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Sony Always Wins, Baby~! 2018 Edition Part I
Reviewed: 04/16/2022
The Softer Targets~!
More skits and more SAW looking like a spoiled brat in the process for my pleasure. We head into the first half of 2018 with Nintendo Switch being the fastest selling system in the USA. Then the Naughty Dog Crash Bandicoots finally get announced for Nintendo Switch, and then SAW finally realizes that Sony is starting to care less and less about E3 with their E3 2018 plans. So, let's rant on shall we...?
"Nintendo Switch Hater Reacts to Switch Being the Fastest Selling System in The U.S.:" This aired on January 6th, 2018 and was pretty much the beginning of the end of the skits with Nintendo Switch already beating the Wii U in life-to-date sales in less than one year, thus killing the Wii U 2.0 narrative that haters created based off of Nintendo's decision to market the Switch first as a console. Thankfully, the word of mouth showed that people were buying it because it was a hybrid instead of just a console. So we begin by HITTING THE FLASHBACK~! SAW is on his cellphone on the sofa and even he is thinking that maybe this system does legit have a shot of being the best selling system of all time and the fastest to do so as well. Cue Bias Confirmation threatening to throw SAW out of the Sony Leigon like the Cluster B vampire that it is. Bias proclaims that Switch is going to fail like the Weak U did because the gaming media crushed Wii U once, why not crush the 2.0 version of it?! SAW decides to change his mind and admit that Switch is going to be a flop. Bias' riding crop look like a fork, so I amuse myself by calling it the "Sony Backscratcher", since Bias scratches his back with it. After seeing how the Sony cockroaches treated Sony fans recently with XBOX, I'm somehow not surprised by this revelation. So, yeah; SAW was gaslit in this segment and it explains his actions from the first video onward. I thought Nintendo fanboys were nasty. Anyhow, we fade to black and return with SAW sleeping in his bed. Question: Was the power out when this was filmed because SAW is dressed up like he's outside camping. Seriously, why? SAW looks sluggish here, a bad sign that Nintendo Switch has finally taken it's toll. SAW goes to his computer chair and brings out the laptop. SAW opens the laptop and is searching for bad Nintendo news as usual, because he thinks he knows the Switch is flopping. He searches and finds out that Nintendo Switch is the fastest selling console in the US. Spoiler Alert: Nintendo Switch outsold the PlayStation 4 in the Americas recently as I was writing this. SAW panics and is in full denial mode. At least he didn't kill his laptop like he did his computer chair a couple of videos ago. SAW thinks he is dreaming and checks himself.
Funny story: When I first saw the Animal Crossing: New Horizons selling 22.40 million units in just 102 days (a feat only three multiplat games: Call of Duty, Red Dead and Grand Theft Auto V achieved), I turned off the computer and went back to sleep because I thought I have overdosed on my meds, and was having the old "My mind thinks that I went upstairs to the computer and saw all this, but my body is still in bed and hasn't woken up." Yeah, it was a thing and I wasn't dreaming since I checked again hours later and it was real. SAW runs out of the room into the kitchen, goes into one of the drawers (NOT THOSE ONES~!) and finds a kitchen knife. SAW basically cuts the back of his hand despite in real life the knife never made contact and he oversells pain realizing that this is no dream. He slumps to the ground screaming as NAW appears in a panic asking if SAW needs medical attention because despite SAW trying to kill him, NAW has actual empathy for poor SAW despite no one in the audience having any for SAW's actions. SAW no sells and orders NAW to go away for good this time because "Sony Always Wins", of course. In essence, SAW blames NAW for Switch's success; which is a small nugget of truth. NAW finally gets the message and decides to leave to pack his bags. NAW finally figured out that SAW is too far gone to be saved as we fade to black. We return to a dark dining room with SAW continuing to oversell his injuries complete with water sound effects to simulate blood loss. SAW cannot believe that the system that was supposed to be as dead as the Wii U, literally a Wii U 2.0, could be the fastest selling console in the US. Get used to this, Switch would become the fastest selling console to 100 million units in history, with only Nintendo DS achieving the feat faster by about six months or so. Remember that a lot of this stems from toxic masculinity, although this goes into lethal masculinity terrority since SAW is dying due to blood loss that he himself created. SAW cannot do this anymore as he passes out. I would like to say that he dies and the skits are over, but the next Nintendo Direct is upcoming and the Naughty Dog editions of Crash Bandicoot finally got a Switch release, so he'll live. That ends the video.
"Nintendo Switch Hater Reacts To Crash Bandicoot Coming To Nintendo Switch": This episode aired on March 10th, 2018, which was a week after the Nintendo Switch was on the market for one year with 470 games, which no Wii nor DS year achieved at their peak years! The flood had merely just begun and Nintendo celebrated by having a Nintendo Direct that I couldn't watch live due to a power outage in a series of many during that year. I think 2018 was the worst for power cuts because the last four years or so had fewer than 2018 combined. Anyhow, enough about me, let's begin with SAW at the dining room table pouring out those "Sony Spirits" that I proclaimed SAW was going to pour out. The "Sony Wine" will soon follow, I assure thee. SAW is loving life because of the Crash Bandicoot: N-Sane Trilogy. Stop saying "Master Race", SAW! It makes you look like a violation of Godwin's law. SAW has a toast and almost chokes on it complete with zoom in, so that is a bad sign right off the bat. SAW takes his plastic box of the game and goes into the bed room as the controller comes in via teleport. Yes, he's still using that catchphrase that gets him into trouble every time and it's suddenly going to get worse for SAW. SAW picks Crash Bandicoot 3 to play as I find it hilarious that these are the same people who tell us to put away childish things while playing a childish game and revisiting their childhood memories. Look, I have no problem with revisiting your past, but stay out of mine, okay?! Somehow, SAW's cellphone vibrates in his pocket and SAW answers it. It's a text message informing SAW that a Nintendo Direct came out and this messenger is so outraged that he's making a petition. How far has Bias Confirmation fallen when he won't even show up anymore?! Don't worry, there is one worse moment coming for Bias and it's in the next video. SAW is concerned, and finds his conveniently place laptop out of nowhere to check. SAW namedrops a bunch of games, not one of them was Super Smash Brothers by the way. It's amusing that SAW's insult for South Park was the accurate subtitle for it. SAW don't care about any of them and I'm more surprised that he was able to go through this without making kiddie references. Then, SAW panics because Crash Bandicoot: N-Sane Trilogy is coming to the Switch. Yes folks, a former Naughty Dog game(s) is coming to a Nintendo platform after decades of Crash going to Nintendo's headquarters to call Mario's ass out.
Oh, and spoiler alert: Crash Bandicoot 4 and Crash Team Racing would also come to the Nintendo Switch. SAW is in full panic denial mode and running through his house wanting to sign that petition (which doesn't exist by the way), to get that goddamn Crash trilogy off of a Nintendo platform. SAW cannot allow Crash and Spyro to bend the knee to Nintendo. SAW thinks that is bad, just wait until Microsoft acquires Activision-Blizzard in 2022, then Crash can bend the knee to Microsoft for real. Also, a reminder: Crash is not a Sony property, it was a Universal Studios IP that Sony was renting for four years during the early years of the PlayStation brand. SAW goes to his computer protesting and I just love the power logic that he cannot sign the petition on his very laptop and needs to go to his Power PC in order to sign a petition. I howled with laughter after that one. Also, there is a Subreddit post shown that Nin10doUltra used as evidence of a petition, but sadly I couldn't find it, so it might have been a poe posting. Crash betraying Sony is so hilarious because Crash is not a Sony property to begin with. Oh, and about losing exclusives; it's going to get worse for Sony because due to selling one and done games for $70, and then inflating units sold by selling them at the sub $20 level, then giving them away for free through some program; now their "exclusives" must go to PC to recoup the costs. It's funny enough on it's own; but can you imagine God of War on Nintendo Switch in future? If Jim Ryan isn't lying like he usually is, that would easily happen if he feels that PC and mobile isn't enough to recoup cost since Switch is the only other system with a high userbase that is comparable to PS4. Tons of fun times ahead! SAW types in his usual comments demanding Crash off of Nintendo Switch, which if he cared he would have demanded Universal do the same to all platforms after the deal with Sony ended in 2000. SAW appears to be having another heart attack as he is panicking and not loving life anymore. SAW slumps to the ground in agnoy to end the video and just to make it even funnier; the last segment is Joker from Persona 5 spinning around saying "Take Your Time"~! Don't worry, he'll take his sweet time acting like a cockroach.
"Sony Fanboy Reacts to Sony's Underwhelming E3 Plans!": This episode aired on May 29th, 2018. This was about the time where Sony's entire long term plans were really starting to show cracks in the armor and that their own DNA in making movie games that barely resemble a game were causing massive delays. As bad as Nintendo was with Nintendo 64 and it's delays, at least those games were actually games that people really did want to play, and it always stung a lot. Sony, not so much. I should point out that Nintendo's E3 2018 was no great shakes either and they focused way too much on Super Smash Brothers Ultimate, although Nintendo made no bones about it being the main event game, 40 minutes of just this game alone after a 20 minute showcase was really weak. E3 2019 would be the best E3 Nintendo had since 2006; but the pain was still there. We begin with SAW loving life in bed literally because Sony always wins over Microsoft and Kidtendo. Pretendo from Muppet Babies was so much cooler than this, SAW. There's only 13 days left until E3 2018 and nothing is coming in between SAW and SE3 (Sony's E3). SAW literally bounces out of bed happy as he forsakes cleaning his clothes despite having 13 days left because Sony always wins and nothing can stop SAW and SE3. He could do the laundry now and no one would care. SAW checks the fridge and despite there clearly being food in the fridge, SAW claims that there is no food in said fridge. Who cares, Sony Always Wins and SAW will not be denied SE3! Considering that this was botched, I wouldn't worry too much, he can go weeks without food. Just make sure he has at least two weeks of water though. SAW jumps around and then goes back to his room and has a text message of his grandma claims that his cousin broke his ankle in the ER. SAW actually takes ten seconds to ponder this over before blowing it off. Geez, SAW has no sense of humanity here. He has 13 days to visit him for goodness sakes. Is SAW's cousin so awful for him to show zero empathy too?! Still less scummy than that Doctor flexing his profession in the middle of an operation because XBOTS CAN'T ARGUE FACTS~! SAW don't care about anything but SE3 as he goes into his living room and SAW sits down and has the funniest spasm I have ever seen in my life. Sadly, the Smash Brothers Happy Dance is still yet to come though, and that was even funnier than this.
Seriously, SAW going from his cellphone to him being so excited is one of the reasons why I don't hype for Nintendo Directs anymore. My health doesn't allow it and no one could top Nin10doUltra in this performance, so why even try at this point. SAW takes his conveniently placed laptop and checks for Sony news for a change instead of the usual bad Nintendo news because, why not? At least this prevents him from panicking again, am I right?! BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Oh, yeah; we read the headline from Sony Life, a website similar to Nintendo Life and it reads: "Sony will not hold traditional press conference at E3 2018; will focus on four titles instead." Where have we heard this one before? Oh yeah, Nintendo at E3 2016 with no Nintendo Direct and that somehow was better than E3 2015! Breath of the Wild was THAT powerful, folks. I mean, this is the normal Nintendo show: Nintendo Direct for the news and then a Treehouse segment that runs three days. Nothing unusual in Nintendo land. Not in SAW's world! Oh no! SAW is panicking again because he realizes that no new games will be shown and that it will be four games already announced. Because you see, Sony needs years to hype a bunch of cinema adventure game that use the same template; while Nintendo mostly announces new games when they are within a few months of being ready. Plus, Nintendo doesn't make AAA budget games, they make games with major league quality. I never understood the hype behind AAA studios and AAA games when (a) it means budget, not quality and (b) baseball fans in America would ask the question: "Does that mean Nintendo is the major leagues of gaming?" You all just buried yourselves and made Nintendo look like the smartest company in the room. No matter how crappy professional wrestling is and how wrong they are in saying that their organization is the "major leagues", at least they are trying to sell it as a big deal. AAA is a step below the major league level in baseball. Most baseball fans care about the big leagues, the only ones who care about AAA are teams in their own cities that are not in the major leagues. SAW is so panicky that he believes Nintendo is actually going to destroy Sony. Answer: No, but that would be nice.
Bias Confirmation finally shows up and he's trying to calm down SAW literally damage controlling the situation. How bad can you be as Bias Confirmation when you have to damage control your own product instead of bashing Nintendo's E3 when Nintendo's E3 is no great shakes. Bias name drops Spider-Man, Days Gone, Last of Us Part 2 and Death Stranding. I think Spider-Man was the only one that made it that year and Last Of Us Part 2 didn't make it until June 2020 and what a bloody mess that game was. Death Stranding was a joke for a long while until COVID-19 came, sort of got it's heat back and no one cared about Days Gone. Bias then states that PlayStation 4 is on it's way out, which in hindsight was a mistake since PlayStation 5 is an even crappier system than PlayStation 4 ever was hardware quality wise. SAW is pissed off and tells Bias to shut up because Sony must always win no matter what. While SAW's reasoning for this outrage is extremely poor, this is really bad because that means at least a full year without a must have Sony exclusive when Nintendo is popping those exclusives left and right, probably at least a dozen of them in that span alone. That's bad and multiplats can only get you so far in revenue. When SAW's outrage is justified even if the reasoning is wrong, that makes Bias Confirmation look like he lost the plot. Made even more obvious by admitting that Sony is going to take the L. This is exactly what happens when you go all in on movie type blockbusters for MetaCritic journalism and depend on third parties to back you up. Remember, Nintendo screwed the third parties due to their insane policies from the Hiroshi Yamaguchi period which Nintendo violated themselves and now Sony is doing the same thing with the Sony Check and losing multiplats like Bethesda to Microsoft, and erasing Japan Studios from history. Bias is losing the plot and admits that Nintendo has it made, although Sora in Smash wouldn't be a thing until the last DLC fighter was announced in Fall of 2021. Bias confirms that Sony is not winning and SAW whines and complains about it as his world is crashing yet again. Rinse, lather repeat for the next three years as well. SAW has had enough of this and runs out as Bias is written out by teleport. SAW runs around the bend, trips and falls flat on his face as the screen goes to greyscale. Pfft, whatever; he'll be back when Octopath Traveller comes out as SAW crawls and begs for mercy to end the video. Oh, and Nin10doUltra finally put SAW's catchphrase on a t-shirt and hopefully it won't be as tight as the NWA Cyberspace T-Shirt Lex Lugar had to suffer through. Blown up men not opening doors is a sad sight to behold.