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"Heroes"?! More Like Zeroes!
Well; we finally reached the point where I just have to get a Louie focused episode. As I mentioned before; Louie is the worst nephew of the Quack Pack; which is like comparing different qualities of crap. This episode is probably the worst of it because it's an environmental episode. Now; if you had read my rant on All's Whale That Ends Whale, you may recall my feelings and thoughts on why average folks get miffed when an environmental is released (Short version: CAPTAIN PLANET~!) and why it is most of the time; misinformed hyperbole. I felt the TaleSpin episode was done better mostly due to Kit Cloudkicker saving the day and dressing up as a seal. Sadly; we don't get that kind of mercy here; and as you will see, this episode reeks of something that I have been reading on Respectful Insolence about animal welfare and "animal rights". Scare quotes intentional since there really is no such thing. So; this rant is going to be really angry and the fans of this show have been warned in advance. So; let's rant on and find out shall we...?!
This episode is written by Marion Wells and story editing is done by Karl Geurs. Sadly; Juan F. Lara did not release the animation studio here.
Opening Moment #1: Today's title card features Louie on a duck bill looking "tough" as a duck with a blackface is looking at him. Just lovely. Come to think about it; the duck might be Reggie Bushroot and I wish that it was since it would make a lot more sense than what we are going to get in this episode anyway.
So we begin this episode with the spotlight sun beaming down in a dark forest as a bunch of platypuses (who look part raccoon) are crawling on a roots of a tree. He sniffs the air and then we cut to a platypus crawling over and eating red berries from the bushes; then a human hand beckons and captures the platypus with a rope net. Scooby Doo platypus crawls on the ground and makes it to the bushes with red berries. It is about to eat one; when the poacher of doom shows up wearing gloves and a spotted purple doo rag. So the platypus runs like Scooby Doo remembering to whack poacher #1 in the face with his beaver tail before exiting stage left. Platypus runs stage left and then stage north to a hallowed tree log as another poacher who looks like he's from down under as his own net and tries to throw it; but the platypus dodges it easily. So poacher #1 (complete with blue pants and is fat like Homer Simpson) chases the platypus up a tree and onto a tree branch which snaps and they go head over feet into the river and underwater. Platypus swims up and heads to shore and then drops on his belly onshore being easily captured by poacher #2. The poacher looks evil which is the first bad sign of this episode; although to be fair, Seymore was like this too. And we fade to black to turn Michael Eisner barely two and a half minutes in. So we head to a South American village as a bunch of human tourists are walking around. Nothing of note here; unless you count one of the tourists getting dumped with water by one of the villagers turning a plate from the second floor window. HA! So we pan west to poacher #2 with a huge cover as a he whisper yells to a tourist to come over to him. Poacher #2 throws the cover away to reveal those raccoon platypuses in small cages that appear why too small for them. They are called Pugduddies which there is no such thing. Huh? They couldn't use a real animal here? I guess they were too busy dealing with BS&P notes to research one. And naturally; these poachers have teenage smug since they use "4 Sale" instead of "For Sale". We see the tourist and his kid who appears to be a prototype of Gretchen for Recess a year later. I'm not bothering with the details because I just want to get this episode over with.
One of the poachers is voiced by Paul Eiding and according to the USIMDB: Paul Eiding has performed in practically every acting medium known. From outdoor pageant in Berlin, Germany, to interactive CD ROM. Procenium stage to a three story Italian villa. Animated series and features, radio drama, commercial voiceovers, live industrial shows, stand-up, roasts, improvisation, musical comedy, straight plays, film and television. A sampling of his roles include, a gondolier, a Russian-Jewish milkman, a four-year-old girl, an African man-servant, a pleasure seeking alien, the first Jewish vampire, and various medical doctors, forensic pathologists, psychiatrists, psychologists, cab drivers, mad monks, effete intellectuals, and regular dads. Paul, who is originally from Cleveland, Ohio, and an avid Indians fan, began his professional acting, directing, and writing career over 30 years ago. He sang, played bass, and directed the 3rd Infantry Div, Marne Glee Club, in Germany. Later, while creating and performing comedy sketches at the Brave New Workshop in Minneapolis,Mn, Paul also contributed as a writer/actor to National Public Radio's, "All Things Considered" supplying topical satirical material. He went on to write and perform for the PBS series "Night Time." He has directed stage shows in Ohio, Wisconsin, Minnesota and California. Paul has also written and directed several short films and videos. He moved to Los Angeles in 1983. The following year he received both an L.A. Drama Critics Circle Award and Dramalogue Award for his work in the critically acclaimed stage production of 'Cloud Nine'. He was a series regular on ABC's, The Charmings, and for two seasons, recurred as school teacher Jason Steinberg, on the highly acclaimed Picket Fences.
He has guest-starred in numerous TV shows such as ER, Murphy Brown, Star Trek-The Next Generation, The Pretender, The Drew Carey Show, The Practice, Who's The Boss?, L.A. Law, and Cheers. Paul starred in such films as Nightbreaker, with Emilio Estevez, produced by Martin Sheen's Symphony Pictures, The Personals directed by Peter Markle, Madhouse, with John Larrouquette, and Biodome with Pauley Shore. He has guest starred in several movies for television including Unspeakable Acts, with Jill Clayburgh, Hands That See, starring Courtney Cox, Runaway Car, with Judge Reinhold, and Dark Reflection, in which he was murdered by C. Thomas Howell. He also starred as Irving, an award winning short film about the first Jewish vampire. He believes in the old theatre axiom, "The more you can do- the more you will do," so he also can be heard on many national television and radio voiceovers. He has been a featured voice in many cartoon series and CD Rom games. He has finished writing a teleplay about the melding together of different ethnic cultures, entitled Cross Currents. He is currently developing a one act play about family secrets entitled, In Their Own Defense, and a two-act, one-man show, with five actors (not an easy task) entitled, The Men In Me. Paul is a proud member of The Antaeus Theatre Company. His longest running roles are those of husband of 28 years, and father of two beautiful daughters. These are the most challenging, and easily, most satisfying roles of his career. He started his career on Foolin' Around in 1980. Quack Pack is his DTVA debut and also appeared on WITCH as Jeek. He has 208 acting credits to his resume. Miles Across The Sea as Shelby is his most recent credit. He also did ADR for Shrek 2, Finding Nemo, 101 Dalmatians live action, Doug's 1st Movie and Menno's Mind.
I'm guessing it's Poacher #2; while Poacher #1 is voiced by Michael Bell. So Poacher #1 tries to tickle a Pugduddy under his chin and he gets bitten with the big ass chompers. HA! Poacher #1 screams and sells a thumb injury complete with pulsing red thumb as we pan over to the nephews watching the SEXIST GIRL OF THE DAY which looks like a more stereotypical version of Suzy McIdler from Ducks By Nature. Even Louie makes a joke of the whole thing as he notices the poachers right away and looks pissed off already. Louie claims that he is not looking at the girl with the tourist either because he's only a slightly less sexist version of Huey. Ponder that for a moment. Louie claims that the Pugduddy is an endangered animal; which Huey questions because it's in a cage. Louie smacks him alongside the head as he corrects Huey. While I'm on a roll here being disgusted by this episode in general: Why does Louie suddenly care about endangered animals? This simply comes out of nowhere. Dewey is a slightly better choice for this role; but Suzy McIdler is actually the best choice because she at least loves nature and taking pictures of it. It would have been a great move to give her this plot to really enhance her character; but once again, BS&P is an ass after their treatment of her in Ducks By Nature. So once again; the exec notes have basically given us this mess. Poacher #2 proclaims that he has lots of Pugduddies and he is selling them for $20. Louie then gets on the counter and yells that it's against the law to sell endangered animals and the Pugduddies cannot live outside the jungle because they are already dying out. That makes no sense whatsoever because (1) the animal is not real so there is no evidence to suggest that the animal is dying out; nor would it die outside it's habitant, (2) what does living outside the jungle have to do with them dying out inside the jungle? And (3) Wrong country Louie. If this were America or Canada then fine. But NOT HERE in a South American country. However; this only serves to confuse everyone in town; and I do mean EVERYONE. So everyone leaves as Poacher #2 grabs Louie by the shirt and demands answers to this outrage. Answer: The writers are members of PETA...
So Louie shoves him aside and starts opening and ripping the cages asunder. Okay; this scene pisses me off because anyone who has read Respectful Insolence from Scienceblogs on animal welfare and experimentation on animals have shown that it is often a really bad idea to just let the animals out of the cage and have them leave free because they are often treated a lot better than NATURE would have ever shown to THEM. I cannot wait for Louie to start going after the animal testers and demonizing them as "vivisectors". Although; I doubt it will happen here since BS&P rules and sometimes that's a good thing. Poacher #1 tries to go after the critters; but gets bumped by Louie as he yells at the poachers to leave them alone. Huey and Dewey gasp in horror because here comes the BAD EPISODE POLICE COP OF DOOM. And apparently; government regulations in that country still allow an on-duty police officer to be fat and out of shape. He takes a red apple from the basket and is about to eat it; but Louie shoves him into the basket and apples turn to apple sauce and juice on cue. The chase continues on stage left as the cop notices Louie and is pissed. I don't blame him; this gives new meaning to the term: assault with a deadly punchline. AHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! So he bails and the crack animators had the apples turn green just as he leaves. So the poachers chase the Pug and the Pug hides in a bucket allowing them to crash into said bucket and the fish all flop on the ground while the heels crash and burn. They hear the police whistle and the heels bail stage left. Louie yells at them again and slips on the fish like an idiot and the fish go flying and smack the police officer right in the fatty chops. Huey and Dewey are horrified even more. I am too; albeit for a very different reason; and I'm guessing Louie gets arrested for disturbing the peace. Now this is apporos because that is what Louie did basically. Sadly; he should be arrested for impersonating a law enforcing officer and if there was such a law: doing it to slander said law enforcement. Louie gulps and we fade to black for the second time four and a half minutes in. So we return as we see the RV driving up a mountain side as Daisy gets off the funniest line of the episode and I quote:
Daisy: I wish we went to one country, just one country where we DON'T bail someone out of jail!
Personally; I wish we went to one episode; just one episode where the nephews don't push the crappy button. And no; the episodes without the nephews in it don't count. Daisy is wearing normal street clothes in the passenger seat with the Gruffi pose as Donald is driving and blowing off the Pugduddies already. Daisy tells Louie that you cannot take the law into your own hands. Would be apporos if he just took them to court, Daisy?! Even if he loses badly; that would be a million times more entertaining then this episode. Louie blows her off because law enforcement is a joke which in that country; is true. Louie jumps up to his bunk bed and pulls the brown curtain over him. Dewey and Huey are doing their normal thing which is to read comic and claim that they are with him. Well; Dewey and Huey were arrested once in Transmission Impossible with Louie so the feeling is there I suppose. Louie is looking at pictures at his hero Doctor Earnest Noble who is apparently from Greenpeace, Local Arm Duckberg. I know this because he is on a whale in scuba gear with a pike and there are three ships sunk in the ocean. Yeah; what a hero, he might have killed dozens of people just to stop overfishing and harm to whales. Daisy thankfully sides with me pointing out that he went to prison for it. I guess no one died in those incidents because there is a death wish just being asked here. Louie doesn't care at all because he's back to save the Pugduddies. Wow; and the critics claim that violent video games are worse than this?! Louie uses the net to nab Dewey and annoy him because he'll find Noble and this shows that Louie has learned his lesson to think before he acts. Which sadly is worse now because he's thinking dangerous thoughts. Sometimes, absolution doesn't work. Huey and Dewey mock him saying "I want to be just like him". Wow; that's the first time in this series that I didn't feel repulsed by their sarcasm. Probably because Louie is dangerously becoming a member of the Animal Liberation Front (ALF). We discover that Louie's fetish for Noble is stemming from his fetishes with being a space pilot and a hockey player. I'm guessing that the Mighty Ducks series started here since that sounds like one of those sports plug.
Louie proclaims that this is different. Sure it is Louie. Those last two didn't involve you going to jail. And then Louie notices a Pugduddy walking on the road and yells at Donald to watch out for it. I think you know what happens next: Donald drives out of the way to the left and off a cliff and down deep into the forest. Yeah; Louie's fetish is killing them softly with his resolve. Killing them softly with his resolve. Donald tries the brakes but no luck as they sink into what appears to be quicksand. But it's even worse as there is a pile of junk and vanity stuff as we discover that Kent Powers has also made the trip and is complaining about a cute, widdle bug on a leaf eating. That just made my day for some reason. He yells at Donald; just because. Donald salutes him because he loves his job and it's better than dealing with a wannabe member of ALF anyway. So we scene change to the side of the RV as Louie comes out with a club and a bear trap. I am not making this up. Suddenly; Dale and Monty's clubbing the raft in Chipwrecked Shipmunks is somehow high class. And he gets caught by Daisy asking him what he is hunting for. Now this is just perfect because Louie is screwed either way. See; if he responds with "I'm hunting for bears" which is a total lie; then all Daisy has to do is say "And weren't you defending animals earlier?". And of course if he responds with "I'm hunting for poachers" then he looks like an inhuman bastard, which he already is WITHOUT this out of nowhere love for animals. The only rational answer here is "I want to hurt something"; but that is the most vile answer of the three, it THAT is humanly possible. And Louie chooses #1; only with butterflies. Yeah; he is an idiot and even Huey mocks him for it claiming that they are man-eaters. If anyone wants to know why Louie is the worst nephew of the three, this is the episode for the citations.
So Louie admits that he's hunting poachers as he sets the bear trap; but Daisy blows it off and then brings out the camera because she'll hunt them and use the videotape for evidence. I heart Daisy. See; Daisy doesn't mind catching the evil poachers in the act; she just doesn't want to do it with violence because she has faith in the police to do the right thing see; even if that faith is misplaced some of the time. Louie thinks that all police officers are on the take; otherwise, there would be no poachers. Which shows how much of a child Louie is. To be fair; Louie is still a kid, but you would think that likable characters would learn their lessons about critical thinking once in a while. But then again; these nephews are unlikable. Even less likable than Kick Buttowski; if that's humanly possible. Case in point: He uses a log to test the bear trap and when it works he looks like an evildoer. Daisy blows him and leaves telling the nephews to look after him while she fiddles with the camera. Huey and Dewey have no problem with it; until they turn around and Louie is gone faster than Molly Cunningham in It Came From Beneath The Seaduck. What a shocker?! So we head to Donald pitching the final stake in the tent of Kent Powers who thinks he is such high class with that picture of himself on the front of the tent. Well; Kent has a higher class than Louie; so that means something I do believe. Donald has the SLEDGEHAMMER OF PLOT just to hammer the point of this episode home. So Donald is panting and thankful that this part is over and then Kent yells for Donald and Donald goes inside as Kent is having a bubble bath with a spotted green/pink shower cap and brush. When Kent Powers taking a bubble bath is more compelling than Louie becoming a member of ALF; you know this episode sucks hard. So Kent orders him to press his shirt and turns his bubble bath from lemon to lime. I see Kent likes alkaline which matches his bitter personality doesn't it? Donald is ironing a shirt; then ignoring it and the shirt burns. Donald throws limes into the bubble bath by the bushel full and Kent panics as his shirt is burning. NO?! REALLY?! I thought the cookies were burning in the oven for me to toss when this scene switches back to Louie.
Donald apparently swallows some soap for no logic nor reason because Donald seems to be blowing bubbles and then runs over to the iron which goes right through the ironing board and nails Donald on the webfoot and he screams. Kent runs over and complains despite the fact that every shirt he has is the EXACT SAME SHIRT Donald burned with the iron. Yeah; this guy makes Drake Mallard appear to have restraint. Donald is doing the foot grabbing spot as Kent wants lunch right now so Donald rushes outside with a table of goodies on a white cloth which somehow Donald magically manages to make appear without much effort. Kent continues to complain; just because as Donald notices a honey bee near the honey bee. So he produces the out of nowhere paper bag and captures the bee in it. UH OH! Donald has EVIL intentions for Kent Powers! I don't care if this has nothing to do with the plot because the plot sucks already; so I'll take whatever padding the producers produce to get through this. We head inside as Kent has his green sweater and trying to get his pants over his flower underwear but struggling because Donald shakes the bag and lets the bee out. The bee is confused and then notices the flowered underwear of Kent Powers and takes his stinger, shines it up real good, turns that sonhitch sideways and sticks it straight up Kent Power's candy ass. HAHA! Actually; Kent pulling up the pants before the bee sticks the stinger straight up Kent's ass is much funnier than just with the underwear exposed. BS&P fight with the tent ensues outside as Donald runs out and does the point and laugh spot. I'm surprised Silverstar and Goldstar don't use the picture at 8:11 of the video of Donald pointing and laughing. Maybe I should donate them that picture. Or maybe not. So Donald is fisting the ground laughing; and then the tent with the star of Kent Powers drops on him with crushing irony and we fade to black for the third time in this episode alone almost eight and a half minutes in.
So we return to the forest as a Pugduddy is backing up and being stalked by poacher #1 with a net. The poacher proclaims that he cannot wait until the boss sees this; and then we pan over to Daisy catching all this on film proclaiming that she cannot wait for the cops to see this. So I'm guessing poacher #2 is the boss; although if this would a better time, the boss would be Earnest Noble in my view. And then right on cue; the poacher disappears in a cloud of pink smoke leaving the Pugduddy. Hmm; maybe it is Earnest Noble. We'll see as we cut to Huey and Dewey popping up from the bushes and they do not like this scene at all. Because they cannot find Louie and Louie then jumps them from behind and ties them up with rope. Louie then realizes this and apologizes for thinking that they were poachers. Ummm; Louie, they are poachers. Poachers of talent and quality. AHHAHAHAHAHAHA! Louie unties them and the other nephews are not amused. Then we hear a noise and the nephews notice an abandoned house; the most boring house I have ever seen. Louie thinks that this is the poachers' hideout. Oh please; even poachers wouldn't be caught dead in that house. Huey proclaims that the other way is back to camp; which Louie runs to the house acting like a chicken to mock the nephews. You do realize that acting like a coward doesn't mean that you are afraid and run away. Huey blows him off as they make it to the front doorstep of the house and Huey calls it certain that no one is home and wants to leave now. Louie grabs them because going inside is a good idea. Dewey; the bastion of good taste and decency thinks it's a bad idea. Sadly; Louie is the focal character; so taste and decency have to take a hike as we head inside and then the opposite door opens (with some mature lighting) as a brown haired dude with a beard and wearing a green shirt and green short appears as the nephews panic and the LEGAL HAND OF GOD comes out from the human to end the segment nine and a half minutes in. That was a long nine minutes of pain for me; but at least Donald let me down easy. I have a bad feeling that this will be the last one too...
After the commercial break; the nephews are horrified (by a normal human being? FACKING BULLSHEET!) as Louie is grabbed by the shirt and demands to know what he is doing here. Wait; so you two have met? Because he's acting like he has met him somewhere before. Louie then realizes that this is Doctor Earnest Noble and is giddy; but Noble blows him off because he is done with the animal rights stuff and kicks the nephews right out of the house with a wussy bump from the nephews. Huey is of course on bottom like the sexist that he is and tries to crawl away stage left because Noble basically answered the question for us as Louie claims that he cannot mean that and runs back into the house with the crappiest animation I have seen this side of Fanboy & Chum Chum. Ummm; he kicked you out of the house and he's done with animal rights. I think that's a perfectly direct way of saying that he means it. They look around the house and apparently he is gone. So they check around the house and they notice that the guy is running a greenhouse. Ooookkkkaaayyyy. They head inside as they notice that Noble is now running a flower greenhouse with a big furnace like device on the end. Noble walks in and he yells at them to get the hell out. Huey and Dewey run away stage left behind the bushes as Louie walks in and calls him out for copping out because his motto is "A animal in need is a worthy cause indeed." Oh lord. Noble proclaims that this was a long time ago and he's done with this. Maybe he finally realized that "animal rights" is the most insane position you can have. Now I realize the inherit hypocrisy of talking about animal rights when we have half human/half animal chimeras running around in clothes. But seriously; this episode has so many problems on it's own without that caveat and using that caveat to score points for your point is quite mean spirited. Louie hears a cry of a Pugduddy and proclaims that if Noble won't stop him; he will and storms off stage left. Huey and Dewey liked him when he was a spaceman. Yeah; and we liked you Dewey when you weren't a prankster; or Huey when he isn't trying to rule the world; or oggling over girls like a sexist twit.
The nephews follow him as we cut back to Noble with a red version of the spray can device that The Model Rick Martel used for his gimmick after the fall of 1989. He claims that there is only one way to stop them and considering the title of this episode; the device is already telegraphed. And I don't like it one damn bit because we ALREADY did the shrinking episode with The Germinator. Seriously; you know this episode sucks when they have to redo an episode that wasn't good to start out with. Thankfully; we head back to Kent Powers' tent for some more fun with Donald. More SLEDGEHAMMER OF PLOT including one shot that misses the stake by two feet. And the close in shot doesn't help matters at all. So Donald bounces back to the tent entrance and is relieved; but then gets raises and zipped in the ass by Kent Powers as he thinks this will keep the winged pests out of his pants. That makes me laugh because he's basically mentioning the ducks and bees all in one fell swoop. Donald pops from the zipped up opening as the feathers fly and he's mad. We then head inside the tent as Kent is sitting down at the mirror powdering his nose and wearing a pillow on his ass. Only this show would take "covering your ass" literally. HEE HEE! He rants as we cut to a wall of the tent as we see some scissor blades cutting a circle. It's Donald looking on and he has...you guessed it. You know this episode sucks when the padding is much more entertaining than the main plot. So Donald opens the box which contains a remote control and a robot flying bug with blue claws and fly wings. Oh this is going to be fun. Sadly; on the closeup; the bug is as big as Donald's head and then shrinks to bug size on the far shots. Sigh. So Donald "ducks" the controls (See what I did there? What is happening to this gig?) and the bug flies into the hole in the tent and drops on the container of powder on the table. Kent takes the powder dipper to powder his nose again; but sees the bug right away and panic. Then the bugs flies and uses the LAW OF THE CLAW to pinch Kent's nose. Even funnier; Kent's nose does a million times better selling than Kent himself. These segments are pretty funny once you realize that it is saving us from the crap...
So the bug does the "Put out the Darkwing" spot that always makes me (and Donald) laugh (but pisses off GeoX). The pillars of the tent are broken off as Donald laughs and then realizes that the tent is collapsing and the tent completely collapses and Donald is nowhere near any place to take a bump. Oh well; still better than...Oh crap; the main plot is starting again. So we scene change to a tree where a Pugduddy is hanging from a net. The nephews come running in and completely fail to see the obvious net on the ground and they get caught. The nephews rise up (but not to the occasion because they suck) as poacher #2 comes along and mocks them. Louie demands to let them go and asks him how he feels about being in the Pugduddy's shoes. Poacher #2 mocks him back saying that he doesn't know, maybe Louie can write about it later. Then here comes Noble asking the same thing and he sprays the red smoke like gas onto poacher #2 and he shrinks to the size of a bug. Noble blows him off because now he's in the same position as an animal. So the nephews get let down and in Louie's case it's in another way as Louie thinks that he hasn't changed at all. However; Noble blows it off and tries to walk off as Louie is asking if he is going to change #2 back and Noble proclaims that he is not. Yeap; now I'm pissed. See; this is the BS&P version of how animal rights activists act because ultimately as proven in various documentaries about them; it's not about animal rights at all because that position is so insane because it's also anti-human. Think about it; every medical advance over the last 100 years was thanks to animal testing. Why? Because if something went wrong on a human before it was tested, it would open up companies to lawsuits and such that no real progress is made. Nature is the most cruelest force in the entire universe. It simply doesn't give a crap about humans. It doesn't mean we destroy nature because that works against us. But it doesn't mean we submit to it's will either and that there are ways around it. Noble has had a facade for years for being a hero to the animals; but in real life, he is a monster who doesn't give a crap about animal rights, because humans are from a literal sense: animals who can speak and think.
That is why animal welfare is a more saner position because it take into account the major differences that separate humans and animals. Noble doesn't and thinks that they are all the same and since many animals are notorious for being violent when provoked, Noble is basically acting out on his violence. Noted by one of the nephews when he called Noble a vigilante. He's not even that because vigilantes usually have a cause. Noble doesn't anymore; he just took the whole animal rights thing to it's logical conclusion and thinks of humans as a mistake and he's acting out on his mental illness and got rewarded by the press as a result, emboldening him even further. The problem with all this is that BS&P kills the effect because in order for us to sympathize with Louie, Noble would have to have killed poacher #2 outright. Leaving poacher #2 to die by bugs isn't going to do it since he makes him into a much bigger coward then he already is. The Simpsons, South Park, Family Guy can get away with it because they aren't for all ages and don't pretend to be what they are. But not Disney because it makes this heavily politicized even though the issue has nothing to do with politics at all since a good chunk of the worst activists are just violent and mentally ill and don't care about anything but maintaining their facade. Louie jumps in as does the other nephews as they grab the spray can and we spray and shrink right on cue and no one cares anymore. Noble blows him off for not quitting and Louie blows him off and wishes he never made him into his idol. Dewey stops all this nonsense because we see a Pugduddy eating grass and that causes panic and ends the segment nearly 14 minutes in. I hope to have the link to some of Orac's posts because they are real eye openers to the movement and the worse of the movement. And we have eight more minutes left? UUUUUGGGGGGHHHHHHH!
After the commercial break; we go to the sky shot of Noble and the Nephews (now there's a future lawyer pairing if I ever saw one.) looking scared of a raccoon platypus. I cannot take this seriously even if I tried. The nephews bail while Noble acts as if the animal has the thinking process of a human or a chimera. No luck there sir as Louie grabs him on the fly and we tumble. Noble thanks him for it and admits that he made a huge mistake since this wasn't supposed to happen. Huey blows him off and wants him to make it unhappen. Personally; leaving the nephews small would help their character, but they are the main event of this show so they must push the reset button. Noble explains that the pollen of the yellow flowers in his greenhouse is the antidote. We get a nice parallax shot of a tree of red fruit as poacher #2 somehow hears the whole conversation. Man; that is one super hearing poacher there. We then get another spot where Louie backs up to a red flower with big ass thorns (work with me people...) and Noble has to grab him away because the shrinking stuff comes from the thorns and one prick and he'll shrink out of sight. Louie has to thank him for that even if Noble doesn't deserve it. So they climb up a hill as poacher #2 comes down with a load of tomatoes and forces them to roll down the hill in bunches. He mocks them because he's getting the formula from the greenhouse. All the "babyfaces" take wussy bumps off of them and they end up in the Pugduddy's mouth and it closes as we fade to black nearly 15 minutes in. So we return as a match is struck and Louie has a lit match inside a tummy, ON A TOON DISNEY CUT OF THE EPISODE~! TaleSpin downplayed? How is that possible? Me not know how that can be done? The smoke goes through the nose holes in the Pugduddy and he sneezes and somehow burps and then walks out as the berries are on the ground; but the babyfaces are stuck in a tree. How exactly does THAT work? Bad, bad logic break guys! So Louie then gets inspired as he once wanted to be a skydiver. Huey and Dewey do not like this at all as Louie jumps and lands on a butterfly and controls it. The others hop on after Louie cuts a lame airplane promo and we fly away.
So we head back to Kent's tent with Donald invoking more of the SLEDGEHAMMER OF PLOT on the tent stakes. At least the shots make contact this time as Kent yells at Donald to get the bug spray which is on the conveniently placed picnic table which is the same sprayer as Noble's shrink sprayer. Donald blows off Kent and goes to the sprayer and then notices the conveniently placed jar of maple syrup. UH OH! Donald has EVIL INTENTIONS again. Wonder if Max was watching this and thought this was a fun tactic to screw Ruby over. If so; my opinion of Max went up about five notches. Donald's evil looks are great here too as he pours some maple syrup on a wooden spoon and a thousand flies swarms and drink the substance up and destroy the spoon. Donald is shocked and then turns evil and is about to fill the sprayer and then Daisy comes in and demands to know what the hell Donald is up to. OH FOR CRYING OUT LOUD GUYS! At least wait until Donald fills the whole thing and is about to spray Kent Powers before Daisy arrives. He's entertaining me and Daisy is just ruining my buzz. Damn; I sound like Kent Powers now. That's horrifying. So Donald rips the shrinking flower of doom and goes over to Daisy to suck up and run interference from his evil plan which I WANT TO SEE! So Daisy grabs it and pricks her finger just as Kent yells again (I got to give props to Kent for selling the nose pinching injury well.) and Daisy shrinks. Donald turns around and Daisy has vanished. He kicks something and somehow pricks his webfoot and before he can do the foot grabbing spot; he shrinks down and meets Daisy in a warm moment. So they see the bug sprayer which Daisy mistook for a weird spaceship. Then they get the LIGHT BLUB OF BLOODY CLAIRTY and here comes Kent Powers stomping out mad. Dammit writers! He's supposed to be a piss ant and unlikable; but I keep cheering for him. You are all confusing me.
Kent grabs the bug sprayer while not hearing pleas from Daisy and Donald. He sprays the maple syrup flavored bug spray into his hair and Donald and Daisy manage to plop into the top of his head via the power of suggestion. Daisy is stuck in some maple syrup and not liking this at all. Donald beams because he wants Daisy to watch Kent Powers meeting with a million flies. So Kent Power IS Satan! I knew President Obama was framed! Kent gets chased like a flapjack eater wanting his maple syrup. Daisy teases blowing off Donald, then they both tease a laugh and then they laugh loudly. Good payoff to Donald's revenge. This saved the episode from negative stars for sure now. Sadly; the main plot is "Louie becoming an asshole to save the animals" so we return to the jungle as Poacher #2 climbs up and complains. The he slips on dry roots and somehow gets stuck in a spiderweb with poacher #1. Damn; there goes my chance to mock the writers for writing him out completely. These assholes. So we pan over to the butterfly as Louie is piloting it and Dewey and Huey panic and think this is a perfect time to become a top gun pilot because here comes Iago from Aladdin. No, not really, it's just a red parrot. So we invoke the Scooby Doo Chase Sequence to waste more time because the padding wasn't enough. Other than a Loop-De-Loop which is four babyfaces for a dollar; there was nothing of note. Seeing Kent Powers running around his tent trying to keep the LORD OF THE FLIES minions from sucking the bleach out of his blond hair in the next scene was much funnier and compelling. And I'm not making a funnie here. So Kent stuffs himself into the RV and tries to drive it away as Daisy and Donald splash in his scalp (that has to be the best ride in this series to date); and Daisy drops onto the top of Kent's right ear and yells at him. Kent thinks it's voices in his head and drives away stage right. So we continue with the chase that no one gives a crap about and Louie is taking evasive moves which ends up with the parrot getting his head in the hole of the KEEP OUT sign. If only the nephews would heed that advice once in a while.
So the babyfaces fly into the greenhouse and land on the top of the yellow flower. The babyfaces get off the butterfly as the RV arrives to crash into the side of the greenhouse causing the babyface to bump into the watering container. I just knew the power of suggestion was overwhelming in this show because the only real damage was done to Noble's furnace like device which wasn't much. That crash munches! Oh great; now I'm starting to talk like the nephews. That's infinity horrifying. So Kent pops out selling the entire thing as Daisy somehow gets flicked off and falls into the watering can. Louie calls this a small world and I need to change Shellsea's programming to "kick Louie in the face" now. POW! OUCH! Ummmm... Kent is still running as he finds the watering can and pours water over his head which causes the babyfaces to flow out and land on the ground in a puddle. Everyone bails in various direction as Kent puts his foot down. Geez; I set myself up for that one didn't I?! So Kent grabs the yellow flower and starts shaking pollen all over the place and then screams as he finally sees Donald and he is PISSED now. The flower pollen overwhelms the entire greenhouse as everyone sneezes (except for Kent) and they return to normal size. Kent pops up as Donald comes out of the pollen and Kent chases Donald out of the greenhouse. Louie proclaims that everything is back to normal as he takes a yellow flower and wonders if it is. Noble proclaims that it is not and the rest come out of the greenhouse and notice the poachers on the spiderweb as a spider is about to eat them. Louie and Noble decide that they have at least "got it" now and they spread pollen on the poachers and return them to normal size. Yeah; that is how it really works in real life doesn't it. Ummm; no guys. It just doesn't work because the whole thing is just overwrought and somehow too tempered by BS&P to be taken in any serious manner.
This episode is living proof of how dated it is because the reality of the natural world is much more complex than that and trying to simplify it for the children is daring for trouble to start. All's Whale was much better because it was a "real whale" and Kit cared about the welfare of the whale and the animals there because Seymore was a slimy heel who didn't give a damn. These poachers were like henchmen; heck they didn't even have names. So the whole thing means nothing and using a fake animal doesn't help to invoke sympathy for animal welfare. Yeah; I basically wrote the Review Line in the entire rant. Anyhow; the poachers are back to normal size and Louie wants them to give themselves up. The poachers no sell because it's Louie's word against theirs. But Daisy appears out of the bushes with the camera as she has the evidence. HA! Now I would have the poachers try to grab Daisy and her camera; and Noble uses the red spray to shrink them again and then put them in a jar with the promise to turn them back to normal once the police arrive. That would build trust that Noble has changed and make the poachers somewhat threatening instead of bumbling idiots like in this one. So we return to the RV as everyone is packing up and Daisy proclaims that Noble turned into a hero after all. Trust me; if this were real, Noble would be back in prison for life. He would not be a hero since he's responsible for brainwashing young followers like Louie. Louie is glad that he turned the poachers to the police and then gets inspired because now Louie is a cop. Because you see; if you learn your lesson about fetishing over heroes before researching them to see if they might actually act like heels; then kids will turn the channel. What?! Thankfully Huey and Dewey invoke the Gruffi pose on him and say no. Louie shrugs and that mercifully ends the episode at 21:03. Well; this would have been the worst episode I had ranted on since I started doing this show full time; but the Donald/Kent Powers stuff pulled through for me. Logic breaks and animation errors didn't help either. Call it * 1/4 (25%); because hell, I feel generous. The Donald/Kent was ***, while the rest was -* 3/4 so we're split the difference here. I'm happy because at least it wasn't Bubba's Big Brainstorm.
THE REVIEW LINE
Well; since I have already crapped on this episode enough, I'm going to show this episode some mercy and comment on the good things about this episode. Namely; the entire Donald/Kent feud was enjoyable which has a really good payoff and Kent got to chase Donald at the end. Kent's selling was wonky at times, but I enjoyed it for a change. Donald was still Donald; although the animation didn't help him all that much as it felt off in some areas. Daisy was Daisy and I liked her response to bailing Louie out of jail plus her laughing with Donald to laugh at Kent. And that's about it. Still; I'm glad for the padding here because it helped me get through this episode without getting way too angry for my health and well being. So next up is Gator Aid and this one will be much better as Daisy wants a scoop on the disappearance of alligators. Then there is IOU A UFO which despite being a Dewey focused episode was fine when I was a kid, so I should be fine with it now. So........
Thumbs down almost to hell for this episode and I'll see you next time.
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