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Peppa Pig: Series Five #4 Rant

Reviewed: 12/09/2018

Let The Random Daddy Pig Is Stuck Spots Begin!

Okay fans; I have now decided to rant on this series full time, because I do in fact like this show enough that I can handle the best and worst of the Pig family from Great Britian. Okay; so we finally begin Series 5 as we start as the gloves are finally off of this show as it turns from just a normal pre-school show into a legendary pre-school show. Again; due to some of the episodes not being available at this time, I am doing the random episodes instead of them in the proper orderr. So; how do these episodes fare? Let's rant on shall we..?!

All the episodes are done by Neville Astley, Mark Baker and Phil Hall. Animation is done by Astely Baker Davies animation; with the two mentioned creators and Phil Davies.

Wendy Wolf's Birthday: So, we begin with episode #239 on the animation paper as the episode opens in a forest clearing with dozens of balloons and one wooden picnic table with all the food. Mr. and Mrs. Wolf, Mr. Zebra, Mrs. Fox, Mummy Sheep and Daddy Pig are standing as we have at the party: Peppa, Wendy, Zoe, Rebecca, Freddy, Suzy, Danny and Pedro F'N Pony. There is lots of running, bouncing and giggling by the kids because it's Wendy Wolf's birthday party today. They all saying happy birthday to Wendy Wolf within seconds. Mr. Wolf continues his Three Little Pigs gimmick on the balloons as the kids play volleyball with one of them. Pedro is bouncing one off his nose, the cad as everyone loves balloons. Unless you are allergic to rubber of course. Wendy is at the conveniently out of nowhere placed pink tape recorder and turns it on. Then we DANCE, DANCE, DANCE TO THIER DOOM~! HEEHEEHEHEEHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! POW! OUCH! Ummmm... I just love how they are acting like they absolutely need to keep the balloons from falling to the ground, despite being the slowest balloons in history. That made me laugh. Here comes Mrs. Wolf in what might be her speaking debut on this show with the container of bubble mixture. She also invokes the Big Bad Wolf promo before blowing those bubbles as the kids are in awe about this. Everyone starts popping bubbles as Freddy pops a bubble with his tail and Pedro kicks a bubble. That last one was just sad. The bubbles are popped and they are disappointed. But, wait! Mummy Wolf has a box of containers of bubble mixture, so they can DIY the bubbles and then pop them. More BBW promos and of course, Pedro F'N Pony has to be buried as he cannot make a bubble before it pops on him. Thankfully; he gets it right the second time. Also, I notice now that the trees are decorated like it's Christmas. The bubbles fly high in the sky. Pedro continues his streak of cluelessness by pointing at the full moon and claiming it's a big bubble. Like the carters clearly shown couldn't make him prove that it's not a bubble. Wendy corrects Pedro, explains what to do and howls.

Apparently all wolves howl at the moon. I betcha that they do not. According to Mental Floss: The presence of the moon when a wolf howls, as it turns out, is purely coincidental and circumstantial. “Canine experts have found no connection between the phases of the moon and wolf howling,” writes Animal Planet. “Wolves pipe up more often during the night because they're nocturnal. Which Wendy Wolf is clearly not nocturnal as she goes to playgroup in the daytime. So, Wendy teaches them how to howl at the moon, I don't know why, since it seems too easy to do that spot. The kids look at the moon and howl. Wendy claps and the narrator tries to sell it as a great teaching spot. It wasn't. So, more howling for a while and then we get a loud adult wolf howling and this confuses everyone as they act like they didn't howl that loud. Suzy thinks it's a wild animal and they tease grabbing each other and looking scared, and even Wendy does the same and just smiles because in comes Granny Wolf (in a green dress with purple rimmed glasses) carrying a cake which appears to have a house that appears to be made out of wood, and appears to be shaped like an outhouse. She sounds more like Doctor Hamster now that I hear her more. Next up; the kids and Granny cut Little Red Riding Hood promos, because we just have to drive the nursey rhyme angle into the ground some more. Granny also wiggles her ears and eyes in response. Pedro just has to mention her teeth and Granny teases eating the children; but changes to birthday cake in midstream. Because, of course! So, all the adults come in and put the cake on a small stand as they address the stick house in the middle of the birthday cake. So, Wendy does her promo and then huffs and puffs. She blows the candles out and the stick house blows down with it. Peppa is panicky about this because the stick house blew down; but the wolves don't care and praise Wendy for her skill. Danny Dog's reaction is beyond priceless here, in a "You have got to be kidding me!" reaction. Mummy Wolf then seemly forgets about Daddy Pig's house; so Daddy Pig tells her bricks, twice to get her to ger the point. Mummy Wolf doesn't push the point any further than that. Peppa loves Wendy's birthday as everyone howls at the moon, says happy birthday to Wendy and that ends the episode at 4:30. This was a fun episode with a great finish. And Danny Dog's facial reactions are comedy gold to me. *** 3/4 (75%).

Grampy Rabbit's Hovercraft: Next up is episode #253 on the animation paper as the episode opens at a parking lot near the sea. There are boat house with oars attached to the house. Grandpa Pig's car arrives and parks as Grandpa Pig, Peppa and George all get out. The narrator tells us that the kids are out on a trip on Grandpa Pig's sailing boat. Peppa and George are wearing white shoes and lifejackets already, while Grandpa Pig is only wearing white shoes and his normal gear. We meet and greet with two new characters: Mrs. Corgi; I assume is a Pembroke Welsh Corgi and according to Wikipedia (DANGER! DANGER!): The Pembroke Welsh Corgi is a cattle herding dog breed which originated in Pembrokeshire, Wales. It is one of two breeds known as a Welsh Corgi. The other is the Cardigan Welsh Corgi, and both descend from the line that is the northern spitz-type dog. She's wearing a candy cane-equse dress with red/white sailor beret. The other is Mr. Stallion who is a grey horse anthro wearing a blue naval uniform and blue/white sailor beret, all are on their respective sailing boats. Okay; here's an obvious logic break: When George got out of the car, he had no hat on. Ten seconds later; he has the black pirate's hat on. Mr. Stallion calls Grandpa Pig an old bean and Peppa is gravely offended by this slur. Grandpa Pig claims that it means "old friend"; but they aren't really friends, they merely attend the same sailing club as he shows his club card. Grandpa Pig has another problem anyway: where is his boat? Peppa asks what his boat looks like and Grandpa claims that it has a little red flag on top of the mast. Peppa then spots the flag on the mast; and Grandpa Pig's boat has sunk. I wonder if Mr. Stallion had anything to do with this. So, the sailing boat trip has been cancelled forever and the kids groan. But, wait! There is honking and here comes Grampy Rabbit in his hovercraft wearing piloting gear, like he was in an airplane.

He flies in between the two cars and causes the alarm sirens to go off and Mr. Stallion blows off Grampy and his montrosity as Mrs. Corgi is questioning the legality of this sailing ship while swaying about when the hovercraft passes them. Grampy meets and greets Peppa; whose frown has reached 0.3 Rock Lobster Yeti as Grampy asks why is Peppa sad. Peppa explains that Grandpa Pig's boat has been sunk by someone, probably that nasty stallion anthro who called Grandpa Pig old bean, too. Grampy tells them not to worry; they can hop aboard his hovercraft. The kids hop in at once, Grandpa Pig thinks this is a bad idea. However; the craft starts and Grandpa Pig either hopped in when the hovercraft moved, or did a flip bump into the hovercraft. Either way; Grandpa Pig is in the overcraft as we ramp off the dock into the water and everything is fine. Seriously; Grampy Rabbit means it to. Disregard that tiny part that flew off the hovercraft, it's not needed; like Mr. Stallion's flattery. Geez; Grampy Rabbit build this hovercraft, I feel like I'm in good hands here. Sort of not. Grandpa Pig is protesting this outrage, because Grampy Rabbit is not a member of the sailing club. Grampy end arounds him by pointing out that Grandpa Pig is and as long as he's in the hovercraft, Grampy's sailing is perfectly legal. I hope this is true; because it's not a water logged episode without Grampy Rabbit around. Somehow; in a wacky teleport, Mrs. Corgi and Mr. Stallion are now meeting each other in the middle of the sea in their ships, instead of at the dock. They exchange pleasure thoughts on the sea; but those are dashed when Grampy Rabbit sails in between both of them in his hovercraft. They protest this outrage; and are not pleased to see Grandpa Pig sailing in with them; that causes Grandpa Pig to blush. Grampy Rabbit wants some juice and calls the Sailing Club Cafe on the island up ahead, a shed. Grandpa Pig blows Grampy off and tells him that it's for members only.

Grampy Rabbit don't care and lands on the island and destroys the red colored stool (NOT THAT ONE!) in the process. In Britian, glasses are beakers and Grampy wants four filled with juice. The juice bar clerk no sells because it's members only. Grampy points out that Grandpa Pig is and Grandpa Pig brings out his card, and the clerk sells and gives them four beakers of pineapple juice. Grampy takes one and is so happy about this. He talks about how awesome sailing in and Peppa has to be the one to leave the bouncy ball in the punch bowl; because there's no wind and the sailing boats in the middle of the sea are stuck. Mr. Stallion and Mrs. Crogi are screaming for help and Peppa proclaims that Grampy Rabbit must rescue them. Grampy Rabbit don't care and calls this a good idea anyway; because he's Grampy Rabbit. He has no cares about his own well being, since he's too old to care. So, yeah; insults don't faze him as he drives past the juice bar club and goes over to the sailing boats as there is no sense of continuity anywhere, as if he teleported back to the western side of the boats. Mr. Stallion and Mrs. Corgi throw their ropes to Grampy; Grampy catches them, ties the lines to his hovercraft, tows the boat onto the dock and drags them to the parking lot where they are in front of their cars so they don't have to drive so far. Got all that?! The pigs all get out as Grandpa Pig blows Grampy Rabbit off for being an idiot as Mr. Stallion and Mrs. Corgi come in to demand answers to this outrage. Grandpa Pig blushes and apologizes profusely; but the sailors are happy to be rescued as they introduce themselves formally. And calling each other old beans. Then they do the cheering spot and everyone except Grampy Rabbit does the backsplash laugh to end the episode at 4:30. Sadly; no one knows who did Mrs. Corgi nor Mr. Stallion's voice. Grampy Rabbit is still awesome in this show, though. **** (80%).

Grandpa Pig's Toy Plane: This is episode #258 on the animation paper as the episode opens on the white house on the hill and then we zoom in to a top floor window into what appears to be the room the kids sleep in when visiting, and it's a really organized...umm...mess. Grandpa Pig, George, Peppa and Granny Pig are here as Granny Pig has a banana yellow-ish box in her hands. She opens up the box to reveal Dolly; a barefoot doll wearing a sailor outfit and a straw hat. Peppa wants to hold her and Granny is fine with it; but be careful because she's fragile. This is like inviting trouble here as Peppa grabs the doll gently and Grandpa Pig has had enough of this nonsense. And Peppa agrees with him, much to the disappointment of Granny Pig. Which lasts a good three seconds before everyone goes out the western door and down the hill towards Grandpa Pig's shed. Grandpa Pig goes into the shed as Granny Pig claims that Grandpa Pig does all of these inventions to keep him happy. Grandpa Pig comes out with a small model toy plane that he made himself called the Mark 1. It uses rubber string which twists when you turn the props; as demonstrated by Grandpa. It flies...for three seconds and then nosedives into the ground. HAHA! Grandpa Pig calls the landing tricky. You don't say?! Grandpa takes Mark 1 and puts it back in the shed, because there's a much bigger one as he comes out with a bigger toy plane called the Mark 2; which looks like a normal model airplane with striped blue/white wings. Mark 2 is set down on the ground and Grandpa brings out the out of nowhere remote control. He flies the plane; it goes near the second tree and then nosedives into the ground. HAHA! That was a little less tricky, natch. Granny Pig is happy to see him get all the stupidity out of his system and there is no more model airplanes to show George with. Grandpa Pig then acts like he would like a glass of orange juice. Right away, I knew Grandpa Pig was up to something. Granny asks if the kids would like some and both agree to it. Granny walks back into the house to get the orange juice and as I expected, Grandpa Pig goes back into the shed and there is a giant model airplane called the Mark 3. The cockpit looks big enough to carry Dolly. If you cannot guess where this is all going; you have no business reading this rant. George fits into the cockpit anyway; but Grandpa Pig removes him because it's a bit too dangerous. George does not cry on cue.

So, as I expected; Dolly is the one going in the airplane and Peppa is protesting this. I just love that Dolly is facing the hard camera when in the cockpit. Grandpa Pig assures Peppa that Dolly will be fine. Yeah, I'll bet! So, Grandpa Pig has his remote control on and we fly the mode airplane high into the air and lots of flying spots ensue. Of course; one of them involves the Loop De Loop for only 15 pounds; and we tease Dolly freefalling and splatting on the ground to make Peppa panic and do the 0.3 Rock Lobster Yeti frown; but Grandpa Pig recovers and the doll plops into the cockpit unharmed, still facing the hard camera. I'm waiting with baited breath for this plane to nosedive and crash into the ground. Grandpa Pig flies the plane into the open door at the white house on the hill and they do the It Came From Beneath The SeaDuck spot where Granny Pig is looking for orange juice, and the plane goes by here and as she closes the fridge, the airplane is gone and she's all confused. The airplane flies out of the second open door...somehow...and then flies around the house and back towards Grandpa Pig. So, Grandpa Pig claims that he knows what he is doing; which is a bad sign because he now has to land this damn thing, and somehow despite bouncing four times, the plane lands perfectly without nose diving. Sadly; Dolly flies out of the cockpit, goes head over feet towards Peppa and Peppa catches it and everyone cheers on cue. In comes Granny Pig with the tray of orange juice and now; Grandpa Pig is so BUSTED~! Grandpa Pig blushes in embarrassment afterwards. I betcha Peppa tells Granny Pig everything, just to be a troll. I check the video...Damn; I'm so good. Peppa apparently hates secrets more than even I do! Granny Pig is confused as Peppa loves this and everyone does the backsplash laugh to end the episode at 4:30. Granny Pig gets bonus marks for managing to do the backsplash laugh without spilling a single drop of orange juice. I love this episode actually. **** 1/4 (85%).

The Market: Next up is episode #243 on the animation paper as we head into town at the market as per the episode title. The Mole family is here; along with Pedro F'N Pony on his scooter without his helmet I might add. How this got past BS&P is a mystery to me. Usually scooting requires a helmet. Mummy Dog and Danny Dog are here, Mr. Sexist Labo has a store and sadly, has customers. Mrs. Cow has a cheese store. Mummy Cat has a fish store. Officer Panda and Grey Squirrel are patroling the marketplace; probably to make sure no counterfeit items are sold. Someone should check Mr. Fox's store to make sure those things are not counterfeited at all. Mr. Bull sells china teacups. Of course! We see a lot of cameos here; most of them are doing nothing of note. Peppa, George, Mummy and Daddy Pig (with straw basket) are here at the market to do a "little" shopping. Because you know, it won't end up being a little. So, we head to Mr. Labo's apple shops as Peppa would like to buy some apples. Keep in mind; this is the same anthro who guilt-tripped and used sexist remarks to get Mummy Pig to play a game during Funfair. So, Labo has only small, big, green and red apples. None of those non-binary type apples will darken this guy's store. Peppa of course wants the apples that taste nice, and so it's a big red apple which Peppa samples and approves. Of course! So, Mummy Pig, without any heistation, buys the red apples in a bag. George loves cheese, so Mrs. Cow's cheese store is next on the menu and he snorts twice. Mrs. Cow offer Daddy Pig a whiff of the SMELLY CHEESE OF DEATH and this literally knocks Daddy Pig onto his back. Someone from the cheese board really needs to check on that smelly cheese, it might be constructed as a new weapon. George don't care, because he loves smelly cheese and Daddy Pig buys it anyway. So, next up is Mummy Cat's fish market and she has a rather light selection of fish. No shrimp? No scallops? No lobster? Phooey! Squid is on the table though; and the family cannot decide, so Mummy Cat offers one of each to make a fish pie; which Peppa likes. This would make a lovely seafood platter and/or chowder. Too bad the chowders I have on a regular basis are milk and not heavy cream related. So, we finally head to Mr. Fox's stall as he makes Bonker's "House of Everything" look like the poser than Bonkers is.

Mr. Fox is offended by the family not seeing him first, because he has lot of apples...made of wood. HAHA! Peppa is confused as Mr. Fox claims that wooden apples last forever. Geez; and I wonder where all of this landfill worthy stuff was coming from too?! Next up is cheese and they are made of plastic in spite of the diversity. Also great in keeping the Aussie Stereotype away, too. In sets of four, too. Mummy Pig no sells the deal as Mr. Fox notices that they have some fish and Mr. Fox claims that he could have sold them a better fish and Mummy Pig is already no selling this deal. So, Mr. Fox shows them a plastic fish nailed to a wooden shield and claims that it's a singing fish. Wow; Mr. Fox is literally so 2012 here as he pushes the button in the shield and the plastic singing fish sings Twinkle, twinkle, little star for a while. It also needs 24 batteries which are clearly shown in the back. Of course! Peppa wants Elvis Fishly (voiced by Toby Sigmas - only appearance is this show) and Mummy Pig says no and Peppa is disappointed, but doesn't push the matter any further. Mr. Fox offers a bouncy vase because it's made of plastic. Mummy Pig no sells this deal as well; and then it starts raining out of nowhere and these moronic pigs forgot to bring umbrellas. So, Mr. Fox decides to sell them umbrellas in sets of four. How convenient, eh? The family takes them, because you can never have too many umbrellas, natch. Mr. Fox proclaims that they were lucky to come because four umbrellas also nets the singing fish for free. Peppa is so happy; the adults are like "What?". Mr. Fox pushes the button and the singing fish sings again as everyone is laughing and dancing in the market to end the episode at 4:30. Wow; this was better than it had any right to be. *** 3/4 (75%).

Soft Play: Here is episode #242 on the animation paper as the episode opens at the house on the hill as we zoom into the kitchen with the Pig family eating breakfast at the table. Daddy Pig is checking out letters that apparently; Mr. Zebra gave to him before the episode started. There is a blue colored letter which is for George and George snorts twice. Mummy Pig checks the letter and it's an invitation to Richard Rabbit's birthday party and this announcement makes all the dishes of the adults disappear when Daddy Pig claims that it sounds fun. As long as it's not the awful soft play center. So, of course; it's at the soft play center and Daddy Pig has the same reaction he had when he was stuck in concrete in Simple Science. You see, according to the always trollish troll known as Peppa Pig, Daddy Pig got stuck and was rescued by helicopter via Miss Rabbit's rescue service. And a fire engine. And a crane. Normally I would say that Peppa is lying here; but this is Daddy Pig we are talking about here. Daddy Pig claims that it was only a helicopter, like that helps his case in any way. Mummy Pig decides that she will go with George this time and George giggles. Considering The Blackberry Bush; I'm not too confident about Mummy Pig's chances in this Soft Play area. So we scene change to the Soft Play arena as all the little kids are in the adult driven cars, ready for Soft Play and adults getting stuck. I wish I made up that last part. As Edmond Elephant comes out with Doctor Elephant, out comes Miss Rabbit or Mummy Rabbit (doesn't matter at this point) as there are soft balls bouncing and hitting anything that stays put and the adults are no selling it. They are also no selling the invite to stay as the little kids come in. Mummy Pig arrives with George and offers to stay and exchange pleasure thoughts with Miss (or Mummy) Rabbit. Mummy Pig does not like the music; which is the non-lyrical version of Head & Shoulders, Knees & Toes! Welcome to the Soft Play Center where everything is soft, and the narrator has to yell out loud, because the spot is that the music is way too loud to speak normally. Apparently; the creators have models for two year old Danny Dog and a two year old Pedro F'N Pony since they are swinging like Tarzan in a really dangerous spot. Just because it's a Soft Play center, doesn't mean it's soft enough to land. Oh; and in Britian they squash, in North America, they squeeze through. So, I guess it's Mummy Rabbit and Mummy Pig exchanging notes. Jump cut to outside as somehow the balls are rolling out of the Soft Play center and down the hill. Mummy Rabbit is hoping to get them out; as we return as she claps because playtime is over. Wanna bet none of the little kids sell this and continue playing on? Damn; I'm so good. Mummy Pig is shocked and appalled by this, and now she is realizing why Daddy Pig and all those other adults don't like the Soft Play center.

Mummy Rabbit decides to go in after them; and she unintentionally doesn't see a hole that is too small for her to go completely through and Mummy Rabbit is stuck! Mummy Pig follows and tries to go through the soft rollers and Mummy Pig is stuck! And if you listen closely; you can hear Daddy Pig laughing all the way to the bank. Mummy Pig's screaming for help is so contrived as Doctor Elephant shows up to collect Edmund and he offers to help. The women no sell because IT'S A TRAP~! And they are correct as Doctor Elephant is now stuck in a hole himself! So, we jump cut to outside as Daddy Pig's car parks on the steepest side of the hill, just to continue the obvious logic break. Daddy, Peppa and Suzy Sheep (for no real reason) jump out of the car and head into the Soft Play area. Daddy Pig notices that all of the kids -- including a two year old version of Wendy Wolf -- sitting right in front of them. Richard's the birthday boy, so he gets the party hat; which looks like a dunce cap, natch. Daddy Pig then notices the adults all stuck and he does his promo of this usually happens to him...and then he recoils and asks "That's going to happen to me, isn't it?!" I died. Suzy and Peppa offer to go in to push the adults out because they are smaller, you see. Daddy Pig no sells and goes in because he's the grown up and he's also dumb because that's his gimmick. Daddy Pig goes in and I was hoping they would book this as Daddy Pig rescues all of the the adults and then gets stuck himself like always. That would be stupid; but at least Daddy Pig goes out as a rescuer instead of the victim. Nope! He gets stuck the second he goes through the first hole. What a shocker?! So, Daddy Pig calls up the rescue services and my guess was wrong because Miss Rabbit IS the one who is stuck and not Mummy Rabbit! PLOT TWIST~! So, this means Peppa and Suzy get to rescue the grown ups and they do, including tickling Doctor Elephant's ribs to squeeze him through DA....HOLE~! SLURP~! So, Suzy and Peppa pop Daddy Pig from the first hole and everyone cheers! But wait; the little kids go back into the Soft Play Center just to give one more giant middle finger to the adults. HAHA! AWESOME! So the adults groan; but Suzy and Peppa decides to go in and play with them for a while until they all get tired and come out on their terms. Wow; the troll has a good idea as the kids bounce and giggle and have a good time, as the adults laugh to end the episode at 4:30. Now this was one of the best episodes of Series 5. Sure; it doesn't top Simple Science, but seeing the plot twist with Miss Rabbit was many buys! **** 1/2 (90%).

Nursey Rhymes: Here is episode #235 on the animation paper as the episode opens at the school house on the hill with some piano music in the background. Zoom into the window as Gigi Gazelle is with her guitar, which means that we might get the Bing Bong song before the end of this episode. Everyone is here for this time! Except for Molly Mole, sadly. Gigi explains that they are doing nursey rhymes and apparently; they will have music played during these. Okay; so Peppa is first -- because she's the star of this show -- and she picks Mary Had A Little Lamb and for this rhyme, there is music, there is singing and there is a dream sequence featuring Mary and the Lamb walking on a globe. The kids sing two verses and then both sit down and clap. Suzy Sheep in no way was offended by this; so she has clearly not gotten the press release from PETA yet. Next up is "Little Bo Peep"; which is another sheep themed song, which Zoe Zebra sings. The only thing of note here was that Little Bo Beep was a black human girl. Okay; that brings a little diversity to the rhyme. This one offends Suzy Sheep; because it implies that these sheep hate a black person; thus racism. Now THAT would have been a great moment. However; Suzy Sheep was more upset about the sheep getting lost and making her sad. Damn! Gigi asks the audience if they want to sing a song that doesn't involve sheep and Pedro decides to give it a whirl and he sings Baa Baa Black Sheep, the most racist song about sheep in the world! I shake my head in frustration. And then Pedro realizes his gaffe and is ashamed of himself as he sits down and apologizes. He's about to be thrown off the show; I can just see it now. Candy Cat gets up and offers a cat themed rhyme called Hey, diddle, diddle! Featuring all sorts of crazy stuff like a cat playing a fiddle AFTER HAPPY HOUR (after dark) and a cow jumping over the moon. Dogs giggles and a dish runs away from a spoon. Even Gigi agrees with me on this crazy stuff. Next up is Freddy Fox, which is Hickley, Dickley, Dock featuring mice running up and down clocks. Freddy Fox's singing was awkward and boring to me. Wendy Wolf wins with an original rhyme featuring counting, fish, nets and biting fingers. Wendy's song was great and Gigi commend her for her humanity towards fish. So, Pedro trys again with a Robin Hood rhyme and it fails in so many ways that I was laughing my ass off. Gigi seems to be complimenting him in the same way as being relieved.

I guess it was an improvement from Baa Baa Black Sheep; but that isn't saying much. Finally; Danny Dog has a marching rhyme and this one requires you to go outside as everyone marches out of the school house and down the hill. Danny Dog leads the march and sings this song that is clearly a British only rhyme about the Duke and his men marching up and down hills. This ends at the top of a big hill as the kids all giggle and Gigi loves this. Okay; Danny Dog, let's see you march and sing this song! In it's original language, too. Pedro F'N Pony asks Gigi about her favorite rhyme. Gigi tells everyone to hold hands as we sing the Ring Around The Roses, and they all fall down to do the backsplash laugh as the narrator says it all to end the episode at 4:30. Yeah; what more can I say?! It was one TEDDY RUXPIN SONG OF DOOM after another and most of them were pretty good, so *** 1/2 (70%).

Suzy Goes Away: This is episode #262 on the animation paper as the episode opens at the house on the hill as Mummy Sheep's car arrives from the west and still parks on the steepest side of the hill. Some things never change, even in 2018. Out comes Suzy Sheep as she rings the door bell. The door opens and out comes Peppa and Mummy Pig for the meet and greet with Suzy Sheep and Mummy Sheep. I have now determined that Suzy and Peppa's raspberrying, hello and hug are in fact their secret handshake of doom. So, they go upstairs and into Peppa's bedroom and start cosplaying a princess and a nurse. Say....Ah! Because you see, Suzy has a secret to whisper yell. The secret is that Suzy is going away because Mummy Sheep has a new job. Oh, damn; I knew that castle project Madam Gazelle gave in a previous episode would be the beginning of the end of this relationship. Suzy is also moving into a new house as the kids go downstairs to see Mummy Pig and Mummy Sheep at the table as Peppa is so happy to hear about this new job as Mummy Sheep proclaims that it's far more interesting and it involves learning a new language. Can you tell the disappointment coming from a mile away? Peppa Pig cannot wait for this; and she might as well keep waiting because Mummy Pig confirms that Mummy Sheep is going to the other side of the world; so I suspect she's moving to Japan or some area where they don't speak English. Worse; Suzy is moving to a new playgroup; even though they keep saying school here. Mummy Pig is certain that they will see each other again, and Mummy Sheep cuts that off and wants to leave. Suzy comes out with Mummy Sheep asking about playing with Peppa some more. That is an indication that they will never see each other again, and Suzy is trying to milk every last ounce of their relationship before it dies. Mummy Sheep does allow her to play with Suzy tomorrow; but there is packing to be done right now. So, Suzy and Mummy Sheep get into the car and the car drives down the hills. Peppa sulks and is sad because her troll in crime wouldn't be around for much longer. Mummy Pig suggests giving her a going away card, made by Peppa.

I am going to miss Suzy Sheep; because nothing says "Chop the tree down!" like her. So, we head to the kitchen as Peppa draws a really decent picture of her and Suzy with flowers, but no muddy puddles. Damn; I wish Peppa had drawn Suzy and a tree with the words "Chop the tree down!". I assure you she would have love that call back as a troll. Peppa is still not happy as Mummy Pig has her cell phone ready. So, this is pretty much the last call for Peppa as Mummy Pig dials the number for Suzy's house and Suzy answers the phone. Peppa responds and we exchange sad thoughts about this final call together. Suzy still is coming to play one last time and Peppa feels a bit better. Jump cut to morning as the sun rises at the house on the hill as Mummy Sheep's car arrives and out pops Suzy and Mummy Sheep from the car as the door opens and out comes Peppa and Mummy Pig. Suzy and Peppa race down the hill and head to the area where there is a tree with a tire swing. Both kids sit down and exchange their final notes and rites. Including accusing each other of bossing each other around. They tease turning on each other and then they admit that they are trolls basically. More giggling ensues as we jump cut to Mummy Sheep and Mummy Pig exchanging their final thoughts and rites. Mummy Sheep sounds like she's blowing off this job, which is a telltale sign that Suzy is not going away. Peppa and Suzy come back and Suzy is about to leave; but Peppa cuts her off and goes into the house. She returns with a crown and the letter of her going away present. Peppa gives Suzy her plastic crown and both are ready to cry like George Pig on speed; when suddenly Mummy Sheep's cell phone rings. She answers the phone and she's not happy to hear the bad news. Mummy Sheep didn't get the job after all. You mean to tell me that Mummy Sheep made Peppa and Suzy tug at each others heartstrings by claiming that you got the job and Suzy would never see Peppa again; but in reality, you had the inside track of getting said job without actually getting the job; and in the end, the boss picked someone else.

I don't honestly know which is worse; Mummy Sheep lying, or the boss denying her the job?! Screw you, show! Screw you in the face with a raspberry; please! That sucked so hard. So, the world is right for Peppa and Suzy after all that pointless drama; except Peppa is now demanding her crown back and Suzy blows her off because she thought she could keep the crown forever. I don't blame Suzy and really I don't blame Peppa either for Mummy Sheep either lying or being a downright idiot. Neither one makes her look good. Suzy decides -- she's right -- and gives Peppa back the crown; but Peppa tells her to keep the card of course. Peppa and Suzy giggle and hug each other to end the episode at 4:30. This was the best Suzy/Peppa episode until Mummy Sheep completely ruined the moment for everyone. And I do mean everyone. *** 1/2 (70%).

Peppa Goes To Paris: So, last up is episode #245 on the animation paper as the episode opens at the house on the hill with the car already ready to go. I notice that Paris is in the colors of France's flag, just a giant middle finger. The Pig family walk out of the house and jump into the car as the narrator explains that they are going to Paris to see Delphine Donkey. Everyone is ready and they drive down the hill and onto the boring road as Peppa wants to know where Paris is and Mummy Pig has the travel map to inform us that it's in France and they are taking a ferry. Because you see, since this show takes place in a wacky version of Great Britian, that like being in Canada where the United States is beneath us; Francis is beneath them. And some of you will understandably vomit in their mouth a little after that remark. Peppa doesn't know what a ferry is and Daddy Pig wants her to see it. Jump cut to the ferry which is a generic cruise ship. I have been to ferries and few of them look similar to this. The Halfax/Dartmouth ferry looks nothing like this at all. So the cars all park in the hull of the ferry. Apparently; only about two cars made the trip and one of them looks like a vacationing Doctor Brown Bear and his family. So much for burnout. Everyone goes up on deck and the boat is rocking and the second Peppa mentions it; Mummy Pig is already sea sick. Daddy Pig -- apparently doesn't seem afraid despite the height of the boat -- and the kids walk in to get lunch and the waves get stronger. Daddy Pig comes back with a fried egg sandwich and this is the point where I write: Daddy Pig is the enabler of Peppa's trolling. Mummy Pig groans on cue; and that was bad. Land ahoy; says Peppa. When Peppa is not being the troll here; you know that sandwich moment was hideous. Basically; the ferry lands and the ramp opens. Three cars come out as we get the same old charming spot from Peppa's visit to Italy when Mummy Pig informs Daddy Pig that they might drive differently in France. Daddy Pig of course thinks driving is driving and they literally repeat the spot from the second episode of Peppa's visit to Italy, and they might have just used stock footage for all I know. Head shaken.

The only difference is that they speak French instead of Italian. So we arrive near a large French apartment complex with many French denizens walking about and shooting the breeze. The car arrives and I'm shocked Daddy Pig didn't get one French ticket from the police. Thankfully; no Teddy is present, although I hope there is a swimming pool nearby because I would love to see Daddy Pig walk into the pool again, like he did in Italy. The Donkey family is here as the families meet and greet at a cafe umbrella table. Bonjour means hello in French of course. Daddy Pig want to see all of Paris; and Pere Donkey no sells because it's impossible. So Daddy Pig rephrases himself and wants to see the areas tourists don't see; this causes Pere Donkey to clap and say bravo. The instant I heard that from Daddy Pig; I realized that this will not end well for Daddy Pig. So Pere Donkey asks Daddy Pig about the first event and Daddy Pig wants to see the Eiffel Tower. Ummm; yeah, and you thought Pedro F'N Pony was clueless?! Pere Donkey says okay and wonders "what an idiot?" in the process. Word. So we head to the Effiel Tower as it's a busy place and Daddy Pig is still clueless. Peppa notices a gift shop featuring Miss Rabbit. But wait; this one is protesting this outrage, because she is not Miss Rabbit (despite all the trappings of Miss Rabbit, including reading the same Ezza magazine.). She's Madame Lapin; which is Miss Rabbit in French. Still; this means that there are more than one Miss Rabbit and this effectively means that there are lots of them around the world. This effectively kills the Miss Rabbit and good for them to do so. Still doesn't make the gift shop on the moon any less absurd, but whatever. And as I say that, they effectively brought back the gimmick as Madame Lapin is speaking English for real, meaning it's the real Miss Rabbit. Because we still need to milk the legendary story of Miss Rabbit. Peppa wants to climb the real one; and Daddy Pig -- after not being scared of being on top of a cruise ship -- looks up and now he's doesn't like heights. Continuity? What's that?! So, the families decide to take the elevator up and they take the elevator up.

Then they all go up the stairs. Daddy Pig continues to have problems with this as Mummy Pig's advice to combat dizziness: Close your eyes. That is such a dumb idea, especially when you are climbing up a tall attraction. And so, everyone makes it to the visitor's portion of the look off and the kids are in awe about this. Except Daddy Pig, with this eyes closed mind you; climbs up the wooden ladder which leads to the forbidden top of the Effiel Tower. At least this is all Mummy Pig's fault for telling him to close his eyes, instead of just Daddy Pig not seeing where he is going and having his eyes open, like in Simple Science. Mummy Pig loves the view as Pere Donkey asks what Daddy Pig thinks and he's no where to be found as they look up and Daddy Pig is on top of the Eiffel Tower and he opened his eyes. Daddy Pig is dumb. So, Pere Donkey brings out his cell phone and calls for emergency helicopter rescue service, so more Miss Lapin telling Mummy Pig to get her name right. In comes Miss Lapin and her helicopter arrives and invokes the GIANT SUCTION CUP OF DOOM and grabs Daddy Pig by his back and Daddy Pig panics because he is afraid of heights. Although; considering the method, I don't think it really matters if he's afraid of heights. However; Daddy Pig looks down and proclaims that he can see everything as everyone is happy and giggling to end the episode at 4:30. Well; that finish was interesting to say the least, although I could've done without the obvious recycling of the traffic spot again. *** 1/4 (65%).

THE REVIEW LINE

Well; this was a really good mix of Peppa Pig episodes this time around. Soft Play was just a funny episode involving the dangers of what is supposed to be safe for kids and dangerous to adults. The plot twist of making me believe that Mummy Rabbit was there was also brilliant and Daddy Pig mocking the adults for mocking them and then catching himself was also priceless. Grampy Rabbit's Hovercraft was awesome because of Grampy Rabbit being Grampy Rabbit, and the two new sailors didn't care at the end. Grandpa Pig's Toy Plane was funny as well, with all the planes nose diving and Grandpa Pig being sneaky in order to get back at Granny Pig for mocking him over his model airplane creations. I thought Suzy Goes Away would have been a thumbs up; if it wasn't for the finish that was really bad for Mummy Sheep in general. Peppa Goes To Paris was the worst episode of the lot and it was still good, I just felt the Daddy Pig going into traffic was less funny the second time they recycled it. Overall; this was one of the better set of episodes. It also helps that I am doing these episodes at random. So...

Thumbs up for Soft Play, Grampy Rabbit's Hovercraft, Grandpa Pig's Toy Plane; thumbs in the middle for everything else and I'll see you all next time.

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