Return to 50 Webs
Disclaimer#1: All images, characters and material is (C) 1990/1991 Walt Disney Company and is being used without permission. The web master has made sure that no money was made in the creation of this web page and that all material used here is used with the up most affection and respect to the Walt Disney Company and the Tale Spin Team.
Disclaimer#2: The views expressed here are solely the views of the web master and no one else. The web master has no intentions to change anyone's minds about a particular subject and respects the views of the viewers. Comments about this and other editorial can be E-Mail at mailto:gweagle@eastlink.ca or signing the Cloudkicker guest book.
Ready...Aim...DUCK!!
Reviewed: 01/20/2013
BANG!! Show's Still Dead.
Okay; so we are really starting to get the more absurd stuff in Quack Pack as Donald apparently hacked into the nephews' virtual reality device and Donald Duck was caught red-handed, which allows Donald to make up a story about foiling a burglary. Okay; I'm intrigued to see how Donald gets himself out of this; if that is in the cards. So; let's rant on and find out shall we...?!
This episode is written by Cathryn Perdue. The story was edited by Karl Geurs. Sadly; Juan F. Lara did not release the animation studio here.
Opening Moment #1: Today's title card features Donald Duck as a target on that amusement game where you shoot wooden ducks with a BB gun. More and more symbolism of BS&P's character slaughtering of Donald Duck in general actually. And it looks great, so points to them on that too.
So we begin this episode with a strange computer world as two robot ducks on wheels (Like Roadkill Rodney) as a sliding door opens and out comes Donald Duck in shadow kicking the robots' asses and throwing them into a chute which appears to be a trash compactor; and the scoreboard lights up to 99,999 points; so this is clearly a video game Donald is playing. I've stopped asking why Donald is doing these new things because it's obvious that Donald has no grasp of his age. Donald finally is shown wearing purple gloves with green trim and a blue sweater walking in and then a human wearing green gloves, green boots, a plate of plexi-glass on his ears, blue tights, green armor with yellow apron like plate on the front; walks in and praises Donald. Donald addresses him as Captain Jack Slag (Donald's accent makes it almost impossible to figure out the last name; so I went with the closest thing I could think of on short notice); and Captain Jack brings out his arm to shake on the victory (Jack is voiced by the late Robert Ridgley in one of his final appearances before his death in 1997). As Donald is doing the secret handshake; we discover that he is playing Virtual Reality; which was a complete failure a year ago due to the ill-fated Virtual Boy which proved to be Nintendo's only one true hardware failure in history. Apparently; Donald needs to be at 1,009,999 to win the game which makes no sense because anyone who has played games know that if the limit score is 999,999; then to win the game and crash the machine, the score has to be at 989,999 points before Donald can gain 10,000 to win the game/crash the machine. By the way; the whole living room is trashed which shows that the writers are using videogames as a scapegoat to compensate for their own failures in writing a quality script. So Donald is enjoying himself as a group of four Roadkill Rodneys comes down from the car repair pillar of doom and Donald sees the table and chair as the robot and he runs in and kicks ass and kills the robots and the table. HAHA! Sadly; the score goes down to 98,500 because Donald didn't fight fair. Wait; there was six-eight robots against him and he destroys them easily; but he loses points because DONALD didn't fight fair? WHAT A STUPID GAME THIS IS?!
Captain Jack forces the point here as Donald claims that he wasn't doing nothing and he loses points because Donald lied. No Jack; Donald didn't lie because he did nothing wrong; unless you want to imply that he used a double negative which in that case, he told the truth because he said that he did something; but nothing that implies that he didn't fight fair; which you Jack accused him of doing. So Jack proclaims that Donald will be a super trooper if he is honest, and be himself. Not exactly the guy to go to for sage advice. Did I mentioned that the last robot before the score drop was killed and it was Donald's vacuum cleaner? So we get more robots as Donald kicks more ass and the telephone rings which Donald climbs up and answers it. We discover that it's Huey on the phone as the nephews are reading comic books inside Gustav's bedroom. So Huey notices a low droning sound on the speaker and he claims that it's from the Captain Jack Stormtroopers VR as Donald turns a knob to turn down the volume. Donald goldbricks as Huey accuses him of being a hypocrite for stealing their VR device when he yells at them for borrowing his stuff. Huey? You are the same person who is a sexist, who doesn't clean their room and self harms himself with a device that you tried to brainwash people and become ruler of the world. I cannot take anything you say seriously. Donald continues to goldbrick and probably got his score down to 0 and Captain Jack will likely blow him off; and Donald loses the game easily. Donald puts the VR device down and Huey states that they will be back in five minutes at 3:27. Donald is stunned to hear that as Huey reminds him that Donald is supposed to be preparing Jack Stuff Chicken Surprise. Donald then goes to the cupboards and stuff at lightning speed and brings out bowls of food and a chef's hat. Apparently; he hung up the phone too as Donald sweats as he sees the VR helmet and the voice of Captain Jack continues to haunt him in this thoughts and his eyes. So Donald puts the device on and we continue kicking ass with a robot roadster which shoots red lasers.
So Donald comes in front and the front of the robot roadster shoots yellow flashes of big ass bullets which Donald punches away. Yes; that is just awesome; but I'm surprised Toon Disney didn't snip that one out because it was clearly a bullet shooting gun. Donald then continues chopping like a maniac and then rushes the robot roadster which looks like a really cool machine with the black robot propped up in the back and Donald rams his head into the machine and into the fridge, causing a grade S concussion and destroying the fridge in the process. That was just great as Donald pushes the robot and the fridge goes off the deck in the back which makes no sense because I didn't think Donald had a back deck in the backyard. But the spot is served as the fridge bounces and finally lands right in front of Grumps' eatery as the fridge opens and splatters on Grumps' window. Grumps' I guess sees this as vandalism as he thinks Donald has lost his mind and goes inside and goes to his phone to call the police because he is happy to report something really bad is going on. So we continue on with Donald literally kicking ass on the robot and then he brings the out of nowhere Glue-O-Matic 3000 as he sprays the robots with glue which is really tomato sauce on chicken as Donald shoves the turkey in the microwave in reality (no, not really) as Donald has the robot on glue in a prison as Captain Jack finally proclaims that Donald has won the game for real at 999,999 points as Donald punches that exact score into the microwave. Okay; here's the dumbest logic break ever: The turkey inflates in less than five seconds in the microwave. No chicken does it that quickly. It takes at least five minutes for that to happen if it ever does. Full chickens take about an hour merely to roast; and even microwaves could handle it much longer than this. By the way; Donald needs one more point to win according to Captain Jack and then the robot with glue punches him in the face which is the signal for the microwave to explode in the kitchen making Donald fly on the couch looking like a cooked chicken which will break logic soon enough. And then Donald panics and groans because the VR device is destroyed of course.
Donald is helpless as the nephews walk in and see all the carnage as they clearly see the VR device being broken and the television set shows Captain Jack (Some VR device this is?! No wonder Nintendo stopped doing this crap in 1995) doing his stupid motto before the television set goes dead. Strangely; the television is the only thing not destroyed. The nephews go into melodramatics and I cannot take this seriously at all. Donald has pushed himself deeper into the couch as the nephews instantly blame Donald for it which makes sense since he took only five minutes to destroy the device and the nephews continue with their smug complex speaking that no child is going to get and only serves to make the adults look dumb and the writers look like assholes. Now we had six minutes of fun; but now the real stupidity of this episode is about to commence because the police sirens are outside as we discover that Donald is still himself because the chicken was on the couch and Donald was behind the couch and somehow got through the small hole to the back of the couch. Nice lopping off logic break there guys. Damn; I'm starting to sound like Grumps. And speaking of the OFFENSIVE BROKEN ENGLISH EASTERN EUROPEAN ONE; here comes Grumps with a female police officer with curly hair and another male police officer who may or may not be the bouncer officer from Pride Goeth Before The Fall Guy. Grumps goes into panic mode because he thinks a criminal was inside Donald's house destroying the place. Donald sees this as a way to get out of a bad situation of his own making as he rips of the sleeves of his shirt and messes up his hair. See; the nephews clearly know it's Donald behind the destruction, but since they are kids, they have no say and the adults don't know that so Donald can get the adults to believe him.
So Donald messes his ass and then groans loudly as he stumbles and fumbles around and trips on the carpet in front of the ducks. And then the nephews instantly turn stupid by actually asking Donald if he is all right. Which is perfectly fine with me because as much as a liar Donald is; I would rather cheer on Donald because the nephews are crappy, unlikable, sexist twits. I realize the writers didn't intend that; but who cares?! Better this than rendering Donald into a duck version of Goofy last rant. So we see Grumps doing the crappy twinkletoes spot claiming that the criminal was stealing the nephews' video game which is perfect because it takes the heat off of Donald right away. It's too bad Grumps' character is offensive because if it wasn't for the broken English; this episode would be very good. I would have Gustav as the one in Grumps' place because Gustav is already involved in the storyline anyway. The male officer is writing on his note pad and he looks small and fat. The female officer looks like a man with red hair; so I'm guessing that she was a tomboy. Nothing wrong with that of course in spite of what sexists like Pat Robertson would tell you. To Pat: You just couldn't make videogames a scapegoat here couldn't you? And Grumps claims that Donald bravely offended the stolen property which is a statement that I should be cringing; but I'm giggling instead. The nephews seem to not be buying it for some reason as then they go into melodramatics about how Donald was bravely trying to save their games and their face are so disgustingly cute that I want Donald to demonstrate those kick ass move he did on that "criminal" on them for my amusement. Donald is happy and then the male police officer is wanting a description of the criminal and fumbles over the words like an idiot. So somehow; the female officer as a portable computer which somehow doesn't exist in real life at that time and Donald plays Facemaker which means that the system is a Commodore 64. I guess Amigas were too costly even for this police force.
So the nephews come up with gross faces to show off their probable faces of criminals as Donald punches in his criminal and that face looks like someone only I would love. If memory serves me; that is the infamous The Claw from a later episode "Long Arm Of The Claw" and I'm guessing that this is his first appearance for rant purposes. The officers leave to start a search for THE CLAW OF DOOM as the nephews praise Donald and decide to tell everyone of this "happening" that didn't happen. The nephews leave and Grumps leaves to make a great monument to Donald's greatness which would be the best thing he has done in this episode. Donald is loving it and then the MIRROR OF VANITY shows up and it's Captain Jacks yelling at him for losing points because he lied. Oh sod off; you memory infesting video game! If we told the truth at all times; you and this show would never exist because then the creator would admit that this show sucks and would make something else that would not suck. Donald agrees with me as he teases the motto and then blows it off and turns the mirror over. HAHA! Then we hear a phone ringing and it's buried underneath something and somehow still working. Donald answers it and it's the female officer informing him that they have caught the suspect already. This really is a swift police force as Donald isn't so certain about this anymore. The female officer is voiced by April Winchell and the male one is Frank Welker I do believe. So we head down the hallway of prison cells as Donald is following a graying tall police man with a large piece of poster paper showing the same criminal Donald inputted in the computer which is the Claw as I expected him to believe. Donald stammers as usual. This is the Police Chief and according to Juan F. Lara might be voiced by Tom Williams and he started with F Troop as a bank teller in 1966 and then Dragnet 1966 television movie as Melvin Gannon. He was Bill Hudson in Return To The Planet of The Apes, Detective Grauer in Nobody's Perfect, and did a number of baby voice overs for Night Court, thirtysomething, Murphy Brown, Sister Kate and Life With Lucky among others. He then settled into animation with Rover Dangerfield in 1991.
Quack Pack is his only DTVA appearance and his most recent credit is Eve as Baby Ella and One on One as a voice of the doll. Seriously; almost half of his 77 credits are baby voice overs and he also did a few animal vocals as well. He also did additional voices for The Great Outdoors. Donald looks scared as the poster is brought down and we see the ugly large Claw before our very eyes and he seems to be like the Hulk if the Hulk wasn't green, had a glass eye and was beaten with the ugly stick about a million times. And he talks in the third person (voiced by Frank Welker again) as he tries to claw Donald from the bars; but Donald hides behind the chief as he rolls up the scroll claiming that the Claw is a lifetime criminal mastermind that they were trying to catch for years. He also tells Donald not to worry because the prison bars can hold him and then slaps the claw hand of the Claw which he sells. I shake my head as the female officer opens the door from afar the hallway and informs Jake (or Jade; it's hard to tell from the audio) to take a phone call and the chief leaves Donald as the Claw tries to grab him with the claw hand; but the long arm is not long arm to grab Donald. So Donald goes from scared to evil as he mocks Claw and then takes out the out of nowhere tomato and throws it in the face on-screen (the actual throw was off-screen; which seems silly if this was a BS&P spot) and then taunts him with childish antics including the Bart Simpson ass mocking spot which is much funnier when Donald does it because the duck accent is so funny in itself. Claw screams and pushes his head through the bars as Donald takes the poster and vandalizes the face of the Claw with a black marker which Donald throws at the Claw and he tears it to pieces. Donald drops on his belly and laughs his ass off; then the police force and the press runs in as Donald gets up. Jake asks if he is ready to press charges.
Now I would ask him first if he has any outstanding charges for much more heinous crimes and if the chief points out that they do then I wouldn't bother pressing them since that would make me look like a dickhead. Donald stammers a bit and then decides to press charges as as the press is all over him with microphones and they are all human as Donald is asked how it feels to finger the Claw and lived. Oookkkkaaayyyy; my question has been answered which makes Donald look like a dick. We see the nephews and Gustav watching on from his room which is indication that they only have one friend in the entire world. How apporos. So Jake gets all teary eyed and brings out a gold medal; the first one he ever had and pins it on Donald's shirt. Donald is happy and then Captain Jack continues to bug him and me claiming to wipe the slate clean and confess now before it's too late. Ummm; it's already too late Captain Jack. No one in this era is going to believe a video game character like you has anything worthwhile to say. Donald shines the medal with his shirt to shut him up and that ends the segment nearly ten and a half minutes in. Personally; I am enjoying this episode so far.
After the commercial break; we get the spinning newspaper of doom called the Daily Blurt and BLAH! BLAH! BLAH! So we head to city hall on a platform as the female mayor wearing all blue with a purple tree like tie and is voiced by April Winchell. Donald is beaming wearing about two dozens medals; for what I still don't know. Mayor brings out a packet and gives him a pair of keys which I thought were the keys to the city; but it is for the limo that Huey Duck was riding in Heavy Dental. The nephews are beaming with Donald as well which is fine because it's better for them to be this stupid and not push the crappy button if they didn't buy any of this crap. Donald also gets a boat and a jet plane. Plus; a big ass crate comes up to the stage via a crane and it opens on the bottom to dump kitchen machines on Donald which would have killed anyone in any other universe but Donald pops up and is loving this. So we head to Donald's house AFTER HAPPY HOUR (after dark) as Donald is in the bathroom humming a tune looking himself in the mirror which I predict will bring back Captain Jack to scold him again. I check the video...and damn I'm good as Donald shows his fatass belly and poses in the mirror claiming to be a real Super Trooper which Jack blows off. He claims that this is DA RULES (FAIRY GODPARENTS!) of the game which is stupid because upholding the truth means admitting that Donald murdered a bunch of senimental robots. Donald agrees with me as he sprays shaving cream (which comes out of nowhere; but whatever) as Captain Jack finally decides to give up and Donald calls that good riddance. I don't blame Donald; that VR game sucks because any good game always gives you freebies to work with. That's how you hook them in your game pal. So we head outside as Grumps arrives with a platter covered in a silver dome as he rings the doorbell and comes in through the door.
Grumps sees the kids and Donald sitting on the couch as Grumps opens the dome and he calls it the Donald Burger which is basically the exact same burger I saw in the title card for Recipe For Adventure. Joe is right; this show is a deconstructionist disaster. So then we see Donald grab the burger and is loving it. It's funny how the writers are trying to pin Donald's lying on all this because Donald is merely in on a lie since it was Grumps who was the one who claims that a criminal was in Donald Duck's house in the first place. So even if Donald goes to jail; Grumps should go because he started the ball rolling on this lie too. And then we see the television has somehow turned itself on as a reporter at the desk on the screen is proclaiming that a really scary criminal is on the loose and there is a manhunt out for the Claw. Donald and his burger are shocked and horrified in that order as we get B&W footage of Claw looking at the camera in the hallway during the escape proclaiming that he's going to find Donald and grind him to death; which is downright heelish. Now the problem with this is; the script already implies through the press (How did you finger the Claw and lived; said one female reporter earlier) that Claw is a lifelong criminal and apparently is also a serial killer; so even if Donald is caught on the lie; he's still a hero because he stopped the Claw and fake robbery charges are the LEAST of Claw's problems here. Now fingering Grumps would have worked better because Grump is misguided and he lied about a criminal in Donald's house anyway, so then it sets up Grumps becoming a madman and going after Donald for revenge and get some really good heat on this episode. Sadly; that is also the most racist thing to do and it's clear that the writers think Gustav is useless anyway. And people wonder why this show tanked so badly?
So Grumps and the nephews proclaim that Donald will squash this guy with one finger as Dewey does Kit's prop up leg spot which he acts so smug; despite Kit normally doing it because he feels insecure. And Donald flees without his Donald burger and Donald somehow splits into multiple images in the bathroom. That is really sloppy animation there guys; and it breaks logic. So Donald kneels on the sink and pleas for Captain Jack. I wouldn't do that at all Donald. Again; why are you depending on a hero that cannot tell what fighting fair really is?! Seriously; I want to know why Donald is depending on a hero who cannot tell what fighting fair is? Thankfully; Captain Jack is not here just to rub it in as Donald looks everywhere; but no dice. Donald? He's not real; he's the voice inside your head who is trying to lead you down the primrose path so to speak. And then the bathroom wall breaks down and it's the Claw driving a mach truck. Claw basically wants Donald's ass and Donald runs through the window just to get the Scooby Doo Angel Spot in and then rushes through everyone to the garage and hops into the limo Huey rode in Heavy Dental and starts the engine and crashes through the garage door and drives away as Claw follows him in the truck. The nephews and Grumps run out demanding answers as they see Donald and Claw driving towards the city somehow despite the fact that this house is supposed to be away from Duckberg! Huey thinks Donald is leading the Claw away because Donald is going to kill him in cold blood. Ummm; no Huey, he's leading him away because it's the writers destiny to protect you from being killed by Claw and doing the entire world a favor and preventing the Quackstreet Boys from ever existing. Grumps gets his usual comment that I cannot understand because he sounds like a bad Eastern European character. And the CHASE IS ON BABEE!
So we waste a lot of time which is fine because this chase does amuse me somehow as Claw goes into the construction area and it's a BUGS BUNNY SPOT OUT OF CONTROL~! It's been ages since I invoked that one. So we head downhill (like this show in general) as we get some cute spots of Donald running over the Bugs Bunny spot and then the front of the truck acting like a trash compactor and chomps at the bit. Donald drives stage left as the blue helicopter action news crew with the same reporter from the television show continuing to do commentary that doesn't need commentary. So Donald continues to lead away the Claw away from his defenseless family as we cut to Grumps and the nephews cheering on the couch in front of the television. Yeah; and hopefully they will be inspired and clever to change back to their Ducktales....oh wait; never mind. We continue driving and the smart thing to do would be for Donald to drive into the police station and cause the Claw to crash into said police building so he can be apprehended by the police and Donald loses no heat by doing so and in fact it strengthens my belief that Captain Jack is a bad role model for kids. However; Donald drives through the construction zone and crashes through the incomplete bridge (what is this obsession with duck cartoons having this?) and drops down like a lawn dart. However; Claw foolishly follows him and the limbo's rear flicks Claw's truck away stage right and it crashes into the support pillar of the bridge which causes a chunk of the bridge to fall and squash the truck and MURDERS Claw. If only it really did happen like that and Donald still saves face; but the episode isn't even 2/3's of the way over; so the contrived plot device of doom beckons as the truck has a lifter and it flick the chuck of road onto Donald's limo as Donald's limo flicks upright and we drive away stage left as this chase MUST CONTINUE~!
So the chase continues as Claw uses the lifters to break open the roof of the limo and then uses the lifters to grab onto the limo and smash the limo up and down on the ground while the truck stops. Donald's eyes are bouncing in his head as we speak as Claw then flicks the limbo and it smashes into the brick wall and the wall doesn't have any bricks left. And the limo is completely destroyed of course. So Donald pops up and then panics as Claw is driving towards him for the kill and then we hear...Captain Jack? Wait; I thought Jack was done with Donald. So he points out that this is what happens when you lie. No; this is what happens when you encourage bad behavior using a product that doesn't allow you to see where the hell you are?! I just realized how stupid the moral is now. Donald begs for mercy and promises to tell the truth as Captain Jack tells him to step on it now. Wait; so Captain Jack is in the rear seat of the car now giving directions? Oh never mind let's drive away in a limo that has somehow still work as we do some directions and head back to the bridge underneath them as Jack tells Donald to let him gain ground as this goes on for a while and then Donald is dizzy and seeing upside down as Jack tells him to turn and Donald does that and the truck finally crashes into the support pillars of the bridge and the truck is destroyed. So the limo drives onto the street and then Captain Jack orders Donald to stop which makes Donald panic for a moment; but he does it anyway. We see Claw rolling on the wheels towards the limo as he arrives. Donald shakes like a leaf as Claw comes in wanting to smash Donald to death; but then the yellow lights and police cars all arrive as Claw is forced to bail stage right as 100 police cars chase him. At this point; the episode should be over as we discover that Donald is right in front of the police station. Wow; Captain Jack thinking is the same as mine. That's horrifying. Donald walks away; but Jack clears his throat about the promise and Donald sulks right into the police station to end the segment nearly 17 minutes in. Yeah; this episode was good; but now I fear that it's going to die a horrible death.
After the commercial break; we see Jake at his desk flying a paper airplane as Donald comes in and shows the wanted poster and proclaims that Claw didn't rob his home. Captain Jack is listening from the door liking this; but Jake isn't buying it claiming that his plan to act scared and lure him to the police station was brilliant. Donald tries to get a word in edge-wise; but it isn't working as Jake keeps cutting him off; so Donald basically has to agree with him anyway. If I was Captain Jack; I would have walk in and did it myself because this is obviously not working. So then the female officer comes in and somehow didn't see Captain Jack anywhere. I mean; he's wearing a costume for crying out loud! She informs us that the Claw got away and Donald panics and bites his fingernails despite not having any. Jake makes things worse by talking about the evil things the Claw will do to Donald and then shows a blackboard as Donald is going hiding in a house on top of a steep mountain. Then Jake will call the press to lure Claw to the house to kill Donald. But that is okay because all Donald has to do is blow the big ass whistle and thousands of police will be ready to arrest the Claw. Considering that a hundred police cars couldn't catch the claw; this doesn't give me any confidence. Donald forces himself to laugh with Jake for fun and we fade to black to turn Michael Eisner on at the 18 minute mark. So we head to a wooden shack which has a big ass vault door for no reason that I can think of and it's BEFORE HAPPY HOUR (sunset) as Donald is on the phone inside with Jake as he has 500 officers ready behind poison ivy. That is not a good sign for this plan to work. More giggling which is getting annoying now as he hangs up the door and then opens the vault door and goes outside to walk around waving hello to nature and then returns to his wooden shack and slams the vault door. Boy; that mountain Donald is on is so BS&P'ed. Okay; not really. So there is a knock on the door and Donald brings out the big ass whistle and opens the door. He is ready to blow the whistle; but stops because Captain Jack is doing the Gruffi pose.
You know what would make an awesome setup for the finish: Captain Jack gets mad on Donald on lying and Donald blows him off good; so then Captain Jack tears his costume and reveals himself as The Claw. That would really put the bow on the present in this episode. Sadly; this is just another lame blow off from Captain Jack who I cannot cheer because he is a dumb superhero who doesn't know the meaning of the word fair and thus doesn't know what he is doing. Donald is through with him and slams the door on him as Jack does the don't come crying to me gag which I couldn't care less about. So the door knocks and Donald opens it and it's The Claw. Donald panics like mad and then stops as he punches and kicks his ass as Claw no sells like Hawk taking a piledriver; including no selling the ANVIL OF NEIDHART. Donald then blows the big ass whistle and Donald tells them that he's all theirs now. We then get a pan shot of the entire place and there is no one there except stock music. This is the worst police force I have ever seen in my entire life. Donald is screwed big time as he continues to blow the whistle as Claw shows off his roided muscles which means that you can add doping charges to Claw's resume. Donald bails stage right and continues to blow the big ass whistle for my amusement as the whistle seems to calm the beast so much that he is skipping like Toadie on speed. At least he does a decent job of this. So we get the SCOOBY DOO CHASE SEQUENCE THE WHISTLE BLOWER EDITION as Donald blows whistle and runs while Claw smashes everything except for the ultra contrived shelves of dishes which Claw moves aside without shattering a single dish to show his empathic side. And we also stop near a out of nowhere payphone (Yes; Cathy has lost her mind, but this show will do that to you) and the chase stops so Claw can answer it. HAHA! It's stupid; but it's funny stupid; so I'll let it go.
So Claw gives Donald the phone as Jake is on there informing him that the 500 police officers are not here because the boss blew a gasket and won't be here for one hour. Even though Jake IS the police chief! Worst police force ever! Claw eats the phone as Donald's reaction is absolutely priceless and I mean that in the nicest way possible. So Donald bails stage right as we race down the water logs. Oh goody; we get to replay the great lumberjack short Donald did against Chip & Dale; only Donald is the chipmunks and Claw is Donald in this setup; which is sweet irony no matter how you slice and dice it. Donald smashes through the water log race and Donald smashes into the ground and Claw squashes him in kind to follow. Donald is flatter than my sex life as Claw grabs him and Donald inflates back to normal as Claw wants to eat Donald. Donald is pleading for mercy; and wants Captain Jack to come back. Why? Because Donald has to tell the truth silly! This is a morality play on lying which sadly was done a lot better in War of The Weirds. Then Claw stops and then recites the Claw motto as we discover that Claw can speak like a normal person as we discover that Claw is a liar and couldn't stop himself as he weaves in and out of character because he was a bright businessman and isn't anymore. He cries and sobs. Wow; all Donald had to do was mention Captain Jack; talk about him for an hour and then the police arrive to arrest him without incident. Captain Jack is even dumber than the police force. But no; Donald has to tell the truth because the storyline demands that he does as Jake and the female officer come in and handcuff him with the big ass handcuffs only two minutes later. So they lied to DONALD DUCK! This renders Donald telling the truth pointless now as Claw wants Donald to think of him when he accesses the game grid as they do the Captain Jack secret handshake which includes bumping their asses together.
Claw is let out as Jake comes in and pins another medal to Donald and Donald rips the pin off and gives it back to him sobbing like a baby because he fibbed. Captain Jack is hiding behind the trees giving the thumbs up to Donald for telling the truth; but Jake cuts Donald off proclaiming that no one is perfect. Which means that he is implying that he admits that Donald made up that story; but doesn't care because Claw is a life long serial killer and thus no one cares if Donald is lying except for Captain Jack and Donald now; and thus Captain Jack looks like a total idiot and the moral of the story is completely pointless. Which is fine because it should have been Grumps getting arrested for lying and then go through the motions of Grump being the nasty guy who makes Donald listen to Captain Jack. Jack should have just let...it....go. Donald tries to explain what happened; but Jake keeps cutting him off and trying to give him the medal as Donald runs away stage right and Jake chases him calling him a hero and all this stuff as we end the episode at 21:11. Really fun episode and I enjoyed the Claw/Donald stuff; but the logic was all over the place and the climax was making everyone look stupider and stupider which made the finish much harder to believe. And this was one moment where the moral didn't catch at all and Donald didn't learn anything because Jake wouldn't let him execute the moral and admit his guilt. ** 3/4 (55%).
THE REVIEW LINE
Well; this episode was actually fun to watch for the first 17 minutes or so with a really fun car chase with Claw and Claw being awesome and dumb. Donald was game for being the victim and the nephews didn't push the crappy button once during this episode and stayed out of it for the most part. The animation was actually good and Donald's attempt to weasel his way out of the truth was exciting to watch. However; I couldn't take Captain Jack seriously once in this episode. I mean he's a video game character which is made by someone who created a really unsafe VR helmet that makes Virtual Boy look 100% safe in comparison. So in a way; he and his company are personally responsible for causing the havoc Donald did in the first place. Then there's the problem with the Claw. As much as I love the Claw because he is a fun character; it doesn't work for this moral because Claw is a life long criminal and no police force is going to take Donald seriously even if he tells the truth as demonstrated in the finish and ending. That means the moral is just a prop and means nothing. I'm guessing that was intentional; but it makes Captain Jack look incredibly stupid in the process. Plus; the last chase was just padding the running time which was done in the previous chase and both were fun; but the later one made less sense than the former. And again; the same BS we see in Quack Pack; only more controlled than usual. Overall; this was an above average episode which was very fun in spite of the big problems mentioned in this rant. Maybe my idea of having Grumps as the evil one would have made it better; or even barring that, having Captain Jack unmask as the Claw; which would have been brilliant because Claw certainly can pull it off as demonstrated in the finish; plus have it revealed that the actor playing Captain Jack IS the Claw who lied and couldn't stop himself. So on Tuesday; I'm going to rant on the Halloween special; The Boy Who Cried Ghost, which means back to putting the focus on the crappy nephews. Oh well. So........
Thumbs in the middle for this episode and I'll see you next time.