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Take My Duck, Please
Reviewed: 03/12/2013
Ummm; no thanks!!
So we are down to the final three as this one features the nephews and Donald hating each other so much that they do roughly the same thing that The Simpsons did with Bart going to France in an exchange program (The Crepes of Wrath back in 1990). So; let's rant on and find out shall we...?!
This episode is written by Marion Wells and Dean Stefan. The story editing is done by Karl Geurs and Gary Sperling. The animation studio is unknown.
Opening Moment #1: Today's title card features our SEXIST GIRL OF THE DAY looking cute and apparently she stole Webby's pink bow. Man; those green eyes make her look creepier than she needs to be.
So we begin this episode at the front garage with Huey and Louie with white paint and brushes as they blow off Donald for them doing all the work while he watches television. BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Projection much there, you sexist twits?! So Dewey comes in with what appears to be a vacuum cleaner as he has a time saving device which Louie blows off while forgetting that he's painting Huey. HA! Sadly; this paint comes off as quickly as it comes on as Huey takes a bucket of paint and teases ducking it on Louie's head; but Dewey steals it back. So he pours the can of paint into the vacuum cleaner and then brings out his trusty magical remote control and uses it as Louie is in the line of fire and gets sprayed. However; the power of suggestion manages to have paint on the garage door without making contact with Louie. Louie steps away and we spray paint the rest of the stuff as then we hear Donald yelling for the kids as the nephews blow him off again. Donald is looking for something in his living room and checks under the cushions and finds various secret treasure, but doesn't care about that. Then he crawls around the green sofa and then crawls towards the middle as Dewey shows him the remote control. I think we know where this is going as Donald grabs the remote and presses it much to the panic of Dewey and the nephews bail as the vacuum cleaner spray painter somehow opens the front door and goes in and Donald gets sprayed and flung around for a while to kill time while the nephews do nothing. And they complain about their workrate?! Donald grabs onto the hose as it swells up and we do the "Last Boss Death Sequence" spot before exploding as there is paint everywhere. Donald's eyes are shot as he's face down on the floor as Dewey admits that he rewired the remote control. Donald protests this outrage as the nephews act all smugass proclaiming Donald's motto that work is good and it builds character. And they are saying it as if it's a BAD thing! So the nephews come in with buckets and mops. Well; they deserved it since they rewired the remote without telling DONALD beforehand.
So Donald is on the sofa while Huey cleans the paint off the television set and then turns on the remote as there is a modern version of Duke Igthorn! He cuts a promo about us being tired of the same old, same old and has a solution for them. See; he is the announcer for the cultural exchange program complete with maps of the FAMOUS LANDMARKS OF THE DAY; including two for Italy! Geez; the choices are France, Italy and Parts Unknown judging by the orange poster of the globe. So we head to a meadow like area somewhere in Switzerland where we see our SEXIST GIRL OF THE DAY (as seen in the title card.) and she has now stolen Daisy's bow from the 1950's. She's wearing a green dress and she looks awesome as her name is Helga Needlehofer (Russi Taylor). She cuts a promo as her green eyes are now blue which is a good BS&P change for a change. She is basically a much more subtle version of You from Fanboy & Chum Chum. Donald thinks she's so sweet and I agree with him. We head to a shot of the lodge as we see a Switzerland version of Lucky Piquel with a squeeze box and an archer's green cap. Apparently; rule #1 of Mr. Needlehofer's Switzerland is that kids have fun (believed to be voiced by Gregg Berger) and judging by the way his head moves; that would indicate that he's lying. However; the nephews are unlikable, so who cares?! Louie somehow has the remote and the television is turned off as he calls it...bailing and then returning with luggage as the nephews raspberry Donald and then kick the damn door down just as the red limo arrives outside which is OUT OF NOWHERE. Then the nephews talk about 2 weeks of freedom as the limo suddenly turns blue as they enter. That is a Ruby Spears equse mistake if I ever saw one. Donald looks not amused as the limo drives away stage left; and then another blue limo pulls up and on the near shot where the window opens and we see Helga waving to Donald; the limo is red again. Sometimes I wonder if the editing department is laughing in an evil fashion when they do these hack jobs?
Anyhow; Donald waves to Helga as Helga comes out with a cuckoo clock and a spotted green present with a blue bow. She also sounds like Webby with an European accent as she gives Donald the clock and it cuckoos a Switzerland dressed Donald Duck. That was cute as Helga runs in and there is a tease off-screen that Helga is going to cause mayhem and destruction; but Donald turns around and she has a magical toolbox and she fixed the front door in a neat spot. So Helga helps Donald into the house as she proclaims that these two weeks will be out of this world. Which is a major telegraph as we pan up to space and see a yellow spaceship rotating around Saturn. Wow; the writers have zero confidence in this episode if they are bringing in the space alien five minutes into this thing! So we see this brown like alien with red claws talking about burrowing his father's spaceship without his permission because his father thinks he's too young to fly. This has to be Vector and Vector is voiced by Steve Mackall and he started as the voice of Marsupilami in it's own series and in Raw Toonage in 1992 as it's DTVA debut! DTVA credits: The Shnookums & Meat Funny Cartoon Show (husband), Mighty Ducks The Series (Nosedive) and Timon & Pumbaa the series as Happy Dog. Non DTVA credits: The Pink Panther 1993 edition, Duckman, Stonekeep, All Dogs Go To Heaven 2, The Adventures of Hyperman (Hyperman), Dead Man On Campus and Annabelle's Wish as Owliver. Invasion Of The Money Snatchers as Announcer is his most recent credit. He has 20 acting credits to his resume, one soundtrack credit (All Dogs Go To Heaven: The Series), and one writing credit (Avenging Angelo). He was also the FOX Kids Announcer for Mon Colle Knights and Digimon 01 in case anyone cares. So he's heading straight for Jupiter because he cannot resist breaking the fourth wall; and then he breaks the steering wheel and bounces off of Jupiter. I have been through this every time they do this spot, I think: Jupiter is a gas planet, so there is no surface to bounce off of.
So he bounces off some moons; and then the ship takes bumps off the asteroid belt; and into a big ass asteroid and crashes into Earth somewhere in Switzerland. So the spaceship is literally grounded as Vector climbs out of the carnage proclaiming that his father will not be pleased. NO?! REALLY?! But Vector takes it well because this could be fun. The fact that there is a space alien in this episode indicates that the writers have confidence in the cultural exchange program angle getting over. So Vector goes over to a water pump and thinks it's a girl. So he does the throat spray spot and kisses the water pump and he oversells it claiming the girls are hot. Well; at least it's only a water pump; I mean it could be worse. He could be like Huey Duck and act this way to a real female person. So we head to Mr. Needlehofer's lodge on the sky shot as he is on the steps and pulling his mustache wondering when the duck brothers are coming. When this is over; you'll wish you never met them. So we see Vector coming over as Mr. Needlehofer talks about having fun and tries to cut his promo; so Vector brings out the remote control with the yellow button and zaps him to death with purple rays. Needlehofer is down for the count as Vector pulls his nose and then calls this excellent because Needlehofer suffered from over stimulation. So he wants to party with the duck brothers as he uses the remote control to zap himself into the clothes and steal Needle's socks. Then he uses the remote to zap purple rays onto Needles and he moves him inside the lodge. Then we hear the horn honk and here comes the blue limo as we do a long sequence of the nephews being in awe as the limo stops. The nephews get out and run on the grass with glee. They do forward rolls and then bump into each other and make a pile of smugass ducks. Vectorhofer arrives in his green tractor and greets the duck brothers. The nephews ask if he's Needlehofer and Vector claims that he is and does the punchline about being from another planet which is not funny; but the nephews laugh at it anyway.
So Vector does some juggling of hula hoops and balls which is impressive and then he drives the tractor and nearly murders the nephews in the process; but misses by three feet. Oh well; better luck next time. Vector panics because he cannot WATCH OUT FOR THAT TREE! He crashes; he goes flying and takes a MAN-SIZED bump on his head which is not as sick as the one Baloo took in Polly Wants A Treasure; but still nice. Vector is dizzy as the nephews come over to him and Vector proves to be just fine as he asks what the nephews like. The nephews proclaim that they like to eat junk food, watch videos and chase girls twice over. Vector loves this and wants the party to begin right now. So we head back to Donald's living room sitting on his blue love seat and reading as Helga comes in proclaiming that she ironed his shirts and even made him some lemonade on the rocks. Donald takes the glass and is very grateful for this as Helga asks Donald about playing a nature game and Donald has no problem with that. UH OH! This cannot end well for Donald as he puts on the headphones and rests. So Helga completely logic breaks her clothes as they turn all red and she brings out the chainsaw and wants to play lumberjack. HAHA! I am so loving this Helga dudette. Helga slices sofas, love seats, lamps and other things not being sat on by Donald as he sits there playing a tune and not suspecting a thing. Boy; this nature music he's playing works a wee bit too well methinks. She murders the television set and when it falls; she throws a raspberry. So she continue the carnage as Donald somehow wakes up to notice that his living room is now a war zone as Hell's Helga runs in and cuts some more as Donald protests this outrage; and Helga claims she has cut him out which is the telegraph for Donald to get WARNERED as the blue loveseat falls through the floor. Hell's Helga bounces off and then the real Helga comes back in her normal duds. I smell split personality at work here as Donald pops up and calls this a riot before fainting under the floor again.
So we head back to the meadows of Switzerland as the nephews are riding on ATV's and jumping over the stone wall as they ride about 100 feet and then stop as Vector jumps over the wall after the nephews mock him for wiping out many times during the ATV ride. Oh come on; cut the alien some slack nephews! At least he's feeling it today; unlike you three most of the time! And he doesn't WATCH OUT FOR THAT TREE AGAIN! He flops onto the tree branch and then a bigger alien with purple hair arrived calling out Vector. I'm guessing that this is his father (might be voiced by Cam Clark) as he zaps Vector with the remote to bring him over here and blows off Vector for playing around again. He wants him to act like an adult alien and destroy something other than himself. Vector whines because it's not fun and Vector's dad apparently is the Donald Duck in the space alien world because he cuts the "work is good, builds character" promo the nephews mocked Donald with earlier. Then his dad disappears with his eyes going last because apparently he's double parked. If he can teleport like that; what is the use for a spaceship? Never mind as Vector turns around and looks evil as he begins his heel turn. The nephews arrive in their ATV as they wave at Vector and Vector blows them off because fun time is over and work builds character. Okay; this is completely out of nowhere since Vector doesn't like his dad anyway so why agree with him. Huey thinks the Swiss are jokers and then Vector crumbles the ATV and throws it at their feet to prove otherwise. Yeah; the heel turn is out of nowhere; but I like Vector so screw logic in this case. Besides; the nephews deserve the torment a lot more than Bart Simpson did in The Crepes of Wrath. This ends the segment 11 minutes in. This is a clustermuck; but a fun clustermuck thus far...
After the commercial break; we see the nephews cutting down trees and clearing forests while Dewey is painting the ground orange while blowing off Needles for having such a violent mood swing. Dewey doesn't get the point of painting on the ground as we zoom out to the sky shot with the message "Welcome Aliens". Now the problem with this is: Dewey acts like he doesn't know what to paint despite the fact that you need to know what message to paint in order to get it right. Never mind; let's return to "Hell's Helga MURDERS Donald Sequence #2" as she wants to play pirates and Donald no sells like a fuddy duddy. Helga jumps on the chair and strokes the chin trying to convince Donald that he can play the captain because he's strong and all that. She praises his commanding body and then stuffs pirate captain gear onto Donald which Donald springs up with an eye patch and a fake beard. They proves to be an awesome segue as Helga goes into HELL HELGA MODE and we have Donald on the roof tied up and about to walk the plank. Donald refuses to play along so Helga pokes him in the ass and he jumps and splashes into the pool. A note: They are using regular sword sounds despite using a long bladed version of Cubbi's wooden sword. And we get the out of nowhere shark because this cannot make sense or children will change the channel. Sadly; no WWE lawyers were added which is a tragedy. Hell's Helga plops on the ground laughing because this was fun. I love real comments that aren't supposed to be real comments. So we head back to inside the lodge as Vector is watching a Z-Grade alien space movie while wolfing down on popcorn and pizza. The acting and special effects of this movie are "dead on"; and I mean that in the nicest way possible. The balloon of earth gets popped and Vector turns off the television and jumps on the sofa with glee. He then goes over to the VHS tapes on the television set and eats them all as Vector's old man shows up to blow him off for wasting time. Apparently; know thy enemy is NOT in this alien's word usage. He also wants Vector to stop dressing like Needles too. Fuddy Duddy!
Vector storms off as Vector's father breaks logic and uses his tongue to eat the stray VHS tape. He seems to like it; but would like some more zinc alloy before turning the television off by himself. So we head outside on the sky shot and then cut to in front of the lodge with the nephews practicing the fine art of not being seen. Huey Krackpotkin plan is to grab their bags and get the hell out of here. They crawl underneath the window and then Louie looks up as he sees Vector with the remote control camera like device and Vector zaps himself back to normal. Louie calls on the others to look because it's an alien. Dewey points out that the aliens are them since they are in his country. Louie makes faces and states that he means outer space type. So? What's your point Louie? So the nephews look and see Vector swallow a lamp pole whole for fun. And it's plug in so he gets fried and does some Dalek X-Ray spots to amuse himself and me as Dewey proclaims that this cultural exchange program needs to work on it's screening process. I beg to differ Dew-man as we head inside a control room as a human officer is tracking the globe on the alien spaceship while a female general yells at him to keep tracking it and then her telephone rings as she heads to her desk which reads General Stetic. So General Anna Stetic is voiced by Dee Dee Rescher and she started with Could This Be Love in 1973 as Renee. She did mostly television movies and cameos in television doing nothing of note until she was in The Nanny in 1993 as Dotty; and The King Of Queens as Dorothy. Quack Pack is her DTVA debut and appeared in WITCH as Professor Vargas and New Maggie on The Buzz On Maggie. She has 94 credit to her resume. Geek USA as Mrs. Smith is her most recent credit.
Wikipedia claims: She is the daughter of cinematographer Gayne Rescher (Jay Gayne Rescher) and actress Ottilie Kruger. Her paternal grandparents were cinematographer Jay Rescher and silent film actress Jean Tolley, and her maternal grandparents were actor Otto Kruger and Sue MacManamy.[1] So Anna answers the phone and it's Louie informing her that there is an alien in the house. Anna asks for directions and Louie gives the directions to Duckberg where Donald is. How stupid do you have to be to make that mistake? Second; this is the army so they must have ways to actually....TRACE...that call back to it's original source. Then the phone line goes dead (death reference #1) as Vector swallows the phone and the phone line. He stalks the nephews against the wall as Louie proclaims that the army will save them; which Huey blows him off because he gave the address to Duckberg. When HUEY F'N DUCK realizes how stupid you are; that proves Louie as the worst nephew of this show. Vector cuts a promo proclaiming that he cannot conquer the world with the nephews in the way and he grabs Louie on cue as the other nephews shake like leaves to end the segment 15 and a half minutes in.
After the commercial break; we resume with Huey and Dewey shaking like timid little bunny rabbits as Dewey does the cross sign. Wow; I didn't see that one coming as Louie struggles and tries to kick the alien, but no dice. Louie pulls on Vector and manages to drop down on his ass; so Vector uses the remote control to zap purple rays on the nephews which rise them to the sky. The nephews protest this outrage so Vector flings them through the door and then slams the door; locking it with a key. We discover that the nephews have tumbled in a pile into the basement. The nephews wonder where they are and Needles has somehow woke up to inform them that this is a wine cellar. There's one moment BS&P will never allow again as the nephews turn around and notice Needles. They panic and hide behind the barrels of wine because the aliens are everywhere. At this point; it's easy to point out how incredibly gullible and stupid these nephews are since Vector has already revealed his facade; thus making them blow off Needles despite Needles best attempts to say that he's Mr. Needlehofer. However; this series has proven it enough times already that the nephews are supposed to be this stupid and vile; so let them be idiots because Needles yodels and it causes an earthquake as wine glasses fall and shatter; corks to pop as red wine sprays out and then Huey stuffs a big ass cork in his mouth and proclaims that they believe him. Oh sod off and let him have his fun you bastards! This was getting good and you ruined it! As usual. So we head back to Donald's house as we have Donald being pissed off as apparently Donald was MURDERED off-screen by Hell's Helga who is welding a spike club. One of the holes in the ground is a heart as Donald runs into the kitchen but gets greeted with the makeshift slingshot of death. Weapon of choice: ice cream sundae with a cherry on top. Impact stars ensues as the kitchen table is messy and Donald damages the wall while Helga laughs. She then goes to the fridge's ice box and brings out a bowl of ice cube as it's ice skating now. Total overkill; I LOVE THIS!
Donald rushes in; so Helga throws the ice cubes onto the floor and Donald slips on them and collides with more international objects while covered in sticky caramel. It's damn sad that this has to end somewhere because the plot demands it; but this is great. Donald tries some physic-defying moves to try to get the metal strainer off of his head; but not much doing there as he is blowing off Helga as Helga continues to laugh her ass off. Then we hear a noise and go outside as the army helicopter lands in the backyard. The back opens and out comes a jeep with General Anna and an officer driving and shooting the machine into the kitchen as they drive in and spot Donald who looks like a caramel alien. Anna orders the officer to grab Donald and he does so despite Donald's efforts to roll out of the way. Donald protests this outrage so much that he reverted back to Ducktales Donald. I know this because Anna and the officer have no idea what he said. Anna orders the officer to get Donald out of here as she apparently has white icing on the suit which she thinks is slobber. Anna then grabs Hell's Helga and Helga is pissed off because this game isn't fun anymore so she bites Anna on the finger off-screen as Donald continues to protest this outrage as the officer still has him; but Helga dumps more chocolate ice cream on his head. Donald drops to the ground as Anna tries to run in; but slips on ice cubes and does the oversell as she got whacked out of her shoes it looks like. Donald grabs Helga and has had it with her as he runs into the back of the helicopter and mans the cockpit. He tries to work the thing; but no go and then he sees the big ass red button and pushes it to turn on the helicopter. The helicopter goes into an upward tailspin (BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!) and misses the trees in the backyard in spite of the tease as the jeep rams through outside and follows the helicopter. So we return to inside the wine cellar as Needles is begging for mercy when the nephews bring out a makeshift cannon which uses a big ass bottle of wine called Mega Magnum. Ummm; yeah. Now that I think about it; Needlehofer clearly sounds like he's voiced by Cam Clarke which makes me wonder how Juan F. Lara didn't notice the obvious Leonardo voice in him.
The nephews calls this a desperate time and Dewey does desperate measures by whacking the bottom of the wine bottle with the mallet as the cork pops and liquid spills; breaking down the door as the entire wine cellar rumbles and all the remaining barrels of wine get destroyed. I see Needlehofer is no worse than Enlightened Wu. The nephews proclaim that they have a planet to save and rush out of the door as Needles kneels down and wonders where this all went wrong. It went wrong around the eight minute mark of this episode. So we see Vector pitching his flag pole down and cutting a promo near the orange painted sign as his planet has Gedo fashion sense when it comes to flag. He proclaims that the world is conquered and he'll wait for the forces to arrive. If only that were true as he gets bonked in the head with a golf ball; and here come the nephews dressed like the golf version of the Village People. Oh boy; we just have to do a stupid contrived spot don't we? In the confusion; the remote is batted away since Vector grabbed the golf bag of clubs; while Louie removes the flagpole from DA...HOLE (Slurp!). Vector protests this; but Huey blows him off as Dewey (wearing a Scottish cap) is stroking a yellow golf ball with Huey doing commentary. And people accuse me of such nonsense? Huey blows Dewey off and Dewey puts the golf ball down and putts. Do I need to remind you how overbooked this spot is by pointing out that the putting green is like mini-golf? No? And he lips the cup and misses allowing Vector to mock him. Sadly; this was clearly a distraction as the nephews run off with the flagpole and Vector protests this. Somehow; I think this is for the best. After all; I'm sure most aliens do not like banana yellow at all. Why? I'm still researching on that. So Vector hops into the golf cart that the nephews brought in and Huey is running realizing that not stealing the golf cart back was a BAD idea. Until that is nullified with Vector crashing into another tree in a recycled footage shot. So then we see the helicopter about to touch down as the nephews think this is the aliens from...
Staci: Don't say it!
Bradley: Uranus!
Staci:
Real mature, B-Man!
So the nephews bail behind the rocks as Louie brings out the out of nowhere remote control and points it at himself and zaps himself with it. And people accuse Miss Cunningham of not knowing how to point a gun?! What a bunch of sexist twits those critics are?! So we get the purple slug; then he zaps himself again turning into a bloodsucker as the nephews groan on cue. Then the nephews notice that Donald is flying the helicopter as the the jeep drives in from the opposite direction and stops. Anna proclaims that the officer knows what to do and the officer wants to find a bathroom. Anna no sells the reaction anyway as the officer called this a long drive. Of course this makes absolutely no sense at all since Duckberg is in America and Switzerland is in Europe; requiring the jeep to cross an ocean. The helicopter crashes down and Donald comes out punch drunk as Donald wants Anna to not shoot him. The nephews run in because seeing Uncle Donald not get shot retains the nephews heat. If they had any to start with as Anna is skeptical about Donald not being the alien; so the nephews point to Vector who is bouncing down the hill in a golf cart. So the officer mans the tripod gun on the jeep and is about to kill Vector; but the gun disappears via purple rays as Vector's dad arrives. Vector greets him and dad vanishes the golf cart he was in and grabs Vector proclaiming that he's returning him home before he exposes the nephews as girl oddling sexists. Okay; maybe not. Vector wants to drive; but dad blows him off and grounds him for two light years. He should only be so lucky. At least those two light years won't involve Hell's Helga as they disappear for good. So Huey goes over to Donald proclaiming that this was a breeze for Donald as Donald stammers and then gets mad and wants to go into devil mode; but Helga is enjoying rodeo horse and we get one of those spots where you shouldn't laugh, but you do anything: Hell's Helga is riding horsey with General Anna being the horse. She also has the lasso of bane to all action cartoons everywhere as they ride off stage left. So we have Dewey proclaiming that Donald isn't so bad to deal with and he's not a space alien. Donald then notices the yellow button remote control and picks it up. If you cannot guess what he does and he becomes next; you have no business reading this rant. Damn; I'm so good as Donald changes into a duck version of a big ass snail as he swears and screams. Circle fade out to end the episode at 21:04. Really messy clustermuck; but it was damn fun to watch and Helga and Vector provided enough entertainment to amuse me. I could have done without the bland finish and contrived golf spot though. ** 3/4 (55%).
THE REVIEW LINE
This episode was a lot messier continuity wise and animation wise than your average Helga beat down; but it was a really fun episode for the most part. In hindsight; I'm sort of glad that they brought in the space alien angle here because if they didn't; this would have reeked of a bad version of The Crepes of Wrath and no one wants that. Helga was awesome; she really tormented Donald good in this one going from sweet to nasty whenever she needed to spice up the action. I wish Webby had the kind of split personality Helga has because Helga came off as someone I wanted to cheer for (and death). Vector was good too; although his crash joke did wear thin by the time the climax rolled in. I could have done without the golf spot which looked tacked on just to overbook the episode in an episode than Helga had already caused overkill. Overall; a Kick Buttowski-equse type episode with a couple of good guest characters and some sloppy editing in the animation. So next up is Duckerlation of Independence and then Hero Today, Don Tomorrow to wrap up Quack Pack. So........
Thumbs in the middle for this episode and I'll see you next time.