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Peppa Pig: Series One #2 Rant

Reviewed: 02/18/2018

Spiders Can Be Deadly, In The Land Down Under!

Okay fans; I have now decided to rant on this series full time, because I do in fact like this show enough that I can handle the best and worst of the Pig family from Great Britian. Okay; so we head back to Series one as we finish the final ten episodes of the series as we tidy up the kids' bedroom, George has problems with heights, Daddy cannot put up a picture to save his life, Peppa has her birthday party and Daddy cannot operate a video camera to save his live. Then we go shopping, to the beach, have a school play, go on a boat and then we end with the infamous spider episode that got banned in Australia because someone forgot to tell the writers that spiders are deadly in that country! So, let's rant on shall we..?!

All the episodes are done by Neville Astley and Mark Baker; except for Mister Skinnylegs, which was written by Alison Snowden and Shopping was written by Sarah Ann Kennedy. Animation is done by Astely Baker Davies animation; with the two mentioned creators and Phil Davies.

Tidying Up: So; we start with episode #43 on the animation paper, as we open up at the house on the hill and zoom into the somewhat messy room of Peppa and George as Peppa is playing with a cyan blue car and George is playing with Mr. Dinesaur. Peppa stops playing with the car as it's time for Dollies and Dinesaurs, Grrrr! The cosplaying here is so laughable that was laughing my ass off. It's so over the top, even by the standards of pre-school shows. Peppa is so overdramatic. Of course, this show still adheres to the rule that piglets cause earthquakes. Cut to the sitting room as Mummy and Daddy notice this earthquake action as the ceiling light is bouncing around. Daddy is confused as the cosplaying must continue until Daddy Pig walks up the steps demanding answers to this outrage. And it stops as Daddy goes into the room, steps on the cyan blue car, Daddy rides and then takes a vicious bump on his ass and kills the rubber duckie. OH MY GOD NO~! ERNIE'S GONNA KILL YA~! No, not at all. Oh wait; the rubber duckie's still alive! False alarm! Cut back to Mummy Pig wondering what the hell is going on here and she sees the mess and hears the noise; because someone could trip on something and kill themselves, which Daddy already did and almost did in that order. It's time to tidy up this room right now. Mummy Pig tells them that they can play dollies and dinesaurs when they finish tidying up; so Peppa blames George for all this. Even Daddy Pig isn't buying this half victim blaming, half passing the buck, so it's time for Peppa to own up and clean up with George, so to speak. George doesn't like purple dresses, because his rigid gender role won't allow such stuff. Peppa admits her guilt in this mess and it's time to clean up the mess as it's another race involving genders. At least this is a friendly wager to get a job done, unlike most races and there's nothing on the line, so it's one of those "best of times" uses of the plot. You can certainly do a lot worse than this (Teen Titans Go!; I'm looking at you!). So we tidy up for a long ass whomping time as Peppa steps on Teddy. Jerk. Daddy and George find the Dinesaur Pop-Up book and amuse themselves for a while.

Apparently; they don't want to win this wager anymore. Idiots! Although it was awesome to see that George can pronounce Tyranosarus Rex, Triceratops and Brontosarus properly! So, there you go; one reason for this spot to exist. Peppa informs them that they are losing. Ummm; you are not suppose to stop an idiot from making a mistake, Peppa. Unless they are trying to harm others with their stupidity. Then you intervene. Because, the place is finally cleaned up and the result is a draw. Since there was no issue between them (they weren't tidying up to prove which gender was better, they were cleaning up to clean up the place.); a tie is perfectly fine in this case. The issue was cleaning up the place; so who cares who wins here? The job is done and that's all that matters here; which means that it's time to play dollies and dinesaur again; but they are all in the toy basket. Guess what happens next? George and Peppa have to empty the basket of toys and the place is all messy again. None of the family members thought this tidying up stuff through, didn't they? Making the parents look like idiots. HAHA! George and Peppa run around the basket resuming their cosplaying games as we zoom out to see that most of the mess is now in the foreground where the adults could not step on anything. George and Peppa did a better job in keeping the mess away from the walkways then they all did cleaning up the room. HAHA! The kids then stop and realize that they screwed up; as Daddy admits that it was tidy for a while causing everyone to do the backsplash laugh to end the episode at 4:30 approx. They have totally given up. Everyone have totally given up! And that's okay. *** 1/2 (70%).

The Playground: We continue on with episode #44 on the animation paper as we head to the playground with the Pig family, Mummy Sheep, Suzy Sheep, Danny Dog, Granddad Dog, Mummy Cat, Mummy Pony, Candy Cat, (On the tire set monkeybars) Pedro Pony and Miss Rabbit or Mummy Rabbit, but no Rebecca Rabbit for some odd reason. Everyone is enjoying themselves as we zoom in on Mummy Pig pushing Peppa on the swing set. Oh wait; there's Rebecca Rabbit on the slide with Suzy Sheep and Danny Dog. Sorry about that. I should note that the monkey bars are known as the climbing frame in Britian which Pedro Pony is now demonstrating. Oh; sorry, I didn't see you there Mummy Dog. Peppa wants to go really high as Mummy Pig pushes Peppa and it's weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee time! George is hopping up and down because he wants a go at it. Peppa gets off the swing and George sits on the swing. Mummy Pig wants to swing George; but Peppa cuts her off because she wants to push George. Mummy tells her to push George gently. Peppa pushes him hard into the hard, George gets his cue and George bawls his eyes out. What a jerk of a troll Peppa is?! Mummy stops the swing and scolds Peppa for pushing George too high, because the gimmick of George is that he is afraid of heights. George is set down on the ground as Peppa apologizes. These apologies are getting more and more hallow as this show is going on. Peppa and George run over to the climbing frame as we meet and greet. Suzy jumps onto the tyre swing and swings around with glee. Suzy jumps off and Danny Dog joins in for fun. Peppa blows off Danny Dog for doing it all wrong and gets onto the climbing frame and swings with her body in the tyre. Of course! And due to submitting to arrogance, she is now officially stuck in the tyre and cannot get out. HAHA! The troll trolled herself into a corner as everyone rightfully laughs at her. Peppa thinks it's not funny and I beg to differ and so does Daddy Pig. So all four kids pull on Peppa Pig as this is really hard to watch; but they do manage to pop her out of the tyre. Everyone cheers as George wants to be on the climbing frame. Not a good idea, George.

That's because instead of putting him on the first rung of the climbing frame, Daddy puts George on the SECOND HIGHEST rung of the climbing frame! George's face gets awkward and then he cries his eyes out. What a freaking idiot Daddy Pig is?! Even though his eyes are open; George is still crying like a sprinkler system. Daddy gets him off and apologizes for acting like an idiot. So everyone now runs to the slide and everyone but George takes turns sliding down the slide. The narrator thinks everyone loves the slide...which is speaking way too soon. Peppa is still acting cocky as usual. George wants to play; but Daddy Pig thinks it's a bit high. George insists and Daddy Pig puts him on the middle rung this time and George actually climbs to the top of the slide. So he is slowly conquering his fear of heights and then he looks at the slide itself and cries his eyes out because it's still too high. Daddy joins him and offers to help him down the slide by sliding with him. A perfectly fair way to help with dealing with the fears of sliding. Peppa of course thinks this is stupid because Daddy Pig's big tummy will break the slide, or something. Daddy Pig thinks Peppa is silly and this will work perfectly. Well; this did work as George slides down the slide and lands perfectly on his feet without fear. YAY! However...Daddy Pig is stuck! BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Everyone won in that setup! Sadly; this is not the funniest brainfart of all time. Everyone is in shock and then they laugh at Daddy as Daddy doesn't think that's funny. I beg to differ as Peppa says it all. So all the kids go down the slide and push Daddy down as Daddy lands on his back; which is the signal for the kids to slide and bounce off of Daddy's Big Tummy~! BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Daddy Pig giggles and George bounces on Daddy's Big Tummy for fun and amusement, mostly my amusement. Peppa compares the tummy to a bouncy castle as everyone giggles. George is having fun; but I'm sure that George has not completely got over his fear of heights as the narrator claims to end the episode at 4:30 approx. It's not a quick process, people! Finish of this was glorious and Peppa trolling herself was fabulous, too. *** 3/4 (75%).

Daddy Puts Up A Picture: Here is episode #45 on the animation paper as we begin this one on the house on the hill as the red car on the left side of the hill is facing down the hill. Zoom into the living room with Daddy Pig reading in his chair a newspaper while Peppa is reading a ABC book while George is reading the comics portion of the newspaper on the sofa. Mummy Pig is standing showing off a yellow frame photo of Peppa and George posing against a white background. Mummy Pig wants to put the picture on the wall and Daddy wants this job; because he's an expert on these things. Yeah, I'll bet! A DIY expert no less; and Mummy Pig isn't exactly buying this crap. Daddy Pig has the picture and claims that he knows what to do. Mummy accepts the offer and walks out of the house to visit the grandparents for a while. She gets into the car and drives down the hill; which is pretty much where the garden is. Mummy Pig also tells Daddy Pig to not make a mess and Daddy claims that a mess will never happen. Yeah, I'll...you guessed it. So, we head back into the living room with Daddy, Peppa and George; and Peppa is holding the picture. Daddy brings in his toolbox as he wants Peppa to watch him work; not help him work. So Daddy Pig brings out his tape measure and pencil; but not a stud detector which would have done him the most good since he would have found the wood needed to nail the board instead of just hitting drywall. Daddy Pig marks an X on the wall and then brings out his hammer and nail; as Peppa is panicking because he's going to break the wall. Daddy Pig tells her not to worry; but Peppa ain't buying this. Daddy Pig hammers the wall so violently that the wall cracks three seconds after he says that it's easy as pie. Stud detectors are your friend, Daddy Pig! Daddy Pig is dumb. Even more so as he tries to hide the crack with the picture. This is an epic fail! Peppa is not fooled by this either; so you know Daddy Pig failed in epic fashion. Daddy Pig takes pilers and tries to take the nail out as Peppa is pleading with Daddy to not make a mess. Daddy Pig pulls out the nail and makes a huge hole in the brick wall, so a stud detector is useless. Idiot!

Peppa then asks if Mummy would notice and Daddy shows the picture against the wall and concludes that she would. Peppa and George giggle as they run out of the house and around the house so they can show themselves posing in the hole; just to taunt Daddy Pig and his stupid carpentary skills. So, it's time to mend the wall because there is no such thing as a budget in this show. So we fill the wall with bricks; but doesn't bother to put motar on the bricks to prevent them from sticking. Next, Daddy Pig puts plaster onto the bricks and covers the cracks. Followed with the out of nowhere pea soup colored green bucket of paint; Daddy Pig paints the wall. Daddy Pig's painting skills are so sloppy that he, Peppa and George all get splattered with pea soup green paint in the process. Peppa and George giggle and do not care at all. So, the brick wall has been mended; but there is a mess. WE HIT THE MONTAGE of bathing, cleaning, tidying up the tool and George giggling as we end the montage with George looking out the window as Mummy Pig arrives in the car, remembering to not park on the steepest side of the hill. Mummy Pig honks the horn as the kids are go to Daddy Pig standing in the sitting room as they all sit down on the chair and sofa. This would have worked a lot better if Daddy Pig wasn't reading the ABC book upside down. In comes Mummy Pig and if you cannot guess the tiny flaw in this entire plan and no, it's not Daddy Pig reading the book upside down...you guessed it. We exchange notes for a while as Daddy Pig looks like the dumbest liar since ten minutes ago. Mummy Pig is not fooled by this nothing; or actually is fooled, but Daddy Pig is still dumb because the picture is still not up. BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Blushing from Daddy Pig ensues, I think the kids giggling gave all of that away. Then Mummy Pig simply nails the nail lightly into the wall while claiming that she isn't an expert and puts the picture up. See; gentle ways are best, even in putting up pictures. Peppa basically confesses that it was hard, Daddy Pig tells her to be quiet about ten seconds too late and then the kids and Daddy Pig just give up and do the backsplash laugh. Mummy Pig was confused and then just smiles to end the episode at 4:30 approx. Budget? What budget? Moral of the story: Always be gentle, even to a brick wall. *** 1/4 (65%).

At The Beach: Okay; here is episode #46 on the animation paper as we head to the beach which looks like a smooth hill with water in the foreground. In comes the red car as it stops on the flat top of the sand and then everyone gets out in their swimming costumes (swimsuits in North America) as Mummy Pig is carrying a basket while Daddy Pig has the blue/white big umbrella for shade and shady purposes. George and Peppa run down the sand and stop as Daddy and Mummy catch up with the kids. Daddy sticks the umbrella pole into the sand as Mummy Pig puts the basket down on the sand. Daddy opens up the umbrella (called a Sunshade in Britian) as shovels are called spades in Britian as Peppa does the inspection and throws out everything to prepare for this edition of beaching. Peppa brings out the Spotty Ball of Death and it's time for the sun cream in the face spot...AGAIN! Only the adults do not get sun cream. It's bad enough that this show allows adults to not wear life jackets when on a boat; now they aren't allow to show the adults using sun cream? How hypocritical of this show? So Daddy Pig grabs the Spotty Ball of Death and tests it out, and it works according to Daddy. Surprisely, the ball doesn't go flat and continue to allow critics to run their mouths about how every joke in this show punches down on a man. So, the ball is bounced away stage right by Daddy Pig as the kids run after it down the sandy hill. The ball stops and it's time to play catch. George throws first, and I betcha he throws it backwards over his head. I check the video...and it doesn't happen. Damn. Peppa catches the ball cleanly and Peppa throws it over George's head; like a troll. George falls on his back as we get the most BS response from the narrator: "George is too little to catch the ball." You F'N liar! George is not too little to catch the ball; it's Peppa acting like a troll, as usual. George shrieks before crying on cue. Daddy comes in and asks if they want to play "Puddle In The Sea"; which is codeword for "swimming", I guess. Daddy puts the "Waterwings" on George's arms (Which are called that in Canada.). They are inflatable armbands by the way, since Daddy inflates them during this sequence as he does with Peppa wearing waterwings.

So the kids run to the edge of the shoreline as Daddy walks in and the water is fine. Mummy Pig comes in and Daddy Pig splashes her with water. Mummy Pig fights back by splashing water on Daddy. Rinse, lather, repeat; see kids giggling, I move on. Peppa and George come in and Peppa splashes water as Mummy Pig tells Daddy Pig to own up to his splashing as she splashes water, causing Daddy Pig to be knocked flat on his back. Daddy has had enough splashing; so the kids jump right onto Daddy's Big Tummy~! Daddy does the weakest back stroke I have ever seen as Peppa loves the beach. Everyone loves the beach as Mummy Pig has the buckets and shovels on retainer as it's time to leave the water, because this has to end with Daddy Pig getting literally buried. This will likely be funnier than Kit getting buried by Molly in the TaleSpin French comic "The Wrong Culprit". Okay; asking Daddy Pig to be buried in the sand and Daddy's awkward response to it makes this officially funnier than Kit being buried in the sand by Molly. So; a lot of shoveling sand on Daddy Pig ensues for a long ass whomping time. So Daddy Pig is buried and he wants his straw hat, which he has to say please. He does and George bails. He returns and puts the straw hat on Daddy's head. Peppa also proclaimed that Daddy cannot escape. 2:1 odds say he will escape and it will mean nothing. So Daddy wants to snooze and starts snoring; so Peppa and George make sand castles for a long while. The sandcastles get flags in rigid gender colors and George says "pesto". That was funny. So, Mummy Pig calls for home time as Peppa inspects the beach bag and proclaims that they have everything. But wait?! Mummy Pig thinks something is missing as George runs in and they forgot the hat as George grabs the hat and this hat managed to bury Daddy Pig's head and apparently the sand buried his legs and arms. Or it's a logic break. Either way, Daddy Pig is snoring still. Peppa realizes that they also forgot Daddy Pig and this causes him to wake up. George remembered as Daddy Pig breaks from the sand tomb burial the kids created and they all do the backsplash laugh on the zoom out shot to end the episode at 4:30 approx. That was also funny. Fun episode! *** 1/2 (70%).

Mister Skinnylegs: So; here is episode #47 on the animation paper and this episode is notable for a really bad message mostly due to the part of the world that you live in. Outside of it; it aired normally. Inside it, it was banned and it was government behind it this time, unlike most times when it was done by the company due to BS&P. So, we begin this one on the house on the hill and zoom into the bedroom of the kids as Peppa is opening her giant doll house and putting dolls in it that are human versions of the family. The dolls are at the doll house's kitchen table as George is helping. So the kids play the role of the puppets with Peppa playing the adults and George plays the kids, which sounds a wee bit unfair to my liking. Then it becomes worth it because when Peppa tells the kid dolls to wash their hands; George takes them and tucks then in bed in the bedroom. HAHA! Peppa is not impressed by this trolling on her and orders the kid dolls to come down right now. George doesn't listen because he don't care. I just love it when the troll gets trolled back. Peppa tells George to follow DA RULES (FAIRY GODPARENTS~!) and help with the tea party by taking the tea kettle out of the room. To fill it with water, of course. George sells and leaves with the tea kettle as Peppa cosplays everyone and the kids are back down to the table with the adult puppets. So George heads into the bathroom and gets on the stool (NOT THAT ONE!) to fill the tea kettle with cold water. Before he can do so, there is a black colored spider in the bowl of the sink. George is giddy about this as the spider is dodging George as George wants to be his friend. Now; at this point, I'm fine with this because George is two years old and is ignorant about spiders in general, which is a normal response of toddlers. I love smartass toddlers in cartoons because cartoons are never going to be realistic, no matter how much you try to make them believable. However; George is just a toddler who makes me laugh, so I can perfectly accept this. If he was an evil toddler who was a heel, also fine. Toddlers doing evil things and being a babyface is not good, though. So George grabs the spider mean as the spider is literally hanging by it's thread, so to speak. This causes the spider to giggle and like George. Back to the doll house with Peppa cosplaying Mummy Pig scolding Daddy Pig and asking where the chocolate biscuits are (chocolate cookies in North America); which is basically making fun of Daddy's overeating.

George walks into the bedroom with the spider hanging on the thread. George walks behind the doll house and puts the spider in the bedroom in the model bed. Peppa is on George's case about this, and then she sees the spider and does the greatest, funniest and scariest1960's horror film screaming I have ever seen, and she runs out of the room screaming. She heads down the stairs and into the sitting room with Daddy Pig reading the newspaper in the chair with Mummy Pig reading Ezza magazine on the sofa. Peppa is hysterical as Daddy Pig tells her not to worry; as moral guardians are pissed off at this...well in Australia anyway, and Daddy Pig walks upstairs. We go inside and Peppa is begging for Daddy to take the spider away. George snorts as Daddy tells Peppa to not be afraid because the spider cannot hurt you because it's very small. This is the line that got the episode banned in Australia by the way. In many countries; this advice 90% of the time is fine. In Australia, this advice is horrible as a message 90% of the time, because the spiders in Australia are much more venomous and poisonous than spiders in many countries Peppa Pig airs. Plus; the show is a pre-school show and Australia has more rigid government standards and practices than in Canada and the United States concerning television in general. A big kids show might (and that's a big might I might add) get away with this since the bad messaging here isn't much different from the bad messaging of cartoons in North America and Britian for instance; where children shows in the USA in general have bad morals, but aren't usually edited out. By the way; the episode wasn't banned until 2012. Also of note; while getting killed by spiders is still low in Australia compared to other countries (it was risk of injuries and poisonings that probably led to a ban; not that they could kill you.), only one person has ever been killed by spiders in Australia since 1981 while at least two people have been killed by pigs in the last five years. Still safer than being in a school in the United States as of the last month and a half there were 18 school shootings. So yeah, this is overblown, like so many episodes in cartoons that were taken off the air, but at least this one actually had government's fingers in the pie so to speak. Daddy Pig sees spider and promises to take it out; but it's bigger than expected and he bails to fetch Mummy Pig, so Daddy Pig is dumb once again.

The spider comes down to the bathroom area from the roof as Peppa decides that the spider isn't even looking at her anyway and decides to meet and greet the spider. She gives the spider the name "Mister Skinnylegs" and I should note that the music in this episode is very different from most episodes in this series; just to make the episode feel more important. Mummy Pig enters the room as she wants to get the spider out of the room. Peppa introduces her to Mister Skinnylegs and this startles Mummy Pig because the spider is big. George don't care like he hasn't since this episode started. Skinnielegs hangs from the ceiling in the kitchen of the dollhouse as George takes the spider and tucks it in bed again. Notice that none of the pigs have actually touched the spider, and George is the only one who has touched the spider's threads. Peppa then finally grabs the thread of ther spider and ushers it over for some tea and cake at the kitchen table. This has to end with everyone at the kitchen table having cake and tea with Mister Skinnylegs for real, and it doesn't happen! Actually; they have the tea party at the dollhouse! Even better! Would have been even better if they drank real water, but what can do you? George failed to fill the kettle up. Peppa shows off the spider to Daddy Pig and Daddy Pig lies that he's not scared of Mister Skinnylegs, even though he looks awkward and uncomfrontable when Peppa shows the spider. Even Peppa is accusing him of being scared, which basically means that Daddy Pig is scared. Ironically, in a later episode involving another spider, it's MUMMY PIG who is afraid of the spider. Why? Why not?! Peppa trolls Daddy Pig with the spider and Daddy Pig is forced to lean backwards and he crushes his chair in the process and lands on his back onto the floor. Everyone gasps in horror...for about three seconds and then everyone giggles as everyone except Peppa does the backsplash laugh. Mister Skinnylegs laughs on the zoom in shot as everyone loves Mister Skinnylegs (except the Australian government of course) to end the episode at 4:30 approx. Outside of a bad message that got the episode banned in Australia, this was a very good episode with George trolling and the most intresting tea party in a pre-school show. *** 3/4 (75%). The Blackberry Bush and Mummy At Work were more problematic than this episode.

Grandpa Pig's Boat: Here is episode #48 on the animation paper as we head to a river with Grandpa Pig's sailboat (complete with bell and lever (CLEVER CLOGS~!)) as the grandparents and the kids are on the boat already! And they haven't even put the lifejackets on the kids yet! Shouldn't you put the lifejackets on BEFORE you get on board the boat? That's really stupid. Grandpa Pig puts the pirate hat on George before he puts on the lifejacket. Idiots! The lifejackets are on now, thank goodness! Grandpa Pig states the house rules: When the captain says someone must do something; they must do it...(Grandma: Unless it's something silly. Hee hee!) and Grandpa Pig does not do anything silly. Yeah; I'll bet! Grandma salutes him and George rises the pirate flag; because this is a pirate ship, you see. The world's most vanilla pirate ship ever! Peppa Pig rings the bell as commanded. Grandma Pig takes the wheel and Grandpa Pig pushes the lever (CLEVER CLOGS~!) and we race for our life stage left for a while. Peppa snorts, the ducks almost get swamped, I get a drink. Grandma wants Grandpa to go slower and Grandpa agrees with her because he doesn't want to use up his petro (gasoline in North America) and he pulls the lever (CLEVER CLOGS~!) and slows down the boat. Peppa is not happy about this; but Grandpa Pig whisper yells to her that they'll go fast later, when Grandma Pig is not looking. Cheeky old bastard! So we see another ship containing Grand Dad Dog and Danny Dog; who does the same sequence of putting on the life jacket at the beginning of the episode! Then again; the adults never wear lifejackets in this show, so why I am shocked by this? So we meet and greet for a while along with tooting smoke and bell ringings. And giggling, can't have enough of that on this show. Narrator claims that Granddad Dog and Grandpa Pig are best friends...and then Grandpa Pig starts taunting Granddad Dog because apparently, Granddad Dog's boat is worse than Dino Bravo. Here come the fighting words as they yell at each other for a while. The guise of this is: We are going to have a boat race between the sea dog and the water hog basically. Grandma calls them out for being manchildren. In a pre-school cartoon no less! Come on, Grandma Pig; let the two manchildren have their race and look like idiots for my amusement. Grandpa is protesting and Peppa points that Grandpa started it by calling Granddad Dog a sea dog. Of course!

Even Peppa is ordering Grandpa to apologize, but Grandpa no sells because the victim is to blame. Of course, considering that Peppa has been trolling George most of the time, Peppa isn't in much of a position to say that without looking like a hypocrite. Danny is asking Granddad to apologize because he is his best friend. Riiiigggghhhttttt. Somehow, Granddad Dog no sells this deal. So we have the race and the rules of engagement are that the winner makes it past the next bridge which is shown about 200 meters away. Mileage may vary depending on how you view this. So we start the engines; but Granddad Dog false starts Grandpa Pig on the lever (CLEVER CLOGS~!) and drives away. CHEAT TO WIN~! So; Granddad Dog should apologize after all. Not. Grandpa Pig is angry and pushes the lever (CLEVER CLOGS~!) and we are off with the most childish grandfathers boat race since about last week. The grandfathers taunt each other; so Grandpa Pig puts on the jets on the boat and races ahead of Granddad Dog cleanly. I'm calling the finish right now: Grandpa Pig's boat runs out of fuel and stops about a foot away from the bridge and Granddad Dog wins the race by said foot. It's like Horse Scents, only the boat didn't intentionally turn on Grandpa Pig like the horse turned on Webby. And that's EXACTLY what happens here. Grandma Pig blows him off and Grandpa Pig looks stupid in more ways then one because they have no fuel and they cannot get back home. In comes Granddad Dog and he completely no sells the deal to tow them anyway, even though Grandpa Pig doesn't want his boat to be towed home by Granddad Dog anyway. So here's how they get themselves out of this corner: Peppa tells Grandpa to apologize...and that's exactly what Grandpa Pig does! Just like that! Danny Dog tells the same to Granddad Dog...and he does exactly what he does. Just like that! So Grandma Pig asks if they can be towed and the two manchildren tie the boats together as Granddad Dog tows both boats stage right, just like that. They are best friends again as they salute each other. As the towing is going on, Grandpa Pig whisper yells to Peppa that he won the race because he was the closest to the bridge; and Grandma Pig tells him to sod off like the naughty water hog that he is. No one in the scene cares anymore as Peppa rings the bell, as Granddad's boat puffs more black smoke and that ends the episode at 4:30 approx. A fun episode that was stupid, but funny stupid in it's own way. *** (60%).

Shopping: Next up is episode #49 on the animation paper as we begin this one at the large super store building with a green steel basket logo splattered on the side above a window, above the roof and above the door. We see Mummy Sheep and Doctor Brown Bear shopping in the store via the windows along with Candy Cat and Pedro Pony hopping along. The red car arrives and parks on a mostly flat surface this time as the entire Pig family hops out of the car. Daddy Pig goes to the conveniently placed shopping carts and has difficulty pulling one out. George is placed in the toddler's seat of the shopping cart; which in Britian is called a trolley. Peppa loves sitting there; but she is denied because she's just too big. However; she's good enough to help with the shopping list, which is sad because it would be a riot to see George trying to figure out how to read a shopping list. There are four things on the shopping list as Daddy Pig reads out loud: spaghetti, onions, tomatos (tomatoes in North America) and lots of fruit. Peppa proclaims that she'll find it all as she hops into the store; with the rest of the family following her. So we find the tomatos at the veggie section and Mummy Pig puts four of them in the bag; while Peppa puts them in the trolley. Not near George though. Why does Peppa need to sing song that she found the tomatoes? Because she's only four years old. Daddy Pig brings out the out of nowhere pen to mark tomatos off the list. Next is spaghetti and George calls it pighetti. HAHA! Daddy Pig corrects him of course and of course George doesn't care. The narrator also explains why the family eats spaghetti all the time; as it is their favorite food. So, what are the tomatoes and onions for? I say this because tomatos and onions aren't usually on the spaghetti. Peppa finds the shelf with the bags of spaghetti and takes out one bag. Just one! Not four bags to equal the amount of tomatoes. So, this family doesn't buy in bulk I see. Peppa puts it in the trolley and George still calls it pighetti. Peppa tries to correct him; George don't care. Peppa wants CRISPS~! British for potato chips; but the family has lots of that, so Peppa is denied. Peppa gives up, so she's not smarter than Daddy Pig, that is for sure. George wants a dinesaur (sic) and everyone laughs with him and at him. Daddy Pig finally reveals that it's onions, so it's back to the veggie section again; in between the eggplants, potatoes and radishes. Four onions are put in the bag and Peppa puts them in the trolley.

Daddy crosses out onions on the list and the trolley with the family seems to teleport between the veggie stand and the shelves containing house plants, all so George can pick one out. Why can't creative stop booking spots that require the family to teleport. Daddy Pig corrects him and allows him to pick out the fruit. Peppa notices the fruit section as the narrator shows off the fruit, including a giant watermelon (called just a melon by the narrator). Geez; I wonder what fruit George will pick? After showing off oranges, apples and bananas, George picks the giant watermelon and is able to throw it into the trolley with ease. Those stick arms are strong, says I! So, everyone giggles as we head to the checkout counter with Miss Rabbit reading Ezza magazine. So the items are placed on the conveyer belt as Miss Rabbit rings them in: Tomatoes are 45 pounds, spaghetti is 169 pounds, onions are 85 pounds, the giant watermelon is 395 pounds, and a chocolate cake for 899 pounds. Everyone is shocked and appalled by this because it's not on the list. (Chris Jericho: It's on page four!) Of course; it was Daddy Pig after everyone else denies it, because Daddy Pig is blushing like a guilty person. Daddy Pig is a sneaky clogs! Daddy Pig makes a lot of excuses and he's naughty. Mummy Pig relents and puts it on the list as George likes chocolate cake. So does Daddy Pig...for pudding and they all laugh to end the episode at 4:30 approx. Nothing really special for the most part. ** 3/4 (55%).

My Birthday Party: So; here is episode #50 on the animation paper as we head to the house on the hill with a cock crowing and the sun rising. We zoom in to Peppa's bedroom as Peppa and George are sleeping in their bunk beds with their toys. The narrator informs us that today is Peppa Pig's birthday and it's very early. Peppa wakes up the instant the narrator stops talking and snorts. And she wakes up George, for no reason; other than to annoy everyone in the fact that it's her birthday today. And there is going to be a magic show by Daddy Pig; and they are going to wake up Mummy and Daddy. How delightfully annoying this must be. So we head to the adult's bedroom with Mummy and Daddy snoring soundly. Two more piggies jumping on the bed! None fell off and bumped their heads! They yell for them to wake up and I can only say: No more piggies jumping on the bed! Peppa calls this very late; even though it's 5 AM in the morning. The troll cannot even lie good. Peppa is bouncing and Mummy Pig whisper yells that they can start the birthday now. All right. Cut to everyone already dressed up going down the stairs. Head into the kitchen as there is a present on the table with yellow with red hearts wrapping papper and tied with red ribbons. Peppa shakes the present and then unwraps the present. Peppa opens the present to reveal...wait for it...a sparkling spotted purple doll's dress. Yes, that was the present and she puts it on Teddy. Peppa thanks them as we get into an exchange on Teddy's gender, which I betcha no one cared until Peppa mentioned it just now. A lot of cosplaying ensues as next up is that all her friends are coming and Daddy is putting on a magic show. Oh; and Daddy Pig has a fantasy of being a magician called the Amazing Mysterio. You are not Rey's giant brother, Daddy Pig! No way that big tummy is going to fool anyone. Peppa's pronounces mysterio like wrestling announcers in WCW in 1990 as the doorbell rings. Peppa runs to the lobby door and in comes Candy Cat, Danny Dog, Pedro Pony, Rebecca Rabbit and Suzy Sheep.

We have the meet and greet complete with animal noises, and Pedro of course gets his animal noise in, because he's slow in the head, so to speak. Mummy Pig comes in to inform everyone that the party has started, so it took literally thirty seconds to prepare the sitting room. Everyone goes into the decorated sitting room as Daddy Pig walks in wearing his formal gear. You know, if Daddy Pig wanted to be the Amazing Mysterio, this outfit is totally ineffective. So Daddy ushers Peppa over and gets her instructions to introduce him as the Amazing Mysterio. Peppa introduces him as Magic Daddy~! There are times when her trolling is actually funny. Although; she should have went all the way and called him Big Magicial Tummy Daddy~! That would have been even funnier. The kids pop for it, because it was funny. Peppa sits down as Daddy Pig begins doing his magic tricks and says Abra-cadabra in the most funniest way possible, and pulls out Teddy in a dress out of said hat. Shock and awe ensue as Peppa grabs Teddy and everyone claps for that. Next trick requires a helper (a volunteer in North America) and everyone wants that job. Please pick Pedro Pony! That would be a riot to watch; and I mean that in the nicest way possible. Sadly; he picks Suzy Sheep to be the help, since she raised her hand first. So Daddy Pig places three balls on the floor in the colors of red, yellow and blue. Daddy turns around and closes his eyes. Suzy picks the red ball as Daddy asks if she has picked a ball. Suzy says yes and Daddy guesses that it's yellow. Suzy: No. Daddy Pig guesses blue complete with drum roll. Suzy: No. Daddy Pig is dumb because this show is so gender-based that Daddy is clueless that Suzy has not enschewed feminine colors at all. Daddy Pig finally picks red and Suzy says yes finally. Daddy Pig is the dumbest fake magician since last week. The kids pop for it anyway as Daddy Pig bows. Peppa whisper yells to Daddy in order to call him out for being silly; and Daddy nicely tells her to sod off; but the kids laugh anyway. It's not like they didn't notice idiocy in this trick anyway. So; the last trick involves Daddy Pig turning off the lights and everyone has to close their eyes and no looking. That means you too, George Pig! Abracadabra they all say according to the comands of Daddy Pig as they open their eyes to see Mummy Pig bringing in a lemonade cake with four candles. So, it's implied that Peppa Pig is four years old today. Peppa is giddy as she blows out the candles, and then the lights turn back on as everyone cheers Peppa's birthday. Peppa thanks everyone and calls it her best birthday ever as everyone giggles to end the episode at 4:30 approx. Eh; it was all right, although Magic Daddy is pretty funny. *** (60%).

Daddy's Movie Camera: Here is episode #51 on the animation paper as we begin with the house on the hill as we see Mr. Zebra driving his yellow post truck up the hill and parks on the steepest side of the hill...AGAIN! Mr. Zebra gets out with a giant parcel and rings the out of nowhere Gedo fashion sense doorbell. The door opens to reveal Daddy Pig as Mr. Zebra gives Daddy the parcel and of course as we zoom out; the post truck is already facing down the hill! Like I have said before; get used to it, this happens in many episodes involving vehicles. So, Daddy Pig enters the kitchen and shows off the parcel to the entire Pig family sitting at the table eating breakfast, which is corn pop cereal with orange juice. Daddy asks the family to guess and George thinks it's a dinesaur (sic). HAHA! It's not, sadly. Peppa guesses that it's a new toy and Daddy claims that it's very close. Mummy Pig guesses that it's the new movie camera (in North America, it's a video camera) as Daddy Pig opens the package to reveal a movie camera that looks like a security camera used in cartoons to me. Daddy Pig puts the camera down on the table as Peppa wants to go first; but Daddy Pig says no, because it's too complex for small children. So complex that even "I'm a bit of an expert on these things" Daddy Pig needs to read the manual that came with it. The instructions are pictures and most of them I understand: The camera takes two AA batteries to power it up for time and do not let batteries get into water, as well as the video camera, do not expose to sunlight and plug the camera into a plug at the wall. Daddy Pig thinks even this is too complicated. Peppa proclaims that Suzy Sheep has one and Mummy Sheep switches it on by pressing the green button on top of the movie camera. Oh; and this movie camera talks and calls itself the Movie-3000! Mummy Pig does not like the voice at all as the thing continues to talk over and over again. So Peppa proclaims that it can be turned off like Mummy Sheep's camera by pressing the green button off. That turns off the camera; which means in order to shoot pictures, you must do it with that stupid voice talking in the background. Really annoying. Can't the camera have two buttons? Mummy Pig is relieved as Peppa wants Daddy Pig to film her first. So, that is exactly what Daddy Pig does. Peppa does a raspberry and introduces herself. So then they go into the sitting room and Daddy Pig plugs the camera into the television with the smallest red wire ever, it's smaller than the controller wire of the SNES Classic. They turn on the television, watch Peppa's promo and then do the backsplash laugh in response. That was great! And it was so nice, we do it twice, including rewinding the entire thing! The rewind was funnier, though.

Sadly; the third time ceased being funny to everyone but Peppa; as Daddy wants to film something new. Mummy Pig shows the camera and wants Daddy Pig to leave so that the kids and Mummy Pig make a movie for him. Okay. Save us from seeing Daddy Pig trying to write a movie so Z-grade, Hal Warren would sue for gimmick infringement. So Peppa pushes Daddy Pig into the kitchen and then slams the kitchen door on the way out. I'm surprised nothing fell during that slamming of said door. Oh; and no peeking from Daddy Pig. So; it's George's turn to be the star as Mummy Pig films George and we cut back to Daddy Pig staring at the closed door as the kids in the sitting room laugh like crazy. It's also 9:30 am as Daddy asks if he can come in. Mummy claims that it is finished and Daddy can come in now. So; Daddy comes in as Mummy claims that George and Peppa have each made a movie. I guess Mummy Pig was the camera person for both movies, too but she gets no credit for them. Bigots. Daddy finds the remote and we turn on George's big movie. If you cannot guess the theme of George's movie, you need to take the "pay attention to the product" classes. Peppa blows it off, of course! Daddy Pig thinks George is a scary dinosaur. No; George is a scary dinesaur (sic). Big difference, Daddy Pig! George then growls like crazy right into the hard camera so much that it makes George literally cry on cue. That was hilarious, actually! George got scared in an ironic way and it made George's pretend dinosaur look scary to one person. Irony! Mummy Pig continues to deny his feelings again, while pointing out that it's him on television. George stops crying and growls back for fun. Everyone giggles as it's time for Peppa's movie as Peppa cosplays Daddy Pig as Peppa has to make a thinly veiled fat joke on Daddy Pig again. The first ten times, this was funny; but now, it's simply older than a pair of rubber boots and unless there is a twist to it, it not benefitting anyone to do these jokes anymore. Daddy Pig is not amused by this; so that should have been a clue to cease the joke; but I'm certain Peppa will not get the message. Daddy Pig protests this; but admits that he loves cookies, which Peppa has to point out that the tummy will get bigger if he eats more cookies. Sadly; true. So Mummy Pig's movie is basically the Daddy Pig-less version of the opening sequence only with Peppa loudly snorting into the hard camera. I'm guessing this annoyed haters to no end; I didn't care about it. Daddy Pig then show off his snorting skills and they blow everyone into doing the backsplash laugh to end the episode at 4:30 approx. This is far better than any home movies I ever made as a kid, because I was an even bigger baby than George ever was. **** (80%).

School Play: So; here is the final episode of Series one; which is episode #52 on the animation paper, and we begin this one at the school hall on the hill in what will be Lily Snowden-Fine and a good chuck of the child voice's final appearances of this show. We zoom into the school house as we are at a stage with curtains behind the children (Peppa, George, Candy, Danny, Pedro, Rebecca and Suzy) as Madame Gazelle is looking at her book on the floor and informs the students that they are going to put on Little Red Riding Hood. Which requires only FOUR characters to make it work: Red Riding Hood, the Wolf, Grandma, and the Wood Cutter. Here are my picks: Peppa is Red Riding Hood, DUH! Grandma is Madame Gazelle, DUH! (Sadly; that role is played by Rebecca Rabbit) The Wolf has got to be played by Danny Dog and the Wood Cutter has to be Pedro Pony. So they all go home to practice their parts in the play. No surprise, Peppa is Red Riding Hood in case anyone thought otherwise. Cut back to the sitting room with Peppa practicing her promos. Mummy Pig created the costume and the basket while Daddy Pig helps with Peppa's promo cutting. This goes on for a while and Peppa does an okay job for her first time; but it doesn't sound good or memoriable, which is not a good sign for her career as a star, but who knows. Danny Dog is as I expected, playing the wolf complete with wolf fur suit as Granddad Dog and Mummy Dog helping him cut promos. It's too bad Wendy Wolf isn't around until later series' since she would be playing this role easily. Danny's a funny wolf; but Granddad Dog wants a scary wolf and almost scares Mummy Dog out of his wits; with Danny Dog giggling with approval. That was distressing. Cut to inside Pedro's room as he's the hunter, who also yodels and blows the horn as a moonlighter; making him both the most clueless and compelling character in this entire play. So; of course, he is going to find a way to screw this up, because this is Pedro Pony we are talking about. Pedro is also spy. More like slow and awkward in the head.

Also; Pedro likes to ab-lib a lot and blow the horn; because even paper guns are not allowed on this show; and quite frankly, I don't mind. You have to draw the line somewhere. Cut to Rebecca Rabbit practicing while wearing a black dress as she is playing Grandma in this story; so I'm three for four in this department. Miss Rabbit read through the promo and Rebecca Rabbit gets exactly ONE line: "Thank You" and Rebecca blushes, because she's going to be the hapless victim in this entire play while Peppa is the star. I don't know what is funnier: Rebecca blushing or Miss Rabbit going through the play and not ONCE wondering how problematic this play is. Even her bushing the whole time reading this would have been a great subtle message towards that, but it never happens. So we head to the school house on the hill as all the adults drive up to the school house on the hill. Apparently; Mummy Cat and Suzy Sheep car pool together for this one. Grandma and Grandpa Pig also arrive at the school. Jump cut to the staging part of the school as Madame Gazelle is on stage with all the adults sitting down. Gazelle addresses the crowd as all the actors get on stage. George is the fool of this outfit, Suzy plays nurse and Candy Cat is a priestess I do believe. That's a triangle version of the Village People. All the adults bring their camera and we get flashing going on as Gazelle blows them off as photography was banned from this play. Wait; so you forgot to make sure to inform the parents not to do this? What a stupid teacher Madame Gazelle is? Inform them ahead of time that cameras are not allowed during the play then if you don't want it. So; Gazelle begins the play and we open the curtain within ten seconds of the kids leaving in various directions. We see the bedroom set with the closet and Rebecca Rabbit in bed (literally, not a crack on Bea from Fish Hooks) as Grandma. I'm going to skip the story of this play since everyone should know where this is going. Danny Dog comes in and Granddad need to SHUT THE HELL UP~! He doesn't sadly. Danny then suddenly forgets his lines and Gazelle has to tell him what the line is on stage, exposing the business in the process.

Danny Dog tells Rebecca Rabbit to go in the closet in the most unconvincing fashion possible and Rebecca simply jumps out of bed, opens the closet, goes in and slams the door. I realize that there is a no touch rule in these shows; but this was so laughable that I laughed at it. Danny gets in bed as Gazelle claims that he's pretending to be Grandma and this is also laughable as hell. We pan left to Peppa, George, Suzy and Candy standing and Peppa cuts her promo causing Daddy Pig to whisper yell and take photos of her! HAHA! Peppa righfully blows off Daddy Pig for that. Okay; this play is much better the way they are doing it. If they didn't expose the business like crazy, this play would be boring as crap! Peppa carries the basket to the bedroom set as we continue the play as Peppa is the only one who is serious in her acting skills as Gazelle calls forth Pedro the hunter to the rescue. This is just daring for Peppa to be eaten by Danny The Small Laughable Wolf~! How sad, indeed?! Pan right to Pedro who is confused and slow in the head. Gazelle helps Pedro on stage as he blows his horn and Pedro speaks his lines in a boring manner and opens the closet to bring out Rebecca Rabbit as she says her line the best. Miss Rabbit loves it and everyone claps and takes pictures as the actors take their bow and that is that. Peppa calls Pedro very good and even kisses Pedro on the cheek! Wow; just wow. Pedro giggles and blushes; as everyone claps and giggles. Peppa declares Pedro to be the second best actor -- which is a lie -- and that ends the episode and Series one at 4:30 approx. This was the funniest bad play ever; and that's even better than a boring play where the children do know what they are doing. *** 1/2 (70%).

THE REVIEW LINE

Well; this was mostly fun from top to bottom with Daddy's Movie Camera being the best. Mister Skinnylegs wasn't the horror show most people think it was as there was only one bad message which wouldn't be any worse than we have seen in this show, nor in big kids' show. The rest were charming in their own ways and that makes this the best set of Series One. So; next up is Series Two as there are voice changes, more new characters and more ribs at Daddy Pig's expense. However; that comes in March. I really don't have much more to say outside of what I have said already, so...

Thumbs up for Daddy's Movie Camera, thumbs in the middle for everything else and I'll see you all next time.

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