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Catteries Not Included
Neither is a Continuity Checker it seems...
Hello kiddies; it's time for the next Volume of Chip and Dale's Rescue Rangers as we continue the saga of those rodents and ultra-tripping blue fly against the forces of evil...and Dale's insanity of course. I'm ready to be surprised; so let's rant on shall we...?!
This episode is written by Tad Stones and the teleplay was done by the late Bruce Talkington. I believe this is the last series to do teleplay as a credit. The story was edited by Bryce Malek and supervised by Tad Stones. . The animation is done by TMS Entertainment in maybe one of the last times you will see them before some of the animators jumped ship to form Walt Disney Animation Japan.
Annoying Moment #1: We get the second opening again...You know; the sloppy one with the sounds out of place and such....
We begin this one with a shot at the police station as the cops are out and about. We head inside the office as Officer Kirby is looking for something and Sgt. Spinelli is at his desk reading papers and then we cut to him pulling the rope to turn on his number one fan. Okay; that was more disturbing than I had intended. We the cut to Chip on the top of the fan I guess (can it get any more disturbing?) as he has his binoculars which means a good episode is upon us. Or so we hope. He wants the Rangers to keep their eyes peeled because a case could pop up anywhere. Even on his ass. I just had to get that cheap shot in. The other male Rangers are sleeping though like a bunch of lazy fat bums...Oh wait; I'm talking about Monty since Zipper and Dale are snoring and thus have 2000% more work rate than him. Monty is up and touches the fan (EWWWWW!) which creates a static charge which makes no sense since to create a static charge you have to rub your feet on metal and then touch.
He then goes over to the sleeping Dale and touches him with the zap static just to annoy me. Dale's selling of it sucks and he takes a wussy bump in the process. Good for him; selling to that fat freak just plain annoys me. POW! OUCH! Ummm...Anyhow; Dale calls it a neat trick and wonder how he did it. Well; he broke science logic Dale; that's how. Monty of course lies and calls it static electricity as I wait with baited breath for the shock puns to commence. He then rubs Dale's head and then invokes the ZAP STATIC OF DOOM on Zipper's ass and Zipper oversells the whole thing. Can you please MURDER Monty for doing that spot Zippo?! Zipper rubs his ass (EWWWW!) and then pumps his fist to protest this outrage on him. Finally; that fly gets on Monty's case for once and Monty giggles at his expense. Yeah; like you really mean that apology there Monty.
He calls for Dale but he's sneaking behind Chip and he rubs his hair to gain a charge and then invokes the zap static charge right on Chip's ass. Chip wins the overselling contest on the virtue of the DALEK X-RAY OF DOOM and backwards sell and decent bump to boot. I smell chipmunk wrestling entertainment coming at ten o'clock as Chip gets mad while Dale laughs at his expense. So; Chip takes his size1/100th foot; shines it up good; turns it sideways and kicks Dale's candy ass. Of course Disney thought it was cute and so they use that spot and repeat it about five times in the opening of each episode. Dale protests this outrage (geez; psychological project much there Dale?) and Chip blows him off because he should be watching for cases. But that is BOR-ING Chip. This is entertainment BABEE! You should be entertaining the rubes you hardcore case watcher. And of course Disney caption misses (intentionally I betcha) the Ding Dong insult he makes as the cheese smell beckons; and I think we are going to get our cheese addiction of the episode (as per in Monty's contract) beckons around 2 ½ minutes in. I check the DVD...Damn; I'm good. Monty's target of desire this time: Spinelli's Ham & Swiss Cheese Sandwich. Well; that explains why Spinelli hates Monty so much I guess.
Monty floats like a drugged butterfly as Spinelli grabs the sandwich just to continue the dramatic Monty addiction even more dramatic. Geez; they ARE spending a lot of time on this spot for some strange reason. Then again; this episode is probably the first episode they did in production so it's apporos. See I Only Have Ice For You. Spinelli puts the sandwich down (Geez; that was pointless since he didn't EAT said sandwich) as Spinelli is on the phone talking to someone about the main transformer being taken out by lightning at the power company. I'm SHOCKED that there is still power in the police station. Must be a rural power generator if you catch my drift. Anyhow; Monty gets onto the desk and tries to eat the sandwich (or more precise; the Swiss cheese inside the sandwich) and I betcha Spinelli catches him and Monty is rejected. I check the DVD again....Not quite as Monty grabs the Swiss Cheese out of the sandwich at the time Spinelli grabs the sandwich and finally eats it. I guess he didn't want to talk with his mouth full. Monty lands on the calender with his butt and has the Swiss cheese. Apparently; someone is terrorizing the power company because there are letters saying that they are responsible for the lightning strikes BEFORE they hit. Sounds like the Lightning Gun has arrived one year early to me. Monty eats the cheese while it was making a baby out of him and then falls on his back asleep...for about five seconds as the LASSO OF BANE TO ALL ACTION CARTOONS EVERWHERE grabs Monty by the ankle and he's tugged away only to be hogtied a second later by Chip and Dale. Zipper just blows him off as Monty is hapless in ropes. HAHA! Now do that in every episode and gag him and every episode will be as good as TaleSpin.
We then see Chip and Dale pop up from the paper boxes as they see a young girl wearing a red coat and blue shorts which looks like she was wetting herself for some sick reason with a picture of her cat Spunky. Yeap; this IS the episode where they paid off the ending of the pilot To The Rescue. Sadly; this was the first episode in production so they had no recycled footage from the ending and it makes the first three minutes look really stupid due to the obvious logic break. That's why when Disney did TaleSpin; they made sure there were no continuity angles to pay off. Sadly; even that caused errors (Kit's “They never got past the Cliff Guns” line from “It Came From Beneath The SeaDuck.). This is not the first time Disney paid off an angle in continuity as I was ranting on Over The River & Through The Trolls which paid off the angle involving Cavin's grandfather in Gummi Bears. And for those who saw To The Rescue's finish; you should know what Spinelli did as he refuses to be a champion to this poor little girl who's kitten has been cat napped by some really nasty fiend. The girl and chipmunks cry tears on cue as Spinelli tells the girl not to cry and he breaks logic that he'll keep an eye out for her. It's funny how the writers in To The Rescue screwed this up completely since Spinelli never states that in this episode. Someone was NOT watching either episode to make sure that easy mistakes like THIS DO NOT HAPPEN. The girl walks out not feeling so assured of this as Chip wants to help her and invokes Gadget's Grappling Hook Gun of Doom to snag the picture on the desk. The Rescue Rangers climb down the phone line and Monty somehow got out of his hogtied state. Well; that pretty much kills any hope of this becoming a full “Monty” episode. AHHAHAHAHAHAHA! POW! OUCH! Ummm...
Anyhow; they go through the wooden floor panel door and up onto the roof through the steel chimney which of course Monty struggles to get out of because he's just TOO FAT! Monty blows this case off because it's a kitten and they grow up to be cats....and cats eat mice see. We cut to Chip, Dale sitting in the triple catapults' machine which looks like something out of the children of the Gummi Bears textbook on complex traps. We cut to the girl on her bicycle outside as she sadly rides off as Zippers puts an acorn into the pinball like machine and pulls the spring loaded lever (WRONG LEVER!) which allows the acorn to push on the mouse trap like devices and they spring forward (as Monty is inside wearing his goofy goggles now). It's Rescue Rangers Away four and a half minutes in. They spring into action as we cut back to Rescue Ranger Headquarters on the launchpad (HEE HEE!) as Gadget is working on the Rangerplane (check the balloon top) looking somewhat pissed off. I guess she drew the short straw on the case working part and has to do real work. She has a wrench and a screw just to show what she is going to do to Dale later on when she dates Chip. We get a shot of the Flying Rangers (in black silloutte because it's cool see) and the Rangers land on the fly swatter and bounce like defective Gummi Bears. Gadget seems happy now for some reason; although knowing her sadist attitude; I would not want to be Monty after doing some stripper pole turning on the red pole containing a wind sock (which Kit tells Don Karnage to stuff it in). Dale's version is better as he destroys the windsock and lands in Monty's arm on the reverse. Oh noes! I'm having Sailor Moon dub nightmares again! MAKE IT STOP! MAKE IT STOP! POW! OUCH!...Ummm. Thank you; you are a lifesaver there Gadget love.
Chip tells Gadget that we have a case and Gadget responds by giving off the first Golly reference in the episode and in the history of Rescue Rangers production order wise almost five minutes in. Gadget and Chip get into the Rangerplane as she starts in and Monty isn't so sure that thing is safe which is funny considering that she was using it in To The Rescue and Monty wasn't so scared of it. Continuity Error #2 from the pilot episode. Geez; even Zipper's memory of the pilot episode is shot. See; this is why the pilot episode should be the FIRST in production; and why if you cannot do that to never paid off continuity angles with episodes like this. Monty and Zipper turn their back on her (MEANIE!); but Chip defends her in such a matter that it's officially round one of the Chip seduces Gadget into a date angle that never got paid off in the end. At least that one makes sense in roundabout terms. Even Chip's ears flap when Gadget blushes so you know he's in love. So Dale breaks that one up good by sitting in between them. HAHA!
Chip is not amused by that as Monty suddenly has a good plan (HUH?!): Pound the pavement and get some information. Wow; Monty used deduction to solve the problem of starting the case. This is a special day! Even more so when Chip agrees with him complete with 4Kids ding sound effect. I know 4Kids didn't exist back then; but we know that in every entertainment company; there is a little 4Kids in them. 4Kids of course is 4Kids so that have way too much and thus are evildoers. Dale kisses Gadget's arm (now there's sucking up if I ever saw it) and Chip grabs's Dale by the bum and throws him out of the Rangerplane! HAHA! Monty grabs him the same way (minus goggles of course) as Chip gives Monty the picture of Spunky and tells Monty to show it in...Cat Alley....DUM DUM DUMMMMMMMMMM!! Monty is scared stiffer than Sun Woo's animation. AHHAHAHAHAHAHA! If anything can make Monty not suck; it's forcing Monty to go to...Cat Alley.. DUM DUM DUMMMMMMMMMM!! And the Rangerplane rises up into the air before Monty can even reach it. HAHA!
So we head to the little girl's house (with a red roof and two floor wooden deck) as the little girl arrives at the door and walks inside looking glum. Well; she should show some respect and not park her bicycle in front of the garage door. Her father might destroy it trying to park when he comes home from work. We pan northeast as the Rangerplane lands on the red roof with the suction cup feet in dramatic fashion. Man; they are wasting a lot of time with the animated sequences here. You think TMS was leaving for greener pastures or something. The Rangerplane almost overshoots the landing; but the suction cup feet prevent that on the backlash. We then cut to an inside shot of the open window as Gadget, Chip and Zipper drop down with their paper clip hooks as they are like peeping toms inside her bedroom as the little girl continues to cry and then blames herself for leaving Spunky alone as she's looking at a picture of a color version of spunky (and Spunky looks pretty cute; almost as cute as Kit is quite frankly).
The girl puts the picture on her desk next to the bed and continues to sob as she walks away. Gadget drops onto the window sill and cannot believe that Spunky was so heartless to run away from that little girl. And then Gadget notices huge claw marks on the top of the window sill outside edge. Gadget deduces that no animal could be that strong despite being claw marks of an animal. She goes into her confused talk while remembering to get off Golly #2 for the episode nearly six and a half minutes. Well; that pretty much confirms that Spunky was cat napped even though the little girl ADMITTED as much earlier. No logic break here; since Chip probably didn't tell Gadget all the details. Chip points down at the ground where there are huge holes in the ground which allows Golly #3 just four seconds after the second one which is a new record even for her. I just love how Disney Caption has then in scare quotes just to make it sound like a real comments that isn't a real comment.
Anyhow; we finally go into....Cat Alley...DUM DUM DUMMMMMMMMMM! Monty and Dale walk near the cat store as Monty grumbles because in this place every cat hangs out there. Wow; talk about irony here as Monty is a total pussy in an alley of pussycats. I hope Monty gets slaughtered here because I don't expect my hopes and dreams to come true. If so; then TaleSpin would be still airing new episodes right now see. And of course Monty is protesting so bitterly that his foot gets stuck in some chewing gum just for more amusement from me. Dale goes around the bend and says mice on the cats eat part part which gives Monty is first “Too right” blast in the show production order wise almost seven minutes in. Now all we need is for Chip to bonk Dale on the head; and them to engage in a chipmunk wrestling match and all the bases of this show are covered. Dale helps Monty out of a sticky gum jam and tells him that he sees mice after Monty proclaims they like chipmunks too. Considering his BS stories; I take that one with a barrel of salt.
They look around the bend and they see a million mice in the trash jumping up and down in glee as Monty is shocked and dumbfounded..but not appalled because there are ZERO cats here see. The leader of this group is a mouse wearing the NEON GREEN SHADES OF SILLINESS and a banana yellow t-shirt. Oh yeah; get your fashion sense from Gedo; that's REAL smart there...NOT! He blows off the cats of course (How dare he blow off Spunky? He is so cute!); and even does a really weak-ass moonwalk stage right just to bug me. Dammit! I wanted Monty to get slaughtered and THIS HAPPENS! Whoever stole those cats is going to get a knuckle sandwich from me. Oddsmakers: Norton Ninumel 1:1, Mr. Fat- No chance in hell! Leave it up to the whiny dork and his tiny manhood to ruin things right from the start. Monty wonders where the cats went and in order to figure this one out; think like a cat. Dale goes up one better and that's to be a cat. Monty blows him off and tells him to lay off the nuts. Particually the Insano and Sadist Nuts; they can caused you to be over and Eisner doesn't like it when original characters do it. Dale is fine; but I fear for Gadget's life as a character now.
So we get a far shot of the mice partying like it's 1499 (which would be the safest time to party for these rodents) AFTER HAPPY HOUR (Read: After dark) with music laughter and of course no cats. Sadly; no tickling occurs despite someone playing with a yellow feather. Of course; yellow feathers only work on cats who have a taste for yellow Tweety birds so it's apporos. And then the really bad meow beckons as the mice stop partying and we see a shadow of the cat coming from the trash can. Now considering how bad that cat meow sounded; you would think that the mice would be smart enough to know that someone is playing a trick on them; but since they are dumber than meat they run like scalded dogs. And so here comes the fake cat of doom with Monty doing his bad meowing and the fake cat struggles to pounce around. Yeah; like I'm going to take Monty's meowing fake cat seriously as a threat there. Monty is just dragging this episode down.
I see Gadget's sadist attitude has led to Monty's worst nightmare coming true. And then Monty's eyes bug out because a louder more manly noise beckons (YAY!) as Monty and Dale pop out of the eye sockets and they see ROBODOG (Fake metal dog) with the spotlights in his eyes just to be a badass. Finally; someone comes to MURDER Monty, it's about time. This episode was being a drag with him screwing around. The spotlight is on the fake cat and Dale panics. That tail gives off microwave signal which indicates that the tiny manhood of Nimnul is now attached wirelessly to this dog's ass. Norton is just making the whole thing even more obvious to mock and go....EWWWWW....GROSS! Monty feels like a shrimp on the barbie (Enough with the gross out spot there Gregory) as Robodog bounces and pounces forward ready to MURDER Monty (please spare Dale...PLEASE!) as the segment ends about eight minutes in. Wow; that was pretty short for the first act.
After the commercial break; we see the Robodog approch Fake Cat on the far shot and the Goofs With Attitude panic on cue. The Fake Cat runs away as Robodog misses chomping the Rangers (and Fake Cat's) head by about six inches and that chomp was so nasty that it almost look like it broke RoboDog's jaw. It's the SCOOBY DOO CHASE SEQUENCE THE MACHINE MAMMAL EDITION~! Fake Cat tries to go up a pole; but with no claws to grip; it only gets about ten feet up went Robodog bites the tail and pulls the Fake Cat down. Somehow; the Fake Cat hangs on despite doing extreme damage to it's back and here comes the Rangerplane on the upper power pole shot. Zipper notices them and squeaks as Gadget looks down at the hapless Fake Cat pulling from Robodog and gets off Golly #4 for the episode at the nine minute mark. He snaps the tail and TMS slightly screws up the snapping as the Fake Cat snaps up into the air up the pole so to speak.
The Fake Cat somehow spits Dale and Monty (from it's eyes no less) and we get a really good sequence as they wave goodbye at the Rangers at the front of the Rangerplane which Chip just looks with apathy (HUH?! I thought he would be pissed to be showed up by Dale) and then fall down in WB fashion as Robodog paces himself around in a circle. The Fake Cat and real rodents free fall down as Dale and Fake Cat (which looks like Monty for some reason) fall into Robodog's open mouth and slam shut. Monty falls into the trash can which topples over. Monty pops out with his trusty lead pipe (See Many Love Is A Splintered Thing) as Dale protests this outrage. Monty tries to bash the dog back leg with the lead pipe but Monty gets the DALEK X-RAY SHOCK OF DEATH for his trouble. See; if you only used Scott Steiner's foam lead pipe; you might have broken Robodog's leg with it. Not much of a might; but still. It's still enough to disable the dog as it falls on it's belly and dies. Damn you Monty for being used so many times to get over!
Dale wakes up inside Robodog's tummy (without the taste of nuts & honey to save him the trouble) as Monty recovers from the deadly shock (like they would kill off a main character not named Launchpad at this point) and bangs on the hatch outside asking Dale to speak to him. I would shut up and play mind games with Monty; just to screw him over. However; the red screwdriver shows up with the charge led by Zipper as Gadget and Chip place the screwdriver into the slot (flat headed one by the way) and they screw the screw which drops down and doesn't hit Monty on the head who is standing IN FRONT OF IT before moving away from the side. Logic break #1 for the episode as the hatch opens and Dale rolls outside remembering to take a decent bump on his butt on the ground. Monty deduces that Robodog doesn't eat cats after all. Chip deduces that someone is using robots to capture cats. Chip asks Gadget if she can repair this thing and she goes inside with fuzzy hair to say that they can be reconnecting some wires and they can ride inside of it. Monty uses sarcasm to respond to that one as we cut to a shot outside of an alleyway as the reprogrammed Robodog walks like a drunk as it bangs into anything in it's drunken path just to amuse me. I love it when Gadget amuses me with such spots when she reprograms stuff. So this logically leads to......
…....NORTON'S SECRET BALLS LAB OF DOOM (I thought you were going to stop with the gross outs Gregory?! Gregory: It's Norton. I cannot enjoy him without making dick jokes)! Yeah; like this doesn't expose the main heel for this episode doesn't it. We zoom in as we cut down to about two more Robodog noticing a crash and seeing the drunken Robodog crash into a rock off-screen before showing up. Too freakin funny as I'm glad Gadget is screwing Monty in her own sadistic way. That innocent sadist act is what Spongebob and Patrick Star stole in order to make fun of Squidward. The metal dog door opens and the Robodogs all walk inside with the drunk one of course causing some more damage by walking into the wall on the left side of the door. The Robodogs walk into the lab without any more further incidents from drunken Robodog; unless you count Robodog #3 butting in between the first two in a wussy fashion. See what I mean with Gadget carrying episodes?!
The Rangers open the top hatch and gasp in horror as they see the SECRET OF NIMH live and in person with lots of cats being imprisoned in cages. I got to give Don Blunt a lot of credit; he found some angle to use in explaining how a bunch of animals can suddenly have human traits in the Secret of Nimh movie without making it look contrived and forced since it was a real world setting. Gadget asks what is this place and Monty calls it a nightmare. Umm; if you want to go for Monty's hatred of cats then he should have said “a wet dream” or dream since the cats are under lock and key and therefore not a threat to him..and then the Rangers can blow him off. It's little things like this that annoy me as we see the SHADOW OF DOOM commencing and Chip calls for the abandonment of dog (because dog are heels see; good message to send their guys...although Nintendo fixed that problem good later on) and they abandon dog from the dog's ass. Zipper doesn't of course although I find it pointless for him to enter into the dog (he didn't anyway but still...) since he can fly away anyway. They lock themselves into a cage (can you say REALLY STUPID? I knew you could) and we cut to Norton chuckling at the locked up cats. I knew he hated Ubi Soft; but then again everyone hates Ubi Soft these days since they are a bunch of birdmen. He orders his Robodogs to line up; only two of them line up strong and of course Drunkdog lines up weak on the right side.
Norton wants them give...Give what Norton? Your tiny manhood or something?! The Robodogs open their mouths as Norton goes into his white pocket protector shirt like the whiny dork that he is; and he has the remote control and it zaps the Mickey Mouse Hand Machine of Doom as those hands go inside the mouths and grab the cats by the fur backs (OUCH!) and then the cages opens and they are placed inside if them. Strangely; the third Robodog doesn't get a hand in his mouth for him to remotely bite it. The cage doors close automatically as the Mickey Mouse Hands return to their original positions and go dead. Norton pets his metal puppies because real puppies would bite the hand that feeds them since he's a whiny dork and metal robot dogs wouldn't dream of biting a dork's hand. Norton notices that Robodog #3 has a lot of damage and talks to him like a mother...for about ten seconds as he looks inside Robodog #3 and finds nothing..AND THE ROCK SEZS NOTHING! Norton then gets all pissed off like hardcore on steroids. Geez; maybe if you programmed them better to spot fakes; then you would have noticed something wrong instead of taking it out on your own machines there you bitchy dork. PSYCHOLOGICAL PROJECTION IS EXTREME! He even kicks the dog's jaw in which of course leads to the foot grabbing spot from Norton which he doesn't sell properly. The dogs go all Muttly on us with the snickering and I approve of this since whiny dork deserves whatever misfortune befalls on him and his tiny manhood. Particually his tiny manhood. So Norton decides to palm the black wrench because he doesn't like being laughed us and thus proving beyond a shadow of a doubt that Malstrom is right about Mr. Hardcore having no sense of humor. Want to see why gamers and such are considered heels? Watch Professor Ninmul...although I doubt the hardcore will be watching this anyway. Cartoons are beneath them see.
See Norton is angry as he uses the black wrench on the Robodogs because he offer a cheap source of power to the power company and they laughed at him. But he has the power now and the police will give into his demands as he laughs worse than Monty. If you laugh worse than Monty; you are hosed as a character. The Robodogs die on cue as the drunk is the only one left spared. He should only be so lucky. Dale gives the “He's crazy” gesture on Norton. I love real comments that aren't supposed to be real comments. Monty sounds like Peter Cullen here for some reason (probably the early ones were done by Peter Cullen) as he agrees with Dale (Good for him) as he wants to find Spunky and get out of here. Not a bad plan as Dale isn't so amused at the plan because there must be a million cats to find one in those cages as we get a pan shot of the cages with cats inside. Zipper arrives squeaking as Gadget asks what he is saying. Finally; Gadget agrees with me that she cannot understand what the hell he is saying. I'm surprised Monty can understand him as apparently; Zipper has found Spunky as he flies up again towards a cage with one kitten who is beige with a spot on his left eye. We cut to the cage as the Rangers and Spunky exchange notes and greetings. Spunky got a cute character design; but I think he's a nothing character at this point. Chip orders Monty to get the bars and Monty uses his muscles and bends the fence like bars open to create a hole that's clearly too small for Spunky. Chip and Dale run inside and then push on Spunky's butt. If they are trying to do the spot Kit stole in TaleSpin; then this is going to fail. Spunky struggles and manages to pop through anyway and thus gives Kit something to steal. Although I doubt Spunky can do it if the bars were intact. I know Kit has trouble sometimes. Nice bump from the chipmunks though as Spunky thanks Monty for helping like a nice little kitten. Monty blushes and rubs his hair for him....
So we cut to seeing Spunky getting lower down with the LASSO OF BANE TO ALL ACTION CARTOONS EVERYWHERE as Spunky is not amused by this. We cut to the top of the cage as Chip, Dale and Monty lower the rope down slowly as Gadget wants it. I was half expecting someone to screw up; but we cut to floor level without any further incident as Monty and Dale untie Spunky from the lasso. Well; that was pretty pointless. I guess TMS is in an animating mood to waste time. Chip does some voice gymnastics as he wants to leave in his voice and then does Dale's voice while the beating is good. However; Gadget stops them from leaving by invoking the Gruffi pose because they cannot leave until they rescue all the cats. HAHA! Why?! Because they are Rescue Rangers see....and Gadget is a sadist. Even if she won't admit to that. Nice to see the writers not forget that and paint the Rangers as heartless bastards in their first episode in production.
Chip looks around as the cats are meowing for them to be saved as he wonders how they can open up all of the cages. Zipper provides the answer as he grabs the manhood end of the white remote just to be more and more gross. Man; that tiny manhood is tough if even Zipper is having trouble carrying it. Dale walks over as Zipper sets it up and Dale presses the white button like he's making a cell phone call. I betcha Chip runs in and bonks Dale on the head for that one...I check the DVD....It doesn't happen as the beeps are enough to cause the Mickey Mouse Hands to turn on. We know this because Monty yells out too late before it happens. Gadget tries to push Spunky to run; but the shock of those hands overwhelms Spunky and Spunky gets grabbed by the back of the neck again. I guess that's the pressure point to paralyze them. Spunky cries for help as Chip & Dale grab onto his ankles as Spunky rises up into the air and then get dropped into the palm of another Mickey Mouse Hand as the brushes come down and rub the furry backs of the babyfaces. Now there's a quality torture someone should have tried on Kit. Not only would he laugh his ass off begging for mercy; he would power enough power plants for a year for Khan Industries. Sorry Little Britches; but tickling is your weakness and you were RIGHT THERE waiting to be targeted. Gadget and Monty climb up the table by the phone line as Monty notices the obvious and Gadget explains that they are building up a charge of static electricity. Damn it! I knew that cute spot with Dale shocking Chip's ass would become important later on. Monty wonders what to do; so Gadget goes to the remote control and pushes the right buttons which turned light green for some reason for logic break #2 for the episode. The Mickey Mouse Hands of Doom lower down to the ground as the chipmunks plus kitten have fuzzed up. HAHA!
Monty climbs down as apparently; Robodog #3 is fixed (EWWWWW!) and it's ready to pounce on Monty. YES! YES! MURDER HIM NOW! Monty asks for a wrench as Gadget and Zipper push the black wrench down and Monty grabs it. Monty twirls the wrench around and wants to play fetch with Robodog. And since it is a dumb dog; it pants right on cue. Who needs a dinner bell; when a stick will do? Kind of makes Palov look like a dork to be honest with you all. Monty twirls all and Robodog responds with the same. Repeat spots are so stupid as Monty throws the wrench away and Robodog #3 runs after it. At least the dog makes up for it by causing damage to itself on the spin around before leaving stage right. And now the doors open as Professor Norton minus is tiny manhood arrives demanding answers to this outrage. To what outrage I don't know. Dorks can be outraged at anything including Malstrom articles. He manages to grab the black wrench on the rebound like an idiot and of course Robodog pounces him Dino-style. HAHA! That is just too cute to watch: Dork gets Dinoized. AHHAHAHAHAHAHA! Chip, Dale & Spunky get off the Mickey Mouse hands and gone as Norton bangs on Robodog #3 with some of the lamest shots I have ever seen that Lance Storm would see this and say: Damn; that is pussy offense there. Even Molly's shots on Baloo were more manly than that. And it just so happens he sees rodents running away from him as he's doing the weak shots. When Molly can hit harder than you with the fists; you know you are a dork. The chipmunks make it to Gadget but Gadget wants Spunky as we cut to Spunky running but gets caught by Norton. Norton calls it a kitten and places it in the damaged Robodog only to come out the ass right where the Rangers are. Norton deserves whatever he gets for this act; he is THAT dumb! He is very stupid. And no one has learned anything; which is apporos for such a pointless song.
The Rangers Plus Spunky run away as Norton goes to his green manhood which now has a white front panel. Is this the TMS protest show or something as Norton pushes buttons on his tiny manhood and the Mickey Mouse Hands & Brushes turn on as the cages open and the hands grab the kittens and they start throwing them down to a bowl below a generator as Norton reveals his plan to fry the city with a lightning bolt that'll make the city sizzle like bacon. Okay; that is pretty threatening and heelish. Even more so since poor, sweet, innocent cats are involved. Hardcore may be freaks but they make really good heels in entertainment. Too bad that damages you real life in real life. Cue lame evil laugh and button pushing as the Mickey Mouse Hands grabs the cat and starts brushing them. This give new meaning to torture the Kit-ten. AHHAHAHAHAHAHA! POW! OUCH! Ummm..(Kit: And that's for blaming ME for sealing TaleSpin's fate!) The Ranger hide behind a bronzed trashcan as Dale proclaims this doesn't look good. Only a dork would keep a trashcan that was bronzed as thunder and lightning strikes and the dome to the BALLS LAB OF DOOM opens twice to reveal the GIANT HAND OF GOD using his finger as Norton proclaims that it's going to be a hot time in the old town tonight. This is so symbolic of the hardcore gamer that it is funny. They always wanted to play god on the rest of us.
Norton invokes the periscope as he wants some serious devastation to that Expanded Audience GameStop on the corner of Nintendo DS Avenue and Wii Drive. Oh come on! You knew that one was coming a mile away! The Ranger seem helpless as Monty is panicking because Spunky has gone loco. OH MY GOD! Spunky is living up to his name....He must have the reincarnated soul of Kit Cloudkicker. Spunky sneaks behind Norton and claws and bites Norton off-screen right in the ass. So; no Kit wasn't the first child character to bite a heel in the ass off-screen. Norton actually sells this one properly for a change as the remote control turns white on cue and flies into the air and where it lands; I hope it bonks on Dale's head. Since Chip isn't there to do it for us the party pooper. Chip and Dale try to GET IT; but they have a meeting of the minds and it's wasn't at the acorn convention. Chip and Dale ask if they got it and of course they respond no as irony strikes it's hand as the remote control squashes those rodents flatter than Alexander The Grape. Nyuk! Nyuk! Nyuk!
Of course; Chip's fedora hat doesn't get squashed for some reason as Norton calls for the dogs because he's a MAN....NOT! Robodog's #1 and #2 walk forward as their evil eyes aren't so evil anymore which indicates a face turn is closing in. Norton blows off Robodog #3 for not keeping spunky from clawing on his white dorky lab coat. Maybe you should have put him back into his cage you whiny dork?! Wouldn't that make MORE sense?! It's not like he can get out of it on his own. Robodog slowly comes over and TMS screws up the spot as he bites the cat and misses Norton; but it is sold like the cat is still on him and Norton gets bit. I knew BS&P was responsible for TMS going away from Disney. Norton demands that he get the cat and not him. Please bite Norton's tiny ass already you machine mutt of doom?! That's all I ask of you. The Robodog then stops selling damage and turns babyface on Norton. That's EVEN better as Norton orders it to heel and sit. Nothing like a good stereotypical ordering around just to piss a dog off.
Sadly; only one Robodog is babyface as Monty grabs the remote and the male rodents bail because it's round two of the SCOOBY DOO CHASE SEQUENCE THE ROBODOG EDITION~! Chip and Dale grab onto Robodog's tail as my wet dream is realized as Monty is chased by the robo hounds of hell. Too bad Monty is going to win anyway and we are OFF...to waste more time as the Robodogs chase heel and face alike in clockwise/counter clockwise directions. Chip wants the remote so Monty throws up the remote to Chip as the chipmunks are on Robodog #2's back. Monty is cornered near the cages and Chip taps his fist on the back of the Robodog and he wants to be excused. Robodog #2 stops about six inches away from Monty and Dale presses the white buttons on the remote which causes the hands to come down. Chip and Dale jump off the back of Robodog as it growls and turns around; but he cannot chase them as the Mickey Mouse Hands invokes the Roddy Piper ear clap which squashes Robodog #2 flat. I see Robodog is trying to get a spot in DARKWING...DUCK too. I knew Cartoon Duck Syndrome was a bad influence; it's making everyone want to be in that show. Little do they know....Robodog rolls away as the hands grab Robodog #1 and turn it into a basketball (HA!) and it's dribbling that is so awesome it would be used for practice for the Toronto Raptors in one desperate attempt not to look worse than the Oklahoma City Thunder. It fails badly of course and the NBA fines them one million dollars and forfeiture of all wins they did get up to that point. Robodog gets three pointed right in the trash can which seems the bronze turns to crap afterwards. I knew Norton couldn't afford to get that thing bronzed legit.
Norton grabs onto another Mickey Mouse Hand as Robodog #3 (the face one) jumps around trying to bite Norton's ass but no dice. Talk about a ironic situation for Microsoft and Sony there folks. Norton takes to shake his ass to remove Spunky; but Spunky hangs on tight with the cat claws. I am so loving this spunky kitten. Spunky's claws finally let go and it tears his lab coat as Spunky drops to the ground. Norton orders #3 to sic him because he's a dog and Spunky's an evildoer see. Robodog #3 turns heel (What a shock?!) and goes after Spunky as Spunky panics cat style. Spunky gets chased as we see Monty getting a wooden ladder and puts it down as he calls for the nice kitties to look at him and then he panics. Geez; you think that was a good idea for someone who is afraid of cats?! The cats chase Monty and he's wants the black cat to Whoa there! Yeah; like that worked for Riff Raff Sam. You need a shotgun to stop these kittens and we know Peggy Charmon will make sure that DOESN'T happen so we are all screwed. It's the Cat Man Do Stampede as we cut to Chip with the remote device as he wants to find Spunky and scram. I guess the cages have hallways and depth to them after all. Sadly; Norton grabs his white remote control manhood and pushes all of the buttons as the Mickey Mouse Hand of Doom has the mallet in it's hands right above the Rangers. Is this pancake time for our rodent heroes and blue bottle fly?! Ummm...no; as Spunky claws back right on Norton's ass. HAHA! They don't call him Spunky for nothing you know.
….And of course here comes Robodog #3 and he turns face again as Spunky scatters and the dog eats Norton! HAHA! See what happens when you use your tiny manhood for no good?! You end up as wiener chow. AHHAHAHAHAHAHA! Norton screams that everyone will pay for something as the Robodog #3 finally dies on cue. Monty is tired and he indirectly blows off Spunky and directly blows off all cats everywhere in front of Spunky. Monty turns around and there is Spunky as Monty stammers like Honker on Monty and Spunky forgives him like Kit would as he puts a nice paw on Monty's shoulder. How nice of him to try to get him over; but it's a losing battle at this point. Norton whines some more inside Robodog #3 as the Rangers scatter away from the lab for real. Norton wonders where he put his can opener which is a spot Kit would later steal in Waiders; and I wish he had one on hand so the writers couldn't bury him as a result.
So we head to the little girl's house as the Rangers and Spunky run to the front wooden steps and door. Zipper rings the doorbell to get his ten seconds of work in as we cut down to the ground to see Spunky scratching himself because there's a blue bow around his neck. Now who's the bastard who thought this was a good idea?! Hmmm...could it be Michael Eisner pre-strike on burying awesome characters to send a message to Gadget and Kit?! Nah...can't be. Gadget did jack squat in this episode after about 10 minutes onwards. Spunky wonders if she will remember him as the door opens the the Rangers bail. The little girl answers the door in her pink dress pjs and she sees Spunky right away and she's HAPPY. Spunky meows and jumps into her arms licking her senseless. The little girl closes the door and walks in to call her parents because her best friend is finally home safe. The Rangers show up near the rocking chair as the very first case since the pilot is now closed which means no logic break from Chip. Gadget then reveals the moral of the story: Even heels have their place in the world even ones who really are not heels. Nice to see Gadget finally doing something after about ten minutes of her doing NOTHING! Monty gets off too right #2 for the episode and blows off the moral because they have their place...as far away as possible. Evidence that even in non-comedy; redeeming yourselves is not possible. The Rangers laugh it up to end the first episode in production order at 21:11. Pretty good start to volume one; but Monty dragged it down as his moral overwhelmed everything to the point that Gadget became a non-factor for ten minutes straight. The beginning was fine and could have been better if they would have matched up the opening scene with the ending To The Rescue which is what this episode was suppose to pay off. And the moral was also pointless since Monty never really learned anything. Still; Norton getting dick slapped and Spunky acting cool does make Gregory Weagle a happy ranter. *** ¾ (75%).
THE REVIEW LINE
Well the first episode for Volume One of this series is in the books and it was a pretty fun ride in large part thanks to Robodog making Norton look like a total pussy. Nothing warms my heart more than seeing Norton and his whiny dork attitude get what it deserves. Also the animation from TMS was on for the most part save for a few logic breaks and some really sad coloring mistakes on the remote control. Still; this was a Monty focused episode and it was about his hate of cats which really didn't show up much as a whole and Monty seemed slightly peeved of them instead of having a legit fear of them that I could take seriously. However; the writers wrote it as if he was legit afraid and it dragged down the episode below excellent. It also dragged Gadget down to almost a complete non-factor as she did only one spot of any importance which was rewiring one of the Robodogs and that was it. She could have been written out afterward with no impact on the story and have Chip proclaim the moral to Monty at the end. Spunky was pretty good as I really liked him causing chaos on Norton's whiny little butt and the Robodogs were equal to the task to amuse me; even the one who acted drunk. It seems like TMS was protesting something with these long sequences. However; I also deduct points for a lack of continuity from the pilot episode To The Rescue although time constraints might have screwed up production and that's why there was a continuity problem with the opening of this episode compared to the ending to the pilot episode since it was clear this episode was to pay off the ending of To The Rescue. Overall; it worked out fine; but better continuity and less Monty would have made this a near perfect episode. Otherwise; it's a.....
Thumbs in the middle pointing up for this episode and I'll see you next time.
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