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Peppa Pig: Series Three #5 Rant

Reviewed: 04/21/2018

Damn; This Show Loves To Be A Chatterbox!

Okay fans; I have now decided to rant on this series full time, because I do in fact like this show enough that I can handle the best and worst of the Pig family from Great Britian. Okay; so we head back to Series three as we start the next seven episodes of the Harley Bird era as the gloves are finally off of this show as it turns from just a normal pre-school show into a legendary pre-school show. So; how do these episodes fare? Let's rant on shall we..?!

All the episodes are done by Neville Astley, Mark Baker and Phil Hall. Animation is done by Astely Baker Davies animation; with the two mentioned creators and Phil Davies.

Miss Rabbit's Day Off: So, we begin with episode #142 on the animation paper and the episode opens on Mummy Rabbit's hilly tunnel home as we zoom into the kitchen cave with Peppa, George, Richard, Rebecca, Suzy, Mummy Rabbit and Mr. Rabbit at the kitchen table eating carrots. The narrator informs us that there was a sleepover from the night before as Mr. Rabbit walks off for work and Rebecca and Richard are playing cars and Mummy Rabbit orders them to pick them up because someone could kill themselves via tripping and we don't want that to happen. In comes Miss Rabbit as she has a lot of work to do and then she turns around and slips on Richard's toy truck and falls on her back. Somehow; she is selling her ankle; but has no signs of a back injury even though she landed square on the back. Miss Rabbit insists that she hops to work; but Mummy Rabbit won't let her go to work in that condition, so she'll take her place. This is not a good idea. Rebecca is told to look after her aunt as Mummy Rabbit does a whiplash jump cut to the super market and heads inside as she takes over the check out counter as at the checkout, there is Mr. Fox, Mummy Dog, Mummy Pony and Mr. Rhino and Mummy Rabbit doesn't even try to act like Miss Rabbit and she has never worked a checkout counter before. Uh-oh! Mummy Rabbit's life is about to spiral out of control. I think this was designed to point out that there is only one Miss Rabbit and she does all the work; and it's not Miss Rabbit and Mummy Rabbit working in tandem. Except the tandem thing is more believable. So we cut back to the sitting room with the kids helping Miss Rabbit to a chair with her leg propped up; as Suzy is dressed up like a nurse. If there was any time to call Doctor Brown Bear; this would be perfect. Anyhow; Suzy is pretending to be a nurse and telling Miss Rabbit to stick out her tongue, she sells it. The phone rings and Peppa answers it as it's Mummy Rabbit on her cellphone of doom ringing in food at the checkout counter, so she is getting the hang of it now. However; this will take all day as Peppa remembers Miss Rabbit has multiple jobs.

So we logically cut to the ice cream bicycle in the field as no one is at the bicycle; but Daddy Pig, Daddy Pony and Mrs. Fox are there. Somehow, the phone rings and it's in the freezer with the ice cream, and Daddy Pig has to answer the rotary style phone. He's also wearing his soccer outfit as Peppa is blowing off Daddy Pig for running the ice cream shop! Daddy Pig explains the situation and Peppa proclaims that Miss Rabbit is ill; and even has a thermometer stuck in her mouth, despite hurting her ankle in storyline. So, Mr. Pony wants cherry with strawberry and pastchio as Daddy Pig has to run the store; and not only is there no cherry; but the ice cream has melted into soup, prompting Daddy Pig to pour it into an ice cream cone. No one is amused; but I am. Jump cut to Peppa dailing the telephone for Granddad Dog's cellphone and Granddad Dog agrees to drive the bus in Miss Rabbit's place. Okay. Granddad Dog gets out and gets into the bus containing Mr. Labo, Doctor Elephant, Mrs. Cow, Mummy Cat and Mr. Zebra. Granddad Dog drives the bus; but his cellphone rings and we jump cut to Mummy Sheep calling Granddad Dog because she needs resucing. and so Granddad Dog backs up the bus and apologizes for all this. HAHA! Chaos and mayhem ensues and that doesn't include the kids running in a circle banging drums, cymbals and blowing trumpets around Miss Rabbit. Miss Rabbit wants to leave; but Suzy cuts her off and tells her to breathe; but keep still. In comes Mummy Rabbit, Granddad Dog and Daddy Pig with sympathy boquets of flowers as Miss Rabbit simply gets up and proclaims that she'll be in work tomorrow as everyone admits that jobs are not easy and everyone except the twin sisters do the backsplash laugh to end the episode at 4:30 approx. The psychology of this was terrible and little of it was funny. This was a complete off day by everyone. ** (40%).

Grampy Rabbit's Boatyard: Next up is episode #144 on the animation paper as we head to the river with Grandpa Pig on his blue boat at the wheel. Apparently; there are two tugboats and each has a log sticking out of the river which where they attach the anchor to each boat. The yellow car comes in with Grandma Pig driving it, and Peppa and George (with pirate's hat) in the backseat. The kids get out, already wearing their lifejackets as we are ready to sail as Polly is on the perch and has also made the trip. Grandpa Pig tries to move the boat closer; but Peppa distracts him, yelling that he is going to hit the big stick which Grandpa Pig claims it is a mooring post; and the boat hits the log and somehow this causes the underbelly of the boat to create a large hole in it. I have a hard time suspending my disbelief over this. Grandpa Pig is literally channeling the knight from Monty Python as the boat is sinking into the river, because Grandpa Pig is dumb. Grandma Pig is yelling at him to jump off, but Grandpa Pig has to adhere to the toxic masculinity of a sea captain; even though when the boat sinks to the ground; there's no way Grandpa Pig can even drown as the water simply comes up to his chest. Polly is on top of his head and Polly decides to stay with the Captain, like a total moron. In comes Granddad Pig with his breakdown truck and boat bed conveniently placed just for such an event like this. So, we meet and greet as if nothing had happened and we discover that Granddad Dog is going to Grampy Rabbit's boatyard for some repairs (and yes; he didn't say "mend" here) as Grandpa Pig asks if he can have his boat towed over there and Granddad accepts the terms. He also mocks Grandpa Pig's boat; just to get under Grandpa's skin again. Why are they best friends, again? So, we get a sequence of using a tow rope hook to yank the boat out of the river and onto the boat bed at the back of the breakdown truck and we head onto the boring road as Peppa asks about the boat yard. Grandma Pig explains it all as we head into the boat yard with a boing sound effect. Yeah. Pan over to Grampy Rabbit waving and greeting everyone; because you can never have enough of Grampy.

So, the kids come out to greet Grampy Rabbit as Grampy notices the hole and Grandpa Pig lies by claiming that someone drove it into a mooring post. He's lying because he omitted that he was the one who drove it into the mooring post after being distracted by Peppa's yelling. And Grampy Rabbit fell for it as Peppa describes the scene for us and she doesn't even blame Grandpa Pig for it. Grandpa Pig is stammering like a stupid idiot. Grampy Rabbit starts measuring the hole in the boat and then we walk for a while with everyone as Grampy Rabbit claims that it takes years to mend a boat; and when Peppa asks how long has he been mending them, he says, "years". Lame. He should have said "since last Monday"; that would have been funny. So there is a giant pile of junk in the middle of the yard, which contains lots of scrap metal to mend boats with. Grampy Rabbit calls it a goldmine; which Peppa calls rubbish. Of course! Grampy Rabbit begs to differ about this as Grandpa Pig is confused by this as well. Grampy Rabbit shows off his swimming pool doubling as a submarine dock complete with submarine hanging from a crane. Grampy Rabbit uses the crane and drops the submarine into the water and it fills with water as it sinks to the bottom; but doesn't come up. HAHA! Grampy gets out and goes to find a washing machine, as Peppa points out as Grampy rips a panel out and that is going to be used to mend the boat. So Grampy Rabbit patches the boat hole and bolts it into place. I think it needs more bolts; but what do I know? So; next up is testing the boat as they slide the boat down the ramp from the boat bed into the sea and it floats perfectly. Grampy Rabbit acts like this is the first time this has ever happened. HAHA! So; we end this with Grampy Rabbit wanting to sing about the sea. The adults say no, Peppa and George say yes. Since Polly says nothing, the tie goes to Grampy singing anyway and that ends the episode at 4:30 approx. This was really great in that Grampy Rabbit is such a clueless dolt. **** (80%).

Shake, Rattle & Bang: This is episode #145 on the animation paper as the episode opens at the school house on the hill as the music is getting intense now. We head inside as they show the stage in the background since playgroup is in session. Everyone except George, Richard and Edmound are here as Madame Gazelle informs them they are going to play musical instruments that shake, rattle and bang. In other words, lots of noise will ensue. So everyone goes into the music room to find some musical instruments that fit Madame Gazelle's description. I hope Pedro chooses the guitar and then smashes it like a rock star. Sadly; he chooses the tamborine. So, Danny Dog chooses the bongo drums, Peppa has the bass drum, Freddy is on triangle, Rebecca has cymbals, Suzy has a boram, an Irish bongo drum with a two way drum stick. And yes; Gazelle does demonstrate the instruments; which is good since I have never seen a boram until this show actually. Candy Cat has a Keyro (?sp,); which is a colorful wooden ice lolly-equse device with two holes that you scrape with a stick. It's also from South America. Zoe has the marcasas which come from her holiday in Spain. Freddy Fox shows off the triangle and they come in boxes in ten and she doesn't have to go on holiday; which Gazelle tells him that she'll remember that. Something tells me Freddy shouldn't have went there as Emily is on castanets. Which are sold by Mr. Fox in boxes of five as Gazelle cuts him off before the jokes become more than just jokes. Oh; and Gazelle does a dance; but assures Emily that she doesn't have to do the dance. Sorry; but the dance is what makes playing the castanets worth it. Ask Rebecca Cunningham from Freeze a Jolly Good Fellow about it. Rebecca blushes playing cymbals as we head on stage with the kids. Gazelle is counting down; but Peppa cuts her off instantly and finishes the ready, steady, go part and everyone plays like crazy. Peppa Pig; musical troll. Gazelle yells at them to stop because this is all noise; and that music is all about listening to each other and keeping in time. BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! That's a good one. It's 2018; what did you expect?

So; Danny Dog is confused and we do a long sequence of hand claps to demonstrate timing and it's still off key. On second thought; the troll music was better. So, in comes the adults and it's Mummy Sheep, Daddy Cat, Daddy Pig, Mr. Fox and Mr. Bull. Wait; who is Mr. Bull picking up today? So, the kids have their Shake, Rattle and Bang concert and I'm sorry; but the troll music is still better than this. The parents pop anyway as Madame Gazelle orders the adults to go into the music room and bring out instruments. Daddy Pig brings out the complete drum set; while the remainder are forced to break the rules of this episode by bringing out a saxophone, tuba and small trumpet. Daddy Pig's drum skill are vastly better than Peppa's because he's a bit of an expert on these things. Gazelle brings out her electric guitar and we play the ending theme song for a while as Daddy Pig finishes with an over-the-top flourish as Peppa says it all. More playing to end the episode at 4:30 approx. That music is great; but the chaotic noise was still the best; just because Peppa is such a troll. *** 1/2 (70%).

Champion Daddy Pig: Next up is episode #146 on the animation paper as we head to the house on the hill and zoom into the sitting room with the Pig family as they are watching Mr. Labo set a new world record in the long jump. It's sport in Britian and sports in North America. The announcer is Mr. Potato on the microphone of course and Mr. Labo wins a trophy in the sexist Olympics. The smallest trophy they could find as Peppa asks what is a world record. Mummy Pig explains that it means you are the best in something; unlike professional wrestling where you claim to be the best, when you got in via politics. Daddy Pig shows off the Peppa Pig version of the Gunniess Book of World Records and it shows Mr. Reindeer is best at running (a character we have not seen until now actually), Mrs. Mouse is best at the high jump (a character we have not seen until now actually), Mrs. Hippo is best at swimming (wait; I thought Madame Gazelle was the world champion in this? Oh; another character we have never seen until now), and Daddy Pig is the best at muddy puddle jumping. Of course! He is even in the book of world records and even Peppa thinks this is BS; but it's not. At least not for the next minute or so. Because you see, the next event on Mr. Potato's World Wide Sport is Mr. Donkey in the puddle jumping event and the big splash is enough to set the world record! The jackass beat the fatass! POW! POW! OUCH! OUCH! Ummmm... Mr. Donkey smiles in the muddy puddle holding the trophy as Daddy Pig cannot believe it because as Peppa proclaims, he's not champion anymore. Keep in mind; Daddy Pig claimed no one would beat the record, even though the entire storyline is building towards Peppa Pig setting the world record and becoming the champion. Peppa claims that everyone will be sad as Daddy Pig tells her not to worry; because no one will care about him not being champion anymore. Daddy Pig has never watched pro wrestling before because there is a ringing of the door bell.

Daddy Pig opens the door and everyone comes out protesting the outrage of Daddy Pig not being champion anymore and wants Daddy Pig to make his comeback in muddy puddle jumping. They will care, Daddy Pig. Guess who is the most vocal about this: Madame Gazelle. Notice Mr. Labo is already there minutes after he won in the long jump. Everyone thinks it's important as Daddy Pig proclaims that he will do the event tomorrow. Mr. Bull calls Daddy Pig the master of muddy puddle jumping as Peppa, George and Daddy Pig head down the hill for training as Daddy Pig stops and comes into meditation mode because he must become one with the puddle. Peppa is rightfully confused as Daddy Pig proclaims that he must think like a puddle to jump into one. Daddy Pig simply walks back uphill because he has to sleep and dream of the puddle. Peppa and George are confused and we head back to the house on the hill as the sun rises. The car is ready as the entire Pig family comes out. Daddy Pig's muddy puddle costume is just daring a giant middle to the United States flag. He is also barefoot; which is bad because the first rule of muddy puddle jumping is to always wear your boots. Oh; and this is the debut of the famous golden boots...and these are the real golden boots; not the fake ones Peppa was wearing in the Golden Boots special. Mummy Pig of course, thinks the golden boots are such BS that she gave them to Grandpa Pig for his garden and Daddy Pig is shocked and appalled by this. And who says Mummy Pig cannot play a little troll on Daddy Pig? Oh; and they are being used as gardening boots. Mummy Pig claims that the green boots are fine; but Daddy Pig stomps his foot down and this is not acceptable. So we jump cut to inside Grandpa Pig's shed as his cell phone rings. Grandpa Pig answers the cell phone and Mummy Pig asks about the golden boots and we finally see them, as planters for his tomato plants. HAHA! And it's clear that Peppa's Golden Boots were fake because these golden boots have a five pointed star in a white circle logo on them. They have to be the real Golden Boots; which is sad because if the writers had a clue; they would have Peppa wearing those boots. Then again; this is the same writing team who wanted Peppa to go to the moon to see Miss Rabbit's gift shop on the moon and then booked 14 kids to beat Doctor Elephant in the muddy puddle competition; so I'm no longer shocked and just move to appalled at this point.

Mummy Pig wants the boots for the puddle jumping competition; so Grandpa is all right with this and we head to the muddy puddle on the hill with balloons, tents and lots of people. Interesting thing about this crowd shot is: Miss Rabbit is here; but not Mummy Rabbit. Also, Mrs. Elephant is here and if you close in the background in the purple dress; it appears to be Mrs. Brown Bear! Also; anyone who is thinking Mrs. Cow is Mr. Bull's beloved might want to rethink that because there is a bull in a purple dress in this shot crowd as well. Even more interesting: Mr. Donkey, the one who set the world record is here along with Didler Donkey and Mrs. Donkey; but no Delphine. Daddy Pig walks in barefoot in the GMF USA flag costume. Again; the crowd shot continuity dies as Mr. Potato comes in the most uncomfrontable car he could find. Doctor Elephant and Mr. Rhino seem to be here to take photos of the event. Mr. Potato goes over to Daddy Pig; asking about them lucky boots and Grandpa Pig finally runs in and gives him the boots. Daddy Pig sniffs the boots and claims it smells like tomatoes. Still better than what George smells in your slippers. So, Daddy Pig puts on the boots; off-screen as Mr. Potato preps the crowd up. Time to do the secret art of puddle jumping as he must think like the puddle and be like the puddle and then he yells, jumps high into the air in a way no one with Big Baby Daddy's weight could ever perform (see Baloo doing backflips in The Road To Macadamia) and lands on the ground; making the muddy puddle literally disappear. I say he has the world record now. Surprisely; none of it splashes on Mr. Potato; but it lands on everyone else though, except Daddy Pig. Half of the crowd disappeared when this happened, too. The narrator proclaims that everyone has become one with the puddle; except for Mr. Potato of course, cheeky potato bastard! Everyone except the two cleanest anthros in the room do the backsplash laugh. So, Daddy Pig accepts his new trophy as Peppa Pig comes in and declares that one day, she'll be the muddy puddle jumping champion of the world. So after almost three series of Peppa Pig being normal; there is now a stake Peppa wants in this show and the show has become infinite times better because of it. Too bad the writers screwed it up in the end; but the thought was certainly there. Daddy Pig claims that he was training her as Peppa invokes the first rule of puddle jumping and smiles; allowing everyone to laugh at her to end the episode at 4:30 approx. Well; you have to start somewhere and since she's only four, what can you do? I loved this episode a lot more than The Golden Boots. **** 1/4 (85%).

Chatterbox: Here is episode #147 on the animation paper as we open the episode on the house on the hill and up the hill with the spotted bouncy ball comes Suzy Sheep. The back door opens and out comes Peppa Pig as we get the meet, greet, hug and giggle. Suzy has to drop the ball while doing this. Suzy tries to exchange notes with Peppa; but Peppa keep cutting her off and cutting promos. You just knew the troll would start trolling on her best friend at some point. Suzy points the ball down, invokes eye contact violence and that makes Peppa asks what is wrong. I'm guessing that Suzy is not impressed with Peppa leaving Suzy hanging on the telephone in Whistling. Besides Peppa being a chatterbox for no reason; which is far worse than Peppa overshooting her singing in Compost. Suzy complains that Peppa talks too much. Oh come on, now; Peppa doesn't go "blah, blah, blah". That's Mummy Pig's gimmick! And speaking of Mummy Pig; she's at the kitchen table cutting up potatoes for the veggie soup. In comes Suzy and Peppa; as Peppa is protesting this outrage, because Suzy claims that Peppa talks too much. Mummy Pig basically admits that Peppa talks too much and is a bit of a chatterbox. I'm not much of a chatterbox; but I'm sure as hell a writersbox. I write too much, I never get block! I write too much, oh boy; I never get block! And then Suzy starts to chatterbox on Peppa and Peppa walks out in a frown as the troll got trolled...AGAIN! There is a whiplashing jump cut to outside during this taunting as Peppa claims that she can easily stop talking. Bad move, Peppa Pig as Suzy is egging her on about it, because Peppa cannot stop talking. Hey; at least one kid on this show knows Peppa is the star. So, Peppa swears off talking, forever; or about two minutes which I doubt she'll even last that long. There are worst things than being a chatterbox actually. In comes Zoe Zebra on her scooter as she shows off her new dress and Peppa waves with a grin. Not even ten seconds in and Peppa cannot overcome this. And she gives up within ten seconds after Suzy continues to egg on her. Peppa stomps her foot and call this a silly game; even though she promised not to talk.

I guess sign language is considered talking in this world. Zoe and Suzy continue to egg her on, so Peppa proclaims that she'll never talk again as her advertisers panic on cue. In comes Danny Dog from the east and only Peppa does not engage in the meet and greet. So to Peppa; non-verbal cues are now considered talking. Oh wait; Suzy and Zoe are now saying that it's cheating. Danny is confused; but has some grapes and Peppa cannot speak; so she won't get any. I don't care if Peppa is a chatterbox, because this is a pre-school show and you cannot do intentional bumps nor violence. But this is trolling the troll and if you do it for far too wrong; you turn into the very thing you don't want to be, unless you intend to be a troll. In comes Pedro Pony on rollerskaters with a clown horn. Of course! And to think; Pedro isn't even the biggest clown in this episode! Pedro wonders what is wrong with this picture as Suzy and Zoe egg on Peppa even more, causing her to blush and now she is pissed off. Peppa goes on a tirade and starts to mock Suzy's way of walking and Suzy just stands there proclaiming that Suzy's point is proven. Peppa even has to lie about the way Suzy talks; just to get a reaction. Trolls typically want a reaction that makes them get a high. Peppa is not talking like a troll; she's talking like she has been wronged. Even though; all Peppa is doing is proving Suzy's point that Peppa talks too much. Personally; I would be pointing out that Peppa is an asshole for not allowing Suzy to finish her promos and cutting her off all the time. Pedro then points out that Suzy is not much better than Peppa and Suzy is offended by this attempt to make her into a projector. So, Suzy accepts the dare to stop speaking, which even Peppa is pointing out that it is BS. Pedro doesn't think it's all that hard; so everyone orders him to be quiet. Of course! Then the kids all decide to be quiet and they run into the house and talk to Mummy Pig at the kitchen table having tea and reading EZZA maganzine. Yes; they want to be quiet while talking loudly and giggling throughout this sequence. Mummy Pig is so not buying this, so be quiet in three seconds. Which extends to ten so Suzy can drop the ball.

We hear the horn honking as we see that Daddy Pig has arrived with his bags and he heads inside greeting everyone. Daddy Pig is confused because he thought the place was empty. Mummy Pig explains the situation and Peppa of course; talks and protests this outrage as the rest of kids follow in disgust seconds later. It's time to admit that being a chatterbox is not a bad thing; because being silent is clearly not a good thing. Peppa blushes and claims that she might be a chatterbox. Like it's a bad thing and even Daddy Pig points this out to us. Peppa proclaims that she is an expert at talking and Suzy is gravely offended by this because she's the expert. They argue like little kids. Oh wait...apparently; they are the same as everyone says chatter over and over to end the episode at 4:30 approx. This was dumb because being a chatterbox isn't bad, but the chatter at the end was literally saying chatter. If you are going to be a chatterbox; at least be creative and productive about it. ** 1/4 (45%).

Mr. Fox's Van: Moving right along, here is episode #148 on the animation paper as we head to the house on the hill and as Peppa reads the episode title; here comes Mr. Fox's Van parking on a slant; but not on the steepest side of the hill. From the western side of the hill, up comes Peppa, Danny, Pedro, Suzy and George come up on their wheels giggling. Out of the van comes Mr. Fox and Freddy Fox with his helmet on. Mr. Fox fishes the green bicycle out of the back of his van and Freddy gets on it. Freddy and the kids meet and greet; then they cycle down the hill as Daddy Pig comes out to greet Mr. Fox. as it is the afternoon and Daddy Pig is shocked and checks his out of nowhere watch, because it appears to have stopped. A stop watch will soon be the least of Daddy Pig's worries as Mr. Fox decides to do a hard sell on Daddy Pig and brings out grandfather clocks in a set of three. HAHA! Daddy Pig isn't so sure about this; since they are a bit big. So; we cut to a one tree hill as the kids ride to top of said hill. Peppa and company ring their bicycle bell in a contest to see who has the loudest; but Freddy has no bell on his bicycle. Freddy cycles back to Daddy Pig and Mr. Fox as Mr. Fox was acting like he just brought out the clocks. That was really sloppy continuity there as Freddy asks for a bicycle bell and Mr. Fox goes to the back and comes out with boxes of bicycle bells that come in sets of two. I guess he wants to cater to everyone by allowing two bells on the bicycle handle in case there is an amidexterous bike rider in the mix. Freddy returns saying this is brilliant as he shows off the bells to the kids and the kids are in awe. Freddy Fox claims that Mr. Fox has everything. At least Mr. Fox and his van have talent, unlike Bonkers and his "House of Everything". So Suzy want to bicycle race and it's legit because there is a trophy involved. Take one guess who has a trophy, take one guess. Even Suzy and Peppa are staring with grins; so you know they know it too.

Freddy cycles back to see what Mr. Fox can do and we jump cut to Mr. Fox showing Daddy Pig a banana yellow SEAMEN~T mixer. Because we have to continue the angle of Daddy Pig has a fetish for concrete. Freddy comes in asking for a winner's cup (trophy in North America) and Mr. Fox asks how important is this race, and Freddy proclaims that it's very important. In their world, it probably is. Mr. Fox goes to the back and brings out the most pathetic looking trophy ever. In fact; it's golden colored plastic, because what self-respecting scumbag sells a real golden trophy anyway. And I should note: The trophy Baloo won from Mr. Khan in A Bad Reflection On You was gold plated; so it's more worth more than that trophy. Freddy don't care as he cycles back to the hill where the kids are. Yes; even the kids think plastic gold is awesome. Ironically; plastic gold is not only real, it's considered environmentally friendly. So, the kids decide to race to Peppa's house and we ready, steady, go~! Freddy takes the lead with the trophy in his grasp as we jump cut to Daddy Pig and Mr. Fox demonstrating a robot like machine that teleports. Yes; that is just what happened. Oh; hello there Mummy Pig. The machine that disappears is basically a CD music player. Pfft; whatever. So, Freddy Fox is up the hill in the lead, followed by Peppa Pig, Suzy Sheep, Pedro Pony, Danny Dog and George Pig is last. Somehow; all but Freddy makes the comeback and they cross the invisible line in first place. Yeah; an intentional tie in this race, so you know what is going to happen now? Everyone wins a trophy of plastic gold. Mummy Pig and Daddy Pig clap at this moment as everyone shows of their plastic gold trophies. Peppa asks if there's anything he doesn't have in his van. So, the kids dare him as Mr. Fox has banjos in several string variations, young trees in apple or pear, rockets in boxes of five, a black chicken in a cage (my eyes rolled on that one; even more so when the kids giggle on cue) as Pedro Pony calls his van a supervan. More like a TARDIS van.

Mr. Fox and Freddy get into the van as the other kids continue to name stuff Mr. Fox has and then Mr. Fox tries to start his van and it cannot start. Because you see; he forgot to fill the van before he went to Daddy Pig's house and he doesn't have a spare container of petro. Mr. Fox is stuck. Daddy Pig has no tow rope even though he has no problem towing him to the petro station; but Mr. Fox does have tow rope in packs of colors of five. So; we attach the tow ropes to the van and car as Mr. Fox and Freddy are still in their van as the rest all get into the car as everyone laughs while Daddy Pig is towing the van onto the boring road to end the episode at 4:30 approx. Geez; that was a disappointing ending. The narrator should have said: Mr. Fox loves being towed to the petro station. Everyone loves being towed to the petro station. Fine episode otherwise. *** (60%).

Chloe's Big Friends: Last up for today is episode #149 on the animation paper as we begin this one on a boring road as the red car is heading westward with Daddy Pig, Mummy Pig, Peppa Pig and George Pig sitting in the car. Peppa has the purple boombox of fear and George has Mr. Dinesaur of course. They are headed to Cousin Chloe's cyan blue house on the hill as the car is parked on the steep side of the hill...AGAIN! Peppa and George get out and run down the hill to see Chloe wearing a purple doo rag with a skull and cross bones on it. There is a bear anthro wearing glasses and reading a Heart 4U teen magazine and a squirrel anthro wearing navy blue and playing a video game in the shape of the Nintendo Switch dettachable controllers. So; this show did in fact predict the future, sort of. So, the two friends Chloe has are Belinda Bear and Simon Squirrel in that order. Belinda Bear is voiced by Zara Siddiqi who voiced Candy Cat as well; and she'll be voiced by Charlotte Potterson in Series 5. Nothing outside Peppa Pig though. Simon Squirrel is voiced by Preston Nyman here and he has probably one of the most interesting resumes of all the kid characters on this show: Debut on Foster as Young Zach in 2005. Then was Quinn in 3rd & Bird and is Ben in Ben & Holly's Little Kingdom. He also cameoed in Doc Martin, Doctors and This Country. Silent Witness is his most recent credit as Gary Brockham. He has 14 acting credits, 1 Director credit (Francois), 1 Writing credit and one Thanks credit (The Glass Man) to his resume. The most notable cameo is in Mr. Bean's Holiday. Simon wants to be called "Sy"; which I would think would be "Cy" and it's Cymon; but whatever. Bealina is short for Bea; which makes more sense. Peppa and George introduce themselves and they are now called Pep and Joe; which I love as a duo name. Simon is not happy with Chloe not telling them that she had baby cousins and Peppa is protesting this outrage. George doesn't care, so he's not insecure about it since he is only 2 years old. Bea points out that Peppa is little and Peppa puts her foot down and claims to be a big girl when she acts like a four year old. What a shock?!

George is smiling the entire time as Peppa wants to play Hide and Seek; and Simon blows it off because that's a baby game. They are almost grownup; so they are all 16 years old looking 12 years old. Sorry if I have been distracted by this stupid and inane argument; I am bedazzled by the new Ducktales 2018 showing Don Karnage coming back. Peppa decides to invoke the yes/no game (speaking of Don Karnage...) and Chloe is confused. Oh; and the rules of engagement are that the answer to a question must not end with a yes nor a no. Simon is ready for this; but gets dinged because he said yes and that is totally unfair. All Peppa has to do is make up questions that only have two choices: yes or no; and she can never lose. What a troll?! I would rather play a baby game than a troll game where the troll always wins. It's like gambling; only with no pleasure during the loss of money. Bealinda suffers the same fate as Simon as Simon wants to ask the question and Simon gives up, and then Peppa says yes and no; so Simon wins twice. HAHA! The troll got trolled as the big kids are laughing together with the little ones. Bea wants to play another game and next up is Sardines which is Hide & Seek; only the hiders are found and huddled together until everyone is found; like sardines in a tin can. Also; only one person can hide at a time as George runs off to hide as the kids all count to ten. George hides behind a bush. So everyone scatters in various directions as Peppa finds George's tail and then hides behind the bushes. The giggling is not helping in them being quiet, though. Chloe finds them instantly and hides with them as they squeeze like sardines in a can. Bea then proceeds to find them; so Simon is either the winner or the loser depending on how this turns out. I say loser because the kids hide perfectly, and Simon cannot find them; so the kids jump out and blow their cover to make sure he found them. So; Simon wants to chill out and everyone sits down as Peppa is sort of confused because she's not hip to teen lingo.

So, Peppa loves to blah, blah, blah; so the big kids want to talk about music. Simon loves blues music, Chloe loves reds music. I didn't know he had a musical cable fetish. Belinda likes greens music. So she's a huge Kirby fan. They hate children's music as Peppa has her boombox and I thought she would play the usual rock and roll swing music we often hear. Not this time! Oh, no. We play the "Head & shoulders, knees and toes" song fully remixed like something you hear on Youtube. And all the kids do the dance to this song, just to make it even more obvious. I swear that the video I saw had the song overdubbed, but the motions the characters do match with the song, so that is the song the creators used. In comes Mummy Pig and Daddy Pig during this and Mummy Pig turns off the music. The kids sigh in horror and if this were not a pre-school show, this would be equalivant to waking up the sheeple. You do not wake up the sheeple. So it's hometime; but Chloe is visiting next week and Bea and Cy want to join in to play the head and shoulders, knees and toes game with remix music and everyone loves it even when you are almost grownup as we end the episode at 4:30 approx with Peppa and company replaying the music and dance. That was a fun finish; albeit completely absurd, and the games were decent once Peppa got trolled. *** 3/4 (75%).

THE REVIEW LINE

Well; this was a mixed bag of two great episodes (Champion Daddy Pig; just because the setup for this was great even if the payoff in The Golden Boots wasn't good; and Grampy Rabbit is always good), two below average episodes (Miss Rabbit's Day Off wasn't all that funny and Chatterbox was just dumb) and two middling episodes with a surprisely good Chloe focused episode at the end. Overall; a weaker set of episodes; but it's still good enough, so I have nothing else to say about this. Next up is the final seven episodes of Series 3; which includes the biggest muddy puddle in the world (Riiiigggghhhttttt...), pottery, paper aeroplanes, Edmond Elephant's birthday party and a two part Christmas in April that will piss off everyone who hates winter; but my timing is lousy, what can I do? Oh; and there's a gym class in this one; don't forget about that. So...

Thumbs up for Champion Daddy Pig, Grampy Rabbit's Boatyard; thumbs down for Chatterbox, Miss Rabbit's Day Off and thumbs in the middle for everything else and I'll see you all next time.

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