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Sony Always Wins, Baby~! 2017 Edition Part III
Reviewed: 04/16/2022
You Ain't Got The Spec Sheet, Bro~!
Well, here we go; the greatest skit of them all. The day Nintendo Switch finally got the third party support it needed. To be fair, it's not perfect by any means as there is still Nintendo's reputation to consider, the politics of third party developers complaining about how Nintendo software overwhelms everyone, even when the developer never releases anything on a Nintendo platform and of course, higher ups who create environments telling programmers that Nintendo systems are bad and thus bad ports are all we get. However, that said, Nintendo Switch's third party support is leaps and bounds better than ANY Nintendo platform at this point. And that's before the indies are considered as well. So, let's begin the funny...
"Nintendo Hater Reacts to the Nintendo Switch 3rd Party Support!": This aired on September 19th, 2017; just after the Nintendo Direct. I was so disappointed that the flashback was probably filmed days after the Direct instead of the date posted on the video (January 12th, 2017), because that would have incredible forsight on Nin10doUltra's part and be funny at the same time. We begin with SAW calling up someone being so cocky that it makes the end of the video so sweet and fitting. I didn't discover until the end that SAW was actually calling his room mate NAW, and damn; that had to be awkward considering that NAW nearly got killed by SAW two videos ago. Anyhow, SAW proclaims that Switch is garbage and a flop; and will get no third party support at all. I think this all got started by some Oddworld guy talking crap on the internet despite the fact that the Nintendo NX already had Dragon Quest XI being planned for Switch in which SquareEnix is a third party developer. Gaslighting is sometimes a pathetic sight in hindsight. Ironically, Nintendo Switch got more support from third party publishers and developers than all of the other Nintendo platforms combined! 1648 publishers, 3478 developers in about five years. Other Nintendo platforms had 310 publishers and 600 developers at most and most of them had longer runs than Nintendo Switch had right now. So, that proved to be a lie on it's ear. Of course, like "has no games", it's a dog whistle for "companies I don't care about unless it is on the plastic box of my choice". SAW talks about how NBA 2K18 from 2K Games is going to be the XBOX 360 version. Spoiler: It was almost as good as the PS4 Pro's game, which started the "Switch is holding PS4 back" narrative. Oh, looky; another narrative used against XBOX Series, now with Series S. But whatever, quote #1:
SAW: This system is weak! It's weak like the Weak U~!
This skit is the "When The Cuckoo Clock Strikes Three" episode from Chargeman Ken: It's insane and has a lot of funny drops. Unlike Ken Izzy, SAW is supposed to be the heel here. SAW continues his rant and I cannot do it justice, it was hilarious. He name drops Rockstar, which spoiler alert: L.A. Noire and GTA III collection did come to the Nintendo Switch. Sadly, the quality was not in evidence, as if someone wanted to crush the Nintendo fanboys and get away from Nintendo. Too bad Nintendo fanboys saw that one coming and bought it anyway. Rocket League gets name dropped. Ding! That game made it to the Switch. Pro Tip: Never use double negative because it means it gets a lot of third party support and you made it happen. SAW is making a literal ass out of himself at this point. Take a drink everytime you hear the words "flop" or "I'm telling you" and I swear this guy is what Malkimum was basing his persona off of. I guess SAW forgot that Rockstar supported DS and Wii in the past -- the two weakest platforms of the seventh generation without remorse, without regret and without apology -- but let's not let facts get in the way of a good anti-Nintendo rant here! Apparently, Rockstar Games determines what is a weak system or not. I thought it was Electronic Arts, since EA is the ruler of the gaming world, so says the multiplat demons. SAW claims that it's not going to get third party games at all (that he likes, since it's an obvious dog whistle). It's not going to get Wolfenstein (DING! And it's not the original either, it's the PS4/XBOX One modern sequel) and it's not even getting the GOTY of 2016; DOOM! Wow, what a crappy year that was?! Not even the original DOOM, either?! That is cold, even if it's coming from SAW. Spoiler Alert: Doom 2016, Doom Eternal, Doom, Doom 64, Doom 2 and Doom 3 came to the Switch. Hell, even QUAKE came and that was released post-Microsoft/Bethesda merger. This video has aged so well, it should be in a museum. SONY ALWAYS WINS~! THEY'LL THE BEST, BABY~! Watch how Nintendo Switch went from Skyrim to MLB The Show 22, a Sony game! Look, I could go over how wrong SAW was, but read my game list for the North American region and not just the number. Your brain will bleed.
SAW calls us Nintendoddlers which is straight up projection, of course and claiming that no one will buy these third party games. SAW is still wrong, although on more stable ground than most of this rant overall. After more flopping, we come to the most important part: NAW asks SAW if he has the spec sheet. SAW says no; but he don't care because it's weak and it's gonna flop. SAW just made the fatal mistake no one should make.So, we return to reality as SAW gets up from his bed and get off a promo that screams "Must be a ringtone option":
SAW: Another day, another dollar; time to drink some Sony Water~!
I laughed so hard after that line. Forget putting it on a shirt, that should be a ringtone for my mobile phone, if I ever wanted one. Also, the way he goes to his computer chanting "Sony Water, BABY~!" is absolutely priceless. Nin10doUlta held NOTHING back in this one. SAW is loving life as he decides to check the news feeds for bad Nintendo Switch news. Yes, he needs Nintendo to be slugged in order to get pleasure in his life. Wow, I thought I was a sadist and a slimebag?! SAW then drinks the Sony Water and once again: DON'T DRINK AND READ~! SAW's recoil of the laptop and water bottle is so epic that SAW's glasses almost fall off his face. SAW panics because the modern Doom and Wolfenstein are confirmed for Nintendo Switch. He denies it because the games are frame rate heavy even though the Switch can handle up to 60 frames per second. It's scaleable like resolution; but you can get the picture. SAW cannot believe this could run on a platform that sips 11 Watts of power (which Nintendo now claims 7 Watts!). Then out of nowhere, NAW appears looking concerned as he tells SAW that he didn't know because he didn't have the spec sheet. This is an all time meme:
SAW: What do you mean I don't have the spec sheet?! This system is clearly a weak system, bro! It has gotta to be running 5 FPS at 240p! There is no way you cannot be telling me that!
Spoiler Alert: It runs at 720p at 30 FPS. Not great, but impressive for a system that runs at 11W. I should note that 240p is the resolution of the Nintendo DS, because portables are so stone age that a 720p Nintendo system sounds completely absurd. Nintendo just did exactly that and never looked back. SAW watches some comparsion footage of the game and outside of some fading, it runs really well. SAW cannot believe it and denies the cracks are real because Sony is winning right now and that's all that matters. Cut back to NAW basically admitting that he was the one SAW was talking to in January and confirms Rocket League for Switch, saying that SAW never had the spec sheet. It is still my favorite line of all time and it shows that politics and compentent programmers are far more important than the specs of hardware, since the hardware is the control group and the programmers are the variable. SAW is jumping up and down in a panic as he cannot believe this is real and then opens the door to his dark bedroom and jumps in bed, closing the door to end the greatest skit of all time. Five years later, over 7000 games from third party developers and publishers would be released. No third party support?! Yeah, sure SAW! This is a million billion stars, and the best aged video of all the skits from Nin10doUltra. It's all downhill from here, folks.
One final note: I love everyone talking about Doom and Wolfenstein, when some company from China that has more revenue than anyone combined that I never heard about until, puts Arena of Valor on a Nintendo Direct, and now we all have to eat it because this same company in a few years would be selling Nintendo Switch in China for real. Tencent, everyone.
"Nintendo Switch Hater Reacts to the Super Mario Odyssey Review Scores": So, it's October 28th, 2017, days after Super Mario Odyssey was released and Nin10doUltra did the "Switch Has Too Many Games" stuff which is a dog whistle for "Games Don't Matter" in zobe70's eyes anyway. Anyhow, we begin with Saw sitting down on his sofa loving life and playing PlayStation claiming that he is Pharoah Sony and Sony was winning on those Egyptian days complete with stereotypical dance walk. Sigh. Leave it to SAW to be a bigot on top of being a God-wannabe. He's playing Assassin's Creed Origins, so once again; he's playing a non-Sony game and violating his own house rules. How Hiroshi Yamaguchi and Jim Ryan of you, SAW! Whiplash jump cut and this might be the longest amount of time on-screen that SAW has ever played a video game, even when we cannot see the game on-screen. I'm guessing Ubi Soft had copyright maximalism in their blood at the time. Somehow, he notices that his phone is ringing. We didn't hear it and SAW didn't feel a thing, so what?! SAW answers the phone and the music stops to signal the fade to black. Then we get evil bad music playing as Bias Confirmation is on the phone hidden under a blanket and crying. Yes, Bias has gone from confident and strong to a weak little mouse hiding. What a fall from grace?! His worst nightmare is realized as it takes FOREVER (and not the sixth largest publisher on Nintendo Switch) before he informs SAW that Super Mario Odyssey was given a perfect score of 10, and this is a bias, paid reviewer. Okay, let's put this to bed: When bigots say "paid review" they mean "accepting a bribe". Sadly, sometimes it's not money that is the bribe, it's access that journalists want. The problem is: If a journalist works for a company and they claim that no one is paying them to give a review, then that's awful and makes me more incensed. In the Halo Infinite review with Stella, I pointed out that if she isn't getting paid to review stuff, then IGN is a disgusting company. She did her job, you pay her. Simple as that, full stop! Stella was talking about bribes, not if she was paid to do her job. This always annoyed me and watch SAW take this and just overkill it while looking like an asshole. Sadly, this sequence was the first one to use the white heads crying and angry pictures and became just another "SALT~!" video.
Fade to black and return to SAW just panicking because only Sony games are allowed those full scores. Isn't that right, LAST OF US PART 2~?! SAW denies it all and decides to fact check this because he doesn't care about Sony games and all that matters is bashing a console he ain't going to buy. You never saw someone spirint to his room with the computer so quickly. SAW continues to blow this off and ranting like a spoiled little brat who was told that his brother was better than him. SAW also calls the game Trashadey and Kiddacey because he's an insecure boy claiming to be a grown ass man. Kiddie game equals trash, again insecurity issues much there, SAW? SAW is now gaslit into believing that there was a bribe going on here. First, SAW checks Metacritic, Mario Odyssey is a 97, the same score as Zelda: Breath Of The Wild and this nearly causes a heart attack on SAW. Apparently, IGN is more trustworthy than Metacritic and checks their website. Zoom in shot of SAW screaming 10 out of 10! SAW just flings himself out of his computer chair, and crawls onto the floor whining. Then we do the slowest crawl ever as SAW can only say "This cannot be real" multiple times and "paid review" at least eight times in this entire sequence alone which took twenty seconds. SAW turns around and claims that some jamborni Nintendo fanboy reviewed the game; but it was really Ryan McCaffery from the XBOX IGN which makes SAW panic even more. I don't know, maybe the bias is there. I mean, the reviewer clearly looks like a Mii to me. SAW is having a heart attack as he looks for his PlayStation 4 plastic boxes and somehow finds them. He screams that he doesn't play kiddie games despite acting like a total spoiled child in this very video. SAW shows off Horizon Zero Dawn, a grown man's game, despite being rated T for Teenagers, who are not grown men. Apparently, these are real games, and not Mario Odyssey, despite the fact that all three games are considered movie games with just enough gameplay to be constructed as barely a game while the rest is cutscenes. SAW then confesses that he's a loser. Uh-Oh! Goodbye being a Sony shill after that one, SAW. He bashes Nintendo some more and than faints to end the video. At least he didn't review bomb the game this time.
"Nintendo Switch Hater Reacts to Zelda Breath of the Wild Being GOTY 2017!": This aired just after the Game Of The Year Awards on December 10th, 2017. The GOTY Awards are basically Geoff Keighley's shill fest with a dose of loving Activision/Blizzard for some toxic reason. The theme of this video: Video game awards are rigged. Personally, the GK version of the awards are much better than the Spike TV version of these same awards. Yes, Halo Infinite winning the Player's Choice award on the same day the full game was released wasn't a good look, but at least it wasn't like Spike's version where they had a literal award for best Upcoming Game which was won by a game that wasn't going to be released for at least six-twelve months! Oh, and at least the celebraties on GK's version are mostly happy to be there, unlike the Spike version where nearly every famous person was ready to give gamers the gears, I still remember Sarah Silverman telling gamers to kill themselves. The only thing that was great about the Spike TV Game Awards was the wrestling match in the middle of the show, and even that was screwed up badly. GK's version even has trailers for upcoming games. So, leagues better than Spike's. Also, award shows aren't for the fans, they are for the people who created the games. Sort of like E3, only televised. If you want a fan show about announcing games, that is what Nintendo Directs are for. As I was writing this, E3 2022 was canceled. I'm not celebrating this because, I know that E3 is not for me. It's for the publishers and developers. If they really cared about the fans, then they would be doing exactly what Nintendo has been doing with Directs and generate excitement for the entire year instead of waiting six months for a show and having it fall flat. Nintendo only goes to E3 because of meetings with third party developers and publishers. Journalists aren't too keen anymore of covering this event either since the ESA doxxing incident and realizing that if they want to laugh Nintendo out of the building, they can now do a reaction video that will be seen by millions on Youtube, rather than a few hundred during a press conference. The public can either laugh at them or with them. It's cheaper and it's ultimately safer. Win-win.
Anyhow, we begin with SAW waking up and is loving life because he cannot go ten seconds without saying his catchphrase twice. He also is wearing his cap backwards, he wishes he was as cool as Kit Cloudkicker. You play video games at 12; he's fucking surfing clouds, asshole! He would probably shrug his shoulders on this video gaming thing, although back in his time, pinball machines were in their beginning years. He's predicting that Horizon: Zero Dawn is winning GOTY. SAW goes to the bathroom and is literally brushing his teeth with a badly wrapped toothpaste container saying "Sony Toothpaste" even though you can clearly see the Colgate logo. Ooops! SAW is slipping here. He is repeating his "Sony Always Wins" like a chant for a long ass whomping time and then returns to his computer continuing to rant on Horizon winning it all. Zelda: Breath of the Trash nor Mario Kiddisey stand no chance in hell. To hedge his bets, SAW also claims Persona 5 winning it all as well. SAW shows the plastic box of Horizon Zero Dawn during this rant as SAW claims that 70 million units of PlayStation 4 were sold. Currently, it's 116.7 million units, with Switch now at 103.4 million units and counting. One more year, and Switch having the smaller user base will be no more and it's on to surpassing Nintendo DS and PlayStation 2, and breaking the 160 million unit glass ceiling. That being said, software sales are going to be far more important for Nintendo than hardware sales since they aren't at one billion units yet and they still need twice of the amount (766 million units as of this writing) to surpass PlayStation 4 and PlayStation 2. SAW is going to sit there until the show starts, which means literally 12 hours+ later although the Spongbob SquarePants narrator says many hours later and yes, Nin10doUltra did in fact use the Spongebob SquarePants Narrator title card sequence here. We return as SAW discovers that Soul Calibur 6 is coming to every platform but the Switch and he celebrates like he just won the Wrestlemania main event. Oh, and he taunts the Nintendo Switch fans for port begging. Soul Calibur 6 not coming to Switch was really a stinger on the Nintendo Switch's record since it was a Fighting game which is extremely rare. On the other hand, Switch got God Eater 3, so it wasn't much of a victory.
The multiplat situation is still weak for Nintendo, but it's leaps and bounds better than Wii U and 3DS combined. So, I cannot really complain about it. SAW then discovers that Bayonetta 1 and 2 are coming to Switch and SAW don't care. You would think that SAW was over Bayonetta 2 being on Wii U only because it meant Nintendo wasn't this tryant and helped a third party developer make their dreams come true; and it meant Nintendo had a M-rated game with a character that had actual personality, was more humanized than the other M-rated games like Eternal Darkness and that Jonnah Dark and Conker were no longer available since Microsoft owns Rare now. Nope! Bayonetta 3 is announced exclusively for Nintendo Switch and SAW starts port begging. HAHA! Irony: It never dies. I'm amazed that we actually have gameplay footage for Bayonetta 3 now, after nearly 4 1/2 years of radio silence on the game. Also, a reminder: Sony and Microsoft didn't want to fund Bayonetta 2 for their platforms and Sega has the business acumen of a pencil eraser. Nintendo was the only one interested and PlatinumGames didn't look a gift horse in the mouth and accepted the funding. Still, SAW shouldn't worry because Horizon Zero Dawn is going to win and nothing is going to stop it now. Finally, the GOTY award is about to be announced as SAW brings out the plastic box of Horizon Zero Dawn. We superimpose the footage from the awards as Geoffy (who sounds like Reggie Fils-Aime by the way) announces that 51 global media outlets and the fans voted for this award; so basically he's telling you that this is not a rigged vote. Geoffy announces that the winner is...wait for it...Zelda: Breath Of The Wild. This is probably the only game in the last five years that won critical and finanical acclaim to win the award. Keep in mind, SAW would have been the same person who would defend The Last Of Us 2 winning all those 300 awards, despite winning fewer awards than Hades when it came to the actual Game Of The Year award. You see, GOTY is not the only awards show, but it's the only one with a major livestream presence because Geoffy is celebrity personified. Geoffy might be a Sony shill, but even he couldn't prevent Nintendo from getting the award that mattered the most.
Personally, I would have picked Splatoon 2 since it was really the first answer Nintendo had for Halo, actually. 2017 was a banner year for Nintendo Switch games wise. They had four GOTY candidates (Zelda, Mario, Splatoon 2 and Xenoblade 2); and sadly only two of them were going to the finals at most. Xenoblade 2 sadly was not eligble due to the release being around the same time the GOTY awards were aired. Another beef with these awards: The awards should be in Febuaray so the cutoff date can be December 31st and all 12 months can be accounted for. SAW drops the plastic box as his hopes and dreams are crushed. SAW does the Arthur fist clench spot where he was going to punch DW in the face; but thankfully, there's no one there in his room to punch. So, he chooses violence in a different way: posting a tweet basically calling the vote rigged, and basically writing a profanity we don't hear. You'll know which one when you hear the video. SAW can take no more as he rushes into the closet and covers himself with a blanket like Bias Confirmation did in the last video. SAW can only say over and over again that this award was rigged to end the video. Next year and beyond, SAW's choice of awards would be better for him, including Last Of Us Part 2.
The Review Line - This ends the 2017 edition of the "Sony Always Wins" skits as SAW is pretty much on it's last legs. In the first video of 2018, the first signs of Nintendo Switch breaking records was about to begin as the Nintendo Switch would become the fastest selling console, although it wasn't all that huge at the time, and that the real fastest selling wouldn't happen until Switch sold 100 million units within 58 months, with only Nintendo DS selling faster than that (52 months).