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Peppa Pig: Series Three #4 Rant

Reviewed: 04/15/2018

Whistle While You Troll!

Okay fans; I have now decided to rant on this series full time, because I do in fact like this show enough that I can handle the best and worst of the Pig family from Great Britian. Okay; so we head back to Series three as we start the next eight episodes of the Harley Bird era as the gloves are finally off of this show as it turns from just a normal pre-school show into a legendary pre-school show. So; how do these episodes fare? Let's rant on shall we..?!

All the episodes are done by Neville Astley, Mark Baker and Phil Hall. Animation is done by Astely Baker Davies animation; with the two mentioned creators and Phil Davies.

Whistling: So, we begin with episode #133 on the animation paper and the episode opens on the house on the hill as Daddy Pig is sitting in his lawn chair, reading the newspaper and whistling. So, he is doing three things instead of the usual two things he does when the narrator claims that he is doing nothing. He really means: nothing of note. Peppa comes out as I realize that Daddy Pig is whistling the opening theme song. Peppa asks what he is doing and Daddy Pig claims that he's reading the newspaper; even though Peppa is commenting about the funny sound. Daddy claims whistling is fun; and all you have to do is put your lips together and blow. Trust me when I say it; it's harder than it looks and practice makes perfect. Peppa is about to learn that the hard way as she cannot whistle to save her life. Neither can I, so there you go, there is one thing Peppa and I cannot do well at this point. Daddy tells her to try making a small O-shape and all that does is Peppa makes the most painful raspberry ever. I swear that she literally bit her tongue doing that. Daddy Pig demonstrates some more; Peppa fails to whistle some more. Peppa also blushes when this happens as she deduces that she has the wrong mouth. Daddy Pig calls this nonsense and practice makes perfect. Peppa fails to whistle some more and blushes even more than usual. Daddy claims that practice takes time and it took years for him to wiggle his ears. Yeah; I'll bet. I can buy taking years to play the piano, but not wiggling your ears! So, Peppa is amused by this as she goes inside to the kitchen with Mummy Pig at the table making chocolate chip cookies. Peppa is still unable to whistle as she asks if Mummy Pig knows how to whistle. Mummy doesn't know because she never whistles. Peppa claims that it takes a long time to learn and Mummy Pig just whistles just like that! That is funny in itself; but it is going to get even funnier now. Peppa blows it off and declares Mummy Pig old. Mummy Pig thanks her for saying it anyway and Peppa walks up the stairs and still is failing to whistle. Jump cut to George in Peppa's bedroom sitting down playing space rockets. Peppa comes in and tells George about whistling being almost as impossible as wiggling your ears; which George does with ease. HAHA! George is in fact teasing whistling during this as Peppa declares whistling to be harder and then George whistles beautifully. HAHA! He can also whistle and play rocket toss at the same time as Peppa walks out.

She is now nearing 0.5 Rock Lobster Yeti's frowning face of doom as George giggles as she goes down the steps. So, Peppa goes into the kitchen and failing to whistle has depressed her so much that she doesn't want to lick the spoon since Mummy Pig has finished making cookies. However; she wants to talk ("ring in" in Britian) to Suzy Sheep; which Mummy Pig is fine with. Mummy Pig brings out the out of nowhere cell phone and dials up Suzy Sheep's residence. Mummy Sheep answers the phone and oh, look; there is Suzy Sheep ready to talk to Peppa. How convenient, eh? So they exchange notes for a while and Suzy proclaims that she cannot whistle and Peppa is happy about this; while at the same time trying to act like she has sympathy for Suzy. That was funny in itself; but then Peppa tries to explain what whistling is (besides being impossible) and Suzy says "Is it like this?" and whistles. The second after she whistles, Peppa Pig hangs up on her and Suzy has no idea what happened. Peppa Pig left her hanging; just like Hercules leaves Helena hanging in The Mighty Hercules. This is the lowest point in Peppa's career; only this is hilarious. Mummy Pig did not care as she takes the cookies out of the oven and everyone is inside ready to enjoy them. Except for Peppa; who still frowns because she just realized that she is not this flawless star she thinks she is. Kind of like every human on earth. Like me. Especially me. Daddy Pig of course forgets to heed Mummy Pig's word on the hot cookies and plays hot potato with it, before blowing on them. Peppa doesn't want any cookies and just walks out of the house. Daddy Pig follows her and asks her how she's doing and Peppa basically hates the fact that she cannot whistle. Mummy Pig comes out with the plate of cookies and tells her that she needs some rest. Peppa takes the cookie and starts blowing; and suddenly she hits the correct pitch and she's whistling as she is whistling a background music theme from the show. Peppa is so happy that she whistles the main theme and everyone joins in to end the episode at 4:30 approx. A fun episode with a gloriously hilarious climax of Peppa realizing that she is no longer this perfect star, but still manages to learn how to whistle at the end. **** 1/4 (85%).

Doctor Hamster's Tortoise: Next up is episode #134 on the animation paper as this episode opens at the school house on the hill with the bells chiming. We zoom into the school as literally all the kids have shown up, including Freddy Fox. Madame Gazelle is addressing them as we see that Doctor Hamster has arrived with her box and two cages with animals inside. One of the animals is a blue parrot, one is Tittles the Tortoise as we have the definition of the vet from Suzy Sheep. First up is Binkie The Budgie; who is a cyan blue budgie which Danny Dog is allowed to stroke gently. Danny Dog calls Binkie very fluffy; because he has a lot of feathers. Binkie flies around tweeting as it lands back on Doctor Hamster as the kids also point out that it needs to eat, drink, breathe and sleep; which are all right. And then I forgot that there was one child missing in the playgroup and he finally shows up yawning and admitting that he overslept. Yup, yup; it's Pedro F'N Pony; just to make sure we know how really clueless he is in this show. Gazelle pretty much says it all as Doctor Hamster brings out the hay filled box to reveal Tiddles The Tortoise (Official name; it's not Tittles as I have been saying before this) for the first time officially because it likes to sleep. It also likes to do something else and Doctor Hamster has clearly never read the books on tortoises fully. So; we talk a bit about Tiddles and his shell as Suzy is offered to stroke him and Tiddles hides into his shell almost instantly; so he hates trolls. Suzy strokes the shell as we discover that Tiddle is the same age as Mummy Sheep as tortoises can live for a hundred years. Well; a small percentage of human can live past a hundred years, so it's not as impressive as anyone might think. Peppa -- troll of the year -- claims that her Grandpa is a hundred years old. Nah; he looks fifty to me. Tiddles is walking very slow and Suzy notices this. Pedro is actually concerned that Tiddles is trying to escape and no one else cares. HAHA! Doctor Hamster needs to go back to school as Doctor Hamster shows off a green lizard and George calls it a dinosaur right away; causing Peppa to blow him off. HAHA! Peppa was right originally; even though she changed her mind when she saw the glass cage. So Doctor Hamster shows off Lulu the Lizard and her tongue as she has scales like a dragon, but cannot breathe fire. Sigh. Pedro asks if she sleeps through the winter like Tiddles and Hamster says no; and then realizes that Tiddles did in fact escape. HA!

In your face, Doctor Hamster! Pedro Pony really is the smartest person in this episode. Gazelle assures Hamster that they will find Tiddles as Candy Cat goes into the music room, no luck. Rebecca and Suzy check the playhouse out of nowhere, no luck either. Emily checks the coat rack; non starter there, too. However; we have Freddy Fox and his supernose of doom to help us find Tiddles and he is on the scent. So everyone follows Tiddles outside and Tiddles is found on a branch in a very tall tree. Doctor Hamster is not liking this as she brings out her cellphone and calls Miss Rabbit's fire station. So; we head to Miss Rabbit's fire station as Miss Rabbit answers the phone and yes, she screams fire in a crowded tower. She answers the phone asking where the fire is and Doctor Hamster says Tiddles is up a tree...AGAIN! So; yes, she has had to call fire rescue multiple times in the past. So; yes, the Mummies Fire Department is on full alert coming in the fire engine complete with ringing bell from Mummy Pig (I think) as we cut back to the tree as Doctor Hamster is blowing off Tiddles for liking to climb trees, even though tortoises can climb trees legit. So, here's the Mummies Fire Department running in to make the save as Miss Rabbit uses the ladder and climbs up. She saves Tiddles, brings him down and that is that as the kids pop on cue. Hamster thinks Miss Rabbit; Miss Rabbit is only doing her job. And hell of a job, too! Doctor Hamster also forgets the other cages; so Gazelle comes in with the cages to cover Doctor Hamster ass from anymore credibility wipeouts! All the kids and Mummies do the backsplash laugh to end the episode at 4:30 approx. Anyone who says Pedro doesn't have a clue should watch this episode. And I would not trust Doctor Hamster with my pets; especially with tortoises. *** 1/4 (65%).

Grandpa Pig's Computer: This is episode #136 on the animation paper as the episode opens on the white house on the hill as the red car arrives and Mummy Pig is driving and parking on the steep side of the hill once again. Peppa and George are in the backseat as they jump out and run down the hill where Grandpa Pig is mending his garden. George calls him Grandpa Ig here as Peppa has the broken cuckoo clock from "Cuckoo Clock" as she asks if it can be mended and Grandpa Pig decides to go to his shed with the cucko clock and puts it on the same work I used in woodworking when I was in high school. Grandpa Pig opens up the top and the entire mechanics of the clock splatters all over the table. Peppa accuses him of really breaking it now as we jump cut to Grandpa Pig looking for a book on the conveniently placed book shelves. He finds a yellow cover book which states how clocks work and then we jump cut to Grandpa Pig fixing the clock. What did you expect: Him reading about how clocks work? That would take 22 minutes and they only have four and a half minutes to work with! Oh; and the cuckoo clock has been mended and the cuckoo bird comes out to amuse the kids and no one else. Peppa and George cosplay the cuckoo clock; which at least amuses Grandpa Pig, the kids and myself. Apparently; Mummy Pig left and returned holding her old computer as Grandpa Pig and the kids head up to meet and greet her. We exchange notes for a while as Grandpa Pig claims that he cannot mend computers. Which is funny considering the finish of this episode; as Mummy Pig claims that it's not broken, it's a gift for the grandparents since she has a new computer. Hopefully; one that doesn't break when banging keys on the keyboard. Grandpa Pig isn't sure about this as everyone heads inside to an old office and Mummy Pig puts the computer on the desk. Grandma Pig joins us as she is confused as well. Mummy Pig claims that you can do letters with it. Now; Mummy Pig meant "writing mail"; but Peppa translated it into learning the alphabet; because I'm certain the grandparents know what the letters: A, B, C, D and numbers are. Oh wait; Mummy Pig was talking about the alphabet and numbers. That's insulting. It should be Peppa Pig saying "and numbers"; not Mummy Pig. Because then; the joke is that Peppa doesn't know the difference between the two meanings of the word letters. Oh; and the computer now has a voice for the letters and numbers program. Grandma Pig is worried that the computer would break if she presses the wrong button; so she has played the PlayStation 2 before. Mummy Pig assures them that it cannot be broken and Peppa Pig claims that you don't feed it biscuits, milk or jelly. When Peppa broke the computer the first time; it was because she banged the keys way too hard. So of course; the writers have forgotten Series 1; which is more inexcusable because the show runners also wrote those episodes as well! Oh; and they laugh, so it was a joke on Peppa's part. Also; there is only one reason to get a computer: To play "Happy Mrs. Chicken". The desktop looks similar to Windows 7 by the way. It's the ultimate one button game and I'm guessing timing is what gets you the high score and since this looks fun to them. Hey; it's only chicken laying eggs, it's not like there's any violent nor sexual content with this game. Unless you consider egg laying to be a form of sex; which of course means your Moral Guardian Freak Flag is flying and whipping in the wind.

So, the grandparents decide to keep the computer as everyone leaves the house. Mummy Pig, George and Peppa all get into the car, which has magically turned around 180 degrees. The car rides away as the grandparents decide to do some letters and numbers on the computer. Sigh. Scene change to the kitchen with the Pig family at the table eating veggie salad and pizza with lemonade. So they exchange notes about the situation for a while and then the cellphone rings; and Peppa picks it up. This cellphone is so big, the volume would be bigger than George's head and equal to Peppa's. Peppa answers it and it's Grandpa Pig asking about the computer; and instantly Peppa assumes that he broke it already. HAHA! Grandpa Pig is angry because Happy Mrs. Chicken won't lay anymore eggs. Ah; so the game has a Kill Screen Glitch I see. Daddy Pig's solution would be to turn it off and turn it on. Grandpa Pig does that and the computer goes into the BLUE SCREEN OF DEATH complete with sad face; with the computer screaming "I am very broken". Apparently; pressing buttons changes the color of the screen as Daddy Pig deduces that it cannot be mended and he'll pick it up since it was their property originally. That is under Reboot rules by the way. So we head back to the white house on the hill as Grandma Pig arrives at the door and the red car parks on the steep side of the hill again. Peppa asks for the computer back; but Grandma Pig informs Peppa that Grandpa Pig took the computer to his workshop. We head to the shed as we have a sad face BLACK SCREEN OF DEATH with the sad face moving up the screen over and over again. Grandpa Pig puts a disc in the CD drive and the computer goes into smiley face mode and proclaims that it's mended and everyone comes in cheering. Grandpa Pig just mended the computer after saying that he cannot mend computer. Then again; he found that he had a "how computers work" book and that was that. Well played, Grandpa Pig; well played. So, he still wants the computer. Not to do that stupid Grade One crap; but to beat Grandma Pig's high score in Happy Mrs. Chicken. Grandma Pig has laid 4020 eggs; while George has the other records (42, 91, 153 and 306). Damn; Peppa is terrible at this game. By the way; the British do say "thousand, hundred and X" while North America only says "thousand, hundred, X." Grandpa Pig gets all cheeky as we play the game and everyone else does the backsplash laugh to end the episode at 4:30 approx. Outside of some stupidity; I liked this episode a lot more than Mummy At Work. *** 1/2 (70%).

Hospital: Next up is episode #137 on the animation paper as we head to the basketball court with the hopstoch setup in the middle as all the kids minus Pedro Pony are running around in a disorganization fashion. Did Pedro Pony oversleep...AGAIN?! And this causes Peppa to fall flat on her kisser and scrape her left knee;. even though her arms cannot reach the leg in order to sell it. Everyone is worried that she has injured her knee as Madame Gazelle has arrived to check on the injury. I was hoping she would give the dreaded "X" sign; just to make my dream dream comparison of wrestling to cartoons complete. Thankfully; it's only a scratch and we heal up Peppa's knee with Green Cross baterica killer and put on a plaster (band-aid in North America) back inside the school. So Peppa's all right as everyone sits down because Madame Gazelle is actually going to address the Pedro Pony being MIA. Here's a clue: When Gazelle is addressing Pedro Pony; he is not late as Suzy think he is. You see; Pedro Pony is in the hospital. That freaking sucks! However; this will suck a bit less, because they are going to visit him in hospital as we head there and Miss Rabbit has bused them over. Gazelle tells the students to stay with her as everyone goes into the hospital; except for Miss Rabbit. Suzy is of course, wearing her nurse's outfit; because there has to be a spot where the nurses confuse Suzy with being a nurse. Isn't impersonating a nurse in hospital against the law? Now; for those of you who love pointing out Miss Rabbit and her multiple roles; witness Mr. Bull playing security in this hospital. Yup; it's the dreaded ecomony of characters syndrome once again. Mr. Bull can take directions better than anyone in this episode; including the reviewer, which is me. So, Mr. Bull lets them on the lift (elevator in North America) and we go up. Somehow; this elevator can carry a 1000 pound bull with ease as we head to the children's ward; which is completely decked out with Ben & Holly's Little Kingdom references. Good thing Daddy Pig isn't here; because he would have panicked if he saw the dreaded wasp painted on the wall. Suzy claims that Pedro will probably be asleep; which is a lie because Pedro is in bed wearing a blue shirt with a red star and sun. Suzy claims that Pedro doesn't look sick as Pedro shows that he broke his right leg and it's in a plaster cast. Peppa shows off her grazed knee and yes, even this has a zoom in shot. Don't ask, I'm not that sadistic. So, Pedro brings out the container of markers and everyone decides to draw pictures on the plaster cast and Danny Dog draws the worst soccer ball in history, someone draws a green parrot, someone draws Mr. Potato, someone draws a purple flower and Peppa draws the best one: A muddy puddle. Of course! Peppa then offers Pedro to draw something on her band-aid and Pedro draws a yellow flower on it. So, hospital is great according to Pedro; he's probably the first one who truly enjoyed it.

My hospital stay was all right, but it went on for 65 days and the fact that I was able to tolerate 65 days without internet access is something to behold. He also loves to annoy the staff by pushing the red button on the wall. Nurses get awfully annoyed at this even when it's something that needs to be done; let alone just because Pedro can. It's like with judges in court; don't annoy the nurses any more than you have to. They are humans too, you know. Oh; and those things on Pedro's shirt are stickers. So, we head to the nurse's cafe room as at the table is Mrs. Fox and Mrs. Cow; which I believe are their offiicial debuts on this show. Judy Flynn voices Mrs. Cow (as well as Auntie Pig and Mummy Dog); but I have no idea who voices Mrs. Fox as they are having tea and biscuits. I ask this because Mrs. Fox does in fact speak in this episode! They realize that it's Pedro and here comes Mrs. Fox as Pedro is complaining about an itch. Mrs. Fox tells him that if it's the leg, he has to endure it; but Pedro claims that it's his ear. A body part I can easily scratch. You couldn't just introduce his friends to Mrs. Fox and then have Freddy Fox say hello to his mother? In comes Mummy Rabbit with the tray of meals as Pedro decides to have spaghetti and sponge pudding. Here's some advice for anyone who is in hospital and had the same surgery as I did: Do not order fruit as the main course. Always have high protein foods and milk. Protein helps in the healing process. Keep the fruit to a minimum. Also; the food is not bad all things considered and it was one of the reasons why I wasn't pissed off. I also lost a considerable amount of weight during that stay and am now back to said weight writing this today. Oh; hello Doctor Brown Bear and Pedro points at his ear and Doctor Brown Bear scratches it. Then the fire alarm rings; and apparently, it's the same bell they used when visiting hours are over. That's really stupid. So Pedro waves farewell as the children and Madame Gazelle leave. I believe that is Mrs. Fox's longest tenure in this show by a mile. So we head back to the basketball court as we run all over the place. Peppa then stops and kicks her left leg as the plaster has dropped from her knee. Peppa is like me when my packing falls off after healing at home. Thankfully; Peppa's knee is fully healed, so crisis averted. In comes Pedro Pony; so his leg healed in less than two days. Pedro proclaims that his leg is better than it was before; I call BS on this. Pedro calls it a superleg; I call BS on this as well. When I came back from surgery; my right toes are always on pins and needles, since it was a complication from surgery. Pedro is basically using a form of "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger"; which is total BS. Pedro runs around and everyone runs around a circle giggling with Madame Gazelle as everyone loves to run around to end the episode at 4:30 approx. Pedro Pony was such an annoyance here; and the ending wasn't much better. ** (40%).

Spring: Here is episode #138 on the animation paper as we begin this episode on the white house on the hill at the back door. A bunch of kids are hopping up and down with Grandpa Confused Rules Pig watches on. So, Peppa, Emily, Rebecca, George, Edmond and Richard are the ones hopping as the narrator informs us that we are going to have a chocolate egg hunt. So, there is a commericalized Easter promo in an episode that is about spring. I thought spring was much bigger than just Easter? Peppa is not ready because Freddy Fox isn't here. Oh; here he comes now in Mr. Fox's knick-knack van of doom. And yes; Mr. Fox does park on the steepist side of the hill. Mr. Fox and Grandpa Pig shake hands and it's a lot less awkward than Daddy Pig rowing a boat with Mr. Wolf. Sadly; as much as Mr. Fox loves egg hunts, he must take his leave elsewhere. Which he does. So the kids get one of seven baskets give by Grandpa Pig and everyone must find those chocolate eggs; while avoiding stepping on his plants; because they are such delicate "human in the eyes of Grandpa Pig" plants. Peppa promises to be careful; and I don't buy this for one second. So everyone scatters in various directions as Grandpa Pig returns to the backdoor with Grandma Pig carrying a tray of tea, milk and chocolate chip biscuits. Grandpa Pig proclaims that he had hid the eggs well and it will take ages to find them. Literally one second after he says that; Peppa finds an egg in a potter's plant; so she has been watching Darkwing Dark episodes lately. Rebecca finds one behind a bush next to a yarn basket. Emily finds one while skipping in a tree branch; as she uses her trunk to get it. Freddy is sniffing around and finds an egg in a concrete fountain bowl. It's a bird bath by the way. The big kids all run up and show how terrible Grandpa Pig's hiding skills are. But wait; the little ones come up and couldn't find the eggs; because Grandpa Pig's hiding skill are sneaky against anyone under the age of 2 1/2. They stop in front of Grandpa Pig and then in a staggered fashion; they bawl their eyes out in stereo. And it's clear that the big kids love it when the little ones cry. What trolls?!

So, apparently; the three remaining chocolate eggs were with Grandpa Pig all this time, via the power of magic illuison and sparkle sounds. So, the narrator for Ben & Holly's Little Kingdom is Grandpa Pig?! That would explain the magic hat of doom; as if the voice didn't give him away. Everyone is happy, and that is that. Rebecca asks what do they do with the chocolate eggs. I would send them back to Grandpa Pig on the count of him having to cheat in order to make the little ones happy. Grandpa Pig of course wants them to eat the eggs and they all do, opening the wrapper and make their faces into a complete mess. Grandma Pig comes out and we laugh about chocolate eggs in tummies and also on their faces. The kids lick off the excess and Emily cannot tell a lie; Grandpa Pig sucks and blows at egg hiding. The little one are frowning as we then see everyone going down the hill towards the baby plants in the garden as Grandma is telling us about some new things debuting in the garden. Peppa doesn't call baby plants exciting, but it's not the baby plants Grandma Pig was talking about. It's the chickens and Neville the rooster that Grandma Pig is talking about as they head to the chicken coop. Freddy Fox asking if they can eat the eggs with Grandma Pig's reaction is really funny as the chickens eggs have finally started to hatch, and they are baby chicks now. POW! OUCH! Ummmm...Okay; they are little birds; but not related to Harley in anyway. The baby chickens hop out of the chicken coop as the kids are in the "Aw, my heart melted" mode and you just knew it's not only springtime that these chickens have hatched, but it's also time for the kids to cosplay baby chickens. Cheep! Cheep! Cheep! The kids then sing the "Cheep! Cheep! Cheep!" song and that ends the episode at 4:30 approx. The singing was good by the way and goes into the credits. This was fine. ** 1/2 (50%).

Miss Rabbit's Helicopter: Moving right along, here is episode #139 on the animation paper as we open at the Summer Fete, which is basically all the stuff from Funfair; only minus the Helter Skelter and the Big Wheel. Which is understandable because the theme is all about rescue vehicles; like Granddad Dog's breakdown truck, Mummy Sheep's fire engine and Miss Rabbit's helicopter. So, in comes the Pig family from the east as we see the rescue vehicles from Daddy Pig's point of view. Oddly; the narrator calls the breakdown truck, the pickup truck. I have seen pickup trucks, that is no pick up truck. So; the rescue vehicle owners make sounds as the fire engine uses the British sound because the North American sound sounds like Baby Alexander and that would be considered punching down on BA. Never a good idea. Miss Rabbit's helicopter beeps and is the only one that has voice acting. Mostly; "helicopter reversing". The kids are in awe as Miss Rabbit asks if they want to go for a ride and the kids love to. So, Mummy Pig, George and Peppa get into the helicopter and conveniently, Daddy Pig weasels his way out of this because the helicopter is full. Of course; his voice inflication indicates that he is still afraid of heights. Even the narrator isn't buying this BS; so you know it's BS. Daddy Pig watches on from the ground as the helicopter rises into the air and then Miss Rabbit decides to do stunts with the helicopter, including the Loop-De-Loop for only fifteen pounds (but it's for a good cause, honest!) as the kids love it; but Mummy Pig looks like she wants to be somewhere else. And if you listen closely; you can hear Daddy Pig laughing all the way to the bank. Or in this case, buying ice cream from Mr. Rabbit's ice cream trolly. HAHA! Daddy Pig loves the ice cream as Mummy Pig wants to land the helicopter; but we get a voice on the radio yelling because there is an emergency in progress. So Miss Rabbit turns around and heads to the road where the construction workers are digging up the road again, because another water main pipe needs to be replaced. So this helicopter has a giant magnet; just like the recycling car crane used in Recycling and lifts the piece of pipe out of the ground. Miss Rabbit flies off with it as Miss Rabbit has no idea where to put it. She's rescues people; not metal pipes! So, she decides to drop it into the middle of the road on a hill and then flies away. Miss Rabbit offers a lift home; but Peppa wonders about Daddy. Yeah.

So, Mummy Pig rings in Daddy Pig with the out of nowhere cellphone as we head to the duck hooking booth with Mr. Sexist Lab at the booth. Daddy Pig answers the phone after hooking a plastic duck. Mummy Pig informs him to get this own way home and Daddy Pig don't care. He cared more about Peppa's description of the helicopter stunts Miss Rabbit did and it seems Mummy Pig has mellowed out. So, Daddy Pig is the only one who has an official fear of height. What a shocker?! Daddy Pig is dishonest. So we jump cut to Daddy Pig driving up the hill and he is forced to stop because there is a giant F'N pipe in the middle of the road! Daddy Pig is not impressed with this, so even Miss Rabbit is doing Peppa's troll routine; except Miss Rabbit isn't doing it on purpose. So, Daddy Pig decides to take the short cut and it's a muddy puddle ride as Daddy Pig's car cannot get out of a giant muddy puddle; allowing the narrator to gleefully say: "Daddy Pig is stuck." Trust me; this would not be the last time Daddy Pig is stuck on this show. The car is sinking in the mud and Daddy Pig is screwed. So he decides to ring up Granddad Dog to rescue him with the breakdown truck; but Granddad Dog no sells because he has to get that damn giant metal pipe off the road. However; he is such a kind guy that he rings in Mummy Sheep and the fire department. So; Daddy Pig tries to speak with Mummy Sheep; but Mummy Sheep no sells because she is basically helping to get Tittles The Turtle out of a tree. Because you see; the turtle's gimmick is that it loves to climb trees. Doctor Hamster makes her cameo and she is not happy with this gimmick; even if I think it's funny since musk turtle can in fact climb trees legit. Mummy Sheep does defer the call to the highest rescue system in the land. Take one guess who that is. Yup; it's Miss Rabbit's Helicopter Service, which gives Miss Rabbit an excuse to grab Daddy Pig out of the muddy lake with her giant magnet. HAHA! I also love that Granddad Dog indirectly called Miss Rabbit "a maniac". I'm pretty sure that word is not allowed in most pre-school shows in North America. Daddy Pig does not like this as the kids are cheering on cue. Peppa says it all and Miss Rabbit thinks it's time to show off the helicopter again and the visual of seeing Miss Rabbit doing the loop-de-loop for only 1.5 million pounds (the cost of the lawsuit I'm sure Daddy Pig is going to file) with Daddy Pig's car is so impossible and yet so funny. So the episode ends at 4:30 approx with the narrator basically saying that everyone loves to go up and down and round and round in Miss Rabbit's helicopter. Close, but no concrete for you, Mr. Narrator. This is the second best episode of Series 3 at **** 1/2 (90%).

Baby Alexander: So, this is episode #140 on the animation paper as we head to the house on the hill as we head to the kitchen table with the kids doing nothing, Mummy Pig drinking tea and Daddy Pig reading the newspaper. The narrator tells us that Chloe is coming and it's not long either. Mummy Pig also mentions Baby Alexander and Peppa is already not liking this because babies are noisy; which is hilarious coming out of big kids who giggle and talk too much all the damn time. Daddy Pig is certain that this will be a fine visit and not be so noisy. Now; what I heard next is so funny at first because it sounds like a fire alarm siren in the background and I first thought there was an emergency in progess. Than eveyone walks out of the house; and we soon realize that there is no fire nor emergency; that's Baby Alexander crying like crazy. When BA debuted; at least his crying sounded like the little kids and it sounds wonderful. The creators decided that they wanted BA's crying to be original and this is the sound they picked. One of the most annoying crying sounds I have ever heard. If you never seen this scene at first; it's really funny. However; once you have seen it and you know what is coming, it ceases being funny. So; the green car arrives and out comes Auntie Pig, Uncle Pig, Chloe Pig and Baby Alexander Pig causing dogs to hound at a forty mile radius. Even better; they still do the meet and greet as BA is crying; instead of calming him down first and then doing the meet and greet. So; they are use to his crying. Auntie Pig brings the yo-yo star (which it's design is way too good to be on this show; and this show is good most of the time) and this calms down BA. Also; when Uncle Pig opens the trunk and takes all the stuff out; it looks like they are staying for a few days...but in reality, it's everything BA needs for the day. This is sadly more accurate than anyone wants to give the writers credit for. I'm not going to bother listing the stuff BA needs because we will be here all day as Chloe blows off Peppa for thinking BA can talk; so I believe this is the episode where BA learns his first word. Peppa asks how they know what he wants and Uncle Pig proclaims that they guess. Also true. BA starts crying again as Uncle Pig guesses that BA is hungry and Auntie Pig asks if Peppa wants to help feed him; and Peppa agrees. This causes BA to stop crying. That was funny, actually since it's one of the few times BA goes silent without noise involved.

So we head to the kitchen as BA is in his feeding chair with Peppa feeding him what appears to be squished bananas. Auntie Pig informs BA that Peppa is doing the feeding today; and of course BA no sells and refuses to open his mouth. Because BA is like every other baby in existence, they love to troll on their adults for attention. Only, that works against them; but they are babies, what can they do? So, Auntie takes over and we do the always dumb but cute "Here comes the airplane" routine and this easily works on BA. I don't think this ever worked on me; but I don't remember 99% of my life from cradle to right now, so what do I know. Peppa puts some extra zip on it and I do love how BA teases not falling for it before falling for it anyway. I never hated Baby Alexander, I just hate the crying sound he makes and that's on the creators, not on the character. Peppa is trying to get BA to say "aeroplane"; but Chloe blows her off. Auntie explains that BA has not said his first word yet as Peppa ponders over what her first word was and Mummy Pig and Daddy Pig all claim that they were the first words Peppa ever said. I betcha her first words were "muddy puddle". Peppa has that look of "you're both lying to me; just to take credit". George's first word was "dinesaur" (sic) as everyone has a laugh; so chances are it wasn't either. Daddy Pig is amused by the mess of BA and Uncle Pig proclaims that it's time for a splashie bath and that is exactly what the next scene entails: BA having a splashie-washie bath (I'm starting to enjoy British spellings now) with his rubber duckie. Lots of sponge bathing going on as well as the duckie squeaking and BA giggling. So, heh is his first word, but since it's a sound; it doesn't count. Peppa splashes Mr. Dinesaur into the bath and wants him to say it. BA responds by saying "goo goo". Goo is a legit word, but since he says it twice, it doesn't count as his first word. Man; the rules of first words are such BS. Chloe blows Peppa off and Peppa rightfully points out that he will speak words one day and they will know what he wants. So, Peppa deduces that BA wants to go for a walk; but of course, BA cannot walk yet. So; in it's place he takes a stroll in one of those buggies (baby carriage in North America) that folds up for easy storage as demonstrated backwards when Uncle Pig takes BA outside. It also has mud guards, eight wheels and ABS standards. Why eight wheels? I can understand the ABS system and even the mud guards, but what?

Peppa is not impressed by this blah, blah, blah stuff. Then again; she thinks science is magic, so what does she know. Oh; and Peppa and George remembered to put their boots on. Geez; I wonder the final spot is going to be? Someone claims that BA loves it when Peppa talks and Peppa claims that she is very interesting. I don't think anyone will doubt that after seeing "The Golden Boots" anymore; but it's not for a great reason either. So, everyone walks down the hill as Peppa shows BA the sights and is trying hard to get him to say the words; but BA is giggling and saying goo-goo all the way, because he loves how Peppa talks; but also is trolling Peppa. Peppa then runs and finds a muddy puddle. DING! Peppa jumps up and down in that muddy puddle and she loves it; and apparently BA is very giddy about it, too. And then BA says puddles; and that is his first word. I betcha it was Peppa's first word, too. I have more confidence in George saying "dinosaur" then Peppa saying "Mummy" or "Daddy". Everyone is happy as BA says the word again and then everyone except Auntie and BA do the backsplash laugh to end the episode at 4:30 approx. Crying aside, this was a really good episode. *** 3/4 (75%).

Grampy Rabbit's Lighthouse: Last up for today is episode #141 on the animation paper as we head on the ocean in Granddad Dog's tugboat with Danny Dog, Peppa Pig and George Pig wearing lifejackets...but not Granddad Dog wearing one. We zoom in as Danny Dog wants to go to Pirate Island (the sandspit one, not the TaleSpin one) as Granddad Dog is okay with that; but there are supplies to deliver to the lighthouse to a friend of his. So, yes; this is Grampy Rabbit's debut as he comes out of his lighthouse and waves to Granddad Dog. Grampy Rabbit is the only one who is wearing boots by the way as Granddad Dog docks the boat on the rock and jumps off, carrying the supplies to Grampy as Granddad Dog introduces the crew of kids; and Grampy is happy to see them as we zoom out to jackhammer the point home that he hasn't had visitor in many a moon and he's lonely. Peppa then asks when he has been here and Grampy says since Tuesday. HAHA! Tuesday about a month ago. Grampy wants to tell some stories as they do the old "democracy wins" spot where the kids want to hear the stories; but Granddad Dog doesn't. Grampy brings out his banjo and wants to sing a song and Granddad Dog loses in the "democracy wins" spot once again. Grampy Rabbit's song is okay I guess; but the kids singing in makes it so much better. I can just see Madame Gazelle and Grampy Rabbit singing in a duet now; that'll cause every other adult to get the hell out of this show and I will not care. Then Granddad Dog cuts him off by waving the cheese in Grampy Rabbit's face. What an asshole Granddad Dog is?! This song was actually starting to get good, too. Oh; and he gets "How To Run A Lighthouse"; I betcha Peppa stole that from Grandpa Pig. Grampy Rabbit is fine with the gifts, even though he was cut off from giving us gifts. So Peppa asks about the lighthouse and we get the grand tour of said lighthouse, complete with a stone spiral staircase and all the trappings of a regular lighthouse. Apparently; I didn't know lighthouse light had heavenly music playing when it is used. Also; Grampy Rabbit has a megaphone and basically screams "FOG" into it because he's the foghorn. Oh, man; if Captain Foghorn from Ducktales wasn't a big loser before, he still the hell is now. LOOOOOOSSSSSEEERRRRRR~! And I betcha Grampy Rabbit could say that better than even I could. The kids love it, Granddad Dog hates it, because Grampy Rabbit is a weirdo that the kids don't care.

Grampy Rabbit wants to continue the stories; but Granddad Dog cuts them off as everyone, but Grampy runs down the stairs, out of the lighthouse and onto the boat. Peppa is fine with leaving now; since there is Pirate Island to go to. So Granddad Dog sails away from the island as Peppa and George say their goodbyes to Grampy; and then we see the sand island with the sand castle and pirate flag still on it from a previous episode I reviewed. The kids and Granddad Dog hop onto the island as Peppa comments about the sandcastle and they decide to play hide and seek. Then we get a "so stupid, it's funny" moment: There are two hiding spots available as Peppa and Danny hide behind the sandcastle. Granddad Dog closes his eyes and counts, as George cannot find a hiding spot...until he decides to simply hide behind Granddad Dog, assuring that he wins this game. HAHA! So after a count of five, Granddad Dog opens his eyes and finds Peppa and Danny within seconds; but he cannot find George because George is right behind him making sure Granddad Dog never sees him. Peppa and Danny are giggling; because this is so stupid it's funny. Granddad Dog stops and gives us; so George goes boo to make sure he is found. HAHA! So; Granddad Dog decides to go home before it gets dark as everyone gets back on the boat. Granddad Dog pulls the lever (CLEVER CLOGS~!) and we sail westward as it is now HAPPY HOUR. Peppa is concerned about this; but Granddad Dog assures them that Grampy's lighthouse will show them the way. We head to the lighthouse with the lights on as we jump cut to Grampy Rabbit reading the "How to work a lighthouse" in bed in the bedroom we saw earlier. Grampy Rabbit yawns and only gets past the title before deciding to go to bed. That is not the stupid part. The stupid part is that the light switch he pulls (CLEVER CLOGS~! Not.) is connected to the giant lighthouse light because there is no lightbulb inside the bedroom; so that means the lighthouse light is out and thus no boats can see it. Peppa is confused as Granddad Dog brings out the cell phone of doom and rings in Grampy Rabbit's phone. Grampy answers the phone protesting this outrage. Hey; it's not their fault the lighthouse has only one giant light and it's the light they need, you moron! Granddad Pig asks if he could turn the big light on and Grampy apologizes and turns it back on; complete with heavenly music playing. That music should be standard in every lighthouse. Then; the fog of death surrounds the tugboat as Peppa cannot see the light anymore. So Granddad Dog rings in Grampy Rabbit...AGAIN! Granddad Dog wants Grampy Rabbit to do his foghorn routine now and Grampy is happy to do that at least as he screams "THIS WAY HOME~!" in the process. The tugboat is guided away from the lighthouse in a westward direction as we cut to the dock with Mummy Pig, Daddy Pig and Mummy Dog waiting to pick up the kids. So everyone gets off as the kids and Granddad Dog recap the trip. Peppa wants to sing the song she learned from Grampy Rabbit. Granddad Dog says no; everyone else says yes -- including me -- and we sing to end the episode at 4:30 approx. Go yell at a cloud for all I care, Granddad Dog, that was a decent song. Fun debut for Grampy Rabbit to boot. **** (80%).

THE REVIEW LINE

Well; this was the best set of shorts in Series three with Miss Rabbit's Helicopter being so awesome, Grampy Rabbit's debut being great and Whistling being funny for one minute of Peppa Pig getting trolled to vast extremes. Hospital was not good and Pedro was an ass in that one; although it's mostly due to my experience in hospital more than anything else. I did like the elevator spot though, so there you go. Baby Alexander would have been a thumbs up if I didn't have to hear his wailing siren cry and the rest was the typical fun enough episode. So, next weekend; the final two rants for Series Three will be completed and then it's onto Series four; which is only three rants long. So...

Thumbs up for Grampy Rabbit's Lighthouse, Miss Rabbit's Helicopter, Whistling; thumbs down for Hospital, thumbs in the middle for everything else and I'll see you all next time.

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