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Rescue Rangers To The Rescue Part Five
A Jello FruitQuake?! SHOOT ME NOW!!...
Well; here is the conclusion of the pilot as the Rescue Ranger become the Rescue Rangers for real. So let's rant on shall we....?
Part five of this episode is written by Jymn Magon and Mark Zaslove. The story was edited by Tad Stones, Jymn Magon and Mark Zaslove. The story was made by Tad Stones and Kevin Hopps. Geez; this is getting to be a pain in the neck now. The animation was done by Walt Disney Animation Japan which means that this is a good sign right off the bat and this should be the debut for the new in house studio created from former TMS members. Why didn't Plunder and Lightning stick to just one studio?
We begin this one with a shot of the gold reserve model as Klordane reveals his master plan while mocking Donald. Wow; we went through four episode and it takes only five seconds to reveal his plan and it's the simplest one yet. I always felt Don Karnage's plan was thinking much bigger since Cape Suzette was merely a start. Donald calls him insane because it's a fortress and he cannot break it. Klordane likes that choice of words and demonstrates that he'll crack the floor of the building like an eggshell and steal that MONEY, MONEY, YEAH, YEAH from below into his pockets. I never thought Cryme Time would ever have a good pun for me to use; but here it is. No wonder they are so popular. Donald blows it off because he cannot make earthquakes and Klordane pretty much gives away the device of doom right there. But before it can get silly; Percy returns with Plato biting on his ass. Why can real animals who talk bite a human on the ass on-screen; but Kit must bite Don Karnage's ass off-screen? It's not like children cannot mimic that spot if a freaking talking DOG does it anyway. BS&P needs reality lessons here. We get a bonding moment which is of course so Fred Flintstone-ish that Baloo would hang his head in shame. Like Kit would play like Dino on Baloo anyway. Klordane blows off the tender moment which I don't quite approve of and Plato agrees with me and tries to bite Klordane in the face; but Percy uses the chains to restraint him. Klordane proclaims his justification for liking cats over dogs. Well; that explains why Nintendo made Nintendogs I guess.
We cut back to the carnage from the previous episode and the Rangers who aren't named as such pop out of the carnage. Dale sums up his status: It landed on his head so he doesn't have to sell injuries. Figures; knowing Dale. Dale does some see-saw action on Chip and Chip bounces away and lands on his chin with a decent right in front of Gadget. Thankfully; the footprints of doom appear before Gadget can get any ideas into dating from Dale or Chip and it leads deeper into the subway system. Chip proclaims that nothing is going to stop them now because the Rangers are ready to MURDER Klordane for screwing with them. They run deeper into the subway and they are forced to stop to catch their breath because the force of Gadget's golly prevents them from not staring in awe over the ice cave railroad. A thug is pouring green slime into a vat near the chopping props as Gadget is either shivering or is SHOCKED at this. Chip doesn't care because they are criminals and it's time to bust their act and the other Rangers don't seem to want to get involved. Gadget basically sezs it best about what they have that Klordane doesn't have: Enough sense to get out of here. Chip basically sezs the same thing; only in a different frame. See; even simple cartoon character frame issues. Everyone does framing and the trick is if the frame is honest or not. Gadget's frame is honest; Chip's frame is dishonest. Chip runs off because he has a ruby to catch and Monty calls him Conkus in the Bonkus. Yeah Monty; violate the rhyming rule; that's really cool....NOT!
Dale thankfully decides to join because Chip is his friend...for him to screw with. Monty decides to join them as well because he only lives twice. So; Monty is really a guardian angel?! That scares me for some odd reason. They make it to the Laser Cannon 13 and Chip goes over the MIMI JOKE ZONE PLAN to get up there as Dale salutes him before Chip says anything. Chip tells him and he and Dale will get the ruby while bullying him. Dale agrees to it lest Chip kicks his ass and here comes Fat Cat's SHADOW OF DOOM because he wants some fun and games. The Rangers scram like scalded dogs as Fat Cat doesn't want to eat and run. Well too bad Mr. Fat because Mr. Stones just has to do a Scooby Doo Chase Sequence per episode. Chip nearly runs off a cliff into the VAT OF DIP DEATH; but Monty makes the save. We get the front running shot of Mr. Fat chasing Dale and Dale pushes the Rangers right over the cliff into the VAT OF GREEN....Jello? You created suspense on that spot to kill the rangers and it's only gelatin?! Even Dale thinks it tastes good so you know that was lame. Apparently; limey is offense to Aussie stereotypes as Monty blows him off.
Gadget pulls from the bag of tricks the....wait for it... whoopie cushion and inflates it. BWHAHAHAHAHAHA! That is just too funny and Gadget's blushing when she claims that she must be prepared just makes the thing even more obvious. Sadly; we don't get any annoying sounds because the Rangers get dumped with more green gelatin from a thug throwing it in. We now cut over to a cliff side near the chopping props as Klordane continues to explain his plan and Donald asks him about the green stuff they are bringing in and Klordane answers that it is powdered green gelatin. Suspense was rarely a big strength on DTVA writers outside of TaleSpin so I move on as Donald calls him insane. Klordane takes exception and calls for Norton because we need a whiny dork to stink up the joint somehow. Norton climbs into the Laser Cannon 13 as Klordane and Donald head below. Norton uses the remote control (which seems to be a different one from the horseshoe one he normally uses) and the props fly and attach themselves to the sides of the giant vat and change into whisks. The whoopie cushion tries to make it to the sides; but the giant whisks block it and force the raft to slide stage left. You know you are screwed when THAT happens. The Rangers are screwed as they slide around in the green tasty stuff and Norton pulls the lever (WRONG LEVER!) and it's SPIN CYCLE~ time. Baby Bonnie Hood would be proud; even more so if Norton had gone lalalalala while doing the Spin Cycle.
The whisks create a whirlpool and the Rangers are sucked into it despite all the rowing in the world. Proof that a combined weight of five pounds (four of that from Monty alone) can stop the force of THE WHISK~! Take that NegaDuck! Gadget has a solution and pulls out the needle (HOLY CRAP?! How does she keep THAT thing hidden?!) and the male Rangers don't like what is coming as Gadget sticks a needle into the whoopie cushion and it pops allowing the Rangers to fly right out of the vat. Ten points for escape; minus several million for sanity. The cushion raft flies for a while like a balloon running out of air and plays some pinball spots because nothing says COMEDY BABY without that spot. The raft is heading back towards the vat; but Chip uses the LASSO OF BANE TO ALL ACTION CARTOONS EVERYWHERE (but since this is adventure/mystery; it's perfectly good.) and the Rangers do a whirlwind spot and tie themselves up against the leg of the Laser Cannon 13. Chip declares that they are safe; but in animation, that is like inviting death 99.9% of the time and the Macross Laser Cannon 13 walks towards the cliff edge. Dale nearly comes loose after hanging upside down and Chip is forced to grab him as the laser fires into the gelatin as Klordane and Donald watch on from a mine car. Then Norton uses the props to go to find some shaved ice (yeah; I know where this is going now) as Gadget attempts to save the day with the makeshift crossbow; but the plunger attaches itself to the props and she's screwed as the Rangers continue to hang on to their final thread.
The props grab the vat as Gadget goes into her funny logic to proclaim how much it's her fault. If there one character that could snap Kit out of his “It's all my fault even when it's clearly not” stance; it's Gadget. She even wants Chip's opinion on the matter and Chip wants to discuss this later as the props pour the vat of green liquid Jello onto the ice. There is enough steam to cause the picture to smoke out as the mine car stops at the end of tracks as Klordane shows off his weapon to steal the MONEY, MONEY, YEAH, YEAH; a tower of green Jello. Yeah; Klordane is insane. This is a really silly weapon. As much as they like to recycle the laser gun; at least Don Karnage didn't screw around with the Lightning Gun: Destroy everything; take what they need and then get out. No tricks; nothing fancy and nothing silly. Even Bullba's gravity weapon was much more to the point. Donald laughs this off and I agree with him as Norton blows him off because this theories are legit. As if I going to believe that from a whiny dork. Klordane asks him if he's done laughing and he is kind of so Klordane taps on the giant desert and we get the EARTHQUAKE~! Yeah; like I'm taking this seriously. It's freaking Jello; what do you expect? The Rangers bounce around; but no serious damage is done as the earthquake is only a 2.3 on the Richter Scale.
Klordane states that Donald's not laughing anymore and he isn't; but he still calls him insane. Donald should call the writers insane; but he's a cartoon character slave to the writers so he can't. Klordane calls himself a genius and you have to be in order to make a giant Jello cake create giant earthquakes. I guess a catfish with earthquake causing whiskers from Japan was too offensive even for Disney. Klordane finds the SLEDGEHAMMER OF PLOT (Oh geez; that just writes itself) and tries to start the real thing; but Norton gets in front of him because Klordane cannot hog all the credit for this. Well; at least Norton is right about inventing the stuff; but my witty counter is that: Professor you are a whiny dork; I came up the plan to steal the MONEY, MONEY, YEAH, YEAH in the first place. Yeah; he would omit the Cryme Tyme reference, but the point still stands. Klordane blows off the obvious gay name of Nimnul Fruitquake because it's so gay see. Even Norton cannot defend himself from such stupidity. Klordane decides to give him the SLEDGEHAMMER OF PLOT and then he grabs Norton and smashes him right against the green Jello walls and Norton flies away like Baloo getting punched in The Idol Rich. The FRUITQUAKE OF DOOM starts and the Ranger bounce off the Jello cake easily. We get various shots of the gold reserve vault inside and outside as the citizens panic and the gold coins rain on top of the Rangers as Gadget calls it pennies from heaven (Golly #2 for the episode). Even Gadget is thinking way too small here. The Rangers bail to underneath the mine car as the gold coins and bricks falls in bigger amounts now. That's only a 6.2 on the Richter Scale.
Klordane and Donald magically return to the mine car as Klordane pushes the button to create a glass dome over the mine car. Nice to see someone was on the ball there. The MONEY, MONEY, YEAH, YEAH falls down around the Jello cake and into the mine cars to boot as Donald isn't laughing in any way shape or form. The gold is gone and the Ranger pop from the mine cars amazed that Midas dropped his piggy bank (Monty's words; not mine). Dale attempts to grab some coins for the gumball machine; but Chip stops him from stealing of course. Klordane orders his men to start shoveling and they sell as they run in and start shoveling gold coins into the mine cars. Chip looks around and notices Plato muzzled under the last mine car. Too bad that isn't Drake Mallard there because he NEEDS to be muzzled. If I ever discovered that Kit was muzzled by Eisner then there will be hell to pay indeed. The Rangers meet with Plato (before Monty does a clam reference to further annoy me) as Plato clearly asks for them to release his muzzle and Dale thinks he really means fleas do my puzzle which earns a well deserved bonk on the head from Chip as per in his contract. Chip and Dale get onto Plato's face and tear the muzzle off from his face as the chain magically appears around Plato's neck. That's logic break #1 for the episode. Chip declares to him that they failed as crime fighters; but Plato refuses to believe it and tells them to warn the police as we get a disturbing shot at Chip's eyes as Plato calls them the Rescue Rangers for real.
Chip loves the sound of that and from this moment on they are officially the Rescue Rangers. Great name; contrived way to announce it though because the promo Plato cuts sounds like it was done at the last minute. When Baloo proclaims that they are going into a tailspin; it was pretty funny since it sounded like something normal to say even though it was clearly the show's name. Chip wants to go to the police; but Monty ask how it can be done. Chip's plan: Start another earthquake. Oh please; do we need to use that silly plot device again?! Klordane orders his men to sweep up because the train leaves in two minutes. The Rescue Rangers grab the gold brick and run towards the Jello Cake; but Fat Cat swipes it at the last minute. The Rangers try to escape; but Fat Cat uncorks the wooden cage to stop them. Get use to it Rangers; Fat Cat goal in life it seems is to find ways to put the Rangers in very compromising situation that don't have anything to do with sex; but worse. Monty wants to settle the score because he MURDERED his house; as if I care anymore. Fat Cat mocks him because even he can see through Monty's lack of gratitude towards the Rangers. And he would set it on fire if he had to do it all over again. I suspect Disney Channel cut that phrase out for arson reasons.
Monty tries to bend the bars; but no luck as Fat Cat continues to mock him. So Monty just simply lifts the bottom of the cage and it's clear there was a syndication time cut here because we clearly see Fat Cat had his back turned before he notices Monty's strength. It's not a logic break; it's a spot in the movie that was cut for time. This pilot actually is easier to spot edits than TaleSpin was with various scenes cut from the movie and then scenes added in syndication. And it even has scene alters, dialog changes, dialog added when there should be silence. You now; stuff 4Kids does a regular basis in anime. Anyway; Monty advances forward and wants to tango which signals that it's MURDER AUSSIE STYLE~! Fat Cat of course swats him away like a fly and Monty bumps like a fat guy out of control. AHHAHAHAHA! POW! OUCH! Ummm. Mr. Fat grabs Monty by the tail and tries to eat him; but Zipper busts in right in Mr. Fat's left eye. That's going to leave a mark! On Zipper. Zipper is grabbed and is about to be smashed like any fly would be; but Monty grabs Mr. Fat by the tail and teaches Mario exactly how to do it to Bowser by throwing him right into the Jello cake. Nice bumping there Mr. Fat as the FRUITQUAKE OF DOOM starts and all hell breaks loose! Norton exits from the Laser Cannon 13 as it is basically destroyed of course with the stone. The gold reserve falls down and creates cubes of the Jello as Klodane and Donald are forced to bail via the glass encased mine cart going up the tracks.
The JELLO WAVE OF DEATH swamps the Rangers (Plato and the heels I assume) as Mr. Fat tags the wall with a really good bump. Mr. Fat hates them even more (if that's furry possible) and the urge to kill is rising. The police exit from the gold reserve (on the bottom floor of course which gives new meaning to the term) and the henchmen are forced to bail; but the JELLO CUBES OF DOOM prevent that from happening. Jello: Gives new meaning to the phrase: Taking a bite out of crime! Aldrin Klordane is PISSED and declares that no one shall stop him. That's what all DTVA villains say Klordane so your screwed. Klordane slides down and hops onto the train. What the heck happened here?! There was clearly a police officer there to stop him; but he seems to be knocked silly. Must be either a time cut; or a violence cut from first run. Gadget points out the bloody obvious as Klordane is getting away. Norton grabs the ruby from the Macross Laser Cannon 13 and hopefully that's the end of the Macross jokes for this series. Norton notices the train running away and Norton runs towards it complaining that he's got the ruby. Maybe Klordane is really running away because Norton is such a dork.
Klordane offers him his hand as Norton makes it to the train and then grabs the ruby with one hand and slaps Norton away turning on him. My opinion of Klordane just went up a notch as Norton bounces on Jello like a bunch of WCW Divas after another one of Vince Russo's bad ideas. Sadly; they forgot to unchain Plato from the train and Plato is forced to run into the boxcar of gold. Chip tells him to give the siren howl and he does as Percy calls it a double cross as the police have him. The Rangers and police follow the train; but Klordane lights the dynamite (another Disney Channel cut I presume) and throws it in front of them and it explodes collapsing the ceiling with rocks as Klordane has escaped. As least that's what he thinks as the segments ends almost 16 and a half minutes in. It's solid; but the silly earthquake device is so unconvincing. Thank goodness Mark Zaslove had some sense in TaleSpin's pilot because I shudder to think what Don could have used instead to please BS&P.
After the commercial break; we get a shot of the rocky mess as Chip isn't ready to give up because the Rescue Rangers are small enough to fit through..DA HOLE! God bless Baby Plucky even if his show is so overrated. The Rangers get past the rocks; but Klordane has built a head start too far to overcome...without Gadget's help of course as she goes to the conveniently placed storage room and fishes out a shovel. Yeah; that wasn't contrived in the very least no siree. I think even Chip is confused at that spot; or more so Gadget's logic speaking which makes up for the contrived spot. See what I mean with Gadget carrying episodes? Nice to see Magon and company noticing that and applying it to TaleSpin later on with Kit and Karnage (and half of the one shotters). Scene changer and we see the train racing down the track with the Rescue Rangers on it. Now that's really clever. Too bad the Jello Cake joke of a weapon will haunt this pilot for the rest of it's life. They are gaining on the train as we cut to the subway passenger area where we see various humans there and then we pan over to a fat guy wearing blue with red hair talking to a red trench coat wearing tall thin man with a fedora hat called Chauncey and they proceed to do the old routine featured in Rocky & Bullwinkle. Like I could forget that show?! The fat guy is Edgar as the train is late and dashing away from them as they see all that MONEY, MONEY, YEAH, YEAH. And then they want that train and then the Ranger Shovel whizzes by and Chauncey calls that worse.
Let's resume the chase since that was not funny and Monty wants the brake applied. Why? They won't catch up that way. Thankfully; Gadget didn't put any in as she continues to screw everyone's mind, that geeky sadist. Golly #3 for the episode by the way. Dales panics like he's her bitch as Gadget tells them to turn the blowtorch around. They try but it's stuck and you know your screwed when THAT happens. Plato then does the obvious by throwing a gold brick onto the shovel end and the Rangers plus blowtorch fly right onto the mine cars which indicates that Plato's chains will be removed by said blowtorch. However; a few minutes will not be enough; so it's up to the Rescue Rangers to stop Klordane. Chip then invokes the famous catchphrase of the series: Rescue Rangers, Away! It's off to the races for the Rangers as Plato grabs the blowtorch and begins to undo his chains of bondage. We cut to the front of the train as Klordane declares victory and puts the ruby in his pocket as Chip and Dale arrive and pull down on his TIE OF DOOM and Klordane takes a sick bump right into the COLD, UNFORGIVING STEEL. Kit would be dead if the Rangers tried that spot on him (See Count Your Blessings fanfic for the spot and it is sick.).
Klordane notices those pesky chipmunks giggling at him like a bunch of girls (well one of them is voiced by Tress; so it makes perfect sense.). Klordane is angry and goes for the shovel; but Gadget is near his feet and she has the tongs to place a lump of hot coal right on his feet. It gets hot and it's foot grabbing spot time for Klordane. Now there is a creative way to do that spot. Too bad his hands don't get hot either to make it better. Gadget is in charge of stopping the train as Klordane continues to dance around like Baigan on a drunk spree. Sadly; Plato still cannot get the blowtorch to cut through. Man; that is one tough chain as we cut to Gadget trying to pull the lever (WRONG LEVER!) but no dice. She asks for help; but Klordane grabs her. What a scumbag this Klordane fellow is as Monty pulls his lever from the coal mine car and the coal wave tumble Klordane over like a ton of bricks. HAHA! Zipper cheers on that spot as Monty helps Gadget up by doing a golf reference. Monty's metaphors suck by the way as the train still needs to be stopped; but it cannot since Monty and Gadget are caught again by Klordane. What a slime ball this Klordane fellow is; putting his hands on Gadget?! He thinks he's Mr. Fat (Cat) or something.
Klordane isn't about to let them destroy him plans and that's enough to allow Zipper to turn the wheel and spray a ton of water right in his kisser. Never speak when you have someone ready to MURDER Klordane. Klordane fights it off and turns off the wheel and then pushes the lever (WRONG LEVER!) and the train goes faster with horns blaring. It seems hopeless; but Chip has a backup plan and it's to re-route the train. Why didn't you do that from the start?! Never mind as Plato finally cuts the chains of bondage free and now Klordane's ass is officially his to bite on so to speak. Plato runs to the front of the train as we cut to the side shot as Chip alley-oops Dale and Dale flies like a missile (complete with a nut to protect his head which is so funny and so ironic on SO MANY LEVELS!) and he manages to nail...THE SWITCH! Well; the train switcher anyway as the tracks change course as Chip grabs Dale on the rebound and the train goes on the right path. Nice symbolism there guys as Klordane realizes that they screwed him again so he climbs onto the side of the train and slides towards them as his urge to kill them is rising by the second.
Nice CONTINUITY with the soot on his clothes there guys too as Plato rushes him from behind and Klordane goes in front of the train to protect his butt; but the train goes through the barrier and then it goes up into the city where it crashes right into the building with a MAN-SIZED bump and logic break #2 for the episode happens because Klordane and Plato somehow miss the building entirely. That of course needs to the BITE OF ASS right in mid-air which is a very impressive visual and flies right into police headquarters and lands right on either Donald's desk; or the Police Commanders desk with a wussy bump. And WD-Japan was performing so well and the last bump just had to be wussy. Great sequence in spite of the bad logic and bump though as the Rangers bounce on Klordane's head and then bounce right into the filing cabinet. The police commander comes in and Klordane confesses giving the ruby back to him as he pleads for the chief to unpry Plato from his sorry fat ass. Plato lets go anyway and pants as the police chief finally thanks him for a job well done. See; the chief knew Plato wasn't rabid all along making him the smartest guy on the police force next to Donald Drake of course.
So we cut to Donald's office as Donald grabs the picture which has got to be the most sadistic thing Donald has ever done. Photographing Plato's Crime Bite on a criminal's ass. After saying I swear to God; this isn't very surprising to me as Plato just pants on the chair wearing a police badge as Donald kids around before finally leaving to say goodbye to the police force. Scene changer and we cut over to Plato showing off his police badge to the Rangers on the wooden chair. Dale even does Inspector Gadget's Wowzers promo which would have made more sense if Gadget was saying it. Plato cuts a promo on the symbolism of the police badge and what it represents which is really good and then gives it to the Rescue Rangers since they were the real heroes. I cannot argue with that overwhelming logic. The Rangers gather around to celebrate as Chip is blushing because he knows that he is going to get to date Gadget and to hell to Dale if he thinks otherwise. Monty sheds a fake tear and then proclaims that he's leaving again. MY GOD Monty; get it through your thick skull already. You're a lot worse than Kit when he does that.
Gadget also wants to return to Geegaw's home as Dale stammers around trying to convince them to stay. However; we then hear and see a little girl in tears because she lost her puppy and there is a big hole where the doghouse was. Spinelli is talking to her and he refuses because it's not in his job description. The little girl cries out for a champion and then leaves as Plato is heartbroken and gives the Rangers an incentive to remain together. It's another case just two minutes after solving the big one. Gadget and Monty decide that they can leave later. Later proved to be never as they all became friends for life so to speak. Chip and Dale are happy and it's Rescue Rangers Away as they run towards the screen and it's freeze frame, fade to black to end the pilot at 21:14. Boy; did this pilot go downhill or what? And it's all thanks to...THE GIANT FRUITQUAKE~! BWHAHAHAHAHA *** ½ (70%).
THE REVIEW LINE
Well; I was right about this pilot going downhill and it was all due to one thing: A Giant Jello Fruit Cake. While the whole thing makes sense from the context point of view; I just cannot take that weapon seriously without laughing my ass off. It cemented Klordane as a really bad heel right there which shows why Klordane didn't reveal his plan until he was basically forced to by the writers. It also didn't help with Professor Nimnul around to stink up the joint and continue whining like Mr. Hardcore on steroids; but at least Klordane was smart enough to finally dump him. Otherwise; this episode was really solid for the most part, although the final MAN-SIZED bump broke logic and reason; but the mid-air Crime Bite Plato did was awesome to see. Gadget was her sweet sadistic self and Monty was a jerk as usual; most so at the end when he wanted to leave. Of course as they say; the street of soon leads to the square of never and they remained together for the entire Rescue Rangers run in 1989/1990. The animation was spot on; except for the wussy bump Klordane took when he landed on the police chief's desk at the end; but Sun Woo does wussy bumps almost on every bump in other DTVA cartoons so I'll live. Overall; this was all right but it wasn't really amazing or anything and it felt quite anti-climatic compared to Plunder and Lightning where the climax was strong even when we reached the conclusion in that pilot. However; the heart of the series is still to come and this is where Gadget really shines anyway. So.....
Thumbs in the middle for this episode and I'll see you next time.
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