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Twenty Years Of Muddy Puddles: Peppa Pig Series Five #5 Rant

Reviewed: 12/16/2018
Additional Commentary/Edited: 09/02/2024

Let The Random Backsplash Laughs Begin!

Okay fans; I have now decided to rant on this series full time, because I do in fact like this show enough that I can handle the best and worst of the Pig family from Great Britian. Okay; so we finally conclude Series Five as the gloves are finally off of this show as it turns from just a normal pre-school show into a legendary pre-school show. How do these episodes fare? Let's rant on shall we..?!

All the episodes are done by Neville Astley, Mark Baker and Phil Hall. Animation is done by Astely Baker Davies animation; with the two mentioned creators and Phil Davies.

The Carnival: Next up is episode #255 on the animation paper as the episode opens in town with a huge lineup of people, including what appears to be the debut of Mrs. Fox. (2024 Gregory Weagle Says: Nope! Mummy Fox debuted as far back as The Hospital when Pedro F'N Pony broke his leg. I should note that former self reviewed this episode when the video quality was beyond the pale horrible and thus couldn't tell a lot of detail and the video was shortened.) Peppa, George, Mummy and Daddy Pig are in the lineup as Peppa meets and greets Suzy Sheep and Molly Mole. Apparently; Daddy Cat has his own daughter besides Candy Cat; or the color stylist got Candy Cat wrong. (Ironically, not Candy Cat is with Daddy Cat and Mummy Cat, while the real Candy Cat is with Gerald Giraffe. No Pedro F'N Pony in the first crowd shot at least. Also, another appearance of Mandy Mouse and Mummy Mouse. Geez, she's not even speaking yet and they are pushing her to the moon. Kind of like Kit Cloudkicker being pushed despite TaleSpin not even being rebooted yet.) Either way; we exchange pleasure thoughts and notes for a while. (I completely forgot that Molly Mole was doing another major appearance in this series. Maybe I should stop relying on memories and actually remember to read the copious notes I wrote on this show.) They are hoping for fire breathing dragons and magic people coming out of thin air. The video quality is poor here, so I couldn't tell if Daddy Pig was hoping for this to happen, or not. (He's hoping that it does happen, but acts like it probably will not. I should note that the carnival in this context is similar to Mardi Gras (which in French means "Fat Tuesday") in that it is one absurd, glorified parade instead of a fair which can also be called a carnival.) Peppa then thinks this is starting because Mr. Rhino is sweeping the pavement with the RIC FLAIR BROOM OF DOOM. I can believe that, considering Mr. Rhino's out of control fetish with digging up the road in every episode. (In an ironic context, I can see why former self said that.) Then the entire construction team -- including Mrs. Elephant and Mr. Labo -- are playing brooms, trash cans, trash can lids and other tools to make music. (The musical band is Mr. Rhino, Mr. Labo, Mr. Badger and two anthromorphic consturction workers who we never see in this series.)

Granddad Dog's truck is driving in the front and the back of the truck features a rock band playing the Peppa Pig song. (The narrator claims that it's a jazz band.) This includes Gerald Giraffe on guitar, Mr. Bull on his tuba and Mr. Orange Cat on drums. (On shakers, it's Rohan Rhino in yet another appearance. Sadly, Rohan wouldn't get the big push Mandy Mouse would get because Rohan is generic and Mandy is not.) The next parade float is driven by Mummy Mole with Daddy Pony and Pedro F'N Pony showing off a giant eye chart in the back. (Mummy Pony was shown in the crowd on one shot, and so is Mr. Reindeer.) Even though the letters are big; I can barely make out the F since the video quality is poor and yellow is almost the same color as white. Almost. The kids are amused as a foghorn rings out and the next float features Mummy Dog driving Danny Dog and Captain Daddy Dog on a boat float. HAHA! Well; it is well within the stips; so this is fine. (There was a purple lory that barely starts appearing on camera, but we cut away before we can see it. I mention this because the truck Mummy Dog is driving is cyan blue.) Next up is the float containing Miss Rabbit's Rescue Service, driven by Mr. Rabbit; but Miss Rabbit is not in the helicopter. (Basically, everyone except the Goat family nor the Donkey family (Pere Donkey does appear in a crowd shot at one point.) nor the Kangeroo family nor Daddy Giraffe appear in this episode in some form. Also, Gerald teleports in and out from the crowd to the guitar as well. SUZY SHEEP~?! Belinda Bear also appears without glasses.) She's on the next float because she's the carnival queen. Guess who is driving her?! Nope; not the real Queen, that would have been many buys! It's Grampy Rabbit; which somehow is even more buys! I also love how the characters are actually happy to see Miss Rabbit doing nothing for a change. She has to be the next Queen of England next year! (Not happening fools. Cartoon characters are either puppets or gods.) Sadly; the episode now starts to go downhill from there because here comes Mr. Potato in his death trap of a car. (Okay, former self is right and wrong about this because it's going downhill because Mr. Potato is about to get wrecked again due to him still driving the worst car in existence. Even the Thunderyak wasn't this bad, and I stand by that claim!)

The back of the car contains a rope featuring a giant self portait balloon of himself. (This makes the Hollywood thingie in Series Seven even more obvious. He's so stuck on himself, he's probably a bigger vampire than Gigi Gazelle! A vampire potato?! Where have I heard that concept before?! Oh wait...it's DARKWING...DUCK! That episode sucked.) He sings his stupid song. (Even though he's already in town. GEEK OF THE WEEK already and he hasn't been cooked yet.) Then the rope breaks and the balloon slowly rises up. (TaleSpin fans gasped at that one, because we all see this movie play out before, even in Ducktales 2017 with Kit Cloudkicker and Dewey.) Mr. Potato stops the car and opens the glass dome to grab the rope again. He thinks everything is fine; but the balloon forces Mr. Potato in the air. (Yes, Mr. Potato weighes less than a balloon. He's rotten to the core now, and not in the way you would normally think either.) Helium balloons are dangerous, in more ways than one it seems. (Better off blowing the balloons with anthro air unless it's made of helium. SUZY SHEEP~?!) Rather than let Darwinism take over and have a heaping of French fries for everyone; Mummy Pig calls Miss Rabbit on her cellphone. (Can you hear the dripping sarcasm coming out of former self now. He wants Mr. Potato to be part of his donair plate with extra crisps, if you know what I mean.) Miss Rabbit answers and despite having the best job in the world right now; she still believes that Mr. Potato is human and thus will rescue the giant potato. However; she cannot do this with the Queen stuff on. Molly, Suzy, and Peppa volunteer to get on the float and be the queen. Miss Rabbit bails as the three kids get on the float and of course they argue about who should be queen on the notion that they are bossier. Pfft; whatever. Daddy Pig breaks it up and Peppa accepts the crown, Molly accepts the robe and Suzy accepts the throne. Oookkkkaaayyyyy. Jump cut back to Mr. Potato in a panic, hanging from a balloon. On second thought; let the three kids fight, that is more buys than Mr. Potato looking like a baked idiot. (Former self is sick burning this potato so much it might as well be BBQ'ed. He's not wrong, the kids fighting over wanting to be queen and be bossy is much, much more compelling than an anthromorphic potato being baked for his dangerously badly designed clown car.)

Miss Rabbit gets into her helicopter and flies up and whomever is doing commentary in this episode is far more sarcastic than I am today. Miss Rabbit almost turns Mr. Potato into potato chips and then backs up and flies up to the top of the balloon. Naturally; she has no plan and is going to wing it like she always does. Trust me; that's a better way. She puts the helicopter on auto-pilot and the auto-pilot cuts a promo and flies away stage right. Miss Rabbit is literally on top of Mr. Potato's balloon and even teases wanting to pop said balloon. This teasing of a dangerous spot causes Mr. Potato to panic. I hope she does this, Mr. Potato sympathy heat is gone after the Super Potato incident. (But the heat of his future burns brighter than a million billion suns and stars.) Miss Rabbit crawls towards the rope and undoes the rope and lets the air out anyway. What a dummy Miss Rabbit is?! (Why bother?! Mr. Potato is fried anyway, no need to include yourself in being cooked there.) They free fall, the balloon has no air. Somehow; the two idiots manage to land on the balloon and ride it like a horse. Okay; this is so much better than the kids fighting over who shall be queen. (Former self is like weightlifting his thoughts at this point. Very indecisive. Mr. Hyrax makes his second appearance on this show!) The crowd is in shock and awe as somehow; Miss Rabbit and Mr. Potato manage to land on their asses just fine and not break anything. (Despite the fact that Mr. Potato literally lands on top of his head on the pavement with the lightest bump possible. Of course Mr. Potato is a dummy! He has no brain to destroy. It all makes sense now. This world is doomed.) Everyone cheers as Miss Rabbit wants to be back being the carnival queen; but the kids have ruined that for her as they have stolen the throne chair. (Don't you mean "four" Daddy Pig?!) Everyone laughs and sadly the video cuts off the final three seconds, so I assume most of them did the backsplash laugh to end the episode at 4:30. (Nope! They all laugh and then proceed to play Mr. Potato's song at the end credits. It's over, show! Mr. Potato cannot be taken seriously even if we tried. My goodness, I might have written more additional commentary for this one episode than any other in this show!) Miss Rabbit got her heat back in a really fun episode that didn't involve a carnival at all, it could have been titled "Parade" and meant the same thing. (A really great episode was a lot of errors and continuity problems. **** (80%).)

Mr. Bull's New Road: Next up is episode #256 on the animation paper as the episode opens on a hilly boring road with Daddy Pig, Mummy Pig, Peppa Pig and George in the car driving east. The narrator informs us that Peppa is taking her fishbowl filled with water and Goldie The Goldfish to Doctor Hamster's vet. Peppa loves wobbly roads; no one else loves wobbly roads. Goldie loves it too; as we sing a fish motif of "The Wheels Of The Bus" and then Peppa gets cut off by Mr. Bull yelling "stop". This forces the car to stop; because Mr. Bull and his de-construction workers are digging up the road to make a new one. Oh; and this road will not be wibbly-wobbly, much to the horror of Peppa and no one else. There is a lot of construction going on with Mr. Labo using the jackhammer, Mr. Rhino paving the road and Mrs. Elephant (In her debut as a construction worker, no less) painting the lines on said road. Oh; and Mr. Bull is a boss who shouts, encouragement. Oookkkkaaayyyy. (I have heard worse from even worse bosses than Mr. Bull.) Peppa wonders how to get to the vet and Daddy Pig announces that they will have to walk to the vet now. Yes; they leave the car in the middle of the road and I would bet a dollar that the car will be destroyed by the end of this episode. (If this were a big kid's show, yes. Here, no. That car is safe. Even Mr. Bull doesn't mess with the car because he don't mess with Mummy Pig after what happened in Funfair.) The family walks up the hill to the vet complete with yellow crosses against a green background. There is a tree in the background for no reason as the family heads inside as the Cat family is present as well. (Just Daddy Cat and Candy Cat, along with Mummy Dog and Danny Dog. Each family has a cage containing a pet.) Cut to Doctor Hamster tending to Tiddles and then putting him in a narrow basket. Like that is going to stop him from walking away and up a tree again. Doctor Hamster looks at the goldfish, proclaims that she's fine and just needs to continue drinking water. Geez; Doctor Hamster really is a quack veteranarian. (Goldie drinks like a fish because she is a fish. Just make sure the bowl has water and she's fine. Maybe more visits to Ginger the Red goldfish would suit her better, too. Also, it doesn't help my confidence any when there is a chart with a shadow of a literal jackass on it.) Basically; there is a knock on the door. Doctor Hamster and the Pig family come out to see Mr. Bull and his giant digger. Uh-oh! I do not like where this is going! And I was right because he's going to knock down the vet! Okay; whomever drew up these blueprints needs to lose his job right now! (DADDY PIG~?! Oh, come on now! Suzy Sheep cannot make plans to save her life.)

Peppa rightfully protests this outrage as Doctor Hamster explains what the vet does and Mr. Bull is at least pondering over this. Then Peppa and company start revealing compromising options for the new road and Mr. Bull no sells because around wouldn't make the road straight and people don't want to waste time driving around things. Geez; is everyone in this show afraid to prepare ahead of time for traffic?! Going over it would be silly and having a house under a bridge would be somewhat dangerous. Peppa suggest underneath it and build a tunnel; and Mr. Bull thinks it's too hard. Oh; and Doctor Hamster gets a knock on the back door and she goes to answer it. She opens the door and it's a Mr. Bull lookalike; only with facial hair, cheese colored shirt and hard hat, and grey pant. Yes; he's Mr. Bull's brother. (Also, no one would have known this if the narrator didn't inform us. This would I believe is the only appearance for Mr. Bull's brother until I think Mr. Bull marries Mrs. Cow in Series Eight.) That is distressing and even more so, he wants to knock down the vet. In comes Mr. Rabbit who demands answers to this slacking off of the bulls. Mr. Bull and Mr. Bull #2 point out the obvious as Mr. Rabbit asks "Are you saying your machines cannot dig a tunnel?" and this offends both bulls so much that they decide to build the tunnel as requested, because their diggers are the most powerful machines in the world. Ouchie! The bulls get into their diggers on opposite sides and then start digging a cave on both sides. They meet in the middle, stop, come out and shake hands with glee. Everyone's happy as the road is completed and the Bulls come out and go up to the vet. (Cameos: Doctor Brown Bear, Mr. Rhino, Mummy Pony, Doctor Elephant, Edmond Elephant, Emily Elephant, Pedro F'N Pony, Mr. Zebra, Mr. Badger, Mr. Kangaroo, and Not Daddy Cat with Mummy Cat and Candy Cat, who was in the vet's office! SUZY SHEEP~?! Even more amusing, Not Daddy Cat has to duck when he goes through the tunnel, because the tunnel is too short for him. ) The vet is saved; but the cars have come and it's slow as molasses, because more cars were using the road than expected. Mr. Bull has a plan and if you cannot guess what the Bull brothers do next, you have no business reading this rant. Yup; it's time to DIG UP THE ROAD~! AGAIN~! Because there is no concept of budget on this show. The bulls get their out of nowhere jackhammers and run down the hill. They barricade both sides of the tunnel and jackhammer the point home. There is bouncing, there is giggling, there are backsplash laughs and the narrator proclaims that everyone loves it when Mr. Bull digs up the road to end the episode at 4:30. Mr. Bull is out of control and I cannot tell who is enabling who in this story. Fun episode otherwise. *** 3/4 (75%).

Caves: Here is episode #257 on the animation paper as the episode opens at a mountain side attraction with a cave entrance and parking lot. Yes; Doctor Brown Bear, Belinda Bear and Mummy Brown Bear are here with a wolf bus driver driving a blue bus. How about THAT for a cameo?! (Mummy Pony and Pedro F'N Pony enter the cave one second into the episode already! At least Miss Rabbit. I'm pretty sure the tourist is not Doctor Brown Bear, but Daddy Bear.) Also appearing is Candy Cat, Mummy Cat, Daddy Cat and Molly Mole and her family! (Doctor Elephant, Edmond Elephant and I think Emily Elephant are in the car in the parking lot.) They are first, while the piggies are literally in the middle of a cat and mole sandwich. HAHA! Zoom in as we see a green sign pointing to the entrance of the cave and a lot of hard hats. I do recall doing a cave sight seeing tour in America in the early 1990's in fact. Although I don't remember where. My childhood memories outside of TaleSpin are basically shot to swiss cheese at this point. Molly Mole and Peppa Pig meet and greet; then exchange notes as there is apparently a ride of doom in this cave. Daddy Pig is clearly not liking this; but Molly likes this ride she doesn't know. Geez; you would think the tour guide paper would have something on this ride of doom, but no paper can be found. Out of the cave comes Mr. Rabbit with his mining hat on. If you cannot guess who runs the gift shop; then you don't understand rigid gender roles. On the other hand; if you hate rigid gender roles and do not guess, then you are way too optimistic at this point. Mr. Rabbit is the Mole family's tour guide. They must wear the hard hats as Molly asks if the caves will be dangerous and Mr. Rabbit casually says not at all. Normally; this would be a relief for Daddy Pig; but I call shannigans on this one, too. Daddy Pig is relieved; but the relief is short-lived, because out comes Grampy Rabbit with a SNAWK stocking hat that doubles as a safety hard hat screaming at the top of his lungs. (Grampy Rabbit calls this a mad adventure. That's a problem right there. Grampy Rabbit actually asks if there are issues while Mr. Rabbit doesn't do that with the Mole family. Huh. This Grampy Rabbit seems to know more about Daddy Pig than Mr. Rabbit does, especially since Mr. Rabbit works with Daddy Pig at work. Methinks this whole Caves thing is sus.) Like I said, I call shannigans on this one, too. (Yup, Grampy Rabbit is back. Why did you give this episode ** 3/4, former self?!) Even more so: Daddy and Mummy Pig remind Grampy Pig that Mummy Pig isn't so keen in tiny spaces, Daddy Pig is afraid of heights and the kids love exciting places. (In other words, Mummy Pig phobia is tight spaces or cliethrophobia.)

That's enough for Grampy Rabbit to proclaim that this is ridiculously exciting. The parents are not thrilled about this as we head into the cave and go down the steps. Mummy Pig is relieved until Grampy claims that they are hundreds of metres deep and imagine the rocks and rock on top of her head. Mummy Pig is not thrilled about this. (Her selling of this is like "whatever" which kind of kills the phobia gimmick right there.) However; she is at least not showing obvious signs of fear, so it's just disliking the scene. They enter the entrance and the little ones are showing more honesty in their being childish (and they are children, so...) compared to full grown adults who tie themselves in knots in justifying their "Oooooo, shiny!" kink to the expense of gameplay and accessibility. (Like having no industry standard for subtitles for instance because it interferes with the kink for instance; never mind that the adult in question could have the option to turn it off and is too lazy and acting like being a customer equals being a petty tryant.). Yes; this is a real thing. Otherwise, frame rate and resolution would only be said unironically by software game developer experts and maybe even Digital Foundary themselves. Idiots! There is a river with a wooden row boat. I wish Mr. Wolf was the tour guide now because I was laughing my ass off in a previous episode where Daddy Pig is rowing the boat while Mr. Wolf was talking to Daddy Pig and he was blushing the entire time. (Still am. That was animated GIF meme worthy.) Everyone gets in and Grampy Rabbit is rowing the boat gently down the stream as Mummy Pig is fine with this, until it's TIGHT SQUEEZE BREATHE IN TIME~! So much for this being fine. (To be fair, I would not like this for fear of being stuck. Which to be fair, Mummy Pig was stuck in Soft Play.) Even though they fit inside the boat. (Considering Daddy Pig; this is a huge "feet" for him. Credit Grampy Rabbit, he helped Mummy Pig through it by telling everyone to dock and breathe. He tried to make Mummy Pig feel as comfrontable as possible. That's a real kind move on Grampy Rabbit's part.) The boat still pops through the eastern cave entrance anyway. Mummy Pig did not enjoy this as everyone gets off at the eastern shore line.

Grampy assures her that there will be no more cave shennigans. Because we have to somehow scare Daddy Pig out of this wits and cross the chasm of doom. Ah, this must be the ride of doom Molly Mole was talking about. (It's tough to take the fear of heights gimmick seriously when it seems to be extremely selective. Daddy Pig fears heights here, but not in an aeroplane flying high in the sky. George's fear seems to be gone now completely, although who knows if it gets brought back. That's why I want them to stop doing phobia angles. The writers cannot keep them straight, continuity wise.) Grampy Rabbit demonstrates the depth of this chasm by dropping a rock and it takes only four seconds to splash into the water. That's not so deep. If it lasted ten seconds, it might be very deep. They finally mention the ride of doom again as Peppa claims that Molly said that it's the best part. Well; she is a mole who loves digging and caves, so...We get a zip line device popping down out of nowhere complete with purple harnesses. Here's a logic break: There are four harness wires and Grampy Rabbit pushes one down the line and out of sight. Close up shot reveals four harness wires once again. What?! (SUZY SHEEP~?!) Oh, goodie indeed! Oh; and it's completely safe, too! But not scare proof, which would be what Daddy Pig would want from the start! Mummy Pig, George and Peppa are strapped to the harness and they ride down the hill. I'm not exactly thrilled about this spot considering that Owen Hart died this way; but that's my fanboyism in action since I'm still not sure if it was a defective zip line, Owen releasing it too soon, or both. (Ah, that's why former self gave it ** 3/4, then. I can understand why given what happened. At least the zip line here are not defective. I realize that this is a cartoon and all, but past memories do it no favors.) Naturally; Daddy Pig is having second thoughts about this; but Grampy Rabbit pushes him down the zip line, even though Daddy Pig put on the harness himself without prompting. (Okay, that part I hated as well. Especially since Grampy Rabbit was doing a great job of getting Mummy Pig through the squeeze play spots earlier in the episode. The logic here is inconsistent and not in a good way.) I'm guessing that there was no way to get back to the surface. This cave needs better accessibility. (Or just walk Daddy Pig through like Grampy Rabbit did Mummy Pig earlier.)

Daddy Pig is terrified, while the kids and Mummy Pig are weeing themselves like they are having the time of their lives. Grampy Rabbit most so, but he's Grampy Rabbit. This is so expected of him. I would call him a toxic macho man, but he is so dense that he cannot be masucline nor understand what toxic means and I'm perfectly fine with that. Everyone makes to the other side unharmed, although Daddy is still not liking this and Peppa just has to troll Daddy Pig on liking this. (I don't think she was trolling here. I think she geniunely was excited and just asked Daddy about the ride without noticing how scare he actually was. Still...) She wonders why she is hated so much on the internet?! (This is the kind of stuff that makes the "Please & Thank You" episode look like the writer's protest show. Thank goodness that episode was funny, unlike most of the protest episodes from Teen Titans Go.) Thank goodness that I have had experience in refining my style and work in reviewing these things and learning how to be a better reviewer because there are far too many asshole reviewers who think they are better than me despite having zero experience doing it. (Also, the experience ones never change because they need the money and rage baiting is all they have.) Despite Daddy Pig's false answer, he still claps with the family when Grampy Rabbit declares the tour is over. (The subtle banjo music playing the sad theme in the background was classy, I'll admit.) Grampy asks if they have any question and Daddy Pig asks the obvious one: How do we get out? Grampy calls it a good question anyway as a bell sounds and it's the old elevator to the gift shop time. The gift shop looks cool; but of course one guess who is attending the gift shop?! Why, it's Miss Rabbit of course. Yes; they did pretty much the same finish they did in A Trip To The Moon episode; even down to showing pictures from the photo copier. Although; this time Daddy Pig is shown terrifed of the Ride of Doom and given pictures just to remind him. I told you Peppa's trolling was catching! Daddy Pig is not thrilled at first; but then everyone does the backsplash laugh -- and Miss Rabbit looks like she landed on her head -- to end the episode at 4:30. Grampy Rabbit is great as usual. (However, this is the worst episode involving him so far, and for once, Grampy Rabbit was at fault for it!) Peppa was fine, but that ending was lamer than lame. On second though; go back to body shaming Daddy Pig; shaming him on his problems with heights is much worse. (Well former self, they won't stop doing this height and tight spaces shaming, despite being more dangerous. The Water Park in Series Seven is a screamer of awful on this show as they combined height with sight in terms of phobias. The episode was fun, so I'll split the difference and go *** 1/4 (65%).)

Grandpa Pig's Toy Plane: This is episode #258 on the animation paper as the episode opens on the white house on the hill and then we zoom in to a top floor window into what appears to be the room the kids sleep in when visiting, and it's a really organized...umm...mess. (Formerly Mummy Pig's bedroom when she was about Peppa's age, I should note.) Grandpa Pig, George, Peppa and Granny Pig are here as Granny Pig has a banana yellow-ish box in her hands. She opens up the box to reveal Dolly; a barefoot doll wearing a sailor outfit and a straw hat. (Ah, I was wondering when this doll would show up?!) Peppa wants to hold her and Granny is fine with it; but be careful because she's fragile. This is like inviting trouble here as Peppa grabs the doll gently and Grandpa Pig has had enough of this nonsense. (Well, Grandpa Pig does remember Peppa's "fine treatment" of Teddy in this show. Dolly doesn't need to be pampered if a woman bear like Teddy can get away with harsh treatment from this troll.) In a shocking surprise, Peppa agrees with him, much to the disappointment of Granny Pig. (Granny Pig thinks Grandpa Pig thinks Dolly is bad and whatever is in the shed is good. The grandparents are having problems and becoming extremely sus. More to come in Stamps.) Which lasts a good three seconds before everyone goes out the western door and down the hill towards Grandpa Pig's shed. Grandpa Pig goes into the shed as Granny Pig claims that Grandpa Pig does all of these inventions to keep him happy. (I suppose, so says Granny. She thinks Grandpa Pig is being sus.) Grandpa Pig comes out with a small model toy plane that he made himself called the Mark 1. It uses rubber bands which twists when you turn the props; as demonstrated by Grandpa. It flies...for three seconds and then nosedives into the ground. HAHA! Grandpa Pig calls the landing tricky. You don't say?! (Ask Kit Cloudkicker about it. Flight School Confidential, I'm just saying.) Grandpa takes Mark 1 and puts it back in the shed, because there's a much bigger one. Grandpa Pig comes out with a bigger toy plane called the Mark 2; which looks like a normal model airplane with striped blue/white wings. Mark 2 is set down on the ground and Grandpa brings out the out of nowhere remote control. He flies the plane; it goes near the second tree and then nosedives into the ground. HAHA! That was a little less tricky, methinks. Granny Pig is happy to see him get all the stupidity out of his system and there is no more model airplanes to show George with. (If only she actually knew...) Grandpa Pig then acts like he would like a glass of orange juice. Right away, I knew Grandpa Pig was up to something. (Yeah, Grandpa Pig really is being sus, if you know what I mean. Also of note, he doesn't say "beaker" here.) Granny asks if the kids would like some and both agree to it. Granny walks back into the house to get the orange juice.

As I expected, Grandpa Pig goes back into the shed and there is a giant model airplane called the Mark 3. The cockpit looks big enough to carry Dolly. If you cannot guess where this is all going; you have no business reading this rant. (Grandpa Pig built a model aeroplane behind Granny Pig's back! At least he didn't buy it, like later on in Stamps.) George fits into the cockpit anyway; but Grandpa Pig removes him because it's a bit too dangerous. George does not cry on cue. As I expected, Dolly is the one going in the airplane and Peppa is protesting this. I just love that Dolly is facing the hard camera when in the cockpit. Grandpa Pig assures Peppa that Dolly will be fine. Yeah, I'll bet! (Personally, she's safer in Grandpa Pig's hands than in Peppa's hands; considering how Peppa treats Teddy on this show.) Grandpa Pig has his remote control on and we fly the mode airplane high into the air and lots of flying spots ensue. Of course; one of them involves the loop-de-loop for only fifteen pounds; and we tease Dolly freefalling and splatting on the ground to make Peppa panic and do the 0.3 Rock Lobster Yeti frown. However, Grandpa Pig recovers and the doll plops into the cockpit unharmed, still facing the hard camera. (That's why planes have seatbelts. Also hilarious, considering this world can make you go upside down and not fall off.) I'm waiting with baited breath for this plane to nosedive and crash into the ground. Grandpa Pig flies the plane into the open door at the white house on the hill. They do the "It Came From Beneath The SeaDuck" spot where Granny Pig is looking for orange juice, and the plane goes by here and as she closes the fridge, the airplane is gone and she's all confused. The airplane flies out of the second open door...somehow...and then flies around the house and back towards Grandpa Pig. (SUZY SHEEP~?! I do give Grandpa Pig credit for going around the house instead of going back in, just because I don't think he can pull off the spot a second straight time.) Grandpa Pig claims that he knows what he is doing; which is a bad sign because he now has to land this damn thing, and somehow despite bouncing four times, the plane lands perfectly without nose diving. Sadly; Dolly flies out of the cockpit, goes head over feet towards Peppa and Peppa catches it and everyone cheers on cue. (Sadly?! That was great because it makes sure their cover is not blown. However, it doesn't matter because...) In comes Granny Pig with the tray of orange juice and now; Grandpa Pig is so BUSTED~! Grandpa Pig blushes in embarrassment afterwards. I betcha Peppa tells Granny Pig everything, just to be a troll. I check the video...Damn; I'm so good. Peppa apparently hates secrets more than even I do! Granny Pig is confused as Peppa loves this and everyone does the backsplash laugh to end the episode at 4:30. (Grandpa Pig cuts Peppa off before any further damage can be done to his well being. Grandpa Pig is very sus.) Granny Pig gets bonus marks for managing to do the backsplash laugh without spilling a single drop of orange juice. I love this episode actually. **** 1/4 (85%).

George's New Clothes: Next up for Peppa Pig is episode #259 on the animation paper as the episode opens in the apple tree garden in spring. (Also, they play the non-lyrical version of the "Muddy Puddles" song!) Peppa and George with boots on, are splishing and splashing in muddy puddles lined on the ground. Lots of jumping in muddy puddles ensue as George gets all muddy for real after almost thirty seconds of jumping and somehow staying clean. I guess the magic shield around George is wearing off. (SUZY SHEEP~?!) Mummy and Daddy Pig call George and Peppa to come back to the house and the two obey without question. Daddy and Mummy notice George is all muddy. That means a bath for George and a wash of his clothes to boot. George looks down and realizes it. HAHA! After all of these episodes of these little piggies doing this iconic spot, George still doesn't notice until he looks down. (George is our GEEK OF THE WEEK~!) Jump cut to the bathroom as George is splishing and splashing in a bathtub filled with water, his nose is still muddy though. (Also, the water on his lower body is opaque for obvious reasons.) Mummy Pig uses the sponge to wipe the mud off of George's nose. Jump cut to the washing machine -- in the kitchen no less, since it's typically in the basement-- as Daddy Pig opens the machine after the clothes are washed. George's clothes now have holes in them, just like that. Hmmm; maybe the washing machine needs fixing in addition to getting new clothes. One of the holes fits George's belly button, one of them shows off George's bare ass, which Peppa gleefully points out. (Peppa says bottom here. In Peppa Pig Tales, she said bum. Bottom is better than bum because bum is often slang for homeless people. Yeah, not a good idea.) Although you can see their tails regardless of if the clothes have holes in them. George is giggling at this as Mummy Pig decides that it's past time to get new clothes for George Pig. Okay. We head to the clothing department store in town. (Another appearance of Mummy Mouse and Mandy Mouse! Mummy Pony and Mummy Bear also appear in the crowd shot.) Guess who is running the clothes shop?! Why; it's Miss Rabbit of course. (Reading Ezza magazine, of course!) This angle just never ends! (Miss Rabbit Job #447!) We exchange notes for a while and George is so lucky because he's in a clothes shop. Of course! Miss Rabbit brings out the tape measure and George teases putting his arms up and then steps back. Peppa claims that George stepped back because he thought Miss Rabbit was going to tickle him. Miss Rabbit promises not to tickle him and keeps the tape measure away from the body, assuring that no tickling will be in evidence. (Yeah, I'll bet! There was no tickling by Miss Rabbit and George is a big, strong boy. Strong I might buy, but not big. Yet.) Peppa -- the troll that she is -- tickles George anyway. (Molly did the same thing to Kit in Plunder and Lightning Part 2, although Kit deserved that one because he slingshoted Molly onto Baloo's belly and Baloo tickled Molly from behind like a sneaky heel would.) I do not buy the narrator's claim that George loves to be tickled. Although George showed no signs of hating Peppa when he was tickled, so I guess there was consent. (This would be the second time someone is tickled on this show, with Doctor Elephant in Soft Play being the very first. Baby Bumps in Peppa Pig Tales would be the first time someone tickled someone else's feet I should note.)

We head to in front of the changing booth. (In North America, changing room; although changing booth is more accurate in this case.) We try out some new clothes. Here's what happens: Miss Rabbit shows off new clothes, George tries them on, they look reasonable, George no sells, rinse, lather, repeat. Clothing #1: A white sweater. This one is understandable because the neck of the sweater is covering his mouth. (Which can affect your short distance visibility when you look down. One of the few side effects of wearing a mouth mask combined with a giant gut.) In Britan; a sweater is called a jumper. (By the way, Mummy Pig doesn't like it because it's white. Bigot.) Clothing #2: a helicopter hat and candy cane overalls making George look like a clown. If that was on Peppa; that would be buys! On George: NO BUYS~! George doesn't like it anyway. (By the way, the curtain is made of blue with stars like the American flag, just another giant middle finger.) Clothing #3: a tuxedo. Yes, a tuxedo. Peppa claims George looks like a penguin and George does giggle in amusement. Still doesn't like the clothes anyway. (This is I think the same uniform George wore in Series One when Peppa and George played dress up like Mummy and Daddy Pig.) Finally; they pick the blue shirt that he has worn all the time, except it's brand new in the store and everyone likes it, including George. At least this shirt is new from the store and not like the idiot plot with Peppa in the episode The Doll Hospital. (Peppa should have asked Miss Rabbit to wash Teddy at least.) We jump cut to the house on the hill as the car drives up and parks on the hill. The kids jump out as Peppa meets and greets Daddy Pig, who comes out via the front door. I should note that before they tried on the new clothes: George's bare ass was exposed in town for all to see the entire time. (No one cared. NO ONE CARED~! Except for the moral guardians who have axes to grind and hate this show. It's why love and hate are the opposite sides of the same coin, rather than two different coins.) We exchange notes on the situation because Daddy Pig thought that magic was the reason for the new clothes and it was the old clothes being repaired. (Hey, that is a reasonable thing to say, considering that the clothes can be mended. Although that probably costs more in labour than a new shirt, so there you go.) Peppa wants to play in the garden and everyone follows; as everyone gets their boots on off-screen. (It's suppose to be a jump cut, so no logic break there.) They go to the garden and it's time for Peppa's favorite past time: Jumping up and down in muddy puddles. DING! Hey; if you are going to kill time, this is the best way to do it in this show. Peppa also sings the song from The Golden Boots on free television for the second time in this series. They blow each other off for muddying up their clothes, they have a great time. Mummy Pig claims that it'll all come out in the wash, so let's get muddier. More muddy puddle jumping as they are caked with mud and then they all do the backsplash laugh to end the episode at 4:30. (This also includes the hard camera getting muddy!) Outside of the tickling spot; this was your average Peppa Pig love in. *** (60%).

Madame Gazelle's House: Next up is episode #260 on the animation paper as the episode opens with the tallest purple house on the hill next to one of the tallest trees I have ever seen. (This is the first time since The Noisy Night that we have seen Gigi's house in any form, and the first time we are going inside said house.) Tiddles would be giddy if he saw this. (Why not?! Let's make Doctor Hamster look even more like a quack vet.) Anyhow; this is Madame Gazelle's house and it appears that the tree is trying it's damnest to knock the house down. Suzy might be a big enough sadist to want to chop this tree down, too. (At least in this case, chopping the tree down would not be the worst idea of all time. That house is doomed otherwise.) The Pig family walks up and Peppa rings the door bell. The door opens and out comes Gigi Gazelle as she invites them into the house. The Pig family suddenly trip, land on their asses and start sliding down the floor boards; because the entire house is tilted at an angle. They land into the living room and it's at another angle; forcing them to walk uphill. Peppa and George are amused by this. Daddy Pig probably is not and did I mention that the walls are cracking right now in full view?! This house is a death trap; says I! Gigi don't care it seems. (She claims that this house is old. I have seen and lived in old houses that were far more robust than this one. I should note that the target picture is back. On the cuckoo clock it is 4 PM. There is also a picture of a male gazelle with a mustache in a top hat and suit. Although it could easily be Gigi in disguise.) We exchange notes for a while as the walls continue to crack and some objects are falling on the floor, probably shattered into many pieces. More talking and Daddy Pig walks out and hugs the giant tree for my amusement. Thank goodness it is not a barb wired Christmas tree; that would have been bad. Gigi then relates a story to how this tree became so big and notice that they don't show any decorations on the giant tree because I'm going to go back to it later on. We HIT THE FLASHBACK at night in the living room with Gigi celebrating Christmas alone with the tree being smaller than most plants in a pot on a wooden stool (NOT THAT ONE!). The little tree is decorated as Gigi is eating a cupcake in her chair. It is also heavily implied that her father or beloved has past away since the portait in the background of a male gazelle is also in evidence. (Or Gigi is an evil vampire in disguise.) There are three presents on the floor and the fireplace is decorated with two stockings and three Christmas cards. The guise of this scene is that Gigi didn't want to throw out the tree and it was in soil. So, she went outside to the back on a snowy day and planted the tree in the snow. How it didn't die during the winter;, let alone grow as tall as her house, shows the power of this tree. (Peppa keeps calling this a wonkie-donkie house I should note.)

Daddy Pig is in awe as the house is now like the leaning tower of Pisa. (I think this is one of the few episodes I ranted on that was not in English at first.) Only it's Gigi's house and so Daddy Pig gets out his cell phone and calls for probably the worst man for this job. Take one guess who he is...Yup; it's Mr. Bull. Mr. Bull is on his way and arrives at Gigi's house. The house tilts some more to the right as we exchange notes for a while and Mr. Bull brings out an axe and proclaims that he is going to chop the tree down! And if you listen closely; Suzy Sheep is laughing all the way to the bank on that one. (Unjammer Lenny, what have you wrought here?!) Gigi doesn't like it and Peppa want this execution of this tree to be stopped because there is too much wildlife in the tree. Sounds reasonable to me; as Mr. Bull decides to climb the tree. Didn't Mr. Bull get height fright trying to rescue Tiddles?! (Nope. He never rescued Tiddles in Naughty Tortoise. It was Granddad Dog who got height fright and even then he stopped selling.) Mr. Bull finds some purple and pink birds in the nest and then the rest of the babyfaces walk in and go to the first floor, noticing the birds in said nest. Next floor and climb: A beehive and no one gets stung much to my disappointment since Mr. Bull deserves it. Next floor and climb is a brown owl in broad daylight. That's awkward. Next floor is two bats who are sleeping in broad daylight as we are near the top look out of Gigi's house. They heavily imply that Gigi is supposed to be a vampire in storyline. Already mentioned the joke during the Halloween special episode, no need for me to repeat it here. Mr. Bull climbs further to the top and finds the Christmas decorations and the angel topper. Mr. Bull gives the angel topper to Gigi and Gigi loves it with all her heart. Notice all the bats, birds, bees, owls and decorations that have come out of nowhere. Yeah; what a stupid logic break; just to give suspense to something that didn't need it. (SUZY SHEEP~?!) Mr. Bull decides that he will not chop the tree down; and just knock the house down instead! Ooooooooo....Mr. Bull is a troll! Everyone in this show is a troll! (Not really. Mr. Bull basically points out that the tree will knock over the house in a few years. Still not good for Gigi, but not as bad as what was said.) Here is the solution to this problem: Uproot the house and place it on the tree branches. Wait, WHAT?! This makes no sense at all. (Guess who came up with this idea?! DADDY PIG~!! Daddy Pig is the troll of this episode.) You couldn't move the house ten feet away from the tree?! This was really stupid. Gigi puts the angel topper back onto the top of the tree as everyone laughs to end the episode at 4:30. What a dumb ending to an otherwise really fun debut for Madame Gazelle's house. That tree and house is going to destroy each other, I just know it. *** (60%).

Long Train Journey: This is episode #261 on the animation paper as the episode opens at the house on the hill. We zoom in as the family is at the kitchen table eating breakfast as Daddy Pig has a letter. Now; I would like to mention that I am using a non-English version of the episode to review and I don't blame the translator for anything in these next episode rants. It's not their fault that Peppa Pig talks a lot and has few non-verbal cues which would help me figure out what is going on. (Thankfully, the English version is available now and if there is anything of note, I'll post it as additional commentary.) This is all on the creators part. That being said; I do remember this episode and the guise of this is: Daddy Pig gets a letter and he opens it. His mission -- should he choose to accept it -- is to travel to a far away land on a train to help a country test a block of concrete. Yeah; he damn well accepts that one. Peppa and George are pleading to come along, Daddy Pig at first no sells this, but the Peppa Pig sweet talk routine wins over all. I know a train is involved because George chants choo-choo during this sequence. I think Daddy Pig goes into his complex science speaking routine and Peppa calls it magic; but Daddy Pig defers to Mummy Pig. (Peppa actually says that she needs to learn that science stuff, too. After all the time she thought it was magic, now she believes in science just to bum a ride on a train. SUZY SHEEP~?!) Mummy Pig I think doesn't have a problem coming along with Daddy Pig and the kids. Which I can accept since someone has to make sure Daddy Pig's fetish doesn't get him in anymore deep crap than it already has. (We already know the motive, the teeth smiles when they say "please" is obvious!) Either way; Daddy Pig relents and agrees to the terms. Jump cut to the train station as Daddy Pig is in his work suit while the rest are in regular clothes. Here comes the train being driven by a Miss Rabbit in the faraway country's uniform. I think there is one Miss Rabbit per country in this storyline; doesn't make the burnout any less horrid. (That would officially be debunked in Series Seven when Peppa Pig goes to America.) The Pig family gets in and sits down in the coach section as the train drives away stage right.

Peppa I do believe is bored literally seconds into this train ride. (Literally, the train has left. Peppa Pig is a troll.) Peppa is so bored that her singing the train song sounds so boring. It also doesn't help that the piano music isn't in evidence, so even the piano player is bored of this episode. (There was literally no music in this scene. Also, all the passengers and conductor are original anthros.) The family talks for a while, Peppa is still bored. The guise of this is Daddy Pig is going to show off the coach section as he pushes the out of nowhere red button.This causes the coach action to transform into four bunk beds. (I should note that this wouldn't happen in real life. SUZY SHEEP~?!) This impresses Peppa far more than the entire trip so far as Mummy Pig pushes a side wall red button out of nowhere and this reveals the bathroom, which is basically three buttons, a mirror and a sink. (Peppa calls this a basin, which is interchangable with sink even in North America.) The far left button brings out the toilet as Daddy Pig steps in and pushes the far right button like a foolish ham; and he gets a shower for his troubles. Why don't they label those buttons?! See; it's not Daddy Pig's fault that no one in this world labels the buttons at all. Daddy Pig is all wet as the kids giggle at his expense. A train guard --in the same uniform as Miss Rabbit #3 -- comes over and asks Daddy Pig for his passport and Daddy Pig shows it off. (I have no idea who he is.) The train guard is in awe of Daddy Pig for some reason, implying that Daddy Pig has been in this country before and is famous! I guess Peppa Pig the series is very popular in this country. There are much worse things to be proud of than this show. (Yup. Like loving Chargeman Ken and the Holy Bible unironically, for starters.) The guard bails, Daddy Pig sighs and we jump cut to the train crossing the bridge AFTER HAPPY HOUR (after dark) and then we head into the coach cabin as everyone is in their night gear and are sleeping in bunk beds. (Mummy Pig also creeps me out by calling them "my little piggies".) Everyone sleeps except for the train driver (Miss Rabbit) as she sings Peppa's song and sounds much better than Peppa. Morning arrives and there is snow everywhere; except on the train tracks. We head to the dining area of the train as the Pig family arrives.

Miss Rabbit arrives with the breakfast tray filled with cereal, toast, crossiants and yoguart. (You missed a funny moment here: Miss Rabbit arrives with the food and Daddy Pig is concerned because no one is driving the train. Miss Rabbit rightfully points out that the train is on rails and therefore cannot get lost. Even when Daddy Pig is the VIP of this country, he is still the GEEK OF THE WEEK~!) We get a spot involving Daddy Pig choosing tea or orange juice and then the bear guard from earlier is doing the same spot. (Miss Rabbit proclaims that they can have only juice of coffee (not tea as former self claims); but the guard says that he's the VIP, so Daddy Pig can have both.) Because you see, Daddy Pig is more popular than the King Goat of the entire country who is sitting in the back wanting breakfast and the guard tells him to take a hike basically. Yip; that was the payoff to this whole ordeal involving the passport. (By the way, we have our second anthromorphic adult character with an actual name. He is not King Goat, it's actually King Alphonso. It's also not an Italian accent, it's heavily implied that he is the king of Spain since Alphonso is a Spanish name!) We head to the train station in another country as the family gets out and there is a marching band playing in the background. We meet I believe is the president of the country; who looks like Mr. Wolf in the same gear as Miss Rabbit; only in different colors. (I'm going to take a wild guess that the country they are in is either Sweden, Finland, or Norway. They never mention the country in storyline, so they are implying that it's the old country.) We exchange notes for a while. It's not as funny as Daddy Pig rowing the boat while blushing with Mr. Wolf in the boat claiming that he's really hungry. In comes a version of Mr. Rhino who might be Mr. Rhino's brother for all I know, wheeling in the dreaded block of concrete for Daddy Pig to test. Daddy Pig inspects the concrete. Daddy Pig taps the concrete with a glass thermometer. Daddy Pig ponders over the block and approves it. At least thirty people pop for Daddy Pig. That's it. This literally took fifteen seconds and his job is done. I realize this show is five minutes long; but COME ON~! Everyone talks some more as Peppa wonders how they are getting back home and the answer is the train of course. Jump cut to the Pig family in the train heading west with Miss Rabbit as everyone laughs to end the episode at 4:30. (Peppa then sing the train song, only better and with music this time!) This was a fun episode; but the finish was so lame. *** 1/4 (65%).

Suzy Goes Away: This is episode #262 on the animation paper as the episode opens at the house on the hill as Mummy Sheep's car arrives from the west and still parks on the steepest side of the hill. Some things never change, even in 2018. Out comes Suzy Sheep as she rings the door bell. The door opens and out comes Peppa and Mummy Pig for the meet and greet with Suzy Sheep and Mummy Sheep. I have now determined that Suzy and Peppa's raspberrying, hello and hug are in fact their secret handshake of doom. (Really?! They have been doing this since Series One, Episode Three!) They go upstairs and into Peppa's bedroom and start cosplaying a princess and a nurse. Say....Ah! Because you see, Suzy has a secret to whisper yell. The secret is that Suzy is going away because Mummy Sheep has a new job. Oh, damn; I knew that castle project Madam Gazelle gave in a previous episode would be the beginning of the end of this relationship. Suzy is also moving into a new house as the kids go downstairs to see Mummy Pig and Mummy Sheep at the table. Peppa is so happy to hear about this new job as Mummy Sheep proclaims that it's far more interesting and it involves learning a new language. Can you tell the disappointment coming from a mile away?! Peppa Pig cannot wait for this and she might as well keep waiting because Mummy Pig confirms that Mummy Sheep is going to the other side of the world. I suspect she's moving to Japan or some area where they don't speak English. Worse; Suzy is moving to a new playgroup; even though they keep saying school here. (I admit, that was weird since there are playgroups in other countries, it's not just a British thingie. It's sometimes called day care.) Mummy Pig is certain that they will see each other again, and Mummy Sheep cuts that off and wants to leave. Suzy comes out with Mummy Sheep asking about playing with Peppa some more. That is an indication that they will never see each other again, and Suzy is trying to milk every last ounce of their relationship before it dies. (I don't blame her. As much as these two are trolls, they are memorable and hilarious trolls.) Mummy Sheep does allow her to play with Suzy tomorrow, but there is packing to be done right now. Suzy and Mummy Sheep get into the car and the car drives down the hills.

Peppa sulks and is sad because her troll in crime wouldn't be around for much longer. Mummy Pig suggests giving her a going away card, made by Peppa. I am going to miss Suzy Sheep; because nothing says "Chop the tree down!" like her. (Also, her "it's magic" and inability to suspend disbelief never grew old for me.) We head to the kitchen as Peppa draws a really decent picture of her and Suzy with flowers, but no muddy puddles. Damn; I wish Peppa had drawn Suzy and a tree with the words "Chop the tree down!". I assure you she would have love that call back as a troll. (If this was a BS&P decision, then BS&P SUCKZ~!) Peppa is still not happy as Mummy Pig has her cell phone ready. This is pretty much the last call for Peppa as Mummy Pig dials the number for Suzy's house and Suzy answers the phone. Peppa responds and we exchange sad thoughts about this final call together. Suzy still is coming to play one last time and Peppa feels a bit better. Jump cut to morning as the sun rises at the house on the hill as Mummy Sheep's car arrives. Out pops Suzy and Mummy Sheep from the car as the door opens and out comes Peppa and Mummy Pig. Suzy and Peppa race down the hill and head to the area where there is a tree with a tire swing. Both kids sit down and exchange their final notes and rites. Including accusing each other of bossing each other around. They tease turning on each other and then they admit that they are trolls basically. More giggling ensues as we jump cut to Mummy Sheep and Mummy Pig exchanging their final thoughts and rites. Mummy Sheep sounds like she's blowing off this job, which is a telltale sign that Suzy is not going away. (Actually, she's blowing off this area because she secretly hates everyone in this show and cannot admit it. Sadly, she is going to demonstrate that she is exactly like them and there's nothing she can do about it to stop it.) Peppa and Suzy come back and Suzy is about to leave; but Peppa cuts her off and goes into the house. She returns with a crown and the letter of her going away present. Peppa gives Suzy her plastic crown and both are ready to cry like George Pig on speed.

When suddenly Mummy Sheep's cell phone rings. (At this point, this angle has been great! I loved it and looking back at it, I would have let Suzy go away for good and bring in Lottie Llama as the new best friend for Peppa because Lottie's mother schooling of Peppa on German was glorious. However, this is an episodic show and Suzy is the #2 kid next to Peppa and above George, so they have to find a way to book themselve out of a shit corner, and now, they are about to make Mummy Sheep look like the biggest geek ever. At least when Gigi Gazelle was going on holiday, you can blame Peppa Pig for being confused and have sympathy for her because she's four years old and doesn't know any better. Mummy Sheep doesn't have that excuse and this finish killed the awesome moment for me.) She answers the phone and she's not happy to hear the bad news. Mummy Sheep didn't get the job after all. You mean to tell me that Mummy Sheep made Peppa and Suzy tug at each others heart strings by claiming that you got the job?! Suzy would never see Peppa again because of your decision to accept the job. However in reality, (No, not really) you had the inside track of getting said job -- without actually getting the job --. and in the end the boss picked someone else. I don't honestly know which is worse: Mummy Sheep lying that she got the job, or the boss denying her the job?! Screw you, show! Screw you in the face with a raspberry; please! That finish sucked so hard. (Regardless of what happened, Mummy Sheep in a rare moment is our GEEK OF THE WEEK~!) So, the world is right for Peppa and Suzy after all that pointless drama. (Even Mummy Pig was celebrating this, which makes Mummy Pig look sus to me.) Except Peppa is now demanding her crown back and Suzy blows her off because she thought she could keep the crown forever. I don't blame Suzy and really I don't blame Peppa either for Mummy Sheep either lying or being a downright idiot. Neither one makes Mummy Sheep look good at all. Suzy decides -- she's right -- and gives Peppa back the crown; but Peppa tells her to keep the card of course. Peppa and Suzy giggle and hug each other to end the episode at 4:30. This was the best Suzy/Peppa episode until Mummy Sheep completely ruined the moment for everyone. And I do mean everyone. *** 1/2 (70%).

Tiny Land: Here is episode #263 on the animation paper as the episode opens on the boring road with the entire Pig family in the car. Oh; and Suzy Sheep has joined in for fun and trolling. We talk for a while as Daddy Pig shows off a brochure for Tiny Land; where the magic of small never ends. I believe Suzy was mocking the little people like the troll that she is and Peppa is giggling, because she's also a troll. (They were mocking the little people as being scared of giants. What a bunch of assholes?!) Then; the car is forced to stop because Mr. Bull is blocking the road for more digging chaos...AGAIN! No one likes this; except for the deconstruction workers, because they are manchildren. (Complete with Mr. Bull saying that it will take as long as it takes!) Okay; the next spot they did was really stupid: After telling Mr. Bull about Tiny Land; Mr. Bull lets Daddy Pig pass and the car drives away. Then Mr. Bull stops the next cars, only this time it's the police car (driven by Officer Panda with Officer Grey Squirrel being the backseat driver of course), a fire engine (driven by Mummy Pony, with Mummy Dog and Mummy Sheep; who is Suzy's mother. SUZY SHEEP~?!) and an ambulance (driven by Doctor Brown Bear). Mr. Bull won't let any of these three vehicles go even though their sirens are on and thus are in an emergency. (They showed a black car, but there was no one inside of it since it was cut off before we cut away.) I hope this ends Mr. Bull's career on this show for good. Probably not; but I can hope. (And deny us of Mr. Bull being an "idiot of culture"?! Are you high, former self?!) We finally head to Tiny Land; which is basically a park filled with tiny models of various buildings and stuff. Guess who the tour guide is?! Miss Rabbit! (In Job #888!) If you hate the dreaded DESIGNATED LANDMARKS OF THE DAY, then press stop now. Because you see, you are going to see tiny versions of it in one park. Including the Elizabeth Clock Tower featuring a mini version of Big Ben. I should note that the Chinese stuff is actually a tease for the new movie for the Chinese New Year edition of Peppa Pig. We exchange notes for a while; I wish I knew what they were saying. (Daddy Pig proclaims that in real life, the landmarks would not be on the same street and Miss Rabbit says that you learn something knew every day. It almost never happens, but Daddy Pig just made Miss Rabbit the GEEK OF THE WEEK~!) The most interesting area so far is the mini lake featuring Mr. Kangeroo on a sailing boat, Doctor Brown Bear in a motor boat and the Elephant family in a canoe rowing. They are all models by the way; along with the Miss Rabbit on megaphone on the shore. (This does not break logic, so Suzy Sheep is safe, for now.)

The model Miss Rabbit also talks into said megaphone as Peppa is instantly amused by all this. There is also a Pirate Island set with a model Pedro Pony without his glasses on. Of course! One of the boats have models who do the Pirate chant and the kids respond in kind. (One of the models is a shark's fin in the water I should note.) Then a large growling sound occurs and Suzy and Peppa are scared a bit; but George is giddy because there is a mini dinosaur land coming up next. Miss Rabbit shows off the model dinosaurs who come in and they get into a fight! (Which Miss Rabbit claims it's playing. Yeah, I'll bet!) Then they walk away the moment Daddy Pig speaks. Miss Rabbit then notices some train tracks and here comes the train with the model of Miss Rabbit talking. Obvious question: How much input did Miss Rabbit get when this park was designed?! It's almost like she owns the place and made the place. Next question: Where did she find the time?! (Suzy Sheep: It's magic! You should know that by now, given how many times you scream my name in agony!) Daddy Pig might be pondering that question right now, because he is the only one not smiling. The kids follow the train and sing the TEDDY RUXPIN SONG OF DOOM. Yes folks; Mr. Rabbit model is present to stop the kids in their tracks at the train track barrier! Then we zoom out and discover that Miss Rabbit has basically made a model of the entire Peppa Pig universe. And while Suzy's house isn't shown and neither is Grandpa Pig's, Peppa's house and the school house on the hill is shown in the background. (Are you kidding me former self?! Suzy's house, Grandpa Pig's house and a few other houses were shown in the background clear as day, along with the supermarket.) The canal shows Granddad Dog's model, Daddy Dog's model is shown at the canal boat in a nice touch of continuity and adhering to the stipulations. Mr. Zebra's post office van is shown, Miss Rabbit is in a helicopter, the Kangeroo family is shown in a seaplane. It's clear that the road goes around in a circle because Mrs. Cow's truck goes both ways. (And it's a two lane street instead of the usual one lane in storyline.) Then we hear Mr. Bull's model say stop and yes; the entire demonstration even includes an out of nowhere section where Mr. Bull and his deconstruction workers are digging up the road. This has to be magic; even science cannot explain this...yet. (SUZY SHEEP~?!) Mr. Bull is jackhammering the scene and it shakes as everyone laughs to end the episode at 4:30. There wasn't much to this episode; outside of the finish, which was funny and confusing all at the same time. (No, this was a very fun episode that shows how sad Miss Rabbit's gimmick is. Call it *** 1/2 (70%).)

Stamps: Here is episode #264 -- and the last episode in Series Five -- on the animation paper as the episode opens on the white house on the hill. We zoom into the kitchen at the kitchen table with Grandpa Pig with a book with a diamond symbol on it, Peppa and George with nothing and Granny Pig having a cup of tea. Grandpa Pig opens the book and is showing off his stamp collection as most of the designs are basically props from the show. This is still enough for Peppa and George to be in awe over this. Peppa claims that Grandpa Pig has every stamp in the world and Grandpa Pig claims that he has more than a few. Which Granny Pig asks if he doesn't need to buy anymore stamps, implying that Grandpa didn't find the stamps, he was buying new stamps and Granny Pig thinks this is an expensive hobby, or something. (Oh goody! The story of this episode is that Grandpa Pig is buying collectable stamps behind Granny Pig's back and doing a poor job hiding the evidence! This episode is awesome and contains a lot of moments where I was howling with laughter.) Grandpa Pig is virtually slient on the matter, but we head outside as it's clown horn time with Mr. Zebra's post office truck arriving. Mr. Zebra jumps out and puts a post card into the letter slot on the door. Peppa, George and Granny Pig run in and grab the post card. Peppa gives Granny the post card and Granny claims that it was a friend who wrote it, but she didn't reveal her name. (The post card's picture appears to be the Italian city from the Italian holiday in Series Four!) Peppa is not amused by this because she hasn't had a post card. Granny Pig has an idea: She'll write a post card to Peppa and mail it. Cheap, but effective enough, I suppose. We head to the kitchen and apparently -- Granny Pig has a table that has drawers inside the tables to bring out stuff -- like a postcard containing flowers. (I need a table like that, someday.) Granny also has a blue pen and asks what should be written on the card. Peppa says: "Dear Peppa and George, Wish you were here, Lots of love, Peppa & George" That was funny! Basically, Peppa wrote a letter to herself, only it was written by Granny Pig. (The troll just self-owned herself without any self-awareness whatsoever (and neither did Granny Pig have any self-awareness, which makes it even funnier) and I was howling with laughter. This was great!)

Peppa wants to post it now; but Granny says not yet, since you have to write the address. Grandpa Pig asks what the kids' address is and...Okay, this is 100% a coincidence since this episode aired long before I started reviewing this show, but Peppa proclaims that the address of her residence is called and I quote "The Little House On The Hill". I should note this because I have been writing the term "House On The Hill" pretty much since reviewing this show! Also funny. Granny writes the address and Grandpa calls it good. Peppa wants to post it now, but it still missing something; so Peppa gives the post card a kiss. HAHA! Granny Pig points out that it also needs a stamp and Peppa is already eying Grandpa Pig's stamp collection; which Grandpa Pig no sells and closes his book on that one literally. (Grandpa Pig not being a good sharer tells me that this anthromorphic pig is very sus.) Granny, Peppa and George go upstair to find a normal stamp, according to Granny Pig. Oh come on now! There are far worse hobbies than stamp collecting. How about loving concrete for starters?! (Ooooo, sick burn on poor Daddy Pig! He does make an appearance later in this episode...) The doorbell rings and Grandpa Pig walks to the door and answers said door. It's Mr. Zebra outside with a huge box for Grandpa Pig. Now, if you saw the episode with the shipping box involving Daddy Pig, Mr. Zebra and the lightbulb; then they have basically repeated the spot only with the stamp. It's so dumb because at least the world's tinest lightbulb was also somewhat fragile. It is not believable when it comes to a mere stamp. This shipping company is the most wasteful company in all of Peppa Pig. (Time to start changing companies, post office.) The stamp is basically a stamp of the queen, only it looks nothing like the Queen of England on this show. Mr. Zebra is even questioning this and claims that the stamp is expensive. Grandpa Pig tells him to hush up because he doesn't want Granny to know he's buying expensive stamps behind her back. (Mr. Zebra is an accessory in this act of deception by Grandpa Pig. This is so great and it's about to get even better.) I'm shocked and appalled of this behavior. No, not really. (I love this angle of keep away by Grandpa Pig as he thinks he's outsmarted Granny, but in reality; he's just fooling himself, since he is the easiest to fool...)

Jump cut to the computer room as Granny is checking the computer desk drawers for stamps and cannot find any for some reason. Methinks Grandpa Pig is doing more than buying expensive stamps behind Granny's back if you catch my drift here. (By that catching of said drift, former self is accusing Grandpa Pig of stealing stamps?! Heaven forfend there, former self! Only Gigi Gazelle is allowed to get away with crimes, as per Perdo Is Late! Not even the police and Daddy Pig can get out of a parking ticket, which we'll see in Series Six!) Granny decides to go downstairs to find them as we jump cut back to the kitchen table. Grandpa Pig is looking at the stamp -- with the shipping box on the table, mind you -- with a magnifying glass and aweing at it. Here comes Granny, Peppa and George and Grandpa Pig is SO BU--; oh wait. He grabs the shipping box and bails with it to take it to recycling, leaving the stamp on the table. Uh-oh! (Yup, Grandpa Pig is about to be cooked in so many ways, Mr. Potato feels like he's literally in a safe space in his defective clown car at this point.) I'm sorry; Peppa Pig might be a troll, but it's not her fault in this case. (Grandpa Pig is going to be the GEEK OF THE WEEK in more ways than one.) Peppa and company were looking for a stamp to put on the postcard and Grandpa Pig was stupid enough to leave the stamp and try to bail with the shipping box in order to not get exposed for buying the stamp. Personally, I'm more worried that Grandpa Pig might have been stealing stamps from Granny Pig's computer desk. Screw Grandpa Pig's hobby in this case! George gets to lick the stamp and stamp it in the most awkward way possible on the postcard. Granny and the kids walk outside and down the hill and place the letter in the post box which comes out of nowhere. (SUZY SHEEP~?!) Mr. Zebra and his post truck backs up and Mr. Zebra comes out to collect said postcard. (Right on cue, like Mr. Zebra had enough of Grandpa Pig's antics in this episode. Hee Hee! Grandpa Pig is officially cooked now.) Jump cut to the front door as Grandpa Pig is looking for the stamp, because he is a idiot since Peppa Pig is as honest as she is a troll. (If Granny Pig knew about the stamp from the start, Grandpa Pig is a bigger geek in hindsight.) I think you can figure out the answer Peppa gives without me telling you. Mr. Zebra leaves with the postcard and Grandpa Pig panics like crazy, and he's officially BUSTED~! (Grandpa Pig is cooked in more ways than one.)

Grandpa Pig runs down the hill protesting as Mr. Zebra drives away stage right. Granny walks in and asks if it costs a lot and you have never seen anyone blush so hard outside of Rebecca Rabbit about that. Grandpa Pig says it wasn't much and Granny Pig is all right with that. HAHA! I guess she was more worried about him stealing stamps than buying them. (I laughed and laughed and laughed some more. After all that blushing, he basically told the truth and Granny Pig don't care. Awesome!) Granny informs him that it's not lost since it's going to Peppa Pig's house. Grandpa Pig runs --like the wind -- an easterly wind -- into the park -- out of the park -- until he reaches "The Little House On The Hill" and he's still protesting like crazy running up the hill and down said hill. HAHA! I wasn't talking about the residence in that though. Grandpa Pig makes it to the back door and knocks on said door to reveal Daddy Pig. (Yes folks, Grandpa Pig made it to Peppa's residence literally thirty seconds before the mail truck arrived. Mr. Zebra joins Grandpa Pig as the GEEK OF THE WEEK!) Grandpa Pig asks about the postcard and you wouldn't guess what happens here: Mr. Zebra arrives in his truck with the postcard a good twenty seconds later. Yes folks, a senior citizen who is completely out of shape outran a post-office truck. I can get an hour head start on my parent's car walking from the store and they would still make it home first. (This is the funniest finish in Series Five outside of Simple Science, bar none. How fitting that Daddy Pig is not the one who became the GEEK OF THE WEEK here.) The amazing part is: This is still faster than 18th class in "Your Baloo's In The Mail" from TaleSpin. Yeah. Mr. Zebra comes out and Grandpa Pig is relieved, but the card is for Peppa and George as Grandpa's car arrives a good ten seconds later after that. Yes, Grandpa Pig outrun the post-office truck AND his own car. Maybe it's time for them to stop using cars since they are much faster running. (The vehicles join everyone in being GEEKS OF THE WEEK~!) Out come Granny and the kids as Peppa grabs the postcard and gives it to Peppa since it is his stamp after all. Grandpa Pig is happy because it's more important to him now that it was posted by his grandchildren. Everyone but Grandpa Pig does the backsplash laugh to end the episode and Series Five at 4:30. Much better than expected, mostly due to Grandpa Pig looking like a dolt, and Mr. Zebra's truck along with Grandpa Pig's own car being slower than a running old man. (While I fully agree with everything former self said, this was an even better episode on the third viewing, so **** 3/4 (95%).)

THE REVIEW LINE

Well; we end Series Five with three bangers. The Carnival was a bit of a mess in terms of shot continuity, but it made up for it once Mr. Potato came in and got cooked, AGAIN! The interactions with Miss Rabbit were awesome and seeing Molly Mole fight the trolls to become the queen of the parade was hilarious. The parade floats were also very interesting, a construction workers makeshift band was the highlight of that. Grandpa Pig's Toy Plane was funny as well, with all the planes nose diving and Grandpa Pig being sneaky in order to get back at Granny Pig for mocking him over his model airplane creations. I thought Suzy Goes Away would have been a thumbs up; if it wasn't for the finish that was really bad for Mummy Sheep in general. Stamps was one of the best episodes of Series Five, complete with the second funniest finish ever and a surprisely great storyline of Grandpa Pig getting cooked for taking stamps behind Granny Pig's back. While it didn't have the impact of Daddy Pig wading in concrete, it made up for it by Grandpa Pig outrunning cars and the mail truck. It was beyond hilarious! Mr. Bull's New Road was also impressive despite missing the thumbs up classic and the rest were fun. A really good mix of shorts to end Series Five and Stamps really gave Series Five the shine it needed the most.

So, this ends Series Five of Peppa Pig, the first series in the Post-Golden Boots era. Here are the final stats:

Series Five: 13 Thumbs Up, 3 Thumbs Down, 36 Thumbs In the Middle.
Overall: 63 Thumbs Up, 15 Thumbs Down, 186 Thumbs In The Middle.

It seems to be that the logic has been tighten up, along with the goofs and errors. Although the crowd shots in The Carnival was the big gaping exception to the rule. While the show has done a great job in setting up the agenda for the rest of it's current run; there are obvious changes which some of them are probably due to the sweet deal with Hasbro and Nickelodeon. For instance, the injuries are toned down so saying you have a broken leg is now a bumped leg for instance. Body shaming is mostly gone from the show, but the more dangerous phobias are still being used as plot devices. Peppa is still a troll, but it has been toned down a bit. George's crying angle was reduced to two episodes, and only three times crying in the entire Series Five run. Daddy Pig is also less of a geek, but considering Simple Science, I can see why they slowly started to retire that angle. I also noticed that they are doing more complex storylines as well. Stamps is a great episode of setting up the plot with Grandpa Pig buying stamps behind Granny Pig's back. There is a lot of really great episodes in this Series and few real clunkers of note, and most of those were below average at worst. It shows how a reboot can be a good thing, especially when you are running out of ideas and need a holiday to refresh your thinking and be able to expand the world of ideas further. I'm impressed with this lot of the episodes. Next up is Series Six which features Officer Panda's kids, Peggi and Pandora Panda, who are cool, but get less screen time than Molly Mole did in this Series. Also, the official debut of Mandy Mouse and Mummy Mouse, whom Mandy is getting a huge push right out of the starting gate. A rare return of Cousin Chole and the first half is pretty much the end of Harley Bird's run as Peppa Pig, which the last episode she voiced was a Christmas episode based on Peppa teasing a broken arm that they cannot call a broken arm anymore. Lots of great angles to come! Like the senior citizens cosplaying ancient eras! Danny Dog gets robbed! Grampy Rabbit having an bad episode that he caused! Mr. Bull becomes a teacher and Please & Thank You! Tons of fun is still left to come! So...

Thumbs up for Stamps, Grandpa Pig's Toy Plane and The Carnival. Thumbs in the middle for everything else and I'll see you all next time.

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