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Twenty Years Of Muddy Puddles: Peppa Pig Series Seven #3 Rant

Reviewed: 10/02/2021
Additional Commentary/Edited: 09/29/2024

Mummy Pig Is Dumb! Sadly, I'm Not Lying Either!

Okay fans; I have now decided to rant on this series full time, because I do in fact like this show enough that I can handle the best and worst of the Pig family from Great Britian. More new episodes ensue as we debut the Clubhouse, skateboards, training to climb mountains, playing on a tractor, Winter Games, Christmas in Australia, Goldie The Goldfish has a birthday and we catch a pirate for real on a police boat. How do these episodes fare? Let's rant on shall we..?!

All the episodes are done by Neville Astley, Mark Baker and Phil Hall. Animation is done by Astely Baker Davies animation; with the two mentioned creators and Phil Davies.

Skateboarding: Next up is episode #338 on the animation paper as the episode opens in the boring park as the Pig family is riding on various rides. Peppa has her scooter, George has his tricycle, Mummy Pig is on her BICYCLE, BICYCLE, BICYCLE~; where Daddy Pig is on a skateboard. Daddy Pig stops and flips the skateboard up, he wishes he was as cool as Kit Cloudkicker is. Child?! Adult?! Does it really matter...Ummm, nope. (2024 Gregory Weagle Says: One day I will review "The Lost Cargo of Kit Cloudkicker!", honest!) Peppa would like to try the skateboard, but Daddy Pig kindly no sells the deal because skateboarding is difficult, even for adults. You just buried yourself there, Daddy Pig; and made Kit into a bigger star unintentionally to boot! Mummy Pig agrees with Daddy Pig and thus buries herself, but Peppa apparently knows Kit well enough that she wants to go next. She is Molly Cunningham, only two years younger at this point. Daddy decides to teach her how to skateboard at four years old and wants Peppa to take it slow as he skateboards at normal speed anyway. That says more about Daddy Pig's skills than Peppa's at this point. Peppa gets on the board and gets a lot more speed than Daddy Pig ever did. Peppa manages to get on the board and doesn't do too badly for someone doing it the first time. In fact, outside of some wobbly knees; she nailed this really well for her first time. In come for the first time in years, Belinda Bear and Simon Squirrel on skateboards. I'm guessing that their voices have changed in between the long wait between Series. Belinda and Simon exchanges notes on the skateboarding thing and Peppa proclaims that Daddy Pig is the best skateboarder in the world and Daddy Pig doesn't have the heart to tell her no. Remember, Daddy Pig submits when Suzy Sheep called science, "magic"; so why am I not surprised by this?! It's been a long time since Daddy Pig said that he's a bit of an expert on this, so Belinda kindly dares him to make it on those concrete ramps as we see footage of various denizens skateboarding on those ramps. Belinda and Simon skateboard on the higher ramp, which looks like a bowl. I think Candy Cat is also here with her skateboard. (The others are clear palette swaps.) Peppa is kind of humble saying that she's not very good at skateboarding. Belinda points out that experience matters and that Belinda and Simon are almost ten years old. (You are halfway to being a grownup there Simon and Belinda, not almost.) Daddy Pig suggests a lesson from the two ten year olds and the two ten year olds accept. Wait, I thought Daddy Pig was the expert and he's older?! Yeah. (So, you are saying that Daddy Pig being a bit of an expert on things is very sus?!)

We continue on the slightly down slope hill as this is Peppa's first lesson. Mummy Pig and Daddy Pig head to the bottom of the most gentle hill you ever see and barely ten feet away to catch Peppa. This is boomerang parenting going to vast extremes, fitting since one of their cousins is from Australia. (Kylie and Peppa are just friends, not kissing cousins former self.) Let's make it even more absurd with GEORGE trying to catch Peppa. HA! Belinda gives instructions to Peppa as Peppa gets on the skateboard. Then she starts trolling on Belinda because despite being only ten feet away, she literally is pushed at the five feet line. Wow, that gives new meaning to the phrase: "Already being on third base and thinking you score a triple." Peppa is caught and Daddy picks up Peppa while Peppa screams "I did it" multiple times, probably the most vocal range Amelie Bea Smith has had in this series so far. Peppa then gets cocky and tries it again, but she falls onto the ground on her ass. Daddy Pig comes over to ask if she is all right as he helps Peppa up. Peppa is fine of course as Simon is at the bowl saying that helmets are ace, just to remind the idiots out there that wearing a helmet is important. Simon skateboards and looks really cool for a pre-school show. Peppa then dares Daddy Pig to try this and Daddy Pig is stammering like a stupid idiot, because his own "I'm a bit of an expert on these things" is about to bite him on the ass again. Belinda also said that falling down happens all the time on skateboards. Word. Daddy Pig accepts and takes the skateboard to the board and you know he's an idiot because Mummy Pig is already questioning this idea. Daddy Pig don't care; because Daddy Pig is dumb, you see. Mummy Pig asks if he had ever been on a ramp before and it's time for a MUSIC BREAK~! Daddy Pig blows her off as he is at the top next to the "!" sign which means danger is coming to Daddy Pig. Daddy Pig then realizes how high this is, because he hasn't gotten over his fear of heights completely. Too late anyway, because he's skateboarding down that ramp, regardless if he want to or not. Now do you understand why he almost never say the "I'm a bit of an expert" line anymore?! (Because he always makes an ass out himself everytime he says that.) He hyperbole the ramp and then goes completely backwards into a tailspin (BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!) as Belinda is loving this. Belinda is likely cheering for Daddy Pig's death. Daddy Pig then lands on his ass on the hill in front of the babyfaces as the music stops and his skateboard bounces right into Daddy Pig's hands. Belinda and Simon so love this as Peppa declares Daddy Pig, the best skateboarding in the world because he's old. Of course! Everyone laughs as we zoom out to see skateboarders on various ramps to end the episode at 4:30. (The end credits contain weird rock music with electrical guitar playing.) A fun episode for the most part. *** 1/2 (70%).

Mountain Climbing: Time for episode #339 on the animation paper as the episode opens on a hill containing one of those fake mountain climbing hills you use to train people how to mountain climb along with a tree and a giant crane. A note: Like Gigi Gazelle, since Grampy Rabbit has a first name now, I'll be referring to him as Reggie Rabbit from here on out. Reggie is watching over as Mummy Pig, Mummy Sheep, Captain Dog, Peppa, George, Pedro F'N Pony, Danny Dog, and Suzy Sheep are going up the hill to fetch a pail of mountain climbing training. Strangerly, the kids are wearing orange shoes with laces; which is not much different from their original shoes. (Reggie Rabbit is actually wearing mountain climbing work boots, it's so obvious!) Reggie asks if they are ready for this and Mummy Pig asks if this is difficult; Reggie says, "yes, but it's fun". HAHA! Reggie proclaims that he has climbed mountains before, as Peppa asks if he ever got stuck. Reggie admits to this so gleefully that they even show the FLASHBACK OF DOOM of him climbing a mountain and being unable to get off said mountain. So, he rings in the Mountain Rescue~! It's Miss Rabbit rescue service helicopter, of course. Reggie of course lied about this because, as Reggie is rescued using the SUCTION CUP RESCUE OF DOOM, Miss Rabbit blows off her dad for being stuck in a mountain...AGAIN! There's something not adding up here, Reggie. (You're saying that Reggie's story is so sus on par with Monteray Jack's bullshit stories?! GET OUT OF HERE, former self!) We return to reality (no, not really) as Danny Dog calls it brilliant. It no longer takes anything to amuse Danny Dog nowadays. Thankfully, it's all right because the mountain climbing walls are only a head taller than Reggie, actually. Oh, and it's made of plastic; but the kids don't care. At least they are climbing something, and that is what counts, am I right?! (A note: the first climbing wall is Mount Snowden, which is the last name of the first Peppa Pig voice: Lily Snowden-Fine and also one of the early writers of this show: Allison Snowden-Fine.) Reggie brings out the safety helmets and everyone puts them on while giggling. (By the way, Reggie doesn't wear one at any point and he climbs the mountain and the climbing walls without them. Hypocrites!) Then we explains the bobbly-bits known as hand and foot holds as Reggie demonstrates to easily get him onto the top of the mountain. Pedro starts and he gets the right idea, but barely makes any progress up. Peppa and Suzy can use any color they want, so they race up to see if they can get to the top with only their favorite colors, yellow for Suzy and blue for Peppa. Mummy Pig puts George on the first bobbly-bit and he uses green (for DINEASAUR, GRRRRRR~!) and makes it to the top before anyone can get close to him. YAY!

One problem, he's still scared of heights and he will bawl his eyes out. I check the video...Nope; Reggie helps him down after everyone praises him for being so fast. However, this was just Mount Snowden; there is one more mountain to climb and this one surpasses the height of even that giant crane: Mount Everrest~! (I think the writers missed the boat here and not have it as Mount Bird, to complete the voice gag with Harley Bird being the last voice of Peppa Pig before Amelie Bea Smith took over. It would also represent the amount of time Harley Bird voiced Peppa as well.) It turns out that the crane is just there to bring down the SAFETY ROPE OF DOOM because not even Reggie is this sadistic to let anyone, including himself, climb without one. Reggie demonstrates his mountain climbing skills with the safety rope. Reggie swings back and slowly comes down the...MUSIC BREAK~!...rope as Reggie asks who wants to go first. George snorts and Mummy Pig is questioning this act by George. Reggie and George don't care; but Reggie does remind George that he can bounce backwards and come down anytime he wants to. George hops, skips and jumps up Mount Everrest and makes it to the top with ease. Mummy Pig proclaims that this is quite high and after the kids clap in praise of Geroge, all I can say is: Don't look down, George...Oh wait, he looks down and bawls his eyes out. (Because you see, as long as George doesn't look down, he's not afraid of heights. The only thing consistent with this angle.) Mummy Pig panics and just climbs up Mount Everrest, as Reggie protests this outrage because of DA RULES. (FAIRY GODPARENTS~!) Mummy Pig don't care, so you know who enables George in that department. Mummy Pig makes it to the top and hugs George in a wholesome moment as everyone claps in unison. Mummy Pig swings George back and he comes down without incident. If only George had noticed this because now Mummy Pig is stuck because of DA RULES (FAIRY GODPARENTS~!) are there so this doesn't happen. If you cannot guess the final spot now, you have no business reading this rant. Yup; Reggie rings in Miss Rabbit's rescue service, in comes Miss Rabbit with the helicopter (Who is so confused when Miss Rabbit finds out it's Mummy Pig of all people stuck on plastic Mount Everrest!). Mummy Pig gets suction cupped and she is hanging like Baloo in I Only Have Ice For You as Peppa kind of trolls on Mummy Pig and Mummy Pig answers. (And if you listen closely, you can hear Daddy Pig laughing all the way to the bank.) Everyone except Mummy Pig does the backsplash laugh to end the episode at 4:30. Wow, Reggie is great as usual and I love this episode. **** 1/2 (90%).

Police Boat: We continue on with episode #340 on the animation paper and we open the episode on a boring river with Grandpa Pig and his sailing ship as Peppa, George and Freddy Fox are on deck. Why am I not surprised Freddy Fox was picked for this episode?! In storyline, Freddy wants to be a police officer when he grows up. Grandpa Pig brings out pirate costumes, asks if anyone wants to play a pirate and everyone agrees to it. Normally, this would not be a bad thing; however, the pirate flag is raised and just who comes in their police boat: Officer Panda and Officer "I never met an inanimate object I didn't like to ticket" Grey Squirrel in their police motor boat. (Here comes the BAD EPISODE POLICE~!) They think Grandpa Pig the kids are real pirates. What a bunch of bastards these two police officers are?! We all know real pirates are human beings, not anthros who act like human beings. There is a huge difference! Peppa claims that they are pretending to be pirates and Panda proclaims that this is okay then. However, to make sure, Grey Squirrel gets to ticket Grandpa Pig's boat, just in case. HAHA! The kids want to help the officers with police work because goodness knows they need to after being unable to tell that Freddy Fox is not a pirate! Panda says no because it's serious work, you see. The kids say "please" and by rule; the adults must agree to the terms. Yup, the officers agree to the terms. That word "please" is a super magical word. Damn, now I sound like Pedro F'N Pony. That's horrifying. (Nah, it has it's charm.) The kids all get on the boat and Grey Squirrel races stage right while Grandpa Pig waves goodbye. Grandpa Pig sits down on his ass, reads the newpaper which comes out of nowhere and then snores himself to sleep. Got that?! (SUZY SHEEP~?!) That yellow feather is so bad it might send Michael Eisner out of the Phantom Zone to boot. Head onto the river with the kids being amused by Grey Squirrel's driving skills. (I removed the Simon Squirrel reference because there is no evidence that he's the son of Officer Grey Squirrel since there is a grey squirrel kid similar to Simon in certain episodes.) Grey Squirrel's cellphone rings and it's police headquarters to inform everyone that a ship is sinking. Guess who's boat it is, come on, guess; it's too shocking! SURPRISE~! IT'S OKAY BOOMER~! POW! OUCH! Ummmm... Sigh, you keep punching me for being right because it's Reggie Rabbit's boat that is sinking. Somethings never change even when a lot has changed since the last time this has happened to him. I guess Miss Rabbit told him to go pound sand after the mountain climbing incident. A lot of sinking occurs as everyone exchanges notes and Grey Squirrel remembers to ticket the flag pole in the process. Of course! Then the boat completely sinks as the police boat almost leaves before Reggie asks to be rescued. The police throw an orange life preserver and declare Reggie rescued. YAY! Not. (In Britian, it's called a life ring. Why did former self give this episode ** 1/4?! Granted, he loves Reggie Rabbit and all, but Grey Squirrel's ticketing is the best part of this duo.)

The kids wave goodbye and the motor boat speeds away. Of course! Way to go, police! I don't think defunding this police force is going to do us any good either. The kids are still amused by this as Freddy Fox hears another emergency from the cell phone. Apparently, there is a pirate ship around these parts and in a surprise, none of the officers say that they took care of that and it was a fake pirate ship. Damn, you had a good setup line and the writers didn't bite?! Idiots! Anyhow; Panda proclaims that they are on the way as we head to a real pirate ship with probably only the third legit human being on this show, the pirate who makes his third appearance on this show and is the first time he actually speaks. He's also checking his treasure via the CHEST OF DEMONS. Pirate's parrot is a color palette swap of Polly Parrot, the noisy parrot from Series One that the show erased almost as quickly as it came?! Anyhow; they exchange notes for a while as the human pirate attempts to claim that he's playing the role of a pirate and is not a real pirate; because it worked so well at the beginning of the episode. The pirate even brings up "Talk Like A Pirate Day" claiming it's for a good cause. Yeah, sure. (Yeah, the human pirate finally spoke! The human pirate is voiced by Denier Edge.) The police still fall for it as Grey Squirrel tickets the pirate anyway, because that is her gimmick now. I told you she's dangerously close to littering at this point. Police headquarters calls because there is a traffic jam on the river and the motorboat speeds away stage left. We head back to Grandpa Pig's boat as he's sleep and is literally causing a traffic jam on the river as Granddad Dog/Mummy Dog are on a tugboat, Ms. Corgi has her sailboat and there's another two boats behind that. (Cameos: Mr. Stallion, Mr. Rhino, Doctor Pony and a palette swap of Mrs. Donkey.) Oh, come on now! Is there some kind of festival involving boats that I'm not aware of. Or for that matter, Grandpa Pig. The police boat arrives as Peppa tells Grandpa Pig to wake up and he wakes up. He moves his motorboat upon the police's request to the left and the traffic jam is stopped as everyone else goes past. (The boat off-camera is written out by teleport. SUZY SHEEP~?!) The narrator claims that everyone loves the police boat and I assure him that only Freddy does. I'm shocked that not once did Freddy want the siren on. Everyone laughs to end the episode at 4:30. (The ending credits are in various color backgrounds with pirate drawings in the background along with Peppa singing a pirate song.) This was not good as many of the spots that made it good were not in evidence and the gimmick of Grey Squirrel is boardering on addiction now. (I love the ticketing gimmick former self, and this was a perfectly acceptable episode with the human pirate finally speaking. Call it *** 1/2 (60%).)

The Tractor: We continue on with #341 on the animation paper and the episode opens on the boring road with Daddy Pig driving the car as the narrator tells us that for the second time in history, we are going to Mrs. Badger's farm. Peppa and George are in the back seat and Mummy Pig's in the passenger seat. Daddy Pig asks George about what they will see today and George thinks it's a dinesaur (sic), grrr~! Somethings never change. Nope, today they are seeing a tractor. Peppa asks what that is and Daddy Pig explains it as a car with big wheels. We cut to Mrs. Badger going through mud with ease with the tractor. Remember that for later. Daddy Pig loves tractors as he is forced to stop because there is another traffic jam, speaking of things never changing. (Cameos: Mummy Cat, Mr. Rhino, Mummy Elephant, Mummy Pony, Pedro F'N Pony Doctor Brown Bear, Mummy Sheep, Suzy Sheep and Daddy Wolf.) Daddy Pig is more frustrated than my father as he honks the horn like he means it. Mummy Pig tells him to sod off on the horn honking and thus we must be patient. Daddy Pig wonders what is blocking the road. Now, you would think that they wouldn't show this and go to the spot where Daddy Pig becomes an idiot again; but not this time. Oh, no. We do an anime background stage right and then see Mrs. Badger on the road on her tractor, causing the jam because tractors are very, very slow moving vehicles. Luckly, the farm path is nearby and Mrs. Badger drives the tractor up the hill. Anyhow; the traffice goes away as Daddy Pig's car follows Mrs. Badger's tractor up the hill after pointing out that Peppa and George are here to see the farm. Mrs. Badger is happy to see them and we head up to the farm barn as Suzy Sheep, Danny Dog and Pedro F'N Pony are waiting for the piglets to arrive. (By the way, Pedro F'N Pony was in the traffic jam during this. SUZY SHEEP~?!) The piglets get out of the car as Mummy Pig proclaims that they will be back to pick them up later on. Remember that for later. The car drives away stage left as Mrs. Badger addresses the crowd. Time to wash those hands, and it's even more important nowadays than it was decades ago. They all wash their hands in the conveniently placed washing station with soap and water while singing the TEDDY RUXPIN SONG OF DOOM. I should note that the song is a parody of "Row, Row, Row Your Boat!" song. Mrs. Badger shows off her tractor as it has big chuncky wheels and a strong engine to pull stuff. Mrs. Badger gets into the tractor and pulls the lever (CLEVER CLOGS~!) as she attaches a hook to a kart with seats in it. It's time for a tractor ride as everyone gets in. The kids all cheer, of course.

There are stacks of hay in the foreground and background as we go to a large field of hay grass ready to be cut. Mrs. Badger de-attaches the kart with the kids in it since they can only be allowed to look, but not touch. Mrs. Badger drives into the field, attaches a hay cutter wheel to the front and a bale extractor on the back, all in one go. Mrs. Badger then drives the tractor and it's making bales of hay before our very eyes. She finishes the job as the kids are amazed by this and then Mrs. Badger returns to the kart greeted by a lot of slow claps from the kids. HAHA! Mrs. Badger attaches the trailer (per what the narrator says now) and we ride through the mud for a while. Mrs. Badger points out to Danny Dog that they cannot be stuck because the tractor is slow; but powerful enough to withstand the evils of mud. Mrs. Badger than drives the tractor down the hill and somehow, gets back on the road in traffic with the same traffic cars as before. That is one huge farm Mrs. Badger has to pull that one off! We head back to the boring road with Mummy Pig driving the car and Daddy Pig just smiling. Let me guess, for the second time in this rant alone, Mummy Pig is about to do something really stupid. Mummy Pig is pissed off that she is in a traffic jam, Mummy Pig honks the horn harder than Daddy Pig ever did and Daddy reminds her what she said to him! (Cameos: Mrs. Cow, Mr. Zebra, Gigi Gazelle, Miss Rabbit , Doctor Hamster, the goat waiter and Gabriella Goat. What the hell?!) Mummy Pig blows him off, backs up the car and goes through the shortcut down the grassy knoll. I betcha Mummy Pig drives into mud and she will be stuck. I check the video...Damn, I'm so good. Daddy Pig was at first questioning this; then acted like Mummy Pig was being brilliant because she'll never be stupid...and then Mummy Pig is stuck. I'm surprised the narrator didn't say the exact words I just said a sentence ago. (Wow, they could have done that and they didn't. Fools!) Cut back to Mrs. Badger as Peppa is looking backwards to see the car and points this out to Mrs. Badger. Cut back to Mummy Pig still being stuck as Daddy Pig being stuck in concrete. Mrs. Badger comes in and asks if they need help. Mummy Pig heistates; but then recoils because she's a little bit stuck. Denial is so thick as mud in these parts. Mrs. Badger uses the front hook to attach to the car and Mrs. Badger drives backwards. Despite a lot of mud sprays right into Mummy and Daddy Pig's face, the car is towed out with success. The bottom half is covered with mud; but that's normal. Mummy Pig thanks Mrs. Badger for her services as Mrs. Badger thanks her tractor. Peppa thinks tractors are the best as everyone laughs to end the episode at 4:30. This was a fine episode with a really funny climax near the end. *** 1/2 (70%).

Opening Moment #1: The snow opening is used, only difference is Amelie is voicing Peppa. I should note that the "Peppa Pig, *SNORT*~!" ending florish is still voiced by Harley Bird even though Harley Bird left the show. Why? I don't know. The first two Peppa Pigs got to do the final florish voice, but not Amelie Bea Smith for some odd reason. Hopefully, they fix this in Series Eight. (This also extends into The Winter Games in the next episode after this.)

Christmas With Kylie Kangaroo: This episode is #342 on the animation paper and the episode opens in the snowy air with the subway sandwich airplane in red and white, probably to avoid as much copyright infringement as possible. Captain Emergency makes his return to action after the Italian Holiday, but he is flying them to Australia this time. Daddy Cat, Mr. Labo and someone else in a yellow shirt are flying along with the Pig family in winter clothes, the only ones who are wearing them. At least the entire Pig family is dumb because Australia in our winter time is actually SUMMERTIME~! (There are a lot of ugly sweaters being worn by this family.) This is not the dumbest thing by Daddy Pig though, because Daddy Pig forgot to tell them that they were arriving to visit them. I know this because Mummy Pig wanted to make sure that the Kangaroo family was prepared for them in advance. The first time they did the surprise angle, it was funny because the Kangaroo family visited the Pig family first without any warning whatsoever, so when the Pig family went on holiday in Australia, it was sort of justice done and Mr. Kangaroo did claim that they were welcome to come visit. Mr. Kangaroo has learned his lesson, Daddy Pig has not, making this look like a creeper visit to me. Mummy Pig forgot as well, so it's a double creepy visit. We head to the Australian house on the hill on Christmas Morning as outside of the fact that it's summer time, the celebration isn't all that different from the British one so far. Mummy Pig rings the doorbell as Daddy Pig has the creep smile on full blast while Mr. Kangaroo answers the door. Daddy Pig says it all and Mr. Kangaroo is flustered. Mrs. Kangaroo, Kylie and Joey come out for the meet and greet, and they look less awkward than Mr. Kangaroo. Everyone gets in the Kangaroo van because they are all going to the beach at Christmas time, because it's hot in those Australian hills. Despite the differences, Mrs. Kangaroo asks if they are ready, everyone says yes, and she says Let's go. Literally seconds later, complete with jingle bell sounds, we jump cut to the babyfaces all at the beach. A very private beach I might add. Oh, and we have the return of Mr. Wallaby, the poor neighbour who got his windows broken during the Australian Holiday back in Series Five! He has the BBQ rack set up, and we are going to have corn on the cob. Of course! Hint: When Kylie debuted, they had corn on the cob at the little house on the hill. Also, it's Happy Christmas in the UK, instead of Merry Christmas. The narrator can still buzz off because I don't like corn seperate or on the cob. Mr. Wallaby wishes for snow and Mr. Kangaroo blows him off because this is Australian, not Cape Suzette where it can snow if Molly wishes for it real hard. Kylie asks about the snow in Britian and Peppa says "yes" and we get flashbacks of it snowing at the little house on the hill. Peppa and George in winter clothes come out and catch snowflakes for a while.

Peppa narrates to Kylie about what snow looks like since Kylie asked the question. Snow is considered crunchy in the wintertime. Okay, good to know. We show more footage of Peppa and George making a snowman, only this time; they made sure George didn't steal Daddy Pig's winter clothes to dress the snowman up like in Series 1 since Mummy Pig brings in the stones and Daddy Pig brought in the carrot this time around. Kylie then proclaims that they make a kind of snowman in Australia; but with sand. So, it is a Sandman~! AHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! POW! OUCH! Ummmm... Basically, it's made the exact same way, only with a corn on the cob for the nose; which Mr. Wallaby puts in. Mummy Pig what would be more Christmasie than that?! Well, in comes Father Christmas on a surfboard. Of course! What a fool I am?! With Beach Boys-equse music I might add. (Why did you give this episode ** 3/4?! Besides the fact that the episode sort of stopped?) Father Christmas jumps onto the sand and he actually says Merry Christmas anyway; which the family says the exact same thing back. Father Christmas brought presents for everyone as Peppa gets a shovel (spade in Britian), George has a pail (bucket), and the two kids make sandcastles. I was so sad that George didn't say "pesto", and only said "ta-da" when he lifts up the bucket. Just make him say "presto" and give him actual character development instead of skating around the issue, okay?! Parents who criticize this will notice this and criticize you more. Joey now has his own spotty ball and his first words are boing. (There's no evidence suggesting that is his first word, former self.) Kylie gets a snow globe, so she now is like Molly and WildCat with the snow globe in a Jolly Molly Christmas. Kylie is confused, so Peppa has to inform her that it's a snow globe; and Mr. Kangaroo tells her to shake it to simulate a snowstorm. Kylie shakes the globe and it snows, probably plastic snow; which would be funnier in hindsight. Mr. Wallaby is also excited about said globe as Father Christmas proclaims that this is his last delivery. He flips his boots off and wades into the water, getting his suit all wet. HA! Peppa, Kylie and Daddy Pig join in the fun. It's called paddling by the way as Mr. Wallaby has the BBQ corn ready; which seems more natural on Youtube than the YTV version I just saw. Whatever, they eat the corn while Kylie simply holds onto the snowglobe. A koala and a platypus wear Santa hats as Kylie cuts her promo, the narrator says it all, everyone laughs to end the episode at 4:30. This was all right for the most part, but it wasn't all that special. It felt like just the beginning of Jolly Molly Christmas and then it stopped. (This was more entertaining on the second viewing because Father Christmas on a surfboard is MONEY, MONEY, YEAH, YEAH~! *** 1/2 (70%).) The ending credits featured a version of Jingle Bells featuring Kylie Kangaroo as the focus was the best moment of the episode right there. (One other reason for the rating increase, I should note.)

Winter Games: We continue on with #343 on the animation paper and the episode opens on Snowy Mountain with the Pig family with winter clothes on and skis. The kids are giggling and you'll see why in just a moment as Daddy Pig talks about directions of skiing. The right side is a gentle hill while the left side is steeper than the house on the hill's slopes, which never stops anyone from parking on those sides of the hills. Mummy Pig does not want to ski on the left side of the slope this time as Daddy Pig has a chuckle. I'm like no, they aren't going to do a flashback to the Snowy Mountain episode in Series Four, a series they have tried to wipe from this show's canon?! Then the narrator says: "Last year..."; and then they show footage from the finish of Snowy Mountain where Mummy Pig skis through the slopes, on the road, in town and lands at the house on the hill, buried in snow, winning the big trophy from Gigi Gazelle. This is really important, storyline wise because the show just admitted that the show has only been covering Peppa's life between the ages of 4 and 5 with age 4 in Series One up to her birthday episode in Series One and the rest of the series has been her adventures at age 5, despite the fact that the show has been running for 17 years in real time! To be fair, the control of her canonal age is a lot better than Big Bird's canonal age in Sesame Street since Peppa Pig is an animated ficitional world, while Sesame Street takes place in a live action world where human live, age and die. Therefore, it's impossible to take Big Bird's canon age seriously. While Big Bird getting the COVID-19 vaccine is the right thing to do, the only reason his canon age is six is to avoid the fact that the world makes it impossible to take Big Bird being six years old (more like 56 years old and vaccines came out much sooner for them than it did for children) seriously, without accusing him of being vaccine heistant -- which is just as bad as being anti-vax, if not worse -- and that's the last thing you want kids to hear as a message, especially if you have parents who are already mistrusting said vaccines. (Welcome to the real world, bigots of the world. Will you accept it, or reject it?!) We return to reality (no, not really) as Peppa is so amused by this, because of course! (Peppa Pig is a troll.) Mummy Pig claims that she didn't mean to, and she'll never do it again! The fact that she winked and smiled directly into the hard camera indicate that she knows the finish of this episode well in advance, so they aren't even trying to hide that she is going to do this stunt yet again. That's amazing self-awareness there, dood. (Mummy Pig knows what she said is bullshit.)

The entire Pig family skis down the gentle slope of the hill with giggling and assorted stuff. George joins the little kids: Richard Rabbit, Edmond Elephant, Zuzu and Zaza Zebra. (When are the Zebra Twins ever going to join the playgroup?!) Mummy Elephant is behind them. Narrator compares this to a catepillar as we jump cut to Suzy Sheep skiing and baaing. (Suzy Sheep has the "change colors when wet" boots on since they were lime green instead of blue.) She joins Peppa because the slope is wibbly and wobbly. Peppa goes all woo on us as Mandy Mouse with a seated one ski assembly (called a Monoski) skiing down the slopes with ease. Mummy Mouse joins as Mandy greets Peppa and Suzy. Mandy also snow showers Peppa for fun, because trolls troll each other. Jump cut to Danny Dog on a snowboard, because he's the cool one who still cannot win a race. Daddy Pig joins them and proclaims that they are almost as good as him and Mummy Pig. So, Mandy dares him to go backwards as Danny Dog says and Daddy Pig stammers like an idiot. Daddy Pig is dumb. Daddy Pig thinks it's impossible as everyone skis safely to the bottom of the hill and stops. Mummy Pig is probably glad she cannot ski backwards. HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA~! Giggling ensues as it's time to take the ski lift, and Mr. Fox and Freddy Fox has joined us. Let's see if Freddy Fox gets abandoned like he was in Snowy Mountain. Mandy and Peppa join with Mummy Mouse on this ski lift. Apparently, skiing surpasses cheese in Mandy's favorites. Well, one is food and the other is not; so okay then. (They are really showing who is getting the mega push when Mandy and Peppa are together in a really important episode.) Freddy Fox and Mr. Fox are written out by teleport when they arrive back at the top of the mountain. Everyone turns around to ski, but Mummy Pig stops because she wants to take their picture. Uh-oh! I think we all know where this is going now. Everyone turns around, but Mummy Pig cannot seem to get everyone in the picture. Now, Mummy Pig is forced to back up; which is a big mistake because she is inching closer to the steep side of the mountain. UH-OH! Even Daddy Pig realizes how unbelievably dumb Mummy Pig is being right at this very moment. Mummy Pig knew this would happen and doesn't care at all, she wants that photo, dammit!

She takes the photo after everyone smiles in the smile that reads "Mummy Pig is so dead now" and Mummy slides backwards down the hill literally seconds later. BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Oh, snap! BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Daddy Pig's promo made this even funnier as we repeat the finish from Snowy Mountain...AGAIN! Everyone skiis down and Mummy Pig is actually slowing down, but it don't matter at this point. Somehow, in town; Mr. Fox has teleported into town from the slopes and Freddy Fox is nowhere to be seen. Mr. Fox has abandoned him, AGAIN! Freddy needs a foster family, STAT~! I was hoping Mummy Pig would MURDER Mr. Labo for his sexist behaviour; but no dice on that front. Mrs. Fox, and the parents of Pedro Pony are present. No Pedro Pony, although after seeing Around The World With Peppa, I'm not shocked at all. Mummy Pig skis up the hill and hits the door...somehow, the door now swings in the opposite direction, and thus means that Mummy Pig busts through the door, goes inside the sitting room -- which is in fact during the Christmas holiday to boot! -- (Somehow, Daddy Pig's diseased love seat made a cameo! SUZY SHEEP~?!), then the kitchen, then the back door which swings in the opposite direction as the previous door, goes down the hill as various objects somehow fall out of the back door without Mummy Pig touching anything during the house sequence, and it ends with Mummy Pig hitting the door of Playgroup (the school house on the hill) and gets buried in snow. (All while Morwenna Bank does the greatest sustained scream I have ever heard. Sally Struthers, be jealous!) If you cannot guess the final spot now, you have no business reading this rant. Mummy Pig pops from the carnage literally two seconds later as the door opens and out comes Gigi Gazelle. (By the way, the snow replaced itself from the roof. SUZY SHEEP~?!) The skiiers all ski in as Peppa Pig proclaims that Mummy Pig skiied backwards. Gigi gives Mummy Pig the Winter Games cup, a cup Mummy Pig has already won in Snowy Mountain. BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I think it's time for Mummy Pig to seek a new winter hobby, this one is getting way too toxic and repetitive for anyone's liking. Peppa loves this as Mummy Pig and Gigi Gazelle laugh while everyone else does the backsplash laugh to end the episode at 4:30. Okay, this episode was hilarious; and another best of Series Seven episode just for the continuity with Snowy Mountain alone. ***** (100%).

Undersea Party: Next up is episode #344 on the animation paper as the episode opens at the little house on the hill with the car pointing eastward. We zoom into the sitting room as Peppa is feeding Goldie the fish on the coffee table with George and Mummy Pig watching on. Peppa asks how old is Goldie and Mummy ponders that one over, and claims that Goldie is almost one year old. Considering the timeline of this show; Mummy Pig probably means it's been a year since they bought Goldie and has no idea how old Goldie actually is, but is probably within the margin of error in terms of age. Mummy Pig claims that Goldie's birthday is tomorrow, so Peppa wants a birthday fish for their goldfish. Even PEDRO F'N PONY has not had his birthday yet, you bastard troll! Don't worry Perdo fans, Pedro is going to get his birthday party near the end of Series Seven. I'm not trolling any of you in anyway. Mummy Pig is fine about this as long as it's a little party. Bad move there, Mummy Pig. Peppa grabs the goldfish bowl and goes over to Daddy Pig. Daddy Pig loves the idea of a goldfish getting a party. Daddy Pig is dumb, but you all knew that of course. Daddy Pig wants the title of this episode, complete with over the top stuff as the kids giggle while leaving. (Peppa's teeth smile told the whole story that Daddy Pig just fell into her trap without prompting.) Mummy Pig is protesting this outrage because of course Daddy Pig doesn't know the definition of a little party. To be fair, unlike most dumb characters, Daddy Pig does know the meaning of most words and doesn't have utter comtempt for them. It's his actions that make him dumb. Of course, Daddy Pig thinks this is just trolling, but Mummy Pig has to tell him that it's not a troll move by Peppa and Daddy Pig screwed up yet again. Surprisely, Daddy Pig does not blush this time despite the "Wah-wah" sound, even though it is fitting here. Mummy Pig brings out the laptop and opens it, trying to sound like that she is not panicking; which is the universal sign of actual panic. By the way, a really pointless moment: Mummy Pig is searching for Undersea Party; but when she types it, it looks like "L@rem+idsum=". It looks like a whacky username, despite the fact that she's searching for Undersea Party. If they were discouraging fans to type the actual search word, they failed because Mummy Pig says the correct search name clear as day. Of course, it's gimmick #2309 for Miss Rabbit as we see the most awkward CGI animation ever, even the voices sound like they run at 10 FPS. (That one amused me, I won't lie.) Also, Mummy Pig's laptop screen has a touch screen. Yeah. Mummy Pig clicks on the basket on-screen and literally ONE SECOND LATER AFTER HAPPY HOUR (after dark), Miss Rabbit is at the door ringing the doorbell.

Can you not make Miss Rabbit look any sadder?! Even with the multiple Miss Rabbit's rule, by god, that was fast! That was faster than Mummy Rabbit giving birth to twin in Mummy Rabbit's Bump for goodness sakes. Even Daddy Pig is amazed by this speed. Miss Rabbit with briefcase and hat walk in and inform the parents that she'll have it ready by morning and they can go upstairs to sleep. Mummy and Daddy Pig exit the sitting room as Goldie is right there to watch the makeover. Goldie doesn't even get the love to have it as a surprise birthday party. Peppa is such a troll. Morning arises as there are balloons hanging from the back entrance of the little house on the hill. (The music in this scene is breaktaking even though it's a heavenly version of the sad theme in this show.) Miss Rabbit is inside doing all the finishing touches as it looks like something out of Spongebob SquarePant's house, only much more colorful and there is still a sense that it's a birthday party in progress as shown with the balloons on a string. The Pig family come in and everyone is in awe as Peppa wishes Goldie a happy birthday. Goldie is like "Okay, but you could of let me sleep in the kitchen so I didn't have the surprise spoiled for me in advance.". Then the doorbell rings as Miss Rabbit admits that she invited everyone to this party! That proved to be a lie as the family goes to the back door and we see Captain Dog, Mr. Rabbit, Mummy Elephant, Doctor Polar Bear, Edmond Elephant, Emily Elephant, Mandy Mouse (get use to seeing her a lot more often, she is in a lot more episodes and getting a huge push on par with Reggie Rabbit), Rebecca Rabbit, Danny Dog, Suzy Sheep, and the debuts of Mummy Polar Bear and finally Penny Polar Bear. That's right folks, Penny Polar Bear debuts, just like that! Penny not even the focus character of this episode, it's Goldie the goldfish! That's kind of disrespectful there. Plus, Penny is a reskin of Suzy Sheep, in blue, glasses like Pedro Pony, and growls like George Pig, only she's older and she's a polar bear so the growling is more natural to her. (By the way, this is the unofficial debut of Penny's two mummies! Although no one knew that until Families even though that surprise was spoiled later on. Most assumed that Doctor Polar Bear and Mummy Polar Bear were like Miss Rabbit and Mummy Rabbit!) Penny and Peppa meet and greet for the first time, just like that and all head inside, except for the parents, even though they are technically invited to this party, just to make Miss Rabbit look even dumber. Mummy Polar Bear gets one wave in and a few words, and that's it for her and Doctor Polar Bear.

We head inside the Undersea Sitting Room Of Drowns as the kids all run around in a disorganized fashion while Miss Rabbit brings out the costumes. Penny Polar Bear picks the penguin costume for some odd reason. Peppa is the mermaid, George is the crab, so Miss Rabbit thinks George has cancer. Or something. Suzy is an octopus and Mandy is a shark. (Why is she barefoot? It's not like her feet will actually touch the ground since she's in a wheelchair after all.) She is not a scary shark since she eats cheese. So, she's only scary to Reggie Rabbit. Oddly, Penny is wearing shoes while being a penguin while Danny plays the pirate of course and wears black boots. He looks like the human pirate and is officially 1% cooler than it. Rebecca get the most absurd costume: the fish finger, or fish wings here in Canada. Now we know Rebecca second most favorite food, outside of carrots. By Peppa Pig standards, that's deep. Emily is the sea captain and Edmond is the smartass jellyfish. I hate to say this, but Edmond spouting science crap would be an improvement to this children's party. If this were an adult party, maybe people would boo him for being no fun. However, Edmond's gimmick of being a clever clogs is fun in this show; so for him to say that he's not spoiling the fun is basically spoiling the fun. Smartasses just cannot win in this situation. Mummy Pig calls them brilliant while holding the goldfish bowl. Miss Rabbit brings out the pirate card because it's time for the treasure hunt. Which is basically a trivia show. Whatever. The first answer is a whale, Mandy almost got it since she said shark; Peppa answers correctly. Mandy finds the whale though, so both win round one since it's also a treasure hunt. What a fool I am?! And then Edmond pipes up that a whale is a mammal, and the narrator in the most disappointed low voice ever calls Edmond a clever clogs. Oh please, the clever clogs gimmick is much funnier at children's birthday parties than adult parties. (The narrator called him extremely clever, not a clever clogs.) Behind the paper whale is an X marks the spot, Peppa finds it at a conveniently placed palm tree. The palm tree is lifted to reveal the smallest box they could find as it's opened to reveal plastic gems because it's for Goldie's fish bowl. Peppa puts the chest into the fish bowl, an orange diamond falls and everyone giggles to end the episode at 4:30. An okay episode, but Penny Polar did almost nothing of note in this episode outside of dressing up like a penguin. This is the worst debut for a new pupil in this series ever. (Yeah, but the episode had it's charm in other ways, so it's a *** 1/4 (65%). )

Final Note: Also, for rant purposes, this episode is the first one with a 2021 copyright notice (most of the episodes in Series 7 are either 2019 or 2020).

The Club House: We continue this show with episode #345 on the animation paper and open with the kids at the playground sans the clubhouse from the previous episode. Kids: Peppa, Suzy Sheep, Danny Dog, Candy Cat, Gerald Giraffe, Pedro F'N Pony, Penny Polar Bear and Mandy Mouse. Adults: Mummy Pig, Daddy Pig, Mummy Sheep, Mummy Mouse, and Mummy Polar Bear. (This would be Mummy Polar and Penny Polar Bear's second appearance on this show.) Suzy and Peppa are on the swinging bars being cheeky monkeys. The kids are playing like kids as they never want to stop. (As Mummy Pig would say in her promo.) So, in comes Mr. Bull to order them to stop complete with construction cone and the jackhammer of death. Uh-oh! Mr. Bull's deconstruction kink is kicking in again! Peppa demands answers to this outrage as Mr. Bull proclaims that he's digging up the playground. AGAIN~! That sounds awfully familiar and Daddy Pig should be fleeing the premises with his kids at once before he gets wrecked again, like in Simple Science. Mr. Bull creates a hole in the ground as the adults think this is some sort of mistake. Nah, this is a ritual to trigger Daddy Pig because in comes Mr. Labo (The most sexist character in the show, besides Mr. Lion and lookie: We'll see him later in this arc story.) to pour concrete into the ground. Come on, now; you can't tell me this isn't some intentional attempt to remind Daddy Pig of the end of Simple Science, now. Hell, Mr. Bull does the "test the concrete" spot like Daddy Pig did, except that Mr. Bull was smart enough to not wade in the concrete. Mr. Bull even said "Now what were you going to say?" At this point, I was wrecked. The adults ask about the concrete base and it's basically for the construction crew to put in the new clubhouse. (Yeah, I switch the episode numbers in this one since The Club House is supposed to be first in order anyway.) Mr. Bull threatens to take it back and the adults relent and accept the clubhouse. Mr. Bull assembles the slide and shows off the sphere swings. They did a decent job showing a tour of the clubhouse both inside and out. There is a table with a tea set as Mr. Bull has to remind Daddy Pig that this is for the kids because Daddy Pig is still dumb. By the way, a stove is called a cooker in Britan as Pedro helpfully points out. The fridge has plastic food, including plastic cheese which Mandy love. Penny Polar Bear opened the fridge by the way as Suzy and Peppa find the wooden toy phone as expected. Mr. Bull has to point out that it's a pretend phone. Peppa does telephone sounds to amuse me and probably annoy everyone else.

Suzy wants Peppa to answer the fake phone and says it without a hint of irony. Suzy still thinks this is a legit phone despite Peppa making ringing sounds. (Suzy cannot suspend her disbelief to save her life. Not to mention that Peppa does amuse me by letting the phone ring four times, let I often do.) Who's trolling who here? I don't know and I don't care at this point. I just want to finish Series Seve for real! Oh, get use to this clubhouse as well since I have evidence and photos that Series Eight contains at least two episodes connected to this clubhouse, but no video is present at this point outside of the UK. I know this because at least one of the episodes has Emily Elephant and Rebecca Rabbit, whom have NOT been in the clubhouse yet. Peppa finally answers the phone and Mr. Bull asks who it is without a hint of irony. (Mr. Bull is acting well, I see.) Peppa states that the King Of The World is talking to her. I betcha the King Of The World is real and is Canadian. Prove me wrong, writers; prove me wrong. (Oh crap, that was far closer to the nose than former self had intended!) Peppa proclaims that she's busy and hangs up. HAHA! (The Queen Of The World might have issued a fatwa on Peppa Pig after that one.) We also get the counter and wooden window opened as they can double this as a shop or cafe. Penny Polar wants to take Mr. Bull's order. We have pretend tea and pretend coffee; which Mr. Bull goes for the pretend tea and Penny Polar Bear pours from the purple tea kettle. Sadly, it doesn't go into a matching purple cup; it's the blue coffee cup. Sigh. Mr. Bull cosplays drinking tea as the kids tell him to have a nice day. They should tell him to be constructive, but that would be kink shaming and that's wrong. There is a ramp in the clubhouse as the kids go up to the balcony which is connected to the slide of course. Mr. Bull has to take the wheelchair down to ground level to allow Mandy to slide down the slide with the kids and then Mummy Mouse puts Mandy back in the wheelchair on the way down. (Mandy had to bounce on her ass onto the ground to slide, which had to suck.) Everyone runs around to go into the clubhouse to use the slide again. Then everyone stops and cheers on Mr. Bull complete with clapping. Mummy Sheep and Daddy Pig want to join in; but the kids blow them off because the clubhouse is for children as the door is shut tight. The adults laugh as the kids play around to end the episode at 4:30. (By the way, Mummy Polar is written out and in by teleport from the beginning to the end of this episode. SUZY SHEEP~?!) Really fun episode and a really good start to the clubhouse angle. *** 1/2 (70%).

Detective Club: Next up is episode #346 on the animation paper and we open with a shot of a playground with a clubhouse in the middle. I should note that there is an episode of the building of this clubhouse, but that is actually the last episode of Series Seven, so just pretend that whomever is airing these episodes has zero idea what continuity is. The kids: Peppa Pig, George Pig, Mandy Mouse, Freddy Fox, Pedro F'N Pony, Suzy Sheep, Penny Polar Bear, Richard Rabbit and Reggie Rabbit as Grampy Rabbit. Hey, I know he's a senior citizen, but he's a kid at heart. (No lies detected. He's this show's answer to Wildcat Puma.) All the kids go into the clubhouse and sit down as Freddy Fox addresses the kids. Freddy wants to play detectives and create a detective club to solve mysteries. I wish Freddy's mystery was finding out how the police siren goes "nenanenanena". That would have been money! (Knowing this show, they might do that angle. It's not like they have run out of ideas at this point. I do know that in Series Eight, we are going to find out where Freddy Fox lives!) Pedro shows that he's still clueless as he goes over to a conveniently placed fake phone and acts like it's real without any hint of irony. Suzy calls him out on it and Pedro actually is playing troll on Suzy! HAHA! Pedro actually fooled me on that one. GREAT! Suzy gets it as everyone goes outside to meet Daddy Pig. Peppa exchanges notes on the situation; but it's home time and Peppa is not happy to hear that one. Daddy Pig agrees to let Peppa come back to the clubhouse tomorrow and Peppa is happy for that at least. Daddy Pig then goes to his red car and he cannot open it as it is locked. Worse, Daddy Pig doesn't have his keys. How stupid do you...oh wait, Daddy Pig is still dumb. 346+ episodes and he still is the dumbest hyper-compentent guy on this show. Peppa and George are popping for this, so I call bullshit on that one. Mandy welcomes the Pig family back as even Daddy Pig is asking for their help now. Freddy calls this a mystery as Daddy Pig is crawling on his hands and knees like a fool as usual. Freddy blows him off for that one because we use deduction and not get their knees dirty. After some thinking, they decide to ring up and phone the police. Yes, they used both the British and American versions of the same sentence, so the American haters of this show have gotten to this show. We head to the police station as Mr. Fox is walking near the area. Head inside with Officer "Why does this show hate my kids now?!" Panda and Officer "I never met an object I didn't want to ticket" Gray Squirrel. (Daddy Fox makes a cameo with some umbrellas.) Officer Panda is eating donuts to show how Canadian he is, which is he's not. (Okay then, they are toning down the angle instead of getting rid of it.) The officers complain about a slow day. and we then return to the clubhouse as Daddy Pig calls this idea brilliant. One problem, Daddy's cellphone is in the car which Pedro gleefully points out, which makes Pedro both clueless and smart at the same time. You know Daddy Pig is dumb when Pedro F'N Pony looks like the brightest person in the entire room. I howled with laughter. (As usual, Daddy Pig is our GEEK OF WEEK~!) Daddy Pig asks for Reggie's phone, and he left his at home, making him look like a geek.

Worse, Grampy Rabbit completely lacks self-awareness and wants to use the wooden fake phone in the clubhouse! Suzy Sheep calls him out on that; but Reggie screams loudly into said phone and that is still enough for the two officers to come out of the station -- dropping the box of donuts on the floor in the process -- and head to the clubhouse. Reggie is still awesome at this point. Sadly, here comes the bad episode police to the clubhouse, breaking every traffic rule there is. (Cameos: Mummy Mole, Mummy Mouse, Mummy Fox, Mrs. Cow, Mr. Rabbit and a palette swap of Ms. Donkey.) The officers get out of the car and Officer Gray Squirrel asks what emergency is it and she marks off: flood, earthquake, etc. etc. Officer? The fact that no water or damage has been done anywhere points to the fact that no crime nor horrible natural disaster has happened. Daddy Pig blushes with embarrassment, points out that he's locked out of his car and the Pig family cannot go home. The officers don't care because this'll work. You know it's a slow day when they are willing to do something like that. Penny claims that it was the kids idea, so word. Officer asks Daddy Pig and Daddy Pig claims that he lost his keys. Officer Panda asks Daddy Pig if he left them in the most obvious place which is his pockets. Gray Squirrel is writing notes on a pad, and you would think that Daddy Pig probably left the keys in the car. That would be dumb, but at least it would make sense and create a bit of suspense. Nope! Daddy Pig checks his pockets and finds his keys! What a stupid idiot Daddy Pig is?! He wasted the officers' time with this even though the officers wanted something to do. To make this even dumber, the keys have Mr. Potato on the key chain and Daddy Pig proclaims that he never knew he had pockets. (I'm like "Go fuck yourself, show!" This was a bullshit finish!) Officer Panda's smile says "I wish I was somewhere else right now and how did Daddy Pig ever get past six years old?!"; but they all get over it. The kids get all the credit, despite it being Officer Panda pointing out the obvious! (Peppa Pig's exciting tail and teeth smile is a signal that she knows what Officer Panda is saying is bullshit.) Officer Panda wants a clubhouse and Gray Squirrel points out the obvious for us as well. Panda loves the slide in the kids' clubhouse as everyone starts playing around the area to end the episode at 4:30. At least the officers got some of their heat back. Reggie is still the star; but it's just another Peppa Pig love in. (This was a fun episode with one of the most dumbest finishes I have ever seen on this show. If Daddy Pig lost his keys in the car, that would have been fine. Heck, brainfarting and forgetting that they were in his pockets would be fine. But, when Daddy Pig said "I never knew I had pockets.", this was bullshit. This make Daddy Pig look unacceptably dumb, like he's Patrick Star, only Patrick Star was supposed to be that dumb in his character design! Daddy Pig is supposed to be a smart pig with a brainfarting complex. I'm lowering this to ** 1/2 (50%).)

Clubhouse Shop: We move on with episode #347 on the animation paper and open the episode at the clubhouse with the kids and adults. Kids: Peppa Pig, Mandy Mouse, Emily Elephant, Danny Dog, Penny Polar Bear, Rebecca Rabbit, Pedro F'N Pony and Suzy Sheep. (Ah, this must be the episode former self was talking about. He's not wrong about future Clubhouse episodes after these four though.) Adults: Daddy Pig, Mummy Sheep, Dr. Elephant, Mr. Rabbit, Mummy Mouse. The kids play around and then head into the clubhouse at the table with a cash register, buttons and signs. They giggle and Peppa asks what is today's game. Suzy says it's time to play shop as Emily takes the register and puts it on the counter in front of the window. Danny is confused about what to sell at said shop and Manny claims that they'll sell plastic food because this is a pretend shop, you see. Okay. Mandy puts the products onto the counter as Mummy Mouse orders the plastic cheese with the plastic apple. Well, this show is suppose to be a plastic work of art, so okay then. Mandy opens the cash register and despite it costing $2, Mandy calls it a lot of money. HAHA! $2 is barely sales tax money nowadays. (No lies detected, but this a pre-school show. What can you do?!) Mummy Mouse of course has no money, so Pedro makes the save as the buttons are the currency. Of course! I'm so sad that buttons are not legal tender in this show, that would make Pedro look absolutely clueless otherwise. (Ummm, did you forget the Rainbow Teddy incident in Mr. Fox's shop?!) Mummy Mouse picks the neon green and brown buttons to give to Mandy Mouse and that is that. Mummy Sheep is next and Suzy Sheep offers to sell her toy owl to her. (It's name is Owlie as said by Suzy Sheep.) Apparently, Mummy Sheep has a neon green button already, accepts the deal, whatever. Mummy Sheep is stroking the toy owl and Suzy asks if she can have it back which confuses Mummy Sheep. Yeah, Suzy and Mummy Sheep's gimmick is that they take everything seriously, even pretend. Ironic that the child Suzy has at least smarten up to it. (Well, until they need her not to, former self.) Mummy Sheep gives Suzy Sheep the owl back and all is well. Next up is Dr. Elephant as he wants some fruit juice, Emily Elephant says no; so Pedro decides to ring in some via the wooden phone. Considering how clueless Pedro Pony has been booked on this show, I cannot tell if he's working me or shooting on me. He's working because he returns saying the fruit juice will be released tomorrow. Wa-wa! Dr. Elephant walks away disappointed. (Doctor Elephant is our GEEK OF THE WEEK because he thought this was a real shop and not a pretend one.) Mummy Rabbit is next and she asks for some cake. Rebecca shows off a toy cupcake in the toy oven, HAR-HAR! Rebecca takes the cupcake out as the narrator explains the toy oven, that wasn't needed, but thanks anyway!

Rebecca goes over and then asks what cake Mummy likes, and Mummy asks for a carrot cake, so it's a carrot cake according to Rebecca. It's pretend, so it works. Rebecca thought Mummy Rabbit was shooting on her; but it's just Mummy Rabbit being Mummy Rabbit, so she pays with a giant cyan button with a "one" cut into the button. Next up is Daddy Pig and I'm waiting with baited breath to see a troll move happen, because this is Peppa Pig we are talking about here. Daddy Pig asks what they move and Peppa claims that she is selling magical clothes that are invisible and Daddy Pig wants to be an emperor. Uh-oh! Daddy Pig has no clothes, and he doesn't get the punchline of the "emperor has no clothes". I'm not explaining it here, you will all have to learn it the hard way as I often do. The clothes cost five buttons and there are five buttons on the counter. Daddy Pig picks up the five buttons and puts them into the cash register. The kids try to get him to take his clothes off; but Daddy Pig kindly decides to try them at home. He knows the BS&P of this show, so he's not that dumb! Next up is Mr. Rabbit, so I guess Mummy Rabbit was either written in by teleport, or the camera filming the cellphone footage of the video I found cut her out of the picture. Figures, knowing them. (That was it since I saw her clear as day on the full video.) Mr. Rabbit wants something but Rebecca takes the cash register into the clubhouse and the kids shut the window to close up shop. The kids also giggle at Mr. Rabbit's expense as he walks away. I guess Mr. Rabbit should have known about the risks of supplies are limited, like parking cars at owner's risk. Wah-wah! The kids then all come out and play on the slide and swing to take a break according to the narrator, when it's more likely to give the other kids something to do since they are running short on running time. Oh, snap; the ice cream jingle rings and here comes Mr. Labodour in his ice cream truck, so he has not been fired from his job after all. He stops on the steepest side of the hill and opens the side window. The kids all run in because they all scream for ice cream. Mr. Labo gives them ice cream just like that and Pedro pays Mr. Labo with buttons. HAHA! Mr. Labo is not amused by this as Pedro calls it pretend money. To be honest, after Funfair and his sexist attitude, Pedro heeling him here is glorious. Mr. Labo decides to play along as Daddy Pig pays with a blue button and he gets an ice cream. So Mr. Labo uses the DEBIT DEVICE OF DOOM to counter this nonsense and Daddy Pig has to swipe his debit card to actually pay for the ice cream. HAHA! (Hey, Mr. Labo is redeeming himself for a change.) Apparently, the ice cream truck is literally parked to the right of the clubhouse as the kids all laugh because trolling Daddy Pig is awesome. (SUZY SHEEP~?!) Peppa Pig calls this the best clubhouse in the world as everyone laughs to end the episode at 4:30. A fine episode with a funny finish and not much else. *** (60%).

Clubhouse Adventure: This is #348 on the animation paper and we open at the clubhouse with the kids all playing in the clubhouse while the parents watch on. Kids: Peppa Pig, Penny Polar Bear, Suzy Sheep, Mandy Mouse, Pedro F'N Pony and Wendy Wolf. Adults: Daddy Pig, Mummy Mouse, Mummy Sheep, Doctor Polar Bear, Mummy Polar Bear and Mr. Wolf. The kids all head inside the clubhouse for the meet and talk. Suzy opens the shutters on the window and wants to play adventures today. Suzy monologues about dangerous wild animals, all while Daddy Pig is on his cellphone talking to someone, no one cares about anyway. It must be work related as we head back inside with Suzy Sheep monologuing even more. (Daddy Pig does say openly that he will email the numbers of something later.) The kids all giggle about the prospect of Daddy Pig being a wild animal. Well, he loves concreate, which is pretty wild for a pre-school show, so yeah. Daddy Pig continues to talk on his cellphone some more and Peppa rudely cuts him off and Daddy Pig tells whomever to call back later. Somethings never change. (Daddy Pig was talking about copying and pasting spreadsheets of something before being cut off.) Daddy Pig hangs up his cellphone as Peppa wants Daddy Pig to become a wild animal. This is no worse than being a domseticed animal, so why not?! Daddy Pig gladly accepts this one and it just shows how clueless Daddy Pig can be when this is classic Peppa trolling. Daddy Pig is snorting and on all fours as Peppa, Penny and Wendy are amused by this noise. Mandy comes out and proclaims that they need more wild animals. BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Lack of self-awareness much there, Mandy?! Mummy Mouse arrives and Mandy demands scary animal noises from Mummy. (I'm sobbing with laughter after this one.) Mummy decides to give it a try, Mummy Mouse tries to do scary mouse sounds and none of it works because mice are only scary when they shed diseases, not making sounds. It is so pathetic that Mandy is calling her out on it! HAHA! (This is where I got the nickname "I can be scary, honest!" from for Mummy Mouse. Mummy Mouse cannot do scary noises to save her life and Mandy is just burying her deep within the earth! Mummy Mouse is our GEEK OF THE WEEK~!)

Mummy Mouse apologizes as Pedro comes out and asks if Mummy Mouse can growl and Mummy Mouse decides to give it a go. However, Mummy Polar Bunny growls and this shocks her so much that Mummy Mouse jumps high into the air. Mummy Mouse is shocked in being given a shock and then Doctor Polar Bear joins the fun. This almost works again, but Mummy Mouse holds onto the slide as the polar bears growl to give the narrator something to do. Peppa and Penny Polar Bear watch out of the window amused by this growling. (You missed one of the most historic moments in Series Seven, former self: Penny Polar Bear says and I quote: "My Mummies are best at growling!" Penny Polar Bear just outed them! Penny was not supposed to reveal them as her mummies until Families because we have to deliver the "political message" or something. This demonstrated to me that no one cared about Penny having two mothers until they were put in the same sentence as "family". Bigots and non-bigots alike. Penny just spoiled the surprise right there folks, and it took literally five episodes into her debut to boot!) The kids all bail inside the clubhouse and shut the windows as the adults walk around growling in a disorganized fashion. Peppa and Wendy open the door as Wendy taunts the adults because the clubhouse is for kids only and they are safe from this growling and squeaking, so to speak. (I changed Danny to Wendy because Danny Dog wasn't even in the episode! Wendy knew Daddy Wolf was coming.) In comes Mr. Wolf growling and asks the kids what the clubhouse is built of because the gimmick is that he's the legit Big Bad Wolf from those fairy tales. The kids say that it's made of plastic. (Peppa's promo on this was of confusion realizing that it's not brick and therefore teasing that Daddy Wolf might blow the clubhouse down. AWESOME!) Mr. Wolf decides to do his huffing and puffing, tries to blow the clubhouse down and he fails miserably. HAHA! (Daddy Wolf did succeed in blowing the adults on their asses.)

The kids love it as more growling and taunting continues until Mr. Lion and Mrs. Crocodile arrive out of nowhere. (I missed this: The kids want wild jungle animals. Mummy Mouse tried to sound like a lion and a tiger, but sounds like a pussy cat. Then Mandy Mouse just buries her again. Mummmy Mouse is the QUEEN OF GEEKS~ now. Even better: Daddy Pig does the lion's roar and gets it right. Just making a complete fool out of Mummy Mouse! Daddy Pig says he's a bit of an expert and then Mr. Lion shows up. Why did former self give this episode *** 1/2?!) It's a good thing Gigi isn't here because I don't have to hear Mr. Lion calls Gigi a wilderbeast. (Again, I realize lions eat gazelles, but calling her a wilderbeast is sexist unless she really is an anthromorphic wilderbeast. Which Gigi Gazelle is not.) Mr. Lion then claims that a bunch of animals from the zoo have escaped and all the adults bail behind the clubhouse. BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! They are all grown anthromorphic animal adults and they all flee in terror. At least when Kit ran away from Beartafly in "Lost Cargo of Kit Cloudkicker!", at least it was an actual manticore and looked frightening. (I get that it's ironic, but it's funny. WWE long awkward pause! I would be terrified if I met a cross between a bear and a butterfly, like meeting a cross between a lion and a bee. Bumble Scrooge...ERRR...I mean, Bumblelion.) I mention this because somehow the animals arrive at the clubhouse and it's just a bunch of penguins, making the grown adults look like a bunch of even bigger geeks. Whatever. (The kids all invite the penguins into the clubhouse and the penguins have fun.) Everyone giggles, narrator does his spiel and that ends the episode at 4:30. Once Mr. Wolf came in, everything turned into instant comedy for me. (To me, it was Mummy Mouse just getting buried in the grave with Mandy Mouse using a diamond shovel. Not even HHH's golden shovel could pull this off.) A note: I finally saw the full episode on YTV Treehouse and despite having a full week to sink in, I was still able to remember most of the episode despite having memory issues and working on the PlayStation 3 game list for North America. Yeah, I've been slacking off at this point. (You don't say?! I have seen the episode in full with copious notes and it's AWESOME! Yeah, the two mummies got outed too quickly, but so what?! Mummy Mouse was the biggest dork for my pleasure and seeing grown adults act like complete geeks makes me laugh without fail, so **** 1/2 (90%).)

THE REVIEW LINE

Well, this set of shorts was mixed to say the least. Mountain Climbing were really awesome as Mountain Climbing was great because of Grampy Rabbit being on fire still, and George really being a star despite his fear of heights.Winter Games is the centerpiece and miles better than Kylie's Christmas simply because of Mummy Pig remembering what happened in Series Four and just daring herself to do it again and it happened again. It also help in keeping the canon in check and remind everyone that this is two years in Peppa's World over 17 years in real time. The only flaw I can think of is that Mandy Mouse was more involved than she could have, it would have been better served if Penny Polar Bear was the debutting star here since this was more her domain. Clubhouse Adventure was the best episode of the entire Clubhouse arc, inspite of Penny outing her mummies way too soon since we weren't supposed to know this until Families. However, the episode more than made up for it with the adults cosplaying wild animals, Mummy Mouse completely getting buried by Mandy Mose, Daddy Wolf failing at blowing down a plastic house and Mr. Lion and Mrs. Crocodile making the adults look like geeks after the penguins arrived Much more enjoyable on the second viewing. Police Boat and Undersea Party were better on the second viewing, but Clubhouse Detective was worse, but not because of the police this time. It was all due to Daddy Pig's really dumb statement at the finish. I did have a small issue with The Tractor that was otherwise a fun episode: The narrator had a perfect moment to say "Mummy Pig is stuck" because you rarely see these spots occur. In fact, Mummy Pig was stupid in two episodes in this rant alone, compared to just once for Daddy Pig! It's things like this that could have made the episodes I mentioned better because they were big parts of the actual story and you don't see this happen every often. So...

Thumbs up for Winter Games, Clubhouse Adventure and Mountain Climbing. Thumb in the middle for the rest, and I'll see you all next time.

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