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Recess: All Growned Down

Reviewed: 11/03/2012

Well That is Putting It Mildly...

Welcome to more of the Fall Assortment as we head to the final Recess stuff which is the last OAV released on DVD known as All Grown Down. It's basically a clip show featuring the one gimmick band and the native kindergardeners. Oh joy! So let's rant on shall we...?!

This OAV is written by Bart Jennett, Peter Gaffney, Mark Drop, Johnathan Rosenthal and Steve Viksten. The story was edited by Mark Drop, Peter Gaffney, Michael Kramer, Phil Walsh and Holly Huckins . Additional material done by Elijah Aron. Teleplay is done by Etan Cohen, Joesph Purdy, Bart Jennett, Steve Viksten and Phil Walsh. The animation is done by Sunwoo Animation and Plus One Animation. I'm not sure who did what here since the credits were combined here for the DVD release. Again; I'm not going to do tributes for the writers here although Kick Buttowski fanboys should know who Mark Drop is from my rants on that show.

Opening Moment #1: There is no official opening in this one either. So we begin with a shot of Third Street School from far away as T.J. monologues as we head inside an empty hallway and empty classroom as we get the Recess logo with the black Disney logo on the chalkboard. Lameass promo: It was the whompiest of times. Yeah; he is implying that it was the suckiest of times which is why he uses the word whomps in the first place. Worse; whomps didn't need to be used since the original saying doesn't use a swear word. Finally; we get to hear T.J. say tender as his other catchphrase. We write on the chalkboard the subtitle and then we cut to outside as the bell rings to a picture of a foot in purple underwear which talks about foot care month. Was the underwear a BS&P decision or not? Anyhow we pan to a pushing doors as the kids come out looking disgusted as we discover that Principal Prickley was talking about foot hygiene for an hour. Spinelli shows off her Internet Tough Girl act as she calls the whole thing disgusting. Yeah; and spraying ketchup as fake blood on little kids wasn't? T.J. thinks this will all be fine since they have one hour of Recess to get over it. Gus sadly feels woozy and excuses himself to Nurse Kramer for repairs. Remember this for later; because Gus is about to reveal something horrible then. Spinelli thinks he'll recover as Gretchen claims that Gus has a heart of steel. So they go over what to do; but Kick Ball is out of the question because it reminds Vince of feet. So Mikey wants to try out his new croquet set which confuses Vince. Mikey of all people gets out the educational line of being a game for higher British players. So we scene change to outside as the ONE GIMMICK BANDS are carrying wooden croquet mallets. Spinelli wants to go HHH on her buddies with glee; but Mikey points out that you do not hit people with it; you hit balls (NOT THOSE ONES!) and hit wickets. Sadly; the playground is too full right now, so T.J. has a better place which is the old abandoned playground because no one goes there. Geez; I wonder why?

So we head to the empty abandoned playground which looks kind of new and not rusting to death. Although there are signs of unsafe equipment; the equipment looks in better shape than some parks I know of. Gretchen has memories of erieeness returning to her head. T.J. assures them that the "guys" won't cause problems this time as Mikey gives them all hoops and everyone spreads out and tries to nail down the hoops to the ground. Sadly; Vince and T.J. get the old upside down ankle rope treatment; the girls get the net and Mikey falls into the Team Rocket hole in the ground trap. Wait; so they found the new hideout of the Gummi Bears or something? Here comes Hector and the kindergardeners to flush the OAV down the episode barely two minutes in. Hector proclaims that they are their prisoners and it's way too hard to take this seriously. Jim Kellogg called this a clever gimmick; I have no idea what he was thinking when he said that because that is an outright lie. Mikey welcomes the small people which is a felonious insult to them and they jump into the pit to MURDER Mikey. So then we cut to the kids tied up with red skipping rope (which they probably stole from Webby after having her for dinner. Although she did come back in Kaboom; so they didn't kill her.) against a steel pole. Spinelli threatens to make pancakes out of the native kindergardeners. Did I mention that having the kindergardeners as savages is downright racist and horrible to use for a company that is supposed to be delivering "Illuminating Television"? Hector blows her off because they are in jail. Which has to be the most out there jail ever. Mikey tries to point out that they are croquet lovers (Riiiigggghhhhtttt Mikey) and Gretchen points out that the abandoned playground is big kid land and that big kid/little kid regulations are being violated here. So the crumbled up crown kid with brown loin cloth underwear so happens to be Captain Sticky; is supposed to be the leader here; but he isn't anymore.

So T.J. demands to see the real captain of the Kindergardeners and we see him who looks extremely beefy for a five year old. Something tells me that he is a repressed grade two or three who thinks he is a kindergardener at best. He's also big, has a crown, war paint, a staff and flies all over his head which are animated better than most scenes involving flies. We discover that his name is Captain Stinky; and did I mention that he has a purple skull painted on his chest? T.J. never heard of him and Stinky admits that he is new here. Stinky thinks big kids are a bunch of liars and I shudder to think what he thinks of adults. Stinky orders the little kids to not listen to T.J. (Which makes sense when you think about it. If they had Kit tied up; then this would make the scene a lot better) and the kids act as if they don't know him. T.J. claims that they do and that the big kids made up with the kindergardeners; but it didn't start off all that well. And yes; that is the entire opening segment at 3:30 approx. This was just there and I'm not liking where this is going so far. So now we officially begin with the first episode of the All Grown Down clip show with episode 1-16 The Legend of Big Kid. Oh boy; this is going to suck; I just know it...

The Legend of Big Kid: So we begin this one in the playground as Vince and T.J. are exchanging notes on who is the best baseball player; with the position being outfielder. Kirby Puckett from Minnesota is referenced here (by T.J. because he like all kids his age: They don't like history nor reality) just to show how old the show is. Vince is an old school guy who thinks Kirby sucks compared to Babe Ruth and the others from the old era. Kirby has a .317 lifetime batting average (actually it's .318 by 1995 (when he retired) which is two years after this episode was released); and I have to side with Vince on this because Babe Ruth won at least seven World Series championships which Kirby only won two his career. Ironically; David Ortiz who started in Minnesota in 1997 and despite having a .285 batting average; he would win two World Series with the Boston Red Sox; which was a lot more historic for obvious and not so obvious reasons. Sadly; Kirby died in 2006 though. T.J. shows that he is the "COOL KID" by claiming that Kirby is more talented than Babe Ruth, Ted Williams and all the rest which Vince gleefully blows off. Vince's "you couldn't see talent if it bit you on the ass and yodeled the Anna Maria" paraphrase is an ironic condemnation to the entire creative team at this point. Anyhow; we head into the woods as Vince stops and is in shock, which T.J. takes as him winning the argument. In your dreams T.J. as we discover the abandoned playground. Logic break #1: Apparently; the playground is much, much worse then as it was now. There better be a storyline reason for this writers; or else. T.J. grabs a Disco Fever lunchbox and proclaims that no one used this since the 1970's. Vince wants to leave right now as T.J. tries to walk stage right; but he gets caught in a Gummi Bear trap and wedged against the rusted monkey bars which cannot be a good thing for T.J.'s back. Vince tries to get T.J. down; but forgets to go for the rope around his ankle. Idiots! And of course; we hear the kindergardeners; so T.J. yells at Vince to save himself and Vince bails behind a tree. What a friend?!

Anyhow; here come the RACIST GIMMICKS OF DOOM as one of the female primary students has a bow which she uses to whack T.J. upside the head with as the primary kids are now hitting T.J. with the safest shots possible. Come on guys; this is a cartoon. It's not like this is real life where T.J. would suffer brain damage and dementia; followed by an urge to kill his family. And yes; Captain Sticky is with them as they hit T.J. in the head with meter sticks. Vince yells for T.J. and blows his cover, what a shock? Yeah; the black athlete kid is dumb, what a surprise? So the primary kids (it's called primary up here in Canada; and at least primary is a word Open Office seems to notice. So from now on; I'm going to use primary instead of Kindergardeners.) chase Vince away towards the barbed wire fence and then Vince trips on a tree root and instead of completing the stupidity and running himself into the barbed wire fence like Bryan Alvarez running into it after realizing that a ten speed bicycle doesn't have the same brakes as a dirt bike; he is forced to kiss the foot of Spinelli. I hope this was not intentional; because UGH if it is. Spinelli asks what happened and Vince almost cries in Spinelli's arms after telling her that T.J. has been kidnapped. Spinelli consoles him and we scene change back to the abandoned playground as the followers of the ONE GIMMICK BAND follow Vince and T.J. is gone as the rope is cut at the loop where T.J.'s ankle was. Vince notices the baseball card and goes into melodramatics about acting like a coward. Spinelli claims that this is what any kid would do and Gus is all Grubby about the situation. Oh lord; why do you test me so? Should have let Spinelli finish her promo because SHE'S supposed to be the brutally honest one of the bunch. Gretchen proclaims that they probably went back to their fort as we head to the primary fort of doom and they head inside as there is a mess of toys on the ground; outside and inside the fort. The entire place is devoid of five year old ankle biters with racial stereotypical gimmicks. Spinelli thinks T.J. fought back and was let go; but Gretchen grabs a baby doll with a blue diaper and squeezes it to pop the head; implying that T.J. was murdered and beheaded. Ooookkkkkaaayyy.

Gretchen deduces that they probably went to their winter encampment as Vince proclaims that he'll chase them to the ends of the earth to find T.J. Spinelli is with him as she leaves and Gretchen examines a tricycle wheel for no reason that I can think of. So we go into a field inside a forest as the primary natives are dancing, poking at tied up dolls to a tree while T.J. monologues and is looking from his perspective (including the closeup shot of his face which 101 Dalmatians the series used to the point that it offended Jim Kellogg) as he is inside a wooden cage. If only he carried a stick with him in his back pocket; he could set the cage...Oh wait; BS&P, never mind. We see Captain Sticky, a bald native and a brown haired girl with a ponytail. Sadly; I have no clue who those two are since there are no notes on-line about these two. Anyhow; they are beating a teddy bear with rulers and again with the safest shots possible. The girl grabs the bear and chews on it. Then Sticky eats a candy cane which we discover that T.J. was the one who gave him that name. Sticky blows off T.J. for a bit and hits him with a ruler; again the you know what possible. Sticky wants him for food and T.J. tries to show that he tastes bad (Geez T.J.; make light of the obvious there). Memo to T.J.: primary kids are not going to fall for the yucky-yucky poo-poo routine. It only makes you sound like an idiot. So they use the rulers to stick food on the ends of them and wants T.J. to eat food. T.J. isn't so sure because usually this sets him up to be eaten by natives later on. The food is spoiled though; so T.J.'s reasoning is justified somewhat as he accepts the GOOP bar; and the monologue shows that T.J. isn't buying the twisted kindness and the primary students' evil grins are not helping them break the vicious cycle of stereotypes.

So we head back to the playground and I ask why would natives hide in a wide open place like a playground? That's just asking for death right there. Gretchen notices dried up chocolate on the see saw and states that they were here; but the trail has gone cold see. Vince doesn't want to quit; and everyone claims that they never said they were quitting. Except for Gus of course which is only slightly more believable than the quitting antics of Escarmargot. Vince proclaims that they will find him; or die trying. I hope for the later; but BS&P is going to give me the former as we cut back to T.J. in the cage rolled in a ball as apparently he was moved again since the area is a lot less cluttered with trees. The natives are eating in their usual messy way as for some stupid reason; T.J.'s shoe and sock on his left foot are missing, for no reason that I can think of. T.J. monologue is staying alive and finally eating the GOOP bar and liking it actually. Which the natives take a ruler and open the cage and let T.J. out. Huh? WHY?! T.J. tries to bail stage right; but is blocked by three primary kids with yardsticks and brushes. This is IMPOSSIBLE for me to take seriously; and this is just not funny either. T.J. backs up as the primary kids show him a tree with a picture as one of the natives is finger painting. T.J. acts like Mr. Hardcore on speed (another reason why video gaming is so screwed up) so the kids hiss at him and threaten to beat him up. Yeah; if only BS&P would let you hit him with a shot that looks like it make hard contact. So T.J. puts his finger in the yellow paint and decides to finger paint as we cut to Spinelli shoving a kid with glasses and a white shirt against a finger painted tree. Sadly; I have zero clue who this kid is. He looks like a nerdy version of Jordan though. So we play "good cop, bad cop" on this poor hapless white kid (that sounds so dirty to me doesn't it?) and he confesses that the primary natives were here; but he didn't see him as he bawls his eyes out. Vince's bad cop routine is so bad that he would make the perfect corrupt cop. I shake my head as Vince lets him go and the nerdy kid proclaims that if there was one; he's dead in roundabout terms. Everyone gasps in horror...

So we get T.J. dunking his hands in yellow paint and splashing paint on the paper taped to the tree as he monologues about how he is confused about acting like a baby. By the way; in case you are all wondering why I didn't list the names nor voices here? Most of the native kids are voiced by Kath Soucie or E.G. Daily; only Tubby is voiced by the same voice who does Mikey. Most of the natives are nothing of note (although I did see Emma and Cindy in the background a number of times during these scenes). Speaking of bad logic breaks; he somehow managed to splatter yellow paint all around the picture; but when we see the said picture; it's a sailboat with a sun. That makes NO sense whatsoever. This spot always annoys me because in real life; the paper would be a massive blob of yellow on it. Even worse; T.J. is still painting when the picture is ON SCREEN and nothing new is shown. I'm guessing Sunwoo is animating this episode; which would be zero surprise to me. So the natives cheer while Sticky looks up at the sun and shoos everyone away as he goes over to T.J. who is having fun with finger painting. Sticky proclaims that it's nap time and T.J. ignores him because he's childish dick pretending to act like he's mature when he is not. Sticky sticks the ruler in his face (oh; the irony) and T.J. takes the purple blanket and lies down on the ground. The ponytail girl gives T.J. a teddy bear and naps. T.J. thinks this is good and the business world screams bloody murder. Okay; maybe not. We then get a sky shot of the primary kids napping as nap is good according to Sticky. So we scene change as we hit the sad montage as the ONE GIMMICK BAND sulk walks through the playground and look at the sun while T.J. is tricycling with the primary natives. We see Vince showing a picture of T.J. to upside down girl; who doesn't have a clue where he is. The band checks tall grass while T.J. flops on the grass after losing to the primary natives in musical chairs; but he still laughs and has fun. Gretchen does find T.J.'s shoe even though we never see when T.J. took it off and Vince screams...badly. Which segues into tumbling down the tree with T.J. and company. This would be a lot more touching if I give a damn about this; but I don't so it sucks.

And just because the writers think that the ending to The Break In was so charming (as in racist); we see the Diggers digging as they have a sign in the background saying: China Or Bust. The big problem with this is that they ALREADY got there in the debut episode. They basically blew off the entire gimmick in the debut and waited 15 episodes to do the build up; which chronologically makes no sense at all. This is like watching an episode of Impact Wrestling. Back before Austin Aries and Bobby "Roo"ude became champions; and thus was a bigger jokes before that. They claim that they show the photo and the Diggers point in opposite directions. We then nap again as T.J. is holding a teddy bear while sucking his thumb. So we make it to the front of the school as the ONE GIMMICK BAND wants to give up and Spinelli doesn't want to know what happened to T.J. if the primary kids got him. Vince blows this off because he doesn't quit. Gretchen then runs in with a purple lollipop which is partially eaten and claims that it's still wet; which means that they are close by. Yeah; they cannot look in the most obvious place to check (the forest) because that is apparently too racist even for the writers; but a purple lollipop which we never saw in earlier scenes is enough for the gang to deduce the location. GOD! Mikey's wanting the lollipop was more amusing; although not by very much. I hate this first season Recess. I really do. So we find Vince and company walking to the place where T.J. was finger painting and the kids are gone. Vince is flustered at this point as Mikey notices a Yum Bear painted in light blue letters on a long grass patch which seems to have a rope attached to it from the back. Mikey calls it a Winger Dinger bar (despite it clearly saying YUM on it. If this was a copyright change; they screwed it up since the word Yum is still on the package.) as he grabs it and the babyfaces all get the net of doom. All the primary kids come out (minus T.J.) as Mikey proclaims that they found them at least. No one is amused. Join the club you gimmick, bald face morons!

So we scene change to the primary kids dancing and doing various stuff as the gang is inside the wooden cage now. Gretchen deduces that they will suffer the same fate as T.J. now as Mikey calls them heartless fiends. Such projection of Disney there sir. So Sticky has ponytail native girl do some different beats on the drum and the bushes ruffle and out comes T.J. who has been kindergarternized. At least now; the writers have finally put T.J. in his proper place; instead of the "COOL KID" gimmick that they were shooting for. Mikey screams in horror as T.J. has the Gruffi pose on and looks pissed off. T.J. talks like Japanese Relm by the way which is perversely amusing to me; but too late to save this episode. So Vince tries to reason with him; but that is like reasoning to execs about kids not being morons. It's just not possible unless you are an exec who also does his own creations; instead of merely owning them because they have that MONEY, MONEY, YEAH, YEAH. So Vince continues to do the same thing over and over again and I betcha it works and shows that those people who invented the word insanity are "morons". I check the DVD... Dammit; I wish I wasn't good. See; the problem with this is that the baseball card snapped him out of it; instead of the love of the characters. In other words; logic would dictate that he would side with Sticky because the primary kids despite being forceful (hey; they are young and still forming concepts of right and wrong. Cut them some slack okay?); only wanted T.J. to have fun and liked having him around actually. What does T.J. do? Look around and then sob like a mentally ill patient. Considering what happened to me years ago; this outrages me and is beyond disgusting. And to think; they had a decent buildup to a finish as well. If you are going to hit the reset button; then make me care about Vince caring about T.J. Showing him a baseball card of Kirby Puckett isn't going to cut it even in a word of "attitude".

So we scene change to T.J. lacing up his shoes as he somehow got all his clothes back. T.J. feels uneasy about being normal again. Oh lord; you were only there for three hours tops! You have to be in such a traumatic event (say, 9/11/2001 would do that perfectly actually.) that is so beyond the pale that it renders you into paralysis. This doesn't do it. T.J. admits that he liked being a little kid because it's NO HOLDS BARRED~! Don't care T.J.; still sucked and there is no heart nor heat to light up a small candle. Gus calls it primitive and Gretchen then stomps on the moment's corpse because that will die and the primary kids will be in first grade. Well; the moment was doomed from the start; so stomping on it won't offend me since they offended so much along the way that stomping on the corpse is merely kicking a dead horse: pointless. The ONE GIMMICK BAND walks away as T.J. looks at the fort. Sticky waves goodbye and slowly closes the door behind him to end the episode at 14:44. Wow; this episode really sucked hard. It's bad enough that the gimmick for the primary kids is racially disgusting; but the writers completely ruined the pathos scene which made no sense and the end result was that I hated Vince even more now then when I started. And Gus wasn't much better either; although I would expect such bad behavior on honesty from Gretchen. T.J.'s one moment of bliss crushed because the writers don't care about storyline and character; and only care about cheap laughs and middle fingers to the FCC. It's things like that finish that make me feel sorry for the FCC and Peggy Charmon; not make me hate them which is what the writers were shooting for. - * (-20%).

So we return to the present Recess (which at least is only just there instead of sucking hard) as T.J. claims that he's a kindergartener at heart and vouches that his friends are A-OK. Oh my god T.J.; did Mikey whack you so hard in the head with the croquet mallet (sadly; the croquet angle was never paid off which is another crappy decision by the writers) that you lost your marbles? They basically blew off your bliss; most of all Vince and Gretchen. Lord help me here as Stinky shows that he is smarter than everyone in this show and refuses to let them go at all. Stinky calls big kids bad (Well; DUH! They basically ruined T.J. best first season moment) and gives Hector the ruling stick as he gets to watch the kids while he rides on the spring horse pondering how to MURDER these selfish, no good, rotten big kid bastards. The kids ask what he means by boom-boom and Hector proclaims that it's bad punishment and we still don't know what it is. T.J. tells everyone to relax because Hector is a friend of his and he has a plan to tie up Hector and make it look like he was hit in the head. Hector blows it off and points the yardstick at T.J. And now Gretchen is pissed off as she will not be quiet when Hector tells her to shut up. Oh sod off Gretchen; you "I wish I was Cadpig; but I don't have Gadget Hackwrench's voice to back me up" moron! So Gretchen tells them that they don't even know who their friends are. Of course they don't; they are five years old and have problems telling friend from foe. It's called reality; and you have zero excuse for this since that is your GIMMICK! GOD! Anyhow; Gretchen is going to tell us a story about letting the primary natives into the lives of big kids when no one else would; so we end segment #2 at 15:44. Well; that was a pretty insipid segment to say the least...So our next episode is "Wild Child" which is episode 2-36 on the air order paper; which hopefully; won't suck so bad...

Wild Child: We begin this episode with a shot of a blackboard with the words "Pee Wee Pals" on it. Miss Grotkey believes that it's time has come for the fourth graders to interact with the primary kids which the classroom groans (which appears to only contain the ONE GIMMICK BAND which indicates that this is punishment from Miss Finster; or something) on cue. So apparently; first through third is good; fifth and sixth is tolerable; but primary is EVIL. What kind of warped school is this? I hope the director for Bratz doesn't see..Oh wait; too late. Anyhow; Grotkey officially introduces Mrs. Clamperer who looks like a white haired lady wearing all purple and she's wearing a neck brace. Not making this up. Miss Clamperer is doing this to give the pee wee kids some time to adjust to number grade life; and give her some peace and quiet. I cannot blame her; that neck must be broken in at least two places: one by the kindergarteners and the other place was with Miss Finster trying to get her to do the job. You know Miss Finster is a hateful coward when even SHE won't handle kindergartners. Spinelli asks what is in it for the kids and Miss Grotkey proclaims that they will take away a sense of responsibility and self worth. No one is buying it as somehow the Ashleys have somehow magically reappeared on the groan shot. Grotkey then mentions two tickets to Gonzo's Water Park and Arcade and that is enough to make them sell. Yeah. She doesn't say "you get five percent bonus on your final grade", and/nor "you get a feather in your cap on you resume and future job prospects". No; they get two tickets to a water park. Educational? What does that mean? Me not know how this can co-exist with this show? So Clamperer asks for volunteers and every kid raises their hand and she loves them taking the bait like fudge. Nice way to kill whatever empathy I had for Mrs. Clamperer guys.

So we head outside as there is a lineup to the fort as Freddy (who is a black boy with a purple shirt and green pants. He also wears earrings and a green cap. Interesting note: In other episodes; he is named Gordy for no reason whatsoever. If you were expecting continuity in this show, watch TaleSpin. These creators don't give a damn about continuity.) who apparently doesn't like T.J. and is allergic to nut products. He gets to play along with Tubby as Tubby sounds friendly for a change. So T.J. is giddy about all this (of course you are; they bribed you with tickets to a theme park. And shouldn't Gretchen not be in this? I mean; doesn't SHE want to have bonus marks on her final grade, or even better job prospects (like getting the hell out of this show)? Spinelli can just smell the chlorine right now as Clamperer introduces the final six kids for the ONE GIMMICK BAND as a group. The first one is Emma who has brown hair, blue overalls and red ankle pads. She also has a blond dolls that she loves to chew on as a toy. Second is Jake who is a brown haired kid who is literally wearing a diaper. Oy vey. The third one is Cindy (whose full name is Cynthia Rossberg. Why she was the only one with a full name; I don't know. Even Hector has no last name) who is a blond girl with aquamarine dress and grass ankle pads. And since she's a blond dudette; she is dumb as she is supposed to be easy to distract. The fourth one is Zedd who is easy to notice because he has pink hair and large purple lips; plus wears gray shorts with red straps. If there was some irony that the writers were shooting for; I have no clue what it is. The fifth one is Hector as you have seen previous rants already; and finally the sixth one is Spenser who is a light browned hair kid with a lot of war paint on; blue shirts, striped red/cream ankle pads and green lips. He also growls a lot like the other ones who follow him just the same. And the big kids run like the selfish cowards that they are as the six native kindergarteners give chase and manage to get them to the top of the dome jungle gym. Grotkey suggests watching this from a safe distance and Clamperer suggests going to Cleveland, Ohio.

Vince calls this a nightmare as Gretchen asks why they are doing this crap. Because the bosses want you to look like chums? Mikey does make me chuckle when he mentions the saplings as Spinelli thinks even Gonza World is not worth this kind of punishment. T.J. blows it off because Gonza World is the best theme park in history. I think Magic Mountain would have something to say about that T.J. Reason #2214 why I think people who bash the new Disney overlook 1997-2004: T.J. talks about the water park; but don't show it. At least Kick Buttowski shows the events. Sure they are annoying as hell; but the concept is much better than saying it. The writers just have to make it so I can care about it and care about the characters wanting to achieve a certain goal which has whatever even has as a payoff. T.J. doesn't give us that; he just talks about it and thus I don't care. He can build it up all he wants by talking; but without visuals to prove that this is worthwhile; this is just a way to make me not care. And of course everyone climbs down anyway because it advances the plot. T.J. thinks this is going to be cake as he is whisper yelling about what is in it for me and even kindergarteners could hear it since it's at CLOSE RANGE. So everyone separates from the group as each kid gets a kindergartner. T.J. has Spenser which is weak since it should be Cindy since she has the full name and a mixed relationship would be good for character building. Gretchen is with Emma, Mikey is with Zedd, Vince is with Jake, I'm guessing Cindy is with Spinelli and Gus has Hector which would make sense later on actually. So Spenser still growls as T.J. asks about what Spenser does and Spenser claims that he reads the newspaper. Now that's an interesting thing for a five year old to do; but since it's not COOL and T.J. is the "COOL KID" and asks about playing marbles. Playing marbles would have been cool; back when Hogan's Heroes was still at the height of it's popularity. Spenser asks if they eat marbles and T.J. sezs no; but it's fun see.

So we scene change to a wooden picnic table as Gretchen brings out the LIBERAL RED BOOK OF LIES called Ancient Egypt which she calls a textbook. Yeah; that is Gretchen's way to win Emma's heart: teach her how to be shallow while sounding deep. Gretchen mentions that it has less pictures and more fine print which contains mankind's knowledge. Emma's reaction is to eat the text book and spit it out. HAHA! It took nearly 19 minutes for them to get a laugh from me. A predictable one; but one nevertheless. Gretchen is in shock as we scene change to Vince at the kick ball field as he brings out a kick ball and shows it to Jake. Vince throws it to him; but he drops it and kicks it away slowly. HAHA! Vince is flustered over that one. It's KICK BALL Vince; at least that is an improvement over Chum Chum. Get over yourself. So we scene change to Cindy picking flowers and showing them to Spinelli. Spinelli as usual shows how much of a "tough girl" she really is by no selling; so Cindy forces the flowers into her nose and tells her to smell. HAHA! Spinelli swipes the flowers away and really rants on her about real life eating her alive because she likes weed. Cindy calls this yucky and I agree with her. Spinelli is such a yucky girl with lobster courage. So Spinelli flexes her arms and wants to show Cindy how to arm wrestle. Oh dear; let's see how Mikey is doing as he's in a meadow talking about poetry as Zedd has the Gruffi pose on and doesn't care. Zed raspberries him on everything and Mikey flops onto the ground and gives up. So then we go towards the street as Hector is climbing the iron fence with Gus running behind him. Doesn't Hector realize that the top of the fence has barbed wire on it as per the gimmick of this school. Gus grabs him before something bad can happen as Gus goes on a rant about barbed wire fence; which Gus ignores and heads to the monkey bars as Gus calls them a death trap in primary colors. HAHA! Good one Gus Griswald; you are really upping your rep as "Safety Boy".

So we cut to the pavement in front of a wall with a can of marbles. Spenser tries to eat from the can; but T.J. stops him as T.J. demonstrates using the brown masher to knock the marbles out of the circle. So yes; T.J. stole his gimmick from Huey Duck in Pearl of Wisdom, what a shock. Spenser is smarter than T.J. as he uses his foot to knock over the can of marbles (much to the panic of T.J.) and the marbles roll around; everyone doesn't look and stop; they just walk into the marbles and trip and fall. Even more absurd is King Bob's train which trips and breaks Bob's throne in the process; and probably broke about three bones in King Bob's ribs to boot. King Bob pops up from the carnage and demands answers to this outrage and no one leaves the playground; which T.J. and Spenser just do because Spenser loves to blow their cover as usual. Even though this incriminates them. We zoom in to Miss Grtokey feeling concerned about the kids; but Mrs. Clamperer is reading a newspaper and doesn't care because it's all part of the program see. So she checks her watch and brings out a phial of capsules which is her medication. Okay; so drugs are still legal if they are medicine and prescribed by her doctors even in children's cartoons. Okay; got it. Although that still doesn't explain Song Of The Nightin Dale. So Bob and his guard bail in opposite directions at the Box Hole Of Death as T.J. pops up with Spenser and blows off Spenser for hurting everyone; most so them. Spenser wants T.J.'s hat and T.J. blows him off because that is what makes him; him. Good job T.J.; telegraph the obvious that you are a nobody gimmick that you didn't earn. And screw you for putting yourself ahead of others. Concern for Spenser is fine though. So T.J. looks around for more fun options and apparently; kick ball, four square, rope ball and football are out of the running. Which leaves by default; the swing set with Swinger Girl. Which has to be the dumbest choice ever because of Swinger Girls' gimmick.

So we head to the swing set as T.J. and Swinger Girl swing. Spenser does nothing of course. See; according to T.J.: it's 50% arms, 50% legs and 50% attitude. And people are surprised when I call T.J. and idiot?! So Spenser swings from side to side; which looks cool; but T.J. yells at Spenser to stabilize and Spenser takes a rather decent bump into Swinger Girl and she falls flat on her face on-screen despite the fact that we don't see her bump onto the sand. Whatever as Swinger Girl is pissed off because she was 10 swings away from her record. So she's a fifth grader as she blows of T.J. and Spenser taunts her before T.J. grabs Spenser and they hide behind the school. T.J. informs him that you don't screw with Swinger Girl because she has upper body strength. And really; who would argue with that? Spenser sells as if he is tired which T.J. points out that he did all the running. Spenser proclaims that he wants a drink and T.J. asks if anyone else is having any fun. So we scene change back to Emma and Gretchen in the thrilling sequence of Psychobabble 101. Emma is slightly improving her skills as she can rhyme even though she uses the wrong words and then goes all blue-de-blue on us. So then Gretchen wants to play a game and brings out the chess board. Emma doesn't seem to mind either way because we scene change to Vince and Jake at the kick ball field. So Vince rolls the ball and Jake kicks it into Vince's hands for the easy out. Vince acts like a dick; but then weasel words his suggestions to Jake who is looking for s blimp to shoot down. Then we scene change to a grass field for the thrilling arm wrestling battle between Spinelli and Cindy. Which Spinelli easily wins. Spinelli claims that there is no shame in losing. Try telling that to Hulk Hogan fans in the 1980's. So Spinelli wants a best of 15 with Cindy as we scene change to Mikey and Zed looking at the sky surrounded by bushes.

Mikey sees a lion with shoes and Zed calls them cloud shoes. I'm surprised that TaleSpin didn't have a scene with Kit wearing clouds on his feet; because that would have been an awesome visual. It's too bad the writers don't know who Kit Cloudkicker is; because a cloud image of him with Mikey saying "a bear cub wearing cloud shoes" would have been an awesome visual. Otherwise; it's just a lame throwaway spot that leads nowhere. So we scene change to Hector is is about to crumble down a cliff of dirt that is only about 10 feet tops even on the closeup shots as Gus grabs his leg and tells Hector not to do that. We see the Diggers pop up from their hole and take Gus' side because Gus is safety man see. We also discover that the whole "contact the power company before you dig" promo made it to this show. Hector is in awe of safety man and since Gus is the most over; who can argue? So we scene change to Spenser trying to get a drink from the water fountain; but T.J. grabs him. See; the water fountain might be booby trapped. I think T.J. is being a spoil sport; or T.J. still needs to be re-big kidded some more. So we see that Buster is nodding off near the fountain (another red haired kid wearing a blue shirt with a red stripe. Interesting point: Buster looked very similar to what T.J. looked when the show was in pre-production in 1996.) and apparently has Erwin's infection since he is friends with him. Anyhow; we see a bunch of kids running away stage left being chased by Randell who wants them to make him a player; or else he'll snitch on them to Miss Finster. So T.J. comes out and cuts a promo about the school rigging the water fountain with cherry lime cola as a marketing campaign. Now considering that science experts even in 1998 were sounding the alarm on soda pop in schools; you would think that Randell would have caught on to T.J.'s little scam. But Randell sells it because he's Miss Finster cookie loving puppy and turns the fountain on and gets sprayed in the face with water. Everyone laughs at his expense; and I just shake my head seeing how stupid Randell is.

T.J. proclaims that this is classic; but Spenser is spraying water into Buster's face now. Much funnier! T.J. grabs Spenser and they bail as Buster, Swinger Girl and Bob's black guard join in the chase and blow T.J. off for being such a dick. So we head back to the picnic tables with Emma and Gretchen playing chess. Emma checkmates Gretchen and T.J. gets chased by the goofiest mob ever. I cannot take Swinger Girl seriously as an angry redhead; I really cannot. Vince rolls the ball on the kick ball field; Jake kicks it over his head and gets an easy home run. Vince calls it a nice fake (and gives him the nickname "Jake the Fake" (which is insulting and neither one knows it); and Jake still has to work on his slapping skin bit) as we see more chasing T.J. for fun. Spinelli and Cindy do some ankle wrestling and Cindy finally beats Spinelli. In a crowd of first grader and a circle. Now THAT is AWESOME~! Spinelli teases that Cindy cheated and wants a rematch RIGHT NOW; because this is too much fun. So far the best spot of the entire OAV and we are 24 minutes into this thing. Sadly; no chasing on T.J. here as the crowd pops and we head to the back of the school with Gus and Hector. Hector forces Gus to a wall as we see T.J. getting chased some more. Gus proclaims that be aware does not equal be afraid. Hector is getting it as we scene change to Mikey and Zedd looking at the sky again. They see clouds we don't see which ruins the effect as Zedd gives Mikey a piece of candy that looks like a black jelly log with white icing and Mikey thanks him for it. So we scene change back to Miss Grotkey and Mrs. Clamperer again as Grotkey asks if they should call in the children now; but Clamperer wants a few more minutes because apparently; she is reading a good book and Al Kahn getting a heart attack and dying would be her goal in life....

...Allegedly.

Which didn't work because Mother Nature has been trying that on Al for years and he's still running on strong. Now granted; Al Kahn's work includes creating programs for firefighters, law enforcement and children programs dealing with drugs and violence, so the guy does have a nice streak in him. But he is still an idiot who sezs stupid things at his job. Grotkey isn't buying this and so Clamperer whistles and the ONE GIMMICK BAND joins in with the ONE NATIVE BAND as everyone is behaving which Clamperer calls strange; but great. Spinelli rubs Cindy's hair as she proclaims that it was tough at first; but they could handle it. However; T.J. is still left as we finally see T.J. and Spenser covered in mud hiding from the stairs as T.J. blows off Spenser for nearly getting murdered by everyone (which we never got to see at all) as he shows how selfish he is and then he quickly snaps back and proclaims that he had a blast. Oh lord; that is so contrived and forced that it's not good at all. So T.J. gives Spenser his hat as everyone is shocked. I am too; but not for any good reasons. So we scene change as Miss Clamperer addresses the kids with praise and then wants them to come back into the fort and put the toys away. So the kindergarteners blitz Miss Clamperer and hang all over her as she goes into the fort and sells a neck injury despite not holding it. And we cut to the ONE GIMMICK BAND as we wrap this whole thing up as T.J. is instantly noticed by the Swinger Girl and the mob. Wait; I thought they said that T.J. was already MURDERED by them; and at least this mob can see through disguises. If only the weasels from All's Whale That Ends Whale had that much smarts. T.J. bails stage right as the mob chases him and that ends the episode at 26:18. Well; this one was okay when they got the little kids to behave; but otherwise, not good. ** (40%).

So we return back to reality (no, not really) as Gretchen admits that this wasn't all that great in hindsight; but still, they managed to get over their pettiness anyway. Emma no sells because Stinky scares them. Well; at least they are no longer lying about the reason why they hate the ONE GIMMICK BAND anymore. Although there would be good reason to hate them now. At least entertainment wise. So the kindergartners all still hate them as Gretchen deduces that Stinky is brainwashing them. Mikey isn't about to quit yet because he has a story about Tubby and the friendship he created which causes Tubby to run in telling Mikey to shut up about him because Mikey is a big, bad kid. Which for four of the five; that might be accurate. And absolutely in Spinelli's case. Tubby claims that he and Mikey never met and Mikey states that they have. Tubby blows it off; so Mikey decides to remind him because there was a special day that comes to Third Street School that everyone loves; but it causes great pain for Mikey. POW! OUCH! Ummmm... Boy; Spinelli's aim is OFF. That ends the segment at 27:00. Well; that was quick. So the last story is Kindergarten Derby which is episode 3-56 on the air order paper (the latest episode for rant purposes, minus the Taking The Fifth Grade OAV and All Grown Down; which didn't air.) and I hope this is the best one because I don't want Gus to carry the episode on his back...

Kindergarten Derby: We begin this one with the black kid security guard (with shades of course) blowing a trumpet. King Bob stands up and proclaims that today is the 25th annual Kindergarten Derby and the little kids sells it like the clueless dolts that they are. Gus looks confused as hell as Gretchen explains that a big kid trains a little kid to run in the most demanding obstacle course ever made. If they don't MXC this; then this is going to suck; and judging by Mikey's use of the Gruffi pose; this is going to suck. Mikey hates this event as Spinelli blows him off. Why not ask him why he hates it? Anyhow; the winning group gets any wish he desires from King Bob. If you cannot guess what the wish is by the time this episode ends, then I cannot help you in life. Anyhow; King Bob gets the first selection in this year's draft...ERRRR...I mean derby and he picks a tall (for his age) kindergarten by the name Gilbert who has full face paint on and wavy purple hair. Gretchen is setting up a program to train her kindergartener to win as Mikey jumps the barricade. Did I mention the area where the kindergarteners are looks like a cattle farm. Which Mikey is protesting right now because treating kindergarteners as cattle is bad. I don't think Miss Clamperer has any sympathy for Mikey. Hey Mikey?! Two words: JUNIOR HOCKEY~! (Mikey: OH MY GOD NO! THE HORROR! THE HORROR!) Mikey calls Bob out for this inhumane treatment of the kindergarteners. Yeah sure Mikey; why don't you protest the inhumane treatment you kids suffer by Miss Finster? Of course not; because Miss Finster is a sadist and a monster heel. Bob is merely a cool heel and Mikey is a hypocrite. Bob does me proud by ignoring Mikey and picking Gilbert. He then gives the rest of the field their turn as everyone walks in and checks on everyone. One of the Ashley's picks Captain Sticky; while Spinelli checks on Spenser as Mikey walks away and blows everyone off for supporting this injustice. Spinelli blows off Mikey because as I expected; Mikey is a hypocrite and apparently jealous because he did run in the race at one time and the whole "inhumane" thing is just a facade.

Gus wants to know the details; but the ONE GIMMICK BAND refuses to speak because they promise never to bring it up again. Ooooooo...sounds like Mikey really did something awful. So we scene change to Mikey sulking on the picnic tables as Tubby runs in and trips and falls on his fat belly. So Mikey and Tubby make some small talk and we discover that Tubby wants to run in the race; not because he wants the wish, but because he wants to prove that he's a good table. This completely blows away the whole "inhumane" stuff Mikey is accusing Bob of. It proves that five year olds do have a synapse of sense in them too. But you already knew that with Molly Cunningham. Mikey asks who is Tubby's sponsor and Tubby proclaims that he has no sponsor. That's actually more inhumane than the event itself. So Tubby wants Mikey to be his sponsor and Mikey no sells because it isn't right and he will not be involved in the debasement of kindergarteners. Of course you won't; because the writers did that a long time ago. The derby doesn't even come close. Tubby wants Mikey to train him anyway like a blood brother as Mikey ponders about it; but refuses anyway because it isn't right. Neither is this show; but that didn't stop Disney, and you haven't been good at stopping this event either it seems. So Tubby grabs onto Mikey's leg and pleas for him to reconsider. After some stammering; Mikey decides to train him and Tubby is giddy. So we cut to King Bob and his entourage as Bob has the stopwatch on and Gilbert sprints and is never seen again. HAHA! The guards think he's not coming back as we cut to Mikey and Tubby in the forest as Mikey just wants him to finish the race. So he starts and Tubby trips and falls on his belly again. Mikey wants to have a Winger Dinger and Tubby blows it off because he wants to train more and runs stage left towards the school. Mikey proclaims that he is determined as much as he is doomed. Sounds like Nintendo doesn't it?

So we cut to Gus and T.J. as T.J. is prepping Cindy up as she clearly looks distracted. She runs like the wind...a westerly wind as she runs back and kneels on the ground and sees a ladybug and is distracted by it. Gretchen's formula is a success, but fails in brain power it seems. Spinelli blows off Gretchen and her lousy science. I wonder if Spinelli changed her name to Michelle Bachmann? Then again; Gretchen is using psychobabble so it evens out. So we cut to near the fence as Mikey has decided to dress in red shorts just to be Mikey. Tubby finishes in five minutes 48 seconds. Sadly; we don't know the distance so there is no measure of success other than he shaved three seconds off on the second try. Mikey seems to only care about finishing as Tubby drops on his belly and we take five as the two sit down and share more chocolate log with white icing. I'm guessing that this is the Winger Dinger bar Mikey referenced earlier. Mikey insists that Tubby finish the race; but Tubby wants to win and Mikey doesn't feel happy about this. Tubby asks what happened and Mikey admits that something bad happened to him a long time ago and he didn't finish the race as a kindergartener. See; I told you Mikey was a hypocrite and only uses the justification to hide his true feelings about the race. See; Mikey is the only one in Third Street history to not finish the race as we hit the flashback within a flashback to Mikey leading everyone in the race; but then he trips over the hurtle and splashes into the pool. WHITE KID CAN'T JUMP~! The reference was RIGHT THERE and BS&P is such an asshole that the kids laugh at him for not being able to run despite the fact that he was LEADING THE RACE before he tripped. Idiots! Assholes! Mikey cannot take this and runs away from everyone and we return to reality as Mikey admits that he ran away like a coward. Tubby stands up and proclaims that he won't run away and he'll finish the race for Mikey. Mikey is in shock as Tubby proclaims that they are brothers and they share another Winger Dinger; and Tubby almost eats the wrapper in the process. So we fade to black to turn Michael Eisner on...

...and we play more music as we see a foreground shot of the obstacle course and all the kids getting the kids prepped up including Gilbert and Cindy who look born to be ready for races like this. Then we see Mikey with Tubby as the babyfaces finally notice that Mikey has finally decided to stop acting like an hypocritical member of the FCC and start acting like a happy kid, sort of. Mikey proclaims that Tubby picked him and Tubby hugs his leg in a cute spot. We then see Hustler Kid taking bets with candy; but sadly no frozen purple treats are allowed. Prick. Mikey walks with Tubby as the Ashleys taunt him with the usual thinly veiled fat jokes. This is like shooting fish in a barrel; both ways, with Hoppo eating them afterwards. AHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! POW! OUCH! Ummmmm... It also doesn't help when Tubby's name is a thinly veiled fat joke in itself. Mikey cuts a promo about unity and finishing the race over winning and Mikey sounds like he's getting tired talking. Wonder if that was intentional or not? The Ashley's taunt him as Mikey goes to Hustler Kids and wants to place a bet with a Winger Dinger. Hustler Kids thinks that will break the bank as the Ashley unleash more thinly veiled fat jokes at Tubby and laugh in his face. Mikey is so pissed off now that he is betting a complete backpack of Winger Dingers (37 so sezs Mikey) on Tubby as the horn blows with the worse Kentucky Derby sequence ever. Is that sound copyrighted or something? So King Bob tells everyone the race begins and the betting is closed causing a lot of kids to groan. Well; there is one aspect of this event I wouldn't mind never seeing again.

So everyone preps up the kindergarteners to the starting line as Gilbert is wearing tape and wooden blocks on his ears. No one knows why and the guards don't want to say as Spinelli blows this all off. So King Bob is back on his throne as he calls for Sound Effects Kid who is wearing a green sweater and blue baseball cap with black curly hair. He makes a pistol sound and shoots his finger into the air and WE ARE OFF~! Gilbert and Cindy are neck and neck with Tubby taking up the rear heading into the trash can hurtle with broomsticks. Captain Sticky trips and the shoelace gets caught and Sticky cannot get it loose as the Ashley's panic because those shoe laces cost a fortune. Whatever girls. So Gilbert pulls away as Vince tells them not to worry since he has a pull away tactic in mind as Mikey is still going slow and steady. Sadly; the writers completely screw up as we head to the hurtle swimming pool as that eliminates Spenser, and two others as they trip and fall into the pool and cry. Tubby manages to get over and not trip into the pool. The problem is that this means Tubby has already passed Mikey and therefore cannot do any worse than he did. More importantly; they blew the wad on the finish. It should be down to Gilbert and Tubby and Tubby passes Gilbert when Gilbert gets too cocky and blows off Tubby; trips over the hurtle and into the pool knocking him silly. Tubby runs him over and crosses the finish line first. That would make a great finish and a fitting one at that. I hate it when Gummi Bears blew their wad two minutes in and I hate it here. That's the third finish that they have ruined; all in the same OAV. So we run some more as we head to the forest of distraction which is code for Cindy being eliminated as King Bob tells us that those wooden strips are blinders. Sadly; they don't help Gilbert's energy levels as he's tiring at this point and Cindy sees stuff and kneels down and eliminates herself along with the same three kids who got eliminated in the inflatable pool.

The ONE GIMMICK BAND decide that it's over; but then notice Tubby is still left and is in second place now. The kids point out that Tubby might in fact win this thing; but Mikey doesn't care about winning as Tubby goes on and stops at the Winger Dinger candy wrapper. He tries to pick it up; but hears Mikey's voice in his head telling him not to eat it. Tubby shrugs off the wrapper and runs on as Mikey somehow drops his betting ticket as Spinelli grabs it. Mikey proclaims that he did it to defend his little buddy as we discover that he bet 37 Winger Dingers on 99:1 odds. That was a lot lower than I expected as Gretchen points out that this is enough to get Mikey through to high school. So he gets 3663 Winger Dingers for a value of about $7,000. That's more than I make in a year. And then he throws the whole FCC speech away and wants Tubby to win this one now. Good; we all know finishing the race isn't going to bring him happiness now. Tubby hears him and he puts on the jets as King Bob cannot believe this and he implies that the two guards better be right; or Gilbert is banished from the competition. And we do the FPS shot of them running to the finish line and both manage to cross the line; seemly at the same time. UH OH! I think we are going to get the Care Bear Race finish since that was a photo finish and a half. But we don't as apparently; the animation showed Tubby winning by one length. Tubby gets the football victory spot from Mikey as Tubby is now Mikey's new hero. Awwww. Too bad the writers ruined the finish as usual. I realized now that the two boys on opposite sides of King Bob are Jordan and Jerome (from left to right). Bob is not happy at all; but he must grant a wish from the winner.

So we go to the top of the throne as King Bob introduces the winner Tubby with Mikey as King Bob goes through the routine and skips about half of it before declaring that Tubby has one wish. Tubby ponders it over and he wishes for the Derby to end forevermore. Everyone is shocked and appalled as Tubby does the FCC SPEECH OF DOOM about treating little kids like people and not horses and it's not right to do it even if they suffered before. Bob teases not granting the wish; but then decides that he will end the derby forever and the crowd pops loudly for it; even the fourth graders. Yeah; after every single one of them SUPPORTED the derby from the start. Bad form there guys; and sad because having Tubby say the speech actually is the right booking decision. If Mikey had done it; all King Bob would have to do is point out how hypocritical Mikey was for entering in it. By having Tubby say it on his own accord; it makes the message mean something and it gives heart to Tubby which the kindergarteners needed so badly. Mikey pets Tubby's hair and tells him that he is great and that ends the episode at 38:28. And yes; I called the wish before the episode got going in anyway. The episode itself was fine; but the finish was screwed up and the whole derby thing seemed silly. Tubby carried this episode kicking and scream to ** 1/2 (50%). So I will not complain much about this. So we end the official clip episodes and begin the real meat of this OAV...

All Grown Down: So we return to reality (no, not really) as Mikey wraps up the story that he told and Tubby hides behind a tree and still doesn't know him. T.J. tells him not to take it personally because Stinky has overpowered all desire to help him as Vince wonders what to do now. However; Captain Stinky jumps down from his low horse and has decided on big kid punishment now. T.J. proclaims that there is no way out now; they are getting their Boom-Boom regardless if they are ready or not. We then cut to the back of the school as Gus finally comes out after getting repairs from the nurse as Cornchip Girl and Gus exchange notes on throwing up and being dizzy. Oooookkkkaaaayyyy. Gus asks about the ONE GIMMICK BAND and Cornchip Girl tells him that they went into the forest with the croquet set. Gus thanks her as he checks his watch and has 45 minutes of Recess left. That's right; we spent nearly forty minutes and that is equal to 15 minutes in Recess world. So Gus goes through the bushes and finds the croquet set trashed up and then a bald kindergartener pops up and calls Gus out. Then all the kindergarteners surround Gus and force him to kneel down in the recovery position. Then we see Gus get the Rebecca Cunningham tie up spot from the third act of The Bigger They Are; The Louder They Oink (Gus is so lucky to get that. Not even Kit got that spot). Gus is trying to reason with them; but T.J. tells him not to even bother. So Gus continues to reason with them anyway; but no dice. The kindergarteners bite through the ropes and Gus falls on his ass. Then Gus gets tied up with the rest of the kids and I just realized that the rope is so loose that it seems like the little ones are DARING the big kids to escape. So we exchange notes on the situation; however bleak it is. Now here's a question: Since Stinky has already decided to do the punishment; why not share that? Stinky comes in and tells Gus to shut up which should at least give Stinky some heel heat and then walks off and gets on Sticky's case as Sticky is forced to give him a blue bug gummi. I think that it what it is.

So Stinky proclaims that he is taking a nap; and once he wakes up, he's going to give them the punishment as we see the kids making a huge amount of mud pies. Gus hates that as the ONE GIMMICK BAND tells Gus that talking to them won't get them out of this because they are no selling because they are brainwashed by Stinky. Gus isn't standing for that as Hector comes in and yells at Gus to shut up. Gus isn't shutting up as Hector calls himself PJ Boy. Talk about demoralizing them too as Gus stands his ground and has a story of his own. Hector blows it off because it's must be another sappy story with a screw job finish. Gus tells him that the story isn't about the big kids; nor even them. It's about Gus as a kindergartener and it started four years ago when he was five years old and moving from town and town. Now at this point; we have all thought that Gus had never met T.J. and friends. Well; prepare to get your mind blown because we start the real juicy stuff now. So we HIT THE FLASHBACK to a sky shot of town as we see Lt. Griswald driving the car with Mother Griswald who haven't changed at all since we last saw them in One Stayed Clean. We see Gus dressed up like a kindergartener native with the trademark brown pants. Okay; what kind of parenting are these parents using for these five year olds in this world?! Because this makes NO SENSE AT ALL since Griswald is a military man and therefore this kind of behavior would be unseemly to him. But no; he acts as if nothing is wrong with this picture. Can't we have ONE kindergartener who is a NORMAL child? Gus wants to make a lot of friends. At least Gus is coherent which is more than I can say for the others. The parents giggle back liking Gus' voice and choice of words. So we scene change to the same road as the parents and Gus are walking towards the school as Gus is making me laugh with his rapid fire third person talking and catching a football and throwing it back. The big kids seem to enjoy this as Griswald and company walk into the hallway and stop at the door that sezs kindergarten. Griswald offers to let him in; but Gus has this covered. Gus walks in and cuts a really funny promo and dances around. AWESOME!

Sadly; none of the kindergarteners sell because this all look...normal?! Huh?! And why does five of them look like mini versions of the ONE GIMMICK BAND? My mind is now completely blown. See; the guise of this is that Gus; the shy kid gimmick was secretly a wild child back in kindergarten and that the kindergarteners were all shy kids. In other words; this completely telegraphs the finish of this story from pretty much the start of the story. And speaking of my mind being blown; Miss Finster is the teacher. And she's nice and smiling too (Miss Finster: You were saying something about me never handling kindergarteners?) . And wearing a pink dress. The ONE GIMMICK BAND FOURTH GRADE EDITION blows off the story as not believable as Gus asked if they remembered four years ago. The other kids blow it off because they erased being a kindergartener from their minds. Gus blows it off (saying that he did move to Third Street four years ago before moving back to Third Street in the fourth grade) as Hector tells everyone to shut up; except for Gus since this story is actually amusing him. So Gus continues the story as we head back to class with Miss Finster acting nice and reading a story about a kid who minded his manners and ate kidney pie. All the little kids listen to her to boot. Miss Finster finishes the story and it's snack time which Gus over sells and goes over to the snack table. He takes the juice and raisins and pours the juice on his body as Miss Finster calls him a little monkey; but then recoils and acts all nice saying that he'll learn soon enough. Wow; I like this version of Miss Finster actually. So Miss Finster tells the students to line up in single file and maximum one of each per kid as the kids obey without question and everyone takes their fair share of eats and walks outside. Gus is confused as he is last to walk out; but Miss Finster assures him that he'll fit in soon enough. Finster leaves and Gus proclaims that he sure hopes not.

So Gus sees Gretchen playing with rocks and Gus tries to make small talk; but Gretchen gathers her stones together and says nothing. Gus is confused as he wants to make small talk with the Ashleys; and they stammer. Gus calls this very strange. I love real comments that aren't supposed to be real comments. Vince is running in circles (which makes him the only one who is close to his gimmick; other than Swinger Girl and the Diggers), Upside Down Girl is right side up for some reason. Spinelli is playing with a doll too. So Gus goes over to T.J. sitting down and decides to make small talk with red cap guy. Man; I liked Gus before; but now he's actually getting proper character development. Why didn't the writers do this five years ago when it would have mattered? We get T.J.'s full name from Theodore Jasper Dettweiler himself as Gus gives him the nickname because like me; T.J. is easier to both spell and type. So we exchange notes on what is going on here as we discover that Gus has been to three kindergarten schools already before this and none of them were as quiet as this one. Before T.J. can even speak (and he doesn't mind being called that) about who is behind this and it's not Miss Finster this time; we finally see Mikey, who has seemly had his growth stunted in recent years is overshadowing both kids. T.J. runs away stage right like a scalded dog and Gus calls this crazy and it all makes no sense. Ummm; it does now. See; Mikey in kindergarten was the bully of the entire grade and he's wearing oversized brown shorts and it looks like he lost some weight four years later which is actually quite surprising to me. I thought he would be skinnier. Mikey demands Gus' treats (which Gus gleefully ignores because he's Gus and a friendly spitfire.) and grabs the juice and shoves Gus on his ass and then sits on the wagon rode on a bicycle by Randell. Who seems to have lost some hair. Was this some ritual he did to get into Mikey's good graces? Who knows.

So Randell cycles about three inches and then Mikey growls at the nearby kids who bail like scalded dogs and then enters the house conveniently placed about four inches away from the tricycle. HAHA! The door slams shut as Gus runs in and bangs on the door demanding his juice back; but T.J. grabs him and tries to reason with him not to do it. Randell introduces himself as apparently; he was supposed to be Wendell. We discover as they are exchanging notes that Mikey sat on a toddler which Gus calls pure evil. Did he eat his cruds and whey? Because that would be even more evil than merely sitting on a toddler. Oh and did I mention that Randell is the kindergartener's snitch to keep the kids safe from Mikey as the little kids all praise Randell because as long as they do what Randell sezs; they will be fine. Randell tells everyone to scatter and be quiet; while he distracts Mikey for a while. T.J. tries to convince Gus to come with him; but Gus shrugs it off and refuses to give in like that. The little kids gasp in horror as Gus doesn't give a damn about getting squashed by Mikey because he remembers what being a kindergartener is all about which is dancing and cutting awesome promos. Not like the kindergarteners of today who are gimmicks and do nothing but offend me. Okay; Gus didn't say that and sadly; Gus didn't watch Flight School from TaleSpin because the little kids act like the Thembrian kids who wouldn't stand up for Gus and T.J. I bet is the Bobbo of the group. It's been 11 years now; so it's perfectly okay to do this angle and it's a good angle so I don't mind seeing it again. So Gus decides to go in alone which surprises the kids (and to my surprise; T.J. doesn't even speak, let alone be Bobbo) as he knocks on the door and the kids are surprised that he has the guts to do this.

Mikey doesn't sell; so he goes to the window and notices Randell and Mikey having a good time exchanging notes and drinking. We discover that Randell is in fact a double agent and that he is telling Mikey that the little kids are calling him fat and lazy; but Randell is his friend see and won't let the kids get away with it. In other words; Randell is not snitching on Mikey; he's snitching on everyone. And Mikey looks like he's acting like a bully because Randell is lying to him and Mikey has that look of "I cannot believe that they hate me" look. That he isn't pure evil. Why didn't this character development exist in 1997 where it would have mattered? Gus notices this and goes through the window as T.J. calls him brave. Not really; but Gus certainly has more guts than all of you, even if he's no Kit Cloudkicker. Then we hear some pain which is clearly coming from Randell as we see all three head outside as Mikey is grabbing Randell by the shirt top and Randell is overselling it which Gus blows off. Randell then tries to poison the well by claiming that Mikey stole his juice box; in which the entire kindergarteners point out that Mikey was throwing rocks and such stuff. Mikey has had enough and grabs a kindergartener; and then puts him on his shoulders like Kit Cloudkicker on top of Baloo in the stock photos for TaleSpin. Great booking decision there. How is it possible that this good booking didn't exist in 1997? BECAUSE MICHAEL F'N EISNER IS A NUMBSKULL! No matter how much Bob Iger screws up; remember this: THE QUACKSTREET BOYS CAN COME BACK AT ANY TIME! Mikey tells us that this was a misunderstanding and that Randell was accusing the little kids of talking behind his back that he was fat and lazy. And he only used the mean voice to scare kids. All the kids invoke eye contact violence on Randell and finally Randell admits that he lied to everyone so he could have power, juice and treats anytime he wanted.

Randell wanted to rule the playground and he would have succeeded too; if it wasn't for that native wild child. Sadly; the writers are too timid to deal with Warner Brothers and thus he doesn't quite do the Scooby Doo promo. Mikey calls him a naughty boy and then hugs him and forgives him. This is in fact a worse punishment than being in detention; so it works in a sort of perverse way. Gus proclaims that they don't have to be scared of Mikey anymore and it's time for some fun as Gus finds the conveniently placed garden hose and sprays water on ground to form a big mud puddle and we jump in as everyone starts having fun and screwing with the adults mind. Painting, unintentional vandalism (they are kindergarteners; like they can tell right from wrong?) and everyone turns into what would be their gimmicks as upside down girl is now herself. Swinger Girl swings, Diggers dig and there is not much to call here. I got to admit; now that this story is here, this at least explains why the kindergarteners act like this. It's all Gus' fault, much like it was all Kit's fault that TaleSpin got green lighted and then got it's fate sealed after 65 episode because the epic Plunder and Lightning television movie. So Spinelli and Mikey fight and Spinelli calls everyone out and gets gang tackled. Gretchen does her psychobabble which is much funnier as a kindergartener than in fourth grade and splatters some in the face of all the Ashleys. Gus and T.J. talk about what kindergartening is all about as I suspect that Miss Finster is coming this way any second now. So Randell is calling this very, very bad as he bails to get Miss Finster.

So Randell knocks on the door and out comes Miss Finster as Randell informs him that they are out of control. So Miss Finster tries to clap her hands and get the kids to calm down; but then mud gets thrown on her and everyone stops. And now Miss Finster finally stops selling being nice; and cuts a nasty promo about the nice approach not working at all and Randell tattle tails on Gus and Gus doesn't even bother to defend himself. Miss Finster grabs Gus and they are going to the principal's office as Gus doesn't bother to struggle as Miss Finster tells Randell to keep an eye on the other miscreants as Randell is savoring this. Miss Finster proclaims that from now on; no one will misbehave at Third Street ever again. And Miss Finster goes into the school and slams the door. Mikey is horrified; but T.J. doesn't care because he finally got to be a kindergartner and he's not about to give up on Gus. So he wants to help Gus as Spinelli, Mikey, Vince and Gretchen offer to help as Randell butts in and proclaims that he'll be in big trouble now. So the Ashleys grab Randell and bail to lock him in the palace Mikey was in. So we practic the fine art of not being seen on the wall near Miss Lemon's office and Principal Prickley's office. Gretchen uses the juice boxes as a telescope in a nice spot. We see Miss Finster wanting to make an example out of Gus with Miss Lemon while Gus is sitting in Prickely's office. The kids throw Spinelli into the office as Spinelli has a paper bag. Gus is in shock as Spinelli wants to get Gus out of here; but Gus doesn't move because he is expected to be in there. Spinelli proclaims that there will be someone sitting in the chair. So we head to outside the office as Miss Finster talks to Prickley and even Prickley thinks Finster is losing it. Miss Finster assures him that one child can disrupt and destroy the moral fabric of an entire generation of kindergarteners. So they enter the office and turn around the chair as there is only a messed up doll who talks. HAHA! Finster screams and we head behind the box holes as Gus proclaims that they are all seriously screwed; but T.J. doesn't care because they are all friends now and that ends the story at 55:49. Now I see why it didn't air this one since it over runs by at almost three minutes. Best story of them all; even though the ending should have expelled Gus. **** (80%).

So now we return to reality (no, not really) as Gus actually explains that they moved the next day; which is a little bit contrived, but at least it explains why Gus didn't show up until four years later. Hector is so touched and even calls Gus safety man to boot. Gus proclaims that if anyone is a prisoner; it's Hector. Hector even admits that point as Gus tells them that they can leave the big kids tied up and Vince is in shock. Gus explains that despite him hating getting mud pies; at least he can wash it off and move on. The kindergarteners are slaves to Stinky and their suffering will continue as long as Hector and company don't stand up to Stinky. Hector finally gets it and calls out loud his train (Cindy, Tubby, Spenser. No Zedd and Jake? Very sloppy there guys.) to come together and Hector will make them happy again. Then Stinky comes out and proclaims that Hector woke him up (calling him PJ Boy again) and Hector stammers; but Gus winks at him (a non-verbal cue that works? In this show?) and Hector stands his ground and Stinky runs in and Hector ducks and Stinky trips and falls on his belly with a wussy bump off-screen. Which actually works this time because Stinky cries like a baby. HAHA! Stinky runs off and into the school for repairs as Hector gets up and Sticky declares Hector the chief. Hector orders the big kids be let go and the kids chew through the skipping ropes. The big kids watch the kindergarteners play and Gretchen calls it beautifully terrifying as they leave and let the little kids continue playing in their fort like world. We see the big kids close the fort door and make it to the stairs as the big kids still think Gus was faking them out and thus the story never happened. Gus' look sezs otherwise; but he decides to say that he made it up. Wow; he really is the FCC version of Kit Cloudkicker; even down to the non-verbal cues. Now I know I like Gus now. Now that there is some Recess left; the kids decide to go back to the abandoned playground to salvage the croquet set. Gus runs with them last as Miss Finster is watching them. Randell comes over and asks to spy on the kids. Miss Finster grants him that request; but she wants him to spy on Gus even more carefully. Randell salutes her and leaves as Miss Finster rubs her hands and proclaims that Gus will slip up and she'll get even with him. This implies that the story is indeed true and that ends the OAV at 58:41. The segments themselves which set up the clip show were nothing special; although the finish was the correct one. *** (60%) for the segments.

THE REVIEW LINE

We finally end the Recess portion of the Fall Assortment. It was the ultimate mix bag as All Grown Down was worth it in terms of storyline from Gus because the writers after so many years of treating the characters like gimmicks; actually learned about designing characters and gave the character development Gus wanted and needed so badly. In the end of this; I was rooting for Gus all the way. Now granted; I liked Gus in the first season and I don't blame him for the crap that was in season one, he was still a gimmick at this point. I cared about him as a gimmick; but didn't as a character. Here; I can now safely love him as a character because he gave me a reason to care. He is now the FCC approved Kit Cloudkicker. The story he told was great; albeit the ending was a bit contrived and the final segment of the OAV was predictable and the correct booking decision. I mean even Miss Finster got some character development and showed that she was secretly hateful and paranoid before she decided to not be dishonest anymore. Sadly; I wish that they didn't go through the first 38 minutes or so with the other kids telling stories because all three of them had screwed up finishes. The Kindergarten Derby was actually fine until they screwed up the finish with Tubby surpassing the obstacle Mikey couldn't get over which was only the second obstacle when it should have been the last one. That would have made Mikey's failure a case of "plucky guy who fell short" instead of "white man cannot jump" guy. Tubby carried the episode and the ending was perfect in spite of the screwed up finish. Wild Child was just there to suck; and the finish of T.J. loving Spenser after everything that happened was contrived. The Legend of Big Kid was absolutely horrible in every respect as the writers crushed the one pathos scene T.J. had that I liked and turned him from probably being cool for real; to being a sobbing baby pretending to be cool. Then again; it was the first season and thus the writers didn't care about writing a good story, so I should have expected it. It just offends me now in hindsight because Recess could have been good if it had the heart which needed it the most right from the start. You can get away with it in fantasy shows; but not about a show about real life in school. Without it; then kids will think that this show would be pointless because they already get this stuff in real life and thus there is no reason to care about it.

So that ends Recess for now. I had six thumbs down (Break In, The Legend Of Big Kid are negative star episodes. The New Kid, The Story of Whomps, Wild Child and Fifth/Sixth Club), two thumbs up (One Stayed Clean and All Grown Down), and five thumbs in the middle (Segments, The Kindergarten Derby, Halloween Special, No More School, and The Challenge). Note that the first season had three thumbs down and that was it. The rest is three thumbs down, and season three had one thumbs up with one of the stories at the end of the series getting a thumbs up. So after season one; the quality got more respectable. Watching this again; it looks like Kick Buttowski all over again with the better episodes coming in later season. However; it should be noted that Disney released their DVD's all over the place so it's unfair to get a true assessment of the show until the show is ranted more in full. Right now; I'm sticking to my original overall rating until further notice. However; after watching Gus, I can safely say that this show could have been very good. Shows about schools are not hell's poison. Magic School Bus did raise the bar way too high for animated shows; so it can be understandable. I say Recess is better than Quack Pack now because none of the babyfaces are irredeemable (even if Miss Finster isn't redeemable) they are just gimmicks who can be characters if done right; and the storyline isn't all that bad. Jim Kellogg's points were all valid; but you also have to remember that he wrote "Disney Animation Has Lost It's Heart" just after the first season of Recess, Pepper Ann and 101 aired. So the burial was justified in a sense. On the other hand it would not be all that fair to base the entire show on that season and bury it as a whole like I did once before. Maybe I'll come back to it and see if it can increase the rating. There are two DVD's that I haven't seen yet; including the cinema movie and the one called "Yes Mikey; Santa Does Shave" OAV. Sadly; I cannot find them at the stores yet. So this will have to wait.

Besides; I have three more DVD's left to do and it's time to bring on Kim Possible which completely destroys this show; and competes with even TaleSpin and Gargoyles as the best DTVA show of all time. That's no easy feat considering who is THE lead character here. That will all start next week with the debut episode. So....

Thumbs down in hell for Legend of Big Kid, thumbs down for Wild Child, thumbs in the middle for the main segments/Kindergarten Derby and thumbs up for All Grown Down and I'll see you all next time.

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