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The Adventures Of Teddy Ruxpin: The Big Escape
Reviewed: 06/29/2019
From All That Gaslighting? Good Luck On That.
Well; it's time to finally bring the beginning of the end of the Teddy Ruxpin: Storybook series and dive into the real meat of this show. So, all hope is gone for Teddy and company as they are now slaves to a ruthless sorcercer who might as well be the biggest monster heel of all time. However; can the babyfaces get out of this one? Will Quellor get the "gold formula"? And will this show ever let Zina talk for once? How does this episode fare? So; let's rant on shall we...?
Episode opens on a road towards Ying with LB pulling Tweeg's wagon and Elinore basically acting like Tweeg, only much more toxic. Funny moment: When LB is insulting her and Elinore demands answers to the outrage, LB calls her lumpy and then recoil and tells her to watch the bumpy road...and sure enough the wagon hits a bump and Elinore almost loses the brochure. Elinore blows off LB for that and LB mocks Tweeg in the picture of the brochure. Cue Vinny laugh as Elinore claims that he's less replusive than usual. Of course, said the most replusive character in the entire series...outside of GUOL. LB claims that Tweeg is merely ugly and Elinore blows him off for hyperbole. As this is going on, we pan to see the Eclipse in the air and I betcha they land in Quagmire first. Elinore gets bumped again and LB laughs it off. So, he's worse than hideous and disgusting. Geez, I wish Elinore would merry Ying and get it over with. Those two as a couple would rot, and I mean that in the nicest way possible. Head to the Ying Zoo and now Teddy is stewing in a cage with four locks on it. The Ying Zoo might as well be a concentration camp at this point. Teddy hears some sobbing and goes to the barred window to discover a blue goblin with almost no clothes crying his eyes out. He blows off Teddy's assurances that they will escape; because he's been in this cage for so long, he doesn't know if he was ever free to begin with. The goblin doesn't seem to care that Teddy is an Illiop, so we have now found one monster in this entire deal that hasn't been gaslit by GUOL and obviously, he is the one who lands in the Ying Zoo. It's amazing that the Ying Zoo has generated more heel heat on itself in these five episodes than even the Gutangs ever could. Despite all the bad flaws of this arc, that aspect is the one thing that makes me want to continue watching this show, in spite of MAVO's heat being completely gone as monster heels. Teddy wants to get the blue goblin out and he is amazed by this. Teddy believes freedom is the most important thing of them all and while I agree with him, it has sadly been used as a toxic refrain to hurt people. Never underestimate monsters, they can turn you into one very easily. Not even their stupidity can save us. Sorry; got off track there as Teddy sings probably the best song of the series until "Will You Go To Sleep Before I Do"; since that later song plays into a much bigger angle than the former song, which plays into the segment alone.
So, after some singing, we HIT THE DREAM SEQUENCE we wish was real, but it's not. There is a pink butterfly around a river and tree and this music sounds awfully familar, something out of a Canadian song. Sadly, I have no idea what song they are knocking off here, but it sounds great. Teddy is at a tree with the butterfly perched on his finger and then the butterfly flies away. Head back to the prisons as the blue goblin's mouth moves, but no sound comes out. Oops! Teddy shakes hands with the blue goblin and then we head out into the sunset as Teddy and BG are holding hands in solidarty as Teddy throws a flower to the stylized red bird and then they do the walk with their backs to the hard camera, a spot that Baloo and Kit would later do in Destiny Rides Again, only without the singing. I honestly couldn't do this song justice, it was awesome. The saddest thing is not just the song itself -- and this is not the creators fault -- but the fact that this is the DVD version and the handling of the audio track was so poor that the song warped at the end, pretty much killing the seriousness of the song. Again, this is a serious indictment of the people who handled the DVD and I seriously hope that the reboot does this scene (with much more flesh out of the characters of course, it's been at least 30 years since this episode aired) with a clean version of the song, and hopefully with this exact same tune. I doubt that last one, but if done well, it shouldn't matter. They shake hands once more and then Teddy promises to get themselves out of this mess, somehow. Then Teddy turns around and somehow, notices the words TED on the floor and the BG is confused. Teddy kneels down and wipes away the needles surrounding and the message reads Teddy + Ilana. Uh-oh! BG uses Occam's Razor; but Teddy is self aware that it isn't used in cartoons (okay, I'm kidding about the self-aware part) and realizes that it could be possible that the escaped Illiop is...his father. This was basically the turning point in who Teddy's father might be because the Hermit is the only Illiop known in Grundo at this point. So, we head back to the Ultimate Ride with Brenda sawing logs and Thejy hammering a nail into wood and a piece of large paper. Why? Why not?! Gimmick is coordinating Guy and Captain Zelza lifting a large beam of wood. Word of advise: Never have a smoke pipe in your mouth while holding wood. If the smoke pipe doesn't choke you dead, the smoking itself will.
Guy and Zelza drop the beam and give eye contact violence to Gimmick and I don't think it's because of Gimmick's bad orders. And I was right because the Octopede Sailors are fed up with this project because they are slaves and Gimmick is more concerned about science than getting the heck out of here, paraphrasing Zelza. When they do the far shot, there are at least two more Octopede Sailors in plain view. WHAT?! This is the fifth episode of the arc, five minutes in, and they have used the same number of Octopede Sailors throughout the first four, and now they have somehow added two, maybe three more sailors out of thin air?! This show has no idea what it's doing in terms of keeping the continuity straight. If you want those two sailors to be in the show, introduce them at the start of the arc! Idiots! Worse, after she cuts her getting out of here promo, the Octopede Sailors are protesting and teasing to turn on Gimmick, and then Zelza claims that she has a Krackpotkin Plan. WHAT?! You know, as they were tranisiting to her with the plan, she was speaking before the jump cut to her talking about the plan. Whomever edited this show for syndication did a horrible job here because I swear that there are more scenes and they got cut off for more commercial breaks. It's a good thing 4Kids Entertainment and Al Khan were the worst censors in the world because this kind of editing kills me, especially when you don't care to hide it. So, there's whistling and more working as Zina is now cutting the logs. And the two new Octopede Sailors have now been written out by teleport. What was the point of them even being in this episode? Zina also teleports with scene changes to helping Thejy with the pully system as Droggie is painting with pink colors. Thejy, Brenda and Guy do the triple shaking hands spot as Gimmick still does nothing but hold the plans. I was hoping Gimmick was sawing stuff; but no luck. Gimmick then is suddenly shocked and appalled because in comes BGA and BGT with Grubby as if Grubby is an egg sucking dog on a leash. Wow, why isn't Ying the Surpeme Oppressor, again?! Ying is so effective in making me hate his guts. BGT has the key and unlocks the neck cuff and then shoves Grubby as BGT works him to work. Grubby and Gimmick shake hands and Gimmick is sort of relieved. A lot less relieved when they exchange notes on the situation. Gimmick then has a Krackpotkin plan for Grubby as he wants lots of saws and lots of rope.
Scene change to the Eclipse landing in front of the Ying Zoo and the heels all disembark as Ying himself has arrived. Sludge is following Quellor as he demands that Ying step aside and let him deal with the Troll Grunge With No Brain. Tweeg, everyone. Ying has the Gruffi pose on and asks what in the name of Grundo is a Tweeg? I see the signs have now been reduced to brochure posters. Either that is a continuity mistake, or Wee Gee has been successful in his venture to leech off Ying. I would go with the former, considering the next arc. And yes, the feud is still going with Wizard World and Ying no sells the deal. So, Quellor brings out the secret weapon that no one can stand...The Black Box. What?! You expected Ying to be tickle tortured? That only works on tough babyfaces, not monster heels. Ying gives up and Quellor can have anything he wants. Quellor shows some restraint as he only wants Tweeg and the electrifying sign. Hey, why not? Having the ability to electrocute something on a moment's notice would get some of his heel heat back. Also, this the first time Ying has looked stupid. Now, that is fine because the heel is supposed to be stupid in the end, but it's another heel doing it, not the babyface. Still stronger than MAVO at this point. So we fade to black to trick us into thinking that this is the commercial break, and then we head to Ying's office as Quellor has a mini version of the electrifying sign as lightning claws. I'm shocked Don Karnage didn't consider this idea in TaleSpin after losing the Lightning Gun. It's not like TaleSpin hasn't been stealing this show wholesale anyway. Trudge is holding the Jack-In-The-Box controls that are wired to the claws. I think this scene was to pay off the opening where Quellor had lightning powers and this was the best they could do: A Z-Grade magic trick with science. Quellor is laughing it up as he zaps the floor near Ying's feet, just to prove that his heel heat is back. That won't last long, I assure thee. Then the door opens and Sludge appears with Tweeg doing the nice smile. Awww, my heart melted! Tweeg's promo is just absurd and I'm glad this angle is going to be officially over as Tweeg promises to be a good little boy, and Sludge kicks him in the rear end and Tweeg drops to the floor on his seat as Quellor invokes the reverse crystal memory eraser and zaps Tweeg's face with it. And yes, Tweeg is back to him "I fail at life" self as he's threatening violence on the nasty blob and Quellor motions to him to come forth.
Because you see, he has a message for him. Instead of just saying that he just made gold out of buttermilk, they scene change to Sludge acting shocked and appalled as Tweeg is dancing and singing about how rich he is right in front of Quellor and Trudge. To say that Tweeg is such a tool is a huge understatement at this point. So, Quellor throttles Tweeg and drops him like a bad habit in spite of Tweeg protesting that his "formula" works; but Quellor is going to commit serious trademark infringement by violent force, if need be. I just love that Quellor is acting like a reasonable babyface in this entire thing and Tweeg somehow is still acting like a bigly stable genius. Donald Trump, everyone, only somehow Tweeg is a lot less vile. So, yeah; Tweeg calls his brain as vast as the Great Desert. That isn't saying much, Tweet. Should have said all of Grundo; that would have made it even less believable. So, Quellor decides to show him the Black Box and threatens to empty the brain of Tweeg again. Really? Shouldn't you threaten Tweeg that he can read the memories of the Black Box as he pleases? It's not like Gimmick and company haven't done that in the previous arc. That's how we saw Teddy and Ilana at an early age. So Quellor has no idea about the Black Box's secret feature. Idiot. This ends the segment almost ten minutes in. The first five minutes have been awesome, the next five, not so much...
After the commercial break, more threatening in Ying's Office from Quellor to Tweeg. So, Tweeg slaps the Black Box away and dares him to zap him with the Black Box because if he's brainless, he loses the recipe. Hey, it's not Tweeg's fault that Quellor is too stupid to realize that you can read the crystal memories. So, Quellor ponders this over and Tweeg laughs in his face. Tweeg taunts Quellor for a while claiming that his own device failed him, and Quellor realizes, "I have lightning claws, I'll just zap him with that!" and Trudge starts up the device and Quellor invokes the LIGHTNING GUN OF DEATH on Tweeg; and since there is no kill rule in this show, Tweeg's clothes get burned to ash and Quellor asks if he will reconsider. Tweeg realizes that Quellor has checkmated him. I should also note that Tweeg's feet change designs from shot to shot, even though this quirk has been around since the first shot. Tweeg starts giving out the recipe via the TEDDY RUXPIN SONG OF DOOM. So, we start with 1-2 cups of buttermilk, a pinch of pepper, a jar of sauerkraut, another 2 cups of buttermilk, a pair of old pjs, cookies and an old shoe which Tweeg takes off as he has three toed human feet. As if he is a human frog. Quellor ducks the soft shoe thrown at him, acting like Tweeg is telling the truth instead of acting confused. Wings of an insect, some hair, eye of potato and the legs of a chair. Wooden or metal? He never says, so that means that this is wacky quacky, woo; which is Tweeg's gimmick of a wacky alchemist. Toes of garlic, finger sandwhich and some buttermilk on top. That's the recipe of quackery legends everyone! Quellor will soon be rich...richly angry at Tweeg that is. Probably by the end of Teddy's birthday too. Quellor's singing is so weird here as we finish the song and that is that. So, we head to the Airship which has been turned into a makeshift resturant in the previous episode as Grubby is preparing the stove. In comes the world's worst heel waiter demanding answers to this outrage. Grubby is making root stew, and I am shocked, SHOCKED to hear that heels do not like the look nor smell of it. Grubby is far more optimistic than everyone, including this ranter writing this rant. Heel waiter is more concerned about the airbag filling and Grubby is like the mob in saying, that we wouldn't want that to happen now, do we? To Grubby, the answer is yes, to the heel waiter the answer is no.
Jump cut to near the cages as Grubby has the root stew on full blast from the cauldron as it's for all the prisoners, including the guards as he offers some to them. Grubby is now calling Thejy, Theej (which I think makes more sense) as BGA and BGT are letting the blue goblin from earlier out of his cage and this causes Theej and Grubby to fling root stew at the guards and this root stew is so sticky that it traps the guards. The blue goblin bails to the roller coaster. That in itself isn't really anything, until you realize that Zina, speaks for the first time since the lie detector angle back at the end of the first episode in this arc almost 12 and a half minutes into this episode! And she was written in by teleport to deliver this promo. Blue Goblin is worried about Teddy, but Teddy assure him that he'll be fine aand Zina yells to everyone who is freed to run to the roller coaster. Zina I think has talked like five times in this entire arc and only once has talked about Grubby. So, Zina does not have eyes for Grubby and Grubby needs to realize that Zina was telling the truth and the lie dectetor angle is even more horrible than it first started. So, the Octopede Sailors are freeing everyone. Before anything says that this is animal rights horribleness, keep in mind; most of the prisoners are considered anthroed humans anyway. Scene change as we get more misadventures with the heels getting stuck by root stew by Thejy, who has his six working boots on today. So, we head back to Teddy's cell as Grubby ties a tiple reef knot against the cell bars, and this is needed due to the amount of locks. I understand the urgency here because Teddy and company has not even seen that Quellor is here and probably don't know. And Quellor doesn't know either. Teddy asks about the rope and Grubby bails because Teddy will see soon enough. This does nothing to increase my confidence any as we head back to Ying's office as the panic music is still playing much further into this scene than it should. Quellor is bored (and his voice sounds funny today) as he's zapping walls and candlesticks as candle cubes bonk off Ying's noggin for fun. Quellor is sitting down and then stands up and wants Ying to find something to entertain him and the fact that he has two deadly weapons with him, I would obey him, Ying. Even if Quellor has less heat than you.
Ying then points out that he has an Illiop at the zoo, just as Quellor is looking out the window and he's shocked, SHOCKED I say. Ying describes an Illiop to him, and Quellor grabs a chalice filled with wine and then crushes it with his hands proclaiming that it's Teddy Ruxpin. I wish Ying would have said "What's a Teddy Dustbin?", that would have been money. Quellor walks out of the office, forcing Trudge to follow him instead of walking behind him. Because Trudge is dumb, you see. So, we head to the wooden stairway of the roller coaster ride as Grubby walks up with the rope and claims that he was late because of the giant pile of root stew was in the way, so he got giddy. Wait, so he ate the root stew on the ground in the previous segment? What an idiot?! Grubby gets into the roller coaster cart as Zelza declares him an Octopede hero. Not a hero per se; an Octopede hero. What a jerk Zelza is?! So Gimmick pulls the first lever (CLEVER CLOGS~!) and Grubby races down the roller coaster as Grubby is handling that well at least. There is a second lever next to it and Zelza wishes Grubby good luck and pulls that lever (CLEVER CLOGS~!) as the track of the roller coaster is like a cross between a train track change and a ski jump ramp. Grubby's cart (with rope in tow) goes up the ramp and flies over the wall and lands into a large lake and gets submerged. I guess this is one way to get over your annoyence about the water being so wet. Meanwhile, here comes Quellor caring about the prisoners escaping than Teddy Ruxpin escaping. Why didn't Ying simply tell Quellor which cell to go, so he went there? Really, writers; you are going to bury Quellor now after building him back up to this point? Quellor summons the henchmen and wants to attack the roller coaster. Why not just find Teddy, release him from the cage and try to zap him with the Black Box, and then just have your henchmen attack the rollercoaster? MAVO cannot resist being the dumbest organization in the 1980's, it just cannot. Oh, and somehow; Tweeg escaped the Ying Zoo and is walking away from Quagmire stage left in the next scene, just like that! At least show him escaping in the confusion. So yeah, Tweeg is officially the smartest heel in all of Grundo. Ponder that for a moment. Sadly, LB and Elinore arrived and Tweeg is done for. Elinore is disappointed because Tweeg basically saved himself. Tweeg stammers like a stupid idiot as Elinore claims that Tweeg is happy to see his mother.
I would like to say that this is the biggest lie ever, but Stockholm Syndrome prevents that. So, Elinore threatens to clobber Tweeg if he doesn't hand over the "formula" and LB laughs because his brain is now useful. Tweeg gets the TOING sound and then acts like he got zapped with the Black Box again, which shouldn't fool anyone but it does fool the heels. Elinore puts Tweeg on the wagon and both Elinore and LB pull the wagon away; which would have been better if the shot was mirrored and they went west instead of east. I do love the touch of Tweeg stopping his selling when LB insults him, too. LB is loving this and Elinore tells LB to shut up and keep pulling as Tweeg stop selling again and chuckles for his own amusement. Like I said before, smartest heel in all of Grundo. And he's the one who fails at life. Scene change to underwater and somehow, the Subwater Boat is underwater as well. Huh? So, did the Quagmire Creeps sink the ship? Considering how much of the original masters were cut I would not be shocked at all. I mean, I swear Gimmick in one scene had his hands tied behind his back in this arc. Grubby is swimming to the Subwater Boat and ties the rope to the propeller rear as we head back to the roller coaster with Gimmick being worried as Zelza claims that Octopedes are fast swimmers. Hey, when your life in on the line, you don't care if you are afraid of water or annoyed by it being so wet. Theej is more concerned because in ruin the kids...ERRR...I mean henchmonsters. They has adult henchmonsters and they send in the kids. I get that heels punch down on kids; but the booking means that the babyfaces have to punch down on the kids to escape. This episode is falling off a cliff after all the good will they had in the first five minutes. The Octopede Sailors get into the roller coaster and Gimmick pulls the lever (CLEVER CLOGS~!) proclaiming that they don't have enough time as Quellor yells at them to give up; but the henchmonsters are so stupid that they are stuck in Theej's pool of root stew, burying Quellor as an idiot yet again. I told you to ask Ying where Teddy is; you might have won this. No wonder GUOL turned on you in the Hate Plague arc. So, everyone escapes Ying in the roller coasters as Gimmick praises the root stew yet again. He should also praise the fourth crystal too, because Teddy is totally hapless without it.
Grubby starts up the Subwater boat and drives it to eliminate the slack on the rope and pull on the iron cage. Why yes, it is a legit cage Teddy was in, why do you ask? Subwater Boat gets stalled for about ten seconds before Grubby puts full throttle into it and the cage is ripped from the cave and Teddy is forced to grab onto the bar in a panic. The cage takes away a ten featuring a couple of monsters dining and they don't care. And then we get the following sequence: Quellor notices Teddy; but he cannot get out because he's stuck in the pool of root stew. Teddy's cage bonks into Trudge and everyone disappears for the BS&P IMPACT STARS DUSTCLOUD OF DEATH. Trudge goes flying and somehow is not killed by this as the backpack drops, short circuits and sparks the wire, heads to Quellor's lightning claws and electrocutes him; but due to the BS&P no kill rule, it doesn't kill him. Quellor blames Trudge even though it was clearly Gimmick's fault since this was his plan to begin with. Heeldom is never blaming yourself or the actual person behind it, it's always your henchmonster. Quellor also gets the DALEK X-RAY BEAM OF DEATH as well. You know, if I was booking this; Ying should have been the one electrocuted and Quellor escapes with Trudge, so it's heavily implied that Ying is dead; because I don't think we ever see him again. In fact, we haven't seen him since Quellor left his office. So, Teddy's cage somehow is sliding on sand and comes to a complete stop near the shoreline. The Octopede Sailors file off the locks (how did they get the tools?) and Teddy comes out and is relieved. We cut to Zelza and Gimmick at the rollercoaster proclaiming that it's time to go and both of them go onto the Airship. They cut all the ropes with an axe as they sail above the Ying Zoo and fly northwest as we pan down to the Subwater Boat towing everyone else to end the episode at 19:35. Just like that! No response from the sorcerer at all, not at all. And we'll never see him again either. What a way to bury the one great heel they actually had, and he never even got a proper comeupperance. That's why Ying being with Quellor and getting electrocuted would have been a fitting end to all this. The first five minutes of this episode were legendary; but it slowly fell off a cliff with logic breaks and bad booking. ** (40%).
THE REVIEW LINE
Well; this episode was a micro-chasm of the shows inability to be consistent. The first five minutes of this episode was great and the Freedom song was total awesomeness marred by mishandling of the audio track for the DVD release. Warped audio has always been a problem for this show and it ruined an otherwise great show. Tweeg's song for the "Gold Formula" was also funny and I did like the payoff with Tweeg and his lackeys in the end as Tweeg outsmarted everyone and I do mean everyone, even the babyfaces. The story itself after that was solid on paper; but the logic break kept dragging this episode down to the point of falling off a cliff. Somehow, there are two more Octopede Sailors introduced and then they are gone within two scenes. Zina finally speaks two lines and that's it. She didn't once show any concern for Grubby, which made the lie detector angle in the first episode look even worse than it already was. Ying was buried as I expected, but his comeupperance never really came as he wasn't killed, he was written out and never seen again. The finish with Quellor getting electrocuted would have been better with Ying taking Quellor's place and again, the animation team cannot animate a bonking spot to save it's life. Overall, this episode turned from a great episode to a below average mess of an episode within five minutes. Worse, Teddy is now hapless without the crystals, Quellor is still the dumbest heel in the show and the Grubby/Zina relationship makes no sense at all now. So, that is it for the worst arc of the entire series and it was bad. Last up is the Hate Plague arc, which should be a lot better since Quellor finally get betrayed for real, the Hermit returns, and Teddy loses the crystals to MAVO for real this time. Oh; and there is a plague a coming, spelling doom for the babyfaces. It's almost over, everyone. So...
Thumbs down for this episode and I'll see you all next time.