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Peppa Pig: Series Five #5 Rant

Reviewed: 12/16/2018

Let The Random Backsplash Laughs Begin!

Okay fans; I have now decided to rant on this series full time, because I do in fact like this show enough that I can handle the best and worst of the Pig family from Great Britian. Okay; so we finally begin Series 5 as we start as the gloves are finally off of this show as it turns from just a normal pre-school show into a legendary pre-school show. We continue on with more random episodes from this season as this series is winding down rant-wise. So; how do these episodes fare? Let's rant on shall we..?!

All the episodes are done by Neville Astley, Mark Baker and Phil Hall. Animation is done by Astely Baker Davies animation; with the two mentioned creators and Phil Davies.

Masks: So, we begin with episode #236 on the animation paper as the episode opens at the school house on the hill with the parents dropping the kids off at playgroup. The kids run into the school house as the cars are parked on the steepest sides of the hill...AGAIN~! The kids proceed to sit down and ask: Where is Madame Gazelle? Ummm; she's right in front of you, Danny Dog. Oh wait; she's wearing a masquerade red mask. She takes it off and everyone finally gets it. So, today's lesson du jour is to make masks out of everything....except glitter because that trigger's Gigi's cringe eye look. Suzy wants glitter and even says please as well as the children, Gigi no sells the deal outright. Because she remembers the School Project incident very well, even though she had zero reaction to it when the glitter was involved within the scene. So, let's begin making masks as Peppa uses tissue paper and basically makes a butterfly mask. Sadly; it looks awkward. Danny Dog's making a white robot mask with straws and buttons. Danny Dog's tail is wagging profusely in this scene for some reason. Suzy is using peach colored paper and colored feathers to create a Magic Owl mask. Okay. Pedro creates a thunder bolt with a red mask to make a superhero mask, of course. Neigh! Richard and Rebecca made carrot shaped masks and Richard had enough sense to put a green top on the carrot; even though baby carrots typically don't show tops like the giant carrot Rebecca made. If you cannot guess George's mask; then you must be new to this show. Dinesaur~! Edmond of course goes the extra mile in creating a sun mask with all the planets around it. Except Pluto of course; because Pluto might as well be a moon, and a Disney dog at this point. Oh wait; Edmond included Pluto, and apparently, Pluto is classified as a planetoid. By the way; here's a Cleveland Notes explaination to why Pluto is not a planet anymore. I'm not a scientist, so I won't comment on this any further, other than Edmond blows his trunk and is a clever clogs. I should also note that Candy Cat and Zoe Zebra basically have different color versions of Peppa's mask while Wendy went with Suzy's mask.

Gigi asks if they are finished and Suzy continues to complain about wanting glitter and so does Peppa. No Suzy; I don't want to see Gigi get triggered anymore. Her cringe eye spot sucks! Gigi claims that there are other shiny things as I realize that this children have a "Ooooo, shiny" fetish. It's bad enough that this is happening in video games since the dawn of the SNES, but do we have to see it in mask making art, too! Screw that! Gigi no sells because you cannot get rid of glitter and it gets everywhere. It's a meance to society, says Gigi. The last two, yeah; but if you couldn't get rid of it, then why isn't playgroup splattered with glitter at this point? The kids will not let this go, because it's magic. I'm with Gigi on this one; because I have seen School Project and that glitter cannot stay on the projects. One day; it's going to get into George's mouth and goodness knows what glitter can do to your system. Hell; glitter is way too toxic to the environment and environmentalists want it banned. So, Gigi has a great reason not to use it; but the kids basically peer pressure her into it and she wants a promise to be extremely careful with it. This is a fools errand! So, Gigi gets the "promise" and heads to a door with warnings so absurd that it treats glitter like an environmental hazard. Oh wait....Gigi has the WCW KEY OF DOOM and opens the door to reveal a brick wall and a safe. Gigi opens the safe and the glitter is in a test tube that glows, as if it is radioactive. Oh, come on now! If you cannot guess what happens next; you have no business reading this rant. Jump cut to all the parents parking on the steepest sides of the hill to collect the children. Daddy Pig opens the door and there is a lot of steam and here comes the glitter bomb~! Yup; everything is covered in glitter as there was a glitter leak and Gigi comes out with the vaccum cleaner to clean up Daddy's Big Tummy~! Now this episode really sucks! HAHA!

Ron Sparks: It sucks more than Sean Desmond.

So, we head inside as the children are running around in a disorganized fashion as Gigi and the adults walk in. Daddy Pig walks in and cannot tell who Peppa and George are because they are wearing masks and have lots of glitter on them. I have a hard time believing this when George is clearly wearing a dinosaur mask. So they talk for a while and Peppa takes off the mask claiming that she tricked him. She wishes she was that good. I mean; only two of the kids snort and one of them is a dinosaur mask, so it had to be Peppa. I do realize that Daddy Pig was probably playing along, but he acted like he didn't know and gave no cue. Mummy Rabbit does a better job of this by saying that she cannot find Richard and Rebecca; but will kindly take two carrots home, causing the rabbit kids to unmask. Mummy Pony is the only one who doesn't play into this in anyway and addresses Pedro right away. Pedro Pony turns around claiming that he's not Pedro F'N Pony and is Super Pony. Mummy Pony asks if SP wants to go home or stay for the night and SP decides to hold hands with Mummy Pony. HAHA! Daddy Pig cannot even figure out that Gigi is wearing a mask; so Gigi has to unmask herself before Daddy Pig gets it. Again; Daddy Pig wasn't acting, he seriously didn't believe Gigi was under the mask. Everyone does the backsplash laugh to end the episode at 4:30. And all the glitter died on that spot, too. Episode was fine, but the glitter bomb jokes are just stupid. ** 1/2 (50%).

Mr. Bull's New Road: Next up is episode #256 on the animation paper as the episode opens on a hilly boring road with Daddy Pig, Mummy Pig, Peppa Pig and George in the car driving east. The narrator informs us that Peppa is taking her fishbowl filled with water and Goldie (or Goldy) to Doctor Hamster's vet. Peppa loves wobbly roads; no one else loves wobbly roads. Goldie loves it too; as we sing a fish motif of "The Wheels Of The Bus" and then Peppa gets cut off by Mr. Bull yelling stop. This forces the car to stop; because Mr. Bull and his de-construction workers are digging up the road...to make a new one. Oh; and this road will not be wibbly-wobbly; much to the horror of Peppa and no one else. So, there is a lot of construction going on with Mr. Labo using the jackhammer, Mr. Rhino paving the road and Mrs. Elephant (In her debut no less) painting the lines on said road. Oh; and Mr. Bull is a boss who shouts...encouragement. Oooookkkkaaayyyy. Peppa wonders how to get to the vet and Daddy Pig announces that they will have to walk to the vet now. So, yes; they leave the car in the middle of the road and I would bet a dollar that the car will be destroyed by the end of this episode. So, the family walks up the hill to the vet complete with yellow crosses against a green background. There is a tree in the background for no reason as the family heads inside as the Cat family is present as well. Cut to Doctor Hamster tending to Tiddles and then putting him in a narrow basket; like that is going to stop him from walking away and up a tree again. So, Doctor Hamster looks at the goldfish and proclaims that she's fine and just needs to continue drinking water. Geez; Doctor Hamster really is a quack doctor. Basically; there is a knock on the door and Doctor Hamster and the Pig family come out to see Mr. Bull and his giant digger. Uh-oh! I do not like where this is going! And I was right because he's going to knock down the vet! Okay; whomever drew up these blueprints needs to lose his job right now! Peppa protests this outrage as Doctor Hamster explains what the vet does and Mr. Bull is at least pondering over this.

Then Peppa and company start revealing compromising options for the new road and Mr. Bull no sells because around wouldn't make the road straight and people don't want to waste time driving around things. Geez; is everyone in this show afraid to prepare ahead of time for traffic?! Going over it would be silly and having a house under a bridge would be somewhat dangerous. Peppa suggest underneath it and build a tunnel; and Mr. Bull thinks it's too hard. Oh; and Doctor Hamster gets a knock on the back door and she goes to answer it. She opens the door and it's a Mr. Bull lookalike; only with facial hair, cheese colored shirt and hard hat, and grey pant. And yes; he's Mr. Bull's brother. That is distressing and even more so, he wants to knock down the vet. In comes Mr. Rabbit who demands answers to this slacking off of the bulls. Mr. Bull and Mr. Bull #2 point out the obvious as Mr. Rabbit asks "Are you saying your machines cannot dig a tunnel?" and this offends both bulls so much that they decide to build the tunnel as requested because their diggers are the most powerful machines in the world. Ouchie! So, the bulls get into their diggers on opposite sides and then start digging a cave on both sides. They meet in the middle, stop, come out and shake hands with glee. Everyone's happy as the road is completed and the Bulls come out and go up to the vet. The vet is saved; but the cars have come and it's slow as molasses, because more cars were using the road than expected. Mr. Bull has a plan and if you cannot guess what the Bull brothers do next, you have no business reading this rant. Yup; it's time to DIG UP THE ROAD~! AGAIN~! Because there is no concept of budget on this show. The bulls get their out of nowhere jackhammers and run down the hill. They barricade both sides of the tunnel and jackhammer the point home. There is bouncing, there is giggling, there are backsplash laughs and the narrator proclaims that everyone loves it when Mr. Bull digs up the road to end the episode at 4:30. Mr. Bull is out of control and I cannot tell who is enabling who in this story. Fun episode otherwise. *** 3/4 (75%).

The Ambulance: This is episode #250 on the animation paper as the episode opens at the school house on the hill. We zoom in as all the big kids in the show are dancing and giggling. Gigi claps her hands and informs the children that Quack Doctor Par Excellence: Doctor Brown Bear is coming in to show them an ambulance. Probably the same one used to bring in when someone whines and complains about a cartoon for no reason whatsoever. This leads to Molly Mole and Peppa Pig having a contest to see who can mangle the pronouncation of the word the most and the worst. It looks like a draw so far. Freddy asks about the sound being present and Gigi cuts him off saying "yes". Oh; and the wail sounds are on as we head outside with Dr. Brown Bear driving the ambulance up the hill and remembers not to park on the steepest side of the hill! Someone in this show is smart enough not to do that. I thought Doctor Brown Bear would park it on the steepest side of the hill and forget to put on the brakes in the process. So, everyone comes out in front of the school as we meet, greet and exchange notes for a while. Freddy gets his wish on the siren, and it is done by remote control. Can this be done in real life? I hope not; I can easily see this being abused by some prankster, or a Freddy Fox wannabe. So, Gigi asks Doctor Brown Bear to cosplay a real emergency and Doctor Brown Bear brings out a Teddy Bear that looks like the one Peppa took care of in a previous episode and the bouncy ball of death. We cosplay for a while as Freddy adds sound effects to the proceedings. I'm pretty sure that real EMTs would treat this a lot more seriously than Doctor Brown Bear just did. Also of note; Doctor Brown Bear puts the ball behind him; which is just daring for DBB to trip and roll down the hill to damage his entire body. The kids are sitting down probably waiting for DBB to do the stupid act. So, after thank yous and clapping, DBB tells them to look where they are going...and then doesn't disappoint the audience by turning around, tripping on the ball and rolls awkwardly down the hill like a stupid idiot.

Somehow; despite never being seen in this show; the hill where the school is has a giant patch of blackberries for DBB to roll around, giving him thorns in his body. Doctor Brown Bear is a clumsy clogs~! DBB then rolls into a tree, concusses himself at least twenty times with the tree and apples falling on his head and the kids just simply point this out, sounding slightly concerned about his health and well being. And then just to add more insult and injury to insult and injury; the bouncy ball bounces off Brown Bear's tummy. Ow! So, Gigi demands that someone call an ambulance and then catches herself, because it's right in front of them. So, everyone gets in and Gigi backs up the ambulance (complete with sirens; which was Freddy's idea no doubt) towards the tree. I'm shocked that didn't hit Brown Bear. Everyone then gets out and Brown Bear stands up and claims that he's fine. I disagree; that dood needs the quiet room right now! Gigi sits him down because Gigi is going to do the checkup routine as before, and the students will help. This is not going to end well for Doctor Brown Bear; going by the various episodes I have seen in the past when the non-doctors try to do the doctor's work. So, the kids basically go through the same routine Doctor Brown Bear told them and DBB sounds extremly grumpy while saying this, until finally the kids asks where he is hurt and DBB admits that he's hurt badly, mostly the legs, arm and head. So the kids wrap him up like a mummy in bandages as I plead for them to put him in the quiet room. And just to top off the irony; the kids and Gigi slap stickers on Doctor Brown Bear's body for being brave, and this might have hurt more than the rolling, There are even stickers on his face as Gigi wants the children to thank DBB for the demonstration (both ways) and DBB is a good sport in spite of almost getting himself killed. I don't think everyone loves ambulances though as everyone except DBB does the backsplash laugh and apparently; Freddy had the remote control in his pants because as he did the backsplash laugh, the siren turns on. Of course! This ends the episode at 4:30. This was funny for the most part; and DBB pretty much got what was coming, but he needs the quiet room now. *** 1/2 (70%).

Police Station: Next up is episode #248 on the animation paper as the episode opens on a boring road with the family in their car coming home from a long drive as Peppa has Teddy and somehow didn't lose it this time. Which means George lost Mr. Dinesaur (sic) during the trip because I don't see it with him. Daddy Pig wants some tea; but then George bawls his eyes out! This is only the second time for rant purposes in Series 5 that this has happened. Which would be 39 episodes total in the order that I ranted each episode on. This is the first time since the second episode of this entire show that George has lost Mr. Dinesaur. I point this out because Peppa claims that he lost Mr. Dinesaur again. Except Peppa isn't trolling here; George lost his dinesaur buddy in episode #2. A very long time ago; to the point that a huge chunk of target audience wasn't even born yet! George is seem with the family shopping in a flashback as Daddy Pig runs down the list of places they went and it's a lot of places. They were everywhere~! Peppa then proclaims that Mr. Dinesaur is lost forever. YOU TROLL~! George bawls his eyes out...again! He has cried more times in the last minute than the entire Series 5 run so far. The parents tell George not to worry; because they are sure Mr. Dinesaur was found and they will take them to the police station. In this world? Sure. In the real world...Like to gamble, George? Because that is what you are counting on. A lucky gamble. So, we head to the police station, which looks like a store in this world. Mr. Fox is walking away on the sidewalk with three different colored umbrellas. We head inside with the only two police officers in this world: Mr. Panda and Mrs. Grey Squirrel. They are at the desk in front of the computer. And then they sink to a new low as they are doing typical stereotypical police work; like eating donuts. And they aren't even Canadian! Cultural apporos much there, show?! They also do their hello times three greet when they meet the Pig family. George is not amused, rightfully so. He's even less amused when the police tell him to keep his eyes and ears open. Not helpful at all.

Mummy Pig thankfully points out that they are here to see if Mr. Dinesaur has been returned or not. So Mr. Panda gets out his notebook and tells George to describe Mr. Dinesaur in as many words as he likes. It's just routine, you see. Zoom in to George pondering this over. Jeopardy music needs to be played in this scene, it wasn't. George then responds with one word: Dinesaur (sic)! HAHA! This is also why children cannot give consent either. Mr. Panda calls it an excellent description. Also funny. Also funny: He pronounces the same way George does. So, Mrs. Grey Squirrel proclaims that they have lost dinosaurs in the back; which is codeword for the Evidence Room. So, they head into the evidence room and it has almost as much stuff as Mr. Fox's van. Almost. There is also buried pirate treasure, which leads to a dream sequence of a human pirate with a red curly beard and pirate hat on a deserted island, who has zero idea where the treasure is, despite a big X drawn in the sand. The police are confused because they think the treasure is legally theirs and wonder why a pirate would never set foot in a police station, which is clearly shown when the pirate outside the station teases opening the door; then backs off and walks away stage right. HAHA! These officers seriously think that the pirate treasure was gotten straight and legal by said pirate. Pirates clearly have a better idea of entrapment laws than these officers do. Jump cut back to the evidence room with a cement mixer found in a train. We also get a flashback of passengers getting out of the train, and the cement mixer is left there. Since Daddy Pig didn't blush on cue, it's clearly not his. Oh; and there was a banana in the shoe shop lying on a purple table; causing shock and awe to customers just looking at it. They couldn't believe a food item got into the shoe shop. Hell of a world this is?! George bring everyone back with pity sobs; but no tears and bawling this time. Mr. Panda asks what they were looking for and it's Mr. Dinesaur. Luckly; the officers find a box containing dinosaur models and one of them is clearly Richard's dinosaur buddy. Sadly; none of them are green, so George is out of luck.

After some answers of no from George; George sulks and we head outside for the contracted Mr. Panda slams into lamp post and Mrs. Grey Squirrel giving the lamp post a stamp ticket to order someone to remove it. So then they notice Daddy Pig's car and Mrs. Grey Squirrel asks the obvious question: Did you look in the car beforehand? Mummy Pig says no and Mrs. Grey Squirrel decides to impound the car to look for clues. She looks in the front and finds it's clean. Then Mr. Panda asks Mummy Pig if he could open the boot of the car (the back of the car in case you are wondering); Mummy Pig says yes. Mr. Panda opens the car and somehow finds Mr. Dinesaur in the boot of the car. How it got there, I don't know! However; this is the first time the police have looked like a million bucks on this show. Daddy Pig is all like "why didn't I think of that?" and thanks the officers for their service. The police officers are like it's just their jobs as George growls with Mr. Dinesaur to end the episode at 4:30. That was a great ending to a good episode with a funny pirate segment. **** (80%).

Super Potato: Here is episode #252 on the animation paper as the episode opens at the school house on the hill. We zoom in as every kid except Molly Mole and Gerald Giraffe are sitting down. Gigi is here to introduce everyone favorite health guru, Mr. Potato. Apparently; fruits is just fruit in the pural sense in Britian; unless Gigi is doing the Magica Despell gimmick. So, Mr. Potato is going to show off a movie called Super Potato, because that's how all health information is taught in school. Just telling facts is not enough anymore; you have to dress it in Hollywood Science in order to get it over. Shake head and witness Super Potato being just another potato in a mask, suit and cape. Behind a white star. Who's heroics involve saving hats and giving them back to female carrots. Pfft; whatever. Super Potato has a five a day message. Fruits and veggies, including brocolli. The kids clap after all this as Mr. Potato proclaims that he has a very special guest and the kids are so used to being disappointed that they think it's their parents and Mr. Potato points out that this is not the case. Geez; Mr. Potato has a childish temper here. I hope he's not Donald Trump in disguise; that would be bad. Apparently; Super Potato is going to make an appearance. 2:1 odds it's Mr. Potato in the Super Potato costume. Mr. Potato goes outside and takes off his hat. He slams the door as the kids chant Super Potato. Then the door opens and see, I can book this crap! Super Potato request that the children ask questions about fruit and veggies and so everyone trolls on Super Potato by asking about jumping tall building and other superhero stuff. Everytime this happens; Super Potato completely translates this to fruit and veggie speak, so to speak. Apparently; Brussel Sprouts ability makes you run fast. I call shenigans on this one. So, Suzy realizes what Super Potato is doing and asks if he ever ate a potato. Which in storyline would be cannabalism...and SP responds by singing and dancing. Yup; Mr. Potato is making an ass out of himself and Suzy's trolling has paid off. I betcha Peppa is jealous on that one.

Edmond continues the carnage by pointing out that doctor recommend seven servings, because Mr. Potato is a quack and Edmond is a clever clogs. SP tries to sing the line and it's completely off-key; a take that to Hollywood Science. Gigi apparently is no longer buying this SP thing; but wants more clapping. Slower this time, though. SP finally opens the door; cuts a promo and leaves, slamming the door. Gigi proclaims that Super Potato has left the building, but the damage he did to his reputation will live on forever. The door opens and in comes Mr. Potato claiming that he missed SP. No; I'm sure the stink left in SP has not missed you one bit Mr. Potato. Mr. Potato thanks them and walks out; and into the smallest red car of all time. He closes the glass dome and tries to start the engine, but it won't start. Worse; the engine is connected to the glass dome, so he cannot even get out of the car, period. Mr. Potato is going to die! I told you that car was a death trap! So, the kids are chanting for Super Potato now, as Mr. Potato is screaming for help. I cannot tell if they are trolling or they really don't know Mr. Potato and Super Potato are the same person. Gigi claims that this will not work; but the kids don't care. Gigi tries it; it doesn't work and then suddenly something comes out of the sky and it is in fact Super Potato in the flesh. Yes folks; Super Potato in this world is real. That's just peachy! I just love that he claims that his veggie vision helped him despite literally being inches away from the car. SP uses his "fruity strength" and pops the glass dome off and Mr. Potato hops out and is saved. Super Potato cuts his usual promo and the kids join in. This is followed by the same dumb song Mr. Potato sang earlier and Edmond just has to say "seven". HAHA! Sing again, it's awkward, everyone laughs to end the episode at 4:30. This was fun; but Mr. Potato has been exposed for having the crappiest car in existance. Who would allow the engine to be connected to the glass dome?! *** 1/2 (70%).

Once Upon A Time: Here is episode #247 on the animation paper as the episode opens at the house on the hill. We zoom into Peppa's bedroom as Peppa & George are sitting on the floor looking at storybooks. They look inside a book and see various fairy tales as George is worried about the old woman getting eaten by a wolf. But Peppa tells her not to worry because fairy tales always have happy endings. Yeah; I'll bet. Peppa then wishes they were in a fairy tale. BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Oh boy! BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I realize that this is a storyline; but that still makes me laugh. In comes Daddy and Mummy Pig to inform them that they are going on an adventure...to the white house on the hill for lunch. Peppa claims that this is not an adventure. I beg to differ, considering the next rant. Daddy Pig then claims that there will be potatoes; and Peppa smiles. So we head outside as Peppa brings out her storybook with George, Mummy and Daddy Pig following her. They tease getting in the car; but Daddy Pig wants to walk to Granny and Grandpa Pig's house this time. Wow; Daddy Pig has been on an exercise kick lately, even more so than usual. Mummy Pig claims that there is a short cut through the park and Peppa is not amused and sighs. Daddy exclaims that there is magic if you look hard enough; coming from someone with a science degree. Fools! So, Daddy Pig opens the gate and they head into the park. Peppa is not feeling any sense of magic nor hope; but Daddy Pig begs to differ. Mummy Pig claims that this is the path of Little Red Riding Hood as Daddy Light jokes about bumping into the big, bad, wolf...and lo and behold; he bumps into a suited Mr. Wolf. Sadly; this isn't as funny as Daddy Pig rowing a boat blushing while Mr. Wolf is sitting in the boat feeling hungry. He's looking for a place for lunch as Peppa talks about going to Granny's for lunch and Mr. Wolf leaves stage right. This was nothing to Peppa; this was nothing to everyone else. I was disturbed! So, the family makes it to the fork in the road. The pink path is left, the yellow path is right and the green path is the one Mr. Wolf took. Daddy Pig of course has no idea where to go; and then out of nowhere is a cottage right in the middle of the park. The family enters the house without knocking and we are literally into Goldilocks & The Three Bears promos.

But wait; this cottage is the home of Belinda Bear and yes, Belinda Bear has Mummy and Daddy as parents; but Daddy Bear is not Doctor Brown Bear! They cut porriage promos and the bears don't seen to care about closing the door, much less locking it. So, there is giggling as Mummy Bear points to the yellow arrow path as the correct path to Granny and Grandpa Pig's house. Everyone goes through the back door as the three bears are carrying their porriage and it must be just right since none of it is spilled. So, the family recaps the entire thing as Peppa proclaims that they are in a fairy tale. BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Yup. So, the family walks up the hill to Grandpa's house as Peppa knocks on the door and calls for Granny Pig. The door opens and out comes...Mr. Wolf?! Uh-oh! Mr. Wolf is looking for something to eat and this was lunch...Oh wait; Granny Pig pops out from the door and she's fine. Nothing to worry about at all as everyone heads to the kitchen table and Wendy Wolf has joined us. Grandpa Pig comes out with a platter of boiled potatoes and puts them down in the middle of the table. Peppa and Wendy talk about living in fairy tale stories and everyone laughs to end the episode at 4:30. The self-awareness of Peppa is a sight to behold, even at this point of my lifetime. *** (60%).

George's Wooly Hat: This is episode #240 on the animation paper as the episode opens on a cold day on a boring car due west with Mummy Pig driving the car, with Peppa and George in the backseat as George is wearing his blue wooly hat. They are all wearing boots; which means there is a 80% chance of muddy puddles being shown. Peppa is telling George to hold onto the hat and George uses the one hand method to prevent it from blowing away as the car arrives at the white house on the hill. Peppa and George jump out and hug Granny and Grandpa Pig as they come outside from the front door. Mummy Pig then tells the kids to play nice and don't get the wooly hat all muddy. I got a solution to that: George goes into the house and puts the hat in the bedroom, and comes out. Then he can play in muddy puddles all he wants. See, easy. Sadly; George does not do this. Grandpa promises that nothing bad will happen to George's hat and Granny Pig even reminds George and Grandpa Pig is. Grandpa Pig claims no worries as he, Peppa and George go down to the garden as there is a pile of sh*t and flies literally dumped in the middle of the garden. Peppa is a lot less repulsed at this then I would if this happened to me in real life. If I was being sarcastic, Grandpa Pig said that these are the opinions of everyone who hates this show. Grandpa Pig claims that he puts this on his tomatoes to make them grow. Ummm; this is often a bad idea to directly put it on food, since manure usually contains diseases. You can put it on the ground away from the plants to nourish the soil; but those food items need some serious pasterization. Grandpa pig shovels manure into his wheelbarrow and then dumps it on his cabbage patch with a fork. EWWWWWW! GET IT AWAY~! GET IT AWAY~! So, the wind picks up and George tries to grab his hat; but is at least five seconds too late and his hat goes flying. George runs stage left and somehow hits the patch and misses the manure at the same time. George runs through muddy puddle after muddy puddle as he is almost the same muddy state that he was in the very first episode of this series; while somehow, the hat stays clean. Absurd! So, the hat gets stuck in a tree as Peppa points out the obvious to George like a troll. I just love how the hat being clean is somehow more important than George being clean. Peppa then tries to grab the hat, no dice. Grandpa Pig offers to help; but Peppa is inflicted with toxic masculinity and climbs the tree like Daddy Pig. And just like Daddy Pig; she slips and falls in the mud; causing the hat to springboard off the tree branch. Peppa is now as muddy as she was in the very episode of this series; although like George, her face is still clean for the most part.

Grandpa Pig sums this up nicely as the hat lands on some weeds in a muddy pond surrounded by a gate. Grandpa Pig proclaims that the hat is still clean; as if that matters at this point. Grandpa Pig is next up to try to get the hat; so instead of wading in the mud and getting the hat outright; which would still be less messy than Peppa and George's attempts to get the hat, he uses a wooden stick that is clearly five feet shorter than needed to grab it. So, Grandpa Pig tries to reach it and the wind helps by getting the hat closer to Grandpa Pig. No dice as the hat flutters away stage right and Grandpa Pig dives into the muddy pond and somehow avoids faceplanting into said pond. He is as muddy as the kids now. The weeds are destroyed, but the hat is still clean. Then we get a great moment as Granny Pig shows up and demands answers to this outrage. Grandpa Pig says he's having a cup of tea and Granny Pig calls him out on that obvious lie; causing Grandpa Pig to claim that it is a joke. Well; his sarcasm skills are horrible, so it wasn't funny. So, this was silly as Peppa exchanges notes on the situation concerning George's hat as the hat lands on top of the pitch fork dug into the manure pile. Guess what happens next? Granny Pig decides to stand on the manure pile to try to grab George's hat. Grandpa Pig is warning her that the poop is not stable and she will sink and that is exactly what happens! She is smelly and sh*tty! Daddy Pig has to be laughing someone after this. Sadly; Daddy Pig is on holiday today, so Mummy Pig gets the honors as she blows off Grandpa Pig for breaking his promise. But wait; Grandpa Pig remembers that Mummy Pig only told George to keep the hat clean and apparently; the poop dries quickly because the hat is still clean when Granny Pig puts the hat on George. Mummy Pig admits this as everyone does the backsplash laugh to end the episode at 4:30. This was really funny; but the literal sh*t hit the fan on this one still. *** 1/2 (70%).

Grandpa Pig's Pond: So, last up is episode #246 on the animation paper as the episode opens at the white house on the hill with Grandpa Pig (shovel and wheelbarrow in tow), Peppa and George going downhill towards the garden. Grandpa Pig brings out the shovel and proclaims that they are making a big pond and thus there is going to be some hole digging going on. Jump cut to the house as Mr. Fox arrives in his van. Out comes Granny Pig to do the meet and greet. They exchange notes for a while as Mr. Fox goes into the back and shows off a fishing gnome statue; which Granny Pig loves and offers to buy one. It's one of a kind. I don't buy that for one second; I betcha it comes in sets of 500, knowing Mr. Fox. Jump back to Peppa, George and Grandpa Pig digging a hole. Nope; they are NOT burying themselves, I assure thee! Peppa hits something and brings out a tea cup. She's in awe about this as George hits something and brings out a giant bone and he assumes it's a dinosaur. Looks believable to me and it does with Grandpa Pig as he hits something and it's a coin we see a million times. So George has the most valuable object, Grandpa Pig has just a pound and Peppa has a teacup that might or might not have value. In comes Granny Pig asking about the status of the pond and we have buried treasure. Granny claims that a fishing gnome is also a treasure, and even Grandpa Pig thinks this is dumb. He also hate gnomes. Personally; I don't hate gnomes, just the statues of gnomes, mostly because the Travelocity jokes are deader than my sex life now. That joke didn't age well to say the least. Needless to say; Grandpa is not buying Mr. Fox's claim that it's an antique. Peppa asks if they found buried treasure and Grandpa Pig is not sure; so he will drive Peppa and George to the musuem to find out. So we head to the musuem on the hill as the car arrives and instantly Mr. Rabbit comes out to greet the three, in which the kids are literally hopping out of the car windows. I realize that they do this everytime; but it's much more obvious here than usual. So, we exchange notes and then head inside to Mr. Rabbit's office as he examines the teacup and coin; and he is amused. I just love how the coin is real metal gold instead of real plastic gold; as if that matters.

Finally; we get to see George's giant bone and Mr. Rabbit is in awe as we head into the museum area and the bone fits perfectly with the skeletonal dinosaur. Which begs the question: Did someone steal that dinosaur bone from the museum and bury it in Grandpa Pig's garden. Hmmm; George can dig very well for a two year, I wonder; I really really wonder? So, the coin and the teacup are placed under glass and the kids can see it for free and Grandpa Pig is half price because he's old. So everyone walks out as Mr. Rabbit asks where the treasure was buried and Peppa claims that it was in the garden. So Mr. Rabbit demands that all digging must stop; because they need an investigator to dig the area to see if there are more buried treasure in the garden. Well; the digging should stop because there might be underground wires; since there are no power poles in this world; nor power wires. Worse; it took me THIS long to figure this out! Jump cut back to the white house on the hill as the car arrives and everyone runs down hill to meet Granny. They exchange notes on the situation and within five seconds, here comes Mr. Rabbit and his digging crew which is Mr. Bull with his jackhammer and Mr. Rhino with his digger. Okay; I have good reason to protest this outrage now. I do not trust Mr. Bull at all; because he cannot follow a budget and he's a tunnel vision digger at best. Case in point: He jackhammers the pond and destroys all the teacup into bits; and no one cares at all. Especially Grandpa Pig~! So yes; they wanted an expert to destroy the valuable stuff in the pond! DUMB! So, Grandpa Pig in the confusion, brings out the hose and sprays water into the hole to create the pond. Then Granny Pig sits the fishing gnome statue down on the edge of the pond; and Mr. Rabbit cannot believe his eyes, because in this world; Mr. Fox was telling the truth. Grandpa Pig is confused about this as he claims that it should be in a museum. Granny gives the statue to Mr. Rabbit and Peppa invokes the old joke about admission is half price. Everyone except Granny does the backsplash laugh at once as Granny looks like she's insulted, then stops selling and does the backsplash laugh to end the episode at 4:30. Gnome statues involved in plots automatically get no more than ** (40%) from me unless there is a sneaky twist of fate. None happened here. Otherwise, a fine episode.

THE REVIEW LINE

Well; a mixed bag of shorts this time around. I like The Police Station mostly because the ending was one of the few times where the police looked like police who knew what they were doing, instead of being a running joke for ticketing international object and doing stereotypical police stuff like eating donuts. It's also great that the writers for once, finally got George bawling more than once in an episode after only hearing it once throughout the first 40 episodes of Series 5! Grandpa Pig's Pond was fine if you discount the gnome statue angle. If they did a unique twist to the plot device, I would have accepted this episode more, but they didn't, so marginal thumbs down for that. The only other thing of note was Masks; which the glitter bomb jokes are really stupid and look like they were written in response to environmentalists wanting glitter banned more than anything humorous. It just looked goofy in hindsight. So, that is pretty much it for Peppa Pig in 2018 for me at least. There are 12 episodes left and I haven't found the episodes yet on video. The four part adventure to Australia is incomplete in terms of episodes. There is still Mummy Pig's Book, Grandpa Pig's Stamps, a follow up to Daddy Pig and his fetish for concrete, carnivals, sailing boats, Tiny Land, Gigi's House and George gets "new" clothes. Yeah; that's pretty much it. Four of these episodes are complete on the next rant post; the last one would be the four parter and only two or three are complete. So; next year will be Teddy Ruxpin as Teddy's world is about to collapse as MAVO has finally decided to act upon the gaslighting GUOL has inflicted upon them. So...

Thumbs up for The Police Station, thumbs down for Grandpa Pig's Pond, thumbs in the middle for everything else and I'll see you all next time.

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