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Peppa Pig: Series Five #3 Rant

Reviewed: 12/02/2018
Updated: 12/09/2018

Let The Random Muddy Puddles Begin!

Okay fans; I have now decided to rant on this series full time, because I do in fact like this show enough that I can handle the best and worst of the Pig family from Great Britian. Okay; so we finally begin Series 5 as we start as the gloves are finally off of this show as it turns from just a normal pre-school show into a legendary pre-school show. Now, due to being unable to find Mummy Pig's Book; I have decided just to rant on all the episodes in random order, rather than in the order of their appearance. So; how do these episodes fare? Let's rant on shall we..?!

All the episodes are done by Neville Astley, Mark Baker and Phil Hall. Animation is done by Astely Baker Davies animation; with the two mentioned creators and Phil Davies.

Doctors: So, we begin with episode #251 on the animation paper as we head to the school house on the hill and all the kids run out of the school house giggling down the hill into an area filled with bushes, trees, muddy puddles, and a bouncy rubber ball. Peppa is at the tree with Pedro F'N Pony as we hear squeak sounds. They look up and it's Tiddles the Tortoise climbing trees again. Since the tree is small enough; Pedro has a Clueless Plan to get Tiddles down (after Peppa called the tortoise naughty; despite the fact that Tiddles is doing what tortoises do on a regular basis): shake the tree up, as opposed to chopping the tree down; which is Suzy's gimmick. Pedro shakes the tree up; Peppa is questionning this and Tiddle falls; bonks right into Pedro's face, knocks Pedro's glasses off his face and the glasses fall into the muddy puddle, while Tiddles is on it's back on the grass area. You got all that?! Apparently; Pedro has a broken nose to match his broken clue maker, although the later seems to be terminal. Gigi is concerned about this so much that she brings out her cell phone and calls for Doctor Brown Bear. Oh goody; because that is what this show needs: More Doctor Brown Bear insulting doctors the world over. Pedro has a bumped nose. You can say it's broken, since Pedro had a broken leg in a previous episode. Seriously! Did BS&P finally step in and said no more breaking bones?! Doesn't matter because it's Doctor Brown Bear to the rescue in his ambulance car. At least there was zero traffic to the area this time around. So, DBB arrives and asks for the patient. Pedro's nose is pulsing now as DBB notices him and wants him to say ahhh... His nose is hurt, not his throat. DBB then gives him a green plaster (band-aid in North America) on Pedro's nose and Pedro is much better. Wow; that was an awesome plabeco there, Doc! Pedro puts his glasses back on and they are all muddy, so Pedro cannot see. Instead of finding some water and a cloth to wipe the glasses clean; Gigi wants DBB to fix Pedro's glasses. Because you see, wiping glasses clean requires someone with expertise and we need Daddy Pony to show up in this episode, since he's an optician.

Doctor Brown Bear is an all-purpose doctor; not a specialist in eyes, you see. Oh, the irony! So, someone calls Doctor Pony in his office and DP is on the case straight away. I swear there are 100 people in this entire area, despite having enough resources for 10,000 people! Oh; and Dr. Pony also has an ambluance type car, only it's yellow and has the ABC orange logo on the side. It also has a police siren. So, Dr. Pony parks beside Doctor Brown Bear's car and talks to his son as Pedro claims that his glasses are not working. Dr. Pony brings out the eyechart and Pedro no sells because his glasses are all muddy dammit. Dr. Pony takes the glasses and wipes them clean with a cloth and they work again! I realize that experts are awesome and you should listen to them; but, the entire playgroup and Gigi and Doctor Brown Bear have to be completely clueless dolts to not know how to wipe glasses. Pedro, I can understand since his eye sight is terrible without them and you want to be careful; but everyone else?! Talk about cowards! So, we finally wrap this ep...Oh wait; there is still two minutes to go and Tiddles is still in distress. Of course; they cannot flip the tortoise on it's legs because you need a vet to do it. Of course! Poor, Tiddles; the people who could help her, cannot because expertise rules. Or something. So, we call Doctor Hamster at her office and I just love that they completely didn't tell her that Tiddles was the tortoise that were talking about, because she's responsible for that tortoise! So, Doctor Hamster hangs up and is on her way with a legit ambulance; only all green with a yellow cross on it. I also love that her bag has a yellow cross with a pink background circle; but the background items have green crosses on it. Ooops. So, Doctor Hamster arrives and parks beside Doctor Pony's car and hops out. We meet and greet to kill time; I don't know why, Tiddles is right in front of Doctor Hamster. License needing revoking, I doubt that will happen.

So, Pedro explains that he fell out of a tree, completely ignoring the fact that he was the one who shook Tiddles out of the tree! Because Pedro lied; Doctor Hamster blames Tiddles for climbing trees again! WHAT?! Pedro was the one who shook Tiddles out of the tree and it landed on it's back. This is ALL on Pedro. I hope Suzy understands now why everyone was blowing her off for wanting the chop the tree down. So, Doctor Hamster just flips Tiddles over onto his feet and that is that. Wow; that so required an expert now, didn't it? Standard procedure indeed! Then more sirens and in comes Doctor Elephant in his dentist ambulance car parking beside Doctor Hamster. Doctor Elephant gets out and asks if there is an emergency; but there is not. Doctor Elephant walks back into his car. What was the point of....Oh wait; now Doctor Elephant's car won't start and these doctor have no expertise in fixing cars. At least THIS next doctor makes perfect sense as Gigi is on her cell phone again to call Granddad Dog and his Breakdown Truck of Saves~! Granddad Dog answers the phone in his office, and he's on the case as he gets into his Breakdown Truck of Saves and more siren noises ensue as he drives and remembers to park further back from the cars this time. He comes out to meet and greet everyone and checks the engines. He tells Doctor Elephant to start the engine. No go. Granddad Dog twists a nut on the engine prop. Try again. Doctor Elephant restarts the engine and now it works. A nut was loose; and I'm not talking about Pedro's clue maker either. Peppa proclaims that Granddad Dog is a car doctor and all the kids and Gigi do the backsplash laugh to end the episode at 4:30. Ironically; Granddad Dog is a better doctor than ANY of these other doctors in this show. Way to bury the profession there, guys! ** (40%).

When I Grow Up: Next up is episode #249 on the animation paper as the episode opens on the school house on the hill. We zoom in through the windows to see all the kids and this episode seems to be produced before Gerald Giraffe since he is nowhere to be seen. Gigi claps her hands and everyone sits down; because today's lesson is about being someone when they grow up. Which at this rate, will be a very long time. Gigi has a wooden basket calling the dressing up basket which contains costumes of cosplaying roles of growing up. All but Peppa get costumes from the dress up box. And yes, there is a dinosaur costume for George, a police officer for Freddy Fox, Emily wants to be a teacher. Peppa cannot decide who she wants to be. Apparently; a troll is not a profession to grow up with; which surprises me since Facebook's profit literally depends on trolls. Rebecca Rabbit has a crown and wants to be queen. Well; if Miss Rabbit becomes the queen, I'm sure Rebecca will follow after Miss Rabbit passes away. Richard wants to be a foreman worker. Freddy makes siren noises and runs around for a while. The running joke in all this that these jobs have one thing in common: They want to be the ones telling others what to do and Gigi is not amused by this. Word. Suzy wants to be a nurse or doctor, so she can make them better...and tell them what to do. So, basically you grow up so you can be the petty tyrant instead of being the victim of a petty tyrant. It might be justice, but it sounds like petty revenge. Gigi blows off this tyrant behavior because there are lots of jobs that don't do that. Danny Dog wants to be a pirate; but a normal pirate instead of an air pirate. Gigi nicely blows him off for that one. Besides; that's a job where telling people what to do is vital, or else, you suck at your job. Even the other jobs don't require that to be successful. Danny then chooses to be a farmer and tell the animals what to do. Well, animals don't have agency, so that's all right. Gigi isn't thrilled by this. Pedro wants to be a superhero; the worst job in the world. Pedro's response to Gigi's superhero traits is that he just wants to tell people what to do.

You can tell right away that this is payback for all of Peppa's trolling and want to be these thing to make Peppa's life a living hell. Gigi realizes that this was a bad idea and ring the bell now! The parents have arrived to collect the children as all the kids run out with their cosplaying things. George is still in his dinosaur costume; so he wants to be a mascot for the Creation Museum. Oh come on! You could see that one coming 2.5 kms away! Mummy Pig is here to meet and greet Peppa and George and George knows exactly what he wants to be. Peppa doesn't and that makes her not like this lesson. Jump cut to the boring road as Mummy Pig is driving the car and Peppa is in the back seat asking Mummy Pig about her job and she works on the computer. Peppa asks if she tells people what to do; Mummy Pig says no. That's what the computer is for; Peppa. Peppa isn't amused by this either. Peppa has lots of time to think about it; but Peppa is impatient; which is a sign that technology has made progress go way too fast in areas that don't need it. Actual social justice is another matter; that is way too slow. So we head to the house on the hill AFTER HAPPY HOUR (after dark) and into the bathroom. I was hoping that George would wear the dinosaur costume for the rest of the life and even in bed; but he took it off before we see him brushing his teeth. That made me sad, more sad than Peppa's indecision that is for sure. So Peppa asks Daddy Pig about his job while Peppa is brushing her teeth. Daddy Pig insists that it's too boring; but Peppa is ready for anything now. So Daddy Pig explains his job and once again, he cannot resist mentioning the payoff is that it must be set in concrete. Hey; it's his kink and I can accept it as long as he doesn't wade into actual concrete ever again. Peppa is not thrilled as the babyfaces all go into Peppa's bedroom and Peppa and George are tucked in for the night. Peppa finally makes her decision: Be a champion muddy puddle jumper. Of course! Maybe she can win the big one without having it 14 on 1 advantage kids over Doctor Elephant this time, unlike in The Golden Boots. Night-night as Daddy Pig turns off the lights and leaves as we zoom out to the shot at the house on the all as the narrator sums up the dreams to end the episode at 4:30. This was an okay episode; but I assure you that almost none of these jobs involve being a tyrant. Except maybe being a pirate, or a professional troll. *** (60%).

Playgroup Star: This is episode #254 on the animation paper as the episode opens on the school house on the hill. We zoom in through a window to see all the kids (except for Edmond Elephant and Zoe Zebra) playing with blocks, painting pictures, making clay stuff and in Emily's case; looking around and all of them are giggling. Peppa just finished painting a drawing of a house. Sadly; she lies about herself and her family being at same house, since we don't see them. Still; Gigi loves the picture and it's a fine picture, all things considered. Gigi notices the lie and Peppa covers it up by claiming that they are inside the house. Yeah; I'll bet. Still a decent picture. Gigi gives a smiling star which is known as a playgroup star and Peppa likes it. George painted a blue cyclone basically as we jump cut to outside as the adults arrive in their cars since playgroup is over. Mummy and Daddy Pig walk in and admire Peppa getting a playgroup star, which causes Mummy Pig to flashback to her days as a child in Madame Gazelle's classroom painting a picture of a pineapple anthro with a face. Son Pig (Daddy Pig, since he's not a father yet) is painting what looks like a green dragon. More evidence that Gigi was a vampire: Despite being in the past, Gigi hasn't aged a day. She looks exactly the same then as now. Mummy Pig gets a playgroup star and then we return to reality (no, not really) as Mummy Pig apparently got lots of playgroup stars. I can believe that. But when the question goes to Daddy Pig; he blushes, a telltale sign that he never won one and Daddy Pig claims that he cannot remember one instance of getting a playgroup star, which means that he got none. Mummy Pig basically admits that Daddy Pig didn't get one and then the sad music plays and we flashback to Daddy Pig not getting a playgroup star. I just love how Mr. Zebra is already looking like the post officer and Doctor Elephant is in the same clothes as an adult, only smaller. Mr. Rhino looks reasonable and they all won playgroup stars over Daddy Pig. Geez; Gigi didn't really like Daddy Pig after all. We return to reality as Mummy Pig is being diplomatic about this and Peppa Pig stomps her foot in anger over this.

You see, playgroup stars are very important! In what way, Peppa? Are they extra credit toward one's diploma? Because if so; then Daddy Pig outsmarted you all since there is no evidence that he was a dropout or failure in school. In fact; he is a architech and designs blueprints for his job as director of building a house! No one is buying what Peppa is selling. Mummy Pig is right; they are not important. Maybe to Peppa; but that's because it's the only "test" Peppa has had in this world. So, the Pig family goes outside and Peppa is insisting that Daddy Pig draw a picture to get the playgroup star; but Daddy Pig proclaims that grownups can NEVER get that playgroup star and they are only for children. Meanwhile; Mr. Bull has been fixing the roof...AGAIN! Mr. Bull climbs down the ladder as Gigi is thankful for him; that she gives him a playgroup star. So Gigi is implying that Mr. Bull is a manchild? Considering his attitude towards Daddy Pig; this would be apporo; even if it's really insulting. Peppa points it out right away and Daddy Pig sighs as we head back to the house on the hill AFTER HAPPY HOUR (after dark) as Daddy Pig is tucking Peppa and George in their bunk beds in Peppa's room. Peppa continues to ask about the playgroup star and now even Daddy Pig concedes that he should have gotten that star because he loves to make things. Well, except mix concrete after Simple Science of course. Then Daddy Pig remembers that he might have kept the picture in the loft (attic in North America) and goes up the attic with Peppa and George following. Daddy Pig finds his old school bag (book bag in North America) and opens it to reveal the dragon picture he painted in the flashback; perfectly preserved mind you. Damn; those bags were air tight back then, weren't they? Peppa is sad about the picture not getting a playgroup star and even Daddy Pig isn't thrilled about it. Jump cut to morning as all the adults and children head to the school house on the hill. Peppa and George hop in as Suzy is blowing off Peppa for being too good of a drawer, but Peppa insists that Daddy Pig drew this dragon and Suzy then blows off Daddy Pig for not being good enough. Pfft!

Peppa explains that Daddy drew this when he was a child and Suzy recoils on cue and praises the drawing. Gigi comes in praising Peppa for the drawing; Peppa explains that it's Daddy Pig's from a long time ago. Now; if I was booking this, Gigi should have said "I ran out of stars that day and just forgot all about it!" and gave him the overdue playgroup star he deserved to correct this. Now; she does give Daddy Pig the playgroup star here; but acts like she gave him one which Daddy Pig insisted that she didn't. It makes her look like a jerk and she's trying to make up for it, instead of having it be some event beyond everyone's control. So, yes; Daddy Pig is so proud and happy that he blushes on cue. The kids and Gigi are in awe and then all of them do the backsplash laugh as all the absentees from the beginning scene have returned to school to end the episode at 4:30. Lame finish aside; this was a good episode. *** 1/2 (70%).

Digger World: Next up is episode #237 on the animation paper as the episode opens on a boring road with the Pig family in their car and Daddy Pig is driving a wee bit too fast for my liking. George has a toy digger with orange claws and is generally amused by the thought of him being at Digger World. Peppa loves diggers as Daddy Pig claims that they will soon be driving "real" diggers in this park. I betcha they will not. So we reach the barrier gate leading into Digger World, which is basically a theme park with a digger motif to it. Candy Cat is the one attending the gift shop this time as Mr. Potato introduces the family and in a shock; Daddy Pig does not mention the incident involving Peppa drawing Daddy Pig sitting at home watching television that was Mr. Potato's favorite picture. Mr. Potato shows off the digger ride and it's clear that these are NOT real diggers as George and Peppa are at the lever (CLEVER CLOGS~!) controls while Mummy and Daddy Pig are behind them pedaling. I call shennigans on Daddy Pig for this one. He deserved to pedal that digger after that obvious fib. The kids are shoveling piles of sand from the sand pile to a giant bucket as the kids are having a blast while Mummy and Daddy Pig are panting beyond the pale. Mr. Potato is impressed with this as he makes a giant sandcastle out of it, using all the methods shown by the kids in previous episodes. At least he didn't make the adults do this, nor the kids for that matter. The sandcastle also has a blue digger flag on top for extra detail. Next ride is a crane lifter and Peppa gets on and Mummy Pig follows as she has to pedal it to make the thing move while Peppa uses the levers (CLEVER CLOGS~!) to lift soft blocks (In North American, building blocks) to create a wall. I was hoping Peppa would channel the Queen of England when she was telling Mummy Pig to go faster -- ala Jay Leno when he does the inpersonation of the queen -- as Mummy Pig is blushing heavily while pedaling. And who says Daddy Pig is the only one to get embarrassed in this show?! Peppa don't care what gender you are when she is trolling you. And after all that building, George and Daddy Pig rush in on a demolition ball digger and knock the soft block wall down as Peppa blows George off for being such a naughty piggie. George don't care; but Daddy Pig might. He's also wearing a hard hat and probably would wear it for life if he could as he giggles. Mr. Potato is loving this, because it's all in the spirit of the park.

So, the next ride is a digger motif version of the arcade grabber machine where you use the JAWS OF HALF LIFE to grab prizes in a giant glass like vase. And yes, the adults have to pedal while the kids use the levers (CLEVER CLOGS~!). This has to be some kind of exercise ritual, or Mr. Potato is too damn cheap to pay for electricity to run this theme park. The jar contains Mr. Potato dolls and one red dinosaur doll. Three guesses what George wants to win and the first two don't count. Somehow; despite all the haphazard lever (CLEVER CLOGS~!) pulling, they manage to grab the red dinosaur doll; only to have it slip through the claw and drop down. Damn! We then discover thanks to the narrator that the grabber is rigged and the doll is too heavy, so when the kids try again, they grab the smaller Mr. Potato doll and it's just right. So, Mr. Potato is a sleazy, naughty anthro potato. Kind of makes his exercise thingie sound like he's profiting off of the adults' misery, do you not think? Mr. Potato is so happy that he allows George to keep the doll he doesn't want, and they also got their digger badges anyway, which Peppa gets the green one and George gets the cheese one. That's cheesy! So, it's closing time and all the customers who were fleeced...ERRR...I mean, having a good time leave as Mr. Potato repeats his promo and we jump cut to the family in their car with Daddy Pig driving westward. So, the kids enjoyed their time and then Peppa gets cut off as Daddy Pig is forced to stop. Because you see, Mr. Bull is back and his cronies are building a wall in the middle of the road. Oh lord; how tone deaf do you have to be to think this was funny?! George don't care as he waves his digger around. Peppa wants to drive the digger and Mr. Bull suddenly has scruples because children cannot drive diggers. So then Peppa shows off her badges and that's enough for Mr. Bull to change his mind, as if the badges give kids carte-blanche license to drive a digger. WHAT?! So, the kids and Mr. Bull go into the digger and of course, the adult is the one on the levers (CLEVER CLOGS~!) driving the digger while the kids get to push the buttons. Of course, like the troll that she is, Peppa pushes the red button, because the red button is always know as the screw job button and Mr. Bull panics the second she pushes it and the digger claws break the wall down with ease. That's why those badges are useless. Peppa "apologizes"; but Mr. Bull don't care because it's all fun! Everyone loves diggers (not you Digger, all two of you!) as Mr. Labo and Mr. Rhino do the backsplash laugh as the rest laugh to end the episode at 4:30. Mr. Potato is one investigation away from being a baked potato, if you catch my drift here. I did like this episode though, minus the wall building considering it's 2018. *** 3/4 (75%).

The Doll Hospital: Here is episode #238 on the animation paper as the episode opens on the house on the hill and at the western end of the house is Peppa hopping with Teddy, George hopping with Mr. Dinesaur (sic) and Suzy is hopping with a doll penguin. Peppa asks Teddy what he wants to do and Teddy cannot consent, so Peppa rolls him down the hill and follows him. Peppa picks Teddy up and it's time to jump up and down in the conveniently placed muddy puddles. Peppa then claims that Teddy wants to jump in muddy puddles and Peppa bounces Teddy off the muddy puddles and this somehow causes Peppa to slip and land on her back, squashing Teddy in the process. Geez; that looked so fake. Peppa gets up and Teddy is muddy; but otherwise is it's usual smooth self. We are suppose to buy that Teddy has been crushed by Peppa. No tears, no stuffing coming out of holes. Just Teddy being muddy; he only needs to be scrubbed with soap and water, like Peppa in the first episode of this series. In comes Mummy Pig asking if everyone is having a good time and everyone says yes. I'm not one of them; I think Teddy needs help here, in more ways than one. Mummy Pig notices Teddy is muddy as Suzy claims that she went to a doll hospital and got a new penguin doll as a result. By the way; I thought this was a British cultural thing; until I found this website in Michigan. There is also a Canadian version of a doll hospital. So yes; this is a real thing in the real world. Suzy explains the role of a doll hospital and even shows off the penguin doll's voice and it's clear that it's contrived and fake since when the dolls says Suzy's name, it sounds like someone else's voice. They are not even trying to hide how cheap this techinque is. Peppa asks if they can go to the doll hospital and Mummy Pig is perfectly fine with this. So we head to the Doll Hospital; which is basically Build A Bear store with a green cross on top. Damn; I did all this research on Doll Hospital and completely forgotten the obvious reference to the Build-A-Bear brand of teddy building stores. Even more so since Build A Bear has been on Nintendo platforms before AND Nintendo and the company still are under contract even to this day. How could I miss that?! Mummy Pig, Peppa, Suzy and George walk in with their dolls as we head inside to the check out with Miss Rabbit. What? Were you expecting someone else? Personally; I would have liked Mummy Rabbit doing this role.

Miss Rabbit shows off two dolls and the doll on the left is much more believable in needing help than Teddy ever was. Peppa shows off Teddy and Miss Rabbit has no idea what animal the doll is suppose to be and gets it all wrong. Peppa is not amused by this and blows her off because it's a teddy bear. By the way; it's Series 5, Miss Rabbit should not be legit scared of Mr. Dinesaur, nor George's growling promos. Miss Rabbit asks what happened to Teddy and Suzy basically rats out Peppa's actions without mentioning Peppa. Miss Rabbit claims that Teddy won't be doing that anymore and Peppa then rats herself out by claiming that Teddy loves doing those things. First of all; learn consent Peppa! Second; what you just said is basically a confession in a court of law. Miss Rabbit claims that Teddy needs more stuffing. Well; to be fair, Teddy has let itself go in recent years, although to no fault of Peppa in this case. So, Miss Rabbit goes to the stuffing machine which is basically a giant container of stuffing playing a reverse vacuum cleaner role. Now this episode rules! HAHA!

Ron Sparks: It rules more than Shaun Desmond.

Then we get one of those moments where I was laughing and angry at the same time: Miss Rabbit inserts the nozzle of the stuffing hose into the elephant doll's trunk and pumps stuffing into it. That was both disturbing and funny at the same time and it just confused me. This was a tragedy and Miss Rabbit accused the elephant doll of being sad before she stuffed it? Come on! The elephant looked fine to me. Screw me! George growls to prevent his doll from being stuffed, which is reasonable since the doll is made of plastic. Next up is dressing up Teddy, which Peppa completely blows off. I do like when Miss Rabbit calmly explains that women can be sailors too, since Peppa no sold the sailor outfit because Teddy is a girl. A polite way of telling Peppa to stop being a sexist doll. Peppa takes Teddy and proclaims that Teddy is fine without clothes. Miss Rabbit tries to dress up Mr. Dinesaur into a princess and George is huffy and gravely offended by this. Oh, grow up! Oh wait; he has lots of time to do that! Next up is the eye replacement table as Miss Rabbit proclaims that the eyes are the windows to the soul. That's awfully creepy. Suzy asks and I'm paraphrasing here: What the hell is a soul? And Miss Rabbit cannot answer the question claiming it's complicated. She shot herself in the foot on that one. So, we bring out the wiggling eyes of doom and Peppa no sells the deal as even Suzy thinks the buggly eyes are equal to a creepy soul. When even the trolls think this is creepy, you can believe it, it's creepy. George no sells the deal either and he's getting angerier. Ah; I see he has been watching Smash Bros Ultimate Directs and thinks Mario is his new soul mate. Miss Rabbit is not amused as we head to the check out counter and show off how the voices are made with push button, speaker, colors, the works. The voices are the usual generic voices, to the point where I was believing that Teddy Ruxpin is creepy because his voice sucks. Ironically; Teddy Ruxpin's creepiness is from his ideology, not the doll itself. Peppa is not buying this crap and one of the speakers exposes the business as Suzy realizes that she just got robbed. You would think the speakers alone would have been enough to convince Suzy that she was robbed, but it took the exact same voice from Suzy's doll to convince her otherwise. So, Miss Rabbit ignores this and offers to wash Teddy -- the one reasonable thing in this whole conversation -- and Peppa says no, and George doesn't want Mr. Dinesaur to have a new voice either. I'm guessing Peppa still has bad memories of turning Daddy Pig's soccer shirt pink in a previous episode as she hugs Teddy. So after all this, Mummy Pig thinks this is great; but since Miss Rabbit did the labour part of this, Mummy Pig still has to pay up anyway. DAMN~! Peppa hugs Teddy, Mummy is screwed out of her money as the kids do the backsplash laugh to end the episode at 4:30. Thus rendering the entire episode pointless. This was a really fun episode until that ending. At least let Miss Rabbit wash Teddy; since if you liked Teddy as she is, Teddy shouldn't be muddy since you love her not muddy. Okay? ** 1/2 (50%).

Caves: Here is episode #257 on the animation paper as the episode opens at a mountain side attraction with a cave entrance and parking lot. And yes; Doctor Brown Bear, Belinda Bear and Mummy Brown Bear are here with a wolf bus driver driving a blue bus. How about THAT for a cameo?! Also appearing is Candy Cat, Mummy Cat, Daddy Cat and Molly Mole and her family! They are first, while the piggies are literally in the middle of a cat and mole sandwich. HAHA! Zoom in as we see a green sign pointing to the entrance of the cave and a lot of hard hats. I do recall doing a cave sight seeing tour in America in the early 1990's in fact; although I don't remember where. My childhood memories outside of TaleSpin are basically shot to swiss cheese at this point. Molly Mole and Peppa Pig meet and greet; then exchange notes as there is apparently a ride of doom in this cave. Daddy Pig is clearly not liking this; but Molly likes this ride she doesn't know. Geez; you would think the tour guide paper would have something on this ride of doom, but no paper can be found. Out of the cave comes Mr. Rabbit with his mining hat on. If you cannot guess who runs the gift shop; then you don't understand rigid gender roles. On the other hand; if you hate rigid gender roles and do not guess, then you are way too optimistic at this point. Mr. Rabbit is the Mole family's tour guide. So, they must wear the hard hats as Molly asks if the caves will be dangerous and Mr. Rabbit casually says not at all. Normally; this would be a relief for Daddy Pig; but I call shannigans on this one, too. Daddy Pig is relieved; but the relief is short-lived, because out comes Grampy Rabbit with a SNAWK stocking hat that doubles as a safety hard hat screaming at the top of his lungs. Like I said, I call shannigans on this one, too. Even more so: Daddy and Mummy Pig remind Grampy Pig that Mummy Pig isn't so keen in tiny spaces and Daddy Pig is afraid of heights...and the kids love exciting places. That's enough for Grampy Rabbit to proclaim that this is ridiculously exciting. The parents are not thrilled about this as we head into the cave and go down the steps. Mummy Pig is relieved...until Grampy claims that they are hundreds of metres deep and imagine the rocks and rock on top of her head and Mummy Pig is not thrilled about this. However; she is at least not showing obvious signs of fear, so it's just disliking the scene.

So they enter the entrance and the little ones are showing more honesty in their being childish (and they are children, so...) compared to full grown adults who tie themselves in knots in justifying their "Oooooo, shiny!" kink to the expense of gameplay and accessibility (like having no industry standard for subtitles for instance because it interferes with the kink for instance; never mind that the adult in question could have the option to turn it off and is too lazy and acting like being a customer equals being a petty tryant.). And yes; this is a real thing. Otherwise, frame rate and resolution would only be said unironically by software game developer experts and maybe even Digital Foundary themselves. Idiots! So, there is a river with a wooden row boat and I wish Mr. Wolf was the tour guide now because I was laughing my ass off in a previous episode where Daddy Pig is rowing the boat while Mr. Wolf was talking to Daddy Pig and he was blushing the entire time. Everyone gets in and Grampy Rabbit is rowing the boat gently down the stream as Mummy Pig is fine with this; until it's TIGHT SQUEEZE BREATHE IN TIME~! So much for this being fine. Even though they fit inside the boat (and considering Daddy Pig; this is a huge "feet" for him); the boat still pops through the eastern cave entrance anyway. Mummy Pig did not enjoy this as everyone gets off at the eastern shore line. Grampy assures her that there will be no more cave shennigans. Because we have to somehow scare Daddy Pig out of this wits and cross the chasm of doom. Ah; so this must be the ride of doom Molly Mole was talking about. Grampy Rabbit demonstrates the depth of this chasm by dropping a rock and it takes only four seconds to splash into the water. That's not so deep. If it lasted ten seconds, it might be very deep. They finally mention the ride of doom again as Peppa claims that Molly said that it's the best part. Well; she is a mole who loves digging and caves, so... We get a zip line device popping down out of nowhere complete with purple harnesses. Here's a logic break: There are four harness wires and Grampy Rabbit pushes one down the line and out of sight. Close up shot reveals four harness wires once again. What?! Oh, goodie indeed! Oh; and it's completely safe, too! But not scare proof; which would be what Daddy Pig would want from the start!

Mummy Pig, George and Peppa are strapped to the harness and they ride down the hill. I'm not exactly thrilled about this spot considering that Owen Hart died this way; but that's my fanboyism in action since I'm still not sure if it was a defective zip line, Owen releasing it too soon, or both. Naturally; Daddy Pig is having second thoughts about this; but Grampy Rabbit pushes him down the zip line, even though Daddy Pig put on the harness himself without prompting. I'm guessing that there was no way to get back to the surface. This cave needs better accessibility. Daddy Pig is terrified, while the kids and Mummy Pig are weeing themselves like they are having the time of their lives. Grampy Rabbit most so, but he's Grampy Rabbit. This is so expected of him. I would call him a toxic macho man, but he is so dense that he cannot be masucline and I'm perfectly fine with that. Everyone makes to the other side unharmed, although Daddy is still not liking this and Peppa just has to troll Daddy Pig on liking this. And she wonders why she is hated so much on the internet?! Thank goodness that I have had experience in refining my style and work in reviewing these things and learning how to be a better reviewer because there are far too many asshole reviewers who think they are better than me despite having zero experience doing it. Despite Daddy Pig's false answer, he still claps with the family when Grampy Rabbit declares the tour is over. Grampy asks if they have any question and Daddy Pig asks the obvious one: How do we get out? Grampy calls it a good question anyway as a bell sounds and it's the old elevator to the gift shop time. The gift shop looks cool; but of course one guess who is attending the gift shop? Why, it's Miss Rabbit of course. So, yes; they did pretty much the same finish they did in A Trip To The Moon episode; even down to showing pictures from the photo copier. Although; this time Daddy Pig is shown terrifed of the Ride of Doom and given pictures just to remind him. I told you Peppa's trolling was catching! Daddy Pig is not thrilled at first; but then everyone does the backsplash laugh (and Miss Rabbit looks like she landed on her head) to end the episode at 4:30. Grampy Rabbit is great as usual; Peppa was fine; but that ending was lamer than lame. On second though; go back to fat shaming Daddy Pig; shaming him on his problems with heights is much worse. ** 3/4 (55%).

Canal Boat: This is episode #230 on the animation paper as the episode opens at the pirate house on the hill with the cyan blue car pointing down towards the hill as I hope that one day, the car would just go down the hill by itself and teach these adults to not park on the steepest side of the hill. We head into the living room as there is a giant cake on the coffee table featuring cyan blue icing and a boat topper with two candles. Oh; and it's Captain Daddy Dog's birthday as Daddy Dog blows out the candles and looks sad, so much so even Danny Dog is asking him why. Daddy Dog looked at the cake topper and it reminded him of the sea; because you see, he must adhere to the stips that he cannot sail the seas forever since he's retired. Mummy Dog gives him a blue evenlope and Daddy Dog opens it to find a boat trip ticket, which makes Daddy Dog so happy that everyone runs out of the living room and out of the house and into the cyan blue car to drive down the hill. Daddy Dog's delluisons are this is a sailing trip across the sea as we get a dream sequence (with no indication that it's a dream) of the poor Captain sailing at island and the South Pole. So, even in this cartoon world; the ice is the same warm ice Jim Cornette was demanding in the 1990's. He would love to see a whale as well; and this whale looks like every stereotypical whale you ever saw. So, we finally head to the canal as Daddy Dog is all confused as the canal boat is right in front of them and it's a motor boat with plants in pots (including the dreaded CACTUS JACKS OF DOOM) on top of the roof. We then discover that the canal boat is the one day boating trip and not a device used to get to the sailing boat on the sea; because a one day boating trip on the canal does not violate the stips, you see. These sailing trips not on a sea are like an emotional support dog to Daddy Dog; which the irony was not lost on me when I typed this. I also discover a birthday rule violation in progress as everyone gets on the canal boat first, except for Daddy Dog and of course, everyone steps off to let Daddy Dog go on. Too late, you morons! You must live with the rule violation that you did, because Daddy Dog still goes on second after you, even if you step off. So, Daddy Dog gets on board with the rest following and Daddy Dog wants sails; but canal boats do not have sails. Again; because if it had sails, it would violate the stips that Daddy Dog must not sail the seas forever.

Mummy Dog pushes the green button on the wall next to the door leading into the cabin to start up the canal boat. Damn; for a boat expert, Daddy Dog has no idea how canal boats work. Maybe he should have returned to land sooner. Thankfully; he figured out how the lever (CLEVER CLOGS~!) works, so he pushes it and we are off to the slowest boating trip possible. We hear quacking and we see Mrs. Duck and her duckling swimming on the canal and Mrs. Duck maintains her color from The Golden Boots in a neat bit of continuity. I would have been annoyed if they went back to her yellow colors after all that mayhem that ensued. Mrs. Duck and her ducklings are going faster than the canal boat, which inspires Daddy Dog to have a race and so he pushes the lever (CLEVER CLOGS~!); but Mummy Dog informs Daddy Dog that the canal boat cannot go any faster, and it must go slower because there is a mountain up ahead and everyone panics. Except for Mummy Dog because they do need to slow down; because there is a tunnel that goes through the mountain. Of course! Daddy Dog is loving this; and the kids love their echoing sound voices and giggles. So, everyone but Mummy Dog assumes that the next mountain takes them through the mountain, but Mummy Dog claims that they are going uphill; and Daddy Dog is confused because there is no way to get up there. Even though there is a ladder and a brick barricade like wall which is the dead giveaway signal for a canal lock. Mummy Dog climbs the ladder and opens the canal doors to let in the canal boat. Mummy Dog finds the top right canal wheel and turns it (after closing the canal doors and locking them tight) to pour water and raise the canal boat to the top of the canal lock. Mummy Dog then opens the canal doors on the top right and hops back into the canal boat and we sail away again. Something tells me Mummy Dog used the money Daddy Dog got from sailing to create this in order to raise Daddy Dog's spirits. They sail on the canal bridge overlooking a deep valley for fun as Peppa sings a song about canal boats and after that, Daddy Dog calls this his best birthday ever. Which is funny because, it would probably be his first with the family in a long while. The ducks swim in, the narrator sums it up nicely and Daddy Dog sings Peppa's song to end the episode at 4:30. I love how they are coming close to violating the stips and then pull away before they actually cross that line here. *** (60%).

Opening Moment#1: Winter version of the theme is used here.

Father Christmas: So, last up is episode #244 on the animation paper as we head to the school house on the hill in a snowstorm as we head inside as all the big kids are sitting on the floor is a mostly decorated school room. Gigi Gazelle has a basket with what appears to be more decorations as the kids are giggling. Gigi then explains that they are doing a Christmas play and Danny Dog is selected as Father Christmas. Finally; the plucky guy finally gets a starring role instead of a secondary role like he has been since this show started. No one complains about this as Wendy Wolf is an elf, Peppa Pig is the Christmas Elf complete with wand. Suzy wants to be the nurse and Gigi thinks this is not a Christmas thing; so Suzy invokes the "What If?" card and she's now the Christmas Nurse. Well; Suzy does have a point there. Emily is a Christmas Snowflake, how charming. So, everyone gets to practice their roles in a disorganized fashion as I discover that Gerald is the Christmas Star, because he's actually tall enough to perform this role. Gigi is not thrilled about the acting though. Jump cut to a snowy supermarket with the Pig family inside shopping in their winter clothes. Then they notice Father Christmas in the middle of the aisle sitting down in a chair in front of the giant Christmas tree with a cup of tea reading the newspaper and probably getting more and more depressed by the second. Daddy asks Peppa to say hello to Father Christmas and Peppa does that and FC responds back as if he knows her. And in essence, he does in storyline. So, they exchange notes about the Christmas Play and Peppa invites him to the Christmas Play; but Father Christmas is rather busy at this time. So Peppa tries the "please" method of convincing FC to attend this Christmas Play and FC does the old "I'll see what I can do" promo; which usually never ends well. Head to the school house on the hill on the day of the Christmas Play as the kids and Gigi are making and putting up Christmas decorations in that order. Peppa then tells Suzy that FC is coming and Suzy is confused because FC didn't tell her this when she saw her at the garden center and neither did Molly Mole at the shopping center.

Either Peppa was lied too; or Peppa just blew her cover about seeing the real FC in Series 2. I laughed and we jump cut to the Christmas Tree Center and here's FC in his chair in a rundown shack eating a cupcake. So, my guess is that Peppa was lied too and that one in the supermarket was not the real FC. So we meet and greet; and the voice clearly gives it away that this is the real FC and he of course doesn't know about the play. But since he knows Peppa; he will be there and that's a promise. I know it's the real FC because he doesn't heistate when Peppa explains it, so he knows where the school house on the hill is and has met Peppa before. So, it's HAPPY HOUR as all the cars are parked on the steepest sides of the hill in the snow during a Christmas Play. If this wasn't a pre-school show; all of them would slowly slide down the hill in stereo. I'm surprised they don't happen on this show. We head inside as all the parents are sitting down at floor side waiting to see the kids on stage, being chatterboxes. Thus proving they enabled Peppa's chatterbox routine. Peppa is looking on from the curtain and FC has not arrived yet as the kids are all ready to go and Gigi asks if everyone is ready. Peppa wants to delay the play because FC isn't here and Gigi claims that FC might be late and she's weaseling wording it to sound like she doesn't want to hurt Peppa's feelings and tell her that FC is not real, even though in this world, FC is real. The show must go on and out comes Candy Cat, Zoe Zebra and Emily Elephant as snowflakes. But not special snowflakes, that's cruel. They dance for a while and sing a song about snow; the parents clap for this. It was very good. Out comes Peppa the Christmas Fairy with her crown and wand. I was hoping for a plot twist where the snowflakes bring out their wands and threaten to turn Peppa into a snowflakes and Peppa sells it and bails. That would have been hilarious; but they didn't go for it. Probably because Father Danny Christmas Dog is the star for once in his life. Danny introduces himself and in comes Suzy Christmas Nurse to check on Danny Dog's health; so yes, there is a Wellness Policy at the North Pole. Okay; good to know.

Everyone claps and there in the back of the crowd is Father Christmas enjoying himself; and the kids instantly spot him. And in storyline; this is the real Father Christmas and not the fake one Peppa saw in the supermarket. FC has stopped giving a damn about blowing his cover; making the Easter Bunny look like a coward. FC goes on stage and we meet and greet as the kids are asking questions and FC has no trouble answering said question as the kids are awed by this. Pedro Pony is a reindeer; which watching enough Impact wrestling matches, is the most embarrassing costume you can ever wear. AJ Styles once had to wear the costume; I can't believe that his career got better after that; but somehow it did. Freddy is literally cosplaying a Christmas Tree. Don't ask me why. So, Pedro wants to see this sleigh and FC is all like he's busy and stuff; but then recoils and everyone goes outside and sees it anyway. That sled is probably the only thing made of real gold; instead of that plastic gold crap. FC offers a ride for the kids and all the kids get in, including Daddy Pig. That's stupid because Daddy Pig thinks that this is fake FC and they are just riding around the parking lot on the ground; but the sleight ride starts, it ramps up and flies into the sky and Daddy Pig begins to panic in a contrived manner. Told ya he was the real Santa! And he didn't sell out to the Million Dollar Man after all. And just to troll Daddy Pig even more; FC cracks the reins because it's time to go faster and Daddy Pig panics with more feeling. Then let's really troll Daddy Pig some more and overkill the moment with a loop-de-loop for only fifteen pounds. Peppa is clearly enjoying this moment; as well as the kids. Daddy Pig is dumb, because he decided to join in with the kids like a moron. FC says Happy Christmas and that ends the episode at 4:30. The ending credits feature different solid background colors with various Christmas spots. This was a really funny episode overall; and that Wellness Policy better be "real" in the "real North Pole" or Christmas will always be at risk. **** (80%).

One final note: Father Christmas is voiced by Bill Nighy and according to Wikipedia (DANGER! DANGER!): After two seasons at the Everyman Theatre, Liverpool, Nighy made his London stage debut at the National Theatre in an epic staging of Ken Campbell and Chris Langham's Illuminatus!, which opened the new Cottesloe Theatre on 4 March 1977. He was cast to appear in two David Hare premieres, also at the National. During the 1980s, he appeared in several television productions, among them Hitler's SS: Portrait in Evil, alongside John Shea and Tony Randall. Nighy has starred in many radio and television dramas, notably the BBC serial The Men's Room (1991). He claimed that the serial, an Ann Oakley novel adapted by Laura Lamson, was the job which launched his career.[7] More recently he has featured in the thriller State of Play (2003) and costume drama He Knew He Was Right (2004). He played Samwise Gamgee in the 1981 BBC Radio dramatisation of The Lord of the Rings (where he was credited as William Nighy), and appeared in the 1980s BBC Radio versions of Yes Minister episodes. He starred alongside Stephen Moore and Lesley Sharp in the acclaimed short radio drama Kerton's Story, written by James Woolf and first aired in 1996. He had a starring role in the 2002 return of Auf Wiedersehen, Pet, portraying crooked politician Jeffrey Grainger. He has also made a guest appearance in the BBC Radio 4 series Baldi. Two of Nighy's most acclaimed stage performances were in National Theatre productions. As Bernard Nightingale, an unscrupulous university don, in Tom Stoppard's Arcadia (1993), he engaged in witty exchanges with Felicity Kendal, who played the role of Hannah Jarvis, an author. He played a consultant psychiatrist in Joe Penhall's Blue/Orange (2000), for which he won an Olivier Award nomination for Best Actor, and which transferred to the West End at the Duchess Theatre the following year.

Nighy had his first starring role in 1997 as Tom Sergeant, a restaurant entrepreneur, in David Hare's Skylight, which had premiered in 1995 and was moved to the Vaudeville Theatre.[8][9].[10] Nighy received some recognition by American audiences for his acclaimed portrayal of overaged rock star Ray Simms in the 1998 film Still Crazy. In 1999 he gained further prominence in the UK with the starring role in "The Photographer", an episode of the award-winning BBC-TV mockumentary comedy series People Like Us, playing Will Rushmore, a middle aged man who has abandoned his career and family in the deluded belief that he can achieve success as a commercial photographer. In 2003, Nighy played the role of the Vampire Elder Viktor in the American production Underworld. He returned in the same role in the sequel Underworld: Evolution in 2006, and again in the prequel Underworld: Rise of the Lycans in 2009. In February 2004, he was awarded the BAFTA Film Award for Best Supporting Actor for his role as Billy Mack in Love Actually (a role foreshadowed by his Still Crazy character). At the BAFTA Television Awards in April 2004, he won the Best Actor award for State of Play. He also appeared in the comedy Shaun of the Dead. In early 2004, The Sunday Times reported that Nighy was on the shortlist for the role of the Ninth Doctor in the 2005 revival of the BBC television series Doctor Who.[11] Christopher Eccleston ultimately filled the role. In 2005, he appeared as Slartibartfast in the film adaptation of The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. He also appeared in the one-off BBC One comedy-drama The Girl in the Café. In February 2006, he appeared in scriptwriter Stephen Poliakoff's one-off drama, Gideon's Daughter. Nighy played the lead character, Gideon, a successful events organiser who begins to lose touch with the world around him.

This performance won him a Golden Globe Award for Best Actor in a Mini-series or TV Film in January 2007. Also in 2006, Nighy made his Broadway debut at the Music Box Theatre alongside Julianne Moore in The Vertical Hour, directed by Sam Mendes. In 2006, Nighy played the principal villain, Davy Jones, in Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest, although his face was entirely obscured by computer-generated makeup; he voiced the character with a Scots accent. He reprised the role in the 2007 sequel, Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End, in which his real face was briefly revealed in one scene. He also provided the narration for the Animal Planet series Meerkat Manor. In 2006 he played the role of Richard Hart in Notes on a Scandal, for which he was nominated for a London Film Critics' Circle award. Nighy also appeared as General Friedrich Olbricht, one of the principal conspirators, in the 2008 film Valkyrie. He had played an SS officer in the 1985 Hitler's SS: Portrait in Evil. Nighy starred in the film Wild Target in 2010.[12] In July 2009, he announced that he would play Rufus Scrimgeour in Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows – Part 1.[13] Nighy had already worked with director David Yates twice, and with the majority of the Harry Potter cast in previous films. He has said of his role as Rufus Scrimgeour that it meant he was no longer the only English actor not to be in Harry Potter.[13] Nighy voiced Grandsanta in the 2011 CGI animated film Arthur Christmas.[14] In 2012, he starred in The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel, Wrath of the Titans, and the remake of Total Recall.[15] In 2013, he played a role in Darkside, Tom Stoppard's radio drama based on Pink Floyd's album The Dark Side of the Moon.[16] In 2014 he starred with Carey Mulligan in a revival of David Hare's Skylight at Wyndham's Theatre in London's West End.[17]

It had a large international audience via broadcast in the National Theatre Live series.[18][10] He and Mulligan also starred in the play when it was transferred to Broadway in 2015.[19] He debuted in the Occupy! documentary in 1976 and Softly Softly: Task Force as Albert Blake. Stardog & TurboCat (Sinclair), Hope Gap (Edward), The Kindness of Strangers (Timofey), Heidi: Queen Of The Mountain (Grandpa) and Pokemon Detective Pikachu (TBD) are his most recent credits. He has 145 acting credits, 6 Soundtrack credits, 1 Producer credit (Page Eight), 71 Self credits and 11 Archive Footage credits to his resume.

THE REVIEW LINE

Well; this was one of the weaker sequence of episodes this time around as Doctors was basically a really dumb episode while most of the spots were pathetic and were not funny. The finish was fine; but these doctors value expertise so much that they cannot even perform stuff even layman can do without causing any problems. Really? Caves rating is solely on Grampy Rabbit's performance and nothing else, as they did basically the same ending they did in A Trip To The Moon; only with more heights shaming, which has now replaced fat shaming on this show. Either stop shaming Daddy Pig altogether, or go back to fat shaming because this show does a much better job at that than heights shaming and it's less horrible. The Doll Hospital was a fun episode with a lame finish that turned it into an idiot plot. All Peppa had to do was tell Miss Rabbit to wash the doll so it would justify Mummy Pig to pay for the service. Otherwise, Peppa completely trolled Mummy Pig on this whole plotline. Father Christmas was really great, the ending was really fun, and while they mocked Daddy Pig's heights again, Daddy Pig fell on his own sword this time around. The rest was the usual stuff. Hopefully; the next batch will be better than this. So...

Thumbs up for Father Christmas, thumbs down for Doctors, thumbs in the middle for everything else and I'll see you all next time.

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