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Can't Take A Yolk
Reviewed: 02/17/2013
I Cannot Take These Egg Puns Anymore!
Well; another day, another Quack Pack rant. This time; Donald is devolving back into his youthful self; all because the nephews hate the old man for not taking a prank that we all know was never funny before we saw what the prank is. So; let's rant on and find out shall we...?!
This episode is written by Thomas Hart and story editing is done by John Behnke, Rob Humphrey, and Jim Peterson. Thomas started with Aladdin The Series in 1995; thus his DTVA debut. His DTVA resume: House of Mouse (series and OAV's), Teamo Supremo, Atlantis: Milo's Return, Dave The (CLEANING) Barbarian (OF LAUGHS), Lilo & Stitch The Series, Kim Possible and Super Robot Monkey Team Hyperforce Go! Non Disney resume: The Wedding Tape, various CGI Care Bear OAV's, Earthworm Jim, Get Ed, The MASK: The Series and Casper: A Spirited Beginning. Bolts & Blips is his most recent credit. He has 20 writing credits, 2 story editing credits and one other credit. There are no animation studio credits known at this time.
Opening Moment #1: Today's title card features an egg with a baby duck in shadow inside with a sailor's hat getting hit by a purple beam.
So we begin this episode at Donald's house on the far shot and then we head inside the living room as Donald walks in humming a tune while wearing a purple spotted yellow shower cap. I cannot take anything this duck sings seriously. This shower cap sucked! He also has a purple towel (so purple towel is fine; but a purple blanket turns navy blue) and a blue robe as we see Huey hiding behind a green couch with his walkie-talkie talking to Dewey who is outside the house saying to deploy the Conduit now. So they are going to make him play a crappy first person shooter. Doom perchance?! They'll going to make him play Doom? That's a stupid trick to play guys! And a memo to Toby: The shorts you praise so much had Donald playing the pranks on the nephews first; then have the nephews counterstrike with one of their own so Donald will get his comeupperance. When you let the nephews do it first; then there is no payoff because they have already played the prank. At least the classic had them striking back instead of pre-emptively. Louie has a hose with a funnel as Donald heads into the bathroom which I discover that the shower curtain are orange with green fishes. That was cute. This bathroom is so colorful with green walls and purple trim on the windows. Just an observation; you can draw your own conclusions as to why the color stylists went there. So Dewey opens the window and the hose gets inserted into the bathtub. Huey is at the door looking through the keyhole seeing Donald on a foot stool (NOT THAT ONE) at the mirror gurgling like an old man. We discover that the nephews are going to pour gelatin in the bathtub and it's purple by the way. Louie pours the box of grape gelatin through the funnel and this joke is dumber than the smoking anime sex tape explosion in Transmission Impossible. At least that one wasn't so much a stupid joke played by the nephews; as it was the nephews being curious. Donald takes off the robe as he shows off his six packs abs (which Daisy replied; eight!) and walks to the bathtub. Yeah; he's naked as the nephews bail to somewhere in the living room as Louie checks his Mantis Boy watch and they countdown. Zero occurs; Donald screams and he's out of the bathroom with purple gelatin encased on his body. HA!
Okay; seeing Donald encased in gelatin is pretty funny; but it's much funnier if the nephews GOT IT FIRST! So then their counter attack would be justified at least and then have Donald ground them for the counterattack so Donald looks like the slimy heel who cannot take a joke. Here; he's a bouncing babyface who shouldn't have to take a joke he didn't deserve. The gelatin bounces like Santa's big ass belly and the nephews laugh at his expense and don't even bother to hide it and basically incriminate themselves. Donald's reaction is absolutely awesome as he gets the CHEAP HEAT OF LAUGHS and chatter teeth sound effect to boot. And we fade to black to turn Michael Eisner on at 1:15 into this thing; a new record for this show. So we return to outside the backyard as Huey and Dewey are at the circular picnic table as Huey complains about being grounded and doing yard work. Now if you remember that in the last rant; they were doing yard work so Dewey's cruel and unusual punishment line is so absurd that I'm just waiting for Dewey to turn Donald into a Godwin. We see a shot of a tree for a long time as Louie comes in with an ax and wants to nuke that tree. So we see a jump cut of Huey (must be a scene snipped from Toon Disney) with a face mask and a chainsaw as he tries to cut the tree; but the chainsaw turns red and bends/melts. Logic break: there is sawdust coming out when the smoke effects happen; and then we see absolutely no cut whatsoever in the tree. Huey throws the chainsaw away and sits down and ponders an easier way. And of course we have to have the OUT OF NOWHERE door-to-door salesmen with the yellow suit and red pants come out of the bushes. Man; his face looks really 101 Dalmatians: The Series; only without the thick black marker. He tips his hat as we discover that inside his hat is a bunch of calling cards with a "Take One" sign on them. He's E.Z. Smith (believed to be voiced by Corey Burton) and has the most not believable flat cut head in the history of mankind.
So the nephews are wondering what to make of this fellow as EZ uses his suitcase stand and opens the suitcase and dives in to throw out all international objects from rubber chickens to various other stuff. I was half expecting him to throw a space alien out; but no dice. He then brings out a yellow bottle with a label that reads "EZ Smith's Retro Growth Formula" which has a purple screw top. Man; someone has an obsession to purple today. So we get an overwrought spot where EZ brings out a tall ass sunflower in a pot and brings out a step ladder (So that suitcase was made from Eleroo's pocket? That's creepy!!) and puts a drop (complete with eyedropper) of yellow liquid in the sunflower as it shrinks down to normal size. He calls this a youth potion which is silly because it seems to merely shrink the plan; but not it's age. Logic break: When Louie whisper yells to Dewey about this being extreme; EZ pins the sunflower on Louie's shirt. It looks half the size of a poppy; despite the fact that the sunflower shrank to half the size of Louie's chest. And EZ's Eleroo suitcase also contains about five different light bulb flashing signs with pinball sounds. Whatever EZ. He calls it like chopping wood and the nephews look at each other and it's sold. By the way; the reason that they wanted to get the job done was to visit Grumps to see the twins; which is stupid because Grumps has no family I can see. So we scene change to Louie with the bottle and eyedropper and Louie puts a drop of liquid on the tree root and there is nothing...AND THE ROCK MEANS NOTHING! For about 20 seconds; and then the entire tree shrinks down to a sapling as the bird nest with blue bird stays in mid-air and is likely to go nowhere. The nephews uproot the sapling and put it into the planting pot. So Huey brings the others together and wants to meet with the Mergancer twins. Do you want to bet that they are the SEXIST GIRLS OF THE DAY for this episode? I know this because they are both voiced by females according to Juan F. Lara.
So we head into the bathroom with Donald Duck and a toy boat which is a naval vessel. Ah; so Grimitz did give Donald a going away present after Donald served time in the FCC Navy. And there's more purple trim everywhere as the nephews practice the fine art of not being seen and Louie puts the yellow bottle on the window sill. So Donald puts the toy boat on the water in the bathtub and he is singing and naked. So Donald goes to the window sill and forgets to look where his hand is because he grabs the yellow bottle instead of the pink bottle called Fluffy Duck. So Donald pours the stuff in the tub and all over his head as he's in the tub washing himself and we see the naval vessel turn into a tugboat. I smell the WRAITH OF GRIMITZ commencing; but we fade to black for the second time at 3:19. Geez guys; why so many fade to blacks? Did the scene changer sue you for royalty checks or something?! So we head outside of Grump's diner as we see the nephews look at two blond haired females with pink dresses drinking pink soda. Huey calls them the Mergancer twins. To me they are the SEXIST GIRLS OF THE DAY. Not to mention that they almost look like Teresa Ganzel and one of them is voiced by Teresa; who you know as Preena Lot and Flygirl in Darkwing Duck. The other might by voiced by Sherry Lynne; but given the character designs; I wouldn't be surprised if it's Teresa Ganzel voicing both. Needless to say; when they giggle; the nephews oodle. So Louie acts like an idiot and gets his hat pulled down over his eyes and walks blind stage left. So the nephews run into the diner and go to the island seats. Huey turns around to tell Grumps his order; only to get licked in the face by a conveniently placed yak. HEE HEE! Okay; that was cute as the nephews mock him for getting yak slobber. Huey blows off Grump's health standards as he wipes the cyan blue slobber and here comes Grumps. See; it's a holiday in Blastoviska and it involves praising and glorifying yaks. At least that is the guise of it since Grumps' offensive Eastern Europe stereotypical broken English is not helping me figure out what the hell he is saying.
And then we see a poster of a rooster on top of a yak with circus tents in the background as it is titled "Yak Yolk Festival". Oooookkkkaaayyyyy. Minor logic break: The poster sezs it's a festival; but the nephews and Grumps are calling it a carnival for some unknown reason. Huey is not amused as he walks stage left and we get the sexist meet and greet complete with grinning. So I discover that one of them is Alexandra and the other is Cassandra. Alex and Cassie basically. The girls ask who they are and Huey stammers like an idiot so badly that he calls Louie, Huey and Dewey Gooey. Whatever Huey. Cassie (or Alex? Dammit, I cannot tell these two apart) asks if Huey is hired help and Huey stammers like an idiot. Yeap; this is Suzy McAlder all over again. Huey asks them out for a date tonight; but the twins no sell because they are going to the Yak Yolk Carnival/Festival which Huey and the gang agree that they are going too. And here comes our resident bully as he's big ass, red haired, red sweater and black coat. Yeah; he's our heel of the day. One of the shots of his face (5:57) looks so ugly not even I could love it. Huey addresses him as Slab and Slab is voiced by Robert Cait who started on Starcom: The US Space Force as Paul Corbin and General Torvek in 1987; and then followed by My Pet Monster. He is also known as Proud Pork In Piggsburg Pigs which Pete mentioned on his posts about Ruby Spears. Mostly in cartoons and some animated films like Spirit: Stallion of The Cimarron and in a few movies like Kiss & Tell and Gentlemen B. Quack Pack is his DTVA debut and only appearance. He has 26 acting and five self credits to his resume. Gotham City: Imposters is his most recent credit. Most known for being Blocky in Chalkzone which no one cared. So Slab grabs the three nephews in a neat visual by the shirt and tells them to hit the bricks. He also calls them numbskulls; this is in fact true. Apparently; those are his hotties; but he's as sexist as the nephews. Cassie and Alex don't care and sip soda for fun. So Slab is about to kick their asses outside when Donald shows up looking in his first short in 1934 when he was in The Little White Hen. Which is fine; except that the writers killed the continuity that they were shooting for.
Okay; so they should start with Donald from the 1980's first with the navel hat, then progress to the 1950's with the sailor suit and hat we old farts knew him as; and then go for the 1934 look. Here; they start with the 1934 look and disregarded the rest. Now you may scream "TIME! TIME!"; the problem with that is, we are barely five minutes into this thing. We have lots of time with the deprogression of Donald and still keep most of the stuff in it. So I smell "Toby hates Ducktales" going on here. So 1934 Donald walks in without even thinking about the nephews and then sits down on the island and demands service. Then he sees the girls and they wink at him. Donald's neck goes Big Bird and spirals on cue. Time has not been kind to this; no siree. So we spin, whistle, bounce the eyes and be more sexist than the nephews could ever be. If you are going to be like this; go all the way with it. So Donald dances to the table and tips his cap and asks for his hand (calls them toots) as the nephews egg on Slab calling Donald a dweeb. Compared to you three? Do you realize that no one is buying your smugassery?! Slab is pissed off as we share an out of nowhere third soda with three straws as the girls and Donald drink up. So Slab cracks his knuckles while Donald bounces to the island and produces the out of nowhere bunch of flowers. Cassie (Or Alex) loves this as she takes the flowers and Slab has had enough of Donald as he backs Donald up and blows him off for messing with his girls; which the girls don't know; or care even less than the nephews, if that is humanly possible. He backs him up at the island and Donald appears in Slab's coat as he calls himself Donald (which is funny that the nephews have no idea who he is despite being his nephews FOR DECADES! UGH!) as he stripped himself and his clothes are in mid air. He jumps back into his clothes and sounds as naive as Goofy. So Slab offers to shake his hand and Donald pulls it away and then laughs his ass off for no reason. LAME-O!!
The girls still laugh at it; but Slab is pissed now. Huey thinks there is something familiar with this doofus. Toby: Donald and the nephews have known each other in the shorts for crying out loud! Huey: He called himself Donald; of course he should be familiar to you. Donald circles Slab and sprays him with the water sprayer; thus he's the duck version of Bugs Bunny. The nephews deduce that he's Uncle Doofus...ERR... Uncle Donald, only younger. So Donald paints a brown mustache on Slab's face which comes out of nowhere and goes the same place. No wonder Daffy Duck cannot steal Bugs' material; Donald stole it already! Dewey then realizes that he might have used the EZ Retro Growth formula as Slab snaps Donald's beak and Donald backwards. So Donald windmills and calls Slab the big poloka. Then we get one of the worst animated sequences in DTVA history as they move the background forward as the nephews panic on cue. Oh come on; that is so Rocket Robin Hood like; it isn't charming nor amusing. Slab thinks he's making fun of him so he really plants him with a plant pot. HAHA! Donald bounces blind and struggle where doing his Donald Duck swearing mode which would be a lot more amusing if the continuity wasn't shot all the way to hell. So Slab goes for the trash compactor punch (which is Dumptruck screw punch) as the nephews run in and grab the plant pot and run off stage left. Slab breaks a hole in the ground and falls it in; effectively burying both him and the move in one fell swoop. Yeah; what a waste. So we head back to Donald's house as we head to the nephews' room as Dewey and Louie watch Donald on a ladder guzzling down a giant ass can of soda called "Super Duper Big Burp". Oooookkkkkkkkkaaaayyyyy. Time to bring in the space alien; because this crap is dying faster than me losing weight.
Huey is sitting on a couch all smug because this Donald doesn't know them thus they are not grounded. How does that work?! So Donald does the big ass burp and that leads to everyone bouncing around in wussy fashion which ends up with a filled fishbowl on Huey's head. Donald bounces onto the chair and then onto the desk and lies down. The other nephews agree with Huey as Huey wants to have that overdue date with the Mercancer twins because we have to waste time somehow. Huey wants to shake hands on the deal and Donald extends his hand in a show of gratitude as Huey foolishly shakes Donald's hand and it's the JOY BUZZER OF DEATH. Has Donald ever done that spot in his career? Man; Donald is in 1934; but his material reeks of Rhinokey 1985! Huey drops and burns to ashes and looks to be on fire. That is one dangerous joybuzzer. I like it! DISCO~! POW! OUCH! Ummmm.. Huey gets up looking almost dead as Donald offers him a seat; but it has a green whoopie cushion on it. You can guess what happens next. So Dewey and Louie think that is funny as Louie wants to slap skin with Donald; so Donald paints his hands with super glue and Louie leans on the side wall and gets stuck. Donald sarcastically asks who did that. Answer: Donald reading too many times out of Rhinokey's jokebook. Donald pushes the bucket of glue into the desk as he runs in and brings out the pepper shaker. Louie protests this; but Donald shakes the pepper and Louie sneezes. We play slingshot the duck into the wooden wall as Dewey laughs his head off. So Donald gives Dewey a pot with a flower in it and tells him to hold it. Dewey thinks this is funny and then he gets hosed literally by Donald wearing a firefighter outfit. Okay; now THAT was funny. Dewey bumps off-screen off a bookshelf and I know this because Dewey is buried in a book tomb. Dewey pops from the carnage as he's sick of his practical jokes. BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Projection much there Dewmeister?!
So we see Donald in his car crashing through the white garage door of his house and he's joyriding which the nephews look out the window and proclaim that they need to stop him before he gets in serious trouble. Coming from the same three nephews who would have no trouble doing the same thing. The projection is thick today as Louie wants someone to scratch his beak. Would someone flip his beak for me? So we cut to Donald in a dark alley hearing police sirens and seeing spotlight. He teases being arrested and then the background turns green and the SEXIST GIRLS OF THE DAY come out and embrace Donald. 1943 Donald is still more enlightened than 1996 Huey Duck. Ponder that one for a moment. We discover that he's at their house AFTER HAPPY HOUR (after dark) as they kiss Donald on the front porch and Donald leaves while Slab is spying on them from the railing. So they wave goodbye as Donald has a date with them at the Yak Yolk Festival/Carnival. Donald walks to his car and hops in. He is about to put the key into the starter when Slab leans on the passenger side of the car. He asks how Donald is so popular with the girls and Donald shows Slab a heart shaped box of valentine candy. No one ever accused Donald of being enlightened that is for sure; even in 1996; or 1934. Still less sexist than Huey Duck. Slab grabs the box and it opens to reveal a spring loaded punching glove which whacks him in the face on-screen. So boxing gloves are okay; but bare fists is off-screen. Got it. Donald laughs at his expense and is about to gun it and ride off stage left; but Slag grabs him by the beak and the car drives away. Okay; that was a neat spot as Slab gets in Donald's face and wants to talk as we end the segment 11 minutes in. Not much to see here thus far and 1934 Donald is lame here.
After the commercial break; we see Louie and Dewey pacing around on the driveway in front of the house as Huey comes down from the attic as Huey informs us that he called the police, the hospital and the base and no one has seen Donald. Ummm; call the funereal home Huey?! The nephews sulk about letting Donald out of their sight even though they clearly saw Donald right up until after he drove his car out of the garage. Then we see fireworks in the sky and the ducks revert to "I don't care about anything but girls" mode and they run stage left as we head to the carnival and the lineup for the admission entrance. The nephews butt in all the way; and give their tickets which they somehow got (and had money to spare too) and get inside. So we cut to Cassie and Alex walking together and alone which means we get the nephews oodle meeting of doom. And damn it to hell if I'm not right. So the twins have no idea who they are as the nephews introduce themselves and call themselves their dates. This would work better if there were triplets by the way. So they check their notepad and then admit that they do have a date with them so might as well get it out with. Oh boy! I wish these two would clobber those three into the ground. So the nephews grab their arms and we head to the Tunnel of Love. I shake my head in disbelief as I said; 1934 Donald is more enlightened then 1996 nephews! Thankfully; the girls blow them off and walk stage right to a lineup for the Whirl & Hurl which is a Ferris Wheel where the cabins shake from side to side. The TOL was completely empty by the way and if that was a BS&P decision; then good for them for a change. Dewey and Louie seem fine with it; but Huey is weaseling his way out of it asking if they can handle it. Question should be: Can HUEY handle this? I don't think so. The girls blow him off and walk stage right as we cut to Donald walking in and singing and acting goofy. So Slab dances around wearing a full sailor suit and hat. Sadly; he's wearing blue pants which ruins the effect. You couldn't at least have him wear white pants to make it look like a ducks' ass?! So we pose with Donald on a barrel of laughs as Slab asks if this will put him in good standing with the twins. Donald goes to him and claims that it will.
Slab: run NOW or you are ROOM FEED~! That look on Donald means that he has evil intentions for Slab. He back slaps Slab just to provide more evidence to my theory as they walk over and notice the girls and the nephews going into one of the cabins as Slab calls them a bunch of palookas. Ah; I see Slab is starting to get Donald's shtick down fairly well; just needs better acting and Donald's accent to put it over the top. So Donald and Slab go over to the control panel which is completely unsupervised for no reason whatsoever. Oh; this is not contrived in the very least no siree. So he pulls the joystick to the left which is a logic break because on the panel; the slow is to the left and fast is to the right. Reverse psychology perchance?! You can guess what happens next without me telling you. And then he switches the knob which is going the right way this time. That's kind of over killing the control panel there guys. Nephews screams in horror and pain while the girls scream with glee. What a bunch of cowards these nephews are?! Even 1934 Donald could stand this routine with ease. And the big ass lever gets involved of course as we shoot straight for heaven. While this episode quality sinks into hell. Nephews flip around; girls skirts flip up, wake me wake when Donald regresses further. So the ride finally stops and the nephews stagger out all green and sadly; they pant instead of running stage left and throwing up off-screen. The girls love it as they notice the area where the games are played. They want a stuffed yak as the nephews proclaim that this is in the bag. I hope not! So we head to the "Whipped Cream Yak" game tent as a man with a brown beard, green shirt and pants and brown leather chaps to match his hat explains the rules of engagement which is to fill the mouth of the stuffed yak on the wall with whip cream which you shoot out of a gun. I guess water was on vacation tonight. So a couple tries their luck; but the gun sprays to the far right and the games man shoves them aside as they lost easily. Somehow; I don't he rigged this game. So the nephews walk in with their money in hand and the games man takes it. Or would have until Dewey and Louie butt into Huey and blow each other off. Yawn; you ducks bore me.
Meanwhile as the nephews are continuing to bore me; Donald is behind the tent and he wants Slab to watch this as Donald goes underneath towards the mouths of the guns; which look realistic in the far shot; but then look like a gas gun in the closeup shot when he puts the corks in. So the three nephews take the gun and fire at the same time; as the corks cause the stuff to bulge and the guns explode causing the nephews to fly into the cotton candy machine, popcorn machine and candy floss twister, in that order. Okay; that was cute as Donald laughs his ass off again as the girls tease blowing off Donald looking mad as Donald admits that he did it looking sorry and rubbing his foot on the ground. The girls instantly forgive him and call him a joker. HAHA! Huey is pissed off and looking like the pink version of a formal lady in that cotton candy. He proclaims that he must lock up Donald before someone gets hurt. So you are butt hurt already Huey?! Sod off!! So the girls then proclaim that they want to go to the Tunnel of Love with Donald; thus the girls had tricked the nephews all along and used the Whirl & Hurl to get them off their backs. I'm shocked Shellsea hasn't tried that yet. So Donald is arm in arm with the girls as they walk to the tunnel of love as Slag rushes in and asks like a gentlemen on the greeting as he asks to join them while winking the eye which indicates that he's being a bigot. The girls no sell as they pinch Donald's cheeks because there is only one sailor for them and they get on the yak boat while Slag just stands there wondering where it went oh so wrong. HEE HEE! Did he honestly think Donald was NOT going to double cross him?! Slag is pissed off as he hops into another boat and blows off Donald for betraying him. Tough luck buddy! So the nephews run in and notice Slag going in; so they decide to go to the exit of the tunnel of love and grab him.
So we scene change to the exit as Dewey is upside down on the roof of the exit while Louie and Huey have him by the legs. Dewey notices the boat which has a sailor's hat on and they jump down on the boat without looking at what is below despite the fact that they could easily see him. Yeah; these nephews are clueless as they drop on Slag of course. The nephews back up to the end of the boat as the nephews asks why he's wearing the sailor outfit and what is he going to do now. Slag slaps his fist proclaiming that they are going to get a Bradley-equse pounding in roundabout terms. The nephews look like they are screwed; but then we hear the girls as they made it to the entrance of the TOL and they walk out as Donald staggers out with pink kiss marks all over his face. So Slag rows the boat way too fast as the nephews hang on for dear life and they crash into the obvious crappy turn (because it's animated like cardboard natch) and the water spouts out and the nephews go flying southwest and out of sight. Donald waves goodbye to those suckers as he walks off into the moonlight with Alex and Cassie as they are enjoying themselves as we fade to black to turn Michael Eisner on again at 16:05 as the girls call him funny. Well; the last couple of spots were funny, but he's not SOOOO funny. So we head back to the nephews' bedroom as Dewey is looking at the bottle which they found somehow; as Dewey is looking for an address and phone number; but there isn't one. Well Dewey; that is how Shysters operate see?! Louie is on his bed wondering why Dewey wants a phone number and asks if he wants to order more of this stuff. Dewey explains that he wants help in addressing Donald's "little" problem. So his dick is his little problem?! You should only be so lucky guys.
Huey brings in the potted plant where they put the tree in as the tree has regressed into a small little leaf plant. Louie's response to this annoys me as suddenly; the bottle is colored to appear to be full again after being empty on the previous shot. Huey deduces while looking at a photo of Donald that Donald is getting younger as Louie asks how young and we see the plant shrink again and out pops an acorn as the nephews proclaim that it's time to call Grandma Duck because she is in for a wee little surprise as we end the segment almost 17 minutes in. I was hoping that this would lead to Grandma Duck appearing for the first time in a long while; but I'm certain that this throwaway spot leads nowhere. Just like this episode thus far.
After the commercial break; we head back to Gwumpki's (yeah; I've been spelling Gwumps wrong all this time. On purpose because the original spelling of it sounds a wee bit bigoted for my liking) as the nephews run into the diner and it is a complete mess as apparently; someone...Oh who am I kidding?! It's Donald causing a massive egg explosion mess all over the diner. The nephews proclaim that they are too late as we see Grumps and his yak on the right pan shot as he informs the nephews that the skinny teenager is gone from this earth very soon. Which indicates that Donald is still here; but has regressed. Do I win a cookie for this?! The nephews sulk about not seeing Donald again as we see a sailor's cap and a red balloon tied to the strength. We hear Donald's voice only a babyish type voice saying "I have a red balloon" which the nephews completely blow off and ponder. Yeah; the squirt has DONALD DUCK'S ACCENT and YOU DON'T EVEN NOTICE?! FACKING BULLSHEET! And yes; it's baby Donald as we see him weld up tears in his eyes while the nephews walk away. They walk to the island as Donald walks stage left with his balloon flying away as the nephews catch themselves and run out. Yeah; they are the poorest excuse for duck I have ever seen! So Baby Donald runs onto the sidewalk as his red balloon somehow floats into traffic off-screen and Donald goes after it. The nephews miss him and suddenly panic as we get the FCC FRIENDLY CRASH OF DOOM off-screen as we have a 20 car pileup. Nephews look horrified; but the power of BS&P is all over this show as the balloon floats away stage left and Donald follows it completely unharmed. Really; is anyone surprised by this?! The balloon bounces up a brick wall of a tall building which sounds like a regular beach ball. Yeah; this show makes no sense as Donald climbs the steel stairs connected to the building as the nephews look up and panic again. The nephews follow up the stairs pleading with Donald to stop; but no dice. So Donald is walking on the edge of the building chasing the balloon in the moonlight. He teases falling on the right hand turn; but he runs and the animation has him running on air half of the time. Bad animation there guys!
So the nephews climb to the top and panic and yell for Donald. Here's a hint: yelling is only going to startle a baby and almost assure that he will free fall to his grave. Donald chases the balloon and hides behind a chimney when the spirit dust overtakes him and he changes from a toddler into a baby. So he spends like ten minutes as 1934 Donald; and now within a span of two minutes goes from a toddler to a baby?! That is bad pacing and continuity there guys! Donald as a baby with the blue bonnet is adorable; but it's not enough to save this episode now. The nephews point and panic as the red balloon string snags on a vertical flag pole as Donald climbs onto said pole. Donald is still bumping and killing himself for this show which has become more sad as this episode progresses on. So Louie goes all nice and pays off the Gooey reference which would have worked if Dewey was the one doing this first. Donald no sells and crawls to the edge as Dewey gets on the pole; but Donald's balloon floats away and he free falls. A Bad Reflection On You; Part One, end of Act II. I'm just saying guys. Dewey panics and Donald bounces off the canopy and right into Dewey's paws. And right on cue he turns into an egg and Dewey cannot catch it. Now the progression from toddler to baby is fine on it's own; but remember that he stayed a teenager for 10 minutes and didn't even regress into a tweener; nor a small child. Nor did he regress to 1980's Donald (and he wouldn't have noticed the 1996 nephews since the nephews HE remembers were the same baseball cap, shirt style anyway.); or to 1950's Donald where the regression would make a lot more sense than directly going to 1934 Donald. And Thomas Hart got a future job AFTER this! Ponder that for a moment.
So the egg free falls and bounces off the canopy as Louie runs down the metal steps in a "rush across, tiptoe down" fashion and he has the catcher's mitt; shield and mask on. He does the leap of faith which he somehow manages to leap about a mile over Grumps diner and catch the mitt; but then he trips over the sidewalk and the egg goes bouncing into the air and bounces off the power wires and metal wires which in real life would be destroyed that egg easily. So the nephews panic because the egg is headed for Gwumpki's. The egg bounces on the building and into the chimney stack and lands on the napkin in the most obvious place you can ever see. And that egg still won't break. SOMEONE FIRE THAT EGG! So the nephews run in and somehow we went from a mess of eggs splattered all over the place to a clean diner with boxes and boxes of fresh, unbroken stacked as high as the nephews in a span of two and a half minutes. Did I mention that the pacing absolutely sucks in this episode?! Grumps proclaims that the nephews are barely in time for the egg feast as the shipment of fresh eggs just came in despite the fact that his place was splattered with broken eggs three minutes ago. So the nephews run in and check every eggs and doing silly stuff like asking Donald to knock three times as Grumps goes into the back and get the Egg-O-Matic ready and filled with eggs already. So then Grumps notices the egg on the cloth on the table and places it on top of the egg-o-matic pile right in the heat lamp where you can clearly see Donald's fetus and kudos to the animators for showing it in shadow on the near and far shots too. So we get the How's It's Made version of the Egg-O-Matic as the egg is graded, cleaned, and painted with yak eyes and given red hair. Grumps then puts the egg on the table and then MURDERS it with a wooden mallet. Ooookkkkkaaaayyyyy; this guy has mental health issues. He needs medical help as he wipes the shattered egg parts into the bucket labeled Yak Eggs.
So Dewey panics on cue as he notices Donald Egg on top of the pile and they try to run in; but a human arm grabs them and it's Slab. Huh?! Now this would be the point of bringing Grandma Duck in to blow the nephews off and get the egg and put her own formula to nurse him back to normal. But no one likes this show; and the Economy of Characters is easy to pull off and it costs less. I guess Sherry Lynn and Teresa cannot do grandma voices to save their lives. Slab decides to show his generous side and leave a few bones unbroken. Okay guys; does it really matter if Donald dies here or not? Because we have already seen the nephews push the reset button in the very first episode by using Ludwig Von Drake's machine to go back in the past and prevent seeing EZ ever again. So Louie thanks him and finds the magically placed tube of mustard and sprays it in Slab's face. The nephews bail stage left as Slab is pissed off; but the nephews call him out and unleash Grumps Yak on him. Dammit; I just knew that animal would get used somehow. The yak apparently loves mustard as we get the zany Tiny Toons eye separating spot which is a signal of fear and Slab runs out of the diner and out of sight stage right. The yak follows it of course complete with as many hearts as the animators can animate which is about a baker's half dozen depending on what drugs the animators were on. So we notice the nephews panicking again as Donald's egg lands on the grading machine and it reads "Bad Egg". Wait; so it's rejected?! So Huey grabs the out of nowhere box of chocolates (heart shaped) and we get the loaded punching glove which punches the shaker of pepper off the counter and it flies and lands in the pull rope of the ceiling fan. We shake and whirl as Grumps gets overwhelmed just as he scrapes the egg juice off of the metal table and is about to murder another Yak Egg despite the fact that the egg is still on the stand and he coughs and wheeze violently. He sneezes the Yak Egg into the air as Huey grabs a whoopie cushion. Wait; so the "Bad Egg" was still approved by Grumps? What kind of place is this?! Huey slides the whoopie cushion onto the counter and the egg lands on it. It farts; the egg breaks and Donald...
...RETURNS TO NORMAL?! WHAT THE BLOODY HELL?! For no reason whatsoever; Donald is back to his 1996 form and there was no indication that there was a way to change him back. And to make matters worse; the egg broke anyway so the whole sequence of event is completely nullified because it didn't matter if the egg broke or not; it would end up with Donald being perfectly all right. SCREW YOU HART! SCREW YOU IN YOUR ASS, PLEASE!! That finish sucked so hard that this episode deserves negative stars. Donald demands answers to this outrage and I feel your pain and farting Donald! I'm still trying to understand what the hell the finish was supposed to be?! The nephews slap skin as they are relieved that this was temporary. Nice try Thomas; but you still cannot explain how Donald returned to normal after the egg broke. Dewey then stops and realizes that if Donald returned to normal; then the tree in the house is. The nephews realize this and we scene change to Donald's house and notice that the tree has grown to 10,000 feet into the air and has pushed the house up to that height. The nephews then deduce that if the tree can do that; then...Donald shows up in a giant ass shadow and proclaims that he'll teach them to pull jokes on him. That mercifully ends the episode at 21:00 aired. I realize that some people loved the idea of Donald regressing back to the classical youth of 1934 and that's all well and good. However; there is no excuse for writing such a crappy episode as this. The pacing was horrible, the continuity was shot right out of the starting gate, Slag was buried right from the start and we got probably the worst non-finish ever. This episode simply stopped with no real resolution and the last five minutes of this episode was the worst stuff I have ever seen in DTVA in a long time. This is 2.3 CUCKOO or -** 1/4 (-45%).
THE REVIEW LINE
Wow; I didn't expect this episode to fall into Tasty Paste level's of crap; but it managed to do exactly that! Okay; I'll level with some people, the idea of Donald regressing was a neat idea on paper and with the right people; you can make a ****+ classic out of it. Thomas Hart is not that kind of writer. Let me get the positives out of the way: Alex and Cassie were props; but they did some good spots on the nephews so I'm fine with them. Donald was fine on his own without the overall context as some of the pranks were hilarious; but the others simply reeked from 1985 Rhinokey's joke level. That's it. Everything else was either bad; or extremely crappy. The progression of regression made little sense since he regressed to 1934 Donald right from the start instead of starting with 1980's Donald, then 1950's Donald for a bit, and then when he gets the girls; he should be 1934 Donald. He remained 1934 Donald for ten straight minutes and then changed to a toddler and within a span of three minutes was an egg. That is horrible pacing and continuity there. The nephews were crappy as usual; but I expected that at least. Then there was the really convoluted finish that makes Ducks By Natures' finish look like comedy gold. Seriously; Donald returns to normal despite the egg breaking anyway and there is no payoff because there is no indication that the formula was temporary which EZ would have pointed it out. EZ was nothing by the way in case anyone cared about his stylist animation face. And there was no consequence because we all know how the nephews could push the reset button without any trouble with Ludwig's machine. So we end up with no real resolution because the writer went the other way just for a cheap laugh that was already done in the very first episode of the show! I realize that you need to get the kids to laugh so that it puts asses in seats; but none of this was funny. It looked really sad and sadistic because it was poorly animated, poorly timed and everyone looked like idiots! And here's the scary part: Thomas Hart wasn't jettison from his job like Richard Stanley was; he got promoted to do House Of Mouse and other more interesting DTVA projects!
And to think; the gelatin spot at the beginning had no heat; but that was good compared to the rest which had the wrong type of heat. So overall; this episode was worse than Tasty Paste and was a utter mess of stuff happening with little sense of continuity nor payoff. And everyone looked like idiots! Daisy should be thankful she was not in this episode; and neither is Grandma Duck for that matter. So next up is Duckeration of Independence and for once, I'm looking forward to a Dewey focused episode; because it cannot be any worse than this. Can it?! So........
Thumbs way down in hell for this episode and I'll see you next time.