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Phoniest Home Videos
Reviewed: 02/09/2013
How Can You Tell?!
Well; I'm continuing ranting on episodes in and out of order once again; because this show doesn't have much continuity to spare. So our next episode up for bids is a sleazy producer finds a video of Donald's mishap with installing a satellite dish and makes him into the biggest bump machine ever. Oh joy! So; let's rant on and find out shall we...?!
This episode is written by John Behnke, Rob Humphrey, Jim Peterson, and Richard Stanley and story editing is done by Douglas Langdale. No animation studio notes from Juan F. Lara though.
Opening Moment #1: Today's title card features a one eyed clown model holding a slot machine. Way to go Disney, we cannot hide the realities of gambling now can't we? The top of the clown's head is named the Whack O Meter which is symbolic successor to the Cuckoo Scale in Darkwing Duck. Nice spotlight though.
So we begin this episode in a yard with a closeup shot of a open crate with the words satellite dish in black letters. So Donald carries the satellite dish towards the garage and then we jump cut to Donald walking up the roof which completely defies the laws of physics. Donald gets on the top of the roof as we see behind the bushes, the nephews with a video camera and they are taping for no reason other than they must always push that dreaded button I keep talking about in other rants. So Donald trips on some cords while not seeing where he is going and trips and falls into the satellite and slides down the driveway and down the road. The nephews follow on bicycles as apparently; the gag of the nephews riding the same bicycle in Ducktales is long gone now. Sigh. It ends with Donald going under a truck and then destroying a hydrant which does the water pillar spot on Donald. That looked poopy. So we do a fade shot and zoom out as Donald's mishap was on television. We see a long chinned red haired man dressed in a banana yellow suit with a white undershirt and blue tie overselling the whole thing. I discover that the slot machine clown is actually a Whack-O-Meter which rates a video based on how whacky it is. It is on the extreme red level which means Donald's video is the whackiest video ever made. To quote Slappy The Squirrel: What a bunch of yuttes?! Seriously; that video is not whacky; it's dumb. Oh; and we discover that Donald is watching on television looking dumb struck at all this in a dark living room. Then the announcer proclaims that the tape was sent in by three young kids named Huey, Dewey and Louie which does a really annoying ping sound with the white halos. Yeah; what a shock that this video was horrible and Donald is rightfully PISSED and there is heat literally coming out of Donald now. HA! The nephews realize that they are seriously (insert swear word here) as Huey checks his watch and they claim to have a big test tomorrow and need to study. The nephews try to run off ; but Donald blocks them and is about to MURDER them; when the announcer asks Donald is he wants to be rich.
Donald and the nephews stop in their tracks and then in an obvious, painful logic break, the announcer is IN the room. The announcer's name is Douglas Slackwell which his aide Brad who is a fat green suited man with a chart showing the highest ratings ever. Doug is voiced by Scott Bullock, and Brad is either Pat Fraley or Roger Rose. Juan F. Lara didn't have Brad listed though. So Doug offers the nephews a job to film a segment for Whackiest Home Videos starring Donald Duck which Doug invokes the pointy finger of death on his beak. It will make Donald a multi-gazillionaire. Yeah; whatever as Donald has the slot machine green dollar signs in his eyes. The nephews butter up Donald on fame and that MONEY, MONEY, YEAH, YEAH. So Donald agrees to it; and everyone signs the contract which gives all copyrights and internal organs to Douglas and Brad. I just realized that the nephews' signatures are more elite than Donald's which annoys me a bit. So we head to inside an office room with a blue/orange umbrella in the background as Donald has a box of stuff and there is Kent Powers to tell him that he will miss him which sounds so dishonest, you know it's Kent. Kent proclaims that he will not get in the way of Donald being happy and as Donald walks out; Kent kicks his ass and Donald goes flying to a wussy off-screen bump. Kent shuts the door and celebrates under the umbrella tree as he can now get a decent cameraman. So we head to the beach with the nephews in directors' chairs and shades on just to annoy me. The umbrella is the exact same as Kent; only the orange is replaced with yellow. We see Douglas and Brad looking on as Douglas asked what the three geniuses have which makes me throw up in my mouth a little. They take the glasses off and claim that this will be awesome which means that it will be crap. Anyhow; we see Donald on a surfboard wearing yellow and orange stripes as a one piece bathing suit. Douglas isn't so sure about this but the nephews proclaim that they are geniuses see. Donald gives that thumbs up which looks like "I'm going to die aren't I?" from Donald's point of view.
Brad isn't so sure either; but he gets picked up by Douglas claiming that with some modifications; it'll be perfect. Brad is dropped of course because he is better than Douglas; but Douglas is the main villain here as Donald surfs on the waves as the nephews are loving this while filming it all. So we head underwater with the submarine which contains Douglas and Brad. Douglas thinks that surfing is boring. Want to bet Michael Eisner wrote that line in? See; the public wants action, excitement, danger and sharks. I know that to be false. The viewing public wants mindless comedy, big eyed humans and talking animals. Damon Silverstar said this in doublespeak; so it must be true. They open the top hatch and I thought they would release a robot shark; but they released a real shark who happens to be evil. So the periscope pops up with Douglas somehow fitting inside of it just to get off another gaping logic break; and stuffs uncooked steak in Donald's pants right at the ass. That is exactly what happens. Surfing music ensues as Donald surfs and the shark oversells the presence of steak. See; blood is not allowed on DTVA even though we saw real blood in Tasty Paste in this very series! Plus; there was blood in Darkwing Duck during the Morgana scene changers and Rescue Ranger had bloodstains in Pound of the Baskervilles. And never mind Goliath bleeding in Gargoyles. I could say double standard; but that would be too mean. So the shark races from behind, as a pelican plops on the front of the surfboard and Donald is downright pissed off. Donald makes funny faces and the pelican sees the shark and flies off. Donald thinks he scared it off (If only Donald, if only.) ; but the shadow forces him to turn around. Donald bails like a scalded duck with his arms windmilling like the roadrunner, as he gets chased under docks for fun. This ends with Donald swimming off shore and taking a good bump off the rock; and then landing on his ass behind the rock with a really wussy bump. Sigh. Donald pants and thinks he's safe; but somehow the shark goes anthro chimera on us and waves to the camera on top of the rock. Donald bails stage left and out of sight as we see the shark with a BBQ, chefs hat and apron as he BBQ's the steak. HAHA!
So we zoom out as the Whack-O-Meter proclaims it to be in the red and Douglas calls that whacky. I agree; but it's the shark BBQ'ing; not Donald, so BOO! HISS! So we head back to Donald's house as the nephews (wearing those stupid shades on acting like smugasses) are in their director's chairs in the backyard. Huey decides to show Kevin Nash how to frame the elbow as Douglas asks what is the plan for this segment. The nephews think this is the best idea yet; and we just had to know this was going to suck as Donald is in front of the garage with a steel tub of water giving a black poodle a bath. THAT'S RACIST!! Since when did Donald have a dog? And Pluto doesn't count! And neither does Goofy! Douglas thinks this is fine; but Brad thinks it's terrible. So Douglas threatens to fire them if they don't have anything entertaining. So the nephews point out that if they leave, Donald will quit on him. Douglas then turns around and blames Brad for thinking about firing the nephews. Even though Brad NEVER suggested firing them; it was Douglas. Douglas backs up Brad towards the back of the house and then quits acting and asks about raising the whackiness of this video. So Huey turns on the video camera as Donald does the dramatic plunging of the black poodle into the water tub and scrubs him good. Then Douglas comes in and notices a blade of grass claiming that someone could trip on it. Okay; that was funny as he takes some scissors and snips it while Brad comes in and replaces the bubbly wet black poodle with a brown bulldog which they probably stole from the University of Gonzaga and then sprayed with brown non-toxic paint. So Donald gets the two fist scrubbing brushes and we scrub the bulldog which seems so damn wrong for some reason. Brush the ass spot ensues; and then the back as Huey continues to film. Scrubbing the ears some more as Donald wants to kiss the "poodle"; but it's a bulldog and Donald panics and bails. The bulldog chases him into the back door and then through the front door and onto the road again. We see from the front door the nephews still filming and calling for Donald. And yes; more Scooby Doo Snow Angel spots to annoy me.
Then they notice Douglas proclaiming that this is whacky and the nephews automatically think that Douglas is messing with their ideas. Of course he is; because your ideas suck! And if you noticed Brad switching dogs; then why not TELL Donald that? They huddle together and give a 3-0 sign that if Douglas screws with them again; Douglas and Brad are history. They also called him some booking name that sucked so much, no one is going to remember it. So let's move on to Donald in the kitchen with flour, eggs, a bowl, a whisk and a wooden spoon. The nephews are filming in their director chairs proclaiming that he's baking a cake and that it's a recipe for disaster. Douglas is mad as hell and thinks it sucks. Brad agrees with him as the nephews say Bon Voyage to these two as they do their usual crappy sequence of dressing up like ticket agents and dressing up Douglas and Brad in Hawaiian gear and moving them onto the logic breaking boardwalk which leads to the logic breaking cruise ship which logically breaking the bound of reason by sailing away stage left ON LAND. Yeah; Robert Stanley is clearing booking this. So we are on the cruise ship as Douglas and Brad are relaxing on lawn chairs as Douglas drinks pineapple juice and then the two get the LIGHT BULB OF BLOODY CLAIRTY. Hey; if you get taken in easily by three crappy kids, then screw you, you are a bad heel. Douglas does somewhat make up for it by flipping Brad off the lawn chair with his foot. Douglas hisses that he's the boss and no one does this to him. Thankfully; he came prepared as he brings out the out of nowhere jewel box (almond colored mind you) and opens it to reveal...THE SWITCH! He invokes the switch and we head back to Donald's kitchen as a cupboard door opens and out comes a robot. Great; all we need now is to discover that Douglas and/or Brad is a space alien and we are set for one of those bad episodes. The robot has red eyes and wheels over to Donald as the nephews think a mess is happening. It has already happened and it's this episode.
So Donald is mixing up to bake his cake as the robot grabs the flour and replaces it with gun powder. I know this because it clearly sezs gunpowder on it. Now you would think that Donald would be smart enough to notice that the bag of flour looks nothing like the bag of gunpowder and realize that he is getting screwed. But of course; Robert is writing this and thinks Donald and Goofy are the same person and therefore is a riot. I feel bad for the original writers who wrote this because they had a Goofy-equse plot and they had problems with Toby, allowing the worst writer ever to write the rest of it and modify it. Seriously; how does Donald NOT notice that the color in the cake is black considering that the color for the cake indicates that he's baking a white cake. Stupid and probably racist too! This cake is one of those tube cakes where the concept faded into obscurity when people realized that it looks like a glorified doughnut. Yeah; Donald puts the pan in the oven despite all the obvious warning signs that this cake was spiked by Douglas and Brad and I'm betting the explosion is forthcoming in about a minute. I check the video...Damn; I'm good. Donald looks like he was on Stickin Around recently too. I'll give Donald points for trying to sell this; but it renders him dumber than a box of Goofys. Even the nephews clearly saw it; and should have known this was going to happen and they acted like nothing happened and it was a letdown. IDIOTS! We get a closeup of the robot looking on with his whirly head and red eyes as we zoom out to a monitor which is part of the control box Douglas was using and calls this whacky. Whatever sir. He is sick and tired of the nephews running his show; but he realizes that if he fires them; Donald will quit and Douglas needs Donald to pull off the ratings. So Douglas then gets an evil idea which is to get Donald to fire them. If only that were easy sir; because we know who is booking this crap and it's not a pretty sight. One other note: I'm SHOCKED that they kept the gunpowder gig because normally that is cut by the censors.
So we head to a hospital bed as Donald is selling broken arms, a broken leg and chest and head injuries. He hobble out of bed complaining about the show when suddenly a blond haired nurse wearing a blue nurse's outfit with a red cross on the hat; and she looks like she escaped Animanics for some reason. Probably because handling Huey's oodling is better than dealing with Yakko and Whakko. The blond haired nurse calls him a nimcompoop and Donald is offended; which is countered with the KISS OF DOOM which pops Donald's ice bag. Ummm; okay. Donald proclaims that he loves this stupid show. NNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Oh wait; he is talking about Whackiest Home Videos...NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!! Okay; I'm better as Douglas comes in and proclaims that this is only the beginning as he throws a tomb full of money; gives awards to Donald and also proclaims that Donald will have a talk show and fans breaking down his door. That's awfully depressing as Douglas wants Donald to fire the nephews as they walk out. Donald throws away the awards and no sells with the Gruffi pose. Douglas proclaims that blood is thicker than stardom; but the nephews are holding him back. I love shoot comments that aren't supposed to be shoot comments. Of course Brad comes in dressed as a dumb blond and his acting of a girl is so laughably bad that I laughed at it. Anyhow; Donald isn't so thrilled; so Douglas tosses the awards and showers him with money looking evil.
Donald is entombed in money as we head to Mount Killmonjaro as we see Kent dressed as a boy scout as the camera cannot even keep focused on his body for any length of time. You see; Kent hired a cameraman who is a bare foot hippie with a peace symbol necklace; wearing blue overalls, green shirt, blue/purple spotted bandana and with scuffy brown hair in the Lotus position meditating. See; in his own mind, he creates images through meditation. This woo is more hilarious than the "Shampoo Woo" Orac wrote out several years ago. Kent thinks this is great; but the hippie admits that he hasn't invented it yet. HA! Kent threatens to fire him so the hippie dances around Kent to express his feelings. Whatever. Kent is shocked and then pissed off as he kicks the hippie right in the ass and he goes flying over the mountain yelling that Kent is wrecking his karma. Riiiigggghhhhttttt; that would imply that Kent has any karma to wreck. Speaking of wrecks; we see Donald lying down on the purple sofa groaning. Even though his beak is perfectly fine; Donald is claiming that it aches. So Douglas runs in and shows Donald a picture of undeniable proof that the nephews arranged for all this crap as it shows Brad dressed up like Huey placing a bomb in the oven. Riiiiiggghhhhhtttt. Despite the fact that Donald's cake was BLACK before it entered the oven. If you are going to do that spot; then have Brad dressed as Huey switching the flour to gunpowder. That would make more sense and be harder to disprove. Although Donald is Goofy without the charming wit that Goofy brought to the table; we should not be surprised of who is booking this crap. And then I realized that these are the same three or four guys who wrote Ducks By Nature too. I mean; at least paint Brad's face white before you take the photo for crying out loud! So Donald buys it hook, line and sinker as Douglas proclaims that fame has injured their psyches and he should fire them for their own good. No; I would fire them for DONALD'S own good as Donald is in tears and is edging towards the firing part. Lo and behold; the nephews walk in to tell Donald of their new idea for a video of him playing a kitten which Douglas hates because he's a sadist.
Donald is in tears and he fires the nephews in one of those patho moments where I want to cry with him; but I cannot because he has acted way too stupid to be taken in any serious manner. The nephews protest this naturally because they are bigger sadists than me and Douglas put together. They point out that they are kids and someone has to take care of them. Funny how they bring that up the moment it becomes a disadvantage for them to screw the parent over. So Douglas has this covered and we get a big ass woman in a green dress with a black eyepatch come through the door and proclaims that she'll take care of them. And that means they are basically grounded for life and it's 5 o'clock and time for bed as they grab the nephews and she walks out. HAHA! Best part of the entire episode right there! It's all downhill from there. The nephews deserved that one too. I see she was Mrs. Goldfishburg's idol too. That ends the segment 12 minutes in. Brutal segment otherwise with a few laughs sprinkled in.
After the commercial break; we head back to the set of Whackiest Home Videos as we get the cheesy logo of this show and then in comes Douglas Slackwell as he welcomes us to sadism on display as Donald walks in and gets murdered by the wooden SLEDGEHAMMER OF PLOT and then gets murdered with a bomb complete with spotlight. We then zoom out to see that the nephews are watching the television from a green sofa. Wait; weren't they banned from television as ordered by their big ass nanny. I guess she allows them to watch shows that contain Donald because there is Beverly Hillbillies 90210 featuring Donald. I'm guessing this the redneck version of the show and hopefully Paramount will sue the pants off Disney for this. Or not. Huey clicks on the clicker and we see Daisy near a cinema as it's What In The World time as the nephews are relieved. And anyone who has seen this spot knows that it's going to be a Donald segment as a limo has pulled up and out comes Donald in a top hat and black tuxedo with two women with a lot of clothing on as the nephews wants to shut off this "sick" filth. To them it is sick; to us, it's just crap. Daisy asks Donald if he misses his old life and friends; and he states that he doesn't. Daisy asks if he misses her and Donald claims that he does; but the two women bump Daisy away and oodle all over Donald before they all walk off. Bleh. Daisy looks like she is about to cry which is another pathos spot that has been done a lot better than this show and it is ruined as the camera comes down and films Daisy's feet and goes out of focus. Whatever. We discover that the cameraman is a big ass Frenchmen who has a foot fetish. UH OH! Daisy is not acting here; she's shooting again! This is unbelievable; as in not believable. So we head back to Donald's house AFTER HAPPY HOUR (after dark) as we head to the nephews' room as the big ass nanny tells them to sleep tight and all escape attempts are futile. She slams the trapdoor and nails it with the nail gun as the nails protrude through the trap door. Good luck lady; it won't work because you all know the nephews' job is to push the crappy button.
So Louie goes nuts and wants Donald back before they are driven wonky. Oh great; I got that line from THEM. That's horrifying. Dewey doesn't see the way out of this since she has nailed them in. So Huey proclaims that he has an extreme measures plan and the nephews don't like it one bit. Huey's plan is a montage sequence. Good; then I don't have to call it. So they cut planks of wood, drill with the jackhammer, mine through a shaft, dig up to into the gate which is completely fenced off despite the fact that the whole house wasn't like a war zone on the first shot of the house in this scene, Big Ass Lady calls for the dogs and we get machine gun fire that indicates that Toon Disney snipped something because we never see the dogs (which I bet were the stock dogs used in most DTVA shows), Dewey uses bolt cutters, the nephews climb down the bed sheet spot (I'm not doing the joke. I'm not wasting my material on this episode) and then head to the beach and hops into the conveniently placed hover craft and drive away. Got all that? Good, because you can pick out the obvious breaks of logic by yourself without my help. So we head to the outside Donald Duck's dressing room with the big ass yellow star painted on and beyond the door; Donald's visage encircled in a red circle, and Brad sitting in a chair doing the Gruffi pose. We then see Brad stand up and we see the nephews are here. Instead of calling for Douglas; he allows the nephews to ask if they can see Donald. Brad opens the door and notices Donald looking in the mirror wearing a red robe and shades of his own. HA! In your face nephews! Brad tells Donald that his so called nephews are here; so Donald gives Brad pictures and Brad walks out. He gives the pictures to the nephews which contain the signoff: To Whomever You Are. HAHA! The nephews are not amused as Brad shoos them completely out of the studio building which begs the question: How did Brad not notice that the nephews are not with their nanny?!
So we return to see Brad dozing off for a long ass whomping time and his singing is cute. Then he hears a noise and wakes up and notices nothing of note; and then we see Huey hopping in dressed like a black ninja with red trim. And they are surprised when Villanova pulled the same stunt on the nephews in Transmission Impossible? Brad tries to bail; but is blocked by Dewey dressed like a black ninja with blue trim and Louie is the same with green trim on the ceiling light as he fires a plunger arrow. Great; they just have to do the BS&P Gadget Bug arrow didn't they?! It's a lot more amusing when it's on Rescue Rangers; but it comes off as BS&P'ed here. Not to mention that Naruto would kill these three losers in about three seconds. Did...Oh never mind. And what a surprise; we have a logic breaking plunger because when Brad gets nailed into the kisser and into the wall; the plunger turns big ass. Time to send in the space alien because this crap is dead on arrival, BRUTHA~! So the "ninja nephews" slap skin and we see Donald sleeping on his sofa as the nephews open the door and wake him up. So the nephews (wearing regular clothes now for no reason) run in and climb on Donald's legs. They pressure him to quit right now and get rid of the nanny. Donald pushes them off the sofa and on their asses as he shows the photograph of Brad dressed up as Huey planting the bomb in the oven. The nephews cannot believe this and they blow off Donald and storm off proclaiming that they are done with him. Oh why not?! It's not like these nephews are smart anyway as they walk down the hallway and Brad has the big ass plunger with him which has shrunk a bit. The nephews realize that their plan was stupid and they get plungered and kicked out of the studio. And the plunger has grown big enough to host three asses which is fitting because the nephews are jackasses anyway. The nephews blow off Donald proclaiming that they don't care about him anymore and walk off stage right. Stormy Weather this is clearly not.
So before they walk to the gate, they are near a building with the conveniently opened window; so we hear Douglas talking to Brad who has somehow teleported into Douglas' conference room. Douglas has an awesome stunt for Donald; but it will be such a pity because Douglas will have to find a new star as he throws darts at a dartboard (which is what most wrestling bookers do nowadays instead of long term planning) and splits every dart he throws in a cute spot as apparently; this next stunt will legit kill Donald. The nephews gasp in horror just a minute after NOT CARING about Donald anymore and that ends the segment 17 minutes in. They are trying to redo Stormy Weather; but there is no emotion, no sympathy heat on the kids (like with Kit after Dan Dawson plays Baloo like a fiddle.), nothing makes sense, and Donald is too stupid in this one. Again; they are trying to play Stormy Weather; but it ends up in a storm of crap.
After the commercial break; we cut to the window as the nephews gulp on cue as Brad is questioning this all while Douglas splits more darts and then 300 of them on the dartboard. See; the public is sick of Donald and the ratings are in the basement, so he is going to terminate him in a stunt to give Donald a chance to go out in a blaze of glory for his own benefit. Even Dan Dawson wasn't this obvious with his plans to try to get Kit killed for his own benefit. The nephews slump down as they hate Donald but he is their uncle and they got to stop him before his contract is terminated; along with Donald himself. Yawn. So we see Donald arrive in street clothes with Douglas and Brad as they get in the limo and it drives off. Apparently; this is like a train limo which is no more logic breaking than Helga's viking ship that drives like a car. The nephews see the opening; open the door to the limo and hop inside. The nephews run in and hide behind the seat as Douglas, Brad and Donald are naked in the hot tub. HA! They are drinking lemon juice and I hope that lemonade is hard if you know what I mean. Did I mention that this limo houses a pool table and a mini golf course?! So the trio exchange notes on the grand finale as Douglas doesn't even try to hide the fact that it's Donald's final performance. Donald swallows in horror so Brad corrects Douglas claiming that it's his finest performance. Remember six years ago when Dan Dawson was doing all this funny stuff to stop Kit from hating him. And naturally; Douglas almost tries to drown Brad and blames him for saying final. This would be amusing if I didn't see this done better with Dan Dawson who had no aide. Ponder that for a moment. So Brad apologizes as the nephews watch on with no emotional reaction. So we head to the airport as a big ass jet plane is parked with a big ass...ummmm....ass opened up. We see Douglas and Brad moving Donald who has a blindfold on, roller blades and a red helmet.
Okay BS&P: Let me explain something to you on why this is a stupid move on your part. He is obviously going to free fall from an airplane. If he doesn't have a parachute or the parachute fails; that helmet is NOT going to save his life. If anything; that helmet will actually increase the intensity of a head injury if he lands on his head. Just because helmet laws on rollerblading are there doesn't mean that the scientists are stupid enough to believe that they will protect you from free falling thousands of feet from an airplane. Idiots! So Donald is confused about this roller blading stunt; which Douglas assures that he'll love it because the blindfold makes it more interesting. They roll him into the plane which Douglas calls a roller rink. So the limo leaves and when it finally goes off-screen we see the crappy button pushing nephews try to run in; but the plane has taken off. And then the nephews run over to the smaller white plane and climb inside. Dewey is at the controls which Huey and Louie are pointing out that he cannot fly this thing. Dewey blows them off proclaiming that negative thinking will not help the situation. Ummm; neither is stomping on Kit Cloudkicker's corpse Dewey Duck! Just because he flew a plane in Flight School doesn't mean you can do it. Yeah; let's rib on TaleSpin some more; that'll get the show over. Kind of like trying to rib Warner Brothers was going to work too. Kind of like ribbing on TMNT was going to work too. Yes; their flying is much worse than Colonel Spigot of all furries! Dewey "Hung A Spigot" backwards too. So we head inside the big ass plane as Donald is rollerblading inside blindfolded and doing a really good job of it. So Douglas whisper yells to the audience that Donald is rollerblading at 10,000 feet in the air and the ass of the plane is left wide open. He calls it whacky. No; I call it REALLY STUPID! So Donald skate around in loops near the door to tease falling out as the white plane arrives and the nephews panic on cue as Donald finally rollerblades off of the door and free falls. Huey and Louie yell at Dewey to do something; so Dewey goes into a nosedive and Donald manages to land on the left side of the white wing of the plane.
Donald skates on the wings as he somehow skates onto the right side of the plane as Douglas calls this all whacky. So Huey and Louie climb on the right wing to grab Donald; but Dewey flies into a school of birds and that causes Dewey to slide right and Donald does more roller bumps for fun. I think he free falls again; but we cut to Daisy's helicopter above a huge traffic jam coming out of Porcupine World and I was hoping that the traffic jam was caused by a school of porcupines which would be a funny one off gag; but that doesn't happen as we see Daisy with the Gruffi pose on and a pink shirt as she blows off Kent for being a old pea brain buffoon. Kent is offended of being called old and looks in the mirror asking if he looks old. Daisy then notices Donald on the wing skating and yells at Kent to do something. Kent wants a camera on this right now; because this will boost the ratings which Daisy completely blows off. Personally; I would have Kent do the camera thing and let Daisy be the hero here; but this is no dice because Kent yells at Bosko who looks like an African American or heavily tanned who looks like a big ass thug with a crew cut as he wants to kill Kent. Kent looks in the camera and proclaims that he cannot believe that he misses Donald and then gets MURDERED by Bosko with the Dumptruck screw punch. HAHA! Second best spot of the entire episode right there. So we see more skating as Louie proclaims that they have to let go and Huey calls this a wonderful life. Sure it is Huey; I don't care if you die now, I just want this episode to end. So they crawl on this wing which has the TMS background of doom which is pretty decent if you ask me. I have seen worse out of this show as Huey grabs Donald's ankle and he's startled. The nephews almost let go; but Dewey invokes the LASSO OF BANE TO ALL ACTION CARTOONS EVERYWHERE to snag Louie's ankle. Swell. Donald finally takes off the blindfold and panics since he sees blue birds and he's in the sky. Donald puts the blindfold on as Huey points out that Dewey is no longer flying the plane and somehow the gear stick moves on it's own and allows the babyfaces to be WARNERED~! Okay; I guess we have to trivialize Kit's fall from P&L part four too.
So they free fall and splat right into the big ass jet plane (how does that work?) like a bunch of bugs on my windshield. EWWWW! GET THEM AWAY! GET THEM AWAY! Well; except for Donald, he can stay. The pilot who is wearing a bomber jacket and hat and has red hair faints dead away before saying a word. Both he and Bosko are believed to be voiced by Pat Fraley as the gear stick somehow does the exact same sequence of moves that the white plane did and the plane goes into the worst tailspin (BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!) I have ever seen this side of Playstation Vita. Donald and the nephews are hanging onto each other and a black antenna and it snaps and they freefall as the helicopter swoops in and Daisy brings down the rope ladder. The males all grab it and hold on in the safest sequence ever. The nephews give Donald the stink eye as Donald apologizes right on cue; and the nephews instantly forgive him because they know Donald will murder them if they don't. Which sadden me because I was hoping for them to not forgive him. So they do a pathos spot that once again doesn't work as we see the plane going into a tailspin and it crashes off screen in the mountains background. And then we see that Brad, Douglas and the pilot are sharing one Gedo fashion sense parachute. Douglas whines about being canceled since the footage was all in the plane. Brad and the pilot notice that they are over Porcupine World; which is the only good build up and set up for the payoff as they land off-screen in PW (only the brick fence is shown) while the trio of heels panic like crazy. MAN-SIZED bumps; sharp needle sounds and a lot of camera moving ensue as the babyface all call this whacky and that mercifully ends the episode at 21:03. This episode was really, really awful and it only served to piss me off because they tried to combine Flight School with Stormy Weather and it failed miserably. A few funny moments saved this from a DUD; and negative stars though, and the animation was all right despite the logic breaks just tearing my hair apart. 1/2* (10%).
THE REVIEW LINE
Wow; another Richard Stanley episode down and when he takes over other people's work; he finds a way to turn it into crap. Unlike The Late Donald Duck; this was really not funny. I did like the scene with the big ass nanny and Kent Powers getting crushed by Bosko (you know an episode sucks when Kent Powers is the most over guy in the episode.). Douglas and Brad were basically Dan Dawson's personalities and neither one of them were subtle enough and it only served to make Donald Duck look even dumber than he always was due to Richard's take on Donald being a witless version of Goofy. Also the pathos suck because I have no sympathy for the nephews and there is no emotion for me to care about the nephews because they are jackasses and Donald is so stupid that he bought stuff that the old Donald would have noticed right away. Come on; you think he would have bought the picture of Brad dressed up as Huey Duck. Who dresses like Huey Duck? Everybody in 1996. The logic breaks were so absurd even Fanboy & Chum Chum would hang their heads in shame. Seriously; they have a cruise ship running on the road? The house was a prison just a minute after we saw the house untouched? There was a beach and hovercraft behind the house? None of this made any sense and this seemed like an exercise in trying to bury Stormy Weather and Flight School with the finish. Well; it didn't work. Fans REMEMBER Stormy Weather a lot more than Phoniest Home Videos, that is simply a fact! Daisy was good in this one and got one good spot in; but it was way too late. Again; there were a few funny moments, Daisy helping out and the animation was good for what it was; but the writing and booking was horrible. I ended up hating the nephews even more now because Dewey flew a plane and acted even worse than Phineas driving a race car. At least Phineas and Ferb are cool because they can build stuff like no one else; unlike these three losers. So tomorrow is going to be Pardon My Molecules as Huey and Louie are fighting just to see who can push the crappy button faster while Donald and Daisy have to deal with a mad man who wants revenge on Daisy for bashing his painting. That at least sounds fun. So........
Thumbs down for this episode and I'll see you next time.