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Peppa Pig Tales #5 Rant

Reviewed: 03/25/2023

Old School Peppa Pig Is Back! Sort of Part Five!

Well, since Peppa Pig the series has been slowing down and there's only four episodes left in the pot, I was going to resume TaleSpin work this year. An easy series that gives me great joy in terms of mockery and enjoyment. There is still lots let to do before I can finally wrap that show up? Sadly, TaleSpin has been delayed until at least 2023, because my second love and enjoyment decided to really run interference on me. How so you ask? Welcome to the Rant Shack: Peppa Pig Tales! And after the very first episode, I cannot resist and I'm going to rant on these "shorts" because Baby Alexander is back and creating a lot more questions than answers. (March 2023 Gregory Weagle Says: Hold it! I have just gotten word that there is no problems with Uncle and Auntie Pig and the family is getting along just fine. You'll see the evidence in Baby Bumps. Only one missing is Cousin Chole now.) Peppa Pig Tales is a series of short 3-3 1/2 minute episodes (Literally up to 75% of an average "Peppasode".) of Peppa Pig doing stuff without the original voices or creators with most of the "filler" cut out. That's basically it. It is awkward listening to this when you are so used to seeing the show, however; it is basically the same in term of premise. So, I'll be doing eight episodes per block like I always do until this series gets sick and tired of this and goes back to the actual Peppa Pig series which has reached eight series up to this point. How do these episodes fare? Let's rant on shall we..?!

Colorful Water Park Slide Race and Sleeping At The Museum are written by Tod Gidman, with head writer being Ryan Denham for all episodes involved. Hedgehog and Baby Bumps are written by Ryan Denham. Bees and Arts & Crafts are written by Bita Joudaki. Toilet Trail and Cars, Buses and Trains are written by Jessica Silcock and Naomi Smith. The animation and production is for EOne Entertainment (who published DVD's for WWE in the past in Canadian markets), done by Lil CritterWorkshop in Malaysia, although the company has invested in a studio in the UK recently. According to the link I provided: LCW launched in Malaysia in 2015 and has produced two 2D-animated comedy series, Hogie the Globehopper (52 x 11 minutes) in 2016 and Buck & Buddy (60 x six minutes) in 2020. After debuting in Malaysia, Hogie was picked up by Netflix in 2017, where it airs globally, and it has since sold to linear broadcasters Discovery Kids MENA and CITV in the UK. The prodco’s first CG-animated show Billy Fei and the Cloud Trials (26 x 22 minutes) is an action-adventure series for children ages six to 10 and is co-produced by fellow Malaysian animation studio Scribble Studios. The two companies received an undisclosed amount from Epic Games’ US$100 million MegaGrant program to fund the project last year.

Hedgehog: Short opens with Emily kicking a soccer ball west and then slipping and falling into a conveniently placed muddy puddle. Peppa, George and Edmond are in awe of this awesome slip and fall incident, I wouldn't be. This show does allow for bumps and bruises. Then we see a conveniently placed pile of leaves shaking as Emily is somewhat shook. Geroge thinks it's a monster and Edmond righfully blows George off. Okay, this is the second instance of the voice in Peppa Pig Tales sounding worse than the original: the British accent is too profound here. Also, Edmond is supposed to be a smart ass, so his original voice would actually be apporo here. Out comes a brown hedgehog and Edmond breathes a sigh of relief as the hedghog slips and falls on it's back, hapless. Peppa tries to help, but slips and falls into the mud, causing the hedgehog to roll into a ball. Somehow, this doesn't cause it to land on it's feet. Edmond then proclaims that they need grown up help for this problem and that means only one thing: Call Doctor Hamster, the vet who still thinks tortioses cannot climb trees. Of course, before we do that, Mummy Pig and Daddy Pig are called as Mummy Pig does the most awkward chain pull of all time to get the kids out, falling on her ass in the process. Daddy Pig brings out the iron gloves of doom to grab the hedgehog and somehow, Edmond has a makeshift bed box with airholes ready for this sort of thing. You can guess where Daddy Pig drops the hedgehog. Edmond Elephant is a clever clogs, and a Gadget Trick puller! Hedgehog is now called Prickles because Peppa Pig is the star of this show and it's her law! We head inside the kitchen at the table as everyone is inside. The box with Prickles is on the table as Doctor Hamster arrives with iron gloves on. Because hedgehog needles can kill you, you see. Doctor Hamster is happy that they called her, the kids cheer and the hedgehog curls into a ball because it hates noise. Join the club! Doctor Hamster's voice is almost identical to her original voice in the main series. She basically tells them to keep quiet so the hedgehog can get comfrontable. Fair enough. Peppa and Emily bail and return with eight apples.

Emily and Peppa put the apples on the table. We then jump cut to a shot of the cutting board put on the table as Doctor Hamster is chopping apples with a knife. She forgets to core and unseed the apples, and I mention this because seeds contain arsenic and arsenic can kill you in enough of a dose. I don't know what the dose is the poison for a hedgehog, but I have read that arsenic might interference with their protiens. So, earth to Doctor Hamster: Unseed the apples before you serve them to a hedgehog. Now, apples are a good choice as long as it's not dried fruit, so Doctor Hamster is not totally incompentent here. Prickles is given a slice of apple, Prickles eats it as Doctor Hamster tells everyone to give Prickles a good rest until nightfall, which Peppa and George are confused. Edmond explains that hedghogs are nocturnal and explore during night, sleep during the day. As clearly seen, that doesn't mean Prickles won't explore during the day time, the spieces just perfers to do it at night. The world is complicated everyone, learn to deal with it. Edmond then blows his trumpet and calls himself a clever clogs. In America, Edmond would literally be a horn yakker. Prickles wants none of this, curls into a ball and Edmond is forced to apologize. I cannot stand Edmond sounding like Pedro F'N Pony, I just cannot. Jump cut to outside BEFORE HAPPY HOUR (sunset) as everyone goes outside along with Prickles in the box. Peppa asks where hedgehogs live and Doctor Hamster claims that it's in hedges. Of course! What a fool I am?! That's what happens when you watch too much Sonic material. Prickles is let go, Prickles teases going to the hedge, has second thoughts, but apparently, Mummy Hedgehog arrives, they embrace, my heart melted. Everyone waves goodbye as Peppa hopes they come back soon as the narrator says it all to end the episode at 3:08. Outside of the annoying decision not to unseed the apples, this was a fun episode; but Edmond's voice in these shorts have crushed me. I cannot think of Edmond the same way ever again. He sounds like both Danny Dog and Pedro Pony now that I think about it. At least his mainline Peppa Pig voice sounds different. *** 1/4 (65%).

Bees: Short opens with Peppa Pig literally sniffing pollen from a red daisy like flower. She pays for it by sneezing like a fool while we zoom out to see George playing with the spotty ball and Grandpa Pig tending to a beehive in full beekeepers outfit. He is more protected from everything than most surgeons at this point. I'm surprised that "bless you" is still allowed considering the religious reference as Peppa is confused. Grandpa talks about pollen and how bees pollinate as a bee flies around pollening the trees and landing on a flower. You can tell by the yellow fart-smoke that the pollen is spreading. Peppa and George thank the bees and run around in a disorganized fashion. Peppa teases touching the bee, but Grandpa Pig stops her. I have never thought of a bee being fuzzy and cute, which is Peppa's explaination of why she wants to touch this bumblebee. I can see why Grandpa Pig stopped her, this bee might be Buck Bumble in a nice disguise. You don't mess with Buck Bumble, it'll kick your ass...and your kneecaps. Oh, and sting you and get an infection; which was basically what Grandpa Pig was saying, although the scared part is not in evidence. Peppa and George embrace Grandpa Pig and decide that bees are not all that kind anymore. Grandpa Pig assures them that they are kind because they make honey and that makes the kids less upset. This is just there so far because there was a bee keeping episode in the mainline Peppa Pig series that was funnier than this short. However, since it was before the reboot, it is considered a self-contained episode and not much more. So, the bee goes into the hive and Peppa wants to see, but Grandpa Pig stops her because it requires a wardrobe change. Yes, somehow; Grandpa Pig has TWO kids beekeepers outfits on retainer. Peppa does the ta-da buzz buzz spot, that was funny and has a jar for honey. The outfits make the whole thing obvious that the characters standing use a really awkward T pose, like in a 3D-model, despite being 2D and almost as flat as paper. Almost. The narrator has to literally describe the clothing and what it does to the audience. Also funny. So, we go over the role of the bees and how similar it is to Grandpa Pig protecting Peppa and George. Bees are sitting on flowers, now pollenating them with more realism. I guess they ran out of time for the fart smoke effects. Peppa and George cosplay bees for a while as Grandpa Pig opens the beehive to take out a honeycomb.

Okay, here's a hilarious thought: In the real world, the bees are so small that the honeycomb would be loaded with dozens of them. In Peppa Pig's world, the bees are the size of small birds and only like five of them are in the hive and there are ZERO bees on the honeycomb when Grandpa Pig pulls it out. I sobbed with laughter when I realized this and it took me years to realize this because bees have been in earlier episodes. This actually makes Daddy Pig being chased by a wasp somewhat threatening now. Peppa opens the jar, Grandpa Pig uses a wooden stick to scrape the honey off the honeycomb into the jar and the jar is sealed. Literally only a quarter full jar of honey. Then we show the jar as a scene changer (check the arm) as we are now on the grass sitting down on a cloth having a picnic of honey sandwich. Pfft, I love the honey toast Granny Pig made the last time the bees were involved a lot more than this. Peppa and George eat sandwiches and get honey mouth as Peppa loves bees and honey with a bee buzzing around to end the episode at 3:05. A few funny moments, but it was just there for the most part. ** 1/4 (45%).

Colourful Water Park Slide Race: Short opens with Mr. Bull in an orange swimming costume going down the spiral water slide at a water theme park. He splashes in the pool, violating the "no splashing" rule already. Geez, I wonder if this will play into the finish?! He splooshed Peppa Pig, Danny Dog, Suzy Sheep and Gerald Giraffe. Cameos: Daddy Giraffe, Granny Pig (near a bench), Captain Dog, Mummy Pig and Mummy Sheep playing with the spotty ball in the pool. There are four rainbow waterslides on the left slide, with the transparent spiral waterslide on the right side. Miss Rabbit is literally written in by teleport as the life and safety guard (check the hat and whistle) greeting the kids while explaining the rules of engagement at the water park. Rule #1: No splashing, which Mr. Bull splashes and Peppa calls him out on it. The problem is: If you enter the pool via a slide, you cause a splash, which is a violation of the rules according to Miss Rabbit. It's a cruel rule because now everyone has to be like Daddy Pig in the finish of Swimming. I betcha everytime someone enters the pool, they violate the letter of the rule and ignore it because it's impossible to not violate the rule. So, that was annoying. Rule #2: No running. Mr. Bull gets out of the pool all cold and runs stage left. Miss Rabbit blows the whistle and Mr. Bull stops running and Peppa calls him out on it. Okay, fine. One problem: After Mr. Bull apologizes and wipes himself down with a yellow towel, and the narrator just ribs him for not knowing the rules; Peppa comes back, running. She was RUNNING, a clear violation of the rules and does not get called out on it! To be fair, after the pointless third rule of having a good time and Mr. Bull feeling better; the kids decide to go on the rainbow water slides and they are seen running stage left, in a clear violation of the rules. So, this is more of not learning anything than any bigoted attempt of shaming Mr. Bull; although he did fat shame Daddy Pig at Funfair and Mummy Pig literally put both of them in their places, including sexist Mr. Labadour. Thankfully, on the shot where they get to the top of the waterslide, they are walking. By the way, Miss Rabbit must be a vampire, since she's being teleported in every scene that she appears. So, each kid has a slide to pick.

Peppa and Danny Dog pick red and blue while Gerald picks yellow and Suzy Sheep picks green. The problem is, Gerald is wearing green so, and someone decided to have Suzy wear pink with flowers instead of a generic yellow costume because then you could switch places and have the continuity work. Here, the color selection is broken and the gag fails. Sigh. Once again, rigid gender roles ruin a perfectly neat sight gag. Danny Dog wants a race and I panic because everytime since Series 2 or 3, when they have a race, Danny Dog's gimmick is that he is the plucky guy who cannot win. They didn't even allow him to win a quiz show where he would have won if Pedro F'N Pony was not allowed to have a second guess after clearly getting a question wrong. Miss Rabbit is not only totally fine with this, she brought the checker flag with her even though, that is the finishing flag not the starter flag. Nothing changes. Remember that. It's READY, STEADY, GO~! Miss Rabbit commentates here, I will not spoil this because of whom the winner actually is. Anyhow, Peppa Pig, the troll that she is, knocks off Granny Pig's hat as Granny Pig is sitting on the bench reading a newspaper. See, she was totally justified when she said kids are rude in "Please & Thank You", since her granddaughter is clearly one of them. Peppa also violates the splashing rule on Mr. Bull while waving hello to both adults. By the way, it's one thing if she's violating the rules and Miss Rabbit doesn't see it; but after the no running rule and calling out Mr. Bull, Peppa was running IN CLEAR VIEW OF MISS RABBIT~! So, you cannot pretend that Miss Rabbit didn't see it. Mr. Bull teases running, but then starts to tiptoe away stage right. So, the race conclude with a near tie, and you won't believe who won...C'mon guess, it's too shocking! SURPRISE~! It's OKAY, BOOMER! POW! OUCH! Ummm...It's Danny Dog! HE WON! He finally did it for the first time since as early as Series one and he had to do it in Peppa Pig Tales. Whatever, gimmick killed and it's for the best anyway. Peppa was last place with Suzy second and Gerald in third place, the newst member of the plucky guy who cannot win...Oh wait, Miss Rabbit declares this a draw. Screw you Miss Rabbit! Danny Dog was robbed, AGAIN! The kids splash each other, and Miss Rabbit finally blows the whistle and calls them out on it! Good, but it doesn't make up for robbing Danny Dog of his victory! Mr. Bull chiming in tune with Miss Rabbit made this funny. The kids tease frowns and then everyone laughs to end the episode at 3:04. Really fun episode for the most part, but that finish...stop doing that, let Danny Dong win for goodness sakes! It's been over a decade since the last one. **** 1/4 (85%).

Toilet Trail: Short opens in the cinema showing Super Potato flying through the sky and fighting a giant green dragon in the city. The Wolf family minus Wendy Wolf and the Pig family are in their seats as the narrator explains the obvious to us. Although, the narrator left out that Peppa is drinking a container of orange juice....and her bladder is full as she makes the faces and moves her legs in the universal sign that she needs to go to the washroom, or the toilet if you will. Peppa Pig asks Mummy, Mummy decides to go with her outside, Daddy Pig talks too loud, the Wolf Family shhs them and the family giggles and apologizes. The family are in the lobby, and the movie toilet is closed do to cleaning. How Daddy Pig deduced that is amazing since there was nothing written on the yellow cone outside of a censored sign. Anyhow, Peppa is panicking and holding her groin because she really needs the toilet badly. I guess my arms are too short because I could never do that spot for some reason. Mummy Pig decides to go outside the cinema to find a public toilet which are available on public streets in Britian I see. I wish Nova Scotia was like this, but this is Canada, and we are not as rich as you would think. Anyhow, the line up outside is pretty much everyone who is in Peppa Pig Tales as cameos, despite the tease of Doctor Hamster being at least 20 feet of space. Ironically, the only one who practices pandemic safe distancing. Officer "Why Do You Hate My Kids, Peppa Pig Tales?" Panda is the keeper of the toilet key, if you know what I mean here. I say the nickname because the Panda Twins have not appeared in Peppa Pig Tales. They DO appear in Water Park though with Mummy Panda, so kudos to the show for using them for the second time in the last five episodes or so in the main series. Cameos: Gigi Gazelle who is totally no selling needing the toilet, proving that she might be a vampire after all; Mummy Sheep, Mr. Rabbit, Gerald Giraffe, Mummy Zebra, Zulu and Zaza Zebra, Zoe Zebra, Mr, Zebra, Candy Cat, Captain Dog, Danny Dog (the second one who is totally no selling the pee pee spot), Mummy Elephant, Freddy Fox, Molly Mole, Suzy Sheep and Pedro F'Pony. The only kid missing is Wendy Wolf, who has appeared in Peppa Pig Tales in the past is the only one who is nowhere. Jesus, is Mr. Fox's abandonment gimmick catching or something?! Mr. Fox, also doesn't appear in this show. WHAT?!

Anyhow, Peppa's selling of this was great, as she is literally smiling saying that she cannot last long. So, Daddy Pig tries the supermarket as the family walks on the sidewalk for a while. They enter the supermarket, look around and find the washroom, but Daddy Pig discovers that it's locked and he breaks the handle. Are you sure he didn't enter a gas station convenience store and we didn't see the gas pumps?! They hide outside and go to the zoo and find a literal flush toilet that looks like a pit toilet, but it isn't. Out comes Mr. Bull and his wrench because he's fixing the toilet, so it is out of commission and a water pipe bursts into his kisser. This makes no sense since the pipe is on the wall and there's no sign of it going up into the air. The funniest part is that they literally go into a toilet shop and Peppa thinks she's got it made, but Miss Rabbit at the counter points out that the toilets are for display only. So, there's no washroom in this shop? Miss Rabbit has no bladder, that's the only explaination that makes sense with her gimmick, and she might be a vampire as well. The family returns to the cinema, and George is jumping up and down in puddles, and somehow this makes the adult pigs bladders full. HAHA! Hey, a fart joke that was built up and paid off perfectly. The joke itself was never the problem. It's always: set the joke up and then pay it off; and most of these jokes never do that and they exist for the sake of existing. Oh, and the cinema toilet cleaning is over as Mr. Rhino takes away the censored yellow cone. Peppa is happy and Daddy Pig takes George. Everyone rushes into the washroom and shuts the door. Then we get the best thing ever: There is shaking and rumbling and then a flushed toilet; which probably caused Oscar another fish heart attack as the family comes out feeling relieved. By the way, Justin Roiland, another piece of crap human being now, joining Chris Savino as piece of crap people who I have reviewed shows in the new Disney. The family returns to see the movie is over as we discover that the green dragon is a dinesaur according to George as the dragon and Super Potato shake hands and make up. Awww, my heart melted. So, the Wolf family leaves as Daddy Pig wants to watch the movie again and asks if anyone needs the toilet. Peppa blushes, everyone giggles to end the episode at 3:05. An extremely fun episode and it's clear that Peppa Pig does a better job in setting up fart jokes than many big kid cartoons. Although, I fear for Wendy Wolf's safety now. **** (80%).

Cars, Buses and Trains: Short opens with Daddy Pig overstuffing the trunk of his car with beach items because the family is going to the beach. Peppa is already ready to go with a breathing device and a flamingo tube around her body, so she knows how to prepare herself. Everyone gets into the car, Mummy Pig tries to start the car and the car won't start. Jobberitis of the petro tank, I assume. Mummy Pig blushes because it was her turn to fill up the gas tank. An honest mistake, methinks. So, Daddy Pig decides to take a train to the seaside and literally jump cut to the family struggling through a doorway inside the train. Miss Rabbit is the security guard asking for tickets, Daddy Pig gives Miss Rabbit the tickets as Peppa Pig is exchanging notes with Miss Rabbit for a while. Doctor Hamster is sitting down in the background, probably going to the seaside while Tiddles is at the vet probably climbing trees again. Peppa of course, has to truth troll Mummy Pig in the process as Mummy Pig gives Miss Rabbit her ticket. Just twist the knife further...typical Peppa, it's her mom and just keeps burying her. Miss Rabbit loves the seaside and loves stamping tickets. So, it's time for lunch so, it's selling losing their balance as they make their way through to the dining carriage (dining cart in North America), as Mummy Sheep and Mr. Rabbit are present during the far shot of the train going down the tracks. Daddy Pig and Peppa Pig wobble walk through the carts and into the sleeping bunks as Granddad Dog is snoring on top of one of the bunk beds. Daddy Pig explains the obvious to us and then the two go through to the play area with Captain Dog, Danny Dog and Gerald Giraffe. It's basically a bunch of plastic objects on top of an inflatable floor. Peppa waves hello to the kids and then goes down the slide and through the tubes, almost getting stuck twice before popping out. Next up, the cinema carriage with the Elephant family watching a Super Potato movie. Of course! Yes, Edmond Elephant does appear and literally none of the family speaks when Daddy and Peppa leave. The two members of the Pig family finally make it to the dining cart and it's time for lunch....

....and then Miss Rabbit appears at the counter to shut the operation down because Daddy's rumbling tummy caused the train to break down. Or it just broke down and sounded like a rumbling tummy. Miss Rabbit closes down the counter. Wait, so let me get this straight: the train broke down; how come the dining cart is completely shut down? Unless it runs on train power, the family can still have lunch, unless there is a dangerous situation like a fire, or derailment, or a flood or something that would require to evacuate the entire train. There was zero signs of this; so why did Miss Rabbit close the counter for the dining cart?! I don't get it. Anyhow, Daddy Pig is not loving life and decides to take the bus instead. Jump cut to the Pig family waiting at a bus stop, so I guess they have been waiting for at least an hour judging by the sked on the steel pole, whom I hope gets ticketed by Officer Grey Squirrel at some point of it's life. George is growing impatient and looks like he wants to whack someone with a plastic shovel. In comes the bus driven by Miss Rabbit of course, because multiple jobs is her gimmick. The family struggles to get the items in and heads inside and it's off to the seaside as the bus goes down the boring road and up the boring hill. They go up the hill and then the bus breaks down as Miss Rabbit frowns while not checking the engine. Peppa ribs Mummy Pig as this is two instances where women looked dumb in the same short. So, Peppa wonders what now, and it's time to walk because they are at the seaside and need to walk down the hill anyway. How convenient, eh?! Peppa thinks this is the best seaside trip ever and looks forward in getting home as the family laughs to end the episode at 3:05. Outside of looking like a geek, the episode was pretty dull and filled with nothing of note. ** (40%).

Baby Bumps: Short opens with the funniest logic break and moment I have ever witnessed in this series: Peppa Pig crying in Daddy Pig's arms. Now, this would be the third time Peppa has bawled her eyes out in the entire canon; with The Golden Boots movie and The Olden Days as an infant (the only time Suzy Sheep bawled her eyes out as well). In this scene, Peppa appears to be the same age as the real Peppa. The problem is that when you zoom out the scene, the scene takes place on a television screen, so it's implied that Peppa is supposed to be a baby and it's an old movie the family is watching. The animators used the wrong Peppa Pig model for this scene, so it makes it like Peppa is still four years old instead of being an infant. Granted, Peppa has only cried three times overall and one more four year old crying would keep up the rarity of the show; but it's still a gaping logic break since it was never intended for Peppa to be four years old on the scene and the rule of "infants always cry, big kids don't" is still technically intact. So, the family is watching Peppa cry and Peppa is amsued at how annoying she was back then. Mummy Pig then sees herself with the same bump as Mummy Rabbit's bump in the mainline Peppa series. Peppa is breaking in the word pregnant and Mummy Pig explains the BS&P version of it because they cannot say vagina nor uterus. Yeah, she said tummy. Very annoying, not surprising since the creators didn't want Peppa Pig to get the vaccine jab on national television, despite Elmo getting it! Peppa then gets inspired because she grabs a pillow from Daddy Pig's back and puts it in her dress to simulate a pregnant bump. I don't think this is a good idea, Peppa. Pregnancy is beyond hell for women as I have been reminded of time and time again. Then we get a funny and disturbing moment at the same time: George stuffs Mr. Dinesaur in his pants and the long neck makes it look like George has a giant penis. I laughed and laughed at it; sadly, this is the wrong show to be pulling off this crap. Argo would be proud of George for doing this though. Apparently, people who are pregnant have strange cravings. Maybe I should ask my mum about this; but I want science data on this: Are cravings caused by pregnancy? I realize that this gag is already done in Mummy Rabbit's Bump; but I want some evidence before I decide that the writers are "Igorit" so to speak.

Mummy Pig is eating bananas with ketchup. Okay, then. Peppa has trouble with the pillow and gets inspired. So, she wants lunch and they have spaghetti which ACTUALLY HAS PASTA SAUCE ON IT~! I don't care about the funny mistake at the beginning, this is the animation house who should be doing the mainline series right now. They eat for a while, making a mess of their faces and head back to the sitting room where Daddy Pig is dumb because he forgot to wipe the tomato sauce off his face. Earth to Daddy Pig: Don't assume the animators will magically wipe the mess off people's face. Daddy just uses his hand to wipe the sauce off his face and it disappears. Geez, Suzy Sheep was right: Everything is magic in this world and Daddy Pig basically confessed. Daddy Pig sits down and reads the newspaper while Peppa asks for more information on pregnant people. Mummy Pig states that she gets tired a lot and kind people must forfeit their seat for her. Peppa then decides to demand that Daddy Pig forfeit his loveseat to Peppa, in the rudest way possible that didn't involve kicking a balloon hard. She then says please in the nicest way possible and Daddy Pig forfeits the seat and places Peppa in the chair for good measure. Next up, Mummy Pig explains that her feet hurt and demonstrates on George what people do to help, they give footrubs as Daddy Pig decides to give Peppa footrubs, which basically both parents are tickling George and Peppa's feet. The kids selling it is hideously hilarious, and no Molly nor Kit in the laugh department. This is the best Peppa Pig Tales episode ever and there's literally 35 seconds left as the doorbell rings. The door is answered off-screen as Daddy proclaims that a baby came out as Baby Alexander arrives in the arms of...wait for it...Auntie Pig! Oh, this is a huge sigh of relief. They aren't violently separated! An awesome long term story payoff to boot. Peppa waves hello and wants to be the mother of Baby Alexander and BA bawls it's eyes out in the same way Peppa was in the television screen, so the tape is on a running loop for some reason. Peppa realizes that babies are annoying and she puts the pillow back in and keeps it. Everyone laughs to end the episode at 3:04. You know what this episode is getting. ***** (100%).

Arts And Crafts: Short opens with Gigi Gazelle entering the school house on the hill with a basket of art supplies and she just has to do a throw spot just so she can recover the goods without spilling anything. This is basically the stuck pumpkin spot from Thanksgiving, even down to the camera angles. Gigi puts the art supplies basket on the table as Peppa Pig, Suzy Sheep, Freddy Fox, Danny Dog and Emily Elephant watch on in awe. It's Arts and Crafts day as the narrator and Gigi point out as the first fartsy artsy thing they will be doing is painting. The kids are confused because there are no brushing, because Gigi demonstrates that it's finger painting. Meaning that she expects the entire school to be vandalized into a rainbow mess of artsy fartsy. Hey, at least there are no glitter bomb jokes, yet. It took about three tries for the kids to get it and once they did they popped for it. This school is not passing inspection this year, that is for sure. So, here comes the finger painting and it's the cleanest finger painting I have ever seen. Peppa basically has a bunny face on the daisy, a tell tale sign of Easter episodes coming; probably in the next rant of this show actually. Suzy made a butterfly that looks like a bird stepped in brown and green paint. Emily and Freddy are finger painting their thing. Danny Dog took off his shoes and is stomping on brown paint on the floor on a piece of paper surrounded by newspaper like he's squashing grapes and jumping up and down in muddy puddles. This paint Gigi bought has to be magic, how it didn't splatter on the walls and ceilings is a mystery to me. Foresenic Files scientists would have a field day demonstrating how incredibly fake and staged this scene is. I should know that as much as I love the voice acting, Danny Dog should not be sounding Pedro F'N Pony. Gigi eats her own paint, so it's not all that magical. However, Gigi gets inspired because it's time for face painting. So, Gigi paints the faces of the kids,she does a much better job than Miss Rabbit ever did. A lot more diverse cuts here as Suzy has a butterfly mask, Danny Dog might as well be Zenny Zebra. Emily has Goldie and Freddy Fox is Tiger Mask. Peppa basically paints herself with a backup easel and looks like She Hulk. Sadly, she needs Hulk Hands and those would date her at least twenty years now. Sadly, Peppa forgot to paint her ears to make it work. Gigi sees Peppa's work and gets inspired and not paint Peppa's ears.

That's because Gigi bails and returns with a giant easel with lots of masking tape. The kids are confused as Gigi points out that it's a giant beautiful picture. Note the triangle shape on top which is a dead giveaway to what the final picture will be. Freddy doesn't buy what Gigi is selling as Gigi proclaims that this is unfinished. So, the kids are to basically splatter paint on the masking tape canvas with bottles. The kids all giggle as Peppa gets first dibs because she's the star of this show of course. Everyone runs in and splatters paint on the canvas for a while as Gigi makes me laugh by telling them not to spill it on the floor, despite there being newspaper on said floor. Furthermore, the kids mess on the floor wasn't much. So, after making a rainbow soup out of the canvas, Peppa is not impressed by this. Gigi then starts pulling the masking tape off the canvas and it forms a five pointed star with two points devoid of paint. Everyone is impressed as they jump up and down once as the narrator says it all to end the episode at 3:04. A really fun episode; but the paint logic is so wonky that the mess was really subdued. **** (80%). Would have been more if the place was splattered in paint like a murder scene. I hope Tom Bevel is still alive and well, and I hope he sees this; because he would probably laugh this out of the building.

Sleeping At The Museum: Short opens with George amusing himself with a skeleton dinosaur, which is controlled by a giant red button. The rest of the family looks on and then walks as anything that requires motion has a giant red button on the wall. By the way, Peppa points out that George is basically growling at his own model as there is a sister with yellow boots on, a mummy with eye lashes and a daddy dinosaur with glasses. All implying that this show is going the way of the dinosaurs. I told you this family loves to twist the knife on themselves. Typical Peppa Pig, it's her family that she just keeps burying. Apparently, the writers and animators are in the burial, too. There's a speaker behind Daddy Dinosaur and the George Dinosaur literally has George's Mr. Dinesaur in it's arms. Daddy Pig pushes the red button and the dinosaur skeletons all growl as it's near closing time. Cameos: Mummy Mole, Mr. Bull, Miss Rabbit (with whistle), Mr. Rabbit and Rebecca Rabbit. Miss Rabbit waves farewell until next time and Peppa is gravely offended by this. But wait; Daddy Pig says that it's not needed because he has four tickets since this museum allows sleepovers! Yes, this happens in real life as well as a quick cursory search, although it costs around $135 per person (I think) for an actual sleepover at the Smithsonian. Miss Rabbit leaves and locks the door but Peppa don't care because they are having a feast at the museum of the feast table. Where all the objects of made of plastic. HAHA! That joke never gets old, since most plastic cannot perish. The family pounds the table with plastic food, that was funny. Mummy Pig wonders what to do next and Peppa disappears. She left on her own since kidnapping is not allowed on this show. Peppa is hiding in the model Viking ship wearing a viking helmet. There is a box of viking helmets and Mummy Pig and George declare themselves vikings; somehow Daddy Pig declares himself a viking while wearing an out of nowhere mammoth costume. So, he is a viking in the TaleSpin world then. Makes sense to me. Sadly, this is the Peppa Pig world, so Daddy Pig is not a viking. Daddy accepts his role because we have to have a Scooby-Doo chase sequence the mammoth edition to waste some more time. They head to the feast table to tire themselves out and then dim the lights because there is a sleeping bag area designed as a demonstration. Please let this be the final spot, I love it already!

Sadly, the logic made it come out of nowhere though since it didn't appear until right now and it was next to the dinosaur skeletons demonstration. Peppa says good night and everyone falls asleep as we jump cut to outside AFTER HAPPY HOUR as the moon goes down and morning arrives with the sun coming up. Granddad Dog, Danny Dog, Mr. Bull (ah, so he's the janitor of the museum, then), Rebecca Rabbit, Gigi Gazelle and Miss Rabbit's son, little Reggie Rabbit walk up to the museum. Reggie Rabbit is Grampy Rabbit by the way. They all see the sleeping bag demonstration and they all act like it's just another exhibit. BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I called this one thirty seconds before I wrote it and it was great because it's funny and makes sense. A wooly mammoth sleeping in a sleeping bag is BUYS~! Gigi calls this lifelike, because it's real. Almost, none of them are real vikings and a mammoth, they are cosplaying vikings and a mammoth. Close enough! The narrator gives away the whole damn thing and I'm laughing so hard because these animals are talking so loud and somehow, the Peppa Pig family is the heaviest sleepers in this entire show. And then they all wake up with about fifteen seconds left in the episode, what can you do?! Danny Dog realized he is conned and Mummy Pig realizes that they over sleeped it as everyone laughs to end the episode at 3:02. Miss Rabbit really demonstrated her way to make the Pig family look funny on this night! Awesome episode with a few logic breaks. **** 1/2 (90%).

THE REVIEW LINE

Well, it's very rare for Peppa Pig of any kind to get more than two thumbs up; but FIVE thumbs up episodes in an eight episode rant is nearly impossible. Four of the episodes were well done with a few logic breaks, but Baby Bumps joins Simple Science and Parking Ticket as episodes that probably would get the Dave Meltzer treatment of six stars or more. Baby Bumps is Plunder and Lightning-equse in that George did something that was awesome and somehow got it past BS&P, a more impressive feat since it's 2023 and the internet loves to censor itself so violently. The episodes are on Youtube, so you shouldn't have a problem seeing them, unlike the main line Peppa Pig episode. Bees and Cars & Trains were boring and dull (although still better than the mainline Water Park episode on Peppa Pig, which annoyed me to no end). Sleeping At The Museum had an awesome finish, Baby Bumps had an awesome payoff to a long term storyline of adversity, Arts & Craft had the cleanest painting of all time (and Danny Dog being funny), Toilet Trail is one of the few shows to pay off a fart joke properly and Slide Race destroys Water Park in every single way and Danny Dog's plucky guy who cannot win must continue. You know this is one of those rants when Hedgehog with Doctor Hamster was the only thumbs in the middle episode. So...

Thumbs down for Bees, Cars & Trains; thumbs in the middle for Hedgehog, thumbs up for the rest , and I'll see you all next time.

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