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The Really Mighty Ducks
Reviewed: 01/12/2013
Yeah Right?! More Like The Really Lazy Ducks To Me...
Finally; we have hit the official debut of Quack Pack back in 1996, which is the first impression of this show. The whole premise of this episode is like this: Nephews are lazy; Donald wants them to clean room; the nephews hate it so they become super heroes with the help of Ludwig Von Drake, and then Donald gets mad and turns evil. Somehow; that last part is more than enough for me to take a glance into this episode. So how does this episode do?! So; let's rant on and find out shall we...?!
This episode is written by John Behnke, Rob Humphrey, Jim Peterson . The story was edited by Douglas Langdale . The animation is done by Walt Disney Animation Australia.
Opening Moment #1: Today's title card features a whacky machine that looks like something out of a Fisher Price catalog complete with purple background. Now you would think that if they were called "The Really Mighty Ducks"; that the writers would have had them playing the most absurd form of ice hockey in history. Sadly; the writers have no sense of parody because that is not what happens in this episode. And then they are surprised when it is seen as a disaster?
So we begin this episode with a shot of Donald's house and then inside the attic as the nephews' room is an even bigger mess than Baloo's Air Service ever was. The music used sounds like something from Looney Tunes by the way. So we cut to Huey lying down on his belly reading a comic book called Captain Blatt who wears all red with a black and orange cape; along with an orange mask; cutting a lame promo like he always does. Dewey is reading Steroid Guy (oh man; they aren't even trying to hide the fact that all super heroes are on steroids) who wears all green. Now; I have seen the episode a dozen times in 1996; and I can assure you that they have ruined the continuity that they were shooting for later in the episode. Trust me. Steroid Guy is apparently fighting a brown mutant snail. Louie is in the hammock reading something and asks about doing something instead of reading comic books. Huey blows him off claiming that he is reading pages from a self help booklet. I wonder if it's the same self help booklet Kefka was talking about. So Donald comes up after having a slightly hard time opening the trap door to say hello; and then trips on the OUT OF NOWHERE skateboard and flips into a pile of stinky stuff. Which includes a full box of pizza which appeared to be hot and not opened when Donald pops up in the foreground and does the dog shaking spot. Sadly; a pizza slice gets stuck on Donald's head and it's clear where this is going as Donald proclaims that the nephews should be ashamed of themselves. Key word: "should". The nephews are shameless Donald; just turn monster heel and kill everyone already. IT'S FOR THE GOOD OF DTVA DAMMIT! Louie acts shameless as Donald demands the room to be spotless. Personally; I would be just happy if my room was merely more presentable. Donald thinks Baloo did all the work cleaning up Baloo's Air Service. How wrong he is as the nephews don't like this at all. Well boo hoo to them! The pizza turns into a glob of cheese as Donald gets it stuck on his hand and we do the wobble spot as Huey sits back and claims that they are too busy like the lazy sexist that he is. So the nephews come up with the lamest excuses possible while Donald is still stuck with the cheese. Poor bastard.
So the nephews keep coming up with dumb excuses as Donald basically gets caught in a spider web of cheese which was his own making. HAHA! Temper ensues (duh) as Donald ends up being rolled up into cheese while the nephews look confused and still do nothing. What a shock?! Donald is now walking on his hands towards the trap door and demands that the nephews clean up their room right now; OR ELSE! And knowing Donald; you do not want to know what "or else" means. Donald drops down and shuts the trap door as the nephews blow off Donald for having some nerve. The saddest part is; this smug attitude is now a main function of the Republican party which goes to show you who was watching this show as a kid and liking it. They make up all the excuses in the world about being too busy which is a segue into Ludwig's lab as the nephews admit that they are bored. Geez; what a shock that is? I betcha that they didn't clean up the room before they went to Ludwig's lab either. So we see Ludwig Von Drake; wearing the big ass sleeve gloves of doom (first big ass object of the series three minutes in!) as he opens the oven and puts a hot pizza in the out of nowhere pizza box. He's glad to see them; which means that he is as cuckoo as we expected him to be after The Golden Fleecing. He's also wearing an cast iron apron as a pizza delivery boy on a scooter (also out of nowhere) and it drives off. Apparently; Ludwig has a pizza delivery service because he has to pay for all this stuff in his lab. Ah; I see that he IS a quack in more ways than one. Heh heh. Ludwig asks what he could do for them and the nephews want a device to clean their room for them because it's hard work see. Sadly; instead of blowing off the nephews for being slackers; he goes into listing inventions he has including a karaoke simulator just to get Ed Brayton's dandruff up: if he had any to get up. Ludwig mentions a bunch of machines including a superhero machine.
Which the nephews get the LIGHT BULB OF BLOODY CLAIRTY and Ludwig is confused over a machine not related to the superhero machine claiming that said machine is still unstable and might explode. The nephews points out the superhero machine which is the machine we saw in the title card as Ludwig proclaims that it doesn't work despite his efforts to gain superpowers. So Louie notices that the thing is unplugged and Ludwig admits that he didn't consider that. Which makes Ludwig even dumber than Doctor Zibaldo. Louie's reaction is to rib Huey and say: And people questioned him that he is a genius?! GeoX's reaction was basically to say nothing other than a "F*** you?" and I agree with that. Kit Cloudkicker never would snark without justification. Baloo might; but then again Zibaldo isn't well known anyway since he is a one shot character in a filler series (according to Disney). Ludwig has been seen for decades now and is well known according to Disney fans. So I can see why GeoX had such a reaction. So Ludwig asks if they don't want to try it as he opens the door. I'm assuming Louie plugged in the device at this point as the nephews hop in and Ludwig slams the door. When we switch camera angle to the opposite side as Ludwig is slamming the door; the inside looks so fake that it appears that the inside was shot from the original side since Louie is still shown in the exact same pose he was before he entered. So we push the red button of doom and we get some flashing lights as Ludwig calls this a bumpy experiment. The panel with the faces is interesting as the left is happy yellow; while the right is angry red. Hmmm; a true sign of a WASP? Maybe not. Anyhow; the nephews inside fry on cue with Wii spark beams; we get flashing colors and lights and really nothing of note. So the machine finally stops and Ludwig watches as he opens the door and the smoke clears. While most would hope that the nephews burn alive in there; we get a far worse prospect.
Remember earlier when Dewey was reading Steroid Guy and I said that they killed the continuity? Well; Dewey comes out wearing a blue superhero costume and has a big ass head. So if you were going to do that; why not have him read a comic book with a big ass head and a blue superhero suit? Instead of a steroid body and green suit which he read? Dewey wants to be called Brain Boy which is lame. I would call him Smug For Brains. He also has a symbol on his chest which looks like a green brain. Wait; so gray matter is green matter? Dammit; these writers are getting worse! So he basically knows how to twist metal into a dog with his brain and the puppy sound effects come on cue. Whatever; not impressed. Louie comes out and he is all green suit with steroid muscles. So why not have HIM read Steroid Guy at the beginning of the episode instead of Dewey? He calls himself Mr. Muscle which is basically Steroid Guy BS&P'ed despite the fact that the animators allowed Steroid Guy to be seen in it's full glory. I would call him Mr. Balloon Sacks. He lifts the superhero machine up with ease and I don't care. He puts it down and here comes Huey like a whirlwind because that is what this episode needs: More windbags! Oh and now Dewey is sounding like Bubba from Bubba's Big Brainstorm which is a deadly combination quality wise; thus the name Smug For Brains of SFB. Huey actually comes closest in costume design with the comic that he read (which shows the lack of quality control this show had at the time.) but has no black cape and has golden leafs on his ears and a red mask. Louie and Dewey ask what super powers he gained since he looks normal. Now I would have gone with either The Quackmanian Devil (he spins a tornado like the Tasmanian Devil in Looney Tunes), or Captain Blatt Junior (to pay off the beginning of the episode) or even Flash Quack since Disney already used that booking name in Darkwing Duck and it's more suitable here than DW.
But then I realize that this is Quack Pack; and the nephews must push the crappy button in every way and every time. So Huey bails and returns within three seconds carrying a kangaroo by it's ear and speaks like an Aussie Stereotype. Just what we need; a speedster who thinks acting like Jeice is cool (although the Kai version of Jeice is not an Aussie Stereotype; thank goodness); NOT! Louie mocks him; but Dewey somehow acts like Dewey after acting like Smartass Bubba. Oh come on guys! No wonder GeoX thinks you are disgusting. If you're superhero gimmick is being a smart ass; then act like one throughout. Don't suddenly break character to act like your normal persona. If Louie said this; fine. Otherwise; this is breaking logic and reason. Huey calls himself the...wait for it... "The Really Incredibly Fast Guy." GeoX's reaction was that he didn't want the show to pander to the 13 year old asshole demographic. Trust me GeoX; no 13 year old would ever be amused by that "name" which is not a name. Huey is dumb; we freakin get it guys. Ludwig wants to change them back and the nephews no sell because they are "awesome" now (Edge: You are "awesome" in the same sense as Mike Not Awesome) and Donald is powerless against them and cannot make them clean their room. So we hear a foghorn noise and it's Ludwig monitor cell phone ring which is funny in a perverse way. Sadly; they don't bother paying off the joke by having Captain Foghorn on the screen; but the female president of the I.O.U.N. which I thought was funny in Heavy Dental. Now I like her and it's great to have a female lead run a position of authority that is the highest of the high; but the problem is that the nephews push the crappy button and buried her in Heavy Dental and I suspect that this is the same manner here. According to Juan F. Lara she might be voiced by Lisa Kaplan and she has ten total credits: Two sound mixing credits (Underground USA and Permanent Vacation in 1980 as her debut), one self as herself in Hot Gay Comics in 2009, and seven acting credits: Breathing Room as Hippy Artist Girl, Baldur's Gate: Dark Alliance 2, Happily N'Ever After as the Fairy Godmother, Female GPS voice in Two & A Half Men and her most recent credit: It Gets Bitter. The Weekenders as Tino's Mother is her DTVA debut and also appeared in a cameo role in Kick Buttowski. That's it.
So the president who is wearing all purple with a pink tie and has brown hair and a fat face tells us that the world is in dire trouble and is asking Ludwig for superheroes. Oh great; she has gotten bit by the forces of woo and quackery. Ironically; this would be the first time Ducktales fans would suddenly realize that this show was a mess since this is the first human to debut on the show and she looks nothing like a dognose; nor Mrs. Beakly. Anyhow; Ludwig ponders it over and almost gets ransacked by the nephews as they salute her. IOUN president buys it and calls them the " Something Something Something Troubleshooters". Seriously; she speaks so damn fast that I have no idea what she called them other than the "troubleshooter" part. She simply calls them the "T-Squad" and the world is saved. No wonder no one likes the IOUN. So we HIT THE MONTAGE~! With the TEDDY RUXPIN SONG OF DOOM. I think after dozens of rants pointing out the obvious should have given the new Disney haters the ability to take the hint; so I won't rant about it here. The singing narrator is voiced by Gary Owens and according to Wikipedia (DANGER! DANGER!): Owens started his radio career at KORN, Mitchell, South Dakota in 1952 where he served as News Director. In 1956, he left KORN for a job at KMA, Shenandoah, Iowa before moving on to KOIL, Omaha, Nebraska. He also worked in Dallas, New Orleans, St. Louis and Denver where he got his first television experience. He made the move to California in 1959 working at KROY in Sacramento, and KEWB in Oakland, finally setting in Los Angeles. Owens moved to KEWB's sister station KFWB in Los Angeles in 1961. From there, he joined the staff of KMPC in 1962, replacing previous host Johnny Grant, where he remained for the next two decades working the 3 p.m. to 6 p.m. shift, Monday through Friday. A gifted punster, Owens became known for his surrealistic humor. Among his trademarks were daily appearances by The Story Lady (played by Joan Gerber), the Rumor of the Day, myriad varieties of "The Nurney Song", and the introduction of the nonsense word "insegrevious", which was briefly included in the Funk and Wagnalls Dictionary. His regular on-air radio terms included "krenellemuffin", as in "We'll be back in just a krenellemuffin". Gary always credited his radio engineer at the end of his broadcast: "I'd like to thank my engineer, Bob Jones, for creebling at the turntables." He also created the heretofore non-existent colors "veister" and "krelb". In the early 1960s, like punster-TV star comic colleagues Ernie Kovacs, Steve Allen, and Jonathan Winters, Gary Owens created a few comic characters of his own, such as the gruff old man Earl C. Festoon and his wife Phoebe Festoon, the stuffy old businessman Endocrine J. Sternwallow, and the goofy good ol' boy, Merle Clyde Gumpf. Another character was crotchety old cantankerous Mergenthaler Waisleywillow.
Owens also did very funny radio promotions like sending in for "Yours", which turned out to be a postcard from him at the radio station which simply said "Yours" on it; and autographed pictures of the Harbor Freeway in Los Angeles; and his famous "Moo Cow Report" in which Gary and his character Earl C. Festoon would describe where moo cows were moving inbound on the crowded freeways of Los Angeles. During this time Owens was also known as "Superbeard", because like his contemporary radio icon Wolfman Jack, he sported a goatee-beard, wore Hawaiian shirts, baggy Bermuda shorts, and his "1941 wide necktie with a hula girl on it". Often during these comedy skits on the air he would have the assistance of other radio comics, most notably Bob Arbogast (known as "Arbo" to his adoring fans), Stan Ross (of "Drowning in the Surf" fame in 1963), and Jim "Weather Eyes" Hawthorne. Owens also did his famous "Good Evening Kiss" on KMPC when he was on from 9 p.m. to Midnight, by saying "Now I'll just snuggle up to a nice warm microphone, and embracemoi," making a big wet kiss sound effect followed by the sound effect of a gong striking. In 1966, Owens collaborated with Bob Arbogast, June Foray, Daws Butler, Paul Frees and others on a hilarious comedy spoof record album titled "Sunday Morning With the Funnies" with the Jimmy Haskell Orchestra on Reprise Records. During this period, Owens became more widely known as the voice of the eponymous TV cartoon characters in Roger Ramjet and Space Ghost, the excitable narrator/announcer from The Perils of Penelope Pitstop, and perhaps most well-known, as the announcer on Rowan and Martin's Laugh-In, all the while continuing his show on KMPC. He also hosted its daily game show spin-off, Letters to Laugh-In, during its brief run in 1969. In addition, he appeared regularly as a television newscaster on The Green Hornet during the 1966–1967 season.
Capitalizing on Owens' "Laugh-In" fame, Mel Blanc Audiomedia, an audio production company based in Beverly Hills, California, developed and marketed "The Gary Owens Special Report," a 260-episode package of syndicated radio comedy shows. He also appeared in the Sesame Street pilot in a skit called The Man from Alphabet. He was a scriptwriter for Jay Ward Productions, has appeared in many series for Walt Disney, and has done over 30,000 commercials. He was also a guest star on The Munsters and McHale's Navy. During the late 1960s, when the films of 1930s comedians such as The Marx Brothers, W. C. Fields and Mae West were finding a new audience, Owens narrated phonograph records containing sound clips from the films. In 1973, Owens wrote The (What to Do While You're Holding the) Phone Book (ISBN 0-87477-015-7), a comedic look at the history of the telephone. On the album Uptown Rulers, Owens can be heard on the first track introducing New Orleans funkadelic band, The Meters. The live recording took place on March 24, 1975 at Paul and Linda McCartney's release party for the Venus And Mars album held on the Queen Mary. Owens did the humorous news blurbs that are interspersed throughout the 1975 film The Prisoner of Second Avenue. In 1976, he hosted the first season of the nighttime version of The Gong Show; he was replaced by the show's creator, Chuck Barris. The same year Owens became the voice of a new cartoon character, Blue Falcon, a character that fought crime in fictional Big City with the help of his clumsy sidekick, Dynomutt, also known as Dynomutt, Dog Wonder. The series was a parody of Batman, specifically the live-action version starring Adam West. It wasn't uncommon to see the Blue Falcon use various falcon gadgets much like Batman used various "bat gadgets". The falcon belt was used in a similar fashion to Batman's utility belt with an endless supply of weapons and other devices.
Owens would provide the voice of the Blue Falcon from 1976 through 1977 in 20 half-hour episodes. The 1977 episodes were broken into two parts that ran 11 minutes each — 16 episodes in 1976 and 4 episodes in 1977. Owens received a Hollywood Walk of Fame Star in 1980, between Walt Disney and Betty White. In the 1980s, he announced on jazz radio station KKJZ (then KKGO-FM) in Westwood, California. On August 8, 1981, Gary announced the Corps at the Drum Corps International Midwestern Championship. It was held at Warhawk Stadium UW Whitewater. On the weekend of September 12–13, 1981, Owens substituted for his old KEWB station partner Casey Kasem on American Top 40; it was Gary's only appearance on radio's first nationally syndicated countdown show. That same year Watermark chose Owens to replace Murray the K as permanent host of "Soundtrack of the '60s", an oldies retrospective show. It ran in syndication through 1984. He was the voice of Walt Disney's Epcot Center ride, World of Motion, which operated between 1982 and 1996. His television special was "The Roots of Goofy" which aired from the mid-1980s to the early 1990s. Owens moved from KMPC to KPRZ (both Los Angeles) in the early 1980s, hosting mornings at the "Music Of Your Life"-formatted station. Owens in morning, and Dick Whittinghill in afternoon drive was an inversion of his KMPC years. When Roger Barkley surprisingly walked out of the long-running "Lohman and Barkley Show" on KFI in Los Angeles, Owens briefly teamed with Al Lohman for the successful morning commute show. Jeff Gehringer was brought on as producer. The program ended after the station changed format to talk. Owens also co-starred in a number of documentaries about dinosaurs in the 1980s along side Chicago's Eric Boardman.
These documentaries were distributed by the Midwich Entertainment group for the Disney Channel before it went from being a premium pay channel on cable to a standard channel. In the late 1990s, Owens hosted the morning show on the Music of Your Life radio network, where he later had the evening shift and hosted a weekend afternoon show until 2006. He also announces pre-recorded station IDs for Parksville, British Columbia radio station CHPQ-FM (The Lounge), and for humorist Gary Burbank's long-running afternoon show on WLW in Cincinnati, Ohio. Owens was also the announcer for America's Funniest Home Videos from 1995–1997, replacing Ernie Anderson. His first official debut was in as the announcer of Ding Dong School in 1952 and then the narrator of the short Pigs Is Pig in an uncredited role in 1954. 80% of his 91 acting credits and 44 self credits are as a narrator/announcer. Goof Troop as Mr. Hammerhead is his DTVA debut and he also appeared in Raw Toonage as Badly Animated Man and Buzz Lightyear of Star Command as the opening narrator. Batman: The Brave and The Bold as Space Ghost is his most recent credit. So we get a screaming lady in the darkness getting stalked by a shadow trio of heels with knives and guns and here comes the T-Squad complete with orange explosion background. We get a lot of crappy special effects and red rings around earth for no reasons as the nephews step in front of the SEXIST GIRL OF THE DAY and punch the bad guys out. Like I'm buying this crap. Then they oodle over the girl and she does me a big favor by backhanding Huey in the face. Good for her! I wish Soo Lin would have just did that to Huey over and over again. For goodness sakes writers; she looks 21 years old and Huey is 13/14 at the most. Informed consent; learn it well! So they paint a "No Clean Room" censor on Donald Duck, do magic trick and tease drinking coffee as the singing narrator claims that they drink no caffeine. Ah; so they are CM Punk's former fanboys. AHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! POW! OUCH!...Zzzzzzzzzzz. Okay; I'm awake; let's move on.
So they do some smug ass stuff as they end with the weakest flourish ever with the weakest fireworks spot as they land on a globe before we fade to black to turn Michael Eisner on almost seven and a half minutes in. This is so stupid and they are so smug and have an "up yours attitude" that makes me gag on my own vomit. It sounds so familiar to certain babyfaces I saw that act like smug heels in familiar new cartoons these days. I cannot put my *cough*Fanboy/Chum Chum*cough**cough*Kick Buttowski/Gunther Magnasum*cough* thumb on who they might be. So we return in space at the SPACE STATION OF DOOM which contains all the latest equipment, entertainment and a 30 lane bowling alley which Blatt Jr. (That should be the booking name for him. That's my story and I'm sticking to it) demonstrates as bowling pins fly. Dewey and Louie go to the conveniently placed panel and opens it to reveal a cartoon version Gary Owens looking desheleved as apparently; they have made Gary Owens their narrator slave. Oh well; at least this space station is presentable compared to their room. The world computer map is flashing with red lights and dots as Dewey claims that the calamity map is working to perfection. Did I mention Gary Owens is wearing a headset? So the T-Squad does their lame triple fist pump which shoots sparks and stars. How sad that the "All For One And Five For A Dollar" promo would be a high spot for them in their careers? So they spring into action and separate as Smug For Brains (Brain Boy in case anyone doesn't notice) flies down to the suburban street and notices a human boy in blue overalls and a white shirt in tears complaining about his kite being stuck in a tree. We discover that his name is Timmy Miller (voiced by E.G. Daily) as Smug For Brain uses his Smug Ass Brain Of Death ray on a coconut palm tree. Talk about sticking out like a sore thumb there guys! It turns into a fan and we get even MORE windbags than should be allowed by law. Timmy splats into the side of the house with his kite and he's all right and thanks him. Smug For Brain lives up to his name and acts so smug that Smartass Bubba sounds like Kit Cloudkicker.
So we head further into town as a blue car is driving on the street and is stopped by the LEGAL HAND OF SATAN~! Also known as Blatt Junior. BJ goes into the passenger side of the car as we see a lady dressed in blue was driving the car and demanding answers to this outrage. Huey grabs a bunch of pineapples out of the bag and proclaims that they are not fresh. F*** OFF you rotten sexist twit! So BJ bails and returns with fresh pineapples off the tree and is wearing a flower necklace, grass skirt and yellow Hawaiian shirt which indicates that he took a shortcut to Dale's wardrobe and stole something from him. If anyone deserves the middle finger; it's BJ. The lady then really insults me by thanking him and that BJ averted a pineapple disaster. So what if the pineapples are not fresh? Do I have to bring out Orac's counter points to "living food" again? Once the pineapple is off the vine it is dead. DEAD! DEAD! DEAD! Fresh implies that the pineapple is still alive which is so wrong it's beyond the pale wrong. By the way; The Lady With Pineapples is provided by Flo De Re (I think she is the lady with pineapples and mistaken by Juan who thought it was J.D. Daniels) and she started on A Different Story as Fitter of Style Design in 1978 (her name as Florence Dire and didn't become Flo De Re until Frances as a Mental Patient in 1982). She was a stenographer in Deadly Force and did mostly cameo roles from there; doing nothing much of note. Quack Pack is her DTVA debut and only appearance. She did appear as Bambi's owner in Mighty Joe Young and provided voices for Interplay in 1998; along with Devil May Cry 2 and Fallout 2. Star Wars: The Clone Wars as Jocasta Nu is her most recent credit and she has 29 titles to her resume. There is one more voice talent left and I do not know who he voiced so....
Additional voices are provided by J.D. Daniels and according to USIMDB: As a child, J.D. lived on Long Island New York before moving to Greenwich Village. At an early age his acting, singing and dancing talents surfaced and was quickly recognized by talent and casting agents. He was cast in his first role at age 7. Besides his film and television credits, JD appeared on Broadway as Gavroche in Les Miseerables and won the LA Drama Crtic's Circle award for his role as Young Charley in Conversations With My Father. He attends Columbia University where he is majoring in film studies. In addition to his acting career, he aspires to be behind the camera, writing and directing. He started as Lou Jr. in Kate & Allie in 1989 along with an uncredited voice in The Little Mermaid movie; and then as Young Vinnie in Queen's Logic in 1991. He was Nick Griffin in Going Places and was Peter Mark in The Mighty Ducks movie (!!). The Little Mermaid The Series as Little Manta Ray and Crabscout #1 are his DTVA debuts; and he also appeared in Aladdin The Series as Kahvid/Wahid and Gargoyles as Gunther Sturlisson/Young Canmore/Tom. He has 34 titles to his resume. Staten Island as a vet is his most recent credit. He also sang in The Swan Princess in 1994 performing "This Is My Idea". Ooooookkkkaaaayyyyy. And yes; BJ causes a 50 car pileup like the sexist asshole that he is. So we head to a white building as a man who looks like the human version of Goofy comes out and he's whining because he cannot find his brown sock. Oh lord; this is bad. Mr. Balloon Sacks arrives and proclaims that he will find it and so he rips the white building from it's foundation and shakes it like a leaf. I discover that this building is a laundromat as water and washing machines all get dumped out and Human Goofy gets splooshed. Which conveniently allows his second brown sock to land on his head. He of course thanks Balloon Sacks because he is such a weak little man and has issues finding socks. I was going to think that HG was voiced by J.D. Daniels; but he did kid character roles from 1994-1996; so I doubt it was him.
So after TEN MINUTES of crappy television; we head to Donald's house AFTER HAPPY HOUR (after dark) as the narrator proclaims that there is someone who is not happy at all as we head into the nephews' bedroom and Donald acts as if he can hear the narrator and does his darn tootin swear from Ducks By Nature. He looks pissed as he goes to the red phone and dials for the T-Squad complete with narration. Wait; how does Donald know the phone number of the T-Squad? And of course he reaches the voice of Blatt Junior as he is out saving the world and to leave the name, number and disaster after the tone. Donald yells at the phone to "CLEAN YOUR ROOM" slams the phone down as we head to the front door in the morning as Donald opens the front door and notices a big phone package placed in his mailbox hanging on the wall. Donald tears it as the narrator points out that he made hundreds of phone calls and has a million dollar phone bill. For just a hundred calls? Donald seriously needs to switch phone providers; this one is ripping him off. Donald is shocked and then he tips over and gets knocked out as the narrator proclaims that Donald is going to take matters into his own hands. Well good for him! These nephews deserve it big time as we end the segment ten and a half minutes in. The nephews are so toxic; no one in this episode can get a spot in edge wise without the nephews burying them with their smug ass attitude. How ironic that this show is billed as "Not Your Daddy's Disney"; when most of the kids who watch it ARE daddies now.
After the commercial break; we go to the dark streets of Duckberg (we think) as Donald twinkle toes himself towards the sidewalk and to the window of Ludwig Von Drake's lab. The narrator is just ruining everything for me here. To be fair though; he is the slave of the nephews and the nephews' gimmick is to push the crappy button as many times as possible. I mean; how did Donald know about Ludwig's superhero machine? So Donald opens the window and twinkle toes inside which fails in a sense because there is no twinkle toes sound effect present. Remember fools: the sound effect makes the twinkle toe spot work; otherwise, there is no giggling to be had. So Donald does some shape shifting in glass flasks spots to waste time as Gary Owens is right behind him ruining the effect. I'm guessing that Gary Owens showed up and Donald threatened to kill him if he didn't tell him where the nephews are and other stuff. If they bring this up; then it makes logic sense now. Donald tells him to shut up; so Gary goes to a dull roar. Memo to narrator: Go away! You are ruining the fun here like some bad anime dub. Donald pulls the switch on the control panel and walks in and slams the door as the happy face changes to an angry face on the CPU panel. Donald then opens the door and asks the narrator to push the button which is the only reason the narrator is following him. Gary then turns on the nephews because he wants to advance the plot and pushes the button which has turned white. Bad logic break there guys. So we get all the fireworks and it's slightly worse than last time; although the HOMELAND SECURITY BABYFACE TO HEEL COLOR BAR OF DEATH dropping was funny as Donald is now rotten to the core. Which means Donald is back to his classic self as the door opens and Donald comes out wearing a black version of Satan's suit with green trim. EVIL RACISM RULEZ~! Donald calls himself the DUCK OF DOOM and the acting of this is awesome. And yes; he really does call himself the duck of doom and is not a stupid pun from me. Gary Owens calls this a horror of horrors and then ruins it by butting it and repeating the spot; which Donald shoves him away and blows him off. HAHA!
Donald proclaims that he will make them clean their room and does the funny evil laugh of doom as we fade to black to turn Michael Eisner on for the second time nearly 12 minutes in. Come to think out this; this might have been the actual commercial break. No matter; I don't care as we return as Gary Owens is just ruining the effect for me outside AGAIN! Donald; SHUT HIM UP! So DOD bust out of Ludwig's lab and looks around and then uses the NEON X-RAY VISION OF DEATH and notices the space station and even inside as the The Terrible Squad is reading comic books and making a slight mess on the table. Donald proclaims that he'll get his revenge and flies up as the narrator as an orange helicopter and continues to annoy me straight to hell. Donald then stops and gets on the narrator's case and Gary Owens proclaims that he's the narrator and every superhero needs a narrator. The Justice League 2000 edition would like to have a word with you sir. Donald then blows him away literally and the helicopter is blown away with Gary. HAHA! Now I know how an anime purist feels because Gary kept ruining the drama and awesomeness of Donald's promos. Then again; this is Quack Pack, and is not your Daddy's Disney. Which means it has no sense of logic, reason nor anything that makes it worth watching for anyone but the Family Guy set. So we head into the space station with the T-Squad sitting down reading comic books and throwing them on the floor leaving a mess. They are bored out of their skulls as they claim that without super villains; being a super hero dies fast. Ummm; who's the hero in this one? Methinks it's the DUCK OF DOOM who is throwing book at the space station while floating in the air in front of mountains. The nephews think this is just something; but it's not as Huey goes to the crappy telescope and notices that Donald Duck is in tights too. Oh; this is going to be so fun now. Donald does the Flintstone bowling spot in mid air which would have been awesome if the twinkle toe sound effect was in place. So he bowls a rock and it hits the window of the space station which rocks the nephews; but doesn't shatter the glass. I CLUB BS&P~! Donald laughs his ass off on that one. I like it; but not loving it.
So Donald sees an airplane flying in the sky; and then writes from a notepad which comes out of nowhere and Donald grabs the airplane and sticks the note on the nose cone of the plane. We discover right away that the pilots are anthromorphic furries which kills the "no anthros only ducks" continuity that they were shooting for. Donald then throws the airplane jet like a paper airplane and it smashes right into the space station right where the nose of the plane is in clear sight of the nephews who have dropped on their asses. HAHA! Evil Donald is AWESOME and this is better than Sphinx For The Memories already. So the nephews notice the note which contains hugs and kisses and love. Awwwww! That just turns Donald babyface by default. BJ asks BS if he knows what this means and BS thinks it means that they don't go to the superheroes ball. BJ stands on the airplane (remember that there are PEOPLE in that thing) and wants to stand firm because Donald will never make them clean their room and then claims that it rhyme. It doesn't BJ. So SFB brings out his notepad which is the exact same color as Donald and ponders what to write using all these complex words and then just writes "No way Jose". Yeah; what a smart ass Smug For Brains is. NOT! SFB slams the note on the nose of the plane and then Balloon Sacks pushes the plane back to earth while BJ proclaims return to sender. So we head back to Earth as Donald uses the baseball mitt to catch the plane and reads the note and is PISSED. So PISSED that he has nuclear holocaust eyes animated all over the whites in his eyes. AWESOME! And the nephews call themselves extreme? HA! So Donald thinks that the nephews are playing tough; so Donald flies down and places the airplane on a mountain, ties up the super highway in the city to knots; completely drains a lake as we discover that lakes in this reality have drain caps; and then vandalizes Mount Rushmore with mustaches and glasses. That last one was just silly. Draining the lake was EVIL dude. So Donald waves at the The Really Lazy Ducks and taunts them while the "babyfaces" are looking on from their calamity monitor. The nephews blow him off and act all smug because they cannot be bothered.
So then the calamity monitor shows a map of a red dot in Rockford Illinois; even though it's no where near Illinois and closer to Oklahoma, as apparently; a pinball machine has tilted. The Really Lazy Ducks do their stupid fist pumping spot (they did it twice in the last three minutes) and fly away. Then Donald pushes the map aside and talks in a way that doesn't imply that Donald planted the map to lure them in which would have been heelish. Donald will show them as we head back into the city on a street as Timmy, Lady With Pineapples and Goofy Human all do the worst acting job ever in selling panic and horror as Timmy gets off a complex word and sounds more believable than Smug For Brain. HOW ABOUT THAT?! IN YOUR FACE SMUG FOR BRAINS~! We pan up to see a pile of television as Donald orders the nephews to clean their room or else. Apparently; the DUCK OF DOOM has gone too far. FACKING BULLSHEET! Donald invokes the big ass SLEDGEHAMMER OF PLOT and destroys the mountains of televisions. IN YOUR FACE SCTV! So we cut to a ground shot as Daisy's face shows up and this was her debut and she looks and acts like an enlightened person. She apparently has now dumped Donald as a boyfriend as Donald is evil. Daisy then realizes that if all the televisions are dead; then she is broadcasting to no one; so she brings out Scrooge's bagpipes and plays them. BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! To GeoX: This is still a million times better than Tasty Paste when Daisy got big and fat. I'm just saying. And we head to a Scottish family as the father of the tribe is happy that something is good on American television. I'm guessing that he's a big Shaemus fan too. Then Donald shows up; unplugs the television, apologizes and steals the television. HAHA! Daisy proclaims that Donald will smash the televisions unless the T-Squad agrees to clean their room. Again; who is the babyface here guys?!
So we head to the office of the IOUN as the president doesn't like this because if television dies then we would have to talk. The irony of this is that she has a dozen books behind her desk which was the medium we used before television and radio. Again; who is the babyface here?! IOUN pulls her hair out and declares the end of civilization. I welcome our new Duck of Doom overlord Donald Duck! Of course the Really Lazy Ducks are not about to give up because apparently; calling Donald a Nazi is way too hard for them. That's how we complained about cleaning our room in reality. They agree on doing something; but BJ blows off cleaning the room and both declare war on THE DUCK OF DOOM which for me is the best move they can make because it's clear now that the writers have no idea who the face and heel are in this episode. This ends the segment almost 17 minutes in. In hindsight; this was really the right booking decision because Evil Donald is awesome and I know that he is going to kick their asses like a good parent should (although nowadays; it's a figure of speech and not literal). Sadly; it also means that they have to CDS an episode that doesn't need to be CDS'ed...
After the commercial break; we return to the television pile as we get more classical music and a television set featuring Gary Owens again. Oh lord. Donald; SMASH THAT SET FIRST~! AND MAKE IT SNAPPY~! SCREW THE CLEANING ROOM PART~! YOU ARE THE HEEL; ACT LIKE A MONSTER HEEL~! PROVE THAT THE FCC NAVY SUCKS! Wow; this is the most angry I have ever been on a rant since the debut episodes of Recess. Donald laughs at the bad narration as the really lazy ducks come out of the state house. So the IOUN was right in front of Donald? Wow; Donald really is a dickhead today. I like it. POW! OUCH! Ummm... (Shellsea: Ahem!) And yes; Smug For Brain demands him to spare the electronics. Like I am going to take a guy who makes Bubba sounds like Kit Cloudkicker seriously. So instead of doing something useful; like come up with a plan to distract Donald and bring the televisions to safety; the RLD do nothing; AND THE ROCK SEZS NOTHING. So Donald destroys the television sets and breaks about half of them. Smug For Brains blows him off in the lamest way possible and Donald files his gloves with a nail file and mocks him. HAHA! So Donald fires a red beam which indicates that he's an evil Republican while Smug For Brain fires back with a blue ray from his brain as he is the "good" Democrat. This is an insult to all Democrats everywhere. The RLD are Republicans in Democrat clothing. AHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! SFB tries harder and his brain grows while Donald irons the clothes on the board like a dick. HAHA! I just love this because the nephews are supposed to be the heroes and they are getting exposed for the heels that they are. So I'm cheering at Donald who is supposed to be the heel; but acts like a babyface. So SFB loses and gets zipped in that big head and pops the balloon and buries Smug for Brains in his own head. HAHA! Donald then zaps the other two lazy ducks but they dodge and manage to create the world's smallest and most deformed Scooby Doo Snow Angel spot ever. Donald is so awesome; even the banes of Hanna Barbara cannot touch him.
So it's Balloon Sacks turn as he will subdue the brute with his mammoth muscles. Now that would have been a neat promo; except Blatt Junior ruins it by asking Smug For Brains (I would call him S*** for Brains; but this episodes doesn't deserve any more stars then there needs to be) if he let Balloon Sacks borrow his thesaurus. As GeoX would say: Seriously, what words in there are meant to be difficult/exotic? Balloon Sacks flies up with a car in his hand and throws it at Donald as Donald yawns and gets smacked by said car. BOO! The car falls and drops on the road and MURDERS Donald underneath...for about three seconds as Donald gets up. YAY! And he grows about ten times bigger as SFB has a band-aid on his head shaped like an X. BJ cannot believe this as SFB explains that his anger is making him bigger and BJ realizes that they are screwed now because Donald is easy to annoy. They plea for Balloon Sacks to stop; but BS throws a bus into Donald's belly which doesn't faze him; but it drops on Donald's webfoot and Donald gets visions of his lumberjack short as he does the foot grabbing spot and grows to a thousand times his size now. He demands that they clean up his room and BJ blows him off because he cannot catch them. So they fly away into space and I must say that the RLD are stupid because they allowed themselves to get close to Donald even though they were still well away from Donald to escape easily. At least let Donald catch up with them before doing that spot. So they fly to the north pole which this show gets right! Wow; just wow. So the RLD freeze and MFB is getting icicles as BS complains as usual. BJ is claiming that it will buy them time for a Krackpotkin plan; and up rises the big ass Santa Duck. BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! SD blows them off and the nephews bail into space. Yeah; I know the obvious logic break here with the air and popping of heads; but DTVA in general always screws that up anyway.
So Smug For Brains then gets a brain storm and he claims that they can use his Cosmic Deflibatator. Whatever Smug For Brains; you are as deep as Cadpig. So they bail to the space station and go inside their room and search for it underneath all that junk. BJ brings out a green stinky sock and gags on cue. BS proclaims that Donald might have had a point there; but BJ and SFB blow it off like a bunch of global warming deniers. So we see Donald is now the size of a hundred planets and he plays peek-a-boo and yells at them again to clean their room. So the nephews order the space ship to head to Pluto and then in one of those "bush league Z-Grade" moments; we get stock footage of Pluto in his doghouse looking confused. It's one thing to reuse a background for a series when it's your series; but using a scene from a Disney short just exposes DTVA as absolute bush league. So the space station flies over to the planet Pluto and hides behind it. So Donald takes the rings of Saturn and uses Saturn and Jupiter to slingshot the Earth (which looks like the moon) into Pluto and destroys both Pluto and Earth plus the space station. The RLD are floating as SFB proclaims that he thinks Donald is serious about cleaning their room. YOU THINK?! So Donald lines up planets and stars on the slingshot and yells at them to clean their room. Then we get a great bit here as the RLD point out that he destroyed Earth already. Donald blows it off with these excuses. HAHA! Donald is the defacto babyface in this episode; which is NOT what the writers intended. And somehow; the narrator ruins it by having a glass bowl on his head and narrating. Dammit; even Donald cannot kill this guy. So he's just there to point out that Donald didn't completely destroy Earth as Ludwig Von Drake's lab is still intact. Yeah; that is not contrived at the very least no siree. At least the nephews notice the contriveness of that.
So the RLD run over like complete fools to the doors and they bang on the doors like complete maniacs for about 15 seconds until Ludwig opens the door and the nephews go bonkers over Donald being in his "big ass temper" moods. Ludwig lets them in which is not a smart move and then slams the door as stars bounce off the doors. The RLD lie on the floor and finally admit that they should have cleaned their room and working on not working is not worth it anymore. So yes folks; the "heel" won. The problem is the "heel" was a complete babyface throughout. Ludwig has an idea as he was revise the superhero machine into a time machine and send them back in time before this ever happened. Ludwig thinks that they won't do it; but the nephews agree to it without question. We scene change to some flashing lights as the door of the superhero machine opens and out comes the nephews back to normal and they do their fist pump spot and now they know how it feels when someone gets a knee-on-knee injury in hockey. So then the doors to the lab fling open and in comes Donald yelling at them to clean their room and the nephews bail stage left proclaiming that they are returning home to clean their room. Donald is amazed and that ends the episode at 21:08. Once again; the writers booked themselves into a corner and couldn't get out with the most contrived finish ever. On the other hand; evil Donald was AWESOME. Sadly; the first ten minutes sucked big time with the most smug, "up yours" attitude nephews I have ever seen. Then once Donald started turning heel; it got better and once the narrator was shunned; it was AWESOME as Donald squashed the "babyfaces" and made them care about cleaning their room. * 1/2 (30%). That's **** for Evil Donald and - ** 1/2 for the rest.
THE REVIEW LINE
Well; that was a whiplash episode to say the least. I love evil Donald as this was Donald at his best. Sure it is more cartoony and CDS'ed it compared to the classic shorts; but it was fun and awesome to watch Donald squash those smug, jackass nephews like the bugs that they are. This alone made watching this episode memorable because the first ten minutes was so gag inducing it wasn't funny. There were a lot of logic breaks and continuity errors that it would take me forever to explain them. Everything the nephews said was outright heelish and they were the defacto babyfaces here. There is no way that I can take the nephews seriously as babyfaces and Donald seriously as a heel here because Donald was clearly in the right here. They were Fanboy & Chum Chum level smug with Kick Buttowski level stupidity that they easily killed Bubba Big Brainstorm in terms of awfulness. Without Donald; this is the worst debut episode easily in the history of DTVA. The finish was contrived and forced; and at least the ending was cute, but this episode was on the strength of Donald and Donald managed to in a miracle of all miracle carry the episode out of negative stars; just not enough to pull it to average. Ludwig was fine for what he was; but the narrator ruined the effect on Donald's epic monster heel turn for a few minutes. If there was an allegory on why anime purists were right about silence; the two minutes of Donald going to Ludwig's Lab and turning into the Duck of Doom was it right there.
To paraphrase GeoX in his review of this episode: How does that inspire anything in the viewer other than a hearty f*** you? Answer: It doesn't. If this is not your Daddy's Disney then Bob Iger deserves an apology. And to make matters worse; the next episode is the return of the T-Squad as they must save Donald from an alien overlord. UGGGGHHHHHHH! Then there is Leader of The Quack which Donald becomes a king. So........
Thumbs down for this episode and I'll see you next time.