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Peppa Pig Series Seven #6 Rant

Reviewed: 12/20/2021

The Holiday Of Flying Drones!

Okay fans; I have now decided to rant on this series full time, because I do in fact like this show enough that I can handle the best and worst of the Pig family from Great Britian. More new episodes ensue as we play with parachutes, flying disks and little cars. Then we do a workout with Mr. Potato, that leads to a canoe trip, and the smallest house in holiday history. Then we finish it all off with giving Grandpa Pig a drone for Christmas, which he denies it's a drone. Ah, this is going to be fun for me to mock. How do these episodes fare? Let's rant on shall we..?!

All the episodes are done by Neville Astley, Mark Baker and Phil Hall. Animation is done by Astely Baker Davies animation; with the two mentioned creators and Phil Davies.

Parachute Games: This episode is #356 on the animation paper and the episode opens at the school house on the hill with a title card that is in rainbow colors. We zoom into the school house to see the kids at the tables painting stuff. Kids: Peppa Pig, George Pig, Danny Dog, Emily Elephant; Zuzu, Zaza & Zoe Zebra, Suzy Sheep, Richard Rabbit, Edmond Elephant, Mandy Mouse and Pedro F'N Pony. So, here are the drawings for each kid:

Emily Elephant: Purple butterfly.
Danny Dog: Rocket ship with moon and the stars.
Zuzu and Zaza Zebra: BEEEEEEEEEEE~! One track mind of course.
Suzy Sheep: Rainbow.
Zoe Zebra: Castle.
Peppa Pig: Tree with leaves. Wow, she's not trolling anyone today.
Edmond Elephant: E=MC Square. HAHA! Because Edmond Elephant is a smartass.
Pedro Pony: Storm cloud.
Mandy Mouse: Purple fish.
Richard Rabbit: A carrot. So, Richard is offering this to Rebecca Rabbit, who isn't in this episode.
George Pig: A dinosaur opening a red door, or something. It's hard to tell, actually.

George should never change, because this is cute. Gigi Gazelle proclaims that they have worked hard, so it's time to play hard so to speak. Yes, it's in a G-rated way, why are you staring at me?! Everyone heads outside as Gigi brings out a rainbow parachute. So, the toddlers get to hold the parachute edges first with Gigi; justifying Zuza and Zaza's presence in this episode. Gigi's face is priceless when the toddlers giggle by the way. I don't know why, but that was funny. So, we wiggle the parachute as Gigi compares the move to waves at sea. Sea waves crash onto the shore at the end, so the analogy has a flaw in the system so to speak. They do a dream sequence of Captain Dog sailing his ship on the sea; even though Danny Dog is not involved in the wiggling. It's a dream sequence, therefore it does not violate the stips, if it's a flashback, same thing. I would have preferred Reggie Rabbit doing the sailing, because it's so much funnier and no one would complain about Captain Dog violating the stips. Besides, Richard Rabbit is involved, who is related to Reggie Rabbit anyway. TEDDY RUXPIN SONG OF DOOM ensues as Gigi uses a toy boat to simulate the boat bumping. So, the boat makes it to the other side without incident as Gigi teleports to the other side to grab the boat, in essence the toddlers did most of the work here. So, their turn is done and they bail to let the big kids run in to start their lesson. Gigi wants them to imagine flying in space like an alien in a saucer. Yeah, we get a dream sequence in space with the cutest alien of all time. At least Peppa Pig's world is not hostile like the real Earth, so it's all right. TEDDY RUXPIN SONG OF DOOM ensues as the kids are supposed to lift the parachute up to give it air and then let go as it rides high into the sky. Which is dumb because the sauce in the dream sequence never goes up. Somebody's continuity wires got crossed there. The kids manage to get it up high into the sky without incident, and the thing spins. Yes, the spinning makes sense; but the rising doesn't match the dream sequence. The kids do the rollerblading spot while singing until the parachute finally falls to the ground, no one catches it for some reason.

The older kids wonder how they managed to do that and Edmond Elephant walks right in to wanting to explain it later, because Edmond Elephant is a clever clogs. Wait, what?! Damn, even Edmond is self-aware no one likes him. I realize no one likes a know it all, but at least know it alls are still a lot better and less dangerous than a stupid know nothing. Sometimes, fee-fees can work against you. Everyone is now allowed to touch the parachute because we are going to simulate corn popping into popcorn from a pot as shown in the dream sequence. The ping pong balls simulate the corn, of course. So, the kids simulate the popping by whipping the parachute up and down, to allow the ping pong balls to bounce up and down. They also sing, and it's basically the Super Fighting Robot, Mega Man version of the Bing Bong Song, only it's all one word over and over, literally. The bell rings, which is literally MORE COWBELL~! In comes the parents: Mummy Dog, Mummy Mouse, Daddy Pig and Dr. Elephant. No Mummy Sheep, Mr. Pony or any adult from the Zebra family. That was weird. The adults love parachute games and Dr. Elephant's favorite is the Rainbow Game. So, Gigi decides that this episode is not done yet; let's give the kids a send off to the parachute game by doing the Rainbow Game. So, everyone grabs the edge of the parachute, they lift it sort of high into the way, then they step in, sit down and giggle while the parachute comes down; and pull down to create a parachute dome, of rainbow colors. Well, that was sort of disappointing. Daddy Pig wonders how this can happen and Edmond stands up to try to explain it, but Peppa Pig decides to be the big troll and sing the TEDDY RUXPIN SONG OF DOOM to cut him off. Sod off, show! Edmond's gimmick is hilarious, let him cut the promo in full and then have Peppa sing the song. Yup, it's the rainbow song from Series 2 as we giggle with the narrator saying it all to end the episode at 4:30....Oh wait, Gigi brings out her guitar and teases singing the full Bing Bong song, which is funny considering they were playing it's music earlier on. Then they go to the end credits, and they are already at the chorus of the song. Whatever. The episode was great, but the Edmond Elephant burial bothers me as he's not that annoying. *** 3/4 (75%).

Flying Discs: We continue on with #357 on the animation paper and the episode opens in the boring park in the springtime with the Pig family walking with their boots on. Sadly, there will be no obvious finish in this one. Mummy Pig stops and brings out a rainbow white flying disc, also known as a frisbee. Mummy Pig flicks the disc and it spins in the air and lands on the ground. Peppa is in awe of this, of course. So, Daddy and Mummy Pig flick the disc for a while as Peppa gets it and she simply throws it up and it lands right in front of her. HAHA! Daddy Pig grabs the disc and shows the proper special techinque of spinning a disc. Which is to lay it flat and spin it. Peppa gets it right the second time and spins it right over George's head; Geroge grabs the disc and manages to spin it successfully without laying it flat and almost overshoots Mummy Pig, before she catches it. Then a red disc spins over everyone's head and Peppa grabs it. Peppa is confused as Mummy Pig wonders who the disc belongs to; in comes Captain Dog and Danny Dog, so there is the obvious answer. Danny claims it's his disc and Peppa spins it back to him for fun, with no trolling in sight. Then a blue disc falls into Peppa's hands in the sharpest spin angle of all time, and now Daddy Pig is confused. In comes Mandy Mouse and Mummy Mouse as that's her disc. Peppa spins the disc back to Mandy, as Mandy needs to pop a wheelie to grab it. Everyone giggles as in comes Suzy Sheep and Mummy Sheep looking like she is doing a blank stare. Anyway, Suzy has the most absurd flying disc ever as it's black with flashing lights and plays music; like the singing plastic flowers in Grandpa Pig's Rock Garden. Mr. Fox probably sells those disc in sets of five. Mummy Sheep stammers on it's location and Suzy basically says that she threw it in a tree. I wish the disc did the wah-wah sound when we see it in said tree, that would have been funnier. So yes, Mummy Sheep's form is worse than Peppa's. Ponder that for a moment. So, we head to the tree with the disc flashing and playing music. It's a very high tree, so climbing is out of the question. And this is Daddy Pig saying that. YAY!

Sadly, it's Captain Dog's turn to be stupid as he spins the red disc, much to the protest of Danny Dog, and the red disc misses the black disc completely and get stuck in the tree. Wah-Wah! Mummy Mouse thinks this is a good idea and throws her blue disc, much to the protest of Mandy and it misses completely and gets stuck in the tree. Wah-Wah! Daddy Pig must also be stupid, although Peppa gave him permission to be stupid and thus she is almost as much to blame as Daddy Pig for missing completely and getting the white disc stuck in the tree. Wah-Wah! This is like any cartoon for children now, except Daddy Pig is supposed to be dumb, which makes it better. Peppa Pig sighs and I wait with baited breath because I want Suzy Sheep to say: "Chop the damn tree down!". Sadly, it doesn't happen as Daddy Pig goes over to the tree and they replay the footage from The Apple Tree where Daddy Pig shakes the apple tree and apples bonked onto Daddy Pig's head. The rest of the family wasn't there, so it's treated as original footage. I don't understand that, it's a replay from an earlier episode. You don't have to do new footage, it's okay. So, Daddy Pig tries to shake the tree, no go. Then the adults, minus Mummy Pig join in to shake the tree, no go. The kids demand that they shake harder and Suzy Sheep's promo of this is so douchebag of her, that she looks like a Karen. I guess Suzy is pissed that she cannot say her best promo of this series. In a major surprise, the discs fall down and bonk them on the head. The kids grab their discs as Suzy spins her disc as it flashes light and is literally playing the Peppa Pig opening theme song. Mandy catches it as the kids spin discs for a while, there was one instance where Danny Dog has literal butterfingers. The kids giggle, the adults giggle, everyone giggles to end the episode at 4:30. Extremely fun episode once again, but it's a sad day when something gets stuck in the tree and Suzy cannot say: "Chop the tree down!" **** (80%).

Kiddie Workout: Next up is episode #358 on the animation paper as the episode opens at the school house on the hill, and then zoom in with Gigi Gazelle addressing the students. Kids: Peppa Pig, George Pig, Edmond Elephant, Suzy Sheep, Danny Dog, Pedro F'N Pony, Rebecca Rabbit, Mandy Mouse, Molly Mole, Zoe Zebra, Emily Elephant and Freddy Fox. Today; there is a special guest coming as the clown horns blare and we cut to outside to see Mr. Potato with a headband driving the worst car in the Peppa Pig world, and the glass dome is still on the car. I stand corrected, he has not learned his lesson. Luckly, the glass dome does not connect to the ignition this time as it pops out when the thing is off, and Mr. Potato jumps out with glee and ectasty. The kids and Gigi are outside amused by this as everyone goes back inside and Mr. Potato has to duck to get into the doorway. The kids sit down as Mr. Potato is basically Richard Simmons if he was doing workout for children audiences. Could be worse, I guess. I love the kids are in awe of this despite the fact that being healthy is Mr. Potato's gimmick and has been since he fully debuted as a character. Which contains one of the funniest troll moves Peppa Pig has ever done. I do find it amusing that the kids want to grow up as strong, healthy potatoes. Then Mr. Potato makes the fatal error of asking the kids how to keep healthy as most of the answers involve stuff that is not exercise, which is the correct answer. Eating fruits and veggies are good, but once some kid says potatoes, Mr. Potato catches himself and realizes that he screwed this Q&A badly. HAHA! Thankfully, Edmond Elephant gets the answer right and Mr. Potato's reaction to it was absolutely hilarious. He was pointing and jumping with glee that this smartass toddler got it right. So, it's time for the kiddie workout and Gigi decides to weasel her way out of this and watch. I think joining in is less creepy than just watching the workout. Mr. Potato has a red boombox and it's time to jump up and down. We sing and jump for a while; well Mr. Potato is singing while Mandy Mouse is popping wheelies. Perdo's jumping is okay, his timing is a wee bit off if you ask me. Next up, it's time to run on the spot, and they all do without incident. Next up, stretching the arms high into the sky. Lots of giggling and arm stretching ensue. Next up, touching the toes as they are clearly filling time now. Using the "Head & Shoulders, Knees & Toes" song would have been perfect here as they can stretch all four body parts without breaking a sweat.

Mr. Potato turns off the boom box and it's time for Star Jumps (Jumping Jacks). I actually love that as a sub for jumping jacks actually, although "Jumping Stars" would have been even better. Suzy claims she can do a million and another kid claims a hundred, but that is considered too much for kids and the kids sigh in disgust. To be fair, we are halfway through the episode and a hundred of them would have ended the episode with a boring finish, so less will do in this situation. So, they will only do FIVE of them! What?! Why not do ten of them to maintain the continuity of the base 10 reduction that this scene was shooting for?! So, they do five jumping stars to the dumbest music ever and the kids are already blown up. Suzy told everyone that breathing is important, even though she was talking instead. The workout is over already?! Damn. Gigi wants the kids to thank Mr. Potato and they thank the potato anthro as it's home time with the parents all coming in, including Mummy Pig, Daddy Pig, Mummy Mouse and Captain Dog. Peppa comes in blown up as we exchange notes for a while. Daddy Pig then says the dumbest thing ever: He doesn't need exercise because he's naturally fit and Mr. Potato points out how stupid he is. Mr. Fox and Mummy Zebra join in as Mr. Potato has been inspired to make Daddy Pig pay for his stupid comment, because it's time for the grown up workout! HAHA! So, it's straight to star jumps and Pedro orders them to do five of them. HAHA! Mr. Potato points out the obvious to us, so it is a hundred for the grown ups as Gigi tries to weasel her way out of this, but the kids call her out because she might be a teacher, but she's a grownup as Mr. Potato said. WAH-WAH! I love this as Gigi is in and she just walks over in defeat. HAHA! Oh wait, a hundred isn't enough, raise it up to one million as Mr. Potato starts the boom box and it's JUMPING STARS GALORE~! HAHA! The kids are counting along as they stop and order them to breathe while jumping. HAHA! Then Mr. Potato really trolls them by restarting the count to two. HAHA! Peppa Pig trolling is infectious, in a good way, unlike that pesky COVID-19 virus. Peppa loves this and then they do star jumps and far more of them than the first session. HAHA! That ends the episode at 4:30. During the ending credits; Mr. Potato's accent almost has him saying "all of the time" as "all damn". HAHA! Okay, this is the best episode of series 7 without fail. ***** (100%).

Little Cars: Time for episode #359 on the animation paper as the episode opens on a hill containing a mini kart track. Miss Rabbit is running things as usual. Kids: Peppa Pig, Pedro F'N Pony, Suzy Sheep, Danny Dog, Rebecca Rabbit, Freddy Fox, Zoe Zebra and Mandy Mouse. Dancing and giggling ensues as Miss Rabbit is wearing a red hat with a checkered flag on it. The narrator calls this the Little Cars Play Center. Which is basically a mini city street area without buildings, but with mini traffic lights and a rotary (in Britian, roundabout). Also, the kids get to drive in pedal cars, that have wheels to steer and a horn to honk. Peppa chooses the blue car and starts testing it out as Miss Rabbit reminds them that this is just for fun and nothing more. Suzy chooses the yellow race car with the number one on side. Danny chooses the red rocket car with the happy face on it. Mandy gets the mini electric car which is literally run by electrical power and somehow Mandy managed to get in the car without any evidence of help! Rebecca gets the carrot shaped car because she loves carrots of course. Pedro Pony rides the Batmobile and somehow got it past the legal department. What a shocker; the guy who copyright infringed on Gigi's Bing Bong Song is riding on a almost copyright infringing car that looks like the Bat Mobile. Freddy is riding the mini police car, because of course! Miss Rabbit loves this fun as they can go anywhere they like and speaking of police cars...Here comes the police car with sirens on just to give Freddy Fox a drug high, and that means the return of Officer "Where Are My Kids, show?!" Panda and Officer "I never ticketed an inanimate object that I didn't like!" Grey Squirrel. Uh-Oh! You just knew the police would be involved in a sting operation to turn this fun episode into an educational tool of not listening to Miss Rabbit's rules, which are no rules actually. Even funnier, even though Miss Rabbit told them it's no holds barred, the children follow the rules of the road for the most part, making the adults look like complete fools. This is "turn the channel heat" as Officer Panda uses the megaphone to scream into Miss Rabbit's face. What an asshole?!

And just to make Officer Panda look even more like a dick, he claims that they are not driving like responsible adults, Peppa gleefully answers that one for me. You should have said responsible drivers there, you stupid idiot! I am almost begging for Office Grey Squirrel to ticket everything in sight now. Thankfully, Grey Squirrel is smart enough to point out that they are in charge of the vehicles and thus the kids are responsible. Which would have worked better if the kids were not following the rules of the road, because the kids were actually doing a good job of it. So, the officers get into a ladybug car and a potato car as it's time for the rules of the road. Which again, would be fine if the kids were not following the rules of the road. The problem also is: Peppa Pig's education stuff sucks without a good story to back it up. This is a fair story at best. So, we do the slow pedal and half of the kids are already breaking the rules of road by being in the wrong lane, after following the rules and not breaking the lane rule. DUMB! Next up is stopping at the crosswalk as Miss Rabbit is confused because she has to cosplay an old lady. Why does it have to be an old lady? Any person would have done well and not change the point of the rule. DUMB! Miss Rabbit's old lady routine is horrible, by the way and completely not needed to make this work. It's ageist and does nothing but make me hate the writers instead. Even worse: They are doing the spots with the horn to make her go quick and it makes the old lady routine look even worse because cars go faster than humans at any age. So, why bother with the old lady routine?! Just have Miss Rabbit walk slow to prove your point, you don't have to overkill it. It's not funny either. Grey Squirrel's blow off made sense; but Officer Panda becomes an even bigger dickhead by screaming the megaphone into Miss Rabbit's ear, yelling police, Miss Rabbit stops selling and just walks across. Oh sod off, you authoritive bastard! So, the cars all pass as we head to the lights and surprisely everyone actually remembers this rule perfectly, half kids in wrong lane aside. So, the light turns green and the kids race off; but the adults don't even start. GEEKS~!

This was funny at least as then the adults pedal harder than the kids and the kids slow down to 30 km/h while the adults are speeding and head off of the roundabout's middle. How can anyone take this seriously when the kids have to break the rules just to justify the adult rules of the road when the kids already know the rules of the road. Screw this crap! By the way, thanks to the adults; Peppa has to break the rule of having her car in the middle of the roundabout during the roundabout lesson. Damn this episode to hell! This angle is as miserable at the video game market in Japan. So, yes; Freddy and Danny go in the opposite direction while the rest went pretty much the way the officers wanted. One problem: If this is America, they followed the rules; but in Britian they actually broke the rules since drivers drive on the opposite side of the road. Worse, the officers actually stop the lesson completely despite them actually breaking the British road rules. This angle is death now! They had thirty seconds left when Miss Rabbit walks in. Miss Rabbit tells the kids to thank the officers and everyone does. Panda asks if they learned anything and Peppa claims that it is don't beep your horn all the time. Whatever, let's just have the parents cars come in and beep the horn a lot; just to bury this angle even further. Peppa is glad to see them as we end the episode at 4:30 with all the cars following the rules of the mini road and the adults all give up and laugh. Anyone who thinks that I cannot give a zero to Peppa Pig can give up that dream now, this is the worst episode in all of Peppa Pig now. Like I said, education without a great story sinks most episodes in pre-school show and this is one of the worst. DUD (0%).

Opening Moment #1: Winter opening is used. Correction: I was talking about Amelia Bea Smith, because Emily is a character in Peppa Pig, not the voice actor. Sorry for the errors. Harley Bird still does the end florish though.

Grandpa Pig's Christmas Present: We continue on with episode #360 on the animation paper as we head to the house on the hill snowing and AFTER HAPPY HOUR (after dark) as we slowly zoom in because it's Christmas Eve. Jump cut to inside Peppa's bedroom as Peppa and George are sleeping in their bunk beds with mostly painted pictures and a few decorations. Jump cut to Mummy and Daddy Pig in their beds asleep with a few decorations of their own. Apparently, there is a guest bedroom in this house which we have not seen until now because Granny and Grandpa Pig are asleep with decorations in this bed. This is rare because it's usually the Pig family visiting the Grandparents instead of the other way around. Cut to the window as we see Father Christmas, his sleigh and three big enough reindeer to make up eight tiny reindeer. Somehow, FC was able to teleport onto the roof and make a thump sound as FC is hoing with his sack on his shoulder. This is the last delivery, so this Christmas is next year, for some reason. He drops presents into the chimney, but the last present is just too big, so FC has to jump up and down to get it down the chimney while complaining about the size of said chimney. Thankfully, all the presents pop through the fireplace without further incident, outside of a lot of soot. FC arranges the presents around the tree and then leaves via the fireplace. Then it's before sunrise as Peppa and George wakes up in her room, because they are like little trolls. To be fair, I use to do it as well; so I'm basically mocking myself for this. So, the kids all jump on the bed to wake the parents up; which I couldn't do because I was too big even back then. Watching wrestling and not understanding the difference between fat and muscle will do that to you. The parents are awake and not feeling it, so the kids all jump on the Grandparents bed and the Grandparents have the 0.5 Rock Lobster Frowning Face on full-blast. However, Peppa says the words "Christmas Day" and Granny Pig smiles again. Everyone goes downstairs as the narrator claims that everyone is excited for Christmas as the adults are yawning and then they smile on cue. Now that's a program!

So, everyone goes into the sitting room as Peppa and George have presents of their own. George opens his present and it's a toy boat, while Peppa opens hers to get a toy rocket ship. Okay, then. The last gift is huge as Granny reads the card, because it's for Grandpa Pig, which makes Grandpa Pig look like a child. Grandpa Pig's smile gave that one away. He opens it and Granny Pig reveals that it's a drone, which offends Grandpa Pig because he calls it a Quad-Copter. To be fair, at least it looks like a helicopter with four propellers. It's not like Gertude which is mocked as a toy train, Grandpa calls a mini locomotive, when it's really a truck with a train motif on it. Peppa asks how it works and everyone gets their winter gear and goes outside as Grandpa Pig uses the remote control to fly the Quad-Copter. The narrator is giving no quarter to Grandpa Pig, it's a drone in it's own world view. The narrator is not wrong, but Quad-Copter at least makes sense as a sub, so there you go. It also has a video camera to spy on the family. Man, did Grandpa Pig go from senile to creep in less than thirty seconds. The QC sounds like a buzzing bee and does loop-de-loops for only fifteen pounds. More flying for a while as Mummy Pig asks about the battery life and Grandpa Pig tells them not to worry because it will fly back to it's home destination; which is the North Pole where FC is and Father Christmas is real in this storyline. Granny Pig informs Grandpa Pig to change the home setting, but Grandpa Pig waves it off because he has lots of time to play around. So, more flying as we head to the frozen pond with...Mrs. Duck?! Wait, she has yellow feathers here. That makes no sense unless this episode aired before Series 4 ended with the changeover during the Golden Boots special. I'm guessing this is an episode that was pitched earlier on and then got scrapped due to politics and then came back in a new pitch later on. The drone is spying on Mrs. Duck and if she didn't have enough incentive to steal Peppa's "Golden Boots" then, she sure hell does have it now. The pigs all laugh and then the battery is low indicator erupts. UH-OH! I think you can guess where this is going now...

Yes, the drone flies towards the Pig family and then over the house on the hill and then away stage right, just as a giant middle finger to Grandpa Pig. HAHA! Daddy Pig realizes how dumb everyone looks now, and Grandpa Pig of course is dumber than Daddy Pig here. As usual. The drone flies away stage right and arrives at FC's workshop which has to have TARDIS abilities because Father Christmas is almost as big as the log cabin. Come on, now; that home looks as small as Grandpa Pig's woodshed, which Granny Pig should take Grandpa Pig to when this episode is over. The battery runs out and the drone falls to the ground, dead as FC is confused. Head to sitting room, which is converted into a dining room for Christmas Day, as everyone is eating black pudding; but Grandpa Pig don't care about eating, and neither is George as he's blowing party flavors like Molly Cunningham in On A Wing & A Bear. Grandpa Pig wonders where it all went wrong. Answer: Change the home settings and don't act like you don't know how to mend a computer. Peppa does feel for him as Grandpa Pig proclaims that it was fun while it lasted, and then the doorbell rings. They open the door and it's Father Christmas with the drone wrapped up as a present. Just like that! Why do you bother with the toxic masculinity if you're just going to use the front door, FC?! FC pushes the present through the door and it has difficulty going through the door. Grandpa Pig opens the present and it's the Quad-Copter! Of course! Hopefully, FC changed the setting to the little house on the hill, since at least that would force Grandpa Pig to be supervised over since it's a spy drone. Everyone laughs to end the episode at 4:30. This was decent enough, but the way it was shown proves that it was planned for an earlier time. ** 1/2 (50%).

Canoe Trip: We march on with #361 on the animation paper and the episode opens on a boring river with the canoe rental shop next to it. Of course, Miss Rabbit is running the canoe shop holding up a bunch of oars and puts them in the bin. In comes the Pig family as Mummy Pig wants a canoe and Miss Rabbit puts a red canoe into the river. Lifejackets are put on the kids and finally, the adults get them as well. About damn time that happened! So, the adults get the oars and everyone goes into the canoe. Miss Rabbit informs them that they can go left or right. Peppa chooses right and the adults row, row, row the boat gently up the stream, no chance in hell of making progress because they cannot blush to save their lives! HAHA! Miss Rabbit tells them that they are going against the flow of the river and should paddle the opposite way. The adults turn around and paddle in the opposite direction, which is better for their bodies and minds. Miss Rabbit wishes them good luck on the megaphone as the family rows for a while as Mummy Pig wants them to pretend that this is a jungle river. Hard to take that one seriously with the recycle bin clearly in the background. Oops! Daddy Pig tries to make this more violent, but here comes Mrs. Duck just to kill it in it's tracks. HAHA! Yes, she has white feathers now, instead of the yellow ones before the Golden Boots. Recycled background shot of trash bin and a wooden bench ensues, just killing whatever Daddy Pig is shooting for. HAHA! Peppa wants crocodiles in this river, and Mummy thinks this is silly. Guess who pops out of the water to scare Mummy Pig? C'mon guess, it's too shocking. Surprise! It's OKAY BOOMER~! CHOMP! OUCH! Ummmm... It's Mrs. Crocodile in a swimming costume. I think this is the first time I have seen her since Series 5's zoo; the episode where Gigi almost crushed me when she said "Are you ready to see all kinds of animals?!" They exchange pleasure thoughts for a while and then wave goodbye. Head deep into the forest with the adults still rowing as they row to the edge and get off for some forest exploration. Peppa would like to see a lion and Mummy Pig thinks this is silly. I shake my head...

Because, I betcha Mr. Lion shows up now. I check the video...Damn, I'm so good as Mr. Lion roars and scares the adults as Peppa and George smile in amusement. Those trolls saw this one coming a mile away. HAHA! At least Mr. Lion cannot call Gigi Gazelle a Wilderbeast; that would suck and make me hate him again. Basically, Mr. Lion invites them to the most vegan picnic ever seen. Literally no meat or fish in this diet. Just fruits and veggies. Everyone loves picnics as we have eating going on for a longass whomping time. So, we exchange more notes as Mr. Lion claims that the next part of the river is exciting. I don't doubt that for a second, which makes Daddy and Mummy Pig look like bigger dorks in hindsight. Back to the canoe via the magical whiplashing jump cut of doom as Mr. Lion puts the canoe into the water as the family is already in the canoe. They all wave farewell as Daddy Pig wonders what is the exciting part as he dodges one little rock. Then the adults dodge more rocks as the river is going faster. Raving Rapids, BatPig~! The adults somehow manage to row and dodge all the rocks in such a way, it exposes the limited animation and make it to a slower part of the river. Of course, George and Peppa want to do it all, like the trolls that they are. Molly Cunningham would have smiled ear to ear on that one. Daddy Pig wants no part of this, but the buzzer rings and Miss Rabbit orders the canoe to come back, so Daddy Pig is screwed in more ways than one. Instead of just going to the edge and walking the canoe back to the canoe shop; the adults turn around and start rowing against the flow of the water...AGAIN! What is the definition of insanity, Edmond?

Edmond: Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, and expecting a different result.
Narrator: Edmond Elephant is a clever clogs. (Elephant noise ensues.)

Peppa notices the little progress being made and out pops Mrs. Crocodile and asks if they need a push and the adullts agree to it. So, yeah, Mrs. Crocodile gets below the canoe and swims for her life with the canoe in tow. Which is extremely impressive considering that Daddy and Mummy Pig are much bigger than Mrs. Crocodile could be. They make it to the canoe shop as Miss Rabbit wonders how they managed to swim against the flow without paddling and out comes Mrs. Crocodile for a funny jump scare. The fact that the canoe was tilted upward should have been a clear clue that someone was underneath the canoe; if the nose of Mrs. Crocodile didn't give it clear away. Mrs. Crocodile explains her actions, everyone loves canoe trips as Mr. Lion comes in for the big laugh to end the episode at 4:30. Fun episode, and Mrs. Crocodile is now awesome. *** 1/2 (70%).

The Holiday: We end this session of episodes with episode #362 on the animation paper which begins on a boring road as the narrator explains that the family is on a holiday and Mummy Pig has booked a little house on the beach. Which is basically a cottage on Prince Edward Island. Same thing basically. Daddy Pig looks forward to it and they make it to the beach and there is the smallest cottage that the family can fit in. It has a weather vane and a lot of flowers and a few vines. It looks rather ancient. Peppa calls it a fairy house as everyone heads inside, with the kids entering with ease and the parents barely getting in because the cottage was build for smaller people. They found a way to fat shame Daddy Pig, without making it look obvious. I thought we were beyond this now. They were bringing in stuff by the way; but that don't matter because they are going through the opposite door to the beach, because the beach is still awesome regardless...Oh wait, it starts raining and it is pouring and Daddy Pig wishes he was snoring. So, everyone bails back into the cottage for safety. Peppa thinks everything's fine, because there is always television and computers. Not in this cottage, because it's ancient, you see. So, on the conveniently placed table is a conveniently placed visiter's book as there are pictures and words. Once it was sunny and then it rained forever. Can you not bury this destination spot even further?! Peppa asks if she can draw in the book, and that's fine. Peppa at least decides to combine all the rain with a drawing of the cottage with her family. Aw, my heart melted! Daddy Pig hopes the rain will stop soon, it does not obviously. Daddy Pig is probably hating life now, so to counter that, Mummy Pig decides it's time to play a game. Sadly, it's not the Rainy Game though because the cottage is too small for that, so a board game will have to do. Basically, the starter pieces are the same color as the family's clothing; so you can guess who starts with which without seeing it. Apparently, the rule of who starts is the youngest player, so it's George. Apparently, rock paper scissors is way too hard for these kids. We play on for a while and I have no idea what the rules are.

It sounds like they are making up the rules literally as they go on. Apparently, the game is called Dawde-Dawde-Dawn and you hit the board spaces three times. The magic wave square means you go again; but you can only do this once. I mention this because Peppa didn't just do this over and over again as a troll move. Peppa blows off Daddy Pig's movement as he just cannot go anywhere. Wait, wasn't George and Peppa doing the same thing?! What a troll?! Daddy moves to the yellow star and thinks it's good; but Peppa says no because that means he goes to prison. This is the funniest troll board game ever! Mummy asks where she starts and Peppa just kills the game outright by sending Mummy Pig to prison, thus Peppa and George win because it's a tag team board game. Yup, Peppa is trolling all of us now. Remind me to never play board games with Peppa Pig, I would lose automatically. Oh, and the rain has stopped instantly and they have their boots on. You know what is coming, you know. DING! They all go outside and there is the muddy puddles to do the earthquake ritual. DING! Everyone jumps up and down in muddy puddles and does the backsplash laugh to end the episode at 4:30. The narrator says it's the holiday house. So, why wasn't the episode titled: The Holiday House?! It wouldn't have made any difference and wouldn't even have spoiled the surprise. This was a semi-fun episode, but the board game was booked so dumb that I gave up on this. *** (60%).

THE REVIEW LINE

Well, this was a literal whiplash of mixed episodes in quality this time around. Kiddie Workshop was one of the best episode ever on Peppa Pig as anything involving Peppa and Mr. Potato trolling on the adults will never get old and always make me laugh without fail. Flying Disc was also an instant classic, although Suzy Sheep not wanting to chop the tree down made me sad. Most of the other episodes ranged from fun to okay; and then there was Little Cars. It started out okay, and then once the real police showed up, it went down a cliff like nothing else because there was no reason for the lesson since the kids already knew the rules much better than the police officer did and when they did the lesson, they were breaking rules right and left. Officer Panda was the biggest jerk I have ever seen, and I have seen Mr. Labodour's sexist attitude in Funfair. Gray Squirrel tried hard, but with the ticketing gimmick, she was basically dead weight here. They tried an eductional episode; but had no decent story to pull it off and thus it became a painful lesson that meant nothing because the kids knew the lessons of the road well in advance. Overall, it's was the worst Peppa Pig of all time and it makes me hate Officer Panda so much that I wish he was cancelled like Peggi and Pandora Panda were, and unlike those two; I feel bad for the Panda twins. Anyway, 21 episodes down and only six more to go before Series 7 is over. So...

Thumbs up for Kiddie Workout, Flying Discs; thumbs way down for Little Cars, thumbs in the middle for the rest , and I'll see you all next time.

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