20 Years Of Muddy Puddles: Peppa Pig Series Six #3

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Twenty Years Of Muddy Puddles: Peppa Pig Series Six #3 Rant

Reviewed: 11/17/2019
Addtional Review: 12/21/2019
Additional Commentary/Edited: 09/15/2024

Time To Really Spot Those Birds!

Okay fans; I have now decided to rant on this series full time, because I do in fact like this show enough that I can handle the best and worst of the Pig family from Great Britian. We continue our drive deep into Series Six as we go birdspotting, play baseball (sort of), find buried treasure, tease a broken arm, have a lovely day, have a perfect day, have a breakfast club, go to a exotic garden, have a quiz with Mr. Potato and have a movie day with Super Potato. I'll be so disappointed if that potato isn't baked, boiled and BBQ'ed when this is over. (2024 Gregory Weagle Says: Wish granted! Sadly it causes grave consequences for poor Danny Dog.) How do these episodes fare? Let's rant on shall we..?!

All the episodes are done by Neville Astley, Mark Baker and Phil Hall. Animation is done by Astely Baker Davies animation; with the two mentioned creators and Phil Davies.

Bird Spotting: First up is episode #286 on the animation paper and the episode opens at the little house on the hill as Grandpa Pig's car parks on the steep side of the hill...AGAIN! (Also, they used the back yard this time, meaning that they drove in the garden.) Out comes Granny and Grandpa as Grandpa has a book about birds and looks like a goofy detective with that hat. The back door opens and out comes the entire Pig family for the meet and greet. Peppa calls the hat funny as Grandpa explains that he is doing some bird spotting, which is basically "bird watching" over here. Pretty much the same thing. Peppa wants to know what this is and Granny calls it the latest hobby to keep Grandpa happy, I guess. Now, now Granny; don't start with that kink shaming. There are far worse hobbies to have than bird spotting, you know. (One of them involves a substance known as concrete.) Grandpa is not impressed, so he shows off his bird spotting book and shows off a number of bird pictures to kill time. (One of them is a brown bird with a red chest, which is checked off.) Grandpa flips the pages and hopes to spot a rare cuckoo cyan blue bird type as Granny nicely blows him off for that. Grandpa wants to do some bird spotting here before lunch and Mummy Pig accepts those terms because lunch won't be done for ages, implying that they just had breakfast. Okay. Most of the adults leave as Grandpa Pig allows Peppa and George to come along for the bird spotting. The trio of bird spotters go down the hill and into the forest of trees as Peppa is confused since we see no birds present. Grandpa counters by whistling like a bird as a way to draw the birds out. A brown sparrow flies in and perches himself on a branch, so Grandpa checks off the sparrow from the book, which is a good start. Then in comes Mr. Stallion and Mrs. Corgi with detective outfits and bird books; just to ruin Grandpa Pig's buzz. (Mr. Stallion and Mrs. Corgi wear detective coats in different colors, just to make Grandpa Pig look like a bum. Grandpa Pig is the GEEK OF THE WEEK~!) When I mean ruin the buzz, I mean, spotting a ribbon-tailed bud of paradise bird which has three colored tails. Grandpa Pig gets rightly mocked for spotting a common sparrow when their rare bird is so rare in Great Britian and then exit stage left.

Grandpa Pig recovers and decides to do more bird calls as Peppa Pig does a duck call. In comes Mrs. Duck who has somehow got her yellow feathers back, so apparently, the white feathered Mrs. Duck was only temporary. Whatever. Yes, there is a checkbox for Mrs. Duck, but it is not special. Mrs. Duck should only be so lucky because George does his pigeon call and brings out the entire pigeon army and apparently, there is no checkbox for that. This book is so racist, and here comes the two bird detectives to mock Grandpa Pig's bird calling skills. Yawn. Grandpa Pig stammers and Peppa Pig tells the truth, and I'm just not feeling it today. (This is the sign that this episode is boring and heatless.) Grandpa shows off the cuckoo bird, which is just asking for a mockery; but here comes Daddy Pig to break it up. (Daddy Pig is so big and so bad, the pigeons fear him and fly away. Probably the only funny bit at this point.) Also, it just dawned on me: I know how this episode ends without seeing it: Grandpa Pig sees the cuckoo bird in the cuckoo clock and that's the punchline for this episode. (Thanks for nothing, spoiler self!) The two mock detectives ask how Grandpa Pig is going to find a cuckoo and Grandpa does the bird call and we hear a cuckoo sound in the background. Of course, the sound is coming from the cuckoo clock in Peppa's bedroom, which should be impossible to hear outside. Man, these furries have godly-like hearing. The bird spotters and one fool go into the house and up the stairs as the family follows. Even Peppa Pig knows that Grandpa is full of bullshit when it comes to the cuckoo. Then the cuckoo bird comes out of the cuckoo clock and Grandpa Pig is disappointed. (It's doing cuckoo multiple times despite being one pm. Either that clock is broken, or SUZY SHEEP~?!) Yup, that was basically the finish of this episode. Grandpa Pig cannot check it off because it's not real. However, Peppa claims that it's special and even the bird spotting detectives actually agree with Peppa. Probably so they can make fun of him later for doing such a stupid thing. Daddy Pig thinks this is unscientific, but is cut off. (It's magic Daddy Pig, this is Peppa's world. Deal with it.) Grandpa checks off the cuckoo bird and they all do the backsplash laugh to end the episode at 4:30. (Cuckoo bird appears one more time for fun.) Just an episode with a dumb ending. ** 1/4 (45%).

Super Potato Movie: Here is episodes #287 on the animation paper as the episode opens at the cinema on the hill as Mr. Fox and his van are already there selling merch in bundles of five or seven depending on what the writers want the music jingle to be. Oh wait, the potatoes are in a bundle of six. That kind of kills the gimmick both ways. (By the way, the title card is zoomed in like a Star Wars spot and the music is Mr Potato's "Eat Your Five (Seven)" without the lyrics, but includes the clown horns. Also, Mr. Fox's van says "est. 2018", so you know when the copyright is for this episode.) Basically all the kids and parents are here as Daddy Pig and Mr. Fox have a pleasure thought exchange as in a big plot twist, the veggies and potatoes are not made of plastic and are in fact legit produce. HAHA! The one time plastic would have been apporo and Mr. Fox just changed the gimmick. So sly. (Now the kids can bake, broil, and BBQ the potatoes in the privacy of their own homes. That is one awesome troll move on Mr. Potato and Super Potato.) We cut to the ticket booth at the front entrance with the kids holding legit produce instead of plastic produce. (A toddler wolf is present along with Mrs. Cow and a child cow that I have no idea who it is. Miss Rabbit proclaims that the film is going to start and not once did she bother to check on tickets. Mummy Pig did check on bladder control; but all of them are fine. I hope you have your stopwatches on because I betcha at least one of the characters will go to the toilet. My money is on Pedro F'N Pony going first. We head into the theater and speaking of Pedro Pony: He's in the back row and there is a look-a-like in the front row with rabbit ears. Don't ask me why, I don't design the models for these nor the Pokemon characters. (This was written when Pokemon Sword and Shield was released, I do believe. Also of note: Rohan Rhino is back! A rare appearance of Penny Pony! A rare appearance of Molly Mole and Mummy Mole. Don't worry, Molly Mole will have a major focus episode before digging a hole back again.) Peppa and Rebecca meet and greet as they call the produce Super Potato and Mrs. Carrot. This is deanthroizing of characters there. And when is Mrs. Carrot going to get her own show?! We need stronger female leads in this show than this. A lot of cosplaying is done until Mummy Pig nicely tells them to stop and sit down. The movie finally starts with Super Potato doing his usual flips while the new narrator reminds us that this is a movie. We go to the land of fruit and vegetables, which appears to be filmed in the Swiss Alps. Okay, good to know. (Little Sprout and Ze Broccoli are in the background in the first scene of the movie. Little Sprout is voiced by Philippa Prosser.)

There is a white fence and in front of it is Mr. Banana and Mrs. Carrot, who has her leg stuck in the fence. (Yeah, all this happened with zero build. SUZY SHEEP~?! Mr. Banana speaks, but I don't have a voice actor for him.) Instead of Mr. Banana simply pulling the leg out, which looks so easy by the way, he panics and calls for Super Potato. Of course! (Mr. Banana is our GEEK OF THE WEEK~!) The kids are chanting for him, because that banana is weaker than my sex life. Super Potato hears the pleas and comes down and pulls Mrs. Carrot from the fence and Mrs. Carrot calls him that he is her hero. Pfft, whatever. Then Peppa proves me wrong about Pedro going first on the toilet and Mummy Pig and Peppa Pig both have to walk and excuse themselves to the crowd. At first, I thought this was stupid because I would think Peppa can find the bathroom by herself. Then we head to the projector room with Miss Rabbit watching the movie and in comes Peppa asking if this is the toilet despite Mummy Pig being with her. Not only does Peppa not know where the bathroom is, neither does Mummy Pig. And incel males think this show is only punching down on Daddy Pig?! Then they wonder why I don't believe them when they want Jess Allen from The Social fired for basically telling the truth about hockey culture and insulted white males ONE TIME in her career! While praising Don Cherry for THIRTY YEARS of racist remarks, INCLUDING against WHITE MALES (one coach even threatened a lawsuit against Cherry for said remark) and NOT GET FIRED ONCE until the talk about a poppy came up?! The Nazism is very high among those incels methinks. (See, I can do this politics with the best and worst of them.) Oh, and Mummy Pig not once reminded Peppa that this was the wrong room. Anyhow; they exchange notes as Miss Rabbit has to watch this six times a day and wishes she were a superhero. Mummy Pig wasn't subtle in saying that she is a superhero in anyway. This is so tragic; but it does lead to Miss Rabbit giving directions to the bathroom and that is that. We head back to the movie as Mrs. Carrot is now stuck in a muddy puddle which I think is quicksand. You couldn't have Mr. Banana in there, because he's more hapless from Mrs. Carrot. Again; only sexist humans would believe that they are punching down on Daddy Pig only and leave Mummy Pig alone. (See Blackberry Bush and that episode was horrible.) Mummy Pig and Peppa return to their seats, Rebecca summarizes the situation. In comes Super Potato in repeat footage and swoops down and plucks Mrs. Carrot out of the mud. (I am watching 1960's Spider-Man. Sort of.) I would love to see Mr. Banana get this spot just to see if they pop the banana, if you catch my drift. (You are a sadist and a slimebag, former self. Not that I'm much better nowadays.)

Miss Rabbit in the projector room proclaims that the song jingle is coming, and sadly; they still do not do the "eat your seven" spot; so it was an one off only. (Damn you, show!) Edmond is in the room for goodness sakes and he no sells it as the curtain closes and spotlights come out. The announcer does his spiel; so you know that the movie is also going to be a live stage show of Super Potato and by god, here he is. (It's not the narrator's voice by the way. I have zero clue who voices it.) Lots of Smash Brothers clapping ensues as Super Potato addresses the crowd as Mr. Banana and Mrs. Carrot show up in opposite directions. Super Potato asks if they enjoyed the movie and the children cheer yes. Peppa then wants Super Potato to fly and he does the Hulk Hogan cupping of the ear spot to hear it and then flies in infinity loops. At least this show is keeping with the storyline from Series Five that Super Potato is a legit super hero instead of Mr. Potato in a goofy disguise. I just wish they kept the awkward "eat your seven" moment, because that is sort of a fun joke. Sadly, Super Potato is somehow dumber than Mr. Potato and crashes into the ceiling and is now stucker than Daddy Pig. (Mr. Banana is like "Now you are GEEK OF THE WEEK~ and a roasted potato like Mr. Potato!") I was hoping Pedro Pony would use the toilet now; but it doesn't happen. Suzy wants to call Super Potato and Peppa has to remind her that Super Potato is real in storyline. (Oops!) It's time to call Miss Rabbit's Rescue Service as everyone including Super Potato chants for Miss Rabbit. Miss Rabbit does a run in and then bails to find her helicopter as Super Potato did indeed crash through the roof, so the narrator wasn't lying in the least. Miss Rabbit flies above the screaming for help, helpess Super Potato and uses the SUCTION CUP OF BANE TO ALL ACTION CARTOONS EVERYWHERE; but since this isn't an action cartoon, it's perfectly all right. (Yeah, it's a slice of life cartoon. This is perfectly acceptable.) Super Potato is let down on the ground in front of the cinema and everyone comes out, including Doctor Brown Bear; just in case Super Potato was legit hurt. I think only his pride was hurt on that one as most of the damage was the roof. (Daddy Wolf and Mummy Giraffe make an appearance along with Belinda Bear and Not Daddy Cat!) I'm fine with this; at least it's not the school house on the hill. Peppa wants to be like Miss Rabbit. No, don't Peppa. Nothing good will come out of it. Super Potato declares Miss Rabbit his hero, Miss Rabbit blushes and everyone giggles, shouting "hooray" to end the episode at 4:30. I'm disappointed Super Potato didn't do the jingle in the credits, because it would have been one more way to get in the Edmond "it's seven" promo. This was the most non-violent, non-diverse movie of all time; but the finish was glorious. *** 1/2 (70%).

Bat & Ball: The next episode is episode #288 on the animation paper as the episode opens at the school house on the hill. All the kids run out of the school house and down to the two tree area where there are red cones set up like an arena. (Absent: Molly Mole, Wendy Wolf, Mandy Mouse (!!!), Richard Rabbit, Edmond Elephant, the Zebra Twins and the Panda Twins.) Gigi Gazelle has a red ball and a yellow bat in her hands, hence the episode title; only I put slightly more nuance into this. First up is catch and toss and Gigi of course throws the ball properly to Peppa and she catches it properly. Same thing happens with Peppa and Suzy. It's Danny Dog's turn and Suzy throws it into the sky and Danny fetches it complete with panting tongue, like a real dog. He returns with ball and no one cares. Considering his sexism in Series Five, I'm not going to call the writers out on that one. (Suzy Sheep is such a troll and Danny Dog is right there to make himself the GEEK OF THE WEEK~! At least in theory.) Since we are practicing the throwing, Gigi throws it to George and George misses the ball by eight feet basically. (Nah, it was closer to one foot.) The narrator claims that George has dropped the ball and I think that was supposed to be the spot; but the ball appeared to not go even close to George's hands, so the spot was blown. (The narrator saying that line did make me laugh though.) Peppa points out the problem and Gigi wants George to throw the ball to Peppa. George throws the ball backwards at greatneck speed and I laugh my ass off on that. Danny fetches the ball and it's not nearly as funny. (I dispute that claim, former self. That tail was excited, so it was funny.) Gigi demonstrates the rules of engagement for this Bat & Ball game as Peppa is the pitcher, Suzy is the batter, Danny is the fetcher and Pedro F'N Pony is the belly itcher, I guess. Not the worst thing Pedro has ever done. (Pedro Pony is not a Sony Pony, former self. He didn't need that sick burn.) The only difference between this and baseball is that if anyone has the ball in the infield, the batter is out. So, it's under Wii Sports Baseball rules then. Okay. George is the catcher and Gigi is the umpire of course. Suzy is taunting Peppa and claims that she is going to hit it a million miles. You can tell the creators were trying to make this show a hit in the USA, considering the imperial measurements. Which is silly considering that a million kms would still be just as absurd as a million miles! (They are implying that they are hitting moonshots. A moonshot is a figure of speech not to be taken literally. Most homeruns are less than 1000 feet, less than 1/2 km!) Peppa throws the ball, Suzy hits it over everyone's head and everyone including Suzy just stands there. Gigi tells her to run, Suzy sells and Peppa then yells at the team mates to get the ball, none of them do and Suzy gets an inside the park homerun even though the "park" thing is very suspect. Gigi praises Suzy for her home run despite not anyone in the outfield having the two clicks of the making of a clue. I expect this from Pedro Pony, but from Danny Dog?! C'MON MAN~! (That's not what happened. All the kids cheers, Suzy is confused, then she runs and no one bothers to get the ball until Danny Dog remembers a good fifteen seconds too late. The fielders are GEEKS OF THE WEEK~!) George's turn is next and Suzy bails. George gets the bat and Peppa is already not liking this prospect since George is too young. Oh, come on Peppa! Yeah, Molly is too young to be a tailgunner in Plunder and Lightning and that's understandable (Cosplaying a tailgunner on Kit's back on the other hand...). However, Bat & Ball?! What a troll Peppa is?! Thankfully, Gigi blows her off on that one.

Peppa is not thrilled about this, but backs up and throws the ball at George. George hits the ball and it goes backwards for a foul ball in any sane universe. If I were George, I would run all the cones instantly and see if Gigi counts it as a point. And that's what George does and Gigi is perfectly fine with it, so there is no foul ball rule in this game. Peppa panics and Danny Dog at least fetches the ball this time and grabs it. Okay, Danny got the ball before George made it to third base, so George is out, amirite?! Nope; George gets home and scores a point. You do have to catch the ball in the air to get an out. This is the worst defense in baseball history. (Or this is played like cricket and cricket is trademarked, or something. Once again, the fielders all look like geeks, and Danny is too slow to grab the ball.) Danny gives the ball back and Peppa don't care despite allowing two earned runs with the most clueless defense in baseball. Hawk Harrelson would blow a gasket if this team were the Chicago White Sox and it would be totally justified, homer announcer or not. It's Gigi Gazelle's turn to bat and Peppa is calling her too old, just to make sure she is ageist in both directions. If I were Peppa, I would find a new defense, because this one sucks big baseballs. (Oooo, Danny Dog and company will need ass cream after that sick burn.) Peppa backs up and tells her to do her best, like some famous last words. Oh wait...Peppa throws the ball and Gigi hits it a million miles according to Suzy and it's heading to the school house. Okay, I predict that the ball will go through the roof of the school house, because this show has not completely driven the leaky roof of doom angle far enough. At least this time, it's Gigi's fault. All the kids except for Peppa run west towards the ball and the ball hits the roof and the roof title breaks, so yes; the leaky roof angle MUST CONTINUE. The ball then goes into the opposite direction. As this was happening, Gigi already got the first point; but decides to get really greedy and try for a second point. And now she succeeds and tries to run for a third point. I betcha one of them gets the ball and all points for Gigi are nullified. (As this is going on, Peppa is just standing there doing nothing but yell, like she's Kathrine Victor in a Z-Grade movie. I howled with laughter. She's now the GEEK OF THE WEEK~!) All the kids run as Gigi is just running around thinking she's won and the kids dive in and do the American Football pile spot as Gigi proclaims that she's the champion and got all the points. (Yes, Peppa Pig Tales did an American Football episode and watch them bury the sport deep within the earth for my sadistic pleasure. It's glorious!) The big kids all admit defeat and then out comes George with the ball in his hands and Gigi is officially out and all points she got are nullified. BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! (George makes Gigi the GEEK OF THE WEEK for sure now. Why did you give this episode *** former self?!) Gigi praises George anyway and all the kids do the backsplash laugh. The narrator says it all with Gigi doing the delayed backsplash laugh to end the episode at 4:30. The usual silly stuff, although Gigi's greed at the end with George outsmarting her was priceless. (Agreed and it was funnier on the second viewing because the defense is the biggest dummy in the biz when George can actually PLAY DEFENSE, it's a *** 3/4 (75%).)

Buried Treasure: We continue this rant with episode #289 on the animation paper and the episode opens at the little house on the hill with Peppa, George, Molly Mole and Freddy Fox running down the western hill. (This is one of the few major appearances for Molly Mole and a just as rare major appearance for Freddy Fox!) They make it to the bottom and stop as Peppa asks what they should play today and Molly suggests they do some digging, because; why not?! Peppa admits that her digging skills suck, and I think she has a sign of Imposter Syndrome, since I have seen her digging skills and they are perfectly acceptable. (Watch the early Series One episodes where George and Peppa have zero problem acting like Molly Mole and Danny Dog.) Molly shows off her digging skills for a while as she is literally digging a tunnel. Peppa, George and Freddy follow her giggling as this tunnel is so long that the only thing stopping Molly Mole is the CHEST OF DEMONS~! Molly almost loses her glasses as a result. Molly opens the treasure chest to find jewels and gold; probably all made of plastic. If so, I wonder if Mr. Fox sells them in sets of five?! (He must be the pirate's den father! Why not?! It might explain why he's a dead beat dad to Freddy!) Apparently, this is a pirate's treasure chest and it's a mystery; so let tell Daddy Pig about this. Who is actually at DA...HOLE (Slurp!) that Molly just dug and he's wondering why this hole is there. The kids all pop up to inform him about the buried treasure and now Daddy has completely forgotten about the fact that Molly Mole dug a hole in the garden. No one knows about this; so Daddy Pig brings out the cell phone and decides to ring in the police. So, even if this treasure actually belongs to the police, none of them can get charged with theft, so good job show. This logically leads to the police station and inside the office with Officer Grey Squirrel and Officer Panda, with Panda eating more donuts, for no reason that I can think of. Hey, if you want to go with cheap stereotypes, have the officer be a beaver. (Officer Beaver might cause trouble with BS&P former self. It's also 4 PM at this point.) Grey Squirrel answers the phone and it's Daddy Pig about to tell them they found something. (Daddy Pig actually confirms the pirate treasure to her.)

Gray Squirrel cuts him off and proclaims that they are right now. Please show, let her think Daddy Pig found a dead body and Daddy Pig says "no". I know that this a pre-school show; but that would be so Peppa Pig of the writers to pull off that spot. (Well, before Nickelodeon got involved. I have not forgotten Babysitting in the very least, no siree!) The officers are in their police cars with sirens on the boring road as they arrive at Daddy Pig's garden doing their usual trice hello spot. (Sadly, no traffic this time around.) Freddy greets them back with the same spot because he wants to be a police officer when he grows up. (Sadly, they killed the gimmick in Peppa Pig Tales, for no reason.) I just love that Gray Squirrel already knows that it's pirate treasure underground despite the fact that she cut off Daddy Pig before Daddy Pig could tell her what the kids found. (Nope! Daddy Pig did tell her it's pirate treasure before cutting her off.) I'm kind of disappointed, actually. Everyone is in the tunnel going to the chest and Officer Panda grabs the chest and leaves with it. But wait, gold coins are dropping on the ground like a trail as the anthros reach the surface. Everyone gets into the police car and Grey Squirrel drives west (Yes, the car has flipped in the opposite direction magically. SUZY SHEEP~?!). Freddy Fox is chanting with the siren all the way to the police station. HAHA! He's really getting a lot of milage out of this dream, isn't he?! Everyone heads downstairs as we are shown all the lost objects, including a lost lamp post. Oh come on guys; that one was towed away because Grey Squirrel gave it a ticket. It's so obvious! There is a green storage area where they keep the pirate treasure and the officers open it to reveal nothing...AND THE ROCK SAYS NOTHING~! Yup, the pirate treasure inside has gone missing. Another mystery as they say. If you cannot guess where the pirate treasure is, you have no business reading this rant. (Clue: Officer "Why does this show hate my kids?!" Panda is carrying the clue!) Freddy notices a hole in the wall, which looks awfully familiar and Panda claims that it is the work of a criminal mastermind. I cannot picture Molly Mole being a master mind of anything, let alone a criminal. POW! OUCH! Ummmm... Yeah, forgot about her digging skills.

They head inside and notice the trail of gold coins -- probably made of plastic gold -- and it's clear where this treasure chest came from now, since it's the same hole Molly Mole dug. They follow the trail of golden coins and Panda drops more coins to complete the trail. I don't know why they bothered since it wouldn't have changed the finish any. They make it to the house and the trail of the golden coins has gone cold. Sadly, the writers do not use those terms as it is still a mystery. Freddy actually confesses that the kids took it, and he means everyone involved in finding the chest. We head back in the hole in the opposite direction as Freddy explains that they didn't know that Molly dug a hole through the wall -- and the storage area wall in the process, so really crappy craftsmenship on that cupboard there -- and that the treasure chest was part of the lost storage at the police station. They made it through the storage area and into the police station as Freddy completes the confession and everyone cheers. (That is one awesome digging job by Molly Mole there, writers! Sadly, her role has been made persona non gratta from here on out.) Panda praises Freddy's work as a police officer and might be one someday. Panda also proclaims that he should keep his eyes and ears open, and somehow the lamp post teleports right in perfection position for Panda to turn around and bump into it like a hard anvil. HAHA! Of course, Grey Squirrel gives it a ticket for being a danger to society. HAHA! (This spot never grows old.) Panda declares that a police officer's job is never done and that the pirate treasure mystery is solved. Everyone does the backsplash laugh to end the episode at 4:30. (Somehow, Officer Panda remembers to miss the lamp post when he does the backsplash laugh! Awesome!) The next mystery should be how the lamp post teleported into that position for Panda to nail himself into it, since it was behind Panda the whole time before they returned to the police station. (SUZY SHEEP~?!) Episode was fun, but the finish could be spotted five miles away. *** (60%).

Opening Moment #1: This episode uses the snowy opening theme sequence. (Here we go, the official last time involving Harley Bird as the voice of Peppa Pig.)

Christmas At The Hospital: Next up is episode #290 on the animation paper as the episode opens at the little house on the hill with snow outside. Zoom into the living room as it's Christmas morning as Daddy Pig is wearing the crown, since he's the head of the household. I'm glad that is not a tradition in my house. Sadly, everyone has exactly one present this year, so money seems to be tight. (Dammit Brexit, see what you have wrought?!) Mummy and Daddy Pig open their presents to reveal matching socks, that could easily be stockings to hang on the fireplace. Since this is a preschool show, underwear is not in evidence here. (Even though Super Potato literally wears blood red underwear! George will be potty training at some point.) Peppa opens her present and she got a toy car and then she starts concern trolling George into thinking that he got socks, but George opens his present and got a toy airplane . Then Peppa and George run around the tree in a clockwise direction as Daddy Pig wants to spend the rest of the day doing nothing. Relaxing is doing something, that's why saying "Nothing of note" is a better promo. Mummy Pig is telling the kids to be careful and Peppa trips and falls on her belly and face, and it appears that she is selling her left arm as a tease that she might have broken her left arm. I'm relieved that the Christmas tree didn't fall on her because that would have made it much worse and Peppa was DARING for that to happen. Of course, they cannot say "break", so they say that she bumped her arm. As if she was in a professional wrestling match. (Her selling of the arms sucks by the way.) If she really broke her arm, she would be screaming in pain and agony; so it's clear that her arm was fine even then. (Keep in mind, Pedro Pony broke his leg in an earlier series episode. Nickelodeon's BS&P fingers are clearly in the pie at this point.) Mummy Pig decides to ring in Doctor Brown Bear. WHHHHYYYYYYY?! We head to Doctor Brown Bear's office as Doctor Brown Bear is in his Christmas gear enjoying Christmas and actually answers the phone. Now, at this point, he should have just rang in the hospital and inform them that Peppa is coming. Nope! He decides to make the house call straight away and gets into his ambulance car. Doctor Brown Bear drives towards the little house on the hill, despite the entire road being completely covered in snow. WHAT?! (A lot of ugly sweaters by the adults worn as well. Peppa is not wearing one, which is odd considering how on-brand that would be.) This is bullshit and we cannot have ONE EPISODE where Doctor Brown Bear can enjoy himself?! (He retires and Doctor Polar Bear takes over in Series Seven though.)

Yeah; Doctor Brown Bear comes and and asks where it hurts. Peppa states that it's her left arm and Doctor Brown Bear asks her to wiggle her fingers and she does without pain, so I suspect her arm is fine. Brown Bear errs on the side of caution and offers to bring her to the hospital for further tests. Why not just call the hospital and tell the family to go there, you moron?! We head to the hospital and the roads are snow covered as hell. Cut to the emergency waiting area as there are several injured adults; including a legit injured Mr. Bull who has a broken arm and leg. (Also present is Not Daddy Cat and Mummy Zebra with injuries for some reason.) Miss Rabbit, nurse par excellence, comes out and is about to call for Mr. Bull to come in as Mr. Bull slowly gets up. But wait! He gets cut off by Doctor Brown Bear and the entire Pig family as they are inside. Brown Bear informs Miss Rabbit that Peppa is a sick child, and I'm not sure weither to hate him or laugh at him for such a comment. (It's also 3 PM on the clock at hospital.) Mr. Bull notices Mummy Pig and decides to just sit down and let Peppa pass, because children get seen first in this hospital. I think he wanted no part of Mummy Pig after Funfair, but whatever. (That's a valid point there, former self.) The family and Miss Rabbit enter the children's ward and guess who is in bed?! C'mon, guess; it's too shocking. SURPRISE~! It's OKAY, BOOMER EIASION~! POW! OUCH! Ummm... Yes, it's our residence clueless wonder, Pedro F'N Pony in pjs who has broken his leg...AGAIN! WHAT?! He also had a sticker on his pjs and thankfully, he doesn't once annoy the nurses here, that would have sucked. (Also, Pedro says he banged his leg. So someone shot him in the leg?! DOCTOR PONY~?! And I don't mean Daddy Pony either.) Peppa sits down in a chair as Miss Rabbit asks her where it hurts and Peppa says it's on her arm. Miss Rabbit asks Peppa if she can wiggle her fingers and Peppa sells it. Then Miss Rabbit asks her to say "banana" and Peppa says it, but it was a joke according to the nurse. It wasn't funny, but I'm fine with it since it was supposed to make her relax and panicking does no one any good in this situation. Peppa is relaxed and so Miss Rabbit brings in the portable x-ray machine to check on the arm. They check the arm and it's perfectly fine. So for all that drama, the whole tease of Peppa's arm being broken was pointless and put everyone else in danger due to the snowy roads. I shake my head. Also, they do the spot where Peppa asks how the x-ray machine works and Daddy goes into his science explain mode, but then gets cut off by Miss Rabbit saying it's magic. If Pedro said that; that would be funny, because kids get it and don't care. When an adult is saying that, that causes mature adults to question her licensing.

Anyhow; now that the crisis is averted, we have another one for Pedro because he hasn't got his presents yet. Maybe they are at home and the Pony family hasn't delivered them yet. It's common sense, people! We head back to the waiting room as Miss Rabbit teases calling in poor injured Mr. Bull. (That whole check took two hours in Peppa Pig time, I should note.) But wait! In comes Father Christmas hoing and then Mr. Bull just sits back down and lets Father Christmas pass. Okay, when Peppa was admitted into the emergency room; that was perfectly acceptable, but a fictional character?! That's a load of bullshit and Mr. Bull had nothing to do with it. (See what former self did there?!) Yeah; Father Christmas comes in and gives a present to Pedro F'n Pony as promised. (I did laugh when Father Christmas got sat down by Miss Rabbit and she asks where it hurts.) I guess he felt that seeing him in person was a better move, since in the world of Peppa Pig, Father Christmas is not only real, he doesn't hide himself from anyone, including the adults! Pedro opens his present and it's a toy boat. Of course, it's not socks! I mention this because Peppa concern trolls Pedro like she did George earlier. Father Christmas is so happy and apologizes to Pedro for the delay due to the fact that the chimneys are getting smaller every Christmas. Wow; creosote is really thick in this show for some reason. Yes, we flashback to AFTER HAPPY HOUR (after dark) with Father Christmas nearly stuck in a chimney and struggling to get out. This prompts Miss Rabbit to want to do a check on him and so Father Christmas decides to play along on this to kill time in a five minute episode. Father Christmas opens wide as per the instructions from the nurse and then invokes the SANTA CLAUS ROAR OF WINDBAGS on Miss Rabbit as per. Yep, he's fine. Oh, and Father Christmas gets a green smiley face sticker for his trouble. Awww, my heart melted! All the adults now enter the ward as Father Christmas is thankful for the service Miss Rabbit provides and Miss Rabbit proclaims that she is merely doing her job. Father Christmas says "Merry Christmas" and everyone does the backsplash laugh...with a twist. Mr. Bull has to slowly drop to the ground in order not to hurt himself to end the episode at 4:30. Mr. Bull is such a trooper despite it being a bad idea. There were some funny moments in this; but the entire Doctor Brown Bear stuff is so stupid. *** (60%).

New Moment #1: Christmas At The Hospital would officially be the last episode of Peppa Pig that had Harley Bird voiced Peppa; and Amelie Bea Smith takes over from here on out. Outside of Peppa Pig, Amelie Bea Smith was Daisy in EastEnders. That's it. I thought Amelie's Peppa Pig was a cross between the three previous Peppas, although the opening sequence made it sound like this was her first take ever and they didn't bother to do a take where she sounded similar to Harley Bird. Thankfully, she got into the role quickly in the next episode.

Valentine's Day: Here is episodes #291 on the animation paper as the episode opens at the little house on the hill as we zoom into the kitchen with the Pig family having cereal for breakfast. Daddy asks Peppa what day it is and Peppa gets it wrong twice (It's not her nor Daddy's birthday, since they already done an episode for each one.) Because it's Valentine's Day, you see. Peppa asks what that is and Mummy Pig that it's the day you tell the people you love them that you love them. Wait, shouldn't acts of kindness be a message sender any day of your life?! Valentine's Day is a dumb holiday because if you need a special day to tell someone you love them, you don't really love them. At least Christmas and Halloween are structured to invoke acts of kindness which send a better message of love. Telling them you love them is cheap and should be done every chance it gets, no matter how annoying someone can be. Valentine's Day is just another holiday for businesses to make money from. (No lies detected, which is why the holiday doesn't cancel school.) Daddy Pig does give Mummy Pig a Valentine's Day card, and it looks like a sympathy card to me more than a love card. No hearts presents, but lots of flowers. Daddy Pig is sort of tone deaf here. Mummy Pig reads the card's contents and did this show just reveal that Daddy's real name is Snufflekins?! I hope that is his real name, that would have been MONEY! Sadly, no luck I bet. (The defacto definition of the phrase: Huge, if true.) Then we get a hilarious moment: Peppa asks if Daddy Pig is getting a post card, and Mummy Pig says that Mr. Zebra has it and Daddy Pig thinks that Mummy Pig wrote a love letter to Mr. Zebra. Of course, Mummy Pig assures him that it is for Daddy Pig and not Mr. Zebra; because even Peppa Pig wouldn't stoop to the low of having a love triangle gone wrong. That amused me since it almost implied that Mummy Pig was having an affair with Mr. Zebra. We scene change to the school house on the hill as all the cars arrive and all the kids jump out and head inside. (Pedro Pony is car sharing with Suzy Sheep today I see.) Mr. Bull is washing windows for some reason and I hope it's not due to COVID-19. (He must be a government worker, considering all the jobs he gets not named Miss Rabbit.)

Considering his record on roofs; I don't trust him to wipe down a school properly. The kids all sit down at the tables as it's Peppa, George, Edmond Elephant, Wendy Wolf, Freddy Fox, Suzy Sheep, Danny Dog, Zoe Zebra, Rebecca Rabbit, Molly Mole, Mandy Mouse and Pedro F'N Pony. (Absent: Richard Rabbit, The Zebra Twins, The Panda Twins and Gerald Giraffe.) Gigi addresses the kids as she asks what day it is and Pedro -- epitome of cluelessness, and yet is still right somehow -- proclaims that it's window cleaning day. In the background, Mr. Bull is cleaning the back windows outside. HA! Good one, Pedro. (Somehow he's cleaning the back windows despite being in the front side. SUZY SHEEP~?!) Peppa corrects him and we repeat the summary of this holiday. Then Peppa does her least endearing, but most notable trait: She trolls on Daddy Pig, claiming that Daddy Pig never got a Valentine's Day card even though she knows that Daddy Pig IS getting one from the post. (Peppa must seriously believe Mr. Zebra is having an affair with Mummy Pig if she was not trolling anyone.) That aspect Peppa intentionally omitted, because Peppa knew this since Mummy Pig told her right in front of her in the first segment. Now watch what happens for the rest of the episode as Gigi is sadden by this, the doorbell rings and Gigi answers it. This reveals Mr. Bull who has finished wiping down the school of germs. I wish they would wipe out his fat shaming, but there's no easy cure for that one, it seems. Gigi looks sad as Mr. Bull consoles her as she tells Mr. Bull that Daddy Pig didn't get his love card. (That is some gaslighting done by Peppa, but no one watching this is fooled.) Mr. Bull leaves sadden by this as Gigi walks in and tells all the children that they are making Valentine's Day cards for the people we love. (Yes, Molly Mole does speak in this one. It's difficult to keep anything straight for me without copious notes. I do read my rants from time to time, but rarely read and remember all of them.) Everyone starts doing artwork on cards, as Pedro is making one for his love of SUPER POTATO~! Hmmmm, did Pedro just admit that his parents have been enabling his ugly cowboy American thievery?! TUNE INTO SOFT COPY TO FIND OUT~!

It's even funnier when in storyline, Super Potato is supposed to be real....Oh wait, he's also making one for his Mummy and Daddy. Thank you for the spoiler there, you clueless cowboy! Scene change to the supermarket on the hill as Mr. Bull enters, as there are Valentine decorations all over the place, making the whole business aspect of it, so transparent for everyone to see. (No lies detected.) Jump cut to inside at the cash register with Miss Rabbit talking to Mr. Bull. Ironically, these two are the only characters in the show -- who in storyline -- have multiple jobs, but only Miss Rabbit get the most heat out of it. (Because it's one job for Mr. Bull for every 1000 jobs Miss Rabbit does. It's called False Equalivancy Logical Fallacy, former self.) Just an observation on my part as Mr. Bull is sad and Miss Rabbit asks why. Doctor Hamster is behind Mr. Bull as Mr. Bull states that Daddy Pig didn't get a card. The gossip is spread by Miss Rabbit to everyone in the store, including Granddad Dog, Mrs. Zebra and Mr. Fox; whom the last two just gasp. Also of note is that they have Valentine's Day stuff on their person during this; making them look both silly and selfish, despite the fact that this was the result of Peppa omitting the fact that Daddy was going to get his card from Mr. Zebra. (Just for irony sake and nothing else: Mummy Zebra was holding a card with red roses on it.) That is the entire storyline of this episode and it annoys me. (Not to mention that Mr. Bull didn't buy anything, he just went there to tell Miss Rabbit about a "tragic event" that wasn't tragic. Everyone now looks like geeks. Peppa Pig is in mid-season form here.) Scene change back to the kids finishing their Valentine cards and they show them to Gigi. Gigi is happy about this; Pedro only showed the Super Potato one, so he still don't really care about his parents. (Also, George didn't draw a Mr. Dinesaur heart card, just to make Pedro look like an even bigger geek.) The bell rings and all the kids come out as the cars arrive.

Mummy Pig walks towards Peppa and George showing off their cards which are for Mummy and Daddy. Scene change back to the house on the hill as Mummy is driving Peppa and George home, probably parking on the steepest side of the hill, as usual. Everyone goes into the kitchen as Daddy Pig is sitting at the table drinking tea. Peppa gives her card to Daddy Pig as he's amazed, more amazed than George being able to say Valentine, which might be the most complex English word he has spoke in which he said properly! Who said there's no character development on this show? Peppa asks about Mummy Pig's card and Daddy states that he hasn't got it yet. Then the doorbell rings and Daddy Pig goes over to answer it. It's Mr. Zebra with a sack of Valentine Day cards, which are all addressed to...wait for it...Daddy Pig. Actually, Daddy asked for his card, Zebra said no, because Daddy has all of them in the sack basically. And who caused all this?! If you said Peppa Pig by not telling anyone that Daddy was going to get one from the post, you win the no prize. Peppa and George cheer for this. Peppa was really being a troll as Daddy Pig asks Mummy Pig if she did a troll job on him, Mummy Pig said no and gives him the big red letter as the actual Valentine Day card. Mummy opens the card, reads it to Daddy Pig and then gives it to him. Mummy asks where the rest have been and Daddy Pig has no clue and blushes as the doorbell rings again. I just love that Daddy Pig blushes even though he had NOTHING to do with this. Daddy Pig answers the door and it's all the adults and kids wishing him a happy Valentine's Day. (Doctor Brown Bear makes a cameo as well.) Of course! Daddy Pig giggles as everyone, except Daddy Pig does the backsplash laugh to end the episode at 4:30. The first time I watched this, I thought it made no sense because Peppa told everyone about Daddy Pig's card, except I forgot an important plot point and it was revealed in the second viewing that Peppa did tell them about the card, but omitted that Daddy was in fact getting one; but it didn't arrive yet. So, it made sense because a troll has to troll so to speak. A fine episode otherwise. *** (60%).

The Perfect Day: Next up is episode #292 on the animation paper as the episode opens at the GLASS MALL ON THE HILL as various denizens are coming in from car. To save time, I'm not go to reveal them all, I assume this was a group gathering, which right now sounds like a disaster waiting to happen. (Mr. Fox and Mummy Elephant are talking to each other. Candy Cat and Mummy Cat are entering the mall, and there is Mummy Squirrel with shades on, a dress and a hat, along with I think Daddy Mouse and Mandy Mouse in one of the cars. The reason former self had trouble identifying anything was the glass was transluent and not clear. I saw: Mummy Zebra, Granny Wolf, Mr. Rhino, Mrs. Cow and the kid again, Mr. Rhino, Mrs. Corgi, Mummy Giraffe, the goat waiter from Grandpa Pig's Birthday and Doctor Pony who seemly has moved his practice to this mall. The rest are palette swaps.) The Pig family enters the mall as the kids are wowed by this; but Daddy Pig proclaims that they are not shopping because Mummy Pig is going to a spa for a Perfect Day Experience. (During the inside shop sequence: We see another appearance of the Panda Twins with the debut of Mummy Panda; which we will see officially in Familes in Series Eight! The creators seems to think the gray squirrel with Belinda Bear is Simon Squirrel, when it is not. I think Mr. Stallion is somewhere along with Officer Panda. Also of note, in the plant shop, the human pirate makes an appearance hiding. Why?! I don't know. Even Captain Emergency makes a cameo! Basically, almost anyone in this show at one time of another is here!) In fact, she is shopping for a stress free day. Kind of kills the gimmick they were shooting right there as I am suddenly realizing that Della Duck is getting more and more like a female Kit Cloudkicker the more I read Frank's tweets. (Actually it turned out to be Rebecca Cunningham if she was a full time pilot. I can see why she got heat considering the heat Rebecca Cunningham got from the bigots.) I'm starting to think Kit really is the nephews father now. Hopefully I'm wrong because can you imagine the fanbase freaking out about that, and not just the Duck fans in general?! (Sadly, there are no DNA tests in cartoons, so we'll never know.) Sure, it's not COVID-19 by a mile, but still. No surprise who is running the spa and reading Ezza Magazine to boot. Miss Rabbit, everyone. (Job #1111!)

I was actually hoping it was Mr. Bull, just for pure irony. Although, Granny Wolf is treating Mr. Bull's back as Miss Rabbit is explaining the experience. (Damn.) Mrs. Fox is painting finger nails on Mummy Pony while Mrs. Elephant is giving a cucumber facial with neon green gloop to Mummy Cat. Peppa ask if they are getting the same treatement and she says it in a way that she doesn't want to do it. (She seemly doesn't like kissing although that is more of all kid's point of view.) Daddy assures her no, because they are going to have their perfect day. Mummy Pig decides on the facial treatement from Miss Rabbit as the rest of the family heads into the mall. There is a lot of people in there, which is not a good idea at this point. (Mr. Bull has teleported to inside a china shop. Funny, but SUZY SHEEP~?!) Daddy is not sure about this walking until we get to the escalator, which Peppa calls "magic moving stairs"; which at least Daddy Pig doesn't say "yes" to. Daddy grabs George and Peppa grabs Daddy's hand and they go up the escalator. They go up and going down the escalator is Mummy Sheep and Suzy Sheep. We exchanges notes for a while and then we REPEAT THE SEQUENCE, only Peppa is going to the bottom, while Suzy is going to the top. Because, why not screw yourselves while being fools?! Mummy Sheep gets to the top and takes Suzy away as Peppa is at the bottom proclaiming that she needs to see Suzy. However, Daddy Pig don't want to do more magic stairs anymore than he has to. Besides, we haven't used the lift yet, so I'm guessing Daddy Pig doesn't want someone to think he's loitering or anything. Is there no park in this mall?! I can understand no video arcade, but no park?! (Not making enough profit for the money hoarding dragons I see.) They go up as we jump cut to Suzy and Mummy Sheep as Suzy is now wanting to see Peppa and Mummy Sheep wants to use the lift down. Suzy claims it's not working; but Mummy Sheep points out that someone is using it. Suzy is complaining about seeing Peppa, and the door opens and out comes Peppa and they hold hands to reinforce the notion that they are best friends. Make sure you washed you hands well before this, all of you! Suzy then shows of her mug shots in various poses out of nowhere. Which means the next spot is the coin operated photo booth, which is perfect for picture Ids and driver licenses. Or to just be smug in Suzy's case. Peppa is amazed and Suzy wants to show Peppa the money operated photo booth, which means that they are shopping after all. Shopping for funny faces. AHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! The kids all go into the photo booth as Suzy puts a coin in it. (See, I told you it was coin operated!)

They all sit on the stool (NOT THAT ONE!) and Peppa Pig is so clueless that she is supposed to smile, the camera takes way too long, Peppa protests this and then gets flashed. HAHA! We have finally found a moment where Peppa is more clueless than Pedro F'N Pony. (Peppa Pig is the GEEK OF THE WEEK~!) Ponder that one for a moment. See, patience is not only a virtue, it might save your eyesight. The second one was much funnier then the first one by the way: The first one was Peppa looking to her right and getting flashed and the second one is Peppa looking at the camera directly with her eyes open completely like a moron. Then they make funny faces, except for George who snorts and they get it right this time. See, they were shopping for funny faces, it wasn't a rejected Rhinokey joke, honest! That last one has them actually doing it properly and Daddy Pig comes in asking if it's finished and the flash flashes him. Yes; even Daddy Pig thinks this camera is trolling him. We go back out and show off the photos of funny faces, with Daddy Pig getting the best one of course. The kids want to do it again, and I agree, just for Mummy Sheep to get flashed and complete the cycle of life; but it's time to pick up Mummy Pig. Jump cut to Miss Rabbit massaging her back, and sadly, Miss Rabbit doesn't channel Gorilla Mansoon's infamous massage techinques on Bobby Heenan. In comes the rest of the Pig family as Peppa asks if she had a perfect day. Mummy says yes, and I believe her since it's not near what Miss Rabbit's Relaxation Class was. Peppa completely recaps the episode up to this point. Mummy Pig calls it nice as the perfect day is done and the Pig family goes outside as the car magically appears via teleport. This puts a dent in the entire "it's science" thing when it happens in storyline. (SUZY SHEEP~?!) Everyone gets into the car and we drive down the hill onto the boring road. Mummy Pig asks if Daddy had a perfect day and Daddy responds by saying that his perfect day starts when they get home. We head to the little house on the hill as Daddy Pig parks on the steepest side of the hill and magically has his boots on. If you cannot guess the perfect day, you have no business reading this rant. Yup, Daddy Pig runs down the hill and jumps into a muddy puddle. (DING!) Everyone else follows as we do the pig ritual of making earthquakes again. Daddy Pig is in heaven now and then everyone does the backsplash laugh to end the episode at 4:30. (It ends with Daddy Pig doing the backsplash laugh and plattering mud into the hard camera.) So, fifteen seconds were not cut, the episode was somehow sped up and I didn't notice. A fun episode with the usual finish and nothing more. *** 1/2 (70%).

Breakfast Club: The next episode is episode #293 on the animation paper as we open the episode at the school house on the hill as all the cars arrive and the kids jump out and head inside. The only thing of note here is that the narrator has to alert us that they are coming in earlier than usual. (By earlier, literally 8 AM on the clock, which is an hour earlier than usual.) So, today's crowd consists of Peppa, George, Edmond, Rebecca, Wendy, Freddy, Emily, Molly, Zoe, Danny, and Pedro F'N Pony. No Mandy this time around. (Absent: Mandy Mouse, The Zebra Twins, The Panda Twins, Richard Rabbit, Candy Cat, Gerald Giraffe.) There are plates on the table as Gigi asks why they are at Playgroup so early today. Danny's response is classic: Because they didn't learn enough stuff yesterday. HAHA! That was a good one, and somewhat believable actually. Peppa thinks that it's because she really like them, and Gigi is like "yes, but not the reason". Pedro thinks it's a special day. When Pedro is the logical one, you know the kids are trolling on Gigi. Gigi proclaims that it's time for Breakfast Club, where they eat their breakfast. Since the kids were chanting this, they knew and they are trolling. Apparently, breakfast wakes up their mouths, so they can talk...and annoy as Gigi cuts off Peppa's annoying talking behaviour. More exchanges of thoughts about breakfast ensue. Suzy asks what is energy? My answer: The power you need to troll throughout the day. Yeah, I'm on a troll roll here, as it's been months since my last rant. Edmond cuts his science promo and does the elephant wail. In a major shock, no one says that he's a clever clogs, so even the writers have given up on this. (Former self means it, too. Even the narrator doesn't say it.) Rebecca hops for a while as Edmond stands on the chair and thinking. I betcha Suzy wishes she could hear his thoughts, even though that is clearly invasion of privacy. Oh wait, the narrator was waiting after this to say that he is a clever clogs. How would you know that; Edmond didn't even say what he is thinking?! Gigi claims that it takes a lot of energy to think. No, it does not; unless your thinking is terrible. Everyone grabs their plate and heads to the table of food with Gigi. We have bread, a toaster, a cup containing a hard boiled egg, yogurt, jam, cheese, cereal, orange juice, fruit, and carrots. Oh, and Rebecca is first. I betcha she picks the carrots. I check the video...Damn, I'm so good. Gigi called the cereal, porriage, so I'm guessing it was oatmeal. Danny loves cereal, Suzy loves toast. However, no one else does and somehow, the slices of beard are completely gone and there's only one left. (SUZY SHEEP~?!) Gigi does the time wasting segment of explaining how to operate a toaster safely completely with clock ticking sounds, and the toast pops out, flies into the air and lands on Suzy's plate.

Yeah; Gigi's toaster is as old as she is. AHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Gigi's explaination is totally acceptable, but still it was done to waste some time. The kids are impressed as Peppa wants toast. I just love how they originally didn't like toast, despite eating beans on toast in a previous episode. The episode where Pedro perverted the Big Bong song into a western. (Oh just wait, Gigi is going to get her revenge and pervert a Mr. Potato song very shortly.) Now everyone wants toast and even Gigi realizes that this segment will take forever, so she brings in out of nowhere, the GOLDEN TOASTER OF DEATH~! I just love how it takes NINE slices of bread, instead of an even TEN slices. Must be the old country's toaster. AHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Hey, it's not my fault Rhinokey is coming back to Ducktales 2017, sort of. Pedro calls it a super toaster. (Eh, close enough.) Somehow, the slices of bread are written in via teleport into the toaster, which leads to the kids having to catch the bread from the toaster and somehow Pedro caught his bread first. (SUZY SHEEP~?!) Danny Dog has to be crying in his apple juice on that one. I mean, the easiest contest in the world, and somehow PEDRO F'N PONY got his toast first?! Danny wasn't even fourth in this. The kids want to do this again and Gigi says, eat the toast you have first. I think it's okay to tell them that you ran out of toast, since there looks to be no bread left. I should also note: when the kids go back to the table, glasses of milk and jars of spread are in via teleport as well. This has been a really sloppy episode continuity wise. Everyone puts spread on their toast, Peppa opts for the Nintendo Switch way and I'm still wondering when we are going to get a Peppa Pig video game for that hybrid?! (Don't worry, you'll get TWO Peppa Pig titles from Outright Games very shortly.) Everyone is happy as Gigi asks if they got the energy, and the kids cut various promos, but thank the spreads for the energy and not the toast itself. Gigi brings out the tape recorder and everyone goes outside to a tree area as Gigi wants them to do the breakfast bounce which is to copy what Gigi does. Oh, and speaking of Pedro F'N Pony: Remember when he played the Baked Bean song and how it was the Bing Bong song perverted into a western motif; and how I laughed until I cried...Well, Gigi plays the music of "Eat Your Five (Edmond: SEVEN!)" and she perverts it into a breakfast song. I howled with laughter when this happened. I no longer feel sorry for Gigi getting her song perverted, when she did the exact same thing here. They do exercises for a while, then stop and giggle to end the episode at 4:30. (Nothing changes, so there was no cut.) A really fun episode with a hilarious finish, but the continuity was all over the place here. *** 1/2 (75%).

Botanical Gardens: Here is episode #294 on the animation paper as we head to the botanical garden on the hill as the Pig family arrives with their boots on. (Danny Dog is literally lecturing Mummy Dog on flowers in the front. Which is hilarious considering that in previous series, Danny Dog hates flowers.) Oh, come on show; you know most viewers know where this is going?! Oh, and guess who the head gardner is?! Come on, guess; it's too shocking! SURPRISE~! IT'S OKAY, BOOMER! POW! OUCH! Ummmm...It's Miss Rabbit. Even Mr. Bull wasn't this absurd. Why not make HIM the head gardener and stop this workaholic attitude of Miss Rabbit?! (We have a joke to milk because it makes money. That's why, former self. Also, job #1112!) Miss Rabbit is wearing a green hat as she welcomes everyone as they are flowers grown around the world. Yeah, I'll bet. We go inside and Daddy Pig is already complaining about the wild flower meadow being untidy despite the fact that that is the PURPOSE of a wild flower garden. Thankfully, Miss Rabbit rightfully blows him off for it. So even in Series Six, Daddy Pig is dumb! (See previous additional commentary, former self. Almost to the letters and numbers. Almost.) The butterflies and the bees are buzzing and in a shock, Daddy Pig isn't being chased by a wasp. So, even the writers have smarten up to it. (Too bad, it was a funny gag.) We head into the hot house with the sand and the cacti, the palm trees and the Venus Flytrap. (You love Grampy Rabbit so much that you are almost talking like him. That's interesting.) Which rhymes with... POW! OUCH! Ummmm... Thank you, that joke doesn't work even on children's television directly. I was waiting with baited breath to see one of them snap and grab onto Daddy Pig's nose. They were just daring that happen. Sadly, only a fly got it. Not funny, and the burp isn't going to make it so. Peppa giggles and wants to cosplay a Venus Flytrap. Because, of course! George plays the fly and then the video STALLS for ten seconds, and then we start the cosplay. That wasn't the episode's fault, that was the video's fault. (Yup, the video I'm using played the scene perfectly.) Then Peppa stops and then blows off George because Venus Flytraps do not run. Wait a second?! (I deleted a sentence simply because it made no sense. Peppa was running away on purpose and George was forced to run.) YOU LITTLE TROLL~! George rightfully bawls on cue for the first time in the Amelie Bea Smith era. And the narrator got totally confused and Peppa apologizes to him. You should; since you blamed him for doing what he was supposed to do, and then the narrator screwed up. Dammit! (The narrator didn't screw up. Venus Flytraps aren't supposed to run. Peppa is a troll because she didn't want to get even close to George, forcing George to run.)

They then decide to both be flies, I guess the adults are the flytraps now. Sounds reasonable to me. Oh, and Daddy Pig is blushing, a sign of the heat getting to him. (Actually, everyone is blushing due to the heat, even Miss Rabbit.) It's time to go into the next room which is a snowy field filled with little plant life, called a cold house and all the pigs shiver of course. It's officially called an Arctric Tundra Garden. (I mention this because Peppa calls it the North Pole Garden. North Pole doesn't have any ground present unlike the South Pole.) Next, we see ice lollies and ice cream cones sticking in the snow as Peppa asks if they grow this at the Arctic Tundra Garden, and Miss Rabbit points out that their freezer is broken. George and Peppa get free ice cream and they lick it, causing Mummy Pig to literally shiver either at the sight, or the narrator's promo. It's hard to tell, actually. (It's all of the above, former self.) Next up is the rain forest garden with lots of plants and butterflies. It's called a rain forest because it's the forest that has a lot of rain and it rains every hour on the hour, which is controlled by Miss Rabbit. Also, it does rain, so yeah, the boots have come in handy, despite the lack of coats. Daddy Pig demonstrates his moronicness again by claiming that they need something like this at home and Mummy Pig gleefully retorts that one for me. A shower, everyone; which I will need after this rant is over. (Daddy Pig needs some cream after that sick burn from Mummy Pig.) The video stalls again for five seconds as we head inside the experiment room with Mr. Rabbit -- speaking of multi-tasking... -- as the botanical research scientist. His job is to be a god...ERRRR....I mean, make new plants as we get a demonstration of the bees and butterflies collecting pollen and flowers making seeds and such. Peppa smells a purple flower and it smells awesome, Mummy Pig smells a pink plant and gets nothing. Apparently, Mummy Pig has either a stuffy nose, or that plant has no smell. It's the later as the small flower is purple/pink with the smell. It's a lot more complicated than that, being plant DNA; but it's a start. Sadly, Dr. Rabbit's carrot skills need more work; since he couldn't make a big tasty carrot and the experiment ended with a small not tasty carrot. Everyone sighs on cue. (Sadly, no "wah-wah" sound here. It was begging for one. Rebecca Rabbit isn't going to like these findings.) After some more silliness, we head to the children's garden as Miss Rabbit proclaims that the garden has one awesome feature. It's not the gnomes, not a water fall, but a giant muddy puddle as we jump cut to Candy Cat, Rebecca Rabbit, Danny Dog, Suzy Sheep, Emily Elephant, Zoe Zebra, Freddy Fox and of course, Pedro F'N Pony jumping up and down in muddy puddles. Why are you surprised?! This is the show's giant money shot moment since the first episode of this series! (DING!) George and Peppa like this and of course they jump in as we see Mrs. Zebra and Mrs. Elephant in the background watching on. Everyone giggles to end the episode at 4:30. Outside of Peppa's really awful troll job on George, this episode was great actually. **** (80%).

Mr. Potato's Fruit & Vegetable Quiz: This is episode #295 on the animation paper and the episode opens at the school house on the hill with clown horns blaring. UH-OH! That means, Mr. Potato is back and singing his famous "Eat Your Five" to start in school with Gigi Gazelle and the kids. (There are fruit and vegetable balloons on the ceiling I should note. At least Mr. Potato didn't bring his red clown car today.) Sadly, Edmond does not end it with SEVEN~! (Absent: Gerald Giraffe, The Panda Twins and The Zebra Twins.) Did Mr. Potato change his voice in between seasons, because he also sounds different for some reason. (Nah, he's singing with a higher pitch, might be an audio thing. No voice change at all.) Today's class is all about quizing the kids on their knowledge of fruit and vegetables. Also, we are doing a quiz show for this special event on stage. Rebecca knows all about carrots; which means her knowledge is limited. We create two teams of three for this as Suzy asks what is a quiz and Mr. Potato explains that he asks the question, and if you know the answer, you buzz in. Yeah, nothing to it. No one can screw this up, can they?! Peppa, Rebecca and Pedro are on team #1, Danny, Suzy and Mandy will be on team #2. (Team #1 is Team Carrot, DUH! and Team #2 is Team Orange.) Wow, this could be the moment Danny Dog WINS an event! I have goosebumps for this to happen. (Just watch the writer scompletely crush former self's hopes and dreams; then turn it into a future angle...) Team #1 has Peppa who is good, Rebecca who is the carrot master and Pedro F'N Pony who cannot tell a butterfly from a BIG ANT~! (Oh just wait until that episode where I got gaslit by a YTV Treehouse promo into believing that Pedro Fucking Pony had the dumbest answer ever, only to have the most reasonable answer of the group!) Team #2 appears to have a much better chance at winning here. Oh, did I mention that the quiz board has video images and sound?! (Totally un-needed and annoying methinks!) Everyone does slow claps and question #1 is what is not a vegetable: lettuce, radish, celery or a blue car? Danny buzzes in and says car, and Danny wins a point for his team. Danny has got to be giddy on this one because how can he lose since Peppa is hamstrung by a carrot lover and Pedro F'N Pony. (Speaking of Pedro Fucking Pony...) Next question: Is a chocolate cookie a fruit?! (Which is clearly called a chocolate biscuit here.) Pedro buzzes in and says "yes"; because Pedro is clueless. Gigi is asking him to guess again...WHAT?! (Pedro also claims that Doctor Pony eats five cookies a day. Unhealthy, but he's an eye doctor.) Gigi looks like she is hoping for Mr. Potato to look the other way and ignore the wrong answer. That's stupid. Pedro says no; and Mr. Potato ignores the first answer and accepts the second answer to give him the point.

They did this so the event will end in a tie, because of course we cannot give poor Danny Dog a win on this show. Of course! Why does this show test me so?! (Okay, to be fair: Mr. Potato did give Peppa another chance to do the puddle jump in The Golden Boots, so it's not like this has not happened before. At least Pedro F'N Pony answered the question correctly on his own. Unlike Peppa, who need 14 KIDS to beat Doctor Elephant, which Mr. Potato allowed Peppa to win a puddle jumping contest. Yes, this screws Danny Dog over, but it's not nearly as bad as they did Doctor Elephant dirty.) Next up is the lightning round as they guess what is a fruit and what is a vegetable. #1: Strawberry - point goes to Peppa. #2: Watermelon - point goes to Mandy. #3: Cabbage - point goes to Suzy. #4 - Tomato. Uh-oh! We have problems because Suzy and Peppa both buzz in at the same time and Peppa claims it's a vegetable and Suzy claims it's a fruit. Edmond Elephant should chime in right now and be the official for this since he's a clever clogs and would know this. However, this show decides to channel "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire?!" as Mr. Potato brings out his cellphone because it's time to "Call A Friend~!" Of course, Suzy and Peppa pick Edmond Elephant -- who is standing in the same room, literally 10 feet away from the stage -- and they still have to ring in Gigi and Gigi lets Edmond answer the cellphone. WHAT?! Some clever clogs Edmond Elephant is, he would have noticed this. Then again, they also erased "SEVEN~!" from his memories, so why am I not surprised?! (Okay, that was funny. It's stupid, but it's funny so it was worth it.) Edmond claims that it was a fruit because it has seeds which should be the right answer because SCIENCE and thus SUZY gains the point, but Edmond also claims that it's classified as a vegetable because TAXES~! (Edmond said that the New York Port Authority in the 19th century classified tomatoes as vegetables to subject it to a 10% import tax. POLITICS~! First of all, huge if true. Former self was much more simple in his words than Edmond was here. Edmond's on a pre-school show, former self is not. I love this damnable show!) This is one reason why health officials get really mad about our diets nowadays. Mr. Potato decides that they are both right and each get a point. Well, at least this one is Edmond's fault, so whatever. I'm more angry at Pedro's wrong answer than this. The score is 4-3 in favor of Danny's team; so you can smell the tie coming a mile away now. The last question is hopefully carrots because Rebecca loves carrots and Peppa blows her off. Remember, Rebecca is the only one who hasn't buzzed in yet, so you can guess what the final answer is to the question straight away. Mr. Potato calls it "guess that vegetable" and claims that it's orange and grows in the ground. Peppa whisper yells to Rebecca about favorite foods and Rebecca buzzes in, says carrot and basically wills the team into a tie, and Danny Dog is denied his own victory. (Considering that Danny Dog has a blank stare with the rest of the team, and Pedro is smiling with Rebecca showing teeth; everyone now realizes: Danny Dog has just been screwed out of his victory.) To be fair, Danny at least contributed to his tie, despite Suzy getting two points and so did Peppa for that matter. But, remember: Pedro got a wrong answer earlier that was completely ignored, so Danny Dog was absolutely robbed here. Nothing changes! The kids all get on stage with balloons to end the episode at 4:30. Again, Danny Dog was ROBBED~! (This was more hilarious on the second viewing mostly due to hindsight in other future episodes, so *** 1/2 (70%). Also, Danny Dog WAS ROBBERD~ and it won't be the last. Also, the kids sing the "Eat Your Five" song.)

THE REVIEW LINE

Another ten episodes of Peppa Pig are in the books. I loved the ending to the Super Potato Movie for Miss Rabbit resucing the super hero and getting her due, but she really needs to stop her gimmick now. Bird Spotting was an okay episode with a bad finish that somehow a mecha bird counts as a bird. Grandpa Pig just looks like a geek and Mr. Stallion and Mrs. Corgi looked like goofballs agreeing with him. Botanical Gardens was the best episode of this rant group although Peppa's trolling of George was bad. It made sense, but Peppa didn't want George to catch her, but had no problem catching George. The broken freezer and shower machine gag was funny though, along with Mr. Rabbit's bad work on carrots. Rebecca Rabbit is probably not cool with these findings. I love Bat & Ball much more on the second viewing as Peppa acted like Katherine Victor, Danny Dog acted too late to save his life and George got the last laugh on Gigi Gazelle and everyone else. Poor Danny Dog, he's about to get cooked even harder from here on out, especially in Peppa Pig Tales. That final episode was robbery! Danny Dog WAS ROBBED~! Overall, the usual mixed bag. So...

Thumbs up for Botanical Garden and thumbs down for Bird Spotting. Thumbs in the middle for the rest and I'll see you all next time.

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