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Unusual Suspects
Reviewed: 04/07/2012
As Opposed To The Nephews Who Are The Usual Suspects?!
Welcome kiddies to the 2012 edition of Easter Sadism as I return to one of the worst series in all of DTVA. Yes; more of those "Push The Crappy Button" nephews and Quack Pack. When I first started Easter Sadism; I did the three "best" episodes on DVD; and last year I did the worst episodes I have ever seen in Quack Pack. This time; I'm selecting my episodes at random and seeing if I get lucky or good. So next up on our list is the Quack Pack nephews having the new neighbors moving in next door and they are killer robots! Okay; this MIGHT work... So; let's rant on shall we...?!
This episode is written by Bill Motz and Bill Roth with the story edited by Gary Sperling. Bob Roth started with Darkwing Duck in 1992 and has done mostly DTVA stuff since. Not much of note ( 5 producer, 24 writing and 5 story editing credits), other than title designer for Aging Out and interface designer for I'm Your Man. Bill Motz has pretty much the same credits as Bob Roth minus the documentary stuff. Sadly; there is no animation studio from Juan F. Lara.
Opening Moment #1: Today's title card is really cool as it shows a family of three humans standing in a spotlight in front of a height chart lineup in a police station. If they would put as much effort in making the nephews quality cool as they do with these title card; then Quack Pack would have lasted longer just on CDS alone. That's why it was better to punt Toby Shelton out of creative and have him doing character designing which was his strong point.
So we begin this one with a really interesting sky shot of Donald's house (yeah it's pink; don't ask me why) as Donald comes out with the Guy Ladouce hat and the smallest garden shears I have ever seen. Seriously; they look like a pair of large scissors. Anyhow; he going to trim a small bush and I have a question to ask: Have you ever dreamed that the old "It had legs and walked away" thing when you lost something and don't know where it is actually happened. Well; this is exactly what happens to Donald here with the bush. Donald is angry because reality is dead in this cartoon (which it never had; but whatever) as the bush stomps on Donald's head in a wussy weak shot. So much so that Molly and Cubbi would be laughing their asses off seeing it. So the chase is on and apparently Donald murders the wooden fence and a cupid statue on the whirlwind spot. CHEAP HEAT OF LAUGHS ensues and at least it's animated well this time as the hedge hides behind a tree and Donald rams his shears into the tree which sadly pads the bump he takes into the tree. Then a large gray arm drags Donald into the tree and we discover that there is a army general inside the hedge who is fat, out of shape and looks like a nasty little heel with an army attitude. He is Commander Buck Burpelson who is voiced by the late David Doyle. Oh dear; I remember the last villain David Doyle voiced in Citizen Khan and I don't like Sheriff Gomer either. He's from alpha sector as we run with the hedge around the property for a while. The story is that a bunch of renegades are loose in Donald's neighborhood and they escaped custody. Buck wants Donald to keep his eyes open and suspect everybody. And after seeing Buck dress as a baby inside a carriage being wheeled on the sidewalk by a grandmother; that is some serious weapons grade projection there from Buck.
And of course we break logic (twice; but whatever) as Buck returns to his hedge and pops Donald into it because if they see Buck they will run. Geez; I wonder why Buck. Maybe because you look like Gomer in an army outfit. So Donald has to find them for him and not trust anyone at all. Donald stammers (and seeing Donald stammer is amusing; I'll give the episode this) and Buck takes it as a yes and gives in his Alpha Sector card (so he's the general of a private prison company? I guess we have something relevant in Quack Pack after all...) which is nothing of note other than the phone number which is 1-800-Kabooom. And yes; there are three o's in Kaboom. Don't ask me why. So the phone number is 1-800-522-6666. I can only shudder to think if this show was popular thousands of people would dial the number just to try to make the show look like a bad influence. Although quite frankly; it already is. QuackStreet Boys anyone? So Bucky bails and takes his bush with him while Donald stammers and drops on his ass with the card landing on his beak. So we scene change to a shot of some leafy greens on the step as Donald pops up with an army hat and he's practicing the fine art of not being seen. Well; I see that Ninja Lumberjack's training came in handy after all. It's also AFTER HAPPY HOUR (after dark) as we pan down to see Huey calling Donald out on his paranoia. Hey suckwad; let him be paranoid and carry the damn episode on his back and LIKE IT you vainass!
So we see an orange car drive on the street and we see our KILLER ROBOTS OF MISTREATMENT which the animators don't even bother to take the metal like light off the bodies to make them look more human. It was obvious that they look like robots. Although the SEXIST GIRL OF THE DAY actually looks like a really awesome girl for a change; one that BS&P didn't screw with thus proving even more that they are robots. And she looks human at least. The girl is wearing a green doo-rag and a blue sweater like shirt. Huey's reaction is as sexist as ever since his beak literally drops onto the sidewalk. I think even Donald wishes he enlightened Huey on girls at this point; but Michael Eisner won't let him lecture him out of fear for Donald's evil temper. Anyhow; Huey is charmed as usual as we see the orange car park in the driveway and out comes a man wearing a banana yellow sweater and light blue bowtie. Yeah; killer robots have Gedo fashion sense. At least they have the excuse of being programmed as such. Here's a little word of advice to the writers: If you are going to get this family over; do not start with the father saying that they are a normal family right from the start. Because anyone who makes that statement is (a) bigoted and (b) are killer robots. I mean; the writers aren't even trying to hide the fact that they are robot. No family ever said normal family. They would say "Our happy family is here" which makes much more sense and doesn't give away the fact that they are robots too soon.
And then makes it even more obvious by having the mother repeat everything the father said about being normal. The mother has a hourglass shaped pink dress and really good red hair and a white bow wrapped around the dress as she dances into the house. Again; this is way too obvious. The girl of the family does the Gruffi pose which sadly blows their cover right there; but at least she realizes how stupid this sequence really is. So we hear Huey whistling (how could it be anyone else?) as he enters with a white formal shirt, black bow tie and blue shorts sneaking behind a tree as the father walks into the house and somehow; the background of the door has changed completely for no reason whatsoever. Huh? That looked really crappy to me. Then Huey pops from the tree and places a briefcase on the ground (I think it's a briefcase) and opens it to reveal the really poor man's Lady And The Tramp set. Huey invites the girl to the table and by invite I mean force her to sit at the table with Huey. BS&P hypocrisy: Huey is serving lemonade from a wine bottle into a wine cup. And it's more clear that this is alcohol because the father grabs the girl back and claims that Sara is busy right now (like any normal family) and walks her back towards the house. Nice try Huemeister: You aren't fooling anyone; you were going to make her drunk so you can make her your love slave. Don't try to deny it you rotten sexist! Sara is voiced by Sherry Lynn (Some say it's Sherry Lynne; but since she's a young girl and Sherry Lynn's master talent is young girl voices; it must be the same one who voiced Kathy Throgmorton in On A Wing & A Bear.)
Dad and Sara go into the house and slam the door. I betcha the father would be real proud of those people who say "don't call us; we'll call you". Almost like everyone who tries to be like TaleSpin with Disney nowadays. Huey does not like this at all and screw him what he thinks. He even shatters the wine bottle and glass on the ground despite the fact that he was on the grass when he did it. Ummm; yeah nice logic break there guys. So we head outside on the sidewalk with Huey walking and pondering about how to get his rotten sexist paws on Sara. He informs Donald that they are very odd. I agree; no one talks about a normal family in that context in every sentence; not even religious zealots. Donald gets the LIGHTBULB OF BLOODY CLAIRTY as we flashback to a shot of Commander Buck saying that they could be your next door neighbor. Why bother with the flashback if you are going to break logic by having the background at night since the flashback happened in broad daylight. Second; shy show Buck at all? Kids know what his voice sounded like so it's not like they don't know who said that previously. So Donald practices the fine art of not being seen on the property of this "normal" family. Apparently; the father has some amazing powers or something because every time Donald tries to peep into the window; the father shuts the blinders down to counter. Donald claims that something funny is going on in there. NO?! REALLY?!
So we see Donald in front of the garage door panting and selling tiredness. So we have Donald looking at the biggest window and getting about a two second peek before the blinders get pulled down by the father. Father asks Sara if she turned on the security system and Sara is reading the newspaper claiming that she is not. Apparently; Sara hates being a kid because in Al Khan's mind, kids don't read anything. Mother reminds her that they have to be careful in their situation because they have heels who want to do nasty and horrible things to them according to dad. The father is voiced by John Astin who is the voice of Gomez Addams from the original Addams Family television series. Oh yeah! The mother is voiced by Miriam Flynn who I believe is the voice of Gandra Dee in Ducktales. Normal count is up to a baker's half dozen as he opens the control panel in a picture frame and pushes a button. Which pops up the sprinkler system which is retro fitted with lasers. Donald sneaks around and is forced to stop to avoid the lasers. Legs are shaking and buckling like a Scooby Doo cartoon (seriously; the HB teeth chattering sound effect is in full swing here.) as Donald somehow crawls under the laser and hides behind the window.
Donald proclaims that no one can catch him and giggles. Sadly; he's sitting on a trap door which is conveniently placed under him as he falls through it and we go to a far shot as a cannon extends from the hill and Donald is in a position in the mouth of the cannon that I wish the nephews were in right now. See how good Quack Pack can be when the nephews aren't used as the main event? So Donald gets shot out of the canon into the air and where he lands, do we really care? We see him land into the Ultra Dome as he is about to go through the glass dome and we cut to the wrestling ring to see a wrestling match as the red masked wrestler is invoking the ANKLE LOCK MESSAGE OF DEATH on the green wrestler who is clearly tapping out. Sadly; there is no referee to ring the bell so I'm guessing that he got bumped out earlier. Donald flies down and lands in the ring as the ring bounces about three feet in the air. The CRIMSON WRESTLING AVENGER gets distracted as he steps on Guile in the back and gets on the top rope as Donald is dizzy. That leads to the big Superfly splash to squash Donald faster than SD Jones getting squashed by King Kong Bundy at Wrestlemania. Sadly Donald manages to stick on Crimson Avenger as he is peeled off and grabbed and in one of those stupid BS&P decisions; Donald gets punched in his left eye; but we never see the actual punch on-screen and we never feel the punch despite hearing it and seeing Donald getting a black eye. It's a lot more unforgivable after seeing King Gregor MURDER Sir Victor in the face in Trading Faces.
So the wrestler comes off the ropes in Bugs Bunny fashion and does the belly bounce to bounce Donald off the ropes in the same manner. Donald splats into wrestler and he's not a steamy pile of goo. Look; I like the idea of having Donald Duck carry an episode and get his ass kicked by the wrestlers, but still it doesn't have half of the feeling and awesomeness that the Bugs Bunny Looney Tunes short had which is clearly what they are dead ringing. I personally feel that if you are going to book this sequence; book like a real wrestling show. It's not like wrestling is not "fake" (I use the term fake loosely because even though the wrestling is fake; it's not fake to the point that no one can get seriously hurt, crippled, paralyzed or killed in the ring.). The crimson wrestler grabs Donald and we fade to white...and return back to a far shot of Donald's house as Huey is just standing there on the sidewalk. If Huey was a Ducktales nephew; he would have returned with Donald who is broken in about six pieces basically. Yeah; no concern whatsoever for Donald. And people are SHOCKED when I want to see the nephews die? Anyhow; a taxi drives and stops in front of the steps and Donald comes out selling broken bones and a grade three concussion from the amount of bandages on his head. Huey admits that they have an amazing security system. NO?! REALLY?!
So we scene change to a binocular shot of the side of the house as Huey and Donald (dressed like Scrooge in the Raw Toonage host segment I did for Live Journal) as Huey has a wooden ladder. Huey sets the ladder against the fence and we discover that the ladder can break logic on the next shot as it somehow extends right up the hill against the house. Donald climbs the ladder because Huey is such a coward (and this is really dumb considering what happens later which I'll explain when we get there) and he wants Donald to give flowers to Sara. So Donald climbs the ladder to the open window which seems to have no blinders on whatsoever as we get a sky shot of the family enjoying a cozy warm fire which the father continue to prep up. Father asks why Sara isn't enjoying herself and Sara gleefully retorts on that one complete with Gruffi pose. I like this banter by the way as Mother has a plate of cookies telling her to relax because someone is after them as Father casually goes to the control panel (same one) and pushes another button as we hear some creaking which startles Donald. You can tell that they are robot simply because Father knows Donald is in the window despite not even seeing him for a split second.
Donald is screwed as the prison wall barrier is put up which somehow forces the ladder into the sky and Donald with it. Donald drops like a Warner Brothers character and free falls into the chimney. I know this because we cut to inside the house as Father is stretching his legs in his easy chair in front of the fire. Father is reading from the blue book claiming that this is a nice normal night at home which Sara does NOT buy at all. Donald screams and lands in the fire and is covered in soot and somehow he smothered the fire completely and put it out. Wow; that was a BS&P decision if I ever saw one, but still that was awesome. Donald can put out fires with his body. The family is surprised as Donald dusts himself off and calls himself a chimney inspector. Ah; I see Donald is channeling Fuji from Super Dave Osborne. Sadly; since this is Disney we will never hear Donald say that he's a Jehovah's Witness. Although even the people behind Super Dave Osborne have cut that infamous scene out so we'll never see or hear that funny moment ever again. So Donald claims that everything is all right and runs out of the house and locks the door. Donald breathes a sigh of relief and then...ANGRY MALLARD ON FIRE~! Donald runs through the six foot prison wall with ease and Scooby Doo Snow Angel spot which is cute at least.
So we scene change inside the kitchen with Huey and a white stick which I wish I could steal and beat him with like Tommy Dreamer suffered against Sandman. Huey paces around saying that Donald faced all sorts of killer traps while Donald lies in the freezer looking deader than my sex life. HAHA! Huey deduces as he flips a blinder (how ironic) of the Roborson family are a bunch of evil doers with a fetish for being Repo-robots, missiles, rockets and red backgrounds. Oh come on guys! The last name is not only OUT OF NOWHERE; it clearly gives them away as robots. It's SOOOOOOO obvious. Why not call them the Atomson's family (and make a crack on John Astin's most famous character while we are at it. The Father can be called Golbez, the mom can be called Matisha. Sara can be called Saturday.)? And they also like green and yellow triangles which shows that Huey likes defaming anyone who likes any color including red. Huey then pulls down another blinder which breaks logic again as apparently can be also paranoid person with a teenage daughter who happen to be redneck hick gypsies with pots and pop guns as weapons. Not only is that sexist; it keeps Shawn Michaels away too. Huey wants to find out more anyway...
...and then we segue to Dewey and Louie looking at the prison wall in awe. Wait; WHAT?! Why do we need Dewey and Louie to join in? Why not have Huey deciding to barge in and look for answers and getting caught by the Roborsons? It's not like the nephews are different characters any...Oh wait; Huey is a lazy, rotten sexist. Never mind what I said. Plus; creative probably felt that the nephews were not pushing the crappy button enough in this episode and brought the others in to ruin a halfway decent episode (by Quack Pack standards of course). So Sara climbs the wall and waves hello to the two nephews. Now this is stupid because Huey is supposed to be the one with the heat on Sara; so why not have HUEY be the one waving to her?! GOD; I WANT TO CLUB BS&P SO BADLY!! Sara has had enough of this security nonsense and Father speaks at Sara and she free falls off the prison wall. Dewey and Louie try to catch her; but she hits the ground off-screen with a really nasty bump as Dewey actually grabs Sara's head which she has been beheaded. HOLY CRAP...And yes she is a robot of course because if she wasn't BS&P would have her in one piece and the nephews would have successfully caught her. And Sara can still talk as the nephews play hot potato scare with Sara's head which does creep me out and explain why they wanted Dewey and Louie to be there. It's silly because Huey with the head would have been a lot more interesting since he has the heat on Sara. Sadly; Sara's body is sparking and she is legally dead now. Well; as dead as a robot would be anyway.
So father calls for Sara as Dewey and Louie panic and try to get the head out of their hands as we see Father calling for Sara and he sees the nephews with Sara's head and he's not too happy at first as he climbs down just as the nephews inform father of Sara being a robot. So father blasts through the wall and he has this pink neon background in front of him when he enters through the wall and his face peels open to reveal a laser beam. That sequence is awesome. Father wants to MURDER the nephews literally as he unleashes the rockets from his arms and the nephews are scared out of their wits (which is poorly animated) and that ends the segment almost 11 minutes in. That was awesome and this was a decent episode thus far...
Sadly....
After the commercial break; instead of seeing two dead nephews; we see Dewey and Louie clamped to the sofa claiming that they got it all wrong. Dammit! Way to tone down the awesomeness of your robot family there guys! The nephews do the old racist whitewash tactic of claiming that some of their best friends are robots. Father is not buying it but he will deal with them later while he recharges his daughter's head with jumper cables and a lava lamp. Seriously; despite BS&P's assholeness; I'm digging this family. So mother comes over with a basket of computer chips and the nephews are so stupid and color blind that Louie eats them despite the fact that they are clearly computer chips and gray in color. Louie spits them out in disgust and I'm disgusted that they would be this gullible. Then again; Captain Donald proved the extent of their gullibility so I shouldn't be surprised. Then we cut to Sara's cut head as she apparently is talking again (BEHOLD THE POWER OF THE LAVA LAMP!). Of course Father will not let them go because they will tell the entire world about them. So we scene change to Donald tied to a rope with balloons on them as Huey invokes Krackpotkin plan #666. Now personally; if I was booking this, I would have it with Huey after saying that he needs to know more by walking out to the prison wall and having him talk to Sara and be captured by the family. Just after he walks out; we would then see Dewey and Louie walk in noticing Donald in the freezer. So yeah; I would have the nephews switch places here. There is also a pulley system attached to the rope; just because.
Huey of course gives Donald a box of chocolates just because he's...you know. Huey twists the pulley to raise Donald up into the sky and somehow twists too hard and breaks the handle. Whatever Huemeister. I just realize that Donald has a garden hose attached to his body for no reason as Donald notices that he's going too high and panics and struggles in the sky. Huey tells him to pop some balloons so Donald brings out the biggest needle I have ever seen and pops all the balloons except for the red balloon. Sadly; in his rapid fire; he managed to make a small hole in the red one and Donald is screwed. Donald free fall and the background suggests that he'll splat on the roof; but these animators are idiots because Donald lands head first right into the middle hole of the wooden patio table. You know; where the umbrella pole would be inserted. So Donald unpops his head from the hole of the wooden table and looks to his left and panics (complete with honking horn sound) as we see Father at the table inspecting Sara's head. Donald looks at the glass door in disbelief and the shadow background looms. Then we see Donald looking at the magical window to notice the living room with the nephews' to the back of us sitting on the couch. Now if I was personally booking this; I would not show Huey (or nephews in this case) clamped to the sofa until after Donald sees them clamped for the first time. I would have moved the first scene after the commercial break to here and have Dewey and Louie/Donald with the balloon start the second act.
So Donald notices Dewey and Louie clamped to the sofa on the other window (which is a logic break because the window was next to the door and therefore he should still haven't seen them clamped to the sofa in full frontal view (Donald would have seen the back of the sofa still) and panics like crazy as he goes over to the prison wall and tugs on the garden hose order Huey to raise him up. So Huey is using the pulley which has since turned banana yellow and the handle has been reattached as if nothing had happened. Yeah sure guys. Sadly; the rope won't pull up and Donald turns around and the biggest nightmare stock character arrives. For those who have seen my rants over the years; you know who this stock character. It's that damn guard dog; only it's a bronze robot thus subverting the trope. Thank goodness for that at least. The garden hose snaps and Huey takes a wussy bump onto the grass. Sigh. Donald backs up doing the nice doggy routine which we all know NEVER works even with robot guard dogs. The dog backs Donald to the wall and the dog pants and looks happy? Okay that is different. Or more to the point; Spike the Plant Dog who is Bushroot's sidekick only in robot form.
And then he pops from his back the missile launcher. HAHA! Now THAT is more like it. I love the smell of roasted duck in the morning. Hmmmm; roasted duck...SLURP! POW! OUCH! Ummmm... Donald is seriously (insert swear word here) as the background guys forgot to add a bolt on the panel and it appears to be a black hole in that slot. Sloppy form there guys as we go to the off-screen shot and Donald gets MURDERED good. So we go inside with the nephews clamped to the sofa as they ask Mother why they are here and Mother admits that they are hiding out and she gains blue whites in her eyes and fires an eye beam of Wii awesomeness. Sadly; it doubles as a projector (and doesn't kill the nephews sadly) as we see Commander Buck with his riding crop yelling and barking like a general. Sara gleefully explains that this is a halographic projector beam as Buck explains that the robots were his babies and that he designed them to overthrow the military. Yes; that's right folks, Commander Buck is a militia man. Sara's face plate get removed by Father and while I'm on a roll with "How to book Quack Pack better"; now this is the point where Huey being clamped to the sofa would have worked wonders because he's the only one whom Donald clearly talked too when Commander Buck was with Donald in the first couple minutes of the episode. Therefore; it would make a lot more sense to have Huey in this position as he realizes that Sara is being used for evil and thus has a reason to HELP the Roborson's later on. Here; this is just two nephews for no reason listening to this who has no real heat with Sara and were just there to be captured. Something tells me no one liked Toby Shelton at the helm for his decisions and were trying to screw him. It doesn't work because the only ones who got hurt were the duck fans and they woke up from their Cartoon Duck Syndrome; and ultimately it took until Kim Possible when DTVA got over again.
We then go to the flashback as we see the Roborson's in a war zone blasting and kicking ass like no family would; unless you count the TaleSpin family of course; although the Roberson's kick ass in a different context mind you. This would probably be the only time you will ever see a kid with dangerous weapons too; because she is a robot after all and not human. Sara puts her own head back on as the family does a family pose and admits that their circuits when into Astro Boy mode and they became accustomed to being peaceful, loving robots. The robots demonstrate their powers which involve using a nuclear reactor to bake cookies (which turn into charcoal), dusting with long arms like Gadget and using a flamethrower from their own mouth to light a fireplace. And torch an easy chair which Father puts out with the head popping carbon cooler spout. Now this is just great and it's a damn shame the writers keep shooting themselves in the foot with mistakes and bad booking; because the characters are awesome and the nephews' crap factor is toned down to the bare minimum. Sara is afraid that Commander Buck is going to reprogram their brains to be used for evil and Dewey and Louie agree to keep their stuff a secret. After all; if you cannot trust your neighbors; who can you trust? Good question guys...
...and sadly; the fun must end as we go into the Alpha Sector office with enough weapons to make the world go kabooley. Grimitz would be proud of Commander Buck as he is answering the phone and poisoning the well like a good little anti-government militia war-monger. And yes; it's Donald on the other line with less soot and fire than before as Donald claims that Buck said it good. Huey is with him in the kitchen in case you didn't notice. Commander Buck proclaims that they are the violent renegades he wants as he hangs up the phone telling Donald that he's on his way. He then gets all evil and proclaims that the peace loving robots are his as he goes behind a model rocket launcher and fires it as it destroys a hanging helicopter. Okay; that was pretty neat, although Commander Buck is NO Colonel Grogg from War of the Weirds. So we scene change to outside Donald's house as we pan down to the sky shot of the street as the Alpha Sector tank truck has arrived and parks in front of the property of Donald's house. The tail section opens and out comes Commander Buck as Donald and Huey run out and greet. We then go inside the house as Father notices Donald with Buck and he is not happy at all. Dewey and Louie realize that this is not good as they suggest launching missiles at them. Mother is against it because she is peace loving; but still has the goods to bring it even though Commander Bucky is a crappy evildoer. She then ponders it over and the family no sells the deal. So Dewey wants them to free them so they can hide the family from Commander Buck and the family is amazed by this. Dewey claims that this is what good neighbors do. Now in any other DTVA universe; this would have been a great scene; but the nephews are such crappy cut outs; that it's difficult to take them seriously on this. Although Dewey does do a great touching of his web toes on the spot; but then Dewey's the least crappy nephew; so whatever.
Father decides that it's enough to let them go and he unclamps the nephews for real. So we get Commander Buck's tank ramming into the front door of the house and drive into the living room (oh yeah; that won't make a scene, sure Commander Buck.) as the tail section opens and Commander Bucky walks out and notices no one...AND THE ROCK MEANS...Oh wait; the nephews are lying on the sofa goldbricking and doing a crappy job of it. I know this because they basically admit that the family is wedged in the closet somewhere which is exactly where they are. Commander Buck is so not buying this as he plays along and orders the family to give themselves up right now or he'll literally commit violence on the kids as he brings out the PARTICLE BEAM OF DEATH and aims it at them as Donald and Huey watch on in horror. Dewey and Louie shake in panic and horror and that ends the segment 17 and a half minutes in. This is a fine episode; just bizarre booking.
After the commercial break; we see the family wedged in the closet as Buck threatens to re-program the brains of the kids with his big ass brain scrambling beam device as he calls out the robots and Donald and Huey finally get the LIGHTBULB OF BLOODY CLAIRTY. Huey deduces that a real girl would NEVER resist him. Riiiigggghhhhhtttt Huey. You forgot Soo Lin already huh? Just as well; considering how crappy Feats of Clay was in general. Besides; Sara was hardly resisting him, Father was in the way. So the family finally comes out to the shock of the kids and decides to come quietly. Dewey and Louie blows off Buck for stalking them; but Buck claims that they are for war. He grabs the kids to use as hostages in case the family thinks of some funny business as Donald is PISSED now. Huey gleefully sums up the situation as Donald marches in the perfect position of back of the truck to be run over by said truck as it leaves. That is so Drake Mallard of you Donald. Huey gleefully sums it up and when even Huey F'N Duck points out something that I agree with you know Donald is beyond the pale stupid. Anyhow; we scene change to Donald and Huey looking at Buck's calling card and they are in front of a building of Alpha Sector. Yeah; this guy is so vain that he clearly leaves threatening messages on his property. Not the sharpest knife in the drawer that is for sure.
So we head into the operating room as we see the captured babyfaces clamped to tables against the wall as Sara asks when they are going to be reprogrammed and Mother claims that it will be as soon as two doctors have arrived. Which is exactly what happens as two duck doctors arrive in surgeon's gear with various international objects on a tray table. Ummm; yeah, since they are the only two ducks around and since both are male and not fat, it must be Huey and Donald. And they blow their cover to reveal themselves as Father blows off Donald and threatens to murder his beak gently. God; I love this family! Louie tries to get the words out as Huey is of course sitting next to Sara and acting like a slobbering sexist smug piece of crap as is his normal function. And here comes Commander Buck as everyone sweats hard; but Buck doesn't notice Donald and Huey as they magically puts their masks back on and in Huey's case teleport to Donald. Ho hum; another bad logic break.
Anyhow; Buck addresses Donald as Doctor Shimth and informs him that the weapon systems on them are off so he can cleanse their brains of peace which is pointless since they already said that they wouldn't kill anyone if their lives depended on it. Then he notices Huey and demands answers to this outrage. Huey calls himself Doctor Huemeister (yeap; the Huemeister gag came from this spot; deal with it) as he brings in a wheel drum containing various cleaning objects that were stolen from Ammonia Pine as he brings the feather dust and messes with Mother's hair and then invokes the dust buster and sucks up Father's face. Heh. He replaces the face as Donald gets next to Father and Father informs him that there is a big red button on the control panel which controls the metal binds on the tables. He wants Donald to push it as Donald runs in with reckless abandon and bumps right into Commander Buck. Buck asks if something is wrong and then notices that Donald's cover is blown. So Donald does the "make you look" spot which Buck falls for easily and Donald races in and slams his fist on the big red button of doom and the captured babyfaces are free to kick some Uncle Bucky ass.
So Father calls out Buck as Buck walks out for no reason and then blows the door down with his big ass laser beam cannon launcher. Yeah; that was the real reason to do that. He informs the robots that they are disarmed and Mother counters by saying that they don't want to fight; but they want to clean up the place. So Mother grabs the dust buster and sets it to Danger (Riiigggghhhhttttt). It sucks up Bucky's clothes revealing his crappy underwear. Father then invokes the long Gadget arm buffer to buff the boots revealing his feet and giving Bucky a case of flaming hot foot. Okay; here's a logic break: Remember what Father said about his arms being used for hand to hand combat. If the weapon system is disabled; then he shouldn't be able to use the buffer, nor the long arms since they are part of his weapon system to begin with. Really bad logic break there guys. So Bucky does the foot grabbing spot as Sara takes a pie from Mother's midsection and it's blue berry pie as it's thrown right into Buck's face. Nice splattering effects too as the family tries to bail; but Buck stops them because he has the biggest ass laser cannon ever. And it's wired and gold plated too. And it breaks logic since it magically came out of nowhere.
Now so far this episode has been a pretty good one and deserving of something other than a thumbs down; but what do the writers do in this situation? Because if they don't let the nephews push the crappy button; the writers will be fired. So we end the episode with the nephews in regular clothes proclaiming that they will put up a fight and they get blasted and it has zero effect. WHAT THE HELL?! Then the nephews has rocket launcher and weapons coming out of their bodies. WHAT THE BLOODY HELL?! NO! THIS CANNOT BE HAPPENING! Buck surrenders and is strapped to the table as the nephews disappear and it's just holograms by Mother. WHEW! That was very close guys. Seriously; you were this close to killing the episode right there. It's the oldest trick in the robot book as the real nephews admire Buck while Father and Donald shake hands and make up as they walk out as real neighbors. Good; that's how the episode should end....
Sadly...
It doesn't as we fade to black to turn Michael Eisner on and return to the property of the Roborson's AFTER HAPPY HOUR as we see the Roborson's and the Ducks having dinner together. The Roborson's oil up the pasta, burn the meatloaf and eat with knives and forks sticking from the arms as they claim that this is a normal dinner. Donald asks if this is normal and considering the writers I would say that it's pretty normal. That ends the episode at 21:03 aired. I'm guessing that Toon Disney snipped a weapons scene somewhere in there. Well; this is the best episode so far in Quack Pack and written better than even Transmission Impossible at least in terms of the storyline. Sadly; the booking was messed up and ruined the groove the Roborson family was getting into. I would say: close but no microchip. Call it ** 1/4 (45%).
THE REVIEW LINE
Wow; I knew this episode could have been interesting and it was interesting in that most of it was written quite solid. Sure; there were the usual mess of logic breaks and nonsense out of nowhere objects. Sure; Commander Buck was a nothing villain and was no where the character Colonel Grogg was. However; the storyline of a bunch of peace loving robots who had killer weapons finding trust in a bunch of jackass nephews and a hot tempered uncle was great. The Roborson family was excellent and it would have been awesome had it not been for BS&P stepping in spots and went under some name changes to cover up the obvious fact that they are robots. I realize that the name is a play on Swiss Family Robinson; but John Astin is voicing here so why not base it on the Addam's Family and call them the Atomson's or something along those lines? It sounds cool and it pays homage to John Astin. Also; the booking of Dewey and Louie being captured makes no sense because they have no heat on Sara. Huey had the heat on Sara; so he and the other nephews should have switched places. It wouldn't have changed the storyline any; but it would have been more interesting and a make a lot more sense. It's too damn bad that the writers didn't care about this show because they had a really interesting plot and they wrote it well; but it seems that for some unknown reason this episode got sabotaged. I don't know if it was BS&P notes again; but it's silly to think that when we clearly saw Huey charming with Sara in various spots. That pretty much explains the allergory of Quack Pack: They had the ability to create a ****+ episode with this and they screwed it up because of insect politics. And people sometimes wonder why I prefer the new Disney over this show and a number of other shows in the mid to late 1990's? Due to things like this. So last up for Easter Sadism is All Hands on Duck which I think could be the magic episode we have been looking for. I hope. So........
Thumbs barely down for this episode and I'll see you next time.