Return to 50 Webs
Disclaimer#1: All images, characters and material is (C) 1990/1991 Walt Disney Company and is being used without permission. The webmaster has made sure that no money was made in the creation of this web page and that all material used here is used with the up most affection and respect to the Walt Disney Company and the Tale Spin Team.
Disclaimer#2: The views expressed here are solely the views of the webmaster and no one else. The webmaster has no intentions to change anyone's minds about a particular subject and respects the views of the viewers. Comments about this and other editorial can be E-Mail at gweagle@eastlink.ca or signing the Cloudkicker guest book.
Raw Toonage: Bonkers D. Bobcat Hosting Rant
Reviewed: 06/08/2014
We Have Dee Problem With Dee Bobcat Here!
This episode that I'm ranting on is the middle of the series at episode number six as it was clear at this point that giving over characters from DTVA (past and present) their own host segment was a bad idea because the kids didn't care about the new characters at all. So they kept the host segment and have the host be Bonkers D. Bobcat himself. Cue audience turning the channel instantly rather than turning it halfway through due to the TTV segment. No, not really. So today; Bonkers is delivering a television and skiing, Mars is dealing with a clone, we have a Poultergeist parody and Sports Goofy comes back because the 1992 Summer Olympic Games in Spain was going on during this same year. So let's rant on shall we...?
Bonker D. Bobcat Host Segment: Sadly; I don't have the English version of the host segments. However; this is very easy to follow as we head to "The House of "Everything"" and a whiplash zoom in with sound effects. The doors open and Bonkers is wearing Kit's sweater (BASTARD!) as he introduces everyone to the "House Of "Everything""; and that he is the host. So he admires himself in front of a television and then we get the pan shot of Fawn Deer in a pink dress looking at him. You can guess what happens next without even seeing it. He turns into a giant heart and goes bonkers. He also points at a clock in midair, for no reason. Then he's in love and free falls with wussy bumps into pottery which shatters into fragment which we see in the next shot as Bonkers is trying to get the pots off of him. The guise of this is that Fawn Deer wants to buy a television and wants Bonkers to deliver said television to her. I know this because Bonkers shows a tiny television, an average television and the giant screen television which are all CRT's. Swedish Fawn Deer sounds better than American Fawn Deer by the way as she gives Bonkers a piece of paper, which I assume is her address and walks off. Bonkers reads it and panics before leaving cutting another lame promo to end the segment nearly a minute in. So then we HIT THE OPENING~! The only difference between Sweden and the US is that they add the subtitle: Marsupilami, Bonkers & Company. So yes; even the subtitles people think Bonkers is second rate! So we return to the truck shipping area as Bonkers comes out with the average sized television and Bonkers cannot balance himself as he walks backwards. Somehow; there is a three foot gap between the dock and the back of the truck that Bonkers freefalls into the gap; but somehow the television lands in the back of the truck. Now that is whacky logic! The television sparks as we cut quicky to Bonkers underneath the truck as we head an announcer in the background, despite the fact that the television is not plugged in!
So we completely ignore that as Bonkers goes to the front of the truck cutting more promos and kicks the truck in it's front bump. Did I mention that this truck has a face on it. It's funny how people who hate Dora The Explorer forget that the sentient objects spot has been done to death since Brave Little Toaster back in the late 1980's. So the truck boots Bonkers in the ass with his left tire (!!!) as Bonker flies into the air and splats into some large clock face; as his arms are sticking to the hands of the clock, which is quite neat. Bonkers panics and then we get a closeup of his mouth when he screams and that ends the segment at 2:35. Not a bad segment so far outside of the horrible backgrounds. Thankfully; the next segment I have is in English, so...
He's Bonkers - Ski Patrol: Believe it or not; the English version I have is from the actual Bonkers series in 1993; complete with the 1993 Bonkers opening! I have no comment on that opening for now; I'll save it for the Bonkers christmas special in December. The other change is that there is the title for the episode in white letters on the opening shot, which is absent in the Raw Toonage version since He's Bonkers opening is used. So we begin this one with a literal FPS shot of a police siern (which is the goofiest sounding sound effect I have ever seen) as the siren harrasses a bird and then we finally see the siern is attached to a van, so I assume that it is an ambulence as it drives itself off a cliff; and then lands safely onto the snow below. We finally cut to Bonkers (Oh; that is why the siren sounds so goofy then) cosplaying the siern while Jitters is shaking like a leaf in the passenger side. More FPS shots as a tree comes to life and bails on cue. They turn right as Bonkers finally goes blue and stops the goofy siren as Jitters pleads to Bonkers to not destroy this brand new ambulence. Bonkers tells him not to worry about it. No wonder Jitters hates his life then. Bonkers claims that he's in total control and then a green truck shows up since they are on the road now for no reason. So this ambulence of course has tall ass unicycle like wheels to get over the truck. The ambulence goes to the tunnel and the wheels get cut off and the ambulence is now a sled as they are forced to dodge a bunch of skiers; then go off the ski jump. They fly into the air as we see Grumbles in a laughably bad purple snow suit and pea colored boots skiing. The ambulence bumps him into the air; Grumbles goes flying and crashes into an icy ramp. Grumbles drops his ass and starts selling as if his leg is broken and the ice shard create ice blocks and create an igloo around Grumbles. Okay; did I mention that somehow there was a red payphone inside the igloo? That is so not silly at all.
So Grumbles dials a number on the payphone and we cut back to the lodge as Fawn Deer (in dark blue today) is answering the phone while a giant chicken (who is wearing a cyan blue sweater is reading a piece of paper with his left leg in a cast is propped on the wooden desk containing ta green magazine. Man; there is no detail in this short as we discover that this lodge is in fact the hospital and Fawn Deer is the nurse of this operation. Yeah. She hears Grumbles teeth chattering and proclaims that he just has a skiing accident. Riiiiggggghhhhtttt. So Fawn informs him that the ambulence has arrived as shown in the windows in the background and they'll get onto the rescue. The Whackulence crashes into the front of the lodge; and does absolutely no damage to the lodge; but the ambulence is completely trashed. Jitters pops up and whines badly about the poor thing as Bonkers pops up to follow; and he goes bonkers because Fawn Deer is outside looking at him. The snow melts within a 50 foot radius as Fawn Deer informs Bonkers that this is an emergency and a skier is down. Bonkers is gasping as his heart his beating out of his chest. He dies...no, not really. Fawn tells him to find the skier right away, and Bonkers gets up, acting like a dork who hasn't gotten laid at all. Jitters cuts some promo no one cares about and then Bonkers and Jitter run into the back of the ambulence; and then comes out with a stretcher and both males are on skis. They ski around and ten seconds later; they ski towards the igloo where Grumbles is inside whining and complaining like an evil heel would. So Bonkers and Jitters crash through the wall because they are whacky for no reason as Grumbles eats ice & snow again. Grumbles pops up and apparently; he panics and backs up because he don't want their help. So that rant he went on was to kill Bonkers and Jitters for breaking his leg. In other words; his anger is totally justified because Bonkers and Jitters crashed into him earlier in the short, making the babyfaces come off as clueless heels. Bonkers just wants to help. How about leaving television and never coming...Oh wait; never mind.
Bonkers sings the lamest promo song of the ski patrol in history, then they try to pick up Grumbles by his left leg, and Grumbles screams. His left leg is broken see. So Bonkers simply drops it on the ice and Grumbles screams in pain again. Apparently; his back is broken too; because we hear a crack when Bonkers picks him up by Grumbles' hips. Grumbles shrugs them off as Bonkers wants to put him on Mr. Stretcher. Oh lord. Grumbles does the Gruffi pose (making him the fourth character in history to look good doing it, along with Kit Cloudkicker, Rebecca Cunningham and Gruffi Gummi.) and proclaims that it will be over his dead body. Then out of nowhere, an ice block hits him on the head, he turns icy blue and is knocked out cold. Clearly played for laughs since Jitters points it out for us. I think the cloth of the stretcher has changed colors during this sequence of doom while Bonker and Jitters puts him on "Mr. Stretcher" and carry him out of the destroyed igloo. Or they would have if Jitters and Bonkers had lifted the thing up at the same time, because Bonkers lifts first and Grumble's body simply slides off the stretcher and slides down the hill. Bonkers panics as his face turns into a bicycle horn; and both Jitters and Bonkers run stage left on their skies. So Grumbles slides down the hill and then on an icy lake as it somehow misses the log despite being in position to ramp off said log. Bonkers and Jitters take the bump off the log; losing their skis in the process. They land on top of Grumbles and they duck from a Canadian loon. Geez; how obvious can you get? Grumbles somehow stops selling that he's frozen like the Freeze status in Final Fantasy VI and blows off Bonkers again. Jitters cuts him off as they have to duck again; but they hit the conveniently placed pine tree and bounces away stage right. Grumbles finally is able to stop; but apparently, Grumbles is so fat (even though he looks about 300 pounds and this would make no sense) that the ice crumbles underneath and he falls into the icy lake.
Bonkers and Jitters slide in as Bonkers does the GADGET TRICK OF DOOM to reveal ice grabbers. He uses them to pull Grumbles out of the lake as he is a block of ice now. At least that should keep the broken leg from moving, so that is a win for Bonkers, sort of. So they push Grumbles and he easily slides out of their hands, making Bonkers look like a total moron...AGAIN! Here's what happens next: Ice block slides down the mountain side and goes off a waterfall. Big Eye Panic Spot of Doom from the "babyfaces" ensues. Ice block crashes into the roof of a banquet hall as a couple of furries are blowing each off about the lack of an ice sculpture. One of them is a walrus; and the bearded one looks like a bear. The ice block lands on the table and apparently; they bought a Japanese table because the table doesn't break. Not only that; it did absolutely no damage whatsoever to the table. Oh wait; the fondue pot spilt on the floor, never mind. The walrus acts like Scooby hanging onto Shaggy when they see a "ghost". Bonkers and Jitters runs into the hall with a cart and trash the table in the process before managing to lift the ice block onto the cart without doing anything else. Oh; that fuzzy cartoon logic! So they push the cart towards the window and the ice block flies off the cart. The ice block slides down the mountainside through a clothesline of clothes; and then into a small lodge through the front door. The whole place is messed up as we head inside to see the carnage; and Grumbles lands in a rocking chair in front of the fireplace and the block completely melts. Grumbles is relieved and looks like he has dozed off. So an old lady furry shows up and asks if he wants some tea. Yes; her lodge is destroyed, and yet she is inviting Grumbles to have some tea. Grumbles doesn't care about the logic break; and would like some tea. So Granny leaves as we head outside to see Bonkers and Jitters are sliding down with the cart as they crash into the clothesline and have the elder's clothes on.
The door of the lodge flings open as they come in. Granny was about to pour tea into a tea cup before this; and Granny is so giddy to see more tea drinkers that she unintentionally pours tea right on Grumbles'...leg. I think. Grumbles screams as he bounces up into the air. This turns into a clustermuck as Bonkers and Jitters crash into Grumbles and Granny (I think) and we get flipping in slow motion as pieces of 2X4's are attached to their feet for absolutely no reason at all. Grumbles is sliding away in the rocking chair as Bonkers and Jitters are skiing after him (I think). So we get the tree dodging and the always logic breaking spilts spot where Grumbles takes absolutely no damage from it despite the fact that he should have went through the tree with a MAN-SIZED bump. Then he crashes into a tree with a really wussy bump and destroys the rocking chair in the process. He lands on the snow and then thinks that he isn't going to be a snowman. Then the falling snow arrives out of nowhere to turn him into a snowman from Secret Of Mana. HAHA! Grumbles' head pops out and he's angry, but sort of relieved because he ditched those insane monster "babyfaces". Cue the arrival of those insane, monster "babyfaces" as they crash into Grumbles; creating the giant snowball rolling down the hill spot which it doesn't even consume anyone, or get any bigger as it lands at the beginning of the ski jump with an ultra wussy bump. There was a badly animated train and tunnel in this sequence. They roll down the ski jump (which was poorly set up I might add); and then we see Grumbles on skis yelling at those insane, monster "babyfaces". So they go off the ski jump and they float in mid-air as four yellow birds come out with scorecards as three of them give a perfect ten, and one of them give them a 9.5 for 39.5. There are video game companies that would kill to get that kind of score on Famitsu magazine; but Bonkers doesn't like it anyway. This makes no sense. The yellow bird should have given him a 1 or 0.
So they freefall towards the hospital lodge as they crash into the roof complete with Scooby Doo snow angel spots (why the hell not?!) and they crash into a giant bed as it flips up; and then back down as Grumbles is in the middle as his left leg is propped up with a cast, with Bonkers and Jitters sandwiching him. Jitters finally cuts his catchphrase (you know which one); which Grumbles proclaims that he hates Bonkers' life. HAHA! I love real comments that aren't supposed to be real comments. Fawn comes in and calls Bonkers so brave as she steps on an iron button to raise the bed about a foot up; for no reason. She then kisses Bonkers. Bonkers goes bonkers, making sure to land on Grumbles' broken leg in the process of him going bonkers. The only thing cute about this is that he melts before going bonkers instead of after which would make the most sense. Bonkers is wearing a red sweater now as Bonkers lands on the iron button on the floor and that catapults Grumbles out of bed stage right; but somehow doesn't slingshot Jitters out. Grumbles yells at Bonkers on the way out as we circle fade out to end the segment at 9:00 even. Just a bunch of spots stuck together with chewing gum as Bonkers and Jitters look like heels here. A few funny moments did help though; so call it ** (40%).
We return to reality (no, not at all) as Bonkers is delivering the television on a sailboat attached to a red pick up truck with a trailer on it. Bonkers cuts a promo; then the trailer goes loose (Ghostrustlers from The Wuzzles spot of course) and the sailboat trailer bonks into about three dozen cars. Bonkers tries to invoke the wheel of morality; but he's immoral, so it fails badly. His arms get twisted and then he flies and gets his head stuck in the bell as bell bonks him about a half dozen times in the noggin. So Bonkers goes back to the wheel and apparently there was supposed to be a breeze, but it stops and the sails go dead which causes the trailer to stop in the middle of the road. Did I mention that they are supposed to be on an overpass? Because a brown car drives in and bumps into the trailer; which causes the trailer to smash through the barrier and go over the overpass into the abyss. Bonkers panics of course and that ends the segment at 9:45. Nothing really special thus far.
Totally Tasteless Video - Poultrygeist: So we head to a suburban area AFTER HAPPY HOUR (after dark) as a shooting star is in the background along with a car driving on the street. The green car parks in the house. We head inside at the stove where a pot is on the stove which is rattling. The mother opens it to reveal what I discover is fried chicken. This is basically a typical suburban family; only much duller. So the father comes in with his blue suit and briefcase doing the lame "I'm home" promo and apparently loves fried chicken. So we see the wife trying to crack some eggs; but the eggs go back into the shells; the shells magically repair themselves and start flying around the kitchen for no reason. The fried chicken comes out the pot and flies around as the father is completely clueless on what is happening, and really doesn't care since he's reading the newspaper and more concerned with kissing his wife. The wife is concerned about this super natural event occuring; but the husband thinks it's the neighbours again. So these are the Dingleberries?! The husband sits down at the table while reading the newspaper. He tries to fork some of the fried chicken on the plate; but the fried chicken goes flying out and the oven turns on; and everyone panics as the table is used as a shield as the family gets behind it. We get a green necked chicken spirit coming out of the oven and we see green ghost chickens throwing eggs at the table towards the family. As this is going on; we see a anthro chicken in a trenchcoat walking towards the side door. Then the chickens all go back into the oven and the oven light goes out. Then the door opens to reveal the anthro chicken in the trenchcoat; and he asks about the trouble they have been having with cooking chicken today. So the chicken anthro is a poultrygeist expert as he listens to the ground. He claims that there is a huge hole in the background; as there is containers of fried chicken buried in there. Apparently; this home was built on top of a fried chicken restaurant. Ooookkkkaaaayyyyy; that makes sense, sort of.
He addresses himself as Exdous Chicken which is a neat ass booking name as he tells the family to stand back; and let him handle the oven. The wife is confused as the chicken turns into a neon green spirit ghost and rams into the oven. Even though they are all ghosts; the FCC FRIENDLY OFFSCREEN FIGHT OF DEATH ensues in the oven. The red feathers fly for no reason since they are supposed to be ghosts; but the baby doesn't care and cuddles the feathers for fun. The oven spits out about a thousand international objects for absolutely no reason whatsoever, but the chicken ghosts are defeated anyway. The boy of the group flicks the solid mash potatoes; while the wife finds the towels moist. So, apparently, the entire fried chicken store was inside the oven all this time. That makes no sense at all as the chicken in the trenchcoat appears and tells them that as long as they swear off fried foods; the ghost chicken will never bother them again. The chicken is about to leave and the husband asks about BBQ chicken; and the chicken is close to the door; turns around and tells them to grill veggies from now on. Yes folks; this was a PETA message. UGH! It's too bad; because this was a perfectly reasonable ending until the chicken answered the question on the BBQ. This ends the segment at 12:45. This was the best TTV segment to date; at ** 1/2 (50%). This segment was not bad at all as there was a buildup, there was a conflict, there was a finish (however illogical it was) and a reasonable ending (outside of the PETA promo at the end). If only they renamed the TTV segments to Totally Parody Videos; then this would be so much more enjoyable without making the audience change the channel before it happens.
So we return to the sidewalks of Whackytown, Usland as Bonkers is carrying the television on the sidewalk as he has a concussion and some cuts on his face that have band aids on. Bonkers puts the television down onto the street corner. He sits on the sidewalk panting like mad. A brown car drives in and MURDERS Bonkers' feet causing them to go flat complete with tread marks. Super Dave Osborne, the incident with the circus elephant, I'm just saying guys. Bonkers wimpers and that ends the segment at 13:00 even. Geez; what was the point of that, other than to kill time?
Marsupilami - Romancing The Clone: Sadly; I do not have the English version of this episode; so I'll have to watch the pictures to see what is going on. I should note that the opening is not subtitled at all; and neither were the English lyrics! We begin this one with a pan shot of the jungle with a pink butterfly flying around with an orange butterfly. Long, long pan shot ensues as we see Mars and Maurice in a meadow pondering and relaxing as Marsupilami sezs Oooba which is kept on Swedish television. Mars pulls some red flowers out of the ground with his tail and sniffs them while floating in mid-air and then sneezes and drops on his ass because he's allergic to red daisies; or something. Then we jump cut to Norman in in regular safari gear (so the cyan blue outfit is out?! FACKING BULLSHEET~!) and a midget guy who looks similar to Twiddledee from Alice In Wonderland; only shorter and sleazier; and maybe even fatter than Norman; arrive with a tripod containing an old-style camera. Norman slams down the tripod to plant the camera onto the ground and cuts a promo which I think the guise of this is that he wants to capture Mars on camera and then catch him for real as he smacks the poor Twiddledee clone in the back and he takes a nasty bump on his face; and gets a concussion. Norman recoils and sets the poor fat guy on his feet; and brushes him off. He talks some more while stealing the poor guys wallet; but he gives the poor concussed man a dollar bill in response. What a slimey bastard this Norman fellow is?! You would think he was being a monster heel version of Pete. The little fat guy (I have no idea who his name is) claps for joy; as he stopped selling the head injury... sort of. Norman then bails on him and hides behind a tree because you see he wants to capture Marsupilami to mount on his wall while the little guy gets a picture of him alive for the last time. Aparently; he hid something in a tree, because he puts his hand through the hole of a tree and brings out a female Marsupilami costume which Norman proceeds to blow off. Oh sure, why not? It's hazard pay for these guys. Might as well call Norman, Bully Ray and the little guy, Devon. Heh heh.
Yes; we have to watch the entire moment of Bully Norman Ray putting on the costume while we get fart sound effects for good measure; why do you ask? As this is happening, we pan up and Marsupilami swings in having the perfect line of sight to see him put on the costume and apply lipstick to his lips. However; that would end the episode too soon, so they have to pretend that Mars has no idea who this costumed freak is and think that it's a legit Marsupil girl; who is three times taller and bigger than Mars ever could be, with a tail half the length of Mars. So Mars cuddles up to the guy like a moron and Norman Bully Ray pushes him off. Mars bounces on a heart made from his tail for added effect with red hearts coming out. This goes on for a long ass whomping time as Mars is squeezing on every ticklish spot on Norman and Norman is selling it quite well for a fat guy. So Mars pinches Norman's nose and then does a heart shaped tail for added effect. He grabs some flowers (which has some bees in them) and gives them to Norman to sniff. Norman sniffs the flowers and the bees come out. Norman gets bees in his costume and runs like the wind. An easterly wind at first and then a northeastern wind as he runs out of sight; Mars tries to chase him, but has to pretend that he's is slower than Earl Norman Hedner. Mars stops and cries because he was denied love; which cannot end well. So we scene change to further along as the little fat guy slams the tripod down on the ground and starts using the camera. I have just realized that this guy is a tourist and not a heel. Which begs the question: Why would he want to do business with Norman when it was Norman who concussed him earlier? Norman comes in looking roughed up and apparently; the tourist is so screwed up in the head that he allows the tripod to bounce up and land on his hand. Norman then points in the general direction of west claiming that Mars is nearby; and the tourist is so giddy that he bounces with the tripod.
Norman bails stage left and hides behind a really large rock; and puts the female Marsupilami costume on as we once again see the entire sequence of him putting this on; and then we fade to black to turn Michael Eisner on. So we return with Maurice sitting down looking at a red flower. He sniffs the flower petals off of it and throws it away. We zoom out to see Mars sitting in front of him doing the old standby quackery of relationships: the "She loves me, she loves me not" petal plucking spot. He gets down to two petals before Maurice grabs the flower and eats it. What a waste?! Maurice scratches his arm pit and out comes Marsupilnormie! That is my story and I'm sticking to it. Mars Norman waves and Mars gets hearts in his eyes as Mars Norman walks to them trying to look sexy; but coming off as a heelish dork, which I approve of. Mars Norman grabs Mars; but Mars manages to wiggle out and they both talk for a while. So Mars runs complete with Hanna Barbera running sound and looping effects as he steps on Norman's stomach and kisses him on the lips; on-screen. He teases hating the kiss; and then bounces away in love away from Maurice as Norman spits and is instantly repulsed by the kiss. Then somehow Maurice teleports about 100 feet away from where he was (which was near Norman) because Mars hops towards him from the west. This makes no sense at all. So Mars tries to kiss Maurice on the cheek; but Norman grabs him and sounds like normal Norman before catching himself and grabbing Mars by his tail. Mars talks, spins around and then Norman lets go as hearts are surrounding the area. Mars runs over to a conveniently placed rock (probably the same one Norman hid behind to put on the costume) and uses his tail as a jackhammer to create a statue of a large heart. Pffft; whatever. Norman is not impressed and decides to end this crap by grabbing Mars by the hips; so Mars counters by stepping on him; causing Norman to back away.
So Norman is twirled by Mars and Norman takes a MAN-SIZED bump into a conveniently placed tree; and then we dance, dance, dance to their doom. HEEHEEHEEHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! POW! OUCH! Ummm...Why do I keep remembering that throwaway line from The Smurfs' Wedding special? More dancing as Norman has dancing shoes on for no reason whatsoever; and the animation looks so HB that it's not funny. Norman takes a MAN-SIZED bump into a tree branch with his head; then gets tied up by it's own tail and twirled away as Mars yanks the tail and the tail rips off the costume. Norman crashes into the rock statue of the heart for fun; and Mars is crying in sorrow. I'm certain that he's not crying because Norman's cover was blown, but crying because he pulled Mars Norman's tail out. So yes; the Ernie Grapple fanfic story can be done (the one where Ernie loses his tail when the Jungle Aces almost lose their club because there might be oil underneath the junkyard) in Disney as long as no blood is shown. Or little blood is shown. So Norman finally takes off the costume and is now officially pissed off. Mars tries to back up; but Norman grabs him and carries him to the bushes containing an out of nowhere air tank. He brings out an out of nowhere red balloon, fills it with air and ties a string to Mars' tail before walking off stage left with Mars in tow. Maurice then arrives, grabs the air tanks and follows them. So we see Norman setting up Mars and even in the Swedish audio track; he cuts the Terminator promo IN ENGLISH! So why didn't you just not overdub the line and just have Jim Cummings say it. Because if you are going to overdub the line for audiences in Sweden; then the promo should be cut in Swedish. This makes no sense. So Maurice comes in and stuffs the airhose in his costume pants which is very close to his asshole (how fitting eh?) and Maurice pumps Norman up with air. Norman flies into the sky like a balloon as Mars is about to join him; but Norman is forced to let go off-screen as Maurice grabs Mars and pulls him down.
So Mars talks a lot and basically tells Maurice that he is the best relationship he could have as we look up into the sky as Norman flies up and then the balloon is popped by absolutely nothing. Pfft; whatever. Maurice and Mars look up; and then out comes the tourist with his camera as he slams it down on the ground. He then squeezes the tube on the camera; and we get the ZNEON FLASH OF DEATH as we get a B&W shot of Mars and Maurice panicking on cue to end the segment at 19:03. This was okay for the most part; as there was really nothing offensive and the storyline was easy to follow along even in Swedish. Norman was really good as a heel here; and Maurice was still Maurice. It was fine. *** (60%).
Goofy's Guide To The Olympics: Oh hell yeah! So we head to Olympic Stadium as the whole artwork reeks of Goof Troop as we zoom in with the title in banana yellow colors; and then head onto ground level as Goofy runs in wearing red shorts and a yellow tank top with a red stripe in the middle. He is also wearing purple/white sneakers with yellow socks. So he introduces the Olympics; making sure he does his redneck catchphrase, HYUCK~! So he grabs a vaulting pole while cutting this promo about the modern technologies in such equipment and the pole is so flexable that he goes backwards and the pole somehow digs into the ground, and Goofy pole vaults himself out of the stadium. HAHA! Goofy then lands on power wires and then gets caught in them in a massive logic break because once again, he doesn't get electrocuted. I CLUB BS&P~! So we scene change back into the stadium for the long jump or the triple jump. Does it really matter at this point? Ummmmmmmmm...nope. So Goofy proclaims that 90% of long jumping (or triple jumping, doesn't matter!) is skill and attitude. Goofy runs and then does a jump that somehow causes his shoes to become skates and he skates straight into the conveniently placed hot dog stand and he crashes into it with MAN-SIZED BUMP. HAHA! Goofy pops from the carnage with a hot dog proclaiming that 10% is eating meat by-products. HAHA! Scene changer and Goofy's clothes are now getting cheesier; as in cheese whiz color. He is on rollerblades for no reason as he is wearing a cape now. You can tell that this is the mid 1990's when rollerbladers don't wear helmets. Goofy calls this his figure skating costume. Ummm; this is the Summer Olympics Goofy; not the Winter Olympics. And if they do this in the summer; shouldn't it be called Figure Blading? AHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Goofy tries to show off his figure blading skills; but skate backwards into the stadium lobby and lands head first into a garden of flowers. HAHA! Goofy claims that it also takes a hard head.
Then we scene change; and now the writers are just mind screwing us because we have a ski jump ramp with Goofy in a lifejacket on ski at the top. Yes; in the Summer Olympics! So he starts down and admits that it's better in the Winter Olympics in roundabout terms; and his skis catch on fire. HAHA! He goes off the ramp and ski jumps out of the stadium as his skis burn to ashes; and he is above Spoonerville, USA (I think) and lands in the park as a conveniently placed water fountain is spewing water like a water pillar and it catches him. Goofy then proceeds to do what he calls the freestyle dog paddle. HAHA! He circles around the fountain for fun and we then scene change back to Olympic Stadium as Goofy is at the weightlifting event complete with ramp, podium and back wall featuring a black man holding up a dumbell. Speaking of dumbells; Goofy calls this the lift and jog techinque. Goofy tries to lift the dumbell; but it gets out of his hands and rolls down the ramp and out of the stadium as Goofy jogs after it. HAHA! See; make the joke and then pay it off. Goofy of course doesn't look where he is going as the dumbell rolls to an open manhole cover and splashes into the sewer below. Goofy then makes the "doesn't look where he is going like a total moron" spot worth it because he cuts a promo reminding us to watch where we are going and then falls into the manhole cover and splashes into the sewer. HAHA! I am so enjoying this short. Funny moment: The camera man overshoots the pan shot. So we head back to Olympic Stadium as there is a manhole inside the stadium grounds! The manhole cover pops up and out comes Sports Goofy. His shoes and shirts are destroyed; but his shorts are still perfectly intact. BS&P RULEZ~! So Goofy proclaims that the rumors of alligators in the sewers is nothing but a pack of lies. Not to mention the fact that the Summer Olympics were already over at this point in Barcelona since they ended on August 9th, 1992; and this aired in October on Raw Toonage. Goofy calls them crocodiles and one of them off-screen spits the dumbell out of the sewer and it whacks Goofy in the chest; causing him to fall on his ass. HAHA!
Goofy wraps this up and states that we'll do it again in Atlanta, Georgia in four years because that is how long it will take to catch his breath. HAHA! He faints and that ends the segment at 21:22. If this went a minute longer; this would be the best segment in Raw Toonage; surpassing the Don Karnage hosting segment; because Goofy knows how to bring in the funny even when nothing makes sense. BS&P didn't help matters; but most of this was really funny and I don't think we saw him back for the Atlanta Olympics in 1996. I guess he decided to retire; which would be a good idea, knowing how many concussions the poor Goof has. **** (80%).
So we wrap up the Bonkers Host Segment at the apartment building and then inside Fawn Deer's apartment as Fawn opens the door and in comes Bonkers with a broken right leg and is bandaged up. Then we get the best spot in the history of Bonkers in this series: Fawn Deer simply takes the television from him and places it down on the ground, and plugging it in. HAHA! Bonkers cannot move because his arms and back are frozen because Bonkers is such a stiff as a worker. Fawn comes over and does a wristlock on Bonker's right arm which causes Bonkers to fly into the air; bounce about a dozen times off the walls and land right in the purple loveseat. That was AWESOME! This is Fawn's greatest moment and it gets even better: Bonkers gets the out of nowhere remote control while Fawn puts a blanket over Bonkers on the chair. Bonkers uses the remote as he wants to watch his own show and we see the crappiest end credits for a cartoon in history; completely cheese colored. BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Bonkers is macho nacho pissed off of this because he missed his own cartoon show. Even though this is in Swedish; I could figure this out without a translator or captions. So Fawn returns and steals a pink dollar bill from Bonkers' chest; snaps the sweater collar back and kisses Bonkers on the cheek anyway; causing Bonkers to do the Blanka Electric Body spot of doom. Bonkers blushes on cue; cuts a promo and we circle fade out to end the episode at 22:18. This segment was better than the He's Bonkers segment, mostly because of the finish which was Fawn Deer's crowning moment of awesome. *** 1/4 (65%).
THE REVIEW LINE
Well; this was the best episode in the series so far as we had out second thumbs up segment with Goofy's Guide To The Olympics as this was funny and absurd at the same time (dig those Winter Olympic sports dude!); and if this went a minute longer; it would have surpassed Don Karnage and his fight with Captain James Hook. As it was; it was on par with that host segment. Bonkers hosting is better than He's Bonkers as Bonkers did a simple plot; took some great bumps for it and it ended with the greatest sequence in Fawn Deer's career. She certainly knows the difference between a wristlock and a wristwatch and she made Bonkers look like a complete idiot; and it was funny all around. Ski Patrol was basically a solid story with a lot of goofy cliched spots with an finish that made no sense. Poultrygeist was surprisely good until they did the PETA message at the end: It had a quick build up, it had context, it had a finish (illogicial; but still...) and a mostly good ending. It was rushed; but TTV segments are typically time filler segments; what can you do. I think if this was three minutes longer; this would have been the best segment on the show. It's too damn bad that no one cared to rename the segment to something like TPV or Totally Parody Videos; which would have made it obvious; but at least kids won't change the channels instantly on us. Romancing The Clone from Marsupilami was above average as Norman did what he was supposed to do and was a trooper doing it. Most of this was fine; and the storyline was easy to follow regardless of the language it was spoke. So overall; this is the best episode in the series so far...
Sadly; while the Bonkers host segment did help Bonkers get over, it made Fawn Deer get even more over than Bonkers did since she was the one who looked like the smartest person in the episode. Which is fine since I always thought Fawn Deer was a fine character who got crappy, lazy writing when they use her as a useless airhead. Marsupilami is likable enough; but it doesn't have nearly the heat that even Goof Troop had during this time and thus when 1993 came along and Mars was in his own show, it is a bigger case of: A tedious show that wasn't bad per se; but was not memoriable. Nothing that was done (Mars has had seven episodes to get really over; and he's barely getting over. He is just another comedy character at this point. Same with Maurice as Norman is just a fine heel and not much else) is enough for me to watch the standalone show for 22 minutes. Bonkers is a bigger mess; but it did improve once Bonkers became a cop; but that show has it's major share of fatal flaws which I'll probably talk about in the Christmas Special. Raw Toonage is a waste of programming because the only segments kids remember and enjoyed were the various DTVA characters of the past and present (in the case of Goof Troop and The Little Mermaid: The Series). Heck; most people remember Don Karnage VS. James Hook in what was Don Karnage's last day in the spotlight (a swordfight he almost won); but don't remember the somewhat decent Bonkers hosting segment which had a great ending to it. Once they got rid of the host segments; the show was crap for the most part. TTV was filler and had some really awful segments; the last two I saw were surprisely decent. Poultrygeist was short, focused, to the point and the ending was fine. My New Shoes would have benefitted greatly from better animation. However; the name of the segment was stupid and only served to make it look like an exec decision to try to be cool; but it failed badly. I realize that there is still seven episodes left; but I'm certain that the host segments will be better than most of the other segments in this series without even seeing them. Maybe Disney was better off waiting a year and renewing Darkwing Duck; or even give double support to The Little Mermaid series or even Goof Troop; which were more over than this waste anyway. Oh well; hindsight 20/20 and all that. So next up is the Teddy Ruxpin rants for the Father's Day Specials and then the start of Mighty Ducks: The Series and Dave The Barbarian. Yeah; lots of fun to mock. So....
Thumbs down for Ski Patrol; thumbs in the middle for The Bonkers D. Bobcat Host segment, Poultrygeist and Romancing The Clone; and thumbs up for Goofy's Guide To The Olympics. I'll see you all next time with Teddy Ruxpin.