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Love Is A Many Splintered Thing

Reviewed: 10/05/2008

I Love Real Comments That Aren't Supposed To Be Real Comments...

If there is one reason why Jymn Magon's tradition of goofy title names deserves to exist; this episode would be the reason. So; we finally made it to the end of Disc 2. YAY! I give 2:1 odds that the episode title has something to do with Chip and Dale's relationship with Gadget and if that is the case; then this episode is going to rule. So; let's rant on and find out shall we...

This episode is written by Len Uhley (YES!). The story is edited by Bryce Malek and supervised by Tad Stones. The animation is done by Walt Disney Animation Japan once again.

Annoying Moment #1: They are using the awesome first opening sequence for this one. Let's hope it stays that way because I'm getting sick of writing this.

We begin this one with a far shot of the city and then zoom in as it's BEFORE HAPPY HOUR (Read: Sunset) as we zoom into a red woodpecker with a blue hat and black shirt tapping into what appears to be the electrical box. He pecks at the wires and gets SHOCKED (and somehow Double Darkwings had Gumbo's scene redone?! THAT'S wacky editing practices there BS&P!) which is silly since birds shouldn't be shocked...or maybe so. Anyhow he flies away and the door opens on his left side to reveal a bunch of anthro rodents pushing a cart with a wooden cupboard filled with china. Boy; you know the security is tight when this is the only stuff rodents can steal nowadays. One of them (the tall one pushing in the back) does the POINTY FINGER OF DEATH; because we have company as it's RESCUE RANGERS AWAY thirty seconds in. The red woodpecker (who looks insane judging by the face; as I see a hamster and what looks to be a badly drawn bear. I just cannot tell furries without resorting to my TaleSpin furry flowchart which I don't have on me) wants to MURDER them numbskulls. Well; he's right on one of the Rangers. Hint: He's not wearing the fedora hat. They climb onto the top and throw china onto the Rangers which is made funnier when Dale acts like the smartest one out there. The hamster is wearing red glasses and the tall furry has black painted on his face and mouth which really freaks me out. Maybe he's a badger; I don't know and I don't care so let's move on. The small Rangers fall into the hole (except Zipper of course) as Monty finally arrives (because he's fat and therefore slow which shows that the writers like to insult me. Or maybe not.) and gets tea cupped. HAHA! Take one guess what that involves.

Monty hops around remembering to swear in DUBBED AUSSIE STYLE (blinkin) and Zipper flies around to annoy the hell out of the heels. 2:1 odds that this becomes his ten seconds of work for the episode. The tall badger like heel proclaims that they don't get past the Rangers; the boss will be mad. NO?! REALLY?! The red woodpecker takes out his pearl necklace (bi-sexual perhaps?) and pops it into his mouth. He shoots to kill and Zipper gets peppered right into the midsection. Nice selling there you blue bottle fly; and that's the first episode where he does more than 10 seconds of work. I smell him as the focus character by default. Zippers dives into the garbage can (how fitting for him?!) as the Rangers use the tea covers as shields. WHERE THE HELL DOES GADGET KEEP ALL THIS STUFF?! Logic break #1 for the episode and we're not even a minute into the episode. The Rangers get backed up against the wall with tea cup covers as shields as the red woodpecker tells the badger heel to squash them wrestling style, I think. As least now he's called Muscles so I no longer have to have trouble sleeping at night wondering what kind of furry is he. Muscles goes to the back of the cart and starts pushing towards our heroes. The Rangers try to bail; but Dale gets stuck in some chewing gum. Which magically appears OUT OF NOWHERE. I expect this crap from Sun Woo; but not from WD-Japan. Logic break #2 for the episode. So the Rangers must help Dale while being in the path of the cupboard. So Monty bangs himself into the lamp pole and shatters the tea cup. Well; that's one way to keep your figure intact. AHHAHAHAHAHA! POW! OUCH!! Ummm...

Monty proclaims that you can depend on him to stop a flying cupboard as he runs towards it. Well; that's good to know as the red woodpecker wants an order of pest pancakes. I am so loving this insane woodpecker as the Rangers are screwed...for about three seconds as Monty steps in (who seemly gained about four times more speed since the tea cupping incident) and pushes back on Muscles. Excellent animation from WD-Japan on the sequence as the Rangers gasp in horror since Muscles is winning. Umm; Dale seems to be magically unstuck from the gum; you can I don't know..RUN NOW!! Monty's feet get too hot and he bounces like a goof. AUSSIE STEREOTYPE ON FIRE! HAHA! Monty pats his feet to cool them down in front of the trash can where Zipper is. The hamster proclaims that Monty is stronger than Muscles. I disagree with that since Muscles out muscled Monty and caused his feet to go on fire. I really hate it when Disney writers cannot tell the difference between being stronger and merely tied. The heels bail stage left like the cowards they are (complete with mid-air WD-Japan spot for the woodpecker which is apporos here since he's a bird) as Monty walks away from the water puddle (wow; that some nice sub-tile color there WD-Japan) ready to MURDER them heel; but the SMELL OF DOOM overwhelms him and for the first time in like seven episodes or so; it's the CHEESE ADDICITION OF DEATH which Monty's oversell is quite silly. Must be an earlier production episode as the heels are stopped with Zipper invoking the water hose (I see Zipper has been taking steroids again) as Chip and Dale are standing near a fire hose pipe complete with wheel.

Okay; this is getting really silly guys as the wheel is turned and Zipper does the hose riding spot Drake did from All's F in Love and War. At least it is Zipper; so the spot makes real sense. The heels miss getting spray (AH NUTS!) and the heels bail in different directions. Muscles gets hosed literally and slides down the road into the side of the sidewalk (HUH?!) as the woodpecker and hamster flee stage right. Muscles then gets MURDERED by the street cleaner (OUCH!) and gets washed away. And why does Muscles talk in Ebonics?! I just realized the style of talking he does. The Rangers call it a clean sweep as the water hose runs out of water and Zipper comes down. However; Gadget proclaims that there is a problem as Monty just sits there with the goofiest look I have ever seen in my life. It turns out that the smell wasn't cheese; but some kind of perfume. I wonder if Len Uhley has a problem with Monty and if so my opinion of him goes up by three notches. So we head to the Ranger hideout in the rain AFTER HAPPY HOUR (Read: After Dark) as Monty is sitting on a table (minus pilot hat) sulking and looking at the rain outside. The Rangers come up with the tray and place it on the table in which it is open to reveal Jack Cheese. Monty absolutely no-sells and the CHEESE ADDICTION OF DOOM doesn't happen. The one thing that makes Monty look good is gone?! FOR SHAME LEN UHLEY!! Monty isn't hungry see and the Rangers gasp in horror. So Monty decides to relate one of his BS stories again. Oh dear; Monty is the focus character again and I don't see a repeat performance of Weather or Not coming either. Monty sighs as we go to the flashback which logically leads to....

......Paris, France as this was years ago before he became a Rescue Ranger. We zoom around to a cheese shop as Monty proclaims that he was there to get some cheese (what a shock?!) and we head to a seedy Paris cafe where a bunch of counterfeiters are making shaving cream and cardboard in order to make fake cheesecakes. Oooooo; that is KNASTY!! Monty calls this a crime to cheese lovers everywhere. I love real comments that aren't supposed to be real comments. So we cut to the door and Monty storms on in and dives onto the table like a slingshot as the heels gets shaving cream cheesecake pie all over them. Purple French Mouse (check the clothing) tries to invokes the wooden plank on Monty's fat head. POW! OUCH! Ummm....but the mouse get flung by the shirt by Monty from behind. Good reflexes there Monty! Purple Mouse slides safe into about three fake cream pies and splatters into the wall as he becomes a cake himself with winking eyes. I see he's auditioning for Darkwing Duck now. The chaos continues as the heels try everything on Monty and they keep hitting themselves; which involves the shaving cream bottle of course. The heels then blitz Monty (after Monty does some karate which shows who was really teaching Drake Mallard at the time) and it's the FCC FRIENDLY DUSTCLOUD FIGHT OF DOOM which usually signals for the babyface comeback.

Monty proclaims that he's holding his own (Yeah right?!) and then a door opened (which is the same one Monty opened earlier. I would call that Logic Break #3 for the episode but since this is Monty's story; take that with a grain of salt) and there standing there is Desiree D'Allure or the main villain of the episode as we say. She is wearing Rebecca's sweater (minus the white undershirt) and a purple skirt which was supposed to be what Rebecca was going to wear in TaleSpin from the 1988 promotional material before finally deciding on the purple pants. She is also wearing a purple French cap to accent the French accent in her name see. Monty climbs from the carnage and see her surrounded by the heels. Wow; just replace her face; add some brown fur and she's Rebecca Cunningham circa 1988. Seriously; I have seen the promotional materials and even have a picture of Rebecca Cunningham in her prototype state from 1988. Monty throws the FCC FRIENDLY FIGHT IN A DUSTCLOUD OF DOOM away (good riddance!) as a cat, mouse and black bird (THAT'S RACIST!) approach closer to Desiree and Monty does a whirlwind spot to knock away the heels. Well; that's different. Usually; it's used as a defense against reckless babyfaces who get in the way. Monty carries her out as we see the result of Monty's damage to the heels. I see Len Uhley doesn't like ducks either. So we head outside as Monty and Desiree head to the edge of the sidewalk which the roadside contains water. So it's leads to the dumb spot invoked by all babyfaces when a lover is involved: Take the coat off and use it as a bridge. Like that would ever work in real life; and since this is based more or less on the real world which makes it even more silly.

Monty sniffs her perfume (which counters the cheese attack I guess) as Desiree walks on the coat and of course doesn't get wet. And I betcha Monty walks on it and sinks like a stone. I check the DVD...Damn; I'm good. Maybe it's time to retire that spot for real world shows guys. Monty's goggles float to the surface as we cut to the French Riveria as Monty and Desiree are in a red motor boat as Monty states in the flashback as he was able to win her hand. I'm hoping that means he get backhanded by Desiree; but I doubt it. Monty puts a diamond ring on her finger and it's so bright she has to wear glasses. I wonder if Douglas Benson has a previous relationship before this episode? Desiree bowls him over and it's kissy-kissy time. I see Desiree is pretty frisky. So we cut to the sidewalk as Monty is going to the chapel (since church is still forbidden in DTVA I do believe); dressed up in his formal black wear (and looking like a complete tool while doing it) when suddenly; the CHEESE ADDICITION OF DOOM finally strikes for real..and of course it's a cheese truck as the target of _Desiree_ for _Montee_. Don't you just hate it when THAT happens?! You on your way to becoming married and the next thing you know; your addiction shows up to screw you out of marriage. Needless to say; Monty eats all of the cheese (and somehow doesn't DIE from eating it); fade to black; return hours later; Desiree marries a gray rat and watches Monty make an ass of himself with a tear in his glass eye as the yellow taxi drives away from the truck. And he wonders why the Rangers HATE it when he smells cheese?! Monty walks away defeated realizing that he'll never see her again until now.

We head back to reality (no, not really) as he proclaims that when he smells perfume; he falls in love all over again. What is the point of having four watches in the background?! Someone having trouble telling time; or is it a contest to see who'll can keep his time to himself/herself the best?! I think Gadget wins that by default; so what is the point of that anyway?! Monty proclaims that he'll have to face the facts: That he'll never see her again. Gadget believes that it isn't true because it could happen. In fact; judging by those gangsters they fought earlier; I think it's already happened. Dale proclaims that it might happen if the chance knocks. So the door knocks and Dale opens it; revealing a sobbing Desiree knocking Dale over. HAHA! See; make the joke and pay it off. Desiree grabs a shocked Monty and it's more kissy-kissy ; but even more obvious. Man; how does she manage to grab Monty like that without killing herself?! Monty gets dropped on his ass in a funny way and Monty introduces the gang to Desiree as Chip gets giddy. I think Gadget is going to be jealous now. Desiree sobs happy as she is relieved that Monty is all right from the fight at the antique store which gets Chip's dandruff up because how does she know about this? Desiree states that she was there which explains why Monty got sacked with the perfume. Chip is not buying her story which is very funny since he was so giddy to see her the first time.

Desiree has an answer for that one: She was part of the gang that she was fighting and proclaims that she is ashamed. HOLY CRAP?! I never thought in a million years that this moment would be the template Jymn Magon used to make Kit Cloudkicker; but here it is. Desiree's version is so funny and was there to make a joke; but Kit's was dramatic and it was built up as a major storyline to explain how Kit became the focal point of the pilot's plot. It's even funnier when Desiree is wearing Rebecca Cunningham's sweater which is ironic since it was Rebecca who had the foresight to see the real Kit. I do have plans to re-rant on Plunder and Lightning; but it will be the movie version, not the syndication/movie version I did in 2003. Desiree charms Monty and plucks the mustache just to really amuse me. She even gives the gray rat she married in order to dump Monty: Erol. Monty takes Desiree side while Chip looks mad as hell. Desiree wanted to quit the gang; but he threatened her. Man; Erol is such a wuss since Don Karnage almost had killed Kit twice in the pilot.

Monty gasps in horror and calls him rotten. Don Karnage isn't amused by this wuss stuff; as is Chip as he blows off her story. Desiree clearly hears it (like Chip would hide something like that) and cries some more as she cannot believe anyone can trust her. Oh boy; we fanfic writers stole this from Desiree and gave it to Kit thinking that we were so edgy when we gave Kit the fragile emotional emo character. Shame on us TaleSpin fanfic writers of the world! Dale takes Desiree's side (hey; he's the dumb one so he gets my vote) as Monty blows off Chip for upsetting the lady. Desiree wants to prove that she's telling the truth and Chip sounds like he's not going to do it. However; Desiree tells the Rangers at Erol is planning another robbery and she'll tell them everything she knows about it. Monty swears in DUBBED AUSSIE STYLE (Bonzer idea) and tells Chip that it will work out great. So that logically leads to...

....the wooden sawmill AFTER HAPPY HOUR (Read: After dark) as Monty asks that she is staying here. Desiree admits that it's so; but only for the time being. We cut down near the ground near a mouse hole as Monty blows off her location because it deserves a better place than this. Desiree ignores the nice insult because she'll find a better place together which leads to another kissy-kissy moment. She's kissed more times than Hoppo eats in an average episode. AHHAHAHAHAHA! POW! POW! OUCH! OUCH! Umm....Ummm...She does some French which is apporos since she is from France after all and pushes Monty away saying pleasant dreams. Desiree heads into the woodchip mill and a voice asks her if he is gone. Desiree proclaims that he fell for it like a ton of brick cheese as we see Erol ; the mouse Desiree married in Monty's flashback arrives and man; he looks me like a lawyer than a gangster. He almost looks like Gilbert Gottfried with that ugly mug. And so Kit Cloudkicker character design is safe and sound as Desiree is still a heel playing a trick to the babyface. Which explains why Baloo fell for Kit's fake heel turn.

The heels gather around and laugh it up. I'm sure Erol is Rob Paulsen; but he would have been more effective as a heel if he wasn't so wussy and Gilbert Gottfried was his voice. So we head to the morning as the Ranger Wing is flying around with Gadget, Monty and Desiree in it. The Ranger Wing hovers around the place Desiree wants them to be: The clock store. I guess Uhley couldn't come up with a witty name for the place. And both Chip and Dale are in the Ranger Wing; so what is that snail like thing doing in front of the store?! Could it be a disgruntled furry trying to get into a series?! I SMELL A FANFIC COMING! Chip proclaims that when they come out of the clock store; they'll drop the net on them. With Dale around; I wouldn't be so giddy about it Chipper. And then we cut down and see the woodpecker carry a cart of a clock away which is exactly the same as what we saw in still motion on the sidewalk in the first shot. Logic Break #3 for real for the episode this time around. Monty proclaims that this proves Desiree is telling the truth. Dale drops the net on them; and the aim hits the clock; but misses the heels. D'OH! I see Dale needs to work on that crack aim of his. The heels wave their arms and proclaim that they give up as the Ranger Wing lands right in front of the cement mixer. Oh yeah; that is not contrived in the very least, no siree!

Dale calls this easy as Desiree hops from the Ranger Wing as Monty gets cocky and she goes to the back of the Ranger Wing and pulls the wires from the engine which is the signal for Erol to pull the lever (WRONG LEVER!) which opens the cement mixer and it unleashes the molten tar. Gadget swears in DUBBED ANIME STYLE (holy moly) and somehow doesn't say golly at all. Gadget tries to push the buttons on the Ranger Wing; but no dice. Monty pleads for Desiree and Chip acts like a heartless bastard as the molten tar flows towards them. Thankfully; Dale notices the wire is dangling from the Ranger Wing and puts it back in it's place allowing the Ranger Wing to be shocked; but the thing still flows onto the molten tar thus rendering Desiree's sabotage pointless; or an obvious SLEDGEHAMMER OF PLOT routine. Even with that; the engines and props are stuck as the heels wave goodbye. And since tar is bad for your health (it's in cigarettes you know) the Rangers cough on cue as Chip gets his grappling hook rope and flings the end to Zipper who flies up towards the power wires (!!!). WHAT THE HELL IS LEN UHLEY THINKING?! And the Rangers do not get shocked. I really hate those spots where they attach a metal something to a live wire. They would be killed by the electrical shock that this causes and nothing happens here. Plus; this is a real world more or less setting. Logic break #4 for the episode and a really bad one at that. What?! Couldn't find a clothesline to use Len?! The Rangers do the slingshot spot Jungle Book uses (and TaleSpin and Jungle Book 2) and they land onto the skateboard containing the netted clock and the heels bail on cue. Chip wants Monty to go after them and Monty agrees to do it.

But not if Desiree can help it as she runs to the tar twig and grabs it. Okay; this could be a lethal weapon and she lays it on her leg and collapses to the ground in fake fashion and pleads for Monty's help. Len maybe screwing this episode; but he's not screwing around with Desiree that's for sure. Monty chases after hamster furry in Scooby Doo fashion (with the heel being the chased) and Desiree's pleading is enough to stop Monty. Wow; Len finally stops that silly sequence; who knew he was so good?! Monty has a tense moment and he picks Desiree of course which is pretty much the right booking decision as Monty runs stage left complete with the Hanna Barbera effects which make this episode lame. The Rangers are SHOCKED AND APPALLED (in that order; but this is the right decision even if Desiree is faking it) and Monty lifts the tar twig away from Desiree. Monty asks if Desiree is hurt and Desiree isn't sure. Chip walks forward and blows off Monty or Desiree (or both) for letting them get away. Monty defends his actions and Chip blows that off because it was so obvious to him that Desiree was distracting Monty for the crooks to escape. I see Chip's deduction meter has been fixed; but now I wish it was broken. Oh; at least Monty is wishing that it was broken.

Chip accuses Desiree as a phony (Oooooo; that is fighting words Chip; since Monty is RIGHT THERE in front of you) and Desiree goes into her defense hoping for Monty to protect her. Take one guess which side Monty takes in this one? Monty demands an apology for hurting Desiree's feelings (Good luck there Monty) and Chip blows him off because Monty deserted his duty as a Rescue Ranger. Gadget and Dale don't know what to make of this. Okay; I can understand Gadget, but Dale?! Dale already took Desiree's side so why is he shocked now?! I think Len's having an off day here. Chip then proclaims that he cannot depend on Monty for anything. Chip has already forgotten Weather Or Not. I guess Norton's tiny manhood does have an effect on Chip in erasing his memory. Thankfully; Monty doesn't forget (which is trouble believe you me) and he quits on the Rescue Rangers right there. Well; at least he has a good reason even if he's a big fat sucker. AHHAHAHAHAHAHA! POW! OUCH! Ummm....Monty and Desiree walk off with their tails in love. Desiree takes an evil glance on Chip which completes the charming on Monty right there. The Rangers are SHOCKED of this happening and I betcha Chip gets blamed for it since Gadget is untouchable (and she's didn't do anything wrong here) and Dale is the only one who has sympathy for Monty in any context (Hey he defended Desiree himself). Dale blows him off for his poor handling and that ends the segment 11 minutes in. If only Len didn't make the logic breaks; this would be perfect....

After the commercial break; we head to the burger joint AFTER HAPPY HOUR (after dark) playing the same piano music from Normie Science Project before this and Double or Nothing after this. We get a scene where the boyfriend from A Creep In The Deep is buying some hamburger and fries from the drive in diner and heads to his orange car. I see he dumped his girlfriend or he got dumped because of his love for geeks. I'm betting on the later as we cut to the hood of the car where Desiree and Monty are sharing a hamburger and fries. Now this is a culture faux pas if I ever saw one. She eats the tomato slice near the burger to up the class level and then speaks more French for my amusement. She thinks that this is like the old days in Paris. And people say Dragon Quest IV DS's accents are silly. Just goes to show you how DTVA makes us hate cartoons even though they were really so entertaining to watch. Then again; they want art so screw them. Monty grabs a French Fry (kudos to Disney for not acting stupid like the US government on the Freedom Fries debacle which would have been funny if it was a cartoon; but it happened in real life so it was appalling.). Desiree even goes into Baloo's no worries speech (How much stuff did Magon recycle from this episode for Plunder and Lightning?) as Monty responds because he has no friends. Oh come on Monty! Just thirty seconds into the relationship and you're already regretting it?! Even Desiree blows it off so you know that one was lame. And Monty wonders why he didn't get laid by her?!

Monty cannot help it as he relate this story about bouncing from port to port looking for the next piece of cheese. Change the next piece of cheese part to someone to teach him how to fly and you got Kit Cloudkicker's back story from Jymn Magon right there. No wonder Len Uhley looked so good in TaleSpin; he was basically writing the templates for Jymn Magon to use. That just makes me admire Uhley even more now. Desiree charms him back his Monty fought impossible odds to rescue her. Somehow; Desiree is a heel and yet her back story seems to say otherwise. Maybe she just got charmed by Erol into the gang like Kit did; who knows?! Desiree proclaims that the Rangers need him more than he needs them. Now if I saw this before Weather or Not; my opinion on that would be different from the one now which is that I now agree with him. Sure; Monty is an Aussie stereotype; but at least the writers are trying so hard to prove me otherwise. Which explains why Chip didn't get so many focus character episodes: They were trying to get Monty over. Desiree then has a plan to get them to see it her way as she explains that Erol is planning another heist. Monty sees this as a great idea since if he gets them single handed; the Rangers will be forced to welcome him back with open arms. Never mind that Chip was the only one who blew him off; and he handled it so poorly that it was laughable. I think Gadget and Dale wouldn't mind him back since they NEED the muscle from him anyway. Monty hugs Desiree in a cute spot as he calls Desiree a genius. Well; since Gadget is the only smart one of this show; I think Desiree has it by default. So we zoom down to the bottom of the car as Erol and his gang of heels (I guess Muscles has been dismissed) laughing it up because they know Desiree is faking it see. Erol picks his teeth with a toothpick to annoy me which leads nowhere just like his career so far. So that logically leads to.....

.....the state house (now Erol is hitting the big time!) as the lights are on; the crickets are chirping on cue. Yeah; it's AFTER HAPPY HOUR. We cut to the vent on top of the building as we see Monty and Desiree on top. Monty isn't so sure because they usually don't break into museums to catch crooks which is silly because the Rangers always break and enter. They are rodents who can speak; like I would take that one seriously?! Desiree does her makeup which shows that Rebecca was the manly female of DTVA and tells him to trust her since they got to catch Erol with the red hands. This is why I am so used to stereotypical accents: I watch DTVA on a regular basis. So Monty tears the vent open to expose the props and gets off the warning of the episode (thanks Monty) as Desiree has that heelish look on her face. Monty grabs the lead pipe which is so large; Scott Steiner should hang his head in shame for using his. He blitzes and puts the pipe right into the props in order to disable it. Monty hangs onto the pipe like a drunken sailor because the props start up again. HAHA! Never screw with the props Monty! Monty goes into a tailspin (BWHAHAHAHAHAHA!) and gets flung out of the pipe allowing Desiree to look in awe as Monty takes a spill off-screen. Sadly; no bump is present from miles around as Desiree looks at the vandalism Monty caused. And it will still be blamed on the teenagers of the world; mark my words, even though Monty looks like 35 in reality. Desiree is impressed with Monty's cleverness as Monty walks in swaggering like he is drunk to the gills. Desiree must have poured alcohol into Monty's food in the previous scene.

So we head back to Ranger headquarters into the dining table as Gadget, Dale and Zipper sit at the table (in Zipper's case; on the table) and sulk at the picture (or in Dale's case sleep on the table edge). Zipper sobs at the photo of Monty winking which shows that maybe they are starting to hate Chip's guts for blowing off Monty's skills. We then cut to the Rangers' report room as we see Chip acting like a heartless asshole telling them to brighten up and where is that old Ranger spirit. Please blow this heartless piece of crap off Gadget, Dale or Zipper?! Anyone?! Dale thankfully becomes the first to blow him off and then Chip blows him off in kind so Dale wakes up and runs to Chip and blows him off. I smell a Chip and Dale fight coming which would be a main event anywhere around the world. And even Desiree would love to see it; even in reruns. Chip does the Gruffi pose in kind and Dale calls him nosy. Come on Dale; start kicking his ass now! Zipper isn't all that amused until he notices something on the floor which is a bunch of shredded cardboard on the floor. Chip wants to look for clues. How is shredded cardboard a clue?! It could have been Chip ripping up Monty's cheese which could have come in cardboard and some shreds hit the floor that he forgot to clean. See; that is brilliant deduction. I can do it too. Of course; it's a clue as Dale calls it dandruff and Chip calls it sawdust.

Gadget gets off the first golly of the episode nearly 14 minutes in; a new record for her..and that is exactly where Desiree put her purse down. One problem; I don't think we ever SAW her purse in the episode and second; she would have NEVER been able to fit that sawdust into the purse since it looks a wee bit too big for her size. I smell Logic Break #5 for the episode and a pretty contrived one at that. This is becoming the low point of Len Uhley's writing career on DTVA; I can see it now. They deduce that she is at the sawmill (NO?! REALLY?!) by the river and the Rangers walk out. Except for Dale who has the Gruffi pose and still calls it dandruff. I love it when he ab-libs like that knowing how BS this spot was so kudos for making an effort not to suck Dale. So we head inside the museum (which always looks like a court or statehouse) towards the section where they keep all the wooden objects for display. Yeah; this mystery is so obvious now with the sawmill and all. Monty sees a rosewood chair (with a red cushion on it) and comments on it. He doesn't get the connection so Desiree relates the story that Erol is working for a wealthy Canadian beaver who has a taste for expensive wood. Now that give new meaning to the charge: High Treason.

Desiree calls this no trouble at all (relating to the beaver snacks) as she takes out her perfume puffer and blows away to reveal the laser sensors. Desiree asks if Monty can disable those and Monty agrees to it as Desiree does her face again. Monty does a bit of calculation as he seems to think he's Gadget now; but then bails and returns with the MIRROR OF DOOM which he puts in front of the laser beams as Desiree yawns with extreme boredom which is the signal that she's getting tired of playing this facade. She gives the L (for loser) signal to the heels who are hiding beside the same wall where Monty got the mirror. I guess they just appeared after Monty got the mirror so no logic break there. So Monty tilts the mirror and does a thumb steadying spot in which WD-Japan makes another coloring mistake as his hands should be light brown instead of flesh colored. The laser hits the chandelier and then goes down towards the metal side to complete the route without tripping the alarm. Monty goes over to Desiree asking her why she wanted him to trip the alarm and then Erol arrives calling Monty a jerk. Can we please get names for the hamster and the woodpecker so it's easier for me to address them?! Monty walks forward and wants Desiree to bail so he can MURDER them heels to Venus which rhymes with..I cannot say that on this rant.

I betcha Desiree MURDERS Monty somehow and that knocks him out to end the segment. I check the DVD....Oh my goodness; I called that thirty seconds before it happened as Monty gets MURDERED with the heart mirror (How ironic this is?) and Monty sees stars. HAHA! Monty gets knocked out as Desiree sees the mirror shattered as Monty has seven years of bad luck. Or in Erol's mind; seven hours before Monty dies. So we head to the sawmill as the heels are creating something in the box as Monty is tied to a log which is going to go towards the saw which is going to cut Monty into ribbons if Erol gets his way. Monty wakes up as he has a mongoose convention in his hand as we cut to Erol and the hamster putting a nail in the box which symbolizes the coffin Monty will likely be stuffed in after he dies by ribbon cutting. The heels mock him as the red woodpecker comes in with a hammer himself and the three heels laugh it up. Desiree lies against the log as Monty is glad that Desiree is safe. Man; that mirror shot to the head must have killed a few brain cells; but he didn't see Desiree hit him so it's no logic break. Monty asks for her to untie him remembering to swear in DUBBED AUSSIE STYLE (blokes). Desiree mocks him which officially ends the facade and therefore Chip was right to be a jerk. It had to happen sooner or later. Another WD-Japan coloring mistake as Monty's feet are light brown instead of flesh colored as Erol walks up beside her and thanks Monty for expanding his empire. Monty accuses Erol of leading Desiree astray as Erol blows him off because...Desiree is the leader of the gang. SWEVERE!! See; The Rangers MURDERED Muscles so they needed a new strong man to finish the operation so Desiree remembered her relationship with Monty and used him to steal stuff.

Desiree puts her trench coat on and proclaims that the chair goes up north while Desiree and her trophy husband get going south on a tropical vacation. Monty blows them off because the Rescue Rangers will make them pay. I betcha we see the Rangers tied up as well as the red woodpecker pushes the blue button which leads to the rope hook which shows the Ranger bound and gagged against the hook (Only Zipper isn't gagged). Now that's what I call being on the ball there guys. Desiree does her charm spot for the last time and calls Monty too honest for his own good as he would never turn heel on his own doing. Desiree kisses Monty for the last time and walks off as Erol dives onto the lever (WRONG LEVER!) with his feet and that starts the circular saw as the log goes down the belt. I called that one two minutes before it happened which shows why that spot needs to be retired. Erol and the heel push the rosewood chair out of the sawmill stage left as the log gets closer to the saw blade and the Rangers are completely helpless to do anything as the segment ends 17 and a half minutes in.

After the commercial break; we continue as the log is nearing the saw further and further as Monty doesn't want anyone's help because he's finished and he'll be whittled down to a walking stick. It doesn't really matter what Monty sezs because the Rangers are gagged and therefore we cannot hear them say anything. Monty sulks like a fool admitting that Chip was right and that Desiree was playing him like a fool. Maybe so; but since you are the least over character in the series as a babyface; I don't think that was a bad thing at all. Chip bites through his gag and blows him off because Monty would never let her get away with it because Monty's a Rescue Ranger. Monty disagrees because they cannot depend on him to do anything for them. Nice CONTINUITY from the argument earlier from Len Uhley. Chip starts kicking around to get the hook swinging before Monty becomes sawdust as Dale still keeps his gag. The saw starts cutting wood as the hook breaks and falls right in front of the saw. Monty blows them off as crazy dingoes for another DUBBED AUSSIE STYLE outburst. Monty is running rings around every anime dubbed series known to mankind. No wonder anime purists hate them. That's because Jim Cummings knows how to act.

Chip asks who is depending on whom and Monty is confused and struggling to figure that one out. So the hook falls off the log as Monty struggles to his right and manages to push the log to the side which is out of range from the saw and we cut to the hook on the ground as the Rangers gasp in horror as the goggle hat falls to the floor. You know; that teasing death would have worked better if we didn't SEE Monty slide the log to it's side in the previous scene. And of course Monty is all right as he pulls the lever (WRONG LEVER!) and stops the cutting of the log which is pointless since he is free anyway. Well; it's the thought that counts doesn't it?! Monty jumps down; and cuts the ropes from the hook freeing the Rangers as Dale still has his gag on the entire time. He takes it out when they do the group hug though as Monty is a Rescue Ranger again! Which is good because he can be there for me to mock and insult for the rest of the series. It was a close shave though as the saw still managed to give him a haircut at the back...And it's Rescue Rangers Away nearly nineteen minutes in which means the finish is close at hand. So we head to the airport terminal as the humans are waiting for plane as the crack PA Announcer calls for Flight 301 for Orlando now boarding for Terminal 9. Which of course means that Erol and Desiree are going to Disney World BABEE! I call the ending right there folks. We even get a Nova Scotia reference in there as a worker is carrying boxes containing the rosewood chair as the hole of the box opens and there is Erol and Desiree as they cheer for victory. Desiree has exactly three minutes to live now as Erol likes grass skirts and coconuts. I didn't know Orlando was in Hawaii?!

The worker loads the rosewood chair box onto the belt and it moves away as Erol and Desiree climb on top of the box and have a really creepy bonding moment. I still think Erol is too greasy for Desiree; but then again, Desiree is a heel so being greasy goes with the flow I guess. And then Desiree panics because here comes Monty in the Ranger Mobile! HAHA! Which rhymes with Danger Mobile. That one was for Molly Cunningham by the way. Erol thinks that he should be mincemeat. Well; you could be like Rocksteady and think that he's a ghost. Monty tells Gadget to give her the gun. Do you really want to give a gun to a sadist like Gadget love there Monty?! Oh; she cranks up the gas on the Ranger Mobile; my mistake. The belt goes faster than the mobile; so Gadget decides to try out the new ejection seats with the twist of a key. The male Rangers pop out of their seat and knock over the luggage on the belt. I say the ejection seats pass with flying colors. Nice to see Gadget the sadist get some work in to foreshadow her major roles in Disc Three. Erol gets bumped down which Desiree blows off because they'll miss the plane. Erol gets up as the chipmunks jumps down and slingshot Erol right into the tennis racket (must be Jim Cornette's Louisville Lust Slugger Special helpfully uncovered by Zipper) and Erol gets whacked literally into the dog cage containing a pit bulldog. Now Erol is going to get whacked in a whole new sense if you catch my drift. HEE HEE!

We cut out to the luggage loading area which is next to the landing strips as the rosewood chair box is already loaded. The luggage containing the male Rangers misses the mark of course as the truck drives away with the rosewood chair. Could we be seeing the heels win just like in Polly Wants A Treasure or Plunder and Lightning Parts Three and Four?! Dale uses the POINTY FINGER OF DEATH to explain the obvious as Monty swears in DUBBED AUSSIE STYLE (Crikey); but Chip isn't done yet and it involves one of Gadget's tricks see. UH OH! I don't like where this is going as we cut to the rosewood chair box as Desiree does her make up again blowing off Erol because she really doesn't have any friends. So the Rangers invoke the catapult (using the black luggage of course) and Monty flies right onto the rosewood chair box; just missing Desiree by about a foot. Yeah; like BS&P would allow anyone to hit a woman at this point. Of course; Rebecca would break BS&P by punching Muffy's lights out (after teasing Louie would punch her lights out). Monty tries to climb up; but the Canadian sticker won't let him. I knew the Canadians didn't like the Aussies because of John Howard creating a speech that we all know Stephen Harper made and we all know Stephen Harper is a good little Christian who would never STEAL speeches from anyone; right?! Ironically; Nintendo would use that as a rib for their press releases for Nintendo of Canada and America afterward. At least I hope that was a rib.

Desiree mocks him good and Monty proclaims that he will never let her get away with this as the Canadian Sticker keeps screwing with him. Desiree blows him off for his honesty and blows more perfume in his face which would drug him in earlier episodes; but it only makes him sneeze this time as the sticker unsticks and Monty falls to the ground with a bad bump. So Len is either going to let the heel win; or we get the deus-ex-machina finish. Monty swears in DUBBED ANIME STYLE (Hang it all!) as Desiree waves bye bye to Monty and goes back into her hole inside the rosewood chair. She laughs it up as Monty is about to crumble up the Canadian sticker; but then realizes that it is the shipping label to Canada. So he gives it to Zipper and he flies away as Gadget arrives with the chipmunks on the Ranger Mobile. Gadget thinks that they can still stop her; but Monty refuses to go on because nothing can go on without a shipping label as Zipper goes to the Hawaiian label; licks the back of the shipping label and attaches the Canadian shipping label onto the Hawaiian one as Desiree is officially going to Canada instead of Hawaii.

Now THAT'S a quality screw job and it makes sense since Monty grabbed onto the Canadian shipping label without making it into a deux ex machina finish. I knew Len Uhley would find a way out somehow. Gadget mocks Desiree because her beaver boss is going to MURDER her when he find her instead of the rosewood chair. So we get a sequence of the airplane taking off into the sky and it looks like a TaleSpin airplane which indicates a foreshadowing of Len Uhley's career as a writer to come. Monty looks on in awe as Desiree got what she deserved. Monty rolls up his sleeves and calls this case closed. Monty proclaims that nothing will fool him ever again; which signals the CHEESE SMELL OF DOOM and it's a CHEESE ADDICITION OF DEATH as Monty chases a truck of Kraft Dinner (not exactly; but it's implied still) to end the episode and Disc 2 at 21:14. A few logic breaks and several WD-Japan coloring mistakes aside; I heart this one and it was a template of a certain pilot episode coming the next year afterward. *** ¾ (75%).


Well; Disc Two of Volume Two is in the books as we finish off the disc with a very good episode that could have been better if Len Uhley simply didn't make any mistakes by writing spot in like the paperclip hook attaching to the power wires; several WD- Japan coloring mistakes and a few obvious spots like the Ranger Wing landing in front of the tar making machine. Plus; I couldn't stand Erol as he was such a wuss and Rob Paulsen was trying to sound annoying and greasy; but after hearing Gilbert Gottfried do it in his natural voice; Rob Paulsen's attempt at it was complete weak sauce. It was pretty obvious that Monty was going to get screwed by the French stereotype female; but since Monty to me wasn't all that over as a babyface, it was good enough for me to take and accept. I think the writers are just plain trying to get Monty over; but the one who really got over was Desiree because I wanted her to win knowing full well she was going to get screwed in the end and Len Uhley not only did an awesome job in writing her; he basically took the template and gave it to Kit; changed several elments to allow Kit to become a babyface who had the strength to act heelish.

And before you say that's silly; remember when Kit admits that he was a pirate and turned on his family to save them; who wrote that part of Plunder and Lightning? Len Uhley. At least Chip acted like an angry little jerk during Monty's lust for Desiree so it was a lot more believable than it was in Weather or Not. And the ending was really clever with no violence involved (although Desiree will likely face a lot of gnawing by her boss when they meet in Canada) along with the SWEVERE that she was the leader instead of Erol because I completely bought it hook, line and sinker that Erol was the main villain and not Desiree. I only thought she was a mere member of the gang like Kit was. So; that ends Disc 2 of Volume 2 of Rescue Rangers and I count two thumbs up, two thumbs down and four thumbs in the middle. So on to Disc 3 with some real juicy episodes: The debut of the Ranger Wing, Dale goes really insane even by his low standards, Gadget meets her twin, Dale goes James Bond and of course the episode that exposed Disney's editing/censorship practices for all to see as Gadget gets so nasty that she was forced to redub herself. So......

Thumbs in the middle pointing up for this episode and I'll see you next time.


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