20 Years Of Muddy Puddles: Peppa Pig Series Seven #5 Rant

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Twenty Years Of Muddy Puddles: Peppa Pig Series Seven #5 Rant

Reviewed: 12/19/2021
Additional Commentary/Edited: 10/15/2024

Panic At The Little Car Track!

Okay fans; I have now decided to rant on this series full time, because I do in fact like this show enough that I can handle the best and worst of the Pig family from Great Britian. More new episodes ensue as Daddy Pig loves the apple tree, George checks out of the bug hotel, the big hill, cosplaying hippies, do some parchute games, play with some flying discs, swing on monkey trees, do a kiddie workout, Grandpa Pig gets a drone for Christmas and finally the worst episode in the post-Golden Boots era: driving little cars. Ah, this is going to be fun for me to mock. How do these episodes fare? Let's rant on shall we..?!

All the episodes are done by Neville Astley, Mark Baker and Phil Hall. Animation is done by Astely Baker Davies animation; with the two mentioned creators and Phil Davies.

The Apple Tree: We march on with #359 on the animation paper and the episode opens on a hill containing an apple tree and a swing. It's summer time and the Pig family is all here to play on the swings. Peppa swings for a long while with George saying "Swing! Swing!". George gets on next and Mummy Pig swings George for a while, very softly. Peppa notices a green apple on the tree and wants one. Mummy Pig thinks the apples are not ready yet. Daddy Pig shakes the tree despite clearly being able to grab one on his own. The green apple comes down and bonks Daddy pig on the head. HAHA! Peppa gets the apple and eats it; discovering that it's not applelie, because they become that in the fall/autumn. Peppa goes on the swing again and sings the TEDDY RUXPIN SONG OF DOOM to waste more time. Apparently, George and Peppa are friends with the tree, Daddy and Mummy Pig, not so much. The song ends and then we jump cut to autumn with the Pig family returning to the scene as the leaves are red and falling. The apples are fully grown now and taste like apples. George gets first crack at the swing and Peppa pushes with actual respect to George's fear of heights this time. Daddy Pig decides to shake the tree while George is on the swing, mind you; and Daddy Pig get buried in a tomb of leaves. HAHA! Not one apple accepted their fate and stayed stuck in the tree. Peppa wants Daddy to shake the tree, Daddy shakes the tree like a fool and dozens of apples bonk on Daddy Pig's head. HAHA! Daddy Pig is dumb and his self-awareness is breathtaking at this point. Everyone eats apples and loves them. Peppa taps the tree and thanks it. George gets on the swing and we swing and sing for a while. Troll move: Peppa ends by singing that apples fall on Daddy's head and one of them literally bonks Daddy Pig in the head. HAHA! (Which is written in by teleport because no apples were present on the tree in the faraway shot. SUZY SHEEP~?!) Daddy laughs and we head to winter time with the Pig family arriving at the tree. Peppa swings and asks for apples and greets the tree. Mummy Pig points out the obvious, and Daddy Pig decides to shake the tree to see if any stayed on during the fall. You art so dumb, Daddy Pig! Yup, he gets buried in a snow tomb. Called it thirty seconds before it happened and there are no apples. Daddy shakes it off one second later and they all laugh. Mummy Pig agrees to return to the spring to see the tree revive itself as Peppa swings and sings her song again while making a Bob Ross reference. Head back to tree in the springtime with apple flowers blooming. The flowers are also flying off the tree as well as the Pig family shows up. Peppa smells the blossoms and then asks Daddy Pig to shake the tree a little bit even if there are no apples on said tree. Daddy Pig is still dumb and shakes the tree as blossoms all fall on his body. HAHA! Peppa and George play on the swing as Mummy Pig calls this the best tree ever. Daddy Pig is just relieved that it's not apples or snow or leaves. Wait, leaves are harmful?! Really, Daddy Pig?! Everyone giggles as the narrator says it all to end the episode at 4:30. Not much to see here as it was a four season lesson with Daddy Pig being dumb as usual. ** 1/2 (50%). (The Apple Tree song is sang by Peppa throughout the end credits.)

The Big Hill: We continue on with #360 on the animation paper and the episode opens with the Pig family walking east in the country side. The adults are having a good time as the kids are; and then the family stops in front of a three way arrow sign with nothing to indicate where to go other than the arrow. Someone in government is trolling these pigs, which isn't a good look for them despite Peppa's trolling side being totally obvious. Peppa wants to go further east, which leads to the top of a giant hill. Peppa is happy, Mummy and Daddy Pig are not and George is like I don't know...Oh wait, he's smiling. Daddy Pig thinks something amazing is at the top of the hill, Mummy Pig is not really thrilled about this. We climb up the hill as Daddy and Mummy Pig are completely blown up within seconds. I would have been blown up within one second, so there you go. The make it to the "top" which is not the top as it's a rest area summit and thus nothing amazing. Peppa notices the hill continues on up and Daddy Pig appears to have second thoughts while Mummy Pig is invoking eye contact violence because she knows this is bullshit. Daddy Pig claims there might be a cafe and Mummy Pig is so giddy that she's happy to go up now. They continue climbing and now everyone is blown up. Now, you would think that there wouldn't be a cafe at the "top" of this hill. Wrong! They make it to the top, and there is Miss Rabbit hosting a cafe booth complete with fancy picnic tables. Daddy Pig turned out to be right for a change. Two coffees and two juices are ordered, I don't know why you need a hot drink on a high hill, but okay. (I would have taken the juice and cupcakes instead.) The kids drink juice as Daddy Pig is relieved that this is over and Miss Rabbit proclaims that this is not over and this is not the top of the hill. (The coffee has a white swirl inside the brown liquid.) Of course! (The coffee disappeared quickly after Miss Rabbit pointed out the hill. SUZY SHEEP~?!) The adults put the glasses in the booth as we see the hill with spurce trees and the climb must continue. They are so blown up that their acting is getting better -- especially Mummy Pig's long winded response to Peppa's question -- which is "I don't know." More walking up the hill and talking, as they head into the fog three minutes into this episode. This doesn't lead to anything special because they are at the top of the mountain.

We can see Windy Castle -- which the flag is flying, indicating that it is windy outside today -- and the little house on the hill, or the white house on the hill. Peppa sees the playground. Cameos: Mr. Rabbit, Danny Dog, Zoe Zebra, Pedro F'N Pony, one adult, and three other kids I cannot make out. (Actually, it's Mummy Cat, Mr. Zebra, Candy Cat, Wendy Wolf and Richard Rabbit.) Then we see the supermarket (Couldn't make out the cameos inside. (One of them is Mummy Panda, and another Doctor Brown Bear appearance!)), then Suzy on a swing at her house on the hill. Peppa and Daddy both agree that this is amazing. They all love and then start to walk down the hill east instead of going west because why not?! Ironically, there is no fog on the eastern side of the hill, so Peppa and George roll down the hill for fun. Ooookkkkaaayyyy. Peppa then asks Daddy Pig to join in and Daddy Pig admits that this is fun. Daddy Pig isn't going to do it because he might not stop...and then he trips on a conveniently place toadstool. I am not making this up! He tripped on a toadstool and somehow the toadstool suffered no damage whatsoever. This is on par with the Swimming episode where Daddy Pig dived into a pool with zero splash whatsoever. Lance Storm would see this and say: Damn, this is so fake. The narrator repeats everything I said except for calling it a mushroom, which makes this even funnier. The rest of the family follows the rolling Daddy by rolling down the hill themselves. I laughed and laughed and laughed some more. Daddy Pig lands on his ass at the bottom of the hill and Peppa remembers to headbutt her nose into Daddy's big tummy. That's the closest thing to Peppa body shaming Daddy Pig as you are going to get post Series Five. Peppa channels Molly and wants to do it again, but Daddy Pig nicely blows off the suggestion for the day. The family does the backsplash laugh as we get shots of the big hill while the narrator says it all to end the episode at 4:30. Peppa didn't cry for the second time at all and George didn't do a bawling spot either. I'm guessing the Haircut episode rumor wasn't to be either. (Hey, the creators have lots of time and rsources to make it happen. Just be patient, former self.) Anyhow, an okay episode with a hilarious finish as only Daddy Pig could do when the writers want to amuse themselves and us. *** 1/4 (65%).

Hippies: Next up is episode #361 on the animation paper as the episode opens on the white house on the hill as the title card has the dot of the second "i" shaped like a daisy. (Plus, there are daisies surrounding the title card.) Mummy Pig drives up and parks on the steepest side of the hill...AGAIN! Peppa and George comes out of the car as Grandpa Pig hugs them and greets them. Out comes Granny Pig dressed up like a hippie complete with plastic gold medallion shaped like a daisy, so I'm guessing the peace symbol is trademarked now. (Or problematic to BS&P. Either way, yeah.) Granny is also wearing a pearl necklace and flowers on her hat. Of course, Grandpa Pig is blowing off this "histroic reinactment" as an excuse to have friends and drink tea, calling it a game. Granny Pig blows it off because it's serious 1960's stuff. I howled with laughter because Hippies was all about fun, games and excitement. Basically, it's the same angle as Dinosaur Party, only with 1960's booking. (Sadly, that one won't be ranted on until Series Eight...ERRR...I mean, the Series Seven overrun since Nickelodeon took over.) I wait with baited breath to see how BS&P handles it, because there's no way they are allowing the "sexual freedom" angle the 1960's were supposed to be. Granny Pig calling the 1960's "an ancient time" is hilarious because it's only about 60 years ago, and only roughly 10-20 years before I was born. It's not that ancient, come on Granny Pig! It's a time when Grandpa Pig enjoyed colorful clothes and Grandpa Pig admits that he does enjoy it. No one is going to wear shoes in this one by the way, which is such a silly stereotype. Peppa and George are given their outfits to wear as George looks like a "Village People's" cowboy, Peppa is wearing a yellow dress with flowers and one giant red heart, along with a flower in her ear. Grandpa Pig attempts to leave, but Granny stops her and accuses him of being such a square, which I'm certain will be a form of fat shaming today, when in the 1960's it was a nice way of saying that Grandpa Pig is a boring fuddy duddy, and also grumpy. (I mention it as a body shaming reference because Bryan Alverez once called Taz "square" and a "fridge" on a review of a TNA Pay-Per-View.) Grandpa Pig claims that he's not grumpy, while acting grumpy. Like father, like son, eh?!

Grandpa Pig then gives up and offers to wear the flowery shirt Granny Pig found somewhere in the house, along with the bellbottom trousers. (A note: In Britian, pants are underwear. In America, pants can be trousers.) Everyone heads to the garden as Gigi Gazelle, Granny Elephant and Reggie Rabbit arrive in a camper van that the Scooby-Doo gang would be jealous of. (This was Granny Elephant's debut I should note. Strange she didn't appear in Charity Shop.) Complete with three pipes on top of the roof. Why three of them?! Answer: To be Grampy Rabbit. Reggie comes out with the band and 2020 vehicle sound effects to make sure it's not 1960s-equse. In a shocking moment, Reggie plays guitar instead of Gigi as Gigi Gazelle is playing a recorder and Granny Elephant is on tambornie, and I believe Granny Elephant speaks for the very first time in this series! In fact, I believe this is Granny Elephant's debut on this show. (It really was, former self and Granny Elephant is going to make the most of this debut to boot!) Peppa is confused as Reggie calls the van the Bean Machine. Wait, what?! (I think he meant "Mean Machine", but that would contradict the mission statement of being a hippie. Then again, the answer is always going to be: He did it to be Reggie Rabbit.) Grandpa Pig tells Peppa that it's a van, Peppa gets it and loves it. Grandpa Pig wonders what to do and Granny Pig wants to do 1960's Hippie stuff. Grandpa Pig is drawing a blank, and Gigi accuses him of not being there complete with a wink. Gigi is self-aware that Grandpa Pig can only think of the sexual freedom of that era and BS&P is NEVER going to allow him to do it, so he has to draw a blank. Reggie breaks the ice with singing songs and playing music because of course! It's the safest thing to do in the 1960's. (Until the bigots show up, even in 2020!) Granny Elephant goes to the middle as a giant rainbow arrives and she sings the TEDDY RUXPIN SONG OF DOOM and now I see why they did this episode: To introduce another new character they didn't show in Charity Shop. To sell the flower power thingie, Peppa and George get flowers on their ears and hats; because that's another thing hippies love. I'm sorry; but without the sexual freedom angle, this episode falls a bit flat; but it's a pre-school show! What can you do?! (Yeah, that's why I cannot give it a thumbs up in good conscience.)

Introducing a same sex couple is perfectly fine since they are human beings and it's not about sex (free nor otherwise). Basically, the whole purpose of hippies is to save the planet and humanking from themselves, basically. I don't blame them for this, BS&P isn't going to allow sexual freedom, so saving the enivronment is one BS&P is going to allow to it's fullest. Peppa then recalls a moment about nature and Gigi recalls a flashback of Suzy Sheep, Danny Dog, Pedro F'N Pony, Rebecca Rabbit, Zoe Zebra along with Peppa and Gigi planting a tree in front of the school house on the hill. We return to reality (no, not really) as all the adult hippies except for Grandpa Pig literally hug conveniently placed trees for fun. HAHA! Hey, at least these hippies really love to be the treehuggers to the fullest extent here. Peppa, George and Grandpa Pig hug the trees because this historic reinactment cannot get any sillier. Well, no it won't because BS&P won't allow alcohol and drugs on this show, unless it's the "we know it's alcohol, but we aren't telling anyone" spot. (Also known as the "nip of sherry". Since Nickelodeon has taken over, nope.) Then it rains and pours, Grandpa Pig panics; but it's a tiny shower; so Grandpa Pig should chin up because it's a part of nature. Then we get a bunch of muddy puddles and you all know where this is going now. Plus, this is the first time they break the first rule of puddle jumping to boot(s)! (Hey, freedumb! It makes sense with the storyline.) I guess this is the "sexual freedom" part BS&P will allow. Now, I'm starting to understand why people hate jumping up and down in muddy puddles: It reminded them of what happened in Woodstock in the 1960's and they used slippery slope logical fallacy arguments to hate it. The adults are confused, Peppa and George start jumping into muddy puddles as the adults all follow talking in 1960's lingo that would be popular in late 1980's/1990's kid shows. That's horrifying. We zoom out as the narrator says it all and everyone does the backsplash laugh under the rainbow to end the episode at 4:30. They took a really problematic era, did the best they could within the bounds of BS&P and it turned to be a really fun episode with Granny Elephant of all characters being the MVP. *** 3/4 (75%). The end credits was basically a male singer singing the song Granny Elephant sang and it wasn't as good as when Granny Elephant sang it.

Bug Hotel: We end this session of episodes with episode #362 on the animation paper, with the episode opening at the cyan blue house on the hill. Mummy Pig is driving the car up to the house, with Peppa and George jumping out soon after the car has stopped. Granny and Grandpa Pig comes out and the two kids embrace them. Aw, my heart melted! (How sarcastic can former self get when they do this in almost every episode involving the grandparents?!) Grandpa Pig has a surprise for them as everyone walks down the hill as Granny Pig wonders what the surprise is. Grandpa Pig proclaims that it's a...wait for it...a hotel. No reaction from Granny Pig whatsoever. So, either Granny Pig knows what kind of hotel Grandpa Pig built and don't care; or it's a real hotel and Granny Pig is an idiot. Thankfully, it's the former since the episode is called a "Bug Hotel". Peppa dreams of being in a fancy hotel with the usher being Mr. Rhino for some odd reason. Surprised it wasn't Daddy Pig. (Yeah, that would have been funnier and make Daddy Pig the GEEK OF THE WEEK~! Here, it's just there.) We return to reality (no, not really), as Grandpa Pig is trying to explain that it's not exactly like a dream hotel; and Granny Pig assures him that it's nice. We finally see the "Bug Hotel" as it's full of flies and Peppa, George, and Granny Pig are repulsed by it. BWHAHA...Oh wait, so Granny Pig didn't know about the Bug Hotel. Wait a minute?! Are you telling me that Granny Pig assumed it was a real hotel, even though there would be no way for Grandpa Pig to build the hotel on his own and it would require a lot of paperwork that even Granny Pig would have noticed?! Nope, this is bullshit, more bullshit than Grandpa Pig buying stamps behind Granny's back. (It did not affect Grandpa Pig at all! He probably did all this while drinking alcohol that we cannot tell anyone on this show.) Grandpa Pig finally reveals it's not for them, it's for the bugs; making everyone look dumber than a box of hammers. (Except for Grandpa Pig, the old male adult for a change. Granny Pig is our GEEK OF THE WEEK~!) Grandpa Pig explains the bug hotel and it's materials as we jump cut to a little beetle walking towards the Bug Hotel. It selects the bamboo shoots after Grandpa Pig welcomes them to the hotel, that was funny.

Grandpa claims that this Bug Hotel is good for the garden. Yeah, I'll bet! (It probably is. It cannot be any worse than that weird smiley scarecow, that is for sure.) Peppa then notice a ladybug walking in from the western front; which expands to five ladybugs, which looks like a nuclear family for some odd reason. (In Britian, it's called a ladybird. Some of the kids also try to unintentionally hump each other.) Peppa calls this sweet as they select the wooden panel with five conveniently placed circular holes in them. Yeah. In comes from the sky, a purple/pink butterfly and decides to stay on the roof as it giggles. Next up, on the ground from the eastern front are multiple wood lice and that grosses out Granny Pig. Grandpa Pig assures her that they are fine since they enjoy a space that is dark, as they go into the center of the hotel and start to snore. Granny Pig praises Grandpa Pig as in comes a bumble bee and this bee is so big, it cannot fit in the rooms. Grandpa Pig declares that it's time to create an extentison to the Bug Hotel. I thought Grandpa Pig already had a beekeeping house in an earlier Series episode?! (That episode where Peppa and company cosplayed bees and got honey on toast from Granny Pig?!) Peppa finds a flower pot with a small hole in it and places it on top of the roof upside down. George finds some dried grass to use as a bed floor for the bee and despite the hole looking too small for the bee to fit through, the bee goes through with ease anyway. That is a logic break, my friends! (SUZY SHEEP~?!) The bee sits on the dried grass as buzzes as Peppa sings the TEDDY RUXPIN SONG OF DOOM to waste more time in a five minute episode. (Get use to this, I say this a lot in this show nowadays. Maybe I enjoyed the slower pace of the earlier Series where everything was allowed to breathe.) George cosplays a beetle, Peppa cosplays a bee as Granny Pig has a face that reads: "Grandpa Pig's gonna take this too seriously". Which is exactly what Grandpa Pig does; but since he cannot turn guests down, he finds some large branches, makes them into a tent on the left side, and Peppa and George sits down in the tent. Granny calls this the best hotel in the world as everyone giggles to end the episode at 4:30. This was fine. ** 3/4 (55%). (Peppa sings the song in the end credits.)

Parachute Games: This episode is #363 on the animation paper and the episode opens at the school house on the hill with a title card that is in rainbow colors. We zoom into the school house to see the kids at the tables painting stuff. Kids: Peppa Pig, George Pig, Danny Dog, Emily Elephant; Zuzu, Zaza & Zoe Zebra, Suzy Sheep, Richard Rabbit, Edmond Elephant, Mandy Mouse and Pedro F'N Pony. (HOLY SHIT~! The Zebra Twins actually make their debut in Playgroup since debuting in Series Two! Absent: Rebecca Rabbit, Candy Cat, Freddy Fox, Wendy Wolf, Gerald Giraffe, Molly Mole, The Panda Twins, Penny Polar Bear, Lottie Llama.) So, here are the drawings for each kid:

Emily Elephant: Purple butterfly.
Danny Dog: Rocket ship with moon and the stars.
Zuzu and Zaza Zebra: BEEEEEEEEEEE~! One track mind of course.
Suzy Sheep: Rainbow.
Zoe Zebra: Castle.
Peppa Pig: Tree with leaves. Wow, she's not trolling anyone today.
Edmond Elephant: E=MC Square. HAHA! Because Edmond Elephant is a smartass. (You mean CLEVER CLOGS~!)
Pedro Pony: Storm cloud.
Mandy Mouse: Purple fish.
Richard Rabbit: A carrot. So, Richard is offering this to Rebecca Rabbit, who isn't in this episode.
George Pig: A dinosaur opening a red door, or something. It's hard to tell, actually.

George should never change, because this is cute and amusing. Gigi Gazelle proclaims that they have worked hard, so it's time to play hard so to speak. Yes, it's in a G-rated way, why are you staring at me?! Everyone heads outside as Gigi brings out a rainbow parachute. The toddlers get to hold the parachute edges first with Gigi; justifying Zuza and Zaza's presence in this episode. Gigi's face is priceless when the toddlers giggle by the way. I don't know why, but that was funny. We wiggle the parachute as Gigi compares the move to waves at sea. Sea waves crash onto the shore at the end, so the analogy has a flaw in the system so to speak. They do a dream sequence of Captain Dog sailing his ship on the sea; even though Danny Dog is not involved in the wiggling. It's a dream sequence, therefore it does not violate the stips, if it's a flashback, same thing. I would have preferred Reggie Rabbit doing the sailing, because it's so much funnier and no one would complain about Captain Dog violating the stips. Besides, Richard Rabbit is involved, who is related to Reggie Rabbit anyway. (That is a fair point, former self.) TEDDY RUXPIN SONG OF DOOM ensues as Gigi uses a toy boat to simulate the boat bumping. The boat makes it to the other side without incident as Gigi teleports to the other side to grab the boat, in essence the toddlers did most of the work here. Their turn is done and they bail to let the big kids run in to start their lesson. (In Mandy's case, wheel in.) Gigi wants them to imagine flying in space like an alien in a saucer. Yeah, we get a dream sequence in space with the cutest alien of all time. At least Peppa Pig's world is not hostile like the real Earth, so it's all right. TEDDY RUXPIN SONG OF DOOM ensues as the kids are supposed to lift the parachute up to give it air and then let go as it rides high into the sky. Which is dumb because the sauce in the dream sequence never goes up. Somebody's continuity wires got crossed there. The kids manage to get it up high into the sky without incident, and the thing spins. Yes, the spinning makes sense; but the rising doesn't match the dream sequence. (The alien was flying east, not north.) The kids do the rollerblading spot while singing until the parachute finally falls to the ground, no one catches it for some reason. The older kids wonder how they managed to do that and Edmond Elephant walks right in to wanting to explain it later, because Edmond Elephant is a clever clogs. Wait, what?! Damn, even Edmond is self-aware no one likes him.

I realize no one likes a know it all, but at least know it alls are still a lot better and less dangerous than a stupid know nothing. Sometimes, fee-fees can work against you. (Yup, and Edmond Elephant was called extremely clever. Someone at Nickelodeon doesn't like the clever clogs term anymore it seems.) Everyone is now allowed to touch the parachute because we are going to simulate corn popping into popcorn from a pot as shown in the dream sequence. The ping pong balls simulate the corn, of course. The kids simulate the popping by whipping the parachute up and down, to allow the ping pong balls to bounce up and down. They also sing, and it's basically the Super Fighting Robot, Mega Man version of the Bing Bong Song, only it's all one word over and over, literally. (I am so sad they didn't give this karoke lyrics, it was just dying to be used.) The bell rings, which is literally MORE COWBELL~! (I was wondering when former self would get that cheap shot in.) In comes the parents: Mummy Dog, Mummy Mouse, Daddy Pig and Dr. Elephant. No Mummy Sheep, Mr. Pony or any adult from the Zebra family. That was weird. (Probably because of the final spot since they could only get five adults into the parachute maximum.) The adults love parachute games and Dr. Elephant's favorite is the Rainbow Game. Gigi decides that this episode is not done yet. Let's give the kids a proper send off to the parachute game by doing the Rainbow Game. Everyone grabs the edge of the parachute and they lift it sort of high into the heavens. Then they step in, sit down and giggle while the parachute comes down. Then they pull down to create a parachute dome of rainbow colors. Well, that was sort of disappointing. Daddy Pig wonders how this can happen and Edmond stands up to try to explain it. (How ironic that Daddy Pig -- the science expert adult -- is the one asking the question here?) However, Peppa Pig decides to be the big troll and sing the TEDDY RUXPIN SONG OF DOOM to cut him off. Sod off, show! Edmond's gimmick is hilarious, let him cut the promo in full and then have Peppa sing the song. Yup, it's the rainbow song from Series Two. We giggle with the narrator saying it all to end the episode at 4:30....Oh wait, Gigi brings out her guitar and teases singing the full Bing Bong song, which is funny considering they were playing it's music earlier on. Then they go to the end credits, and they are already at the chorus of the song. Whatever. (SUZY SHEEP~?!) The episode was great, but the Edmond Elephant burial bothers me as he's not that annoying. *** 3/4 (75%).

Flying Discs: We continue on with #364 on the animation paper and the episode opens in the boring park in the springtime with the Pig family walking with their boots on. Sadly, there will be no obvious finish in this one. Mummy Pig stops and brings out a rainbow white flying disc, also known as a frisbee. (I will not be surprised if Frisbee is trademarked in Canada or the USA.) Mummy Pig flicks the disc and it spins in the air and lands on the ground. Peppa is in awe of this, of course. So, Daddy and Mummy Pig flick the disc for a while as Peppa gets it and she simply throws it up and it lands right in front of her. HAHA! Daddy Pig grabs the disc and shows the proper special techinque of spinning a disc. Which is to lay it flat and spin it. (With a flick of the wrist. Don't forgot that one, everyone.) Peppa gets it right the second time and spins it right over George's head. Geroge grabs the disc and manages to spin it successfully without laying it flat and almost overshoots Mummy Pig, before she catches it. Then a red disc spins over everyone's head and Peppa grabs it. Peppa is confused as Mummy Pig wonders who the disc belongs to; in comes Captain Dog and Danny Dog, so there is the obvious answer. Danny claims it's his disc and Peppa spins it back to him for fun, with no trolling in sight. Then a blue disc falls into Peppa's hands in the sharpest spin angle of all time, and now Daddy Pig is confused. In comes Mandy Mouse and Mummy Mouse as that's her disc. Peppa spins the disc back to Mandy, as Mandy needs to pop a wheelie to grab it. Everyone giggles as in comes Suzy Sheep and Mummy Sheep looking like she is doing a blank stare. Anyway, Suzy has the most absurd flying disc ever as it's black with flashing lights and plays music, like the singing plastic flowers in Grandpa Pig's Rock Garden. Mr. Fox probably sells those disc in sets of five. (Ooooo, that was a sick burn on Mummy Sheep there. I betcha that flying disc gives her nightmares.) Mummy Sheep stammers on it's location and Suzy basically says that she threw it in a tree. I wish the disc did the wah-wah sound when we see it in said tree, that would have been funnier. Yes, Mummy Sheep's form is worse than Peppa's. Ponder that for a moment. We head to the tree with the disc flashing and playing music. (By the way, the song it plays is the chiptune music played during Happy Mrs. Chicken! That's funnier than the wah-wah sound.) It's a very high tree, so climbing is out of the question and this is Daddy Pig saying that. YAY! (Daddy Pig learning his lesson about climbing trees?! Surely you jest, writers?!)

Sadly, it's Captain Dog's turn to be stupid as he spins the red disc, much to the protest of Danny Dog, and the red disc misses the black disc completely and get stuck in the tree. Wah-Wah! Mummy Mouse thinks this is a good idea and throws her blue disc, much to the protest of Mandy and it misses completely and gets stuck in the tree. Wah-Wah! (Wow, another burial for Mummy Mouse. She cannot do scary sounds to save her life and knock objects out of trees.) Daddy Pig must also be stupid, although Peppa gave him permission to be stupid and thus she is almost as much to blame as Daddy Pig for missing completely and getting the white disc stuck in the tree. Wah-Wah! This is like any cartoon for children now, except Daddy Pig is supposed to be dumb, which makes it better. (Incorrect. He's supposed to be smart who brainfarts from time to time.) Peppa Pig sighs and I wait with baited breath because I want Suzy Sheep to say: "Chop the tree down! BAHHHHH!". (Wow, you are as bloodthirsty as Suzy and Unjammer Lemmy in seeing trees get chopped down, former self.) Sadly, it doesn't happen. (BOO! HISS!) Daddy Pig goes over to the tree and they replay the footage from The Apple Tree where Daddy Pig shakes the apple tree and apples bonked onto Daddy Pig's head. The rest of the family wasn't there, so it's treated as original footage. I don't understand that, it's a replay from an earlier episode. You don't have to do new footage, it's okay. (You don't know bloodthirsty critics well enough, former self. Earth to Peppa: Your song about the apple tree was funnier.) Daddy Pig tries to shake the tree, no go. Then the adults, minus Mummy Pig join in to shake the tree, no go. (Mummy Pig is not getting a concussion today. Smart woman!) The kids demand that they shake harder and Suzy Sheep's promo of this is such a douchebag move on her part, that she looks like a Karen. I guess Suzy is pissed that she cannot say her best promo of this series. In a major surprise, the discs fall down and bonk them on the head. The kids grab their discs as Suzy spins her disc as it flashes light and is literally playing the Peppa Pig opening theme song. Mandy catches it as the kids spin discs for a while, there was one instance where Danny Dog has literal butterfingers. The kids giggle, the adults giggle, everyone giggles to end the episode at 4:30. Extremely fun episode once again, but it's a sad day when something gets stuck in the tree and Suzy cannot say: "Chop the tree down!" **** (80%).

Kiddie Workout!: Next up is episode #365 on the animation paper as the episode opens at the school house on the hill, and then zoom in with Gigi Gazelle addressing the students. (That exclaimation point means shit is gonna get real folks!) Kids: Peppa Pig, George Pig, Edmond Elephant, Suzy Sheep, Danny Dog, Pedro F'N Pony, Rebecca Rabbit, Mandy Mouse, Molly Mole, Zoe Zebra, Emily Elephant and Freddy Fox. (Absent: Richard Rabbit as usual, The Zebra Twins as usual (sigh), Candy Cat, Wendy Wolf, Gerald Giraffe, Penny Polar Bear, The Panda Twins, Lottie Llama as usual.) Today; there is a special guest coming as the clown horns blare and we cut to outside to see Mr. Potato with a headband driving the worst car in the Peppa Pig world, and the glass dome is still on the car. (Even the Thunderyak was flyable.) I stand corrected, he has not learned his lesson. Luckly, the glass dome does not connect to the ignition this time as it pops out when the thing is off, and Mr. Potato jumps out with glee and ectasty. The kids and Gigi are outside and amused by this. Everyone goes back inside and Mr. Potato has to duck to get into the doorway. (At least he's tall enough to justify the spot. Once the smaller adults are doing this, it's time to consider fixing that door.) The kids sit down as Mr. Potato is basically Richard Simmons if he was doing workout for children audiences. Could be worse, I guess. (Sadly, Richard Simmons died in July of 2024. He was amusing in Fish Hooks as Richard Salmons, which is one of the few New Disney shows I have ranted on from start to finish.) I love the kids are in awe of this despite the fact that being healthy is Mr. Potato's gimmick and has been since he fully debuted as a character. Which contains one of the funniest troll moves Peppa Pig has ever done. (Drawing a picture of Daddy Pig watching television on the sofa.) I do find it amusing that the kids want to grow up as strong, healthy potatoes. (Since potatoes are bland you see. Sony fanboys said that about consoles in doublespeak, so it must be true.) Then Mr. Potato makes the fatal error of asking the kids how to keep healthy as most of the answers involve stuff that is not exercise, which is the correct answer. (Or the answer Mr. Potato is looking for, since the answers given are valid answers.) Eating fruits and veggies are good, but once some kid says potatoes, Mr. Potato catches himself and realizes that he screwed this Q&A badly. HAHA! (The cannibals are getting restless I see.)

Thankfully, Edmond Elephant gets the answer right and Mr. Potato's reaction to it was absolutely hilarious. He was pointing and jumping with glee that this smartass toddler got it right. (Mr. Potato's rebirth is nigh at this point. Edmond Elephant is a clever clogs.) It's time for the kiddie workout and Gigi decides to weasel her way out of this and watch. I think joining in is less creepy than just watching the workout. Mr. Potato has a red boombox and it's time to jump up and down. We sing and jump for a while; well Mr. Potato is singing while Mandy Mouse is popping wheelies. (Just a note: Mr. Potato is singing his own theme song and his exercising is making him become blown up that he is missing lyric timing here.) Pedro's jumping is okay although his timing is a wee bit off if you ask me. (Really?! He was more in time with Mr. Potato's timing than the rest of the children. You art the clueless one, former self.) Next up, it's time to run on the spot, and they all do without incident. Next up, stretching the arms high into the sky. Lots of giggling and arm stretching ensue. Next up, touching the toes as they are clearly filling time now. Using the "Head & Shoulders, Knees & Toes" song would have been perfect here as they can stretch all four body parts without breaking much of a sweat. Mr. Potato turns off the boom box and it's time for Star Jumps. (Jumping Jacks outside of Britian.) I actually love that as a sub for "jumping jacks" actually, although "Jumping Stars" would have been even better. Suzy claims she can do a million and another kid claims a hundred, but that is considered too much for kids and the kids sigh in disgust. To be fair, we are halfway through the episode and a hundred of them would have ended the episode with a boring finish, so less will do in this situation. So, they will only do FIVE of them! Wait, what?! Why not do ten of them to maintain the continuity of the base ten reduction that this scene was shooting for?! (I get that the five part is similar to eating your five fruits and vegetables as per the gimmick, but the payoff should be ten star jumps.) They do five jumping stars to the dumbest music ever and the kids are already blown up. (Except for Mandy Mouse who is popping wheelies while touching knees. The music is the puppet in the box music.)

Suzy told everyone that breathing is important, even though she was talking instead. (Suzy's tail was also excited as Suzy has the look of "please give me a cookie for that one.") The workout is over already?! Damn. (Probably should have done ten after all and paid off the base ten joke.) Gigi wants the kids to thank Mr. Potato and they thank the potato anthro as it's home time with the parents all coming in, including Mummy Pig, Daddy Pig, Mummy Mouse and Captain Dog. Peppa comes in blown up as we exchange notes for a while. Daddy Pig then says the dumbest thing ever: He doesn't need exercise because he's naturally fit and Mr. Potato points out how stupid he is. (Mummy Pig's look told the whole story that what Daddy Pig said was bullshit.) Mr. Fox and Mummy Zebra join in as Mr. Potato has been inspired to make Daddy Pig pay for his stupid comment, because it's time for the grown up workout! HAHA! (Daddy Pig is our GEEK OF THE WEEK~!) It's straight to star jumps and Pedro orders them to do five of them. HAHA! Mr. Potato points out the obvious to us, so it is a hundred for the grown ups as Gigi tries to weasel her way out of this, but the kids call her out because she might be their teacher, but she's also a grownup as Mr. Potato said. WAH-WAH! I love this as Gigi is in and she just walks over in defeat. HAHA! Oh wait, a hundred isn't enough, raise it up to one million as Mr. Potato starts the boom box and it's JUMPING STARS GALORE~! HAHA! (Yup, Mr. Potato has redeemed himself and it took channeling Richard Simmons to do it. AWESOME!) The kids are counting along as they stop and order them to breathe while jumping. HAHA! Then Mr. Potato really trolls them by restarting the count to two. HAHA! (There's your full marks episode right there, everyone.) Peppa Pig trolling is infectious, in a good way, unlike that pesky COVID-19 virus. (Pesky is not a good term here former self.) Peppa loves this and then they do star jumps and far more of them than the first session. HAHA! That ends the episode at 4:30. During the ending credits; Mr. Potato's accent almost has him saying "all of the time" as "all damn". HAHA! Okay, this is the best episode of Series Seven without fail. ***** (100%).

Little Cars: Time for episode #366 on the animation paper as the episode opens on a hill containing a mini kart track. Miss Rabbit is running things as usual. Kids: Peppa Pig, Pedro F'N Pony, Suzy Sheep, Danny Dog, Rebecca Rabbit, Freddy Fox, Zoe Zebra and Mandy Mouse. Dancing and giggling ensues as Miss Rabbit is wearing a red hat with a checkered flag on it. The narrator calls this the Little Cars Play Center. Which is basically a mini city street area without buildings, but with mini traffic lights and a rotary. (In Britian, roundabout.) Also, the kids get to drive in pedal cars, that have wheels to steer and a horn to honk. Peppa chooses the blue car and starts testing it out as Miss Rabbit reminds them that this is just for fun and nothing more. Suzy chooses the yellow race car with the number one on side. Danny chooses the red rocket car with the happy face on it. Mandy gets the mini electric car which is literally run by electrical power and somehow Mandy managed to get in the car without any evidence of help! Rebecca gets the carrot shaped car because she loves carrots of course. Pedro Pony rides the Batmobile and somehow got it past the legal department. What a shocker; the guy who copyright infringed on Gigi's Bing Bong Song is riding on a almost copyright infringing car that looks like the Bat Mobile. Freddy is riding the mini police car, because of course! Miss Rabbit loves this fun as they can go anywhere they like and speaking of police cars...Here comes the police car with sirens on just to give Freddy Fox a drug high, and that means the return of Officer "Where Are My Kids, show?!" Panda and Officer "I never ticketed an inanimate object that I didn't like!" Grey Squirrel. (Also known as the BAD EPISODE POLICE~! Truer words never spoken.) Uh-Oh! You just knew the police would be involved in a sting operation to turn this fun episode into an educational tool of not listening to Miss Rabbit's rules, which are no rules actually. (I get the plot here: Miss Rabbit is supposed to channel Gusto Gummi from "The World According To Gusto" and it's no holds barred. Then the police show up to show how wrong it is and make Miss Rabbit look like a geek. This sounds like a good idea in theory, except...) Even worse, even though Miss Rabbit told them it's no holds barred, the children follow the rules of the road for the most part, making the adults look like complete fools. (There was some inconsistencies with some of the drivers since in Britian, you drive on the left side and in America you drive on the right side. I can understand that gaffe, but the kids were more than willing to follow the rules of the road instead of breaking them. In order for the no holds barred plot to work, the kids have to break rules like Cubbi did to make Gusto look like the geek that he is. Here, the kids are following the rules much better than the police and it makes all the adults look like assholes and idiots! This is why I hated this episode and there is one more aspect of this I'm angry about; but we are not there just yet.)

This is "turn the channel heat" as Officer Panda uses the megaphone to scream into Miss Rabbit's face. What an asshole?! Also, just to make Officer Panda look even more like a dick, he claims that they are not driving like responsible adults, Peppa gleefully answers that one for me. You should have said responsible drivers there, you stupid idiot! (Officer Panda's conduct in this episode is the worst I have seen in a pre-school show. He approaches heel level jerk level in this episode and it pisses me off even today.) I am almost begging for Office Grey Squirrel to ticket everything in sight now. Thankfully, Grey Squirrel is smart enough to point out that they are in charge of the vehicles and thus the kids are responsible. Which would have worked better if the kids were not following the rules of the road, because the kids were actually doing a good job of it. (Grey Squirrel ticketing everything in sight would have been hilarious, so bad writers, bad!) The officers get into a ladybug car and a potato car as it's time for the rules of the road. (Okay, Officer Panda driving on Mr. Potato's car was funny in a revenge sort of way for the parking lot incident involving Dectective Potato...) Which again, would be fine if the kids were not following the rules of the road. The problem also is: Peppa Pig's education stuff sucks without a good story to back it up. This is a fair story at best. (This could have been a *** episode, honest!) We do the slow pedal and half of the kids are already breaking the rules of road by being in the wrong lane, after following the rules and not breaking the lane rule. DUMB! Next up is stopping at the crosswalk as Miss Rabbit is confused because she has to cosplay an old lady. Why does it have to be an old lady?! Any person would have done well and not change the point of the rule. DUMB! Miss Rabbit's old lady routine is horrible, by the way and completely not neccessary to make this work. It's ageist and does nothing but make me hate the writers instead. (If they wanted to do the senior citizen routine, have Reggie Rabbit be the old lady, because he's an old person in storyline. Heck, have him encourage the rule breaking and have the kids break rules so the police would be justified to stop them and show the rules of the road in this very angle. DAMMIT!) Even worse: They are doing the spots with the horn to make her go quick and it makes the old lady routine look even worse because cars go faster than humans at any age. Why bother with the old lady routine?! Just have Miss Rabbit walk slow to prove your point, you don't have to overkill it. It's not funny either.

Grey Squirrel's blow off made sense; but Officer Panda becomes an even bigger dickhead by screaming the megaphone into Miss Rabbit's ear, yelling "police", Miss Rabbit stops selling and just walks across. Oh sod off, you authoritive bastard! (Okay, this episode is the second worst episode in the series for sure now!) The cars all pass as we head to the lights and surprisely everyone actually remembers this rule perfectly, half kids in wrong lane aside. The light turns green and the kids race off; but the adults don't even start. GEEKS~! This was funny at least as then the adults pedal harder than the kids and the kids slow down to 30 km/h while the adults are speeding and head off of the roundabout's middle. How can anyone take this seriously when the kids have to break the rules just to justify the adult rules of the road when the kids already know the rules of the road. Screw this crap! By the way, thanks to the adults; Peppa has to break the rule of having her car in the middle of the roundabout during the roundabout lesson. Damn this episode to hell! This angle is more miserable than the video games market in Japan. Yes; Freddy and Danny go in the opposite direction while the rest went pretty much the way the officers wanted. One problem: If this is America, they followed the rules; but in Britian they actually broke the rules since drivers drive on the opposite side of the road. Worse, the officers actually stop the lesson completely despite them actually breaking the British road rules. This angle is death now! They had thirty seconds left when Miss Rabbit walks in. Miss Rabbit tells the kids to thank the officers and everyone does. Panda asks if they learned anything and Peppa claims that it is don't beep your horn all the time. Whatever, let's just have the parents cars come in and beep the horn a lot; just to bury this angle even further. Peppa is glad to see them as we end the episode at 4:30 with all the cars following the rules of the mini road and the adults all give up and laugh. Anyone who thinks that I cannot give a zero to a Peppa Pig episode can give up that dream now. This is the worst episode in all of Peppa Pig now. Like I said: Education without a great story sinks most episodes in pre-school show and this is one of the worst. DUD (0%). (This is the police's lowest point of the series for sure now. Officer Panda can get wrecked after this and he doesn't have the equipment to redeem himself like Reggie Rabbit has after the incident with Doctor Hamster and the hamster wheel. If you want a proper attempt at the rules of the road within this world, watch the Peppa Pig Tales episode "Road Safety". It's shorter and much better done that this one. Oh wait, that one did redeem Officer Panda. Okay, my mistake!)

Monkey Trees: Next up we continue on with episode #367 on the animation paper, with the episode opening at the adventure park with Miss Rabbit at the entrance as the Pig family arrives. Miss Rabbit explains the whole monkey trees concept which is simply you climb the trees like monkeys. Could be worse, I guess. Damn, we are SEVEN SERIES' in and Daddy Pig is still afraid of heights. This is height shaming, methinks. Miss Rabbit assures Daddy Pig that nothing is wrong and they'll be using harnasses. There is something wrong, it's not the safety; it's the fact that Miss Rabbit is still doing multiple gimmicks. Geez, the American Miss Rabbits are so ahead of the curve when it comes to dealing with crunch that it isn't funny. Miss Rabbit puts on the harness and demonstrates it by falling off the log, Don Karnage suddenly had a boner. Everyone gets to wear a harness and keep their balance on a log, as Daddy Pig struggles and then cheers like he won the lottery, before Miss Rabbit points out the obvious. Daddy Pig is still dumb. (Wah-wah!) Miss Rabbit shows the high tree tops as everyone climbs the wooden spiral staircase. Daddy Pig seems to have more issues with balance than he ever did with heights. (That's a fair point there, former self. It seems the center of gravity isn't low enough for Daddy Pig.) Jump cut to Danny Dog in the trees walking on a really unstable bridge with Captain Dog as it's called the wobbly bridge according to the narrator. The two dogs cross and sort of selling it. Jump cut to the Pig family waiting for the Dog family to cross fully as Peppa is enjoying herself as usual. Peppa and Danny exchange notes for a while. Of course they mention how high it is and Daddy Pig is still afraid of heights. Sigh. Mummy Pig starts to cross the wobbly bridge and calls it wobbly. You didn't need to tell us Miss Rabbit, the narrator already told us and we already know. All you are doing is making Daddy Pig look even more paranoid now. Mummy Pig, Peppa Pig and George Pig cross the bridge without further incident, but Daddy Pig is still paranoid. Thank a lot for nothing, Miss Rabbit! Daddy Pig stalls like a cowardly professional wrestler and here comes Suzy Sheep, Mummy Sheep, Not Daddy Cat and Candy Cat to call his ass out on it. (Does Candy Cat have two Daddies or not, show?!)

I discover that the tree is basically a spiral staircase as Emily Elephant, Doctor Elephant, Mr. Fox and Freddy Fox are complaining a floor below the bridge as well. I think Zoe Zebra and Mrs. Zerba are behind them as Daddy Pig apologizes for his own paranoia. (Mummy Zebra was shown, but not Zoe Zebra.) Daddy Pig proceeds to cross the bridge by literally doing Fred Flintstone's twinkle toe bowling spot with some of the wrongest sounds ever made. He makes it without further incident, so it's all fine. (The same thing Peppa and George did, only a lot more awkward.) Daddy Pig celebrates like he won his first wrestling match. Everyone does the slow clapping just to troll on Daddy Pig because next up is the swinging hoops, which is basically hoops you swing on like they are the climbing frame. Oh, snap! (Hey, they don't call it the Monkey Trees for nothing, former self.) Daddy Pig is done for now. Even Mummy Pig is not thrilled of this setup either. (Mummy Pig's arm are apparently not strong enough it seems.) Mummy Pig decides to bite the bullet and swings perfectly like a monkey and Peppa and George follow her fast and easy; outclassing their Mummy by a mile. Sadly, Mummy Pig stops in midflight, and their grip is compromised and they fall off, with the harnesses making the save. They are screwed...and then Miss Rabbit says something about having someone make the save and guess who makes the save?! Come on, guess! It's too shocking! SURPRISE~! IT'S OKAY, BOOMER~! POW! OUCH! Ummmm...Well, punching me in the face was dumb, because it's Daddy Pig, the dumbest boomer of all time. Yes, he pushes the family across and they all make it. AWESOME! (Guess what Daddy Pig used to push them to safety?! Daddy's Big Tummy~! The tummy has finally redeemed itself. AWESOME! No one is making fun of that tummy ever again after this spot!) All the complainers give Daddy Pig legit clapping, because this was legit heroic on Daddy Pig's part. Sadly, I betcha he'll still be afraid of heights though.

Finally, the narrator reveals the final descent which is a giant zip wire which Danny Dog and Captain Dog slide down and are helped onto the ground by Miss Rabbit. Mr. Rabbit is attaching the zip lines to the harnesses of the Pig family as he asks if they want head or feet first and Mummy wants the most control, so it's feet first. Mummy is pushed feet first and Mummy Pig is having the time of her life. Peppa and George choose head first, because of course they love chaos. (George giggling indicates that he wants to go head first, I should note.) Peppa and George slide down the zip line and Miss Rabbit helps them to the ground without incident. That leaves Daddy Pig left to go and he states that it's not head first. Mr. Rabbit throws him head first anyway because Mr. Rabbit does not understand negative statements. What a prick?! Poor Daddy Pig, he slides down head first screaming and panicking because he's afraid of...you guessed it! Thankfully, as he goes over the river of something, he stops struggling and is actually having fun now. Yeah, sure; like I'm buying that he has gotten over this, especially after the previous dozen or so moments that we were suppose to buy that he got over his fear of heights. Can we ice this concept for Series Eight onward?! It's way overplayed at this point and just makes the writers look cruel. (Are you kidding me?! That would mean that they cannot do the "can't see, afraid of heights" duo cruelty in The Water Park!) Miss Rabbit asks if Daddy Pig had fun and sounds like an insult rather than a question. (Daddy Pig is literally Baloo Von Bruinwald XIII in TaleSpin's I Only Have Ice For You.) Daddy Pig claims that he's fine, but we all know he's wishing he were dead after this ride. (That sounds mean, former self...Seems a little mean...) Peppa Pig proclaims that this is the best thing ever, which is everything because she's the star and everyone else is a geek. All the parents and kids laugh as the narrator says it all to end the episode at 4:30 approx. This was a really enjoyable episode, but the fear of heights is getting older than the fat shaming. Can we finally Gary Stu Daddy Pig now?! No...Dang-it! *** 3/4 (75%).

Opening Moment #1: The winter theme opening is used here.

Grandpa Pig's Christmas Present: We continue on with episode #368 on the animation paper as we head to the house on the hill snowing and AFTER HAPPY HOUR (after dark) as we slowly zoom in because it's Christmas Eve. Jump cut to inside Peppa's bedroom as Peppa and George are sleeping in their bunk beds with mostly painted pictures and a few decorations. (It's 3 am on the clock I should note.) Jump cut to Mummy and Daddy Pig in their beds asleep with a few decorations of their own. Apparently, there is a guest bedroom in this house which we have not seen until now because Granny and Grandpa Pig are asleep with decorations in this bed. This is rare because it's usually the Pig family visiting the Grandparents instead of the other way around. Cut to the window as we see Father Christmas, his sleigh and three big enough reindeer to make up eight tiny reindeer. Somehow, Father Christmas was able to teleport onto the roof and make a thump sound as Father Christmas is hoing with his sack on his shoulder. This is the last delivery, so this Christmas is next year, for some reason. He drops presents into the chimney, but the last present is just too big. That means Father Christmas has to jump up and down to get it down the chimney while complaining about the size of said chimney. (The creostote is contiuing to cause problems. It's time for a chimney cleaning and sweep.) Thankfully, all the presents pop through the fireplace without further incident, outside of a lot of soot. Father Christmas arranges the presents around the tree and then leaves via the fireplace. Then it's before sunrise as Peppa and George wakes up in her room, because they are like little trolls. To be fair, I use to do it as well; so I'm basically mocking myself for this. (One hour after Father Christmas arrived I should note.) The kids all jump on the bed to wake the parents up; which I couldn't do because I was too big even back then. Watching wrestling and not understanding the difference between fat and muscle will do that to you. The parents are awake and not feeling it, so the kids all jump on the Grandparents bed and the Grandparents have the 0.5 Rock Lobster Frowning Face on full-blast. However, Peppa says the words "Christmas Day" and Granny Pig smiles again. Everyone goes downstairs as the narrator claims that everyone is excited for Christmas as the adults are yawning and then they smile on cue. Now that's a program! Everyone goes into the sitting room as Peppa and George have presents of their own. (By the way, all but Grandpa Pig's present and the kids presents have been written out by teleport. SUZY SHEEP~?!)

George opens his present and it's a toy boat, while Peppa opens hers to get a toy rocket ship. Okay, then. The last gift is huge as Granny reads the card, because it's for Grandpa Pig, which makes Grandpa Pig look like a child. Grandpa Pig's smile gave that one away. He opens it and Granny Pig reveals that it's a drone, which offends Grandpa Pig because he calls it a Quad-Copter. To be fair, at least it looks like a helicopter with four propellers. It's not like Gertude which is mocked as a toy train, Grandpa calls a mini locomotive, when it's really a truck with a train motif on it. (Grandpa Pig is insecure and sus is what former self is saying here.) Peppa asks how it works and everyone gets their winter gear and goes outside as Grandpa Pig uses the remote control to fly the Quad-Copter. The narrator is giving no quarter to Grandpa Pig, it's a drone in it's own world view. The narrator is not wrong, but Quad-Copter at least makes sense here considering the design, so there you go. It also has a video camera to spy on the family. Man, did Grandpa Pig go from senile to creep in less than thirty seconds. (And the NSA is having a boner I see.) The Quad-Copter sounds like a buzzing bee and does loop-de-loops for only fifteen pounds. (By the way, I'm not even making a rib here about the buzzing bee part: Peppa Pig is pointing that exact thing out to us.) More flying for a while as Mummy Pig asks about the battery life and Grandpa Pig tells them not to worry because it will fly back to it's home destination; which is the North Pole where Father Christmas is and Father Christmas is real in this storyline. Granny Pig informs Grandpa Pig to change the home setting, but Grandpa Pig waves it off because he has lots of time to play around. (Yup, both Father Christmas and Grandpa Pig are our GEEKS OF THE WEEK~! Father Christmas for not changing the home settings properly before delivering the package and Grandpa Pig for refusing to do so because he thinks Father Christmas should be more responsible than that, even though Father Christmas doesn't want to damage the package.) More flying as we head to the frozen pond with...Mrs. Duck?! Wait, she has yellow feathers here. That makes no sense unless this episode aired before Series Four ended with the changeover during the Golden Boots special. I'm guessing this is an episode that was pitched earlier on and then got scrapped due to politics and then came back in a new pitch later on.

The drone is spying on Mrs. Duck and if she didn't have enough incentive to steal Peppa's "Golden Boots" then, she sure hell does have it now. (Nah, you need to feed her until she has white feathers to make that happen, former self. This just merely annoys her.) The pigs all laugh and then the battery is low indicator erupts. UH-OH! I think you can guess where this is going now...Yes, the drone flies towards the Pig family and then over the house on the hill and then away stage right, just as a giant middle finger to Grandpa Pig. HAHA! Daddy Pig realizes how dumb everyone looks now, and Grandpa Pig of course is dumber than Daddy Pig here. As usual. The drone flies away stage right and arrives at Father Christmas' workshop. (On it's way, there was a legit polar bear on an chunk of ice!) Which has to have TARDIS abilities because Father Christmas is almost as big as the log cabin. Come on, now! That home looks as small as Grandpa Pig's woodshed, which Granny Pig should take Grandpa Pig to when this episode is over. (Oooo, someone is bloodthirsty for violence here. Perhaps I should recommend Chargeman Ken again?!) The battery runs out and the drone falls to the ground, dead as Father Christmas is confused. Head to sitting room, which is converted into a dining room for Christmas Day, as everyone is eating black pudding; but Grandpa Pig don't care about eating, and neither is George as he's blowing party flavors like Molly Cunningham in On A Wing & A Bear. Grandpa Pig wonders where it all went wrong. Answer: Change the home settings and don't act like you don't know how to mend a computer. Peppa does feel for him as Grandpa Pig proclaims that it was fun while it lasted, and then the doorbell rings. They open the door and it's Father Christmas with the drone wrapped up as a present. Just like that! Why do you bother with the toxic masculinity if you're just going to use the front door, Father Christmas?! Father Christmas pushes the present through the door and it has difficulty going through the door. Grandpa Pig opens the present and it's the Quad-Copter! Of course! Hopefully, Father Christmas changed the setting to the little house on the hill, since at least that would force Grandpa Pig to be supervised over since it's a spy drone. Everyone laughs to end the episode and Series Seven at 4:30. This was decent enough, but the way it was shown proves that it was planned for an earlier time. ** 1/2 (50%). (The end credits have a Christmas theme as usual. I also love how Father Christmas is voiced as himself, despite having the same voice as Grandpa Pig.)

THE REVIEW LINE

Well, the usual mixed bag of shorts in this one. There wasn't anything special about Apple Tree as it felt boring and it was a straight four season episode with Daddy Pig doing stupid things like shaking a tree with total apathy for his sanity. Kiddie Workout was one of the best episodes ever on Peppa Pig as anything involving Peppa and Mr. Potato trolling on the adults will never get old and always make me laugh without fail. Flying Discs was also an instant classic, although Suzy Sheep not wanting to chop the tree down made me sad. Little Cars just wrecked me in a really bad way. It started out okay, and then the real police showed up, it went down a cliff like nothing else because there was no reason for the lesson since the kids already knew the rules much better than the real police officers did and when they did the lesson, they were breaking rules right and left. Officer Panda was the biggest jerk I have ever seen, and I have seen Mr. Labo's sexist attitude in Funfair. Gray Squirrel tried hard, but without the ticketing gimmick to take the edge off the episode, she was basically dead weight here. They tried an educational episode, but had no decent story to pull it off and thus it became a painful lesson that meant nothing because the kids knew the lessons of the road well in advance. Without question, this episode was the worst episode in the post-Golden Boots era and one of the few true DUDs of the brand.

So, that is it for Series Seven of Peppa Pig! Here are the final tallies:

Series Seven: 16 Thumbs Up, 1 Thumbs Down, 35 Thumbs In The Middle.
Overall: 91 Thumbs Up, 20 Thumbs Down, 257 Thumbs In The Middle.

We came so close to zero thumbs down, but that one episode was on par with the worst episode in Peppa Pig history. It's even worse now after the Road Safety episode in Peppa Pig Tales was such a banger and the opposite of "Little Cars". I haven't been this angry about an episode since the pre-Golden Boots era with certain episodes. The amount of bangers certainly increased and Peppa Pig is slowly becoming more and more fun to watch as time goes on as the reboot did wonders to make the show feel like it has never wore out it's welcome with repetition spots being reduced. I also love that Mr. Potato finally got some redempation in this Series after all the times he got baked, boiled and BBQ'ed by the writers in early series. Hopefully, Officer Panda can redeem himself in Series Eight like he did in Peppa Pig Tales.

Next up is technically Series Eight, although in reality it's the overrun of Series Seven due to the creators changing the format from 52 episodes to 65 episodes. Betcha Nickelodeon had the invisible finger in the pie for that one. The next rant will be thirteen episodes long and be the final one with additional commentary to reflect on the difference. There is a four part arc involving the grandparents and the kids going on a world cruise ship! Pedro F'N Pony finally gets his birthday! Another really bad episode during a trip to the water park! More cosplaying Grannies with dinosaurs! Swimming lessons! Peppa Pig goes bowling! Playgroup creates a garden! A Holiday House and a canoe trip featuring another appearance with Mrs. Crocodile. Also, Rohan Rhino officially makes his debut on this show in a speaking role! Yeah, it's not over yet as more Peppa Pig episodes are coming for me to rant very soon. So...

Thumbs up for Kiddie Workout and Flying Discs. Thumbs down for Little Cars. Thumbs in the middle for the rest, and I'll see you all next time.

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