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Sony Always Wins, Baby~! 2019 Edition Part I

Reviewed: 04/16/2022

State Of Decay Arrives On Sony!


Now we wind down the road to the end of the SAW skits with Sony's Nintendo Direct knockoff, Astral Chain being awesome and SAW discovering the sadistic world of Super Mario Maker. So, let's rant on shall we...?


"Nintendo Switch Hater Reacts To PlayStation State Of Play": This episode aired March 26th, 2019, days after Sony had their very first Nintendo Direct ripoff...ERRR...I mean, original, groundbreaking State of Play. Yeah, State of Play is simply Sony's answer to Nintendo Direct. Which would have been fine if these were actually good. Most times, it's bad, at best. You see, Nintendo started the concept of showing off announcements for games in a live streaming format with all portions pre-recorded. Meaning that they could save a lot of money while still showing off products with minimial mistakes, and nothing compared to the press conferences where Murphy's Law often applies. As long as you have a kick-ass lineup and a format that shows all games all the time without making it about any one game or personality; this was going to work gangbusters with Nintendo. Sony never figured out how to do this properly because (a.) Sony thinks the presentation has to be slick CGI'ed which comes off as low rent and doesn't do the job of actually revealing games (b.) show full trailers which wastes a lot of time that could have been shown to show summaries of each game like a newscast which Nintendo Switch does. Making it about the games as a whole works when there are a lot of games to show; even if many of them were announced before on Nintendo Directs, and they were just followed up on, even down to a release date. Sony tends to show full trailers because (c.) many times, their lineup is dry and not in a good way. Sony's State Of Play is an indicator of how poor Sony is right now and it's even more obvious during their PlayStation Showcase in 2021 when they started with a three minute commercial saying how play has no limits, and yet not one character in that commercial was playing a video game. Sony told you that video games don't count as play, even though Sony is selling you video games. Also, PlayStation Showcase 2021 started off similar to Nintendo's E3 Spotlight 2017, which ironically Nintendo's commercial used real people doing real things while playing actual video games and even showing video game footage to prove it. Although a person got splashed with a lot of paint and only Rocket League was a new game, this would have convinced me to buy a Nintendo Switch. Sony would have convinced me that video games are toxic and I should run away from them. Does that sound like a good stragedy, Sony?! Plus, watch the comparisons between 2017 Reggie Fils-Aime's promo and 2021 Jim Ryan's promo and you'll swear that they are in completely different universes. Jim talks about story, Reggie talks about gameplay is the most distilled essence of the promos in each other. Okay, I have said enough about SOP; let's get it on with the SAW skirt.

We begin this one with SAW loving life at his computer saying how "Sony Always Wins Every Single Second~!" Cluster B traits, what's that?! Worse, SAW does it assbackwards. Once you say second, then it's pointless to include minute, hour, day, month, year, decade, etc. etc. etc. SAW is just being annoying as usual. Oh, and this was the first E3 that Sony will not be in because they think E3 is irrevelant. Say what you will about Michael Pacther and I'm one who makes fun of him on a regular basis. He's the best in the world, but he still sucks as a soothsayer. That being said, him saying that Sony is not at E3 is because they have nothing to show was in fact true. Sadly, he killed it with the $800 PS5, which would have been funny if it was in fact true. Even Nintendo at E3 2016 showed up with Zelda: Breath Of The Wild and almost literally nothing else, not even a digital event; and everyone thought Nintendo was dead. Sony doesn't even show up at E3 2019 and it's perfectly fine, if not acceptable. I've already been through why journalists don't like E3 and the ESA in general, so let's move on. He still has insecurity issues with Nintendo inbetween making childish faces about blowing Nintendo out of the water due to Sony being on fire. Yeah, sure SAW! Oh wait, it's time to call on the cellphone, Bias Confirmation and Bias is loving it for the first time since last year. He's in much better spirits this time around as on the wall is a doll of a dolphin. Leave it to Bias Confirmation to steal the codename for Gamecube, the system that gaslit people into believing this "Nintendo is kiddie" nonsense! Bias asks when Sony stopped winning. Answer: When Kaz said $599 US DOLLARS~! Apparently, Sony is a sumo wrestler; and the California headquarters suddenly gets cold feet. Cut back to SAW loving what his buddy says because that is what confirmation bias is. Oh, the show is about to start too, so SAW will hang up to watch. I'm sad by this, they could have done a duet of panicking.

Fade to black and then we return with SAW disappointed because it was nothing but VR Games. SAW don't care because... you guessed it. Nintendo's E3 2019 blew almost every E3 Nintendo ever did, execpt for 2006 of course. SAW then get a phone call and SAW answers it. It's Bias Confirmation and he is PISSED~! He cannot believe how bad this State of Play was. Get used to it, it hasn't gotten much better since. Bias calls this embarrassing and tells SAW to look at the ratio of Likes/Dislikes. Just for context at the time I wrote the comments for this video: State of Play had less than 280,000 views on Youtube with a 9200 likes and 27,000 dislikes. Not even Nintendo's Paid On-Line service had this bad a ratio of dislikes and in fact, the monthly NES additions were more likes than dislikes now. The last Nintendo Paid On-Line NES Classic promo had 437,000 views with a 11,000 likes and 3300 dislikes. Even the Nindies Showcase Spring 2019 edition had 1.2 million views with 37,000 likes and 1,000 dislikes. It was that bad for State Of Play. Bias is perplexed, devastated and whines as the cracks are showing once again. I swear Malkimum stole most of Nin10doUltra' schtik. No wonder Nin10doUltra practically stopped doing these skits in 2020; there is nothing to do when you just have to quote cockroaches rather than satirize them. Bias hangs up on SAW and SAW is trying to respond, but it's too late. SAW then slowly starts to break down, calling it a fake and some troll trick. SAW whines that Sony Always Wins and outsells Microsoft and Nintendo. Two years later, Switch is within 15 million units of catching up to PlayStation 4, so that isn't going to last much longer now. SAW whines for a long while and then brings out the out of nowhere katana and puts the blade to his chin. Oh swell, this stupid spot again! Thankfully, he has second thoughts and puts the blade down; and then turns around and goes into the closet to end the video. Sadly for SAW, it's going to get worse when PlayStation 5 comes around.

"Nintendo Switch Hater Tries To Play Mario Maker 2": This episode aired on July 2nd, 2019, after Super Mario Maker 2 was released. The theme of this video: The hardest "kiddie" stage of all time. We begin with SAW on the bed playing Crash Team Racing. Huh? I wonder if this game will be mentioned on Switch? Nah, that would make SAW panic again. Besides, we already did the Crash Bandicoot bending the knee to Nintendo already, so at this point, it was Super Lucky Tale's turn. I love how SAW says Mario Kart has nothing on this, despite being the exact same game as Mario Kart 8 Deluxe, with PS2 graphics. Don't get me wrong, CTR is a good racing game, but come on now~! I love that Mario Kart is somehow kiddie despite Crash being in the same audience as Sonic and Mario. The insecurities are really showing in SAW. Oh, and sadly; Nin10doUltra's name is shown. SAD! "Sony Always Wins" should have been the user name, that would have been funnier. Unless someone has taken it. I smell squatter lawsuit commencing... or not. In comes NAW showing off the plastic box Super Mario Maker 2, granting SAW the right to come over and play the game, because that's what gamers do. SAW no sells violently because he's an insecure manchild who got gaslit by a bunch of fake adults who thought they knew better when they didn't. SAW demands that NAW get out of his room; but NAW stands his ground because it's time to point out the obvious irony that I have been pointing out for quite some time now. NAW offers to let SAW play this crazy stage that some jambroni developed. Uh-oh! I have seen some Mario Maker 2 stages and if you understand the word "kaizo"; then SAW is doomed. To be honest, I would be doomed as well. SAW is already panicking, so he might have some foresight to this in spite of his denials. SAW decides to take the Nintendo Switch Pro Controller and cannot believe he's dirtying his hands on a children's controller. Oh please, that means the DualShock is an infant controller and DualSense is a cockroach controller. HA! I made a funnie!

Here's what the stage shows: Mario is encased in a moving wall of cannons shooting cannonballs horizonality and flames shooting from the vertical cannons. The ground is fine but there is also fireballs on the walls. There are four cannons and the key is to somehow dodge inbetween the cannonballs, while avoiding the flamethrowers within this rather small walled off area. This is hell in Mario World and only a sadist would create a stage like this. SAW of course fails, over and over and over and over and over again. SAW is pissed because he hit a fireball, so this dood has zero clue how Mario games work. Yeah, he's a manchild now. NAW is taunting him as we get the name of the stage called "A Fiery Gauntlet" from Rupples. NAW cannot contain himself with laughter as SAW tells him to shut up. The stage is classified as "Short & Sweet". Not to SAW it isn't. It might as well be "Long & Hellish". OMG! SAW managed to dodge the cannonball correctly, and then died on the second one. HAHA! SAW kicks the drawers (NOT THOSE ONES!) in disgust and breaks his toe. Damn, I thought the controller would be the first to go, what a wuss. SAW whelps in pain and wants someone to call 911. NAW runs out and has his cellphone and calls 911 because his room mate is dying. WHAT?! He didn't kill himself, he just broke his toe at worst. Cut back to SAW blowing off kids games and then he actually...dies. WHAT?! NAW returns to check on SAW, but he's too late. NAW looks awful and then heads to the door, opens it and says that he didn't make it to end the video. I think the medics are supposed to officially check on him to make sure that he died at the scene. Considering that Astral Chain is the next video, he's probably still alive.

"Nintendo Switch Hater Reacts To Astral Chain": This episode aired on September 1st, 2019; just after Astral Chain was released, a really big surprise from PlatinumGames and another Nintendo owned game. Bayonetta 3's radio silence was merely 18 months old at this point. We begin at the bed with NAW playing with his pro-controller playing Astral Chain and loving it. It's a decent game, but no GOTY sadly. But maybe, that is just me. We see footage from the game and it looks good, I'll say that much. NAW is feeling this so much, he might as well call himself Shulk and be done with it. By the way, the fact that it took SAW so long to go into the room indicates that he has all but given up in trying to bash his system of his choice directly, and is being more and more pathetic with his decisions as time goes on. SAW asks what this game is and NAW explains it and recommends it to SAW. SAW is surprised and pondering deep in thought because this is the type of game he doesn't expect on Nintendo systems and should be on his plastic box 4/5/Vita. SAW wants to play this game, but doesn't want to buy a Nintendo Switch, and piracy is out it seems. SAW is cringing because it's 30 FPS. How does SAW know this and more importantly, how would he know it would be 60 FPS on the other systems?! Furthermore, why does SAW care about XBOX and PC now?! I thought SAW and the cockroaches claimed that putting Sony games on PC killed the PlayStation brand? SAW is so angry that he just leaves the room and NAW is confused. NAW blows off SAW for being rude (understatement of the generation, NAW) and continues playing because Astral Chain is straight flames. Jump cut to SAW somewhere looking out the window and he wants this game despite being on the system he hates because of the bullies who told him that if you play Nintendo products, you are a little kid. Never mind the Sony cockroaches hyping up B-plots that are done better in movies decades ago, and a few of them done better on TALESPIN three decades ago, a show marketed to children. They use words, but don't understand what projection ultimately means.

SAW is pissed off because Sony Always Wins, and some book called "Writing Arguments!" gives this 100% endorsement. Hey, teachers; if you are using this book in your class, you are supporting a company who endorses false narratives that teach bad arguments. Get rid of this book! I realize that censorship is like burning people. Sony is not a person, it is a corporation, laws be damned. Your career is on the line here. SAW wants Astral Chain on the console of his choice. Geez, I wonder where this is going? I was hoping he would say "I'm going to pirate this game" and then arrested by a police officer; but that would require two different people because we already saw SAW try to kill NAW and it failed because they are both played by Nin10doUltra. So, SAW has to do the stupidest thing ever: Look out the window and accuse random people of playing Nintendo Switch. I swear that SAW has totally lost it. You know what: If Astral Chain came on all systems including Nintendo Switch, I would have zero problem with it. Multiplats are Nintendo's biggest weakness anyway. Oh wait, SAW is about to do something even stupider than that: He is going to call his fellow cockroaches and review bomb the game to prove to the developers that this game needs to be on their console of choice. Why not just write a petition? Sure, that won't work either; but it's a lot less scummy than review bombing a game. If anything, it assures that Astral Chain won't go multiplat and stay exclusive to Switch. Jump cut to SAW at his PC calling his boys to give the game a zero, call it trash and that it should be on their plastic box 4/1.

As I said in the comments section: Doesn't SAW realize that saying the game is trash in you review bombing is a sure fire way of making sure the game doesn't come on your console of choice? I mean, why would you buy the game if it is trash to begin with? If you are going to punch down on the Switch, why commit splash damage on the game itself?

Yeah, this is so stupid. Also, they got 4chan threads, Reddit subthreads and a Discord thread committed to this operation. If you ever want to know why User Reviews on MetaCritic need to be fired into the sun, this is one reason why. SAW prepares himself and types down his zero score review of Astral Chain, a game he didn't buy because he's so insecure being around a Nintendo product. Astral Chain got a 87 on MetaCritic at the time of this video as yes, there is footage of the MetaCritic website. Cut to SAW typing and saying what he typed. Fade to black and we return to the computer chair with NAW checking his cellphone. NAW is checking GoNintendo, which was a really great site until recently. I'm not going to bother explaining what happened in the months GoNintendo went radio silent because I'm still trying to figure out what the hell was going on at the time. Maybe we'll get a documentary on the subject in future. Anyhow, there is a headline as NAW is shocked with zoom in. Apparently, there is a review bomb war going on between the zeroes and the tens given in the user scores of MetaCritc. Yeap, fire them into the sun, ASAP~! NAW calls this wild, I call this whatever. Basically, NAW proclaims that all they need is a Nintendo Switch and accept the fact that Astral Chain is exclusive to Nintendo. NAW calls them a bunch of animals (which is funny because a human being is technically an animal.) and that ends the video. This would be the last major video as slowly, the PS fanboys ceased being funny and the panic become a lot more real. Not to mention Malkimum basically turned into a real life version of SAW. There is one video left after this, but it's really short and the last two are bonus videos. Still, it has been a real fun ride while it lasted.

 

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