy Pig was hilarious and Danny Dog being Danny Dog makes this a **** 1/4 (85%).)

The Eye Test: Here is episode #68 on the animation paper and we begin on the house on the hill and the back door opens. Out comes Peppa, George and Pedro Pony jumping up and down and then run down the hill. (I have removed the F'N part of Pedro Pony at this time because, this is actually Pedro's first focus episode and he wasn't a music thief cowboy at this point of the storyline.) They proceed to jump up and down in muddy puddles for a while before Pedro runs to the next puddle, slips and falls on his ass losing his glasses in the process. Sigh. Pedro gets up and walks away stage left as we cut to the glasses landing on the grass. George finds the glasses with ease because he can see very well without them; but Pedro clearly cannot. (During Pedro's attempt at cosplay Velma, the screen has a blur effect. I'm certain it's the video source I am using, but it's amusing all the same.) George then proceeds to put them on and smirk as Peppa calls him silly and takes the glasses away; giving them back to Pedro Pony. Peppa asks why he needs to wear glasses and Pedro explains that his optician told him that he needs to. Peppa at least pronounces optician correctly as Pedro explains that his father is a optician, a doctor who helps with your eye sight. Peppa believe that Daddy Pony looks inside Pedro's head; which is sort of insulting considering how absent minded Pedro can be. Pedro corrects her; so Pedro isn't THAT stupid. Pedro decides to give Peppa an eye test and Peppa does the eye test as it's clear Pedro is playing with her mind now as this eye test proves absolutely nothing. After closing one eye and seeing George and then closing both eyes and seeing nothing; Pedro concludes that Peppa needs glasses and Peppa is surprised by this. (I was laughing so hard because Pedro is clearly trolling Peppa because even someone with bad vision closing their eyes are not going to see anything. It's so obvious and Peppa Pig buys it hook, line and sinker. It's always fun when the troll gets trolled by someone who is honestly one of the most clueless characters in this series.) It's now home time as Mummy Pig and Mummy Pony come out to inform Pedro that it's time to go home. Suddenly; out of nowhere, both Mummy Pony's car and Daddy Pig's car appear pointing down the hill. Pedro's car is purple by the car as Mummy Pony and Pedro get into the car and drive home while Mummy Pig, Peppa and George wave farewell to Pedro and that is that. The pigs all skip into the sitting down as Daddy Pig is at his chair reading the newspaper, while Peppa explains that she needs glasses. Will that come with a free personality transplant?! Probably not. (Oh, come on now! Chargeman Ken needs that a lot more than Peppa Pig ever does.) Mummy Pig is not buying this because this is Pedro Pony we are talking about here. Mummy Pig calmly explains that no one can see anything when their eyes closed; meaning Pedro made Peppa look like an idiot. (HAHA! Former self just figured it out!)

Daddy wants to know what is going on here and Peppa explains the situation. Daddy Pig decides that Peppa should see an optician; just in case Pedro's trolling wasn't all trolling and stuff. (Hey, getting an eye test is not a bad idea at any age actually.) Peppa wants to go now; but George no sells the eye test and we laugh at him. Scene change to the town as we see Granddad Dog, Danny Dog, Candy Cat and Mummy Cat walking on the sidewalk in opposite directions. We head into the optician's shop with Peppa, Mummy Pig and Daddy Pony in his official debut basically. (Yup. Voiced by John Sparkes. His title is also "Doctor Pony", but doesn't do console wars like a certain Doctor Pony who decided to do a video in the middle of an operation because XBOTS CAN'T ARUGE FACTS~!) Daddy Pony wears a lime green sweater as he tells Peppa to sit down. Peppa sits down in the optician's chair and we begin the eye exam. Peppa is given special glasses with look like bottle cap lens with a ruler sticking on top. Peppa has to look at an eye chart with them with letters and Peppa reads them all slowly with ease. Next chart is numbers and I must say that having a pointer makes this all too easy for Peppa to get right. Next chart -- all pull down projection screens I might add -- is colors and Peppa easily gets all of them right. Although that orange looks more brown than orange, but Peppa's eye sight is nigh perfect at this point. Daddy Pony bails to check the results as we pick out glasses and try them using the mirror of vanity for a while. The rainbow glasses look awesome; but not funny. The next ones are too big, even for me. (Not to mention, Peppa Pig looks like Daddy Pig when he was a kid in The Time Capsule.) Peppa loves the heart shaped glasses; but it makes her look like a tool. Peppa and Mummy giggle as Daddy Pony comes back with good news: Peppa has perfect eye sight and needs no glasses. Dammit! Those rainbow glasses were awesome. By the way; on the clipboard it reads: 410 86 .025 0 0.4 =. Peppa Pig is crushed; because she wanted glasses so badly. Mummy Pig is laughing all the way to the bank on that one. So am I; and Pedro Pony finally looks like the smart one of this episode. However; Daddy Pony also sells sunglasses and that's just fine regardless of eyesight, I guess. Peppa is overjoyed by this as she looks in the mirror, calling it fantastic. She hopes it's sunny every day; which is bad because it kills the muddy puddles gimmick. Daddy Pony and Mummy Pig do the backsplash laugh as Peppa Pig follow in kind to end the episode at 4:30 approx. Pedro Pony is also laughing; but for an entirely different reason. **** 1/4 (85%). (Yeah, he drummed up some business and is heading to the bank to cash in. Hey, Peppa might be the star, but she's the GEEK OF THE WEEK~! This was also an awesome episode, too.)

Granddad Dog's Garage: Here is episode #69 (Steve Dangle: NOT NICE~!) on the animation paper and we begin this one at Granddad Dog's gas station and garage complete with the cheese tow truck and new car wash. Standing in front of the shop is Granddad Dog and Danny Dog as the Pig Family's car come in and Daddy Pig stops the car while honking the horn. We meet and greet for a bit as gasoline is petro in Britian. (Personally, I prefer "petro" over "gas" since "petro" is much clearer in meaning. I should note that Canada has a gas station company called "Petro Canada", which is still around to this very day.) Granddad Dog is showing off his garage toys including the smallest car wash I have ever seen. Daddy Pig just wants two ice lollies. (Ice pops in North America, due to various trademarks. I think there is a legit ice lolly product sold in Canada, too.) Granddad Dog is disappointed, but customers are customers and Daddy Pig gets two ice lollies for the kids. Oh well, better luck next time Granddad Dog, which I bet will happen within the next three minutes. Did I just say....oh, never mind. Yes; Granddad Dog did get paid since there is a gold coin in his right hand when he waves farewell to the car driving off. (Good for the writers to show that, since it didn't happen in previous episodes.) We cut to the boring road with Daddy Pig driving the car. Yes, Mummy Pig, George and Peppa are in the car in case anyone thought I forgot. George and Peppa lick their ice lollies as Peppa and Daddy Pig do the promo about the car loving them as Daddy Pig honks the horn and the car breaks down and stops, just like that. Daddy Pig tries to restart the car and car is like "Screw you, I like Virginia, you UMBC (Unversity Maryland At Baltimore County) fan!". (I completely forgot about that one time a #16 seed beat a #1 seed in the NCAA Men's Basketball Tournament. By the way, Virginia won it all the next year and got it's revenge.) Mummy Pig rings in Granddad Dog with the cellphone of doom. Jump cut to Granddad Dog's garage and jump cut to inside the tiny office as the phone rings. Granddad Dog answers the phone and Mummy Pig explains the situation. Granddad Dog and Danny Dog are giddy about this because there is some resucing to do; so they leave the office and get into their tow truck, which is now on the opposite side of the building near the car wash after being on the other side at the beginning of the episode. Animation continuity is not this show's strong suit, methinks. They drive to Daddy Pig's car and then get out after saying "to the rescue!" Granddad Dog and Danny Dog meet and greet again as Granddad Dog gets out and checks the engine. Daddy Pig asks if it's serious, it's not because they ran out of petro. To be fair; Mummy Pig didn't notice either and trusting the kids to know is a fool's errand. (Daddy Pig's face said it all. Maybe it's time to invest in a car with a fuel tank gauge since there seems to be none on this car from what I can see.) Granddad Dog proclaims that there is lots of petro at his garage, and he proceeds to tow the back of the car back to the station, which looks mighty awkward. The car is put back down as the gas tanks and Granddad fills up the tank with gas.

In comes Mummy and Suzy Sheep in their car. They stop to meet and greet with Peppa. Peppa explains the situation, Suzy is like "okay" and Mummy Sheep drives away stage left as Suzy waves goodbye. Peppa waves back as we jump cut to Mummy Sheep driving on the boring road to the west. Suzy is giggling and then suddenly the rear left tire (tyre in Britian) bursts and goes flat. Okay; who left that invisible pin on the road?! (Answer: Suzy, because it's magic! Probably wants an ice lolly as well, that sneaky troll lamb.) Mummy Pig checks the tyre and it's out of air. That means, it's time for Granddad Dog to rescue them as Mummy Sheep brings out her cell phone, which is the exact same one the Pig family has. We basically repeat the sequence, with less dialogue and more Peppa Pig getting into the tow truck. To the rescue~! (Along with the seatbelts being written in by teleport due to the changes made in the first run episodes because parents complained, of course!) I'm surprised George didn't join in this one as we head to where Mummy Sheep's car is and meet and greet again. We tow the car back to the garage and Granddad Dog refills the tires, but forgets to repair the tire. I guess this show takes place in a world where no-flat tires have yet to be invented. In comes Grandpa Pig and Grandma Pig in a yellow car which has the same roof features as Daddy Pig's car. We meet and greet as Grandpa Pig's car doesn't require air in the tires nor petro in the tank; but it does need a car wash even though it looks spotlessly clean. He just wants to try out the new car wash; because he is curious. We discover that the car wash is run by a mainframe computer that talks in an unknown woman's voice. The car wash has a conveyer belt as the voice declares this the car wash of the future as Grandpa Pig's car gets car washed. (Even though automated car washes have been around since the 1950's. I see why horror flick people are picking on this show. Surprised they don't pick on TaleSpin as often as they do Peppa Pig since that show would be loaded with easy shots.) Then the polisher goes on top of the car and the computer conveniently malfunctions. Something tells me Grandpa's car is a bit too tall to clear the car wash. (Hmmm, maybe someone in creative should have raised the roof of this car wash by at least three feet more.) Grandpa Pig panics because the computer is broken. Granddad Dog sucks at mending computers, which means Peppa offers Daddy Pig to mend the computer, which is continuity from Mummy Pig At Work, grumble, grumble. Daddy Pig is in denial of this; but Granddad Dog don't care. Daddy Pig pushes the red screw button on the right side of the screen to switch it off and then pushes it again to switch it on; causing the car wash to work and that is that. Everyone pops as Peppa says it all; causing everyone to do the backsplash laugh to end the episode at 4:30 approx. Very fun episode with lots of mending cars and a car wash. When in doubt, switch it off and then switch it back on. *** 3/4 (75%).

Foggy Day: We continue on with Episode #70 on the animation paper and we begin this one at the house on the hill. (The flute music they used in Series One is back, and we will be hearing that tune in the opening less and less as time goes on.) The red car is not only facing the proper direction; it's parked on the flatest part of the hill. YAY! It's a miracle! Someone on this show has a clue! (Take a picture, they'll piss this goodwill away soon enough. Besides, it's also going back into the garden.) George and Peppa run out of the house as Daddy Pig follows and gets into the car. Daddy Pig wants to drive Peppa and George to the playground; but Mummy Pig says no, we are walking today. (Probably for the best since it means that they don't have to drive in the garden. Also, despite it being clear that they are not driving, the second run still has Daddy Pig wearing a seatbelt anyway.) We get a shot of the playground where Peppa points which is on a steep hill with a white fence and purple gate. It looks like a playground in someone's backyard; rather than one you see in a public playground. Daddy Pig decides to get out and they walk down the hill stage left as Peppa skips to her lou; she wishes she was ultra-cool sidekick Toadwart. (Poor Toadwart, he never stood a chance against Kit Cloudkicker. It's amazing that I still remember this character at that point. Also, I figured out why Duke Igthorn hated being called "Dukie": In Johnny Test, Johnny's talking dog is called "Dukey" or "Dukie", and critics claimed that the word was slang for poop. Now you know why Igthorn hated being called that.) Everyone giggles and now it's foggy. Good thing Daddy didn't drive them; he might have crashed into something. (Also, the fog managed to create wind sounds that the family doesn't sell and a subtle double over echo effect. That was odd, they are not in a tunnel and I live in Porters Lake, where fog happens all the time. ) Peppa wonders where the sky went as Daddy explains that it's fog and that fog is a cloud on the ground. It's actually visible cloud water droplets; so Daddy Pig is well within the dartboard on this one. (I believe this is the first time Daddy Pig said something legit sciency on this show. Thankfully, Suzy is not here to say, you guessed it!) Zoom out and the Pig family is in shadows because they cannot see a damn thing. Daddy and Mummy Pig decide it's time to go back home; because it's just too foggy, which causes the kids to sulk. The narrator talks and the family acts like they notice the narrator talking and are confused. HA! (Come on, now! There's only two directions: left or right and you came from the right. It's obvious!) Daddy Pig assures them that they are not lost and walks in the right direction (sort of); but doesn't WATCH OUT FOR THAT TREE~! HAHA!

Apparently; Daddy's glasses and the bump into said tree has bumped his compass, meaning that the family is now walking in the opposite direction. I would call this incompetence; but it's too foggy, so I chalk it up to poor weather conditions for this brainfart. Lots of skipping as Peppa is like me when I think there is no hope of ever coming home. Daddy Pig assures that everything is fine; and then we meet the PICNIC DUCKS~! (Thankfully, no feeding occurs. Wow, I thought they did this a lot more often, but so far; the family has only fed the ducks once.) Peppa interacts with them about being lost; and Daddy Pig insists that they are not lost. In other words; they are engulfed by the thick fog. I'm just saying Daddy Pig. (Hey, at least it's not magic...) Daddy Pig walks stage left and basically; he falls into the duck pond with a resounding splash. HAHA! Daddy pops from the water and does a really pathetic spit take on the way out. Daddy Pig has found the pond. Surprisely; the pond still has water in it. The ducks hop into the pond as Peppa calls it lucky. I'll say! (By the way, there are an obvious splash effect when Daddy Pig falls into the pond. Please remember that for later. I believe this is the first time, the British expression "That's lucky!" was used here.) Everyone giggles and quack as Daddy bows to the ducks and that is that. Daddy Pig splits the water with the ducks to get out on the right side of the pond. Daddy Pig acts like a real dog in drying himself and nearly gets everyone wet in the process. Then we hear a familiar voice saying hello and in comes Rebecca and Richard being held by the voice known as Mummy Rabbit and her not so flashy flashlight. (Another episode where I had to change Miss Rabbit to Mummy Rabbit, for obvious reasons.) We meet and greet; and yes Rebecca admits that they are lost. The Rabbit family also wanted to go to the playground; but got lost because of the FOG~! Daddy Pig is still too stubborn to admits that they are lost and everyone follows Daddy Pig east. They find a hill and go up the hill as Daddy Pig is claiming that they are finally home. However; we see on the top of the hill, a steel ladder. Hmmmm; I wonder what that steel ladder is attached to. Daddy checks the ladder, all confused; and discovers something amazing. He offers the kids to go up and lo and behold; Peppa and the kids are on top of the slide as the fog finally burns off to reveal the playground. Which means; the white fence and purple gate are completely useless. (Yeah, that was a bad logic break.) Peppa and Rebecca do a sing-song sliding down the slide as George and Richard play on the see-saw. Then Peppa and Rebecca play on the swing set with glee. Mummy Pig is sort of confused here because they were trying to get home. Which is funny considering that originally, they wanted to go to the playground. Daddy Pig sort of admits that they were lost after all as everyone laughs to end the episode at 4:30 approx. Yeah; this was cute. (This was a better episode on the second viewing, so *** 1/2 (70%).)

Jumble Sale: Here is episode #71 on the animation paper at the school on the hill as it's raining and the roof is in really bad shape, so much so that inside, the ceiling is dropping water droplets. (Speaking of angles that keep on going: Doing stuff to fix the leaky roof on the school house on the hill. This is the debut of the angle, and it will not be the last.) The bucket is collecting the drops as Madame Gazelle informs all the big kids that they are going to have a Jumble Sale; which is a Rummage Sale here in North America. (Which means another appearance of Zoe and Daddy Zebra before their big debut! At this point, there are eight big kids, George and Richard at Playgroup.) Basically; the kids have to bring something to the Jumble Sale and the money goes to fixing the new roof; because in this world, there is no government and education is in the private sector. (Wow, that is a very interesting political statement there former self!) Peppa asks what to bring and Gazelle states that it can be something that they do not use anymore. Mummy Pig, Daddy Pig, Mummy Cat, Mummy Sheep, Mr. Zebra and Mummy Pony arrive. Wait; so Mummy Rabbit and Mummy Dog aren't here yet?! (Or even Granddad Dog.) Gazelle proclaims that it is now home time and the kids bail. Gazelle tells them to bring their old junk for the Jumble Sale tomorrow. (I should note that the roof is broken in three spots at the beginning, only one of them is big enough to cause the ceiling to drip water.) Now we head to the next day at the house on the hill as we head inside Peppa's room and to that toy basket of toys. Peppa has to choose only one toy to help with the leaking roof of doom and Peppa choses...wait for it....wait for it...Mr. Dinesaur. YOU TROLL~! George rightfully bawls his eyes out on cue. (This was so obvious, it might as well be an atrocity.) Mummy Pig and Daddy Pig talk her down and Peppa Pig is not happy; but relents. Daddy Pig suggest the jack-in-the-box and Peppa is perfectly fine with that; as long as Daddy Pig gives something to the sale, which confuses Daddy Pig. We head down into the sitting room. What the hell happened to Daddy Pig's chair?! It's torn and springy now as the television is playing Mr. and Mrs. Potato playing tennis. (I believe this is the fifth appearance for the two potatoes before Mr. Potato's official debut in Series 3!)

Mummy Pig is giving away one of her hats; while George is giving away the bouncy ball. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! The bouncy ball was awesome, George. (So awesome that it defys the laws of physics as we'll see in The Tall Grass.) Give away Teddy; it's not like Peppa takes good care of that raggedly thing anyway. POW! OUCH! Ummmm... (Mummy Pig: That would be no better than George's Mr. Dinesaur being on sale, Mr. Weagle. Even if what you say about Peppa's lack of care towards Teddy is true. Me: Good point. I withdraw my statement.) Peppa then offers to give away the television, Daddy protests this and Peppa agrees with him because it's too useful. (I wish she actually said "useless" and it was her mispronucing "useful" would have been funnier. Yes, Daddy Pig does call the television, "the tele" here, so it's just British slang. Surprise no one calls it "vision" as slang, that would be even more accurate.) That was funny. (It's funny, but former self messed up here, making it so. Also of note, another cameo for Goldie The Goldfish which is still not named at this point.) Next up; Daddy smelly slippers, which George foolishly sniffs at. Yuck! The slippers are off the list, including Jericho's. (This is the second time in the series George has sniffed Daddy's slippers. Thankfully, they have stopped doing that in the reboot. We don't want anyone to think George is getting drug highs off the slippers now, do we?!) Peppa bounces on Daddy's old chair which is springy and fly infested now. Sounds reasonable to me; although I would love to enough how that poor chair got to be in such a bad shape when it looked brand new in every single other episode it was in. This has to be a logic breaking chair, there's no other explaination for it. Daddy is protesting this, claiming that it's an antique and Peppa asks what is an antique. It means old; which is perfect for the Jumble Sale. Daddy Pig is dumb. Mummy Pig rightfully comes him out on him, his claims of mending the chair and selling it as well. Daddy Pig gives away a pair of stylized socks that Grandma Pig made for him and everyone is fine with it; except for me because those socks are too nice to be in this Jumble Sale. The doorbell rings and George answers the door. It's Madame Gazelle asking for the stuff for the Jumble Sale. She also has a blue truck which is parked on the flat side of the hill, thank you. Peppa brings out a box of stuff and Mummy Pig secretly manages to get the old chair away from Daddy Pig.

Madame Gazelle is perfectly fine with all this. (Considering that this is Daddy Pig's favorite chair, no one should have been surprised when Gigi accepted Peppa Pig's vegetable drawing to Mr. Potato's new gym without a second thought. Everyone trolls on Daddy Pig!) Gazelle gets into her truck and drives down the hill as Peppa points out the obvious to us. Mummy Pig tells Peppa not to tell Daddy because it's their own little secret. We head to the school on the hill as everyone comes in for the Jumble Sale. We head inside and see a lot of lovely items including a broken computer, socks, bottles of soda, chocolate cake on a plate, hats and of course; Daddy Pig's favorite "antique" chair. (By the way, only the monitor is broken and is still a CRT monitor at this point.) Peppa goes over to Miss Rabbit as Miss Rabbit shows Peppa the chair and offers Peppa to chop it up for firewood, which might be even more useful than being an "antique". Even Peppa is confused by this because Daddy Pig claims that it's worth lots of money. Miss Rabbit decides to jack the price up on it. Why not? It's all for a good cause anyway. (Oh, that excuse?! They don't say that in this episode, but get ready to hear that one soon.) Peppa bails to Mummy Cat's booth of toys as we meet and greet with most of the big kids. Suzy gave away her nurse's outfit, Pedro give away the Polly Balloon of Doom, and Zoe gave away her toy monkey. (Mummy Pig is sobbing like Smurfette bought from Wish after hearing that one.) Everyone giggles as Peppa feels sad to part with the jack-in-the-box; so she's going to buy her old stuff back. Why not?! As long as the roof is fixed, no one will care. Everyone buys their old stuff back and shows it to Mummy Pig; who is carrying a basket of veggies. In comes Daddy Pig as he bought back his old disgusting looking chair. Uh-oh! Mummy Pig rightfully calls him out on this as Daddy Pig claims that it's an antique and the same as his old chair. Peppa then blows Mummy Pig's cover, and I don't know why Mummy Pig bothered to tell Peppa to not tell Daddy Pig, since it's clear the jig was up at this point. Daddy Pig is pissed because Miss Rabbit ripped him off on the chair; but then relents because it was enough for the new school roof. Of course! Everyone except for Madame Gazelle does the backsplash laugh to end the episode at 4:30 approx. (I get it, it would have been better served if they just paid taxes, but this was funny and I could laugh at them! Peppa Pig's world is not the real world and doesn't pretend to be the real world otherwise.) That's good because it would have been a sad day in hell when the bouncy ball has to have a new owner. Episode was fun as usual. (This was more entertaining on the second viewing, mostly due to the adult just trolling on Daddy Pig. It doesn't help that Daddy Pig doesn't mend his own things properly. *** 3/4 (75%).)

Swimming: Here is episode #72 on the animation paper as we head to the swimming pool area complete with color coded change rooms and two diving boards. All of the Pig family comes out one by one in their usual swimming costumes, although Peppa is wearing red instead of yellow this time around. Daddy Pig puts on their inflatable orange arm bands and blows into said armbands to fill them up for air. I cannot buy the armbands making George sound all grown up, I just cannot. (I see the water wings are no longer used anymore on this show.) Everyone climbs down the ladder, except for George -- who sounds whiny at this point -- because this is the first time he's going in the swimming pool. Daddy Pig grabs George and let the comedy begin! (Oh, here we go: The beginning of the best episode in the pre-Golden Boots era...) First up, George Pig: Water Temperature Tester~! You put the left foot in, hear George bawl~! You put the right foot in, hear George cry again~! Put two feet in, and George will giggle all about~! He splashes everyone and makes Daddy Pig all wet~! That's why it's all about the funny~! YEAH~! Okay; that was terrible! My hokey-pokey reference, not the comedy on the show. (That attempt at humor was the biggest cringe moment I ever did. It puts my rejected Rhinokey jokes into their proper perspective, doesn't it?!) Oh; and the reason why Peppa isn't in yellow?! That's because Rebecca Rabbit is wearing a yellow swimming costume, along with Richard Rabbit in navy blue and Mummy Rabbit in a two piece red swimming costume. (There is no thinking here, it is Mummy Rabbit.) Everyone meets and greets as Rebecca and Richard are already in the water swimming and treading water in that order. A lot of squeaking goes on. Mummy Rabbit brings in a yellow paddle board and Richard practices his swimming legs kick for a while. Mummy Pig gives George a yellow paddle board and George kicks his legs as they bump boards and spray water over all the adults for fun, mostly Daddy Pig. That was great! (Chris Parker's motif in this episode was to make sure the toddlers splash as much water into Daddy Pig's face.) Peppa claims that big kids don't splash; and then they proceed to swim splashing a lot more water than George and Richard ever could. Hypocritical trolling much there, Peppa/Rebecca?! Then we get a great teleportation spot: As the two girls make it to the edge of the western side of the pool talking about the little ones when they grow up for real, Richard and George somehow teleport to that edge. (I'm guessing they got out of the pool by Daddy Pig and Mummy Rabbit.) Richard has an out of nowhere red sprinkling can and sprinkles water all over Peppa's head. BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Peppa orders Richard to stop and thankfully, the two little ones no sell the deal. The troll just got trolled...AGAIN! Then it gets even better; Richard unintentionally drops the can into the deepest part of the pool, and then bawls his eyes out. Literally a second after that; George bawls in sympathy for him! AWESOME! George was like; "oh, why not?!" and then he cries. (George literally looks at the hard camera, looks at Richard and does the waterworks. They thought the watering can drowned and they are the murderers of said can.)

Mummy Rabbit gives up within seconds and almost everyone does not want to get that watering can. Not Daddy Pig! Oh, no! He's going to get that watering can, no matter how much protesting anyone does -- which they don't, by the way -- and literally tells Mummy Pig to hold his glasses. This was many years before "hold my beer" became a meme on the internet. (Speaking of cringe...) Mummy Pig holds his glasses and Daddy Pig dives into the water and grabs the sprinkling can and that is that. Ironically; he splashes much less water than Richard and George combined. Daddy Pig gives the can back to Richard, and declares himself to be an expert of underwater diving, prompting Richard to sprinkle water on his head. BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Peppa must be loving that one! (Never mind that Daddy Pig splashed a lot less than the kids did!) Peppa blows this all off because that is for babies. Sod off, you troll! Peppa wants to use the diving board, but the adults no sell the deal because it's just for grownups, you see. (Which by the way, I have seen little kids about their age dive off the board at The Sportsplex. Yeah, sod off Mummy Pig!) Which is a good thing; because we are at the greatest spot of all time. (At this point, this is a **** episode without question. Now, it's time for this show to get it's first perfect rating...) You see, Daddy Pig is about to do some actual diving and everyone panics, because DADDY'S BIG TUMMY will drain the entire pool! Daddy Pig is like "I'll show all of you!" and even Mummy Pig is questioning this; because it was long ago since he won high diving events. Daddy Pig don't care as he gives his glasses to Mummy Pig and goes to the low diving board. (By the way, I howled with laughter when he said that he has kept himself fit and strong. I'm about Daddy Pig's size and I am a lot more humble on my lack of fitness than this ham of an anthromorphic pig!) Daddy Pig teases diving, but that's not good enough for Daddy Pig, so he's getting off and climbing up the high diving board. Peppa and company are on the side near the changing rooms. Peppa is pleading for him not to swamp them with water. (Yes, they seriously think Daddy Pig is going to drain the pool!) Daddy jumps off high into the air, he does a flip and then dives into the water with no splash at all. He literally went through the water surface with zero spray whatsoever. This is so fake that was so funny! (Even the finish to The Tall Grass was more believable than this.) This officially rivals Simple Science in being so absurd. Daddy Pig rises up and told us so. You don't say?! I didn't doubt you for a second! Daddy Pig gets to the side and everyone offers him a towel. Daddy Pig no sells and sprays water off his body like a dog on everyone! HAHA! Ultimate revenge! Daddy Pig's apology is hollow; but who cares?! Everyone does the backsplash laugh to end the episode at 4:30 approx. This is the best episode in the series until Simple Science, bar none! Daddy Pig got his revenge on everyone, and I do mean; everyone. ***** (100%).

Tiny Creatures: Next up is episode #73 on the animation paper and we begin in Grandpa Pig's ever expanding garden as Grandpa Pig has two yellow bowls on the ground and he's picking up some lettuce from the ground. Peppa and George run in as Grandpa gives Peppa some lettuce, which contains a snail. (Which literally teleports in out of nowhere. It's magic!) Peppa drops the lettuce and points to it, calling it a horrible monster. That snail is even smaller than Mister Skinnylegs, for Peppa's sakes! Wow; she really thinks small creatures are lethal in this storyline. George don't care and smirks with glee. (George was like: "Peppa is a wimp and I'm a member of Wimpbusters! Yes, this was a thing in Memphis Wrestling during the time Ghostbusters was a thing in the movies in the mid 1980's.) Grandpa Pig finally corrects Peppa and the snail goes into it's shell, like a turtle, only with glee instead of being scared. We exchange notes about snails as it has a house, but no bed. Peppa wants to be a snail with a shell house complete with bed, table, chair, fridge and television. In other words; a house made of shells. Okay, whatever Peppa. (Yup, more cosplaying animals while being anthromorphic animals themselves. There is a hilarious payoff to this, but The Zoo is far away. Featuring a very spiecist Mr. Lion.) Everyone laughs at you on cue, badly as Peppa asks what snails eat and Grandpa Pig says it all as the snail chews on a leaf of lettuce and hides in his house as Grandpa Pig blows him off for being such a cheeky rascal. So, what is Peppa's excuse then?! Or George's for that matter?! Grandpa Pig gives them two baskets because it's time to play some cheeky snails to kill some time. (Which are also written in by teleport and make Peppa and George look more like turtles than snails. Oh, just wait until Tiddles the Tortoise and Doctor Hamster debut on this show. They are both responsible for the greatest moment in Suzy Sheep's career!) This ends with the kids hiding in the baskets like the cheeky snails that they are and Grandpa Pig laughs. In comes all of Peppa's friends, including Richard Rabbit. (That means yet another appearance of Zoe Zebra, for the fourth time in this rant alone, and the eighth appearance so far in Series Two! Thankfully, the next rant has the official debut of Zoe Zebra and Daddy Zebra!)

We meet and greet as Grandpa Pig doesn't know where Peppa and George are. Allegedly, because there's just two giant snails on the ground giggling because this is so funny to them. Peppa singsongs and backs up the bicycle riders claiming that they are cheeky snails. (You would think that the voice would have been enough to convince the kids that it's Peppa and George trolling them, but nope. They back up thinking that the two are monsters. HAHA!) Peppa and George pounce up from their shells and everyone giggles. We exchange notes on the situation as everyone wants to be a snail; but Grandpa doesn't have enough baskets for them; even though they could use their bicycle helmets as subs. They can be something else in the garden. Rebecca Rabbit to wanting to be a carrot, because she loves carrots. What?! No blushing?! That was awfully sloppy of you, show. It's not a carrot as everyone gets off their bicycles and follows Grandpa Pig through the apple orchards. They hear buzzing sounds and arrive at the bee house on the hill. Peppa of course, confuses this with a doll house in which Grandpa Pig corrects her again. (In an interesting move: Grandpa Pig is calling it a bee hive and a bee's house.) A number of bees -- which look like small easter eggs -- come out as the kids are in awe. One of the bees looks at Grandpa Pig and then flies over to a conveniently placed flower and starts sucking juice from the flower. The bee then flies back into the bee hive as Grandpa Pig explains that it's pollen needed to make honey. Peppa claims that she loves honey and wants to cosplay a busy bee. Grandpa Pig is giddy about this as all the kids make buzzing noises and runs around Grandpa Pig in a circle. They are busy bees now as they run stage left up the hill to the white house on the hill as Grandma Pig comes out. We meet, greet and exchange notes on the situation as the kids want toast with honey on it. Grandma Pig calls it lucky because she made a lot of toast with honey! (The Backyardigans would calls this awfully convenient, methinks.) The kids all pop for this as we jump cut to Suzy with her piece of toast with honey loving this; and then Peppa brings up a large ball of lettuce because she likes being a cheeky snail who eats lettuce. Of course, Grandpa Pig is behind Peppa when she cut this promo and is forced to drop it because she's a cheeky little rascally troll before he laughs. Everyone does the backsplash laugh to end the episode at 4:30 approx. That last part was in fact funny; but the rest was okay at best. (This was a really fun episode and I enjoyed it a lot more on the second viewing, so *** 3/4 (75%).)

THE REVIEW LINE

Well; I love the Swimming episode and I'm shocked that it wasn't on a DVD because this was the best episode of the series up until Simple Science came along. Daddy Pig is the best diver in the world and I mean it too! There's no way a thin person could no splash a dive, let alone a thick person like Daddy Pig, but Daddy Pig pulled it off. Plus; trolls got trolled in so many ways and all of it was funny as hell. The Eye Test was also good, mostly because Pedro Pony got his trolling on Peppa. The rest was just fun. (I really enjoyed Sports Day a lot more on the second viewing outside of the stupid Boys VS. Girls bullcrap, mostly due to Suzy Sheep and Peppa Pig being such geeks and Daddy Pig looking smart and surprisely fit for someone with a giant sized tummy. I also found some almost **** episodes in this set as well as I found Tiny Little Creatures to be really entertaining, and Jumble Sale better on the second viewing as well. The Boat Pond was the only one that was middling and none of them were awful or even average. Still, Swimming was the MVP of this season by a mile and I don't think anything will catch up to it until Simple Science. Unless I change my mind of course. Also, you better hope I find the next set of shorts more entertaining, because the next rant might be the low point of the show so far.) So...

Thumbs up for The Eye Test, Sports Day and Swimming, thumbs in the middle for the rest and I'll see you all next time.

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