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Out Of Scale
And Out of My Mind!!
I should just be thankful that this isn't a Monty focused episode. So let's rant on shall we...?!
This episode is written by David Wise. The story is edited by Bryce Malek and supervised by Tad Stones. Back to the old rat race as they say. The animation is done by Wang Films/Cuckoos' Nest Studios. Oh well; at least it isn't Sun Woo...
We begin this one with a pan shot of a park and bird chirping after a huge rainstorm swept through the area as we see a museum and a blue truck driving towards it. Since there is the stock EVIL MUSIC OF DOOM playing; you know that there are heels a coming. We then cut to the drivers which one of them looks like the goon from the pilot To The Rescue as they park on the left side of the road while a police car zips by them. We then cut to the police officer in the car who is happening to be driving in the right seat of the car. So; this city is somewhere in Europe where they drive on the other side of the road? Well; that explains why the officer thinks that is not a legal parking space. The officer stops the car and invokes the transmitter to alert the police that suspicious things are happening at the quad. I guess parking on the left side of the road is suspicious. I call it going to the beach myself. We then cut to inside Spinelli's office as he has his sandwich ready to eat and the microphone in his hands to blow off Ross. I was tempted to say that it's Dev Ross' last name who writes DTVA episodes; but Dev is female and is not writing this episode so the joke is dead. Spinelli proclaims that his shift ended a half hour ago and that nothing is going to happen because they wouldn't DREAM of stealing a 400 ton statue with a pickup truck....I betcha that is exactly what happens. I check the DVD...and the police officer puts the transmitter down and drives away just as the crook sneak over and tease us with proving me right..before we cut back to Spinelli. I guess he's the story editor for Recess. AHHAHAHAHAHA!
So Spinelli has a cheese sandwich and popcorn which allows us to pan over and see Monty behind the picture frame. And if you cannot guess what happens next; you have no business reading this rant...And it happens to be cheese popcorn this time. Isn't that kind of popcorn uses a flavor that is fake cheese?! And shouldn't Monty's nose not spot it since it's fake?! Considering that my head hurts thinking of all of the stupid logic that goes into that addiction; I'll just move on. Monty dives into the popcorn bag which is the wet dream of all movie and fat guys like me everywhere. POW! OUCH! See; I'm not biased. I punched myself in the face for cracking that bad joke. We then cut over to a Wanted Poster where Gadget pops from it. See Gadget the Cartoon Nerd trumps Brain Ray the Cartoon Overseas Supervisor. Now you know who to blame for the blown spots for this show and maybe even TaleSpin for that matter. She wonder where Monty is. Here's a hint Gadget love: Cheese popcorn. That's all you need to know as Monty continues to slurp down more popcorn and somehow the popcorn stays intact which indicates that the popcorn is spawning. I guess Larson and Gary are making Popcorn Steroids which spawn new popcorn when the kernels are gone. And he bursts through the bag which allows the popcorn to be free from Monty's grasp. Only four or five pieces take advantage of it which is the number of frames of animation per second that is animated in a Ruby Spears cartoon depending on what mood that they were in when writing this show.
Monty likes this morning dinner as Gadget calls for Monty to try out her new invention which Monty decides to gold brick because when inventions are involved; Gadget is in her innocent sadist mode. He backs up right into position where Spinelli can SEE him and Monty high tails it out of here as Spinelli misses completely with the swipe. Oh well; better luck next time as Monty takes the LEAP OF FAITH and dives right into DA...HOLE ripping up the wanted poster. And while I am at it...How does Spinelli KNOW Monty?! Did Monty eat his cheese at one time?! Since we have about 42 episodes left; I guess we are going to find out at sometime. So we head to the mailbox outside as Monty and Gadget pop up from the opening and Monty wants Gadget to use Chip and Dale to screw around with. I say it's a good choice since Chip is the front runner to date Gadget and Dale's too insane not to do it. Gadget agrees with him because they should be done with the laundry by now. So that logically leads too...
...Rescue Ranger Headquarter as we head into the guest room (Huh?) and right into C&D Argument #431 as the guest room is a mess and the tea cup is shattered with sweaters abound and suds to boot. That green teacup proves Kermit the Frog's point: It truly isn't easy being green. I see Chip's Fedora Hat got destroyed in the mess too; which is probably why he's really complaining to Dale too. Chip grabs Dale's ear and pulls him down to make him clean it up and Dale counters by raising up and no selling the ear pull (YAY!) and slams a wet blue sweater right in Chip's head. HAHA! Chip bounces off the wall and pulls the sweater out with lots of effort and the sweater clips the net cage of insane nuts. Dale throws a pretty lame raspberry and Chip punishes him for me (since Molly isn't around to do it herself) by throwing suds right in Dale's kisser. Now this is more like it: Chipmunk on Chipmunk Violence. This would be Disney's answer to a hardcore match which shows how wussy it is; but it's Chip and Dale and fighting like girls is what they do best. Dale and Chip blitz each other wanting to choke the other one to death; but Monty's voice stops the fight and they both fall flat on their faces about three inches short of making contact. I...HATE...YOU... MONTEREY JACK!! We finally had our first fight and you RUINED IT?! Well; at least he's not doing the annoying Gruffi pose and neither is Gadget so I won't hurt him...much...
Chip denies the whole thing because it's a spirited discussion. I guess a spirited discussion involves Bubble Bath Wrestling. AHHAHAHAHAHA! And then Gadget just gets REALLY PISSED OFF and blows them off; complete with the POINTY FINGER OF DEATH. HOLY CRAP?! She is prepping for Dirty Rotten Diapers in this episode. Okay; I'm adding 1/2* just for that spot alone and hope that Gadget doesn't try it on Eisner since she doesn't need to be buried anymore than she already is. Monty gets behind them and tells them that deep down they are the best of mates. I agree Monty since the two best of mates are at their best then they are at each other throats. I think Gadget should blow off Monty for trying to act like her when he has no heat to pull it off....and evidence #1 beckons for me as Chip and Dale snarl at each other right on cue. So Monty grabs their clothes and tells them to shake hands and make friendly-like. Yeah; let's just KILL their good gimmick Monty; that'll make this episode not suck. The chipmunks shake hands and of course we know they don't mean it because they refuse to look at each other straight in the eyes. And of course the sweater gives way and the INSANO NUTS bonk on Chip's head and one of them manages to knock Dale right in the face. HAHA! This may be the whole good scene in the episode; but dammit; they are making it count. Chip pulls the sweater away and it's Round Two of Bubble Bath Wrestling Entertainment~! Which of course ends up with the FCC FRIENDLY DUSTCLOUD OF DOOM~! The funny thing is by the time; the dust appears; Chip already gets five punches or more in on Dale on-screen.
Monty feels like giving up as we see a light black (oxymoron alert!) bird wearing a red scarf which Kit will likely steal for his first appearance at the door asking for the Rangers to address him and calls this a formal fight as the fight goes on in the background much to my amusement. Dale and Chip stop in mid-stream with Dale grabbing Chip's neck and Chip grabbing Dale's nose. Leave it to Chip to no-sell Dale's choking and leave it to Chip to always go for the obvious cheap shot of grabbing Dale's nose. The black bird rudely walks in and proclaims that he's staying inside the Rescue Ranger's tree. Why?! I don't get it. The bird sits on the needle chair and gets needled with the pin feather of doom according to the bird. What an idiot?! And why does he say that his friends are showing up?! What is the point of this?! The bird finally explains it all because their statue vanished last night as Gadget remember to get in Golly #1 for the episode four minutes in. The light bird likes it here and proclaims that this roosting spot is good for his friends too.
Chip finally gets the LIGHTBULB OF BLOODLY CLARITY and the Rescue Rangers run out of the house as Chip grabs onto the bird's neck for no good reason and by the time we get out; the light bird comes out as if nothing happened as he's in the front door. I call logic break #1 for the episode right there as the bird tells the Rangers to find his home. Okay; that makes sense; so why bother grabbing his neck on the rebound?! Brian Ray needs to do a better job with the animators at Wang. The Rangers hop into the Ranger Wing as Gadget asks them to please stop fighting long enough to help them find the statue. Chip proclaims that he can; and Dale pops up from behind and grabs Chip's ankle and pulls him off the Ranger Wing with a wussy bump. If they keep doing this; the episode will be fun. Not very good; but still fun. Dale blows Chip off as he sits in the back of the Ranger Wing as Chip gets on on the front shot and the Ranger Wing flies like a helicopter. Monty wonders which is harder: finding a statue or keeping those two from killing each other. I know which is funner though. Hint: It involves two angry chipmunks and Ultimate Fighting Chipmunks. AHHAHAHAHA! And I'm in SHOCK that the two are not fighting in the back seat when Monty sezs that. I guess the fun is going to be over too quickly.
So we head inside the office as the two Rescue Henchmen are in the office to inform their boss who is wearing Klordane's green suit and looks like Klordane without the hair; that they have the statue. Seriously; without the ugly face and ugly voice plus the hair; he's Klordane. DA Boss proclaims that the real stealing will come soon and the Crooks Du Jour ask when that will happen while remembering to say DUH! DA Boss then reveals the cage and wants them to catch two squirrels. Seriously; why do Rescue Ranger fans get upset when Warner Brothers mocks the Rangers as squirrels; but not when Klordane Faux does it?! The henchmen are surprised because there's no MONEY, MONEY, YEAH, YEAH! The boss knows that remembering to call them idiots because that is heelish of him to do so. He sounds like Officer Kirby by the way. The rodents are for her daughter Buffy who is not Norton Ninmul's daughter as I thought it was when I looked at the summary a week ago. The goons try to reason with him and DA BOSS gets all mad and yells from the top of his lungs while slamming his fist down at the desk. Methinks he needs help with anger issues. I just love how he suddenly goes all third person on us on that spot.
So we head outside the house near a iron black gate surrounding the place as Moose (must be part of the witness protection program) asks Rocco (the blue suited one by the way) if stealing little animals is against the law. Umm; only if the little animals actually BELONG to someone Moose. Rocco proclaims that it is against the law. Geez; this city makes our Cat By-Laws look like freedom. I shudder to think if our people in power in HRM got pointers from this episode. Moose feels relived because stealing little animals being against the law makes him heelish I guess. Me; it just makes him look goofy. He then proclaims that if it wasn't the law; they might have to go straight. So Moose and Rocco are flaming homosexuals now right?! I mean; saying that they have to go straight means that they are gay right?! Just like James from Pokemon; right?! If you want to know why anime purists paint Americans as bigots: Being hypocritical on things LIKE THAT. Rocco suggests that they return to the scene of the crime posthaste which is really funny when he tries to sound smart and yet returning to the scene of the crime is the most likely way to get caught. Mr. Hardcore logic I guess. So we return to the armory as we get another pan shot of the park as we see the Rangers and the Ranger Wing parked near the statue. Chip recalls it being General Fogarty riding his horse. Fogarty is an Irish surname and there is a Fogarty Cove right here in Nova Scotia. No real generals from what I'm getting here though.
They are also noisy as Gadget wonders how it disappeared. Dale gleefully answers that one for me: The horse got tired and ran away. Dale logic: You never understand because you're laughing too hard trying to understand it. Chip is angry and threatens him with the POINTY FINGER OF DEATH because one more crack is going to make him do...I really don't know because Gadget is in PISS OFF MODE remembering to actually touch Chip on the belly with the POINTY FINGER OF DEATH...Oh wait; it's a pat on the head; my mistake. HAHA! Boy; Pilot Jack is so screwed now as Gadget blows them off ordering them to keep from fighting and killing each other. As long as it's Gadget blowing them off and threatening them; I'm game for it even if it's out of character for Gadget to act like someone had peed in her lunch. Odds Makers: Dale 2:1, Chip 3:1, Zipper 4:1, Monty 3:1, Me 500:1, Mr. Fat 1:1. Dale does a much better raspberry on Chip which of course means that he's the devil according to Saban's logic of editing Sailor Moon anime. Dale is SHOCKED because he doesn't know what of footprints and Monty blows him off as we go to the sky shot of the chipmunks standing in one of them. Remind them to watch CSI once this episode is over. Chip wants to do the old split up routine as the chipmunks get the footprints to see where they lead while the mice check the base of the statue to see how it was taken. Oh yeah; let's just telegraph the obvious even more than it already is. Scooby Doo got away with it for so many years; why can't DTVA?!
So we get a lame sequence of the chipmunks blowing off each other while stepping into the footprints. At least Dale's logic is getting more plausible which is sad because his implausible logic was actually funnier. Dale rubs it in because Gadget said that Chip cannot fight which Chip blows off. They run into the grape vines as the chipmunk lose the tracks and of course Chip blames Dale for it. It's NEVER Chip's fault for having such a broken deduction meter. Always blame the guy more over than you. And he tells Dale to shut up so he doesn't have to fight him. Okay; does Gadget want him to stop fighting or arguing. Wasn't that the point of the episode was to get them to stop blowing off each other?! I guess David Wise was wise enough to realize that chipmunk wrestling equals MONEY, MONEY, YEAH, YEAH! So we do a scene changer which is pointless because the scene is exactly the same; and Dale is grabbing onto a sling-shot branch looking for footprints and walks off snapping the tree branch which Chip moronically steps right behind Dale and gets a MAN-SIZED shot of the tree branch right in the kisser. HAHA! Serves Chip right for being REALLY STUPID! So what does he do afterward?! If you say threaten Dale with violence and blaming DALE for being stupid enough to walk right into a funny spot then you would be...WRONG since Chip groans and Dale mocks him because Chip cannot fight. So this is the Blame Chip for Being a Violent Little Chipmunk episode. So this is really only the second Chip focused episode by proxy.
Dale runs away (sadly not giggling like a girl) as Chip gets up and he's mad as hell. We go further into the Sour Grapes of Doom as Dale is scared of something and calls for Chip who is nowhere near the area. That allows Moose to grab him and does a pretty funny spot in flexing Dale around to measure him for goodness knows what reason. Chip finally enters the area asking to cut what out. Maybe your check to Kit Cloudkicker. AHHAHAHAHA! Dale jumps up and does some awesome shaking of his POINTY FINGER OF DEATH accusing him of playing games. Yeah right Dale?! The biggest party pooper in the episode playing games. I think Dale is losing it more than usual. C&D Argument #432 beckons as it's CHIPMUNKS WITH POINTY FINGERS OF DEATH~! Moose and Rocco enjoy the entertainment value as I do; but then lower the steel cage on the chipmunks. Now that's how Chip and Dale should settle their differences. It's how professional wrestling works in this world despite every attempt by Vince to call it merely entertainment because even sports entertainment (something he worked on championing for 25 years before realizing that no one was buying it) is beneath him now. Moose raises it up and calls them smart which is so ironic considering the IQ of Moose as Dale gets blamed by Chip again; and then Chip blows Moose off because they are chipmunks. The Superstars of Chipmunk Wrestling. AHHAHAHAHAHA!
The heels walk away with the cage towards the blue truck as Rocco proclaims that young Buffy can frolic and gambol with her new pets. Does Rocco even know what frolic and gambol really means?! Frolic means to be playful and gambol means to skip about. But to me it means to rape and plunder rodents since I have a pretty good idea who Buffy really is. So we return to the park where Monty and Gadget are on the sidewalk admitting that they have no idea how the statue got stolen. That bird is around and I say he's to blame for the thunderstorm commencing. The rain comes pelting down as Monty swears is DUBBED AUSSIE STYLE as he sees tire tracks on the side of the road. Monty wonders how this is possible as Gadget declares that there is one way to find out and follow the tracks as the storms gets worse. Gadget runs to the Ranger Wing as they will have to go for Chip and Dale later. I think she's still pissed off of them fighting since this rain storm is brutal and I would look for C&D if I cared about them. Doesn't matter anyway since that logically leads to.....
....Back in DA BOSS' office as there is a train track set set up in front of the office and the boss gets all giddy as the train choos down the track blowing it's whistle. The train chugs down the track through DA...RECTANGLE HOLE as the henchmen arrive with the chipmunks which Dale blows off because Rocco calls them squirrels. For a smart talking guy; he sure doesn't act all that smart. Must be some irony I am not getting. The boss grabs the cage and Chip gasps in horror because it's Ignatz Ratskiwatski! Okay; that is so not an awesome name. Dale panics and does the Scooby Doo Scare On Shaggy Routine on chip remembering to call him Ratso. HAHA! Apparently; Dale saw his wanted poster at the police station. So Brain Ray is an alias. I knew something was fishy about Wang Films animating. Ratso (a million times funnier than his real name so it gets used.) proclaims that there one thing he loves more than robbing, plundering and terrorizing innocent people: indulgin' the every whim of his daughter. I mean you have to raise them as criminal masterminds at a young age and spoiling them with kidnapped and stolen gifts is a mighty fine start in the process. Buffy turns to Muffy and almost steals the SeaDuck as an anthro adult fox a year later in TaleSpin by the way. So the chipmunks get the honor of being Buffy's bitch forevermore in roundabout terms as the chipmunk gulp in horror.
Ratso carries the cage away down the hallway as Chip calls this just great. Yeah; the train wreck plot line (how ironic is that when a train set is involved here?) is about to get even more bloody and were are not even close to Freshwater. If you don't know who Mr. Freshwater is nor have kids who attended his class; consider yourself and your kids lucky. And Chip blames Dale for the whole thing; what a shock?! Dale proclaims while the cage sways that things cannot get any worse. Ah sweet Dale: Knowing how to make things worse just by saying that they can't. His broken logic is back to normal. Ratso calls out for Buffy as he puts the cage right on top of the train tracks and Chip and Dale are so (insert swear word here) as the uglist girl I have ever seen in my life wearing a blue dress with pink trim and curls in her red hair ala brick style (Oscar Vandersnoot look) and two buck teeth (a sure sign of a mouth breather stereotype if I ever saw one) runs to the cage. That doll house in the background is just being asked to be used here as she talks pretty good for an ugly little wrench. Ratso actually breaks logic by putting the cage down in a different place away from the tracks despite being placed down on the tracks earlier. Bad, bad CONTINUITY ERROR there Wang Films. Ratso gets all sugary on us (EWWW!) and I think even Molly would like to invoke MOLLY VIOLENCE on both of these losers.
Ratso Klordane leaves as Buffy the Beauty Slayer (I just had to get that cheap shot in) kneels down and gets giddy on the chipmunks while calling them squirrels. These guys never saw a nature book in their lives since squirrels clearly have longer tails. She opens the cage and grabs the chipmunks Mr. Fat style. Since Gadget is not involved; she's safe from legal action. I think even Gadget would be thankful for it too. She hugs the chipmunks and literally invents the Best Friends Forever catchphrase right before our very eyes. Now do you all understand why movie watchers not brain damaged by the effects of Bratz Syndrome hate that catchphrase?! It's because it was an ugly girl who invented it. Chip and Dale do not like this one bit as the segment ends about nine and a half minutes in. Much better episode than the last one; but I think the episode goes downhill from here....
After the commercial break; we head into the city as the Ranger Wing flies around. Monty tells Gadget to go faster as the trail is getting wiped out; but Gadget gets distracted and has to dodge a lamp post despite not even being close it to do any damage whatsoever. Apparently; the street lamp is damaged so they foolishly spiral down to check it out just to waste more time. So we head back to Buffy The Beauty Slayer's room where Buffy does more chipmunk handling towards the doll house as Buffy wants to play House. Really?! This makes even more sense in hindsight considering how heartless Chip can be so he plays the lead character in the real television series House. Chip & Dale get put on the dresser because you cannot make them look like losers without the right type of clothes. Chip gets the blue bathrobe to become dad and Dale laughs like a girl which isn't funny. So Buffy gives Dale the dress that Gosalyn will probably get at some point in DARKWING...DUCK. HAHA! I betcha Chip laughs like a girl for that one. I check the DVD....DAMMIT! The most obvious spot and Chip DOESN'T laugh like a girl?! FOR SHAME DAVID WISE! Buffy grabs Chip Daddy and Mommy Dale (how perverted is THAT?!) and goes to the doll house. Chip is placed in the living room with a newspaper and a smoking pipe in his mouth (which of course has no burning ashes for obvious reasons); while Dale is placed in the kitchen and given the RIC FLAIR BROOMSTICK OF DOOM to clean house.
Dale isn't thrilled of being made into a joke which is ironic since he is a joke albeit a funny one. Buffy closes up the doll house as Chip protests this doll house prison as he calls it. Oh behave Chip! At least she didn't turn you into a girl despite being voiced by one if you catch my drift. Dale actually takes this well as he looks at the white cloth on top of the dresser. Chip decides to make the most of it as he drops his smoking pipe (which even contains ashes in it to boot!) and bounces into his chair. Dale storms in and cleans house protesting this outrage of littering from Chip. Good for you Wise; let's go back to the Chipmunk Superstars of Wrestling~! It was working before and it works now. C&D Argument #433 lasts about three seconds as Buffy The Beauty Slayer goes to the doll house and pulls the small lever (WRONG LEVER!) and the floor trapdoor opens above the chair and the Rangers freefall into the kitchen as they drop with wussy bumps in front of a fridge. Dale is giddy because he's hungry see. Well; you do have to keep that girlish figure in shape don't you. AHHAHAHAHAHA! BONK! POW! OUCH! OUCH! Umm...ummm...Dale opens the fridge and tries to eat the chicken leg; but it fails since it's all plastic food. HAHA! Buffy calls this fun. I call this worse torture than Izzy The Insane Tickling Puppy Criminal Crime Wave~! If you don't know who Izzy is; consider yourselves lucky. Kit on the other hand better watch his back.
Buffy then shakes the house because she wants an earthquake. I see that we are in San Francisco now as the shaking causes the plastic food to spill out of the fridge and dishes to shatter right onto the floor. Dale manages to save about 20 plates of china and Chip blows him off and bonks him on the head as per in his contract. I guess no hitting doesn't count as fighting since this is really flexing the boundaries of good sportsmanship here. Chip pops out of the ground floor window as Buffy calls it fun and ponders her next move. Hey Chip?! Here's your chance to escape NOW! And I betcha he doesn't take it. Buffy gets inspired and walks away from the doll house. Now you would think that Chip and Dale could just pop through the window and escape quickly right there; but what do they do?! They go to the middle of the room and Dale blows the place off because he doesn't know how to clean up this mess. Chip blows him off because he doesn't keep it THIS MESSY at home. NO?! REALLY?! And then the lights go out. I guess Dale is Mrs. Heyman now. AHHAHAHAHAHA! WHACK! OUCH! Ummm... we cut to Buffy banging on the drum and using the flashlight to create a fake rainstorm. Then Buffy opens the window and grabs the super soaker and she calls this a hurricane. Umm; If we are in San Francisco; it would be a typhoon since it's the Pacific Ocean; not the Atlantic Ocean. Then again; she doesn't see them as chipmunks so she's hopelessly hosed.
She sprays a flood of water into the house as Chip closes the windows; so Buffy points the nozzle into the chimney and floods the chipmunks out as they stand up and it's running on water in the middle of a tidal wave. Take that Jesus! Chip blames Dale for all this of course since it's always the most over character in the series fault even when it's not. Ask Kit Cloudkicker about it. And finally; the two chipmunks start Round Three of Bubble Bath Wrestling Entertainment; whirlwind style because that this what this episode needs: More windbags! Buffy stops the hosing and grabs the two chipmunks as even she is blowing them off for fighting. I wish Gadget was here to grab this brat by her dirty rotten diaper. I wish Gadget was here to shake the brat until she rattles...and I wish she was here to TRASH THE BRAT!! Do you get the picture why I hate Buffy The Beauty Heat Slayer?! So Buffy walks away because it's time to play a new game the chipmunks will not like.
So we head back to the lamp post with Gadget and Monty as the rain has suddenly stopped. Gadget deduces that the pickup truck hit the lamp post. NO?! REALLY?! Speaking of questions; where is that black bird anyway? I thought he was with them at the park? I guess he's been written out of the episode now. And so; a purple haired; green wearing mouse lady walks down and blows off the whole thing like she doesn't care and then walks off into the background. WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT ABOUT?! And Wang Films makes an obvious coloring mistake on Monty's head just to make the scene even more pointless. Gadget and Monty run to her in the alleyway as she goes hunting into the trash for white cloth while talking to herself about gangsters. She's even wearing blue running shoes which just clashes with her bum character that I wonder who she stole them from. Max Goof maybe; which explains the dorky sneakers he wears in Goof Troop. The conversation goes on aimlessly until the Rangers discover that her home is made from a street map the crooks were using to steal the City Art Museum. The Rangers run away thanking her for the help as she calls this no skin off her nose. Well; that's good to know as she wants some spare trash which is not good to know. So we return to Buffy The Beauty Heat Slayer's room as Dale is tied up onto the horse on the model Marry-Go-Round (HEE! HEE!) along with Chip as Buffy invokes the remote control to turn it on.
The Marry-Go-Round goes around and around and where it stops only Buffy's god knows. She twists the knob to let it go faster and faster as Dale apologizes to Chip for getting them in this mess. Yeah; that is so Kit Cloudkicker like that it isn't funny. Chip tells him to forget it because he's an angel compared to Buffy who is a monster which gets a pop from vampires everywhere. The thing goes so fast that it gets completely destroyed (yeah whatever) and Chip and Dale get scattered. Chip gets the mini stolen statue while Dale gets the cute duckling doll with a blue bow tie. Too bad it doesn't contain a camera for Dale to use to blind her even if it causes me to go blind to see a picture of Buffy after the photos are developed. Chip then discovers that the statue was the one that is stolen and wonder how it turns out so small. However; wonder will have to wait as Buffy grabs Chip and wants to play another game that is funner for me and more torture for me. Thankfully; Chip only gulps and we cut to a table which has the PORTABLE TINY SHRINKING MANHOOD OF DOOM on the table because was stolen from Professor Norton Nimnul himself. Rocco is happy that they stole it as we are back at Ratso's office as Ratso blows him off because he opens the closet door and there is Norton Ninmul tied up and gagged. This is Sean Malstrom's wet dream come true. HAHA!
Ratso takes off the gag and Norton whines like a whiny dork before getting the door slammed in his face. That's another 1/2* increase for this episode by the way as Ratso tells the heels not to screw this job up more or less as the heels leaves posthaste so sezs Rocco. Rocco pushes Moose out after saying that they'll even make sure not to hit the post. HEE HEE! So we return to the TORTURE THE CHIPMUNKS as Chip & Dale get tied up and placed inside a red car which is driving by itself. HAHA! Take one guess who is controlling the red car. And of course she still doesn't call them chipmunk like the stupid ugly heatless girl that she is as the chipmunks blow them off. She needs to learn how to gag someone. The car rides onto the train tracks and is heading straight for the train just because you just need to make the train wreck even more gruesome. The car takes a decent bump into the train causing no damage whatsoever and the chipmunks fly out and take wussy bumps onto the floor which somehow manage to untie the ropes all at the same time. BS&P RULEZ BABEE! Dale blows off Chip's driving and Chip is so insane (check the eyes) that he wants to get out of there. Geez; why not do it about three minutes ago Chip when you were in the DOLL HOUSE?! Chip and Dale run and bounce onto the drum which has more bounce than a super ball on test day and try to take the train; but Buffy grabs them at the last second. D'OH! She shames them for trying to escape; and it's time for an extra special game. Slight CONTINUITY ERROR: You have to look hard; but when she's hugging them; they are wearing their regular clothes instead of the bath robe and dress. So this logically leads to.....
....a shot of the art museum as we pan south with the blue truck as the Rocco hopes the shrinking manhood works still as well as it did before. Why?! Did they damage it or something before coming here?! I think Rocco is being too cautious here for my liking. Moose panics because there might be people inside and Rocco bonks him so hard that Moose falls on his ass. Rocco also blows him off because he's got no culture, it's Monday and the museum is closed. In real life; this Moose would still be in the right; since guards would work on Mondays so stuff doesn't get stolen. Rocco points the shrinking manhood and fires it which causes the art museum to shrink down to about the size of a PlayStation 3. Rocco calls it fine arts at his fingertips which makes it have the same values as PlayStation 3. BLEAH! Rocco grabs the model and puts it into the bag Moose is carrying and Moose leaves remembering to return the favor for the bonking by whacking the model bag right into Rocco's head. Well; that explains why they are so dumb; they keep causing themselves brain damage by hitting each other with international objects. The Ranger Wing sees the whole thing and Gadget realizes the plot now; so she flies the Ranger Wing after it. We then head back to Ratso's office and then inside Ratso's closet as Ratso asks Norton about other gadgets he has. Man; is this some homophobic message that I do not want to get?!
Norton plays dumb as Ratso is mad and wants to enter the closet and either have gay kissy-kissy or punch the whiny dork's lights out; but it stopped since Rocco re-enters the office with the stolen building in the sack Moose is carrying. Ratso grabs the sack and bumps off his henchman (not fatally of course) and runs down the hallway with it because he's soon going to get that MONEY, MONEY, YEAH, YEAH. He opens the door to Buffy's room as he has a new doll house for her while acting so sugary even my teeth are starting to decay a little bit. Ratso is forced to duck as the remote control airplane is being controlled by someone (which we all know anyway) while Chip is tied up and back in his regular clothes. I guess even Buffy has had enough of the gay bath robe Chip was wearing. Ratso calls this sadism sweet as the airplane has almost the same color scheme as the SeaDuck (change the red to orange) as Buffy is kneeling down and in sadistic fashion ties Dale to the train track. And lucky for him; he gets to keep wearing the dress. HAHA! This is the save the dismal in distress game as the train comes racing down the track towards Dale as Chip is nowhere near saving Dale from the choo-choo train. Can he make it in time?! Dale hopes he does even though Buffy doing everything to make sure it doesn't happen as the segment ends sixteen minutes in.
After the commercial break; we head back outside in front of Ratso's house as the Ranger Wing hovers above the sky on the shot. Gadget deduces that this is where the stolen building is. NO?! REALLY?! As if the blue truck doesn't give that away easily?! Zipper is told to scout this one out as he sells and we return to inside the room as Rocco is dumping the stolen building onto the floor. Umm; wasn't Ratso carrying the bag first?! And wouldn't it make sense to let him do the honors? Zipper looks through the window outside as he sees Chip zooming around tied up in a model airplane (while still wearing his regular clothes. And then Zipper gasps in horror as he thinks Dale is going to die via train (get it? Via...Train...Rail...Ah forget it! VIA is known more for computer cards than trains nowadays); but the train steers right at the last minute. I guess even Buffy cannot stand the sight of blood which is sad since blood and vampires have to mix well to get over. We pan over to Buffy still controlling the track while Ratso gets a tear coming out of his glass eye in one of those spots that is so goofy even I am laughing my butt off of it. Zipper flies away to the Ranger Wing to tell the mice that Chip and Dale are in trouble; so Gadget rams full blast and shatters right into the window to Buffy's room but Ratso catches them on the way down. D'OH! Ratso asks if they are her mice and she denies it (which is true so she's safe); but she wants them anyway like a little spoiled brat would.
Buffy runs stage right and drops the remote which shatters on impact despite taking a wussy bump. I knew those Chinese gadgets were crappy; I just needed the episode to prove it. And now it's a airplane out of control as Chip goes into a tailspin (BWHAHAHAHAHAHA!) and slams MAN-SIZED bump right into the back of the drum. HAHA! We cut back to Ratso catching Monty by the tail as he ponders the moral ethnics of keeping mice as pets as Monty blows it off and Zipper goes over and fires the plunger spear (Long time since that cheap spot happened no?) and it gets fired right in Ratso's fat nose which would make HHH hang his head in shame. The Ranger Wing falls onto the floor with a decent bump (made more crazy by the banging pot sound effect.) and the mice bail in opposite directions as Buffy complains about her mice getting away. Well; stop being a spoiled sport and GRAB THEM! You had no problems doing that to Chip and Dale; so why not mice?! Monty runs over stage left and frees Dale from the tracks before the train can kill him. And he is still wearing the dress like a man and of course Monty calls it lovely. Memo to Monty: Do not untie Dale right now. Step as far away from him as possible you Aussie Stereotype! Dale tells him to shut up. I agree with him in my humble opinion. Gadget grabs Chip from the busted drum and magically; he's wearing his gay bathrobe for logic break #2 for the episode. And then just to make my job; Disney Caption calls Ignatz Ratso themselves when we see Zipper on the floor in front of the trumpet and Buffy's bed. See; even in their sloppy hearts; they know Ignatz is a green parrot who likes to mock Baloo almost as much as Ace London does; only Ignatz can get away with it since he's Kit's friend see.
And just to make it even more surreal; we see Ratso try to run to help his spoiled brat daughter and Zipper uses his leg (WHAT?!) and trips Ratso! BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Oh that is so stupid logic wise; but that was too funny. That spot gains a 1/4* from me. I got to mark out for THAT one and Ratso's bump was MAN-SIZED to boot...and it gets even funnier as he trips up Moose and Rocco to boot! Raise another 1/4* for that one too. The Rocco one is the funniest since it appears Zipper was standing on his foot while Rocco trips. The heels are made into a pile as I completely laugh my ass off seeing a blue bottle fly take out three heels by himself with his blue leg (even though a real blue bottle fly has six legs). Best work Zipper has done in this series to date bar none. Buffy comes over and she's mad because they got schooled by a little fly and for once I'm on her side. Everyone bails as Chip and Dale take off their costumes (so Chip WAS wearing his regular clothes under the robe which makes the logic break a little less of a break.) as Monty asks about the museum. Gadget then recalls the shrinking manhood which turned Zipper into a giant housefly which I believe was Fake Me To Your Leader (it wasn't by the way) since I know that one was clear Zipper focused episodes and Norton was involved in that one. The goons are using it in reverse as the heels are back up searching for Buffy's pets as Gadget notices the small building and they need to find the Gigantico Gun; or the Giant Manhoodico Gun. When the dork isn't funny on his own; resort to the dick jokes to mock him. Ratso has got the baseball bat because apparently; it's time for the grand slam of chipmunks. AHHAHAHAHAHA!
Monty states that someone needs to run interference and both Chip and Dale decide that they'll play ball as it is Rescue Rangers Away for real nearly eighteen minutes in. I am actually digging this episode despite the sucky heels. I think Gadget's face got rubbed in for some sick reason as Chip runs into the busted drum and grabs the airplane and starts flying it well as Ratso is forced to duck. You know what; as much as I hate Monty; Rebecca should see him for flying lessons so she doesn't have to feel ashamed of being with a lazy, irresponsible fat pilot like Baloo. We cut to Monty grabbing the train as it goes through the tunnel into the next room which is probably Ratso's office. We then cut to Dale filling the tank with chocolate nuts (I think) and then Dale hops in and grabs a green helmet and then laughs in such an evil fashion. Man; I knew Chip's head bonking would make him SO EVIL! Or not. Dale drives the tank and of course he starts destroying Buffy's toys starting with the log house. NOOOOOOOOOOOO. It was a national treasure! BOO HOO HOO! Zipper and Gadget take the toy blue truck which looks exactly like the blue truck the heels have been using the entire episode and they drive right out of the room with Rocco and Moose chasing after her. Oh the irony?! We cut back to Ratso who grabs the busted drum and he wants to kill those rodents and Buffy whines because they are hers and she loves them. Well; in the context of sadism; I agree.
She was only having (sadistic) fun and Dale drives in with the tank and shoots the melted chocolate nuts right in her face. HAHA! That will teach her for making Dale wear a dress and playing Dudley Doo-Right's trophy wife. And of course she whines like a little baby. HAHA! This is great; I don't know why Chris Barat is so meh on this one. She declares that these animals don't play fair. Best...psychological projection....ever as Ratso is PISSED as he grabs the tank and peeps in the shooting hole. How dumb can you get here?! Take one guess what happens here...Yeah; and now Ratso is REALLY PISSED as he proclaims that no squirrel makes a fool out of Ratso Ratskiwatski. SCORE! We all knew his real name isn't Ignatz and Kit knew it too. And since Dale is a chipmunk; Ratso is hosed. HAHA! So is Chip as he uses the airplane to saw off the chandelier and Ratso gets the MAN-SIZED whack off-screen. Ratso (good CONTINUITY as he still has chocolate sauce on him) counts the birds in his daze as he thinks Buffy has birds now. Chip flies out of the room as we get the SCOOBY DOO CHASE SEQUENCE THE BLUE TRUCK EDITION~! Nice touch to include Moose and Rocco knocking over stuff which makes the sequence more awesome than it deserves to be. Chip sezs not so fast as he gets ahead of the chasing heels and saws the global emblem which contains a globe being stabbed by a sword. I guess a gun shooting it was too violent for Disney (What do you mean you guess?!)
The heels get covered and dropped as they struggle violently. The blue truck heads into Ratso's office along with the airplane and the tank. So we logically return to Monty heading back from the tunnel as he doesn't see the ray gun. Umm; that's logic break #3 since the tunnel leads straight to Ratso's office anyway. Monty pulls the lever (WRONG LEVER!) and gets more steam. The train goes through another tunnel as we cut to the kitchen as Chip and Dale load up some sweet stuff into the back of the truck including the dreaded cheese which Dale gets sick just smelling. Apparently; it's Limburger cheese and Monty loves that cheese. I thought his favorite was Brie 86?! I guess Francis has made him lose that love as Dale throws it into the truck. We get the smell going through a heat vent as we cut to the basement where Monty is riding the train into it. Monty sees the furnace and decides to cut down speed; when the smell catches his nose. I think you can guess what happens next. Monty runs away as the train collides into the furnace and it explodes in really lame fashion as we head upstairs to Ratso and Buffy pulling the covers of doom off of Moose and Rocco. Rocco continues his lame complex speaking as Moose declares that they got him in the kitchen; but the heat vent spits out a cloud of smoke (AND THAT'S BAD FOR YOUR HEALTH, LIFE, MOVIE RATING AND BAD DARKWING...DUCK EPISODES!). We cut to the tunnel as Monty follows his nose to the smell of CHEEESSSSSEEEEEEE!! And he trips right on the shrinking manhood laser! I just love it when someone's manhood finds a way to stop an addiction. See; sex always works.
Monty tries to grab it; but has trouble as the smell grabs him by the tail and tries to pull him away. Monty backs away as the smell grabs his foot and his feet are going to stink after this episode is over. Monty finally has the gun; but the smell does the tap on the shoulder and Monty looks to his right and it's CHEESE ADDICTION OF DOOM TIME~! Which backfires since it gives him super strength and he runs off with the shrinking manhood laser. Lucky bastard! We cut back to inside Buffy's room as the heels plus Buffy cough and wheeze as they enter Buffy's room as Monty enters from the tunnel and drops the shrinking manhood laser and goes after the cheese as usual. Ratso groans and whines that when he gets his hands on those rodent he'll....don't know as Gadget drives the truck and spins about 90 degrees which throws all the sweet stuff and the heels get creamed with sweet treats and more melted chocolate from the tank just to plain overkill the whole point. Buffy wisely hides behind her doll house; but makes the mistakes of sticking her head out to deliver a raspberry and takes a pie right in the face from Chip's airplane. HAHA! And I betcha she cries and whines right on cue. I check the DVD...Damn; I'm good. Monty grabs the cheese and eats it; but gets grabbed by Fatso along with Gadget as Mr. Fat is PISSED OFF now. When are these heels going to realize that grabbing Gadget in a perverted way is Mr. Fat's gimmick?!
Ratso wants to crush them with his bare hands and then destroy those squirrels too. Chip and Dale blow him off because they are chipmunks as they fire the fatass manhood ray laser and the statue and building all get hit and ALL HELL BREAKS LOOSE. Buffy whines as the heels run out of the house and the entire house gets completely destroyed of course as there is nothing left but a museum and a statue of a man riding a horse. The Ranger Wing escapes before the explosion happens of course. Ratso is PISSED OFF now as he realizes his cardinal rule was true: NO ANIMALS IN THE HOUSE as he blows off Buffy RIGHT IN HER FACE! Ratso just got over on that one and I betcha she sobs on that one. However; Rocco and Moose push Ratso and Buffy away because they got to escape from the police. They run towards the gate; but the sirens wail as Gadget is right about the police getting the message and the police car and Jail Wagon enter the property. We then cut back to the Ranger Wing as Monty is glad that Chip and Dale have stopped arguing. Sorry Monty; I'm not buying it because we all know they are going to fight again soon. It's in their DNA and contract for this series see. Not like that pesky TaleSpin show Gregory Weagle keeps praising as the alpha and omega of DTVA.
Dale of course hugs Chip in a silly fashion and knocks him down on the floor of the Ranger Wing. Chip climbs up denying that they would never fight each other and I betcha they start fighting and arguing with each other again. I check the DVD....and it doesn't happen as we cut down to Norton Nimnul hanging on the sword of the statue protesting this outrage over the abuse of his tiny manhood. He whines about not getting credit and of course he gets the credit as Officer Kirby (check the hands) handcuffs Norton. HAHA! You want credit; you got it..Now go quickly to jail you whiny dork. And then the whiny dork denies all which is partially true but since his manhood was involved he's going to jail anyway. So we cut to the Jail Wagon as Ratso proclaims that his empire is finished and he's going to prison as we see the heels all sitting down handcuffs as Ratso blows off his daughter one more time for my amusement. And then Buffy stands her guard and blows him off and she screams so badly that it's too funny. That echo has got to go as Ratso does a face palm and than almost surpasses Kit Cloudkicker by screaming at Buffy to shut up! Now that is mean and nasty and sadly; Kit would one up him into infinity by doing the same to Molly Cunningham who (a) I like a lot more than Buffy and (b) it's was more painful to watch due to the way the storyline went in Plunder and Lightning. More on that in the Plunder and Lightning re-rant. Buffy flies off and takes a decent bump off-screen as Moose and Rocco cheer on that spot like a bunch of good little heels. The Jail Truck drives past the city limits and into the city as the Ranger Wing flies into view to end the episode at 21:15. Oh man; minus the logic breaks, this episode was AWESOME...**** ¾ (95%).
THE REVIEW LINE
Normally; when bad spots happen, it is painful to watch. But it's rare when stupidity happens that is so funny that it make the whole experience of the episode better (See Samurai Pizza Cats). This episode was a perfect example of this as the epitome of it all was Zipper tripping up the male heels with his leg. Ratso was pretty good and actually got better as time went on; finishing with a flourish by telling his daughter to shut the hell up. Maybe it's because Buffy was a whiny little wench now was ugly and the only real quality she had was that she was a sadist. Rocco and Moose were okay although the faux elegant speaking from Rocco is annoying since the irony was lost on me. The episode was basically Chip and Dale bumping, arguing and doing some awesome lame wrestling just to amuse me. I personally thought the apology and working together happened a little too early as they should have done it when the Ranger Wing entered for the first time; but that was a minor quibble. Zipper had his finest ten seconds so far and seeing Gadget pissed off was funny since it really gets her prepped for the last episode of this volume which is Dirty Rotten Diapers. This episode was a real surprise to me as I came in not expecting much and I came out loving it due to making the silliness look good. So.....
Thumbs up for this episode and I'll see you next time.
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