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Twenty Years Of Muddy Puddles: Peppa Pig: Series Four #3 Rant

Reviewed: 04/29/2018
Additional Commentary/Edited: 08/13/2024

The Return Of Mister Skinnylegs!

Okay fans; I have now decided to rant on this series full time, because I do in fact like this show enough that I can handle the best and worst of the Pig family from Great Britian. Okay; we head back to Series Four as we start the next ten episodes of the Harley Bird era as the gloves are finally off of this show as it turns from just a normal pre-school show into a legendary pre-school show. How do these episodes fare? Let's rant on shall we..?!

All the episodes are done by Neville Astley, Mark Baker and Phil Hall. Animation is done by Astely Baker Davies animation; with the two mentioned creators and Phil Davies.

Spider Web: Next up is episode #179 on the animation paper as we head to the house on the hill with creepy music. Uh-oh! Does this means Mister Skinnylegs is returning?! Don't these writers know that Australia is not going to allow you to air such a thing in their country?! (2024 Gregory Weagle Says: Yup, this episode did get the banhammer in Australia by the government again. This would be at least the last time the creators tried to bring back the spider ever again.) Something about spiders being lethal even though deaths by poisonous pigs is more of a problem than spiders. I guess the injury factor is much greater than in pigs and that there are more spiders than pigs. We head to Daddy Pig's study room as Daddy Pig is reading the newspaper and there are more cobwebs in this room than at anytime in my room. (I would walk that one back, former self since six years is an eternity nowadays.) George, Peppa and Mummy Pig come in as Mummy Pig has the dreaded featherduster of slight discomfront because the study room is a mess. Wait; cobwebs and only two sheets of paper?! Mummy Pig should see my room; that might change her mind about messes. (It's not much better today, former self.) Daddy Pig loves cobwebs and claims that they give a room character. Mummy Pig blows it off because there are spiders and she hates spiders. Wait, what?! Now, if you recall Mister Skinnylegs; Mummy Pig liked spiders at the end of the day, so this makes no sense. If this was an attempt to address the ban in Australia, it fails on that count as well. Daddy Pig claims that spiders catch flies and flies are horrid. He's right, of course. (The Australian government don't care, Daddy!) Mummy Pig is fine with that as long as she doesn't see one and down from his spider thread is Mister Skinnylegs and Mummy Pig is absolutely terrified by this. If I recall; it was Daddy Pig who was the one afraid of spiders. Peppa greets him again and then Mister Skinnylegs bails upwards as Mummy Pig is horrified and wants that spider found and out of the house. Mummy Pig bails and we start the search for Mister Skinnylegs, with no success. However; not all is lost because Mummy Pig has found him on the sink in the bathroom. Of course! The kids and Daddy Pig show up as Mummy Pig wants Skinnylegs to go bye-bye. Daddy Pig takes Mr. Skinneylegs out to the garden with Peppa and George -- all with their boots on -- which means that a muddy puddle is forthcoming. Sadly; there is none in this episode; which would have been another iconic visual for this series. (I would pay good money to see Mr. Skinneylegs jump up and down in muddy puddles and do the backsplash laugh. That would have been MONEY, MONEY, YEAH, YEAH~! Australian government's censors: Opposite of money!)

It begins to rain as Mr. Skinnylegs waddles to the conveniently placed water spout and this makes Peppa want to deluge themselves in "Itsy-Bitsy Spider" promos. (Bitsy is called Weensy in Britian I should note.) This might have been the shortest rainfall in history. Mummy Pig blows this off, so Daddy Pig is going to take Mr. Skinneylegs further into the garden instead. (Also, as they walk down the hall, Mummy Pig is walking behind them to make sure no more bullshit occurs with this cheeky spider.) They find a conveniently placed tree and put Mr. Skinneylegs on said tree. Mr. Skinneylegs makes a web on the tree while Daddy Pig explains the situation. Daddy Pig also claims that you should never break a web because it's hard work to remake such a web. Remember that for later. Peppa says goodbye and the family bails back to the house as it is now AFTER HAPPY HOUR (after dark) as we return to the house on the hill and then jump cut to Peppa and George in their beds with Daddy Pig. The little ones are tucked in as Daddy Pig explains that Mr. Skinneylegs makes new webs every day and he doesn't know where the next one is; but he'll find out tomorrow. He turns out the lights and the little ones go asleep. Jump cut to morning outside as the sun rises. Jump cut to the kitchen table with the family eating cereal. Daddy Pig shakes off the cereal from his suit; so he's as messy an eater as I am. (Nah, I'm far worse.) He wants to get to work early as he walks into the sitting room. Peppa calls him a hard worker as Daddy Pig claims that Mr. Skinneylegs is also hard at work. We head outside as Daddy Pig gets into his car and turns on the engine. He teases leaving; but Peppa cuts him off and orders him to stop. Daddy asks why and then we discover that Mr. Skinneylegs has made a web between the car and the house, meaning Daddy Pig, by virture of his own rule, cannot use the car today because that would break the web and thus Mr. Skinnylegs would have to do another one and that might kill it. (Thank you Mr. Skinneylegs for making Daddy Pig become GEEK OF THE WEEK~!) Which would make everyone except the Australian censors extremely sad and/or pissed off. Daddy Pig is confused and asks how he is going to work. Peppa's solution: He rides her bicycle to work. Of course! Daddy Pig rides down hill and then blushes uphill. HAHA! Mr. Skinneylegs giggles because he's got Peppa's trolling skills down to a T now. The rest of the family giggles to end the episode at 4:30 approx. Okay; that finish was funny. (Again, while this was a very good episode; it causes someone to be offended so I cannot give it a thumbs up in good conscience. So, call it *** 3/4 (75%).)

The Noisy Night: We continue on with episode #180 on the animation paper and the episode opens with another white house on the hill; only this time there is an apple tree with a swing attached to it. The Pig Family's car arrives and parks on the steepest side of the hill...AGAIN! So the narrator explains to us that the family is having a sleepover at Chloe's house tonight. So the entire Chloe family meets and greets the Pig Family. Chloe is voiced by Abigail Daniels at this point (originally Eloise May in Series 1 and 2) and Zara Siddiqi in Series 4 onward. Zara you already know since she also voiced Candy Cat at some point. Abigail Daniels I have nothing from her; I assume she only voiced this show. Auntie Pig I mentioned before; is voiced by Judy Flynn at this point; who also voiced Mummy Dog. She's wearing a spotted dress and yellow eyebrow liner. Uncle Pig is voiced by the narrator of this show and he's Daddy Pig's brother basically. He doesn't wear glasses and has a barely grown mustache and beard. The infant Auntie Pig is carrying is Baby Alexander, who is voiced by Alice May in Series 2 through 4. (I clearly ranted on this one first before all the other Cousin Chole arc episodes.) We meet and greet for a while. Baby Alexander is clearly six months old at this point. Everyone gets into the house because the house on the hill is very far away and an early evening would be nice. This is in spite of the fact that it's still clearly the early afternoon hours. Everyone goes into Baby Alexander's bedroom. (With a really colorful front door with symbols to show you that this is Baby Alexander's room.) Chloe's family puts Baby Alexander in her drum shaped bed stand overlooking a music playing ceiling mobile device twisting around in the area. Apparently; Baby Alexander loves noise -- although by the end of this -- it was clearly the noise of Baby Alexander's own voice. (This family is a walking noise pollution violation waiting to happen.) The mobile music cures Baby Alexander's insomnia and Baby Alexander is snoring. Uncle Pig proclaims that they are a noisy family. When this episode is over, I fully agree with them. I'm shocked that the community hasn't filed a noise complaint against the Chloe family after this episode is over. Chloe tells Peppa and George that they are sleeping in her bedroom tonight, and not just her bedroom. It's literally in her bed actually as Chloe is sleeping in a sleeping bag on the floor next to her bed. Everyone says good night as we have jump cutted to outside as it's AFTER HAPPY HOUR; and boy, truer words were never spoken on this night!

All the lights get turned off and the narrator's voice causes Baby Alexander to wail like crazy. At least when George and the other little kids cry; it sounds like music to my ears. Not Baby Alexander! Baby Alexander's crying is downright horrible here! (When Baby Alexander debuted that crying sound, it was a really funny moment and everyone ignoring it was even more so. Problem is, it was only funny once. Now it's the most ear aching sound ever and I'm glad they changed it in Series Eight! Originality does not automatically mean good. Just because something makes sense, doesn't mean it's good either!) The lights get switched back on as we jump cut to George and Peppa waking up and hearing the sounds of a vacuum cleaner in the background. Chloe explains what it is and everyone runs into the baby's room as Uncle Pig in pj's is vacuuming the floor at night. Even Daddy Pig is questioning this; as it should be obvious that this is an attempt to calm Baby Alexander down. Because you see; Baby Alexander hates no noise. That's right; it's four minutes of the families trying to get Baby Alexander to asleep with noisy objects. (I just love how the adults proclaim loudly that they love noise and Cousin Chole has a blank stare that screams "Why are you saying that?!" That was funny.) I'm glad I tackled this episode last, because if I tackled it earlier, I would probably get pissed off. (I get the point that noise puts this baby to sleep, but it would have worked better if Baby Alexander had a much more pleasant crying sound. The fire siren cry might work for practical purposes, but it sucks in entertainment and art!) We try to get back to sleep and of course Baby Alexander wakes up crying. We vacuum clean and Auntie Pig plays the trumpet and blushing like a beet doing this. Maybe dead silence in that room is a bad idea. Why not just play a soothing song over and over again?! It's as noisy as anything on this show. I should note that a param is British for a baby carriage. Mummy Pig has a Krackpotkin Plan: Wheel Baby Alexander around the house fifty times. Of course, Daddy Pig has to do it because he's clueless. At least this was funny. (This is where the episode sort of turned around and became respectable. Even funnier, the Chole family is stunned by this idea, like actually getting someone to sleep without noise is impossible to them. Also funny.) Daddy Pig finally gets Baby Alexander asleep and we do a long sequence because there is a security alarm in the house and it was turned off during this entire ordeal, but then switched back on when Daddy Pig came inside. That's an interesting attention to detail at least.

Auntie Pig brings Baby Alexander upstairs as Peppa comes in admitting that she cannot sleep now due to the noise. Daddy Pig brings Peppa upstairs and of course; he chooses the middle door -- the one that makes it so obvious that it's Baby Alexander's room -- and switches on the lights. Baby Alexander wakes up, looks into the hard camera and cries like crazy. At least this is Daddy Pig's fault and not the lack of noise. Baby Alexander hates light when it's trying to sleep, join my club! The Chloe Family is so like "we're so used to this crap" that Uncle Pig and Auntie Pig have brought in the vacuum cleaner and trumpet. Mummy Pig cuts them off and invokes Krackpotkin Plan #2; which is funny because her original plan worked and Daddy Pig screwed up after the fact. Daddy Pig then recalls that they calmed George down by driving around in the car; which is the basically thing as riding George around in a carriage around the house. Daddy Pig runs down the house and opens the door and runs outside; forgetting that the alarm is set and the alarm goes off. Yes; it took THIS ALARM to wake the neighbours around the area in their houses up with the lights switched on. Even Baby Alexander couldn't wake up these people. (Okay, despite all the nonsense, that was funny!) Then; just to make this episode even more absurd; a rescue helicopter with neon green siren arrives and guess who is piloting the helicopter?! If you guessed Miss Rabbit; you get the no-prize. This siren and spotlight somehow makes Baby Alexander stop crying. HAHA! (Not only that, Baby Alexander is smiling the entire time. He is a cheeky MAGAT!) I also realize that Madame Gazelle and the Zebra family were the two houses shown in the far shots waking up. (While this was Madame Gazelle's house, there was no tree anywhere near it. So, the tree angle didn't get booked until Series Five at least.) Everyone is all right as Miss Rabbit turns around and flies away stage right. Baby Alexander is snoring as everyone is relieved that Noisy Daddy Pig saved the day. (At the exact moment Miss Rabbit flies away. Cry aside, this was an entertaining episode to say the least.) Geez; Auntie Pig sure is loud. Everyone except her -- and Baby Alexander of course -- do the backsplash laugh to end the episode at 4:30 approx. Horrible crying aside; this was okay, because once Daddy Pig took over, it was almost good enough. (Personally, this was a fine episode on it's own that if you change Baby Alexander's cry, this is actually perversely entertaining, so *** (60%).)

The Wishing Well: Next up we continue on with episode #181 on the animation paper and open up literally in Grandpa Pig's garden with the kids and Grandpa Pig wearing their boots; so 2:1 odds a muddy puddle will be involved in this episode. (It wasn't involved in this episode.) Grandpa Pig shows his veggies as beets are called beet root in Britian. We stop at the carrot section as Peppa notices a green plant that is not a carrot and Grandpa Pig deduces that it's a weed. Now, come on Grandpa Pig! That's not a very nice thing to say to the troll...Oh wait; he is talking about the actual weed. Grandpa Pig calls the weed cheeky. Which if it was, isn't that ass projecting?! (Ooooo, another sick burn from former self.) Anyhow; the kids pull out the weed and put it in the bucket as Peppa suggest growing a strawberry patch in it's place. Which Grandpa Pig completely blows off. Grandpa Pig proclaims that everything has their place. So, he believes in a rigid world. In comes Grandma Pig with a lawn gnome; and since it's 2012, it's no longer funny anymore. (Listen, those Travelocity ads with the lawn gnome used to be funny at the time, but now it's one of those "good for it's time and nothing else". Time has not been kind to say the least.) Grandpa Pig agrees with me as he proclaims that there is no room for it or its sense of "no" humor. Grandma Pig puts the lawn gnome in front of a conveniently placed tree and Grandpa Pig hates looking at it. Geez; what a bigot. Listen, I might not think lawn gnomes are funny anymore; but that doesn't mean that they should be shunned! Grandma Pig asks if the gnome looks ugly. Peppa claims it's cute. Which is true. I just don't think it's funny anymore. Democracy wins out as Grandpa Pig loses harder than a Nintendo Switch hater. Oh; and Grandpa Pig is screwed even more because here comes Mr. Bull with a blue truck filled to the brim with lawn gnomes, which Grandma Pig has ordered. (Mr. Bull Job #7.) Uh-oh! Looks like this relationship is declining fast and I don't think even a muddy puddle can save this one. (Grandpa Pig will sort of get his revenge in Stamps as he was buying stamps behind Granny Pig's back.) Grandpa Pig's protesting has been rendered invalid and pointless. Much like his future sex life. (Grandpa Pig needs some ass projecting cream to heal after that sick burn.) We dump the gnomes as this garden has been turned into a plastic paradise of the same look of the gnome minus skin, hair and clothing color. Mr. Bull puts down a wooden box and then bails, waving goodbye. Everyone except Grandpa waves goodbye as he is not amused by this wooden box. Grandpa Pig thinks it's a giant gnome. Grandma says it's a well and Grandpa explains to Peppa what it is which is basically a deep hole with water in it. Which might be Grandpa Pig's final resting place if he's not careful. (Damn, did Grandpa Pig piss in former self's soda pop when he wrote this review?! That's the third sick burn on him in this episode alone.)

He opens the crate and blows off the plastic well because there's no hole on the bottom; and he cannot get his water for the garden. Granny Pig is not good at function; but is good at style. Very rigid genderized I might add. Peppa loves it; just not Grandpa Pig kicking at it as Grandma Pig explains that it's a wishing well; which Peppa also loves. This is why democracy doesn't work sometimes; because the function of a garden is considered more unpopular than a wishing well, even if a real well is more useful. Peppa drops a coin into the well and is wishing and Grandma Pig tells her not to tell anyone what the wish is. We all know the reason for this is that Peppa is wishing for something to mock Daddy Pig's big tummy with, since she is a troll. And hearing her whispers do not change my mind on that front. (Thankfully, the writers decided to create some suspense by making the whisper yell of Peppa sound like gibberish. Cheap, but effective.) Peppa asks if wishes always come true. Grandma Pig says "yes" and Grandpa leaves to take Peppa and George home. The kids and Grandpa Pig walk stage right through the garden as Grandpa Pig is moping as they exchange notes as they go up the hill, past the house and to the car. Peppa finally reveals her wish: She wants her lawn to be covered with lawn gnomes and have it's own wishing well. I don't buy that for one second; because when she was whispering, she mentioned Daddy Pig. (I didn't hear that in the actual wish. What are you talking about former self?!) Grandpa Pig gets inspired and we cut to the house on the hill as Grandpa Pig parks the car on the steepest side of the hill. There are a ton of lawn gnomes in the car as the kids get out. Mummy and Daddy Pig are outside sitting on lawn chairs with cups of tea and in Daddy Pig's case, the newspaper. Peppa claims that she made a wish that came true. Daddy Pig asks what the wish is. Grandpa Pig brings the gnomes in and sets it up all over Daddy Pig's lawn. Lots of lawn gnomes and a wishing well. Mummy Pig questions this because they don't have enough room; which Grandpa proves is wrong. (Bigger question: Was this run through with Granny Pig?! If so, okay. If not, Grandpa Pig is a steamed ham in more ways than one.) George and Peppa dance around the wishing well as wishes do come true and democracy wins forever. Although it's more useful on Daddy Pig's lawn than on Grandpa Pig's lawn. Everyone loves a wishing well. I don't know about the lawn gnomes though as they do the backsplash laugh and the tremor causes five lawn gnomes to fall flat on their faces. HAHA! This ends the episode at 4:30 approx. Lawn gnomes on their own aren't funny; but when they cause Grandpa Pig to be an asshole, they are funny. *** 1/2 (70%).

Opening Moment #1: Winter title opening is used here only it's been staged exactly like in the regular Series Four opening.

Mr. Potato's Christmas Show: Here is episode #182 on the animation paper as we head on a snowy boring road with Miss Rabbit driving the bus with Madame Gazelle and the kids giggling. Miss Rabbit and Madame Gazelle; despite being winter are dressed like it's spring while the kids are dressed in their winter clothes. (This is probably the first time all the playgroup kids are here! Except for Zuzu and Zaza Zebra! Sigh.) That made me laugh. And yes; the cinema is on a snowy hill and Miss Rabbit at least remembers to park on the flat side of the hill this time. All the kids get out and admire the poster containing Mr. Potato, Mrs. Carrot, Little Sprout and Sweet Cranberry. Someone forgot to inform the color stylist because cranberries are not purple; they are red. It should be Sweet Blueberry; since they are closer to that shade of purple. Of course; it's Christmas, so Cranberry it is. Then, things go properly weird: So, everyone takes off their coats off-screen and heads into the cinema seat as Madame Gazelle gives everyone a ticket and everyone sits down. Now; I omitted something in this description because look at Candy Cat and Suzy Sheep when they run in. What the bloody hell happened here?! Candy Cat's face looks like Daddy Cat; and Suzy Sheep has lost all of her coloring on her face and is ash gray. Why was this done?! (Someone should have noticed this and fixed it. Remember what I said about being thin on editors?! It's really starting to show now.) It's clear it's a coloring error because Suzy and Candy were colored as they always were before this scene! Then suddenly; the kids do a counting game and who shows up?! Suzy Sheep and Candy Cat. The two other kids were merely a decoy. (Even though we never saw the two kids in the bus. Massive logic break! Why not Zuzu and Zaza Zebra, whom don't appear in this episode despite being around since Series Three?! Again, the reboot cannot happen fast enough at this point.) Next shot: The dark skined cat has moved to below the little ones row and now there is two dark skinned sheep sitting in between Rebecca Rabbit and Freddy Fox. WHAT?! Apparently; Delphine Donkey made the trip along with a child cow and a child rhino, and another little rabbit sitting beside George. (The child rhino might be Rohan Rhino, the rest are just there to fill the crowd. Which is fine, but it doesn't explain the obvious logic breaks.)

Madame Gazelle sits down on the end where the little ones are sitting and of course, Pedro has to bail and bump into everyone because he needs the toilet. Of course! Everyone is not happy about this. Closeup of Suzy and Peppa as the dark skinned cat returns to his seat in front. Gabrelle Goat makes a cameo before Pedro heads up to the toilet, HUZZAH! The other kids are color palette swaps of the other kids. In other words, this is a great big video game now. (Speaking of video games, My Friend Peppa Pig and Peppa Pig World Adventures probably contain all the palette swaps from this episode alone and much, much more.) Pedro returns to his seat, generally being annoying. Gazelle tells him to "shh"! Miss Rabbit is in the upper bowl now. The lights go dim and we get the William Tell overture, which in itself would be perfectly fine since it's a public domain song. Everyone assumes that the show is starting and than Madame Gazelle brings out her cellphone, turns it off and apologizes. Damn; that would have been an awesome opening to say the least. Madame Gazelle is a hypocrite. (I howled with laugher after that one and Madame Gazelle emoting is priceless. She should be ejected despite that music being awesome!) Then the clown horns start proper as there is jungling. Peppa of course is thinking that it's someone else's cellphone and then the curtain opens and out comes Mr. Potato on stage. I wish the curtain opened and it was Mr. Potato's cellphone ringing during this, because that would be uber funny. Meaning the opening sequence is done in complete silence. Sadly; it's the actual show audio track, so I bring out my sad face. I'm just going to ignore the awful shot continuity of the crowd at this point. Mr. Potato is wearing Santa's hat and addresses the crowd because the magic of fruit and vegetables never ends. The crowd pops as Mr. Potato sidesteps to show a house in the background. He introduces Mrs. Carrot and Sweet Blueberry...ERR..I mean, Sweet Canberry; and Little Sprouts as they proceed to do the backsplash laugh. Ah; so that's where everyone learned it from! Okay. (Even funnier: Mr. Potato claims that Little Sprout is the most favorite of the group and gets the smallest pop of the entire group! Mr. Potato is working us with that one.) Lots of clapping and popping ensues and then Little Sprout is written out via teleport and this is one time where it actually lead somewhere.

The kids are doing some interacting as Little Sprout is being cheeky and waving to the crowd because these fruit and veggies are clueless. And killing time. Of course; there so clueless even Suzy Sheep is calling them out on it. HAHA! Little Sprout decides to waddle on stage and Mr. Potato calls it cheeky and this whole exercise (wink, wink, nudge, nudge) was designed so Mrs. Carrot had a pulley system so she could play the role of the Fairy Godcarrot~! Of course! Suzy of course notices this as a work; so don't ever bring her to wrestling matches. (Remember what I said about Suzy Sheep being unable to suspend disbelief?! There you go.) Sweet Canberry wants a Christmas tree and we get some dust and a trap door platform raising a nice looking Christmas tree with no star at all. But wait! Little Sprout is not only the star of this Christmas tree; it also sings the TEDDY RUXPIN SONG OF DOOM! Everyone on stage sings and waves a Happy Christmas. The end, curtain down and that is that. The crowd is like: "That was awfully short match!" They sure put the meaning of the term: "Go home show" to good use!" (By the way, Peppa Pig, George Pig, Suzy Sheep, Zoe Zebra and Rebecca Rabbit are the only kids with blank stares. They do not like short shows at all. The rest are like: "It was short and sweet". That was funny.) Peppa says it all as the curtain comes up and there is in fact more. As if a video game developer is saying "Oh, I have one more announcement to make." They bring down a background containing a fireplace, and anyone who has watched enough cartoons knows where this is going. There is a VIP coming and he hos a lot. It's clearly Father Christmas stuck in the chimney with it's legs wiggling and Suzy Sheep proclaims that it's the Queen. BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! She must mean Queen in a Santa outfit; she cannot be that stupid nor trollish. (By the way, the Queen makes her debut after the next episode in this group!) Oh wait, it's Father Christmas. Remind me never to ask Suzy to pick lotto numbers either. Father Christmas addresses the crowd, asks if they are good and the crowd pops. Father Christmas asks if they have been cleaning their teeth and the crowd pops. Father Christmas asks if they kept their rooms tidying and the crowd is like "Can I come back to you on that one?!". HAHA! Father Christmas don't care because it's time to sing the TEDDY RUXPIN SONG OF DOOM AGAIN~! YAY! That ends the episode at 4:30 approx. The episode was really good storywise; but the animation contiunity was not as the crowd shots felt right at home with The Adventures Of Teddy Ruxpin. *** 1/2 (70%).

Madame Gazelle's Leaving Party: Here is episode #183 on the animation paper as we head to the school house on the hill with the bells chiming. We zoom in with all the kids who are currently on the roster sitting down laughing for no reason. (So, every episode involving playgroup. Zuzu and Zaza Zebra are absent I should note.) Madame Gazelle claps her hands and proclaims that there is no playgroup next week because she is going away and the children treat this as her retiring from playgroup forever! Yeah, sure because losing the status quo is reserved for Sesame Street, who despite all of their problems (Elmo, I'm looking at you!), the core features are still there and usually, they do it right. (Elmo is not terrible, come on now.) The kids bid farewell and run out as we jump cut to the house on the hill with Daddy Pig driving to the backyard, parking on the steepest side of the hill...AGAIN! (The kids are like: "Okay" and leave just like that.) Doctor Hamster seems to be the only one who can park her vehicles in a sensible matter and yet she cannot understand why tortoises climb trees. Peppa and George hop out of the car, Daddy Pig follows them into the house. Mummy Pig is in the kitchen chopping up potatoes and stuff for soup at the kitchen table. The rest of the family comes in and Peppa wastes zero seconds telling Mummy Pig that Madame Gazelle is leaving and there's no replacement, so playgroup is canceled forever. Which means Peppa and George have to go to a public school now. POW! OUCH! Ummmm...Oh come on, now! What is so wrong with a public school?! (Public schools are great. However, there's no evidence that playgroup was a private school in storyline, former self. It's possible a new teacher will teach the children if Madame Gazelle retires, kind of like Doctor Polar Bear taking over Doctor Brown Bear in Health Check. Of course, that is a "Huge, if true" moment if I ever heard one. Key word "IF".) Daddy Pig thinks this is Madame Gazelle retiring and we hit the flashback which implies that Daddy Pig, Mummy Pig, Mr. Rhino, Mummy Pony, Mr. Rhino, Mr. Zebra and Doctor Elephant have all been taught by Madame Gazelle. (This is a perfectly reasonable assumpation. Key word: assume because as you'll see, everyone just made an ass out of themselves. And I do mean everyone. Especially Madame Gazelle.)

I have a question that just sprang up: Do Mummy Pig and Daddy Pig have the same grandparents?! Because, it sounds like this is the case. I'm guessing that the Grandpa and Grandma Pig were Mummy Pig's parents since they mention her room at their house a couple of times. So, who are Daddy Pig's parents?! And if they have the same parents; don't the writers realize that this relationship is incest?! And do they realize that this is not as funny as the scene in Babysitter when George and Peppa seriously thought the grandparents were going to kill them?! Wow; now I'm creeped out and it took this flashback for me to realize it. I'm sorry. I was not woke enough. (I wish fans of TaleSpin would have the same forethought concerning Kit Cloudkicker and Molly Cunningham since the original plan was to have Kit as Rebecca's son; thus making a Kit/Molly marriage criminally impossible and by heart be extremely problematic.) Daddy Pig can learn how to count to three; but cannot shrug off his love for concrete. (I have already done the full episode and is reviewing that episode probably before the end of August at this rate, so I removed the Quick & Dirty Livejournal version of the rant.) We return to reality (no thank you...) as Mummy Pig suggests having a retirement party which in Britian is called a leaving party. In a way, this actually makes sense regardless of the finish since it's a way to deflect the fact that Madame Gazelle is not retiring even though everyone thinks she is. We scene change to the school house as everyone comes in, literally with various stuff for the leaving party as they are setting up the scene. Someone has to run interference to make sure Madame Gazelle is not in on the party before they are ready. Peppa Pig has to pick someone who has to watch. Now; Peppa herself would have been perfect to run interference, but it's not herself that she chooses. Guess who she chooses. Does she pick a compentent adult to run such interference?! (Heck, even Daddy Pig would have been a good choice even if he brainfarts sometimes, because he can be really compentent otherwise.) Nope! She picks...wait for it...Pedro F'N Pony. Head desking ensues. The worst choice of all time in this situation. (Peppa Pig is our GEEK OF THE WEEK!)

Pedro gets his marching orders and Peppa goes inside as the adults and children are decorating the place. Then; we discover that Madame Gazelle's former career was being in a rock guitar group called the Rocking Gazelles. I should note that the power of the mind to create falsehoods struck this show's head. (It's called the Mandella Effect. To be fair, I had that happen to me when I thought Baloo said "tut, tut, your ass" in Road To Macadamia, when it was "astralness". Sadly, the Plunder and Lightning F-Bomb doesn't get that kind of grace. Now I have to check Flight School Confidential because someone in IMDB claims Kit Cloudkicker said the word fuck now. Keep in mind, I kept copious notes and did a transcript on that episode and I couldn't find it.) Moral guardians seriously thought that the adults said "Fucking Gazelles" which is stupid because it was clear they said rocking, since their gimmick is that they were music stars. Unlike Plunder and Lightning and Stampede Wrestling where Baloo and I don't remember the commentator's name. (It's not Ed Whalen, Jim Davies nor Bob Leonard. It's actually Pete Montana who said "Oh, fuck it; do it again!" during the end of Stampede Wrestling's run.); Which there is nothing to indicate that it could be misinterperted as anything other than the word fuck. The Stampede one was very awful, mostly because the announce also said to redo the interview. I think it was with Chris Benoit and Beef Wellington near the end of Stampede Wrestling's life. That interview was on a live to tape show. Sid Vicious is infamous for doing this and he is G-rated for the most part. (If only he said "I only need half the brain that you do"...) Disney did try to cover up the gaffe in Plunder and Lightning in the DVD version in the captions, but couldn't change anything in the audio because it was in a spot where they couldn't cut it, nor fix the audio without a gap in the video and audio soundtrack which in part, explains why there are scenes with guns that aren't cut out because even the editors of post-production realize that you cannot cut stuff out just because they contain forbidden content without making the editing look even more rinky-dink as it is. Toon Disney everyone.

In other words, Disney was screwed and they couldn't do a second take for whatever reasons. The word is partially covered up with the cheers of Rebecca and Kit (Which Baloo in the captions says: "It's worked!" Hilariously; that was the line Kit spoke. Epic fail!), making it even worse. The thing is, on a live show -- unless you have seven second delay -- you're fucked as they say. Most of the time Snopes is correct, but that doesn't mean nothing ever slips through. Mistakes happen all the time and when you least expect it. Yes; there are rules, but they are designed to deter people from saying those naughty words. Most of the time, they work. In a few instances, they don't. (I should note that the "Teenagers! Take off your clothes" myth from Aladdin that was debunked by Snopes might have been a case of someone pranking Snopes and moral guardians because Baloo did officially tell Rebecca and the rich doods in "My Fair Baloo" to take off their clothes during the finish of that episode! Methinks someone took that and confused it with another show, or was trolling to get attention. That's my theory on that myth at least.) In Baloo's case he got away with it because I have yet to see any evidence that the FCC or the CRTC did anything as a result. (If anyone complained, I didn't see a followup.) The PTC probably complained about it; but they complain about everything, so that's nothing new. Enough about foul language, we discover that the two Rocking Gazelles have retired to a snowy mouintain cabin somewhere in Switzerland. One of them is literally wearing a target on her shirt, why?! She's the one who answers the phone as we discover that Madame Gazelle's first name is Gigi. Yes; she is the only one officially with the first name among the adults. (That would be later broken by Reggie Rabbit, also known as Grampy Rabbit and the Rocking Gazelles would get first names in Familes later on.) There are rumors that Mrs. Elephant's first name is Elizabeth; but I doubt it since the Queen is based off Queen Elizabeth II. I still maintain that Grandpa Pig's name is Issac Newton Pig. Like every British stereotype on this show; they are having tea and fruit cake.

Anyhow; they are sad that Madame Gazelle is retiring and Peppa Pig proclaims that there is a party for her retirment. The Rocking Gazelle state that they are coming, probably to provide the entertainment. I should note that the Rocking Gazelles business was Six Gold and Two Silver records; but no platinum hits. Not bad; not outstanding as a career sales-wise. I wonder how the Bing Bong Song did?! (Sadly, we never found out. Apparently, the same target on one of the Rocking Gazelles' dresses is also a painting on the western wall.) After that lovely phone call conversation, we get scenes of food making in the school house kitchen. Because; I'm into the fourth paragraph already, I'm just going to skim through this scene as there are cupcakes and wobbly jelly cakes being made. Peppa has to make it wobble, of course. (Get used to this, the wibbly-wobbly gimmick is going to be for the long haul.) Jump cut to Pedro Pony guarding the school house. Oh; and here comes Madame Gazelle and Pedro blurts out to the school house that she's coming. Miss Rabbit (or Mummy Rabbit, doesn't matter) comes out and orders Pedro to run interference because they are not ready yet. How are the Rocking Gazelles going to get in without Gigi noticing?! I also love that now that we know Madame Gazelle's first name; they are still referencing her as Madame Gazelle?! (Respect the honorifics, former self!) Pedro is exchanging pleasure thoughts as Gigi is clearly wanting to go inside. Pedro says no, because it's against the law. (Okay, I howled with laughter when he said that. What a clueless putz?!) So, in other words: Gigi does not own the school, because if she does, Pedro is wrong about it being against the law, unless he is implying that the place is an environmental hazard. (It's never a good sign when Pedro is showing teeth on the smile. He knows what he said is bullshit and even Gigi is thinking that this is sus.) Which is hilarious considering who is guarding the door. (Okay, if Pedro gives up the ghost, I do not blame him not one bit. Peppa shouldn't have made him the gatekeeper. He sucks at that job, and it's hilariously bad to boot.) Gigi is so not buying this; but it's rendered moot because Daddy Pig informs Pedro that they are ready and Gigi can come inside now. Gigi goes into the school house.

Then we have the most impossible logic break of all time in this show: Apparently; the entrance Pedro was guarding was a decoy because Gigi entered from the main door; but that somehow teleported her and the FUCKING DOORWAY into the middle of the school. She couldn't just walk in for a bit and then she's surpised when the lights turned on. No; she walked in and the doorway teleported to the middle of the room in the background. WHAT THE BLOODY FUCK?! (SUZY SHEEP~?! This is the worst of it because the logic break is so obvious it's absurd!) They basically sing the "She's a jolly good fellow" song; but apparently, deny is a bad word in a pre-school show; or the line "which nobody can deny." is copyrighted for some odd reason. (The last line was: "And So Say All Of Us!" That was weird.) Everyone pops except Gigi, who doesn't know what to make of this. If this were not a pre-school show, it would turn into the awesome "This Is Your Life" segment with Mick Foley and the Rock; with Gigi as the Rock and Peppa as Mick Foley. (Also, a lot more civilized and Peppa would be roasting Gigi instead of the other way around.) I'm not going to provide the links for it, because I just want to finish this episode and there is still more than a minute left. Freddy and Mr. Fox give her an antique clock make of solid plastic, and the crowd is in awe of this. Gigi is confused as hell while Mummy Pig proclaims that they are doing this leaving party as a show of respect for all she has done because Peppa states that she is leaving forever. There is one problem though: Not once did Madame Gazelle ever say that she was leaving forever, only that playgroup wasn't happening next week. Uh-oh! Gigi finally points out that the reason for no playgroup next week is that she is going on holiday. (Why didn't you say that from the start?! GEEK OF THE WEEK~!) I was hoping she also said "To see my friends; the Rocking Gazelles!" because this would make this moment even more hilarious. (I'm disappointed they didn't actually go there, that would have been money!) She's going to teach for many years to come as Daddy Pig wants the party still of course. Oh; hello "Rocking Gazelles" on stage as Gigi Gazelle is so happy to see them. Gigi Gazelle gets on stage with her electric guitar, we sing and everyone dance, dance, dance to our doom! HEEHEEHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! POW! OUCH! Ummm... Yeah; this is what happens when you have the longest Peppa Pig episode review of all time. (Six paragraphs without a voice tribute!) This ends the episode at 4:30 approx. I love this episode; but the logic was wonky and the finish was as predictable as Nintendo's E3 2018 plans. **** (80%). (By the way, the end credits feature the Rocking Gazelle playing a song with just "Yah" as all the words! LA Knight was more varied than you, let alone Joe Hendry.)

The Queen: We finally get to a really awesome story with episode #184 on the animation paper. Episode opens at the house on the hill with wacky trumpet noises and zoom in shot. We head into the living room with the Pig family watching Mr. Potato again, while Mummy Pig is eating EZZA magazine. Peppa & George are giggling and then the television fizzles as the announcer is saying that there is a message from the queen. Peppa already loves the queen as we see an image of the queen: a crown, white hair, pink dress, arms like most characters in this show, etc. She is the only one of two humans in this show and the only one that would be considered a real person in real life. (This was the point where the horror conspiracy theories on Peppa Pig literally stared. Had the Queen been another anthromorphic animal, this wouldn't have been an easy target. I'm not going to bother dignifying this conspiracy nonsense with an explaination and the ones who created it can go pound sand.) I am so interested to see what Buckingham Place will allow this show to get away with now. The Queen is voiced by Morweena Banks; only using Queen Elizabath II's voice as the kids wave at her. (The real Queen died about a year ago and caused a stir when Petoons Studio decided to give a tribute to the Queen after both episodes of Peppa Pig: World Adventures on Nintendo Switch and various other platforms. Again, I have said my peace on the matter: A reminder to people playing the new Peppa Pig game: The Queen was in TWO episodes of the mainline Peppa Pig series and even then, Peppa is the boss of the Queen. Watch "The Queen" and "London" for full context. There's a reason why the show episodes are called "Peppasodes"! The real jarring moment is the fact that London is somehow an international city despite the fact that Peppa lives in the UK in story line, thus London is in the same country Peppa was living. I laughed hard at all of you for not seeing that. Also, considering that Peppa and company never age, it is heavily implied that the show takes place when the Queen was still alive. So, having the Queen as a character makes sense here. I'm surprised the writers only had two episodes. By the way, Miss Rabbit deserves to be queen and I would bend the knee to her without question. She more than earned it at this point and hopefully it sends a message to the rest of those lazybones to actually do actual work she actually does. Mr. Bull sort of gets it, actually.)

Queen proclaims that she has decided to give out an award to someone who was the most hardest worker in all of Peppa Pig's world. Daddy Pig thinks he has this in the bag; and Mummy Pig basically agrees with me. (Yup, we all know it's Miss Rabbit.) The Queen has judged that the hardest working character in this show is....Miss Rabbit. Yes folks; even the creators are finally admitting that the Miss Rabbit gimmick was in fact a payoff for this episode. We see various clips of Miss Rabbit helping others and selling stuff from the check out counter at the supermarket. (There were SEVEN jobs in that sequence: Ice Cream Vendor (Granddad Dog and Mummy Sheep), Recycling Crane Operator, Library Clerk (Mummy Cat and Mummy Zebra talking and being shut up by Miss Rabbit.), Train Driver (Mrs. Cow, Belinda Bear, Simon Squirrel, Mummy Cat, Gigi Gazelle, Mr. Rabbit, Mr. Rhino and Rohan Rhino in another pre-Golden Boots era appearance!), Fire Engine Driver, Rescue Helicopter Pilot and Checkout Clerk. (Whom they didn't show cameos and every item costs the same, but one cent more.)) Miss Rabbit closes up shop and everyone comes in to surprise her; because she's a special snowflake. (And probably regrets it as much as I do.) Here's a question: How does everyone know it was Miss Rabbit doing all this; and not a tag-team combination of Miss Rabbit and Mummy Rabbit?! I mean; these two are almost identical to each other. Strangely; there is a rhino furry with a lavander shirt on that is never mentioned in storyline at this point. (That was probably Rohan Rhino, again. All the big and little kids up to this point are here. Mummy Dog, Mr. Bull, Doctor Elephant, Mummy Pony, Mr. Zebra and Mr. Labo. No adults in the Fox Family.) Surprisely; Mummy Rabbit is not present in the group as Miss Rabbit asks why everyone is here. Mr. Zebra brings out his post bag and gives her a letter. Miss Rabbit opens the letter -- after Peppa tells her to, like a troll -- and Miss Rabbit is invited to the queen's castle to get a medal for her hard work. Also, bring friends as everyone is in awe of it; which causes Miss Rabbit to faint dead away. Of course! Miss Rabbit has fainted...but she gets right back up three seconds later and protests this, because she's too busy. Mr. Bull and Mr. Zebra inform her that Miss Rabbit doesn't have to work on that day; as ordered by The Queen. Because you see, Miss Rabbit's award also comes with Miss Rabbit basically getting a holiday named after her.

I should note that this is actually the beginning of the Miss Rabbit/The Queen friendship; which is explained further in the episode "London". (Sadly, London would be the cutoff point as it was never brought up again after that episode.) Despite having a day off; Miss Rabbit is driving a bus with all of the students from Playgroup who are giggling. Doesn't that count as work, or can that be written off as a holiday expense?! (Of course, what a fool I am! She's as bad as me on holidays.) They sing for a while as they go up the hill to the Queen's castle; complete with stylized black crosses on each rampart. Oh; and in a rare moment of sense: Miss Rabbit parks on the flat top of the hill; and not on the steepest side of the hill. GREAT~! They all get out and head inside the castle. It is so fancy, that it might be the most beautiful artwork in the entire show. You can argue if it's a back handed compliment if you like to, but nothing I said is false here. Danny Dog loves it as Miss Rabbit tells everyone not to touch anything; and then bumps into a blue vase. Oops; indeed! Yes; the Rhino kid is never seen again during this. (Danny Dog claims that the palace is big enough to kick a soccer ball about. It's too bad the Queen only appears in two episodes because her playing soccer would have been money.) The kids are calling for the Queen as we jump cut to the Queen on her giant throne knitting a sock. Suzy asks about the queen because apparently, not wearing a crown on your head makes you not one despite the person fitting the description in every other way. Oh; and I hope the real queen of England knits socks on her throne room to past the time in real life. That would have been hilarious. (Queen Elizabeth I did in fact knit socks! Peppa Pig's queen is a fusion of both queens in terms of gimmicks.) Of course, this person is the queen; causing Miss Rabbit to faint again. (The second time is funnier because I think Miss Rabbit didn't believe that the Queen was real and just a puppet human. The first time was due to disbelief she won a medal after all the time she was working hard.) The Queen explains that the crown is really heavy and that's why she only wears it on television. Sounds reasonable to me, more reasonable than Suzy's question of making teachers disappear. (Peppa Pig still calls her Mrs. Queen as if Queen is her last name. That was funny!) So; she doesn't like Madame Gazelle?! Why?! (Suzy Sheep thinks magic and Gigi Gazelle thinks science. It's so obvious, former self!)

Oh; and the Queen is not the boss of the world in this storyline. (Yeah, that's Peppa's gimmick to be the boss of the world.) Miss Rabbit claims the children are excited to see her. You don't say?! The queen is also excited as she gives out a medal with a green rope; which she calls the Queen's Award For Industry. Which was actually a real award in Great Britian; albeit it is for enterprise now instead of industry. (That was slightly changed to King's Award For Enterprise due to King Charles being the current king after the death of Queen Elizabeth II. Ironically, the change to enterprise started in 1999, about 13 years before this episode aired. Methinks copyright had something to do with it.) Miss Rabbit is awarded with the medal and she is blushing during this as everyone pops for her. It's time for the party and everyone come out, all except the Queen are wearing their boots. If you cannot call the final spot now...you guessed it. Oh; and speaking of the spot; there's the muddy puddle out of nowhere! This garden is awesome, so thinks Peppa! (Nah, it looks fine.) The Queen wants to walk around the puddle and Peppa -- who clearly has no respect for reasonable adults -- blows it off because you don't walk around a muddy puddle; you jump up and down in it. (Remember what I said earlier about who bends the knee to whom...) Remember that Peppa is the star of the show; so the Queen has to do this. I am with Peppa on this one; because the Queen jumping up and down in muddy puddles is MANY BUYS~! Even more if she does the backsplash laugh afterwards. Peppa demonstrates her muddy puddle jumping skills and the Queen declares it fun. This is such bullshit that I love it! The Queen decides to jump in; but Peppa cuts her off because you see, there are rules in this muddy puddles game and the only rule is: If you want to jump up and down in muddy puddles; you must wear your boots. The Queen looks down, bails and returns with green boots on. DING! Finally; we deliver on the most hilarious visual in the entire show: The Queen loves jumping up and down in muddy puddles. Everyone loves to jump up and down in muddy puddles; even Miss Rabbit! Even more buys! Sadly; no backsplash laugh to end the episode at 4:30 approx. (Even funnier, the muddy puddle magically expands about twenty-five feet at least to let everyone do the jump. SUZY SHEEP~?!) I guess even Buckingham Palace thought that was too much for the Queen's image; although I find that rather pointless, since the Queen got herself dirty anyway. (Despite that, the Queen is still our GEEK OF THE WEEK~! She bent the knee to a four year old. Also, the backsplash laugh would have given this the full marks!) This episode was awesome and it lead to a beautiful friendship between Miss Rabbit & The Queen; so **** 1/2 (90%).

Desert Island: We drop back to episode #185 as the episode opens on the cyan blue house on the hill complete with pirate flag. We head in the living room with Peppa, Geroge and Danny Dog looking at what is the rant debut of Captain Daddy Dog (navy blue shirt) who might have an even bigger tummy than Daddy Pig, if that is furrly possible. He's voiced by Alexander Armstrong; whom also voices Mr. Wolf. (Yup, another episode I clearly ranted out of order.) Captain Dog's gimmick is that he's a retired sailor and apparently, he cannot sail anymore and lost a "loser must retire forever" bet with someone. Okay; I made most of this up; but he cannot sail anymore since he's retired. Because sailors are not professional wrestlers, you see. (This is the second major episode featuring Captain Dog and let's see if Captain Dog violates the stipulations of his retirement.) Danny asks if Captain misses the sea; Captain says sometimes, which is a yes. The doorbell rings and outside is Granddad Dog, Grandpa Pig and Grampy Rabbit as the kids open the door first. They want Captain Dog to come out and play; which is codeword for going fishing in adult speak. They are going fishing on the sea in a boat and Captain Dog is going to break the stips of his retirement right....Oh wait; Danny Dog cuts him off because PROMISES~! Captain Dog has declined the offer. (HAHA!) The three senior citizens go down the hill as Captain Dog waves at them, looking confused and depressed; and sounding more like Patchy The Pirate from Spongebob SquarePants. He wants to clean seed weed off his house; but there is none, so he's doing the gimmick that he's miserable now without being a captain of the sea. Speaking of the captains of the sea, we head to the river with three boats. Grampy Rabbit wants to take his boat, which is of course, the most unstable looking boat on the river since everyone is questioning this move. Except for Grampy Rabbit of course. Grampy Rabbit stands on a bolt anchor and it slides off, taking a piece of metal in the process as it splashes into the sea. Grampy completely ignores the bent metal as nothing and everyone gets on. HAHA!

We sail to the middle of the ocean with the three oldasses fishing for fish, I think. We exchange pleasure thoughts as Grampy Rabbit brings out the picnic basket filled with food and soda. We have the picnic as Granddad Dog thanks Grampy Rabbit for steering the boat; which Grampy denies. (I'm shocked that (a) the ducks haven't arrived and (b) I don't think anyone has fed said ducks in Series Four yet!) We zoom out as they are screwed and the boat is sinking into the salty goo; I would like to say that we will miss you. Except for the three old men; no one cares about them! (Oh sod off, former self! You are no Lead Bounder in the singing department.) Grampy Rabbit claims that he has been in worse situations; and of course he lied. This is the worst as the boat completely sinks and all three men swim fine; eliminating the sympathy that they could of have in this story. (More like eliminate the suspense of danger in this story, former self. I have sympathy and empathy for these old farts. Especially Grampy Rabbit! He brings total entertainment to me.) They swim onto a desert island and sit down in deep despair. Oh, come on now! At least this island has a palm tree with fruit on it; unlike most desert islands on this show. (There's like ONE pineapple growing on that island. Come on, now former self!) They mope around for a bit as Grampy Rabbit eats a chocolate bar literally seconds after showing it. Grandpa Pig telling him to save it for later, in a pathetic attempt to teach Grampy Rabbit the art of rationing. This involves being rational, which Grampy Rabbit is short of. In this story; one minute equals five minutes of real life in that world. (Are you sure about that? SUZY SHEEP~?!) Grampy Rabbit marks the sand everytime he thinks of cheese. I believe he has a fetish for cheese as part of his gimmick. His other gimmick is screaming for help after Granddad Dog wanted to call for help and Grampy thought it was a great idea. We cut back to the cyan blue house on the hill as the kids hear the noise. Captain Dog comes out with his sailor's hat proclaiming that this is the call of the sea and they are in trouble; so he must help them.

Cut to the river as they'll use Granddad Dog's boat as the kids get on; but Captain Dog stops, because PROMISES~! (Now he cares about the stipulations at the worst possible time! I howled with laughter. Because like police officers and medicial staff, sometimes you have emergencies that require you to suspend the stipulations. This is one of those times and since this is life or death; they have the excuses professional wrestlers DON'T have!) Danny points out that they need rescuing and Captain Dog is like "Ah; screw the stips. Just this once though." and gets on board. This is an emergency after all and he's not injured or anything; so why not?! I should note that the lifejackets on the kids have teleported to their bodies on the far shot and of course, the adults do not wear them. (SUZY SHEEP~?!) I don't know why; I find it hypocritical that only the kids should wear them. (Not to mention in other countries, adults must wear them as well. Peppa Pig is no longer a UK shop anymore...) We sail away to the deserted island as it has been only like fifteen minutes since the oldass adults were on the island and Grampy Rabbit has been thinking about cheese, at least a hundred times. Not even Kit Cloudkicker thinks of flying that much. (Grampy Rabbit draw 64 times he was thinking of cheese. Hyperbole, but your right about Kit not thinking of flying that much. It's more like six times an hour and 144 times a day.) They moan and groan until finally Captain Dog makes the save with his boat; not much suspense here actually. Then they get on the boat, no lifejackets mind you and sail back to the river. Everyone; but Captain Dog jumps off and then Captain Dog pulls the lever (CLEVER CLOGS~!) and teases sailing away for a few weeks; but Danny Dog reminds him PROMISES~! HAHA! Captain Dog stops and jumps off as he can only break the stips in an emergency and to leave the sailing to the oldasses. Everyone does the back splash laugh to end the episode at 4:30 approx. This was pretty hilarious, although I think the retirement stips are grossly overrated at this point.*** 1/2 (70%).

Perfume: We come to episode #186 on the animation paper and episode opens on the white house on the hill as we head inside Grandma Pig's room. (The narrator calls the area "her dressing table", I should note.) Peppa is watching Grandma Pig put perfume on herself. Peppa likes Grandma Pig's Perfume De Lavender. It smells like a garden according to Peppa; because the perfume is made from the scent of flower. Peppa's got a plan! (Why not call this show "What About Peppa?!" It's not like Peppa is a smaller Mimi anyway.) We get some water in a glass from a tap after the jump cut. Peppa is going to pick flowers for the new perfume and Grandma Pig is fine with that as long as she doesn't pick them from the flower bed; and picks them from the grass. Peppa skips out of the house in her yellow boots; meaning that there is a 1:1 chance that a muddy puddle will be involved before this episode is over. Peppa picks flowers on the grass and in Britian; a glass is called a beaker. Then a butterfly gets involved. Peppa chases it and greets it. Peppa makes it to a bunch of flower pots containing dirt as the butterfly perches on it. Peppa laments about this being the smelliest perfume ever; which at least makes more sense than best perfume ever. Peppa smells the beaker and in comes George as the butterfly flies away stage left. Peppa demonstrates her making of flower perfume and George teases putting grass in it; before Peppa cuts him off and blows him off. I wonder what grass scented perfume would smell like?! (Ask Danny Dog about it since he smelt like it when Freddy Fox officially made his debut.) George smells the beaker on Peppa's request and he hates it; so I'm guessing he likes grass scented perfume. Cut to Grandpa Pig digging in his herb garden with his spade. In comes Peppa and George as Peppa offers Grandpa a smell of her "perfume"; and Grandpa Pig hates it, claiming that it smells like pond water. Wait; why is he saying it like it's a bad thing?! Peppa explains the situation and Grandpa Pig instantly changing his mind about it. (Because it wasn't that bad and Grandpa Pig let his gender role get in the way the first time.)

George on the other hand, refuses to be dishonest and says no. Grandpa Pig gives George a yellow bucket so he can make his own perfume. Grandpa shows off his herb garden, containing rosemary, mint and lavander. George doesn't like rosemary nor mint and I'm not sure if he hates lavander too. Grandpa Pig is getting a huge whiff of it right now. (George hating mint brings my respect of George down by a notch. Mint is lovely as a smell.) Oh; here's why, in comes Grandma Pig with her hat on. Grandpa Pig calls her nice as Grandma checks the beaker and smells it. Her reaction is that she is not a fan of Peppa's perfume, but since telling the truth would be considered punching down on her; she decides to say that it's nice. Flowers can be mean, yes siree! Grandma Pig asks George about his perfume and Peppa lies that George hasn't made his perfume because he hates every smell. George hasn't even decided what smell he wants Peppa; you troll! (Well, he didn't like flowers, mint nor rosemary, so he doesn't like those. Danny Dog's hate for flowers much be catching.) Grandma Pig insists that there must be a smell George likes. George bails stage left snorting and finds a series of muddy puddles. DING! George scoops up some mud and heads back. Everyone smells the bucket and loves it because we all know how this is going to end now; don't we?! They ask where he got the smell and the pigs all head to the muddy puddle as everyone gets it. Grandma Pig calls it "Perfume De Muddy Puddle"; and this is daring someone to get dibs on the band name. That should be the band name for the music on this show. Everyone jumps up and down in the muddy puddle; causing earthquakes again. Peppa loves this new scent Grandma Pig has. As well as Grandpa Pig does and they do the backsplash laugh to end the episode at 4:30 approx. Perfume and deodorant as basically the same thing; so it's a rigid gender role name and nothing else. A cute episode involving a lot of smells and the usual muddy puddle love in. (This was a fun episode, so *** 1/4 (65%).)

The Children's Fete: Moving on is episode #187 on the animation paper as we head to the school house on the hill with Mr. Bull on the roof as the roof has at least four holes and it's leaking...AGAIN! All the big kids are outside with Madame Gazelle as Mr. Bull inspects the damage. We discover that Mr. Bull was the one who built the roof and I knew we shouldn't trust a guy who loves digging up playgrounds and roads like a mad person. Mr. Bull is completely clueless of the roof's life span as we head inside. Apparently; only one area is leaking and Mr. Bull concludes that they need a new roof and Madame Gazelle is worried about paying for it; because in this world, Playgroup is a private school with almost no money in reserve. (Ah, that's where the "send them to public schools" joke from former self came from!) You cannot blame Pedro F'N Pony for this at all. (Oh come on, now! You have no proof that Pedro stole the Bing Bong Song. I'm blaming this square on Mr. Bull's deconstruction fetishes.) Danny Dog suggests having a school fete to raise money; only it is going to be a children's fete. In that the children run the fete while the parents enjoy themselves; because every parent in this show cannot pass Y7, let alone PG, 14, or MA. Madame Gazelle likes it and this logically leads to the fete on the hill as the balloons are flying. Mrs. Bear and Mrs. Cow are cameoing in this one as Danny Dog has a mircophone and a stand that is much taller then he is. (Other cameos include Doctor Brown Bear and Mr. Rhino as well. By the way, his tail show more movement than everything else on this show. That tail is excited in Series Four for some reason.) He is still loud enough to hear, though. Danny shakes a conveniently placed can of coins, implying that they are in the middle of the fete even though he's acting like the fete has just started. That was amusing. Jump cut to Emily's booth; which is basically the flea market booth; except it's called a Brick-a-brac stall. This fete is truly old school! (Emily also says "Roll Up!" just to make me think of Tim Hortons again.) Madame Gazelle comes in and proclaims that this will take all day. Then Mr. Fox comes in and is interested in all of it.

Pedro Pony is doing balloons and Madame Gazelle wants to buy the red giraffe and Pedro asks how much money does Gazelle have. Gazelle then says that this is for the school roof and basically dumps all her money. Pedro Pony is the most awkwardly scummy salesperson I have ever met. Emily sadly; give away all the stuff for no money because she is dumber than Daddy Pig when it comes to business. (Emily Elephant in a rare moment is our GEEK OF THE WEEK~!) Wow; they made Pedro Pony look like the smart one here. We cut to Suzy's face painting booth as Miss Rabbit wants to be a mountain lepoard and Suzy no sells because she only does fruit. Keep in mind: In the first fete episode back in Series One; Miss Rabbit could only paint tigers. This is basically a giant middle finger by Suzy to remind Miss Rabbit of the lack of her face painting skills. Miss Rabbit decides to play along and before she can say her fruit, Suzy paints purple all over her face and Emily, Candy, Rebecca, Wendy, George and Richard clap in unison. Yip; this was their revenge for Series one. (A really good clapback, too. Miss Rabbit needs to reduce her job load. Like down to ONE JOB! ONE JOB! ONE JOB!) Peppa is in charge of what is called the Lucky Dip - a barrel of laughs containing prices and a lot of straw. (In North America, it's often called a "Grab Bag".) Peppa shakes the tin can of money as in comes Mr. Bull with green painted on his face; green apple according to Mr. Bull. (Do they have Tim Hortons in Britian?! 78 locations actually. I wonder if they do the "Roll Up The Rim To Win" in Britian? Sort of; but the name is Scratch & Win in the UK. Bummer!) At least Mr. Bull pays her as the rules of engagement are to pull a present out of the barrel and everyone wins something. As Scott Hudson once said: "It's all very simple". Mr. Bull pulls out a round blue present and opens it to reveal a doll. Mr. Bull doesn't know what to make of this. Candy Cat pays for a go at it and she gets a toy digger as a result. Peppa is surprised and asks if they want to swap and then both of them say no and enjoy their prizes. I like it when binary thinking is told to take a long walk off a short pier sometimes. Jump cut to Freddy in front of Madame Gazelle with a banana yellow megaphone ordering all the parents to come in for the BIG RACE OF DOOM~! It's known as the Mummies and Daddies race as everyone pays up because it's all for a good cause. (At least here, it is for a good cause; but they overdo it in episodes where it's clear it's not for a good cause.)

Although I hope that money is enough to pay for someone other than Mr. Bull to fix the roof. (Only Pedro gets the F'N treatment, former self.) Daddy Pig proclaims that he's good at running; but Peppa points out that this is a potato sack race, just to be a troll. Daddy Pig gets in the sack as Peppa explains the rules of engagement for the sack race; which is the same as a running race, only you jump in the sack. It's all very simple, as Scott Hudson would say. (You are a naughty ranter there former self, with the "jump in the sack" reference.) Freddy Fox is all "ready, steady, run" and our sack jumpers are as follows: Daddy Pig, Mrs. Fox, Mr. Zebra. Mummy Dog, Mr. Rabbit and Mummy Sheep. (Freddy Fox actually uses the American start instead of the British one!) We finally start and everyone faceplants right from the word jump! Of course! I AM WATCHING IMPACT~! (Sorry Emily, these parents are the GEEKS OF THE WEEK without question.) The kids are all disappointed in spite of Peppa's trolling since Peppa was also acting all disappointed, making her look like a bigger troll. They get back up and Daddy Pig has the lead, with Mrs. Fox, Mummy Dog, Mr. Rabbit, Mr. Zebra following and Mummy Sheep is in last place. Mrs. Fox wins the sack race -- like it matters since there was literally nothing on the line since it was just for a good cause -- with Mummy Dog in second place, Mummy Sheep in third, Mr. Rabbit in fourth, Daddy Pig in fifth and Mr. Zebra in last place. What a plummet for Daddy Pig, eh?! (Nah, this is par for the course thanks to our troll and savior Peppa Pig.) They all flop down on their stomach after crossing the line, rendering the event even more pointless than it already was. Freddy rubs in it; but the other kids don't care either way. Madame Gazelle comes over and asks if this was fun, and the adults have to lie to convince her that they had fun when they are tired out. Gazelle wants them to thank the kids for their hard work and the parent do sell that at least; and Gazelle shows off the cans as they have raised enough money for a new school roof...AGAIN! But Gazelle gives Mr. Bull the proceedings...AGAIN as everyone else pops to end the episode of 4:30 approx. The cycle of more episodes with the roof leaking as an angle continues. Why continue giving the one guy who cannot be trusted in maintaining a school roof?! The episode was fun, but mind-boggling in that this angle is going to continue. *** 1/2 (70%).

The Aquarium: Here is episode #188 on the animation paper as we open with the house on the hill and then a zoom in shot to the kitchen table with the Pig Family. Peppa Pig is with her goldfish in the goldfish bowl, as Peppa is feeding the fish with fish flakes. The goldfish's name is Goldie and Goldie won't eat anything as it has a blank stare. Mummy Pig is having tea claiming that Goldie is sad while Daddy is reading the newspaper. Goldie floating down is not a good sign either. Peppa claims that Goldie is lonely and has no fish friends like I'm supposed to buy that Peppa is a doctor. Mummy Pig suggests taking Goldie to the aquarium; which sounds like a not so good idea; since I'm certain no pets are allowed at aquariums. Then again; seeing that 99.5% of the cast are part animal, part human, I don't think anyone can argue for such a rule and get taken seriously. (Especially since a large portion of those anthromorphic animals are kept as pets in North America. Your mileage will vary depending on your country though.) Peppa of course mispronounces aquarium (As aquarimum; so she's as bad as George pronouncing the word dinosaur as dinesaur. You think this is bad, wait until Peppa Pig Tales and the Jail episode where Peppa tries to pronounce the word "arrest".). Daddy Pig explains what an aquarium is. Goldie is smiling and making bubbles. Yes, Goldie wants to go to the aquarium and that is that. I'm fine with this as we head to the aquarium; which looks like a painted and polished water tower on the ground. (Which I admit looks cool.) Up comes the Pig family's car and they park on the top of the hill instead of the steep side of the hill. It's a miracle! Everyone gets out as Peppa is hoping for Goldie to be happy and Daddy assures her that Goldie will be because they have every type of fish. We head inside as the admission counter which has aquarium motifs. Now; I would have laughed at this a lot more if Granddad or Captain Dog ran the aquarium, because it would make more sense since they are supposed to be sea captains. However; this show is not shy in milking a running gag when they see one and guess who is running the counter?! Miss Rabbit, of course! (Job #666! She's Miss Rabbit Beast at this point.)

Apparently; in this show, all women love reading Ezza magazines. That's distressing. We do the two adults, two children ticket spot as Miss Rabbit's cash register doubles as a ticket counter. Oh; and the goldfish goes in free and I'm guessing the toy dinosaur does too. Miss Rabbit is already throwing doubt into this aquarium having every type of fish; by saying probably after answering Peppa's question. (That required a "wah-wah" sound and there was none. That was sloppy.) We head into the aquarium area with lots of tanks filled with little fish, star fish and various types of plants. George says "fishies"; so he's killing his one word gimmick really fast here. TEDDY RUXPIN SONG OF DOOM ensues, because this plot is too short, even though the episode is four and a half minutes long. (By the way, there were thirty red fishes, not millions as Peppa claims.) Goldie smiles during the song; and then goes back to the blank stare when Peppa claims that these fish are way too small for her. (This means she likes Peppa's voice, which kind of kills the story of this episode.) They decide to enter the next room as we see Candy Cat and her family. Daddy Cat has a much darker shade of fur than the rest. I think the gimmick is that they are an inter-racial family in storyline; but that would have worked much better if Mummy Cat had a lighter shade of fur than Candy Cat. (Holy crap! Former self did remember! I'm sorry former self, I thought for years you didn't see through this. My memory sucks, that's why I take copious notes when ranting on these shows. Photographic memories aren't what they are cracked up to be.) We meet and greet as Mummy Cat claims that this is better than watching television. They like fish, you see; and their smiling giggling implies that they have some fantasy that I do not want to know about. (Well the stereotype is that cats love to eat fish. Which is partially true since in real life, they eat meat. Also, I believe this is the first episode where Daddy Cat actually speaks! He sounds like Mr. Rabbit I should note.) Daddy Pig looks into the giant glass window and sees "nothing". Daddy Cat has to tell Daddy Pig that there is a fish right in front of them. The hard camera zooms out to reveal that this fish is not only giant, it's the same color as the water.

Everyone giggles as Peppa says no, because the fish is too big. We head into the next room containing a tank with two seahorses; one green, one yellow. Zoom out to see more tanks with seahorses as George mistakes them for dinosaurs. Baby steps, everyone; baby steps. I should note that when they zoom out for Candy Cat correcting George; they are using the exact same poses as in the previous scene. No; I don't consider seahorses to be funny fish. Fish, yes. Funny, no. (Contrary to popular belief, seahorses are classified as fish.) Peppa says no to this because it's too dinosaury. Even in terms of love, Peppa has to troll on George for no reason. (Mr. Baldwin from Fish Hooks just bawled his eyes out after hearing that one.) There is one giant tank left and it is filled with green slime which repluses Daddy Pig. Mummy Cat points out that it's algae. (Mummy Cat pronounces it at al-GA and not al-GEE like most of us North Americans often pronounces it.). Daddy Pig is not impressed and sees something swimming in the tank with rabbit ears. 1:1 odds that it's Miss Rabbit in sucba gear -- or in Britian, a diving costume--. Miss Rabbit uses window wipers to wipe the algae off the glass. So, no luck there as all hope is gone for poor Goldie to smile again. Everyone heads into the Aqaurium Cafe; which is a fish motif edition of Tim Hortons and we get a mindblowing spot: Miss Rabbit runs the cafe; and she's wet as hell. They are not even pretending that Miss Rabbit is the only one running this place. Will someone please help her?! This is no longer healthy. The dripping only lasts five seconds as this is Daddy Pig's favorite room. You don't say?! Miss Rabbit asks if Peppa found a friend for Goldie and Peppa says no. But wait; there is a another goldfish bowl on the counter with a red fish swimming inside when Peppa puts the bowl beside it. It's Miss Rabbit's pet goldfish named Ginger; and wouldn't you know it, the fish is red in color. Yeah. This ends with the fish liking each other and exchanging pleasure thoughts to each other; as everyone is happy. Miss Rabbit offers Goldie to visit Ginger anytime she wants to and everyone except Miss Rabbit does the backsplash laugh to end the episode at 4:30 approx. (Peppa sings the fish song in the end credits, I should note complete with Goldie and Ginger making fish sounds at the end.) This was fun; although the Miss Rabbit gimmick is getting much sadder now after seeing this episode. *** 1/2 (70%).

THE REVIEW LINE

Well; Madame Gazelle's Leaving Party because at least that had something different even though the finish was as predictable as my rant career has been going over the last two years. The Queen was an instant classic which paid off Miss Rabbit's hard work with a holiday that she still worked on and it was hilarious to see Peppa making The Queen bend the knee when it comes to Muddy Puddles. I told you all before: Peppa is the star and everyone else is a geek, even the Queen! The Noisy Night was perversely entertaining to me, although it would have been even more so had it not been for that fire siren cry sound Baby Alexander cries every single time. Overall, a middling set of shorts with the historic debut of the first "real human" character in storyline (Father Christmas is a magical human being who is real in Peppa's World, but not real in the real world like the late Queen Elizabeth was.) and Madame Gazelle finally has her first name becoming the first adult to gain such an honor. Her sisters and Grampy Rabbit are still to come though. So...

Thumbs up for Madame Gazelle's Leaving Party and The Queen. Thumbs in the middle for everything else and I'll see you all next time.

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