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Peppa Pig Tales #4 Rant

Reviewed: 02/25/2023

Old School Peppa Pig Is Back! Sort of Part Four!

Well, since Peppa Pig the series has been slowing down and there's only four episode left in the pot, I was going to resume TaleSpin work this year. An easy series that gives me great joy in terms of mockery and enjoyment. There is still lots let to do before I can finally wrap that show up? Sadly, TaleSpin has been delayed until at least 2023, because my second love and enjoyment decided to really run interference on me. How so you ask? Welcome to the Rant Shack: Peppa Pig Tales! And after the very first episode, I cannot resist and I'm going to rant on these "shorts" because Baby Alexander is back and creating a lot more questions than answers. Peppa Pig Tales is a series of short 3-3 1/2 minute episodes (Literally up to 75% of an average "Peppasode".) of Peppa Pig doing stuff without the original voices or creators with most of the "filler" cut out. That's basically it. It is awkward listening to this when you are so used to seeing the show, however; it is basically the same in term of premise. So, I'll be doing eight episodes per block like I always do until this series gets sick and tired of this and goes back to the actual Peppa Pig series which has reached eight series up to this point. How do these episodes fare? Let's rant on shall we..?!

Duckpond Diversion and Colour Match Game are written by Tod Gidman, with head writer being Ryan Denham for all episodes involved. Valentine's Surprise and Big Bug Museum are written by Ryan Denham. American Football and Pancake Day are written by Bita Joudaki. Valentine's Pizza and Magic Story are written by Jessica Silcock and Naomi Smith. The animation and production is for EOne Entertainment (who published DVD's for WWE in the past in Canadian markets), done by Lil CritterWorkshop in Malaysia, although the company has invested in a studio in the UK recently. According to the link I provided: LCW launched in Malaysia in 2015 and has produced two 2D-animated comedy series, Hogie the Globehopper (52 x 11 minutes) in 2016 and Buck & Buddy (60 x six minutes) in 2020. After debuting in Malaysia, Hogie was picked up by Netflix in 2017, where it airs globally, and it has since sold to linear broadcasters Discovery Kids MENA and CITV in the UK. The prodco’s first CG-animated show Billy Fei and the Cloud Trials (26 x 22 minutes) is an action-adventure series for children ages six to 10 and is co-produced by fellow Malaysian animation studio Scribble Studios. The two companies received an undisclosed amount from Epic Games’ US$100 million MegaGrant program to fund the project last year.

Duckpond Diversion: Short opens with Peppa Pig running and forced to stop by Mr. Bull as the walkway to the Duck Pond is blocked off because Mr. Bull's deconstruction tendenices are acting up again! There are barriers everywhere as Mr. Bull is in a grappling hook truck and also present is Officer "Why Does This Show Hate My Kids?!" Panda as the duck pond path is so muddy that it's way to slippery and Officer Panda slips and tumbles into the conveniently place pond of ducks. All the yellow ducks quack and one of them lands on Officer Panda's head. No one cared. NO ONE CARED! Oh, and in Britian; a detour is called a diversion, which if you are not a British English speaker, you would think that the ducks were running interference. Nope, it is literally a detour in Canada and the USA as pointed out by Mr. Bull. It's been a while since I had to note the difference between British and American English. The detour is indicated by the red arrow on a cardboard colored sign. So, the Peppa Pig family decide to follow the diversion path, and it feels a lot more closer to an actual American diversion than an actual detour because it has a snake like path through a forest that looks totally pointless. This must be Mr. Bull's troll revenge on Peppa's corrupt refereeing gimmick in an earlier Peppa Pig Tales episode. So, Peppa notices the first arrow going west and they go into the leafy bushes. Yup, Mr. Bull is revenge trolling her now. Second sign ensues after the first one is found. One involves going around a tree and into a tree. Peppa is such a fool and doesn't realize it. That is funny, actually. Daddy Pig nearly gets stuck going through a tree, but somehow makes it anyway. However, things go from bad to worse because the sign for the next turn is off the sign post. Peppa tries to wake up the sign, that was funny. So, Daddy Pig, the bastion of reading maps upside down and getting lost all the time decides the right way is to go right; and somehow they jump cut into the middle of the forest and they are lost. Some things never change with Daddy Pig. Mummy Pig claims that they are not lost, they don't know where they are and the narrator gleefully corrects her on the spot! HAHA! A yellow duck arrives from the east and Peppa talks to it and somehow the duck understand the situation and the family follows the duck through the forest to the west. Ah, but you don't just walk on a duck trail; you have to waddle like a duck because why not?!

TEDDY RUXPIN SONG OF DOOM ensues. Yeah, this series is a taste of what the new mainline Peppa Pig series is going to look like moving forward. Hey, it got more over on the first reboot; why not do it a second time and refine the series some more?! The family follows the duck through logs, sinkers and floaters jumped on a stream, jumping up and down in muddy puddles like a duck, etc. etc. etc. The family jumps around a circle for a bit and then arrives at the duck pond all muddy. DING! Come on, now; jumping up and down in muddy puddles is the reason why this show was so popular in the first place, the creators aren't ending that gimmick anytime soon. No one cares as Peppa called the diversion fun as Officer Panda slips and slides into the duck pond...AGAIN! The ducks scatter, everyone quacks like a duck and then everyone but the ducks and Officer Panda do the backsplash laugh to end the episode at 3:06. That detour was a troll move Peppa didn't care about because she's a troll herself and it was fun, as was this episode in general. I hope the mainline Peppa Pig series is like this with the new voice acting because it's much better in my opinion. *** 1/2 (70%).

Valentine's Pizza: Short opens at six o'clock with Grandpa Pig, Peppa Pig and George Pig in the kitchen making dough for pizza. But not just any ordinary pizza, it's for Valentines Day because the kitchen is decorated like it's Christmas, only with Valentine hearts and pink and red colors. I should note that Grandpa Pig is stirring in such a messy way that Peppa and George are being splattered with pizza dough. So either Grandpa Pig is an enabler of Peppa and George's messy antics or Grandpa Pig is loving life, or both. By the way, I love the voice acting in Peppa Pig Tales a lot more than I do in the main Peppa Pig show. It's so much more natural and a lot less robotic. It's not like the main Peppa Pig show never changes it's voices for each character series in and series out anyway. If this is the future of the mainline Peppa Pig series from Series 8 onwards, I'm all for it. It's not like the show hasn't been rebooted before like it was when Series 5 started. Granny Pig is splattered with dough somehow as she comes in and has the 0.7 Rock Lobster Yeti frown of doom. When Peppa explains the situation, she smiles again so she don't care about the mess. Grandpa Pig is embracing Granny Pig because Valentines Day is showing you care and love each other. The cyncial side of me would point out that you should be doing it every day. Hell, doing it half of the time every year would automatically make the world a better place. Peppa Pig has a plan: Make the pizza dough heart-shaped; which sounds like a reasonable plan to me. Grandpa Pig rolls the dough perfectly, Peppa get dough smoke in her face and George's hands stick to the pizza dough because he forgot the flour. Yeah, dough smoke in a nutshell, everyone. Next, Grandpa Pig wants to toss the dough up into the air and I betcha when Grandpa Pig does it, it sticks to the ceiling like when Daddy Pig did it in an episode back when Cecily Bloom was the voice of Peppa Pig. I check the video...Damn, I'm so good. Roma is a place in Italy where pizzas are popularized. The kids all giggle, Granny Pig is amused and Grandpa Pig blushes with embarrassment, reminding us that this is what Peppa Pig was back before the Amelia Bea Smith era. Not so much that era anymore. Granny Pig uses the stick of a broom to tap the dough off the ceiling and it falls straight into Grandpa Pig's eyes; only he doesn't have Daddy Pig's glasses to save his eyesight, sort of. The kids giggle because it's funny.Grandpa Pig flicks the dough onto the table and Peppa combines her to shape it into a heart. Grandpa Pig decides to bail to get some veggies and toppings for the lumpy pizzas as we get an earthquake in progress while Mummy and Daddy Pig are in the sitting room doing some G-rated love and caring. It's not what you think you sickos!

We head outside as Grandpa Pig and Peppa have a basket of tomatoes, red onions, mushrooms and olives. George appears carrying the largest head of lettuce he could carry and bump off of. Granny Pig helps George Pig up and we head back into the kitchen with Peppa fixing the pizzas with toppings and sauce. Suddenly, Peppa has another plan: put on Mummy and Daddy's favorite food and make each pizza personalized. Okay, this should be good. Peppa and George raid the conveniently placed fridge and bring out a bowl of pasta and sauce (probably a gift from Penny Polar Bear and I was hoping it was); and a slice of chocolate cake. Yes, there is multiple types of pizzas that can use sweets as a base, although it's usually not combined with savory as Peppa does with her heart-shaped pizza. George eats the pasta for fun, and his pizza's weirder than Peppa's actually. So, Peppa's next plan is to make faces with the pizzas and the chocolate cake pizza is written out by teleport and a new pizza is written in by teleport. How about that for a logic break? Too bad, the chocolate cake pizza was actually funny and weirder than George making a dinosaur model on his pizza. That's par for the course. The guise of this was to make faces of Mummy and Daddy Pig. Peppa loves to twist the knife on her parents, doesn't she? Apparently, George was using corn kernals to make vampire fangs for his mouth during all this, which was out of nowhere and goes about the same place. So, we get more giggling and head back to Daddy and Mummy Pig humming a tune in the sitting room as the pizza brats arrives with the customized pizzas of a dinosaur and Daddy Pig wearing shades made of chocolate cake; which was more delightfully weird than a chocolate cake pizza. The parents love the pizzas, claiming that they look too good to eat; which is great since there was no indication that the pizzas were even baked. Daddy and Mummy kiss each other and then hug the kids to end the episode at 3:05. The writing was a bit sloppy in places and an extra thirty seconds would have helped a lot without changing the premise of the show here; but outside of it, it was a fun and enjoyable episode, proving exactly who was enabling Daddy Pig in terms of his expertise in pizza dough tossing. *** 1/2 (70%).

Valentine's Surprise: Short opens with Daddy Pig entering the sitting room with groceries and art supplies. Zoom out to show Peppa and George on the floor drawing hearts and dinosaurs because George loves...you guessed it. The guise of this episode is that they are making decorations and stuff for a surprise Valentine's Day event for Mummy Pig when she comes home. Peppa is making Peppa Pig tinsel and George is painting hearts as Daddy Pig is running around blushing, which the narrator is taking it as a sign that Daddy Pig is being reckless. This recklessness goes on for a long ass whomping time as decorations are clashing with paint and stuff unintentionally. The floor and walls are a mess, although knowing the kids, this was sort of to be expected. Daddy Pig and the walls, not so much. At least Daddy Pig seems the mess on the floor and his right hand, and decides to tidy up; but his big tummy is growling and you do not shame the big tummy and get away with it. That is the law of the Peppa Pig world. So, the plan is to make pancakes which means that they are basically doing the same plotline as the last Peppa Pig Tales episodes, only pancakes instead of pizza. Let's see how many spots the show copies from the previous episode. So, we head to the kitchen as we make pancakes as Daddy Pig juggles an egg in such a way that the egg shell must be the toughest egg shell in history. Peppa and George whisk the batter and make a mess as they are playing heart shaped pancakes. I counted three spots copied from the previous episode already, in a massive shock; Daddy Pig flipped the pancakes without one sticking to the ceiling. Damn, they copied everything except the funniest spot. Syrup is poured onto the pancakes as the kitchen is a mess. Daddy Pig wants to tidy up, but Peppa wants him to make a card for Mummy. At least they are booking this to have Peppa troll Daddy Pig via interference to cleaning up the mess, instead of Daddy Pig just being dumb again. Apparently, the art supplies in the grocery bags are in fact for the Valentine's Day card. The plate of pancakes are put on the coffee table in the sitting room as syrup drips onto the makeshift card George, Peppa and Daddy Pig are making the card as the mess gets bigger. Daddy Pig has the card and signs his name as he declares that they have time to tidy up now...and Mummy Pig enters the sitting room asking what is going on. The fact that Mummy Pig is smiling the whole time should be a clear indication that she don't care about the mess. After all, the kitchen is connected to the sitting room in storyline and she entered from the west. If they wanted her to get "angry", she would have entered from the east, the front door. So, Mummy Pig gets her surprise, she's happy. Daddy and the kids start cleaning up the mess to end the episode at 3:01. It's basically the previous episode, only much messier and a little less funny. ** 1/2 (50%).

American Football: Short opens with Mr. Potato throwing an American rules style football, because outside of North America, what we call Soccer here is also called Football. Peppa runs to catch it and she misses and the ball drops to the ground, which means it's an incomplete forward pass. I cannot wait to see how they explain the rules of American football here since the Canadian rules of football are vastly different from the American rules. Also, how do you do this game without concussions and violence and assaults since all of that is not allowed on this show?! Is the Super Bowl really popular in Britian? Why am I JAQing off again? Peppa is chasing the football because it's odd shape allows it to do something like that. I like to say that this is fake, but I have watched this blood sport enough to know that footballs tend to get out of hand when they bounce off the ground. Somehow, Peppa yells "I hate you!" during the open narration, as if the entire crew knew this was going to be beyond the pale evil, that they were going to bury this sport as much as they can. I don't know if this is confirmed or not, but it appears Mr. Potato is a proud American and just shows up in the UK from time to time. It would explain why we don't see him too often. Peppa mistakes the football for an egg, and Mr. Potato introduces the football. I betcha one of the kids claims that it's not a football because a soccer ball is considered a football in the UK. I check the video...Damn, I'm so good. Guess who points this out, come on, take a guess. It's too shocking. SURPRISE~! IT'S OKAY, BOOMER EIASION~! POW! OUCH! Ummm...Yeah, it's Pedro F'N Pony, the epitome of cluelessness even though technically he's right. Oh, and Gerald Giraffe chimes in with how to use a soccer ball. Emily Elephant and Suzy Sheep also are attending as Mr. Potato explains that this football is from America because it's known as American Rules Football. I would love to see a Peppa Pig episode with Mr. Kangeroo explaining Aussie Rules Football, that would be hilarious. Mr. Potato tosses the ball to Pedro and we get some tossing the "Egg Ball" with chants. Sadly, "Concuss Ball" would be way too close to the nose, if you catch my drift. Jump cut to mid field with Peppa, Gerald, Suzy and Emily wearing full American Football gear. I realize that this is to get into the realism of American Rules Football, but for goodness sakes, it means nothing when BS&P is not going to allow anyone to push someone, much less spear you into an early grave! Peppa's only trouble is that the helmet is too big and goes over the eyes. Pedro of course, the eptimote of cluelessness, is the mascot and is a rooster. So Mr. Potato is a fan of the South Carolina Gamecocks~! The joke just wrote itself. Pedro then walks right into the joke like the clueless pony that he is. Still better than a Sony Pony that is for sure. Mr. Potato decides to play along on this "Egg Ball" nonsense because the kids hate America, or something. Why? Peppa went to America and got to call a square dance. Why would she hate them for that?!

Also, it's being called the Egg Bowl now. Bita seems to be a big fan of Ole Miss VS. Mississppi State. Normally I would say that this is odd, but considering how much American culture can sweep into other cultures in such an insidious way, I would not put it past the writer if they were fans of college football. Pedro grabs the ball, then gives it to Gerald as we play shotgun (which would be against a lot of BS&P for children's television) and he slightly underthrows on Peppa and the pass is incomplete. Tom Brady, Gerald Giraffe is not. Also notice that there is no defense at all nor opposition. Again, it was BS&P's decision to do so because in order for this to be real, the kids would have to be jacked up like the Mascots VS. Kids halftime show and this show won't allow it. BS&P actually makes the game much safer and I'm sure one of the commenters from Friendly Atheist would be much happier if this were truly Egg Ball. The egg ball is just screwing Peppa over, that was funny. Next, we set the ball on a tee and it's time for extra point/field goal kicking; which if every football game was like this and only like this, the sport would probably get it's respect back. I also thank Issac Punts of Youtube for making me see the light on the importance of kickers. They might save this sport yet. Or not. Peppa is first and proclaims that she is really good at kicking. I laughed and laughed and laughed and laughed some more, because literally in I believe the second episode of Peppa Pig Tales, Peppa's soccer kicking was so bad that the ball was nowhere in the net, but her shoe was. So, she kicks the football from the five yard line and it's just short by about five yards. The ball was in the end zone, so it wasn't at the five yard line. Peppa didn't suck that badly, come on now. Peppa blows egg ball off and it's Suzy Sheep's turn. Suzy's helmet starting screwing with her eyes, and Suzy kicks the ball in the opposite direction and goes high into the air. Gerald and Pedro realize that they can legally do anything with the ball after it's in the air. Why not?! American Football is a horrible sport anyway, Eggball is awesome. Pedro then does a horse kick on the ball, it flies high into the air in the opposite direction and Peppa Pig grabs it and scores a touchdown off of it. Damn, I was hoping that Pedro would have done this and it lead to the field goal that the episode was shooting for. Then I realize that Peppa is the star of this show, so of course she has to score a touchdown in the end! Just twist the knife and bury Pedro further, why don't I?! Anyhow, only one point is scored, so it really is being played by CFL rules. Okay, that was funny. Mr. Potato then proclaims that the best part of this game is doing a dance and everyone dances while the narrator says it all to end the episode at 3:04. I love Egg Ball, someone needs to make this sport real and be the driving force to end the NFL and CFL forever. Yeah, my dreams are wetter than wet, why do you ask?! Much better than it had any right to be. *** 3/4 (75%).

Big Bug Museum: Short opens with a zoom in shot of an ant in a glass cage surrounded by miniture houses running west while Peppa plays peek-a-boo and giggles. Gerald Giraffe, Mandy Mouse, Suzy Sheep and Pedro F'N Pony are looking at ant homes and bees and buttefly displays, because it is a museum full of bugs after all. Miss Rabbit of course is the tour guide to this museum and everyone follows her further inside as there is a lot of giggling. Mandy Mouse notices a giant ant robot appearing to have a leaf attached to it's mouth in a giant glass case. Miss Rabbit says everything the narrator tells us, making the narrator look useless. Miss Rabbit points out how the ants work to bring food to their queen which is a robotic ant with a crown on it's head. I'm certain this is not how it works in real life after Peppa Pig pushes the red button on the wall in front of the cage. So, basically the kids are now cosplaying ants on Miss Rabbit's suggestion with Peppa Pig wearing the crown, because she's the star and that's how it works in Peppa Pig's world. Oh, and to bury the robotic ants further, it's under racing rules and Suzy has to literally almost trip to give the leaf to Peppa because Suzy would have won easily had she just made it. Everyone cheers, Miss Rabbit is impressed. Next display: The bee maze of doom. Complete with bee costumes for the kids to wear on the scene changer. Kids are buzzing noises galore, because why not?! Miss Rabbit proclaims that they are the bees knees while wearing bee costumes. That was funny. So, next up is the kids going through the beehive maze. The kids are in the maze giggling and all confused. The robotic bees above them amuse them more than the maze. Miss Rabbit points out that the sun is the key to the bee's sense of direction, which is the signal for Gerald and company to realize how to get out of the maze, while sounding and acting like bees. Peppa and Gerald were the only ones on sun panels and Gerald lets Peppa through first because she's the...you guessed it. Twist the knife further, why don't you Mr. Weagle?! Typical Gregory Weagle, he praises all the non-stars and then keeps burying them. Miss Rabbit is punning it up, of course.

Everyone enters the final room and we see cacoons in the background and one giant robotic one in the front. If you cannot guess the final spot now, you have no business reading this rant. The kids are confused as to what it is as Pedro Pony, the clueless one calls it a parrot because they are colorful. They are also NOT bugs because that is what this episode has been shooting for the whole time! Peppa's answer might as well be like George's answer, except George has the excuse of not being in this episode. Her answer was a dragon by the way. Miss Rabbit claims that it used to be a catepillar as Peppa and Pedro cannot wrap their heads around this. Peppa pushes the conveniently placed red button and the shell opens to reveal a colorful robotic butterfly and the narrator says it all while kids all cheer. This ends the episode at 3:04. Not much to see here, it was totally average. ** 1/2 (50%).

Pancake Day: Short opens inside the school house on the hill as Gigi is flipping an ice cream themed pancake on her plate. Kids: Peppa Pig, Danny Dog, Suzy Sheep, Candy Cat and Pedro F'N Pony. The original five kids that started this group back in Series One. Everyone is wearing aprons with a splat of dough on the green colored aprons. The kids love this as Gigi proclaims that they can make pancake pictures as Peppa pours flour into a bowl and this causes the first FCC FRIENDLY CLOUDDUST OF DEATH that didn't result from an actual fight. Now get it into a cartoon that allows fights, and I'll be even more impressed. Next, Candy Cat tries to throw an egg into a bowl, but Gigi catches it, breaks it and the egg substance goes into the bowl. Danny Dog adds the whole milk and doesn't mess up at all. Suzy Sheep stirs the mix and makes a subdued mess, but nothing over the top. Gigi puts the pancake mix into squirt bottles that you use for mustard and ketchup; and then proceeds to put different drops of food coloring into each squirt bottle. Pedro did nothing...AND THE ROCK SAYS NOTHING~! He must be a Sony Pony, if they don't have enough trust in him doing anything at this point. Just twist the knife further on him...Gigi grabs the violet squirt bottle and brings out a frying pan to create the face of Peppa Pig on the cold frying pan. Can you not burying yourself any further, Madame Gazelle?! Somehow, this squirt bottle knows how to draw the inside of eyes as if they are a lighter shade of pink. Either that squirt bottle has AI, of this is a logic break. Suzy then just squirts dots on the Peppa Pig's face, just to make her look like a clown. Gigi covers up the entire pancake picture and then tells the kids to stand back even though they are at least 50 feet away from the table with the portable hot plate on it, and the table the kids were at is at least 30 feet away. They could have done nothing and still be much safer than in my kitchen. You might as well have them leave the school and jump in muddy puddles if you going to be THAT anal about safety. Gigi flips the pancake and does a better job than either Daddy Pig and Grandpa Pig did combined, just to bury them as well.Gigi flips the pancake onto a plate and gives it to Peppa and she is in awe of this awesome pancake. She also basically eats her cheek, like a lep....No, I'm not doing the eating faces party joke.

Leopards deserve respect as they are just a bunch of animals and cannot help themselves while Republicans can help themselves but don't care. Deanimalization is as bad as dehumanization. Call the Republicans for who they want to be...Gods. Remember, the Venn Diagram of a God and Vampire is a complete circle and Gigi might need to disappear before someone thinks she's one even though she is far more human than God wannabes ever could be. Next up, Candy Cat wants to make a rainbow picture pancake to scare all the bigots away. Or maybe not. All the kids grab a different color squirt bottle as the kids do the RAINBOW COLOR ROLL CALL~! Yes, Pedro delivering the blue was the only spot they trust him to do. And of course, the squirt bottle doesn't work because we have to bury Pedro even more. Did Pedro get a huge ass Sony contract and the creators are jealous?! Pedro squirt it so hard that the blue mix engulfs the rainbow and Pedro is sad because he ruined the pancake. Gigi begs to differ as not only did Pedro create two lines for the rainbow (logic break #2 since one of them is a darker shade), but also a sky. Gigi flips the pancake and shows the pancake in full bloom. Everyone cheers as they are still 30 feet away. Peppa now wants to make the biggest pancake in the world. Despite having the smallest frying pan possible, Gigi gleefully accepts. So, she's going to use baking powder to make this fluppy pancake. She at first puts in a pinch and everything is fine. Somehow, the container screws her over and all the baking powder is in the bowl. Wait, what?! Instead of just pouring most of the baking powder back into the container, she pours the mix into a frying pan. Gigi puts the frying pan on the stove, and the pancake inflates so much that it bounces out of the frying pan and lands on the floor. Everyone is not happy with this because it's on the ground and they cannot eat the pancake on the dirty floor. Peppa then gets an idea; use it as a trampoline and everyone gets on top of the pancake and jumps on it to end the episode at 3:10. By the way, the pancake turns into mush after three jumps and the narrator for the first time does the "X loves Y. Everyone loves Y." promo. It took 30 episodes to pull this off. Okay, this was a funny episode with a hilariously dumb finish. *** 3/4 (75%).

Colour Match Game: Short opens with a bird landing on the roof of the bell tower for the school house on the hill; and the bird's bell got rung. Zoom out to see Peppa and Mummy Pig outside giving a loving embrace to each other. Mummy Pig and Peppa wave goodbye as Peppa heads inside as Gigi Gazelle says hello in French and shows off...Four Square. Except in red, blue, green and yellow squares with the teams wearing matching color capes. Team Red: Freddy Fox, Zoe Zebra. Team Blue: Mandy Mouse, Suzy Sheep. Team Yellow: Candy Cat, Gerald Giraffe. Team Green: Danny Dog and probably Peppa Pig. On the lower right side of the room, we have two cyan tables filled with various color objects. I discover that the vest is called a bib and Gigi puts the green bib over Peppa's head and Peppa now is Team Green. Gigi states the rules of engagement and I'm sure Mandy Mouse would have trouble pronouncing engagement as she did with category. Mummy Mouse is probably amused by this somehow. Gigi explains the word category and the object of the game is to find an object matching the category and the color of their square and bib. Gigi gives an example and all the kids scatter at once to find a food matching their color, because they have no concept of a work and they love to play shoot games with Gigi Gazelle. HAHA! Gigi looks like a total geek as she officially starts the game. Candy Cat finds a banana in a bowl and it pops, Gerald runs in and literally slips, falls, and takes a bump on his ass. They giggle as Freddy and Zoe grab some tomatoes from a bowl, followed with Suzy and Mandy getting blueberries from another bowl. There are no green foods outside of green stems from peaches and pineapple, and a brown potato. Peppa and Danny find a green leaf, but it's not food so it doesn't count. Even in Peppa Pig Tales, Danny is the plucky guy who cannot win and the deck is stacked against him. A purple catepillar does appear to eat it, but it's not anthro food so it actually counts. Twist the knife on Danny, why don't ya, show. So, the next dang-it...ERRRR...I mean, category; is toys. Gigi has a list, and she cannot find it on her person, making her look like a bigger dork now.

Gigi bails as the kids go to the second table which has toys. Candy Cat has a trumpet. Not quite yellow, but brass is close enough. Peppa takes a mini skateboard despite their being a train on the table that is also green. Zoe takes a red car and Suzy takes a drum with purple and white trim but there is still a lot of blue so it should count. The kids return to their colored squared, as I forget to mention that Peppa and Danny dropped the chewed up leaf on the green colored square. Gigi is in the northwestern part of the scene looking for something that doesn't seem to be a list. Danny decides to do a "fuck this!" and makes the category be anything and everything. The kids all scatter as Gigi throws an apple like a Wuzzle and Zoe grabs it for the red team. Then a bunch of yellow crayons which Gerald takes. Then a green umbrella as it's clear that Gigi is playing with them because she's clearly staring into the hard camera while throwing these objects. Danny takes the umbrella and still isn't winning anything anytime soon. Peppa I think steals a bunch of color pencils in a jar as Gigi has found the list. There is a cameo of Zoe's stuffed monkey and the sailor doll with bare legs from Grandpa Pig's Toy Plane where the doll was doing stunts in a remote control airplane that Grandpa Pig was controlling, much to Granny Pig's chargin. Gigi turns around and 99% of everything not nailed down is in one of the four colored squares as Suzy and Peppa say it all. Gigi is amused and it's time for a game of putting everything back, which the kids pop for and run around to end the episode at 3:02. The kids look like stars and Gigi looks like a geek for my pleasure. Always works. *** 1/2 (70%).

Magic Story: Short opens inside Peppa's room with Suzy Sheep dressed up in a leafy themed robe and cone hat, so I deduced that she is Nature's Sage Suzy. She also has a wand that is basically a flower and Suzy is cackling. She''s a nature witch, and then the hat falls over her eyes and she's walking around blind. Of course! Danny Dog is in awe near a soccer ball as Freddy Fox has a septor and a black robe, so he's the black mage for this short. Peppa is looking for something inside the CHEST OF DEMONS and it's a small shield as she is wearing knight gear. The narrator proclaims that they are playing a game involving old ancient titles such as a brave knight, a wizard, a witch and according to Danny Dog, a football player. One of these things just doesn't belong here, one of these things are not the same, can you guess who gets buried for the wrong thing, now it's time to play our game....Now it's time to bury Danny Dog like a bone in a boneyard. Yeah, twist the knife further. So, the kids all run downstairs because it's another adventure, as they notice George Pig with Teddy and we get a dream sequence of George being a goblin and somehow, George is the scariest goblin I have ever seen, complete with yellow fangs, long ears and gold ring to accent the black klit. Yes, the entire dream sequence is basically the hallway dressed up with a cave and hills and trees, why do you ask? Peppa's plan is to rescue Teddy from the evil clutchs of George. Freddy completely ruins it because Freddy thinks this is deanthroization, even though it's clearly pretend and George is still an anthro. I'm guessing Freddy's still not amused by his father abandoning him during ski trips. Kids enter the sitting room as George is sitting down near a conveniently placed toy castle and if you look closely, Daddy Pig is sitting on the love seat snoring as they pretend that this is a red dragon's cave with Daddy Pig's head on a red dragon's body. There is treasure everywhere behind the dragon, lots of red stones and dirt and a magma river complete with rocks and a blue six pointed plastic spike on the further east rock. Peppa wants her train to practice the fine art of not being seen. Like I trust a troll to not draw attention to anything, since it always attracts attention to self. Daddy Pig wakes up, looks for three seconds and then falls back asleep. Hey, he's not trying to cosplay a red dragon because he doesn't follow along. Leave it to Danny Dog, after all the kids hop on the rocks, his foot stomps the squeaky toy.

It's even dumber because they could have sneaked on the path with ease and go around the cave towards George, but no; they had to pick the most dangerous path and assure Danny Dog does the dumb thing. Granted, the whole thing is pretend; but the squeaky toy to wake up Daddy Pig is real. Daddy Pig wakes up as the kids hide in what was supposed to be the sofa since the rocks were suppose to be the replacement in the dream sequence. When we zoom out, the kids are clearly seen in front of the sofa, a massive logic break since they were suppose to hide behind the sofa. So, the rocks were a table in front of them? That makes even less sense. Daddy Pig don't care and just leaves, so the entire dream sequence is rendered pointless. Next sequence, is that they all arrive at the toy castle, which is a pretend real castle on a hill. The witch and wizard will use magic to rescue Teddy while Danny decides that he'll use violence in a round soccer ball. Of course! Out comes George in the scarest form of a goblin, frowning as there are color circles on the castle walls, for no good reason. Peppa proclaims that she is rescuing Teddy and George Goblin attacks by bawling his eyes out for the first time in Peppa Pig Tales! We return to reality (no, not really) as George is still bawling his eyes out and sadly, this is one instance where the actor was in fact worse than the originals. It took them 32 episodes for that to happen. Yeah, I'm so not buying this crap about the voices being worse in these shorts. Peppa offers George to help them rescue Teddy instead and George is happy and accepts. So, Mr. Dinesaur is going to be the villain in this story?! I don't think George would be happy about this either. Wait, I stand correct, George don't care because it's just an object and not a dead spieces. So, we head back to the dream sequence with Mr. Dinesaur in his final form holding Teddy and growling. as there are more colored stars, circles and a white cross in the background to tell you the viewer that it's the castle. Mr. Dinesaur does tail whip and Peppa blocks it with her shield with George backing her up. At least in theory. Magic lasers get shot and hit Mr. Dinesaur as Freddy Fox shoots magic on Danny Dog's soccer ball. Danny kicks the soccer ball, hits Mr. Dinesaur in the neck, Mr. Dinesaur drops Teddy onto the ground, wraithes in pain and goes down as the soccer ball bounces away. Goldie in the goldfish bowl behind the television makes a cameo as everyone runs around. Peppa grabs Teddy, gives it to George and the narrator says it all (George is not a goblin) to end the episode at 3:04. Fun episode outside of a hilariously bad logic break in the middle of this. This is the most violent short in Peppa Pig Tales, and almost the most violent of the main series as well: I still think Peppa taking the bump off the pumpkin in Series 1 is still the most violent this show ever gets. *** 1/2 (70%).

THE REVIEW LINE

Well, this was the epitome of middling shorts for this ranting session. The only really compelling episode of this set is Peppa Pig: American Football Player in how the writer Jita approached it knowing full well how violent the sport is and made a complete joke of the sport. That being said, it was the most hilarious burial of a sport I have ever seen, with them calling it Egg Ball, the football screwing Peppa over and a glorious finish that made me laugh out loud. Pedro being smarter than the NFL also helps a lot and he is the mascot cosplayer of that episode. Overall, the rest are just fun episodes and little else. So, more Peppa Pig Tales to come, along with mainline series episodes, including a four parter that is basically done to sell the new video game coming out in mid March, along with bowling, a water park and more. So...

Thumbs in the middle for all episodes and I'll see you all next time.

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