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Raw Toonage: Launchpad McQuack Guest Host Rant
Reviewed: 06/01/2014
Time To Be A Fatalist One More Time!
Well kiddies; it's time for another Raw Toonage rant featuring characters from Disney Television Animation's past. Already done are Don Karnage and Scrooge McDuck; one which was very good and one which is middling at best. This one focuses on the two timing show up Launchpad McQuack and he's teaching us how to fly a plane. And if he could get out of the grave Michael Eisner put him in; Kit Cloudkicker would be getting a million cheap shots in too. Oh well; there is always Gosalyn to back him up on that. This one is much later in the timeline for Raw Toonage as this is the eighth episode of the series (out of 12 since the series was canned before the 13th episode; thus making it worse than The Wuzzles and only better than Fluppy Dogs). So how does Launchpad fare? So let's rant on shall we...?
This episode was written by Laraine Arkow, Gary Sperling, Robert Schechter and Terrie Collins. The story was edited by Kevin Crosby Hopps, Tom Minton and Ralph Sanchez. Animation was done by Wang Films.
Launchpad McQuack Host Segment #1: So we waste no time as we head to the airfield with Launchpad posing in front of a purple plane with banana yellow wings. Launchpad greets us and claims that there are four rules of flight and he only shows three fingers. HA! The limits of four fingered cartoon characters are always the butt end of all jokes. Launchpad grins and then hops into his plane. Rule #1: Use the seat belt. (So we can be safe!) No argument here. Launchpad then wonders where his keys are and moves up and destroys the bottom of the pilot seat. HAHA! Launchpad claims that the seatbelt is top quality; but the plane is cheap. I see Scrooge McDuck brought it for his birthday. AHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Scene changer into the sky as Launchpad is flying west of the Pickles. Or something along those lines. Heh Heh. Rule #2: Always have enough fuel. Sadly; Launchpad has the fatalism bug in him because the fuel gauge is on empty already. HAHA! Rule #3: Do Rule #2 before you takeoff. HAHA! And Launchpad's plane takes a nose dive to end segment #1. Great opening segment there. So we return to the skies as the plane goes into a tailspin (BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!) and Launchpad claims that rule #4 is to always carry a parachute. So Launchpad opens a red parachute with a yellow stripe in the middle and the plane lands safely on the ground. Sadly; it also lands on a snowy hill and it's suddenly winter time. The plane slides down and hits the obvious BS&P'ed snowbank and Launchpad gets buried. Get use to it LP; at least it's not as bad as what Kit Cloudkicker got in the end. Launchpad invokes the fifth rule (Kit: Wait; so there was more than four rules of flying?! REFUND!) which is to have two thermal blankets on hand and that ends segment #2 at 2:02. Wow; that is the shortest segment I have ever seen thus far.
He's Bonkers - Dogzapoppin: Title card for this one is your typical 90's style coloring scheme which is to throw a million different colors and mix them together to create crap. At least the name of this segment is amusing; so it has one thing going for it. So we head down to a street corner and a store. Holy crap; the artwork in these segments are just getting worse and worse with each passing segment. I mean; even a 12 year old could draw better backgrounds than this. We head inside the storage store as Bonker is on top of a wooden ladder stacking up multi-colored rotary dial telephones. Then the phone rings and Bonkers is so stupid that he forgets that none of the stacked phones are hooked up; so instead of looking at the counter, he simply tries to answer from various telephones on the stack and manages to make a big mess of telephones tumbling down in the process. Finally; Bonkers realizes that the phone that is ringing is on the counter and he goes over to it without selling the tie up spot; and Bonkers is wearing a green/red vest with a red blue. Bonkers addresses the store as the "House Of Everything". Man; what a liar Bonkers is?! This house doesn't have everything! You know what's missing in the "House of Everything"? Answer: talent. So Bonkers answers the phone and he gets windbagged by Grumbles because the story is that Grumbles broke his left leg and his right arm as we see when Grumble is lying in his room on the telephone screaming at Bonkers. Apparently; these injuries were all Bonker's doing, so why is Grumbles asking HIM to deliver something to him. Grumbles is wearing purple PJs for fun; and there is about four pulley systems in his bedroom. The artwork in the background is so phony at this point, this looks like it cost them $20,000. So a brown dog walks in with his doggy bowl, puts the bowl down on the floor and pants. I will give them credit for not using the stock character dog most DTVA shows use since this dog appears to be docile; but he looks like a cross between Odie from Garfield & Friends; and the Tasmanian Devil from Looney Tunes.
So the dog lands on the leg cast and Grumbles screams into the phone again because this is what this segment needs: more windbags! Actually; this segment needs all the windbags it can muster as the entire store gets messy and Bonkers does the Ron Tussien bump into the wall. Bonkers proclaims that this is really pain. You don't say?! Anyhow; Bonkers has no idea where the medicine is; despite the fact that the next shot shows a package on a pillar with arrows and horns blaring in the background. Yeah; everything in this segment has to be overkill. Bonkers is happy as he runs to get it and there are papers and black paw prints on the ground despite the fact that the prints do not match the soles of Bonker's feet. Sigh. So we cut to Bonkers near the counter with the package of doom. He looks at it and then all the stacked up phones ring despite none of them being connected. My goodness; this episode makes no sense. Bonkers yells at them that they are closed; because when Grumbles windbags you; you do it or else you die. I wish Bonkers was stupid enough to not do it; but then Bonkers wouldn't last even 8 episodes, let alone 65 in 1993 (At least Bonkers as a police cop had much better backgrounds and animation than this piece of poop.). So we fade to black (despite doing it TWICE in two minutes flat) and return to the streets of Whacky Town, Usland (That's my story and I'm sticking to it!) as Bonkers is walking on the sidewalk with the package. Besides the cloudy sky; there are multi-colored trees which make it look like the anime hair of nature in terms of colors. And once again; the bright colors appear in 1992! Then we see a home painted in pink, then another home which looks painted white, and then we hear screaming from Grumbles as the home is apparently a purple house with a lavender colored wooden fence surrounding the property. So Bonkers opens the gate and walks in and the dog is trailing behind him like Swiper does. Bonkers turns around and addresses the dog as Whippy. Well; that is an amusing name at least as Bonkers visualized Whippy as a poodle which they show from Bonker's viewpoint. Yeah; Bonkers has never seen the dog before.
Anyhow; Whippy sees Bonkers as a piece of meat, which is the same sentiment shown by the Acorn Cafe as Bonkers foolishly puts his hand out to Whippy who bites it and stretches Bonker's arms to about 100 feet in length; and chews off the white glove Bonkers was wearing as Bonkers uses a fishing reel to reel his arm back to normal. Whippy eats the glove as more black paw prints that don't match ensue and then we get the SCOOBY DOO CHASE SEQUENCE THE WHIPPY EDITION~! Oh the irony of it all?! Bonkers manages to run outside to the sidewalk and close the gate without getting his ass kicked at all. Sylvester would have called Bonkers an absolute wuss. Bonkers pumps his fist in outrage and I'm almost certain that he got his glove back and put it on; but I'm not going to rewind because I have better things to do with my time and life then checking something so minor like that. Scene changer of doom and I guess the rest of the episode is Bonker trying all sorts of stupid stuff to get into Grumbles' room (but not his pants; honest!) and fail badly. Attempt #1: Bugs Bunny spot complete with periscope; which Whippy counters with his own complete with the tump card of doom: The jaws of half life. Bonkers flees and apparently; the property is at least 10 square km in size before Bonkers has to return to the sidewalk. And somehow; despite the fact that they are using the same hole, Bonkers can get out, but Whippy simply pops out of the ground behind the gate. So let's turn Michael Eisner on again and fade to black for the second time in this segment alone. We are approaching Quack Pack levels of quality here. So we return to the sidewalk outside Grumbles' property as Bonker arrives with package, clown horn and is riding a unicycle. So he rides in and Whippy is supposed to not be able to reach Bonkers when Bonkers comes towards him. However; the animators are so lazy and cheap that Whippy is clearly able to bite Bonkers multiple times, but has to pretend to not make contact with him. This is what happens when you don't renew Darkwing Duck guys; and only care about getting a third rate character over without spending money for it.
So Whippy counters by doing the same Bugs Bunny spot as before; only there is no top, and of course Bonker is so stupid that he doesn't bother to watch the obvious dip in elevation and he unicycles down to Whippy's level and hits the dirt pile. HA! Bonkers flees and jumps over the gate with ease. Whippy makes it to the gate and then Bonkers does the dumbest thing ever: Taunt Whippy while showing his head right in perfect position for it to be biten. So Whippy counters by chomping on Bonkers' head. HAHA! That'll teach that dumb bobcat to try to act like Whippy is an idiot. Bonkers counters with the BLACK PEPPER OF DOOM which causes Whippy to sneeze Bonkers into the air and Bonkers lands ass first into the mailbox on the opposite side of the road. And we get a glorified shot of that ass too. Bonkers groans about his tail and we fade to black for the third time in this segment alone; and return with Whippy underneath the tree digging for bones and hating the smell of them. Then we go to the roof and see Bonkers dressed up as Santa and his laugh is so contrived and forced, even someone with no IQ could figure out that this guy is a phony. It also doesn't help that he appeared from the purple leaf tree. So he goes to the chimney as Whippy runs to his dog house; and checks his calender in which apparently, today is July 4th, 1992. Ummm; yeah. Whippy runs into the house and goes to Grumbles living room; which has a fireplace (with a real fire burning in said place); complete with a twist key. Bonkers is about to climb down (and stops to smell the cooking) ; when Whippy turns the key and it intensifies the flames even more. Bonkers shoots out of the chimney like a rocket into the air and where he lands; only Whippy cares because he has a fork, knife and a white bib running towards the gate where he proceeds to splat into it solid without causing any damage whatsoever. That must be concerte wood; there's no other way to explain it. So Bonkers lands in Jitter's backyard as Bonker collides into Jitters who is sleeping in his hammock. So they bounce; and the hammock wraps them around as they bounce into the living room of Jitters somehow.
Bonkers manages to stop selling and get back on his feet (as he loses his boots on the way to the phone); and wants to use his phone. So Bonkers grabs the phone and dials the number to Grumbles. Bonkers listens and gets nothing but buzzing. Bonkers is confused because Grumbles is clearly home; and then Whippy somehow appears out of the phone and Bonkers flees with Jitters for fun. How sad is it that Whippy is the most over character in this stinkin show? And then for the fourth time in four and a half minutes, we fade to black. So we return to the back yard (I think) as Bonkers is now using Jitters' trampoline and he is bouncing while Bonkers cuts a promo about once he bounces right; Jitters will never see him again. Riiiigggghhhhhttttt. So Bonkers continues to do lame trampoline bouncing; so Jitters angles the trampoline to the left and Bonkers bounces all the way to the left; and flies over the fence and we tease him landing on the roof; but the landing actually takes place with Bonkers crashing into Whippy's doghouse. Tazmanian whirlwind spot ensues and we have another chase of doom; and as this is going on, Jitters is mowing the lawn with his blue John Deere tractor which has eyes and mouth on the front. This is seven years before Dora The Explorer existed by the way and this was a year after Beauty & The Beast was in theatres. So somewhere in this; Bonkers takes a bump and flies into the air, and somehow collides into Jitters, who gets a facial into the tractor control panel. So we has a tractor out of control and we start destroying people's properties with impunity. Where I have seen this before? Oh yeah; modern cartoons. We mow down a tree in the park among other things as Jitters shakes the leaves off and proclaims that people wonder why he hates his life; which is one of the funnier promo cuts Jitters ever did. Bonkers does the bug eye spot which is so half assed that even Kit Cloudkicker could do a better job of it, in a show that is grounded by real life physics (Riiiggggghhhhttttttttt Mr. Weagle?!); and they crash into a fountain. That is completely no-sold...oh wait; Bonkers blows bubble on cue, so that would not be a no sell.
The pink angel with the horn statue lands on Jitters' head as Bonkers claims that Jitters knows how to accessorize. HAHA! See; make the joke and then pay it off. So the lawnmower races through an iron barred gate and then around three more properties before landing in Grumbles property as Whippy turns around and growls at the lawnmower while standing his ground. So the lawnmower stops on a dime (it's sentient; so the joke works here) as Jitters is launched into a hole in a tree; and Bonkers is launched into the air and he crashes through the roof, landing in Grumbles' lap as there is a lot of MAN-SIZED bumping and screaming off-screen. The whole bed is tangled in knots as Bonkers shows the package to Grumbles. Grumbles grabs it and blows him off because it's not medicine see. Grumbles then claims that the package contains dog food as Whippy runs in and Grumbles tosses the package to Whippy and states that Whippy is a very picky eater as Whippy chews on the packages and then spits it out; outright rejecting it. Then he notices Bonkers again and has that look of wanting to eat him like a piece of meat. Bonkers backs away informing Grumbles that there's something he would like to eat and runs out of the house and into the street. Whippy chases after him as they walk in a S-type fashion as the entire scene is eaten like a dog to end the segment at 8:18. This segment was much better on the second viewing because it was simple, to the point and Whippy was great here. Sadly; it does nothing to get Bonkers over which was the whole point of doing this segment anyway because Bonkers is still an idiot who cannot win. ** 1/2 (50%). Would have been even more if the animation was at least Darkwing Duck quality animation.
Launchpad McQuack Host Segment #2: So we resume in the skies stage right as Launchpad is flying as we skip about three rules to #8: Always plan for a smooth landing. Question is; where to land? The clouds clear on the sky shot and there is an empty road. So Launchpad thinks it's safe to land and tries to; but the red truck appears OUT OF NOWHERE and Launchpad lands on it. Launchpad thinks it's the brakes that aren't working; but he is an airhead so we all know what isn't working. The truck goes through a swirly mountain side road. Logic break: The steep hill sign is shown despite it being uphill instead of downhill. I don't get that one. So the plane slips off and somehow rides backwards as it smacks into the mountain side and lands with a few more flips down. Launchpad clearly has a concussion as we skip three more rules to #11: Always watch for low flying peaks. HAHA! He faints dead away as the animation has been really top notch thus far. This ends segment #3 at 8:53. Boy; this host segment is the only thing saving this episode from being a complete waste of time. Oh well; there's still Marsupilami...
Marsupilami - Bathtime For Maurice: We begin this one with a shot of a lake which is just underneath a waterfall. Man; the whiplash of background quality between this and Bonkers is breathtaking. We pan over to a snaptrap catching a fly and yet another Artie cameo shows up. So we see Marsupilami propped against a tree smelling the native flowers for fun. Mars cuts a promo about the sweet smell of the jungle as a white smoke like smell takes over Mars' nose and it smells really, really stinky. Mars is almost ready to throw up as he turns around; and we see Maurice grabbing bananas from a tree and the white smell is coming from his armpits. It amazes me how much myopia we have when it comes to toilet humor in this cartoon, which we then condemn the modern cartoons for; and yet the whole point of this episode is basically a template for a future Spongebob Squarepants episode in which Spongebob Squarepants tried to give Gary a bath (and thus was the pioneer of the Spongebob trick as a feature rather than a bug.). Anyhow; Maurice sits on his ass eating bananas while flies fly around him. Mars is repulsed by the smell, walks towards Maurice and blows him off with about five different ways to say "YOU STINK!"; before yelling "YOU STINK!" I need a drop of this. I need someone to do a video clip of Marsupilami doing this promo on how Maurice stinks. It is a perfect clip to use everytime a Totally Tasteless Video segment or a Bonkers segment or any segment involving Breadwinners. Maurice doesn't give a damn; if there was any doubt about Maurcie's lack of hygenie. Mars does and he invokes the POINTY FINGER OF DEATH telling him that he needs a bath. Oh noes! Not the BATH! Anything but that! Oh; who cares?! Scene changer of doom and it's time for Maurice to play the template for Gary The Snail; while Marsupilami plays the template for Spongebob Squarepants. So a butterfly flies around as Maurice just sits there doing nothing; and it appears that Mars is burying himself behind him because he is failing horribly at trying to push Maurice into the lake so he could take a bath.
Scene change as we see Mars painting something white on the tip of his tail. It appears to be a snake; as Mars cuts a promo about hating to use cheap heel tactics to get Maurice into the lake. But he wants Maurice to be clean and anything goes including using a rattle for a rattle snake. So he gets behind Maurice and allows his tail to be a snake complete with generic snake charmer music. Maurice no sells; so Mars points out that it is a snake and Maurice gets so pissed off that he strangles Mars tail, and completely MURDERS it with his fists, feet and ass; ending with bails and returning with a giant ass rock and tossing it right onto Mars tail. Then Maurice is pissed off because Mars lied to him and he walks off; scratches himself some more (he was scratching his head at the beginning of the scene) before storming off pissed. Mars gulps pain and then passes out. BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Now; it wasn't the fact that Maurice had completely murdered Marsupilami's tail that was funny. It was the fact that with two exceptions (he was in tears here); Marsupilami completely no sold the shots until he passed out. This was later used as the finish to Fish Talent Show where Shellsea no sold everything when Milo was kicking Oscar in the face during the defective dance of doom. So we scene change to a shot of the edge of the lake with them in shadow (Wang Film is clearly animating this) as Maurice is sitting down doing nothing as usual. So Mars simply gives up and has his tail in a green sling as he blows off Maurice for having zero empathy (So he's calling him a Republican?) and then Maurice notices a butterfly flying stage left and chases after it. Mars goes on and on about being a disgrace to personal hygenie (Riiiiggggghhhhhhttttt) and we hear a splash. Mars turns around and we see Maurice in the lake washing his ass and turning around. So this lasted only three minutes while Gary took at least 10 minutes. No wonder Spongebob was so upset at Gary.
So Mars uses his sling tail to deliver a red rubber ducky, a scrubbing brush and a bar of soap to Maurice and Maurice grabs them and looks confused. Mars explains how to use it; and Maurcie gleefully uses them and scrubs himself and rinses and is having a great old time. Yes folks; the whole angle was paid off in less than four minutes. Now the episode should be over; but of course since we have three minutes left in the segment, we must CDS the episode. So Maurice floats on his back as Mars walks away from him and then sezs the phrase Piranha Point; which causes him to catch himself and turn around. Yes folks; Mars is a total idiot. So Maurice is floating away stage right while scrubbing the red rubber ducky in a funny spot as Mars yells that he is going to save Maurice. From what exactly? Well; as Maurice is floating towards the rapid river, we see the blue colored piranhas as they jump up to bite Maurice and they all miss by a country mile. Even though Maurice is bigger and slower than Marsupilami. So they see Mars jump into the water like a total idiot and surround him. Mars greets them and then dives into the water like a dork and he gets MURDERED off-screen. Mars manages to pop up near a rock from the carnage and then panics because Maurice is headed for Crocodile Cove as crocodiles walk into the river. Am I watching a Dora The Explorer episode now? And now Maurice is blowing bubbles with the soap while Mars panics like a parent. He dives into the water like a total moron and uses his tail as a motorboat to ride right in front of the crocodiles while yelling at Maurice. Idiot! Mars manages to fend off the crocs and make them lose their dentures as he is in pain while he climbs onto a rock to show them. Still cannot sell the tail properly. The crocs all whimper in kind as we hear waterfall sounds because you see; a river spot is not a river spot without it ending with a waterfall. It's the cheapest sense of danger in a cartoon dammit! Mars listens to it and thinks it's a shower or laudromat (keep in mind; this is in Africa); until he finally turns around and it's BUGGED OUT PANIC MODE OF DOOM for Mars. Yeah.
Maurice is floating towards the waterfall and is scrubbing himself without a care in the world. So here's what happens next: Mars uses his tail as the LASSO OF BANE TO ALL ACTION CARTOONS EVERYWHERE as he manages to snag Maurice on the right wrist; but you see, Maurice is just too fat, so Mars has to fly towards him. So they are going over the waterfall and Mars grabs onto a tree branch. This goes on for a while and then they scream. Mars loses his grip and they freefalls. Mars and Maurice grab each other and scream. This ends with the bouncing off the conveniently placed tree branch and they end up landing in a mud lake with a hippo rolling in said mud. Well; so much for that plan of being clean; despite the fact that Mars already won in lucky fashion. Logic break: During the waterfall sequence; Mars fills up with about two gallons of water into his stomach and turns into a balloon before falling. During the fall; he is back to normal size despite not showing him losing the water in the first place. I can tell this was BS&P'ed because the animators tried to cover it up with Mars taking a fish out of his mouth in mid-yelling since it was choking him when Maurice and Mars were screaming. They pop from the mud and Mars wants to know where Maurice is and Maurice pops up as dirty as he was at the beginning of the episode. Mars then gives up for good as he decides to join in the mud slinging. Mars gets a muddy burial with Maurice and the hippo slinging mud at each other to end the segment at 15:45. This was decent enough; and Maurice was damn funny in this one so; ** 3/4 (55%).
Launchpad McQuack Host Segment #3: So we return to the air field as Launchpad is fiddling with the front props of his plane (and somehow gets his foot in his ear) as the dog gone starter is stuck. He then realizes that he's back on air so he addresses us. Apparently; there are just 11 rules of flight and next time he's going to show us how to do loops. Apparently; the plane heard that and starts the engine by itself. HAHA! The plane gets all snippy with LP and then chases Launchpad through the airfield as he said tailspin twice (BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!). Oh; so Wildcat's the one who was fixing his plane. That's too funny! Circle fade out to end the host segment at 16:15. Again; this host segment rocks despite only getting two minutes of airtime at the most. The Launchpad host segment was awesome; but way too short and there was no ending payoff to this either. *** 3/4 (75%).
Marsupilami - A Fear Of Kites: We begin this one on a blustery day in the jungle; which is downright weird as a red humming bird like turkey is fluttering and struggling to fly as it has to dodge a blue kite with a white tail. Then we see the kite flying into the sky and suddenly the winds are gone; but we cut to Maurice running chasing the bananas from Marsupilami's very long tail as he's flying the kite on his back. Bad logic break there guys! And another thing: Even if they kept the windy stuff going: Maybe this is just me; but why on earth would you fly a kite in hurricane force winds? If that isn't inviting death and Darwin Of The Year; then I don't know what is. Besides the debacle with Bayonetta 2 on Wii U only! E3 is nine days away; so we'll probably hear a lot more about that game, later or sooner. So Maurice is in the jungle running and Mars hits a conveniently placed green leaf which in any other universe would have been no sold; but Mars sells it as if he hit the wall and he goes flying and lands on the ground. Then the kite loosens from his tail somehow and starts flying away stage left. Mars tries to grab it; but Maurice grabs his tail and manages to stop Mars in his track as he faceplants. Mars turns around and sees Maurice taking the final banana from his tail and eating it. Oh; and Maurice is such a sloppy eater that banana juice lands on Mars; forcing him to use his tail as an umbrella to counter. Mars jumps on Maurice's back and yells at him to follow that kite because the banana break is over. So we scene change to Mars and Maurice running towards a large city like hotel as the blue kite has landed on the roof after we see it fly towards it. Yes; there is a hotel in the middle of nowhere like in Hotel Strangeduck. Why do you ask? So both babyface enter the hotel via the circular doors as Mars tells Maurice that they are here for the kite and not for room service. Prick. I'm not talking about Maurice nor Mars. I mean Norman who is dressed like a bellhop from Canada. This seems like a step down for him actually. Norman asks for bags and Mars counters that he only has an ape in which we see Maurice eating flowers from a conveniently placed vase. Yeah; it counts goofball!
So Mars gets tied up and punted into the sliding circular door; typing him up against it in the process. Norman laughs and mocks Mars; while Maurice doesn't give a damn off-screen. So we see a stereotypical rich lady with two bags and five presents on her person. She is also wearing a weasel skinned necklace as Norman takes the bags and offers to help her with them. The lady seems cool with that as Mars spins backwards and flies through the door doing a chop block from behind on Norman. Norman flies backwards somehow into the door and twirls around said door. Norman comes out with the whirlwind spot and stops with a red hat with green puffy stuff on top; along with a yellow girdle around his hips. Mars calls this a fashion risk; which prompts Norman to pop the girdle and Mars bails with Maurice in tow through the circular doors and out. Damn; he doesn't have enough decency to get kicked out of the hotel. Scene changer and we head inside the lobby as two shadows are bouncing (one light and one really heavy) in the background as the two go through the doors and it's Mars looking like Princess Peach with red hair. Seriously. Maurice is wearing all purple and looks like a tom boy with a neon green lollipop because he's a big ass sucker. Nice to see the writers are paying attention here. Norman is reading the newspaper and notices the goofy babyfaces dressing in drag as he is so into Maurice that he tickles him under the chin; and Maurice licks him right in Norman's fatty chops. Norman is blinded for a moment as he grabs the fake red haired wig of Mars and blows his nose in it; effectively blowing Mars cover. Got to get super glue for those things. So Norman notices and turns Mars into a make shift purse and puts it around Maurice's neck. Then he somehow puts skates on Maurice and pushes him away as he crashes though the wall with a MAN-SIZED bump and the wall is destroyed. This also causes Maurice's lollipop to land on the ground and shatter. Oh; that is fighting moves there Norman! Oh; and Mars was wearing apples as breasts, why do you ask?
Scene changer of doom and Norman comes in with a coat rack cart filled with various stuff as the feather duster on the rack causes him to sneeze; which prompts Mars' tail to give him a hanky. Yes; Mars is in the coat rack and was dumb enough to give him a hanky. Norman realizes this instantly and throws away luggage until there is one brown suitcase left. He grabs it and Mars is clearly hanging onto it; but then two tourists arrive out of nowhere as the woman with glasses on screams because apparently; Elvis is in the building, and then faints dead away. The husband doesn't even bother to help her and takes a picture from his camera as we see Maurice is dressed like Elvis. Norman is charmed as he brings out his notepad and wants an autograph; but Mars walks in and grabs Maurice Elvis by the wrist and gets him on the cart. Mars pushes the cart away stage right and then uses his tail to slingshot a white guitar right into Norman's fatty chops which does break. Ninja movie logic strikes again as Mars rolls the cart into the elevator and the elevator door closes as there is an off-screen crash for no reason. So we go into the hallway with Maurice dressed up in pink maids clothing wheeling a cart with Mars hiding under the purple and pink blankets. Maurice opens the platter and there is a blueberry filled cheesecake of sorts which he promptly eats like a slob; which Mars wonders how he keeps that figure. I think he has gained a hundred pounds since the last short. So Norman arrives from the elevator and here we have both sexism and a gaping logic break to go with it: When Norman sees Maurice dressed up; Maurice's ass is clearly showing and it's clear that it is an ape in disguise. So logic dicatates that Norman exposes Maurice and throws them out right? Ummm; nope. What happens is that he goes bonkers and then runs past him acting like a dork who has never got laid in his life. So stupid. So Mars blows his cover and gets plattered like a moron. Norman tries to toss him out of the window; but Mars' tail snags the bottom of the window still; which causes him to bounce back towards the window. Whatever.
By the way; just because I forgot, additional voices were done by the late Marcia Wallace (passed away in 2013) and according to IMDB (because I forgot to do her tribute in Darkwing Duck for some reason): Some might have easily doled out the phrase "laughing on the outside, crying on the inside" to describe funny lady Marcia Wallace and her many uphill battles, in both life and career, over the past three-and-a-half decades, but the carrot-cropped comedienne, with the ever-toothy smile, remains optimistic to this day as she forges on, displaying her usual grab-bag of comedy tricks on film, TV and in voice-overs. The Iowa-born and bred actress endured a troubled childhood (alcoholism, physical abuse) and headed quickly to New York to pursue her dream, following college graduation. She initially induced laughs because of a weight problem, playing plump, self-deprecating characters in such musicals as "The Music Man". She also supplemented her very modest income at the time, substitute teaching in the Bronx. Managing to drop much of her excess weight over time, she found, to her delight, that she could still make people laugh. Finding an invaluable training ground with the improvisational comedy group, "The Fourth Wall", in 1968, she appeared with the company off-Broadway for a spell. In between times, she studied with acting guru, Uta Hagen. She fleshed out her on-camera resume at first with bit roles on such shows as Bewitched (1964), Columbo (1968) and Love, American Style (1969) and received her initial on-camera break with recurring appearances on The Merv Griffin Show (1962). As a direct result, she won the best role of her career as "Carol Kester", the chatty, lovelorn receptionist on The Bob Newhart Show (1972), after only a year or so in Hollywood. For seven years, Marcia won tons of fans as the brash, slightly ditsy co-worker and confidante who was always looking for that "special guy" to walk through the door.
Guesting on all the popular lightweight shows of the day (Murder, She Wrote (1984), Magnum, P.I. (1980), Taxi (1978)), she also added to the fun on Full House (1987), Charles in Charge (1984) and ALF (1986), in which she nabbed recurring roles. Marcia became just as popular as a celebrity game show panelist, particularly The Match Game (1962). On the summer stock and dinner theater circuits, she appeared in such engaging comedies as "Plaza Suite", "Born Yesterday", "The Prisoner of Second Avenue" and "Last of the Red Hot Lovers", as well as the musicals "Gypsy" and "Promises, Promises". Following her "Newhart" success, her career waned and her health began to decline as time went on. She is grateful to be a 15-year survivor of breast cancer and keeps herself quite visible as an advocate for breast cancer awareness. She was also the prime caretaker for her husband, Denny Hawley, when he was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. He passed away in 1992. They have one child. Nevertheless, Marcia has persevered and gained a second career wind. Today's generations will recognize her Emmy-winning voice-work as Bart's teacher, "Mrs. Edna Krabappel", on The Simpsons (1989), and she, more recently, had a supporting role as "Maggie the housekeeper" on the short-lived, irreverent spoof, That's My Bush! (2001). Marcia has been a regular in commercials for over three decades. On film, she has often played an amusing, unwitting foil to kid-like shenanigans in such films as My Mom's a Werewolf (1989), Teen Witch (1989) and Ghoulies III: Ghoulies Go to College (1991). She has guest-hosted televised comedy clubs and talk shows, and was the actual co-host of a diet show on cable. Marcia remains on the lecture circuit and has published her own memoir, "Don't Look Back, We're Not Going That Way!", which gently and admirably laces her myriad of struggles with wit, humor and a positive outlook.
Marcia started her career on the Merv Griffin show in 1969. Darkwing Duck is her DTVA debut (as Clovis and Mrs. Cavanaugh (which is dumb because Christine Cavanaugh should have voiced her) and also appeared in Aladdin The Series as Oopa. Muffin Top: A Love Story (as herself (was probably done before her death since it's still in post-production at this point.) is her final credits along with The Simpsons as Edna Krabappel. She has 61 acting credits, 1 soundtrack credit, 2 thanks credits, 37 Self credits, and one archive footage credit to her resume. Norman is dragging Maurice by the dress and I don't get how Norman can drag Maurice through the hallway using the dress despite being at least 300 pounds lighter than Maurice, but then again, why am I ranting on Marsupilami, I'll never know. So Mars springs back during this and collides into Norman. Norman gets bumped into the ice cube making machine with wussy bumps off-screen and few ice cubes on screen. What? No soda machine?! EPIC FAIL~!! Norman pops from the ice cube tomb and grumbles. The other problem with Maurice as a maid is: This is the third character who has done this exact same gimmick: Cro, Bonkers & now Norman. Grumbles doesn't count because he was a lot more subtle. Norman is not amused; but that's his problem for being such an idiot bigot. See what I did there? So we head outside as we see Maurice and Mars come out through a door and they walk onto the window cleaning platform. Mars uses the pulley to pull themselves up as the kite is almost in sight. We see Norman up above four floors with scissor holding onto the smallest pipe in the building and is about to clip their wings so to speak. So here's the finish in a nutshell: The pipe is dislodged because if Kit and Molly; who weigh about 120 pounds soaking wet and combined can snap a pipe; what chance does Norman have? Norman bounces off Maurice's back and lands on his head into a conveniently placed bucket causing Maurice to eat the out of nowhere banana. Yeah; he got dizzy with bananas and somehow a banana appears. That is so Family Guy-equse that Seth will steal it in ten years or so.
So Maurice throws the banana peel on the ground just as Norman pops the bucket from his head; and we of course get the banana peel slip spot (despite having the dreaded squeegee of doom in tow) from Norman because this was far before Mythbusters existed. Norman takes the bump over the platform and grabs onto the window cleaning platform for dear life. So Mars pulls the pulley to the roof and; after Mars and Maurice get off the platform just as Norman gets on (before doing the looking down spot again); Mars simply lets go of the pulley rope and Norman freefalls to the ground below after Mars waves goodbye to him. So Mars gets the kite string and needs Maurice to hold him because the wind picks up again for no reason. Then we get a gaping logic break: Norman grabs the kite string. This is literally thirty seconds AFTER he free fell down the window cleaning platform. What a stupid moment that was?! However; the string gets tied around Norman's hand (which Norman looked completely roughed up by the way; which still doesn't explain the logic break at all) and the wind screws him as he gets flown in mid-air. Mars cuts his promo on flying a kite while Maurice has Mars by the tail. You can tell that they really had to pad the running time for this (despite the fact that they didn't have enough time to lop off a logic break) because Maurice is making unfunny faces and eating a banana like a slob. That ends the segment and this episode at 23:03 with no payoff to the Launchpad host segment. This episode was a decent episode with another dumb finish. ** 3/4 (55%). Hilariously the end credits music completely knonks out barely five seconds into it which serves as an apporos punchline to the whole series in general.
THE REVIEW LINE
Well; that is that. Launchpad does a short, but to the point and great for the two or so minutes that he had. It was very funny and I'm sure Kit got all the cheap shots in that I didn't in the rant. The problem was that it was too short and didn't have an ending payoff. Dogzapoppin was surprisely decent for a change even in spite of the all the animation and artwork crap that I had to sit through. Whippy was great for the most part and Jitters was fine; but this doesn't help introduce Bonkers in any meaningful way. Bonkers is simply not funny and nothing he sezs nor does is getting over because Disney is thinking that they can do Looney Tunes-equse comedy. They cannot at this point; and it shows. When Whippy is the best character on the show, it's time to admit that canceling Darkwing Duck was a bad idea. Both Marsupilami episodes were slightly better than the Bonkers short; but shared the same theme: they went on forever and featured dumb booking and really dumb finishes in the later and CDS'ing in the former. The stories were fine; Marsupilami and Maurice are fine, they are just not really funny. I mean; Launchpad's two minute sketch was a million times funnier than the entire 20 or so minutes of this show combined! That's a really bad sign when you are trying to get Bonkers and Marsupilami over. On the other paw; none of the segments were horrible, just merely dumb; mostly because Totally Tasteless Video wasn't featured in this episode. Overall; a middling episode with an excellent hosting segment. Next weekend; I'll be doing the final episode of this series which has no host segment and thus no incentive to watch the show. Too bad; I have to get this done somehow because I'm a completiest. So....
Thumbs in the middle pointing up for the Launchpad Guest Host segments and thumbs in the middle for the rest of it. I'll see you all next time.