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Short Order Crooks
If only my rants can be done in short order...
Well; it's all downhill from here folks; so let's rant on shall we?!
This episode is written by Mark Edens. The story is edited by Bryce Malek and supervised by Tad Stones. The animation is done by Wang Films/Cuckoos' Nest Studios. Not a good sign after the last rant I did.
We begin this one with the STOCK FOOTAGE OF DOOM (which is a shot of Rescue Ranger Headquarters in this case.) and then zoom into the giant kitchen as Monty is looking at the biggest pot he has ever seen which includes a chain locked around it on the fire. Monty demands that the Rangers gather around the table (pointless since they are already sitting at the table on the pan shot) because they are going to eat the most tasty dish ever dished up. Ooo; dig that kooky wordplay. He calls it Cheddarhead Charlie's cheese chowder. Ummm...yeah sure Monty. I believe you...NOT! The Rangers are still giddy because they are Monty's friends see. Although the stiff animation seems to reveal them as if they were slightly abused for some odd reason. Except for Dale who is hungry anyway and giddy. Zipper isn't so sure of this though; and then he oversells the yummy yummy stuff. Gadget and Chip don't know what to make of Dale's big spoon and knife; and then asks why the stuff is taking so long. Monty agrees with the slowness and decides to up the pressure on the pressure cooker which is ALWAYS asking for trouble and I betcha the whole thing explodes. I check the DVD...Damn; I'm good and they even built up some suspense for it. Monty of course slips off the tire pump just to make the whole thing special as the other Rangers eat cheese chowder the hard way. HAHA! Chip blows it off as Monty slurps on the cheese chowder and proclaims that they need a new pressure cooker. NO?! REALLY?! So we cut to the DOH-NUT SHOP (bad spelling intentional for all Homer Simpson and MUGEN fans out there) AFTER HAPPY HOUR (Read: After Dark) as we hear Kirby's voice (as if the police car outside didn't give away the stereotype) proclaim that Ma makes the best donuts in town. That's like of like making the best Christian Media in the world; it just doesn't sound so great in hindsight.
We head inside as Ma (wearing enough pink to make me think Flimingo from the Wuzzles only humanized.) packs a set of chocolate donuts into a box and kindly blows off Kirby because it's only because it's next to the station. HAHA! Even Ma knows best as Muldoon pleads guilty and gives her some MONEY, MONEY, YEAH, YEAH and they leave for outside with the donuts. Ma waves bye-bye as we cut to a scene where Monty and Zipper are hamster running on a wheel of cheese (no smell so no logic break) complete with Hanna Barbera looping and running sound effect. If only Sun Woo was animating this; then this would be a classic. Although Wang Films comes close so: now you know you're watching a near classic! HAHA! Yeah; I'm running out of bad jokes to crack. The cheese rolls towards the back door of Ma's Diner as Monty wants to screw up her kitchen (heartless fiend!) but throws into reverse and hides behind a trash can since the spotlight is on. Ma opens the back door with a milk bowl and calls out for all the homeless kittens within a thirty yard radius for their din-din. Ma sets it down and goes back in as Monty calls her a sweet lady..for about three seconds as he panics because it's the RUNNING OF THE CATS! HAHA! Monty tries to bail; but the cheese screws him as he bumps into a brick wall and then falls into the milk bowl. Time to kill that cheese addiction Monty! Zipper stops flying as the stray cats gather around the bowl and start licking. Zipper covers his eyes in horror as I cheer for a painful licking death for Monty Jack (Good luck with that you heartless freak since DTVA doesn't allow main characters to die). It's doesn't happen as Monty is all right...for about three seconds as Monty ticks off the cats. Geez; what a shock THAT was?!
The cats hiss as they are ready to tear Monty into ribbons; but two human crooks kick the bowl away stage left proclaiming that they hate critters. Join the club you two bit crooks. It's the old mismatched thin and fat crooks with the purple and light blue vests that are such fashion faux pas' that they would be outlawed by the FASHION POLICE OF LAW. Man; if these are the villains then this episode is in trouble. The thin one is called Fry and I betcha the fat one is Cook just to make it even more unoriginal. Fry tells “Cook” to get the window as we cut to the overturned bowl and Zipper flies down. Thankfully; Monty throws it away as he calls the alley cats lucky. Compared to whom Monty?! Well; no one said Monty's perception was reality. Monty sets the bowl down as he sees the two Short Order Goofs prying open the window and then going into Ma's Diner through the window together. If the fat one was about 30 pounds lighter; they would get in with zero problems. Monty proclaims that he just cannot let them rob Ma even though she loves cats. I cannot argue with that overwhelming logic there Monty. Monty runs stage right as we head inside with Fry and “Cook” as Fry wants “Cook” to be quiet. NAME HIM ALREADY DAMMIT!! It's not like we know that he's “Cook”. Monty gets on the window sill and proclaims that he has got to KO those crooks. I can just hear the 4Kids purists whining about THAT one as we speak. As if Monty has the MALICE to actually kill someone?! Beat them up into a bloodless pulp; yeah.
Zipper flies over to the frying pan; the alpha and omega staple of all bad ECW brawls and has no dice. He must be off the roids this week as Monty backs him up and grabs the handle. However; the frying pan takes a mind of it's own (YAY!) as Monty grunts and loses his balance; managing to fall right into the sink causing enough noise to shatter enough dishes for Ma to enter back inside. She sees the two Short Order Morons inside the kitchen and demands answers after they blow off each other for blowing each other's cover. Fry bumps “Cook” and comes up with his reason: They are here to inform her that she's been selected by Fine Dinering Magazine as the best Diner in the world and she's won a trip to Miami Beach as Monty pops from the broken tea cup from the sink. Now remember that she didn't sell Kirby's claim AT ALL to having the best donuts in the world. So what happens here?! She actually sells the whole thing as real. Although to be perfectly fair; she does question why the Short Order Morons sneaked in through the back way and wonders who will keep an eye on the Diner. Even Monty blows this whole sequence off so you know that it's lame. I mean; the crooks are CLEARLY wearing lame crook gear with bad colors and somehow Ma DOESN'T KNOW THAT?! Nice way to make her look stupid to please BS&P there Mr. Eden.
Fry calls the fat guy Spud (which is a funny wordplay on French Fry; but calling him French would have been better albeit a little too obvious.) as they grab Ma and push her out of the Diner. Again; earlier she didn't buy Kirby's praise and yet she doesn't realize that they FORCEFULLY pushed her out of her own Diner. Why not just use some Ether and then push her out?! Same thing; only it makes Ma look a lot less stupid?! The door slams and she bails to find a....bikini....OH GOD EDEN! That sequence just made me lose about 10 IQ points right there. Spud proclaims that Fry never told him that he ever won a trip and Fry bonks him on the head. You wish you were Chip there buddy as Fry blows him off. Oh; and lunkhead is not a cool insult; blockhead is. It's not like the Peanuts have that word trademarked and copyrighted or anything. Heck; I just used the word now. Well; at least the idea to use the place to dig towards the bank makes sense since Ma mentions it earlier in the episode. Fry then gets the LIGHTBULB OF BLOODY CLAIRTY and realizes that if Ma goes to Miami Beach; they will have the place for themselves for at least a week so they can get lots of that MONEY, MONEY, YEAH, YEAH. So they go back inside to get her a ticket to Miami Beach. Monty pops out of the sink thinking that the blokes are gone. Umm; check your internal logic there guys: Fry and Spud went into the Diner; not out of the Diner. So Monty runs towards the window to get the cheese outside and he falls down and crashes to a MAN-SIZED bump outside. Remember kids; Cheese Addictions are NOT A TOY! Only Monty should be using it. So we logically head to the scene changer....
.....As we see the cheese is cut and both Monty and Zipper for shredding it with the cheese grater which takes more effort than Hoppo eating. AHHAHAHAHAHA! POW! OUCH! Ummm.... The cheese slips and Zipper gets squashed. HAHA! I never knew cheese addictions could be so deadly to blue bottle flies. And the fans claim Jymn Magon was MEAN?! Zipper pops out and climbs onto the cheese grater squeaking as Monty agrees that there has got to be an easier way. I was hoping for an easy way out of ranting this episode; but I don't have one so I must continue on. Monty goes to the icebox wanting some milk making sure to blow off the poor defenseless stray cats again as he pushes on the lever (WRONG LEVER!) and Zipper gets Ice-Cubed. Well; at least it was real ice cubes and not the rapper or Zipper can kiss his life goodbye and the Rangers would have to cremate him and scatter the ashes around the tree. Monty apologizes for that gaffe as Zipper squeaks back wonder how he ever got into this mess of an episode. So we do another scene changer as we cut to the stove where a lot pot is on the stove top fire. Monty is on the handle which is in a dangerous position stirring the pot so to speak. What message are we sending to children when we put handle in such an area were someone could bump INTO it and cause a dangerous burn and injury?! Monty Jack: Careless mouse the world over. Monty gives the spoon to Zipper as he jumps down to get the lid which somehow is MORE DANGEROUS then leaving a handle in a dangerous spot. Zipper grabs the spoon and does a silly lifting up the spoon spot just in time before Monty puts a lid on the whole pot. Monty then tells Zipper to Fire It Up. Who's going to fire Monty for acting dangerous to children?! Then again; Barney did an episode which encouraged strangers to kidnap children and still lived on so there you go.
Monty slides down as Zipper turns on the gas and it's almost AUSSIE STEREOTYPE ON FIRE! Monty tells him not so high. If Zipper had any smarts he would turn it up to burn Monty to ashes; but he doesn't so it's turned down. Zipper does get his tail though as Zipper apologizes for that one. Yeah; like I'm buying THAT one Zipper. The chowder goofs yawn as they slump down near a pepper shaker and they go to sleep..Which is probably the most dangerous thing you can do with a gas powered stove. So it's morning time when we pan back from the pan over to the evening sky and the Diner STILL HASN'T CATCH FIRE YET! :Logic break #1 for the episode as the Dangerous Rangers are still sleeping on the job. Where are the real Danger Rangers when we need them?! Or have they been arrested by the ANIME POLICE OF PURISM for violating ANIME DUB CONDUCT RULE #12 (Thou Shalt Not Rhyme....Because it's COOL!)?! Thankfully; the Short Order Morons voices return and that wakes them up; so the Dangerous Rangers run away and hide behind the porno flour (helpfully labeled as XXX. I didn't know flour and porn were related?!). We cut to the Diner Doors of Doom as Spud and Fry enter with shovels and pickaxes which is the staple for all bad plans to dig out of prisons and into robbing banks. The Short Order Morons notice a smell of cheese chowder and go over it as they think that it's leftovers which pisses off Monty. My opinion of these losers just went up one notch. Now how am I supposed to make fun of them?!
Zipper pulls on Monty before Monty can do something REALLY STUPID as the Short Order Morons go to the middle to work on DA...HOLE as I realize that Spud's red yarn hat is downright goofy with the outfit that he is wearing. Fry goes into the closet and opens it which allows him to eat about thirty RIC FLAIR BROOMSTICKS OF DOOM. Now that's overkill Mr. Edens! Usually it's takes only one to trump Shane Douglas; why need 30?! So we get the scene changer as we cut back to the pressure cooker as apparently; the crooks left (WHAT?! Logic Break#2 for the episode). Zipper gets the pink pipe and sucks it into the sticky part of the pot. He flies towards Monty who is on ground level with the makeshift pump just to rub it into my face for whatever reason. Monty grabs the rubber hose and starts to inhale like a guy trying to get high on helium. The blob moves into the rubber pipe and it goes right into the cheese storage (bottle on a skate) outside (which makes sense actually; even more so since there are two rubber pipes.). Monty proclaims that Momma always told him not to inhale his food. She should have told him not to act reckless in the kitchen either. So we cut to the shot of the front counter as Kirby and Muldoon are back for more DOH-NUTS as Spud crawls back into the kitchen to practice the art of not being seen despite no evidence of the police coming in yet. Well; you always have to be on the ball when you are a crook eh?! Spud goes to the closet door and yells at Spud who is digging a hole in the closet; probably to bury himself before Drake does. AHHAHAHAHAHA! Which Drake?! Does it matter?!
Muldoon and Kirby enter the shop as Spud opens the door and tells Fry that the cops are here for breakfast he guesses. So Fry casually enters the room with a goofy white apron as Kirby knows him right away and Fry panics. YES! YES! The police are actually smart for a change...OH CRAP! Kirby just said that they are from Fine Dinering Magazine. DAMN YOU TAD STONES AND MIKE EDENS!! (Waves fist to force the point.) Of course Muldoon confirms Ma's stupidity by calling the police station to inform them that they were running the diner. It makes sense; but it's damn contrived since Ma was built up to be smart from the outset. Fry takes off the light helmet and puts on a chef's hat as he takes their orders. Spud is in the kitchen with rolled out dough as Fry runs into the kitchen and hides in front of the door. Fry tells him that the police want the DOH-NUTS and Spud blows it off because they aren't nuts yet; just dough. I was hoping that Fry would bonk him on the head for that (since it's clear Chip won't be in this episode); but no dice as Fry wants the cheese chowder dished out. Spud agrees as we pan over to the rubber pipe siphoning cheese chowder out of the pot and out of the window. Zipper sleeps the entire time as Monty's sucking is getting too boring even for him. Which kind of sucking?! Does it matter?!
Spud notices the rubber pipe and finally pulls it out as Monty's sucking ends with anger and frustration which wakes up Zipper. Monty climbs onto the window sill as he sees Spud pouring cheese chowder into bowls. Monty accuses him of stealing his cheese chowder. Considering that the Short Order Morons own the place the cheese chowder was made since Ma is gone to Miami Beach like the dumb lady that she is; I'd say Monty should heed the procession is 9/10th of guilt as Miss Cunningham would say. Monty runs in and climbs onto the right soup bowl as Spud goes all Mmmmmm...Cheese Chowder...SLURP!! Spud thrusts the chowder away as Monty sails away and lands right into the DOH-NUT dough. 2:1 odds that Monty will be made into a doughnut and be close to a deep fat fryer to end the segment. Zipper tries to dig him out; but Spud returns with the fly swatter and misses Zipper with it. Zipper flies away as Spud calls this unhealthy for human eating. So he rolls up the dough as Zipper is panicking at the window. Monty gets lumpy so Spud invokes the rolling pin and really squashes Monty good with it. HAHA! Monty groans like a dead mouse and Zipper gasps and bails out of the window. So that logically leads to.....
....Rescue Ranger Headquarters (at 9:34 no less) as Dale is using a toothbrush in the kitchen to clean off the cheese chowder as he's hungry. Chip blows him off because he cannot be hungry after cleaning up all that cheese chowder. Does that make any sense?! Only in Edens' world I guess. Dale gleefully answers that logic break for me as Chip seems to be in too much love with that sponge he's carrying. Gadget whines about cleaning up the entire place and yet Monty and Zipper do no such thing....and it still smells like cheese. Like they always say: Nothing stinks up a joint like Monteray Jack. AHHAHAHAHAHA! POW! OUCH! Ummm... Chip is thankful Monty didn't make taffy; or they would have to move if they didn't get stuck as Dale mocks Monty off. Good for him I guess. Gadget is glad this is over and just wants to build a new pressure cooker as Chip finally wonders where Monty and Zipper are. Dale then makes me happy by blowing him off for not cleaning up the mess with them. Helped make the mess Dale?! You mean; he himself made the mess?! Don't be so generous as Gadget knows Monty's ability to get stupid ideas into his brain as Chip blows his ability off for me. Gadget wonder what happened to him as we cut to outside as Zipper flies through the park and enters Rescue Ranger Headquarters. He meets up with Chip and Gadget who are sweeping the floor as he squeaks in a panic state. Gadget and Dale wonder where he has been and where is Monty.
Zipper explains the situation and Dale gasps in horror because Monty is a DOH-NUT! HAHA! And because Dale is so awesome and Chip is not; Chip bonks him on the head. About damn time too; since Chip shows Fry how to do it properly. Sadly; no RIC FLAIR BROOMSTICK was used despite Chip having it in his hands the whole time. Zipper corrects him and Dale ribs him for the gaffe. About damn time Dale did that as we get a shot at the door and it's Rescue Rangers Away at the 11 minute mark as Dale leads the charge. Good for him; this episode is sucking badly and we need Dale now since Gadget is getting buried at this point. So we return to the front counter as Muldoon and Kirby are slurping Cheese Chowder. Fry walks in and Muldoon declares this to be the best cheese chowder he ever ate. I cannot argue with that overwhelming logic there mate. Oh; great! Now I'm talking LIKE Monty. WHAT IS THIS SUCKY EPISODE DOING TO ME?! Kirby likes it even more as we cut to outside on another shot of Ma's Diner as the Ranger Wing arrives and Gadget hopes it's not too late....for the episode to be saved by Dale. Okay; I made up the save part.
She flies down near the window and onto the trash can which has got to be the stupidest place to park that thing yet. The trash can turns over and the Rangers slam themselves inside. WHAT WAS EDENS THINKING ON THAT SPOT?! It's a cute spot and all; but it makes Gadget look awfully dumb. Then again; it's Eisner's “Stars Must Get Over New Characters” attitude taking over. See Kit Cloudkicker. See 90% of the Darkwing Duck Characters...See Eleroo and Moosel. We continue on as The dumb Rangers pop out of the trashcan and hop onto the window sill as Spud is singing the dough song as he invokes the knife (check Monty's bad face in the dough on the left side) as he cuts the stuff into pieces as the knife nears Monty to end the segment 11 and a half minutes in..and I'm getting tired with this episode already!
After the commercial break; we see that the pieces are cut as Spud wants to know how to make DA...HOLE as Gadget cries out of Monty who might be dead as Chip hopes that the cutter missed him. I'm hoping wrong; but Chip is right as Monty Face rolls his cookie away from the dough as Dale calls it a good chance. Chip wants action though as no bonking happens and the Rangers dive into action while we cut to Fry entering from the kitchen doors asking about the DOH-NUTS. Spud proclaims that they are rolling along as Monty does a rolling spot to really annoy me. Fry wants Spud to hustle out some more cheese chowder though as more customers are coming. Spud dips some more chowder into bowls and takes more out into the dining area as Monty still rolls along the counter. Dale steps in ready to catch him and he gets him; but rolls along with Monty. HAHA! Dale gets squashed on bottom as Gadget and Chip invoke the egg slicer to stop him. Hey; that's a good idea! Why not KILL HIM with that Gadget love?! I love sadist Gadget; more so with sharp cutting objects. Monty rolls through the stuff and the dough cuts but Monty stops short of it. Now there is some wacky logic breaking there as Monty wonders what happened?! Mike Edens looking like a fool writing the script; that's what happened Monty. Chip proclaims that he was going to be turned into a doughnut and Monty likes to be cut as long as he's a cheese Danish. Weeeee...
Anyhow; we return to the dining area as more police officers are liking the cheese chowder. And you thought the Rainbow Coalition was limited to Captain Planet and Ruby Spears cartoons?! Even more of them come including a fat police lady which makes Fry groan and Spud pour more bowls of chowder. We then pan over to the Rangers behind the eggs as Monty laments about having his cheese chowder wasted on humans. The Rangers realize that if they run out of chowder; Ma's business would be ruined which allows Monty to swear in DUBBED AUSSIE STYLE because they just cannot let this happen to Ma. Considering how stupid Ma is in falling for this; I disagree. She's getting what she deserves. Gadget realizes that the only way to save Ma is to make cheese chowder every night until she gets back. So that logically leads to the lighted diner AFTER HAPPY HOUR (which shows as the front entrance is dark; but the diner is still full of light. Ov vey there Wang Films) as the lights go out and the poor kittens meow outside as Fry opens the door and blows off the cats. He does the Cloudkicker kick which is so bad Kit would kick his ass for even trying to do it even though he doesn't exist until next year. Apparently; he hates mice more than cats. Well; Monty hates Fry for stealing his chowder so this is apporos.
Spud wants to continue digging; but Fry walks away because his feet are killing him due to being a short order crook cook. Spud joins him as they agree to finish the tunnel tomorrow and thinks they are safe because the chowder is gone and will not attract the cops. So we head back inside the kitchen as the back door opens and Monty gives the all clear sign. The Rangers walk in with lots of cheddar cheese (with Zipper struggling as usual) and then Chip and Gadget put their cheese down. This leads to Dale swinging like Tarzan with the fork and it grabs onto the cheese as Gadget and Chip bail. Somehow Gadget defies all logic and reason when she runs off getting behind the cheese in a split second. SUPERBEING!! Dale sells on cheese like a goofy drunk as Zipper mans the egg beater. Dale brings up the cheese with the eggbeater pulley and Monty uses the butter knife to press the cheese into the pot. Chip blows this off because leaving a recipe would be better as Gadget and Chip grabs some cheese of her own and she blows off the suggestion since they couldn't make anything even if they were lit on fire. She even blows off their digging skills as we head for morning at Ma's Diner as the Short Order Morons return to unlock the place using the front door thinking that the cops will not return and then the cheese smell beckons. Spud asks Fry if he smells something funny. They run into the kitchen and they gasp in horror because it's the POT OF THE LIVING CHEESE CHOWDER! HAHA!
Fry grabs Spud's coat as Spud defends himself and then Fry goes out to look and there is a scene of police officers with bibs on that is so creepy that only Wang Films could pull it off. Kirby is black and therefore is a lot less creepy as Fry closes the door and sulks that this is going to be a long day. I love real comments that aren't supposed to be real comments. So we go to AFTER HAPPY HOUR AGAIN with more recycling (and you thought TaleSpin's animation was sub-par?!) as we repeat the spots (well at least the cats haven't returned this time) as Fry and Spud slump out whining about all the work that they did. Crook doing an honest living?! That's whack!! We cut towards the Rangers whom the crooks do not suspect a thing as Chip points out the obvious and Dale gets off the funny line of the day about dough. Gadget decides to do a double batch tonight as the Rangers are pulling ropes tied to more cheese I bet. And I am so right as they pull the cheese wheel and in one of the funniest spots I have seen in this series; we see Zipper cracking the whip on the Rangers! I wonder who peed in Zipper's supper for THAT spot to happen. Odds makers: Chip 15:1 Dale 7:1 Monty 5:1 Gadget 2:1 Me 20:1. So we REPEAT the morning routine as the Short Order Morons return to the diner and they panic because now there are TWO pots of cheese chowder. Seriously; this episode is boring my skull out for the most part. Fry tells Spud not to panic because the police have been eating it for two days straight non-stop ; and thinks that they are tired of it. Sadly; the police voices beckons and they chant for more chowder. Geez; who's got the cheese addiction NOW Monty?! Fry is sulking as it's more bowl washing time. So we head to HAPPY HOUR again. For goodness sakes Wang; animate the DAMN diner differently already!! The crickets start singing and we....
Post-Production Glitch #1: Get a half second black slug....Just what this episode needs! On the other hand; it's good to make another paragraph so I won't complain...much....
So it's finally morning and Wang Films decides to animate the shot differently this time! IT'S A MIRACLE!! We see the entire police force outside in a lineup waiting for more cheese chowder. However; there is no one inside the Diner to open for business; except for the Rangers who have finished the latest batch of cheese chowder as Gadget is worried no one is opening the place. So we cut to the recycled footage (Sigh Wang) as we see the Short Order Morons hiding in the alleyway as Spud is worried because Ma returns to Miami Beach tomorrow. If these two goofs were major villains; this series would suck badly. Fry is ticked off now; but has a plan as he is not going to open the Diner until they go away from it. Okay; that is pretty heelish and it would make Ma look bad. That's the first thing Fry has done right in this episode as we head inside at the front counter as Monty is carrying way too many bowls for him to be healthy and slips on the counters which allows the bowls to be placed perfectly in a row on the counter. Yeah; that isn't contrived in the very least no siree! Gadget makes paper airplane and flies them as napkins, Zipper fills the toothpick counter and Chip & Dale jump down and invoke the pastry shooter which shoots cheese chowder into the bowls. Well; at least it made a slight mess even though it was only on the bowl itself and not on the counter.
We cut to outside with more chatter from the police force lining up at the Diner. Kirby is first in line as the door sign on the front reads Closed and then changes to open with a ding sound. Yeah; let's just give 4Kids pointers to edit anime now while we are at it?! The cops race inside which has got to make Tim Horton's jealous to the bone. We cut to the alleyway as Fry is ticked off because someone opened the diner. NO?! REALLY?! Spud calls it haunted as we are fully seeing the pod version of Chip & Dale in human people before our very eyes. Spud Dale tries to run away and Chip Fry stops him because he doesn't care since he's after the MONEY, MONEY, YEAH, YEAH! He's got to come up with a better character than the Invisible Man to blame it on though. So we logically see the Short Order Moron enter the Diner from the front door and then practice the fine art of not being seen in probably the funniest way possible: Right in front of THE COPS!! Most of the cops are too busy eating; except for Muldoon who asks for some spoons. We cut back inside the kitchen as Chip realizes that they forgot the silverware. D'OH!
Dale then figures out a funny and insane way to give it to them: Use the electric mixer and spin the silverware which allows it to shoot silverware right at Spud and Fry who just happen to enter the kitchen. Man; that chowder has brainwashing effects to affect the police like that. Even Tad Stones' rule of police being stupid doesn't apply here. Sadly; none of the silverware MURDERS the goofy heels. And now Fry is PISSED as the Rangers have blown their cover. Spud runs after the mice; but is too dumb to realize that the Rangers open up the oven and he get stuffed right into the oven like a giant baked potato. Well; he is Spud so this spot was apporos actually. Damn; I hate it when the Rangers try so hard not to make this episode suck. Fry grabs a fork as the Rangers bail and throws it which allows to catch on Gadget's tail. OUCH! Gadget bounces right into the fork with a decent bump. OUCH! I didn't know that fork was roided. So Larson and Gary found a way to make inanimate objects go into ROID RAGE. That is just sad folks. Dale screams for Gadget as Gadget is screwed with the tail pinned to the ground. Fry stalks her and is ready to grab her as we can just hear Mr. Fat gasp in horror over this gimmick infringement. Fry wants to feed the cats tonight as the segment ends seventeen minutes in. Well; they are improving at least....
After the commercial break; we see Fry trying to grab Gadget; but Zipper squeaks and zips down to annoy Fry. Spud is still in the oven as Fry swats Zipper which pushes the white button which starts up...water....It's a WASHING MACHINE?! They had a perfect joke going and it's nullfied because of BS&P using a WASHING MACHINE?! Stupid, Stupid, Stupid...Did I mention Stupid?! Dale takes a stick and dips it into the grease and does a seesaw spot to shoot some grease right at Fry who ducks (BOO HISS!) and Chip gets nailed right in the kisser (YAY!). And somehow the grease disappears right on cue. Oy vey there Wang Films as Monty runs in to save Gadget's tail as Zipper rolls the rolling pin down and it misses Monty despite Monty selling it as if he were hit. Double Oy vey as it somehow lands on Fry's foot and Fry becomes dumb and steps on it and it's the rolling rolling pin spot. That sequence is so contrived and blown that it is not even funny. Fry missiles out of the kitchen and takes a good bump into the cash register which reads no sale. Okay; that was cute as Kirby and Muldoon inform Fry that he's coming back after lunch because the cheese chowder is so addictive in roundabout words. Fry looks screwed as he tells them to have a nice day and in comes Spud full of bubbles mad as hell.
We cut back to Gadget trying to pull her tail free (that fork is roided BABEE!) as Monty arrives to save her. Monty tries to push the fork down; but it springs back and Monty goes sailing out of the window and hopefully out of this episode (Don't hold your breath Greg!). Chip arrives just in time as he has grease all over him and Gadget steals some to grease the fork which somehow has no prongs on the end. Is Wang Films seriously trying to tear my hair out here?! Dale demands that Gadget thank him for coming up with the grease in the first place and Chip does it for her remembering to throw grease right into Dale's face. See; make the joke and pay it off. Nice to see Edens do something right for a change. Gadget pulls her tail from the fork and they gleefully walk off to save Monty. And so we go outside as the Rangers are on the trashcan which is the same one that the Ranger Wing was on that it became unstable and flipped the Rangers in. UGH! Monty is in the other open one and he's calling this all ungrateful because the humans chase them off. Oh please Monty! They are HEELS! The police don't even know you exist so stopping blaming them you Aussie Stereotype. Gadget agrees with me because they are the rodents! HEE HEE! I love real comments that aren't supposed to be real comments. And she uses Zipper as a metaphor which gives Zipper that look of “They don't like me anymore”. Join the Cloudkicker Fan Club Zipper. Gadget has to correct herself on that one and Zipper is happy again. Chip agrees as Monty decides to finally give in and make one more batch of chowder for tonight which is good because Ma returns tomorrow and therefore Monty won't have to care regardless if they are ungrateful or not.
So; we RECYCLE HAPPY HOUR again just to annoy me again. At least they remembered to turn the lights off this time around as we cut to inside the kitchen as Monty, Zipper and Dale use the meat grinder to grind the cheese. Dale thinks he's smart and of course he's on top of the cheese like an idiot (what a shock?!) and is forced to run away. We then cut to the stove where Monty is turning knobs and in a funny spot one of the burners is basically hot or cold; and the other knob has four settings. Now that is one whacked out stove Ma has got there. Chip then notices that someone is cooking pasta on the stove already and Gadget thinks that Fry and Spud are still here. So we cut over to the kitchen doors to see Spud and Fry enter with the plunger (among other digging tools) because it's blasting time. No more foreplay this time around. It's go in; do the damage and get out which they SHOULD have done from the start. That's why they are the Short Order Morons. The Rangers bail behind a pot as Spud whines about making spaghetti which will somehow make it into the finish because it's pointless otherwise. Fry blows him off because they are going to be millionaires soon as Chip and Monty realizes that they cannot cook and they are bank robbers. NO?! REALLY?! I thought the clothing gave them away as such?! Cheese Addiction: Reduces IQ by 75%.
Fry invokes the plunger and we get the most absurd explosion I have ever seen on the far shot to the bank which is right next to the Diner. The door blasts open which makes no sense since the robbers were still in the kitchen and not even close to the bank to do THAT KIND of damage. Logic break #3 for the episode as Gadget proclaims that they need to stop them. The Rangers run stage left as Dale runs into the closet with the spoon and starts filling up the hole so they cannot escape. HAHA! Leave it to Dale to get the best sequence in the entire episode. And Chip bashes his head with the spoon of course which Dale protests. Chip grabs Dale's arm and blows him off for playing in the dirt like the party pooper that he is and they bail stage left as Gadget returns with her number one fan (which is pink mind you) as the fanboys of Gadget are going to flame me for the rest of my life for that bad joke. Gadget wants a diversion as I invoke law #1 of diversions: Don't ever use a pink fan. She wants Chip and Dale to grab the FLOUR OF PORNO (EWWWWW Gregory!) as Dale runs up the white cloth with Chip close behind and Chip loses as the white cloth slips from the table and falls down with Chip in tow. Dale makes it up to the top and blows Chip off as a slowpoke. HAHA! Chip is PISSED off as he climbs up and sadly no violence occurs (BOO HISS!) as we cut back to Monty in the closet as he wants some pepper in it. This is turning into a bad porno flick now; only G-rated. Chip and Dale pull on the sack of flour but no dice is present.
The chipmunks slump down and Chip has an idea: Dale pulls while he pushes. Yeah; let's waste some more time, it's not like this episode can be saved anyway. Dale then makes my proud by blowing Chip off for making these decisions. Good point there Dale; because this one is logically bad. So Chip claims that Dale has his way which is Dale pulls while Chip pushes and Dale agrees with it. HEE HEE! He doesn't suspect a thing as we cut back to Monty as he proclaims that they are coming. The first batch of evidence: the sack lands on Monty's tail when it is thrown up. Monty pulls his tail up and tells them to watch their tails. That sage advice would have been good if he said that to Gadget BEFORE her tail got forked. Monty decides to stall for time back pushing the sacks back into Spud who groans on impact. We cut back to the flour sack as Dale pulls and Chip pushes. Nice to see some CONTINUITY for a change as the flour finally drops onto the ground and squashes Dale. Chip thanks him but doesn't do that ugly sick laugh. Dale tells Chip not to mention it; but Chip likely will in the next Eisner meetings. Sadly; Monty is forced to bail as the sacks (three this time) drop beside him. What a wuss Monty is?!
He bails after only one attempt to drop sacks on the heels. Lucky for me; this episode is almost over as the police cars arrive outside which means the heels are screwed regardless of what happens; unless they pin the blame on Ma as Spud and Fry pop from the closet with the MONEY, MONEY, YEAH, YEAH. They run out of the closet because the heat is coming as Chip opens the flour and Gadget invokes her number one fan to blow the flour right into the heels to make the smokescreen. How does that work?! Flour doesn't make that much dust in the air. Logic break #4 for the episode which leads to Zipper invoking the noodle rope and ties up the heels with it. Geez; did Spud buy ROIDED pasta or something? Did Larson and Gary go to the pasta making factories of the world to sell steroids to make the pasta stronger or something?! And you just knew that would be used as a finish. Lame move there Edens as Monty calls that using Zipper's noodle. Oh TAG Monty! Monty pushes on the lever (WRONG LEVER!) which brings out the ice cubes and the heels make the obvious mistake of running and they slip on the ice cubes like a bunch of idiots and slam against the fridge which gets them stuck against it. Spud proclaims the spaghetti is done. This is so absurd that it's pretty funny though.
Dale invokes the rope fork on the MONEY, MONEY, YEAH, YEAH as Zipper works the pulley eggbeater which brings up the sack of money (I got to play it straight at some point.) and puts it into the pot. Okay; what is the point of this Edens?! Fry and Spud try to break free; but the noodle is too wet to do so. Fry then finds the only way out which is to eat the noodles. Damn; I hate you Mike Edens. Monty then runs away stage left declaring that it is going to blow as the pot explodes right on cue as Spud and Fry blow the kiss pasta spot from Lady & The Tramp (Oh why not? Disney purists say DTVA is RUINING Disney at this point anyway; might as well rub it in.) as Fry tells Spud to get the MONEY, MONEY, YEAH, YEAH. However; they stop in front of it and stand there instead of taking the pot off the burner. How stupid can you get; most so when the handle is RIGHT THERE to be taken?! And the pot explodes right off screen making a huge hole in the roof which Kirby and Muldoon see (and point out the obvious) outside. Kirby and Muldoon run into the kitchen and the whole place is filled with cheese chowder as well as the heels as they plead for the cops to arrest them. So that's why they put the money in there. It makes perfect sense now as Spud is covered in damning evidence. Monty declares that they cannot take the pressure and asks if they like the chowder as we pan over to the right side of the pot to see the Rangers covered in chowder and Dale is PISSED. It better lead to Monty cleaning up the place; or I'll never like Monty ever again. Oh wait; I'm already there, that's too easy.
So we head outside in the morning as Ma wearing shorts which look exactly like Dale's shirt just to make me laugh. How fitting for her since she was so dumb to sell Fry's goods on the trip to Miami Beach. She is with Kirby and Muldoon as she cannot believe bank robbers tried to use her diner to steal that MONEY, MONEY, YEAH, YEAH. She enters inside as she wants that kitchen spotless as Kirby and Muldoon panic because it's a little messy. She looks inside and gasps in horror because it's cleaner than the kitchen of DAVE THE CLEANING BARBARIAN OF LAUGHS. She then notices a recipe for cheese chowder pined onto her kitchen door as she notices the paper and is a little peeved. Muldoon and Kirby cannot believe the place is so clean as we cut outside to the back door as Monty's face is lighter than air as the Rangers are slumped against the door looking completely tired out. Dale proclaims that the cheese chowder is fattening; but it good for losing weight which makes no sense but I don't care because the most important thing is that the episode is finally over at 21:11. And so the streak of good episodes ends at eight. The whole storyline was boring and Wang Films spent too much time trying to find ways to screw up the episode. Mike Edens' contrived writing didn't help either. * ½ (30%).
THE REVIEW LINE
I don't like this episode at all. The whole storyline of crooks being in a diner was just too boring and the whole setup to make it happen was just plain stupid as Ma was painted as a lady who wouldn't even let praise get past her from police officers and then buys Fry's reasons for being inside the diner for the first time. It was so contrived even though Fry and Spud clearly look like crooks. If they had dressed more professionally then I would buy the spot a lot more. At least the Fry/Spud thing as names were cut. Dale tried hard to save it; but Mike Edens kept inventing ways to bug me. One was the washing machine which makes no sense since putting Spud in the oven would have been funny since he is like a fat baked potato. Fry and Spud as villains were just bank robbers who had a plan; but the police were either too addicted to the chowder or too dumb to realize the obvious.
Wang Films also screwed up a lot including some funny gravity defying antics from Gadget including the floating box and the split second run to the back of the cheese which was as funny as Kit's foot hitting Don Karnage in the face and Don Karnage no selling the shot. Not to mention way too much recycling from Wang Films on the scenes which makes the episode look pretty cheap (although they did the artwork well in them so it wasn't a huge loss). And of course it was a Monty focused episode which would have been fine if he had done the entire work for the entire episode instead of needing help from the Rangers near the end of Act 1. Overall; this episode was a mess without the good grace of awesomeness from Dale and Gadget to save it. Sadly; Monty's misadventures with cheese are NOT over yet as it's Mind Your Cheese's And Q's. It's going to be a painful week for me. So.......
Thumbs down for this episode and I'll see you next time.
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