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Hit The Road, Backwater Jack!
Reviewed: 02/23/2013
...And Don't You Ever Suck No More! No More! No More! No More!
Yeah; the next eight episodes I am doing now are being picked out of a hat at random now. As I mentioned, the continuity is shot in this show, so I could pick any episode at random and not notice a difference since the episodes are so self-contained that they might as well be different shows altogether. So my first rant up for bids is a Dewey focused episode as he has an idol like Louie called Backwater Jack; and they meet to defeat Moltoc who is just making his second appearance in 31 episodes! Let me repeat that: The #1 heel of this show is only making his second appearance in this show and this is episode #31; with eight episodes left! And they wondered why this show tanked after 39 episodes? So; let's rant on and find out shall we...?!
This episode is written by Robert Schechter. The story editing is done by Gary Sperling. Robert started writing episodes for Brother (one of them has the exact same title as Ducktales called "Take Me Out Of The Ballgame") in 1985. Then it's Charles In Charge, Out of This World, The Munsters Today, Problem Child: The Series, Ace Ventura: Pet Detective The Series and The Magic School Bus. Bonkers is this DTVA debut and he also wrote episodes for Aladdin: The Series. Dragon Tales is his most recent credit. That's it. The animation studio is unknown.
Opening Moment #1: Today's title card features a lot of tall grass in the background and our guest character with roided muscles, long blond hair, cowboy hat, red scarf (ala Kit Cloudkicker pro-pirate days), and a cutlass like sword in a hilt. I'm guessing that this is Backwater Jack; which means he's the focus character instead of Dewey. Okay. Before I continue: Jack is voiced by Maurice LaMarche.
So we begin this episode under the sea as we get no background music and a submarine swims into the hard camera. So we head inside as a bunch of sailors are bound and gagged like mummies. Oooookkkkaaayyyy. Then we see the thin thug (wearing a red tunic and blue sweater) produce a scroll. It's priceless and it is the lost scroll of Leigum. So a captain like thug steals the scroll and blows off the thin thug because they didn't run into that adventurer named Backwater Jack. Thin thug puts his feet on the table and shrugs that off. Then we see the captain thug unzip and it's Backwater Jack proclaiming that it's a pity being only three thugs in this one. Ummm; Clamantha? You have some explaining to do. I also discover that the two mummies are also henchmen as thin thug orders them to get Jack; but they tumble and fall. Whatever. So thin thug gets flustered brings out a lead pipe which looks like a gray smoking pipe and twirls it. Jack dodges; grabs the pipe and mule kicks thin thug in the stomach and he goes flying into the henchmen. Apparently; this scroll belongs in a museum for all to enjoy. Whatever. Jack then shoots himself out of the submarine via a torpedo and we head to the surface with the submarine chasing itself basically. Thin thug (all thugs are voiced by Frank Welker) finds a conveniently placed gas gun which shoots a lot of smoke at Jack; but misses by a mile. So Jack brings out his bungee dart which is a plunger gun complete with LASSO OF BANE TO ALL ACTION CARTOONS EVERYWHERE and loops the torpedo to it while shooting the plunger at the nose of the sub. Jack jumps off; the torpedo goes flying right straight at the mummy thugs coming out and the thugs abandon sub and we get the explosion of doom and the submarine sinks with decent damage to the front. Thin thug uses the mummies as a raft and curses Backwater Jack as Jack does the back stroke and we end the dream sequence by returning to reality (no, not really) inside a library/bookstore where there is a Backwater Jack display with totem poles, boomerang and an fugly mug of Jack himself. Jack is behind a desk as he explains that this is one of this many adventures in his new book. Dewey is in awe of this because Jack is his idol and he's in person today!
So Huey mocks Dewey telling him not to drool on the book before he signs it. Dewey is not amused as Daisy butts in and she introduces herself to Jack and Jack gets all sexist on her and likes the prospect of an interview which gets Donald mad as usual. Daisy grabs the plunger grabs and not only wants to interview him; but film his next adventure. Dewey is loving this idea but Jack no sells (because he has no adventures lined up) as he grabs the plunger gun again and it fires at Donald which somehow lands on his head. So in the mouth is now forbidden by BS&P. Okay; got it. Donald tries to get the plunger off his head while protesting this outrage; but no go. He dances backwards and crashes into a book shelf of books causing a book tomb. So we head to the top of a building which has a clock tower as we have a midget man who I swear looks like the second henchmen from Huey Duck, P.I., only with glasses and a blue beret looking for someone with a nervous look on his face. Someone taps him on the shoulder proclaiming that the wait is over as he turns around and it's the Joker wannabe himself - Moltoc!! He demands some stuff like a drug dealer as henchmen #4 (He does look somewhat like Bruce Talkington aka Norton Nimuel) goes through his pocket and throws out a shoe, his house keys, an alarm clock, a tire pump, ANVIL OF NEIDHART, a big ass magnet, a birthday cake (ah; so he's Jim Cornette's assistant?!), a model sailboat in a bottle, a chipmunk (judging by the look; it's Chip from the shorts), a golf club like something I couldn't make out, a picture of the Mona Lisa; who might look like the Virgin Mary, a coat hanger with purple striped boxer shorts and then a piggy bank. Did I mention that (a) Moltoc is wearing a black mustache and (b) he getting buried literally in this scene? Moltoc breaks through the picture and breaks free in outrage. He grabs the piggy bank and throws it off the building as the henchmen points out that the map is in the piggy bank. What an idiot this Moltoc is?! No wonder he only got TWO episodes in this show.
So we go outside AFTER HAPPY HOUR (after dark) at floor level as Dewey has his book and wonders why they don't go on hair raising adventures like Jack. Never mind that this was episode #34 of this series and they have already took on aliens, went to Blasto with Gwumps, went to Switzerland, went to a paradise lost place, went on an island run by a madman who wanted to turn everyone into cave people and visited a madman who put a historic landmark in a fish bowl. So Dewey is just being an idiot and I was hoping the nephews would remind him of that; but they don't as the piggy bank falls right in the middle of the street and shatters revealing a scroll like piece of paper. And it's the old standby treasure map as we cut back to inside the library as Donald is looking at said treasure map and is getting giddy as Jack looks like he wants no part of this perfect adventure Dewey is wanting so badly. We see Moltoc hiding behind a stack of books while Jack appears to want to run and hide right now. Jack backs up as Daisy sees this as a perfect story and it's clear that he has been lying all these years since this guy cannot lie good to save his life. Dewey points out that Jack has nothing lined up at the moment which Jack stammers and Daisy proclaims that this is settled and they are going treasure hunting with Backwater Jack BABEE! What is this obsession with using the phrase "Rip Snorting"?! It makes no sense to the context of this story since no noses have been ripped off yet. Jack backs up and bumps into an easel of himself which bumps into books and Moltoc gets buried and takes the weakest shot I have ever seen; but he still over sells it as if he has a concussion. So it's morning; we head to the docks as the babyfaces are on the red motor boat. Dewey is looking at the map, Huey and Louie are on front of the red boat and Moltoc is underneath with his air pipe looking evil at Dewey. So Moltoc dives (literally and literally in quality which he didn't have much to begin with.) and swims to the boat as Dewey turns around and the animation of the starfish is so laughably bad that I'm more focused on Jack being a weasel coward at this point while Daisy is talking to him.
So he grabs his out of nowhere navy blue laundry bag and unintentionally whacks Moltoc in the face with it and Moltoc splashes into the water before he can get the map. Dewey sings his praises causing Jack to be slightly more confident in speaking and gives Dewey the thumbs up. I give this Jack a thumbs in the middle at this point; leaning down. Donald of course cannot get the engine started because he apparently has the muscles of Brad Buttowski. More like the worst drawn sea captain's hat in history. I don't get why they had to change Donald's duds in this series because he's supposed to be the old fart adult anyway. I can understand changing Daisy completely for obvious reasons; but Donald? Why? It certainly wasn't because it put butts in seat because if it did; this show would have gone 65 episodes instead of 39. To be fair; Mighty Ducks went only 26 episodes. Not sure if that was intentional or not since it could have been because Quack Pack was such a failure and they needed Mighty Ducks to fill the void left by Quack Pack. That's an interesting question I need to ask someone with better connections to Disney than me. Anyhow; Louie and Huey do their ten seconds of work for the episode by untying the motor boat and yelling that Jack should run the boat. Ummm; how about just pushing the lever instead of pulling it since the lever is in the lowest position and thus cannot be pulled any further. IDIOTS! Jack is at least smart enough to act like he's got lobster courage. Even though there are no real sharks around to give him such. So Donald breaks the stick and the motor boat goes riding through waves as the babyface all bump into each other and to the back of the boat. Sadly; none of them go overboard making this completely BS&P approved safe. Dewey is on top of Huey in a really disturbing manner while Donald and Daisy are on bottom. Dewey is loving this boat ride. I wish I could have the same confidence that Dewey does; but I don't. Jack complains about someone sitting on his spleen as somehow he's on bottom now. Whatever.
So we scene change to the motorboat riding on the water as Daisy is reading a purple book called Monzimgo. which is an island that has more bugs per square mile than any other place on earth. Donald has a can of bug spray to show that he's ready for those pesky, evil bugs. Sadly; it will not repel the bugs known as BS&P, let me tell ya! So Donald sprays himself as Huey comes up showing a can of real bug spray because the can Donald is using is red paint for the motorboat. So Donald is redder than ever. I betcha if 4Kids got their grubby paws on this show; that spray would be lavender or purple; which would make sense in a way due to the purple motif this show is showing thus far. Donald realizes that he stooped to Goofy's level and he sqwaks and gets pissed off. HAHA! Sadly; the bottom of his feet are painted when they shouldn't be. So we see the motorboat heading to an island with a claw and a eye socket rock cliffs as Daisy reads about getting bitten by a Monzimgo flying beetle which is basically all purple with a red shell and black lines on the middle of the red shell. Oh; and apparently a bite from them results in... island fever. Ummm; what is "Island Fever" and what makes it different from "Normal Fever"? Other than playing death music in the background and make Jack look more and more like a coward? Huey points out the obvious to us and Jack gains lobster courage again. Whatever. Dewey is so freakin stupid not to notice that Jack is a coward because he keeps praising him; even though the signs say otherwise. And Dewey was supposed to be the smart one of the trio! He punches Jack on the left arm and Jack goes ow. Whatever. So we head on the beach to the GENERAL STORE OF DOOM on an deserted island. So we head inside the store as a man with a red mustache and green baseball cap; wearing a blue pineapple shirt, pink flower necklace, blue pants and brown shoes showing off his first aid equipment to Jack. Jack stammers like an idiot which seems to be his favorite position right now as the clerk shows him a bear trap for fun. So the guy feeds Jack about a dozen bear traps out of nowhere as we zoom into a moose head on the planked wall as it opens and shows Moltocs claiming to know this island. Whatever sir.
So Moltoc slithers on the top of the shelf like a worm which is the first really decent spot he has done in all of 27 minutes that he has been on screen! And he's supposed to be the #1 heel! So Dewey grabs the traps and uses the same kind of promo they used on the badger character Bumper in Diddy Kong Racing which came a year later! Ponder that for a moment. So Dewey throws them over the shelf in a spot that would be physically impossible to do in real life; and Moltoc gets chomped off screen. Wow; what a threatening heel this Moltoc is?! NOT!! Dewey claims that Jack uses his bare hands to dance, sing and kill people. Oh wait; I'm mistaking him with Tank Abbott. We see Moltoc with bear traps on his body and then jump cut to Daisy in a purple cart reading her purple book. Sadly; he's wearing a green shirt and green skirt which negates the continuity they were shooting for here. We discover that the beetle can only do damage if you decide to piss it off. She calls to Donald and Donald is nowhere to be seen. So we head into the jungle as Donald pops up from the bushes wearing a radiation suit. HAHA! That's called being prepared, natch! He is calling out those flying beetles and one flies around and stops on a leaf to rest. So Donald uses the out of nowhere jar and grabs it; putting his hand under the leaf to seal the jar. Donald looks at it with EVIL INTENTIONS as he shakes the beetle to near death and mocks it. So he throws the beetle down onto the ground as it is punch drunk and Donald taunts it claiming that it'll never get him. This is so not smart Donald Duck as the flying beetle blitzes and bounces off the radiation mask of Donald's and flies in mid air to shake the cobwebs. More taunting from Donald as he takes the mask off; and the beetle sees it's opening and blitzes again; but Donald puts the helmet back on and it sticks to the front of the mask like a bug on a windshield. HAHA! Donald flicks the beetle and it gets pin balled off the tree and whacked down to the ground with a wussy bump. So Donald turns his back and shakes his ass; which sadly, exposes Donald's bare ass during Donald's mockery. UH OH! I think you can guess what happens next. I think we saw that bug as a toy in Shrunken Heroes; but I'm not sure yet.
Yeah; beetle gets into the suit; goes for Donald's white ass and slingshots and pokes him straight up Donald's ass. Donald jumps like a super ball is up his ass and falls down with a wussy bump on his ass. He then changes colors from yellow to orange to purple which causes him to realize that he's seriously screwed and he jumps and bails stage right. We then see Huey and Louie come out of the general store as they see Donald running in and around in a panic which is an amazing thing to see as he plops into the purple jeep of doom and drives off with Daisy in tow before Daisy can even get a word in edge wise. So Dewey and Jack join in as we find out that Moltoc is sitting on top of a brown jeep armed with a cannon like machine gun and is aiming it at the babyfaces. FINALLY! He is using something that might kill them; and it took 29 minutes to do it too! Moltoc absolutely sucks as a heel as we end the segment nine and a half minutes in. Not much to see here thus far...
After the commercial break; we see the babyfaces looking fearful as Moltoc points out that he makes no mistakes. I beg to differ there Moltoc; being in this show is certainly the biggest mistake in your heel life! Dewey steps in and invokes the POINTY FINGER OF DEATH (you can put an eye out with that thing!) proclaiming that he made a big mistake messing with Backwater Jack; who is now called Lobster Courage Jack because he has bailed while the kids stand guard like the proud smug asses that they are. We pan over as the red jeep is shaking and Huey goes over to the conveniently placed blue laundry bag and unzips it to reveal LC Jack shaking like a leaf. So obvious and Dewey should take the hint right there that Jack is lying through his teeth the whole time. So Moltoc claims that his legendary patience is wearing thin which makes no sense since he's been on screen for 1 1/2 episodes tops! Horton's been on screen longer than this loser; and is actually more over than Moltoc at this point. Moltoc demands the map; so Dewey takes out about a half dozen maps to annoy Moltoc even more while LC Jack manages to make the red jeep tip toe stage left. We see Moltoc buried in maps as he pops up and demands the treasure map. So Dewey gives it to him and Moltoc tells him that he can forget this treasure nonsense (as opposed to this show in general Moltoc?) and BS&P rears it's ugly head as Moltoc fires the cannon right at LC Jack and destroys the jeep. Now that is a smart move to slow down the babyfaces in hindsight; but he phrased it as if he was going to kill the kids first. What a difference six years make when McNee had no reservations shooting a SIX YEAR old dead if it meant he killed an Inkara. Moltoc drives away stage right as Huey and Louie go over and mock LC Jack. LC Jack claims that he was just drawing the fire away from the kids which is true in a sort of Rube-Goldbergian way. Dewey is still praising him as Huey and Louie are on to LC Jack now.
LC Jack proclaims that the adventure is off; but Dewey assures him that everything is fine because he gave Moltoc a fake map instead. LC Jack is impressed and then he catches himself because Dewey pulled off the stunt based on the book called Outback Jack & The Fake Map. Which is the fakest: The map Dewey gave, LC Jack's courage, or Dewey's stupidity?! TUNE INTO SOFT COPY TO FIND OUT! Huey has the Gruffi pose on full blast as Dewey assures them because they'll have the treasure by the time Moltoc figures out the scam as we see LC Jack on a palm which is ready to catapult him into the heavens. He claims that he's scouting for evildoers and Huey sarcastically mocks LC Jack again for "reassuring him". So we scene change to a shot of the sky and then pan down to the jungle as the purple jeep rides in through the bushes as the PADDING OF DOOM begins in earnest almost 11 and a half minutes in. We ride down the hills in a bouncy fashion and then logic breaks as we jump cut to the jeep coming out of a cave. Daisy protests this outrage which the outrage is Donald's driving. Wait; how does Daisy know Donald was bitten by the bugs? Because during the entire sequence; there was no indication that Donald was bitten until Donald's neck goes about ten feet long and he gets spots on his beak. Daisy wants Donald to pull over like a friend trying to convince a driver not to drive while intoxicated; but that doesn't work as he has spots on his face and is dizzy as hell. So the jeep goes out of control and jumps off a cliff into a puddle like mud lake as Daisy gets mud on herself and is shooting again! Donald gets up as he feels weird and he then starts doing spots at random by saluting and walking out of the jeep and lawn darting himself into the muck. And purple spots appear on his ass like pimples on a teenager's face. That was one weird plummet. So we scene change to a bunch of bushes as Huey and Louie walk in doing the death march of doom to signal the start of the treasure hunt of doom. Oh great; now they are stealing my material. That's horrifying.
We see Dewey and LC Jack on a cliff as Dewey reads the map up close and proclaims that they must past the hill of rabidous beasts, swamp of flesh eating eels, and the crab grotto which is pretty self explaintory since LC Jack is hiding in the bushes right on cue when Dewey walks down the cliff. Sadly; it's not for a pail of Cluenix Nuts. AHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Huey and Louie notice the moving bush and they act like smug asses as they steal the bush from LC Jack just to annoy me. Huey and Louie mock him as LC Jack's excuses are so bad that it's clear he's not even trying anymore. They call him a coward as LC Jack call this outrageous so Huey and Louie blow him off and walk off mocking him again. Then LC Jack slides in and begs for mercy admitting that he's a fraud and all the books are fictional. Wow; I'm so betrayed. NOT!! I mean; if you are going to be a convincing fraud; you would think that LC Jack wouldn't look like a scarey cat and be absolutely obvious in doing so. I cannot take this seriously at all. Louie wants to tell Dewey; and Huey wants LC JACK to tell HIM! LC Jack nods with approval and we get the hurricane scene changer as the purple jeep sinks in the mud. That's the most BS&P'ed quicksand I have ever seen as Donald and Daisy are easily safe on the edge of the shore line. Daisy shoots again while Donald scratches himself. We are learning new tricks in 1996! No, not really. Daisy points out that this will not last long; but he'll itch all over. Donald scratches the bottom of his feet and he doesn't sell laughing in a "good attention to detail" moment for him. I betcha Kit could tickle himself and still comically oversell laughter. He scratches himself against the tree and then grabs a brown porcupine and scratches his back. Daisy points out the obvious to Donald which she does a good job of noting that. Donald looks as he holds the porcupine in front and he's seriously (insert swear word here). Donald puts the brown porcupine down and runs stage right. The porcupine invokes the 1000 Needles attack right in Donald's ass as Donald oversells and runs away out of sight. Daisy shoots on Donald again for fun. This was pretty cute at least.
So we scene change over to Dewey with the map as Huey and Louie drag in LC Jack and drops him on his face. Apparently; Huey and Louie are claiming that Jack has something to tell him. Louie looks absolutely evil here; or he's cringing here. LC Jack stammers like an idiot as Dewey shows the map and offers him the lead. LC Jack accepts and we have flustered smug asses in stereo. HAHA! So LC Jack walks around and he doesn't look where he is going and smacks his face right into the branch of a tree. OUCH! He staggers like a drunk and trips on a rope as the nephews foolishly join him and a wooden cage comes down, trapping the babyfaces. Then Moltoc comes out of the bushes (wearing purple pants and shirt) and walks over to the cage. He steals the map and calls out the jokesters. So we scene change and see LC Jack, Huey and Louie hanging from a cage as we tease a possible death trap; but there is none as we zoom out to see Moltoc's jeep and Dewey is handcuffed to the jeep protesting this outrage. Moltoc counters claiming that he's the bad guy; which has to be the lamest bad guy I have ever seen. Dewey blows off Moltoc because LC Jack (Damn; I keep confusing this goofball with that WWE jobber wrestler back in 1987) will save him. Keep dreaming Dewey that's as likely as you getting privacy from your nephews. Moltoc drives off as we pan over to the cage as Huey blows of LC Jack while LC Jack keeps his mouth shut. So Louie brings out his Swiss Army Knife which changes into a saw. We discover that the nephews are from Duck Scouts; thus the continuing of whizzing on Ducktales' legacy even more. Mr. Woodchuck would not approve of this nonsense as he cuts a circle through the floor. Huey and Louie jumps down and land on their feet; while LC Jack lands on his face. HAHA! Huey then starts to panic as they get up because there is a large black panther above them that jumps down towards the bushes and pops from said bushes. If you can understand the lack of fear in this scene; then more power to you. LC Jack runs stage left as the nephews stand at the tree in horror to end the segment 16 minutes in. Well; not much to see here either...
After the commercial break; we see the crappy drawn panther stalking Huey and Louie as LC Jack is scared behind the bushes. He walks back and then he trips backwards into the pulley rope which his sword (in the hilt mind you) cuts the rope and the cage falls down and traps the panther. Wow; what stupid logic this is?! Huey and Louie notice that LC Jack is behind this and let LC Jack up thinking that Dewey is right about him all along. LC Jack looks confident again in a sort of Rube Goldbergan sort of way as we scene change to the entrance to the cave of the Crab Grotto as Moltoc is next to the jump as the plot device of doom is the Pearl Of Comeyaka. Dewey demands to know why Moltoc kidnapped him and Moltoc grabs Dewey and drags him into the cave because Moltoc is going to use him as a punching bag like the cowardly heel that he is. So we scene change back to Daisy wondering what is up with this jungle fever crap as Donald freezes into a solid block of ice; then turns hotter than hell, ending with HOT TEMPERED DUCK ON FIRE~! HAHA! Donald runs stage right and dives into the river. The river is drained completely as Daisy shoots again and then Donald's head turns into a balloon and he floats into the air. Maybe it's time for Daisy to stop shooting because this is getting really silly now. Donald pushes the balloon head and it pops into his belly as Daisy has the Gruffi pose on and calls this more weird. Not as weird as you continuing to think shooting on Donald is helping the situation. So a green fly plops on Donald's beak and has a small turkey candlelight dinner in the process. When the padding has to be overbooked; you know this episode is not feeling it. Green fly brings out the tiny pepper shaker and Donald sneezes as the air is let out of the balloon stomach and this ends with the Darkwing Duck bump on the chin (which is in much the same way as the fall with the arm behind the back face plant spot in Family Guy) as he has red whites in his eyes. Daisy thinks this is a good sign; which means Donald gets up and his ears blow smoke and do some hellish whistling. HA! I don't think so Daisy.
So we head inside the cave of the Crab Grotto with a really strange stone craving that looks like a mangled duck which kills the continuity that they were shooting for. There is a large lake in the middle as Moltoc has Dewey tied to a lasso (around the midsection; not the neck) as he wants Dewey to get the pearl of Whogivesayaka. Dewey asks about him waiting for his friends to rush in to save him; but Moltoc isn't buying it and drops Dewey into the water. Dewey falls on his ass and he rubs it on the ocean floor which looks like a recycled background from the beginning of the episode. I guess bumps do hurt more in water in this reality. So Dewey walks around and I'm not going to be shocked if he no sells being in water because that logic was thrown out of the window in Ducks By Nature. He then notices a purple clam and it opens to reveal the pearl of Whydoesthissucka. So Dewey swims over and rubs his hands in glee as a crab shows up and wants to put up the duke and hit Dewey with his best shot. So Dewey looks like the same as me and fires away with a flick away. He grabs the pearl easily and the clam cannot even close it's mouth properly. Dewey swims up and Moltoc pulls him out. One crab? There was only one crab?! I'VE BEEN RIPPED OFF! The most threatening black panther defeated by LC Jack. This show is so stupid that the stupid burns! Moltoc pushes Dewey into the water as he grabs the pearl and cuddles it. Dewey struggles to the edge as he wonders why there wasn't a bigger crab guarding the treasure and then the big ass crab shows up just to piss me off! Took you long enough to show up! So Moltoc grabs the rope and does a pulley sequence to life Dewey up into the air over the big ass crab as Dewey swings around begging for Moltoc not to leave him. Moltoc decides to stay until he hears Dewey's blood curdling screams of pain and death. Okay.
So we scene change to a catapulted palm tree as Huey and Louie are on it. Huey and Louie ask LC Jack if this is safe and LC Jack doesn't know; but he is going to try as he cuts the rope with the sword and we slingshot towards the cave as Huey and Louie get tangled up in the vines of doom while LC Jack takes the bump WITH CHEESE AND BACON on the ground. HAHA! LC Jack rises up and sucks him thumb to get his nose back as Huey and Louie tell him that he's Dewey's only hope. LC Jack teases a turn; but he proclaims that Dewey believes in him as he runs in; but is blocked by Moltoc coming out with the pearl. So LC Jack bails into the bushes allowing another blow off from the nephews. Well; I don't call him Lobster Courage Jack for nothing you know. So Moltoc gets into the jeep and tries to speed off; but LC Jack comes out with the BUNGIE PLUNGER GUN OF DEATH. Damn; I knew that weapon would be involved in the finish somehow. He fires and it sticks to the ass of the jeep and he lassos it to a palm tree and the jeep goes flying backwards right into the cave; and right into the big ass crab which destroys the jeep completely while Dewey looks on in shock. The whole pieces of the jeep spit out in front of LC Jack and the pearl rolls in right at LC Jack's feet. The nephews slap skin after blowing him off thirty seconds ago. Once a smug ass brat; always a smug ass brat! So we see Moltoc with the crab as the jeep is somehow still almost completely intact as the crab shoves it away and Moltoc bails stage right while the big ass crab chases him. LC Jack runs in and cuts the ropes off Dewey and they slap skin and bail out of the cave. We see Moltoc hiding behind the rock screaming for help as the crab snaps at Moltoc while hiding behind the mangled statue and he is buried for good. I think this is the last episode he is in actually.
So we head back to the docks as everyone sits in the red motorboat as Dewey calls LC Jack the best adventurer ever. LC Jack comes in to tell Dewey that he's a fraud; but Huey and Louie come in and proclaim that he is the best rip snortin adventurer ever. LC Jack thanks everyone and beams. Okay; he did show some courage in the ending; but still, this comes off as a low rent version of Kit Cloudkicker not apologizing for Baloo getting a concussion in the Old Man & The SeaDuck; and even more low rent than Whistlestop Jackson, Legend because Whistlestop admitted as such that he couldn't keep up with the young ones anymore. That is what made that episode memorable. And Whistlestop got to redeem himself in the end. Jack redeemed himself; but never admitted to DEWEY that he was still a fraud. Why? Because the stupid writers thought having Donald panic reading the book was more entertaining. We discover that nine our of ten doctor claim that jungle fever is catching and all the babyfaces minus Donald get Jungle Fever and do assorted stupid faces, change colors and the like. Daisy's head becomes a balloon and see flies away as Donald proclaims that here we go again as we circle fade out to end the episode at 21:07. Not much to see here as this episode was pretty much nothing with a few funny spots thus killing any hope for Moltoc to become a decent heel again. And the whole story reeked of a D-Grade version of Whistlestop Jackson, Legend too. * 1/2 (30%).
THE REVIEW LINE
Well; another day, another crappy episode of Quack Pack. I think we can safely say that Moltoc's Joker routine is much, much worse than Sting's in TNA. At least the guard bird incident was funny in a really perverse way; which is something Moltoc never had. He did one spot which I found even close to humorous and that was the inchworm spot. The whole Donald jungle fever routine has a few laughs; but not much more and most of it I didn't care about. Dewey's worship of Backwater Jack is so contrived because Backwater Jack made no attempt to hide the fact that he was scared and it was all right in front of him. No one is going to buy that Jack was doing these things to fake out heels. No one. I have seen worse babyface guests than Jack; but I have seen much better. The climax was a yawn as there was no pay off for the flesh eating eels; and we had only one black panther who got easily defeated, small crab and a giant crab that did pretty much nothing; thus there was no sense of fear nor irony here. And the ending was booked so badly because Jack never got to admit that he was a fraud because Huey and Louie came in to praise him after blowing him off throughout the episode. This was all basically a low rent version of Whistlestop Jackson, Legend with cheaper animation. That's all I have to say about it. Just eight more episodes to go now. So........
Thumbs down for this episode and I'll see you next time.