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All Hands On Duck!!
Reviewed: 04/08/2012
UH OH! I Hope Toby Never Sees This Episode...
Welcome kiddies to the 2012 edition of Easter Sadism as I return to one of the worst series in all of DTVA. Yes; more of those "Push The Crappy Button" nephews and Quack Pack. When I first started Easter Sadism; I did the three "best" episodes on DVD; and last year I did the worst episodes I have ever seen in Quack Pack. This time; I'm selecting my episodes at random and seeing if I get lucky or good. Well; our last episode of Easter Sadism might actually be a good episode because there are no nephews in the episode at all; but a lot of Donald Duck on screen as he returns to the FCC Navy. And yes; the caption has a purpose as you will soon see. The best episode in Quack Pack? So; let's rant on and find out shall we...?!
This episode is written by John Behnke, Rob Humphrey, Jim Peterson and Dean Stefan . The story was edited by Douglas Langdale. Sadly; there is no animation studio from Juan F. Lara.
Opening Moment #1: Today's title card features a battleship on sunset skies on black water. Oooooo; interesting.
So we begin this episode playing a video game of Ace Combat, or Flight Simulator, or something involving shooting down airplanes. Yes; Donald is playing video games and with a joystick, that's scary. Donald is also wearing a dark green sweater, scarf and pilot's cap which means he's trying to be like Kit Cloudkicker; which I have no issue with. Though again; if Eisner wanted to bury TaleSpin completely; he would have remade it with a Top Gun theme. Then we get a real human pilot telling him that he won level 12 and must face the mega Deathwing of Doom which is a blue bomber aircraft. Oooooo; scary. NOT! Kit would murder this plane in three minutes and...Did I just say...Oh wait, never mind. Daisy of course butts in because she hasn't been around in the last two episodes. She has a letter which is from the... DUM DUM DUM... FCC NAVY! Oh goody; that means Donald has to deal with Grimitz again. I hope this means that he goes kablooey on the nephews which I doubt because if memory serves me; this is the only episode in the series without those pesky nephews. Daisy wants to open it and Donald calls her stupid and wants her to get off her tail. Oh lovely; these writers are trying to make it as if gamers are self-centered brats. Although with Donald; that's easy to do I guess. So Daisy opens the letter and we discover that Donald's full name is Donald Vonboyd Duck and Donald is ordered to return to the FCC Navy to complete his service at the Navy Shipyard. Donald flips the chair over him and he loses the game as the pilot human calls him a loser and orders him back to flight school. Yeah; no thanks to enlightened Daisy Duck of course. Anyhow; Daisy tells Donald not to listen to him because she heard from Donald that he sank 15 ships in one blow. Apparently; Donald and Mickey Mouse were bragging about how many _fly boys_ they took down in one blow too. AHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! And where have we heard this stuff before? Oh yeah; Ducktales, All Ducks On Deck. This has to be the Quack Pack protest episode, there is no other explanation for this.
So we go to the FLASHBACK OF DEATH as we head to the navy shipyard as Donald (in sailor outfit and hat; in probably the only time in the actual series that we even see him in that outfit (and again to show how much contempt they have for the show by not taking the obvious suggestion of Donald wearing the outfit at title screen and then blowing up to change into a Hawaiian shirt he usually wears now.)) is playing ping pong like that big ass ape in Ducky Horror Picture Show (again from Ducktales) as we cut to a dogperson wearing a navy outfit proclaiming that he's glad Donald is gone because he's a big goof off. This is clearly not Grimitz because he looks more like a gray dog, he's voiced by Jim Cummings and he likes sailboats instead of blowing stuff up. Apparently; Grimitz retired or died before Donald left as Donald slings the roped ball into the lever (WRONG LEVER!) of a forklift and Donald struggles to get it free. I betcha the forklift lifts up and rams into the office and destroys the poor navy commander's model sailboat. I check the video... No; but we have oil barrels flying, ships unwind, domino battleships, tipping navy commander out of his chair and flopping into the drink, man overboard sirens from Huey Duck's voice and navy sailors in life rafts trying to save their navy commander. His name is Dreadnought in case some of you didn't notice. Dreadnought is helped up as Donald feels threatened and Dreadnought swears heavenly vengeance on Donald Duck when he comes back. And he makes sure to echo the voice to force the point. This is actually a really funny sequence there...
...and we return to reality (no, not really) as Daisy proclaims that the FCC Navy wants him back so Donald Duck can get a medal. BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Oh sure Daisy; they are going to give him a _medal_ all right. A frying pan in the head is more like it. From Captain Dreadnought of course. Daisy thinks the FCC Navy is real proud of him and Donald can only groan and faint away. Now I starting to like this episode already. So we fade to black to turn Michael Eisner on again. As they say; even in high quality shows, a little crap must sometimes fall. So we head to the FCC Navy Shipyard and into the captain's room as Captain Dreadnought is pacing around while Donald (in his Hawaiian shirt) watches on. Dreadnought plays along and then informs Donald that according to their computers he still has 24 hours of active duty missing and thus must serve them right here and right now. Donald is SHOCKED and APPALLED. So Donald is on the floor and Dreadnought proclaims that he is going to make his miserable life a little more miserable. Sorry Dreadnought; but Donald is at the max amount of miserable with his nephews terrorizing him, so you are hosed. Nice kiss on the forehead though as Dreadnought screams at Donald to get his uniform and Donald rushes up, salutes him and runs out of the door and slams the door. This allows Mr. Slurpee (the name he gives to his model sailboat) to tumble down, forcing Dreadnought to do a leap of faith to grab it safely. Dreadnought cuddles it like a human being and claims that he hates Donald as we fade to black again barely five minutes in...
...And so we return to inside the hull of the battleship as Donald is in uniform and is given a hammer and a chisel as his task is to chip all the barnacles off the big ass chain linking to the big ass anchor. And NO PLAYING AROUND! Damn; this IS the Quack Pack protest show as Dreadnought leaves and slams the door in response. And yes that chain is so giant ass; it will take 24 hours just to chisel the damn thing. So we have Donald chiseling the barnacles off the chain and basically blowing off Dreadnaught while swearing like a sailor. BS&P alert: Donald is called Sailor Duck here; although in Ducktales Grimitz called him Seaman Donald. Apparently; Seaman is now banned because apparently it sounds like semen. Like I said years before; anyone who has a problem with natural body functions has mental issues that clearly need to be addressed and treated BEFORE someone decides to do something that might land them in a much more dreaded situation. Anyhow; this all leads to the barnacles screwing with Donald's chisel blade and Donald whacks the chain with his hammer and it makes a good sound. So the logic breaks and his chisel goes back to normal as Donald plays drums on the chains. This goes on for a long time; until one of the chains makes a sound Donald doesn't like and he's PISSED. Because he has anger issues due to his nephews being jackasses and he needs to take it out on something or someone not protected by BS&P. CHEAP HEAT OF LAUGHS ensue and we pound on chain for fun. So the hammer flies off the wooden handle in a delayed reaction from Donald and it hits the lever (WRONG LEVER!) and the anchor drops in a long sequence...
...and we segue to Dreadnought's office as he puts Mr. Slurpee in an iron safe. I cannot take anyone seriously as a bad ass when they name any objects based on a slush puppie ice treat. I just cannot. So Donald pulls the lever (WRONG LEVER!) which is pointless because the anchor has dropped to the sea bed and it somehow drags the battleship down so much as Dreadnaught flies from his chair; breaks through the wall for no reason whatsoever and splooshes into the water. Navy sailor calls man overboard. If they wanted to make the joke funnier; they could say "Dog overboard" or "dreadnaught overdrive" or "Mrs. Slurpee overboard". And only one navy raft sailor comes to save him this time in a repeated sequence as Dreadnaught gets life preservers bopped off his head. Donald is outside for no reason and he's not liking this at all. Personally; I'm digging this episode. So we head to the flight deck as Donald is no longer getting easy job; so he's going to buff the flight deck with the BUFFER OF MICHAEL. Huh? Dreadnaught's concept of being harder is very whacked out in my opinion. Oh; and NO PLAYING AROUND! Donald is plopped on the truck buffer which has a fire hose nozzle on it for whatever reason. Donald needless to day is not liking this at all. So Donald notices the conveniently placed jet fueling station (complete with sign that sezs Jet Fuel Only) and Donald uses the gas nozzle and we fill it up. Oh; and Donald seemly has evil intentions too which means Dreadnaught is going to get screwed again.
Anyhow; Donald finishes filling up and WE ARE OFF...to buff and cause as much chaos, destruction and misery to Mrs. Slurpee. POW! OUCH! Ummmm... Oh come on Dreadnaught; you are making love with a model sailboat called Mr. Slurpee. How can I take you seriously as a bad ass FCC Navy guy? Or we would be causing chaos, destruction and misery to Mrs. Slurpee. POW! OUCH! Ummm...IF the stupid truck buffer would start when Donald pushes the red button over and over again. Don't you just hate it when that happens? It would just like the FCC Navy to design the red button as an active kill switch. Oh; there we go; jet flying at the speed of sound, lots of flames, destroyed aircraft, a sailor dogperson gets flamed in the back, Donald goes off the ramp, does the loop-de-loop for only $1.50, causes the grappling hook to swing into the wheel house and knock another dognose sailor away and spin the WHEEL OF IMMORALITY. So we spin the ship around and out comes Mrs. Slurpee with Mr. Slurpee taking a bath together. He was wearing a bathing hat that was puke green with purple spots. This does not help my composure. Needless to say; he goes overboard, buffer is destroyed and life preservers get thrown out as well as we fade to black for the third time in eight minutes flat...
So we return as Dreadnaught has the ultimate job for him as he throws him into the CPU room which is for the remote control planes. Dreadnaught wants the place spotless as he gives him a bucket of soapy water and a toothbrush. Oh; and if he touches anything, he'll be spending 24 years in the brig. Donald salutes him and Dreadnaught tells him if the CPU get touched; Donald's head is coming off via the cut throat sign Dreadnaught gives. Oh and; NO PLAYING AROUND! Dreadnaught leaves as Donald insults Dreadnaught as a big balooga. Oooooo; those are FCC violations just waiting to be fined Sailor Duck. So we scene change with Donald cleaning the place with soap and a toothbrush. We discover that Donald was cleaning underneath the CPU as he is in awe with it and is about to plug in his joystick which comes OUT OF NOWHERE. So he hid the joystick in his uniform? What a sneaky, nasty bastard Donald Duck is. Donald gets distracted for a moment from the CHILD CORRUPTING BALLOON OF DOOM with Dreadnaught threatening to cut Donald's throat off. Donald wipes it away (YAY!) and plugs in his joystick and wears his flight helmet (also out of nowhere). We discover that the computer game is called Jet Jocky as the mocking pilot from the beginning of the episode addresses Donald on the computer screen.
Then we segue to inside Dreadnaught's office as Dreadnaught is sitting at his desk admiring Mr. Slurpee and being absolutely paranoid of Donald Duck hurting Mr. Slurpee. This captain is NOT FIT to be running the FCC Navy. At least Grimitz was enough of a badass to be taken seriously as a captain with him liking stuff that blows up...as long as it doesn't happen to him personally of course. Then a navy sailor in white who is thinner than Lionel Richite (and twice the height of said star) salute him at the door and informs him that Admiral McDowell's helicopter is about to land shortly; thus confirming that Grimitz is dead as a doornail in Toby Shelton's world. Sad; since all the FCC Navy guys are anthro dogspeople anyway. So the big FCC Navy Helicopter lands at the flight strip and gets the overwrought red carpet and bronze gate treatment as the doors open and they tease him being big; but McDowell is the American version of Colonel Spigot; minus the ruthlessness, funny and plus the red mustache. Umm; yeah he wishes he was Colonel Spigot. And if they were going to make this work; shouldn't McDowell have the head shaped like a squid; or be a squid if Dreadnaught is going to call him a "squid head". See; that is the second big problem with Quack Pack (the first big problem is with the nephews in general): They have all these good characters; but BS&P keep sabotaging the show with their micro-management and listening to a bunch of people who has no sense of leadership or how writing works that all the elements they do have ultimately have little or no chemistry and thus it turns into a big mess. You can get away with bad animation (Stickin Around is the ultimate example of this); but you cannot get away with bad writing or bad internal logic. That will kill the entertainment value far more than bad animation. This is something a lot of arm-chair animation critics need to learn too apparently.
So all the sailors and Captain Dreadnaught salute him without question as Dreadnaught welcomes McDowell onto the ship. McDowell is completely clueless and Dreadnaught is totally flustered and so am I. When Mrs. Slurpee looks like a bad ass compared to McDowell; that's dreadful. Apparently; McDowell has a special guest with him and she's (yes it's a she so you KNOW who it is before I show her for real) a newspaper covering the Armadillo Juggling contest. And you thought dwarf tossing was sadistic and cruel? Maybe Armadillo is BS&P for dwarf? Anyhow; the special guest walks down the red carpet and to the absolute shock of NO ONE; it's Daisy Duck. Dreadnaught stammers like an idiot (just to show how little "badass" he really is) as he was trying to launch the remote control airplanes. So Daisy introduces herself as she is from "What In The World" as mentioned about five times before. Daisy claims that she's here to do a story on a real FCC Navy hero and Dreadnaught gets all cocky about his qualifications. Am I supposed to buy that a real navy hero has a fetish for calling sailboats after slush puppies? Daisy of course wants to talk to the flying ace known as Donald Duck. And Dreadnaught gasps in pain and stammering. HAHA! Daisy walks past Dreadnaught as he claims that Donald is in the computer room and Dreadnaught pulls his hair out and stammers and squirms like a worm. HAHA! McDowell is still clueless just to annoy me and ruin the decent groove this episode was getting into.
So we head back to the computer room as Donald Duck is playing Jet Jocky and generally being an asshole gamer. Donald shoots down the airplane and blows off the CPU for falling for it again. Then Donald hears footsteps and stops playing and turns it off and starts scrubbing the floor again with the toothbrush. Then he's surprise to notice that the door has opened and it's Daisy Duck with a big surprise. Daisy asks Donald what he is doing with the toothbrush and Donald smiles with title teeth open wide and then brushes his teeth with the dirty toothbrush and that finally ends the segment 11 minutes in. Pretty good episode thus far which is a rarity for this series in general; as messy as some of this episode is. Let's hope it doesn't get screwed up any further.
After the commercial break; we resume with Donald brushing his teeth as Daisy apparently told Kent Powers about Donald being a FCC Navy hero and accused Daisy of listening to Donald lying about it. Daisy thinks Kent Powers is a complete idiot and Donald is a navy hero. Hey; if anyone can look more badass than McDowell and Dreadnaught combined, then they are already navy heroes to me so Donald wins it by default. Oh; and if Donald lies to her for real; she'll dump him like last week's garbage which makes Donald's eyes light up. Daisy leaves because she wants to have Donald flying stunts on aircraft while Daisy gets it all on film. Donald spits the soap and drinks from the soapy, dirty water bucket which so happens to have a previously lit cigar in it. Donald holds his beak which is spitting water from the holes as he makes it to the door; but Dreadnaught is there to give him double vision. Donald cannot skirt his duties in spite of Daisy's appearance and if he does Donald's ship is sunk, blah, blah, blah. Dreadnaught slams the door; Donald opens it; Dreadnaught yells at him and apparently the running joke of not playing around has been nixed at this point. Donald finds an opposite door and tries to escape; but the door leads him to free fall into the ocean below. Heh. Donald pops up, spits water and wah-wah-wah's. Donald swims stage right just as the shark fin arrives. So yeah; we get the SCOOBY DOO CHASE SEQUENCE THE SHARK EDITION around the battleship to waste more time. Donald on the shark's tongue was more interesting than the chase though.
Donald climbs up the ladder and somehow manages to get back on board with his hat as limp as my sex life. And of course Daisy is standing RIGHT THERE to greet him. Donald nods when she asks about the shower and Daisy pulls the cap and calls him a clean freak. I'll never figure out why freak is a swear word with some BS&P guys. So Daisy drags Donald to a white jet plane and wants him to do some heroic navy stuff with the plane as she is shooting this with the wide shot. So we scene change to Daisy with the camera and tells Donald to look Top Gunny. Donald gives up a thumbs up and looks at the controls inside the plane. Donald pushes the top white button on the right side of the plane and it shoots a rocket right at an island and it explodes causing the island of sand and trees turn into ash and soot. Grimitz would be proud of all this; I assure ye. Daisy still wants the stunts as Donald pushes buttons like crazy which shoots another missile and causes the airplane to buck and weave like a white horse named Silver. Oh; now this is more like it! Spin-o-rama ensues as Daisy is now concerned because the airplane is aiming straight at the door; which has a circle window opened by Dreadnaught who panics. Do we care if Mrs. Slurpee gets a missile cap up his ass? NAH! Plane springs back and fires the missile (in spite of Donald's pleas) and Dreadnaught gets missiled through the wall and hang by his shorts. Dreadnaught claims the missile is a DUD. Missile is so insulted that it explodes. HAHA! Grimitz must be enjoying this now as Dreadnaught is in the air with black soot all over him and where he lands; we hope the shark eats him. Oh and Mr. Slurpee finally bites the dust. Sadly; the shark isn't around as the life boats are called out again.
So we go to a shot of a wall with a picture of a captain's boat as McDowell is still stupid and clueless thinking that a picture of a storm is happening right now. And he still wishes he was Colonel Spigot. Dreadnaught sells as he groans at his desk. McDowell then changes the subject on hatches and asks about the flight test of the D-13 which Dreadnaught reminds him that it's a remote control plane and no one flies it. McDowell has zero concept of what remote controls do and it's Great Cesar's Boats (the least lame thing he has said and done in this episode) because we need some flying fool to test flight the damn thing. And McDowell chooses Donald Duck which Dreadnaught panics because Donald cannot fly a kite; let alone the D-13. So McDowell tells him to meet at 2700 hours and bring the damn kite with him. There is no such thing as 2700 hours in navy lingo. He must mean 300 hours tomorrow which makes more sense. So we scene change to a shot of Daisy upside down as she asks Donald what is he doing as the spring chair has Donald upside down. Then we get an obvious logic break as Dreadnaught makes it to the door and wants to see what mayhem Donald has unleashed in the CPU room. The problem with this is that he ALREADY saw Donald in the plane and he's clearly shown here in full view of Dreadnaught. See what I mean by this stupidity?!
So Donald ejects and bails into the water as we REVERSE THE SEQUENCE as we cut back to the open door Donald went through originally as Donald crawls back in as the shark is close to eating him alive. So Donald crawls on the floor; grabs the joysticks and MURDERS the shark with it. Shark spits him out and blows him off before leaving stage right. Donald's joystick sparks like crazy as the Jet Jocky video game is on the fritz like all buggy video games end up being. Joystick is destroyed and it even spat out a quarter in the process. Red lights and alarm ensue as Donald just sits there looking wide eyed and stunned. The monitors get blown out, the light bulbs burst in the ceiling lights and the Jet Jocky suddenly grows a mind of it's own and our taunting pilot has turned into a pissed off pilot wanting the system to go into a full scale war. Donald gasps in horror as the Jet Jocky pilot now looks almost like a pilot version of Dick Dasterly. This ends the segment almost sixteen minutes in. Normally I would be gasping for air and trying to take a deep breath because this is almost over and the pain will end in about six minutes from now. However; this episode does not suck so I'm taking a deep breath in sadness, knowing that this episode has to end and be back to dealing with the nephews; if Disney wasn't so merciful with not letting anyone show Quack Pack on the net anymore; which I would not shed tears for.
After the commercial break; we get more system crash warnings and Jet Jocky acting in a panic as Donald steps back and runs out the same door that Dreadnaught went out of when he blew Donald off earlier. And somehow; the door is swung wide open after being shut earlier. Stupid logic break is so stupid. So Donald runs into Dreadnaught who seems to be losing more weight with every appearance now. I guess he swearing off Mr. Slurpee now which is a good idea in my view. Dreadnaught grabs Donald and tells him that he's going flying now as Donald stammers and is forced away stage left. Gee; that renders the previous scene pointless now as we cut back to Daisy on the airplane wing rethinking her thoughts on Donald being a navy hero. Dreadnaught walks in with Donald in tow as he wants Daisy to witness Donald flying the D-13 and to get the camera ready. Donald struggles like mad because he cannot fly. Dreadnaught proclaims that he knows that he cannot; but since the D-13 is flown by remote control; Donald breathes a sigh of relief. Dreadnaught throws Donald into the D-13 as Dreadnaught proclaims that it's flown by the ship's computer. UH OH! Donald even realizes this as we cut back to the CPU system crashing like crazy as usual. Will that taunting pilot just shut up and let the computer die out in peace already?! Donald bangs on the glass dome as the taunting pilot is doing the launch sequence and apparently; the taunting pilot is so dumb that he starts it in three seconds as the planes launch into the air and the skies turn red for no reason whatsoever. Jocky pilot orders the ammo to launch and destroy as Donald goes into a tailspin (BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!) as the planes target the battleship and all the sailors bail...
...except for McDowell as he is flying a kite. HAHA! See; make the joke and then pay it off. And he gets MURDERED with the missile of course just to put me in a state of glee. Lots of flying, shooting and bombing ensue for fun as Donald has no idea what to do as he doesn't want to fly. So the CPU screws him over by flying upside down and popping the glass dome (which is pink for some reason) and Donald skips on water towards the shark. So Donald is going to jump the shark, get eaten by the shark and get funky with the shark all in one episode. Take that Webby Vanderquack; your logic breaking kiss has NOTHING on Donald...AND THE ROCK SEZS NOTHING! So Donald grabs back into the plane before getting eaten again and tries to push buttons and there is no luck because the CPU now wants to MURDER Daisy for real as the target is locked on her according to the radar. Oh; you are going to stoop to killing the most over character in the series now Michael Eisner. You are such a dopey bastard! Donald tries pulling out wires; still no go. Donald covers his eyes in horror; and then the computer shuts itself down as the automatic pilot has been shut down.
Sadly; now it's switched to manual control which means Donald must control the plane now. Donald does not like this at all and we take a nosedive straight towards the battleship. Donald struggles as he manages to grab the stick and pulls into the 90 degree hyperbole and manages to burn Daisy's face with it. THAT'S SEXIST! And racist too...Daisy doesn't seem to care as she got the act on film as Donald flies the plane like the video game. Sadly the other planes are still running on remote control as Donald is forced to play the plane exactly like the video game now. Donald murders one of the planes by smashing the bottom of his plane with the top of the other plane; then throwing a missile at the plane in front of him. Donald is EVIL~ now because he torches another plane behind him to ashes. The Jock Computer pilot proclaims that all planes are destroyed and he'll launch the Deathwing of Doom which opens up from the front of the air strip on the battleship in a long sequence. Oh man; that game IS realistic! No, not really, but close enough to make the difference up. The Deathwing is blue with machine guns and white missile in case you didn't notice. Donald is flying like he doesn't have a care anymore. Mostly because Daisy is not in his face to cause him to get killed by Deathwing this time. Deathwing fires the missile to bring Donald out of his funk and then Donald flies up firing a homing missile of his own and then hides in the clouds while the missiles explode on contact. Heh.
So Jocky cannot find the plane (which shows the IQ of this plane to be equal to a paint chip) and decides to nosedive down towards the battleship and destroy it instead. Oooooooo...So we head to behind the battleship as Dreadnaught finally comes out armed with Mr. Slurpee; thus disappointing me more than having to sit out walking for the next four days due to scars on the top of my feet near the big toe. Seriously; the shoes collapsed after some punk kid stomped on my feet in the bus sometime last week. Jocky locks onto Mr. Slurpee and Deathwing swoops down to try to MURDER it and Mrs. Slurpee. YES! YES! DO IT! DO IT! DO IT FOR THE GOOD OF THE FCC NAVY DAMMIT! I can just hear Grimitz yelling that in his grave right now. Sadly; Grimitz will not like what happens next as Donald swoops below the Deathwing uses the ass to taunt it complete with raspberry. DON'T LISTEN TO SEAMAN DUCK! KILL THAT SLURPEE NOW! Deathwing buys it and flies after Donald as Donald opens the door inside a cloud and hides; which Deathwing falls for it easily. Crap. Sadly; Donald went for the well one too many times and tries to tip toe the plane (yeah; the logic is dead in this show. Deal with it; it's still better than dealing with the nephews.) stage left; but the Deathwing pokes on Donald's plane not fooled at all. Serves it right for trying to deny my wet dream of seeing Mr. Slurpee die for good.
So the plane screams like a girl and we get the SCOOBY DOO CHASE SEQUENCE THE DEATHWING EDITION~! Oh and the Deathwing has a black top to boot now. The Deathwing shoots off most of the plane as Donald proclaims that it's time for some brass tactics now as he stops the plane and points the nose up. That's right folks; the plane can defy gravity and slice the Deathwing in half. Yes; this makes NO SENSE whatsoever. But it was awesome; so who gives a crap?! Donald cheers for victory and it was too soon as the plane crashes on the battleship as Daisy bails stage left. Donald proclaims that it gets them every time and then faints dead away. So we scene change to morning on a podium of celebration as Daisy, Donald, McDowell and the sailors are cheering on Donald for his heroics as Daisy introduces Donald and McDowell pins the medal of valor on Donald's chest for heroism beyond the call of duty. He should have got the medal in the very first episode of Quack Pack for kicking the nephews' asses when they were these goofy Justice Heroes; or something or that nature. Maybe next Easter Sadism; I might do the T-Squad episodes. Might. Everyone claps and McDowell shakes Donald's hand because he has the eyes of an eagle, heart of a lion and the gulf of Mexico. HAHA! Seriously; that was funny even Donald was startled by that one.
Daisy embraces Donald as Donald blushes and Dreadnaught blows him off because he is not a hero. Donald drops on his back and Dreadnaught calls him a legend in the annals of naval history. No crap there Sherlock! Donald is surprised by this as we discover the real reason why Dreadnaught is praising him: Because he saved Mr. Slurpee. Grimitz: DAMN YOU SEAMAN DUCK! Donald slaps his back and Mr. Slurpee goes flying and jumps into the water and takes a resounding splash. Dreadnaught pops up and Mr. Slurpee is...dead?!...
Grimitz: YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! HE DID IT!
HE MADE MR. SLURPEE GO KABLOOEY!
Kit: Wow Greg; Donald did
one thing I thought he would never do. Grimtiz has gone
Bonkers!
Bonkers: Hmph! You wish!
Dreadnaught threatens revenge on Donald Duck; but his shoulder gets tapped by the fin of the shark and Dreadnaught is forced to bail stage left. Donald giggles and that ends Easter Sadism 2012 at 21:14. This was basically All Ducks On Deck beaten with the suck stick about ten times; except that even then this episode still ruled enough to make it worth watching. The thumbs down streak ends at eight and this is the defacto best episode of the series bar none. I'm going to call it *** 1/2 (70%).
THE REVIEW LINE
Well; we finally end Easter Sadism 2012 with a good Quack Pack episode. I'm not kidding folks; this was not only the best episode of the series; this was actually a really good episode. Sure; we saw this before in All Ducks On Deck and yes the Ducktales episode was a lot better than this one. However; by Quack Pack standards; this is the breath of fresh air given to people after spending two weeks in an outhouse with me and Paul Bearer. Yes; the episode was a mess in places. Yes the finish made no sense and defied logic; but it looked awesome. Yes; McDowell sucked for the most part. Yes; Commander Dreadnaught cannot be taken seriously as a navy general. However; there were no Quack Pack nephews to push the crappy button. They gave me a really excellent payoff to Donald's attempt to prove to Daisy that he can fly and not lie to her. There were dogspeople which isn't great in itself other than proof that this was the Quack Pack protest show and they finally killed Mr. Slurpee. I laughed my ass off whenever Dreadnaught had that sailboat and I wanted to see it die and they gave my exactly what I wanted. Overall; this was a decently written episode with actual payoffs to the episode in spite of the logic breaks and McDowell appearances. Did I mention: NO F'N NEPHEWS~?!
So that ends Easter Sadism 2012 which was the least painful Easter Sadism of the four that I have done over the years. Mainly because two thirds of the episodes were decent enough. Sadly; I don't know when or if I'll be doing three more episodes of Quack Pack for Easter Sadism 2013. Maybe I will if I'm lucky. If not; I'll rant on Fanboy & Chum Chum which is much, much worse than Quack Pack ever was. So two thumbs down and one in the middle this year and no negative star episode. Total CUCKOO value is 1 this year so I'm pretty sober this Easter. Now I have two months off to enjoy video games before E3, and the next rant will be on Father's Day which is Goofy In Soccermania; the 22 minute television special involving the ducks in Ducktales (although this one follows Carl Barks closer than Ducktales does) and then from there it's Darkwing Duck for the rest of the year. And not a moment too soon. So........
Thumbs in the middle for this episode and I'll see you next time.