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The Adventures Of Teddy Ruxpin: A Race To The Finish
Reviewed: 06/16/2018
...That Means Nothing Now!
Well; it's time to get this final filler arc of the series over as the second leg of the Great Grundo Ground Race commences. What is the final prize? Can Team Nogburt medal? Can anyone stop Tweeg from cheating? Can anyone stop Louie from being annoying? And how does this episode fare? So; let's rant on shall we...?
We begin this one in the sky with Louie in his helicopter bicycle doing his color commentary as once again, the creator show that they have no clue what they are doing: The final leg of the race starts in Gimmick Valley right next to Gimmick's house. Of course! I get that the Wizard wants to finish the race at his own backyard where the prize is, but ending at Gimmick would be more symbolic to the loser of the race since they would have to say goodbye the moment the race is over. I don't care anymore; the booking in the last two episodes is horrible and this final race is pointless now. Team Gimmick and Team Nogburt (the only babyface team who has zero medals at this point - by far, the only angle worth watching in this entire event) are souping up their vehicles. Grubby is basically creating a portable reducing machine device, only with a prop engine. Teddy is hoping that this is enough, because the competition looks tough. Riiiiggghhhttttt. The only ones with a chance to beat you in terms of gold medals are Team Leota and Team Grunges and your team leads in the medal standing anyway. I realize that this is Teddy being Teddy, but COME ON, MAN~! Team Elinore (the only heal team to not win a medal yet and that's only because she quit Team Tweeg; who is second in medals, natch) has extreme coordination problems with Elinore and Sparky; allowing Elinore to show off her winded acting skills. Prince Arin is pumping air into the front tires of their ATV and generally being delusional as Team Wooly comes in on their skateboard. Team Leota races around the skateboard and Cemore blows off Wooly for not wearing his seatbelt, causing Team Wooly to laugh out loud. Earth to Cemore: Wear a helmet and stop being a hypocrite. On the far shot; Team Grunges put their sails on as Gimmick thinks everyone is here. But that's not true because Team Tweeg has not made it and having the race start at Gimmick's house is almost worth it now, because... we head to Tweeg tower to see Tweeg at the deck about to do that gimmick that is always funny and never gets old: Firing the cannon. Even Bullwinkle would be saying "But this trick never works!"
In hops LB as Tweeg is having more delusions of grandeur as LB swallows the cannon ball. Oh man; that was more disturbing than I had intented! Tweeg demands the cannon ball; so LB spits it out and it lands on Tweeg's foot, so we can do the foot grabbing spot. Tweeg blows off LB because the cannon balls are too expensive as Tweeg puts the cannon ball into the cannon and the cannon wheels backwards while Tweeg checks the target with his telescope. He's going to try to kill Teddy Ruxpin now; that murderous freak! We get the honor of LB lighting the fuse and striking the match with his foot in the process. There is also a charming exchange about shooting mouths and the cannon fires and nearly shoots Tweeg in the head in the process. Luckly, Tweeg ducked as then we get a really funny spot: Cannon balls are being fired one after another while Louie is cycling around, in an almost "shoot the messenger" type of fashion. Considering his lousy commentary; I wouldn't mind this from Tweeg. So we zoom down to notice that Team Nogburt, Team Leota and Team Gimmick are neck and neck for first, Wooly is fourth, Team Grunges is in fifth and Team Elinore is in sixth. Suddenly; we hear a loud explosion and cut to a closeup of Louie informing us that Tweeg has hit someone with the cannon. I was hoping it was Louie; but it was clearly Elinore, the last place competitor. HAHA! Tweeg still fails at life. LB confirms it via the telescope and Elinore condemns him for shooting at his own mother and is going to make him regret the day he was born even more than she already does. That would be the shortest walk off a pier ever. So, we head into the Nameless Jungle as the Troll Nephews (Sludge, Drudge and Trudge) are looking for weeds and other useless things. They are destroying the dead portions of the forest as they are looking for Tweeg; because they are beyond stupid. Then, we hear noises of an ATV as the trolls all bail in various directions. One of them calls Tweeg a troll grunge, avoiding the word hybrid altogether. Nintendo Switch Hater~! So, here comes Team Nogburt as it arrives in the village of the Jungle Grunges...in first place!
This is the best showing Team Nogburt has had since this event started. I am shocked that it took them this long. One of the Grunges with a blue beret comes out with the yellow flag and he is so giddy about this as he wants the Jungle Grunges to give them a Road Warrior pop; but the Grunges are like "meh", because they know that (a.) Team Grunges has not arrived and (b.) They don't cheer for losers like Team Nogburt. So, that was funny. Treena (Sreena) recalls some tools was present in their village woodshed, because the ATV wheels are squeaking as Aruzia is so happy about it. Jump cut to the Troll Nephews losing their minds because they think that the yellow flag waver is Tweeg. The same oafs who captured Tweeg in the last episode, only to mess that up. Even Gorilla Goon and Rhino Goon from TaleSpin wasn't "I need new goons and a vacation" stupid. Thankfully; Drudge ends the stupidity with this Tweeg nonsense as Sludge is confused and deduces that he's hiding in ther village because he's a hybrid. This is like Switch haters claiming that Switch is only a portable or a console (even though you can play it on a television, you can play it like a handheld and you can play it as a console without the television (Tabletop Mode everyone!).) only, these goons are heels and are less stupid. Hey; you gotta investigate to make sure. Jump cut to Sreena and a Grunge playing Old Maid and Sreena wins with a full house of Mud Bulps. So the Troll Nephews approach the two Grunges and asks where Tweeg is. Sreena: What's a Tweeg? I died. The other Grunge (The one with the green Link-equse tunic from the old games) offers to play cards with the heels and this triggers the Troll Nephews as they bail and we scene change to the Troll Nephews destroying the village as we jump cut and zoom into an area of the village where Arin and Aruzia are fixing their ATV and notices the henchmen destroying the place. Arin wants to help the Grunges because it's the right thing to do, but Aruzia isn't so keen since it's 3 on 2 advantage heels; but Arin has a Krackpotkin Plan: Use the Grunge Gumbo to turn into the Iron Warrior; which Aruzia is not thrilled to have happen. But thou must~!
Scene changer and we get more destruction and at least here, it feels like a war zone instead of in Darkwing Duck where they did almost nothing using a FOWL rubber ball. There is one grass hut remaining as the Troll Nephews surround the hut and order Tweeg to surrender. The door is broken down and out comes Arin and Aruzia, but Arin is now the Iron Warrior and Aruzia is now the Aluminumian Amazon (?sp; Gimmick mentions this later) who clearly got the better outfit here. She looks like a half monk/half ninja with lots of armor as the Troll Nephews panic, but instead of bailing; they stop selling and we get the FCC FRIENDLY CLOUDDUST FIGHT OF DEATH, which makes sense because it signals the babyface comeback, but it's silly because Arin and Aruzia weren't even close to being defeated here. In comes Team Tweeg as LB thinks wrestling was part of the competition. BS&P RULEZ~! Sort of. Tweeg loves it; but he has a race to win, and Team Tweeg bails. I should mention this right now: Team Tweeg is in the lead and outside of sniping Elinore; he has yet to CHEAT TO WIN~! In third place is Team Gimmick as the airship stops as they notice the fight going on and explain the obvious to us. The fight then stops and the Troll Nephews finally bail and because of that, the IW and AA turn on the Jungle Grunges as this is trouble. Teddy then remembers that water is the main weakness of the IW/AA and we get a long sequence of Teddy gathering up the Jungle Grunges and explains his Krackpotkin plan to them. So the Grunges go to the lake and gather buckets of water and then Teddy confronts IW and AA. Teddy gives them the signal and there is...nothing...AND THE ROCK SAYS NOTHING...because all the Grunges are showering themselves with water. HAHA! This really is a precursor to the Hate Plague arc now. Teddy backs up and grabs one of the buckets with water and throws water at the Iron Warrior. Somehow; despite not noticing, Sreena loves it and all the Jungle Grunges join in, because it's fun. They throw buckets of water and Arin and Aruzia return back to normal. Well; almost. They are also wet, too.
Arin acts like he caused the damage; even though it is clear that the Troll Nephews were the only ones doing the actual damage and even the Jungle Grunges realize that when Sreena talks about them playing a destructo game of cards. Teddy tells everyone that once the race is over, they'll come back to rebuild the village and that's a promise. Because the Troll Nephews aren't going to do the work for the destruction they themselves caused. So, this is a pragmatic decision on Teddy's part. Scene change back to a close up of Louie on his helicopter bicycle as we head to the rope bridge. And once again; the logic geniuses mess up...AGAIN: Team Tweeg was in first place after the scene ended with the impomptu brawl between the Troll Nephews and the IW/AA. Guess who is in first? It's Team Gimmick, followed by Team Nogburt, Team Wooly, Team Leota, Team Grunges (neck and neck), Team Elinore with Team Tweeg in LAST PLACE~! How in the heck did Tweeg manage to get into last place?! None of this makes any sense! Team Grunges is kicking up so much dust that Elinore feels and acts like a chain smoker in a fog. Louie cannot come up with a name for her vehicle, even though it's clearly a hamster wheel with a Stone Age motif to it. Tweeg is mocking Elinore as usual. Listen; I realize the booking is done and the stakes are low now that the writers have messed up the entire event; but at least have some logic in this episode! There is no way that Tweeg can be in last place in this setup! Idiots! Oh wait; I was wrong: Team Tweeg is not in last place, Team Wooly is in last place. Still makes no sense, but it makes slightly more sense than what I expected. Of course; they only did this because Tweeg has to CHEAT TO STAY IN SIXTH PLACE~! This is pathetic; but it's Tweeg's gimmick, so it works. Tweeg brings out an axe and chops the bridge supports to take out the bridge. Wooly don't care as he skateboards over the bridge (Where's Fuzz and Original Fuzz?) as the Fobs were shaking their heads, so even they aren't buying this. Tweeg fails at life once again. Jump cut to inside the Wizard's film room (because his magic is all film footage, you see).
So, we have the Wizard listening to the event looking jittery and wondering what to do as he paces around. Louie is still taunting him over the prize as the Wizard wishes Wizardworld wasn't destroyed in the last arc; but then decides that maybe a little nuance could save his life after all and that there might be a ride that wasn't destroyed. Then there is panic and gasping and we head to a sky shot of the middle of the race way as everyone races in out of the jungle at the same time as it's time for a good old fashion rotary carwreck spot. Everyone crashes into each other in a panic, as everyone has zero brakes and we get the FCC FRIENDLY CLOUDDUST OF DEATH to obscure the destruction. Of course! Notice Team Gimmick isn's in this sequence? That pretty much gives away who won this race as the segment ends nearly ten minutes in. This has been an all right episode outside of a stupid logic break and the animation is much better than the last two episodes so far; but this has been pointless since we all know who is going to win and it's going to be in decisive fashion. The only thing worth noting is if Team Nogburt or even Team Elinore wins a medal now. Otherwise; Tweeg is leaving the valley forever and we know Tweeg won't adhere to the stips anyway.
After the commercial break; cut back to Louie with his concerned face claiming that he's okay, despite not being even close to the competition to be in any remote danger. Geez; I wonder if being a troll is learned behaviour instead of being genenic. Anyhow; the contestent are laying in a heap and while their vehicles are damaged; they all look fine. Arin might have a concussion though as Team Gimmick comes in and Teddy asks if everyone is fine and Tweeg blows him off scarcastically. Teddy deduces that he's fine as Grubby and Gimmick proclaim that since everyone is fine; they should move on to win the race. Hey; they caused their own misfortune, so it's not unfair to leave them and try to win the race. Gimmick and Grubby are smart. Surprisely; Teddy says nothing and allows the Airship to move on. Wow; even Teddy realizes that Gimmick's home is more important than fair play; even if there was nothing unfair about this. I betcha he would call this unfair when the brand new television series gets released in the next few years. So; we head into the jungle with the Troll Nephews acting even more desparate; because they are beyond stupid. So, Arin and Aruzia commited obstruction of justice on the Troll Nephews; well, at least in the eyes of MAVO law. So, they cut promos on how they would turn Tweeg into villain guacamole; Trudge finds some green slime on a tree as it looks similar to Tweeg and this gives them a brainstorm (DANGER! DANGER!) as they will show this to Quellor as proof that Tweeg is dead; which will get them back into MAVO's "good" graces again. I give this the middle of the first episode in the next arc before Quellor discovers that this is a lie. So, we continue on with the final stretch of the race as they are nearing the Wizard's building as the Wizard is looking on via a telescope and blowing off Louie for rubbing this all in. So, Team Gimmick is in first place, Team Nogburt is in second, Team Wooly is in third, Team Grunges are in fourth, Team Leota is fifth, Team Elinore is in sixth and Team Tweeg is in last place.
And those standings is how it ends as Team Nogburt finally gets their first medal in Wizardweek; a silver medal! That means Team Elinore's decision to quit Team Tweeg was a horrible decision on her part and was done out of pettiness, despite Team Tweeg being in second place in the total medal standings. Team Wooly is tied in total medals with Team Tweeg; but Team Tweeg is in second since they had one more silver medal than Wooly. I just love how Louie actually remembers that Tweeg is both a lame-o and the former leader of MAVO; burying both Tweeg and MAVO as creditable heels in one swoop. At least burying Tweeg is funny, but burying MAVO is so lame. So Louie is on stage and Team Gimmick has won. Grubby acts like he won the Wrestlemania main event and drops Teddy like a bad habit in the process. HAHA! Teddy and company celebrate as Tweeg demands a recount. Tweeg does have a point here...as in "Who won medals in the high jump event?!" We never found out, other than LB didn't win. Tweeg claims that they cheated in classic psychological projection fashion; that even Elinore is telling him to shut up because this race is pointless. Finally! Someone who agrees with me...and now I hang my head in shame because it's ELINORE TWEEG! LB then proclaims that how could Tweeg not do any better, Tweeg repeats him and Elinore has a headache. HAHA! So the Wizard gets on stage and acts all awkward just to say: "The prize will be awarded in a special celebration later in the day." The crowd is not impressed as Teddy rationalizes this as something to look forward to. Yeah, I'll bet. So, the babyfaces all shake hands with Teddy as Original Fuzz returns; but Current Fuzz is still MIA. Louie then comes in and pokes Wooly on the shoulder, to inform him that he has a favor to ask him; but they both need to bail stage right in order for him to say it. I'm guessing that Wooly is involved in getting the present to the area for the winner. Also, we get a logic break: When Arin and Aruzia are with the trio; they are using the Jungle Grunges background. DUMB!
Not that it really matters, since they have to return there to clean up the mess MAVO created. So, we return to the Jungle Grunges village as the babyfaces and the Jungle Grunges are assessing the damage and this will take a lot of work and effort. Grubby has a small bag for some reason as Teddy is not worried because of the power of working together. Unless you are a bigot; then it doesn't work. So, Grubby brings out the lantern (it's a flashlight; I wonder if flashlight was trademarked in Canada, like the Yo-Yo was?) and stand as Teddy brings out crystal #5 and we get a long sequence starting with Teddy and Grubby shining the light on the Jungle Grunge after Sreena asks about the crystals, calling them stones. Teddy tells her to watch basically. So; the Grunges have the haste status, which completely contradicts one of their famous songs about taking your time. They did this just to demonstrate to everyone who didn't see the debut of the fifth crystals power. One of the Grunges is dark-skinned as Grubby joins in the fun and creates a literal brick wall to block the screen. This is the ultimate Donald Trump wet dream. So, there is a lot of stuff; but the village looks unchanged anyway. Idiots! So, everyone is changed back to normal and they all act like the village is rebuilt; even though it's clearly not. Arin is written in by teleport as he apologizes for the trouble he caused, which was not much trouble since 99% of it was MAVO's goons anywy. Sreena accepts; probably knowing full well that the MAVO goons would never do that and we bring out the goblets because it's celebration time. It's the final demand from the Grunges by the way. So; yeah, the animators and artists messed this scene up, which is the story of this arc. Scene change to the throne room of MAVO as Quellor is raising his goblet in a toast because ding, dong; Tweeg is "dead"! The Troll Nephews whisper yell so loud, Quellor should hear, but doesn't. Trudge basically admits that he'll find out next week. This fourth wall breaking was years before everyone was doing it and we became sick of it.
The monsters in the room don't care as they pop as one of the monster servers gives the three their prize: a goblet of crud, which is monster carny talk for red wine. We know it's alcohol; but we aren't telling anyone. The Troll Nephews look awkward as heck and we scene change back to the Jungle Grunges village as the place has magically repaired itself now. How about that?! The Jungle Grunges are dancing, the trio is not because they are not at the Smurf's wedding. Grubby is eating some French bread for no reason, other than to annoy me since I am writing this after having a tooth extracted and I cannot eat any solid foods for another day or so. Gimmick wonders about the prize for winning the race and Teddy don't care about that, because parties are awesome. Then a huge shadow engulfs the area as everyone bails as a giant present lands in the village. Wooly comes in via teleport (Not buying that someone noticed him with the Wizard and Louie when they come down from the sky.); as the Wizard and Louie land and hop off the bicycle helicopter. Wizard addresses the crowd as he presents the present as Teddy is in awe. Since the present is awfully big; they also need help in unwrapping it, so the Jungle Grunges get involved again ending with a Jungle Grunge running into the hard camera with a large piece of paper as the scene change to a shot of a crowd of Grunges in awe, which when the far shot of the gift is shown; most of them have scattered. So, yes; the present the Wizard gives to the winner is a roundabout using most of the vehicles from the GGGR. Except there is a Grundo-equse style horse on the roundabout. Arin, Aruzia, Leota and Cemore appear out of nowhere and then there is various teleporting and degradement in the artwork as the Wizard claims that this was based on the inventive vehicles during Wizardweek. The lack of shot continuity was more inventive than this; and not in a good way. Teddy loves the prize of course, because he don't care. Gimmick at least got his valley back and the Wizard is still blue. Wizard offers them a ride as the trio gets on and Louie pulls the lever (CLEVER CLOGS~!) as we waste more time.
Speaking of errors; somehow Cemore and Leota are in their car despite not being offered the ride. Okay; everyone has given up now. Teddy offers everyone a ride and everyone gets on, some via teleport as Teddy wants to leave the present for the Grunges, as if they have not apologized enough for them. Sadly; there is still two minutes left in the episode; so we have to waste more time invoking the TEDDY RUXPIN SONG OF DOOM about crazy carousels as the color styling and artwork cannot be kept straight from shot to shot. This is the sort of scene critics would use to show why we use computers and CGI instead of hard drawn animation. Keep in mind; I'm a layman who has little knowledge of how the industry works and even I can see why computer animation is the bees knees. No wonder ToonEGuy is threatening people; he has zero case now. He's like Lou Thez saying that we should all wear cotton tights when we wrestle. Sure; he's a great wrestler, but a horrible judge in fashion sense. ToonEGuy doesn't even have the expertise as a layman for goodness sakes! Elinore finally reveals that the name of her vehicle is a Tricycle. Pfft; whatever. Tweeg has a weird pronouncation for his chariot, as he pronounces it care-e-ot instead of chair-i-ot. To be fair; the Roundabout was created by the Wizard, so he does deserve credit for this. Anyhow; Elinore has been written out by teleport as Tweeg still isn't allowed on the carousel, because he's a cheating cheater. But I repeat myself. Oh wait; Elinore back for one more promo and she written out by teleport again. So we end with the Wizard and Louie flying away in the helicopter bicycle as the babyfaces all wave and cheer goodbye. Cut back to Louie and Wizard exchanging notes as the sun sets slowly in the west and that ends the episode at 19:40. Once again; the animation in the half second was a total mess; but the story was actually good outside of one logic break. And Team Nogburt got a measure of redempation in this one. ** 1/2 (50%).
THE REVIEW LINE
Well; we end the arc limping and screaming, but it was decent enough. The animation started off decent enough, but then the shot continuity when they got to the crowd shots was as horrible as ever as there was teleporting and a lot of crowds out of position. And it was clear that this was rushed at the end as they had to waste a lot of time doing filler stuff because they ran out of spots for the main race. And the race itself wasn't bad; but ultimately pointless because there was no heat to the race. The whole point of Wizardweek was to showcase Gimmick Vs. Tweeg with the loser leaving the valley forever. They never mentioned it in this episode at all after only mentioning it in passing in the previous episode. Even the writing team knew that they had booked themselves into a corner and couldn't find a way out despite having the out of "All of the medals were demonstration; the final leg of the race is the only one that can win on Wizardweek". With that out; then the stakes would be high and the heat would be fabulous, even if we know Team Gimmick would win outright. At least Team Nogburt got their token silver medal and saved the Jungle Grunges from the Troll Nephews. That was great at least. Overall; this arc is pretty much the low point of this series at this point, for ranting purposes only. It was really a filler arc designed to waste time before the Hate Plague Arc. The next arc is the same; but that one at least was fun to watch and I liked it.
So, we are 35 episodes up and have 30 episodes to go with this show; and all the filler episodes have been completed. So, the next thirty episodes are directly focused into the Quellor/Teddy feud as I will return with the second arc of the series as Teddy discovers the power of the first crystal, while Tweeg must become a MAVO member because no one knows what Elinore will do because it's unspeakable. After that; it's four straight arcs: Tweeg's redempation arc, The Death Of Innocence arc (Teddy nearly dies in that one), Lost Time Arc (discovery of Crystal #3 and the Hermit is shown), Ying Zoo arc (complete with the Octopede Sailors) and then the final arc which is the Hate Plague arc (Heels turn on Quellor, Babyfaces turn on Teddy in main event doom). I might be ranting on this show full time soon, depending on other stuff, but if not; I am ranting on the second arc next. So...
Thumbs in the middle for this episode and I'll see you all next time.