Return to 50 Webs

Disclaimer#1: All images, characters and material is (C) 1990/1991 Walt Disney Company and is being used without permission. The webmaster has made sure that no money was made in the creation of this web page and that all material used here is used with the up most affection and respect to the Walt Disney Company and the Tale Spin Team.

Disclaimer#2:The views expressed here are solely the views of the webmaster and no one else. The webmaster has no intentions to change anyone's minds about a particular subject and respects the views of the viewers. Comments about this and other editorial can be E-Mail at gweagle@eastlink.caor signing the Cloudkicker guest book.

Twenty Years Of Muddy Puddles: Peppa Pig Series Five #3 Rant

Reviewed: 12/02/2018
Updated: 12/09/2018
Additional Commentary/Edited: 08/29/2024

Let The Random Muddy Puddles Begin!

Okay fans; I have now decided to rant on this series full time, because I do in fact like this show enough that I can handle the best and worst of the Pig family from Great Britian. Okay; so we contuine on with Series Five as we start as the gloves are finally off of this show as it turns from just a normal pre-school show into a legendary pre-school show. How do these episodes fare? Let's rant on shall we..?!

All the episodes are done by Neville Astley, Mark Baker and Phil Hall. Animation is done by Astely Baker Davies animation; with the two mentioned creators and Phil Davies.

Nursey Rhymes: Here is episode #235 on the animation paper as the episode opens at the school house on the hill with some piano music in the background. Zoom into the window as Gigi Gazelle is with her guitar, which means that we might get the Bing Bong song before the end of this episode. Everyone is here for this time! Except for Molly Mole and Emily Elephant, sadly. (2024 Gregory Weagle Says: Yeah, Molly's presence isn't much on this show outside of her debut, Caves and Buried Treasure. Gerald is getting the bigger push here, although that won't last long.) Gigi explains that they are doing nursey rhymes, apparently; they will have music played during these. Peppa is first -- because she's the star of this show -- and she picks "Mary Had A Little Lamb" and for this rhyme, there is music, there is singing and there is a dream sequence featuring Mary and the lamb walking on a globe. The kids sing two verses, then both sit down and clap. (Outside of one "and", it's the same rhyme I remember from my childhood days. The scrolling gave it away that it was a globe I should note.) Suzy Sheep in no way was offended by this. She has clearly not gotten the press release from PETA yet. Next up is "Little Bo Peep"; which is another sheep themed song, which Zoe Zebra sings. The only thing of note here was that Little Bo Beep was a black human girl. Okay; that brings a little diversity to the rhyme. This one offends Suzy Sheep; because it implies that these sheep hate a black person; thus racism. Now THAT would have been a great moment. However; Suzy Sheep was more upset about the sheep getting lost and making her sad. Damn! Gigi asks the audience if they want to sing a song that doesn't involve sheep and Pedro Fucking Pony decides to give it a whirl. He sings "Baa Baa Black Sheep", the most racist song about sheep in the world! (I wish I was joking, but this song was considered racist in 1986 by several private entites, and someone changed the lyrics to various terms, including "white sheep". Which in a way made it worse, if you can believe that. While the whole thing is hyperbole, the term "black sheep" is an insult to indicate that the person is useless or bad. In that context, it's understandable why there was a problem with the rhyme. "Mary Had A Little Lamb" had troubles as well, but that was due to copyright, not racism.) I shake my head in frustration. (Not only that, it's the third straight sheep song! Give as a different animal, you clueless putz!) Then Pedro realizes his gaffe and is ashamed of himself as he sits down and apologizes. (Hey, I can trust Pedro's apologies a lot more than most people on this show. Pedro is forgiven in my eyes.) He's about to be thrown off the show; I can just see it now. (Nope! Pedro F'N Pony is too clueless to be thrown off the air at this point.)

Candy Cat gets up and offers a cat themed rhyme called "Hey, diddle, diddle!" This rhyme features all sorts of crazy stuff like a cat playing a fiddle AFTER HAPPY HOUR (after dark) and a cow jumping over the moon. Dogs giggles and a dish runs away from a spoon. (I think the rhyme I was used to was that the dog laughed "to see such sport." Maybe it's a Mandella Effect to me (I did some digging and there is a version of the rhyme with that line!), but I find the sport part amusing to me.) Even Gigi agrees with me on this crazy stuff. (I just love that former self is acting like he had never heard this rhyme before in his life, and tries to manplain it. Comical!) Next up is Freddy Fox, which is "Hickory, Dickory, Dock" featuring mice running up and down clocks. Freddy Fox's singing was awkward and boring to me. (It sounds like half of it was reading lines, than actual singing.) Wendy Wolf wins with an original rhyme featuring counting, fish, nets and biting fingers. Wendy's song was great and Gigi commends her for her humanity towards fish. (Which is hilarious considering that real wolves actually do eat fish and garbage. Maybe the TaleSpin gang calling Don Karnage, Dog Garbage was far too close to the nose for "poor Anthrax to bear". I'll get my coat...) Pedro trys again with a Robin Hood rhyme and it fails in so many ways that I was laughing my ass off. Gigi seems to be complimenting him in the same way as being relieved. I guess it was an improvement from "Baa Baa Black Sheep"; but that isn't saying much. (Now Pedro is our GEEK OF THE WEEK~!) Finally; Danny Dog has a marching rhyme and this one requires you to go outside as everyone marches out of the school house and down the hill. Danny Dog leads the march and sings this song that is clearly a British only rhyme about the Duke of York and his men marching up and down hills. (Another song that got people in legal trouble, I'm guessing for defamation of character this time. Rhymes are such naughty thingies.) This ends at the top of a big hill as the kids all giggle and Gigi loves this. Pedro asks Gigi about her favorite rhyme. Gigi tells everyone to hold hands as we sing "Ring Around The Rosie", and they all fall down to do the backsplash laugh. (The version Gigi uses here is called "Ring a Ring o' Roses, the original version of the rhyme.) The narrator says it all to end the episode at 4:30. (The ending credits is the children singing "Little Bo Peep" I should note.) Yeah; what more can I say?! It was one TEDDY RUXPIN SONG OF DOOM after another and most of them were pretty good, so *** 1/2 (70%).

Masks: Next up is episode #236 on the animation paper as the episode opens at the school house on the hill with the parents dropping the kids off at playgroup. The kids run into the school house as the cars are parked on the steepest sides of the hill...AGAIN~! (Absent: Gerald Giraffe, Molly Mole, Freddy Fox, Zuzu and Zaza Zebra.) The kids proceed to sit down and ask: Where is Madame Gazelle? Ummm; she's right in front of you, Danny Dog. (GEEK OF THE WEEK~!) Oh wait; she's wearing a masquerade red mask. She takes it off and everyone finally gets it. (Sadly, Baloo's fake mustache disguise in All's Whale That Ends Whale was a lot less convincing than Gigi's mask.) Today's lesson du jour is to make masks out of everything....except glitter because that trigger's Gigi's cringe eye look. (Uh-oh! The health inspector got pissy after the episode involving making castles with lots of glitter.) Suzy wants glitter and even says please as well as the children, Gigi no sells the deal outright, because you see, she remembers the "School Project" incident very well, even though she had zero reaction to it when the glitter was involved within the scene. (Something tells me BS&P didn't like that spot previously and Gigi must adhere to the rules now.) Let's begin making masks as Peppa uses tissue paper and basically makes a butterfly mask. Sadly; it looks awkward. Danny Dog's making a white robot mask with straws and buttons. Danny Dog's tail is wagging profusely in this scene for some reason. (Former self just noticed this trait now?!) Suzy is using peach colored paper and colored feathers to create a magic owl mask. Okay. (Kit Cloudkicker: That's it, I'm out of here.) Pedro creates a thunder bolt with a red mask to make a superhero mask, of course. Neigh! Richard and Rebecca made carrot shaped masks and Richard had enough sense to put a green top on the carrot; even though baby carrots typically don't show tops like the giant carrot Rebecca made. (Rebecca doesn't blush here.) If you cannot guess George's mask, then you must be new to this show. Think "Dinesaur! GRRRRR!"~! Edmond of course goes the extra mile in creating a sun mask with all the planets around it. Except Pluto of course; because Pluto might as well be a moon, and a Disney dog at this point. Oh wait; Edmond included Pluto, and apparently, Pluto is classified as a planetoid. By the way; here's a Cleveland Notes explaination to why Pluto is not a planet anymore. I'm not a scientist, so I won't comment on this any further. Edmond blows his trunk and is a clever clogs. I should also note that Candy Cat and Zoe Zebra basically have different color versions of Peppa's mask while Wendy went with Suzy's mask.

Gigi asks if they are finished and Suzy continues to complain about wanting glitter and so does Peppa. No Suzy; I don't want to see Gigi get triggered anymore. Her cringe eye spot sucks! (Nor make environmentalists scream in agony and torment!) Gigi claims that there are other shiny things as I realize that these children have a "Ooooo, shiny" fetish. It's bad enough that this is happening in video games since the dawn of the SNES, but do we have to see it in mask making art, too?! Screw that! (Answer: Yes. Because shiny things are cool even when they are not.) Gigi no sells because you cannot get rid of glitter and it gets everywhere. It's a meance to society, says Gigi. The last two, yeah; but if you couldn't get rid of it, then why isn't playgroup splattered with glitter at this point?! (Methinks Gigi is hyperboling the seriousness of this hazard.) The kids will not let this go, because it's magic. I'm with Gigi on this one; because I have seen School Project and that glitter cannot stay on the projects. One day; it's going to get into George's mouth and goodness knows what glitter can do to your system. Hell, glitter is way too toxic to the environment and environmentalists want it banned. (Yeah, this is like forbidden fruit now and the kids want to taste it so badly even though they need exactly that in School Project. Thank goodness the writers got the hint and stopped this spot after Series Six!) Gigi has a great reason not to use it; but the kids basically bully her into it and she wants a promise to be extremely careful with it. This is a fools errand! (This is probably why former self didn't have a high opinion on this episode.) Gigi gets the "promise" and heads to a door with warnings so absurd that it treats glitter like an environmental hazard. Oh wait....Gigi has the WCW KEY OF DOOM and opens the door to reveal a brick wall and a safe. Gigi opens the safe and the glitter is in a test tube that glows, as if it is radioactive. Oh, come on now! If you cannot guess what happens next; you have no business reading this rant. Jump cut to all the parents parking on the steepest sides of the hill to collect the children. Daddy Pig opens the door and there is a lot of steam and here comes the glitter bomb~! Yup; everything is covered in glitter as there was a glitter leak and Gigi comes out with the vaccum cleaner to clean up Daddy's Big Tummy~! Now this episode really sucks! HAHA!

Ron Sparks: It sucks more than Sean Desmond. (Former self was waiting for this moment to crack that joke.)

We head inside as the children are running around in a disorganized fashion as Gigi and the adults walk in. Daddy Pig walks in and cannot tell who Peppa and George are because they are wearing masks and have lots of glitter on them. I have a hard time believing this when George is clearly wearing a dinosaur mask. They talk for a while and Peppa takes off the mask claiming that she tricked him. She wishes she was that good. I mean; only two of the kids snort and one of them is a dinosaur mask, so it had to be Peppa. I do realize that Daddy Pig was probably playing along, but he acted like he didn't know and gave no cue. (Which actually makes him a better actor, former self.) Mummy Rabbit does a better job of this by saying that she cannot find Richard and Rebecca; but will kindly take two carrots home, causing the rabbit kids to unmask. Mummy Pony is the only one who doesn't play into this in anyway and addresses Pedro right away. Pedro Pony turns around claiming that he's not Pedro F'N Pony and is Super Pony. Mummy Pony asks if Super Pony wants to go home or stay for the night and Super Pony decides to hold hands with Mummy Pony. HAHA! Daddy Pig cannot even figure out that Gigi is wearing a mask; so Gigi has to unmask herself before Daddy Pig gets it. Again; Daddy Pig wasn't acting, he seriously didn't believe Gigi was under the mask. Everyone does the backsplash laugh to end the episode at 4:30. And almost all the glitter died on that spot, too. (Nah, it got transferred to the end credits.) Episode was fine, but the glitter bomb jokes are just stupid. ** 1/2 (50%).

Digger World: Next up is episode #237 on the animation paper as the episode opens on a boring road with the Pig family in their car and Daddy Pig is driving a wee bit too fast for my liking. George has a toy digger with orange claws and is generally amused by the thought of him being at Digger World. Peppa loves diggers as Daddy Pig claims that they will soon be driving "real" diggers in this park. I betcha they will not. We reach the barrier gate leading into Digger World, which is basically a theme park with a digger motif to it. Mummy Cat is the one attending the gift shop this time as Mr. Potato introduces the family and in a shock. Daddy Pig does not mention the incident involving Peppa drawing Daddy Pig sitting at home watching television that was Mr. Potato's favorite picture. (That is for the best because that would be cruel and mean otherwise. Anyhow; cameos include Mummy Wolf, Mr. Rhino, Rohan Rhino, Wendy Wolf, Doctor Pony and Pedro F'N Pony. Mummy Dog is also attending a booth next to Mummy Cat. I'm beginning to suspect that former self's problems with Miss Rabbit's multiple jobs gimmick might be a little sus if you know what I mean.) Mr. Potato shows off the digger ride and it's clear that these are NOT real diggers. George and Peppa are at the lever (CLEVER CLOGS~!) controls while Mummy and Daddy Pig are behind them pedaling. I call shennigans on Daddy Pig for this one. He deserved to pedal that digger after that obvious fib. The kids are shoveling piles of sand from the sand pile to a giant bucket as the kids are having a blast while Mummy and Daddy Pig are panting beyond the pale. Mr. Potato is impressed with this as he makes a giant sandcastle out of it, using all the methods shown by the kids in previous episodes. At least he didn't make the adults do this, nor the kids for that matter. The sandcastle also has a blue digger flag on top for extra detail. Next ride is a crane lifter and Peppa gets on and Mummy Pig follows as she has to pedal it to make the thing move while Peppa uses the levers (CLEVER CLOGS~!) to lift soft blocks (In North America, building blocks) to create a wall. I was hoping Peppa would channel the Queen of England when she was telling Mummy Pig to go faster -- ala Jay Leno when he does the inpersonation of the queen -- as Mummy Pig is blushing heavily while pedaling. ("I command you to go faster! Faster, faster, faster!") Who says Daddy Pig is the only one to get embarrassed in this show?! Peppa don't care what gender you are when she is trolling you. After all that building, George and Daddy Pig rush in on a demolition ball digger and knock the soft block wall down as Peppa blows George off for being such a naughty piggie. George don't care; but Daddy Pig might. He's also wearing a hard hat and probably would wear it for life if he could as he giggles. Mr. Potato is loving this, because it's all in the spirit of the park. The next ride is a digger motif version of the arcade grabber machine where you use the JAWS OF HALF LIFE to grab prizes in a giant glass like vase. Yes, the adults have to pedal while the kids use the levers (CLEVER CLOGS~!).

This has to be some kind of exercise ritual, or Mr. Potato is too damn cheap to pay for electricity to run this theme park. (Why not both, former self?!) The jar contains Mr. Potato dolls and one red dinosaur doll. Three guesses what George wants to win and the first two don't count. Somehow; despite all the haphazard lever (CLEVER CLOGS~!) pulling, they manage to grab the red dinosaur doll; only to have it slip through the claw and drop down. Damn! We then discover thanks to the narrator that the grabber is rigged and the doll is too heavy, so when the kids try again, they grab the smaller Mr. Potato doll and it's just right. Mr. Potato is a sleazy, naughty anthro potato. Kind of makes his exercise thingie sound like he's profiting off of the adults' misery, do you not think?! (Of course! If I'm Mr. Hash Brown, I would quit and find another gig. Maybe male modeling, he's got the smile to pull it off at least, along with a cheeky fanbase of Miss American Rabbits!) Mr. Potato is so happy that he allows George to keep the doll he doesn't want, and they also got their digger badges anyway. Peppa gets the green one and George gets the cheese one. That's cheesy! It's closing time and all the customers who were fleeced...ERRR...I mean, having a good time leave as Mr. Potato repeats his promo and we jump cut to the family in their car with Daddy Pig driving westward. The kids enjoyed their time and then Peppa gets cut off as Daddy Pig is forced to stop. Because you see, Mr. Bull is back and his cronies are building a wall in the middle of the road. Oh lord; how tone deaf do you have to be to think this was funny?! (I was like "What the fuck was this?!" I think former self was talking about building wall across the US/Mexico border, which is tone deaf.) George don't care as he waves his digger around. Peppa wants to drive the digger and Mr. Bull suddenly has scruples because children cannot drive diggers. Then Peppa shows off her badges and that's enough for Mr. Bull to change his mind, as if the badges give kids carte-blanche license to drive a digger. WHAT?! (Why are you surprised former self?! They already allowed fourteen kids against one adult in a puddle jumping contest and Peppa to walk barefoot on the moon. This is kind of reasonable, acutally considering how dumb it is to build a brick wall in the middle of the damn road!) The kids and Mr. Bull go into the digger and of course, the adult is the one on levers (CLEVER CLOGS~!) driving the digger while the kids get to push the buttons. Of course -- like the troll that she is -- Peppa pushes the red button, because the red button is always known as the screw job button and Mr. Bull panics the second she pushes it. The digger claws break the wall down with ease. That's why those badges are useless. Peppa "apologizes"; but Mr. Bull don't care because it's all fun! Everyone loves diggers (not you Digger, all two of you!) as Mr. Labo and Mr. Rhino do the backsplash laugh as the rest laugh to end the episode at 4:30. Mr. Potato is one investigation away from being a baked potato, if you catch my drift here. I did like this episode though, minus the wall building considering it's 2018. *** 3/4 (75%).

The Doll Hospital: Here is episode #238 on the animation paper as the episode opens on the house on the hill. At the western end of the house is Peppa hopping with Teddy, George hopping with Mr. Dinesaur (sic) and Suzy is hopping with a doll penguin. Peppa asks Teddy what he wants to do and Teddy cannot consent, so Peppa rolls him down the hill and follows him. (Peppa is now stealing Rebecca Rabbit's animal sound, and then I realize that Rebecca Rabbit taught Peppa how to be a rabbit in a previous Series episode!) Peppa picks Teddy up and it's time to jump up and down in the conveniently placed muddy puddles. Peppa then claims that Teddy wants to jump in muddy puddles. Peppa bounces Teddy off the muddy puddles. This somehow causes Peppa to slip and land on her back, squashing Teddy in the process. Geez; that looked so fake. Peppa gets up and Teddy is muddy; but otherwise is it's usual smooth self. We are suppose to buy that Teddy has been crushed by Peppa. No tears, no stuffing coming out of holes. Just Teddy being muddy. Teddy only needs to be scrubbed with soap and water, like Peppa needed when she was muddy in the very first episode of this entire show! In comes Mummy Pig asking if everyone is having a good time and everyone says yes. I'm not one of them; I think Teddy needs help here, in more ways than one. (Something about this relationship being very cruel and abusive, methinks.) Mummy Pig notices Teddy is muddy as Suzy claims that she went to a doll hospital and got a new penguin doll as a result. By the way; I thought this was a British cultural thing; until I found a website in Michigan. There is also a Canadian version of a doll hospital. Yes; this is a real thing in the real world. (The Michigan website has since disappeared, so I subbed the Canadian one instead.) Suzy explains the role of a doll hospital and even shows off the penguin doll's voice. It's clear that it's contrived and fake since when the dolls says Suzy's name, it sounds like someone else's voice. They are not even trying to hide how cheap this techinque is. Peppa asks if they can go to the doll hospital and Mummy Pig is perfectly fine with this. We head to the Doll Hospital; which is basically Build A Bear store with a green cross on top.

Damn; I did all this research on Doll Hospital and completely forgotten the obvious reference to the Build-A-Bear brand of teddy building stores. Even more so since Build A Bear has been on Nintendo platforms before AND Nintendo and the company still are under contract even to this day. How could I miss that?! (Listen former self, there are worser things on this very show that you miss every day that you shouldn't have missed. Besides, you demonstrated that not all doll hospitals are corporations, so there is that.) Mummy Pig, Peppa, Suzy and George walk in with their dolls as we head inside to the check out with Miss Rabbit. What?! Were you expecting someone else?! (Miss Rabbit job #899!) Personally; I would have liked Mummy Rabbit doing this role. (The barefoot girl doll I saw in Kylie's bedroom is in the carriage and we'll be seeing her later involving her literally flying a remote control aeroplane.) Miss Rabbit shows off two dolls and the doll on the left is much more believable in needing help than Teddy ever was. Peppa shows off Teddy and Miss Rabbit has no idea what animal the doll is suppose to be and gets it all wrong. Peppa is not amused by this and blows her off because it's a teddy bear. By the way; it's Series Five, Miss Rabbit should not be legit scared of Mr. Dinesaur, nor George's growling promos. (Miss Rabbit was not legit scared, she was selling like a professional wrestler would. This coming from an actual wrestling fan to boot!) Miss Rabbit asks what happened to Teddy and Suzy basically rats out Peppa's actions without mentioning Peppa. Miss Rabbit claims that Teddy won't be doing that anymore and Peppa then rats herself out by claiming that Teddy loves doing those things. First of all; learn consent Peppa! Second; what you just said is basically a confession in a court of law. Miss Rabbit claims that Teddy needs more stuffing. Well; to be fair, Teddy has let itself go in recent years, although to no fault of Peppa in this case. Miss Rabbit goes to the stuffing machine which is basically a giant container of stuffing playing a reverse vacuum cleaner role. Now this episode rules! HAHA!

Ron Sparks: It rules more than Shaun Desmond.

Then we get one of those moments where I was laughing and angry at the same time: Miss Rabbit inserts the nozzle of the stuffing hose into the elephant doll's trunk and pumps stuffing into it. That was both disturbing and funny at the same time and it just confused me. This was a tragedy and Miss Rabbit accused the elephant doll of being sad before she stuffed it?! Come on! The elephant looked fine to me. Screw me! (Not nearly as evil as George stuffing Mr. Dine-e-saur in his pants in Baby Bumps from Peppa Pig Tales!) George growls to prevent his doll from being stuffed, which is reasonable since the doll is made of plastic. Next up is dressing up Teddy, which Peppa completely blows off. I do like when Miss Rabbit calmly explains that women can be sailors too, since Peppa no sold the sailor outfit because Teddy is a girl. A polite way of telling Peppa to stop being a sexist pig. (See what I did there?!) Peppa takes Teddy and proclaims that Teddy is fine without clothes. Miss Rabbit tries to dress up Mr. Dinesaur into a princess. George is huffy and gravely offended by this. Oh, grow up! Oh wait, he has lots of time to do that! Next up is the eye replacement table as Miss Rabbit proclaims that the eyes are the windows to the soul. That's awfully creepy. (I think this is the first pesudo-religious reference on this show and it is creepy. Thankfully this spot is one and done. Being fully atheist works wonders on this show.) Suzy asks and I'm paraphrasing here: "What the hell is a soul?!" Miss Rabbit cannot answer the question claiming it's complicated. She sure shot herself in the foot on that one. We bring out the wiggling eyes of doom and Peppa no sells the deal as even Suzy thinks the buggly eyes are equal to a creepy soul. When even the trolls think this is creepy -- you can believe it -- it's creepy. George no sells the deal either and he's getting angerier. Ah; I see he has been watching Smash Bros Ultimate Directs and thinks Mario is his new soul mate.

Miss Rabbit is not amused as we head to the check out counter and show off how the voices are made with push button, speaker, colors, the works. The voices are the usual generic voices, to the point where I was believing that Teddy Ruxpin is creepy because his voice sucks. Ironically, Teddy Ruxpin's creepiness is from his ideology, not the doll itself. (No lies detected. By the way, another easy target for horror flick writers.) Peppa is not buying this crap and one of the speakers exposes the business as Suzy realizes that she just got robbed. You would think the speakers alone would have been enough to convince Suzy that she was robbed. However, it took the exact same voice from Suzy's doll to convince her otherwise. (Suzy Sheep is our rare GEEK OF THE WEEK~!) Miss Rabbit ignores this and offers to wash Teddy -- the one reasonable thing in this whole conversation -- and Peppa says no. George doesn't want Mr. Dinesaur to have a new voice either. I'm guessing Peppa still has bad memories of turning Daddy Pig's soccer shirt pink in a previous episode as she hugs Teddy. (What a pointless episode this was?! Mummy Pig could have just washed the bear and be done with it. The definition of an idiot plot and it frustrates me because the entire episode was fun. This doll hospital is sus!) After all this, Mummy Pig thinks this is great; but since Miss Rabbit did the labour part of this, Mummy Pig still has to pay up anyway. DAMN~! Peppa hugs Teddy, Mummy is screwed out of her money as the kids do the backsplash laugh to end the episode at 4:30. (The cost of labour was 47 pounds, about $62 US dollars. The cost of washing Teddy yourself was probably $5 tops.) Thus rendering the entire episode pointless. This was a really fun episode until THAT ending. At least let Miss Rabbit wash Teddy since if you liked Teddy as she is, Teddy shouldn't be muddy since you love her not muddy. Okay?! *** (60%).

Wendy Wolf's Birthday: We continue on with episode #239 on the animation paper as the episode opens in a forest clearing with dozens of balloons and one wooden picnic table with all the food. Mr. and Mrs. Wolf, Mr. Zebra, Mrs. Fox, Mummy Sheep and Daddy Pig are standing. (Why doesn't Mr. Fox attend a birthday with his son Freddy?! This Mr. Fox is starting to become even more sus as time goes on.) The children who have been invited to this party: Peppa, Wendy, Zoe, Rebecca, Freddy, Suzy, Danny and Pedro F'N Pony. There is lots of running, bouncing and giggling by the kids because it's Wendy Wolf's birthday party today. (Wendy Wolf joins Peppa Pig, George Pig, Danny Dog, Zoe Zebra, Freddy Fox, Mummy Pig, Daddy Pig, and Captain Dog with a birthday episode.) They all saying happy birthday to Wendy Wolf within seconds. Mr. Wolf continues his Three Little Pigs gimmick on the balloons as the kids play volleyball with one of them. Pedro is bouncing one off his nose, the cad as everyone loves balloons. Unless you are allergic to rubber of course. Wendy is at the conveniently out of nowhere placed pink tape recorder and turns it on. Then we DANCE, DANCE, DANCE TO THIER DOOM~! HEEHEEHEHEEHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! POW! OUCH! Ummmm... I just love how they are acting like they absolutely need to keep the balloons from falling to the ground, despite being the slowest balloons in history. That made me laugh. (Even funnier, Pedro is just waiting for a balloon to come down his way and it never happens. Poor Pony.) Here comes Mrs. Wolf in what might be her speaking debut on this show with the container of bubble mixture. She also invokes the Big Bad Wolf promo before blowing those bubbles as the kids are in awe about this. Everyone starts popping bubbles as Freddy pops a bubble with his tail and Pedro kicks a bubble. That last one was just sad. (Peppa Pig invokes the eye poke to pop a bubble.) The bubbles are popped and they are disappointed. But, wait! Mummy Wolf has a box of containers of bubble mixture, so they can DIY the bubbles and then pop them. More BBW promos and of course, Pedro Pony has to be buried as he cannot make a bubble before it pops on him. Thankfully; he gets it right the second time. Also, I notice now that the trees are decorated like it's Christmas. (All written in by teleport. SUZY SHEEP~?!) The bubbles fly high in the sky. Pedro continues his streak of cluelessness by pointing at the full moon and claiming it's a big bubble. (Pedro once again is the GEEK OF THE WEEK~!) Like the carters clearly shown couldn't make him prove that it's not a bubble. Wendy corrects Pedro, explains what to do and howls.

Apparently all wolves howl at the moon. I betcha that they do not. According to Mental Floss: The presence of the moon when a wolf howls, as it turns out, is purely coincidental and circumstantial. “Canine experts have found no connection between the phases of the moon and wolf howling,” writes Animal Planet. “Wolves pipe up more often during the night because they're nocturnal." Which Wendy Wolf is clearly not nocturnal as she goes to playgroup in the daytime. Wendy teaches them how to howl at the moon, I don't know why, since it seems too easy to do that spot. The kids look at the moon and howl. Wendy claps and the narrator tries to sell it as a great teaching spot. It wasn't. More howling for a while and then we get a loud adult wolf howling. This confuses everyone as they act like they didn't howl that loud. Suzy thinks it's a wild animal and they tease grabbing each other, looking scared. Even Wendy does the same and just smiles because in comes Granny Wolf (in a green dress with purple rimmed glasses) carrying a cake which appears to have a house that appears to be made out of wood, and appears to be shaped like an outhouse. (I don't know why, but that was funny! Also, this was officially Granny Wolf's debut and I don't think we see her again until Chairty Shop.) She sounds more like Doctor Hamster now that I hear her more. (In other words, Morweena Banks.) Next up; the kids and Granny cut Little Red Riding Hood promos, because we just have to drive the heel wolf in fictional tales angle into the ground some more. Granny also wiggles her ears and eyes in response. Pedro just has to mention her teeth and Granny teases eating the children; but changes to birthday cake in midstream. Of course! All the adults come in and put the cake on a small stand as they address the stick house in the middle of the birthday cake. Wendy does her promo and then huffs and puffs. She blows the candles out and the stick house blows down with it. Peppa is panicky about this because the stick house blew down; but the wolves don't care and praise Wendy for her skill. (That was also funny!) Danny Dog's reaction is beyond priceless here, in a "You have got to be kidding me!" reaction. (Freddy and Rebecca's reactions weren't that far off either.) Mummy Wolf then seemly forgets about Daddy Pig's house. Daddy Pig tells her that his house is made of bricks twice to get her to get the point. Mummy Wolf doesn't push the point any further than that. Peppa loves Wendy's birthday as everyone howls at the moon, says "Happy Birthday" to Wendy and that ends the episode at 4:30. This was a fun episode with a great finish. Also, Danny Dog's facial reactions are comedy gold to me. *** 3/4 (75%).

George's Wooly Hat: This is episode #240 on the animation paper as the episode opens on a cold day on a boring car due west with Mummy Pig driving the car. Peppa and George are in the backseat as George is wearing his brand new blue wooly hat. They are all wearing boots; which means there is a 80% chance of muddy puddles being shown. Peppa is telling George to hold onto the hat and George uses the one hand method to prevent it from blowing away. (The left hand which is tied with the seatbelt instead of the right arm, which is not.) The car arrives at the white house on the hill. Peppa and George jump out and hug Granny and Grandpa Pig as they come outside from the front door. Mummy Pig then tells the kids to play nice and don't get the wooly hat all muddy. I got a solution to that: George goes into the house and puts the hat in the bedroom, and comes out. Then he can play in muddy puddles all he wants. See, easy. Sadly; George does not do this. (George wins a rare GEEK OF THE WEEK honors along with making this episode an idiot plot.) Grandpa promises that nothing bad will happen to George's hat and Granny Pig even reminds George and Grandpa Pig this. Grandpa Pig claims no worries as he, Peppa and George go down to the garden. Then we see the most disgusting thingie ever: There is a pile of shit and flies literally dumped in the middle of the garden. (The narrator calls it manure, which is a nice way of saying "shit" and "shit" isn't going to be said in a pre-school show.) Peppa is a lot less repulsed at this then I would if this happened to me in real life. (Grandpa Pig pronounces it as "Ma-nure", I should note.) If I was being sarcastic, Grandpa Pig said that these are the opinions of everyone who hates this show. (Oh, I wish the creators had actually allowed this to happen. Ironically, they would do it in a nice way in "Please & Thank You" which showed Granny Pig reading the newspaper claiming that kids today are rude, despite the fact that they watch their star character being naughty and rude in every episode! Tons of fun!) Grandpa Pig claims that he puts this on his tomatoes to make them grow. Ummm; this is often a bad idea to directly put it on food, since manure usually contains diseases. You can put it on the ground away from the plants to nourish the soil; but those food items need some serious pasterization. Grandpa pig shovels manure into his wheelbarrow and then dumps it on his cabbage patch with a fork. (He's now calling it muk, for some reason.) EWWWWWW! GET IT AWAY~! GET IT AWAY~! The wind picks up and George tries to grab his hat; but is at least five seconds too late and his hat goes flying. George runs stage left and somehow hits the patch and misses the manure at the same time. George runs through muddy puddle after muddy puddle as he is almost the same muddy state that he was in the very first episode of this series; while somehow, the hat stays clean. Absurd! The hat gets stuck in a tree as Peppa points out the obvious to George like a troll. I just love how the hat being clean is somehow more important than George being clean.

Peppa then tries to grab the hat, no dice. Grandpa Pig offers to help; but Peppa is inflicted with toxic masculinity and climbs the tree like Daddy Pig. (Now it's Peppa Pig to become GEEK OF THE WEEK: All Grandpa Pig has to do is literally grab the hat because the branch is short enough for him to grab it. Nope! Peppa Pig has to do it, because Daddy Pig and Mummy Pig is absent and George cannot do it because he's all muddy since the hat must stay clean.) And just like Daddy Pig; she slips and falls in the mud, causing the hat to springboard off the tree branch. Peppa is now as muddy as she was in the very first episode of this show. Although like George, her face is still clean for the most part. Grandpa Pig sums this up nicely as the hat lands on some reeds in a muddy pond surrounded by the tiniest gate possible. Grandpa Pig proclaims that the hat is still clean, as if that matters at this point. (Mummy Pig's orders are Mummy Pig's orders former self.) Grandpa Pig is next up to try to get the hat. Instead of wading in the mud and getting the hat outright; which would still be less messy than Peppa and George's attempts to get the hat, he uses a wooden stick that is clearly five feet shorter than needed to grab it. (Grandpa Pig is the GEEK OF THE WEEK now! To be fair though, the other sticks were much shorter than that one.) Grandpa Pig tries to reach it and the wind helps by getting the hat closer to Grandpa Pig. No dice as the hat flutters away stage right and Grandpa Pig dives into the muddy pond and somehow avoids faceplanting into said pond. He is as muddy as the kids now. The reeds are destroyed, but the hat is still clean. Then we get a great moment as Granny Pig shows up and demands answers to this outrage. Grandpa Pig says he's having a cup of tea and Granny Pig calls him out on that obvious lie; causing Grandpa Pig to claim that it is a joke. Well; his sarcasm skills are horrible, so it wasn't funny. This was silly as Peppa exchanges notes on the situation concerning George's hat as the hat lands on top of the pitch fork dug into the manure pile. Guess what happens next?! Granny Pig decides to stand on the manure pile to try to grab George's hat. Grandpa Pig is warning her that the poop is not stable and she will sink and that is exactly what happens! She is smelly and shitty! (At least Granny Pig slid feet first and it's a much safer bump than The Blackberry Bush bump Mummy Pig took that could have easily killed her. This merely makes Granny Pig the GEEK OF THE WEEK~!) Daddy Pig has to be laughing somewhere after this. Sadly; Daddy Pig is on holiday today, so Mummy Pig gets the honors as she blows off Grandpa Pig for breaking his promise. But wait; Grandpa Pig remembers that Mummy Pig only told George to keep the hat clean and apparently; the poop dries quickly because the hat is still clean when Granny Pig puts the hat on George. Mummy Pig admits this as everyone does the backsplash laugh to end the episode at 4:30. This was really funny; but the literal shit hit the fan on this one still. *** 1/2 (70%).

Sailing Boat: We continue on with episode #241 on the animation paper as the episode opens at the docks with Peppa, George and Grandpa Pig walking towards the end of the pier. George is wearing his pirate hat while the kids are wearing lifejackets and everyone is wearing white shoes. Again; why isn't the adult wearing a lifejacket?! Mr. Stallion and Mrs. Corgi are at the pier with teacups filled with tea and holding onto saucers. (This is actually the official speaking debut of Mr. Stallion and Mrs. Corgi, doing a rich snob gimmick, basically annoying Grandpa Pig for being a commoner. Get used to these two, they are the new foils for Grandpa Pig as they have pretty much paid off the Granddad Dog/Grandpa Pig feud. Another episode I ranted out of the order since the descriptions are in the episode Grampy Rabbit's Hoverboat! As for the voices, it's John Sparkes and Morweena Banks. You can tell which one is which easily.) Both of them are warning Grandpa Pig to not go sailing right now; but Grandpa Pig nicely blows them off. Peppa thinks the two members of the sailing club might be correct. Grandpa Pig proclaims that they do not know what they are talking about and jumps onto the sailing boat. The sailing boat doesn't sell properly. Grandpa Pig doesn't like it -- because you see -- all the sailing boats are stuck on the ocean floor because the tide went out and there's no water to float them. HAHA! (Grandpa Pig is our GEEK OF THE WEEK~!) Peppa and George hop on the sailing ship and Grandpa Pig assures Peppa that the tide will come back in soon. Ten seconds later; the water level rises from the dead -- I'm pretty sure this doesn't happen in real life -- and the boat is now free to sail normally. (I like to yell Suzy Sheep's name, but the real world is too complex for former self to be certain that the water level rises from the dead is fake.) We sail for a while as Peppa loves bobbing up and down. In comes the sailing boats of Mr. Stallion and Mrs. Corgi, just because they want to annoy Grandpa Pig to no end. They even go as far as calling Grandpa Pig; an old chap. (That's insulting.) Grandpa Pig nicely blows them off and the two sailors sail away stage right as Peppa thinks this is a race. Thankfully; Grandpa Pig tells her that there is no hurry since it is not a race. Peppa then invokes the TEDDY RUXPIN SONG OF DOOM to waste some more time. I don't know why; there's about three minutes left in the episode anyway. The song is basically four or five words used over and over again. (This song was more of a miss, in my humble opinion.)The sailboats come back to annoy Grandpa Pig some more; basically taunting him to return before his boat gets stuck in the mud again. Grandpa Pig nicely blows them off again. Grandpa Pig whisper yells to Peppa to inform her that he knows all about tides and they know nothing. Yeah; I'll bet!

Peppa sings her bobbing song again, and then as predicted, the tide goes out and the boat is stuck again. HAHA! (The tides screwing up Peppa Pig's song is comedy diamond!) See; this is what happens when you don't listen to Mr. Stallion and Mrs. Corgi, two sailing experts! Peppa wonders when the tide will be coming back and Grandpa Pig confesses, it will be tomorrow morning. Oh snap! But, wait?! Grandpa Pig remembers that the sailing boat contains a cabin in the bowels of the sailing ship; so Peppa will at least get a sailing sleepover tonight. Grandpa Pig agrees to it and brings out his cellphone to call Granny Pig at the white house on the hill, who answers the green phone in the living room. They exchange notes and Granny Pig couldn't resist calling Grandpa Pig out for getting the tides wrong, further burying him for not listening to Mr. Stallion and Mrs. Corgi, two sailing experts! Grandpa Pig denies it all; but Peppa claims that they are stuck in the mud. A confession in Granny Pig's ears as Grandpa Pig claims that they are on an adventure and hangs up. Grandpa Pig opens the out of nowhere trap door as everyone walks down to the bowels of the ship as Peppa and George will sleep in the bunk beds downstairs, while Grandpa Pig brings out his sleeping bag and decides to sleep under the stars. (His sleeping bag has fishies on it. He is almost literally sleeping with the fishies. Yup, he's the geek of the week.) Good night! I hope Grandpa Pig rolls into the water tomorrow morning and demonstrates why adults should be wearing lifejackets. (Good luck getting that one past their BS&P, former self!) Speaking of morning, we jump cut to Peppa snoring and the boat is creaking, which is the signal for the tide coming back. Peppa and George wake up and they are so happy the boat is bobbing again. They get dressed (with lifejackets) off-screen and return to topside with Grandpa Pig as it's time to sail back to the pier for real. Jump cut to the pier as Granny Pig comes over to pick up the kids and probably laugh at Grandpa Pig for being a stupid idiot...AGAIN! For those of you who were wondering if George would ever get over his "ig" speech impedement in this show...Nope! George calls her "Ganny Ig" in this episode, too. (More like "Grandy Ig" which is not an improvement.) Granny Pig is amused by Peppa's commentary as the adults and children come in to do the backsplash laugh to end the episode at 4:30. (Also, the song Peppa Sing makes it to the end credits. Whatever!) Just another fine episode from the muddy puddle jumpers and dumb grandpa. (I found this a fun episode on the second viewing due to said dumb Grandpa Pig. *** 1/2 (70%).)

Soft Play: Here is episode #242 on the animation paper as the episode opens at the house on the hill as we zoom into the kitchen with the Pig family eating breakfast at the table. Daddy Pig is checking out letters that apparently; Mr. Zebra gave to him before the episode started. There is a blue colored letter which is for George and George snorts twice. Mummy Pig checks the letter and it's an invitation to Richard Rabbit's birthday party and this announcement makes all the dishes of the adults disappear when Daddy Pig claims that it sounds fun. (SUZY SHEEP~?! Also, I completely forgot that Richard Rabbit had a birthday episode! That means all the boy toddlers, minus Didier Donkey and Joey Kangeroo have had a birthday party at some point. Zuzu and Zaza are the only other major toddlers on the show who have yet to have a birthday, who make an appearance in this episode.) As long as it's not the awful soft play center. Of course; it's at the soft play center and Daddy Pig has the same reaction he had when he was stuck in concrete in Simple Science. You see, according to the always trollish troll known as Peppa Pig, Daddy Pig got stuck and was rescued by helicopter via Miss Rabbit's rescue service. And a fire engine. And a crane. Normally I would say that Peppa is lying here; but this is Daddy Pig we are talking about here. Daddy Pig claims that it was only a helicopter, like that helps his case in any way. Mummy Pig decides that she will go with George this time and George giggles. Considering The Blackberry Bush; I'm not too confident about Mummy Pig's chances in this Soft Play area. (In other words, you are saying that Mummy Pig is going to play Daddy Pig being stuck in concrete, former self. This Soft Play center sounds awfully sus to me.) We scene change to the Soft Play arena as all the little kids are in the adult driven cars, ready for Soft Play and adults getting stuck. (The Soft Play inside has bouncing colored balls for additioanl effect.) I wish I made up that last part. As Edmond Elephant comes out with Doctor Elephant, out comes Miss Rabbit or Mummy Rabbit (doesn't matter at this point...Oh wait...) as there are soft balls bouncing and hitting anything that stays put and the adults are no selling it. They are also no selling the invite to stay as the little kids come in. (The setup for this is awesome and in the end, no one was safe. I mean that, too!)

Mummy Pig arrives with George and offers to stay and exchange pleasure thoughts with Miss (or Mummy) Rabbit. Mummy Pig does not like the music which is the non-lyrical version of "Head & Shoulders, Knees & Toes"! Welcome to the Soft Play Center where everything is soft, and the narrator has to yell out loud, because the spot is that the music is way too loud to speak normally. Apparently; the creators have models for two year old Danny Dog and a two year old Pedro F'N Pony since they are swinging like Tarzan in a really dangerous spot. Just because it's a Soft Play center, doesn't mean it's soft enough to land. Oh; and in Britian they squash, in North America, they squeeze through. I guess it's Mummy Rabbit and Mummy Pig exchanging notes. (Former self not knowing which female anthromorphic rabbit is great because it makes the plot twist even better in hindsight.) Jump cut to outside as somehow the balls are rolling out of the Soft Play center and down the hill. Mummy Rabbit is hoping to get them out; as we return as she claps because playtime is over, as it is home time. Wanna bet none of the little kids sell this and continue playing on?! I check the video...Damn; I'm so good. Mummy Pig is shocked and appalled by this, and now she is about to realize why Daddy Pig and all those other adults don't like the Soft Play center. Mummy Rabbit decides to go in after them. She unintentionally doesn't see a hole that is too small for her to go completely through and Mummy Rabbit is stuck! Mummy Pig follows and tries to go through the soft rollers and Mummy Pig is stuck! And if you listen closely; you can hear Daddy Pig laughing all the way to the bank. (That would be a temporary visit former self, because...) Mummy Pig's screaming for help is so contrived as Doctor Elephant shows up to collect Edmund and he offers to help. The women no sell because IT'S A TRAP~! And they are correct as Doctor Elephant is now stuck in a hole himself! We jump cut to outside as Daddy Pig's car parks on the steepest side of the hill, just to continue the obvious sigh gag. Daddy, Peppa and Suzy Sheep -- for no real reason -- jump out of the car and head into the Soft Play area. (Sorry former self, Daddy Pig is not laughing nor going to the bank.)

Daddy Pig notices that all of the kids -- including a two year old version of Wendy Wolf -- sitting right in front of them. Richard's the birthday boy, so he gets the party hat; which looks like a dunce cap. Daddy Pig then notices the adults all stuck and he does his promo of this usually happens to him...and then he recoils and asks "That's going to happen to me, isn't it?!" I died. (Daddy Pig must not stop himself, and is now realizing how cruel and unfair life is and must get stuck because he's the biggest geek on this show! I howled with laughter after that one.) Suzy and Peppa offer to go in to push the adults out because they are smaller, you see. Daddy Pig no sells and goes in because he's the grown up and he's also dumb because that's his gimmick. Daddy Pig goes in and I was hoping they would book this as Daddy Pig rescues all of the the adults and then gets stuck himself like always. That would be stupid; but at least Daddy Pig goes out as a rescuer instead of the victim. Nope! He gets stuck the second he goes through the first hole. What a shocker?! Daddy Pig calls up the rescue services and my guess was wrong because Miss Rabbit IS the one who is stuck and not Mummy Rabbit! PLOT TWIST~! (Miss Rabbit wins GEEK OF THE WEEK honors without fail! Not only that, Miss Rabbit and Daddy Pig are literally feet away looking at each other. I laughed and laughed and laughed some more.) This means Peppa and Suzy get to rescue the grown ups and they do, including tickling Doctor Elephant's ribs to squeeze him through DA....HOLE~! SLURP~! Suzy and Peppa pop Daddy Pig from the first hole and everyone cheers! But wait; the little kids go back into the Soft Play Center just to give one more giant middle finger to the adults. HAHA! AWESOME! The adults groan; but Suzy and Peppa decides to go in and play with them for a while until they all get tired and come out on their terms. Wow; the troll has a good idea after all. (Actually, it was Daddy Pig's idea to have the kids "rescue" the toddlers. HAHA!) The kids bounce, giggle and have a good time. The adults laugh to end the episode at 4:30. Now this was one of the best episodes of Series Five. Sure; it doesn't top Simple Science, but seeing the plot twist with Miss Rabbit was many buys! **** 1/2 (90%).

The Market: Next up is episode #243 on the animation paper as we head into town at the market as per the episode title. The Mole family is here, along with Pedro F'N Pony on his scooter without his helmet I might add. How this got past BS&P is a mystery to me. Usually scooting requires a helmet. Mummy Dog and Danny Dog are here, Mr. Sexist Labo has a store and sadly, has customers. Mrs. Cow has a cheese store. (Mrs. Cow's calling it "thee smelly cheese" was funny.) Mummy Cat has a fish store. Officer Panda and Grey Squirrel are patroling the marketplace, probably to make sure no counterfeit items are sold. Someone should check Mr. Fox's store to make sure those things are not counterfeited at all. (I think the custard is legit judging by how watery it is former self.) Mr. Bull sells china teacups. Of course! (Mr. Badger sells plants and bird seed I should note. I think the narrator should rethink this "one thing" deal.) We see a lot of cameos here; most of them are doing nothing of note. (This would be the second time Mandy and Mummy Mouse make an appearance along with an appearance of Granny Wolf!) Peppa, George, Mummy and Daddy Pig (with straw basket) are here at the market to do a "little" shopping. Because you know, it won't end up being a little. We head to Mr. Labo's apple shops as Peppa would like to buy some apples. Keep in mind; this is the same anthro who guilt-tripped and used sexist remarks to get Mummy Pig to play a game during Funfair. Labo has only small, big, green and red apples. None of those non-binary type apples will darken this guy's store. (Wonder why I think Mr. Labo is a bigot?!) Peppa of course wants the apples that taste nice, and so it's a big red apple which Peppa samples and approves. Of course! Mummy Pig, without any heistation, buys the red apples in a bag. George loves cheese, so Mrs. Cow's cheese store is next on the menu and he snorts twice. (Keep in mind, Mrs. Cow is soon going to be married with Mr. Bull. Imagine that odd couple.) Mrs. Cow offer Daddy Pig a whiff of THEE SMELLY CHEESE OF DEATH and this literally knocks Daddy Pig onto his back. Someone from the cheese board really needs to check on that smelly cheese, it might be constructed as a new weapon. (By the way, later in Series Six; Mandy Mouse will have a birthday at Cheese World featuring notorious cheese sniffer, Grampy Rabbit!) George don't care, because he loves thee smelly cheese and Daddy Pig buys it anyway.

Next up is Mummy Cat's fish market and she has a rather light selection of fish. No shrimp?! No scallops?! No lobster?! Phooey! Squid is on the table though; and the family cannot decide, so Mummy Cat offers one of each to make a fish pie; which Peppa likes. This would make a lovely seafood platter and/or chowder. Too bad the chowders I have on a regular basis are milk and not heavy cream related. (Chowder with heavy cream is heaven on earth. I mean it, too!) We finally head to Mr. Fox's stall as he makes Bonker's "House of Everything" look like the poser that Bonkers is. Mr. Fox is offended by the family not seeing him first, because he has lot of apples...made of wood. HAHA! (Sadly, no "wah-wah" sound.) Peppa is confused as Mr. Fox claims that wooden apples last forever. Geez; and I wondered where all of this landfill worthy stuff was coming from too?! Next up is cheese and they are made of plastic in spite of the diversity. (No "wah-wah" sound here either.) Also great in keeping the Aussie Stereotype away, too. (We could have debates on the number of times I did a sick burn on DARKWING...DUCK and Monteray Jack; but make no mistake, they are the two biggest targets I love to mock.) Sold in sets of five, too. Mummy Pig no sells the deal as Mr. Fox notices that they have some fish. Mr. Fox claims that he could have sold them a better fish and Mummy Pig is already no selling this deal. Mr. Fox shows them a plastic fish nailed to a wooden shield and claims that it's a singing fish. Wow; Mr. Fox is literally so 2012 here as he pushes the button in the shield and the plastic singing fish sings "Twinkle, twinkle, little star" for a while. It also needs twenty-four batteries which are clearly shown in the back. Of course! (Of course, this gets the "wah-wah" sound.) Peppa wants Elvis Fishly (Voiced by Toby Sigmas - only appearance is this show. It's called "Singing Fish" in the end credits which this song is sang during said end credits.) and Mummy Pig says no and Peppa is disappointed, but doesn't push the matter any further. Mr. Fox offers a bouncy vase because it's made of plastic. Mummy Pig no sells this deal as well; and then it starts raining out of nowhere and these moronic pigs forgot to bring umbrellas. Then Mr. Fox decides to sell them umbrellas in sets of four. How convenient, eh?! (How very Backyardigans of you, Mr. Fox.) The family takes them, because you can never have too many umbrellas. Mr. Fox proclaims that they were lucky to come because four umbrellas also nets the singing fish for free. Peppa is so happy; the adults are like "What?". Mr. Fox pushes the button and the singing fish sings again as everyone is laughing and dancing in the market to end the episode at 4:30. Wow; this was better than it had any right to be. *** 3/4 (75%).

Opening Moment#1: Winter version of the theme is used here.

Father Christmas: Last up is episode #244 on the animation paper as we head to the school house on the hill in a snowstorm. (Which isn't much of a snow fall I should note.) We head inside as all the big kids are sitting on the floor is a mostly decorated school room. (No Molly Mole nor Rebecca Rabbit. I'm starting to think Molly Mole might be problematic to these writers if we are not seeing Molly more often. I guess that space limitations for playgroup are real, but come on now!) Gigi Gazelle has a basket with what appears to be more decorations as the kids are giggling. Gigi then explains that they are doing a Christmas play and Danny Dog is selected as Father Christmas. Finally; the plucky guy finally gets a starring role instead of a secondary role like he has been since this show started. (As much as I'm happy to see Danny Dog play the starring role, I would pay good money to see them have Peppa become Mother Christmas.) No one complains about this as Wendy Wolf is an elf, Peppa Pig is the Christmas Elf complete with wand. Suzy wants to be the nurse and Gigi thinks this is not a Christmas thing. (Never mind the nurse's hat is in the box. Nice try, Gigi!) Suzy invokes the "What If?" card and she's now the Christmas Nurse. Well; Suzy does have a point there. (Wellness applies to Santa as well, even if he's a magicial being that doesn't exist in real life. But somehow is real in this storyline.) Emily is a Christmas Snowflake, how charming. (Emily cannot play a Karen to save her life nor her brain. I mean that, too!) Everyone gets to practice their roles in a disorganized fashion as I discover that Gerald is the Christmas Star, because he's actually tall enough to perform this role. Gigi is not exactly thrilled about the acting though. Jump cut to a snowy supermarket with the Pig family inside shopping in their winter clothes. Then they notice Father Christmas in the middle of the aisle sitting down in a chair in front of the giant Christmas tree with a cup of tea reading the newspaper and probably getting more and more depressed by the second. Daddy asks Peppa to say "hello" to Father Christmas and Peppa does that. Father Christmas responds back as if he knows her and in essence, he does in storyline. (Keep in mind, there are only three humans in the entire show. The only way this is the fake santa is if that santa is the pirate, or even the Queen. Not much wiggle room there.)

They exchange notes about the Christmas Play and Peppa invites him to the Christmas Play; but Father Christmas is rather busy at this time. Peppa tries the "please" method of convincing Father Christmas to attend this Christmas Play and Father Christmas does the old "I'll see what I can do" promo; which usually never ends well. Head to the school house on the hill on the day of the Christmas Play as the kids and Gigi are making and putting up Christmas decorations in that order. (You won't guess who returns: Molly Mole and Rebecca Rabbit! How about that?! I guess they were getting vaccinated on that day, because Candy Cat is absent now.) Peppa then tells Suzy that Father Christmas is coming and Suzy is confused because Father Christmas didn't tell her this when she saw her at the garden center and neither did Molly Mole at the shopping center. Either Peppa was lied too, or Peppa just blew her cover about seeing the real Father Christmas in Series Two. I laughed at that one. (Keep in mind: The Pig Family, including the grandparents have seen Father Christmas for real. The rest of the kids have not officially seen him for real yet, despite evidence on top of a roof in the special. The Mr. Potato Christmas play doesn't count.) Jump cut to the Christmas Tree Center and here's Father Christmas in his chair in a rundown shack eating a cupcake. My guess is that Peppa was lied too and that one in the supermarket was not the real Father Christmas. So we meet and greet; and the voice clearly gives it away that this is the real Father Christmas and he of course doesn't know about the play. But since he knows Peppa; he will be there and that's a promise. I know it's the real Father Christmas because he doesn't heistate when Peppa explains it, so he knows where the school house on the hill is and has met Peppa before. It's HAPPY HOUR as all the cars are parked on the steepest sides of the hill in the snow during a Christmas Play. If this wasn't a pre-school show; all of them would slowly slide down the hill in stereo. I'm surprised they don't happen on this show. We head inside as all the parents are sitting down at floor side waiting to see the kids on stage, being chatterboxes. Thus proving they enabled Peppa's chatterbox routine. (That was funny.)

Peppa is looking on from the curtain and Father Christmas has not arrived yet as the kids are all ready to go and Gigi asks if everyone is ready. Peppa wants to delay the play because Father Christmas isn't here and Gigi claims that Father Christmas might be late. Gigi is so weaseling wording it to sound like she doesn't want to hurt Peppa's feelings and tell her that Father Christmas is not real. Even though in Peppa's world, Father Christmas is real. The show must go on and out comes Candy Cat, Zoe Zebra and Emily Elephant as snowflakes. But not special snowflakes, that's cruel. They dance for a while and sing a song about snow, the parents clap for this. It was very good. Out comes Peppa the Christmas Fairy with her crown and wand. I was hoping for a plot twist where the snowflakes bring out their wands and threaten to turn Peppa into a snowflake and Peppa sells it and bails. That would have been hilarious; but they didn't go for it. Probably because Father Danny Christmas Dog is the star for once in his life. Danny introduces himself and in comes Christmas Nurse Suzy to check on Danny Dog's health. Yes, there is a Wellness Policy at the North Pole. Okay; good to know. Everyone claps and there in the back of the crowd is Father Christmas enjoying himself, and the kids instantly spot him. In storyline, this is the real Father Christmas and not the fake one Peppa saw in the supermarket. (I betcha Father Christmas was real when everyone saw him, but Father Christmas faked it like a good professional wrestler would.) Father Christmas has stopped giving a damn about blowing his cover; making the Easter Bunny look like a coward. (How fitting that Santa is there with several pentacles drawn on a piece of paper on the wall. Pagamus indeed!)

Father Christmas goes on stage as we meet and greet. (By the way, no Rebecca Rabbit nor Molly Mole again.) The kids are asking questions and Father Christmas has no trouble answering said question as the kids are awed by this. Pedro Pony is a reindeer; which watching enough Impact wrestling matches, is the most embarrassing costume you can ever wear. (Pedro is our GEEK OF THE WEEK~!) AJ Styles once had to wear the costume. I can't believe that his career got better after that, but somehow it did. (Sadly, I have less hope for Pedro F'N Pony turning it around.) Freddy is literally cosplaying a Christmas Tree. Don't ask me why. Pedro wants to see this sleigh and Father Christmas is all like he's busy and stuff; but then recoils and everyone goes outside and sees it anyway. (I forgot to mention this: Freddy Fox's dad did attend the Christmas Play to see Freddy Fox! Whew! That's a relief. I think.) That sled is probably the only thing made of real gold; instead of that plastic gold crap. Father Christmas offers a ride for the kids and all the kids get in, including Daddy Pig. That's stupid because Daddy Pig thinks that this is fake Father Christmas and they are just riding around the parking lot on the ground. However, the sleight ride starts, it ramps up and flies into the sky and Daddy Pig begins to panic in a contrived manner. Told ya he was the real Santa! And he didn't sell out to the Million Dollar Man after all. Also -- just to troll Daddy Pig even more -- Father Christmas cracks the reins because it's time to go faster and Daddy Pig panics with more feeling. Then let's really troll Daddy Pig some more and just overkill the moment with a loop-de-loop for only fifteen pounds! Peppa is clearly enjoying this moment; as well as the kids. Daddy Pig is dumb, because he decided to join in with the kids like a moron. Father Christmas says "Happy Christmas" and that ends the episode at 4:30. The ending credits feature different solid background colors with various Christmas spots. This was a really funny episode overall, and that Wellness Policy better be "real" in the "real North Pole" or Christmas will always be at risk. **** (80%).

One Final Note: Father Christmas here is voiced by Bill Nighy and according to Wikipedia (DANGER! DANGER!): After two seasons at the Everyman Theatre, Liverpool, Nighy made his London stage debut at the National Theatre in an epic staging of Ken Campbell and Chris Langham's Illuminatus!, which opened the new Cottesloe Theatre on 4 March 1977. He was cast to appear in two David Hare premieres, also at the National. During the 1980s, he appeared in several television productions, among them Hitler's SS: Portrait in Evil, alongside John Shea and Tony Randall. Nighy has starred in many radio and television dramas, notably the BBC serial The Men's Room (1991). He claimed that the serial, an Ann Oakley novel adapted by Laura Lamson, was the job which launched his career.[7] More recently he has featured in the thriller State of Play (2003) and costume drama He Knew He Was Right (2004). He played Samwise Gamgee in the 1981 BBC Radio dramatisation of The Lord of the Rings (where he was credited as William Nighy), and appeared in the 1980s BBC Radio versions of Yes Minister episodes. He starred alongside Stephen Moore and Lesley Sharp in the acclaimed short radio drama Kerton's Story, written by James Woolf and first aired in 1996. He had a starring role in the 2002 return of Auf Wiedersehen, Pet, portraying crooked politician Jeffrey Grainger. He has also made a guest appearance in the BBC Radio 4 series Baldi. Two of Nighy's most acclaimed stage performances were in National Theatre productions. As Bernard Nightingale, an unscrupulous university don, in Tom Stoppard's Arcadia (1993), he engaged in witty exchanges with Felicity Kendal, who played the role of Hannah Jarvis, an author. He played a consultant psychiatrist in Joe Penhall's Blue/Orange (2000), for which he won an Olivier Award nomination for Best Actor, and which transferred to the West End at the Duchess Theatre the following year.

Nighy had his first starring role in 1997 as Tom Sergeant, a restaurant entrepreneur, in David Hare's Skylight, which had premiered in 1995 and was moved to the Vaudeville Theatre.[8][9].[10] Nighy received some recognition by American audiences for his acclaimed portrayal of overaged rock star Ray Simms in the 1998 film Still Crazy. In 1999 he gained further prominence in the UK with the starring role in "The Photographer", an episode of the award-winning BBC-TV mockumentary comedy series People Like Us, playing Will Rushmore, a middle aged man who has abandoned his career and family in the deluded belief that he can achieve success as a commercial photographer. In 2003, Nighy played the role of the Vampire Elder Viktor in the American production Underworld. He returned in the same role in the sequel Underworld: Evolution in 2006, and again in the prequel Underworld: Rise of the Lycans in 2009. In February 2004, he was awarded the BAFTA Film Award for Best Supporting Actor for his role as Billy Mack in Love Actually (a role foreshadowed by his Still Crazy character). At the BAFTA Television Awards in April 2004, he won the Best Actor award for State of Play. He also appeared in the comedy Shaun of the Dead. In early 2004, The Sunday Times reported that Nighy was on the shortlist for the role of the Ninth Doctor in the 2005 revival of the BBC television series Doctor Who.[11] Christopher Eccleston ultimately filled the role. In 2005, he appeared as Slartibartfast in the film adaptation of The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. He also appeared in the one-off BBC One comedy-drama The Girl in the Café. In February 2006, he appeared in scriptwriter Stephen Poliakoff's one-off drama, Gideon's Daughter. Nighy played the lead character, Gideon, a successful events organiser who begins to lose touch with the world around him.

This performance won him a Golden Globe Award for Best Actor in a Mini-series or TV Film in January 2007. Also in 2006, Nighy made his Broadway debut at the Music Box Theatre alongside Julianne Moore in The Vertical Hour, directed by Sam Mendes. In 2006, Nighy played the principal villain, Davy Jones, in Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest, although his face was entirely obscured by computer-generated makeup; he voiced the character with a Scots accent. He reprised the role in the 2007 sequel, Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End, in which his real face was briefly revealed in one scene. He also provided the narration for the Animal Planet series Meerkat Manor. In 2006 he played the role of Richard Hart in Notes on a Scandal, for which he was nominated for a London Film Critics' Circle award. Nighy also appeared as General Friedrich Olbricht, one of the principal conspirators, in the 2008 film Valkyrie. He had played an SS officer in the 1985 Hitler's SS: Portrait in Evil. Nighy starred in the film Wild Target in 2010.[12] In July 2009, he announced that he would play Rufus Scrimgeour in Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows – Part 1.[13] Nighy had already worked with director David Yates twice, and with the majority of the Harry Potter cast in previous films. He has said of his role as Rufus Scrimgeour that it meant he was no longer the only English actor not to be in Harry Potter.[13] Nighy voiced Grandsanta in the 2011 CGI animated film Arthur Christmas.[14] In 2012, he starred in The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel, Wrath of the Titans, and the remake of Total Recall.[15] In 2013, he played a role in Darkside, Tom Stoppard's radio drama based on Pink Floyd's album The Dark Side of the Moon.[16] In 2014 he starred with Carey Mulligan in a revival of David Hare's Skylight at Wyndham's Theatre in London's West End.[17] It had a large international audience via broadcast in the National Theatre Live series.[18][10] He and Mulligan also starred in the play when it was transferred to Broadway in 2015.[19] He debuted in the Occupy! documentary in 1976 and Softly Softly: Task Force as Albert Blake. Stardog & TurboCat (Sinclair), Hope Gap (Edward), The Kindness of Strangers (Timofey), Heidi: Queen Of The Mountain (Grandpa) and Pokemon Detective Pikachu (TBD) are his most recent credits. He has 145 acting credits, 6 Soundtrack credits, 1 Producer credit (Page Eight), 71 Self credits and 11 Archive Footage credits to his resume.

THE REVIEW LINE

Well; the Doll Hospital was a fun episode with a bad finish that turned it into an idiot plot. All Peppa had to do was tell Miss Rabbit to wash the doll so it would justify Mummy Pig to pay for the service. Otherwise, Peppa completely trolled Mummy Pig on this whole plotline. Father Christmas was really great, the ending was really fun, and while they mocked Daddy Pig's heights again, Daddy Pig fell on his own sword this time around. Soft Play was an instant classic that was set up really well and the payoff of Peppa and Suzy saving everyone was great. The plot twist was neat because I thought it was Mummy Rabbit at first. There were several close thumbs up as well with The Market and Mr. Fox being the gift that keep on giving and thee smelly cheese gag; Wendy Wolf's Birthday was really fun, although not as great as Soft Play; and Digger World for the finish and the adult exercise gag for cheap electrical power. The rest was the usual stuff, the worst episode was the Masks and that was fun until the dumb glitter bomb jokes tainted it. So...

Thumbs up for Father Christmas and Soft Play. Thumbs in the middle for everything else and I'll see you all next time.

Back to Other Rants Index!
Return to the Rant Shack!
Return to the Unofficial Kit Cloudkicker Homepage