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Rescue Rangers To The Rescue Part Two

Reviewed: 07/27/2008

But these two gumshoes; are picking up the slack...

Don't worry; I don't intend to use the entire theme song as a caption so let's continue on as we were left with a cliff hanger which I don't like shall we...?!

Part two of this episode is written by Tad Stones, Jymn Magon, Mark Zaslove and Kevin Hopps. The story was edited by Tad Stones, Jymn Magon and Mark Zaslove. The story was made by Tad Stones and Kevin Hopps. All four guys you should know very well by now if you have been reading my rants thus far and should know how much they rule DTVA at this point. The animation was done by Walt Disney Animation Japan which means that this is a good sign right off the bat and this should be the debut for the new in house studio created from former TMS members.

Interesting Moment #1: HOLY CRAP; part two contains the second Rescue Rangers opening sequence! Thank you Disney Home Video. YAY! It contains mostly television footage and the timing is pretty off on it. I guess they stuck to the first one which was better timed and felt a lot more professional.

Interesting Moment #2: This is a given for the rest of the pilot so I'll mention this only once: They do a preview of the previous episode which is a bad sign that this is the syndication version of the pilot which is usually has scenes snipped for time. Well; at least there should be no cuts for violence and forbidden content since I am playing the DVD version. At least I hope that is the case.

We officially begin this one REPEATING THE LAST SCENE from Part One as Chip and Dale are thrown off the roof by Mepps (thank you Acorn Cafe for correcting me on that one. And I have no excuse for that one either since spells it as Mepps.). That is so anime like that I'm SHOCKED anime purists don't care much for that spot. They usually care about other trivial things; but not this one. Fat Cat makes a reference of scraping the road kill off of the sidewalk like the sadist that he should be so I give him props for trying to act cool. Fat Cat and the heels decide to leave for Chinatown and yes I got Wart wrong as it is a lizard and not a snake. So there will officially be no funny business like there was with the finish to From Whom The Bell Klangs Part Two. So; how did Chip & Dale get saved? By hanging onto a lamp post of course. Sadly; Kit had nothing to grab when he fell without his airfoil. Sadly; that lamp post is creaking which shows just how bad the marksmanship is in America. I mean; the two chipmunks must weight less than a ¼ pound combined and that's enough to cause that lamp post to creak? Dale admits that this detective stuff isn't so easy which makes sense since Plato told him ALREADY. Got to love Dale's attitude being thrust back into his face. Chip tells him not to panic as the lamp post breaks; and they are now hanging by a thread. Well; that's not really true since the thread is really copper wire. Then it's swinging time as the lamp takes a beating in this spot.

Dale cries like a baby wanting to go home and Chip then gets inspired and jumps towards the railing right on perfect time. Nice whirlwind spot from Chip as Dale was afraid he would try something like that. I agree; he's trying to upstage you Dale. Dale's fingers slip on the rebound (don't you just hate it when that happens?) and Chip runs around on the platform trying to save Dale; but Dale bounces on him with a pretty decent bump and they bump like they have super balls up their butts. And yes; Acorn Cafe is watching me do these rants of course. They bounce off the platform and it's Warner Brothers mid air spot followed by the free fall and they crash into the dumpster with an off-screen MAN-SIZED bump. Okay; that was a bit of overkill there. Chip pops up from the crap (it's a dumpster; what did you expect?) and he's got cat food all over his pinhead. Dale would be laughing on that spot; but his head is trapped beneath the crap and he chitters like a chipmunk. Memo to Disney Captions: Chittering is NOT a word; Open Office does not see it as such. Chip grabs onto Dale's ankles and yanks him out of the crap and Dale is reading a crappy comic book. HAHA! It's a Captain Spiffo comic as Spiffo (a nothing superhero) takes on the Tentacled Titan. He must be know at the “Hentai Crusher”..AHHAHAHAHAHA!

Chip throws Dale away and blows him off for goofing around. Man; I wouldn't want to be asking interesting questions with Chip around using his psychological projection. Chip also gets off death reference #2 as he blames Dale for blowing their cover. If Dale didn't goof off; you would have never been able to get that ruby in the first place. Dale tries to defend himself; but Chip patronizes him because this isn't a game see. But does Chip really know this isn't a game? Then there's more creaking as we head to the fire hose box next to the wall about ten feet away from the dumpster and it opens allowing Fat Cat and the heels to escape from it. And of course Mole does a silly spot of walking like a zombie with his eyes closed and takes a pretty good bump onto the ground. I'm going to say this to Mole: If you want to be respectable; don't be like Drake and be a mere bump machine. Fat Cat asks Wart if he has the payment and Wart claims he does since he has the cardboard like briefcase to prove it. Mepps and Wart push the briefcase and it squashes Mole flatter than Alexander the Grape; Nyuk, Nyuk, Nyuk! Wart and Mepps jumps on the briefcase to rub it in even more. And Mole pops from the briefcase and pops the most important question in existence: How do we get to Chinatown? Fat Cat answers that one: Order a pizza and the heels are confused.

Fat Cat shines the ruby and blows them off for being dumb because we cut over to an apartment building where a pizza delivery man is delivering a pizza. And of course his white van is RIGHT THERE waiting for Fat Cat and his gang to hop into it. See; Fat Cat is truly a genius. Fat Cat kicks Mole around because apparently; Tad thinks Mole as a mere bump machine is the way to get him over. The pizza boy (wearing mostly white and blue clothing) blows off the order because it's fake. Why is it fake? Because it's a pizza with triple anchovies. Well; you never know Pizza Boy; James Barber might have ordered it because he likes anchovies. Oh wait; James Barber would NEVER order a pizza because he is a REAL COOK; not a phony one that plays one on TV. And he throws the pizza in the backseat right where the heels can have lunch as Pizza Boy gets in and is heading for Chinatown. This spot is pretty clever; but it would have been better if we found out that Fat Cat ordered two pizzas; one for this address and one in Chinatown for his girlfriend if you catch my drift here. The pizza truck drives away as Chip and Dale are still in the dumpster looking on. Chip wants to go after them so he can get the ruby back and I say Dale wants to follow them because there is a pizza in the back waiting for his stomach. I check the DVD and I am good as Chip grabs Dale and it's chase time which doesn't work because the chipmunk can NEVER outrun a truck. Unless they have a spare tire of course. AHHAHAHAHAHA!

And of course; they roll behind inside a spare tire. That's the second hamster running spot they have done in this pilot I should point out and the second time Dale slips and screws Chip's running. And then we head to the intersection where the light turns red and the spare tire keeps going. Well; since it's merely a TIRE it doesn't violate motor vehicle regulations see and that leads to a series of bumps into various objects; all of them are on target and look pretty good. Chip and Dale land into the limo's front seat and Dale lands right on the gas pedal which sets up the next spot of the limo driving away by itself. And of course the rich snobs are in it for the ride; but the driver is not. And he just happens to have a stereotypical French accent (We surrender!). Chip control the wheel in the third hamster spot of the pilot (although this one is pretty good) as the limo is chasing the pizza delivery truck. I don't remember the light turning green fast enough for the limo to be chasing them instead of the OTHER WAY AROUND?! Logic break #1 for the episode and that one is pretty silly. Dale steps on the gas and it's the Scooby Doo Chase Sequence The Pizza Edition. Sadly; Chip's hamster driving sucks badly so we crash into other cars to make up for it as the rich snobs in the limo get tossed like rag dolls. And the female is bigger than the male; what a surprise? Chip continues his ugly driving (which is expected since he drives like a silly hamster) and of course Dale goofs off by turning on the radio and dance. Funny stuff as Chip blows him off and sounds like Drake Mallard with a chipmunk's voice. Oh wait....His driving does get better as they go into the alleyway which logically leads to...

Back to the police station AFTER HAPPY HOUR (Read: After dark) as we cut back into the jail cell with Plato hanging on the bars grunting as if he's trying to bend them to escape; or do a bad lap dance on them. I'll accept either answer at this point as Donald does the sensible thing and just sits there and does a funny sulk. Plato is regretting sending the chipmunks out to do a dog's job and tries to get out by doing the Kit jailbreak spot. Sadly; he's just a wee bit TOO FAT to pull it off so we head to Chinatown and it looks slightly less offensive than the one used in the Mister T animated episode Fortune Cookie Caper. You can tell simply by the fact that there are no rickshaws present. We then cut to the pizza truck stopping in front of Hand Laundry which is in perfectly speaking English. Okay; I can accept that as the Pizza Boy (with pizza in hand of course) gets out and knocks on the door. As he's looking for Mr. Hand; Fat Cat and his heels run out from the front door (since the car makes a beautiful blind spot see) and because Mole is a bump machine; he takes the exact same spot as before; only a lot more wussy. Pizza Boy gets nothing...AND THE ROCK SEZS NOTHING and gets angry and steps on the pizza box. Tsk, Tsk good man, ruining a pizza. Even when it's bad; it's still pretty good.

He gets into the pizza truck as Fat Cat and the heels enters through the bottom window while Fat Cat blows off Mr. Hardcore Pizza Boy off for having no sense of humor. Is Sean Malstrom's Billion Dollar Cat really Fat Cat?! TUNE INTO MALSTROM'S ARTICLES TO FIND OUT! Pizza Boy tries to start the car; but the LIMO OF DOOM does me proud by taking a MAN-SIZED bump into the pizza truck nearly wrecking the poor thing. The pizza truck rides away as Pizza Boy sezs uncle. Take a picture Mr. Hardcore; that's what in store for you when Nintendo finishes disrupting this industry. Chip and Dale jump out (after Chip does the POINTY FINGER OF DEATH) and run inside. Well; not quite since Dale tries to open the pizza to eat it (and it's a pepperoni pizza natch); but Chip grabs him and drags him inside. Spoil sport. The driver finally arrives and I smell logic break #2 because his clothes are torn with no context as to why they are and opens the door as the two snobs declare this the best ride in their lives. Well; the female one loved it as Errol doesn't seem to know since the hat is over his eyes. The snobs walk away unharmed (mostly) and the driver takes a wussy bump onto the pavement. If it were MAN-SIZED he would be pushing up daisies by now.

We cut to Chip and Dale running to the room and then we cut to inside Hand's Laundry with a pan shot of the entire place which looks slightly messier than my place at Reboot is right now. Chip and Dale go through the mail order slot and since they had lots of time to climb up into the slot there is no logic break there. They jump down and Chip goes forward to check out the place and Dale yells out to blow the cover again because he's surfing on the SOAP BRUSH OF SOAPY DEATH. Well; Dale is a Hawaiian goof so it makes sense here to do that spot; but how he found a brush that quick escapes me at this moment. That leads to Chip getting bump on and riding on top of Dale and it's Surfing in The Laundromat~! Chip jumps over the chair rails on the bottom of the chair and then they crash with a really good off-screen bump right into the Laundry Closet. Everyone pops out as Dale does his Cowabunga promo to really amuse me. Here's a point I need to make: This cartoon takes place in a version of the real world in around 1989ish so the word Cowabunga is in the correct context. TaleSpin's time line has it so it feels like it's around late 1930's/1940's so the word doesn't work in the correct context and hearing Baloo say it is just plain stupid. Kit saying it on the other hand might have worked on the level that he invented the word himself; but I don't see Kit saying it since he shows a lot of restraint and rarely uses pop culture speak if ever.

And back to the rant; I expect Chip to bonk him on the head and blow him off for goofing off again. I check the DVD...SPOOKY! Of just the obvious Chip/Dale relationship from the classic shorts. Of course Dale did himself no favors by rubbing his fist right in Chip's kisser when he call this fun. Chip then really lays it in and shuts the door on Dale telling him to go home. Ooooo; Chip is dumping his partner ala Kit dumping Baloo. Big difference: Chip does have a good reason to dump Dale since he was goofing off. Kit doesn't because he could have told Baloo earlier and avoided nearly getting MURDERED by Don Karnage. Then again; Kit is stubborn and doesn't trust adults so it works anyway. So I like both spots equally. Dale tries to respond; but no dice as Chip stomps away to find the ruby. We cut to a shot of the bigoted soap sacks as we see a really stereotypical old Chinese Cat (wearing green and having green eyes which is considered EVIL according to one Chinese animator) sitting on it asking Fat Cat and the heel if they want to bet on a fighting fish. Again as I said before: Unless you have been studying Chinese culture for a good amount of time; writing an episode with Chinese elements is not a good idea. See Puffed Rangers. See Lost Horizons. Sadly; the heels are too late since the matches have already started. So we have gone from gambling, to alcohol, to cock fighting all in this pilot. Wow; that makes TaleSpin look really politically correct in comparison. And it was TaleSpin that got downplayed. No wonder I am so bitter at Michael Eisner. I'm not angry nor jealous at Rescue Ranger fans. I don't blame them for having such ambitions. That's what real fans of series do.

Chip is a little confused of the “fighting fish” which indicates that it is cock fighting. And cock fighting has nothing to do with sex at all; cock is a slang term for rooster. Fat Cat isn't interested which wins the hearts of animal fans everywhere because he has business to do with the Siamese twins. Jim Cummings voices the Siamese Cat and the twins are from Tress so I'm betting they are either females or males with the tomboy voice. The Siamese Cat gasps in horror as the stereotypical Chinese music plays right on cue in the background. He pushes the orange button which is conveniently placed on the wall and the coat racks start moving in opposite directions. Fat Cat and the heels grab onto the coats and I'm in shock Mole didn't do a bump here. Chip follows them as we head to the backstage area where Fat Cat and the heels get off and they overlook a really charming scene near the washing machines as we see a bunch of cats watching Fish Fighting inside a water filled washing machine kick the living daylights out of each other.

Yeah; Japanese fighting fish. All that was missing was their stereotypical headbands just to make it more obvious. I wonder what TMS thought of THAT?! The announcer proclaims that the second fish wins with the somersault of doom as the cats are forced to fork up the money to the middle bottom cat as he counts it. This of course sucks so we thankfully cut to Fat Cat and the heels walk away as Mepps whines about not being able to bet on the fighting fish. Fat Cat nicely blows it off because fun comes after the deal is done see which usually involves sadistic behavior such as scratching Mepps to death. And of course Disney Captions spells it as Meps. So either Acorn Cafe is full of crap; or Disney Captions is full of crap. I'm betting on the later here since casts the deciding vote as Mepps. Chip hides behind a pin cushion and take a needle, thread and a pencil with him to focus on his next MIMI JOKE ZONE PLAN. We don't find out yet because that logically leads to....

Outside of Hand's Laundry as Dale manages to get out of the shop by himself and sobs badly because he's thinking that Chip is right in him goofing off. But dog gone it that's what Dale does best. Amen Dale and may you never change for my pleasure. Can you imagine Homer Simpson changing into a smart guy for real? Then we cut to just outside a blue tent as a Chinese Cat wearing all blue is guarding the place. Fat Cat twirls his whiskers as he asks for the Siamese twins and the Chinese guard agrees to look for them as he enters the tent. We then cut to a wooden beam as Chip threads the needle and declares that he will get that ruby if it's the last thing he ever does. Geez; that's like inviting death there Chip and even Chip realizes the irony in saying that. The gong rings true as the Chinese guard lifts the tent curtains (all blue mind you) to reveal the Siamese twins sitting on a laundry throne which is about five feet high with the left one wearing mostly red and the right one mostly wearing blue. Fat Cat tells the gang that status and dignity are important to these cats. Doublespeak version: They have none and neither do Fat Cat and the gang.

Fat Cat wants to do the talking because the twins will cut them to ribbons if the heels don't behave see. Fat Cat bows to his masters with the same bow that Iwata uses during his speeches and Fat Cat screws it up. The twins seem cool with it and they are female as I expected so roosnooker86 should just go away. The cats seem to purr when the letters purr are in certain words and they want the Juice-lee which is the most pointless crack at Bruce Lee that I have ever heard. They grab the ruby and they think it's the purr-fect thing to exchange. Fat Cat is screwed and his nervous laugh indicates that it is so. Fat Cat tells him that he does have the payment which is not the ruby as the twins open their claws ready to shred Fat Cat to pieces. I'm actually loving these female twins since they at least have good taste. Fat Cat tells the heels to get the suitcase ready as Chip plays fisher chipmunk on a sock clothesline with the ruby; but fails. Mole is still being a bump machine I see as he carries the suitcase and Fat Cat opens it to reveal 200 fishes. The twins are impressed because food is more important than a ruby to cats so they reveal behind the magical red curtain the amazing, the brash and the ultra powerful: Juice-lee! Who is a Japanese fish with a pink tail (okay; they call it a Chinese Fighting Fish; but I'm not fooled here) in a fish bowl who can break broads.

The heels are amazed by his broad breaking ability. I'm not. I want to see him break Dumptruck's skull. Now THAT would be impressive...AHHAHAHAHA! Mole of course thinks he cannot stand up in a fight and Fat Cat bonks him on the head for speaking. However; the twins climb down and actually show respect to Mole's doubts. They decide to give Juice-Lee a test to demonstrate his skills as they keep calling him Mr. Fat. Fat Cat doesn't even realized that he's being (a) insulted because he's fat and (b) insulted because his last name would really be Mr. Cat. Then again; Fat Cat violate DUB ANIME CONDUCT RULE #12 (Thou shalt not rhyme; because it's COOL!) so he's screwed. The heels walk away and Chip still cannot fish the ruby necklace from his neck. See; without Dale to goof off, Fat Cat always out moves Chip in every way. That's why Chip needs Dale to succeed. Chip runs along the clothesline as we cut to the sinks as Mole slides the foot stool (NOT THAT ONE!) onto Fat Cat's feet as Mole climbs on and the Chinese guard gives Mole the roast duck. Mole thanks him and tries to eat it but the KILLER CHINESE FISH OF DOOM eat it right to the bone. Mole thinks that they were generous in leaving him the bone; but the yellow fish jumps up and eats it too. Well; they probably haven't been fed since about thirty minutes ago so I can understand why. The twins offer these dangerous fish of the sea as the challenge to Juice-Lee as the yellow fish swim around searching for blood to go into a frenzy.

And the twins seem to be doubling over their speech the longer this episode goes which is as annoying as when Sailor Moon Super S tried that in the dub version. The Cat Instructor (which is American and thus makes the whole thing seem slightly less offensive) drops Juice-Lee into the washing basins as the American money grubbing crowd cheers for death..or for money depending on what mood I was in when ranting on this. The KILLER YELLOW FISH OF DOOM quickly get squashed and they jump out and bounce upstairs like a bunch of scalded dogs. God bless Jim Ross for giving me so much material for me to make fun of. The crowd continues to count the MONEY, MONEY, YEAH, YEAH like they just don't care. Fat Cat is impressed as Juice-Lee magically returns to his fishbowl for logic break #2 for the episode. Fat Cat does the purr spot and then asks to be excused since he has a boat to catch. I bet Mepps whines on the spot on that one and it doesn't happen as Chip does some more fishing and his goose is cooked because he misses the ruby by a country mile; but hooks onto the blue Siamese twin's shirt and it rips causing Chip to blow his cover on the rebound. They have a tug of war and it you cannot guess who wins this one; you have no business reading this rant.

Chip flies into the air and where he lands he's pretty much dead. Sadly; he doesn't somehow land as blue twin bops into red twin and they bounce right into the steel water tub which is full of water. The twins pop out and shoot water as Chip takes a no bump off-screen (why I'll never know) into the basket of clothes. Chip throws away the fishing line lest someone mocks him with the LASSO OF BANE TO ALL ACTION CARTOONS EVERYWHERE and he's screwed as the twin cats get out of the tub and have their claws ready to kill him. And here comes Dale SURFING IN THE LAUNDROMAT~! The twins get nailed good with decent bumps and he slides past about seven guards. SEVEN OF THEM? Has Larson and Gary been into cloning recently?! Dale grabs Chip and puts him on the brush to complete the heroism and they surf around splashing soap water into the crowd. Well; they are Mr. Hardcore so they need a good bath anyway. Chip is HAPPY to see Dale and then they take a nasty bump into the washing machine as I think we know what happens next. Chip apologizes, Dale forgives him in his own way because Chip would have to yell at himself and psychological projection like that means it's time for the shrink.

The CHINESE GUARD CLONES OF ABOMINATION (And you thought Khan's pilots were contrived and forced? At least they aren't completely offensive) open their claws as the chipmunks get out of the machine and the guard slip and slide right into the washing machine and it's SPIN CYCLE TIME~! Okay; that was a funny spot and made funnier as they are fuzzy furballs when they come out. However; the bumping is so cartoony that I think Kennedy Cartoons is doing that spot. We cut to the twins with claws drawn and they are PISSED! They want the clone guards to destroy The Chipmunks. Good luck pals! The Ruby Spear fans tried to kill the live action remake movie starring Alvin, Simon and Theodore months ago and that movie still made profit to justify a sequel. Chip and Dale go to the washing basin (nice spot from the fighting fish) as they pour soap into the mix. Because soap is a KILLER BABEE! And they hide bottom floor as the fighting fish float up into the air in bubbles which SHOCKS and APPALLS them. Great spot there as the twins try to save them but no dice. They have a meeting of the minds; and it wasn't at the water cooler. The crowd tries to steal them; but no luck as Chip and Dale are on a coat rack looking on. Chip thanks Dale's goofing off as Fat Cat and the heels practice the art of not being seen and tip toe out of here. What?! No twinkle toe sound effect? FOR SHAME FAT CAT! Chip and Dale jump down after them of course. So that logically leads to....

....Outside the docks AFTER HAPPY HOUR as we see a huge messy steel cargo ship at the docks and then we cut to Fat Cat and his gang sneaking around. Fat Cat tests the broads and calls the ship large enough to use for his MIMI JOKE ZONE PLAN. Mepps wonders how to get past the sailors who just happen to be standing next to the railing watching the moon light. One is wearing orange, the other is wearing light blue I do believe. Fat Cat calls this details and uses the SHANE DOUGLAS MOP OF DOOM to push Juice-lee's fishbowl right behind the sailors. The sailors are standing watch and they are bored out of their skulls. They foolishly see the fish and think it is cute; so Juice-Lee basically grabs their noses and he PUTS OUT THE DUMBASSES~! Now that is a quality spot and good bumping from the sailors too. Juice-Lee then throws them out of the boat and the episode too. Juice-Lee just earned his crew cut with that spot. Fat Cat waves goodbye as we cut to Chip and Dale inside some rope as Dale wonders why Fat Cat wants a boat. Chip blows him off because the ruby is more important see. I see the forgiveness has worn off as we cut to the heels on the far shot thanking Juice Lee for his efforts.

Fat Cat apparently is using the cargo hold to nab a lot of stolen fish. However; Fat Cat wants the cargo hold clean so he orders Mepps to grab him some rope. Mepps sells it and grabs the rope which contains Chip and Dale and runs away with it causing Chip and Dale to bounce like super balls right to the point where they are literally holding on to a steel edge. Dale panics and Chip basically tells him not to let go as we cut to a shot of the boxed luggage as we see an out of place CHEST OF DEMONS. Well; not really, it's really the CHEST OF MONTEREY JACK! And he's from Down Under judging by his voice (crikey and ruddy seem to come to mind here) as he is voiced by Jim Cummings. Monterey Jack is known as the pilot fat guy of the Rangers team who seems to travel a lot. Personally; I felt he was the least over character of the team and he's well known for one really over the top spot he uses. I'll get to that when the time comes which shouldn't be long knowing the writers. And of course Monty is named after a spicy cheese.

He's trapped in the CHEST OF DEMONS as he wants a crowbar and thus giving Kit something to recycle in Waiders only with a can opener. And sadly; by the time he finds the crowbar; the chest is open complete with enough useless trinkets that I might need a vacation myself after all that surrealness. Or maybe not. Oh; he has a crate and needs something from it which explains the crowbar in a nutshell. And we see a blue bottled fly zip out of the chest wearing a red shirt. That would be Zipper and he's voiced by Corey Burton; although he rarely speaks English at all. I got to admit; using a blue fly is pretty original. Zipper flies around Mr. Jack to waste some time and notices the crate which is helpfully labeled with the word cheese and a picture of swiss. I'm guessing Mr. Jack's spot is about to commence. So much for dramatic tension; but then again the spot is comedy so it's really not screwing around. Jack proclaims this funny line and I'm paraphrasing here...

Jack: There is only one thing I like more than cheese.....Nothing.

Take that Ron Sparks! Monty runs back with the crowbar and then runs like a maniac and takes a vicious swipe with the crowbar right into the crate's wooden side. Jack apparently strikes the mother lode because it's cheddar which is his favorite. Must be White Cheddar..AHHAHAHAHAHA! Hey; it's not my fault that the animators screwed up the cheese and it turns into false advertising. Zipper gleefully corrects him so it's not false advertising and Monty is full of himself. Ah; I see who's to blame for Drake Mallard being so screwed up. Hint: It's not the blue fly. Zipper continues to squeak something and Monty admits that he loves cheese as he backs up and does a torpedo headbutt right into the crate; splitting it apart to reveal the big ass Swiss cheese. I'm sorry WD-Japan for ever doubting your awesome animation powers here. And then the over the top spot occurs as Jack goes bonkers and his red mustache ties right into a knot. Now this spot is really funny without the context involved; but it's really sad when context is put into it since this is a classic case of addiction. Jack bounces to his stolen cheese ready to eat it when suddenly OUT OF NOWHERE; Chip and Dale finally free fall ( hand must have slipped I guess) and they land right on Jack's back with a nasty MAN-SIZED bump. OUCH! That could have broken Jack's back. AHHAHAHAHA!

Dale blows off Jack's weight with a thinly veiled fat joke (We landed on something soft) and Jack uses the eye contact violence which would have worked if they weren't on his back. Monty blows them off and Zipper laughs it up since seeing a fat guy get jumped on is pretty funny. I'm sure Kit was taking notes as we speak. Only he didn't take the coward's way out and went for the full frontal missile right into Baloo's belly. Monty doesn't like that as he uses his back to bounce Chip and Dale off his back and onto the cheese see saw. Okay; that looks pretty contrived guys. Chip apologizes for the mess which makes me want to punch him in the face and Monty blows him off really harshly claiming that he was bushwhacked. Memo to Monty: Bushwhacking involves two wrestlers from New Zealand licking your face after winning in upset fashion. And then Monty steps on the other side of the cheese see saw and both Chip and Dale fly right onto the top of a crate taking a wussy bump onto it. Well; you cannot win them all I guess. Monty tells Zipper to buzz off as a joke and Zipper goes nuts laughing at it. Man; it doesn't take much to amuse that blue fly. Chip and Dale are ticked off and the urge to eat Monty's cheese as revenge for that spot is rising. Dale asks about the ruby as irony strikes home in a full circle as Chip forgets his character and wants to MURDER him; more or less.

Dale is game though to make Monty his new bouncy mattress to sleep with and so they have a whispering conference. If only Drake would learn how to use whispering properly instead of his annoying whisper yell spot. They bail as Monty blows them off for coming between him and his cheese. As if chipmunks are interested in cheese and since Wikipedia doesn't mention it then the spot doesn't work. Then again; the original concept for this series was to use a mouse called Kit Colby who was an Indiana Jones type character and the show was called Metro Mice so I can see why they did the spot. Ironically the first name Kit would morph into the character known as Kit Cloudkicker. Cloudkicker was a play Luke Skywalker's last name in which both characters were similar in personality and back story. Although Magon took it one step too far and gave Kit a character that knew about the darkness in himself that he knew just how dangerous he really was.

Zipper blows him off since Monty is not a man and Monty blows him off for being so paranoid. I love real comments that aren't supposed to be real comments. He tries to eat the chunk of cheese; but suddenly OUT OF NOWHERE; a wheel of Swiss cheese rolls towards him. I betcha he tries to eat that and it squashes him like a bug. I check the DVD....damn I'm on a roll today! Jack takes a MAN-SIZED bump off-screen and somehow the cheese doesn't get destroyed in the process despite making a decent hole into the crate. I'm tempted to call that logic break #2; but since the cheese has CURDS OF STEEL BABEE, I'll just call it fuzzy cartoon logic and move on. Zipper goes to the cheese and Monty pops out swearing in DUBBED ANIME STYLE (Holy....WHAT THE HELL DID HE SAY?!) and calls that a waste of good Swiss. I guess the five second rule isn't in effect; like it applies to mice anyway. And now he's PISSED as he rolls up him sleeve and is ready to MURDER them back; Ozzie style! Now that's more like it! Angry Monty I like as Chip and Dale bail like the cowards they are into the hay bale crate.

Monty laughs and enters the crate and we get the off-screen fight Kit would later do against a street bum in Save The Tiger. Zipper closes his eyes in horror as there is punching and kicking blokes' asses going on here. Chip and Dale get thrown out like a bunch of missiles as Monty climbs up and wipes cleans the blood from his hands. If Disney allowed blood in the first place. Monty thinks they can fight; but have no endurance. As if anyone under 1/8 of a pound could last five seconds against a 2 pound fatso like Monty. AHHAHAHAHA! POW! OUCH! Ummm...Well; at least it's a male punching me in the face this time. Monty then does the Gruffi pose to annoy me. Well; that took longer than I expected. And then Zipper does his POINTY FINGER OF DOOM as Monty realizes that he has to fight....wait for it...a giant red piano. I'm taking that one seriously without laughing like a chipmunk. Monty gets nailed good and it's RED CHOO CHOO TIME~! Zipper cannot watch this horror and I cannot blame him since it's a RED PIANO~! The piano crashes into the steel wall squashing Monty good and I think we may have our first death on DTVA. And then I realize that it cannot happen since Monty appears for the rest of the series; so he's alive. And somehow; the piano breaks into two as Monty does the Scooby Doo Snow Angel spot to annoy me.

Monty claims that he's starting to like these two chipmunks who nearly MURDERED him for real. Zipper goes to him as Monty decides that he wants to shake hands, kiss and make up as Chip and Dale are on the forklift and they tease a possible heel turn before finally admitting that they aren't really sadists and so they climb down from the forklify and help pop Monty out of the wall. Nice bump from Monty when he lands on the ground. They exchanges names and notes as Monty shakes hands and pays off his end of the bargain. Monty tells his BS tales to amuse me and then offers the chipmunks to come to his place. Which so happens to be the trunk that he was in. Monty calls it his home since before he could remember. However; before the tall tales can continues the steel platforms lifts high into the air as Chip realizes that this is Fat Cat's doing. NO?! REALLY?! Monty blows off whomever is doing it of stealing his house as the segment finally ends almost 18 minutes in. That's right; we went nearly 18 straight minutes without a commercial from the opening theme to right now. That might be a new record in DTVA history! Now I'm beginning to really love this pilot.

After the commercial break; as the platform lifts up above the cargo hold as sun rise is upon us. Monty blows off whom ever for offloading his house. Dales points out the bloody obvious as Mepps is controlling the red levers (WRONG LEVERS!) to the platform and whining like Mad Dog only using Peter instead of Charlie. Fat Cat doesn't care for neatness so he suggests it be dumped overboard and the platform gets dumped into the sea and the babyfaces go splash. Which probably means Monty's house is gone for good as well and I'm right as it sinks. Monty dives in to save it ; but Chip doesn't want him too because he'll die from drowning of course. We cut back to Fat Cat looking at his fishbowl with Juice-Lee and dumps him into the sea. Then we pan over left to see Mepps and Mole wearing bucket oxygen masks which are so goofy that even I cannot help but laugh at the heel's expense. Fat Cat does the Gruffi pose as a signal that says “I'll shred you to ribbons if you don't dive in even if the water is poisonous as hell.” and both Mepps and Mole dive into the sea.

We then cut to a pan shot of various fishing boats who are catching fish with dolphin choking nets and I can smell Greenpeace being all over this like a shark that smells blood. We then cut down to underwater where Juice-Lee does his tail kick and opens a hole in the wooden vessel (nice to see the writers use common sense for a change unlike in Water Way To Go's finish where a metal boat burns to ashes) and the heels use the pipe to suck up all the fish and make sure the boat doesn't leak...yet. The fish get sucked up right in front of the seaman's eyes just as he wonders if there is enough in the hold to keep the fish. Well; there is now. We cut back to the metal ship as the fish gets sucked into the metal hold. Now there's a symbolic tribute to the Canada/Spain fishing trade war if there ever was one. Fat Cat mans..or cats as they say the PRESSURE HOLD OF DOOM where the fish lay there dead as door nails. Fat Cat is getting really giddy about all that fish as he makes a bad fish pun. Wart wonders what he is going to do with the fishes and Fat Cat blows him off because the answer is simple. Because he wants to control all the cats in town by controlling all the fish in town. Spoken like a true evil gangster as we cut back to the sea where Chip and Dale pay their last respects to Monty. Call me a spoil sport on the pathos here; but those two goofs could have know..dived in and SAVE THE FAT MOUSE?! That just makes the whole thing seem rather heartless to me.

Zipper bawls like a baby and does a great job of it. Personally; he should be pissed at Chip and Dale for doing absolutely NOTHING TO SAVE HIM! And of course here comes Monty riding on a sailing model ship in a bottle which renders the pathos pointless. Oh well; Chip and Dale are heartless so they are off the hook either way. Zipper is HAPPY as he and Monty have a bonding moment as Chip and Dale swim over thankful that he isn't dead. Monty of course blows it off because NOTHING...AND THE ROCK SEZS NOTHING stops him. Sadly; the house has sunk and he wants revenge on Fat Cat. Chip and Dale offer that much as Juice-Lee spies on our heroes from below. We cut back to the babyfaces riding the bottle towards the metal ship's (with Monty swimming of course) iron chain anchor. Chip goes to Monty and proclaims he's got a MIMI JOKE ZONE PLAN; but Monty wants action and goes up the chain leaving the bottle to catch water and sink dragging the chipmunks down with it. Thankfully; they don't drown as Chip and Dale climb up from the over turned bottle and climb up the chain after Monty. Monty takes orders from no one and ignores the pleas from the chipmunks as Juice-Lee blitzes up the water and does his tail kick on the chain and misses the chipmunks. Dale foolishly thinks he missed; but he wasn't aiming for Dale anyway and the chain snaps falling into the water. Now that's more like it!

Chip and Dale splash into the water and quickly get up as Juice-Lee tries his blitz; but the chipmunks run away in opposite directions complete with Hanna Barbera running looping and sound effect. If Sun Woo was animating; this would be a classic; but WD-Japan is animating so it's lame. More swimming and diving as Juice Lee blitzes after them like a shark that smells blood and then we cut underwater to see Chip and Dale hiding behind a rope. Like that's going to fool a Japanese Fighting Fish~! He cuts the pipe and then thinks he's won but gets sucked into the pipe and now he's part of Fat Cat's food chain. Nice fake out there guys. Mole and Mepps try to stop them; but the vacuum pipe sucks them in. Now this episode really sucks! HAHA! And of course it sucks more than Sean Desmond. And how the chipmunks can hold their breath so long I'll never know which is logic break #3 for the episode. We cut to topside where Fat Cat is quickly blowing them off for being in the hold somehow and Mepps asks how many guesses do they get. Too funny as Monty calls Fat Cat a fatso. Oooo...them fighting words as we cut over to Monty grabbing the anchor and running towards him. So Fat Cat outsmarts him by putting Wart in front of him because Wart is REALLY STUPID see and Monty MURDERS him with it. Fat Cat is now becoming better and better as this pilot rolls on. Monty whoops it up because he's screwed as Fat Cat grabs him and the claws are out as they have a growling contest which Fat Cat wins easily.

And then here comes Chip and Dale OUT OF NOWHERE as they clobber Fat Cat with the rope hook and Fat Cat drops into the hold with the heels. Sadly; the babyfaces miss the ruby so it's negated in favor of Monty. That's hardly a fair trade off as Monty apologizes for being reckless and Chip proclaims that with his plans no one gets hurt. And right on cue they shatter the front window of the control cabin and start up the engines which are on half tilt and destroy the wheel in the process. Now that was a wild spot there as Fat Cat climbs up from the hold and he's really steamed now. However; Fat Cat is forced to duck the wooden wheel and it destroys the machine much to the horror of Fat Cat. No one get hurt; eh? Unless you are a heel of course and then you really get hurt in more ways than one. The machine backfires all of the fish from the trash can pressure cooker right into the cargo hold of the sailor. Logic break #4 for the episode since his ship should have sunk by now due to the hole...and a bad logic break at that. Juice-Lee gets sucked in and flies away in the opposite direction and is never heard from again. Probably died in someone's glass of teeth cleaning solution. Oh wait.....

Back to the ship as Monty gets Chip out and Fat Cat is PISSED because his MIMI JOKE ZONE PLAN is ruined. Hey; it's the babyfaces' destiny to ruin the heel's MIMI JOKE ZONE PLAN. At least in DTVA; the babyfaces' success rate of plans is pretty low. Monty wants to fight and Fat Cat is game for it until he yells for the heels to run and they bail overboard like a bunch of scalded dogs. Monty think that they ran like cowards because of his tough guy stuff; but Zipper squeaks at them and they turn around to discover that a bigger steel ship is heading straight for them. Chip is now regretting playing detective (and he's the one who claims it's not a game of all animals) as the episode ends right there at 21:06. Now this was more like it; although there were a few gaping logic breaks near the end. Still; I came out loving this one and this is the first ****+ pilot part I have done since Plunder and Lightning Part 4 so good effort from all involved. **** ¼ (85%).


Well; after the somewhat slow start, part two came out much better this time around. I still think the whole put the fish back on the boat finish was pretty silly since the boat would have sank due to catching water after Chip and Dale sliced the cloth pipe; and there was a few logic breaks here and there but nothing too serious. I came out liking Fat Cat a lot more now than in part one because he acted a lot smarter (see using Wart as a lizard shield for instance) this time around and the writers gave him enough time to be so. Yes; he lost but you cannot blame him for trying here. However; they better make Mole do something more than be a bump machine, or I'm not going to be amused by his act for very long. As for Mr. Jack; I just wish that he could be angry like this all the time because other than his over the top drug addict spot, there's not much that I care about him. Baloo had the irony of Jungle Book to put him way over; but Monty doesn't have that excuse and he has a lot of work to do.

Zipper is pretty cool as a fly gimmick; but I didn't get enough of him to see if he could be a real character. Again; it's a wait and see with him. The best characters were a tie between Juice-Lee and the Siamese Twins. Yes; they are stereotypical Chinese gimmicks; but they were pretty nasty for the most part so I cannot fault them for effort here. And to add a cock fighting angle to this just makes me wonder just how politically correct TaleSpin REALLY was. Overall; a much better effort than part one and I see great things coming up because the next rant is the debut of the best character in DTVA history...before Kit Cloudkicker somehow wrestled the title away from her. She really is one of those stories where I actually feel sorry for her since she was so awesome and so over (in more ways than one) that she was the very soul of this series. She's the alpha and omega; the ultimate reason to watch this classic: She's Gadget. So.....

Thumbs up for this episode and I'll see you next time.


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