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Twenty Years Of Muddy Puddles: Peppa Pig Series Three #5 Rant

Reviewed: 04/21/2018
Additional Commentary/Edited: 08/04/2024

Damn; This Show Loves To Be A Chatterbox!

Okay fans; I have now decided to rant on this series full time, because I do in fact like this show enough that I can handle the best and worst of the Pig family from Great Britian. Okay; we head back to Series Three as we finish off with the final eleven episodes now that the gloves are finally off of this show as it turns from just a normal pre-school show into a legendary pre-school show. How do these episodes fare? Let's rant on shall we..?!

All the episodes are done by Neville Astley, Mark Baker and Phil Hall. Animation is done by Astely Baker Davies animation; with the two mentioned creators and Phil Davies.

Chatterbox: Here is episode #147 on the animation paper as we open the episode on the house on the hill and up the hill with the spotted bouncy ball comes Suzy Sheep. The back door opens and out comes Peppa Pig as we get the meet, greet, hug and giggle. Suzy has to drop the ball while doing this. (2024 Gregory Weagle Says: Despite being on a steep hill, the ball never slides down the hill. SUZY SHEEP~?! Suzy: Why is our critic ranter yelling at me all the time?! Daddy Pig: It's his way of saying that it's magic.) Suzy tries to exchange notes with Peppa; but Peppa keep cutting her off and cutting promos. (I hope Peppa didn't feed the duck when she talked about going to see Mrs. Duck, that would be bad.) You just knew the troll would start trolling on her best friend at some point. (Like this never happens before this episode started, former self?!) Suzy points the ball down, invokes eye contact violence and that makes Peppa asks what is wrong. I'm guessing that Suzy is not impressed with Peppa leaving Suzy hanging on the telephone in Whistling. (Sadly, this show is so episodic that the creators didn't follow up on that. This would have been a neat clapback.) Besides Peppa being a chatterbox for no reason; which is far worse than Peppa overshooting her singing in Compost. Suzy complains that Peppa talks too much. Oh come on, now! Peppa doesn't go "blah, blah, blah". That's Mummy Pig's gimmick! Speaking of Mummy Pig; she's at the kitchen table cutting up potatoes for the veggie soup. In comes Suzy and Peppa; as Peppa is protesting this outrage, because Suzy claims that Peppa talks too much. Mummy Pig basically admits that Peppa talks too much and is a bit of a chatterbox. I'm not much of a chatterbox; but I'm sure as hell a writersbox. I write too much, I never get block! I write too much, oh boy; I never get block! (Hypocritical much there, former self?!) Then Suzy starts to chatterbox on Peppa and Peppa walks out in a frown as the troll got trolled...AGAIN! There is a whiplashing jump cut to outside during this taunting as Peppa claims that she can easily stop talking. Bad move, Peppa Pig as Suzy is egging her on about it, because Peppa cannot stop talking. Hey; at least one kid on this show knows Peppa is the star.

Peppa swears off talking, forever; or about two minutes which I doubt she'll even last that long. There are worst things than being a chatterbox actually. In comes Zoe Zebra on her scooter as she shows off her new dress and Peppa waves with a grin. Not even ten seconds in and Peppa cannot overcome this. Peppa gives up within ten seconds as Suzy continues to egg on her. Peppa stomps her foot and call this a silly game even though she promised not to talk.I guess sign language is considered talking in this world. Zoe and Suzy continue to egg her on, so Peppa proclaims that she'll never talk again as her advertisers panic on cue. In comes Danny Dog from the east and only Peppa does not engage in the meet and greet. So, in Peppa Pig's world; non-verbal cues are now considered talking. Oh wait; Suzy and Zoe are now saying that it's cheating. (That sounds ableist to me, former self.) Danny is confused; but has some grapes and Peppa cannot speak; so she won't get any. I don't care if Peppa is a chatterbox, because this is a pre-school show and you cannot do intentional bumps nor violence. But this is trolling the troll and if you do it for far too long; you turn into the very thing you don't want to be. Unless you intend to be a troll. (I admit that this is perversely entertaining to me. Why did former self give this episode ** 1/4?!) In comes Pedro Pony on rollerskates with a clown horn. Of course! And to think; Pedro isn't even the biggest clown in this episode! (Wow, sick burn on the star is dangerous, former self.) Pedro wonders what is wrong with this picture. Suzy and Zoe egg on Peppa even more, causing her to blush and now she is pissed off. Peppa goes on a tirade and starts to mock Suzy's way of walking and Suzy just stands there proclaiming that Suzy's point is proven. Peppa even has to lie about the way Suzy talks; just to get a reaction. Trolls typically want a reaction that makes them get a high. Peppa is not talking like a troll, she's talking like she has been wronged. Even though; all Peppa is doing is proving Suzy's point that Peppa talks too much. Personally; I would be pointing out that Peppa is an asshole for not allowing Suzy to finish her promos and cutting her off all the time. (That's a fair enough point there, former self. Still entertaining though.)

Pedro then points out that Suzy is not much better than Peppa and Suzy is offended by this attempt to make her into a projector. (When the clueless one acts like the smartest person in the room, it's time to punt the argument and take the L.) Suzy accepts the dare to stop speaking, which even Peppa is pointing out that it is bullshit. Pedro doesn't think it's all that hard and then everyone orders him to be quiet. Of course! Then the kids all decide to be quiet and they run into the house and talk to Mummy Pig at the kitchen table having tea and reading EZZA maganzine. Yes; they want to be quiet while talking loudly and giggling throughout this sequence. Mummy Pig is so not buying this, so be quiet for three seconds, you clownish kids! Which extends to ten so Suzy can drop the ball. (It's rare to see and hear the adults actually allow the kids to outwit themselves. I howled with laughter seeing this.) We hear the horn honking as we see that Daddy Pig has arrived with his bags and he heads inside greeting everyone. Daddy Pig is confused because he thought the place was empty. Mummy Pig explains the situation. Peppa of course; talks and protests this outrage as the rest of kids follow in disgust seconds later. It's time to admit that being a chatterbox is not a bad thing; because being silent is clearly not a good thing. Peppa blushes and claims that she might be a chatterbox. Like it's a bad thing and even Daddy Pig points this out to us. Peppa proclaims that she is an expert at talking and Suzy is gravely offended by this because she's the expert. They argue like little kids. Oh wait...Apparently they are the same as everyone says "chatter" over and over to end the episode at 4:30 approx. This was dumb because being a chatterbox isn't bad, but the chatter at the end was literally saying chatter. If you are going to be a chatterbox; at least be creative and productive about it. (Listen, a lot of points you made were valid. However, this episode was far more entertaining on the second viewing, so I give it a *** (60%).)

Mr. Fox's Van: Moving right along, here is episode #148 on the animation paper as we head to the house on the hill and as Peppa reads the episode title; here comes Mr. Fox's Van parking on a slant; but not on the steepest side of the hill. From the western side of the hill, up comes Peppa, Danny, Pedro, Suzy and George come up on their wheels giggling. Out of the van comes Mr. Fox and Freddy Fox with his helmet on. (This is clearly from 2010 as shown on the side of the van.) Mr. Fox fishes the green bicycle out of the back of his van and Freddy gets on it. Freddy and the kids meet and greet; then they cycle down the hill as Daddy Pig comes out to greet Mr. Fox. as it is the afternoon and Daddy Pig is shocked and checks his out of nowhere watch, because it appears to have stopped. A stop watch will soon be the least of Daddy Pig's worries as Mr. Fox decides to do a hard sell on Daddy Pig and brings out grandfather clocks in a set of three. HAHA! Daddy Pig isn't so sure about this; since they are a bit big. (Okay, anyone who thought Freddy Fox was ribbing us in that his father doesn't sell stuff in multiples: This is Mr. Fox's gimmick, basically.) We cut to a one tree hill as the kids ride to top of said hill. Peppa and company ring their bicycle bell in a contest to see who has the loudest; but Freddy has no bell on his bicycle. Freddy cycles back to Daddy Pig and Mr. Fox as Mr. Fox was acting like he just brought out the clocks. That was really sloppy continuity there. (Yeah, someone in editing should have spotted this and corrected it. I think the show is running thin of editors at this point.) Freddy asks for a bicycle bell. Mr. Fox goes to the back and comes out with boxes of bicycle bells that come in sets of two. I guess he wants to cater to everyone by allowing two bells on the bicycle handle in case there is an amidexterous bike rider in the mix. (Hey, that's a good reason there former self. Have a donair plate on me. Sike!) Freddy returns saying this is brilliant as he shows off the bells to the kids and the kids are in awe. (It's been a while since I heard someone say brilliant on this show.) Freddy Fox claims that Mr. Fox has everything. At least Mr. Fox and his van have talent, unlike Bonkers and his "House of Everything". (Question: You know what is missing at the "House Of Everything"?! Answer: Talent. A lot of talent I might add.)

Suzy want to bicycle race and it's legit because there is a trophy involved. Take one guess who has a trophy, take one guess. Even Suzy and Peppa are staring with grins; so you know they know it too. Freddy cycles back to see what Mr. Fox can do and we jump cut to Mr. Fox showing Daddy Pig a banana yellow SEAMEN~T mixer. (It's not my fault Jim Cummings, the scumbag that he is, pronounced it as such.) Because we have to continue the angle of Daddy Pig has a fetish for concrete. (I completely forgot the cement mixer incident from this episode, shame on me!) Freddy comes in asking for a winner's cup (Trophy in North America.). Mr. Fox asks how important is this race, and Freddy proclaims that it's very important. In their world, it probably is. Mr. Fox goes to the back and brings out the most pathetic looking trophy ever. In fact; it's golden colored plastic, because what self-respecting scumbag sells a real golden trophy anyway?! I should note: The trophy Baloo won from Mr. Khan in A Bad Reflection On You was gold plated, so Baloo's trophy is worth more than that trophy. Freddy don't care as he cycles back to the hill where the kids are. Yes; even the kids think plastic gold is awesome. Ironically; plastic gold is not only real, it's considered environmentally friendly. (Yes, this was the beginning of the plastic gold angle which always amuses me because plastic is worse than metal nowadays. I don't hear this angle much in the later series, so someone in BS&P found out that this was a bad idea and nixed it. However, this will not be the last time we hear about the legend of plastic gold!) The kids decide to race to Peppa's house and we ready, steady, go~! Freddy takes the lead with the trophy in his grasp as we jump cut to Daddy Pig and Mr. Fox demonstrating a robot like machine that teleports. Yes; that is just what happened. Oh; hello there Mummy Pig. The machine that disappears is basically a CD music player. Pfft; whatever. (I don't see any purpose for the disappearing robot, either. CDs are so 1990's former self.) Freddy Fox is up the hill in the lead, followed by Peppa Pig, Suzy Sheep, Pedro Pony, Danny Dog and George Pig is last. Somehow; all but Freddy makes the comeback and they cross the invisible line in first place.

Yeah; an intentional tie in this race, so you know what is going to happen now?! Everyone wins a trophy of plastic gold. (This was clearly on purpose, but someone thought it was a great idea in Peppa Pig Tales to have Danny Dog win something and then take the win away by declaring a tie that didn't happen.) Mummy Pig and Daddy Pig clap at this moment as everyone shows of their plastic gold trophies. Peppa asks if there's anything he doesn't have in his van. The kids dare him as Mr. Fox has banjos in several string variations, young trees in apple or pear, rockets in boxes of five, a black chicken in a cage as my eyes rolled on that one; even more so when the kids giggle on cue. (Jimima is the brown chicken, former self. You overracted here. Although we better make sure this isn't a stolen chicken from Granny Pig.) Pedro Pony calls his van a super van. More like a TARDIS van. (No lies detected there former self.) Mr. Fox and Freddy get into the van as the other kids continue to name stuff Mr. Fox has. Then Mr. Fox tries to start his van and it cannot start. Because you see; he forgot to fill the van before he went to Daddy Pig's house and he doesn't have a spare container of petro. Mr. Fox is stuck. (Hey, something that often happens to Daddy Pig, doesn't happen to Daddy Pig. YAY! Mr. Fox wins GEEK OF THE WEEK honors! Still has talent unlike Bonker's "House Of Everything!" I dare Bonkers to have a can of petro lying around.) Daddy Pig has no tow rope even though he has no problem towing him to the petro station; but Mr. Fox does have tow rope in packs of colors of five. They attach the tow ropes to the van and car as Mr. Fox and Freddy are still in their van. The rest all get into the car as everyone laughs while Daddy Pig is towing the van onto the boring road to end the episode at 4:30 approx. Geez; that was a disappointing ending. The narrator should have said: Mr. Fox loves being towed to the petro station. Everyone loves being towed to the petro station. Fine episode otherwise. (I like this episode more on the second airing, mostly for the hindsight igorance of plastic gold and another sign of Daddy Pig's fetish being out of control. Fun episode! *** 1/2 (70%).)

Chloe's Big Friends: Last up for today is episode #149 on the animation paper as we begin this one on a boring road as the red car is heading westward with Daddy Pig, Mummy Pig, Peppa Pig and George Pig sitting in the car. Peppa has the purple boombox of fear and George has Mr. Dinesaur of course. They are headed to Cousin Chloe's cyan blue house on the hill as the car is parked on the steep side of the hill...AGAIN! Peppa and George get out and run down the hill to see Chloe wearing a purple doo rag with a skull and cross bones on it. There is a bear anthro wearing glasses and reading a Heart 4U teen magazine and a squirrel anthro wearing navy blue and playing a video game in the shape of the Nintendo Switch with dettachable controller. So; this show did in fact predict the future, sort of. (Nintendo Switch in tabletop mode, only one controller though. I should note that Nintendo had plans for a hybrid since the Gamecube era and just didn't have the technology to pull it off until 2016. Now, in 2024; Nintendo Switch is almost 18 months beyond Nintendo typical console cycle, is the third best selling system for hardware and software, and the most games ever released for a closed garden platform since Commodore 64 (and only behind PC and Android.) We went from Legend of Zelda: Breath Of The Wild and Skyrim to Legend of Zelda: Echoes of Wisdom and LEGO Horizon Adventures which Skyrim is now XBOX's property and Horizon is PlayStation's property. Horizon was suppose to be Legend of Zelda if Zelda was the fighter, and that is what Zelda: Echoes Of Wisdom is going to be, almost. I expect Sony to release PlayStation Classics on Switch or it's successor anytime now at the rate we are going here.) The two friends Chloe has are Belinda Bear and Simon Squirrel in that order. Belinda Bear is voiced by Zara Siddiqi who voiced Candy Cat as well; and she'll be voiced by Charlotte Potterson in Series 5. Nothing outside Peppa Pig though. Simon Squirrel is voiced by Preston Nyman here and he has probably one of the most interesting resumes of all the kid characters on this show: Debut on Foster as Young Zach in 2005. Then was Quinn in 3rd & Bird and is Ben in Ben & Holly's Little Kingdom. He also cameoed in Doc Martin, Doctors and This Country. Silent Witness is his most recent credit as Gary Brockham. He has 14 acting credits, 1 Director credit (Francois), 1 Writing credit and one Thanks credit (The Glass Man) to his resume. The most notable cameo is in Mr. Bean's Holiday.

Simon wants to be called "Sy", which I would think would be "Cy" and it's Cymon; but whatever. (No, Simon is not related to Psycho Symon from Memphis Wrestling 2024 in any way. Although I did get a laugh when a kid fan kicked the poor wrestler in the ass during a squash match I watched on-line.) Bea is short for Belinda; which makes more sense. Peppa and George introduce themselves and they are now called Pep and Joe; which I love as a duo name. Simon is not happy with Chloe not telling them that she had baby cousins and Peppa is protesting this outrage. George doesn't care, so he's not insecure about it since he is only 2 years old. Bea points out that Peppa is little and Peppa puts her foot down and claims to be a big girl when she acts like a four year old. What a shock?! George is smiling the entire time as Peppa wants to play Hide and Seek, and Simon blows it off because that's a baby game. (Somehow, this insults me. Methinks they are insecure about being found more easily since they are bigger.) They are almost grownup; so they are all sixteen years old looking twelve years old. (HA! I cannot wait until they run the disco rollerskating rink as DJ's. To say that they are insecure big kids is a gross understatement.) Sorry if I have been distracted by this stupid and inane argument; I am bedazzled by the new Ducktales 2018 showing Don Karnage coming back. (I wasn't all that shocked Don Karnage was back since the writers were writing it as a TaleSpin disguised as a Ducktales show since the execs cannot relate to anyone other than rich, white old men. However, no one expected Kit and Molly to come back and Kit Cloudkicker is the one DTVA character that is getting a mega push despite not having TaleSpin officially rebooted yet.) Peppa decides to invoke the yes/no game (Speaking of Don Karnage...) and Chloe is confused. Oh; and the rules of engagement are that the answer to a question must not end with a "yes" nor a "no". Simon is ready for this; but gets dinged because he said yes and that is totally unfair. HAHA! All Peppa has to do is make up questions that only have two choices: yes or no; and she can never lose. What a troll?! I would rather play a baby game than a troll game where the troll always wins. It's like gambling; only with no pleasure during the loss of money. (Oooo, that was another sick burn on the star. Still, seeing Peppa troll older newcomers is comedy gold.) Bealinda suffers the same fate as Simon. Simon wants to ask the question and Simon gives up, and then Peppa says "yes" and "no"; so Simon wins twice. HAHA! The troll got trolled as the big kids are laughing together with the little ones.

Bea wants to play another game and next up is "Sardines". Which is Hide & Seek; only the hiders are found and huddled together until everyone is found like sardines in a tin can. To note, only one person can hide at a time as George runs off to hide. The kids all count to ten. George hides behind a bush. (A vast improvement from his Series One hiding days, I should note. Of course, having George hide is a smart move since George is the smallest, thus a challenge to find...) Everyone scatters in various directions as Peppa finds George's tail and then hides behind the bushes. The giggling is not helping in them being quiet, though. Chloe finds them instantly and hides with them as they squeeze like sardines in a can. Bea then proceeds to find them; so Simon is either the winner or the loser depending on how this turns out. I say loser because the kids hide perfectly, and Simon cannot find them. Meaning the kids jump out and blow their cover to make sure he found them. Simon wants to chill out and everyone sits down as Peppa is sort of confused because she's not hip to teen lingo. Peppa loves to "blah, blah, blah"; so the big kids want to talk about music. Simon loves blues music, Chloe loves reds music. I didn't know she had a musical cable fetish. (Maybe you were projecting yourself on that one, former self.) Belinda likes greens music. So, she's a huge Kirby fan. They hate children's music as Peppa has her boombox and I thought she would play the usual rock and roll swing music we often hear. Not this time! Oh, no. We play the "Head & shoulders, knees and toes" song fully remixed like something you hear on Youtube. And all the kids do the dance to this song, just to make it even more obvious. I swear that the video I saw had the song overdubbed, but the motions the characters do match with the song, so that is the song the creators used. (In other words, they hate classical children's music, but remixed children's music is perfectly okay to them. GEEKS OF THE WEEK!) In comes Mummy Pig and Daddy Pig during this and Mummy Pig turns off the music. The kids sigh in horror and if this were not a pre-school show, this would be liking to waking up the sheeple. You do not wake up the sheeple. It's home time; but Chloe is visiting next week and Bea and Cy want to join in to play the "head and shoulders, knees and toes" game with remix music. Everyone loves it even when you are almost grownup as we end the episode at 4:30 approx with Peppa and company replaying the music and dance. That was a fun finish -- albeit completely absurd -- and the games were decent once Peppa got trolled. *** 3/4 (75%).

Gym Class: We continue on with episode #150 on the animation paper and the episode opens at the sports center on the hill as Madame Gazelle is driving the bus today! Wow; was Miss Rabbit sick today, or something?! (Probably at the super market doing her usual job which she somehow isn't burnt out like a certain Doctor Brown Bear is.) Everyone gets out of the bus wearing all white with white shoes on, their gym gear if you will. (In Britian, they are called gym kits.) Madame Gazelle is in her normal clothes. (She's not doing her gym stuff today, former self. That's okay. Pedro on the other paw...) But not Pedro Pony, because he is wearing the most Gedo fashion style superhero costume of all time. He looks like a cheerleader in that outfit; which would be an improvement for Pedro Pony I might add. (Pedro doesn't do console wars, former self; no need to give him that sick burn!) Pedro thought it was dressing up day; which means nothing changes and Pedro is clueless as usual. Madame Gazelle then ignores this and they go inside to the fitness equipment. Mummy Pig makes a cameo and Peppa doesn't even notice her, like a troll. (Other cameos: Mummy Rabbit, Daddy Cat, Mummy Elephant, Mummy Zebra, Mr. Rabbit, Mr. Bull, Mummy Fox, Mummy Cow, Doctor Hamster, Mummy Sheep and Granddad Dog.) To be fair; neither did the parents nor the rest of the children notice each other, so there you go. (They groaned while responding to Madame Gazelle though.) We head into the gym room as Madame Gazelle informs the children that Grampy Rabbit is the gym teacher. Oh great; this is going to be fun to mock, I can see it now. Peppa wonders where Grampy is and Grampy introduces himself by swinging like Tarzan on the gym ropes from high in the air and somehow, he did not screw this up at all. Emily asks if they have to do that, thankfully the answer is no. I do not want to see Pedro get killed doing an epic fail on that spot; that would kill this show. Oh; and the kids are little explorers and not big athletes; which sounds like an insult. Grampy Rabbit is going to make explorers out of them yet. Grampy then notices Pedro Pony and Pedro blushes claiming that it's pretend. HAHA! Grampy Rabbit loves pretend as we proceed to run on the spot and flap those arms for a while. Then they stretch and jiggle the bodies for a while; acting all silly like kids. Oh wait...Grampy blows the whistle and now it's time for the really good stuff. Grampy then tells them that the adventure has started and Peppa is confused. Grampy then tells them to visualize the gym as a jungle and Peppa cannot suspend her disbelief for this. Neither can Suzy. Grampy wants them to imagine the stuff, because he wants them to suspend their disbelief. (Good luck getting Suzy to do this, she takes everything seriously as per her gimmick.) Grampy gets on the balance beam over a blue gym mat, which Grampy visualizes as a rope across a river tied to two trees. I'm not making this up! (Of course not, former self; it's Grampy Rabbit making stuff up for my pleasure!)

It's windy, dark and stormy as we get a dream sequence of Grampy Rabbit walking on a tightrope tied to two trees over a river. Yeah. Suzy is so not buying this crap. (Told ya it would be tough, Grampy!) Grampy tells them to pretend as everyone gets on the balance beam and sells the wind blowing as Grumpy is blowing air at them. Everyone pops afterwards and Grampy Rabbit blows the whistle and praises them. The next stage is swinging on ropes over gym mats; but you have to pretend that there are crocodiles in a river during this as everyone holds each other and screams. Except for Pedro Pony; who doesn't know how to suspend his disbelief either. Peppa has to tell him to pretend as Pedro's selling of telling the crocodiles to go away sucks. Grampy Rabbit don't care either way as we get another dream sequence of Grampy Rabbit dodging crocodiles while swinging from a rope on a dark night. Apparently; chomping teeth is virture signaling of the crocodiles being scared of him. That is such bullshit that it's too funny. The kids do the exact same thing as in the sequence, only with less swing because they don't want to bump into each other and cross the pretend river safely. They pop for this as Grampy introduces the vault and jumps over the vault horse with ease. The kids are in awe of this; but Grampy Rabbit wants them to pretend that it's a dinosaur and crawl between it's legs. Of course; George is not here in this episode and that's bullshit in itself. Yes; this segment also has a dream sequence of Grampy Rabbit crawling through a dinosaur's legs. I'm shocked that it was the most unbelivable dream sequence ever. (Grampy Rabbit must be cribbing from Paradise Lost in TaleSpin. Figures, since he's basically WildCat Puma on this show.) They couldn't have him crawl in between a tiger's legs?! (No, because he did this to be Grampy Rabbit.) The kids crawl underneath the vault's legs and complete the task with ease, HUZZAH~! Grampy declares that the kids have made it out of the jungle and the kids all cheer. Grampy Rabbit is the best gym teacher I have ever met and everyone in storyline agrees with me. Gazelle enters as we summarize all of Grampy Rabbit's pretend spots and Peppa snorts before everyone does the backsplash laugh to end the episode at 4:30 approx. Grampy Rabbit has grown on me faster than his BS stories; because I can believe in them since Grampy is crazy as hell. (Grampy Rabbit's streak of awesomeness continues at three episodes, and this was much better on the second viewing **** 1/2 (90%). Sadly, this show is about to fall off a cliff in a vicious and violent way.)

The Blackberry Bush: We head back to Series Three with episode #151 as we open on the white house on the hill with the gardening creeping up even closer to the house than ever before. The Pig family has buckets, a ladder, a long shepard's staff and two baskets from Mummy Pig. Grandma Pig wants to make apple and blackberry crumble, which I am sorry for never having it nor making it and I should feel rightfully ashamed for not considering that in my life. We have all the tools (literally and figurally in this case) as they go down the hill; heading to the apple orchard. Everyone except Grandma Pig puts the tools down and goes to a tree and starts shaking it after the count of three. All the apples come down and land in the baskets; none of them on the adult heads. (That might have given me the proverbal bone, but no dice.) Sadly; the apple tree shaking was the easiest part and Grandpa Pig is trying to weasel his way out of this blackberry picking. (In a way, I can see why Grandpa Pig hates that blackberry bush. What happens in this episode made me feel sorry for Grandpa Pig here, when I was suppose to feel sorry for Mummy Pig a lot more.) Mummy Pig's justification for picking the blackberries is that blackberries are tasty too. She's right; so Grandpa Pig can only whine and accept the deal. (To be fair, apple crumble is also tasty and awesome. In this episode, it would have saved it, literally.) We head to the blackberry bush; which is much bigger and taller than the apple tree and has been around since Mummy Pig was a little piggy. Grandpa Pig hates this blackberry bush. Now, a rational person would say: "It's a safety hazard"; and after this episode was over truer words were never spoken. This blackberry bush proved to be a death trap. But no; Grandpa hates it because it looks at him funny. Mummy Pig calls him silly; although calling him senile would have worked even better. Daddy Pig is with Mummy Pig as they pick blackberries for a while. George sees some blackberries that are way too high for him; and gets caught in the thorns of the blackberry bush. That's generally a bad sign that this bush is a safety hazard. Grandpa Pig makes the save and brings down the blackberries with his shepard's cane. Peppa and George take the blackberries as off-screen. (Now, at this point; everyone is safe. Yes, George got tangled up in the thorns, but nothing serious. However, Mummy Pig is about to do something so beyond the pale stupid that the episode that was **, is going to drop close to negative star range!)

The ladder is set up and Mummy Pig climbs it to the top because the best one are at the top. Never mind the artwork makes that very difficult to believe. Here we come to the single stupidest moment ever in this series: Mummy Pig stands on the top rung of the ladder, which is a stupid thing to do on two feet, let alone one like Mummy Pig is. Even Daddy Pig thinks this is a bad idea and he gets blown off by Mummy Pig. (When the dumb fool who brainfarts has more sense than you, that is a horrible type of dumb.) Mummy Pig then loses her balance, falls into the blackberry bush and is tangled in the thorny bushes. Now, we have mocked Daddy Pig for doing stupid crap throughout this series and bigots get mad because they think this belittles men. First off: a lot of Daddy Pig's stupidity comes from him thinking that he knows what he's doing, when he really doesn't know what he is doing. Second; at least most of Daddy Pig's brainfarts don't do any damage to him and usually he doesn't kill himself. Mummy Pig falls off a FUCKING LADDER and she could have easily killed herself, falling on her head as a result; or break bones. (In fact; my father suffered something similar to this and broke his foot in the process.) Or worse, suffered other injuries. (Also, THIS COULD HAVE KILLED HER~!) Oh; and watch on because this trainwreck is going to get even more gruesome now. Mummy Pig cannot get out of the thorny bushes; and Peppa is now making Sleeping Beauty comments. She even does a dream sequence with her in a castle surrounded by thorny bushes and Princess Peppa is in bed snoring. Mummy Pig is not amused by this and neither am I. Aside from the fact that Sleeping Beauty contains a really horrible moment concern the inability to give consent; they are belittling Mummy Pig here after she nearly killed herself doing something really stupid. In comes Suzy Sheep on her bicycle and Peppa mocks Mummy Pig even more by claiming that she's staying for a hundred years. I realize that Peppa can be a troll; but this is the lowest point of the entire show for her right there. Suzy is now making Sleeping Beauty comments; including mentioning the non-consent kiss scene. Keep in mind; this is a pre-school show. (You would have a hard time getting this past the big kid's filter unless you book it clearly that the sleeping beauty gave consent for said kiss.) Mummy clearly wants to get out; but Peppa continues to talk about Mummy having an adventure. Oh; for PEPPA SAKES, PEPPA! This is not an adventure; this is a burial of a woman who nearly killed herself and is tangled in thorns.

Ironically; Daddy Pig takes the pruning shears from Grandpa Pig (with his blessing) and cuts the bushes out to allow Mummy Pig to be free. (Suzy Sheep wishes Mummy Sheep had adventures like that! Sod off, Suzy Sheep! That's probably why Mummy Sheep is single!) Yes, Daddy Pig of all people got to play hero. How quiant; like we haven't seen that five billion times already?! Oh; and let's make Mummy Pig look like she is cosplaying the blackberry bush like she's a fan of the bush. Granted, she was; but this is so pathetic. Oh; and Mummy Pig kissed Daddy Pig on the cheek instead, which is so quiant as well. Suzy wanted her to stay in there for a hundred years, and Mummy Pig kindly told her enough stupid crap. Yes; they all make fun of her. At least make sure she didn't break anything; most so herself. Daddy Pig even claims that they usually happens to him. Wait; so you fall down into the blackberry bush via a ladder and nearly kill yourself?! Who is enabling who here?! Thank you for indirectly explaining why Grandpa Pig has this paranoia of being seen by the blackberry bush: It was you falling through it like a total moron! Oh; and they continue the mockery by picking blackberries from the bushes still attached to Mummy Pig. Everyone goes into the house and yes; Mummy Pig wears the bushes and then we jump cut to the kitchen table as everyone is hearing Peppa Pig repeat the story of doom. Thankfully; Mummy Pig has stopped wearing the bush; but the shame is never going to end since Peppa is a vicious troll who takes pleasure in the misfortune of others. Kind of like me; except they are usually people who should know better, but don't. Mummy Pig doesn't want to see another blackberry ever again...and so Grandma Pig asks if she doesn't want the crumble, and of course Mummy Pig accepts the crumble. Everyone gets messy loving blackberry and apple crumble and they giggle to end the episode at 4:30 approx. Holy Gregory Weagle on a pogostick; that episode was awful on so many levels! I never want to hear another pathetic man whine about men being belittled on television ever again. Yes; men have problems. Everyone has problems! And to think; I LOVE apple/blackberry crumble; but this episode is a sad waste of it. (This is the worst episode ever in the series, unless Little Cars changes my mind again. FUCK THIS EPISODE~ with a thorny blackberry bush whip! I'll gladly take Summerslam 2024's main event over this any day of the week, twice on Sundays. At least Roman Reigns is back and got a huge pop from him! This made me boo this show out of the building like all the haters told me to do. DUD (0%).)

Pottery: Next up is episode #152 on the animation paper as the episode opens at the orange roof house on the hill as we zoom in a bit and then head inside the bedroom of Zoe Zebra. (I think this is the second time Peppa has played with Zoe in Zoe's house in this show, the first being Sleepover.) Peppa and Zoe are playing picnic with their stuffed animals, and using what appears to be legit chocolate chip cookies. George, Zuzu and Zaza are at a small table making models out of clay. (Called "play-clay" since Play Doh is trademarked.) George is clearly trying to make a brown dinosaur out of this. Zuzu and Zaza are making trees out of the clay; as we hear Zoe and Peppa cosplay a doll's picnic, where the monkey cannot speak and Zoe has to translate. They want tea; but there is no tea set. They ask the little kids about making this set. George is like "no, get away from here" as he uses his clay dinosaur to protect the clay! Zuzu and Zaza say no in kind; but they change their minds when they are told they can help make the set. The kids make a tea pot and tea cup as Zoe proclaims that monkey can have tea, but the handle comes right off the kettle and lands on the table. The clay is way too soft; but there is hope because Mummy Zebra's gimmick is that she makes pottery in her spare time. We head to the sitting room as Mummy Zebra is watching a television show about sailing while reading EZZA magazine. (I do find it weird for the television set to be in the corner next to the door. It looks like a tripping hazard waiting to happen. Now, I don't find it weird that she's reading while the television set is on. Happens all the time.) In comes the kids who ask for the making of a tea set; Mummy Zebra is perfectly fine with this. Everyone heads into her pottery lab which has a clock, brick walls and lots of pottery on the shelves. (It's 11 AM on the clock in the pottery lab.) There is a potter's wheel as we exchange notes on the making of pottery. Mummy Zebra demonstrates how to make pottery. Here's a video from How It's Made on how pottery is created nowadays, no need to do play by play here.

Mummy Zebra is doing it hand made as she makes one cup and a handle with the pottery wheel from clay in a trash bin. Peppa tries to do some pottery on the pottery wheel and she makes a floppy thing that sprays out clay. Not exactly easy, eh?! We head to a wooden table as Mummy Zebra demonstrates the worm method of making a cup. Sadly; when the kids make their clay worms, Peppa was singing perfectly in tune with the song, unlike the time she sang about wiggly worms in Compost. (Even worse, Peppa doesn't sing "How do you do? I love you!" which is the money shot of the entire song. To be fair, what she does sing makes sense with what she's making, but please?!) We do the wraparound and smooth it out to make a cup with a handle. Zuzu and Zaza do the same as George of course, makes a dinosaur out of the clay, just to be George. HAHA! Peppa of course blows this off. (There's a better moment later on in Series Five that made me laugh out loud.) Mummy Zebra don't care as all the clay is put in a klim. This is a clay curing/hardening oven in case anyone doesn't know. (By the way, this took two hours of Peppa Pig time to create the tea set as it's 1 PM on the clock now.)

Narrator: Six hours later... (I corrected this since the clock scene ends at 7 PM.)

We return with Mummy Zebra bringing out the tea set as everyone paints the tea set with bright colors; with George painting the dinosaur tea kettle green. Somehow; there is a logic break as there were supposed to be four cups, but had to extend to five out of nowhere since George needed one despite never actually making one. (SUZY SHEEP~?!) Oh; and Mummy Zebra fills up George's dinosaur tea pot with water and George pours out water for everyone. (That is where the fifth cup came out of nowhere I should note. I was almost fooled for a second there.) Peppa calls this the best tea pot set ever and really; who can argue?! The tea pot is Mr. Dinesaur for goodness sakes! Everyone does the backsplash laugh to end the episode at 4:30 approx. Not much of a story; but the Cleveland notes edition of making pottery was good enough. (Better than it had any right to be, since it was fun despite the story being paper thin even for this show. *** (60%). )

Paper Aeroplanes: This is episode #153 on the animation paper as the episode opens at the house on the hill. (The title of the episode is centered on the lowest end of the television rather than the top for some reason.) We zoom into Daddy Pig's office with Peppa and George watching Daddy Pig packing up papers because Daddy Pig is getting ready for work. Daddy runs off as one paper flies as the office is a mess. Apparently; he also left a set of blueprints behind in the process when the kids wave bye bye to him and probably his job. Daddy Pig jumps into his car and drives down to the boring road. Head to the kitchen with Mummy Pig grabbing the dishes and apparently; there is a bottle of strawberry juice on the table. Peppa and George come in as Peppa wants to make something and Mummy Pig asks what would they like to make. George of course wants to make a dinesaur (sic) which Peppa blows off because that is the default word and George is smug. HAHA! (George continuing to troll Peppa with that word is comedy gold.) Mummy Pig decides to do the next best thing George likes: aeroplanes. Sounds great to me! (Hey, maybe he can channel the Wuzzles and make dinesaur aeroplanes?! I'll get my coat...) Peppa and George run upstairs and grab three pieces of paper off the floor of Daddy Pig's office and then returns with them to the kitchen table. Mummy Pig demonstrates how to make paper airplanes (Aeroplanes in Britian; made out of bubbly chocolate bars I guess.) which involves a lot of folding. (It's still 8:30 am on the clock I should note.) Then they go outside after Peppa and George fold their aeroplanes. Mummy Pig first throws her airplane and it flies right into a tree. HAHA! Peppa flies her aeroplane next and runs about five feet in front of Mummy Pig before letting go; and it flies into a conveniently placed area where the flower pots are and lands in a flower pot. George runs and flies his aeroplane. This paper aeroplane somehow does a loop-de-loop for only fifteen pounds and then lands in the duck pond. The ducks quack as the paper aeroplane sinks. Peppa now wants to make a big paper airplane and we need a big piece of paper. Peppa and George run back upstairs and as I expected, they didn't even bother to pick up the three pieces of paper on the floor the first time they went into the office.

However; this time, they take Daddy Pig's blueprints of a house and return as it's already folded up into a giant paper airplane. Suddenly; the horn honks and the red car has returned with Daddy Pig waving hello. Mummy Pig asks why he isn't at work and Daddy Pig explains that he has forgotten about some papers. Peppa shows off the big aeroplane as Daddy Pig decides to throw the blueprints aeroplane into the air for her sake. Daddy Pig is dumb.The giant blueprints aeroplane flies away stage right for a long time as Peppa waves goodbye to both the airplane and Daddy Pig's job. Okay; I made the last one up as Daddy Pig heads into the house to find his important work papers; but then comes out and asks about them. Mummy Pig ponders this over and then motions Daddy Pig to come with her. They fetch back the papers from the tree, potted plant and the duck pond. (Also of note, they are playing the mischief music piece from Series One! It's been ages since I last heard that musical piece!) Mrs. Duck has the paper in her beak with Daddy Pig gets the paper back. (At least she didn't eat the paper, that might have been worse than bread, if that was anthromorphically possible.) However; there leaves the giant blueprints, which Daddy Pig threw away as an aeroplane that Peppa said bye-bye to. Daddy Pig blushes and realizes that he was very dumb. (Daddy Pig is our GEEK OF THE WEEK....) He brings out his cellphone and rings the office as we logically head to Daddy Pig's office and inside with Mummy Cat and Mr. Rabbit on their computers. Mr. Rabbit answers the phone and he asks Daddy Pig about the papers and Daddy Pig tells him that he has all of them, except for the blueprints as Peppa is in troll mode known as "I cannot tell a lie" and blurts out that Daddy Pig threw the blueprints away. Mr. Rabbit is shocked by this as we then see the blueprints fly so far and so hard that they head into the window of Daddy Pig's office and land in Mr. Rabbit's hands. Daddy Pig just saved himself. So much so; that he's allowed to take the rest of the day off work, because he's an expert at throwing things. Only in this show, only in this show. Just keep repeating that and your brain will not bleed. (By the way, the blueprints are for a house. Which plays into Series Four's next family: The Wolf family featuring Wendy Wolf!) Daddy Pig is going to the back to sit down in his chair to read the newspaper; but Peppa wants the newspaper to make another paper aeroplane. Of course! Everyone laughs, snorts, makes paper airplanes and flies them to end the episode at 4:30 approx. A pretty fun episode and for once, Daddy Pig dumb move actually saves the day! *** 1/2 (70%).

Edmond Elephant's Birthday: Next up is episode #154 on the animation paper as we open the episode on the house on the hill as the post truck has arrived with Mr. Zebra riding in it. Mr. Zebra gets out and puts the letter through the post slot of the door as Mummy Pig comes in with George and Peppa. Mummy Pig reads the letter as we discover that George has been invited to Edmond Elephant's birthday. However; it does not say if Peppa is invited, Peppa takes offense to this and calls it a baby party. Then the phone rings and Mummy Pig answers it. Mummy Pig tells Peppa it's Emily Elephant and Peppa answers the phone. We see Emily in the sitting room filled with balloon and rock music as Emily asks if Peppa wants to come to the party as her friend since Mrs. Elephant needs the big kids to help serve the guests. The little kids everyone. Danny and Suzy are also helping to serve the guest and Peppa accepts the invitation carte-blanche. (They are so going to rue the day they decided to help a little ones birthday party. At this point we have had birthdays for Peppa, George, Mummy and Daddy Pig; Zoe Zebra, Danny Dog and Edmond Elephant as the second toddler to get a birthday.) It's time for the party at Emily Elephant's house. I believe this is the first time I have seen the house for Emily as everyone arrives from their cars and heads inside. George, Zuzu, Zaza, Richard come in with presents to greet Edmond as Suzy, Peppa and Danny come in as bodyguards/servers. Shouldn't Rebecca Rabbit also join in; since Richard is also here?! Also; where's Zoe Zebra?! (Probably get cramped for space, or they were the smart ones. Good for them, I guess.) Mummy Elephant I believe makes her debut here and I have zero idea who voices her. She addresses everyone as we head into the sitting room with the little ones in the middle of the rug; with the big kids on the sides. Peppa brought her boom box, just in case music was needed, even though there was rock music in the background before she came here; so I assume this is Emily's boom box. Let's play "musical statues", which is basically musical chairs without the chairs basically.

Now; if you hate crying, you might want to leave this rant right now because this episode I remember for setting the record for the number of times the little ones bawl on cue. (This was probably the moment BS&P stepped in and said to tone down the sobbing because this is getting beyond the bounds of good taste.) Peppa demonstrates the rules of engagement as they are going to play the music of "head & shoulders, knees & toes" remix of doom. Danny Dog looks smugier than me when Nintendo Switch does something awesome. As in Edge smugness. The little kids are so confused that they stay as statues during the beginning of the playing of the song! That was funny and Peppa was not amused, tells them to dance already. The little kids dance proper and they stop as Zuzu or Zaza blinks and Suzy calls her out; causing her to bawl her eyes out. Next round commences and since George moved his leg slightly after the music stopped; Peppa is on the job and George is out. Crying #2 ensues. This is not Peppa Pig trollish behaviour; this is Joe West MLB umpire level trolling. (When Joe West was looking for a double balk to eject a pitcher, while Hawk gets pissed off.) Richard and Edmond -- the one who is having the birthday mind you -- blink and look which causes Suzy to call them out as crying #3 and #4 ensues. I discover that Zaza is the winner and she gets the medal. She wears it with pride as it's made of plastic gold and since plastic gold medals are more awesome then real ones, crying #5-#8 ensues. (Awesome for the wrong reasons I might add.) As in all the little kids minus Zaza cry in stereo! Head into the kitchen as Mrs. Elephant is setting up the table for the birthday party. Emily is informing Mrs. Elephant that musical statues is over and the crying continues even into this segment. (It's 3:30 pm on the clock at this point.) These people over two years old do not care about defusing this crying at all. (I think this is what annoyed critics of this show more than the actual crying. I hope this is the case and not some toxic masulinity issues that I'm aware of all too often.) Then crying #9 ensues as Zaza, the winner of the event, cries in sympathy for the losers! That's also funny. (I know why former self gave this episode *** 1/4: To balance the critics annoyance. Understandable, but not a good idea. This is far more entertaining on the second viewing.)

Mrs. Elephant comes in with a blue parcel out of nowhere and it's time to pass the parcel, which is hot potato; except you win if you get the parcel when the music dies. You rip off the paper when the music dies and you get a prize. I then get my confirmation that this is Emily's boom box because they are playing the rock music I heard earlier in the episode when Emily was talking to Peppa on the phone. George is shaking the parcel and Peppa has to blow him off for doing that. The music stops when Edmond gets it and he rips off the paper to get a medal of plastic gold. The birthday boy wins on his second try. Some clever clogs, Edmond is. (Oooo, the sciency guy got a sick burn. Suzy can do that too by saying: It's magic! Always works on Daddy Pig. Always.) Next medal goes to Richard as he shakes the parcel. Danny and Peppa have to tell him to hurry up before he rips the paper off. Next is George as he rips off the paper and gets a medal. This means Zuzu is last in this entire thing. Then the music restarts and we get a tug of war between Zuzu and George and George is not playing nice tonight. The music stops; and George rips the parcel from Zuzu's hands and George rips off the paper and gets a second medal. Zuzu becomes #10 for sobbing and this is her third time she has cried in this episode alone. Peppa then takes the second medal and gives it to Zuzu; and I spotted a logic break: Zaza won the first medal; so it should be Zuzu's medal; but Peppa addresses Zuzu as Zaza. (Remember what I said about needing an editor?! Yeah.) George bawls as that is #11 in the crying department. The round continues as they pass it along for a while as Edmond gets it and the music stops. Edmond rips the paper off as he get the giant panda teddy of doom. HAHA! See; the birthday boy got the last laugh after all. (See former self; Edmond Elephant really is a clever clogs. A crying one at that, too.) This causes the second foursome in stereo crying moment (#12-#15). Emily goes back into the kitchen to inform Mummy Elephant that the game of pass the parcel is over. Mummy Elephant tells Emily to bring everyone in because it's time for the actual food and cake to start.

The big kids sit down at the table; like a bunch of trolls. Guess what happens next?! There is a world record of bawling to be broken as we get the rare five kids crying in stereo spot. (#16-#20) Yes; there were TWENTY instances of crying in less than four minutes. (Which they did the five in stereo spot, twice! Also, the four in stereo spot, twice! By the way, the whole pass the parcel took thirty minutes of Peppa Pig time.) They were bawling five times a minute in this episode. The big kids get to eat after the little ones as the big kids have to defer to the little. The big kids serve the guests as a lot of juice is poured in this party, even shocking Danny Dog of all kids. Then the lights grow dim as Edmond Elephant blows out the candles as he is two years old. It's the usual chocolate cake which I bet is homemade. Everyone loves homemade chocolate cake; most so Daddy Pig. I just realized that Emily's house is the pink house on the hill as all the adults arrive in their cars, parking on the steepest sides of the hill, as usual. (Also of note; there is a bunch of roses growing on the front wall of said house.) Everyone gets out of the house as the big kids are all bushed and disappointed. Now; if this show had a clue; the payoff would be Mummy Elephant thanking the big kids for helping and the big kids all bawl in unison in sympathy pain. But of course; outside of Peppa's crying in "The Golden Boots", no one over the age of two cries on this show. (Except for Gerald Giraffe shedding a tear in Series Five, and the adults crying at Mr. Bull's wedding with Mrs. Cow in Series Eight!) The little kids are bouncing with their party hats and balloons. Danny Dog wants a holiday, Suzy wants to lie down and then everyone laughs to end the episode at 4:30 approx. If you can handle the recording setting bawl feast of this episode, then this episode was fun. (This episode was a logical mess and it's too bad they didn't do former self's payoff the party with the big kids crying, because this episode was tres hilariously awesome! I cannot give it a thumbs up in good conscience though, so *** 3/4 (75%).)

The Biggest Muddy Puddle In The World: Here is episode #155 on the animation paper as we head to the house on the hill AFTER HAPPY HOUR (after dark) as it is raining hard. We head to Peppa's bedroom as Peppa and George are in their beds. Daddy and Mummy Pig are tucking them in for the night. Peppa does not like this rain; but she should because it creates muddy puddles for them to jump in. DING! Daddy Pig then proclaims that you can never have too much rain. He's a climate change deinalist, then. (And watch reality slap this area harder than Dirty Dom turning on Rhea Ripley.) Then the rain really comes down hard and then we jump cut to Peppa's bedroom as a cock crows because it's morning. The sun rises as Peppa and George wake up and gets partially dressed on screen. (Complete with puppet in the box music!) They run down the stairs in their boots and head outside as Mrs. Duck is waiting for them. This is a surprise as Peppa wonders why Mrs. Duck is here and then we zoom out to discover that the entire area is flooded with water! So, this is what Noah's flood was supposed to look like! I wish Daddy Pig would have said that, but he is too busy acting dumb and diving feet first into the water, thinking that it's a muddy puddle. (Republican's wet dream of proving God exists. Earth to Republicans: Say the magic words: "I am God and you are my food. Feed me worm!", and then Heavens Gate yourself out of existence like Jesus told you too, when he was talking about his kingdom being not of this world!) Even better; Daddy Pig jumped at the door jam of his house and somehow managed to go far enough to splash into the water cannonball style. Awesome! The three ducks are not impressed as Daddy Pig pops up with one of the ducks on top of his head. Daddy Pig comes out with the duck flying back to the water as Mummy Pig wonders about food and Peppa wants to make Daddy Pig swim to the shops. (Of course! We cannot go one episode without Peppa trolling on Daddy Pig.) We hear bells and it's Grandpa Pig with Grandma Pig and Polly on Grandpa Pig's tugboat. Polly is simply there to be a shopping list, which is not a good idea I might add. Now if anyone who wonders why the houses are built on hills, floods like this one is probably the reason why.

Peppa and George want to join in getting stuff from the shops. Grandpa Pig is happy to grant this request as the kids wear lifejackets; but not the adults...AGAIN! We sail the flooded region blue for a while as we see all the colored house on the hill in the far shot. Suzy Sheep is swinging on a swing and doesn't gave a damn at all. So much so that she wants chocolate for supper just to troll Mummy Sheep. HAHA! The old Cat In The Hat spot where the kids ask for permission from their mother off-screen and the mother agrees to it; no matter how absurd and dangerous the decision is. (Basically every modern cartoons on the planet and sometimes even TaleSpin is not immune to this. Although with Kit Cloudkicker, the bear cub has already gone out of the barn and did an unknown amount of rotations around the earth at this point.) We sail some more and meet Granddad Dog, Danny Dog, Mr. Zebra, Mr. Rabbit and Mrs. Brown Bear in another rare cameo. (Considering these episodes are ranted out of order, I have a hard time beliving that these cameos of Mummy Bear are so rare anymore.) Danny of course is the only one wearing a lifejacket. Granddad Dog is resucing people and he needs a newspaper and Danny wants a comic book. Both boats leave in opposite directions as Peppa notices a periscope sticking out off the water. Grandpa Pig panics and rings the bell as the submarine comes up and the porthole opens to reveal Grampy Rabbit. Yes; he finally got his submarine to work without it bringing in water. (Also it's "Action Stations" in British I should note.) Grampy Rabbit wants some cheese; but only after being cut off from his story telling, because they don't want him to sing again. We finally head to the supermarket and dock on the water. Despite of the fact that the whole area is flooded; Miss Rabbit still went to work and is still at the checkout counter reading EZZA magazine. The grandparents, the kids and Polly come inside and Miss Rabbit proclaims that they are her first customers. Miss Rabbit then blames "a little rain" for making them stay at home. In other words, Miss Rabbit is implying that she never went home last night. Good one, Miss Rabbit; good one.

Peppa claims that Polly has the list and Polly completely repeats the "clever parrot" line over and over again. I'm sorry; but "I'm a noisy parrot" was much funnier and had continuity with the first series. Polly is dumber than Daddy Pig now. Peppa thankfully remembers what was on the list and we head back to the flood. (Of course! Peppa is the star and everyone else -- even Polly -- is a geek! I should have known!) Peppa and company deliver cheese to Grampy Rabbit, newspapers and comics to Danny and Granddad Dog. Doctor Hamster with Tiddles the Tortoise and Mr. Bull have since hop aboard Granddad Dog's tugboat. (Thankfully for Doctor Hamster, only Suzy Sheep's house has a tree worth climbing and it's not worth climbing.) They also deliver chocolate to Suzy Sheep just to make sure Mummy Sheep is shocked that she was trolled. Night falls as the boat arrives at the house on the hill and Grandpa Pig docks the boat on the island. Peppa and George jump off and the come inside with the parents as the grandparents goes down into the bowels of the boat. Jump cut to Polly perching on the flagpole with a twig in it's mouth as it is now morning in the Peppa Pig world. Now the boat is now parked on the steepest side of the hill. BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! The flood is gone; you see. (And it's fitting that a boat would park on the steepest side the of the hill and mimic the car gimmick on this show. Of course! What a fool I am?!) Peppa and George run out because they are about to find the biggest muddy puddle in this world's storyline! A puddle so big, everyone is here to jump in it to end the episode at 4:30 approx. (Additional Cameos: Mummy Dog, Mummy Rabbit, Candy Cat, Rebecca Rabbit, Richard Rabbit, Mr. Fox, Freddy Fox, Mr. Rhino, Emily Elephant, Zoe Zebra, Zaza Zebra, Zuzu Zebra, Mummy Zebra, Madame Gazelle, Edmond Elephant, Doctor Elephant and Pedro Pony.) They promised the biggest muddy puddle and for the most part, they delivered. *** 1/2 (70%). (Wow, the worst episode so far featuring Grampy Rabbit speaking, it's almost Kit Cloudkicker level of awesome. Almost.)

Opening Moment #1: Snowfall edition of the opening is used in the next two episodes.

Santa's Grotto: Here is the first of a two parter (episodes #156 and #157 on the animation paper) as we head to the house on the hill on a snowy day; so all winter clothes on applies outside. Peppa and George run out the back door as Daddy Pig walks out and asks the kids if they want to go to the grotto to see Father Christmas. You can tell that the title was localized for international markets since Daddy Pig still refers to Santa as Father Christmas. Peppa asks if they are going to the North Pole; and Daddy Pig states that they are not going that far. Peppa doesn't understand this because Santa lives at the North Pole; but Daddy Pig tells Peppa that Father Christmas has a grotto at the Christmas fair. We head to the fair at the fair on the hill as the Helter Seltker is back, along with the Big Wheel. There is a train to nowhere in the foreground. Mr. Sexist Labo mans the duck hooking pond game, like pond scum. Guess who is running the train to nowhere?! Take a guess, it's too shocking! Surprise! It's Antonio Inoki~! POW! OUCH! Ummmm...It's Miss Rabbit, of course. (In Job #24!) Basically, all of the kids are here in the mine carts, except for Simon, Belinda, Delphine and Didler. Peppa greets everyone and they greet back as Peppa and George get in. Miss Rabbit calls this train, the elf train as we head towards the grotto with all the parents following. Peppa and friend exchange notes for a long ass whomping time. Peppa wants an animated doll and Suzy wants that too, because she has no idea what to ask Father Christmas for. They exchange notes on Father Christmas, Pedro claims that he has a super sleigh and he's older than Daddy Pig. Also true. We head to the end of the line and the grotto is basically a one room loghouse. Sigh; I was expecting more. We head inside; and it's clearly Father Christmas because he is only one of two humans on the show and he's clearly human here. It's also Christmas Eve day according to the calender in the background as the kids all meet and greet Father Christmas sitting in his chair. Father Christmas is voiced by the same guy who voiced Grandpa Pig and the narrator from Ben & Holly's Little Kingdom. We do Q&A for a while as I cannot believe Peppa has been 75% good this year.

Suzy and Peppa do not respond to the bedroom tidy question. Suzy ask if he has and Father Christmas says yes. Nice try, Suzy; your attempt to make Father Christmas look hypocritical has failed. Everyone steps up to tell Santa what they want for Christmas. The most notable toy is Edmond Elephant; because he wants a REAL train. Not a toy train with actual passengers because he wants to be a conductor. (Ah, I guess Edmond Elephant didn't like the toy tractor with a train motif on it. Gertude, everyone.) Father Christmas says he'll see what he can do, which usually means that it's not going to happen. Edmond don't care and bails stage left as Peppa and Suzy come in. Peppa blurts out that she and Father Christmas met before and Father Christmas admits to it; and Suzy just stands there like she believes everything Peppa says. WHAT?! Peppa and Suzy want the animated doll as Father Christmas writes down in his book of children's things. More Q&A ensues as the kids finally leave and Father Christmas tells them to leave a mince pie and a drink (Suzy cuts Santa off; right there; which is kind of brilliant since the drink is a nip of sherry; which is alcohol and we know it is alchol, but we ain't telling anyone.) Peppa will leave carrots for the reindeer. Which is fine; even though it's not a natural part of the habitat. (Because in storyline, Father Christmas is real and reindeer are real in both storyline and real life, so feeding reindeer carrots isn't exactly a good idea here.) Santa hos and then we head on the snowy road west with the Pig family in their car going westward. Peppa then notices that they have luggage in front of them as Daddy Pig proclaims that they are spending the Christmas with the grandparents. Which is all well and good; except Peppa is not happy about this because how will Father Christmas know where they are.

Daddy Pig tells them not to worry about it; because Father Christmas is smart. I betcha he doesn't have a clue. We head to the white house on the hill as the car is parked on the steepest side of the hill. Everyone gets out as Grandpa, Grandma and Polly are at the front door. The kids head into the kitchen because they are going to stir the Christmas pudding and make a wish. George wishes for the racing car as Grandma Pig panics because you are not suppose to blurt out your wish of course. Head into the sitting room as the lights are dim and there is the Christmas tree present. Grandpa, George and Peppa leave a carrot, mince pie and a nip of sherry in a tray on the floor in front of the fireplace. (I know that they called it a drink, but if George say his wish on a racing car, I can tell you what the drink is.) Then doorbell rings and Grandpa Pig is already protesting this outrage, so you know it is HAPPY HOUR. Guess what happens at HAPPY HOUR on Christmas Eve?! We get the carolling spot from Madame Gazelle, Mrs. Cow, Mummy Pony, Mr, Rabbit, Mr. Bull (on tuba of course), Pedro, Emily, Freddy and Candy. Grandma Pig doesn't seem to mind this and then Grandpa Pig decides to clap and pop for it anyway. Polly does nothing of course as it's now after HAPPY HOUR and Peppa and George are sleeping in the bed Mummy Pig slept when she was a little piggie. It's snowing and that buries the car outside as Mummy Pig assures Peppa that FC will come here and the kids are tucked in for the night and everyone falls asleep as we head outside to end part one at 4:30 approx. Well; this wasn't all as good as the Christmas special from Series one. (Nah, this one had it's charm. I give it a *** 1/2 (70%).)

Santa's Visit: Last up for Series Three is the bottom half of the two parter as we head to the white house on the hill as the snow is still really coming down, and it's early into Christmas morning. Cut to inside Mummy Pig's bedrom as Peppa and George are sleeping in the bed and the stocking are already filled with gifts from Father Christmas. Peppa and George wake up and check their stocking to find comic books; bubble mixture (and they blow bubbles from said mixture) and tangerines that clearly look like oranges. (Peppa says "Santa has been", another British saying I do believe.) Head to Daddy Pig's bedroom as Mummy and Daddy Pig are sharing a bed, sleeping. The lights turn on and there are little piggies bouncing on the bed! HAHA! Saw that coming a mile away and still laughed at it. Daddy and Mummy protest this outrage and Mummy Pig claims that it's too early. Daddy Pig wants Peppa and George to do the exact same thing to Grandma and Grandpa Pig that they just did to Mummy and Daddy Pig. That's exactly what happens! HAHA! And who says Daddy Pig can never be a troll?! (Ummm, bigots do former self. You know it's a special day when Peppa and George cross that line twice.) Grandma Pig screams and frowns; while Grandpa Pig panics like mad. It's three am in the morning and Peppa wants to see if Santa is still here. Grandpa Pig decides to look in the sitting room and there is no Father Christmas, and the nip of sherry, mince pie and carrot have been clearly eaten. Father Christmas is also a messy eater and leaves crumbs. Oh; and there are big presents under the tree as seen at the Christmas tree. Grandma Pig enters as Peppa wants to open the presents; but Grandma Pig wants to do Christmas Lunch beforehand. (Credit Peppa and George Pig for not complaining and actually waiting until at least one pm before opening the presents.) We head for Christmas lunch in the dining room as there is holly everywhere and Polly is handing on top of Grandpa Pig's hat. They pull on the crackers which are conveniently placed on the table as stuff comes out, including colored tissue paper hats and party blowers. Which are party trumpets with feathers in Britian. A lot of blowing goes on for a long ass whomping time. Oh; and there are stupid jokes on paper and Daddy Pig reads one. The joke sucks by the way; but no one in storyline cares. (What wobbles in the sky? A Jellicopter! Where's the giant rat from The Incredible Shrinking Molly when we need it?! Oh wait...) George has already taken some bites from the pudding; because he already has it on his face. We exchange notes on the pudding and Peppa teases revealing her wish; but Mummy Pig cuts her off and they all giggle. Yes; this pudding was the actual lunch as it's now time to open presents. Everyone goes into the sitting room as we start opening the presents. George got the red racing car model. It comes in blue and red cars with a round track.

Daddy Pig of course has to read the instructions and they are more complex than a TaleSpin episode, but Grandpa Pig has figured it out. I betcha he had a book on how electric car track sets work in his library at the shed. (Grandpa Pig is slightly less dumb than Daddy Pig.) Of course, the two adults are now racing George's race cars and enjoying themselves far more than George is supposed to. Oh wait; George loves racing in the box; so we have a future Nintendo Labo fan in the works. The women of this outfit are instantly amused by both these visuals. I expected this out of George, since he loves dinosaurs more than racing cars. All the adults got for presents is a pair of socks. One pair of socks though. Polly gets nothing; but to repeat the word, socks. I'm a clever sock. I'm a NOISY SOCK~! SNORT~! There is one last present left and Peppa thinks it's for her as she wanted an animated doll. She opens the present and it's a box of...bird seed? Oh wait a second; I get it. Peppa's present box must be in this box which would be a brilliant booking decision as Santa has trolled Peppa Pig like a lot of parents do to create suspense for the kid when he opens the present. Peppa would be disappointed, get a phone call from Suzy as Suzy got her present and then Peppa leaves her hanging again, then Santa comes down the chimney and informs Peppa that the present is inside the bird seed box. That would be a perfect, funny and trollish finish all in one. The problem is: The present is not a troll move by Father Christmas. The present is legit bird seed for Polly. Father Christmas has screwed up and Peppa has been screwed as a result. Yes; Santa brainfarted big time and Suzy cannot help; but rub it in since she got her animated doll. Peppa is sulking and thinks Santa has forgotten. We get a sequence with Santa riding his reindeer and then he notices in the bottom of his sack. It's Peppa's present. We head back to the fireplace as Peppa continues to sulk in defeat as Peppa thinks she might have been too naughty; but wait! Here comes Father Christmas down the chimney into the fireplace with Peppa's present. Everyone except Peppa and George are shocked and appalled; because the adults have been keeping a facade that Santa was not real; but this is a world that is not real in this reality so Father Christmas is real in that storyline than it is in this reality. Peppa opens her belated present as Father Christmas is offered pudding and Peppa's wish was for Santa to visit her on Christmas Day. In comes the car model racing track via teleport on the zoom out. Santa hos and everyone does the backsplash laugh except for Santa and Peppa to end the episode and Series 3 at 4:30 approx. Damn; I wanted to see Santa do the backsplash laugh. Maybe they'll find a way in Series Five and it involves a muddy puddle. (I don't think they have ever done that since this episode former self.) That would also be a funny visual. (Santa and Peppa were in the middle of the race track and Santa would probably crush the race cars. What can you do?!) This was a better half of a Christmas episode, although my booking suggestion would have made this even better. *** 1/2 (70%).

THE REVIEW LINE

Well, this end eleven shorts was just whiplash episode after another. I loved Gym Class because of Grampy Rabbit being able to tell a BS story and manage to pull off making Suzy Sheep suspend her disbelief for once. I know it's a contradiction of terms since she believes in magic, but here we are. The two part Christmas episode was fun, despite a few obvious flaw. Edmond Elephant's Birthday was far more amusing on the second viewing despite the logical mess and the excessive crying. Chole's Big Friends was actually very fun as well as we almost had three thumbs up. Even Chatterbox was amusing in it's own way. However, The Blackberry Bush is now the worst episode in the series, bar none. I hate it when a pre-school show tries to nearly kill someone, Peppa's bump into the pumpkin was much safer than this and then they mock Mummy Pig afterwards in something that comtempable ghouls do, or outright heels. This was the episode that made me believe those haters were correct about how toxic this show was. Well, for one episode anyways. It wasn't fatal like when Chargeman Ken killed Professional Volga for no reason and dehumanized him as a human robot. However, Blackberry really frustrated me, especially after the payoff was awesome and tasty apple-blackberry crumble. I love that dessert and it was too good to be used for this horrible episode!

That is it for Peppa Pig Series Three, so let's tally the results after 157 episodes and the pitch pilot.

Series Three: 14 Thumbs Up, 36 Thumbs In The Middle, 2 Thumbs Down.
Overall: 36 Thumbs Up, 114 Thumbs In The Middle, 10 Thumbs Down.

The Blackberry Bush reminds me that BS&P is going to step in and tone this series down and Edmond Elephant's Birthday is too sloppy and needs an editor as soon as possible. Sadly, this is not going to occur until they went on break after Series Four was over and did three special episodes that could have been better if they were ten minutes long rather than fifteen minutes long. Oh well, Series Four is next. The Wolf family makes it debut! Mummy Rabbit get a bump and twins! Pedro Pony becomes legendary Pedro Fucking Pony! The Pig Family goes to Italy! George tones down his crying, sort of! And much, much more. So...

Thumbs down for The Blackberry Bush, Thumbs up for Gym Class. Thumbs in the middle for everything else and I'll see you all next time.

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