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Peppa Pig Tales #7 Rant

Reviewed: 05/28/2023

Old School Peppa Pig Is Back! Sort of Part Seven!

Well, since Peppa Pig the series has been slowing down and there's only four episodes left in the pot, I was going to resume TaleSpin work this year. An easy series that gives me great joy in terms of mockery and enjoyment. There is still lots let to do before I can finally wrap that show up? Sadly, TaleSpin has been delayed until at least 2023, because my second love and enjoyment decided to really run interference on me. How so you ask? Welcome to the Rant Shack: Peppa Pig Tales! And after the very first episode, I cannot resist and I'm going to rant on these "shorts" because Baby Alexander is back and creating a lot more questions than answers. (March 2023 Gregory Weagle Says: Hold it! I have just gotten word that there is no problems with Uncle and Auntie Pig and the family is getting along just fine. You'll see the evidence in Baby Bumps. Only one missing is Cousin Chole now.) Peppa Pig Tales is a series of short 3-3 1/2 minute episodes (Literally up to 75% of an average "Peppasode".) of Peppa Pig doing stuff without the original voices or creators with most of the "filler" cut out. That's basically it. It is awkward listening to this when you are so used to seeing the show, however; it is basically the same in term of premise. So, I'll be doing eight episodes per block like I always do until this series gets sick and tired of this and goes back to the actual Peppa Pig series which has reached eight series up to this point. How do these episodes fare? Let's rant on shall we..?!

Getting Dressed are written by Tod Gidman, with head writer being Ryan Denham for all episodes involved. King Of The Playgroup and Garden Den are written by Ryan Denham. Cinco De Mayo and Packing A Picnic are written by Bita Joudaki. Takeaway are written by Jessica Silcock and Naomi Smith. See-Saw and Transportation are likely written by either Tod Gidman or Jessica Silcock/Naomi Smith, but those episode ED's were cut off. The animation and production is for EOne Entertainment (who published DVD's for WWE in the past in Canadian markets), done by Lil CritterWorkshop in Malaysia, although the company has invested in a studio in the UK recently. According to the link I provided: LCW launched in Malaysia in 2015 and has produced two 2D-animated comedy series, Hogie the Globehopper (52 x 11 minutes) in 2016 and Buck & Buddy (60 x six minutes) in 2020. After debuting in Malaysia, Hogie was picked up by Netflix in 2017, where it airs globally, and it has since sold to linear broadcasters Discovery Kids MENA and CITV in the UK. The prodco’s first CG-animated show Billy Fei and the Cloud Trials (26 x 22 minutes) is an action-adventure series for children ages six to 10 and is co-produced by fellow Malaysian animation studio Scribble Studios. The two companies received an undisclosed amount from Epic Games’ US$100 million MegaGrant program to fund the project last year.

Cinco De Mayo: Short opens with Peppa Pig blindfolded with a yellow bat trying to break a pinata and failing so badly that Pedro probably broke his leg off-screen again. You know what would make Cinco De Mayo more awesome?! Pedro F'N Pony! Nope, Danny Dog, Suzy Sheep, Freddy Fox and Candy Cat are present. It's not like Pedro is a one-off character, he's been a regular since the beginning of Series 1 when PLAYGROUP was shown for the FIRST TIME~! Stupid! So, Candy Cat is decorating the playgroup with Freddy putting up picture, Suzy providing musical instrumentation and Danny Dog is doing nothing of course. Gigi appears wearing something, I don't know what it is, I don't celebrate Cinco De Mayo other than to say "looks like a lot of fun" and is Mexican according to the narrator. Gigi says that it's time to spice up the playgroup some more with the making of pompom flowers. Gigi brings out purple tissue paper with a cloth felt green stem and she sounds like Scott Hudson saying it's all simple; but the purple tissue paper looks like complicated trash mess to me. Maybe Mummy Pony, Daddy Pony and Pedro Pony should be involved in this. So, when the kids do it, they show off the work and prove that it really was all that simple. What a fool I was?! Except for Candy Cat, because we cannot make Pedro Pony look weak. You couldn't have Pedro be the best one and everyone else except Peppa (since she's the star and everyone is a geek) fail at this?! Gigi tries to help her, but her small motor skills fart in our and hers' face. To make her look even dumber, the other kids make as many pompom flowers as possible and litter the ground with them, giggling in kind. At least it wasn't glitter, that would have sucked and Gigi would probably hate life along with giving us an unacceptable amount of cringe eye looks for the rest of the episode. Danny asks if they made too many of them, the answer is no and the flowers are cleaned up and put on the walls. I hope they stay there forever; the flowers can be used in any season decor, except for winter of course. Next up is guacamole, a dip made from mostly squashing avocados and onions into a paste. Although in Mexico, it can be used as a spread or an actual salad. Usually, Peppa Pig has to break in words, but we get something original: Freddy Fox trying to break the pronouncation of this word in. Gigi explains it as a dip in this case along with serving it with tortilla chips.

Well, it has been a long time since TaleSpin that I have to deal with an episode where guacamole is involved (unless you count the Super Bowl of course). Hopefully, Freddy Fox doesn't get lost and ends up in a prison like Baloo did in Gruel & Unusual Punishment. The kids during the making of this at a table sound like they are calling it Quackamole, like they are auditioning for Ducktales. Sorry, show's dead and TaleSpin isn't getting rebooted despite all the rumors and trademarks saying yes. Trademarks are to protect the IP name to use in lawsuits because piracy and the catching of criminals is all part of the business model, isn't that right Gary Bowser?! Maybe Gary is the king of the Koopa's real first name. Avacado is peeled into a bowl, with salt and lime juice in it. No onion, because onions are tools used to make people cry and crying is emasulating, or something. Candy Cat has the masher to mash the mixture into a dip, she's so much better at this. Danny Dog gets some on the cheek, he licks it, he loves it. Whatever. Gigi brings out a plate of tortilla chips, carrots and celery and Peppa eats up and messes her face. Of course! Peppa cleans her face off by rubbing her fist into her face and somehow it disappears! Yup, magic. Peppa then dances and does the lamest guacamole song I have ever heard. Gigi loves it so let's do the TEDDY RUXPIN SONG OF DOOM to waste more time in a three minute episode. Everyone dresses up like Gigi as we sing and dance for a while as Peppa grabs the stick Gigi had (the one with the purple ribbon on the end), twirls around and breaks the pinata in such a weak way that I laughed that the lightest touch possible caused the candy to fall out. Everyone cheers, Peppa grabs some candy and then it is teleported back to the pile as she dances with the Playgroup with confetti falling down to end the episode at 3:10. It was merely okay as a lack of Pedro Pony and a few logic breaks hurt this one. ** 3/4 (55%).

King Of The Playgroup: Short opens in the school house on the hill with everyone popping cones because Peppa has declared herself KING...of the Playgroup. BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Oh, boy! BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! It's been a long time since I have laughed so hard at the BS of all this. The fact that king is just another ruler and using a gender netural word would have been better, the fact that it's been EIGHT Series and 50 EPISODES of Peppa Pig Tales alone, and NOW, we finally confess that Peppa Pig is the ruler of this world! Thanks, show. Time to wrap this up and bring back Ben & Holly's Magical Kingdom, where there is a real king of the world in that show. By the way: In the sequel to My Friend Peppa Pig where Peppa travels around the world, they had a segment based on the episode "London" which was the second episode involving the Queen. At the end of the segment, Queen Elizabeth II was given a memorial and everyone loses their minds over it. The developers (Petoons Studio) claimed that they originally wanted to remove the London segment altogether and then decided not to. Personally, I would have ordered them to remove the segment; for two reasons: (1.) Queen Elizabeth II did not voice the queen at all, it was the same voice as Mummy Pig and the voice of Mummy Pig is still alive and well and (2.) London is in the UK and that is where Peppa Pig lives in storyline, so it kills the gimmick of the entire video game where Peppa is supposed to visit other countries. Also, the whole theme of bending the knee to authority is comical in a show where Peppa Pig is literally GOD in her OWN show! Even the queen has to follow Peppa's rules. Then again, most of the critics never watch Peppa Pig (while demanding games become like movies and television, in a lack of self-awareness) especially the first episode involving the Queen called "The Queen" in Series 4 which both episodes happened because (1.) Miss Rabbit won an award from the queen for industry and got a day off to meet her and it ended with the queen jumping up and down in muddy puddles and (2.) Miss Rabbit is now friends with the queen as a result and got connections when London occured back when Queen Elizabeth II at the time it first aired was still alive! So, yeah; end rant and we have an episode to finish up. The kids are King Peppa Pig, George Pig, Edmond Elephant, Suzy Sheep, Danny Dog, Candy Cat and Pedro F'N Pony. They should have switched Pedro with Freddy Fox and have Pedro appear in the previous episode! Idiots! King Peppa is in this absurd outfit as Pedro is literally fanning her with a fern leaf while sitting down in a chair. Gigi has bailed to get yummy food because everyone must eat yummy food. Hey, that's one command I don't mind bending the knee to, if I could.

All the kids bring out bowls and plates of food as Candy Cat eats some raisins and calls her Mrs. King. HAHA! Candy and the kids are literally giving zero f's about this and it was great. Peppa eats one raisin and she's full already. HAHA! Pedro is not amused by this as Pedro wants to be king and Peppa just agrees to it. BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I am so loving this episode! These kids are treating royality like just another pretend hobby and it's funny! Pedro is a wee bit more malevolent than Peppa is as he orders the playgroup to hop, including Gigi. HAHA! Danny asks why and calls Pedro "high-ness", while Suzy has the look of Pedro being absolute sus if you catch my drift here. Pedro's justification: because it's fun. I died. Even Pedro F'N Pony does not want to admit that it's because he's the F'N king of the Playgroup. The kids giggle and hop, the narrator agrees with Pedro of course, because he's the king of the playgroup. He's still a clueless putz though: Pedro loving Danny's hopping as Edmond points out that Pedro must hop because he said everyone and Pedro obeys and hops with them. I laughed and I laughed and I laughed some more. Pedro has had enough and defers to Candy Cat and Pedro tosses the crown from his head to Candy's head. Everyone loves it, so next up is Candy's order and it is to be real quiet. Most malevolent ruler of the playgroup so far. Everyone tip toes and walks quietly; which causes Danny Dog to steal the crown and declare himself king literally FIVE SECONDS after Candy Cat issues the command. This is the most non-violent, quickest coup e'tait ever! Danny Dog command: BE LOUD~! Careful, Danny Dog; Nintendo is watching and you do not want to end up like Gary Bowser did. Nintendo is a petty asshole. The kids are loud, playing musical instruments that come out of nowhere and go the same place. Literal teleportation on this show. Candy steals the crown back, and we are quiet. Even in a cowardly victory, Danny is still a loser. Candy and Danny (like cats and dogs fighting in that stereotype) drive everyone crazy and then everyone bumps into each other, they fall down on their asses and somehow manage to do the backsplash laugh in the process. The crown is pushed off by Danny and it lands in George's paws. Uh-oh! I think we know where this is going. George is now the King Of Cosplaying Dinesaurs~! GRRRRRRR~! Oh, come on now! EIGHT SERIES, 50 EPISODES of these shorts alone and you expected something else?! Everyone does the "Dine-i-saur" (sic) as the narrator says it all as the group does the backsplash laugh to end the episode at 3:12. You know what this episode is getting. I love this episode more than Baby Bumps, in fact! ***** (100%).

See-Saw Time: Short opens with Peppa Pig skipping and chanting see-saw just to force the point home that this episode is about the playground park. Daddy Pig has a purple backpack and is joined by Candy Cat, Suzy Sheep, and Gerald Giraffe. The kids go up and down the slide and dodge the swings before Mr. Bull invokes the LEGAL HAND OF GOD and considering that he has a bolt gun on his person, I'm not going to mess with him. It's also easier since Mummy Pig isn't around. This causes the kids to bump into each other and land on their asses. Daddy asks what is wrong and Mr. Bull is just fixing the see-saw and no destruction will take place, no siree! So, after it's been fixed, Peppa gets on the right side of the see-saw while Mr. Bull gets on the left which makes it impossible to do the gimmick of the see-saw; but they don't care. Gerald tells Mr. Bull to go up and down to move it, but that is ineffective. Mr. Bull is stuck on the see-saw according to the narrator even though he could just get off and bring the see-saw down gently so Peppa doesn't have her legs crushed. In comes Mummy Elephant and Edmond Elephant as Edmond explains the science of balancing on a see-saw and probably for the first time in Peppa Pig Tales, Edmond calls himself a clever clogs and does the trunk horn. Edmond leaves with Mummy Elephant as Daddy Pig puts the backpack on Peppa's back, like that is going to work. It doesn't, so Daddy Pig puts Suzy Sheep on the right side of the see-saw. Now, if I remember Simple Science correctly, it took THREE kids to lift Gigi Gazelle off her feet. Two kids almost works in fact, like in Simple Science, as Peppa comments about being as high as in clouds, even though they are legit five feet at best. Mr. Bull is still taller than Peppa and Suzy, not including the hard hat. Mr. Bull is used to this as he gets off along with the kids. So, the plan now is to have two grown-ups play on the see-saw and they have Mr. Bull. Okay, I sobbed with laughter hearing this the first time: Daddy Pig asks about another grown up and Peppa and Suzy are staring a hole in him while being amused. I laughed so hard because Daddy Pig is dumb. And a legal adult I might add.

Daddy Pig finally gets it after Peppa and Suzy literally have to tell him he's a grown-up. Daddy Pig and Mr. Bull get on the see-saw and have the time of their lives for a while, mostly for the narrator to point out the obvious for us. Mr. Bull then yells stop again as Peppa is asking why. Mr. Bull responds that he's having the time of his life and just wants to see the view, which is eight feet at best. HAHA! After about ten seconds, we are back to see-sawing. That was funny. It's the old long awkward pause. They see-saw some more as Mr. Bull is literally greeting inanimate objects for fun. The kids giggle as the adults get off and the kids get on with Peppa and Suzy paired off on the right of course! They see-saw to end the episode at 3:05 with no narration whatsoever! That was weird. This was a fun episode. *** (60%).

Transportation: Short opens on the boring road which looks more boring than usual, which causes Peppa and George to excite themselves for a while while the narrator narrate. Daddy Pig is driving the red car with Mummy Pig in the passenger side. Then the car breaks down right in front of Mr. Bull with his usual stop barriers because the road must be dug up again to apease Mr. Bull's destructive tendenices. A word of advice to Daddy Pig while failing to start said car: Don't use a Mr. Potato keychain, Mr. Potato drives the crappiest car in the existence, it might as well have been built in Thembria. Mr. Bull is here to help tow them away in Granddad Dog's breakdown truck and Gigi Gazelle arrives and is forced to stop and cannot do anything despite there only being one pylon in sight and literally nothing else. HAHA! Peppa and George are excited about this as we jump cut to Mr. Bull and Granddad Dog inspecting the front engine of Daddy Pig's car. Mr. Bull informs the family that it can be fixed, but it needs a replacement part that is expensive. Meanwhile, Granddad Dog stuffs himself into the engine and parts literally roll around on-screen. Mummy Pig asks how long it will take to fix it and Mr. Bull says that it'll take as long as it will take. Mr. Bull is so helpful. Not. But wait! This garage has spare cars in the parking lot somehow. So, Granddad Dog is a car sales and rental dealer. Okay, good to know. There are some decent cars on the lot; but Daddy Pig wants the motorbike which looks like the exact same one Granny and Grandpa Pig rode on when they were younger. So, the family get their helmets on and Daddy Pig rides the bike stage left onto the boring road as Gigi Gazelle, Daddy Pony and Mummy Sheep are still at the pylon with the stoplight making zero attempt to go to the right since there is no traffic present. Sadly, it starting raining and the narrator says it all, so the family returns to the lot drying themselves off with their hands. They want something a little tougher, so Peppa choses the conveniently placed monster truck from the America arc. Of course! Everyone gets in and Daddy Pig drives on grass for a long while with rock music in the background and then they hop into a conveniently placed muddy puddle so hard that it splashes mud onto Gigi and Daddy Pony's cars. The adults finally admit that this is too tough and drive backwards spraying even more mud so much that Gigi has to use the wipers. So, Mummy Pig chooses something with space, the bus.

So, Mummy Pig drives the bus (straight out of those DeviantArt TaleSpin bus driving pictures) and is forced to stop because everyone thinks it's a real bus. Cameos: Mummy Zebra (no Zoe Zebra nor Mr. Zebra), Mummy Cat, Candy Cat, Gerald Giraffe and Molly Mole all enter the bus. So, the family has to return as the last one is probably what George picked: Mr. Bull's garbage truck. HA! Lucky for them, sort of, Mr. Bull cuts them off and they cannot drive that one. The family thinks they are sunk without their red car; but that's lucky because it took three minutes just to fix the engine and give it a car wash polish. I mention this because Granddad Dog parks the red car in front of the car wash and it sparkles like Sun Woo was animating this. The family cheers and gets in their car as the narrator says it all to end the episode at 3:10 with the family driving west and causing a bigger lineup at the pylon. HAHA! Another really fun episode, although Mr. Bull should care more about the road than the garage at this point. *** 1/4 (65%).

Opening Moment #2: Peppa Pig Tales opening includes a spot where Peppa Pig jumps down in a muddy puddle and the kids and subtitles reveal "Let's Jump In!". Also of note: The ED's are in pink rather than the usual blue. Nothing really special although it probably signals that Peppa Pig Tales is now in Series Two mode.

Getting Dressed: Short opens in Mummy and Daddy Pig's bedroom as the closet opens and Peppa and George come out cross-dressing. Okay, that was funny. George is literally wearing purple and looks ready to attend a flower show while Peppa looks like she's attending a furneal. Daddy and Mummy Pig come in teasing concern and then they smile and play along. Peppa has to point out that she's cosplaying an adult along with George and Mummy Pig is now confused. George trips back on his ass trying to put the hat on, that was funny. Mummy Pig points out the tiny fatal flaw in this plan of cosplay as it's clear that Peppa is stepping on the knees of the black pants she is wearing. Peppa admits it and waddles and trips into George and they go down on the right side of the bed, so Mummy and Daddy Pig can see the landing, but we the viewer cannot. Then Peppa and George jump onto the bed and somehow, Peppa doesn't trip at all while doing it. Jump cut to Peppa and George's room to a colorful closet of sun and moon, I think it's the toy closet introduced in the episode where the family bought a toy closet since the toy basket was way too full. I don't even remember the episode's name, but remember this happening. Peppa and George do the exact same gag as the one in the adult's room, but George is ready for a football game (Which one? Who cares?!) while Peppa looks like she's going to...I have no idea what the costume is that the writers were shooting for here. The adults come in as Peppa and George are overstuffing themselves with clothes while Daddy Pig checks the weather outside as it is sunny and hot. Ah, but since Daddy Pig is supposed to be dumb, I betcha when they go outside, it will start to rain and the ground will get all muddy, because there is only ONE way for Daddy Pig to get out of this alive with his dignity. Also, the kids are blown up jumping up and down, I don't think it's the clothes, Mummy Pig. The kids admit that the clothes are too hot though and too heavy as they have a meeting of the minds using their bellies to make sure that they don't bonk heads. Okay, I can accept that. Oh, and it wasn't at the Playgroup, sadly. Peppa and George put on Hawaiian shirts and pants for the summer day because they want to jump in muddy puddles at playgroup of course. Mummy Pig is questionning this as Peppa is wearing flippers and George is wearing...BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Yes, rabbit slippers. I died, that was a neat sight gag.

The kids dance around like they don't give a damn, and really they don't. Daddy Pig points out the flaw in their plan because the first rule of muddy puddle jumping is that you must wear your boots, pointed out in Series 1, Episode 1! Peppa and George agree to and Daddy Pig brings out the boots just to make sure there are no rules broken on that one. Peppa and George replace their footwear off-screen and Peppa puts her boot on on-screen in a closeup while George does his off-screen because Peppa is the star and George is secondary at best. So, it looks like everything is set. But wait?! Peppa jumps into a box to look for more stuff as we head to the school house on the hill as Gigi welcomes the Pig family with some French, as Peppa and George are dressed like they are going to a water theme park combined with a birthday party. I cannot describe it, it was hilarious. So, the kids find a muddy puddle and jump up and down in it as Gigi brings out her boots, while Daddy and Mummy Pig brings out their boots off-screen and everyone does the earthquake ritual with the narrator saying it all to end the episode at 3:11. There was some awesome muddy splashes in this puddle jump today. Really fun episode, and good for them to adhere to the first rule since a few episodes violated that rule even in Peppa Pig Tales! **** (80%).

Packing A Picnic: Short opens with Peppa checking out a tomb of plush toys and plastic dinosaurs as Peppa is literally stuffing toys into a picnic basket while George is looking on like "Why?". Seriously, is Peppa THAT indecisive?! As indecisive as I can get at times?! Peppa is literally using her ass to stuff the toys into the basket and sitting on them to boot while giggling. Rumbling occurs and Peppa is REJECTED into the tomb of toys. HAHA! Peppa laughs as the narrator proclaims that this is the first time she is in charge of stuffing the basket, and probably her last for a long time. Granny (without her hat) and Grandpa Pig (with his hat) exchange notes on the situation, as Peppa decides that she'll bring Teddy the roughneck bear, who has been abused so many times, abandoning it for good would be seen as a correction. George wants Mr. Dinesaur and George pronounces dinosaur properly! WOW! Watch the main line series ignore that character development of course. So, Grandpa Pig is relieved as hearing Granny Pig without her British accent in this episode is comedy cold. Yes, cold. Peppa wants to make spaghetti of course; because Peppa has no idea how picnics work despite having multiple picnics in the past. Yup, Peppa is trolling again. The narrator says that spaghetti is not good picnic food as he said it in a serious matter, at least the grandparents were looking at each other in the universal sign that they know Peppa is trolling them. Question: If they decide on sandwiches, would spaghetti sandwiches be any messier? The kids pick jam anyway, so the hope of spaghetti sandwiches is still a wet dream of mine. Jump cut to the kitchen table as I suspected that they are inside Peppa's residence. There is containers that have colored pull off seals. One is for apple jam, blueberry jam and strawberry jam along with slices of white bread. Bigot. Whole wheat is better for you anyway. Grandpa Pig, per Peppa's request, bails to find a kick ass blanket for the picnic. So, Peppa and George are making sandwiches using knives which in the mainline series, would have been changed to spoons. Which would have been better, not that it makes a difference, since Peppa and George love making messes. Yup, they are messing their faces good here. Peppa tries to be responsible in cleaning up; but shows why grown ups clean messes; because the strawberry container falls onto the ground and makes a bigger mess. I NEED A NEW WASHER~! No reason I said that, it's a fact otherwise.

Granny Pig cleans up the mess while claiming that you cannot make jam sandwiches without getting jammy. Of course! What a fool I am?! So, we jump cut to the kids finishing the sandwiches and the area is much cleaner. Peppa's sandwiches are delta shaped, while George's are dinosaur shaped, and I betcha George didn't need any help making them that way. George and dinosaurs are like peanut butter and jam coming together. I'm guessing BS&P didn't want peanut butter due to it's assocation with allergic reactions to peanuts. Oh well, jam only is much funnier and messier anyway. Everyone laughs as Grandpa Pig enters with a purple/white checkered blanket. The sandwiches are in the plastic black container with top on as everything is put in the picnic basket. Next up, Granny Pig, per Peppa's request, is to find cups for the orange juice in the cupboard and both the cups and orange juice are put in the picnic basket. The family walks outside and within TWO SECONDS, it is clouded over and is raining hard. None of the family bothered to check the weather to make sure it wasn't a bout of unsettled weather. That was funny actually. So, the picnic outside is totally ruined and now the narrator has to be subtle instead of outright saying that it is no fun at all. Granny then states that they should have the picnic indoors, which to be honest, would have been better if Peppa had said it because it ties in with the storyline that Peppa is in charge of the picnic. Everyone heads to the sitting room and the picnic is on the floor. And two more toys are invited to the picnic as Peppa and the narrator say it all. The family laughs as they eat to end the episode at 3:04. My washer is on it's last legs and is either in need of repairs or replacement. It's never good when my mom is much more angry than I am when it comes to large objects. My dad sadly, this is par for the course along with the swearing. Yeah, I doing this as filler because this episode was merely fine. ** 3/4 (55%).

Takeaway: Short opens with Mummy and Daddy Pig blowing smoke because they burn tonight's meal like a bunch of geeks. Daddy Pig asks if it can be eaten and the kids all say yuck. Considering what the meal was, I don't think it's because it was burned. So, Mummy Pig decides to treat them to a "takeaway", which is British for "take out" since in America, a takeaway is an American football stat about the ratio of interceptions got to interceptions allowed, which if it is a negative number, it would be giveaway; which is slang for a contest, which a football game technically is. So, Daddy Pig shows off the cellphone which is basically the Peppa Pig version of Door Dash, no relation to Deal Dash, which is a "fair and honest" auctioning site. As in a PlayStation 5 would net $0.50 and a Switch nets $13. Peppa wants Chinese take-out by the way, probably because the noodles remind her of spaghetti. Never mind Japanese take-out has dishes besides sushi, including ones with noodles called ramen. Daddy Pig orders the food via the cellphone and we get computer graphics which looks like a cartoonish version of a loading screen. No surprise, Miss Rabbit is involved in the delivery. Peppa JAQ's off for a while as Daddy Pig shows off a map of Miss Rabbit's route to the little house on the hill. Then the family decides to run to the front door to open it and greet Miss Rabbit on arrival. They open the front door and then close it because you see, Miss Rabbit only goes through the back door. Why does it matter?! This has to be some naughty rib on someone and I don't know what they are shooting for here. The family goes to the backdoor and here comes Miss Rabbit from the west with the purple backpack and yellow helmet. I should note that the paper bag is as big as the backpack, so the backpack has TARDIS powers. Peppa takes the bag and cannot see where she is going, Daddy Pig takes over the bag as Miss Rabbit checks her phone and bicycles away stage left. They put the food on the table and say it in as simple terms as possible (Rice, Noodles, Veggie Rolls (apparently, someone got offended by Egg Rolls), and the special surprise in the closed box.).

Yeah, Fried Rice, Egg Rolls and Fortune Cookies are considered too offensive even for this show. The kids sit down and start eating the rice and messing their faces with spoons, while the adults eat with chopsticks as Daddy Pig calls the noddles, spicy noodles and loves them. So, Peppa wants to try them and Daddy gives her one noodle and Peppa eats it with ease. Now the problem is: the peppers are what gives them the heat, so if Peppa ate a pepper with them, then the spot afterwards makes sense. Here, the noodle causes Peppa to blush red and it's PUDDLE JUMPER ON FIRE~! Okay, just her face as Peppa drinks orange juice to cool down. Peppa tries a veggie spring roll according to Mummy Pig and Peppa seems to like it a lot more than I do. George is so weak from the rice eating that he cannot poke a fork into it and the roll goes flat. HAHA! So, everyone finishes their meal as Daddy Pig puts the dishes in the sink, and they are almost full. That's due to the fact that it's time for the surprise: Fortune cookies! Of course! Mummy Pig explains the fortune cookie as the message is heart, sun and happy face as they didn't want to translate words to other countries. Peppa takes out the message and eats the cookie which is probably the least tasteful thing in the meal. Everyone has the same message as they giggle while the narrator goes Oprah on us to end the episode at 3:12. This short was one of the rumored mainline Peppa stories that didn't happen obviously, but otherwise, it was fine. ** 3/4 (55%).

Garden Den: Short opens with Peppa walking out west in the garden looking for someone or something as the forest den from Owl Spotting is back! Grandpa Pig and George are giggling in the den and despite being clearly heard, Peppa's hearing sucks so much that she cannot find them. Grandpa Pig pops up from the den and shocks Peppa and Peppa drops on her ass and says found you in order to save face from the fact that she got shocked. Grandpa Pig grabs Peppa and they head into the den with Peppa giggling. So, they exchange notes for a while and decide to make a garden den which I thought they already did. Whatever, let's bring out the shovels and oven gloves pretending to be special "digging gloves". I cannot take anything this show takes seriously. Those gloves sucked. So, after the kids jump up and down in a water puddle; the digging starts and Peppa's digging is hellbent on hitting Grandpa Pig in the face with dirt. The same energy I see George and Richard splashing water into Daddy Pig's face in Swimming. Grandpa Pig shovels the dirt piles away praising Peppa anyway as George is collecting sticks and makes a roof out of them as Grandpa Pig praises George for that. So, Grandpa Pig makes a tent by driving a log into the hole and then tying sticks around it with orange rope. Peppa and George cover the den with lots of leaves, so much so that they backsplash into a conveniently placed pile of leaves so, they don't take bumps off their heads. That would have sucked and Peppa fans would be hating life. Grandpa Pig explains why the leaves are needed as the leaves are flying around for no reason. So, more leaves are covered as the den is done and Peppa and George celebrate by throwing leaves backwards into Grandpa Pig's face. If you listen closely, you can hear Daddy Pig laughing all the way to the bank. Grandpa Pig is flustered, but laughs it off and gives Peppa the purple backpack filled with food, I bet. So, Peppa and Grandpa Pig crawl into the den struggling while George don't care and just enters the den with ease. HAHA! George giving zero f's about this is the best. So, we open the backpack, it's filled with fruit, since it's picnic time They eat apples, raspberries and strawberries from the garden for a while as Granny Pig shows up looking for them. The den dwellers are giggling as Grandpa Pig opens the den door and sneaks behind Granny and snorts in her face as she turns around and she drops on her ass, too. Peppa and George come out and the entire family hugs and then walks back into the den to end the episode at 2:52. Really fun episode as Peppa was really letting Grandpa Pig remember Swimming. *** 1/2 (70%).

THE REVIEW LINE

Well, we finally end series one and begin series two with one great short apiece and three middling episodes apiece. Getting Dressed was a really good episode with them dressing up and acting weird despite pretty much dressing up well according to the weather. King of the Playgroup was the best episode of Series one of these shorts just for the kids just burying the royality concept and Peppa being declared king in a "We all knew this day would come" moment and I don't think anything is going to top it. Overall, two great episodes and a lot of middling to fun episodes, although Cinco De Mayo would have been a blast if Pedro Pony was involved. So...

Thumbs up for King of The Playgroup and Getting Dressed; thumbs in the middle for the rest, and I'll see you all next time.

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