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The Adventures Of Teddy Ruxpin: Secret Of The Illiops
Reviewed: 06/17/2014
Sadly; There Is No Secret About The Lack Of Continuity In This Series!
Well; we go downhill from there as now the king has been poisoned and the Gutangs are launching their attack on Nogburt castle when we last left this episode. I don't have much to say about this overall since the big angle that means anything has been paid off; so what happens next? So let's rant on shall we...?
We begin this one AFTER HAPPY HOUR (after dark) as two Gutang planes fly towards the castle. Yeah; they had about a dozen or more in the end of the last episode, but only two of them ultimately show up. Bad, bad form there guys! So we cut back to the royal hall as with Nogburt appearing to look dead with his beloved trying to cradle him and keep him from doing any bumps. Of course they repeat the last shots with Teddy running to the window and pointing out that the Gutangs have arrived using a completely different shot (a far shot side this time); thus showing evidence that there is no sense of continuity here. Like I said; it's the pitfalls of an episodic culture...and being in Canada (and not being rich). So the guards who are just standing there doing absolutely nothing while this is happening (as we get another shot; and now it's back to two dozen flying machines); and then they turn around; and bump into each other, giving both of them a concussion. What was the point of that; other than a cheap laugh?! Nogburt is seen sleeping with a smile on his face as Lillabert orders these same guards to get the king into the royal bed chamber; and these same guards stop selling and help carry the king away. The royal chalice falls to the ground and does some bumps before Gimmick picks it up, proclaiming that the king was affected by a noxious substance when he was drinking Grundoberry juice. Because there is no such thing as alcohol in this world. To be fair; this is an alternative world, so I'm fine with this BS&P decision like I am with TaleSpin and Louie's assorted juice bar. So Grubby points out the obvious to us as the guard carry the king out of the hall; and Prince Arin wants to fight as he unleashes his sword; so you know that he's serious. So much so, that Teddy literally jumps him from behind and tries to stop him from getting to the battlements. Now this sounds like the ultimate jerk move, but it makes sense because Arin tends to be so headstrong into doing something really stupid that he needs to be reeled in. And this episode has the same typical continuity on Teddy's feet as they had in the Reunion arc where the color stylist cannot decide one color and stick with it.
Teddy wants to fight them the same way as in the beginning story arc; which is to use the airship, in which Arin's hat comes off in a cute spot. Arin has red hair; which is the universal symbol of being a headstrong character. Arin calls this a wonderful idea and the babyfaces all bail; with Teddy telling Grubby to bring the secret weapon which is not a secret if you have been paying attention. Although we all know that the root stew has the second secret power of making Teddy Ruxpin lie. So they get on the airship; and Teddy does a pointless throwaway spot with Grubby barely able to hang onto Teddy as the airship rises up; and Grubby is completely confused about weither his six legs are legs or arms. Now; if I were a Gutang Solider; I would try to pop the balloon on the airship BEFORE they take off so that they stay grounded long enough for them to do some real damage. But no; they start fighting in the air where the airship actually has the tactical advantage. I'm not shocked at this; since the Gutangs are not the sharpest knives in the drawer. So the Gutangs fire spears at Gimmick and he dodges with ease while trying to make it look like he was in some danger. Grubby spoons some root stew and Teddy slingshots some right in the kisser of one of the Gutang as it's firing spear arrows. Again; this at the time was a great idea of having dogfight scenes; but the animators were too much of hacks to pull it off. Also; when TaleSpin arrived, TaleSpin completely blew this out of the water. Mainly because the TaleSpin babyface had to deal with real bullet shooting guns and they had even less food weapon spots to work with. The arrow spears hit the side of the airship; and one them forces Teddy to duck since that one was targetting his head. The Gutang bails via parachute (TaleSpin did this too; so there you go) as we then get a really dumb moment: Aruzia slingshots some root stew onto the tailsection of the plane. Goddess bless Aruzia; but that cannot do any damage and yet the Gutang bails out via parachute. More slingshotting ensues as Gutangs get hit more and more; half of them completely spiral out of control; the other half make a tactical retreat which Aruzia is happy for. So that's that.
So it's morning as we head to a castle tower as a green bird like creature is flying towards a window in the tower. I assume it's the royal bed chamber because the babyfaces are asking Lillabert on the status of Nogburt and there is no change yet. As we see Nogburt in bed; he is awake and appears to be alert which makes no sense whatsoever. Funny that there's no change, and here he is awake and alert. That's a change for the better by my observation. Made worse by the fact that on later shots; the king is still selling like he's dead. Gimmick shows a small bottle with a red skull and crossbones label, indicating that indeed this is poison, which we realized at the beginning of the episode. So now we are going in circles here? And there is an Illiper ministral who has Prince Arin's lute, so it's clear who has been teaching Arin how to play such a musical instrument. Also; this poison must really be ineffective because tender loving care and a cheerful enivornment will actually cure him. Either this is woo in the highest order; or the Gutangs are fools in underestimating the power of the "poison" in the first place. Lillabert seems relieved of this wonky cartoon logic; and wants some singing as we get the Illiper ministral playing the lute while sitting on a stool singing about the Illiops; which he has to stutter to make the song appear to be cool to the kids; but it doesn't catch. This is the perfect example of a time waster in the guise in a tribute to Teddy Ruxpin. The singer here just sounds like a drone in this song; and it feels robotic for some reason. The choice of music doesn't help this either. There are references to Ying which we will see later on (a place we would see later during the Octopede Sailors story arc) as the bird (who has gone from bright green to dull green) perches onto the end of the lute. The bird flies away and lands with a bird on an opened treasure chest containing wonderful stuff; which is out of nowhere and pretty much goes the same place. Grubby is in tears; all emotional and stuff, but this song was not good and it had no emotional attachement to me.
Home Is Where The Heart Is had that; although to be fair, I reviewed the song long after I actually saw the original Disney Channel version of Plunder and Lightning because Disney cut it out in syndication, which makes me mad for a number of reasons, which I'll explain more in The 25 Years Of Spin next year. Teddy gives Grubby a hanky and Grubby blows him nose and wipes his eyes while Teddy proves to us that he isn't up to snuff on Illiop history, which means he didn't have much of an education. So now it's time to deal with recent history as Grubby is not amused and he looks under the bed as the babyface deduce that the one who poisoned is still inside the castle as Teddy references the potato bug from last episode; which deeply offends Grubby. I don't think Grubby has any right to complain; since he was stealing stuff from the Ruxpins' garden and he made a sexist comment on Aruzia which Teddy has not here. Teddy still claims that he was just kidding; even if what he said was accurate. Lillabert offers them permission to build a trap for this poisoner without any questions as Arin informs Lillabert that he saw a gaping hole in the western wall; and wants to survey the damage to repair the wall so it doesn't leave a weak spot for the Gutangs to exploit. This would have been a good setup if we actually SAW a gaping hole in the wall of the castle during the air raid; but we didn't. So all the babyfaces bail to perform their duties; and we finally head into the hallway as the whole hallway is covered in pink paint; which is splattered on the walls and floors. And a suit of armor got it too as we pan over hearing Tweeg's voice. Yes; it has been almost 26 minutes since we last saw Tweeg and LB. Tweeg is wearing mustache hairs on his face as Tweeg is doing all the painting which proves that he has below average carpenty skills, which did make me chuckle. Tweeg points out that his plan worked even though LB points out that they needed to get in to paint the castle walls instead of the Queen's portrait, which is false because at the end of the first episode of this arc, Lillabert was never mentioned.
Don't these writers realize that the Telefilm version of Astro Boy making mistakes at the end of the episode was an inside joke on continuity errors? Tweeg blows him off for being picky, in one of the few times that I am taking Tweeg's side. So they cut promos on each other including LB calling Tweeg a Tweet; which is so funny in hindsight today. I should note that LB is blowing off Tweeg for slacking; even though there is no evidence that LB did anything whatsoever, other than his usual gimmick, which is to mock Tweeg for my pleasure. So Tweeg talks about payday; which LB gets offended by, so Tweeg calls it a figure of speech, which is probably true knowing Jack W. Anyhow; we see Tweeg looking around as he points to a statue of a suit of armor handling a mace; as Tweeg talks about these thing being levers to open secret doors. So he pulls on the mace arm like a lever (I'm sorry; I cannot say that in this rant.); and the mace comes down and MURDERS Tweeg in the head with it off-screen, which drops Tweeg on the ground looking dizzy. LB wants him to try the other arm and laughs. Tweeg is not amused by this at all as LB uses his mouth (remember that bounders do not have arms or hands, let alone opposable thumbs) and that opens the obvious wall on the right because the animation made the section of the wall look like a door with gaps. Tweeg wonders how he did it; and LB claims that on the back of the right hand, there is a sign that has instructions on how to open the door. That made me laugh and it makes sense actually to do so. Tweeg blows him off and then runs through the door; and it's clear that it leads to the moat because there is sky in the background where the door was opened. Tweeg gets WARNERED and falls into the moat with a resounding splash off-screen. Which is weird; but LB makes up for it by pointing out that it's the emergency exit to moat, and then laughs. Tweeg pops up as we see a rowboat being rowed by Prince Arin and one of the crack guards of the castle.
That pop-up looked awkward by the way as we get a really dumb line from Arin claiming that it's 3 o'clock in the morning despite the fact that it looks like 8 o'clock in the morning. Why wasn't this line redubbed in the second run of this show? Even Tweeg knows this line is stupid because he blows off the sundial in response. So Arin rows to the hole and it appears to be a intentionally created hole; as in, it was originally designed with the castle. Which begs the question: How come this wasn't seen much sooner? I mean; it's so obviously there for us to see and anyone could have noticed it, so why now? Anyway; I'm asking way too many questions here as this is supposed to be a secret passage. Tweeg comes back wet as LB is mocking him some more for my pleasure; and Tweeg blows him off because here comes Lillabert who blows off Tweeg (in her usual way which is nicer than Teddy Ruxpin ever could be) for mixing water with his paints. Memo to Lillabert: You have never heard of water-based paint or water colors in your life. Even funnier (in a bad logic break sort of way); she praises LB for great work. Even though we clearly see that LB has done absolutely no painting at all. I realize that this was supposed to be a comedy spot; but it makes no sense because Tweeg did all the work and LB got praised for no reason at all. If I was remaking this; I would have both guys doing the work equally well (which is laughably bad, but so there it goes...) before this scene and then have Lillabert praise LB on the fact that he didn't mix water with paint. That makes sense and I would laugh at it. Tweeg is outraged as he is shaking while LB is blushing in a sexually suggestive manner (which is odd since LB is male; but whatever); and Tweeg is outrage not because Lillabert is wrong about Tweeg's painting skills; but because he is LB's assistant. Now THAT is funny!
Lillabert isn't too hot on the pink modern designs on the walls before opening a door and walking in. As she does this; the court jester (who is not a Gutang, honest!) comes in from the foreground and follows her into the room. Why? I don't know, I don't think even the writers know at this point. Mainly because we get more Tweeg/LB hijinks as Tweeg has found an out of nowhere wooden ladder and climbs up with a bucket of pink paint and a brush as he wants LB to look for the treasure. He orders LB to hold the ladder steady; which prompts LB to ask how does he do it (because he has no arms, let alone opposable thumbs); and Tweeg tells him to use the only thing useful to him which is his mouth. HAHA! That leads to LB chomping on the left leg of the ladder; which snaps easily in two. That ladder is NOT UP TO CODE! Even by Nogburt Kingdom extremely low standards. The ladder sways and Tweeg falls off and drops with a MAN-SIZED bump off-screen as he is dizzy when we see him again; and that ladder took a chomping so bad that I was laughing as hard as LB is right now. That ends the segment almost ten minutes in. This was fine so far...
After the commercial break; we head back to the western wall as Arin and guard #1 disembark inside the cave; and walk around the area. The guard deduces that the place might have been designed for the moat, but Arin isn't so sure about that. They walk about 100 feet into the cave; and discover a path with a small room containing a pillar and a black book with a bronze lock on the side, which indicates that this was here when the castle was built long ago; and they had their version of DRM. The guard brings out the sword to open it; but Arin stops him. Yes; the same Prince Arin who was ready to run into a battle against Gutangs with little weaponary; nor plan. Anyhow; the book is covered in cobwebs as it is blown off and Arin grabs it and wonders if Gimmick can do anything about it. So we head to a private room at the table with Lillabert, Aruzia, Teddy, Grubby and Gimmick and if you recall, the trio was supposed to be setting a trap for their poisoner. However; they are talking about the drought plaguing the kingdom and Teddy bringing out the crystal; recapping the first story arc along with a gloss over on what the first two crystals do as Lillabert asks about the duplication machine which Gimmick brings out; and here's another example of an episodic attitude in a serial: The duplication looks nothing like the machine I saw in King Nogbert Castle. It looks like the big reducing machine I saw in Take A Good Look; so the animators are as confused as the writers are on continuity. We run down the stuff they duplicate and until I see Double Grubby, then I'll take their word for it. So Gimmick puts the crystal in the machine as Lillabert throws an apple towards Gimmick for him to use as they make two apples with ease. The babyfaces deduce that this would be great to solve the food storage; but Gimmick points out that the copy vanishes after a short time. Which in Double Grubby was super creepy in hindsight. Anyhow; Teddy puts the crystal back in the bag; so apparently, he has not made the crystal belt yet. Also instead of setting the trap like they were suppose to do; Teddy wants to go to the library to read books. This is all one paragraph in three minutes.
So we head back to the hallway for more amusement from Tweeg and LB as they are painting the walls (good to see LB doing some work) as the painting is getting better from Mr. Le Tweeg, so at least he is motivated to work this time around. So Tweeg acts like his work is awesome and LB isn't amused. Then we hear the door opening and Tweeg panics as he starts painting the floor after LB mocks him for finishing the walls. So we see all the babyfaces minus Gimmick and Arin walking from right to left as they completely ignore Tweeg and LB painting the floor; the only thing of note here is Lillabert complaining about the mess. If she had said that the walls are a mess; then this would make sense because other than the walls and a spot on the floor; the place is clean as a whistle. So the babyfaces enter the library which is your standard typical library; as Grubby tries than analogy of the book having more solutions than problems which it fails badly. Lillabert states that most of the books are as old as the castle itself; to which Prince Arin arrives with the black book he found in the sewer underneath the castle. He puts the book down on the table as I note that the book cover is written in a language no one in the room can read. Of course the bronze lock is keeping them out; but Teddy notices the slot is similar to the crystal slot on the duplication machine. So he takes out one of the crystal and puts it into the slot. Now; people complain about the overuse of sound effects in Johnny Test. I'm guessing that these overuse is a motif of Canadian animation because that's the only explaination that makes sense to me. All I know is that it annoys a lot of people in America for no reason at all. Here; they use two sound effects literally three seconds apart. Oh; and the black book opens as we finally start the angle on the infamous Crystal Book which we barely hear about after this until the second last episode in the series. Anyhow; we see the pages and of course they are written in the same language as the cover, and none of the babyfaces can read it. However; we see a bunch of poorly drawn peanuts in a picture; so yes, even the ancient books have pictures in it.
Also there are some peanuts in the writing as well; which is odd as we get an out of nowhere moment: Grubby produces a bag of peanuts which we have never seen until now. He's eating them and offers Aruzia a few which Aruzia gladly accepts. According to Teddy; peanuts are a staple crop in Rillonia, but it is never grown here. So then Grubby is down to the last peanut and offers to give it to anyone who wants it. No one sells it; so Grubby decides to flick the peanut in the air to eat it; which is then swiped away from Teddy. Grubby is not happy with Teddy's sudden rudeness; which Teddy does apologize for. See; the crystals, this book and the peanuts are all linked to Illiops. Grubby is as confused as I was back then; as Teddy wants Arin to summon the ministral once again. Everyone looks confused because apparently; the song he sang has a point to this, other than they summon him to come in and sing the song again to kill time. All this just to say that the book is an ancient Illiop book; which this goes nowhere for a long time until the second to last episode when the show meant nothing. Teddy closes up the book and we hear a crashing sound as Teddy calls this a spy being captured. In other words; they DID set the trap up after all, but we didn't know about it until now. Geez; this is like TNA, only I actually like the characters in this show over TNA. So we scene change to the hallway as there is a bag filled with "gimmicks" hanging from a rope over a ceiling pillar. Arin lets the bag down as we get the Scooby Doo unmasking moment...and if this were Vince Russo booking, the guy in the bag would have to be King Nogburt because it would be a twist. Although Vince would more likely book Aruzia in this role. Ironically; that twist would actually be funny and it would serve to show that King Nogburt is all right. But no; this is 1987 so it has to be Newton Gimmick in the sack, which of course it is. Gimmick of course has to come up with the excuse of not watching where he was stepping because he was excited by the news he has to tell.
Gimmick reveals the duplication machine is perfected now; which we should remember for the next episode because you'll see how "perfected" it really is. Lillabert is pleased with this news as she reveals the very thing she wants to duplicate. She is going to be so disappointed when this story arc is over; let me tell you. So we head back to the post-modern pink walled hallway of doom with more Tweeg painting the walls; and actually being even more professional than usual. I like it when the corwardly dumb heels actually learn something on the fly; so that is a win. LB is of course doing nothing but staring at a painting which looks like a sky shot map of the castle. Also known as Google Maps; which is cute. Tweeg blows him off because LB has to ask questions on painting over paintings. LB feels relieved because he loves this painting which has a spot where they are; and a moat; and a vault. Tweeg gets the LIGHTBULB OF BLOODY CLAIRTY and notices the painting of the map (one that Dora will never lug in a million years and four months). He is in total glee; and I should note that Tweeg's YAHOOE sounds like a non-redneck evil Goofy. So we head outside towards a field as the babyfaces are all gathered with sticks and a basket of peanuts which Gimmick uses the duplication machine to make a second basket. Teddy shows us how to plant these thing as he uses a stick to make a hole; a spot that Don Karnage would later steal for Raw Toonage; aka the "Poke & Yank Method". Don't get those two mixed up. He plants a peanut and covers it with dirt. Aruzia wants to join in which Teddy is graceful in accepting as planting these would go much faster with five babyfaces instead of one. Good thinking and it makes sense; although remember this scene for the next episode because there is something that ties into this as well. Some good and some bad, I'm afraid. So we head into the hallway right in front of the vault where Tweeg trying to crack a vault that has the vault door opened about two inches. So we do this spot of LB noticing the door open slightly ajar and trying to tell Tweeg about it; but Tweeg keeps cutting him off because he knows what he is doing. HA!
So LB opens the door and Tweeg instantly calls him himself even more brilliant than ever. HA! LB sarcastically calls him a criminal mastermind as Tweeg opens the door and the vault is completely empty; and both heels basically have to act dumb while doing this despite the fact that LB can clearly see that the vault is empty; and Tweeg's line of sight should have alerted him. Yeah; the heel version of Drake Mallard. BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! That's all that needs to be said about this spot; as it was so laughably off that I cannot help but laugh at it. So LB finally points out to Tweeg that the pool has been drained as Tweeg finally stops acting like a dense fool; and of course he cries, sobs, whines and complains like a baby. LB proclaims that Twit won some and lost some while laughing. Tweeg blows him off; drops to his knees and whines like a baby as LB bounces out like the bounder that he is saying that there is more money made in house painting anyway. Cue Vinnie laugh as Tweeg continues to whine to end the episode at 19:12. So yeah; this was a total mess of an episode; but the Tweeg/LB segments were really good as usual. Everything else was basically setup and the angle that they paid off is hardly paid off; which I'll explain more of at the end of this arc because it ties in with the storyline overall in this series. The animation really shows that Shin Won was a horrible choice of an animation house as their shot continuity is mind-boggling to me. Everything else was merely just there. Call it ** 1/2 (50%) because I feel generous.
THE REVIEW LINE
Well; I don;'t have much to say about this episode in general. It felt like a mess of stuff after the battle with the Gutangs which made the Gutangs look like fools (even more so than the "He's not a Gutang, Honest!" court jester spy); and it was mostly storyline which looked like it was put together with chewing gum. The animation and shot continuity was much worse than it was in the last episode; and there was not much in here. The one song they did (and had a point, even though the explaination of said point was extremely confusing to me and it took about two minutes to say what should have been said in ten seconds). Tweeg and LB were their usual smooth selves here, and the ending was funny so this was a middling episode that could have been a lot more of the plotting and animation were tightened up a lot more. That is the general problem with this series: They have a MONEY, MONEY, YEAH, YEAH brand and yet they are treating it like it's a third rate version of TaleSpin. Like I stated before; this needs a remake that actually sells the characters and eyeballs rather than the dolls since no one is going to buy them because horror movies have rendered them as super creepy. Last up for the Father's Day special is Through Tweegs Fingers as the King might actually die; the Gutangs attack (even the court jester makes Arin look like a complete moron at one point), and we get some epic stuff. Now; where is Old Beanly in all this? More importanly; where is Wooly in all this? Stay tuned for the finale of the King Nogburt story arc. So....
Thumbs in the middle for this episode and I'll see you all next time.