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Captain Donald
Reviewed: 04/06/2012
Please Let The Nephews Go Down With The Ship?!
Welcome kiddies to the 2012 edition of Easter Sadism as I return to one of the worst series in all of DTVA. Yes; more of those "Push The Crappy Button" nephews and Quack Pack. When I first started Easter Sadism; I did the three "best" episodes on DVD; and last year I did the worst episodes I have ever seen in Quack Pack. This time; I'm selecting my episodes at random and seeing if I get lucky or good. So we will start with probably one of the worst episodes of the series which features Chipwreck Shipmunks and a pirate that makes the Pi-rats look high class. Seriously. And we see Ken Powers at his worst and maybe even Donald at his worst too. So; let's rant on shall we...?!
This episode is written by Cathryn Purdue (who wrote Mach One For The Gipper by the way) and the story is written by Kevin Campbell and Karl Geurs (who wrote Time Waits For No Bear.). Kevin you already know in Darkwing Duck in Just Us Justice Ducks. Mostly DTVA stuff (32 writing credits, 16 story editing credits, and he produced Jumanji the series) and a few non Disney shows; but nothing really of note. Sadly; there is no animation studio from Juan F. Lara.
Opening Moment #1: The title card features Donald Duck in a captain's suit against a green background. Take a picture folks; you'll need it for your dreams after this episode is over. One final note: I listened to the lyrics of Quack Pack; and I counted about six times they used the word Quack in the wrong context. At least in TaleSpin; it at least meant something to the actual plot and storyline instead of being there just because the name of the show was called TaleSpin.
So we begin this one with a sky shot of clouds moving away from a deserted island as we go to shadows in the jungle as a fat man is pushing a native person wearing sandals and green leaves on his head through the jungle. The native sees a Wicked Witch of The East moment and then is forced to dodge various traps including the dreaded Mega Man killing SPIKES OF DEATH. Native sees the skull island of doom and tries to bail stage left; but the villain of the day cuts off the leaves from his headband; thus showing the only reason why it was there. Native stammers and tip toes into the island which is filling with water as the villain comes out and he has a red beard and yellow raincoat. So yeah; Cathy doesn't even try to hide the heel and give the episode any suspense whatsoever. Native walks slowly inside, smiles and then we cut to outside as we get some thumping and then a gulp. I wondered where Samoa Joe has been on his time off in 2009. The heel is pissed as only the trimmed headband is left and he stamps it onto a conveniently placed rock and apparently at least eight people has perished already doing this. The heel talks about his beard so I'm deducing that this guy is Redbeard the Pirate. He needs another helpless yuppie to get him what he wants...
...and that segue to the ocean as a speedboat is riding on the waves. We head inside as Donald is at the wheel driving the ship in a captain's uniform and humming a tune. Now if they just did that for 22 minutes; it would be the best Quack Pack episode ever. Sadly; this is Quack Pack and my suggestion would never allow the nephews to push the crappy button; so the suffering must commence. Donald's singing annoys Kent Powers to much on his beach chair complete with a stack of suntan lotion on the table (well; you cannot blame him for that at least); that he oversells it and takes a bump off-screen. Kent has his working suntan lotion on today. Donald continues to hum and annoys the Quack Pack nephews who blow him off for making them work on this trip. HAHA! This fun won't last; but who cares? This episode is already an improvement from Tasty Paste so maybe the negative star streak will end at three. Or maybe not. We'll see. Donald brings out the telescope and looks out as Huey ruins Donald's fun by getting in the telescope's way and blowing Donald off for breaking his promise about fun and fishing. Umm; these nephews don't know Donald's definition of fun which is making his nephews actually stop being sh**ty and Dewey is clearly lying about there not being any fish since a swordfish pops up and sprays water right in Dewey's face before coming down. HAHA!
So the nephews notice that they lied and they race to the chairs and logical break into fishing clothes for no reason as they cast their lines into the ocean. Then the swordfish underwater has the MAX EVIL STARE OF DEATH as he tugs on Huey's line and swims up causing Huey to lose control over the fishing line and he screams..badly. Damn; and the background music was so refreshing too. The chair snaps and Huey rides swordfish for a while. Dewey and Louie do nothing but act so smug. Ummm; yeah, whatever. Huey bounces off the boat as Captain Donald is walking on the volleyball portion of the boat and the swordfish comes down and pokes Donald right in the ass. I think we all know where this is going now. I love sword fights; more so when done by swordfish. Sadly; Huey ruins it by MURDERING Donald with the chair on the way down. As usual. And Kent Powers gets MURDERED as well to join in the fun/suffering/I must hate Donald even though hating the nephews is totally justified. So Huey lets go of the pole and the swordfish swims away out of sight. They stop short of the pool and feel relieved; which is dumb because that is the signal for them to drop into the pool which is exactly what happens.
Kent pops up from the carnage and as Donald climbs out of the pool; Kent comes over and throws Huey away. HAHA! I'm sorry folks; but I cannot take Kent Powers seriously as a selfish jackass even if I can suspend my disbelief. The nephews are so crappy that Kent automatically turns into a babyface. So Kent climbs out and blows off Donald for wrecking his tan playing captain. And all this does is confuse me as to if Kent Power is a heel or not. The writers claim that he's a heel. At least with Shere Khan; he was written as a tweener (even though the toys/comic industry had him as a full fledged heel.). I'll give Kent this though: He knows how to be really nasty when he screams in Donald's face. As Huey crawls out of the pool, he is in perfect position to be a cushion to break Donald's fall. HAHA! Kent storms off into his cabin blowing off the nephews for my amusement and slamming the door hard. Heh. Huey has that look of "I'm going to die now aren't I?" and sadly for me; that isn't going to happen as long as BS&P RULEZ! Donald teases being all evil and wanting to murder Huey's ass; but Dewey and Louie come in and pull Huey away while bringing out the out of nowhere violin. It took about five minutes to do the magical object out of no where spot that makes no sense. No surprise that the nephews are pushing the crappy button here.
Dewey's melodramatics are so damn bad that I want Donald to defy BS&P and kill these nephews in cold blood; but instead Donald relents. UGH! And this episode was actually chugging along just fine. Oh god; not the waterworks. ANYTHING BUT THAT! God you writers love making Donald look like a total wishy-washy character don't you? Huey yells Stella for no reason whatsoever and anyone who has a fiber of sense would realize that the nephews are just weaseling out of their smuggy, culpable actions for causing Kent to fall into the pool in the first place. Sadly; the writers won't let Donald have some sense that came with that temper of his. That's the real tragedy of this whole sequence right there. Donald blows his beak and gives the hanky back as the nephews walk off and claim that the plan failed; but Louie claims that he got some practice on the violin. That's right folks; they intentionally set up Donald just to make him look bad. I betcha they conspired with the swordfish then too right?! UGH!
Donald wakes up and demands to know where the nephews went. Answer: To the cabins to gloat for you falling for an obvious ploy to gain sympathy for themselves which they never earned. Then a bird flies into the mouth of a large pipe and sits on Donald's hat which he was carrying in his beak. Donald is angry and protests this outrage. Good; we NEED another Donald fight just to regain Donald's heat after THAT atrocity. The bird has no sense of who he is dealing with because he no sells all. The pipe is over the door of the same cabin where Kent Powers is; so we already know that Donald is going to get screwed in advance. Donald calls it's bluff and runs into the main control room and brings out the FCC AIR HORN OF DEATH; the equalizer for all Peter Griffin spots the world over. Donald looks like Satan which is absolutely priceless as we cut back to the bird perched on the pipe and the FCC AIR HORN OF DEATH is blown causing the bird to sell really well. Donald climbs out of the pipe thinking that he's won; but the bird has no sense of realizing that dealing with Donald is making a deal with the grim reaper as the bird is paddling in the pool on Donald's hat. HEE HEE!
So Donald runs in and throws bottles of suntan lotion at the bird. Wow; if Eric Bischoff didn't look like a total wimp when he sold for Sting's guard bird in TNA; he sure as hell looks like one now. The bird bails into the water and because this is a bad cartoon; the bird surrenders faster than France. The bird walks over and gives the hat to Donald; and then takes a fish from his beak (HOW?) and whacks Donald with it missing about six inches; but the power of suggestion forces Donald back. I'm going to let this break slide though because it doesn't involve the nephews; so I'm fine with this. The bird does a raspberry and flies stage right. So Donald enters the control room and starts the engines because he's no longer playing Captain. He wants to do a flying body press (with the boat of course) to take this bird out. The bird gives a raspberry and Donald proclaims that he has asked for it and he starts the boat as Donald slides and hits his head on the door and we bounce the boat for a bit as we see scenes of Kent Powers bouncing in his cabin while doing his hair. And somehow; there is no damage done inside the cabin. Nice flip by the hammock that the nephews are in; sadly, it doesn't kill them as they are back on the hammock.
So Donald flies into the control panel and his beak presses on the red beeping button which is the one which lowers the anchor. Note on the music: It's the exact same music we hear in the Looney Tunes short involving Yosimite Sam as a sea captain whose ship sinks when Bugs Bunny continues to screw him over because Sam wouldn't leave Bugs Bunny in peace. The name of the short escapes me at the moment; but I bet Donald will be repairing the ship with wooden boards like Sam did everything his ship sank. I mean come on; the "Dadadadadadada" part is so obvious to anyone's ears. So the sink takes a nosedive into the ocean and starts to sink as Donald panics. Instead of pushing the button to release the anchor; he slides down the chain connecting to the anchor. Geez; and he wonders why Kent Power is so pissed of at him? He tries to pull the anchor up and it doesn't work, so he swims down towards the anchor and tries to pull it up. That fails; so Donald climbs up and runs into the control room and slams the button with his fist and that actually works. HA! See Donald; panicking is a bad idea in these situations. Sadly; the anchor slices through the hull of the ship as we see more bouncing inside the cabins of Kent and the nephews. They cannot hear because of the rock music which somehow we hear despite having earphones on. That's twice that the sound folks have done that and it still breaks logic. If you want to have that music running; run it at a lower volume like they do with actual earphones. It's not rocket science kids.
And speaking of logic breaks; in comes Kent Powers who somehow is now dressed up with a Hawaiian shirt, sandals and purple shorts. If you're ship is sinking fast; you don't dress up and go into the control room to panic. Besides; why dress him up now when he's been wearing nothing but his swimming trunks for the first eight minutes of this episode? GOD!! Kent panics runs down the stairs to see that the hull is taking in water. Hacksaw would have a field day with this ship as then a storm arrives just to overkill this whole scene even more. I'm guessing that the end of the good stuff (by Quack Pack standards of course) is near as Kent panics and runs down to the conveniently placed green lockers and puts about six life jackets on himself because women and television show hosts must abandon ship first. Apparently; in Kent's mind nephews and Donald must go down with the ship. I have mixed thoughts about this which is not what the writers had intended. See; the whole point of this is that Kent is supposed to be this cruel, heartless, selfish jackass; but it doesn't quite work because it also means that the nephews must be cheered even though they are also cruel, heartless, selfish jackasses in their own right.
So Donald tackles Kent down and we have a wicked struggle for the life jackets which quite frankly is good because we all know this is the only thing entertaining me at this point. Kent tells Donald that he must go down with the ship. That is a BS rule; YOU WANT EQUAL RIGHTS! THERE YOU GO! To channel Boomer Phillips. Donald actually asks about the nephews and Kent claims that they can buy their own as the tug of war must continue. It makes me sad that Donald Duck is forced to have a nugget of respect for the nephews despite the fact that any other character would have deep six them years ago. Yes; it's cold and callous; but so are the damn nephews in this show. And these characters are NOT REAL; so I can not care about them as much as I can care about Kit and Molly even if they are NOT REAL. So Donald calls out the nephews in a panic and we cut back to the nephews who take their earphones off and blows off Donald because they think that he wants them to do more work. You know; I wish Donald had not called them, so they can die and the show would automatically be 100X better than it is. Damn you Toby Shelton! Tug of war ensues some more and Donald is dropped taking another really nasty bump to the back of the head.
Kent inflates the life jackets and the wind takes him into the air as he suddenly realizes that this is not right. NO?! REALLY?! Donald grabs Kent's leg and hangs onto the lamp wires on the boat as we cut back the nephews finally noticing the water and they ignore it as just sinking. And then they catch themselves and panic as they swim for the door and manage to open it; only to eat some sea water in the process. HA! Sadly; it doesn't drown them as they swim up onto the deck and Huey yells badly and eats more sea water in the process. So the adults hang on the lamp wires while the nephews blow Donald off for abandoning ship. No nephews; that's YOUR fault. You should have come up when Donald was yelling at you instead of acting like a bunch of spoiled brats. And then we have the binocular shot of the ship in distress as we see Captain Redbeard looking from his rowboat as he's giddy since this is his jackpot. This ends the segment exactly ten minutes in. This first half of the episode is not bad. Sure; there was no build up for the babyfaces involved; but it was actually quite fun in spite of the nephews doing their damnest to ruin it. Thank you Cathy for making good use of Donald and Kent Powers for a change instead of using the nephews all the time. Sadly; my good graces with Cathy only extend so far...
After the commercial break; we proceed to flush the episode down the crapper as the nephews notice an island in the distance and Huey races in and tries to steer the ship; but he sucks at controlling anything at all; including his ego and sexist attitude. Huey gets knocked silly on the floor and in comes Captain Storm in his rowboat as he crashes into the boat and takes over. Now THAT was pretty cool; I'll give him that much. Sadly; he too obvious of a heel. I mean; look at the beard and face. He clearly looks like a pirate captain to me. I'm not going over the full name because we all know he's lying about it. Besides; he prefers to be called Captain Storm complete with thunder and lightning. We cut back to Kent Power blaming Donald Duck for all this. Well; Kent DOES have a point there since Donald wanted to MURDER a seagull and show how much of a wuss Eric Bischoff is. Sadly; he uses the excuse of Donald worrying about the nephews instead of him. Oh wait; that's a good point too. And the thunderbolt hits both of them and we get the Delak X-Ray Beam of Death for their blowing off. The life jacket springs a leak and we do the balloon losing air spot that is at least amusing considering one of the victims is Donald Duck.
So we cut back to Captain Storm riding the ship as he asks about the captain and both adults drop in front of the ship in a dizzy and dazed state in that reverse order. The nephews notice Captain Donald and start blowing him off accusing him of abandoning them to their watery doom. Yeah; apparently kids can no longer say die on this show anymore. And why should we care if the nephews drown? They suck, blow and swallow at the same time. Donald was doing US a favor here even though Donald was calling for the nephews to come out and the nephews didn't listen because they are such jackasses who hate honest work and earning their vacation time. Donald is just glad the nephews are alive. It's sad that Donald is the only one who actually CARES about the nephews at this point; because it would be well within his right to not care. The nephews blow him off anyway as the boat heads for the spiky rocks and Captain Storm to his credit rides shot gun over the waves as the wave engulf the scene and we fade to black since we have to turn Michael Eisner on. Geez; why not? It's not going to be the worst thing in this episode anyway...
So we return to the sky as the gray clouds clear up and the sun comes out. The skies clear and it shines down on the nephews huddled together on the beach. Yeah; time to push the crappy button unlike anything we have seen before and during Fanboy & Chum Chum. The ship has taken a nosedive in the sand while Kent is wiggling in seaweed. HAHA! Kent demands that Donald get Kent out of the seaweed as Donald is stuck in the palm tree with his beak. Donald un pops himself from the tree and drops on his ass on the sand as the nephews check the boat out and complain about being castaway and it being so sitcomish. Then we hear Captain Storm on the boat talking and I cannot understand a word he is saying. Storm claims that this island contains pirate treasure which earns Gruffi poses from the nephews. And then their eyes pop up because treasure is involved as slot machines and coins spit out of Louie's mouth. Not making this up. Captain Storm jumps down as Kent proclaims that Captain Donald must fix the steering wheel that Storm crumbled in his hands because he's the captain and thus liable for such things. Donald and Kent stare at each other; but Storm butts in and proclaims that he'll salvage a wheel from his ship...then catches himself as there are wrecks on this island. Oh geez; it's too obvious at this point that he's the heel. So Storm throws building tools in Kent's paws and tells him to fix the rest of the ship. Good luck of that happening Storm; Kent is too selfish to even do that.
The boat flops into the proper position and Kent cries so badly that Roger Rose needs to have his license revoked. Storm motions to the nephews to come with him and they come with him as Huey mocks Captain Donald much to my disgust. Donald takes exception; but Kent drops the tools on Donald and remind him that he'll be swimming home if he doesn't fix the ship. Wait; wasn't the original deal being that if he ruined the suntan; he'll be swimming home? Oh never mind; let's move into the jungle as Storm admits that the treasure was all made up which Huey thinks that he's lying because he's a sea captain. Oh god; that makes no sense. What is the point of admitting that you made it up when you told them about treasure from the start? Why not wait until you get to the wrecked ship to tie them up to tell them that? I mean; you can look for a steering wheel and treasure at the same time. Idiot writers are so stupid! Anyhow; Storm goes on ahead and throws away a sign that sezs Sneaky Pirates Ahead. Oh come ON guys! Why?! We don't need this stupid jackhammer stuff in this episode since we got enough of it from the look of Captain Storm already. Storm wants to look for a steering wheel as he hides in the bushes and sells an fake injury to his ankle. Well; at least Storm's acting doesn't suck (Dorian Harewood is the voice of Fedgewick Octavius Storm (which is a neat full name too) who is known as the alternative voice of Shredder in the TMNT 1987 cartoon) as the nephews check over Storm whose ankle is wrenched. Sadly; the nephews aren't completely wrenched; or this episode would be a lot more enjoyable.
Captain Storm is helped up and somehow they found a log shaped like a crutch for him to support himself. Well; I guess after seeing coins spit out of Louie's mouth, I guess this is somewhat believable. At least no space aliens are in the episode...yet. Storm tells them to take the lead in his place and Huey salutes him. The nephews walk forward as Huey blows off Donald because he only thinks about himself. BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Projection much there Huey; and you prove it by being so vain as to ignore where you are going and falling down into a Team Rocket trap. And Huey is hanging onto a root like a coward as the skulls are through bamboo spikes. Dewey and Louie look from above as the root is breaking and Huey gulps which may or may not end the segment 14 and a half minutes in. It's hard to tell in 1996 due to Michael Eisner's divine right to running Disney at this point.
So we return (might be after the commercial break) as Dewey and Louie use some rope to climb down; but they slip and they are hanging onto the root like a bunch of idiots. So Captain Storm gets the rope and flings the nephews out of the hole and they take some really good bumps off-screen and look dizzy as hell. Wow; Storm does have his working boots on today as he proclaims that they are safe with him for now. Somehow; I like Captain Storm in spite of Cathy ruining the suspense of this episode two minutes in. So we return to the beach as Donald is banging boards onto the hull of the ship. Yeap; just like Captain Sam in the Looney Tune shorts. And naturally the board and nails are conspiring to screw Donald over because Donald with hot temper is hilarious. And you got to take whatever entertainment you are given at this point. Board whacks Donald in the face for fun as Donald nails more nails into the hull and that causes the nail machine gun effect to ensue. Boards burst for fun as Donald is dropped onto the sand and Donald get more and more pissed off as he nails boards in rapid fire to counter.
Donald pants as Kent yells at him because he wants more oil as we cut to Kent Powers lying on a wooden box proclaiming that he wants the oil done evenly because tanning is an exact science. It sure is Kent; too much tanning equals skin cancer. Donald comes over and he has some evil intentions as he notices a barrel of oil bottles that there is a picture of a male with the exact same beard as Captain Storm. See; here's another reason why this episode got it's suspense ruined. If they wanted to create a sense of suspense and not make everyone look stupid; then have the ponytail beard on Captain Storm and then on the photo; remove the ponytail and have him not wear the rubber bands on the beard. That would at least make Donald look like he's just paranoid long enough for the nephews to fall into the trap and make us say: They were taken in by a sneaky pirate. Here; it's more along the line of " They are so gullible that they deserved what they got." Donald sees pay dirt as he takes the oil and create an exact picture of the pirate on Kent's back. HAHA!
Then Donald catches himself and rubs the sand down to reveal that Captain Storm is a pirate while swearing in DUBBED ANIME STYLE. Then we return as the nephews are upside down while watching Storm claim that there are no pirates on the island. He takes out his pirate sword and cuts the vine allowing the nephews to drop on their heads off-screen and untie themselves. At first I thought that they broke logic by having Louie's feet tied together; but it's not the case. Huey asks him about the booby traps and Storm acts like he never saw these in his life. He's not even trying to cover up the fact that he's a pirate and yet the nephews are still falling for it. The Ducktales nephews would have figured this out almost from the get go. Storm gets his crutch (which shows how subtle the writers are being at this point) and wants to find the treasure...ERRRR...steering wheel. Now why bother correcting yourself when the nephews have no trouble wanting to find the treasure. I mean; if you'll a heel; you want them to find the treasure so you can turn on them in the end.
So Storm lets them pass as he's wearing the crutch and selling the other leg which the nephews spot. Storm changes the crutch to the proper ankle which is downright pointless since the nephews still fall for it and walk to the skull island. So the nephews walk in and they see a ruined pirate ship. So the nephews run to the rocks to gain higher ground as Louie turns around and notices bubbles in the water advancing on them. We then see a snake pop out and hiss at the babyfaces. So we get the SCOOBY DOO CHASE SEQUENCE THE SNAKE EDITION as the nephews are caught between a snake and a storm place. AHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I'm guessing that the snake is the one that ate the native earlier on (voiced by Danny Mann) . So the snake coils itself to force the nephews to be trapped. Sadly; it's too stupid to tie them up in it's coils and choke the life out of them so the nephews bail in different direction with the divide and conquer tactic. I'm betting that was a popular Michael Eisner tactic in the bad period of Disney too.
So Huey taunts the snake on the boulder with a spike and then hops backwards allowing the snake to eat the boulder. He swallows it whole as we see Dewey taunt the snake with his ass and then Dewey flips backwards and kicks the boulder into the snake's mouth. Ho hum. Louie taunts the snake and then trips and is forced to hang onto the cliff edge. The snake stalks Louie as Louie gets up (and he's no Ducktales Huey that is for sure) and runs to about 100 boulders and uses the stick to let the boulder tumble and rumble right into the snake's mouth and the snake has really swallowed a lot more than he can chew. And the weight of the rocks prevent him from killing anyone; although he does give it the old grade school try. The snake sulks as the nephews slap skin.
Finally Captain Storm walks in and he has officially stop selling everything and the nephews notice that he did in fact know about the treasure, the traps and faking injuries. Storm finally takes off the raincoat and he of course is a pirate, DUH! Like the red beard and pirate like accent DIDN'T give that away. Yes folks; the Quack Pack nephews are THAT gullible because Storm pretty much gave himself away just by his mere presence. It was so obvious and now we are supposed to care if they die because of this? It's bad enough that they are jackasses who project themselves; but they are dumb jackasses on top of that. Storm claims that they are clever. If that is clever; I shudder to think if someone in this universe was truly "clever". They would rule the world and keep ruling it unlike QP Huey.
Anyhow; we scene change to a shot of the side of the ship and then pan down to see the nephews tied up to the anchor. Captain Storm walks out with the CHEST OF DEMONS as he opens it and inspects it. He admits that he should never make nearly impossible traps thus proving my point about the nephews being too clever. Captain Storm walks out as Huey yells that he cannot leave them here; and considering that Dewey once made a kidnapper write down a list of food to feed him (I believe it was I OU A UFO), I wouldn't be surprised if Storm decides to untie them from the anchor and bring them with him. Thankfully; Storm gleefully blows them off as "clever" and walks out. The tide rises as Huey wants to know if the tattoo is water proof; and Louie blows him off. Then another pile of bubble water comes out and the nephews think it's the snake again which is stupid because the snake cannot move an inch now; and out comes Donald screaming after getting speared and bear trapped all at the same time. HAHA!
The nephews are shocked and in awe that Donald actually risked his life to save them. Well; yes nephews he did. It's too damn bad though because you deserved to die after you got screwed from a guy who went out of his way to blow his cover for you and you didn't care because you took Donald's yelling for you as work which you should have done to earn your sense of cool instead of being entitled to it. Donald walks to the anchor and then we instantly cut to the ship as we head into Kent's cabin as he is screaming about the job Donald did to his back. HAHA! Sadly; he sees who is on the picture as the door gets kicked in and in comes Captain Storm shadowing Kent. Sadly; I was hoping that Storm would whack Kent; but we scene change to inside the island as the water is rising. The nephews call it hopeless; but Donald pats the cannon and somehow it works because we head to an outside shot as the cannon ball goes through the skull rock and the pirate ship sails down and onto the water outside. Everyone is dressed like sailors and pirates as the nephews salute their Captain Donald.
Then we scene change to the pirate ship in the middle of the ocean as they bring up a rowboat containing Kent Powers as Kent blows off Captain Storm for kicking him off his speed boat. At this point; I would be happy if the episode ended now because this would be fine. However; we still have 90 seconds left as Huey brings out a bottle of suntan lotion which Kent complains that he stole his nose visor. Yeah; Kent is now officially Fenton Crackshell and man if I'm Fenton I would change to Gizmo Duck and murder his ass now. So Huey with the telescope notices Kent's boat and Dewey and Louie load up the cannon which Kent protests because he's still making payments on the boat. We cut to Captain Storm lying on the lawn chair admiring his nose visor when suddenly the cannon balls pound and ground the boat with fury. Captain Storm bails as Kent whines about his boat; and then his saving grace comes as the cannon no longer works. Kent is relieved; until Donald brings in a net of suntan lotion (How? What?) and pours it into the cannon. Kent protests this outrage as the cannon is fired and the suntan lotion bottles shatter on the boat and spill onto the deck. Captain Storm blows this off thinking that they are darkening him to death (death reference #1). However; the stuff is slippery as he slips and slides with the CHEST OF DEMON as the boards on the ship come apart and the ship sinks and Storm falls into the drink and loses the treasure under the sea as he pops up. Yeah; that's it. This is now officially wussier than Water Way To Go: The DARKWING...DUCK version.
So we cut to the pirate ship as the nephews aren't happy that they lost the treasure; but they are going fishing anyway as Captain Storm is tied upside down like a swordfish. Well; that was ironic; sort of. Donald is driving the pirate ship humming as we zoom out and notice that Kent Powers is being towed on his row boat. HAHA! Kent Powers blows off Donald's cruelty because at least he could have gotten back his nose visor. This ends the episode at 21:08. Well; the streak of negative stars ends at three. It's still a really crappy episode; although Cathy was smart enough to at least give us some more entertainment with Donald rather than with the nephews pushing the crappy button by acting extremely stupid. So I'll call this 3/4* (15%).
THE REVIEW LINE
Well; we get our first Easter Sadism episode of 2012 in the books and it was in a major shock; just merely crappy instead of being Cuckoo crappy. Yes; the nephews are stupid, crappy and they suck because Captain Storm basically went out of his way to blow his cover every chance he got; the suspense was no where near what it should be because they blew their load in the first scene. And yet the nephews still fell for it hook, line and sinker. Also; I realize that Kent Powers went too far into not giving life jackets to the kids; but there is no heel heat because the nephews are worse than Kent Powers at this point and they project themselves into Kent. So as much as I respect Donald for being more than a hot tempered sadist like he is in this episode; I really wish he just let Darwinism take it's course and cut his losses now. To the nephews: Screw you and your smug attitude. You are so gullible and you deserved to drown after this episode. Otherwise; Donald Duck was his smooth self and Storm was a pretty decent character in spite of the stupidity of his blown cover routine. And the animation was fine and other than the usual cartoony/out of nowhere logic breaks; the episode was solid enough to at least not completely offend me or be such a negative star fest mess. So I cannot fault Cathy for that at least. Next up is Unusual Suspects which does feature Gomez Addam's voice at least and then end this with All Hands On Duck which could be the first good episode of this series. So........
Thumbs down for this episode and I'll see you next time.