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Stirred & Shaken since Dale is around...
Okay; here is round two of the “Episodes I Most Look Forward To” in his disc as we get Dale playing James Bond. Now this should be fun so let's rant on shall we....
This episode is written by Julia Jane Roberts and Kevin Hopps. The story is edited by Bryce Malek and supervised by Tad Stones. The animation is done by Wang Films/Cuckoo's Nest Studios which I believe it's only the fourth or fifth time they have been used in this series thus far.
We begin this one inside the villain lab which is a refreshing change from the series thus far which is a good sign for this episode right off the bat. We pan over to the entrance way where we see Dirk Bond (wearing James Bond gear DUH!) and his Japanese sidekick (who is wearing karate gear and no shoes just to annoy me) as Wabasabai (Okay; I made up that name) panics because the heels KNOW that Dirk has the microfilm and doesn't know the way out. Oh sure; just telegraph it to them, that'll made your hiding place more secure. Dirk calls him Oddshoe which is ironic since he doesn't wear any and Dirk uncorks the belt and the babyface climb up the bared hole on top of the ceiling. Methinks this place has terrible security as we see a shot of the television screen inside the Ranger headquarters as we see Dale and Zipper watching television because they love to rot their brains a little bit I guess. Dale calls him Dirk Suave and he wants that belt rope device. You could always get Gadget to build one for you Dale. The sword cuts the rope and the heroes get dropped on their butts as the henchmen surround them in a circle with swords. Then a fat heel enters and both Dale and Zipper are SHOCKED AND APPALLED (in that order) since it's the arrival of...DOCTOR SO-SO. I guess Doctor No-No is Rhinokey's trademark. AHHAHAHAHA! POW! OUCH! Ummm...That would be the first time I got nailed by Rhinokey in my rant career.
Dr. So-So wants the microfilm and he's got a cat welding a sword to force him to do it. Now THAT is being EVIL BABEE! Or maybe not. Dirk no sells because he didn't say please. Oh snap! And so Dirk invokes his flower to unleash the JET PACK OF NON-STUPIDITY (because it does work see) and Dale gets all Inspector Gadget on us for that invention. And so the Rescue Rangers enter the room as they see Dale acting all giddy and I await with baited breath for Chip to blow him off and/or bonk him on the head. I check the DVD....Chip does neither except complain as Gadget points out the obvious. So we return to the television screen as Doctor So-So invokes the bazooka (which represents the size of his manhood since he's fat see) and a nice touch as the cat loads a missile into it. Dirk orders Oddshoe to get the cufflinks and Oddshoes throws the cufflinks right into the heels which creates smoke (AND THAT'S BAD FOR YOUR HEALTH, MOVIE RATING AND DARKWING...DUCK EPISODES! I think we have all the bases covered here) and the missile misses by a mile. Well; So-So lives up to his name there folks. Dirk bails through the hole made by the missile and blows So-So off as So-So chokes his cat which officially makes him the most evil guy in Rescue Ranger history; next to Mr. Fat of course. Dale slaps skin with Zipper (Ewwww!) and proclaims that Dirk has saved the fantasy world he inhabits again. Okay; I made up the fantasy part. Not really.
Thumbs up abound as Chip turns off the television and finally blows off Dirk because he always saves the world since it's a TV SHOW. And then Chip blows him off for not helping them find cases at the police station. Isn't that just a little harsh there Chip?! I mean; I can understand ZIPPER; but Dale?! Do you really want him to be insane inside a police station? Heck; I would just allow him to watch Dirk Sauve too. Dale defends himself because watching a TV show to gain pointers on annoying Chip is his business too. Okay; I made up the “gain pointers on annoying Chip” part. No; not really. Monty yawns like a overstuffed teddy bear and blows off the thought because he hates tuxedos. Disney Captions misspelled tuxedos by the way which is the first time in this volume for rant purposes that Disney Captions was sloppy. I knew Monty's story about marrying Desiree was fake; since the story involves him wearing a tux. HAHA! Monty walks off and then Gadget yawns because even spies need sleep. Dale then gets that Max evil intentions look (when he gets that; no one is safe; just ask Ruby) and the evil music logically leads to.....
....Chip in his bed sponge snoring like an annoying little chipmunk would. We then hear noises and all the Rangers minus Dale and Zipper (could it be? Zipper getting more than ten seconds work in an episode? NAH; couldn't be...) wake up. We then cut to the hallway as the Rangers in their night gear practice the art of not being seen with international objects. Seriously guys; do you really want Gadget carrying a gun here? That's like King Amok grabbing the GOLDEN SLEDGEHAMMER OF PLOT. Monty's got the club; Chip has the butter knife. BS&P RULEZ!! Thankfully; it's only a night-scope as she looks into it and sees Dale sneaking around in James Bond gear and Gadget is SHOCKED. So that Chip can be APPALLED because sharing is a good thing! Dale then acts like a jerk because he's Double-O-Dale super spy with his trusty sidekick Odd Zipper (Check Zipper in Oddshoe's outfit). And of course Chip blows him off because he cannot sleep. I'm SHOCKED that Chip can sleep AT ALL AT NIGHT with Dale around. Dale answers that one for me: he doesn't goof around; but does get around. I cannot take that seriously even if I tried. Please bonk him on the head; for my amusement of course. Dale pulls his flower and that opens the HELICOPTER OF STUPIDTY (he just on upped Dirk on THAT ONE!) and crashes into the wooden ceiling.
Dale hangs around allowing Monty to mock him. Gadget looks giddy; but Chip isn't amused. Dale proclaims that he'll get down with the belt buckle and I smell screw up coming on either Chip and/or Dale. The belt buckle opens and Dale is tied up. HAHA! The props let go and Dale falls down on Chip I betcha. I check the DVD...He missed..BOO HISS! Gadget proclaims that it worked as Chip gets annoyed. I love real comments that aren't supposed to be real comments. Even more so when Gadget is saying that. Gadget brings the scissors and uncuts the ropes that Dale is tangled on the floor. Dale gets free and thanks Gadget while admitting that his gag needs some work. Umm; no, not really Dale. So Dale tries out the secret spy camera by pulling on his black bow tie and it's the XENON FLASH OF DEATH which turns Monty and Chip into MINDLESS ZOMBIES...BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Okay; it doesn't. Dale thinks that worked too well. I love real comments that aren't supposed to be real comments. So Dale decides to try out the cufflinks and I smell a hilarious spot coming at six o'clock Mr. OddZipper. He touches them and now even Gadget is angry as hell because the stink bomb overwhelms the entire headquarters. HAHA! Now that was a quality segment there as we logically head to the launchpad as morning arises. Gadget comes out with the hairdryer to suck and blow away the stink bomb from earlier. And she's wearing the gas mask how cute!
Gadget calls the all clear signal and the angry Rangers return to their beds because everyone needs sleep including the spies. Gadget doesn't leave just yet as she sees Dale and Zipper on the tree branch sulking as Dale is not wearing the white tux (but Zipper's red shirt is still on thank goodness because heaven forbid we see a naked blue bottle fly). Gadget asks Dale about getting some sleep as Dale admits that he would never be a good Double O Spy. But he would make a funny one as Gadget proclaims that he's good at lots of thing. 2:1 odds that it involves anything annoying Chip to no end. Dale blows her off because it involves making people laugh when he messes up and then storms off. Gadget tells him good night nicely and then sheds some tears of her own on the white tux before proclaiming that she'll do something about this. This is really a rare moment for the Rangers because pathos wasn't this show's strong point and again; as much as I think it was done well here, I just do not have the same emotional attachment for this because (a) Dale is a comedy character and (b) TaleSpin does this a million times better in Stormy Weather with Kit and Baloo where there was tension, betrayal of trust and an oily heel in the wings to screw with the relationship.
So we head to the air field as we head into a hallway which looks like a school hallway in which an evil heel (who looks German) has Professor White Bread (silliest pun to date) tied up, gagged and only in underwear (and it's the dreaded heart shaped ones too) and socks inside a locker which the heel promptly closes. The heel is magically dressed as the door closes (Logic break #1 for the episode) as he puts on the white wig and gets ready to steal the tank. He then walks down the hallway towards the door and pulls out three mice (!!!) wearing gangster outfits as he tells them to go inside and chucks them into the vent above the door leading up to the tank which we gain a back shot of it. One of the mouse's name is Francis as he blows off Moe and Louie for pushing him around. They fall through the vent into the room which leads to apparently Francis (I guess he's the red wearing gangster here) slides the chair over and pushes the red button to allow the mad heel inside. He walks in thanking his rodent helpers as he takes photographs of the blueprints on the drawing board as he proclaims that the Jet Tank (I like Psycho Tank myself since..) it is supposed to be controlled by someone's thoughts. Now there's a nasty weapon if I ever saw one. I'm surprised Don Karnage didn't consider it; he could have conquered Cape Suzette with that one...Or maybe not.
He wonders where they keep it (why bother since you are taking photos of it?) and the signal from the green wearing gangster (I'll call Louie since Louie the duckling wears green in Ducktales by proxy) and it beeps right on the heels' left side. The thing shoots and nearly takes the professor's head clear off it's shoulders; missing by about a foot. Sadly; it destroys a section of the wall. The professor blows them off because that will blow their cover. NO?! REALLY?! In the real world it would; but this is Disney and we know most police officers are dumber than dirt in these series so I wouldn't be too concerned there professor Nimrod. He puts the mice through the hole and give them the microfilm while the professor handles the soldiers. The mice jump down and exit stage right. Sadly; Moe is the green one and Louie's the purple wearing gangster as the three exchange notes. Francis blows off Moe because it's their home. Okay; that makes sort of sense I guess. And of course Louie doesn't think which is gleefully pointed out to by Francis. Louie thanks him for it. Oh; this could be good as we head to Rescue Ranger headquarters on the far shot with more birds chirping. Dale wakes up looking really tired along with Zipper as he doesn't see anyone inside. Dale takes this as a bad sign because he messed up so badly. A knock is at the door and I smell something fierce coming as Dale answers it and it's the SEXY GADGET!! HAHA! That look is so ugly that only Gadget could look sexy in it.
Dale gulps and they are charmed as little perverts. Where's the High Marshall's wife when you really need her?! Oh wait; she doesn't exist for another year, my mistake. She hugs him like he's her bitch and gives him some microfilm, and some secret plans which include the password which is the tongue twister: Seven Shy Spies Stole The Shyster's Secrets. Oh; yeah Dale will REMEMBER that one; yes siree! She proclaims that evil agents are everywhere and then kisses Dale RIGHT ON THE LIPS. Okay; this is going too far now Gadget love. You had me with the tongue twister promo. Dale get hot headed (but not angry) as SEXY GADGET leaves stage left and of course Dale screws up the password almost from the outset. Too funny as Zipper consoles him. Then we head into the trees where Gadget, Monty and Chip are hiding as Monty calls Gadget a femme fatale. Okay; now we are getting a little too crazy here. Chip of course is wearing a fake mouse nose so I expect him to be the one who blows their cover on this whole funny situation. Gadget takes off the blond hair as Chip blows her off for KISSING HIM! UH OH! I think Chip is pissed off that Gadget wants Dale over Chip. Gadget gets off Golly #1 for the episode seven minutes in because that is what spies are supposed to do. HAHA!
Monty admits that they did hurt Dale's feeling and made fun of his spy stuff. Umm; wasn't the reason that you were mad was because he refused to go to sleep?! That's a pretty contrived way of pleasing him there fellows. Monty puts on the fake beard and the SUNGLASSES AT NIGHT. Chip isn't amused as he gets his fake nose put on by Gadget as we return inside with Dale dressing up as Double'O'Dale with Zipper as OddZipper I guess. You know what; this episode is the template for Kit Cloudkicker and Baloo when they had Oscar Vandersnoot do an adventure. I mean; Kit and WildCat dressed up as Air Pirates while Baloo and Oscar play the part of the helpless babyfaces in peril. And like Captains Outrageous; it then turns into a shoot. Dale and Zipper walk out with the SECRET STUFF OF DOOM as Gadget proclaims that they have to move fast to beat him to the checkpoint and Chip blows off Dale's sense of direction. Geez; even as a dirty rat, Chip still acts like a jerk. So we logically go to....
.....a shot of a sidewalk vent leading to the sewer of mutant ninjas (See; I can mock the TMNT too.) as the real dirty rats make it despite nearly getting squashed dead by a car. Francis gets off death reference #1 in a real comment that shouldn't be a real comment. Francis grabs Moe and they go into the sewers without incident to avoid Louie's dumb comments. Louie uses his ass to try to squeeze through; but he's just TOO FAT. He and Monty could do a duet together. AHHAHAHAHAHA! POW! POW! OUCH! OUCH! Ummm...Ummm...He fits through; but forgets to grab the microfilm as Dale arrive from up top not being able to tell which end is up. HAHA! Dale trips and the microfilm slips from his paws and falls into the vent and nails Louie right on his fathead. POW! OUCH! Ummm...Francis asks who has the microfilm and apparently; Louie grabs it on the rebound and splits. Man; that is one small sewer. Dale looks around for the microfilm and Zipper zooms down and grabs the heels' microfilm for his ten seconds of work for the episode. Now you would think that the blue color on the microfilm cover would have indicated that Dale would realize that it's the wrong microfilm that he is carrying; but this is Dale so there you go. Louie's no mental giant either. Neither is Zipper I see.
Dale is thankful that Zipper got it back and they bail for the golf course as we head to the rendezvous point (in Dale's mind anyway so take that with a grain of salt) which is I believe the eighteenth hole. It's really the fourth hole as a golf shouts Fore (probably the golfers wearing the white coats minus the nets I see) and Dale misses the golf ball by about three feet. We then pan over to a shot of the enemy agents (the other Rangers) hiding in the bushes. So Dale puts his map into his tux and plays it cool because enemy agents are everywhere of course. Must be his parole officers. AHHAHAHAHAHA! Which allows Chip to sneak up from behind when he pops up from the hole and tells him to stick them up. What up Chip?! And why would an enemy agent act like a heel cowboy?! I think Chip needs to watch some spy movies and forgo the Westerns for a while. Dale jumps like he has a super ball up his ass and then drops on his ass. HAHA! Dale turns around and sees Chip with the LONG ARM GUN OF DOOM covered in his black coat. So that's where the 4Kids thought painting away the guns was a good idea: They watched this episode for pointers. It all makes sense now. Al Khan and Michael Eisner were in on the whole censorship scandal of anime. Or maybe not. Oh yeah; call yourself an enemy agent that's not contrived in the very least, no siree Chip.
Dale plays dumb like Kit on speed balls (YAY!) while really not being able to grab the microfilm. He puts it behind his back and Chip isn't buying the dumb ploy by Dale. Dale releases his arms and shows nothing which gets Chip confused. Has Chip been drinking the bong water today not to notice...or is he acting?! I'm hoping on the later; but thinking the former here. Sadly; we pan over to Odd Zipper who has it behind his back and Chip isn't falling for it. Monty proclaims that Chip is enjoying his role and Gadget points out that Chip isn't playing ball here because Dale is supposed to win here. Chip now has the microfilm as Dale and Odd Zipper have their hands in the air. Dirty Chip Rat laughs it up because Double'O'Dale is zero match for....and he pushes on the belt buckle and gets caught in the rope net. HAHA! I guess Chip was playing ball after all if he fell for the obvious silly spot there. Dale blows him off because it worked. Dale grabs the microfilm and tells Zipper it's time to bail before he climbs out of DA...HOLE! SLURP! And shame on the writers for not calling Zipper Odd Zipper since it was DYING to be used. Dale and Odd Zipper bail as Dirty Chip Rat tries to climb out of DA..HOLE; but the golfer yells fore and the golf ball forces Chip into DA...HOLE and Chip gets beaned with said golf ball. HAHA!
Dirty Chip Rat dramatically oversells it (YAY!) and then drops dead. So we logically cut over to the golf cart as apparently some golfer is digging a hole in the sand to bury himself. I guess it's Reggie Bushroot doing a first strike on himself before Drake does it to him. AHHAHAHAHAHAHA! Dale slides down onto the seat of the golf cart as he whines about Dirk Suave never running away. You just knew Dale's memory is shot considering that Dirk ran away from Doctor So-So AT THE BEGINNING OF THE EPISODE! Dale bails with Odd Zipper because he must meet the friendly agent at hole four and the evil agents must be gone by now. Dale run along the grass and then hears Chip blowing off his fake nose because it itches which allows Monty to blow him off. Dale opens the grass leaves and sees the Rangers blowing their cover sort of. Gadget tells Chip to steal the microfilm and run back to headquarters where it'll probably end the same way as the average Prank Patrol episode. The fake agents leave as Dale is heartbroken because this was all just a game. You know; I like Captains Outrageous better because Oscar didn't realize that the whole thing was just a work (wrestling term for faked) until the whole adventure became a shoot when Don Karnage got involved and kidnapped Kit and WildCat (wrestling term for real). This is simply too early for Dale to realize that this was a work.
Dale takes it well though and thinks this could get more interesting as a game now that he knows that it is a work. So that logically leads to the creepy red barn as we hear the boss blowing off his mouse gangsters who are inside his barn (complete with wacky computer setup, his tiny manhood laser of doom (I see he and Norton were buddies) and a green target area) as he slaps the photos of nature down right in their faces. What a scumbag this human heel is?! He's supposed to love science and yet he hates NATURE?! That's whack! Oh; and one of the pictures contains Chip being annoyed by Dale's funny face. I see the camera has problems taking pictures since Monty's face looks like Dumptruck from WD-France. I believe Moe realizes that the place which is the park as DA BOSS proclaims that they better get the right microfilm or he'll demonstrate his tiny manhood as he fires it and the mice bail as it shoots and bursts into flames. I think Professor Norton Nimnul has been stood up. HAHA! He wants the microfilm tonight as he pushes a button and the whole technological setup disappears into the floor. Okay; this mad genius is over which is rare for a Rescue Ranger one shot character. Francis looks at the picture as Louie proclaims that he sounds mad. NO?! REALLY?! We get a shot of the picture as the coloring mistake Wang Films makes is corrected as Francis implies that the Rangers will fry tonight to end the segment 11 minutes in..
After the commercial break; we head back to Hole Four as Dirty Chip Rat is pacing around on the green waiting for Double'O'Dale to show up I do believe. He wants to really scare Double'O'Dale; but Dale gets the drop on him as he stands right next to the tree. Dirty Chip Rat is surprised; but he recoils quickly and orders him to hand over the microfilm. Dale proclaims that he is a super spy and he's Double'O'Dale. Dirty Chip Rat proclaims that Dale should be afraid of shooting him. Unless Chip is Mega Man; umm...No he's not Dirty Chip Rat. But Dale beats him to the punch and uses the FLASHY BOWTIE OF DEATH to stun and blind Chip. I see that camera inflicts drugs into Chip's system. Odd Zipper steps in and wants to do some karate and kicks Chip right in the kisser which staggers Dirty Chip Rat right into the pond. HAHA! You know Chip's a wuss when FREAKIN ZIPPER knocks Chip out his feet. Chip pops out of the water and that is a mistake since Dale invokes the FORE GOLF BUCKET GOLFBALL WAVE~! I see Zipper has broken the record for most work in an episode at one minute and fore seconds. AHHAHAHAHA! Sadly the golf balls miss Chip by a mile and then we fade to black (I hate PP glitches and since this paragraph is too short; I'm not going to mention). We quickly head to Rescue Ranger Headquarters as Chip walks in wetter than Rhinokey after Hoppo splashes into the Olympic Sized Swimming Pool. AHHAHAHAHA! POW! OUCH! Ummm...That's two from the bad jokester.
Chip slams the door behind him and whines about feeling like a drowned rat. HAHA! You can now call him Clean Chip Rat. I'm sure Ammonia Pine would hire him now. Chip throws away the fake nose which is dripping with water as he whines about being a good sport. I never knew Chip was into psychological projection; but with Monty around you knew he would be infected with it. Chip walks in front of SEXY GADGET and AUSSIE HUZZAH who are tied up on the couch and gagged as even Chip thinks this thing is turning into a shoot...and then we see Louie and Moe (who seem to be wearing different types of blue outfits now) grabbing Chip by the arms as Francis shows up and shows him the vacation photos wondering how they got them. Even Louie wonders like the dumb bell that he is which earns him a slap in the face with the rolled up photograph from Francis. Chip then gets the LIGHTBULB OF BLOODY CLAIRTY as he realizes that Dale messed up and Clean Chip Rat is at the mercy of the mice mobsters as Francis pulls on the black coat and hopes for Chip's sake that he does get it back or he gets messed up if you catch my drift. Chip giggles and gulps in that order as Francis puts his dirty paws on SEXY GADGET. Mr. Fat: YOU SCUMBAG!! THAT'S MY GIMMICK! Louie and Moe sell as they are to return the tied up victims back to DA BOSS'S BARN.
And then Moe and Louie scare the crap out of me by cutting a life insurance promo. Wow; now that is fourth wall breaking I don't need to see even if it is funny considering that it's Louie talking here. Thankfully; Francias slaps them silly with the photographs and tells them to get out. Louie and Moe sell as they take SEXY GADGET and AUSSIE HUZZAH out of headquarters with Francis covering them. Good villains?! Good henchmen?! Have I found the template for Jymn Magon and his gang of TaleSpinners to steal?! Okay; let's return to the rant as we return to the golf course as Double'O'Dale and his sidekick Odd Zipper walk with the microfilm calling this spy game great. He wonders what is next as we hear Chip's voice and Dale stops as Francis shows up with Dale. Chip is glad to see him as Dale has zero idea that this is no longer a work. Dale goes after Francis calling him the goofball sidekick and plays around with him even honking his nose. Oh; this is going to be good as Chip pleads for Dale to snap out it because this is a SHOOT BRUTHA!! Dale and Odd Zipper play it as a work though. Yeap; this is going to be AWESOME now and Chip is just seriously (insert really bad swear word here).
Dale pulls out the real microfilm helpfully pointed out by Chip and Dale and Odd Zipper just giggle like a bunch of little girls. Dale pulls out the microfilm in front of Francis as Francis thinks this is going to be easy; and I smell screw job coming to Francis. I check the DVD...and Dale wants him to say the password. HAHA! Francis is PISSED off so he grabs the golf spike and points it at Dale making Chip look like a bigger wuss now. Dale calls him teed off; so he pulls out his HELICOPTER OF STUPIDTY and flies away mocking Francis. HAHA! Chip giggles like a nervous wreck because he's going to get whacked and fried due to Dale thinking that this is all a work. Francis then grabs Chip's coat and points the golf spike right at his neck telling him that he has lost...his life...to end the segment 14 minutes in. Geez; that segment was way short; under three minutes I do believe...Maybe the shortest in DTVA history. So we have eight minutes of action left in this episode which should be really good. Please don't screw it up Julia.
After the commercial break; we head with a pan shot of the red barn in the middle of a thunderstorm (because DTVA loves symbolism see) as we head inside and into the middle of the barn. Then we cut to the still dressed up Rangers tied up in a circle in front of Francis as Gadget wonders why they were brought to a farm. Monty gets off death reference #2 for the episode (milk us to death which is pretty funny because that is what they did with Monty throughout this series and it still didn't get him over); and Francis proclaims that he's going to put them out to pasture; so he pushes a button somewhere in the farm and the lab of super spy killing arises from the floor as the Rangers and Francis land right on the green target right into the middle of the lab. I am so loving this episode. Francis hates that as he wants that microfilm as the Rangers are balancing their chins on the target. Chip blows him off because they would NEVER give the microfilms to agents like him. Francis blows him off as Moe fires DA BOSSES' tiny manhood which burns Monty's mustache good. I see Wang Films has screwed around Gadget a lot with the purple eye makeup and her normal purple pants on. Really stupid move there guys as the Rangers gasp in horror.
We then cut to outside as Dale flies into the top of the barn with the microfilm IN THE RAIN and then lands without incident with Odd Zipper. Dale calls this game pretty sloppy which shows that Dale's brain damaged beyond repair as he still doesn't get that this is a shoot now. There were no clues; but Odd Zipper picked up his trail as Odd Zipper pants like a dog. So Dale and Odd Zipper move on as we get a far shot of DA BOSS' LAB and Dale rhinks it's a real secret spy's hideout. NO?! REALLY?! We cut down to see Francis and his men goofing around and then they see Dale and Odd Zipper with the microfilm. Oh; this should be fun if they replay Can I Keep Him as Dale proclaims himself as a super spy. More like a goofy spy. AHHAHAHAHAHA! And Wang Film's creditability streak continues as we cut over to the tied up Rangers and Gadget is returned to SEXY GADGET now. Francis tells his henchmen to get him remembering to be rude by pointing at Dale. It is just not heelish without pointing the finger. Dale proclaims that this almost looks real. Almost Dale?! So we pan over to Moe and Louie stalking their prey at the top floor of the barn as Double'O'Dale invokes DA RULE (FAIRY GODPARENTS!) #1 of super-spydom: Always be alert. Dale completely fails here since he should have been alert enough to know that this is no longer a work. Odd Zipper pants and then sees the heels stalking so he pulls on Dale's tux and he turns around acting like he has company.
The heels stalk Dale as Dale tells them to smile which allows him to pull the BOWTIE OF BLINDING DEATH. That spot never goes out of style. The heels are blind and drunk as Louie takes a wussy bump into the wooden pole (sigh) and then does some wussy bumps into Moe. I should have figured Wang would find a way to screw up a perfect episode. Nice back flip though as Odd Zipper flies in and does his lame karate moves which shows why he should never take pointers from Monty. The heels wake up and Moe gets kicked in the nose. Okay; that's more manly than the ultra stupid nose spots they did with the Gummi Bears on Dukie. More pointless grunting and karate leads to Dale proclaiming that the heels are no match for Double'O'Dale and his right hand fly Odd Zipper. So Moe and Louie head to the haystacks (which apparently have been dyed pink and some other color for no apparent reason. Stupid Wang!) and bring out the needles! Okay; now this is really getting good as Dale blows it off because it's the old needle in haystack routine. See; make the joke and then pay it off. Dale wonders how Dirk would handle this. Short Answer: Find some yarn and knit a net. AHHAHAHAHAHA! Dale's answer (After Odd Zipper has a whisper conference with Dale): Sidestep the blitzing heels and let them fall to their doom. Works for me as Dale would say. They do some Warner Brother/Hanna Barbera spots to amuse me and then squash Francis flatter than Alexander The Grape: Nyuk, Nyuk, Nyuk! Ah; I see Francis is auditioning for Darkwing Duck too. The heels bounces on the two yellow buttons and DA BOSS' tiny manhood fires again and misses Dale by about a foot. Dale calls this a light show. HEE HEE!
Dale tells Odd Zipper not to touch because it might be a laser so; he'll test it by using the microfilm. SCORE! Francis bumps the heels away in a panic state and pushes the yellow button to stop the laser. Dale and Odd Zipper cheer for victory as Francis ponders this one: Dale thinks it's a work so I'll play ball here and make it into a game. He calls for Louie to bend down and Louie sells as Francis calls for timeout. Francis then asks Dale if he wants to help with Louie's costume and Dale proclaims that he will because he does need a break. Well; you just knew Dale would screw up the work thing at some point. So he swings like Tarzan USING THE MICROFILM AS A ROPE and lands on ground level. And Francis is seriously (insert bad swear word here) as Dale grabs onto Louie. Monty pleads for Dale to stop with the work thing but no dice is coming I bet....well for four seconds as Louie rises up PISSED OFF and Dale starts to shudder and sweat bullets. Dale realizes now that the work has really been a shoot all along as Odd Zipper squeaks at him and Dale can only gulp. Well; it had to happen sooner or later. So that logically leads to...
....back to the Air Force Field Base as Dale and the Mice are back at the drawing board as Dale shoots pictures of the blueprints with his bow tie which is pretty funny to say the least. No wonder Nester was so jealous of Phillip; Phillip thought the bow tie was cool despite not being useful in any way. Francis warns Dale that he better shoot or Moe will think and fry the Ranger which are still tied up (separate now) right at the mouth of the Jet Tank. Monty cannot stand to see Dale being used like this; but if Dale tries anything funny (besides shooting pictures with his bow tie.) then Moe will think and it's bye-bye Rescue Agent Rangers. Chip then has a plan and wants Gadget to seduce Moe. Gadget doesn't want to because she doesn't even know him; but Chip insists because it's the only way to help Dale. Gadget doesn't like doing it; but she's forced to as we cut over to Moe with that REALLY STUPID FCC HAT OF DEATH looking dumber than dry wall as Gadget whistles at him. Moe gets really giddy at Gadget's sex appeal (and with that outfit; who wouldn't) and Moe's thoughts cause the Jet Tank to get so excited as it turns human; spins around hard and the Rescue Rangers are thrown off the mouth of the laser right into the wastepaper basket.
The pink waves of love continue to seduce Moe so Francis invokes MOLLY VIOLENCE on him. About damn time someone kicked someone in the shin not named Molly Cunningham or is an inanimate object. He pulls the goofy hat away from Moe so this gives Dale the chance to screw them again as he pulls the blueprints away and the heels go flying off the blueprint page. Odd Zipper grabs the goofy hat away from the fallen heels as we cut to the entrance as a guard (who looks weird) greets Fake Professor White Bread driving a black car inside the Air Force Base. He proclaims that the rats are screwed because he'll just steal the Jet Tank anyway. So we cut back inside as the tied up Rangers escape from the wastepaper basket and run wondering what happened to Dale. And then they gasp in horror of electricity as the jet tank aims for our heroes and fires which misses just enough to fry the rope; but not the heroes. Double'O'Dale saves the day for real as he pops the lid of the tank and offers them to come inside. He thinks that thinks isn't so hard and gets confused as he's wearing the goofy hat now which is completely apporos. So we head behind a control panel as Louie proclaims that things don't look good for them. I love real comments that aren't supposed to be real comments. The mice bail as we cut to Fake White Bread picking the lock on the door and it opens as the mice do a complete Scooby Doo run spot on us. Yeah; leave it to Wang to try to prevent a perfect episode as Fake White Bread bails stage left and loses his white wig in the process which I'm sure will make him BUSTED in the end as the tank destroys the door and drives after the heels. S
o; the locker opens (which is right beside the door no less) and out hops the tied up Real White Bread just to make my life complete. So we cut to outside as Fake White Bread hops into his black car which is the symbol of all stereotypical heels everywhere. Nice spot as the mice get in and Moe bangs into the car before getting pulled in. The heels scream right on cue as the tank destroys another wall. Fake White Bread starts the engines as the tanks stops and the hatch opens to reveal the Rescue Rangers Plus Super Spies as they realize that everyone is here to be arrested and it's Super Spies Away nineteen and a half minutes in as the hatch closes and it's the Scooby Doo Chase Sequence the PSYCHO TANK EDITION~! Best...one...ever!! So Fake White Bread tries tactic #1 as he pushes the red button and the tail pipe opens from the back to spray oil on the road. The tank goes into a tailspin (BWHAHAHA!); but it stops on a dime on solid ground and shakes itself. The mice think that the Rangers are shaken and stirred (Yeah right?!) ; but the CHASE MUST CONTINUE BABEE! So they turn around the corner and Fake White Bread pushes another button to invokes the tail light flamethrower! Okay; that's a neat weapon and he has two of them to boot. Cute pun: The License plate reads: I Spy which is trademarked by Scholastic and I smell MONEY, MONEY, YEAH, YEAH!
The road is set on fire which makes no sense since there is no oil on the road and the ground cannot burst into flames unless there is carbon present. Chip tells Dale to do something and Dale thinks which closes the hatch and the tank goes through the flames without incident. Not one of FWB's better ideas as the chase continues on as he is SERIOUS now so he invokes the TAILGATING ROCKETS RED GLARE~! This is the best Rescue Ranger episode EVERAH! The Rangers panic and bail into the tank; so Dale uses DUH, DA, DA , DA ,DA....PSYCHO POWERS to do the leg grow spot on the tank and the missiles sail harmlessly by. Should have made those heat seekers FWB. More missiles as Dale thinks again and turns the tank into a jet and thus pays off the whole joke about it being a jet tank. Gadget loves is as much as I do as Monty mocks Chip's statement about being lightheaded. The jet tank flies around as FWB cannot believe that the tank is still standing; let alone flying. More missiles launch as Dale uses his mind to make the plane dodge all. Chip calls him the best spy in the world. Jack Cases has nothing on Dale; and neither has James Bond for that matter as Dale uses his mind to blitz down on the black car and it's time to show off Dale's manhood which is so manly even Norton Nimnul would have to bow down to the rodent.
Dale still misses the black car as FWB drives into the alleyway to escape. However; Dale does some Star Wars spots to counter that. Laser beam cannon fires and misses the black car by about three feet; but hits brick wall. Dale flies around and stops at the top as he thinks of his next move which indicates that he is toying with FWB right now. Dale closes the hatch and it's more flying. Finally; Dale invokes his manhood and it nails the black car perfectly splitting it in two pieces which destroys the black car and stops the heels. HAHA! The jet tank flies around mocking the heels as usual as the hatch opens and the Rangers cheer for victory. Monty proclaims that Dale gave them a hot foot which makes no sense since no feet were damaged in any way. So Dale foolishly (or maybe not) takes off the goofy hat to wipe his brow and of course the tank returns to normal and crashes right onto the car with a MAN-SIZED bump. Sadly; the heels bail before they are MURDERED by the jet tank. And both the car and the tank are destroyed of course.
FWB is SHOCKED AND APPALLED (in that order) as he grabs the gangster rats and shakes them harshly for causing all of this mess. The hatch open and out pop the Rangers who bail as FWB goes all insane as he was beaten by chipmunks...and two mice and a blue bottle fly; but mostly it was Dale as it was a chipmunk. Close enough as the police guard arrive to grab FWB who laughs insanely as he is carried away (on SO MANY LEVELS) by the police. We cut to the wreckage as Gadgets wraps up this spy adventure as Dale looks himself in the mirror just to be vain. Dale then dumbly proclaims that he wants to do something exciting for next time which is psychological projection 101 as we get one more pull of the bow and the camera backfires right in his face. HAHA! Dale and Odd Zipper look drunk to the gills as we circle fade out to end the episode at 21:13. And there is your first perfect episode right there. Even Wang Films and Monty couldn't deny the Rescue Rangers first perfect episode in eighteen attempts. ***** (100%).
THE REVIEW LINE
As Peter Griffin would say when he realized Meg was gay: THAT WAS AWESOME!! This wasn't Captains Outrageous; but it was pretty damn close and I think the difference maker was Dale realizing that it was work before it turned real compared to Oscar finding out that the stunt was fake after it was real since it made Oscar's version look more believable in his eyes during the work. Despite Wang Films attempts to screw up the coloring and some of the bumps along with Monty say a few things that didn't make sense; Dale more than made up for it and it was a rare moment to see Zipper do more than ten seconds of work in this one. Dale was in rare form as a super spy despite believing that this was a work for much of it as he was simply carrying this episode kicking and screaming and now Gadget doesn't have to do so much work to make episodes look good. Gadget was her usual self including showing her sexy side. And yes; Gadget does wear a dress; albeit a hot sexy one unlike the male Rangers bisexual dress. I also liked Fake White Bread although it was mostly for his packed heat car which gave the Jet Tank a run for it's money despite missing everything and the gangster mice were well developed and much more lovable than most Ranger villains; and pretty much any one shot characters in this series up to this point. Chip was good enough as he got screwed every chance he got; but was game for being screwed by making the act funny. Funny spots included the jet tank sequence; the rear light blinker flamethrowers; the needle swords and my personal favorite: The bow tie camera. Dale is now a miracle worker on the same lines as Kit Cloudkicker and Gadget Hackenwrench for being super goofy and super cool (most so when he uses the bow tie camera). Kudos to you Dale. Although Dale and Monty have been hogging all the attention and will continue to do so in this volume; the next episode is a milestone for me as this is Gadget's first focus episode: Gadget Goes Hawaiian. I smell second full monty episode coming. So.....
Thumbs way up for this episode and I'll see you next time.
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